All language subtitles for Windy City Heat

My name is Stone, Stone Fury.

This is my town, Chi-Town,
Chicago, Illinois.

The land of big hearts, big shoulders..

.. and broken Dreams

And cut.

Some say I'm the best private..

.. dick there ever was.

But that was a long time ago.

The Stone Man has seen better days.

I'm out of shape.

I'm out of touch..

.. and I'm simply out of time.

I need a break, and soon.

But there's trouble brewing up.

Stone can feel it.

But..

.. and cut.

Oh shit, I'm sorry.

I think you're adding too many..

.. colors to a painting.

You want another one?

Can I see the playback on that?

We don't have playback.

We don't have any video
equipment at all here.

Okay, so you just..

Yeah. All right, so let's try it again.

Let's do it again.

If you need another one, you're the star.

Let's do another one.

I have an attitude.

I'm like a young..

.. Marlon Brando.

Unleash the fury.

Ah, trapped like a rat now, huh?

Now let's see who the bad guy really is.

The way I stole the scene..

.. was just my... my expressions.

Trapped like a rat..

.. now let's see who the bad guy REALLY is.

And cut.

You're giving me Scott Baio..

.. and I want Robert De Niro.

I'm more like Robert De Niro

The look, the attitude..

.. the fucking remarks..

.. I'm more like Bobby De Niro, baby.

This is it, Perry.

I like this.

Yep, today..

.. is the day, for stardom.

If you do well this audition..

.. you are gonna get this role..

.. and you can be a movie star.

Could be?

But if you screw this up..

You're going to be working
at that print shop..

..until the day.. you.. die.
- Yeah, I die.

What if you become a star?

If?

What if this thing bounces off..

.. and you become..

.. the biggest star there is?
- Dude, dude..

.. dude.

When Don first met me, he saw..

.. a major star in me.

And..

.. scary Perry

Ga-ga Go-Goo!

Ga-ga Go-Goo!

Ga-ga Go-Goo!

Shut up, you fucking bitch!

Fucking bitch!

Shut up!

He just..

.. loved my voice.

And.. wouldn't let go of me.

I mean, not in the gay aspects.

Alright.

I want you to remember this line.

Every time..

.. that you're getting ready..

.. to become Stone Fury
when you read this..

.. I want you to do this for me.

I want you..

.. to unleash the fury.

Repeat that after me.

Unleash the fury.

Say it with conviction!

I'm gonna unleash the fury.

What are you gonna do?!

I'm gonna unleash the fury.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?!

Say it Perry.
- I'm gonna be quiet.

No, Perry..

.. I want you to get into this character
- I don't wanna, I don't wanna be..

Perry. Perry.
- .. be loud because..

Perry. Perry.
- .. my throat has been killing me.

I'm going to tell them the way it is..

.. and I know I got the part, end of story.

They're gonna like my..

.. they're gonna to like
my fucking..

.. Stone Fury act attitude.

They're going to like my pushy hardcore..

.. uh, kicking the ass..

.. fucking way of life.

And they're going to accept it..

.. because this is me.

This is Stone Fury.

Alright, I know that they're going to..

.. be doing the making of these things.

You know how they put on DVDs,
they put the whole..

.. uh, behind the scenes stuff.

They put the extra footage.

So they're probably going to mic you..

.. the minute we get out of the car..

.. and there's going to be a camera..

.. following us everywhere.

I'll do anything to be an actor.

Anything to be a star.

A star, more than an actor.

A star, I'll do ANYTHING to be a star.

Hi
- Yeah if you're here for casting..

.. just go ahead and sign in and sit down.

OK, we're here to see Mr. Polanski.

OK, can I ask your name?

Well, I'm Don Barris.

And this right here, this is Perry.

Oh my God, Mr. Barris,
I'm sorry, hi, sorry..

.. I saw your screen test for
Windy City Heat..

.. and it was..

.. it was amazing.
- Well, thank you, thank you.

And you are.. ?
- Are you Perry?

Hi, I'm Susan.

Pleasure, Susan.
- I've heard a lot about you.

You, you are like..
- Could I.. ?

.. the ultimate ultimate.

Thank you. Can I get a hug?

Oh, please.

Thank you.

He-hey Perry!

Did you get the part?

I've had problems with Mole in the past..

.. and I've disliked Mole.

And on my cable show, Mole showed up..

.. and I didn't want him there.

Perry, are you part werewolf?

No, I'm not going to shake your
fucking hand, you..

I believe Mole's craziness..

.. is due to his, umm..

.. drug addictions.

We're just, we're best friends.

Gimme a hug.
- We're not best friends. We're good ones.

All right, now, Perry, listen to this..

.. this is important.

Mole and I, we're already
in the movie.

We've got our parts.

It's between you and one other guy..

.. for the lead of this movie.

Who's the one other guy?
- After 10 years..

.. you get this role, all of our
dreams come true.

Yeah, don't suck it there, dude.

Relax.

Would you relax?

Okay, guys, thanks a lot. Just..

.. call my agent, when you know..

.. you make a decision.

Thanks.
- OK.

Hey, you're Carson Daly, aren't ya?

Hi, I'm Don Barris.

When I saw Carson Daly..

.. wearing the fanny pack..

.. wearing the jacket..

.. wearing the hat.

I'm looking at.. I'm looking at myself..

.. or somebody that wants to be me..

.. and I'm saying..

.. and I'm thinking through my head..

.. this is somebody that
needs his ass kicked..

.. bad.

Real bad.

Perry. Perry Caravello.
- Hi, hi, Carson. Hi.

So how'd it go?
Do you think you got the role?

I don't know. It went good.

They wanna see some other guy.

Some scary fairy or something.

Scary fairy?

Is that what you're calling me?

Perry...

Perry.

I'm Stone.
- Oh OK, I'm sorry.

Stone Fury.
- Anyway, listen good luck to you..

.. and I'll catch you later.

Perry, you should go in.

Thank you.
- Wait a minute, Perry.

Hey, is it all right if we go in with him?

No. You guys shouldn't
really even be in here.

All right, Perry, you got your lines?

Yeah.

All right, remember, what are we thinking?

Unleash the fury.

You are Stone Fury.

Don't stop dude, don't stop.

Sit down and shut up.

Perry.
- Yes sir.

Hi, uh, thanks for coming in..

.. for the, uh, lead role in, uh..

.. Windy City Heat, I'm..

.. sure you know our director.
- Hey Bob. Good seeing ya.

Bobcat Goldthwait
- Good to see ya.

Can I shake your hand?
- Ah, yeah, pleasure.

Just getting over a little..

.. poison oak here.

Sorry about that.

Yeah, just find your mark up there..

.. you have all the material that
you need, right, Perry?

Yeah. Do you want me on the white
or on the black?

Uh, the.. the other mark.

Find your mark there, just find the light.

The other, the other..

.. the other, the other..

Just find your light.
If you can find the light.

This one?

Correct?

Actually..

Action?
- .. uh, the other.

If you'd find your light there Perry..
- Down stage.

.. with the tape.
- Down stage.

With the tape.

This one?

Uh, there should be some tape..

.. uh, up there.
- Where?

Over here?
- Somewhere over there.

ON the stage, correct?

Are you talking this way?
- Stage left.

Ah, there we go.
- Stage left.

Stage left.

There you go, alright.

Ah, as you know, you reading for the role..

.. of Stone Fury.

Let me tell you a little about Stone,
he's a ah..

.. he's a hard-drinking..

.. hard-talking, hard-living
tough guy.

And we've seen a lot of people
for this role..

.. we saw Gandolfini..

.. uh, Liotta..

.. and uh, Wopat.

We actually narrowed down the field..

.. uh, to yourself..

.. and one other actor, who we just saw,
who, who..

.. who.. was..
- Just walked outta here.

He was quite, uh, quite good.
- Yeah, good.

Carson, whew, boy he's good.

He's a joke.

Capisce? He's a joke.

Well, that's.. that's your opinion.
- Nobody can do..

.. this role, but me.

That's great, um..

.. so are, are you ready? Settle in.

And..

.. act.

Perry, I, I, I'm sorry..

.. a lot of directors, they say..

Action! I just say..

.. and.. act.

Thank you.
- So when you hear me say and.. act..

Then go.
- .. then you.. act.

And..

.. act.

My name is Stone..

.. Stone Fury.

This is my town, Chicago..
- Perry, did you get the part?

Mole, Mole, Mole..
- Did he get it? Is he Stone Fury?

What the fuck are you guys
doing in here?!

Perry, seriously, got back to your act.
I'm so sorry.

I apologize..

I know you're excited guys, we're just..

.. we're just getting into this,
can you please just step out?

Okay.
- No problem.

Rock on!

Bob..

.. can you get these guys evacuated..

.. from this building?

They're gone.
I like.. I..

.. now I like what you're doing..
- Yeah, just use that.

.. use that, now just settle in.

Let's start it from the top again.

Let's start from the..
let's start from the top, alright?

And..

.. act.

My name is Stone, Stone Fury.

And this is my town, Chicago.

Yeah, city of big shoulders..

Did you get it yet?!
- Mole, Mole, get over here!

Did you get it? Are you Stone?

Mole please! Just stop.

Perry, I am so sorry, he just..
- Don, Don.

How in the fuck..
- Guys, guys.

.. do you expect me to get this part..

.. until you fucking leave?!
- Perry, be professional.

No, you shut the fuck..
Get the fuck outta here!

GET OUTTA HERE!
- Perry, please!

Please! Just for a second.

Perry, don't let this get you upset.

Unleash the fury.

Guys, why don't you do this,
why don't you just take a seat..

.. just come in here and take a seat.
- Alright!

Mole, but be quiet.

Don't do anything to disrupt him
this time, OK?

Do you want Perry to get this role?
- Yea.

Perry..

How do you guys deal with these two?

This one especially.

Breaks in this door, breaks in this door..
- Perry I.. Perry, Perry!

I need you to get this job.

Alright? So.. so..
- Thank you.

So calm down, and let's try it again,
alright?

I'm gonna try it my version.

Perry..

.. let's just do this, let's continue
from where we were at..

.. let's just take it from the top
there that monologue.

Alright, let's go.

And..

.. act.

My name is Stone, Stone Fury.

Yeah, this is my town, Chicago..

.. city of broken shoulders..

.. city of big shoulders..

.. and Broken Dreams.

Do you want to start again?
- Yeah.

OK, go ahead, start again.
- Perry.. Perry..

Shut up!

I don't want to even wanna know
you guys are there.

Find your mark there Perry too, please.

And did you slate.. just slate your name.

Say your name.

My name is Perry Ca..

Sorry, sorry.

And..

.. act.

My name is Stone, Stone Fury.

This is my city, my town, Chicago..

.. Chicago, Illinois.

Some say I'm the best private dick
there ever was.

But there's trouble.. brewing.

Stone can feel it.

This might be his last chance..

.. to whack this town, Stone cold.

Thank you Perry, good luck.

Bye Perry.

Oh wait a second, hold on, hold on..

.. wait a minute, please.

Could everybody just put your
fingers in your ear..

.. for just one second please?
Everybody.

Alright, listen to me.

Good luck, yeah.
- I know, just.. please.

For one second, listen.

Alright what I need you to do buddy..

.. I gotta get you this role, man.

Alright, are you OK?

I'm fine.
- Alright, now who is Stone Fury?

I'm Stone Fury.
- Who is Stone Fury?!

Who is the best sports P.I..

.. in all of Chicago?
- Me.

Absolutely, now feel that.

Now this time I want you to..
What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna unleash the fury.
- Unleash the fury.

Absolutely right..

Sit your ass down..
- Alright now, alright.

.. and let me show them how it's done.
- Let me get you another reading.

Alright, everybody, unplug your ears.

Alright, I'm gonna need to
ask a favor for ya.

I wanna see another reading
from this man.

Don..
- No, no, please listen.

Let him do it the way that he wrote it..

.. or and I'm not trying to threaten you..

.. I'm not trying to disrespect you..

.. in any way.
- Don, it's not necessary.

Then here's the way it works..

.. if you don't give him another reading,
I'm walking off the film.

Yeah and I won't even go see
your movie unless..

.. you're gonna let Perry read it again.

Ugh.. alright.

It better be good.
- Go ahead.

Unleash the fury.

Don't suck, lose the jacket.

Come on, scare master.

Hey, the name? The name is Stone.

Stone Fury.

Yeah this is my turf, my town,
my city Chi-Town..

.. Chicago, Illinois.

City of big buildings, big shoulders..

.. big hearts and big dreams.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, some say I'm the best private dick..

.. there ever was.

But that was a long time ago.

Stone man here can see
something brewin'.

This might be the last chance..

.. I whack this town into something..

.. Stone cold.

Congratulations Perry..

.. guys I think we found our
Stone Fury!

Hey!

Get off of me, god damn it!

Jesus Christ!

Perry, you are Stone Fury!

I don't think there's any other
actor out there..

.. that could play Stone Fury.

I feel the role of Stone Fury was..

.. specifically written for me.

You know what, I go take a crap..

.. and I come out of the stinker..

And guess who's there?
- That dude?

No, Reese Witherspoon.

I'm like..
- Did you get any Reese's pieces?

Shut up, man!
- Did you hear what I said to him?

He said I saw Reese Witherspoon..

.. I said did you see any Reese's pieces?
- I know, I know, I know..

It's the same name.
- Yeah, it sure is..

.. that's very clever..
- Did you get it?

.. yeah, I get it, I get it, yeah..
- It was good.

Wait a minute, hey..

Biiiig three!

Here it is.

Windy City Heat..

Perry, why don't you sit over here.

That's his seat.

Now Perry, you're the star
of the movie.

Oh, I'm the star?

Alright..
- Perry, the star!

Come on buddy.
- Hi guys.

Hey! It's Bobcat.
- There's the boss!

How you doin' boss, how you doin'..

Hi, sorry I'm late.

You don't need to use that in here.

I'm gonna turn it on a lower setting.
- Alright.

If I don't use it I forget to..

.. when I'm directing
- Oh, okay, I'm sorry.

It's alright.
- Mr. Bobcat?

Mr. Adams in on the phone.
- Alright.

Here we go..

Hello?

This is the ship-to-shore operator..

.. please hold for Mr. Adams.

I'm gonna go grab something to eat.

Mole, wait, don't go.
- Wait!

We're having a meeting!

Tell him to wait for me, I'm hungry.

Don't worry about it, that's
the way he works.

Hello, all!

Helloo.. Mr. Adams!
- Oh, hey Mr. Adams.

It's John Quincy Adams calling..

How about a little roll call.
Don are you there?

Right here, Mr. Adams.

Don will be playing our heavy Big Lou..

.. and speaking of heavy..

.. is my big fat greasy lead
actor Perry in the room?

Hey! What are you talking about, fat?

John Quincy Adams..

.. I've never met him, face to face.

I don't know..

.. anything that he's produced.

You sound awfully close to
the speaker phone..

.. you're not sitting in
my chair, are you?

No..

If you're not in my chair,
where are you sitting?

Right.. right next to you.

Or I'm mean right next..

.. oh, shit..

Over to..

.. I'm actually right on..

.. over by the head of your..

.. cow or calf or..

.. whatever the hell you want
to call that animal that's uh..

.. laying down over, over there.

So, what do you think of my office, Perry?

Beautiful.

It's beautiful.

Thank you!

And have we cast our Jiggly Wrigley yet?

Uh.. uh.. actually.. actually we haven't.

Why not?

Well I.. I..

.. I can't find the right girl.

This is outrageous..

.. we need our Jiggly Wrigley.

Now get cracking or you'll be..

.. out on the street shooting
Hot to Trot 2.

Chop chop! Toodles.

Hey guys, what did I miss?

OK, just sit down Mole.

It sounds like he's gonna fire me..

He's firing ya?
- No..

.. he's a hard guy to get along
with but don't worry.

Let's just go and get these girls.

Yeah, I want you to read with them.

Turkey?

No.

Look at this..

.. are these the guys that auditioned?

There he is, the star.

Alright, scare master, yeah!

Nice job.

Thank you.

Way to do it, scare master.

Roman Polanski!

Good to see you guys,
what's going on?

Perry, welcome back. How are things?

You don't wanna shake my hand?

I'm just, I'm getting over this virus.

Is he helping pick this girl?

Yeah.

Oh, Perry, get a good looking one.
Get the hot one.

Get a hot one.
- Yeah.

We didn't have a lot of
time to pick the..

.. correct Jiggly Wrigley..

.. and uh, he had them..

.. all audition all at the same time.

And..

.. act.

What can I do for you little lady?

Stone, you gotta help me..

.. I'll do anything.

And Jiggly Wrigley starts..

.. taking off her shirt..

.. take off your shirt,
take off your shirt..

.. and cut, cut, cut..

.. cut, cut, cut.

It was nice meeting you all.

Thank you.

Bye girls.
- Bye.

One on the left.
The one on my left.

What was it about her..

.. performance that struck you?

Those are the jigglies, baby.

Capisce?

Did you like her or did you like
the one that was next to me?

The problem I had with them is
that they..

.. sucked!

Oh!

Hi!

Hey.

Nice to see you.

We've been looking for
a Jiggly Wrigley now..

.. for what, six months?
- Hey baby.

How am I gonna find a girl..

.. who's got like, you know,
a nice rack..

.. a big rack, who's pretty..

.. you know like brown hair..

You know what I need?
I need somebody who's like..

Excuse me?
- .. kinda like a..

Quiet Perry!

I'm talking to Roman.

Hey Bobcat! Hey Bobcat!

How about Susan over here?

Mole!

I love you!

I love you..

.. you are so smart!

My idea!

Oh my God Mole, thank you!

Hey, don't forget I helped out,
don't forget I helped..

Thanks Perry..

.. thank you.
- Oh, no kiss?

Thanks.
- She's a beautiful person she's a..

.. a wonderful woman, and I would love..

.. to.. get in her panties..

.. oh yeah.

Alright, this is our first day..

.. and we're gonna be doing
our first shot..

.. what I consider one of the..

.. possibly the most exciting
action films..

.. ever made, and it's
got drama in it.

Let's, uh, let's hope that..

.. God blesses us with some magic
and stardust.

Alright?

Perry, speech!

This means a lot to me..

.. let's kick some fucking ass..

Yeah!

Let's rock and roll and..

.. make this movie number one!

I couldn't have said it better.

Let's go ahead and block this out.

Let's do this.

Biiig three!

Everybody's calling us..

.. Three Stooges of the new millennium.

And action on rehearsals.

Hey boss, looky what I found.

Hey, can I improvise
something there?

Yeah, go ahead.
- Okay.

Hey boss, looky what I found.

Well, well, well..

If it isn't Chicago's fattest..

.. most disgusting, gross..

.. pig of a man..

.. the worst fat guy I know..
- Cut, cut..

Alright, alright, cut.
- .. cut, cut..

That, I don't, I don't care.

We got film going, you don't do that.

I'm gonna have to because..

.. that shouldn't even be in this.

I'll cut it down a little.

Let's try it again.
- OK, let's just go again though folks.

I looked at the scene..

.. like it needed improvement.

And I look at the scene like..

.. I'm gonna turn this movie..

.. into the best film out there.

Marker.

Hey boss, looky what I found.

Well, well, well..

.. Chicago's fattest, has-been
sports P.I

How ya doin', Stone?

Come on, Big Lou..

I know you stole Ernie Banks' pants.

Cut! Yeah!

You know, you can look in
someone's eyes..

.. and see that..

.. they're there?
- And see perfection?

Yeah.

You had that. You really did.

When you went like this with..

.. remember when you, yeah,
right there, that's..

.. that's what I had to look at.

When I used to get into fights with
kids back in school..

.. I used to squint my left eye
and it meant..

.. you're gonna die.

So you've killed people?
- No, no, no, no, no..

.. no, I meant I'm gonna
hurt you bad.

Marker.

And.. act.

Hey boss, looky what I found.

Well, well, well.. if it isn't
Chicago's fattest..

.. has-been Sports P.I.

How ya doin', Stone?

Come on Big Lou..

.. I know it was you who stole
Ernie Banks's pants.

Hey, you got nothing on me, Fury.

Well then why don't you come clean?

You want clean?

I'll give you clean.

Hey Brock, why don't you take
out the trash.

You got it, boss.

Come on, fellas!

Looks like we left no stone unturned.

I'm getting a little too old
for this shit.

Alright, and cut.

That's a cut. Cut, cut, cut.

Do we anything that would just
make this..

.. make this more believable..

.. it doesn't look dirty enough,
we need like..

.. shit that you would see in a back alley..

.. like actually, like if you get me some
crap or some poop.

No, you don't want that.

No, it's..

Yeah, that would be, that would be..
what do..

.. what do you mean you don't like it?
- You said crap or poop.

I don't want..
- Get both, crap and poop.

Are you serious?

Yeah.

It's not, it's, it's, it's..

.. it's for the realism.

Can I use the restroom?

You wanna pee in your own.. ?
- Are you gonna pee in it?

Yeah pee on yourself.

I'm not gonna pee on myself.

Let's let him go to the bathroom.

Perry's 10-100 and uh..
- You wanna bucket?

Perry, do you want to bring
back some of that poop?

No poop!

The best acting out there is real stuff.

Because it's all real shit..

.. and it's not an act,
it's all reality.

Is that real crap or fake crap?

It's real crap, let's go..

.. and.. act.

Oh God..

.. I'm getting a little too old
for this shit.

Alright and cut.

Yeah! Nice job, scare master.

Oh no, no, no.. you stink man.

This isn't wet enough..

.. we need to go again,
we need more crap..

.. more and more crap.
- Again?

He said we got to do it again..

.. and I think we did it again
that scene..

.. did about three or four times..

.. and I was getting pissed!

Why don't you ask for a stunt double..

.. so you don't have to do this?

A stunt double?
- Do you wanna get a stunt double?

Yeah, thank you.

Alright, let's get Perry a stunt double.

The experience of being in my first..

.. big Hollywood scene was..

.. was an experience.

I liked it, I thought it was cool.

Um..

.. being thrown in the manure..

.. is a different story you know..

But, there again, you know,
to make it more real..

.. boom, you gotta, you gotta
take this shit..

.. before you, uh, really experience..

.. the bullshit, or whatever.

If you know what I'm saying?

Can I steal Perry away
for a few minutes..

.. to go over his contract rider?

Good luck, get everything
you want, man.

Okay?
- Good stuff buddy.

Alright.
- Uh, guys, no cameras for this.

Right now I'm gonna go
straight to dairy..

.. because I know..
I.. I am lactose intolerant.

So I cannot drink milk..

Gimme a glass of milk..

.. I'll be shitting like crazy.

So.. I get soy milk only..

.. oranges, orange juice..

.. you know the berries:
blueberries, strawberries..

.. shampoo and conditioner.

OK, let me ask one thing of you..

.. your list is quite a bit more..
extensive than uh..

.. Mole's and Don's so uh..

.. if you can keep it down
as to what you got..

Bring them to my level.

Hey guys!
- What's happening?

Check it out I got the
motorcycle I asked for..

.. in my contract!

Oh, did you see what I got?
- What'd you ask for?

Rolex.
- Nice..

Hey Perry, what'd you ask for?

Perry asked for shampoo.

You asked for shampoo?

Dude you should've asked
for a motorcycle.

I didn't..

Perry don't argue, you got
what you got..

.. it's no big deal.

Sol Steinbergowitz didn't give me
a fucking contract..

.. "Oh, it's coming it's coming"..

.. yeah, just like an orgasm is coming.

Hi, Frances Farmer, good to meet you..

Hi!
- .. Frances Farmer, I'm the lot manager..

.. I'm going to take you
guys to your trailers.

Oh great, trailers!

Hey, who's that?

Hey!
- Adam!

Hey Adam, what's happening?
- Hey Adam!

Hey, how's it going?

How you doing brother?

We're here filming
Windy City Heat.

They're doing that on this lot?
- Yeah.

Absolutely, Perry's the star..

.. what're you doing here?

I'm doing a gladiator dog
buddy flick..

.. called Air Caligula.

It's the same as Air Bud..

.. but he throws a javelin.

I watched The Man Show
last night..

.. and laughed my ass off..

Oh really?
- .. on the hair removal ordeal.

Don't say anything, he
lost that show..

.. it's not on anymore.
- Don't put it in his face..

It's kinda weird cause..
- I mean I thought it was funny.

Well, I mean it was funny
but now that Jimmy's..

But let.. hey, hey, congratulations so..

.. congratulations man..
- Thanks a lot.

Hey, and listen, if you need any..

.. you need any help,
you need any extra players..

.. anything like that..

Same thing about your TV show..

.. you need any help on your
show or anything..

Right, I don't have a TV show
anymore though..

Don't rub it in Perry, you
keep rubbing it in.

Perry, don't be a jerk, seriously..

I'm sorry..
- Hey, I gotta go.

If you could just wait a second,
I just need to make sure..

.. that it's ready for you.
- The..

.. spelling of my last name you got an..

.. C-A-R-A-V-E-double-L-O..

OK, we'll take care of that,
we will well right away..

OK, that was what I
was afraid of.

Charlton Heston was gonna
shoot here last week..

.. and he used this trailer..

.. and he will not leave.

He won't leave?
- We can't get him to leave the trailer.

Alright, what we're gonna
do right now..

.. we're gonna take you down,
we have the Retro down here..

.. we're gonna put you there,
just temporarily..

We call it the Retro it's
kind of this vintage..

.. kind of cool it's all kind of..

.. souped up inside, right here.

What?
- If you just wanna duck in there..

.. get out of the rain, make yourself..

.. comfortable and uh..
- Oh give me a break..

What's all the commotion?

Somebody won't, uh..

.. get out of my trailer.

We have Charlton Heston,
he won't leave the trailer.

Hey Charlton Heston!

Charlton He.. he's over here..

.. he's over here, Charlton..

I don't know who this
moron was..

.. that was in my trailer.

Charlton He.. that is not
Charlton Heston.

Offer him the cameo.

Listen, you wanna cameo
in my film?

Cameo.. ?
- A cameo.

I'll do it!

I'll take your stinking offer.

You damn dirty ape!

Huyghahh.

What the fuck he did to my trailer?

Then there's shotgun shells
all over the floor..

.. of my trailer I mean I was pissed.

Hello, I'm Santiago..

.. from wardrobe.

We're here, we're queer,
let's get our asses in here.

I'm not a fag..

.. I'm homophobic..

.. I hate fags..

Have you worn chaps before?

Chaps, what do you mean?

These go on as part of the
undercover scene, right?

Did you.. did somebody measure
you for these..

.. or are these your own?
- Nobody said anything..

Are these ones that
you brought yourself?

No, no, no..
- No?

What's this?

It's a thong.

You mean I'm gonna walk
out of this..

.. effing trailer..

.. onto set..

.. in that, and in this?

In the rain?

You need an umbrella?

Yaah.
- Could you spread it a little bit?

Gimme a canyon to work with.

Now he wants to..

.. measure my inseam.

More or less, what the
guy wants to do

.. is to go down on me.

Do you need help taking anything off..

.. or?
- No.

You sure?
- Yes.

Need me to pull.. ?

.. pull on anything or tug
on anything?

Don't you dare touch me..

.. I kept telling him.

Don't you dare touch me there.

Can I go use the restroom?

I'd really prefer that you.. sir?

Thank you.
- Hey, let me do my job!

Stay there.

Hey, yeah, but you're forgetting..

That'll.. that will go
on me later.

I'm sorry.. I'm sorry..
- Thank you.

.. I'm nervous everybody's on..

.. pins and needles on this production.

God damn..

Everything okay?

Would you leave me alone?

Jesus Christ.

Another temperamental actor..

.. I'm just trying to help.

Don't need it, alright?

Do they fit?

Would you leave me
the fuck alone?

God damn..

Yes they fit.
- Sorry.

What's your groin size cause
that should be holding..

It's fine.

I don't want to touch you,
uh, where you..

I'd kill you if you touched
me there.

That's a little strong, isn't it?

Hey, I'm just doing my job.

You didn't seem this crabby
when you were on..

.. Beverly Hills 90210.

I never did Beverly Hills 90210..

Oh, look at you..

.. Mr. Perry, Mr. Luke..

.. Luke Perry, I'd know you anywhere.

My name is not Luke.

Luke Perry and I don't
even look alike.

Oh no, there's been a mistake..

You're Perry Caravello
not Luke Perry?

Am I in the wrong wardrobe?

No, you're in the the right wardrobe..

.. this isn't the stage for Oklahomos?

Is this where they're
shooting Oklahomos?

What're you in?
What production is this?

Windy City Heat.

I'm sorry let me..
- Ha ha.. !

Perry's a gay man!
- Perry..

You're here one day
and you turn into..

.. a freak show
what's going on?

You leave this man alone
he's an actor..

.. and he's worked
with Aaron Spelling.

Get the fuck out of my room.

What are you wearing dude?

I was thinking that
this was some..

.. freak fucking part..

Do you want me to.. ?
- First off, why..

.. the fuck are the two of you
in here without knocking?

I did knock.
- That's one.

No you didn't!

You! Get the fuck
over here.

Do you want me to
get the F over there..

.. or get out the door or what?

Take this..

Because there's been a mistake..

Yes, there's a major mistake.
- I think..

.. there is and we're as upset..

.. about it as you are.

I'm so sorry..

Get the fuck out of
my dressing room!

What makes me such
a good actor..

.. well, alright..

.. I can't..

.. lie about this, okay?

My acting coach..

Ivan Markota, from the
Van Mar Academy..

.. taught me some tricks..

.. in the very beginning of, uh..

.. when I was going to his class..

.. that just won't leave, you know?

Always remember the
first couple of words..

.. in the line and then the whole..

.. the whole..

.. sentence or the whole
line should just..

.. come right to your mind.

For example..

.. another day in paradise..

.. I just looked at the two words:
another day.

What..

.. what other two words
are going to come at you..

.. when you read..

.. another day?

What, another day in hell?

No, no, no, no, no..

Another day in paradise.

And remember after you..

.. after you drink it down..

.. your first line?

I forget..
- Another day in paradise.

Here we go, quiet please..
gotta go folks.

Let's go.
- Marker.

Maybe go faster.

Pour those with both
hands at the same time..

.. pizza, beer..

.. come on Stone hurry up.

Drink it up fast..

.. we got a minute and half
film left..

.. hurry up, all right..

Don't forget your line.

That's another fucking
day in paradise.

And.. cut.

I hope that's a print..

.. cause I don't wanna
do that one again.

Give me one where you
take it down and you go..

.. another day in paradise, you know?

Don't say fuck..

If we end up selling this..

.. to the Disney Channel or
something like that.

Marker.
- And.. act.

Some beer in there..

Drink it up.. there you go..

.. more, more, more,
more, more..

Don't forget your line.

Another day in paradise.

OK, let's cut.

That was great, Perry.
- Oh God..

.. drinking that a second time..

.. please.. no more..

You wanna do it again, Perry?
- No!

I just had lunch.
- Can we get lunch for..

.. Perry?
- I had a good lunch.. !

.. God damn it!

Stomach's starting to
bother me..

.. it's the pizza, it's the cheese..

Oh God I don't want to
explode while I'm..

.. getting lusty over her.

Alright, final touches.

Look at this guy he's
handling her..

He's wardrobe it's..

I'm used to it.
- I'm like a doctor.

See her looks are a 10 plus.

Watch my eyes and then..

.. lick your lips slowly..

But after I know her personality..

.. and get to know her as a lady..

.. she could be the girl
that I would take..

.. to the Academy Awards.

Am I moving around too much?

Yeah, yeah, cause it.. yeah..

.. so once you're on a
mark, stay there.

I don't.. look, Bert..

.. you're a great guy I
really appreciate all this..

.. just bring it to my
trailer, please?

I'd appreciate it.

But they asked for lunch.
- No.

The big scene I'm doing
today is um..

.. sex.

Did I put the Spanish Fly in there?

Spanish Fly..

.. it's gonna all get inside
Jiggly Wrigley and then..

.. bang, bang, bang.

I took the Spanish Fly
thinking that, you know..

.. I'll.. my dick'll get hard..

.. in like three seconds..

.. all she needs to do is
start touching me and..

.. bam, it'll be hard as..

.. hard as a fucking uh, uh..

.. diamond..

.. cutter or whatever.

Jiggly pulls off her sw..

.. her sweater..

.. reveals two..

.. creamy breasts..

.. the Stone sets them free with
his teeth like an animal..

.. so more or less..

.. it's like I'm biting off her bra.

Have I had sex with a woman..

.. to where I've been off
her bra and stuff?

Many times.

Many times..

And then..

.. you start to undress me
and then I start to undress you..

.. and then we undress ourselves..

.. or each other.

You know what I'm saying?
- Okay.

And.. act.

I knew it when she walked in..

.. this doll that was a double
scoop of trouble..

.. looking for a cone.

Hello Mr. Fury.

I'm Jiggly..

I ain't blind.

.. Jiggly Wrigley..

.. I'm the heiress to a large
chewing gum..

.. fortune, I won't say which.

What's this got to do with me?

I need your help.

Forget it, the Stone Man's
out of the sports P.I game.

But only you can stop
Chicago's greatest..

.. sports treasures from being stolen.

Like I said doll..

.. I gave it up a long time ago.

You don't sound so sure.

Please Stone..

.. I'll do anything.

Anything?
- Anything.

And cut.

Alright folks..

.. we're about to do a uh..

.. a very graphic and very sensual
love scene.

If you're offended easily..

.. I would ask you to leave now.

This is gonna be a very..

.. very sensual scene..

.. there's gonna be a lotta,
lotta nudity.

And with that, could we bring
in stunts please..

.. stunts.

Thank you..

Now Perry you'll step out..

.. you go with.. who's taking Perry?

Why do I have to step out?

You mean I don't get
to make love to her?

No, this is a.. this is a stunt.

Once she's completely naked..

That fucking cheese pizza
fucking ruined me..

.. I gotta take a shit.
- You gotta take a shit?

Yeah..

Yes I want you licking him..
- Okay.

Jesus fucking..
- Licking him?

Did he say licking him?

Yeah, I would like to watch.

I gotta take a shit real bad..

Can I use.. go to the.. go to
my trailer and..

.. go to the bathroom?
- No, no, no..

.. we can't leave until production..

Let him take a shit.

Perry?
- What?

Is that you?

Shut up.

Are you OK?
- Shut up.

I'm just.. I heard something.

Yeah, you heard my ass.

What?
- Go..

.. just shut the fuck up!

Perry, I'm trying to help
you what did I do?

You're talking to me.

Perry, are you OK in there?
- Let me use the bathroom OK?

Are you OK? I heard something.
- I'm fine.

What was that noise?

What do you think stupid?

I'm not stupid, what was
that noise?

My ass.. farting.

Oh I'm so.. I apologize.

No, I mean you sounded sick..

.. and I thought you were
injured or something.

Perry, what are you doing in there
that you can't talk to me?

I'm taking a shit, stupid!

I'm stupid?

You had a chance to have a love scene..

.. with a beautiful woman and you
ask for a stunt double?

And I'm stupid?!

I didn't ask for a stunt double
for the love scene.

You asked for a stunt double..

For the fucking garbage dumpster..

.. not for the love scene.
- Perry.

A love scene is a stunt.

You asked for this stunt double..

.. love scene is a stunt..

.. so you in turn asked..

.. for a stunt double for
the love scene.

I did not ask for the.. !

Then who did?!

Shut the fuck up,
you're an idiot.

I got your food.

I don't want food.

You said you were hungry.
- I don't want food!

I heard you tell Don,
you're hungry.

And then I went..
- Bring it back to the..

.. just bring it back to
the room I'm not..

.. fucking hungry, I'm pissed.

What're you pissed about?

That asshole keeps
talking to me..

.. while I'm trying to..

.. take a shit.

So you don't want the food?
- No.. bye.

Do you want me to
save it for you?

Bring it to the room.

What going on?
- The stunt double's fired.

When the scene is done..

.. why don't you tell Bob..

.. that you don't want the
stunt double anymore.

That's all you gotta do..

.. but you yell at me.

I yell at you? You yell..
- You yelled at me!

You're yelling at me!
- You yelled at me!

You yelled at me!
- You yelled at me!

Shut up.
- You shut up.

Is this his food?

Why don't you have some?
- I don't want it.

Then why'd you ask for it?
- I didn't ask for it!

Who did then?
- Don't ask me!

You asked Don.

I didn't ask Don to get food!

You said are you hungry..

Excuse me..
- Hey Superstar..

.. how'd it go?
- Uh..

.. I want the stunt
double gone.

I just got a raise.

Oh fuck..

Oh my God, that was amazing..

Perry you were awesome in
that sex scene, dude.

The guy is putting his thing..
- Bob, Fire..

Fire the stunt double.

I can't use any of it because..

I don't.. I.. I.. they had
full penetration.

You know?

Did they use any of the condoms?
- I can't get..

.. I can't get an NC-17,
I got the NAACP..

.. already all over me.
What was that Perry?

Did they use the condoms?

Yeah.
- They used the condoms..

.. and they use that
lotion stuff they..

.. blew on it, it got hot..

.. and then they used those clips..

.. and then he used that
strap-on thing..

She did all that stuff
they have on..

.. the worldwide internet..

.. she was doing this
stuff to him..

.. and it was crazy that guy
cause I think..

.. she's an acrobat too.

Why? What'd she do?

She like lifted her legs behind
her head and stuff.

Oh wow..

You should've totally
been in there..

I should've been totally..
- Making sweet, sweet..

.. love with that pretty naked lady.
- ..making sweet sex with..

.. the pretty naked lady.
- .. my girl.

Yeah.
- But I got fucked over.

Then in comes, uh, the
stunt double who..

.. gave her the salami.

And of course, you know,
she loved what she got.

Well, you're the one who
begged for a stunt guy.

For the shit in the dumpster..

.. not for all the stunts.
- Yeah, but now..

.. he's gonna be the
guy in all..

.. the other sex scenes.
- So what're you telling me?

So now I wanna fire him.

I demanded..

Right to Bobcat's face..

.. I says look Bob..

No.. no more stunt doubles
when it comes..

.. to the rest of this movie.

You're gonna do the stunts?

You're gonna do your own stunts?
- Yes, yes.

He's fired and he's fired for good.

Because I'm looking
at me as another..

.. Jackie Chan.

Anything.

I'm gonna do all stunts.

I want to explain this again..

.. red bat is the wooden bat.

Don't hit Perry,
don't hit the money.

You'd hurt his..

.. you'd hurt him bad if he got
smacked in the head with that.

So.. blue bat, rubber..

.. rubber bat.. Mole.

Mole!

Mole.
- What? What?

Mole..
- Dude I got it, I got it..

.. let's do this thing.
- Would you fucking..

Let's do it!
- You got it?

Yeah I got it, I got it.
- Red bat real..

.. blue bat rubber.
- Yeah, red bat, blue bat.

Let's do it.
- Red bat, blue..

.. alright guys, break a leg.

Use the blue bat.. Mole..

.. Mole..
- Let's do it, let's rock this thing.

Let's rock, let's rock it.

It's all rock..
- You pick up..

.. the blue.. you pick up..
- Here we go.

Mole.. you pick up the
blue bat.

Pick up the blue bat.
- Perry, shut up.

Quiet, please!
- Turn the bats.

You're picking up
the blue bat..

.. not the red bat!
- Quiet!

Mole!
- Alright, let's rock this thing!

You pick up the blue bat..
- Perry, come on!

Why the fuck is the red
bat even there?!

Why is the red bat there?

Cut!
- We're ready, Bob.

No we're not.

No we are not.

Get rid of that red bat!

Alright..
- Get rid of the red bat!

Perry, he knows, he knows!

Cause he's gonna pick
up the red bat..

Guys and..

.. and.. act.

So Stone..

Hey, I'll bet you even
with all your..

.. sports knowledge..

.. you didn't know my friend
here Brock..

.. used to play in the big
leagues now did ya?

Yeah, what'd he play, left..

.. out?

Hey.. you shut your
dirty mouth!

I had to take the fall..

.. for Fergie Jenkins!

And that ingrate..

.. didn't even give me a..

Wrong bat! Wrong bat!

Batter up, baby!

Cut! Cut! Mole!

Mole!
- Jesus fucking..

.. Christ!
- What?

It's a fucking wooden
bat you asshole!

That's the last vase we had.

I was in the moment.
- You had the red bat.

You got the wrong bat!

Someone should've told me!

Alright, alright, we need
a new vase.

Bob.. get rid of the
red bat, please.

Get rid of the red bat.

We need a new.. quiet!

Quiet, please.

How long.. how long is it
gonna take to get a new vase?

Alright, okay, thank you.

Bob, it's gonna take at
least an hour.

Alright, everybody we can
thank Mole..

It's gonna take an hour.
- Thanks Mole.

Alright, guys, that's
another break.

Get the fuck outta here!

Hey, uh..

.. is somebody gonna undo me?

Hey!

Get over here and undo
me you fuckers!

Oh, thanks guys.

Yoo-hoo!

Is somebody gonna undo
the buckles on me?

Uh, cameraman..

Okay..

Hello!

What's your assistant's name?

Um.. Bart.. Burt..

Burt, why don't you open
the damn door okay?

Why don't you talk with..

.. politeness and say "Bert it
would be..

.. polite for you to open
the door for Perry".

Burt, it would be polite if
you'd open the..

.. fucking door for Perry.

Let's go, let's move it fuck face.

Would you watch your
fucking mouth?

Well, watch your fucking mouth!

Burt, don't..

.. take what he said
in a negative manner.

Don..

Yes?

Take that and throw
it in the trash.

You ignorant..
- What?

.. pig.
- What?

Put that in the trash.

You ignorant pig.

You ignorant fucking pig.

You did not need to take that..

.. dump it into my
fucking basket..

.. and then spit in it and
drop it in the basket..

.. in front of my assistant.

See because Don's not being fed..

.. so he doesn't think I
should be fed.

That's Don's whole thought.

Amen..
- No.. no.. no!

Wow, you were thirsty dude.

Like I said to you before..

.. like I said to you before, Bert..

.. Bert! Bert!

I'm not gonna be treated like that.

Look at me, please.

Hey Perry..
- Don't..

.. allow him to do this.

I don't like it when
he does this shit.

He's a punk.
- I know, I know..

He's taking advantage of you..

.. you don't need to..

.. listen to me.
You don't need to bring me..

.. food unless I ask for it.

Get the fuck out of here!

Don..
- Get over here, Perry. Now!

Get over here, now.

You were told to do something
by the director, move it.

Shut your fucking mouth.
- Sit the fuck down.

Shut your fucking mouth.
- Sit the fuck down.

Definitely the stars egos
are starting to..

.. clash on the set here at
Windy City Heat.

The two of them..
give me fucking ulcers.

Stay there..

No, stay there.. stay there..

Do you want it?
- No.

Don is the number one person
to blame on everything.

All reasonings and all faults
and all..

.. troubles go to Don.

He's jealous as could be because..

.. I'm number one in this film.

And he's fucking pissing
off my assistant..

And my assistant's pissing
me off..

.. because he keeps coming
back here with fucking food.

But I'm glad that he's staying
where he belongs, off..

.. to the side, and when
I ask for it..

.. I will ask for it.
Right now I don't need it.

Don't need what?
- Food.

Food?
- He's not bringing it to me, he knows..

.. he knows better.

I said no..
I said no..

.. stay off to the side.

Turn around.. stop.. stop.

Stay right there.

Right there.

Now that I'm a movie
star, um..

Hiring Bart as my
personal assistant..

.. that might be in the future..

.. that might be a yes.

No more mustard on the bun.

Okay.
- Bun dry.

You want a dry bun?
- Mm-hmm.

Excuse Mr. Caravello we need
you on the set.

Thank you.

Hey Mr. Perry.

Hi Perry, what's going on?

How you doing, sir?

Alright man..

It was a total dream..

.. to meet this guy.
Very honored.

Very, very honored.

There's Ernie, hey!

Good seeing you man!

Let's rehearse one can
I have a stand-in to..

.. play, uh, David Hasselhoff..

Fucking Ernie Banks..

.. it's unbeliev.. hey!

Hey, can I have one?
- Stay there.

Can I have one?
- No!

No!

I'm about ready to fire this guy.

Stop! Please stop.

Burt, just do what he says,
go get him some food.

I don't need food..

.. now!

Burt, don't get me any food..

.. now!

Burt, did you hear that?
- What?

I don't need food now!

Shut up! Shut up!

Shut the fuck up right now!

Hey hey hey..

.. that's good use that
intensity in the scene.

If I'm hungry, I'll ask for it.

I mean I asked the catering lady..

.. I said can I just put this
anywhere and she says..

.. the FDA requires to be
food to be supervised.

And if I don't supervise it..

.. how.. you know..

.. how're they gonna regulate
whether it's..

.. bad or not?

So that's why I hold on to it.

See you're hungry, I know you..

.. you know you keep telling me
you're not hungry and I'm..

.. I know you are so don't be..

.. don't be shy about it.
- Because I'm a gentleman.

No, I got this.. I got this..

.. I got this.

This headset sometimes
I can't hear it but..

.. you know I need to be..

.. available for you.
- That is open, you can't hear?

I had, uh, ear replacement surgery.

I don't wanna look at
you and say..

.. you're fired..

.. I don't wanna do that to you,
you're a nice guy.

And I would feel real bad
if I had to fire you.

The guys from Schindler's List 2
are over here.

Hey, the Jew just hacked ya!

I don't want them here..

.. guys..

Go over there.
- Hey yo.

Guys..
- Perry, get the ball from them.

Thanks guys.

Hey, tell them why the
Holocaust is..

Where's the ho..

.. what's this Holocaust bullshit..

.. going on for?
- Ball, please?

Hey, guys.. guys, what's
going on here?

We're shooting here today.

Scare master..

Uh.. what do I want here..

It's all for you.

Oh, thank you.. Jesus.

That's all for me.

You gotta ask first.

When you ask then
maybe I'll say hey..

.. if you ask me and you
can say Perry..

.. can I have your banana
I'd say yeah, sure.

Can I have a banana?

You don't grab first.

Now the time to teach this..

.. fucking kid to be a
gentleman.

Can I have a banana?

One more time..

.. keep your hands in your lap.

Now ask me.

May I have a banana?

Put it..

.. back on my plate!

Ask.
- Alright..

May I please have the banana?

Oh no..

Thank you.
- You got it.

Thank you.

Hey, come on.
Come on, Mole.

I'm open! I'm op..

Perry, I thought you were..

.. I thought you saw that.

Perry, I'm really sorry..

.. don't.. don't give me
the half-eye, please..

That was a good pass.

It was right in his chest.

See I've got a look..

.. I mean not to be uh..

.. so modest or anything..

.. but I have a look..

.. that people just..

.. pick up and..

.. they magnetize towards
my look.

Now guys I want you to
meet our photographer..

.. this is Ansel Adams.

Nice to meet you.
- Pleasure, Mr. Adams.

Hi Ansel Adams I'm Mole

We alright? We good?
- Yes. Yes.

Jesus Christ..

You work out?
- Yes. Yes.

You wanna do like just like
a few push-ups right now?

Sure.

Ansel Adams had me, uh..

.. do push-ups, like I'm
in a back alley.

Pump it. Pump it, baby.

That's it.. that's it..
that's it..

.. that's it!

Yes!

The sports memorabilia, gone!

We got it.

And now I'm a star.
Fuckin' A.

Now I've got pouches..

Pouches they are proposing
to put out..

.. with my name on them.

Oh.
- Alright.

T-shirts.
- Oh, yeah.

Bring it in.

Look at that, huh?

You're kinda making me fat.

Why am I so fat?

No?
- No, no.

The kids going to school..

Oh, definitely!
- Lunch box.

Definitely.
- Hey everybody, look..

I'm Stone Fury.

If I'm gonna have..

.. Stone Fury hats..

.. the brim's gotta be no..

.. other brim than
this brim right here.

And I will fight for
this type of hat.

It's gotta be a quality hat..

.. or my name is not on it.

Yeah, here we go.

Yeah!

What're you doing?
Nothing, what're you doing?

Nothing, what're you doing?

Mole's been doing drugs
since he was a baby.

Hey! Who's that handsome devil?

Come here!

Oh, please.

I love you.

Here he comes..

.. Stone Fury!

That's realistic.

Well, now I'm thinking..

Stone Fury's got to be more fit.

The doll's got a little bit of a..

.. big pot belly.

I'm not a pot belly,
I wear a pouch.

Hey, Stone Fury!

Hey, are you lactose
intolerant still?

Oh my God.. it's like..

This is for real.

Being a part of the merchandise..

.. it's like a guy from the
sticks that's gonna be a..

.. multi-millionaire?

Who the fuck knows?

I need to talk to Perry alone.

Alright.
- Thank you.

Bobcat came to me
and he goes..

.. the investor of the
film is coming..

.. you know and.. and..

.. I forget the investors name.

Hiroshima Nagasaki..

.. the Japanese money-man..

And Bobcat makes up this
real nice table..

.. with donuts and Skittles..

.. and M&M's and..

.. and uh, some..

.. catered cookies..

.. and this and that
and that and this.

And uh, some..

.. cheese puffs and whatnot.

If you went to Japan they'd
lay out sushi and things like that.

Yeah.
- So here..

.. they've laid out..
we've laid out like..

.. American snack foods and stuff.

Bobcat trusted me..

.. to protect the table..

.. to make sure nobody
came to the table..

.. nobody ate off the table..

.. nobody touched anything
on the table.

And the money man is
extremely important..

.. if this table is touched..

.. we might get fucked.

You..

Hey, do not..

.. do not.. do not..
- Happy birthday.

.. touch the table.

What happened?

The money.. listen to me..

Can I say one thing?
- No, no, no..

Can I tell you one thing?
- No, I'm not gonna allow you..

I'm not gonna.. listen
to me..

.. listen to me..

.. please listen to me.

I was instructed..
- Boring!

Can I tell you one thing?
Let go of me.

Let go.
- I was..

.. instructed to not allow you..

.. to have anything on the table..

.. cause the money man for
this movie is coming.

He sees something..

.. he's gonna fuck it up.

The best way..
- I don't even want it.

.. to impress him..

.. is to show him this.

.. beautiful table.

One more bite!
One more bite!

Oh no! Oh No!

Oh no.

Oh no.. oh no!

What happened?

Perry knocked over the table.

What?

Perry..
- Perry!

No, what're you..
what happened?

I'm gonna kill that
son of a bitch!

I told him..

.. to stay the fuck away
from the table..

.. you let him smoke pot..

.. you let him get fucking high..
- I didn't let him to do anything.

.. he's fucking stoned off
of his ass..

Settle down. Settle down!

That motherfucker tripped..

Food fight!

I told him to stay
the fuck away!

This is outrage!

I pull out all money..

The movie is over!

What?

It's canceled!

And I'm thinking..

.. motherfucker.

You are gonna die.

It's your fucking fault
you son of a bitch!

Son of a bitch!

Stop! Stop! Don't be
crazy man.

Perry, come on!

Mole is not..

.. a human being.

He's a..

.. he's a fucking
little bitch.

He's a child..

.. he doesn't know how to
be a grown-up person.

I told him..

.. to stay away from
the table..

.. why did that son of a bitch
had to get a fucking donut in here!

Now you get the fuck off
of me or I'll kill you too!

He deserves to die!

I have a, uh, very disappointing uh..

.. announcement to make that uh..

.. well the, uh, the film is,
uh, been canceled.

Always gotta be you,
you son of a bitch!

Well I.. hey, I don't know..

.. who did what, but..

.. Perry I left you in charge.

None of us get anything now.

We're all fired.

Cause of fucking prick.

We were gonna be known
as The Big Three..

.. yea big three my ass.

We got an asshole like you..

.. I want him fired.

Wait, wait, wait..
you know what?

Fire him for what?

There is no movie Perry.
- For what he did!

Perry, there's no movie.

Right now, we're waiting..

.. for John Quincy Adams to call.

I'm crossing my fingers..

.. and hoping that he has..

.. some funding news..

We keep pointing a
lot of fingers..

.. but can we do this..

.. can we just not play
the blame game?

Why shouldn't I play
the blame game?

All you do..

.. every fucking time..

.. is break something!
- Mole..

.. do me a favor..

.. would you.. would
you go home?

Go home?
- No, listen, no, just..

Wait how'd you get
the memo that..

.. Mole's the bad guy?
- I'm not..

.. saying it's anyone's fault..

.. but I don't want
Quincy calling..

.. and.. and.. and having to
be a babysitter..

.. while you two fight.

He's the star, Mole.
- Be the bigger man..

.. you know.

I'll give you that.
You're the star.

Thank you.

Dudes what're you doing
rest of the week..

.. since we don't gotta film
the movie anymore..

.. you guys wanna go out..

.. fishing and to go
to the beach?

You wanna go to the amusement
park on Thursday?

Hell yeah!

See you later Mole, have
good night my friend.

Later dudes.

Oh my God..

What's the matter?

"Hey, you wanna go fishing?"

Uh, Mr. Bobcat..

.. there's a call on line
one coming through.

Hello?

Hello, J.Q. Adams here.

Hi Mr. Adams.

I have good news.

.. I found us new backing..

.. Windy City Heat lives.

Oh.. yeah!

Good news.

The new money man
is someone..

.. we've dealt with
in the past.

I know Perry's had some
troubles with him..

.. so Perry..

.. I need to be assured..

.. you'll behave like
a gentleman..

.. and a businessman.

Excuse me, Mr. Adams..

.. but I am always
a gentleman..

.. and I'm always
a businessman.

Well you haven't been to
this person in the past.

What're you talking about?

I believe he's waiting
in the outside office.

Everyone, please say hello to..

.. Yurgi!

He-hey, hello gentlemen.

Yurgi's this..

.. Romanian dude..

.. that's got this..
this attitude..

.. and he wants to be..

.. the big shot.

You're not gonna control me.

This is not your land.
This is not your country.

Stop flashing your money and..

.. thinking that you're gonna
buy everybody..

.. out.

Cause you're not.

Let's make a movie guys!

Yeah! Let's make a movie.

But now..

.. whoa.
- What?

I don't want Mole.

Perry, we'll deal..
- What's this, problem on the set?

No there's no trouble whatsoever.

Cause I told Adams..
- He was joking..

.. if there's trouble, I'm out.

Ask him, there's no problem.

Is there trouble?

I guess not now.

Great. Alright folks..

.. let's uh.. let's get working.

There's gonna be
a lot of apology..

As my cousin Sam
would say it..

.. Mole's gonna be doing
a lot of cock sucking..

.. to get this film
back on track.

I'm happy that the
movie's still on..

.. I gotta tell you, I mean..
- Thank you.

.. you deserve it..

.. I mean America
deserves it it's..

.. I'm just happy that
you guys got it set.

Who the fuck is
fucking in my..

What are you guys
doing in my trailer?

You're smoking in my trailer..

Hey, hey, calm down.
- No, no..

.. no, no, no.. you..

.. you listen to me.
- Hey, you listen to me!

Who's paying for this shit?
- Okay.

Alright, hear me out..

.. watch this..

.. I want to show you something,
this is cute.

Ready?

Her mouth tastes
like my penis.

Yurgi's always wanted to
put me in a porn..

.. and I said no fucking
way I can't do porn..

.. I'm in.. I'm in the
Screen Actors Guild.

Relax, you know..

.. I just need your trailer for..

.. a couple of hours to uh..

.. unwind, you know?

If Yurgi wanted to watch me..

.. bang his two girls..

.. fine.

As long as I got 'em.

Ladies and Gentlemen
let's welcome..

.. William the Refrigerator Perry.

And then of course uh..
we have our Perry.

The little fridge.. hey!

Alright, two's..

Alright, so here's how
this scene goes..

.. we have William the Refrigerator..

.. Perry, he's here..

.. his refrigerator is missing.

Perry a.k.a Stone Fury..

.. he's asking Stone's help.

And Lana is in the scene, um..

I'm not..
- Looking hot.

She's.. she's looking hot.
- Yeah.

Alright.

Roll sound.

And act.

I'm ready to do the
Super Bowl Shuffle..

.. on somebody's head.

What kind of sicko
would to that?

I know exactly what..
I know exactly what..

.. sicko and I'm gonna find him.

I know exactly what sicko..

.. and I'm gonna find him.

I know exactly what sicko..

.. and I'm gonna find him.

I know.. I know exactly
what sicko..

.. and I'm gonna find him.

I know exactly what's sick.. oh..

.. and I'm gonna find him!

And cut.

Bob.
- Yeah?

One thing.
- Yeah.

Is it too late to get Carson Daly?

Uhh..
- Carson Daly is a fucking pussy!

No, we're married to..

.. we're married to Perry..

.. I mean that won't affect
the financing, will it?

Carson Daly does not work!
- I trust your vision.

I trust your vision,
whatever you think.

Yurgi give him a chance.
- You get get 'em.

Thank you.

When Yurgi mentioned
bringing back..

.. Carson Daly, it's like..

.. wait a second..

.. Carson's not Italian
like I'm Italian.

Carson Daly..

.. he's a Jew boy trying to be a wop.

OK, I uh..

.. I think we put Nadia..

.. give Nadia a crack at it.

What?
- Give Nadia a crack at it.

Svetlana.

Everything's great, sweaty Lana.

Yurgi, do you think it's gonna match?

Don't worry about that.

Alright, let's go again.

Fridge, you all set?
- Ready.

Okay..

.. you really wanna go
through that door.

And act.

They took the Fridge's fridge, Stone.

How am I supposed to chill food? How?

Cut.

Alright, that was great folks.

"They took the Fridge's fridge"

You say that so cool.

"They took the Fridge's fridge"

Shh, shh..
- Perry, shut up.

I read the script.
- Yeah?

I think it needs a rim job scene.

Uh.. a rim job?

No, no, it's not what you think.

A rim job is when you eat
someone's ass.

No way.

Uh.. um..

.. Perry you don't like it?
- No way.

Perry, no?

No way..

.. do you want this rated PG..

.. R, NC-17..

.. or do you want this to
be a fucking porno?

Listen, all I know is..

.. people love rim job scenes.

Distributors love rim job scenes..

.. it sells a lot.

Rim job scenes are for
Europeans and..

.. those people.

This is made in America.

Bobcat, what do you think?

It's made in America.

I've got a side with Perry..

.. this is uh..

Hey, you guys do what you want.

OK, I'm not the artist here..

.. I'm the money man.

Thank you.
- I'm just throwing it out there.

Thank you.
- You're the money man.

Go get 'em.
- Alright, Yurgi.

I had this one girlfriend..

.. whom I'm still banging.

The most exotic..

.. feeling ever..

.. was having this..

.. this real light..

.. tongue texture..

.. just barely..

.. touch..

.. the hairs..

.. around your.. around
your butthole.

And I mean it was the most..

.. exotic feeling ever.

And act.

Sticks and stones will
break some bones.

Hey, hey Fridge!
Sit on his face and..

.. make him eat your ass!

The camera's rolling..

.. Bobcat's directing..

.. here you go, you hear Yurgi..

.. behind the camera..

.. screaming and bitching about..

"Orr, they.."

"More ass. We need to have.."

".. somebody start licking ass."

Shut the fuck up.

Rolling.
- And act.

Then what you gonna do?

Sticks and stones will
break some bones.

Pissing me off man..

.. it's pissing me off.

Cut!
- Yeah!

Wow!

Well, let's not put our
foot through a..

.. van Gogh, people.
That was great.

That was really good.

Intense.
- That was good.

Hey listen..

.. when it's good, it's good.

That was good.

Yeah!
- Woo!

Morning, gentlemen.

I'm switching some stuff.

There's trouble brewing here.

But there's trouble brewing.

Ah, no wait..

.. but there's trouble brewing.

There it is.

Yo Bobcat, what's with the
green sky, it's uh..

.. supposed to be outer
space or something?

That is called..

.. that.. green.. green screen..

.. blue screen..

.. that is the city of Chicago.

Hey, we'll put a dinosaur in there.

No, we're not gonna put
a dinosaur there..

.. there's no dinosaurs in Chicago.

I doesn't matter, look..

Put a dinosaur in, it's uh..
kids love it.

It's big box office..

.. trust me on this.

I would trust..

.. the director.
- No, no, no.. listen.

Think about it,
think about it..

OK, great.
- Alright, come on girls.

I like to compare myself..

.. to a Steven Seagal.

And..

.. act.

Because I have a Steven Seagal..

.. smoothness.

But there's trouble brewing up..

.. Stone can feel it.

This might just mean..

.. someone's gonna be the.. wait..

.. this might just..

Cut.

Hey, I paid a lot of money
for that big fan..

.. let's see what that sucker does.

OK, go Perry.

Yeah, it's Chicago alright..

.. Chi-town..

.. my lady, Chicago, Illinois.

Yeah, she'll always be mine..

.. she'd always be the place..

.. where I would feel
the Windy City heat.

Alright, go around once.
- Bob..

.. kill the fan!

God damn it.
- Cut!

Cut!
- OK, cut!

That was very good.

Alright, folks, uh..
that's uh..

.. that's a wrap.
- Woo!

Yeah!

Shooting an entire film
in one week..

.. uh, is amazing.

Perry!

Perry!
- Thank you!

Perry! Perry!

Whoa, easy, easy,
easy, easy..

..don't break the money.

Get off of me God damn it!

And if the three of us
do great..

.. which I know we will, now that..

.. Mole's got his head together..

.. this film is going to hit Top 10.

Stop drinking, this is your last one.

Would you stop drinking?

Drinking six?

You don't need to be
drinking six, you nitwit.

Quincy said we got to go
up to room 619.

Hello?

Don, Perry, Mole.

What is this?
- Suits.

Oh, look at this.

Push play..

Hello, Big Three.
This is your producer..

.. John Quincy Adams.

Tonight is a very big night.

I've arranged a one-time
only screening..

.. of our film, Windy City Heat.

This will be the
only opportunity..

.. you all to view the movie.

That was heartbreaking because..

.. this is the only chance
for me to see the film.

The screening will begin
promptly at 7:30 pm..

.. it is very improtant
that you be on time.

If you are not there..

.. the movie shall not
be released.

Now, we gotta get dressed.

Do you guys know
what it means..

.. to get dressed?

It means get dressed.

Look at this.

Whoa, damn.
- I'm naked!

Go out there tell him
to quiet down.

Open the door!

You want me to break the
motherfucker down?!

Hey Dan?

What?
- Where's Perry?

Right here, God damn it..

.. open the fucking door!

Fuck you too, Don.
Okay?

Don, you're also an asshole..

.. for accepting an asshole.

What the hell are you doing out there?
- Thanks for locking..

.. me on the fucking patio, asshole!

I didn't lock you out on the patio..

.. just get dressed!

Is that where you were..
- Yeah, I was..

.. on the fucking patio!
- Aw, dude..

.. you should've knocked!

Fucking shut up..

Like he thinks he's funny.

Where's the limo?

Why haven't they called?

Who took the phone
off the hook?

I took the phone off the hook.
- Why?

Because they said the
limo guy was gonna..

.. call when he got here..

..and I didn't want anyone to be
on the phone when he called.

I would've beat the living
fuck out of Mole..

.. if I would've been able to
get my hands on him.

Congratulations, this is really great.
- We only have..

.. like 15 more minutes
to get there..

.. so we really gotta..
- We gotta let the..

.. camera guy get in..

You know, premiere I heard..
- Let's go.

.. congratulations.
- Alright, guys..

.. in!
- So you're the star, right?

I'm the star.

In!
- Pleasure meeting you man.

Cool.
- If you want we can give..

.. you an autograph after
or something.

Do you have a pen now?

Anybody got a pen?

Travis.. Bickle.
- We gotta go.

Hey, I got the route
I went and..

.. studied the map I got
the route all like..

.. I mean it's gonna take
us like five minutes.

Look what I wrote here.
- Good, because..

.. we only got 15 minutes.
- What time the screening starts?

Like in 15 minutes.

Okay, great.

Let's go, man.

Let's go, let's go.

Real quick: what's your
favorite color?

Blue.
- Mine too, that's so weird.

Dude.. guys..
- I like guys that like blue..

Let's go! We gotta go!

Come on!

Tell him now!

Let's go!
- Right there.

Right there.
You kinda missed a spot.

I think it's on the inside.
- Let's go man..

.. we got no fucking time!

I really like this guy.

He's a good guy but..
I mean..

.. let's go!

Driver?
- Yep?

Do me a favor.
- Yea?

You got some water that
isn't very good in here..

Uh..
- Uh.. Mole.. Don!

.. we got to stop at
a convenience store.

Is that all right?
- Yeah.

We gotta get some good water.
- Good water?

This water stinks we had back here.
- Jesus Christ..

7:34 PM..

So, officially, we should've
been there.

What is this?
- This place has got that..

.. vitamin water I
told you about.

Don, let's fucking go!

Don Barris?
- Yeah.

I am one of your biggest fans.

Is this not the man they
call the Scare Master?

That's me.
- Yes, ha ha!

This is such a great honor!

Come, let us take a picture.

We're gonna be late.

Thank you.
- Hey, wait a minute, hold on..

Hey!

Crazy broad, take.. catch that.

Why are you so disrespectful?

Wait, wait, wait..
I have got..

.. two twin daughters.
Beautiful!

Absolutely beautiful.

Wait a minute,
are they here now?

Wait a minute, Perry..
Perry, look at this.

We gotta go!

Let's go.

We don't have time
to fuck around.

I don't care about the
girls I just wanna go.

Let's go.
- Whoa, look at this..

Look at them..

We don't have time..

.. we don't have time.

Make 'em spin around,
make 'em spin around..

.. let me see that ass.

Spin around.
- Go ahead.

Yeah, there you go.

Yeah..
- See I told you they're beautiful.

I don't wanna dance with 'em..

Get together, rub
against each other.

Let me see you
kiss each other.

No, no, no, no..
- No, come on!

Naughty boy.
- No, kiss each other.

We don't have any
fucking time!

Give a kiss..

Let's go!
- Perry, lighten up!

Come on, give a kiss.

Let's go!

Oh, let me get a picture of it.

Oh, there you go.

Okay, Perry.
- We better get going.

We really gotta go, come on.
We gotta go.

Fucking bullshit..

No water.. nothing.

Don throws the three
fucking waters..

.. out the window
like an asshole.

Don't drink that.
- Shut up!

Stop!
- We got some other water..

.. don't drink that!

You guys..

.. they like made out
with me in there.

Really, let's go!

We gotta go.

Let's go, let's go, let's go..

They're not gonna start the
movie without us, okay?

Hold on a second..

Hello?

Yeah?

They started the movie
without us.

Get the fuck to the theater,
God damn it!

I could really throw up..
- I already did.

You didn't need to drink..

.. my rock'n'roll bands
don't drink..

You're in a bunch of
rock'n'roll bands?

I produce..

.. and I'm the enthusiast
for over..

.. about 100, 150 of non-labeled
rock bands here in town.

Really?

Where are we?

Travis..

.. what's up Travis?
- Look man..

.. this might be my
only shot, okay?

This is my band..

.. and if you're looking to
maybe produce someone..

.. or whatever..

They suck.

Give 'em a chance!

Let go of my fucking arm!

Yeah!

Yeah!

It's called movie premiere.

It's called movie premiere!
- Just getting..

.. to the good part.
- It's called..

.. movie premiere.

Do you think you guys could
use this in the movie?

No.

It's pretty good, huh?
- Give me a CD.

Alright.
- Whoa..

.. do you think he's got it?

Do you want to have a drink?
- And that is..

Should we have a drink?
- No..

.. we got to get to
the fucking theater!

Is there some kind of
drink over there?

What is it saying?
- You're driving.

Hey dude..
- You're driving.

I wanna get to the
fucking premiere..

You guys aren't gonna be
upset if I pour myself..

.. another glass, will you?

I sure the fuck do!

What are you..
why are you drinking?!

Why are you drinking?!

Just chug the rest of that
drink and then we'll..

Shut up, Don..
- .. just drink the rest.

Shut up, Don!

Yeah, Travis Bickle!

I just want to get to the theater..

My thing is this, I'm not
gonna sleep..

.. with you or anything to
get a record deal.

What I'll do is,
I'll give you my card..

.. mail me a CD.

But I told you though..

.. I'm not gonna sleep with you to get
a record deal or something like that.

I don't sleep with guys.

Look..

.. it happened once..

.. when I first got into
this business..

.. and I didn't do nothing..

.. but let him suck my dick
and jerk him off.

That was it.

Dude, I'm drunk.
- Hey, Travis?

Travis?

Dude, that was a red light.

Alright, here we go.

Let's get a hand..
let's get a hand in.

Let's get a hand in.

Biiig three!

Yeah!

Hey, what're those spotlights
up in the sky?

Perry..

.. Windy City Heat.

On the marquee.

Holy shit..

Woo hoo!

Look at our faces, man.

Oh!
- Look at that..

They spelled my last
name with a K.

What a bunch of
fucking morons..

Where do you guys think it is,
down here more?

That was it!

Turn around!
- What?

You just passed the theater!

Where?
- It was right back there!

On the right?
- On the left!

God damn it.
- Hold on!

Travis!

Right here, right here!

I got it!
- Right here!

I got it!
- Stop!

Jesus!

I don't have any money..

Give him some money,
we each gave him 100 bucks.

I don't have any money.

I don't have any money.

Well, I work really hard!

So do I!
- Oh no, he's gonna fight ya.

Mr. Caravello? Hi..

.. Hollywood Scoop, can I talk
to you for a second?

I'm upset..

We are..
- My name is put correctly on the poster..

.. and wrong on the marquee.

Now you are one of the hottest
things in Hollywood right now..

.. how do you feel?
This is your big movie!

It's amazing.
It's literally amazing.

There's a rumor that you're romantically
linked with Britney Spears..

He has no comment.
- I would like to!

Oh, shut up!
- I just wanna ask the question!

So, you're sure that you're
romantically linked?

He got no problem,
get away, man!

Get away!
- We got you on tape!

Is it true?
- I would like to be.

Do you understand?
Shut your damn mouth.

Because he's not coming
to you and saying..

.. it's you hooked up with..

Fuck you, asshole!
- Come on!

Think you're hot shit?!

I didn't even want
my band on your label!

He said I had to blow him
to get a record deal.

Scare Master..
- Let's go.

.. let's see this movie,
what are we doing?

How can I help you gentlemen?

Uh.. we're going to see a movie.

You.. uh, see us in the poster?

That's.. that's, uh, right there..
- That's me in the middle.

Sir, I was told not to let
no one else in.

You're talking to the
stars of the movie.

You're the stars of the movie,
I'm the star of this lobby.

Come here, come here..
- Jesus Christ..

Perry, shh! Do you know
who we need to help us?

I know!
- Who?

Spider-Man!

No Mole, not Spider-Man.

Stone Fury..

Let me see the eye.

That's what's gonna get
us through that door.

Biiig three!

You get over there..

Give him the eye, dude.

Look man.. I don't
want no trouble.

I got a family man y'all go ahead
have a good evening.

Sticks and stones will
break some bones.

Pissing me off man,
it's pissing me off..

Trapped like a rat, now let's see
who the bad guys really is.

Jiggly?

Why?

Because I always loved you Stone.

Of all the gin joints
in all the world..

.. frankly my dear,
I don't give a damn.

You've got some gall, Stone!

Looks like love was just
a stone throw away.

Ernie Banks?

Nice arm Stone,
Cubs could use a guy like you.

Yeah, right.

Thanks for getting my
pants back, Stone.

Forget it, Mr. Cub.

And thanks for getting
my fridge back, Stone.

My pleasure, Fridge.

Now I can chill my food.

You miss her, don't you?

I guess I do, a little.

Forget it, Stone..

.. it's Chi-Town.

Let's play pill.

Did anybody order a goddamn
dirty pizza here?

Hey, I'll take a slice.

Yeah, it's Chi-Town alright..

.. my lady, Chicago, Illinois.

She'd always be mine.

She'd always be the place..

.. where I would feel
the Windy City Heat.

They like it, huh.

Wow.

Listen to 'em..
they fucking love it.

Look at this..
look at this.

Standing ovation.

Oh my God..

Us?

Ladies and gentlemen,
the president of show business..

.. please welcome Geoff Pierson!

Ladies and gentlemen,
I think we can all agree..

.. that we have witnessed something
extraordinary tonight.

The winner of this year's..

.. Van Nuys Unfinished Film
Festival Palme d'Or Award..

.. goes to Windy City's own..

.. Perry..

.. 'Stone Fury' Caravello.

All I can say to everybody..

.. strive forward,
and don't ever stop..

.. and always remember your goal
is always in front of you.

Always, always, always..
seek..

.. and you will destroy which means..

.. you will conquer that goal..

.. and you'll be the winner.

Hey!

Hey!

God damn it!

We'll fix it, we'll fix it..

Everybody, look at
the champion everybody!

If it wasn't for all you guys
I wouldn't be here right now!

Biiig three!

Are you guys excited about
Windy City Heat?

I think these men are the future
of the film industry..

.. please welcome..

Don Barris, Mole and
Perry Caravello.

I understand that there
were some hijinks..

.. on the set of
Windy City Heat.

Talk about that time
we walked into..

.. Perry's trailer and he was having
sex with the costume dude.

Oh really?

You guys are fuck..

.. you guys are liars!

You're liars!

Tell.. tell us the story.

Tell us the story what happened.
- He totally..

.. loves dudes!

Look at Tammy! Tammy!
Look at her!

Who's that next to me?
Tammy Faye..

.. what do you think,
yeah, I'd fuck her.

She's got a nice body..

.. that woman's got
a nice rack..

.. God I would fuck that.

Please, Perry, let's just..

.. wrap this story up
if we could.

You got..
- Quick! Quick! Wrap it up quick!

Yeah, you got into
a leather cowboy outfit..

.. and what happened?

This gay wardrobe guy
comes into my trailer..

.. and he's.. and he's thinking
that I'm doing some..

And you made love to him, alright.

No I didn't!

Windy City Heat..

.. yeah, we're really excited
about this film..

.. I can't wait to see it, personally..

.. I think it's about time
you got..

.. the big rate that you deserve..
- I didn't make love to this guy!

.. and listen, I don't care
what you had to do..

.. whatever he had
to do, gay, not gay..

.. it doesn't matter, he did
what he had to do..

.. to get in the film.

And I applaud it.

Well, I don't like to be
that way, you know..

.. it is his show..

.. and it's..

.. it's kind of insulting to Jimmy..

.. that I outdid him..

.. but..

.. I'm the comic.

turn off the lights

Hello!

Fucking pricks..