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It's starting!
Rainbow Randolph!
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Welcome to The Rainbow Randolph show!
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Kidnet presents America's
favorite kid-show host...
4
00:00:44,620 --> 00:00:48,620
...the friendliest friend
on earth, Rainbow Randolph!
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00:00:48,830 --> 00:00:51,700
Featuring Angelo Pike
and the Krinkle Kids!
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00:00:51,870 --> 00:00:54,030
Friends come in all sizes
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00:00:54,300 --> 00:00:56,330
That's right, Rainbow.
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Friends come in all sizes
That's a fact, it's true
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00:01:09,020 --> 00:01:12,180
All the colors of rainbow
From mauve to blue
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Their names are different
Their shoes don't match
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00:01:14,590 --> 00:01:16,150
Some like to toss
While others to catch
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One might say "grasp"
While the other says "snatch"
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Because
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00:01:31,270 --> 00:01:34,370
Friends come in all sizes
Take it from me
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Golly gee, size never matters
When you want some friendly patter
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From a pal who is true
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00:01:42,050 --> 00:01:45,020
And can lift you up when you're blue
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You can count on him
He can count on you
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00:01:51,730 --> 00:01:53,590
It's true
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00:01:57,560 --> 00:02:01,520
Friends come in all sizes
Friends come in all sizes
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00:02:01,870 --> 00:02:03,200
Yes, they do
22
00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:07,670
You know what else
comes in all sizes? Our products.
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00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:11,710
They're there online for you
at RainbowRandolph.com.
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00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:14,540
Log on, it's not free.
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00:02:41,070 --> 00:02:45,270
You'll let my boy dance up front?
Gets to sit in the chair?
26
00:02:45,550 --> 00:02:48,670
You want your booger-eater on my show?
27
00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:51,250
-of course.
-Yes, very much.
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00:02:51,650 --> 00:02:55,380
Then don't tell me how to
run my fucking business.
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00:02:55,590 --> 00:02:59,320
-we were just...
-I'll call you if a spot opens up.
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00:03:00,630 --> 00:03:02,790
-Freeze!
-Drop the briefcase!
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I never touched the money.
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FBI! You're under arrest.
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I'm Rainbow-fucking-Randolph!
Kids love me!
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00:03:10,340 --> 00:03:13,790
You have the right to remain silent.
If you give up...
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00:03:14,010 --> 00:03:15,800
Corruption in Krinkleland?
36
00:03:15,980 --> 00:03:21,040
Rainbow Randolph busted by feds
in midtown Patsy's Bar.
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00:03:40,670 --> 00:03:45,160
May I express that I am as shocked
and outraged by this as you.
38
00:03:45,340 --> 00:03:49,540
save it, stokes! we got nervous
sponsors and an angry public.
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00:03:49,740 --> 00:03:53,800
-what are you gonna do?
-I've compiled a list of replacements...
40
00:03:54,050 --> 00:03:57,140
clean replacements?
with background checks?
41
00:03:57,380 --> 00:04:00,180
christ!
where do you dig up these people?
42
00:04:00,420 --> 00:04:04,360
I can assure you
that this network cannot survive...
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00:04:04,590 --> 00:04:06,460
...another Rainbow Randolph.
44
00:04:06,690 --> 00:04:10,600
Absolutely. It is my mission
to find a replacement.
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00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:14,730
A performer of character and honor.
Most importantly...
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00:04:14,900 --> 00:04:18,000
squeaky-fucking-clean!
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00:04:19,510 --> 00:04:21,130
squeaky clean, sir.
48
00:04:21,370 --> 00:04:23,470
-Buggy Ding Dong?
-Heroin mule.
49
00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:25,800
-square Dance Danny?
-wife beater.
50
00:04:26,010 --> 00:04:29,210
-Princess Poppy?
-Don't bust my balls.
51
00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:33,840
-skippy Black and the Trolls?
-Deported. And the Trolls...
52
00:04:34,090 --> 00:04:39,150
who gives a shit? This is impossible.
I want to strangle Rainbow Randolph.
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00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:42,350
squeeze his neck
until his eyes pop out!
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00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:45,730
Before fantasizing, let's save my ass.
55
00:04:46,070 --> 00:04:47,090
sorry, Frank.
56
00:04:47,330 --> 00:04:48,820
sheldon Mopes?
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00:04:49,170 --> 00:04:53,230
Have we sunk to that level already?
smoochy? what a sap!
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00:04:53,470 --> 00:04:56,370
sap's just the pill we need.
Get your feet off.
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00:04:56,580 --> 00:04:59,840
He's a guy in a suit.
A foamy. Fabric stuffer.
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00:05:00,050 --> 00:05:05,070
They all are. Marginal talents,
off-Broadway runoff...
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00:05:05,420 --> 00:05:09,350
Last I heard, he's playing
hospitals and nursing homes.
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00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:11,850
-He's bottom rung.
-This is the guy!
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00:05:12,060 --> 00:05:16,550
we can do better than Mopes.
He brings nothing to the table.
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00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:21,600
Except ethics. Never a whiff of
controversy. He's a harmless cornball.
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00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:25,070
-Don't make me.
-A bottle of syrup with legs!
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00:05:25,310 --> 00:05:27,540
-Frank!
-Get me smoochy!
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00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:37,440
-Hello.
-Hi. This is Nora wells...
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00:05:37,620 --> 00:05:42,490
Just kidding. It's a machine.
Leave a message or catch an appearance.
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00:05:42,720 --> 00:05:45,850
I'm opening the children's wing
at the library.
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00:05:46,060 --> 00:05:48,620
Or catch me at the
methadone clinic.
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00:05:49,460 --> 00:05:51,990
Remember,
you can't change the world...
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00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:54,960
-...but you can make a dent.
-You bet.
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00:06:10,250 --> 00:06:12,780
Thanks a lot, fellas. Ladies, yeah.
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00:06:12,950 --> 00:06:16,910
Looking at the faces, I think it's
time to wrap things up.
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00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:20,680
I'll close with a ditty.
You may recognize the tune.
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00:06:20,930 --> 00:06:26,190
I took some liberties with the lyrics.
If you figure out the chorus, join in.
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00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:34,230
We'll get you off that smack
Yes, we will
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00:06:34,410 --> 00:06:37,470
We'll get you off that smack
Yes, we will
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00:06:38,510 --> 00:06:42,970
We'll get you off that smack
We'll kick that monkey off your back
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00:06:43,220 --> 00:06:46,010
And get your life on track
Yes, we will
81
00:06:48,760 --> 00:06:52,620
It's important to get
started now, though. You know why?
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00:06:54,860 --> 00:06:59,200
Cause the smack can lead to crack
Yes, it can
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00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:02,390
carl, you know what
I'm talking about.
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00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:04,330
sing it with me now.
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00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:08,130
Giving up that smack
Yes, we are
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00:07:10,510 --> 00:07:11,880
Take it easy.
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00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:14,010
Mr. Mopes?
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00:07:14,650 --> 00:07:18,050
I saw your performance.
It was very spirited.
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00:07:18,250 --> 00:07:20,220
Thank you very much.
90
00:07:20,390 --> 00:07:23,320
sometimes I do a longer set, but...
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00:07:23,490 --> 00:07:27,980
...once the evening meds kick in,
it's pretty much sleepytime.
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00:07:28,190 --> 00:07:29,990
Tough to get a sing-along.
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00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:34,900
At least you know the smack's
knocking them out and not your singing.
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00:07:35,100 --> 00:07:36,500
God, I hope so.
95
00:07:36,940 --> 00:07:38,870
can we talk for a minute?
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00:07:39,110 --> 00:07:44,770
I'm happy to do this, but we have
trained counselors who can help you.
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00:07:44,980 --> 00:07:47,040
You came on the H train?
98
00:07:47,750 --> 00:07:50,740
-Riding the horse? on the juice?
-No.
99
00:07:50,950 --> 00:07:53,180
It's sweet of you to assume so.
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00:07:53,390 --> 00:07:57,980
I'm Nora wells. I'm v.P.
of development for Kidnet.
101
00:07:58,190 --> 00:08:00,160
-You work for Kidnet?
-Yeah.
102
00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:03,150
-Are you serious?
-Yeah...
103
00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:05,760
...as a heart attack.
104
00:08:05,970 --> 00:08:10,630
I'm glad I didn't know you were here.
That might have thrown me off.
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00:08:10,970 --> 00:08:15,530
I was born November 11, 1970.
You know what else happened that day?
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00:08:15,740 --> 00:08:17,540
The first Sesame Street.
107
00:08:17,780 --> 00:08:21,980
You wouldn't believe what it took
to get soy dogs here.
108
00:08:22,220 --> 00:08:26,310
Hello? People, wake up
and smell the future.
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00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:31,750
organic, twice the protein
and nobody gets killed.
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00:08:32,630 --> 00:08:35,720
I'm gonna get you on these
gluten-free buns.
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00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:39,020
-we will change the world!
-All right, sheldon.
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00:08:39,230 --> 00:08:42,630
Like I was saying,
my friends are always saying:
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00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:47,740
"As talented as you are, if you don't
learn to sell yourself a little...
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00:08:47,970 --> 00:08:53,000
...you'll always be playing to a very
appreciative, but limited audience."
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00:08:53,210 --> 00:08:55,270
spirulina with almond butter?
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00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:58,420
-sure you don't wanna try?
-No.
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00:08:58,650 --> 00:09:01,450
This is children's entertainment.
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00:09:01,620 --> 00:09:04,320
It's about doing good work.
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00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:05,950
Having integrity.
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00:09:06,460 --> 00:09:10,400
A good show, with the foundation
of a positive message.
121
00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:15,330
You can't build a foundation with
plaster of Paris. You use concrete.
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00:09:15,540 --> 00:09:18,800
That is concrete, sister.
That is integrity!
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00:09:19,310 --> 00:09:20,500
I can see that.
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00:09:24,910 --> 00:09:26,780
-sorry.
-Listen, Mr. Mopes.
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00:09:27,950 --> 00:09:29,470
The reason I'm here...
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00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:33,410
Kidnet is currently looking
for a performer...
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00:09:33,590 --> 00:09:36,450
...with convictions and integrity.
128
00:09:36,620 --> 00:09:38,750
somebody like yourself.
129
00:09:39,430 --> 00:09:40,620
Hold the phone.
130
00:09:40,790 --> 00:09:46,130
Kidnet is finally ready to pursue
a show of smoochy caliber?
131
00:09:46,330 --> 00:09:48,890
I mean, to commit to smoochy quality?
132
00:09:49,170 --> 00:09:53,230
Yes, I believe we're ready
to push ourselves to that level.
133
00:09:59,650 --> 00:10:02,010
I knew it!
134
00:10:03,350 --> 00:10:06,810
I knew it. I knew
if I waited long enough...
135
00:10:06,990 --> 00:10:10,010
...I knew somebody
would come along one day...
136
00:10:10,220 --> 00:10:13,660
...who took a look at me
and understood what I do.
137
00:10:13,860 --> 00:10:15,560
That's you. You get me.
138
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:18,090
I'm afraid so.
139
00:10:18,730 --> 00:10:22,390
well, Nora wells,
Miss v.P. of Development...
140
00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:25,370
...let's you and me go make history!
141
00:11:09,350 --> 00:11:10,780
I like it.
142
00:11:23,730 --> 00:11:27,030
Get your $50 bump for working
in smoke this week.
143
00:11:27,230 --> 00:11:28,390
Hey, Angelo.
144
00:11:28,570 --> 00:11:32,060
I was a big fan of your work
with the Krinkle Kids.
145
00:11:32,270 --> 00:11:35,400
I appreciate you coming over
to be a Rhinette.
146
00:11:35,580 --> 00:11:36,910
A job's a job.
147
00:11:37,380 --> 00:11:38,930
see you out there.
148
00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:51,590
Where can you go when skies turn gray
149
00:11:51,790 --> 00:11:53,920
Where the sun always shines
And the animals play
150
00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:57,790
Where every day is a happy day
Well, Smoochy's here to show the way
151
00:12:03,300 --> 00:12:05,460
Smoochy's Magic Jungle
152
00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:09,510
It's a happy, it's a happy
Happy, happy place
153
00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:19,610
Hip, hip, hip, hooray!
154
00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:34,460
I thought you weren't coming.
You'd forgotten.
155
00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:37,860
Agreed to meet you.
I had a dinner engagement.
156
00:12:38,070 --> 00:12:42,730
Really? I used to have dinner
engagements. Four or five a night.
157
00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:44,640
Don't do this, Randy.
158
00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:52,610
I'd go to a restaurant,
10 guys reached for my hat.
159
00:12:52,820 --> 00:12:57,280
I'd go to take a piss, they'd
clear the restroom. You know why?
160
00:12:57,920 --> 00:13:01,220
I'm Rainbow-fucking-Randolph,
that's why!
161
00:13:01,660 --> 00:13:02,820
You through?
162
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:08,360
what? You got things to do?
You don't have time for me?
163
00:13:08,570 --> 00:13:13,370
The guy who earned for you? Put the
Armani surplus suits on your back?
164
00:13:13,570 --> 00:13:16,200
The coq au vin in your Brooklyn mouth.
165
00:13:16,410 --> 00:13:20,040
we helped each other.
Till someone messed up...
166
00:13:20,250 --> 00:13:24,240
who could that be?
Right, it was Rainbow-fucking-Randolph!
167
00:13:24,420 --> 00:13:26,720
For what? Ass-wipe money.
168
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:31,320
You gotta fix this.
I want my old time slot back.
169
00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:36,360
I can't sit and watch that one-horn
carpetbagger get my time slot.
170
00:13:36,630 --> 00:13:39,290
He gets a free ride on my dime.
171
00:13:39,500 --> 00:13:41,300
come on. we got a history.
172
00:13:41,530 --> 00:13:44,990
There's nothing I can do for you.
You're a pariah.
173
00:13:45,340 --> 00:13:48,800
-I can't even be seen with you.
-Don't do this to me.
174
00:13:49,010 --> 00:13:51,480
I'm going down for the last time.
175
00:13:51,680 --> 00:13:54,980
They kicked me out of the penthouse.
I'm homeless.
176
00:13:55,180 --> 00:13:57,450
Put yourself in my capezios.
177
00:13:57,650 --> 00:14:00,810
The truth is, your shoes
have become my shoes.
178
00:14:01,020 --> 00:14:05,650
As long as he's on, everything's
by the book. No percentage, no skim.
179
00:14:05,860 --> 00:14:09,090
Network wanted squeaky clean
and they got it.
180
00:14:09,300 --> 00:14:11,860
Mopes is sparkling.
181
00:14:13,730 --> 00:14:15,670
Please?
182
00:14:16,500 --> 00:14:18,090
You got nothing left?
183
00:14:19,170 --> 00:14:22,830
Exactly. That's what I've been
trying to tell you.
184
00:14:30,350 --> 00:14:31,820
what's this?
185
00:14:32,050 --> 00:14:35,710
A Rain Forest Benefit freebie bag.
Disposable camera...
186
00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:37,580
...Kahlua flavored peanuts...
187
00:14:38,420 --> 00:14:41,360
...hand lotions, no animal-tested...
188
00:14:42,190 --> 00:14:45,100
Don't ever contact me again, Randy.
189
00:14:47,100 --> 00:14:48,460
Get out of the car.
190
00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:54,500
You know what to do
with the lotion, jerk-off.
191
00:14:57,510 --> 00:14:58,980
You'll get yours!
192
00:14:59,350 --> 00:15:00,940
The rhino too!
193
00:15:01,450 --> 00:15:03,940
wheels are turning!
194
00:15:08,050 --> 00:15:12,150
Even a guy who's squeaky clean
falls into the mud.
195
00:15:15,730 --> 00:15:19,290
smoochy and Rhinette dolls
would be sold separately.
196
00:15:19,570 --> 00:15:22,190
These are prototypes.
I've been assured...
197
00:15:22,430 --> 00:15:25,400
...that all the bugs
will be worked out.
198
00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:26,730
Let's recap.
199
00:15:26,940 --> 00:15:30,270
Yes to the smoochy ice cream,
the string cheese...
200
00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:35,000
...the cola. we're in a dick-measuring
contest over the shampoo.
201
00:15:35,250 --> 00:15:38,710
Time out, people.
Let's hold the phone a second.
202
00:15:39,490 --> 00:15:43,750
If I might interject.
we need to re-examine our principles.
203
00:15:45,090 --> 00:15:50,120
we are still trying... smoochy is
still trying to earn these kids' trust.
204
00:15:50,330 --> 00:15:54,700
we won't do that by selling
string cheese and shampoo and cola...
205
00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:58,560
...which contains no less than
two addictive substances.
206
00:15:59,270 --> 00:16:03,400
we need to focus on putting together
the best show possible.
207
00:16:03,610 --> 00:16:07,600
Deliver a positive message,
without bells and whistles.
208
00:16:07,810 --> 00:16:12,180
can I get an amen, somebody?
Are you with me on this, team?
209
00:16:16,360 --> 00:16:17,820
Damn.
210
00:16:19,690 --> 00:16:21,280
I got that.
211
00:16:21,660 --> 00:16:23,990
shut the door, please.
212
00:16:26,170 --> 00:16:28,690
Now lock it.
Thanks.
213
00:16:28,930 --> 00:16:33,030
we're deciding if smoochy-o's
are frosted or fruit-flavored.
214
00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:35,430
If anybody has a strong feeling...
215
00:16:35,670 --> 00:16:38,110
our survey shows a dead heat.
216
00:16:38,340 --> 00:16:40,900
Frosted for old and fruity for young.
217
00:16:41,110 --> 00:16:43,100
Have them both. Good.
218
00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:46,480
-I like frosted. I like sweeter.
-Me too.
219
00:16:46,690 --> 00:16:50,310
As a kid I ate frosted.
Let's go the old-fashioned way...
220
00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:53,760
I want to tell you honestly,
I felt...
221
00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:56,050
Hey! Nora! wait up.
222
00:16:57,630 --> 00:17:02,260
I thought that was a good meeting
today. we tackled some hot issues.
223
00:17:02,470 --> 00:17:05,770
I felt once or twice
my voice wasn't being heard.
224
00:17:05,970 --> 00:17:08,100
That's a conservative estimate.
225
00:17:08,310 --> 00:17:11,400
I want the show
to have weight. substance.
226
00:17:11,610 --> 00:17:14,880
silly songs, absolutely,
but with a message.
227
00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:19,210
Guess how many compositions
I have in the smoochy songbook.
228
00:17:19,420 --> 00:17:22,180
-Do you sense my lack of interest?
-over 300...
229
00:17:22,390 --> 00:17:26,850
...on subjects from vegetables to
the importance of donating plasma.
230
00:17:27,060 --> 00:17:29,620
I'm a valuable resource, Nora.
Use me...
231
00:17:29,860 --> 00:17:33,820
okay, stop talking.
I'm gonna make this real easy for you.
232
00:17:34,030 --> 00:17:39,270
The only reason you're on Tv is
because Rainbow Randolph is a scumbag.
233
00:17:39,810 --> 00:17:43,670
I didn't discover you.
I delivered you, like groceries.
234
00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:47,110
I got more emotional investment
in my nail polish.
235
00:17:47,310 --> 00:17:49,470
so don't peddle your sap to me.
236
00:17:49,950 --> 00:17:52,880
Your job is to smile
and nod your head.
237
00:18:10,940 --> 00:18:15,670
Look. I'm not literally comparing
captain Kangaroo to Jesus christ.
238
00:18:16,110 --> 00:18:18,840
I'm saying that the captain,
like christ...
239
00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:22,480
...was someone you could
really believe in.
240
00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:25,070
with those guys...
241
00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:30,150
...it wasn't about the bells and
whistles, it was all about the work.
242
00:18:30,490 --> 00:18:34,190
Especially Jesus.
I mean, forget about it.
243
00:18:34,830 --> 00:18:38,190
I never saw anybody get
buzzed on orange juice.
244
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:42,300
I'll tell you a secret: Pop
a little liquid alfalfa in it...
245
00:18:42,500 --> 00:18:44,060
...it's blastoff time.
246
00:18:45,570 --> 00:18:47,330
Let me have a Five crown.
247
00:18:50,380 --> 00:18:52,870
-Hey.
-smoochy the Rhino.
248
00:18:53,150 --> 00:18:54,240
That's me.
249
00:18:54,450 --> 00:18:55,970
I'm a big fan.
250
00:18:57,380 --> 00:19:01,510
That's the first time anybody
recognized me out of the suit.
251
00:19:01,890 --> 00:19:04,620
Burke Bennett.
Kid-show talent agent.
252
00:19:04,820 --> 00:19:07,380
-Nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you.
253
00:19:07,660 --> 00:19:11,060
Network goons are like that.
stokes tried to screw him...
254
00:19:11,260 --> 00:19:15,220
...out of merchandising points.
claimed he had a warehouse full...
255
00:19:15,430 --> 00:19:18,730
...of Dicky Dolls that weren't moving.
we're friends for years.
256
00:19:18,940 --> 00:19:21,740
I say to him, "show me the warehouse."
257
00:19:21,940 --> 00:19:25,930
I walk out of there
with a check for 100 grand...
258
00:19:26,150 --> 00:19:29,010
...stokes is sitting
with his thumb up his ass.
259
00:19:29,780 --> 00:19:35,780
That's a great story, but the thing is,
with me, I don't care about that stuff.
260
00:19:35,990 --> 00:19:40,290
I don't care about smoochy dolls,
chocolate, floor wax.
261
00:19:40,490 --> 00:19:44,220
I care about getting
creative input on my own show.
262
00:19:44,430 --> 00:19:47,960
You know, this rhino
came from my womb. okay?
263
00:19:48,170 --> 00:19:50,140
I birthed him. I nursed him.
264
00:19:50,340 --> 00:19:53,570
Damn it, I ought to be
the one who raises him.
265
00:19:53,970 --> 00:19:58,100
It's all about the dough.
once you get money, you get power.
266
00:19:58,310 --> 00:20:01,580
once you get power, you can have
smoochy walk out...
267
00:20:01,780 --> 00:20:04,310
...with a dildo strapped to his head.
268
00:20:05,380 --> 00:20:10,190
I haven't thought of that idea.
I do see where you're going with this.
269
00:20:10,390 --> 00:20:13,290
when you wanna talk,
I'll cut the strings.
270
00:20:13,630 --> 00:20:16,390
I'll open the magic door for you.
271
00:20:21,830 --> 00:20:24,330
well, how do you like that?
272
00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:29,300
I laid the groundwork.
He's a bank with a horn.
273
00:20:29,540 --> 00:20:32,700
You'll make more with him than
20 Randolphs.
274
00:20:32,910 --> 00:20:34,880
Important to the Parade of Hope.
275
00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:37,880
It's in the bag.
we might have to massage him.
276
00:20:38,150 --> 00:20:41,920
Don't make me
lose my smile, Burkey-Boy.
277
00:20:48,090 --> 00:20:53,290
A special batch of cookies
for a very special rhino.
278
00:20:53,830 --> 00:20:56,100
How thoughtful of me.
279
00:20:56,670 --> 00:20:58,430
They're beautiful.
280
00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:04,540
You're going to learn about shame, my
dear smoochy, and I'm your professor.
281
00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:15,820
can we talk? why was the
" Please and Thank You song" cut?
282
00:21:16,020 --> 00:21:18,490
It takes away from the "cookie song."
283
00:21:18,690 --> 00:21:22,320
The "cookie song"
is meaningless fluff without it.
284
00:21:22,530 --> 00:21:25,000
That's the lesson. The moral anchor.
285
00:21:25,260 --> 00:21:28,500
It's cut. And I want the
cookie lyrics changed back.
286
00:21:28,700 --> 00:21:31,690
I won't encourage kids to eat
a lot of sugar.
287
00:21:31,900 --> 00:21:33,930
I have to like myself.
288
00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:38,700
This is not a sprout farm.
You're here to sell sugar and plastic.
289
00:21:39,110 --> 00:21:42,080
Do you hear yourself?
I won't do it.
290
00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:45,280
Does that say " Nora's Magic Jungle"?
No.
291
00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:47,210
I'm not your puppet.
292
00:21:47,550 --> 00:21:52,750
since when? Get your spongy pink ass
out there and dance for the cameras.
293
00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:00,890
This is a kid show.
294
00:22:01,100 --> 00:22:04,230
Those are children
I'm singing to out there.
295
00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:09,430
You don't even see children anymore.
You just see wallets with pigtails.
296
00:22:34,770 --> 00:22:37,000
Bonsoir, le Smoochy.
297
00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:40,430
welcome to Fatty Arbuckle-land.
298
00:22:51,750 --> 00:22:56,920
Don't worry, little ones.
Rainbow Randolph will return.
299
00:23:09,900 --> 00:23:10,960
All right!
300
00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:16,360
I'll tell you something. That jiggy-ing
and ziggy-ing makes me hungry.
301
00:23:16,580 --> 00:23:18,980
when I'm hungry, what time is it?
302
00:23:19,180 --> 00:23:22,270
Magic cookie Time!
303
00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:26,210
-what?
-Magic cookie Time!
304
00:23:26,820 --> 00:23:30,520
That's right! Everybody in the middle!
305
00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:32,620
Get in the middle!
306
00:23:35,630 --> 00:23:38,720
Angelo, hit me!
307
00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:20,870
Give them a cookie.
308
00:24:22,410 --> 00:24:27,070
Lookie, lookie, lookie
Here comes the cookie
309
00:24:27,310 --> 00:24:29,210
Fresh and organic
310
00:24:29,410 --> 00:24:31,910
-No need to panic
-He didn't change it.
311
00:24:32,250 --> 00:24:37,120
Straight from the soil
No tropical oil
312
00:24:37,460 --> 00:24:41,690
Sweetened with juice
For an energy boost
313
00:24:43,700 --> 00:24:45,720
whatever, fucking peasant.
314
00:24:47,330 --> 00:24:50,130
-who wants the first cookie?
-Me!
315
00:24:50,340 --> 00:24:53,030
Let's see what we got today!
316
00:24:53,340 --> 00:24:54,930
Give them a cookie.
317
00:25:15,330 --> 00:25:16,320
My!
318
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:21,190
It's a...
319
00:25:22,270 --> 00:25:24,200
It's a...
320
00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:30,170
A rocket ship!
321
00:25:30,710 --> 00:25:35,080
It's a rocket ship to fly us
to Jungle Land! Here we go!
322
00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:36,300
Fuck!
323
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:38,510
Follow me!
324
00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:42,590
we're flying over the trees
on our magic rocket.
325
00:25:42,790 --> 00:25:44,150
what a special day!
326
00:25:44,620 --> 00:25:47,290
-special cookies.
-Are you blind?
327
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:51,490
-It's a cock! It's not a rocket!
-what is this?
328
00:25:51,700 --> 00:25:55,190
-Randolph! Get him out!
-Look. It's a cock and balls!
329
00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:57,930
It's a dick! chorizo and the huevos!
330
00:25:58,140 --> 00:25:59,800
It's a big stiffy!
331
00:26:00,540 --> 00:26:01,800
It's a penis!
332
00:26:02,210 --> 00:26:05,540
Penis maximus! A willie!
Mr. Jiggle Daddy!
333
00:26:05,740 --> 00:26:07,370
Get him out of here!
334
00:26:07,580 --> 00:26:09,880
The one-eyed wonder weasel!
335
00:26:10,150 --> 00:26:13,080
It's Jimmy and the twins.
Rumple Foreskin.
336
00:26:13,290 --> 00:26:16,410
He made this.
It's made from dil-dough.
337
00:26:16,620 --> 00:26:17,880
wave bye-bye!
338
00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:20,150
Thanks for visiting!
339
00:26:21,630 --> 00:26:23,460
Let go of me!
340
00:26:24,030 --> 00:26:27,360
I'm Rainbow-fucking-Randolph.
I know the way...
341
00:26:45,220 --> 00:26:48,740
I want to thank you all
for having this sit-down.
342
00:26:48,950 --> 00:26:53,820
we have wrinkles in the communication
and collaboration departments.
343
00:26:54,030 --> 00:26:58,690
I'm not pointing fingers. You start
pointing and someone gets poked.
344
00:26:58,900 --> 00:27:02,800
It's not my intention to try
and poke...
345
00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:04,530
...either of you.
346
00:27:06,810 --> 00:27:10,370
Anyhoo, this is my new agent,
Burke Bennett.
347
00:27:10,580 --> 00:27:14,100
He has experience facilitating
in these situations.
348
00:27:14,310 --> 00:27:17,610
I think he'll help us through
this moment together.
349
00:27:17,820 --> 00:27:19,780
Here's Burke!
350
00:27:20,490 --> 00:27:22,420
Thank you, sheldon.
351
00:27:22,750 --> 00:27:25,720
Frank, you see this guy?
Take a good look.
352
00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:28,620
Because this guy saved your ass.
353
00:27:28,830 --> 00:27:31,630
without him, you'd be
sitting in Kaplan's...
354
00:27:31,830 --> 00:27:34,320
...sucking club soda
through a paper straw...
355
00:27:34,530 --> 00:27:39,440
...while your table at 21 was occupied
by the new Marion Frank stokes...
356
00:27:39,600 --> 00:27:41,600
...and his twat du jour.
357
00:27:41,810 --> 00:27:43,800
-Excuse me.
-No excuse for you.
358
00:27:44,010 --> 00:27:47,100
we've always made arrangements.
why the fireworks?
359
00:27:47,450 --> 00:27:51,540
I'm holding the gunpowder.
I represent the man who created...
360
00:27:51,750 --> 00:27:55,150
...owns and controls
every inch of smoochy the Rhino.
361
00:27:55,350 --> 00:27:56,980
You seem to forget...
362
00:27:57,190 --> 00:28:01,220
...we found this guy, dug up
his corpse, handed him a show...
363
00:28:01,430 --> 00:28:03,620
...when he couldn't sell his face.
364
00:28:03,830 --> 00:28:07,260
No, a lot of people
went out for that clinic gig.
365
00:28:07,470 --> 00:28:10,400
-They hired me...
-Let me untangle this web.
366
00:28:10,940 --> 00:28:14,240
I don't care if his last job
was juggling apples...
367
00:28:14,440 --> 00:28:16,370
...for Pygmies in the congo.
368
00:28:16,580 --> 00:28:20,100
This man fits the bill
and you need him.
369
00:28:20,650 --> 00:28:22,940
He'll get what he deserves.
370
00:28:23,250 --> 00:28:26,080
And what would that be, exactly?
371
00:28:27,050 --> 00:28:31,110
To the star and new executive producer
of The Smoochy Show.
372
00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:33,220
I'm still in shock.
373
00:28:34,090 --> 00:28:38,760
Run me through this again.
I have complete creative control.
374
00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:42,530
veto power over merchandising.
corporate penthouse.
375
00:28:42,730 --> 00:28:44,220
cushy.
376
00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:46,700
I must be dreaming.
377
00:28:46,910 --> 00:28:49,970
Think of it as the high life.
Get used to it.
378
00:28:50,180 --> 00:28:55,340
You'll be pissing on $100 bills just
to see the look on Franklin's face.
379
00:28:55,980 --> 00:29:00,110
I couldn't. I have too much respect
for what he accomplished.
380
00:29:01,890 --> 00:29:04,480
Yeah, he's a good man.
381
00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:07,020
-what's this?
-Keep it down.
382
00:29:07,590 --> 00:29:10,890
-what did you do, you snake?
-A graduation present.
383
00:29:13,830 --> 00:29:16,730
Think of it as a tool of the trade.
384
00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:19,960
-I can't accept this.
-No?
385
00:29:20,670 --> 00:29:23,870
-I don't believe in guns.
-Really?
386
00:29:24,510 --> 00:29:28,970
when we'd play cowboys and Indians
as kids, I was a chinese rail worker.
387
00:29:29,310 --> 00:29:33,580
Trust me, it's a handy accessory
to have in this business.
388
00:29:33,890 --> 00:29:35,820
Let me get that for you.
389
00:29:36,020 --> 00:29:37,610
oh, boy.
390
00:29:37,820 --> 00:29:40,760
when this guy comes over,
don't talk to him...
391
00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:43,450
...or he'll stay here
yakking all night.
392
00:29:43,660 --> 00:29:44,750
Love that one.
393
00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:48,400
-Is that spinner Dunn, the boxer?
-Fried beans.
394
00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:52,730
You don't retire with an 81 -and 59
record and end up governor.
395
00:29:52,940 --> 00:29:56,170
He's gotta be smart
to run a place like this.
396
00:29:56,340 --> 00:29:59,110
spinner? He couldn't run
a water faucet.
397
00:29:59,310 --> 00:30:03,440
He's a mascot. It's his cousin,
Tommy cotter. Heavy hitter.
398
00:30:03,650 --> 00:30:07,450
Her and her boys, they run the joint.
Irish mob.
399
00:30:07,720 --> 00:30:09,380
How do you like that?
400
00:30:10,020 --> 00:30:12,290
strawberries and...
401
00:30:15,390 --> 00:30:17,120
Here he comes.
402
00:30:20,300 --> 00:30:23,130
smoochy! Hey, I'm spinner!
403
00:30:24,140 --> 00:30:28,630
-I'm so excited to meet you!
-I'm excited to meet you too, spinner.
404
00:30:29,310 --> 00:30:31,280
-I'm spinner.
-Right.
405
00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:36,910
-You're a fan of the show.
-smoochy, you know what I love?
406
00:30:37,250 --> 00:30:42,120
I love when you do
the Jiggy ziggy dance, you know?
407
00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:44,720
The one you do during silly Time?
408
00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:47,290
That's one of our big numbers.
409
00:30:49,760 --> 00:30:51,630
You wanna see me do it?
410
00:30:51,830 --> 00:30:55,060
-see you do the Jiggy ziggy?
-Yeah!
411
00:30:55,270 --> 00:30:56,490
sometime.
412
00:30:56,700 --> 00:30:58,460
I'll do it for you here.
413
00:30:58,670 --> 00:31:01,800
smoochy, I'll do it, watch.
414
00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:10,140
-Excuse me, senator.
-sure.
415
00:31:10,780 --> 00:31:13,650
-I love you so much.
-I love you too.
416
00:31:15,050 --> 00:31:16,650
-I'm spinner.
-Right.
417
00:31:17,090 --> 00:31:20,520
Hey, spinner.
come here and meet the senator.
418
00:31:22,530 --> 00:31:25,000
You go ahead. It was a real honor.
419
00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:28,360
-smoochy's here!
-That's nice for you.
420
00:31:29,770 --> 00:31:32,830
wait till I tell my folks
I met spinner Dunn.
421
00:31:33,040 --> 00:31:35,970
-The one and only.
-seems like a sweet guy.
422
00:31:36,810 --> 00:31:41,770
Don't go anywhere, smoochy.
I'll be right back after I take a dump.
423
00:31:42,610 --> 00:31:45,310
I think you made a new friend, kid.
424
00:31:46,920 --> 00:31:52,150
since Randolph got pinched, there's air
in the pipes. How are you fixing it?
425
00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:57,090
The rhino's still a little green.
Eventually, he'll come around.
426
00:31:57,300 --> 00:32:00,200
He has to get a taste
of how we do things.
427
00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:04,630
I have no time for "eventually."
Eventually, we get old and die.
428
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:07,270
sometimes "old" doesn't happen.
429
00:32:07,470 --> 00:32:10,960
I'm doing my best.
The network is watching closely.
430
00:32:11,180 --> 00:32:12,970
You got a problem, son.
431
00:32:13,280 --> 00:32:16,840
The rhino better learn
to play ball, and soon.
432
00:32:17,080 --> 00:32:20,920
otherwise, he might need
a little coaching.
433
00:32:22,090 --> 00:32:26,850
wipe your forehead, Frank.
You got plenty of time to sweat.
434
00:32:41,070 --> 00:32:44,300
-who is it?
-open up, baby, it's Randolph.
435
00:32:44,510 --> 00:32:46,500
It's been a long time.
436
00:32:51,180 --> 00:32:53,550
-Randy?
-Angie. Fucking traitor!
437
00:32:53,950 --> 00:32:57,480
-You left me for the rhino!
-I gotta eat, don't I?
438
00:32:57,690 --> 00:33:02,290
You strapped that horn on pretty fast!
You're a Krinkle Kid, say it!
439
00:33:02,490 --> 00:33:05,660
-Rhinette.
-say it. " I am a Krinkle Kid."
440
00:33:05,860 --> 00:33:09,300
say it before God
and all the bones of the saints!
441
00:33:10,270 --> 00:33:12,170
I'm a Rhinette, got that!
442
00:33:12,370 --> 00:33:16,400
The Krinkle Kids
are 10 feet under. with you.
443
00:33:17,210 --> 00:33:19,230
I missed you so much!
444
00:33:19,440 --> 00:33:23,900
can I stay here?
I got no place else to go.
445
00:33:26,620 --> 00:33:30,250
They kicked me out of the penthouse.
sons of bitches.
446
00:33:30,460 --> 00:33:32,010
That's how I got this.
447
00:33:32,220 --> 00:33:36,720
I got liens, back taxes, lawyers'
bills, threats against my life.
448
00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:40,230
I got the whole world
up my fucking ass!
449
00:33:40,830 --> 00:33:44,890
Don't you worry.
I got a long memory, baby.
450
00:33:45,100 --> 00:33:50,840
Because what they sow,
they going to reap, Angie!
451
00:33:56,280 --> 00:33:59,740
stop doing this.
Don't piss your life away.
452
00:33:59,950 --> 00:34:02,980
But it's the rhino, Angie.
453
00:34:03,490 --> 00:34:06,920
The devil sent him from hell
to destroy me.
454
00:34:07,660 --> 00:34:11,650
smoochy is the face of evil.
455
00:34:33,990 --> 00:34:35,920
congratulations, sheldon.
456
00:34:36,120 --> 00:34:39,150
-congratulations, Mr. Mopes.
-Thanks a lot.
457
00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:42,920
Mr. Mopes, let me get that for you.
458
00:34:43,160 --> 00:34:47,290
Your office is over here.
If you need anything, let me know.
459
00:34:47,530 --> 00:34:50,470
No, I gotta work tonight. I can't.
460
00:34:50,700 --> 00:34:52,190
I'll come sunday.
461
00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:53,770
okay. That's...
462
00:34:54,510 --> 00:34:57,410
I want to talk to you
for a little bit.
463
00:34:57,610 --> 00:35:01,410
Ma, can I call you back?
some asshole's screaming at me.
464
00:35:01,580 --> 00:35:02,770
Thanks. Bye.
465
00:35:03,150 --> 00:35:05,910
-Yeah?
-You didn't have to get off.
466
00:35:06,080 --> 00:35:09,020
-If I didn't, you'd still be here.
-I am.
467
00:35:09,690 --> 00:35:11,590
I'm hoping to correct that.
468
00:35:12,890 --> 00:35:14,820
Listen, Nora.
469
00:35:15,330 --> 00:35:19,320
I can understand it might feel
a little awkward for you...
470
00:35:19,530 --> 00:35:23,190
...maybe intimidating,
now that the power has changed.
471
00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:27,570
I still value your input.
And I consider you a partner.
472
00:35:27,770 --> 00:35:32,770
Never. Even if I live to be 1000
and see the second coming of christ.
473
00:35:32,980 --> 00:35:36,940
I know we're not partners yet.
Let's make a game plan.
474
00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:41,750
Let's pencil in a few lunch dates,
or go on a retreat!
475
00:35:41,950 --> 00:35:43,780
Just you and me, alone.
476
00:35:43,990 --> 00:35:46,420
chewing the fat, exchanging ideas.
477
00:35:46,620 --> 00:35:49,420
Let's plant the seeds
of a collaboration.
478
00:35:49,630 --> 00:35:50,720
Plant this!
479
00:35:53,430 --> 00:35:54,990
You know, Nora...
480
00:35:55,330 --> 00:35:58,060
...has anyone ever
suggested to you that yoga...
481
00:35:58,270 --> 00:36:00,900
...maybe a high colonic,
could loosen you up?
482
00:36:01,110 --> 00:36:03,370
-Get out, hippie!
-You get out!
483
00:36:03,570 --> 00:36:04,770
You get out!
484
00:36:04,980 --> 00:36:09,540
You don't get to tell this boy
what to do anymore, you uptight...
485
00:36:14,050 --> 00:36:15,680
I'm gonna halt here.
486
00:36:15,890 --> 00:36:21,190
HALT is a self-recognition technique.
Hungry, angry, lonely, tired.
487
00:36:21,390 --> 00:36:24,450
I won't get sucked
into your negative energy.
488
00:36:24,660 --> 00:36:28,790
want me? I'll be in my office.
It's the big one. with a view.
489
00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:32,960
-They all have views, dumbshit!
-Not looking this way!
490
00:36:33,140 --> 00:36:34,430
Don't shut my door!
491
00:36:40,140 --> 00:36:42,200
Hey...
492
00:36:43,550 --> 00:36:46,750
" Have a long and healthy run. Burke."
493
00:36:46,950 --> 00:36:49,110
My own patch of wheat grass.
494
00:36:49,320 --> 00:36:51,750
Morning! congrats on the bump.
495
00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:54,950
spinner has taken a real shine to you.
496
00:36:55,160 --> 00:36:59,530
since you come in, he can't stop
yakking, "smoochy this, smoochy that."
497
00:36:59,730 --> 00:37:03,460
That's nice. I like spinner.
He's very sweet for such a...
498
00:37:04,940 --> 00:37:06,200
...big fella.
499
00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:11,730
-can you give him a little floor space?
-Floor space?
500
00:37:11,940 --> 00:37:15,440
A part on the show.
You're the executive producer.
501
00:37:15,650 --> 00:37:17,910
You call the shots, right?
502
00:37:18,520 --> 00:37:20,380
Yes. Yes, I do.
503
00:37:20,590 --> 00:37:24,420
The thing is, television
is a very complicated medium.
504
00:37:24,620 --> 00:37:28,720
Not just anybody can be
a success at it. I like spinner.
505
00:37:28,930 --> 00:37:34,800
But his chances on television are
as good as mine in the ring with him.
506
00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:37,560
Know what I'm saying?
It'd be painful.
507
00:37:37,770 --> 00:37:39,570
This makes me very sad.
508
00:37:39,770 --> 00:37:41,900
-what's wrong?
-Nothing. I'm just...
509
00:37:42,110 --> 00:37:44,040
...very sad right now.
510
00:37:44,240 --> 00:37:46,570
who made you sad, Tommy?
511
00:37:46,880 --> 00:37:49,570
I don't like to mention names.
512
00:37:53,220 --> 00:37:55,480
say, fellas, I just remembered.
513
00:37:55,690 --> 00:37:59,120
we got a part
spinner would be perfect for.
514
00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:00,850
That's the solution.
515
00:38:01,060 --> 00:38:04,190
You're a good boy. we remember favors.
516
00:38:04,400 --> 00:38:07,850
You're welcome at our place anytime.
come on, boys.
517
00:38:08,070 --> 00:38:10,090
okay.
518
00:38:10,300 --> 00:38:12,570
Thanks for stopping by.
519
00:38:15,070 --> 00:38:16,060
Hello?
520
00:38:16,270 --> 00:38:19,110
Better grow eyes on
the back of your head.
521
00:38:19,310 --> 00:38:22,770
I won't sleep until worms
are crawling up your ass!
522
00:38:22,980 --> 00:38:27,640
I'm going on safari, motherfucker!
safari!
523
00:38:29,520 --> 00:38:31,890
Gee whiz. what a day!
524
00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:34,320
Do you ever knock?
525
00:38:34,530 --> 00:38:37,220
congratulations on your ice show.
526
00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:39,830
-sellout!
-what are you talking about?
527
00:38:40,030 --> 00:38:43,930
About you, and how you're a phony
like all the rest.
528
00:38:44,300 --> 00:38:46,860
" I'm smoochy. I don't care about money.
529
00:38:47,070 --> 00:38:50,700
It's about a good show
without bells and whistles."
530
00:38:50,910 --> 00:38:54,470
You look good
with your foot stuck in your mouth.
531
00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:57,440
Jam it in there nice and tight.
532
00:38:57,650 --> 00:39:00,450
what happened to your
precious integrity?
533
00:39:00,790 --> 00:39:04,120
or is that just part
of your dog-and-pony show?
534
00:39:10,860 --> 00:39:12,620
I never agreed to a show!
535
00:39:12,860 --> 00:39:16,320
Do you realize the shekels
we can take in?
536
00:39:16,530 --> 00:39:20,130
These things represent
everything I'm against.
537
00:39:20,370 --> 00:39:25,000
Mindless spectacles whose purpose
is peddling overpriced sugar water...
538
00:39:25,210 --> 00:39:28,140
...and cheap plastic toys
that splinter...
539
00:39:28,350 --> 00:39:30,970
...and get lodged in some kid's septum.
540
00:39:31,220 --> 00:39:34,840
-where's our dignity?
-I know you got an ethics fetish.
541
00:39:35,050 --> 00:39:38,250
You can't change the world, buddy.
542
00:39:38,520 --> 00:39:40,180
But you can make a dent.
543
00:39:40,560 --> 00:39:43,290
No one has ever refused an ice show.
544
00:39:43,490 --> 00:39:46,790
Until now. smoochy doesn't sell out.
That's it!
545
00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:50,460
You should be proud to have a client
who can say that.
546
00:39:50,670 --> 00:39:52,640
Yeah, I'm doing backflips.
547
00:40:16,460 --> 00:40:20,060
wasn't that fun, in an
awkward sort of way?
548
00:40:22,570 --> 00:40:24,230
It sure was!
549
00:40:26,540 --> 00:40:29,340
Did I do good? I did good, right?
550
00:40:29,540 --> 00:40:33,070
-You did great, buddy.
-I'm gonna go get drunk now.
551
00:40:33,510 --> 00:40:34,910
okay, be careful.
552
00:40:35,110 --> 00:40:37,840
-Hey, lady.
-Hey, nice job.
553
00:40:38,050 --> 00:40:40,520
casting mental patients.
I like that.
554
00:40:40,720 --> 00:40:44,210
cut that out. Golly, he's not
a mental patient.
555
00:40:44,420 --> 00:40:48,150
He's a nightclub owner and an
ambassador for his sport.
556
00:40:48,360 --> 00:40:51,820
He just has the sweet disposition
of a 5-year-old.
557
00:40:52,030 --> 00:40:54,400
And a cousin named Tommy cotter.
558
00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:57,400
At least he's got a sense of humor!
559
00:40:58,040 --> 00:41:01,270
That's more than I can say
for some people.
560
00:41:06,580 --> 00:41:08,370
what?
561
00:41:14,920 --> 00:41:17,080
-Hi, there.
-How are you doing?
562
00:41:17,290 --> 00:41:19,190
Get in.
563
00:41:19,820 --> 00:41:21,880
That's okay. I'll grab a cab.
564
00:41:22,830 --> 00:41:24,350
Humor me, rhino.
565
00:41:27,030 --> 00:41:29,430
How do you like that?
566
00:41:32,540 --> 00:41:34,700
Merv Green. Nice to meet you.
567
00:41:34,940 --> 00:41:37,500
Ever try saying that without the gun?
568
00:41:37,710 --> 00:41:41,800
I represent the Parade of Hope.
Maybe you've heard of us.
569
00:41:42,010 --> 00:41:47,280
-You raise money for hospitals.
-we've added a brick or two.
570
00:41:47,450 --> 00:41:51,580
There's talk that you're pulling out
of the ice show. True?
571
00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:55,590
I'm not "pulling out," because
I never agreed to do a show.
572
00:41:55,790 --> 00:41:58,520
Nor would I ever agree
to do a show and...
573
00:41:58,730 --> 00:42:00,750
...how is that your concern?
574
00:42:00,970 --> 00:42:05,030
The Parade of Hope has sponsored
every ice show since 1964.
575
00:42:05,240 --> 00:42:08,000
we take a little, everyone's happy.
576
00:42:08,210 --> 00:42:10,000
so let's not buck history!
577
00:42:10,210 --> 00:42:14,440
For the gazillionth time, I have
no interest in doing a show!
578
00:42:14,680 --> 00:42:18,480
If that's all, let me out
and we can say happy trails.
579
00:42:18,680 --> 00:42:20,480
can I have the far corner?
580
00:42:20,680 --> 00:42:24,420
Tomorrow, smoochy raises his baton
for Parade of Hope.
581
00:42:24,620 --> 00:42:27,610
Banquets, benefits, I want it all.
582
00:42:29,690 --> 00:42:30,990
You can pull over.
583
00:42:34,770 --> 00:42:38,860
As far as the ice show goes,
I suggest you shop for skates.
584
00:42:44,580 --> 00:42:47,980
This is unacceptable!
I'm calling the authorities!
585
00:42:48,180 --> 00:42:52,450
Don't. Rat on them and you'll
be lucky to find your toenails.
586
00:42:52,650 --> 00:42:54,710
They're the roughest charity.
587
00:42:54,920 --> 00:42:57,110
You haven't been listening!
588
00:42:57,320 --> 00:43:02,050
I was threatened by an organization
that's supposed to help children.
589
00:43:02,260 --> 00:43:05,350
-what kind of world is this?
-The real one.
590
00:43:05,560 --> 00:43:09,800
My advice? Consider the ice show
and stay healthy.
591
00:43:10,730 --> 00:43:13,070
well, how do you like that?
592
00:43:15,410 --> 00:43:17,340
-Hi.
-what did I do now?
593
00:43:17,540 --> 00:43:18,870
can I come in?
594
00:43:19,410 --> 00:43:21,310
sure.
595
00:43:21,650 --> 00:43:24,580
-Everything okay?
-I'm drunk.
596
00:43:24,780 --> 00:43:27,250
Not that I want
to make you feel bad...
597
00:43:27,450 --> 00:43:30,940
...but with alcohol, you're
consuming empty calories.
598
00:43:31,160 --> 00:43:32,990
I came here to apologize.
599
00:43:33,190 --> 00:43:34,320
-Really?
-Yes.
600
00:43:34,530 --> 00:43:38,990
And on these rare occasions
when I feel the need to apologize...
601
00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:42,060
...it helps if I'm shitfaced.
602
00:43:42,730 --> 00:43:47,300
-I'm supposed to feel honored?
-I may have been harsh the other day.
603
00:43:47,510 --> 00:43:49,030
A little out of line.
604
00:43:49,240 --> 00:43:54,180
Don't worry. Last week you called me
a pasty-faced, no-talent hack.
605
00:43:54,380 --> 00:43:59,180
-You're not doing the ice show?
-No. Now I know what they're about.
606
00:43:59,380 --> 00:44:03,880
-why didn't you tell me?
-I don't want to spoil all your fun.
607
00:44:04,120 --> 00:44:09,420
You get such a sparkly glow when you
berate me in front of everyone else.
608
00:44:09,790 --> 00:44:13,230
I may have become
a bit hardened over the years.
609
00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:14,460
I bet.
610
00:44:14,670 --> 00:44:19,630
sincerity is an easy disguise.
It's hard to know who's on the level.
611
00:44:20,400 --> 00:44:22,200
That's true.
612
00:44:22,610 --> 00:44:26,410
I've been learning a lot
about that myself lately.
613
00:44:27,580 --> 00:44:32,380
"sometimes light is really dark.
sometimes crows can sing like larks."
614
00:44:32,580 --> 00:44:36,750
"sometimes winter feels like spring.
Don't think you know everything."
615
00:44:36,950 --> 00:44:39,420
-Rickets the Hippo?
-You remember him?
616
00:44:39,620 --> 00:44:43,150
when I was a kid, he was
the one face I could trust.
617
00:44:43,360 --> 00:44:46,260
He was my inspiration
to work in kids Tv.
618
00:44:46,460 --> 00:44:50,630
Me too! I took an anger management
class in college...
619
00:44:50,940 --> 00:44:55,570
...we had to name a person representing
love and patience. I named him.
620
00:44:55,770 --> 00:45:00,270
-He's the reason I created smoochy!
-I don't believe this!
621
00:45:00,480 --> 00:45:04,280
when I tell people about Rickets,
they look at me weird.
622
00:45:04,480 --> 00:45:08,180
He was the best!
You remember the Klunky-wunky?
623
00:45:08,390 --> 00:45:11,180
I did it for my first Holy communion.
624
00:45:11,390 --> 00:45:13,120
-Get out! You did not!
-Yes!
625
00:45:13,320 --> 00:45:15,020
You? The whole, like...
626
00:45:21,200 --> 00:45:23,930
From me to you
627
00:45:32,180 --> 00:45:34,340
-I should go.
-wait.
628
00:45:35,380 --> 00:45:38,610
-stay a while. I got Rickets on tape.
-It's late.
629
00:45:38,820 --> 00:45:42,010
You sure? I got some fennel tea.
we can hang out.
630
00:45:42,220 --> 00:45:45,280
-You should get that. Bye.
-It's okay.
631
00:45:46,890 --> 00:45:49,860
I'll see you down at the store.
632
00:45:52,400 --> 00:45:56,700
-Hello?
-Mr. Mopes? I'm Benjamin McKnucklepeck.
633
00:45:56,900 --> 00:46:02,200
I'm calling from Parents for Decency
in children's Tv. Have you heard of us?
634
00:46:02,410 --> 00:46:06,810
No, but that's an issue close
to my heart. I was just talking to...
635
00:46:07,010 --> 00:46:11,570
Tomorrow we're having a banquet.
we'd be honored if you performed.
636
00:46:11,780 --> 00:46:17,080
we want to present a plaque to you
for your commitment to children's Tv.
637
00:46:17,320 --> 00:46:22,160
The presenter will be a young orphan
with mild asthma. can you attend?
638
00:46:22,360 --> 00:46:24,050
Yeah, I'd be happy to.
639
00:46:24,230 --> 00:46:26,490
That'd be great. see you then.
640
00:46:26,760 --> 00:46:29,890
I want to thank you for picking me up.
641
00:46:30,230 --> 00:46:34,360
No worries. A chance to have
smoochy at our soiree...
642
00:46:34,540 --> 00:46:37,770
...I'd stick my willie in a nest of
funnelwebs if I had to.
643
00:46:37,980 --> 00:46:40,770
That sounds extreme.
Just try a "please."
644
00:46:40,980 --> 00:46:45,180
You're funny! There's vodka and chips
back there if you're hungry.
645
00:46:45,380 --> 00:46:50,510
I don't know if you're aware of it,
but food like that can lower your chi.
646
00:46:50,720 --> 00:46:54,280
I've never eaten Korean food.
Thanks for the information.
647
00:46:54,490 --> 00:46:57,460
That's why the wee ones
love your show.
648
00:46:57,660 --> 00:47:00,720
You can learn and laugh
at the same time.
649
00:47:00,930 --> 00:47:06,300
It's such a fresh change from that
dreadful embezzler, Rainbow Randy.
650
00:47:06,500 --> 00:47:09,100
-what was his name?
-Randolph, I think.
651
00:47:09,570 --> 00:47:13,410
Randolph! That's the scoundrel.
Probably gay too.
652
00:47:14,550 --> 00:47:15,770
what did you say?
653
00:47:15,980 --> 00:47:18,850
He's a pillow biter, you know?
The old...
654
00:47:19,050 --> 00:47:22,080
I don't know about
his sleeping disorders.
655
00:47:22,290 --> 00:47:27,550
But I do think he's got some problems,
alcohol and anger to name a few.
656
00:47:27,760 --> 00:47:28,990
what do you mean?
657
00:47:29,190 --> 00:47:32,390
I feel sorry for him. He has issues.
658
00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:37,560
But don't you take a particular glee
in the fact you stole his time slot...
659
00:47:37,770 --> 00:47:40,600
...and you're shoveling dirt
on his corpse?
660
00:47:40,800 --> 00:47:44,430
No. I wouldn't take pleasure
in someone's misfortune.
661
00:47:44,640 --> 00:47:47,610
Truth is, I thought
he was pretty talented.
662
00:47:47,810 --> 00:47:52,770
He's a miserable cocksucker! A fucking
asshole! You hate him, admit it!
663
00:47:54,750 --> 00:47:57,190
where did you say you're from?
664
00:48:08,700 --> 00:48:11,000
The wee ones are ready for you.
665
00:48:11,900 --> 00:48:13,700
I'm ready. Give me my ax.
666
00:48:13,900 --> 00:48:16,630
Here we go. Let's shake a stick.
667
00:48:16,870 --> 00:48:20,110
-This is really exciting for me.
-Me too.
668
00:48:20,310 --> 00:48:23,280
I never played
in a tractor parts warehouse.
669
00:48:23,480 --> 00:48:26,610
we keep it no-frills.
It's all about the wee ones.
670
00:48:26,820 --> 00:48:30,180
Great attitude.
I wish more people felt that way.
671
00:48:30,390 --> 00:48:33,020
-Know what my motto is?
-something inane.
672
00:48:33,220 --> 00:48:36,780
"You can't change the world,
but you can make a dent."
673
00:48:36,990 --> 00:48:39,790
Don't worry.
You're going to make a dent.
674
00:48:40,000 --> 00:48:43,330
-Go out there and hook a horn!
-Thanks!
675
00:48:43,530 --> 00:48:45,630
Auf Wiedersehen.
676
00:48:45,840 --> 00:48:49,800
-Smoochy the Rhino!
-Hello, New Jersey!
677
00:48:52,680 --> 00:48:54,910
It's great to be here, kids!
678
00:48:55,610 --> 00:48:57,580
sing along if you know it.
679
00:48:57,780 --> 00:49:01,880
Friends, friends, we all got friends
You've got me and I got you
680
00:49:02,550 --> 00:49:07,250
Friends, friends, we all need friends
It's our pals that get us through
681
00:49:07,460 --> 00:49:11,590
If I had a dollar
For every friend I've made
682
00:49:16,370 --> 00:49:17,830
You know...
683
00:49:18,040 --> 00:49:22,840
...it's a little hard to sing to your
friends when you can't see them.
684
00:49:24,170 --> 00:49:28,040
could we just kill that spot
and bring the houselights up?
685
00:49:36,590 --> 00:49:37,850
Heil smoochy!
686
00:49:49,030 --> 00:49:51,090
I hope I'm dreaming.
687
00:49:53,900 --> 00:49:56,460
Freeze!
This is an unlawful assembly!
688
00:49:57,110 --> 00:49:59,770
Hands on your head. Line up!
689
00:50:06,720 --> 00:50:10,710
-Do you read Mein Kampf?
-Is Smoochy code for "white power"?
690
00:50:10,920 --> 00:50:13,410
Is Adolf Hitler your personal hero?
691
00:50:13,620 --> 00:50:16,530
-I don't hate anybody!
- You don't hate Nazis?
692
00:50:16,730 --> 00:50:19,790
How does it feel to be
a racist scumbag?
693
00:50:46,120 --> 00:50:49,580
Here at the Kidnet jungle,
the rhino's now extinct.
694
00:50:49,960 --> 00:50:55,090
The smoochy slot will be
safely occupied by cartoon reruns.
695
00:51:11,880 --> 00:51:13,440
Hello, nipple-nibbler.
696
00:51:13,650 --> 00:51:15,880
The rhino's a Nazi.
697
00:51:16,350 --> 00:51:20,850
The rhino is screwed-o
The rhino is screwed
698
00:51:44,510 --> 00:51:45,850
Nora! Nora!
699
00:51:46,050 --> 00:51:49,820
-It's me. I gotta talk to you.
-There's nothing to say.
700
00:51:50,020 --> 00:51:51,990
They're calling me fascist.
701
00:51:52,290 --> 00:51:55,730
I'm being compared unfavorably
with Goebbels.
702
00:51:55,930 --> 00:51:58,490
Hey. If the jackboot fits...
703
00:51:58,700 --> 00:52:01,030
You believe what they're saying?
704
00:52:01,230 --> 00:52:04,220
I don't have to.
The picture said it all.
705
00:52:04,430 --> 00:52:07,370
That was a setup. I'm telling you!
706
00:52:07,570 --> 00:52:10,730
This Fetal kunkle guy
said it was for kids.
707
00:52:10,940 --> 00:52:14,400
I had no idea it was a Nazi rally.
708
00:52:14,610 --> 00:52:18,740
You'd think the 50-foot swastika
might have given you a hint.
709
00:52:18,950 --> 00:52:22,010
That was later.
The light was in my eyes.
710
00:52:22,220 --> 00:52:25,520
It was like a nightmare.
suddenly... wham!
711
00:52:25,720 --> 00:52:29,720
It's jackboots and Gestapo
and "smooch Heil, smooch Heil!"
712
00:52:29,930 --> 00:52:32,790
I need your help.
I'm in a pickle here.
713
00:52:33,230 --> 00:52:36,390
The fact is, I don't know you, okay?
714
00:52:36,970 --> 00:52:39,660
-what?
-Not really.
715
00:52:40,200 --> 00:52:43,760
Don't expect me to go out
on an emotional limb here.
716
00:52:43,970 --> 00:52:46,000
But, Nora...
717
00:52:46,910 --> 00:52:48,210
Nora!
718
00:52:48,780 --> 00:52:51,010
what about the Klunky-wunky dance?
719
00:52:51,210 --> 00:52:54,950
I was drunk.
Don't read too much into it.
720
00:53:47,200 --> 00:53:51,730
If you want a cup of juice, the
well's dried up. city shut her down.
721
00:53:51,940 --> 00:53:56,170
Bastards will slap a new pair of tits
on the statue of Liberty...
722
00:53:56,380 --> 00:54:01,540
...but they won't help a poor hophead.
Just once I wish I had a little clout.
723
00:54:01,890 --> 00:54:04,720
I'd set things straight in this town.
724
00:54:04,920 --> 00:54:06,910
Believe me.
725
00:54:09,660 --> 00:54:12,150
Hell of a world.
726
00:54:15,570 --> 00:54:17,930
Hell of a world.
727
00:54:34,120 --> 00:54:35,380
what do you want?
728
00:54:35,550 --> 00:54:40,460
can you spare 60 seconds
for a smiley old face from your past?
729
00:54:42,360 --> 00:54:44,520
Hello, kitten.
730
00:54:46,500 --> 00:54:48,020
Here's the good news.
731
00:54:48,230 --> 00:54:50,260
You and Frank are in a bind.
732
00:54:50,470 --> 00:54:54,430
I'd be happy to end my sabbatical
and come back.
733
00:54:54,640 --> 00:54:59,200
I could start Monday. No meat.
when did you become a vegetarian?
734
00:54:59,410 --> 00:55:04,140
call costumes and props and tell them
that the old R-man is back.
735
00:55:04,350 --> 00:55:07,340
Ready to start whistling tunes
for the kids.
736
00:55:07,550 --> 00:55:10,450
whose toes you gotta suck
to get a drink?
737
00:55:10,650 --> 00:55:14,420
You got three seconds
to pry your ass off my couch.
738
00:55:14,620 --> 00:55:19,390
You need someone for that slot
and I'm here to reclaim what's mine.
739
00:55:19,630 --> 00:55:23,030
In case you forgot, you're a criminal
and a scumbag.
740
00:55:23,230 --> 00:55:26,400
Have you forgotten what we once had?
741
00:55:26,600 --> 00:55:30,060
That was a long time ago.
I was young and stupid.
742
00:55:30,270 --> 00:55:33,300
And limber. why we broke up,
I'll never know.
743
00:55:33,480 --> 00:55:36,500
You were an asshole,
and I didn't love you.
744
00:55:36,710 --> 00:55:39,110
we could have worked through that.
745
00:55:39,920 --> 00:55:43,250
Goddamn it, Nora!
The public is clamoring for me.
746
00:55:43,920 --> 00:55:47,620
I'm a patriot compared to Mopes.
He's a Nazi and gay.
747
00:55:48,260 --> 00:55:51,160
He was checking me out in the car.
748
00:55:53,160 --> 00:55:54,820
-what's that mean?
-what?
749
00:55:55,030 --> 00:55:57,690
He was checking you out in what car?
750
00:55:57,930 --> 00:56:00,840
No, I'm just saying
it's a vibe, you know?
751
00:56:01,040 --> 00:56:05,800
Kind of a homosexual Nazi vibe.
something that emanates from the Tv.
752
00:56:06,010 --> 00:56:08,740
what's with the costume?
Big erect horn.
753
00:56:08,950 --> 00:56:10,380
You're talking fast.
754
00:56:10,580 --> 00:56:14,240
what do you mean? I'm not.
I still love you, Nora.
755
00:56:14,850 --> 00:56:17,150
were you at that rally?
756
00:56:19,560 --> 00:56:22,320
You had something to do with this?
757
00:56:24,090 --> 00:56:25,820
Did you set sheldon up?
758
00:56:26,030 --> 00:56:28,520
I know why we broke up now.
759
00:56:28,770 --> 00:56:32,720
Always with the accusations.
Bitch, bitch, bitch!
760
00:56:35,810 --> 00:56:38,040
I miss smoochy.
761
00:56:38,240 --> 00:56:41,640
He couldn't have done the things
they say he done.
762
00:56:41,850 --> 00:56:43,610
He ain't no Nazi.
763
00:56:44,950 --> 00:56:47,180
I want smoochy back.
764
00:56:47,380 --> 00:56:51,340
I wanna be on the Tv again.
I wanna play my cowbell.
765
00:56:53,060 --> 00:56:57,290
-Has Burke been here tonight?
-Haven't seen him. can I help you?
766
00:56:57,490 --> 00:56:59,490
It's about sheldon.
767
00:57:00,160 --> 00:57:01,890
sheldon?
768
00:57:02,400 --> 00:57:04,800
Hey, what about sheldon?
769
00:57:07,200 --> 00:57:12,300
I'm trying to sleep, asshole!
Read the fucking meter another time!
770
00:57:15,010 --> 00:57:19,380
Hello there, Mr. Rainbow.
How lovely to see you in the flesh.
771
00:57:19,580 --> 00:57:23,750
come here.
You wanna tell me about the rhino?
772
00:57:23,950 --> 00:57:27,580
This is private property.
You're fucking trespassing.
773
00:57:29,060 --> 00:57:32,930
Danny, go give Mr. smiley
a little backrub.
774
00:57:36,430 --> 00:57:37,700
start yakking.
775
00:57:37,900 --> 00:57:40,270
what are you talking about?
776
00:57:40,540 --> 00:57:42,330
You're violating my...
777
00:57:50,650 --> 00:57:54,380
You spud-sucking fucks!
I'm suing your Riverdance ass!
778
00:57:54,850 --> 00:57:57,410
I'll send you all the way back home!
779
00:57:58,150 --> 00:58:02,280
-Roy, have you got the hammer?
-Always got the hammer, Tommy.
780
00:58:04,630 --> 00:58:07,530
I did it. It was me. It was all me.
781
00:58:07,760 --> 00:58:11,530
Thank God we cleared that up
without further violence.
782
00:58:20,710 --> 00:58:24,440
Don't touch me!
My name isn't wandolph, it's Randolph.
783
00:58:24,650 --> 00:58:27,340
How is it being the most hated man
in America?
784
00:58:27,550 --> 00:58:30,610
In a country of Neanderthals,
it's an honor.
785
00:58:30,820 --> 00:58:33,880
Nora says you have
an obsession with Mopes.
786
00:58:34,090 --> 00:58:37,690
I barely know her.
she's been down on everything.
787
00:58:37,890 --> 00:58:40,060
she spreads like cream cheese.
788
00:58:40,260 --> 00:58:42,460
what about rumors that you're crazy?
789
00:58:42,670 --> 00:58:47,100
That's bullshit! I'm on the same
dosage I've always been.
790
00:58:47,340 --> 00:58:51,930
Between my client's dwindling cash
flow and mounting legal fees...
791
00:58:52,140 --> 00:58:54,470
...he's sinking into a depression.
792
00:58:54,680 --> 00:58:57,910
who grabbed my ass?
Get away! Don't touch me!
793
00:58:59,250 --> 00:59:00,980
-very nice.
-I've been shot!
794
00:59:01,180 --> 00:59:04,310
I'm bleeding! That's salmonella!
795
00:59:04,650 --> 00:59:07,950
someone touched my ass.
I want room to breathe.
796
00:59:08,160 --> 00:59:09,590
Back off!
797
00:59:16,400 --> 00:59:19,390
Man, it's crazy out there.
798
00:59:20,100 --> 00:59:21,430
Listen...
799
00:59:21,640 --> 00:59:23,400
...I wanted to say I'm sorry.
800
00:59:23,610 --> 00:59:25,800
I'm sorry I didn't believe you.
801
00:59:26,010 --> 00:59:29,310
I got swept up in the frenzy
of anti-smoochyism.
802
00:59:29,550 --> 00:59:34,640
It's a house of mirrors. You can't
always tell what you're looking at.
803
00:59:34,850 --> 00:59:35,980
Yeah.
804
00:59:36,190 --> 00:59:39,090
If it weren't for you,
I wouldn't be here.
805
00:59:39,790 --> 00:59:40,810
Thanks.
806
00:59:42,260 --> 00:59:43,520
Good.
807
00:59:43,730 --> 00:59:45,130
-Five minutes.
-Thanks.
808
00:59:46,400 --> 00:59:49,390
I don't know spanish,
but thanks anyway.
809
00:59:50,100 --> 00:59:51,730
It means "good luck."
810
00:59:57,340 --> 00:59:59,100
Ladies and gentlemen...
811
00:59:59,310 --> 01:00:03,680
...boys and girls,
who's your favorite rhino?
812
01:00:14,290 --> 01:00:15,550
smoochy!
813
01:00:25,030 --> 01:00:27,260
You guys are the greatest!
814
01:00:29,440 --> 01:00:34,270
Thanks, kids. Thanks a lot.
It's great to be back home with you.
815
01:00:34,480 --> 01:00:36,780
I know I was away for too long.
816
01:00:36,980 --> 01:00:40,110
You probably heard
I went through rough times.
817
01:00:40,320 --> 01:00:43,380
Life outside the Magic Jungle...
818
01:00:43,590 --> 01:00:45,920
...can get pretty complicated.
819
01:00:46,120 --> 01:00:48,820
A lot of ugliness and injustice.
820
01:00:49,030 --> 01:00:53,720
sometimes being a good person...
well, that just isn't always enough.
821
01:00:54,060 --> 01:00:58,300
And when that happens,
it is hard not to get frustrated.
822
01:00:59,340 --> 01:01:02,790
Maybe even start feeling
a little bitter.
823
01:01:03,870 --> 01:01:05,270
I'll just say it.
824
01:01:05,480 --> 01:01:09,940
sometimes, boys and girls,
it'll make you flat-out mad.
825
01:01:10,580 --> 01:01:13,980
You know what I do
when I get mad, boys and girls?
826
01:01:14,580 --> 01:01:17,550
when that pressure starts building...
827
01:01:17,750 --> 01:01:21,210
...to where I feel
I won't be able to take it anymore?
828
01:01:21,620 --> 01:01:25,320
And this rhino might have to put
hurt on someone?
829
01:01:25,960 --> 01:01:27,900
You know what I do then?
830
01:01:28,670 --> 01:01:31,260
I howl!
That's right.
831
01:01:31,470 --> 01:01:35,840
I take all the things I don't like
and I let out a big howl.
832
01:01:42,980 --> 01:01:45,640
come on and howl with me now.
833
01:01:49,220 --> 01:01:50,480
Howl it out!
834
01:01:51,320 --> 01:01:53,760
Take all that frustration inside...
835
01:01:53,960 --> 01:01:57,650
...ball it up and let it out in a howl!
836
01:02:27,320 --> 01:02:29,190
Thanks a lot, kids.
837
01:02:29,630 --> 01:02:31,890
I feel much better now.
838
01:02:32,500 --> 01:02:35,330
so who wants to do the Jiggy ziggy?
839
01:02:46,410 --> 01:02:50,070
Smoochy is back!
And boy, did we miss him.
840
01:02:50,350 --> 01:02:52,470
shut up!
841
01:02:53,150 --> 01:02:55,710
Bad. very bad.
842
01:02:58,890 --> 01:03:02,190
Too much for brain. Pressure building.
843
01:03:02,530 --> 01:03:05,220
His popularity
is stronger than ever...
844
01:03:05,430 --> 01:03:07,560
I despise you!
845
01:03:07,760 --> 01:03:10,230
I love you!
846
01:03:12,970 --> 01:03:15,560
Bastard son of Barney!
847
01:03:18,070 --> 01:03:19,670
Die, you son of fluff!
848
01:03:20,280 --> 01:03:22,010
Illegitimate Teletubby!
849
01:03:22,810 --> 01:03:24,440
Die, Muppet from hell!
850
01:03:25,250 --> 01:03:27,240
Die, you foam motherfucker!
851
01:03:29,120 --> 01:03:32,250
what are you doing?
That's a picture-in-picture!
852
01:03:32,620 --> 01:03:35,720
-It was an accident.
-I want you out of here!
853
01:03:35,930 --> 01:03:37,950
where am I supposed to go?
854
01:03:38,160 --> 01:03:42,190
-Put your slippers on and get out!
-Please! I need help!
855
01:03:42,500 --> 01:03:46,960
I don't care anymore. I helped you.
You abused it.
856
01:03:49,240 --> 01:03:52,440
-I missed you so much!
-I missed you too, pal.
857
01:03:52,640 --> 01:03:56,130
sheldon, look, I been practicing
and practicing.
858
01:03:56,410 --> 01:03:59,900
I'm getting good at it.
You want to see me march?
859
01:04:00,120 --> 01:04:02,680
No, but you're going to anyway.
860
01:04:05,820 --> 01:04:07,310
You gotta love him.
861
01:04:09,830 --> 01:04:13,730
First, the good news.
I've given it thought and decided...
862
01:04:13,930 --> 01:04:16,590
...I am gonna do the ice show.
863
01:04:18,670 --> 01:04:22,130
Now I got a bar mitzvah boy!
That's a great decision.
864
01:04:22,340 --> 01:04:24,500
After everything, I realized...
865
01:04:24,710 --> 01:04:27,400
...it's a crime to waste your power.
866
01:04:27,610 --> 01:04:32,310
-Rock bottom is a college education.
-Ready for the really good news?
867
01:04:32,520 --> 01:04:33,880
I'm doing it myself.
868
01:04:34,080 --> 01:04:36,570
No sponsors, no vendors, no crooks.
869
01:04:36,750 --> 01:04:39,120
Not one dirty hand will touch this.
870
01:04:39,290 --> 01:04:42,260
No one's gonna make
a penny off of these kids.
871
01:04:42,430 --> 01:04:45,760
The Smoochy on Ice show
will be squeaky clean.
872
01:04:45,930 --> 01:04:50,560
As far as the refreshments go,
they will be provided by me.
873
01:04:50,730 --> 01:04:52,360
And for free.
874
01:04:52,540 --> 01:04:57,440
sodium-free pretzels, apple slices,
organic smoothies. Everything healthy.
875
01:04:57,610 --> 01:05:00,800
-wanna hear the best part?
-I'm holding my breath.
876
01:05:01,110 --> 01:05:05,410
Half the profits will go to
rebuild the coney Island Drug clinic!
877
01:05:05,580 --> 01:05:09,210
Are you telling me you wanna
give away half the profits?
878
01:05:09,390 --> 01:05:11,850
-Not half. All.
-All the profits!
879
01:05:12,020 --> 01:05:15,290
The other half we use to fund
education programs.
880
01:05:15,460 --> 01:05:19,390
Big junkies come from little junkies.
we'll nip it in the bud.
881
01:05:19,560 --> 01:05:22,360
You can't do a show
and cut out the vendors.
882
01:05:22,530 --> 01:05:24,900
Not the Parade of Hope.
It's suicide.
883
01:05:25,070 --> 01:05:27,800
No, it's not.
You're the one who taught me.
884
01:05:27,970 --> 01:05:30,060
You got muscle,
you make the rules.
885
01:05:30,240 --> 01:05:33,700
I'll tell you something,
I'm feeling strong right now.
886
01:05:34,110 --> 01:05:36,700
I got my clout back
and I'm gonna use it.
887
01:05:37,210 --> 01:05:39,410
Make it happen.
888
01:05:41,380 --> 01:05:45,750
shel, help me. He's banging
this thing from morning till night.
889
01:05:45,920 --> 01:05:49,950
I hate to take it, but I got a
headache from me eyes to me ass.
890
01:05:50,130 --> 01:05:53,460
I love spinner, but I owe you.
I'll see what I can do.
891
01:05:53,630 --> 01:05:56,330
Give him something else
to do on the show.
892
01:05:56,500 --> 01:05:59,660
Anything. so long as it
don't clang, chime or honk.
893
01:05:59,840 --> 01:06:01,130
Bless you.
894
01:06:04,170 --> 01:06:05,800
save the rhino!
895
01:06:06,140 --> 01:06:08,200
save the rhino!
896
01:06:08,380 --> 01:06:11,210
save the rhino!
897
01:06:11,380 --> 01:06:15,010
save the rhino!
The African black rhino.
898
01:06:15,590 --> 01:06:17,350
-Here you go.
-Thank you.
899
01:06:17,690 --> 01:06:20,780
Before it's too late, make a donation!
900
01:06:21,460 --> 01:06:24,430
Thank you very much. save the rhino...!
901
01:06:26,700 --> 01:06:30,130
I need saving!
Not that ottoman with a hood ornament!
902
01:06:30,970 --> 01:06:33,060
save the Rainbow!
903
01:06:34,070 --> 01:06:37,560
Your client's put me
in a hazardous situation.
904
01:06:37,740 --> 01:06:41,300
A situation Merv Green holds me
accountable for.
905
01:06:41,480 --> 01:06:42,570
Enough said.
906
01:06:42,750 --> 01:06:45,980
Rhino's got me in a box
with no ventilation!
907
01:06:46,150 --> 01:06:49,350
I feel for you.
what can I do about it?
908
01:06:50,050 --> 01:06:52,150
I bring you in. on everything.
909
01:06:52,320 --> 01:06:55,850
You'd be my partner, down
the middle. Even ice shows.
910
01:06:56,030 --> 01:07:00,490
we got a chance to get back on track.
we gotta get rid of the rhino.
911
01:07:00,660 --> 01:07:01,990
The good old days.
912
01:07:02,160 --> 01:07:04,060
Pre-rhinoceros.
913
01:07:05,740 --> 01:07:07,400
Let me noodle it.
914
01:07:09,270 --> 01:07:10,900
No one freezes me out.
915
01:07:11,070 --> 01:07:13,510
I don't care how many clinics
he's saving.
916
01:07:13,680 --> 01:07:16,670
we gotta deal with this.
Rhino's out of control.
917
01:07:16,850 --> 01:07:19,250
You're aggravating me.
918
01:07:19,420 --> 01:07:21,250
I'm here to educate.
919
01:07:21,480 --> 01:07:26,290
stokes will get an education
on the pH balance of the East River.
920
01:07:26,460 --> 01:07:30,820
This is about Mopes.
The rhino's become a menace.
921
01:07:31,030 --> 01:07:35,430
-He's talking to people he shouldn't.
-That's an ugly string of words.
922
01:07:35,600 --> 01:07:38,260
He thinks he'll clean up our business.
923
01:07:38,430 --> 01:07:41,270
There's only one way
out of this, partner.
924
01:07:46,810 --> 01:07:49,940
Boys, we have a serious problem.
925
01:07:52,050 --> 01:07:55,350
This is a story about
a venomous rhino...
926
01:07:55,620 --> 01:07:57,780
...and his aggressive campaign...
927
01:07:57,950 --> 01:08:01,450
...to slander, vilify,
defame, denigrate...
928
01:08:01,620 --> 01:08:04,460
...and villainize my good name!
929
01:08:04,990 --> 01:08:09,560
But the one thing he can't do
is take away my life.
930
01:08:09,830 --> 01:08:11,200
only I can do that.
931
01:08:12,640 --> 01:08:14,300
smoochy did this to me.
932
01:08:14,670 --> 01:08:18,570
I can no longer live in a world
where the innocent suffer...
933
01:08:18,840 --> 01:08:21,210
...and the wicked thrive!
934
01:08:35,420 --> 01:08:38,360
I'm sorry to put you through this,
my friends.
935
01:08:38,530 --> 01:08:41,720
Don't try and talk me out of this.
936
01:08:43,370 --> 01:08:47,530
You won't see another Rainbow Randolph
in this lifetime.
937
01:08:48,100 --> 01:08:50,230
This is for you, smoochy!
938
01:08:50,570 --> 01:08:52,870
You did this to me!
939
01:09:01,620 --> 01:09:02,610
No!
940
01:09:04,190 --> 01:09:07,880
what you doing, Rainbow Randolph?
941
01:09:14,700 --> 01:09:16,130
It's okay.
942
01:09:22,140 --> 01:09:24,470
It's smoochy! come on!
943
01:09:26,040 --> 01:09:28,440
come on, it's smoochy.
Let's go.
944
01:09:41,960 --> 01:09:43,220
I love you!
945
01:09:48,230 --> 01:09:53,430
God! what does it all mean?
946
01:09:53,870 --> 01:09:56,900
He slams the door, he stomps his feet
947
01:09:57,070 --> 01:10:00,370
Sends me to bed with zilch to eat
948
01:10:00,540 --> 01:10:05,480
But my stepdad's not mean
He's just adjusting
949
01:10:07,080 --> 01:10:12,020
His temper's bad and he's a slob
He's bitter cause he lost his job
950
01:10:12,490 --> 01:10:17,550
But my stepdad's not mean
He's just adjusting
951
01:10:17,760 --> 01:10:22,960
So three cheers for the man
That I proudly call Stan
952
01:10:23,370 --> 01:10:26,600
He's not quite a dad or a brother
953
01:10:27,070 --> 01:10:31,600
Yes, he gets cross
But still, he's the boss
954
01:10:31,770 --> 01:10:34,940
And besides he takes care of my mother
955
01:10:35,880 --> 01:10:39,250
Be patient with new friends like Stan
956
01:10:39,420 --> 01:10:42,540
It's tough to be Mom's second man
957
01:10:42,920 --> 01:10:48,150
But your stepdad's not mean
He's just adjusting
958
01:10:49,130 --> 01:10:52,750
so remember, kids, a stepdad
is a lot like a new puppy.
959
01:10:52,930 --> 01:10:56,560
They need patience while
they adjust to their surroundings.
960
01:10:56,730 --> 01:11:00,290
But remember, if he's ever abusive
to you or Mommy...
961
01:11:00,470 --> 01:11:02,490
...what are the magic numbers?
962
01:11:02,770 --> 01:11:04,900
911!
963
01:11:05,210 --> 01:11:06,640
That's right!
964
01:11:06,810 --> 01:11:09,400
Now, I am very excited...
965
01:11:09,580 --> 01:11:13,140
...to introduce a surprise visitor
to Jungle Land!
966
01:11:14,880 --> 01:11:19,220
welcome, all the way from
the Lalwood Downs Rhino Preserve...
967
01:11:19,590 --> 01:11:21,450
...my cousin, Moochy!
968
01:11:27,300 --> 01:11:29,630
come on down here, Mooch!
969
01:11:30,730 --> 01:11:33,730
You big drink of water! How are you?
970
01:11:34,770 --> 01:11:36,800
Thanks for coming all this way!
971
01:11:36,970 --> 01:11:39,910
say hello to the boys
and girls out there.
972
01:11:48,480 --> 01:11:50,280
My name is Moochy.
973
01:11:51,150 --> 01:11:53,280
Yes, we've established that.
974
01:11:53,550 --> 01:11:56,250
This costume's
making my nuts itch.
975
01:12:05,660 --> 01:12:07,460
That was so much fun!
976
01:12:07,630 --> 01:12:09,120
Man, did you do great!
977
01:12:09,300 --> 01:12:12,170
And the ice show is
gonna be so much fun!
978
01:12:12,340 --> 01:12:16,770
I'm gonna skate out in circles
and then I'm falling on my ass!
979
01:12:19,240 --> 01:12:22,040
You're looking forward
to it, aren't you?
980
01:12:22,210 --> 01:12:26,210
Boy, being back at the coliseum,
back in the arena...
981
01:12:27,720 --> 01:12:31,180
...and with the crowds,
and they're just cheering...
982
01:12:31,360 --> 01:12:35,050
...it's gonna be like...
It's gonna be like heaven.
983
01:12:37,730 --> 01:12:39,720
It's gonna be great, champ.
984
01:12:40,930 --> 01:12:43,200
sheldon, I love you.
985
01:12:43,370 --> 01:12:45,170
I love you too, buddy.
986
01:12:47,610 --> 01:12:50,580
I'll tell you,
I'll go to the locker room...
987
01:12:50,740 --> 01:12:54,340
...and take all my headgear off,
and you...
988
01:12:58,080 --> 01:13:00,380
okay, okay. All right.
989
01:13:08,130 --> 01:13:10,250
He's excited about the ice show.
990
01:13:10,530 --> 01:13:13,190
I've been reading so much about it.
991
01:13:13,370 --> 01:13:15,960
we're getting a lot of ink.
It's great.
992
01:13:16,270 --> 01:13:18,600
It's great, what you're doing.
993
01:13:18,770 --> 01:13:19,760
Thanks.
994
01:13:20,440 --> 01:13:24,140
You inspired me to use my
juice to put that together.
995
01:13:24,410 --> 01:13:26,500
I really do appreciate that.
996
01:13:27,880 --> 01:13:29,110
Good.
997
01:13:31,320 --> 01:13:32,650
Thanks.
998
01:13:35,120 --> 01:13:38,490
-The stepfather segment went well.
-oh, yeah?
999
01:13:38,820 --> 01:13:41,590
I don't know what was
going on with the...
1000
01:13:41,760 --> 01:13:44,730
The energy was just
really, really clicking.
1001
01:13:45,260 --> 01:13:46,460
Yeah.
1002
01:13:47,970 --> 01:13:50,260
Yeah.
1003
01:13:56,940 --> 01:14:00,640
You're not full of shit like
the others? You're for real?
1004
01:14:00,850 --> 01:14:02,010
Totally!
1005
01:14:02,810 --> 01:14:05,150
I mean, I couldn't tell.
1006
01:14:05,880 --> 01:14:07,980
First, I thought it was an act.
1007
01:14:11,020 --> 01:14:15,220
And then I just thought
you were a simp or something!
1008
01:14:15,390 --> 01:14:17,060
It's understandable.
1009
01:14:20,230 --> 01:14:22,600
There was the whole Nazi thing!
1010
01:14:22,770 --> 01:14:25,000
I forgive you for that.
1011
01:14:47,860 --> 01:14:49,790
what round is it?
1012
01:15:23,630 --> 01:15:27,290
Former heavyweight contender
Lawrence "Spinner" Dunn...
1013
01:15:27,470 --> 01:15:31,960
...was found shot to death in a
rhinoceros outfit early this morning.
1014
01:15:32,140 --> 01:15:34,260
How'd you hit the wrong rhino?
1015
01:15:34,440 --> 01:15:37,270
who knew he had a cousin?
They're identical.
1016
01:15:37,440 --> 01:15:41,640
smoochy's fuchsia, Moochy's burgundy!
Read a paper!
1017
01:15:41,810 --> 01:15:47,010
-You have to go back to kindergarten!
-All you said was hit the rhino.
1018
01:15:47,190 --> 01:15:51,520
-I'm not taking the blame for this.
-I'm not through yet, rhino.
1019
01:15:52,120 --> 01:15:54,750
Your time will come!
1020
01:15:57,030 --> 01:16:01,330
-He wanted to be in the show so bad.
-stop torturing yourself.
1021
01:16:01,530 --> 01:16:04,930
I'm sorry, spinner. I'm so sorry.
1022
01:16:05,440 --> 01:16:07,530
-He loved you, shel.
-I know.
1023
01:16:08,210 --> 01:16:12,040
I guarantee that fucking Randolph
has seen his last rainbow.
1024
01:16:12,210 --> 01:16:15,540
we'll cut off his balls
and shove them up his ass!
1025
01:16:15,710 --> 01:16:18,110
Maybe we should leave
it for the cops.
1026
01:16:18,280 --> 01:16:21,050
cops won't do the ball thing.
Against policy.
1027
01:16:21,390 --> 01:16:23,680
Don't forget, this was meant for you.
1028
01:16:23,860 --> 01:16:26,450
From now on, everywhere you go, we go!
1029
01:16:26,630 --> 01:16:28,530
-I'll be fine.
-Fine, nothing!
1030
01:16:28,690 --> 01:16:32,320
As christ is my witness,
no one's touching a hair on you!
1031
01:16:32,500 --> 01:16:35,800
-spinner would've wanted it that way.
-Poor spinner.
1032
01:16:35,970 --> 01:16:39,160
All right, boys. Let's go pray
and get shitfaced.
1033
01:16:39,340 --> 01:16:40,960
Yeah, you do that.
1034
01:16:42,170 --> 01:16:44,010
You have one for me, okay?
1035
01:16:44,680 --> 01:16:48,240
Try not to hurt anyone, Roy.
what would Jesus do?
1036
01:17:09,500 --> 01:17:12,060
How long was Randolph
in your apartment?
1037
01:17:12,240 --> 01:17:14,400
Just a couple of nights, officer.
1038
01:17:20,610 --> 01:17:21,870
smoochy?
1039
01:17:23,420 --> 01:17:26,280
Tommy's here!
Tommy and her boys are here.
1040
01:17:33,530 --> 01:17:37,590
You sure? The cops have a lot
of evidence against Randolph.
1041
01:17:37,760 --> 01:17:39,490
we investigated ourselves.
1042
01:17:40,270 --> 01:17:44,260
cousin lan from down at the morgue.
You met him at the wake.
1043
01:17:45,140 --> 01:17:48,730
see the neck?
snapped like a twig. Animals.
1044
01:17:48,910 --> 01:17:51,810
Parade of Hope.
They like to sign the tab.
1045
01:17:51,980 --> 01:17:55,850
-what's that guy's name over there?
-Merv Green.
1046
01:17:57,420 --> 01:18:00,940
This is one tab they
should have left blank.
1047
01:18:01,450 --> 01:18:06,650
I knew he was a jizz-bag when he
grabbed my ass at Feed the children.
1048
01:18:06,830 --> 01:18:12,260
Mr. Green will get a first-class ride
through the justice system.
1049
01:18:12,430 --> 01:18:14,160
It's all taken care of.
1050
01:18:14,630 --> 01:18:15,830
How do you mean?
1051
01:18:16,000 --> 01:18:20,940
sometimes in this life, a man's got
to answer for his indiscretions.
1052
01:18:21,840 --> 01:18:27,070
It was a mistake. An honest mistake.
I was just trying to help the children!
1053
01:18:27,250 --> 01:18:29,910
-You like kids, huh?
-sure, of course!
1054
01:18:30,080 --> 01:18:31,950
You know fairy tales then.
1055
01:18:32,120 --> 01:18:34,480
Tell him the one about the prick...
1056
01:18:34,650 --> 01:18:38,250
...that gets his head
chopped off with an ax!
1057
01:18:40,130 --> 01:18:41,320
No!
1058
01:18:49,030 --> 01:18:52,330
I don't feel so good about this
all of a sudden.
1059
01:18:52,500 --> 01:18:55,840
-we took his head and...
-okay, that's definitely...
1060
01:18:56,010 --> 01:18:59,840
...more information than I care
to have at this point.
1061
01:19:01,010 --> 01:19:03,710
I'm having second thoughts.
I can't do it!
1062
01:19:03,880 --> 01:19:05,320
Relax, it's all good.
1063
01:19:05,480 --> 01:19:09,150
They found Merv's head in
the Grand concourse.
1064
01:19:09,320 --> 01:19:11,620
we'll take the whole ball of wax.
1065
01:19:11,790 --> 01:19:14,550
Going in with Buggy Ding Dong's
a mistake!
1066
01:19:14,730 --> 01:19:18,060
Leave him to me. once he does it,
the rhino's dead.
1067
01:19:18,230 --> 01:19:21,130
we light up the Macanudos!
1068
01:19:21,670 --> 01:19:23,130
Relax!
1069
01:19:23,870 --> 01:19:26,060
where is our guest of honor?
1070
01:19:26,240 --> 01:19:28,570
-our smack addict?
-It'll be fine!
1071
01:19:28,740 --> 01:19:32,180
we're relying on a smack addict.
Terrific.
1072
01:19:36,010 --> 01:19:39,610
sorry I'm late, man.
I fell asleep at the bus station.
1073
01:19:39,880 --> 01:19:41,680
Looking good, Buggy.
1074
01:19:42,420 --> 01:19:46,020
Excuse me if I smell like piss.
You know how it is.
1075
01:19:46,960 --> 01:19:48,590
God help us.
1076
01:19:51,200 --> 01:19:52,960
-You want a drink?
-vodka.
1077
01:19:54,600 --> 01:19:57,470
I do this thing tonight
and the spot's mine?
1078
01:19:57,670 --> 01:19:59,230
with a bow on it.
1079
01:19:59,400 --> 01:20:04,930
The thing is, we gotta put it to rest.
The rhino is up way past his bedtime.
1080
01:20:09,080 --> 01:20:10,070
Buggy?
1081
01:20:16,590 --> 01:20:18,650
we're in, right? we're set?
1082
01:20:18,820 --> 01:20:20,120
sure.
1083
01:20:20,290 --> 01:20:22,590
Look at all the pretty lights.
1084
01:20:23,130 --> 01:20:26,590
Every cop's looking for you.
You have to stay put.
1085
01:20:27,270 --> 01:20:30,530
-I wanted to be a priest.
-I know.
1086
01:20:30,800 --> 01:20:32,930
Do you believe in angels?
1087
01:20:33,840 --> 01:20:38,300
I saw one in Times square.
This little angel with curls.
1088
01:20:39,710 --> 01:20:42,650
she was the only one
that cared about me.
1089
01:20:42,810 --> 01:20:44,710
she saved my life.
1090
01:20:44,880 --> 01:20:49,120
You don't want to kill yourself.
You know that.
1091
01:20:49,290 --> 01:20:51,950
Perhaps it's time to heal.
1092
01:20:52,120 --> 01:20:56,790
Admit that smoochy has won
and gracefully march forward.
1093
01:20:56,960 --> 01:21:01,060
Now you're talking.
This is a big step, I'm proud of you.
1094
01:21:01,230 --> 01:21:03,860
Did you bring lunch?
chicken and stars?
1095
01:21:04,040 --> 01:21:05,370
Just like you asked.
1096
01:21:05,540 --> 01:21:10,470
-May I have some?
-For a smile.
1097
01:21:10,640 --> 01:21:12,910
Attaboy!
1098
01:21:13,080 --> 01:21:16,780
I got you some crossword puzzles
and stuff to read.
1099
01:21:30,660 --> 01:21:33,430
You okay?
1100
01:21:33,600 --> 01:21:38,590
First he takes my career,
then my life, now my girl.
1101
01:21:38,770 --> 01:21:40,930
she's not your girl anymore.
1102
01:21:41,110 --> 01:21:44,340
The balls on that fuchsia fuck!
1103
01:21:44,510 --> 01:21:48,540
I'll tear him apart! Piece by piece!
1104
01:21:48,710 --> 01:21:52,950
-Piece by piece!
-You said it's time to heal. stop it.
1105
01:21:53,120 --> 01:21:55,680
I'll take him apart, hoof by hoof!
1106
01:21:55,850 --> 01:21:57,690
Horn by horn!
1107
01:21:57,860 --> 01:22:03,230
-once and for all, now and forever!
-what happened to marching forward?
1108
01:22:03,400 --> 01:22:07,200
Motherfucker!
1109
01:22:16,140 --> 01:22:17,730
Yeah.
1110
01:22:17,910 --> 01:22:19,270
can I help you?
1111
01:22:19,440 --> 01:22:21,340
I got news, Nora.
1112
01:22:21,510 --> 01:22:22,540
Buggy?
1113
01:22:22,710 --> 01:22:27,050
How you doing, apple cheeks?
Long time, no see.
1114
01:22:27,220 --> 01:22:30,590
-what are you doing?
-I got business with stokes.
1115
01:22:30,760 --> 01:22:31,740
oh, yeah?
1116
01:22:31,920 --> 01:22:34,760
Yeah! He's gonna
put me back on the air.
1117
01:22:34,930 --> 01:22:39,160
He's gonna give me a shot.
I'm gonna take the rhino's place.
1118
01:22:39,330 --> 01:22:43,490
-what are you talking about?
-Buggy Ding Dong shall rise again.
1119
01:22:43,670 --> 01:22:49,870
Like a magnificent phoenix,
or some other town in Arizona.
1120
01:22:50,040 --> 01:22:52,740
I've always been smitten
with you, baby.
1121
01:22:52,910 --> 01:22:57,210
-Let me show you my Buggy bumper.
-Back off, Dracula!
1122
01:22:57,480 --> 01:23:00,210
Keep in touch.
1123
01:23:00,390 --> 01:23:03,380
Keep in touch.
1124
01:23:03,560 --> 01:23:06,720
stokes cut a deal with Buggy
for the smoochy slot.
1125
01:23:06,890 --> 01:23:10,520
Buggy Ding Dong, the host of
Buggy's Bumpy Railroad?
1126
01:23:10,700 --> 01:23:13,960
Until he discovered the joys of
black mule heroin.
1127
01:23:14,130 --> 01:23:17,590
why would stokes replace
smoochy with a smack addict?
1128
01:23:17,770 --> 01:23:19,330
I don't know.
1129
01:23:19,500 --> 01:23:24,440
somebody toss me a beach towel,
because my head is swimming.
1130
01:23:24,610 --> 01:23:27,040
what's up?
1131
01:23:27,210 --> 01:23:30,240
Two for the price of one!
How convenient.
1132
01:23:30,420 --> 01:23:32,040
How serendipitous.
1133
01:23:32,220 --> 01:23:36,090
-Get the fuck out of here!
-You eat with that mouth?
1134
01:23:36,250 --> 01:23:41,250
-okay, let's just all take it easy.
-Bite me, Buddha! I had her first.
1135
01:23:41,430 --> 01:23:43,620
-what?
-That's right, baby.
1136
01:23:43,800 --> 01:23:47,730
You snatched her away,
now you gots to pay.
1137
01:23:47,900 --> 01:23:51,600
-cork it, asshole!
-wanna explain what this is about?
1138
01:23:51,770 --> 01:23:54,600
Didn't she tell you of the love
we once had?
1139
01:23:54,770 --> 01:23:58,040
Passionate, yet tender.
old-fashioned, yet experimental.
1140
01:23:58,210 --> 01:24:00,370
Randolph, you've lost your mind.
1141
01:24:00,550 --> 01:24:04,910
Enlighten the lad, Nora! You were
such a hot little brood mare.
1142
01:24:05,080 --> 01:24:07,640
-Does the bridle still fit?
-watch it...
1143
01:24:07,820 --> 01:24:10,580
Experiments?
I've had firmer handshakes.
1144
01:24:10,760 --> 01:24:14,350
Please. It's small, but it's fierce!
1145
01:24:14,530 --> 01:24:16,890
Hold the phone here.
1146
01:24:17,060 --> 01:24:20,330
Are you telling me this is true?
You and him?
1147
01:24:20,500 --> 01:24:23,430
No. You know, yeah.
1148
01:24:23,600 --> 01:24:26,500
How do you like that?
1149
01:24:26,670 --> 01:24:30,040
You're just an action figure
for her collection.
1150
01:24:30,210 --> 01:24:32,270
shut up before I jaw you again.
1151
01:24:32,440 --> 01:24:36,780
I got Mr. Boomy, missy!
Tell him about Jingle Jackson.
1152
01:24:36,950 --> 01:24:39,080
You dated Jingle Jackson too?
1153
01:24:39,250 --> 01:24:42,050
she used to like to play
with his bells.
1154
01:24:43,720 --> 01:24:45,550
what about wally the whale?
1155
01:24:45,720 --> 01:24:48,280
How could you do it
with wally?
1156
01:24:48,460 --> 01:24:50,690
There she blows!
1157
01:24:50,860 --> 01:24:54,860
I can't believe you didn't
tell me about this.
1158
01:24:55,030 --> 01:24:59,030
Listen, sheldon, I'm not proud of it.
1159
01:24:59,200 --> 01:25:01,540
But there was a time in my life...
1160
01:25:01,710 --> 01:25:04,730
...when I was a bit
of a kiddie host groupie.
1161
01:25:04,910 --> 01:25:08,710
-My God, I feel dizzy.
-This has nothing to do with us!
1162
01:25:08,880 --> 01:25:12,870
You're different. It was another time.
I was another woman.
1163
01:25:13,050 --> 01:25:17,920
You've shown me a world
that I never thought could exist.
1164
01:25:18,090 --> 01:25:21,220
-Really?
-Yes.
1165
01:25:21,390 --> 01:25:23,720
what the fuck am I watching here?
1166
01:25:23,900 --> 01:25:27,130
Your little soap opera? shut up!
1167
01:25:27,300 --> 01:25:29,770
This is my show!
1168
01:25:29,930 --> 01:25:32,870
Do you know the power
of a condemned man?
1169
01:25:33,200 --> 01:25:36,230
I don't think you want
to hurt anyone here.
1170
01:25:36,410 --> 01:25:40,610
Go blow yourself, Martha!
Look what you've done to this place.
1171
01:25:40,780 --> 01:25:43,980
Dian Fossey!
when I lived here, it was Bob Fosse!
1172
01:25:44,150 --> 01:25:48,080
There, I had a painting
of a naked chick holding a plant.
1173
01:25:48,250 --> 01:25:52,880
very tasteful, no bush.
Not a picture of your mother!
1174
01:25:53,060 --> 01:25:56,890
we know you didn't kill spinner,
so just cool your jets!
1175
01:25:57,060 --> 01:25:58,790
Thank you, Mother Teresa.
1176
01:25:58,960 --> 01:26:02,130
Tell that to the mob outside.
They want my ass!
1177
01:26:02,300 --> 01:26:06,630
I'm like a goddamn toaster at Macy's!
Randolph's ass, aisle three!
1178
01:26:06,800 --> 01:26:10,470
we'll go to the police tomorrow.
I'll explain everything.
1179
01:26:10,640 --> 01:26:15,170
It'll all work out fine.
Just trust me, Randolph.
1180
01:26:17,320 --> 01:26:21,650
Do not start with your
magician's tricks, young Moses!
1181
01:26:21,820 --> 01:26:26,350
I am Pharaoh! And you are my slave.
1182
01:26:26,520 --> 01:26:32,220
And this is my kingdom!
1183
01:26:32,400 --> 01:26:36,960
Rainbow Randolph is the man
Yes, oh, yes, he is
1184
01:26:37,140 --> 01:26:40,540
He's the prez of Rainbow Land
Yes, oh, yes, he is
1185
01:26:40,710 --> 01:26:43,670
With some fun, fun here
A laugh, laugh there
1186
01:26:43,840 --> 01:26:46,170
Here a dance, there a song
Everywhere is fun, fun
1187
01:26:46,340 --> 01:26:49,250
Rainbow Randolph is the king
1188
01:26:56,420 --> 01:26:58,150
-Get the gun.
-what?
1189
01:26:58,320 --> 01:27:03,280
Get the gun.
1190
01:27:03,460 --> 01:27:06,760
-You're hurting me!
-You wanna go down in flames?
1191
01:27:06,930 --> 01:27:09,900
The flames are too hot!
They're driving me mad!
1192
01:27:17,340 --> 01:27:19,470
Go ahead, kill me!
1193
01:27:20,040 --> 01:27:23,880
Go ahead, finish me off! I'm nothing!
1194
01:27:24,050 --> 01:27:26,950
Put me out of my misery.
1195
01:27:27,120 --> 01:27:29,180
You're not nothing, all right?
1196
01:27:29,350 --> 01:27:33,650
You're bitter, misguided and you got
issues with sexual identity.
1197
01:27:33,830 --> 01:27:37,020
But you're Rainbow Randolph.
That's worth something.
1198
01:27:37,200 --> 01:27:40,290
You've made a lot of children happy.
1199
01:27:42,570 --> 01:27:44,400
will you be my friend?
1200
01:27:47,000 --> 01:27:49,100
sure.
1201
01:27:49,270 --> 01:27:51,470
I love you both.
1202
01:27:52,840 --> 01:27:56,210
-You're going down to their level.
-I'm just wising up.
1203
01:27:56,380 --> 01:28:02,150
she's right. Don't make the same
mistake I did. Keep your dignity.
1204
01:28:02,320 --> 01:28:04,250
My balls! They're on fire!
1205
01:28:04,760 --> 01:28:09,660
I appreciate everybody's concern.
But I know what I'm doing.
1206
01:28:09,830 --> 01:28:11,090
I tried.
1207
01:28:11,260 --> 01:28:14,100
we gotta get to the arena
for the show.
1208
01:28:14,270 --> 01:28:17,930
You can stay here
as long as you like. You'll be safe.
1209
01:28:18,100 --> 01:28:21,400
-You've got a good man there.
-Just rest.
1210
01:28:21,570 --> 01:28:24,510
He's the real thing.
You're the real thing.
1211
01:28:24,810 --> 01:28:26,040
Thanks.
1212
01:28:26,210 --> 01:28:30,110
I'm a fraud. A wicked man
who's done wicked acts.
1213
01:28:30,280 --> 01:28:33,580
well, it's like the song says:
1214
01:28:34,220 --> 01:28:36,690
"we all got our bad days."
1215
01:28:40,760 --> 01:28:42,560
-Buggy.
-Angelo.
1216
01:28:42,730 --> 01:28:46,060
what are you doing?
I thought you cleaned up!
1217
01:28:46,230 --> 01:28:50,220
I did. I cleaned up half
the poppies in Asia.
1218
01:29:09,050 --> 01:29:11,950
-can I get a pretzel?
-If that's what you want.
1219
01:29:12,120 --> 01:29:14,110
with mustard. Everything's free.
1220
01:29:14,290 --> 01:29:16,230
-Here you go.
-salt.
1221
01:29:16,390 --> 01:29:19,450
sorry, our pretzels are salt-free.
1222
01:29:31,110 --> 01:29:33,580
-we should call it off.
-I can't.
1223
01:29:33,740 --> 01:29:38,340
There's a lot of kids and junkies
out there who are counting on me.
1224
01:29:38,520 --> 01:29:40,350
I got a job to do.
1225
01:29:42,650 --> 01:29:44,620
come on, wish me luck.
1226
01:29:46,290 --> 01:29:47,780
-Hi?
-Randy, is that you?
1227
01:29:47,960 --> 01:29:51,260
what will you wear to the show?
I hope a thong.
1228
01:29:51,430 --> 01:29:54,960
-Buggy's been here.
-The Dong man?
1229
01:29:55,130 --> 01:29:57,930
He broke in and lifted
my backstage pass.
1230
01:29:58,100 --> 01:30:00,090
He's doing a job for Burke.
1231
01:30:00,270 --> 01:30:02,900
Gonna get a show
after the rhino's gone.
1232
01:30:03,070 --> 01:30:07,340
-He's higher than a prom dress in June.
-I got a bad feeling about this.
1233
01:30:07,510 --> 01:30:10,040
-No shit.
-I have to go to the show.
1234
01:30:10,210 --> 01:30:12,770
The cops will jump on you
like a trampoline.
1235
01:30:12,950 --> 01:30:15,750
Burke and Ding Dong
equals trouble.
1236
01:30:15,920 --> 01:30:17,680
I have to save the rhino.
1237
01:30:18,360 --> 01:30:19,690
Randy!
1238
01:30:20,630 --> 01:30:23,750
America's favorite rhino.
Ladies and gentlemen...
1239
01:30:23,930 --> 01:30:26,990
...boys and girls, here's Smoochy!
1240
01:30:33,470 --> 01:30:35,130
Thank you.
1241
01:30:35,870 --> 01:30:37,140
Thank you.
1242
01:30:37,640 --> 01:30:41,670
For myself and the soon-
to-be-restored methadone clinic...
1243
01:30:41,850 --> 01:30:44,540
...I want to thank you all
for being here.
1244
01:30:46,220 --> 01:30:48,210
Hip, hip, hooray.
1245
01:30:51,320 --> 01:30:54,990
You all came here to hear
your favorite smoochy songs...
1246
01:30:55,260 --> 01:30:59,490
...but we've got something different,
something personal to me.
1247
01:30:59,900 --> 01:31:04,330
I've told you how important it is
to be honest about your feelings.
1248
01:31:04,670 --> 01:31:09,570
If I didn't share with you what
I've been feeling and going through...
1249
01:31:09,910 --> 01:31:13,470
...I wouldn't be a very honest rhino,
would I?
1250
01:31:13,910 --> 01:31:17,850
I'm going on a journey today
and I hope you'll come along.
1251
01:31:18,050 --> 01:31:20,570
You need your true friends
by your side.
1252
01:31:30,130 --> 01:31:32,460
This is for spinner.
1253
01:33:03,490 --> 01:33:06,250
Don't let them get you, smoochy!
1254
01:33:20,940 --> 01:33:23,170
It's Rainbow Randolph!
1255
01:33:23,340 --> 01:33:26,400
No, I just look like him.
1256
01:33:26,580 --> 01:33:30,310
I'm trying to save a friend
from a deranged junkie.
1257
01:33:30,480 --> 01:33:34,010
For the kids? okay.
Friends come in all sizes.
1258
01:36:11,680 --> 01:36:13,470
Excuse me.
1259
01:36:18,350 --> 01:36:19,650
Goodbye, smoochy.
1260
01:36:33,600 --> 01:36:36,430
You shot smoochy, you bastard!
1261
01:36:37,770 --> 01:36:39,570
Give me the gun!
1262
01:36:39,740 --> 01:36:41,230
I've gotta kill him!
1263
01:36:47,180 --> 01:36:48,370
Get off of me!
1264
01:36:51,750 --> 01:36:53,010
Give me that gun!
1265
01:36:59,420 --> 01:37:00,410
It's Buggy!
1266
01:37:00,690 --> 01:37:03,680
-what do we do now?
-survival of the fittest.
1267
01:37:05,830 --> 01:37:07,020
It's Buggy!
1268
01:37:09,700 --> 01:37:10,760
That's Randolph!
1269
01:37:11,070 --> 01:37:13,630
Let go of me, you fucking junkie!
1270
01:37:17,910 --> 01:37:20,140
I never saw venice!
1271
01:37:31,120 --> 01:37:32,110
You okay?
1272
01:37:32,290 --> 01:37:36,020
I'm fucked up in general,
so it's hard to gauge.
1273
01:37:37,900 --> 01:37:39,800
It's Burke, he set you up!
1274
01:37:40,100 --> 01:37:42,500
He tried to kill you! There he is!
1275
01:37:43,430 --> 01:37:44,660
He's getting away!
1276
01:37:47,710 --> 01:37:50,900
-Burke, get back here!
-sheldon, wait!
1277
01:38:05,490 --> 01:38:06,790
Look, it's smoochy!
1278
01:38:09,890 --> 01:38:11,660
Hey, it's smoochy!
1279
01:38:11,830 --> 01:38:13,520
stop him!
1280
01:38:13,700 --> 01:38:15,890
-Honey, it's smoochy!
-smoochy!
1281
01:39:10,020 --> 01:39:13,180
You pull a gun on me?
A gun I gave you as a gift?
1282
01:39:13,360 --> 01:39:15,550
where's your etiquette?
1283
01:39:15,730 --> 01:39:18,720
-I'll tell you a secret about a gun.
-what?
1284
01:39:19,030 --> 01:39:20,790
You have to cock it.
1285
01:39:21,570 --> 01:39:22,830
Drop it, shithead!
1286
01:39:32,540 --> 01:39:34,100
Don't you move!
1287
01:39:34,280 --> 01:39:35,970
-You okay?
-Yeah.
1288
01:39:37,650 --> 01:39:38,670
You...
1289
01:39:38,850 --> 01:39:40,010
Take it easy.
1290
01:39:40,250 --> 01:39:43,710
You were my agent.
How could you set me up like that?
1291
01:39:43,890 --> 01:39:47,520
-It was circumstances.
-circumstances? You killed spinner!
1292
01:39:47,690 --> 01:39:51,090
It was a mistake.
I wish I could turn back time.
1293
01:39:51,260 --> 01:39:54,060
He was my friend, you son of a bitch!
1294
01:39:54,800 --> 01:39:57,290
Get up! Get up and look at me!
1295
01:39:57,900 --> 01:39:59,800
-You gonna shoot me?
-Yeah.
1296
01:39:59,970 --> 01:40:01,560
Not very smoochy-like.
1297
01:40:01,740 --> 01:40:05,370
I don't feel very
smoochy-like right now.
1298
01:40:05,540 --> 01:40:06,740
wait.
1299
01:40:06,910 --> 01:40:10,780
Let me tell you something.
You fucked with the wrong rhino.
1300
01:40:10,950 --> 01:40:11,940
No!
1301
01:40:12,280 --> 01:40:14,940
-sheldon, halt!
-Don't do it!
1302
01:40:16,290 --> 01:40:18,380
Tommy, stay out of this.
1303
01:40:18,660 --> 01:40:21,920
Don't destroy who you are
for this piece of shit.
1304
01:40:26,160 --> 01:40:27,720
Give me the gun.
1305
01:40:30,230 --> 01:40:32,330
My God, what am I doing?
1306
01:40:33,600 --> 01:40:35,830
come on, now. That's it.
1307
01:40:36,570 --> 01:40:40,480
I'm sorry. I don't know how
I let myself get pushed so far.
1308
01:40:40,640 --> 01:40:44,410
You're only human, darling.
come on. Let's go away.
1309
01:40:47,480 --> 01:40:50,080
what should we do about these guys?
1310
01:40:50,250 --> 01:40:52,590
Don't worry, we'll deal with them.
1311
01:40:52,760 --> 01:40:56,620
-You won't do anything extreme?
-Even a rat deserves mercy.
1312
01:40:56,790 --> 01:40:59,280
-off you go.
-Thanks a lot.
1313
01:40:59,460 --> 01:41:01,800
Macanudos, my ass!
1314
01:41:02,500 --> 01:41:05,630
we're in deep shit. Deep shit.
1315
01:41:11,380 --> 01:41:14,370
You boys ever traveled
together before?
1316
01:41:26,720 --> 01:41:31,680
It's a beautiful city, but there's
a lot of grime on it, you know?
1317
01:41:31,860 --> 01:41:34,630
You helped give it
a little more polish.
1318
01:41:35,670 --> 01:41:37,000
You think?
1319
01:41:37,530 --> 01:41:38,800
Thanks.
1320
01:41:39,040 --> 01:41:42,030
Let's go home, smooch.
The show's over.
1321
01:41:42,570 --> 01:41:45,670
No, it isn't. It's just beginning.
1322
01:42:06,930 --> 01:42:11,390
with great pleasure I introduce
to you, together for the first time...
1323
01:42:11,570 --> 01:42:15,330
...side by side, shoulder to shoulder,
ladies and gentlemen...
1324
01:42:15,510 --> 01:42:20,440
...boys and girls, please welcome
smoochy the Rhino and Rainbow Randolph!
104917
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