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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,026 --> 00:00:07,876 ♫ Ground floor, perfumery, stationery and leather goods 2 00:00:07,876 --> 00:00:10,522 ♫ Wigs and haberdashery, kitchenware and food 3 00:00:10,522 --> 00:00:12,772 ♫ Going up 4 00:00:16,625 --> 00:00:19,554 ♫ First floor, telephones, gents' ready-made suits 5 00:00:19,554 --> 00:00:22,071 ♫ Shirts, socks, ties, hats, underwear, and shoes 6 00:00:22,071 --> 00:00:24,322 ♫ Going up 7 00:00:28,206 --> 00:00:31,292 ♫ Second floor, carpets, travel goods, and bedding 8 00:00:31,292 --> 00:00:33,754 ♫ Materials, soft furnishing, restaurant, and teas 9 00:00:33,754 --> 00:00:35,515 ♫ Going down 10 00:00:35,515 --> 00:00:36,646 - Miss Brahms. 11 00:00:36,646 --> 00:00:39,078 - Yes, I know, Captain Peacock, I'm late. 12 00:00:39,078 --> 00:00:40,699 - Not good enough, Miss Brahms. 13 00:00:40,699 --> 00:00:42,663 You are 15 minutes late. 14 00:00:42,663 --> 00:00:45,139 What would happen if everybody else was 15 minutes late? 15 00:00:45,139 --> 00:00:46,952 - The store would open at quarter past. 16 00:00:46,952 --> 00:00:48,030 (laughter) 17 00:00:48,030 --> 00:00:49,492 - Don't be cheeky, Miss Brahms. 18 00:00:49,492 --> 00:00:51,413 Captain Peacock is quite within his rights 19 00:00:51,413 --> 00:00:52,779 to dress you down. 20 00:00:52,779 --> 00:00:53,855 - Have you an explanation? 21 00:00:53,855 --> 00:00:54,689 - Yes. 22 00:00:54,689 --> 00:00:55,691 It's Friday, I haven't got any money, 23 00:00:55,691 --> 00:00:56,939 and I couldn't afford the bus fare. 24 00:00:56,939 --> 00:00:57,929 I had to hitchhike. 25 00:00:57,929 --> 00:00:59,692 - Then you should have left home earlier. 26 00:00:59,692 --> 00:01:00,545 - I did. 27 00:01:00,545 --> 00:01:02,647 I stood on the corner and I lifted my skirt 28 00:01:02,647 --> 00:01:03,690 and showed a bit of stocking 29 00:01:03,690 --> 00:01:05,934 like Marilyn Monroe did in Bus Stop. 30 00:01:05,934 --> 00:01:07,568 - What happened? 31 00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:09,492 (laughter) 32 00:01:09,492 --> 00:01:11,529 - The bus crashed. 33 00:01:11,529 --> 00:01:13,269 And I had to make a statement. 34 00:01:13,269 --> 00:01:15,135 (laughter) 35 00:01:15,135 --> 00:01:17,321 - The same thing happened to me once 36 00:01:17,321 --> 00:01:18,999 with a centurion tank. 37 00:01:18,999 --> 00:01:21,857 (laughter) 38 00:01:21,857 --> 00:01:23,661 - Were you trying to stop it, Mrs. Slocombe, 39 00:01:23,661 --> 00:01:24,856 or were you driving it? 40 00:01:24,856 --> 00:01:26,445 (laughter) 41 00:01:26,445 --> 00:01:28,674 - I think Mr. Grainger is trying to attract your attention, 42 00:01:28,674 --> 00:01:30,350 Captain Peacock. 43 00:01:30,350 --> 00:01:32,506 - Captain Peacock, are you free? 44 00:01:32,506 --> 00:01:34,691 - Yes, I'm free, Mr. Grainger. 45 00:01:34,691 --> 00:01:37,712 - I hope you won't mind my mentioning the fact, 46 00:01:37,712 --> 00:01:40,616 but I left my purse behind 47 00:01:40,616 --> 00:01:43,658 on the wireless in the kitchen this morning. 48 00:01:43,658 --> 00:01:45,535 - No, I don't mind you mentioning it at all. 49 00:01:45,535 --> 00:01:47,520 (laughter) 50 00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:49,184 - No, well, I was wondering 51 00:01:49,184 --> 00:01:51,905 if you could let me have the pound back 52 00:01:51,905 --> 00:01:54,754 which I lent you yesterday. 53 00:01:54,754 --> 00:01:57,058 - Of course, Mr. Grainger, I... 54 00:01:57,058 --> 00:01:58,296 Oh, dear. 55 00:01:58,296 --> 00:02:00,686 I, too, seem to have left my notecase in the study 56 00:02:00,686 --> 00:02:03,727 on top of the color television set. 57 00:02:03,727 --> 00:02:05,263 - Oh, have you? 58 00:02:05,263 --> 00:02:07,536 I seem to remember that you did the same thing 59 00:02:07,536 --> 00:02:10,031 last Friday, Stephen. 60 00:02:10,031 --> 00:02:11,199 - Yes, Ernest. 61 00:02:12,283 --> 00:02:15,221 Yes, it seems I'm getting rather forgetful. 62 00:02:15,221 --> 00:02:16,481 - Yes. 63 00:02:16,481 --> 00:02:18,946 That's why I reminded you about the pound. 64 00:02:18,946 --> 00:02:20,622 (laughter) 65 00:02:20,622 --> 00:02:21,920 - Don't worry, Mr. Grainger. 66 00:02:21,920 --> 00:02:23,480 Our pay will be down in a moment, 67 00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:26,735 and as soon as I can get change for one of my larger notes, 68 00:02:26,735 --> 00:02:28,236 you shall have it. 69 00:02:29,337 --> 00:02:30,618 - You know, you really should try 70 00:02:30,618 --> 00:02:33,317 to make your money last out the week, Miss Brahms. 71 00:02:33,317 --> 00:02:35,473 - I can't even make it last the weekend. 72 00:02:35,473 --> 00:02:37,094 - What do you spend it on? 73 00:02:37,094 --> 00:02:38,194 - Clothes. 74 00:02:38,194 --> 00:02:39,172 - Clothes? 75 00:02:39,172 --> 00:02:41,960 - Yes, clothes, so the boys'll ask me out to dinner. 76 00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:44,402 - Yes, but if you didn't spend it on clothes, 77 00:02:44,402 --> 00:02:48,146 you could stay at home and cook something for yourself. 78 00:02:48,146 --> 00:02:50,133 - Oh, I can't afford to buy food for meself. 79 00:02:50,133 --> 00:02:51,510 It's too expensive. 80 00:02:51,510 --> 00:02:53,001 - Yes, but you could afford it 81 00:02:53,001 --> 00:02:55,104 if you didn't spend your money on clothes. 82 00:02:55,104 --> 00:02:56,716 - Yes, well, if I spent my money on food, 83 00:02:56,716 --> 00:02:58,605 I couldn't afford to spend it on the clothes 84 00:02:58,605 --> 00:03:01,036 so the boys would ask me out to dinner. 85 00:03:01,036 --> 00:03:03,469 - I just don't understand young people nowadays. 86 00:03:03,469 --> 00:03:05,966 I don't understand what you're talking about. 87 00:03:05,966 --> 00:03:08,367 - I just like going out, that's all. 88 00:03:08,367 --> 00:03:11,514 - My dear girl, I could be wined and dined 89 00:03:11,514 --> 00:03:13,648 every night if I wanted to. 90 00:03:13,648 --> 00:03:16,868 If it wasn't for that awful wrestling match in the car 91 00:03:16,868 --> 00:03:18,321 when you got home. (laughter) 92 00:03:18,321 --> 00:03:21,938 Those roving hands and the sloppy kisses 93 00:03:21,938 --> 00:03:25,588 and the fight to get the door open and escape. 94 00:03:25,588 --> 00:03:27,679 - Did many of them get away, Mrs. Slocombe? 95 00:03:27,679 --> 00:03:29,930 (laughter) 96 00:03:30,784 --> 00:03:34,528 - Go and check the till, Miss Brahms. 97 00:03:34,528 --> 00:03:37,259 - Well, so, anyway, I couldn't take her home to my place, 98 00:03:37,259 --> 00:03:38,337 see, 'cause it was Thursday night, 99 00:03:38,337 --> 00:03:40,484 and that's the night me mum does her feet. 100 00:03:40,484 --> 00:03:42,527 - Well, I suppose that would take the romance out of it. 101 00:03:42,527 --> 00:03:43,360 So what did you do? 102 00:03:43,360 --> 00:03:44,427 - Well, I took her back to hers. 103 00:03:44,427 --> 00:03:45,675 It was an absolute disaster. 104 00:03:45,675 --> 00:03:46,742 Her old man came back early 105 00:03:46,742 --> 00:03:48,524 and insisted on watching the telly with us. 106 00:03:48,524 --> 00:03:49,536 Then her aunt came back. 107 00:03:49,536 --> 00:03:50,829 Then her mum came home from Bingo. 108 00:03:50,829 --> 00:03:52,749 And then her sister came downstairs with the baby 109 00:03:52,749 --> 00:03:54,424 'cause it wouldn't stop crying. 110 00:03:54,424 --> 00:03:55,800 Three hours later, her old man asked me 111 00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:57,241 what my intentions were. 112 00:03:57,241 --> 00:03:59,044 I told him, "With all you lot here, nothing at all." 113 00:03:59,044 --> 00:04:01,061 So he kicked me out. (laughter) 114 00:04:01,061 --> 00:04:01,894 What did you do? 115 00:04:01,894 --> 00:04:03,291 - Well, I had an old friend round to dinner, 116 00:04:03,291 --> 00:04:05,443 but it wasn't a very successful evening. 117 00:04:05,443 --> 00:04:07,078 I mean, you've got to be in the mood for cooking, 118 00:04:07,078 --> 00:04:08,303 haven't you? 119 00:04:08,303 --> 00:04:10,396 I got a bit cross and slammed the over door, 120 00:04:10,396 --> 00:04:12,402 and, well, me Yorkshires wouldn't rise. 121 00:04:12,402 --> 00:04:15,153 (laughter) 122 00:04:15,153 --> 00:04:17,460 You know, I didn't know which way to turn, 123 00:04:17,460 --> 00:04:18,878 which is very unusual for me. 124 00:04:18,878 --> 00:04:21,322 (laughter) 125 00:04:21,322 --> 00:04:22,506 - Yeah. 126 00:04:22,506 --> 00:04:23,487 - So do you know what I did? - What did you do? 127 00:04:23,487 --> 00:04:25,931 - I got me rolling pin out, I flattened it all down, 128 00:04:25,931 --> 00:04:27,425 I threw a tin of fruit salad on it 129 00:04:27,425 --> 00:04:29,228 and served it as a surprise pancake. 130 00:04:29,228 --> 00:04:30,626 (laughter) 131 00:04:30,626 --> 00:04:31,757 It made the evening. 132 00:04:31,757 --> 00:04:33,325 - Yes, it would. 133 00:04:33,325 --> 00:04:35,086 Hello, what's this? 134 00:04:35,086 --> 00:04:35,919 - Do you mind? 135 00:04:35,919 --> 00:04:37,337 That's a friend of mine. 136 00:04:37,337 --> 00:04:38,713 - You left in such a hurry. 137 00:04:38,713 --> 00:04:41,167 I forgot to give you the keys to the flat. 138 00:04:41,167 --> 00:04:43,750 Thank you for a lovely evening. 139 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:48,738 I'll phone you when I'm free. 140 00:04:54,536 --> 00:04:56,147 - What's all that about, then? 141 00:04:56,147 --> 00:04:57,993 - Well, we've known each other for ages. 142 00:04:57,993 --> 00:04:59,039 We see a lot of each other. 143 00:04:59,039 --> 00:05:01,257 - What, you and that gorgeous thing? 144 00:05:01,257 --> 00:05:02,644 - She's a very good friend of mine. 145 00:05:02,644 --> 00:05:04,192 - Look at those legs! 146 00:05:04,192 --> 00:05:05,857 - That is a very lovely person. 147 00:05:05,857 --> 00:05:06,955 - You're telling me! 148 00:05:06,955 --> 00:05:08,290 - And I'll tell you something else. 149 00:05:08,290 --> 00:05:10,763 She's much more settled since she's had the operation. 150 00:05:10,763 --> 00:05:14,097 (laughter and applause) 151 00:05:17,464 --> 00:05:18,351 (knock on door) 152 00:05:18,351 --> 00:05:19,185 - Come in. 153 00:05:20,125 --> 00:05:21,564 - You sent for me, Mr. Rumbold? 154 00:05:21,564 --> 00:05:23,945 - Oh, yes, Captain Peacock, come in. 155 00:05:23,945 --> 00:05:26,035 It's Friday once again. 156 00:05:26,035 --> 00:05:27,882 - It is indeed, sir. 157 00:05:27,882 --> 00:05:30,282 - Would you be good enough to take round these pay packets? 158 00:05:30,282 --> 00:05:31,115 - Yes, sir. 159 00:05:31,115 --> 00:05:33,425 Well, that's what all the workers have been waiting for. 160 00:05:33,425 --> 00:05:35,533 - I don't know how they manage, some of them. 161 00:05:35,533 --> 00:05:36,426 - By Friday morning, 162 00:05:36,426 --> 00:05:38,002 half of them are borrowing money for... 163 00:05:38,002 --> 00:05:39,560 Where's mine? 164 00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:40,786 - Oh, some mistake in accounts. 165 00:05:40,786 --> 00:05:44,204 They say it'll be through this afternoon. 166 00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:47,268 See you for lunch as usual? 167 00:05:47,268 --> 00:05:51,436 - Um, no, I'm putting it on a bit round the old tum. 168 00:05:53,952 --> 00:05:56,598 - Is that about it, Mrs. Slocombe? 169 00:05:56,598 --> 00:05:58,390 - Perfect, Miss Brahms. 170 00:05:58,390 --> 00:05:59,778 There, you see, Madam. 171 00:05:59,778 --> 00:06:02,839 With the shorter hem and the alterations to the sleeves 172 00:06:02,839 --> 00:06:05,091 and a bit taken out of the back, 173 00:06:05,091 --> 00:06:09,259 and, oh, yes, the shoulders adjusted and the buttons moved, 174 00:06:10,896 --> 00:06:12,599 it'll fit you like a glove. 175 00:06:12,599 --> 00:06:15,898 - Wouldn't it be easier to get one in my size? 176 00:06:15,898 --> 00:06:17,723 - But it's an unrepeatable offer. 177 00:06:17,723 --> 00:06:19,441 - Yes, it's last year's stock. 178 00:06:19,441 --> 00:06:22,439 - That'll do, Miss Brahms. (laughter) 179 00:06:22,439 --> 00:06:24,125 If Madam would like to go into the fitting room 180 00:06:24,125 --> 00:06:27,057 and take it off, we'll get it sent away for alterations. 181 00:06:27,057 --> 00:06:28,244 - When will it be back? 182 00:06:28,244 --> 00:06:30,665 - Oh, much less than a month. 183 00:06:30,665 --> 00:06:34,858 And I'll have the £2 alteration fee put on Madam's account. 184 00:06:34,858 --> 00:06:36,523 - £2? 185 00:06:36,523 --> 00:06:39,063 - Well, it does have to go to Edinburgh, Madam. 186 00:06:39,063 --> 00:06:41,112 All our alterations go to Edinburgh. 187 00:06:41,112 --> 00:06:42,477 I mean, if you have them done in London, 188 00:06:42,477 --> 00:06:45,868 you never know who'll be handling the garment, do you? 189 00:06:45,868 --> 00:06:47,368 - Very well, then. 190 00:06:49,632 --> 00:06:51,883 (laughter) 191 00:06:55,095 --> 00:06:58,300 - Only a woman with your persuasive tongue, Mrs. Slocombe, 192 00:06:58,300 --> 00:07:02,122 could unload a 44 long onto a 36 short. 193 00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:04,437 - Well, we have to get our commission somehow. 194 00:07:04,437 --> 00:07:08,001 - The receipt slips are inside, as usual. 195 00:07:08,001 --> 00:07:11,161 - Yeah, they've taken £4.62 in tax! 196 00:07:11,161 --> 00:07:13,317 - And you owe me a pound, don't forget. 197 00:07:13,317 --> 00:07:14,744 - Well, with all this kneeling we have to do, 198 00:07:14,744 --> 00:07:16,730 they ought to give us something for our tights. 199 00:07:16,730 --> 00:07:18,331 Look at my knees, look at them! 200 00:07:18,331 --> 00:07:20,113 They're all baggy. 201 00:07:20,113 --> 00:07:23,260 - Pull them up, Miss Brahms. 202 00:07:23,260 --> 00:07:25,511 (laughter) 203 00:07:27,016 --> 00:07:28,543 - Is that where they end? 204 00:07:28,543 --> 00:07:29,731 (laughter) 205 00:07:29,731 --> 00:07:30,627 - Yes. 206 00:07:30,627 --> 00:07:31,555 I have to get long ones 207 00:07:31,555 --> 00:07:34,307 on account of the fact that I've got big feet. 208 00:07:34,307 --> 00:07:35,663 - It might solve your problem, Miss Brahms, 209 00:07:35,663 --> 00:07:38,597 if you wore braces. (laughter) 210 00:07:38,597 --> 00:07:40,272 - Very funny. 211 00:07:40,272 --> 00:07:42,203 - Or, alternatively, you could sew suspenders 212 00:07:42,203 --> 00:07:43,871 onto your brassiere. 213 00:07:46,235 --> 00:07:49,820 - Will that be all, Captain Peacock? 214 00:07:49,820 --> 00:07:52,104 - What size is your fiance, Madam? 215 00:07:52,104 --> 00:07:53,993 Around the chest, I mean. 216 00:07:53,993 --> 00:07:57,630 - Well, he can get into my sweater quite easily. 217 00:07:57,630 --> 00:07:59,947 - Who couldn't? (laughter) 218 00:07:59,947 --> 00:08:03,862 - In that case, you can't go wrong with a fluffy Fair Isle. 219 00:08:03,862 --> 00:08:05,484 - Difficult to say. 220 00:08:05,484 --> 00:08:08,429 He's about your build and he's ginger. 221 00:08:08,429 --> 00:08:11,448 - Oh. (laughter) 222 00:08:11,448 --> 00:08:15,449 Well, that goes with a fluffy Fair Isle, all right. 223 00:08:15,449 --> 00:08:17,033 - He's got a beard. 224 00:08:18,192 --> 00:08:21,157 - How about that? (laughter) 225 00:08:21,157 --> 00:08:24,698 - His eyes are a different color. 226 00:08:24,698 --> 00:08:27,024 - Would it be easier if you brought him in? 227 00:08:27,024 --> 00:08:28,914 - Well, that'd spoil the surprise. 228 00:08:28,914 --> 00:08:30,600 And he loves a surprise. 229 00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:32,498 - Oh, well, you bring him in then, Madam. 230 00:08:32,498 --> 00:08:34,697 Mr. Humphries'll find a way of surprising him. 231 00:08:34,697 --> 00:08:36,679 (laughter) 232 00:08:36,679 --> 00:08:38,175 - I'll do that. 233 00:08:38,175 --> 00:08:39,008 Thank you. 234 00:08:39,008 --> 00:08:39,841 - [Mr. Lucas] Not at all. 235 00:08:39,841 --> 00:08:41,611 Good morning, Madam. 236 00:08:41,611 --> 00:08:44,759 - [Captain Peacock] Mr. Humphries, Mr. Lucas, are you free? 237 00:08:44,759 --> 00:08:46,342 - [Both] Yes, we're free. 238 00:08:46,342 --> 00:08:48,429 - Check these, please. 239 00:08:48,429 --> 00:08:49,645 Mr. Grainger, are you free? 240 00:08:49,645 --> 00:08:50,979 - At the moment. 241 00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:53,574 Thank you. 242 00:08:58,151 --> 00:08:59,881 - Oh, blimey! 243 00:08:59,881 --> 00:09:00,714 £11, 47p? 244 00:09:02,610 --> 00:09:04,488 I'm supposed to get 19 quid a week! 245 00:09:04,488 --> 00:09:05,851 - Well, there's probably some deductions. 246 00:09:05,851 --> 00:09:07,283 Check your slip. 247 00:09:07,283 --> 00:09:08,797 - Tax, £6.12. 248 00:09:08,797 --> 00:09:11,786 - Well, you see, the Concorde is expensive. 249 00:09:11,786 --> 00:09:12,938 Then there's the Coal Board 250 00:09:12,938 --> 00:09:15,158 and the Iron and Steel Board, the railways, 251 00:09:15,158 --> 00:09:16,671 not to mention the upkeep of our stall 252 00:09:16,671 --> 00:09:18,293 in the common market. 253 00:09:18,293 --> 00:09:19,201 You know, you've got yourself a bargain there 254 00:09:19,201 --> 00:09:20,364 if you didn't but know it. 255 00:09:20,364 --> 00:09:21,816 - National Health, £1.21. 256 00:09:21,816 --> 00:09:23,501 I haven't been near a doctor in five years. 257 00:09:23,501 --> 00:09:24,919 - Oh, well, when you get pregnant, 258 00:09:24,919 --> 00:09:26,796 you'll get your maternity grant. 259 00:09:26,796 --> 00:09:29,401 (laughter) 260 00:09:29,401 --> 00:09:32,408 - 10p for Grace Brothers Social Club. 261 00:09:32,408 --> 00:09:33,754 Social Club. 262 00:09:33,754 --> 00:09:36,613 A converted scout-hut on the edge of Romney Marshes. 263 00:09:36,613 --> 00:09:39,996 A cracked ping-pong ball and three darts with foul pest. 264 00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:41,894 - It's worth it for the annual outing alone. 265 00:09:41,894 --> 00:09:43,101 Now, where else could you see 266 00:09:43,101 --> 00:09:45,031 Captain Peacock in a funny hat 267 00:09:45,031 --> 00:09:48,819 and Mrs. Slocombe going home kale-eyed on the bus? 268 00:09:48,819 --> 00:09:51,391 - 20p for Grace Brothers Staff Home. 269 00:09:51,391 --> 00:09:52,544 Now, that I don't mind. 270 00:09:52,544 --> 00:09:54,570 I mean, what a way to end your days. 271 00:09:54,570 --> 00:09:56,746 When you're too old to bend down and take an inside leg, 272 00:09:56,746 --> 00:09:59,296 you can sit all day in the drizzle in a wheelchair, 273 00:09:59,296 --> 00:10:01,515 waiting for that voice to come crying out of the sky, 274 00:10:01,515 --> 00:10:04,032 "Are you free, Mr. Lucas?" (laughter) 275 00:10:04,032 --> 00:10:04,865 And five minutes later, 276 00:10:04,865 --> 00:10:06,690 you've got Grainger measuring you up for a pair of wings, 277 00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:08,323 telling you they'll ride up with wear. 278 00:10:08,323 --> 00:10:09,389 (laughter) 279 00:10:09,389 --> 00:10:12,110 - He'll measure you for an asbestos suit. 280 00:10:12,110 --> 00:10:13,551 - Yeah, all right. 281 00:10:13,551 --> 00:10:16,313 Here's your alterations. 282 00:10:16,313 --> 00:10:18,350 Cor blimey, is that all they give ya? 283 00:10:18,350 --> 00:10:20,709 If you wanna join a working class, mate, look at that. 284 00:10:20,709 --> 00:10:22,364 - Where'd you get all that? 285 00:10:22,364 --> 00:10:23,906 - Our workers were strike, you see. 286 00:10:23,906 --> 00:10:25,294 When we come back, we have to do overtime 287 00:10:25,294 --> 00:10:27,532 to catch up with the backlog. 288 00:10:27,532 --> 00:10:29,528 For the sake of wearing a cardboard collar 289 00:10:29,528 --> 00:10:31,194 and calling yourself middle class, 290 00:10:31,194 --> 00:10:33,305 you're doing yourself out of all the readies. 291 00:10:33,305 --> 00:10:34,882 - We do have one advantage. 292 00:10:34,882 --> 00:10:35,715 - Oh, yeah? 293 00:10:35,715 --> 00:10:36,548 What's that, then? 294 00:10:36,548 --> 00:10:39,557 - Take this to the dustbin, Mash. 295 00:10:39,557 --> 00:10:42,975 - Capitalist. (laughter) 296 00:10:45,937 --> 00:10:46,854 - Mr. Mash. 297 00:10:48,264 --> 00:10:49,277 - Oh, sorry, Constable. 298 00:10:49,277 --> 00:10:50,527 Was I speeding? 299 00:10:51,593 --> 00:10:54,176 - Mr. Mash, you are not supposed to appear on this floor 300 00:10:54,176 --> 00:10:56,821 after 10:00 in your working clothes. 301 00:10:56,821 --> 00:10:58,667 - Well, how am I supposed to deliver this lot, then? 302 00:10:58,667 --> 00:10:59,500 Starkers? 303 00:11:00,725 --> 00:11:02,666 - You will leave in the staff entrance, 304 00:11:02,666 --> 00:11:05,087 and attract Mrs. Slocombe's attention. 305 00:11:05,087 --> 00:11:05,930 - Now, look here. 306 00:11:05,930 --> 00:11:06,763 I've been here many-- 307 00:11:06,763 --> 00:11:08,319 - Stop arguing, Mr. Mash, 308 00:11:08,319 --> 00:11:12,295 and just do as you are told by your superiors. 309 00:11:12,295 --> 00:11:13,868 - Well, I'll bet you didn't get 60 quid 310 00:11:13,868 --> 00:11:15,639 in your pay packet this week, did you, eh? 311 00:11:15,639 --> 00:11:19,822 Eh, eh,? (Mr. Mash laughs) 312 00:11:19,822 --> 00:11:22,276 - I'd like a pair of gloves for my husband. 313 00:11:22,276 --> 00:11:24,674 He has such cold hands. 314 00:11:24,674 --> 00:11:27,440 - Just over there, Madam. 315 00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:28,507 Mr. Mash! 316 00:11:28,507 --> 00:11:30,694 Do handle those with a little delicacy! 317 00:11:30,694 --> 00:11:32,111 They're £44 each! 318 00:11:33,083 --> 00:11:34,277 - Well, I'll tell you something. 319 00:11:34,277 --> 00:11:35,546 I get more for pushin' 'em about 320 00:11:35,546 --> 00:11:37,596 than you do for sellin' 'em. 321 00:11:37,596 --> 00:11:39,794 - You just can't get the right sort of people 322 00:11:39,794 --> 00:11:41,265 for this job nowadays. 323 00:11:41,265 --> 00:11:44,423 - Yes, and he's worked here for 35 years. 324 00:11:44,423 --> 00:11:45,439 - I've told him in future 325 00:11:45,439 --> 00:11:47,946 to attract your attention from the staff entrance. 326 00:11:47,946 --> 00:11:52,114 (Mr. Mash sputters) (laughter) 327 00:11:54,369 --> 00:11:56,984 - Thank you, Captain Peacock. 328 00:11:56,984 --> 00:11:59,374 - Now, do bring the gloves back if they don't fit, Madam, 329 00:11:59,374 --> 00:12:01,123 and we'll change them with pleasure. 330 00:12:01,123 --> 00:12:03,162 - The fingers do seem a bit long. 331 00:12:03,162 --> 00:12:04,014 - Well, don't worry, Madam. 332 00:12:04,014 --> 00:12:06,308 They'll ride up with wear, everything does. 333 00:12:06,308 --> 00:12:07,834 - What about a nice tie to go with them? 334 00:12:07,834 --> 00:12:09,370 - Yes, or a briefcase to keep them in? 335 00:12:09,370 --> 00:12:11,632 - Or one of our latest novelties. 336 00:12:11,632 --> 00:12:14,004 An automatic umbrella. 337 00:12:14,004 --> 00:12:16,209 (laughter) 338 00:12:16,209 --> 00:12:18,067 - He won't need it in the south of France. 339 00:12:18,067 --> 00:12:20,352 It hardly ever rains. 340 00:12:20,352 --> 00:12:23,500 - They make very good sunshades as well. 341 00:12:23,500 --> 00:12:24,333 - Oh, no! 342 00:12:24,333 --> 00:12:25,239 - What's the matter, Madam? 343 00:12:25,239 --> 00:12:27,168 - Oh, the center stone is gone. 344 00:12:27,168 --> 00:12:28,354 Look. 345 00:12:28,354 --> 00:12:29,400 - Well, I shouldn't worry, Madam. 346 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:31,353 I don't think it'll notice amongst all the others. 347 00:12:31,353 --> 00:12:35,204 - But it was three carats, worth over £1,000. 348 00:12:35,204 --> 00:12:36,621 And it was so pretty. 349 00:12:36,621 --> 00:12:40,025 - They usually are. (laughter) 350 00:12:40,025 --> 00:12:41,360 - Are you sure you had it when you came in? 351 00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:42,352 I mean, are you sure you didn't leave it 352 00:12:42,352 --> 00:12:44,188 trapped in your Rolls Royce? 353 00:12:44,188 --> 00:12:47,410 - Oh, well, I did try on a mink at Alastair Solomon's. 354 00:12:47,410 --> 00:12:48,487 Perhaps it's there. 355 00:12:48,487 --> 00:12:50,354 - Well, I should pop back before Alastair sweeps up, 356 00:12:50,354 --> 00:12:51,688 in the meantime. 357 00:12:52,776 --> 00:12:55,540 - I was also at the hairdresser's first thing. 358 00:12:55,540 --> 00:12:57,332 And then I bought a pair of shoes. 359 00:12:57,332 --> 00:12:58,166 - I tell you what, Madam. 360 00:12:58,166 --> 00:12:59,242 You retrace your steps, 361 00:12:59,242 --> 00:13:01,867 and we'll take care of everything at this end. 362 00:13:01,867 --> 00:13:03,158 - You're very sweet. 363 00:13:03,158 --> 00:13:05,463 - So I've been told. (laughter) 364 00:13:05,463 --> 00:13:06,999 - I'm sorry to give you so much trouble. 365 00:13:06,999 --> 00:13:08,514 - It's no trouble at all, Madam. 366 00:13:08,514 --> 00:13:09,890 - Oh, thank you. 367 00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:13,646 Ooh, my husband'll be furious if he finds out. 368 00:13:13,646 --> 00:13:16,919 I'll give £100 to the person who finds it. 369 00:13:16,919 --> 00:13:19,610 - £100? (laughter) 370 00:13:19,610 --> 00:13:20,976 That is very generous. 371 00:13:20,976 --> 00:13:21,810 Now, don't worry. 372 00:13:21,810 --> 00:13:24,433 If it's here, we'll find it. 373 00:13:24,433 --> 00:13:26,517 Mr. Lucas, where are you? 374 00:13:27,569 --> 00:13:28,541 Get up, you fool! 375 00:13:28,541 --> 00:13:30,503 - Look, there's 100 quid lyin' around here somewhere! 376 00:13:30,503 --> 00:13:32,030 - We don't want the rest of the shop looking for it. 377 00:13:32,030 --> 00:13:34,015 Otherwise, we won't get the reward. 378 00:13:34,015 --> 00:13:36,107 Now, I'm not just a pretty face. 379 00:13:36,107 --> 00:13:37,045 - I'll tell what, we'll both look, 380 00:13:37,045 --> 00:13:38,876 and if we find it, we'll split it 50-50. 381 00:13:38,876 --> 00:13:41,109 - Well, it was my customer, 60-40. 382 00:13:41,109 --> 00:13:43,660 - Ah, yes, well, then if I spot it first, 60-40 to me. 383 00:13:43,660 --> 00:13:46,029 - Then if I spot it first, 70-30 to me. 384 00:13:46,029 --> 00:13:48,803 (laughter) 385 00:13:48,803 --> 00:13:49,976 - A straight 50-50. 386 00:13:49,976 --> 00:13:51,555 - A straight 60-40. 387 00:13:51,555 --> 00:13:54,009 - A straight 50-50 is my last offer. 388 00:13:54,009 --> 00:13:55,396 - Give me one good reason. 389 00:13:55,396 --> 00:13:56,230 - I've just spotted it. 390 00:13:56,230 --> 00:13:58,362 - A straight 50-50. (laughter) 391 00:13:58,362 --> 00:13:59,547 Where have you spotted it? 392 00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:01,630 - Between Peacock's legs. 393 00:14:03,207 --> 00:14:04,946 - How did it get there? 394 00:14:04,946 --> 00:14:07,592 Oh! I see what you mean. 395 00:14:07,592 --> 00:14:08,627 Oh, it's just by his heel. 396 00:14:08,627 --> 00:14:10,381 It's shining like Beachy Head Lighthouse. 397 00:14:10,381 --> 00:14:11,939 - Yes, and if he looks down between his legs now, 398 00:14:11,939 --> 00:14:14,254 you and me have got 50% of sweet Fanny. 399 00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:17,253 Listen, (laughter) 400 00:14:17,253 --> 00:14:19,653 I'll go over there and hide it, 401 00:14:19,653 --> 00:14:21,986 and you try and get it away. 402 00:14:30,696 --> 00:14:32,946 (laughter) 403 00:14:55,844 --> 00:14:59,512 - Why are you standing like that, Mr. Lucas? 404 00:15:01,553 --> 00:15:03,814 - Why am I standing like this, Captain Peacock? 405 00:15:03,814 --> 00:15:05,340 - That is what I asked. 406 00:15:05,340 --> 00:15:06,384 - It's your lumbago, Mr. Lucas. 407 00:15:06,384 --> 00:15:07,463 - It's my lumbago, Mr. Lucas, 408 00:15:07,463 --> 00:15:09,235 er, Captain Peacock. 409 00:15:09,235 --> 00:15:10,984 - Why do you suddenly get it behind my back? 410 00:15:10,984 --> 00:15:12,308 - No, no, it's behind my back. 411 00:15:12,308 --> 00:15:13,300 (laughter) 412 00:15:13,300 --> 00:15:15,218 - Come here, Mr. Lucas. 413 00:15:16,852 --> 00:15:19,103 (laughter) 414 00:15:20,458 --> 00:15:21,462 - Is that the best you can do? 415 00:15:21,462 --> 00:15:23,134 - At the moment, sir, yes. 416 00:15:23,134 --> 00:15:26,732 - I usually have to massage it for him, Captain Peacock. 417 00:15:26,732 --> 00:15:28,354 - Oh, the relief! 418 00:15:28,354 --> 00:15:30,573 - Why are you massaging his ankle, Mr. Humphries? 419 00:15:30,573 --> 00:15:32,142 That's not where you get lumbago. 420 00:15:32,142 --> 00:15:33,869 - If I was to massage him where you get lumbago, 421 00:15:33,869 --> 00:15:37,562 we'd both be thrown out. (laughter) 422 00:15:37,562 --> 00:15:38,396 - It's gone! 423 00:15:38,396 --> 00:15:40,027 - It's in my pocket. 424 00:15:40,027 --> 00:15:42,428 - Back to your places, both of you. 425 00:15:42,428 --> 00:15:43,302 - Good afternoon, Captain Peacock. 426 00:15:43,302 --> 00:15:45,856 I'd like a word with everybody. 427 00:15:45,856 --> 00:15:47,204 - Would all the staff pay attention, please? 428 00:15:47,204 --> 00:15:49,668 Mr. Rumbold would like a word with everybody. 429 00:15:49,668 --> 00:15:50,852 - Captain Peacock, would you like us 430 00:15:50,852 --> 00:15:52,005 to go back to our places 431 00:15:52,005 --> 00:15:53,562 while Mr. Rumbold has his word with everyone, 432 00:15:53,562 --> 00:15:54,395 or stay here? 433 00:15:54,395 --> 00:15:57,009 - Don't be juvenile, Mr. Lucas. 434 00:15:57,009 --> 00:15:58,575 - I have just had a message from a lady 435 00:15:58,575 --> 00:16:00,261 who has lost a valuable diamond 436 00:16:00,261 --> 00:16:01,776 somewhere in this department. 437 00:16:01,776 --> 00:16:04,838 Now, she's offering a substantial reward for its recovery, 438 00:16:04,838 --> 00:16:07,046 so I suggest you all have a very good search. 439 00:16:07,046 --> 00:16:09,031 Whoever finds it should bring it straight to me, 440 00:16:09,031 --> 00:16:12,062 and I will divide the reward equally amongst you all. 441 00:16:12,062 --> 00:16:13,673 - How much is the reward, sir? 442 00:16:13,673 --> 00:16:14,633 - I beg your pardon? 443 00:16:14,633 --> 00:16:16,949 - How much is the reward? 444 00:16:16,949 --> 00:16:18,432 - How much is the reward. 445 00:16:18,432 --> 00:16:19,265 - Yes. 446 00:16:19,265 --> 00:16:20,098 - Um, £75. 447 00:16:22,620 --> 00:16:24,306 How does that sound? 448 00:16:24,306 --> 00:16:27,409 - Very convincing, sir. (laughter) 449 00:16:27,409 --> 00:16:29,951 The old chisler's trying to do us out of 25 quid. 450 00:16:29,951 --> 00:16:31,519 - It's his ears, you know. 451 00:16:31,519 --> 00:16:32,639 When they're low-set like that, 452 00:16:32,639 --> 00:16:34,656 it means they've got criminal instincts. 453 00:16:34,656 --> 00:16:35,925 (laughter) 454 00:16:35,925 --> 00:16:37,857 - Well, carry on and good luck. 455 00:16:37,857 --> 00:16:38,838 - Thank you, sir. 456 00:16:38,838 --> 00:16:40,839 - Pretend to be looking. 457 00:16:56,546 --> 00:16:59,140 (laughter) 458 00:16:59,140 --> 00:17:00,641 - Now, that's £75. 459 00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:04,480 That's three in this department, 460 00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:07,371 and two in the ladies', that is five, 461 00:17:07,371 --> 00:17:10,016 divided into 75, is five and five, 22, 462 00:17:10,016 --> 00:17:11,684 that'll be £15 each. 463 00:17:13,036 --> 00:17:15,939 - Divided among six, Mr. Grainger. 464 00:17:15,939 --> 00:17:18,308 - Oh, Captain Peacock. 465 00:17:18,308 --> 00:17:21,221 As you are neither a member of my department 466 00:17:21,221 --> 00:17:23,183 nor of Mrs. Slocombe's, 467 00:17:23,183 --> 00:17:25,807 I don't see how you could possibly have 468 00:17:25,807 --> 00:17:27,807 any claim on the reward. 469 00:17:28,655 --> 00:17:31,194 - I, on the other hand, have no difficulty whatsoever 470 00:17:31,194 --> 00:17:33,063 in seeing how I might have a claim on it, 471 00:17:33,063 --> 00:17:35,421 and have a claim on it I will. 472 00:17:35,421 --> 00:17:38,185 - Well, I think whosever's department it's found in 473 00:17:38,185 --> 00:17:40,009 should get the lion's share. 474 00:17:40,009 --> 00:17:41,171 - Well, I think whoever finds it 475 00:17:41,171 --> 00:17:42,623 should get the lion's share. 476 00:17:42,623 --> 00:17:44,373 - No, no, no, no, no. 477 00:17:45,822 --> 00:17:47,680 Well, there's no doubt that 478 00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:50,305 Mr. Lucas has the best suggestion. 479 00:17:50,305 --> 00:17:54,157 - Well, are we all agreed to cut Captain Peacock in? 480 00:17:54,157 --> 00:17:56,834 - Believe me, Mr. Grainger, I am very much in. 481 00:17:56,834 --> 00:18:00,835 So now let's all start looking for it, shall we? 482 00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:08,286 - It must be very small. 483 00:18:10,003 --> 00:18:12,336 (laughter) 484 00:18:15,915 --> 00:18:17,523 - Captain Peacock! 485 00:18:17,523 --> 00:18:21,361 What is the reason for your proximity? 486 00:18:21,361 --> 00:18:23,133 - This is my area, I shall look here. 487 00:18:23,133 --> 00:18:24,285 You look over there. 488 00:18:24,285 --> 00:18:25,118 - Oh. 489 00:18:30,098 --> 00:18:31,166 - [Mr. Humphries] Captain Peacock? 490 00:18:31,166 --> 00:18:33,364 - Hmm? (laughter) 491 00:18:33,364 --> 00:18:34,719 - On your feet, Captain Peacock. 492 00:18:34,719 --> 00:18:35,657 - Hmm. 493 00:18:35,657 --> 00:18:37,376 - Should we discover the diamond, 494 00:18:37,376 --> 00:18:40,737 wouldn't it be better to take it to the young lady direct? 495 00:18:40,737 --> 00:18:42,315 - (garbled speech) Should you discover the diamond, 496 00:18:42,315 --> 00:18:46,551 Mr. Humphries, it would be the sensible thing to do, yes. 497 00:18:46,551 --> 00:18:48,802 (laughter) 498 00:18:55,183 --> 00:18:57,072 - To whom am I speaking? 499 00:18:57,072 --> 00:18:58,894 Madam's butler? 500 00:18:58,894 --> 00:19:01,659 Well, would you tell Madam when she returns 501 00:19:01,659 --> 00:19:04,604 that we have located her stone. 502 00:19:04,604 --> 00:19:07,474 No, this is not the doctor's, we are Grace Brothers. 503 00:19:07,474 --> 00:19:08,968 (laughter) 504 00:19:08,968 --> 00:19:10,931 Yes, I have the diamond here in my hand, 505 00:19:10,931 --> 00:19:12,911 and the message is-- (knock on door) 506 00:19:12,911 --> 00:19:16,479 Not now, I'm busy with my secretary! 507 00:19:16,479 --> 00:19:19,722 Yes, the message is for her to come directly to my office 508 00:19:19,722 --> 00:19:23,574 and make the £100 reward to payable personally to me, 509 00:19:23,574 --> 00:19:24,992 Cuthbert Rumbold, 510 00:19:26,060 --> 00:19:28,875 and I will see that it goes to those who deserve it. 511 00:19:28,875 --> 00:19:30,042 Yes, good-bye. 512 00:19:30,883 --> 00:19:31,716 Come in! 513 00:19:33,851 --> 00:19:36,048 - Have you finished your call to MI5, sir? 514 00:19:36,048 --> 00:19:37,702 - What? Oh, yes. 515 00:19:37,702 --> 00:19:39,501 Don't tell anyone else. 516 00:19:39,501 --> 00:19:42,660 You couldn't hear through the door, could you? 517 00:19:42,660 --> 00:19:43,844 - No, sir. 518 00:19:43,844 --> 00:19:44,677 - Good. 519 00:19:47,823 --> 00:19:49,318 - Pretend you're looking. 520 00:19:49,318 --> 00:19:50,982 - And aren't we to take it to Rumbold? 521 00:19:50,982 --> 00:19:52,103 - Oh, use your loaf. 522 00:19:52,103 --> 00:19:52,936 If we take it to him, 523 00:19:52,936 --> 00:19:54,716 she'll make out the check for 100 to him, 524 00:19:54,716 --> 00:19:55,965 he'll pocket 25, 525 00:19:55,965 --> 00:19:58,173 and six of us'll have to share what's left. 526 00:19:58,173 --> 00:19:59,007 Do you follow me? 527 00:19:59,007 --> 00:20:01,976 - Well, I'm trying, but it's gonna give me housemaid's knee. 528 00:20:01,976 --> 00:20:03,939 - [Both] Are you being served, sir? 529 00:20:03,939 --> 00:20:06,690 Good. (laughter) 530 00:20:14,065 --> 00:20:15,516 What we've got to go is to get this woman 531 00:20:15,516 --> 00:20:17,618 to make out the check for 100 to us. 532 00:20:17,618 --> 00:20:20,360 We'll pocket 25 and then take our share as well. 533 00:20:20,360 --> 00:20:22,099 - Of course, and Rumbold can't complain, 534 00:20:22,099 --> 00:20:24,137 because he was trying to fiddle us in the first place. 535 00:20:24,137 --> 00:20:25,257 Yeah, but how are we gonna get a hold 536 00:20:25,257 --> 00:20:26,410 of this woman's telephone number 537 00:20:26,410 --> 00:20:27,776 so we can ring her, tell her we've got it, 538 00:20:27,776 --> 00:20:29,056 and then she's gotta come and see us? 539 00:20:29,056 --> 00:20:31,350 - One of us will bravely sneak into Rumbold's office 540 00:20:31,350 --> 00:20:33,708 when he's at lunch and get it. 541 00:20:33,708 --> 00:20:34,541 - Which one? 542 00:20:34,541 --> 00:20:36,492 - A toss of the coin'll decide. 543 00:20:36,492 --> 00:20:37,325 - Heads. 544 00:20:37,325 --> 00:20:40,659 - Good luck. (laughter) 545 00:20:42,675 --> 00:20:45,118 - You've got low-set ears as well, haven't you? 546 00:20:45,118 --> 00:20:47,483 (laughter) 547 00:20:47,483 --> 00:20:48,933 (knock on door) 548 00:20:48,933 --> 00:20:50,101 - Mr. Rumbold! 549 00:20:52,068 --> 00:20:53,068 Mr. Rumbold? 550 00:21:03,572 --> 00:21:07,803 Blue-white, flawless, three carats or more. 551 00:21:07,803 --> 00:21:08,636 58 facets. 552 00:21:09,511 --> 00:21:11,867 What a careless lady. 553 00:21:11,867 --> 00:21:13,867 Now, where's her number? 554 00:21:17,868 --> 00:21:18,701 Ah. 555 00:21:20,248 --> 00:21:21,722 Now, then. 556 00:21:21,722 --> 00:21:25,556 Mr. Rumbold is going to make a telephone call. 557 00:21:29,479 --> 00:21:31,453 (imitating Mr. Rumbold) Operator, Rumbold here. 558 00:21:31,453 --> 00:21:33,620 Would you get me 965 0721? 559 00:21:40,647 --> 00:21:42,079 - Is that you, Captain Peacock? 560 00:21:42,079 --> 00:21:45,173 (laughter) - No, it's only me. 561 00:21:45,173 --> 00:21:46,763 I've found it! 562 00:21:46,763 --> 00:21:48,597 - Put it out of sight! 563 00:21:50,977 --> 00:21:51,811 Follow me. 564 00:21:55,843 --> 00:21:57,315 Now that we've found it, 565 00:21:57,315 --> 00:21:59,544 I'm going to see that we get the biggest share. 566 00:21:59,544 --> 00:22:01,249 - But I found it. 567 00:22:01,249 --> 00:22:02,661 - It was found in my department, 568 00:22:02,661 --> 00:22:04,880 and I gave you permission to look. 569 00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:06,342 - All right, then, well, how can we get a bigger share 570 00:22:06,342 --> 00:22:08,059 if we've already agreed? 571 00:22:08,059 --> 00:22:09,607 - Because we'll hide it. 572 00:22:09,607 --> 00:22:12,434 And if they don't divvy up, we'll say we can't find it. 573 00:22:12,434 --> 00:22:13,404 Hand it over. 574 00:22:13,404 --> 00:22:14,354 - Right. 575 00:22:14,354 --> 00:22:15,645 Oh. 576 00:22:15,645 --> 00:22:17,043 Oh, it must have slipped through. 577 00:22:17,043 --> 00:22:19,078 I can't find it. 578 00:22:19,078 --> 00:22:21,278 - You wouldn't double-cross me, Miss Brahms. 579 00:22:21,278 --> 00:22:23,699 - No, honest, Mrs. Slocombe, it... 580 00:22:23,699 --> 00:22:25,087 Oh, yes, I've found it. 581 00:22:25,087 --> 00:22:27,958 It's gone down the insides of me tights, ooh. 582 00:22:27,958 --> 00:22:29,921 Ooh, they're gonna take ages to get off. 583 00:22:29,921 --> 00:22:31,572 - Oh, well, shake it down your leg 584 00:22:31,572 --> 00:22:33,250 and we'll cut the toe off. 585 00:22:33,250 --> 00:22:35,500 (laughter) 586 00:22:36,909 --> 00:22:38,126 - Has Rumbold gone to lunch? 587 00:22:38,126 --> 00:22:39,866 - Yes, he went about 10 minutes ago. 588 00:22:39,866 --> 00:22:41,080 And I'm gonna get mine now. 589 00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:41,966 - Quite true. 590 00:22:41,966 --> 00:22:45,646 (Mr. Lucas whistles) - Ooh! 591 00:22:45,646 --> 00:22:46,907 - Now, I suggest, Madam, 592 00:22:46,907 --> 00:22:50,758 that you meet me by the lifts on the ground floor. 593 00:22:50,758 --> 00:22:52,531 Oh, that's quite easy. 594 00:22:52,531 --> 00:22:54,251 I shall be wearing a red carnation. 595 00:22:54,251 --> 00:22:58,178 I am tall, slightly graying at the sides. 596 00:22:58,178 --> 00:23:01,517 Yes, that's right, rather distinguished. 597 00:23:01,517 --> 00:23:05,134 If you'll make the check payable to Captain S. Peacock, 598 00:23:05,134 --> 00:23:09,903 and I will see that the £75 gets to the one who deserves it. 599 00:23:09,903 --> 00:23:10,904 It was £100? 600 00:23:12,112 --> 00:23:13,563 I see. 601 00:23:13,563 --> 00:23:16,304 Madam is very generous. 602 00:23:16,304 --> 00:23:18,805 Some people have no integrity. 603 00:23:22,086 --> 00:23:24,337 (laughter) 604 00:23:43,032 --> 00:23:44,451 - (Imitating Mr. Rumbold) Operator, I wonder if 605 00:23:44,451 --> 00:23:46,369 you'll get me 965 0721. 606 00:23:48,793 --> 00:23:50,500 - [Operator] What, again? 607 00:23:50,500 --> 00:23:52,239 - Yes, again. 608 00:23:52,239 --> 00:23:53,978 - (normal voice) Hello, oh, my name's Lucas. 609 00:23:53,978 --> 00:23:55,761 Could I speak to the lady that lost the diamond? 610 00:23:55,761 --> 00:23:56,807 - [Captain Peacock] Lucas? 611 00:23:56,807 --> 00:23:58,228 - Yes, that's right, Lucas. 612 00:23:58,228 --> 00:23:59,062 - [Captain Peacock] Lucas! 613 00:23:59,062 --> 00:24:01,603 - Captain Peacock! (laughter) 614 00:24:01,603 --> 00:24:03,780 - What is the meaning of this? 615 00:24:03,780 --> 00:24:04,697 - Ah, well, 616 00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:07,971 I was just trying to ring up the lady, you see, sir. 617 00:24:07,971 --> 00:24:09,510 - Why? 618 00:24:09,510 --> 00:24:10,760 - Ah. Yes. Why. 619 00:24:12,529 --> 00:24:14,108 Well, it's a private matter, really. 620 00:24:14,108 --> 00:24:16,200 - Why, Mr. Lucas? 621 00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:17,694 - Well, you see, sir, she fancied me. 622 00:24:17,694 --> 00:24:18,770 - She fancied you? 623 00:24:18,770 --> 00:24:20,158 - Ah, you noticed it, too. 624 00:24:20,158 --> 00:24:22,324 - I demand an explanation! 625 00:24:22,324 --> 00:24:24,180 - Shall I come down there, or will you come up here? 626 00:24:24,180 --> 00:24:25,671 (laughter) 627 00:24:25,671 --> 00:24:26,505 - I was... 628 00:24:27,605 --> 00:24:29,483 I was searching for the diamond. 629 00:24:29,483 --> 00:24:31,115 - It wasn't lost in here. 630 00:24:31,115 --> 00:24:33,708 - Well, it could have been carried in here 631 00:24:33,708 --> 00:24:35,468 on the sole of a shoe 632 00:24:35,468 --> 00:24:39,716 that had a bit of a chewing gum on the sole. 633 00:24:39,716 --> 00:24:41,578 (door opens) 634 00:24:41,578 --> 00:24:43,718 - What are you two doing in here? 635 00:24:43,718 --> 00:24:46,614 - I came to say that I hadn't found the diamond, sir. 636 00:24:46,614 --> 00:24:49,537 - And I came to say that I hadn't found the diamond either. 637 00:24:49,537 --> 00:24:51,521 - Well, keep searching, gentlemen. 638 00:24:51,521 --> 00:24:54,583 (knock on door) Come in. 639 00:24:54,583 --> 00:24:56,076 - Oh. 640 00:24:56,076 --> 00:24:58,360 May I have a word with Mr. Rumbold? 641 00:24:58,360 --> 00:24:59,896 - What can I do for you, Mrs. Slocombe? 642 00:24:59,896 --> 00:25:03,429 - Well, I came to say that I haven't found the diamond. 643 00:25:03,429 --> 00:25:05,924 - And I haven't found it, either. 644 00:25:05,924 --> 00:25:10,311 - But if Miss Brahms or I did find it, we feel, 645 00:25:10,311 --> 00:25:14,056 and I am unanimous in this, (laughter) 646 00:25:14,056 --> 00:25:16,946 that we ought to get a bigger cut. 647 00:25:16,946 --> 00:25:20,179 - Yes, well, I think if you find the diamond, 648 00:25:20,179 --> 00:25:21,482 that's perfectly fair. 649 00:25:21,482 --> 00:25:24,884 - Yes, whoever finds the diamond should have the larger cut, 650 00:25:24,884 --> 00:25:27,457 nor, indeed, all of it. 651 00:25:27,457 --> 00:25:29,804 - Yes, well, let's agree to that, then. 652 00:25:29,804 --> 00:25:32,641 Whoever finds the diamond gets all the reward. 653 00:25:32,641 --> 00:25:35,438 - Yes, I definitely agree with that. 654 00:25:35,438 --> 00:25:37,700 - Oh, Mrs. Slocombe-- - Not yet. 655 00:25:37,700 --> 00:25:40,090 Yes, we agree also. 656 00:25:40,090 --> 00:25:42,747 And I think the moment has come for me to tell you that-- 657 00:25:42,747 --> 00:25:45,649 (knock on door) - Come in. 658 00:25:45,649 --> 00:25:48,327 Have you come to tell me that you haven't found the diamond? 659 00:25:48,327 --> 00:25:50,891 - No, I've come to tell you that Mr. Grainger has. 660 00:25:50,891 --> 00:25:52,563 - What? - What? 661 00:25:52,563 --> 00:25:55,239 - It had rolled under the counter. 662 00:25:55,239 --> 00:25:56,788 Isn't it marvelous? 663 00:25:56,788 --> 00:26:00,255 We all get £12 and 50 new pence. 664 00:26:00,255 --> 00:26:01,088 - Well, what about this one, then? 665 00:26:01,088 --> 00:26:02,347 She must have lost two. 666 00:26:02,347 --> 00:26:03,389 - Or three. 667 00:26:03,389 --> 00:26:05,079 - She couldn't have lost four. 668 00:26:05,079 --> 00:26:07,002 (knock on door) - Come in. 669 00:26:07,002 --> 00:26:07,835 (Mr. Mash sputters) 670 00:26:07,835 --> 00:26:10,349 - Come in, Mr. Mash. (laughter) 671 00:26:10,349 --> 00:26:11,682 - Oh, there you are, Mrs. Slocombe. 672 00:26:11,682 --> 00:26:13,784 Here, you've got a bit of sewing on to do. 673 00:26:13,784 --> 00:26:15,929 I found these in my truck. 674 00:26:15,929 --> 00:26:17,081 - Ah! 675 00:26:17,081 --> 00:26:18,628 They're off the dresses! 676 00:26:18,628 --> 00:26:20,046 It's all rubbish. 677 00:26:20,976 --> 00:26:22,385 Look, we should have guessed. 678 00:26:22,385 --> 00:26:24,785 Look, they're all mounted for sewing on. 679 00:26:24,785 --> 00:26:26,225 - Oh, so they are. 680 00:26:26,225 --> 00:26:27,334 - [Mr. Humphries] Well, we'll have to get lucky again, 681 00:26:27,334 --> 00:26:28,337 won't we? (telephone rings) 682 00:26:28,337 --> 00:26:30,154 - Just a moment, just a moment. 683 00:26:30,154 --> 00:26:31,237 Rumbold here. 684 00:26:32,338 --> 00:26:34,589 Somebody phoned and suggested what? 685 00:26:34,589 --> 00:26:36,254 Yeah? 686 00:26:36,254 --> 00:26:37,171 Yes, I see. 687 00:26:38,439 --> 00:26:40,735 The lady is on her way up. 688 00:26:40,735 --> 00:26:43,242 Apparently she's been waiting by the lifts downstairs 689 00:26:43,242 --> 00:26:46,817 for a gentlemen who is tall, slightly graying at the sides, 690 00:26:46,817 --> 00:26:49,387 rather distinguished, he says, 691 00:26:49,387 --> 00:26:50,520 and wearing a red carnation. 692 00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:52,472 I wonder who that could be? 693 00:26:52,472 --> 00:26:55,011 - Oh. (laughter) 694 00:26:55,011 --> 00:26:57,646 - Now, correct me if I'm wrong, Captain Peacock, 695 00:26:57,646 --> 00:27:00,047 but I don't recall you producing a diamond. 696 00:27:00,047 --> 00:27:01,744 - Well, I... 697 00:27:01,744 --> 00:27:04,200 I thought it was rubbish, like the rest. 698 00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:05,723 - Well, let's have a butcher's. 699 00:27:05,723 --> 00:27:08,222 - Here, here, let me see that. 700 00:27:08,222 --> 00:27:10,366 It's not mounted! 701 00:27:10,366 --> 00:27:12,210 It's the real one. 702 00:27:12,210 --> 00:27:13,210 Ooh, £1,000. 703 00:27:14,558 --> 00:27:16,712 I've never had anything worth that much 704 00:27:16,712 --> 00:27:18,292 in my hand before. 705 00:27:18,292 --> 00:27:19,709 - Neither have I. 706 00:27:20,794 --> 00:27:22,904 - Yes, well, you can all get back to work now. 707 00:27:22,904 --> 00:27:26,118 And Captain Peacock, I'll see that you get the £75. 708 00:27:26,118 --> 00:27:27,719 - I prefer to stay, sir, 709 00:27:27,719 --> 00:27:30,703 and receive the full reward personally. 710 00:27:30,703 --> 00:27:33,367 (knock on door) - Come in. 711 00:27:33,367 --> 00:27:35,059 Ah, it's young Mr. Grace! 712 00:27:35,059 --> 00:27:37,000 - [All] Good afternoon, Mr. Grace. 713 00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:38,366 - We weren't expecting you, sir. 714 00:27:38,366 --> 00:27:40,392 - No, you were in a fortnight ago for 10 minutes. 715 00:27:40,392 --> 00:27:44,210 - This young lady has told me all about it in the lift. 716 00:27:44,210 --> 00:27:46,763 I think you've all done very well. 717 00:27:46,763 --> 00:27:49,239 - [All] Thank you, Mr. Grace. 718 00:27:49,239 --> 00:27:50,241 - Who found it? 719 00:27:50,241 --> 00:27:51,712 - I'm happy to say that I did. 720 00:27:51,712 --> 00:27:54,208 - Oh, I'm very grateful to you. 721 00:27:54,208 --> 00:27:56,793 And now I'll give you the £100 I promised. 722 00:27:56,793 --> 00:27:57,876 - 100? - 100? 723 00:27:58,746 --> 00:28:02,078 - It was a bad line. (laughter) 724 00:28:02,078 --> 00:28:05,544 - Well, I'm going to put in another £100, 725 00:28:05,544 --> 00:28:07,377 making it £200 in all. 726 00:28:08,285 --> 00:28:10,078 - That's very generous of you, Mr. Grace. 727 00:28:10,078 --> 00:28:11,390 - Don't the rest of us get any? 728 00:28:11,390 --> 00:28:13,973 - Oh, yes, you're all going to benefit. 729 00:28:13,973 --> 00:28:16,746 Now, you make the check out to me, 730 00:28:16,746 --> 00:28:20,636 and I will make out another check for £100-- 731 00:28:20,636 --> 00:28:22,300 - £200, I think you said, Mr. Grace. 732 00:28:22,300 --> 00:28:25,801 - £200 to go to Grace Brothers Staff Home. 733 00:28:28,335 --> 00:28:31,261 You see, virtue does bring its own reward, 734 00:28:31,261 --> 00:28:34,450 as I can see by all your happy faces. 735 00:28:34,450 --> 00:28:36,574 (laughter) 736 00:28:36,574 --> 00:28:38,907 - Grace Brothers Staff Home. 737 00:28:40,349 --> 00:28:42,793 - What are you smiling about? 738 00:28:42,793 --> 00:28:44,682 - Well, it rather seems that I shall be 739 00:28:44,682 --> 00:28:46,742 the first one to benefit. 740 00:28:46,742 --> 00:28:48,065 (laughter) 741 00:28:48,065 --> 00:28:50,342 (cash register advances and rings) 742 00:28:50,342 --> 00:28:53,682 (cheers and applause) (Are You Being Served? Theme) 743 00:28:53,682 --> 00:28:56,253 ♫ Ground floor, perfumery, stationery and leather goods 744 00:28:56,253 --> 00:28:58,856 ♫ Wigs and haberdashery, kitchenware and food 745 00:28:58,856 --> 00:29:01,107 ♫ Going up 746 00:29:04,885 --> 00:29:07,850 ♫ First floor, telephones, gents' ready-made suits 747 00:29:07,850 --> 00:29:10,369 ♫ Shirts, socks, ties, hats, underwear, and shoes 748 00:29:10,369 --> 00:29:12,619 ♫ Going up 749 00:29:16,524 --> 00:29:19,478 ♫ Second floor, carpets, travel goods, and bedding 750 00:29:19,478 --> 00:29:21,988 ♫ Material, soft furnishing, restaurant, and teas 751 00:29:21,988 --> 00:29:24,406 ♫ Going down 53707

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