Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:05,026 --> 00:00:07,876
♫ Ground floor, perfumery,
stationery and leather goods
2
00:00:07,876 --> 00:00:10,522
♫ Wigs and haberdashery,
kitchenware and food
3
00:00:10,522 --> 00:00:12,772
♫ Going up
4
00:00:16,625 --> 00:00:19,554
♫ First floor, telephones,
gents' ready-made suits
5
00:00:19,554 --> 00:00:22,071
♫ Shirts, socks, ties,
hats, underwear, and shoes
6
00:00:22,071 --> 00:00:24,322
♫ Going up
7
00:00:28,206 --> 00:00:31,292
♫ Second floor, carpets,
travel goods, and bedding
8
00:00:31,292 --> 00:00:33,754
♫ Materials, soft furnishing,
restaurant, and teas
9
00:00:33,754 --> 00:00:35,515
♫ Going down
10
00:00:35,515 --> 00:00:36,646
- Miss Brahms.
11
00:00:36,646 --> 00:00:39,078
- Yes, I know, Captain Peacock, I'm late.
12
00:00:39,078 --> 00:00:40,699
- Not good enough, Miss Brahms.
13
00:00:40,699 --> 00:00:42,663
You are 15 minutes late.
14
00:00:42,663 --> 00:00:45,139
What would happen if everybody
else was 15 minutes late?
15
00:00:45,139 --> 00:00:46,952
- The store would open at quarter past.
16
00:00:46,952 --> 00:00:48,030
(laughter)
17
00:00:48,030 --> 00:00:49,492
- Don't be cheeky, Miss Brahms.
18
00:00:49,492 --> 00:00:51,413
Captain Peacock is quite within his rights
19
00:00:51,413 --> 00:00:52,779
to dress you down.
20
00:00:52,779 --> 00:00:53,855
- Have you an explanation?
21
00:00:53,855 --> 00:00:54,689
- Yes.
22
00:00:54,689 --> 00:00:55,691
It's Friday, I haven't got any money,
23
00:00:55,691 --> 00:00:56,939
and I couldn't afford the bus fare.
24
00:00:56,939 --> 00:00:57,929
I had to hitchhike.
25
00:00:57,929 --> 00:00:59,692
- Then you should have left home earlier.
26
00:00:59,692 --> 00:01:00,545
- I did.
27
00:01:00,545 --> 00:01:02,647
I stood on the corner
and I lifted my skirt
28
00:01:02,647 --> 00:01:03,690
and showed a bit of stocking
29
00:01:03,690 --> 00:01:05,934
like Marilyn Monroe did in Bus Stop.
30
00:01:05,934 --> 00:01:07,568
- What happened?
31
00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:09,492
(laughter)
32
00:01:09,492 --> 00:01:11,529
- The bus crashed.
33
00:01:11,529 --> 00:01:13,269
And I had to make a statement.
34
00:01:13,269 --> 00:01:15,135
(laughter)
35
00:01:15,135 --> 00:01:17,321
- The same thing happened to me once
36
00:01:17,321 --> 00:01:18,999
with a centurion tank.
37
00:01:18,999 --> 00:01:21,857
(laughter)
38
00:01:21,857 --> 00:01:23,661
- Were you trying to
stop it, Mrs. Slocombe,
39
00:01:23,661 --> 00:01:24,856
or were you driving it?
40
00:01:24,856 --> 00:01:26,445
(laughter)
41
00:01:26,445 --> 00:01:28,674
- I think Mr. Grainger is trying
to attract your attention,
42
00:01:28,674 --> 00:01:30,350
Captain Peacock.
43
00:01:30,350 --> 00:01:32,506
- Captain Peacock, are you free?
44
00:01:32,506 --> 00:01:34,691
- Yes, I'm free, Mr. Grainger.
45
00:01:34,691 --> 00:01:37,712
- I hope you won't mind
my mentioning the fact,
46
00:01:37,712 --> 00:01:40,616
but I left my purse behind
47
00:01:40,616 --> 00:01:43,658
on the wireless in the
kitchen this morning.
48
00:01:43,658 --> 00:01:45,535
- No, I don't mind you
mentioning it at all.
49
00:01:45,535 --> 00:01:47,520
(laughter)
50
00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:49,184
- No, well, I was wondering
51
00:01:49,184 --> 00:01:51,905
if you could let me have the pound back
52
00:01:51,905 --> 00:01:54,754
which I lent you yesterday.
53
00:01:54,754 --> 00:01:57,058
- Of course, Mr. Grainger, I...
54
00:01:57,058 --> 00:01:58,296
Oh, dear.
55
00:01:58,296 --> 00:02:00,686
I, too, seem to have left
my notecase in the study
56
00:02:00,686 --> 00:02:03,727
on top of the color television set.
57
00:02:03,727 --> 00:02:05,263
- Oh, have you?
58
00:02:05,263 --> 00:02:07,536
I seem to remember that
you did the same thing
59
00:02:07,536 --> 00:02:10,031
last Friday, Stephen.
60
00:02:10,031 --> 00:02:11,199
- Yes, Ernest.
61
00:02:12,283 --> 00:02:15,221
Yes, it seems I'm
getting rather forgetful.
62
00:02:15,221 --> 00:02:16,481
- Yes.
63
00:02:16,481 --> 00:02:18,946
That's why I reminded you about the pound.
64
00:02:18,946 --> 00:02:20,622
(laughter)
65
00:02:20,622 --> 00:02:21,920
- Don't worry, Mr. Grainger.
66
00:02:21,920 --> 00:02:23,480
Our pay will be down in a moment,
67
00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:26,735
and as soon as I can get change
for one of my larger notes,
68
00:02:26,735 --> 00:02:28,236
you shall have it.
69
00:02:29,337 --> 00:02:30,618
- You know, you really should try
70
00:02:30,618 --> 00:02:33,317
to make your money last
out the week, Miss Brahms.
71
00:02:33,317 --> 00:02:35,473
- I can't even make it last the weekend.
72
00:02:35,473 --> 00:02:37,094
- What do you spend it on?
73
00:02:37,094 --> 00:02:38,194
- Clothes.
74
00:02:38,194 --> 00:02:39,172
- Clothes?
75
00:02:39,172 --> 00:02:41,960
- Yes, clothes, so the
boys'll ask me out to dinner.
76
00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:44,402
- Yes, but if you didn't
spend it on clothes,
77
00:02:44,402 --> 00:02:48,146
you could stay at home and
cook something for yourself.
78
00:02:48,146 --> 00:02:50,133
- Oh, I can't afford
to buy food for meself.
79
00:02:50,133 --> 00:02:51,510
It's too expensive.
80
00:02:51,510 --> 00:02:53,001
- Yes, but you could afford it
81
00:02:53,001 --> 00:02:55,104
if you didn't spend your money on clothes.
82
00:02:55,104 --> 00:02:56,716
- Yes, well, if I spent my money on food,
83
00:02:56,716 --> 00:02:58,605
I couldn't afford to
spend it on the clothes
84
00:02:58,605 --> 00:03:01,036
so the boys would ask me out to dinner.
85
00:03:01,036 --> 00:03:03,469
- I just don't understand
young people nowadays.
86
00:03:03,469 --> 00:03:05,966
I don't understand what
you're talking about.
87
00:03:05,966 --> 00:03:08,367
- I just like going out, that's all.
88
00:03:08,367 --> 00:03:11,514
- My dear girl, I could be wined and dined
89
00:03:11,514 --> 00:03:13,648
every night if I wanted to.
90
00:03:13,648 --> 00:03:16,868
If it wasn't for that awful
wrestling match in the car
91
00:03:16,868 --> 00:03:18,321
when you got home.
(laughter)
92
00:03:18,321 --> 00:03:21,938
Those roving hands and the sloppy kisses
93
00:03:21,938 --> 00:03:25,588
and the fight to get the
door open and escape.
94
00:03:25,588 --> 00:03:27,679
- Did many of them get
away, Mrs. Slocombe?
95
00:03:27,679 --> 00:03:29,930
(laughter)
96
00:03:30,784 --> 00:03:34,528
- Go and check the till, Miss Brahms.
97
00:03:34,528 --> 00:03:37,259
- Well, so, anyway, I couldn't
take her home to my place,
98
00:03:37,259 --> 00:03:38,337
see, 'cause it was Thursday night,
99
00:03:38,337 --> 00:03:40,484
and that's the night me mum does her feet.
100
00:03:40,484 --> 00:03:42,527
- Well, I suppose that would
take the romance out of it.
101
00:03:42,527 --> 00:03:43,360
So what did you do?
102
00:03:43,360 --> 00:03:44,427
- Well, I took her back to hers.
103
00:03:44,427 --> 00:03:45,675
It was an absolute disaster.
104
00:03:45,675 --> 00:03:46,742
Her old man came back early
105
00:03:46,742 --> 00:03:48,524
and insisted on watching
the telly with us.
106
00:03:48,524 --> 00:03:49,536
Then her aunt came back.
107
00:03:49,536 --> 00:03:50,829
Then her mum came home from Bingo.
108
00:03:50,829 --> 00:03:52,749
And then her sister came
downstairs with the baby
109
00:03:52,749 --> 00:03:54,424
'cause it wouldn't stop crying.
110
00:03:54,424 --> 00:03:55,800
Three hours later, her old man asked me
111
00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:57,241
what my intentions were.
112
00:03:57,241 --> 00:03:59,044
I told him, "With all you
lot here, nothing at all."
113
00:03:59,044 --> 00:04:01,061
So he kicked me out.
(laughter)
114
00:04:01,061 --> 00:04:01,894
What did you do?
115
00:04:01,894 --> 00:04:03,291
- Well, I had an old
friend round to dinner,
116
00:04:03,291 --> 00:04:05,443
but it wasn't a very successful evening.
117
00:04:05,443 --> 00:04:07,078
I mean, you've got to be
in the mood for cooking,
118
00:04:07,078 --> 00:04:08,303
haven't you?
119
00:04:08,303 --> 00:04:10,396
I got a bit cross and
slammed the over door,
120
00:04:10,396 --> 00:04:12,402
and, well, me Yorkshires wouldn't rise.
121
00:04:12,402 --> 00:04:15,153
(laughter)
122
00:04:15,153 --> 00:04:17,460
You know, I didn't know which way to turn,
123
00:04:17,460 --> 00:04:18,878
which is very unusual for me.
124
00:04:18,878 --> 00:04:21,322
(laughter)
125
00:04:21,322 --> 00:04:22,506
- Yeah.
126
00:04:22,506 --> 00:04:23,487
- So do you know what I did?
- What did you do?
127
00:04:23,487 --> 00:04:25,931
- I got me rolling pin out,
I flattened it all down,
128
00:04:25,931 --> 00:04:27,425
I threw a tin of fruit salad on it
129
00:04:27,425 --> 00:04:29,228
and served it as a surprise pancake.
130
00:04:29,228 --> 00:04:30,626
(laughter)
131
00:04:30,626 --> 00:04:31,757
It made the evening.
132
00:04:31,757 --> 00:04:33,325
- Yes, it would.
133
00:04:33,325 --> 00:04:35,086
Hello, what's this?
134
00:04:35,086 --> 00:04:35,919
- Do you mind?
135
00:04:35,919 --> 00:04:37,337
That's a friend of mine.
136
00:04:37,337 --> 00:04:38,713
- You left in such a hurry.
137
00:04:38,713 --> 00:04:41,167
I forgot to give you the keys to the flat.
138
00:04:41,167 --> 00:04:43,750
Thank you for a lovely evening.
139
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:48,738
I'll phone you when I'm free.
140
00:04:54,536 --> 00:04:56,147
- What's all that about, then?
141
00:04:56,147 --> 00:04:57,993
- Well, we've known each other for ages.
142
00:04:57,993 --> 00:04:59,039
We see a lot of each other.
143
00:04:59,039 --> 00:05:01,257
- What, you and that gorgeous thing?
144
00:05:01,257 --> 00:05:02,644
- She's a very good friend of mine.
145
00:05:02,644 --> 00:05:04,192
- Look at those legs!
146
00:05:04,192 --> 00:05:05,857
- That is a very lovely person.
147
00:05:05,857 --> 00:05:06,955
- You're telling me!
148
00:05:06,955 --> 00:05:08,290
- And I'll tell you something else.
149
00:05:08,290 --> 00:05:10,763
She's much more settled since
she's had the operation.
150
00:05:10,763 --> 00:05:14,097
(laughter and applause)
151
00:05:17,464 --> 00:05:18,351
(knock on door)
152
00:05:18,351 --> 00:05:19,185
- Come in.
153
00:05:20,125 --> 00:05:21,564
- You sent for me, Mr. Rumbold?
154
00:05:21,564 --> 00:05:23,945
- Oh, yes, Captain Peacock, come in.
155
00:05:23,945 --> 00:05:26,035
It's Friday once again.
156
00:05:26,035 --> 00:05:27,882
- It is indeed, sir.
157
00:05:27,882 --> 00:05:30,282
- Would you be good enough to
take round these pay packets?
158
00:05:30,282 --> 00:05:31,115
- Yes, sir.
159
00:05:31,115 --> 00:05:33,425
Well, that's what all the
workers have been waiting for.
160
00:05:33,425 --> 00:05:35,533
- I don't know how they
manage, some of them.
161
00:05:35,533 --> 00:05:36,426
- By Friday morning,
162
00:05:36,426 --> 00:05:38,002
half of them are borrowing money for...
163
00:05:38,002 --> 00:05:39,560
Where's mine?
164
00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:40,786
- Oh, some mistake in accounts.
165
00:05:40,786 --> 00:05:44,204
They say it'll be through this afternoon.
166
00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:47,268
See you for lunch as usual?
167
00:05:47,268 --> 00:05:51,436
- Um, no, I'm putting it
on a bit round the old tum.
168
00:05:53,952 --> 00:05:56,598
- Is that about it, Mrs. Slocombe?
169
00:05:56,598 --> 00:05:58,390
- Perfect, Miss Brahms.
170
00:05:58,390 --> 00:05:59,778
There, you see, Madam.
171
00:05:59,778 --> 00:06:02,839
With the shorter hem and the
alterations to the sleeves
172
00:06:02,839 --> 00:06:05,091
and a bit taken out of the back,
173
00:06:05,091 --> 00:06:09,259
and, oh, yes, the shoulders
adjusted and the buttons moved,
174
00:06:10,896 --> 00:06:12,599
it'll fit you like a glove.
175
00:06:12,599 --> 00:06:15,898
- Wouldn't it be easier
to get one in my size?
176
00:06:15,898 --> 00:06:17,723
- But it's an unrepeatable offer.
177
00:06:17,723 --> 00:06:19,441
- Yes, it's last year's stock.
178
00:06:19,441 --> 00:06:22,439
- That'll do, Miss Brahms.
(laughter)
179
00:06:22,439 --> 00:06:24,125
If Madam would like to
go into the fitting room
180
00:06:24,125 --> 00:06:27,057
and take it off, we'll get
it sent away for alterations.
181
00:06:27,057 --> 00:06:28,244
- When will it be back?
182
00:06:28,244 --> 00:06:30,665
- Oh, much less than a month.
183
00:06:30,665 --> 00:06:34,858
And I'll have the £2 alteration
fee put on Madam's account.
184
00:06:34,858 --> 00:06:36,523
- £2?
185
00:06:36,523 --> 00:06:39,063
- Well, it does have to
go to Edinburgh, Madam.
186
00:06:39,063 --> 00:06:41,112
All our alterations go to Edinburgh.
187
00:06:41,112 --> 00:06:42,477
I mean, if you have them done in London,
188
00:06:42,477 --> 00:06:45,868
you never know who'll be
handling the garment, do you?
189
00:06:45,868 --> 00:06:47,368
- Very well, then.
190
00:06:49,632 --> 00:06:51,883
(laughter)
191
00:06:55,095 --> 00:06:58,300
- Only a woman with your
persuasive tongue, Mrs. Slocombe,
192
00:06:58,300 --> 00:07:02,122
could unload a 44 long onto a 36 short.
193
00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:04,437
- Well, we have to get
our commission somehow.
194
00:07:04,437 --> 00:07:08,001
- The receipt slips are inside, as usual.
195
00:07:08,001 --> 00:07:11,161
- Yeah, they've taken £4.62 in tax!
196
00:07:11,161 --> 00:07:13,317
- And you owe me a pound, don't forget.
197
00:07:13,317 --> 00:07:14,744
- Well, with all this
kneeling we have to do,
198
00:07:14,744 --> 00:07:16,730
they ought to give us
something for our tights.
199
00:07:16,730 --> 00:07:18,331
Look at my knees, look at them!
200
00:07:18,331 --> 00:07:20,113
They're all baggy.
201
00:07:20,113 --> 00:07:23,260
- Pull them up, Miss Brahms.
202
00:07:23,260 --> 00:07:25,511
(laughter)
203
00:07:27,016 --> 00:07:28,543
- Is that where they end?
204
00:07:28,543 --> 00:07:29,731
(laughter)
205
00:07:29,731 --> 00:07:30,627
- Yes.
206
00:07:30,627 --> 00:07:31,555
I have to get long ones
207
00:07:31,555 --> 00:07:34,307
on account of the fact
that I've got big feet.
208
00:07:34,307 --> 00:07:35,663
- It might solve your
problem, Miss Brahms,
209
00:07:35,663 --> 00:07:38,597
if you wore braces.
(laughter)
210
00:07:38,597 --> 00:07:40,272
- Very funny.
211
00:07:40,272 --> 00:07:42,203
- Or, alternatively,
you could sew suspenders
212
00:07:42,203 --> 00:07:43,871
onto your brassiere.
213
00:07:46,235 --> 00:07:49,820
- Will that be all, Captain Peacock?
214
00:07:49,820 --> 00:07:52,104
- What size is your fiance, Madam?
215
00:07:52,104 --> 00:07:53,993
Around the chest, I mean.
216
00:07:53,993 --> 00:07:57,630
- Well, he can get into
my sweater quite easily.
217
00:07:57,630 --> 00:07:59,947
- Who couldn't?
(laughter)
218
00:07:59,947 --> 00:08:03,862
- In that case, you can't go
wrong with a fluffy Fair Isle.
219
00:08:03,862 --> 00:08:05,484
- Difficult to say.
220
00:08:05,484 --> 00:08:08,429
He's about your build and he's ginger.
221
00:08:08,429 --> 00:08:11,448
- Oh.
(laughter)
222
00:08:11,448 --> 00:08:15,449
Well, that goes with a
fluffy Fair Isle, all right.
223
00:08:15,449 --> 00:08:17,033
- He's got a beard.
224
00:08:18,192 --> 00:08:21,157
- How about that?
(laughter)
225
00:08:21,157 --> 00:08:24,698
- His eyes are a different color.
226
00:08:24,698 --> 00:08:27,024
- Would it be easier
if you brought him in?
227
00:08:27,024 --> 00:08:28,914
- Well, that'd spoil the surprise.
228
00:08:28,914 --> 00:08:30,600
And he loves a surprise.
229
00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:32,498
- Oh, well, you bring him in then, Madam.
230
00:08:32,498 --> 00:08:34,697
Mr. Humphries'll find a
way of surprising him.
231
00:08:34,697 --> 00:08:36,679
(laughter)
232
00:08:36,679 --> 00:08:38,175
- I'll do that.
233
00:08:38,175 --> 00:08:39,008
Thank you.
234
00:08:39,008 --> 00:08:39,841
- [Mr. Lucas] Not at all.
235
00:08:39,841 --> 00:08:41,611
Good morning, Madam.
236
00:08:41,611 --> 00:08:44,759
- [Captain Peacock] Mr. Humphries,
Mr. Lucas, are you free?
237
00:08:44,759 --> 00:08:46,342
- [Both] Yes, we're free.
238
00:08:46,342 --> 00:08:48,429
- Check these, please.
239
00:08:48,429 --> 00:08:49,645
Mr. Grainger, are you free?
240
00:08:49,645 --> 00:08:50,979
- At the moment.
241
00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:53,574
Thank you.
242
00:08:58,151 --> 00:08:59,881
- Oh, blimey!
243
00:08:59,881 --> 00:09:00,714
£11, 47p?
244
00:09:02,610 --> 00:09:04,488
I'm supposed to get 19 quid a week!
245
00:09:04,488 --> 00:09:05,851
- Well, there's probably some deductions.
246
00:09:05,851 --> 00:09:07,283
Check your slip.
247
00:09:07,283 --> 00:09:08,797
- Tax, £6.12.
248
00:09:08,797 --> 00:09:11,786
- Well, you see, the
Concorde is expensive.
249
00:09:11,786 --> 00:09:12,938
Then there's the Coal Board
250
00:09:12,938 --> 00:09:15,158
and the Iron and Steel
Board, the railways,
251
00:09:15,158 --> 00:09:16,671
not to mention the upkeep of our stall
252
00:09:16,671 --> 00:09:18,293
in the common market.
253
00:09:18,293 --> 00:09:19,201
You know, you've got
yourself a bargain there
254
00:09:19,201 --> 00:09:20,364
if you didn't but know it.
255
00:09:20,364 --> 00:09:21,816
- National Health, £1.21.
256
00:09:21,816 --> 00:09:23,501
I haven't been near a
doctor in five years.
257
00:09:23,501 --> 00:09:24,919
- Oh, well, when you get pregnant,
258
00:09:24,919 --> 00:09:26,796
you'll get your maternity grant.
259
00:09:26,796 --> 00:09:29,401
(laughter)
260
00:09:29,401 --> 00:09:32,408
- 10p for Grace Brothers Social Club.
261
00:09:32,408 --> 00:09:33,754
Social Club.
262
00:09:33,754 --> 00:09:36,613
A converted scout-hut on
the edge of Romney Marshes.
263
00:09:36,613 --> 00:09:39,996
A cracked ping-pong ball and
three darts with foul pest.
264
00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:41,894
- It's worth it for the
annual outing alone.
265
00:09:41,894 --> 00:09:43,101
Now, where else could you see
266
00:09:43,101 --> 00:09:45,031
Captain Peacock in a funny hat
267
00:09:45,031 --> 00:09:48,819
and Mrs. Slocombe going
home kale-eyed on the bus?
268
00:09:48,819 --> 00:09:51,391
- 20p for Grace Brothers Staff Home.
269
00:09:51,391 --> 00:09:52,544
Now, that I don't mind.
270
00:09:52,544 --> 00:09:54,570
I mean, what a way to end your days.
271
00:09:54,570 --> 00:09:56,746
When you're too old to bend
down and take an inside leg,
272
00:09:56,746 --> 00:09:59,296
you can sit all day in the
drizzle in a wheelchair,
273
00:09:59,296 --> 00:10:01,515
waiting for that voice to
come crying out of the sky,
274
00:10:01,515 --> 00:10:04,032
"Are you free, Mr. Lucas?"
(laughter)
275
00:10:04,032 --> 00:10:04,865
And five minutes later,
276
00:10:04,865 --> 00:10:06,690
you've got Grainger measuring
you up for a pair of wings,
277
00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:08,323
telling you they'll ride up with wear.
278
00:10:08,323 --> 00:10:09,389
(laughter)
279
00:10:09,389 --> 00:10:12,110
- He'll measure you for an asbestos suit.
280
00:10:12,110 --> 00:10:13,551
- Yeah, all right.
281
00:10:13,551 --> 00:10:16,313
Here's your alterations.
282
00:10:16,313 --> 00:10:18,350
Cor blimey, is that all they give ya?
283
00:10:18,350 --> 00:10:20,709
If you wanna join a working
class, mate, look at that.
284
00:10:20,709 --> 00:10:22,364
- Where'd you get all that?
285
00:10:22,364 --> 00:10:23,906
- Our workers were strike, you see.
286
00:10:23,906 --> 00:10:25,294
When we come back, we have to do overtime
287
00:10:25,294 --> 00:10:27,532
to catch up with the backlog.
288
00:10:27,532 --> 00:10:29,528
For the sake of wearing a cardboard collar
289
00:10:29,528 --> 00:10:31,194
and calling yourself middle class,
290
00:10:31,194 --> 00:10:33,305
you're doing yourself
out of all the readies.
291
00:10:33,305 --> 00:10:34,882
- We do have one advantage.
292
00:10:34,882 --> 00:10:35,715
- Oh, yeah?
293
00:10:35,715 --> 00:10:36,548
What's that, then?
294
00:10:36,548 --> 00:10:39,557
- Take this to the dustbin, Mash.
295
00:10:39,557 --> 00:10:42,975
- Capitalist.
(laughter)
296
00:10:45,937 --> 00:10:46,854
- Mr. Mash.
297
00:10:48,264 --> 00:10:49,277
- Oh, sorry, Constable.
298
00:10:49,277 --> 00:10:50,527
Was I speeding?
299
00:10:51,593 --> 00:10:54,176
- Mr. Mash, you are not
supposed to appear on this floor
300
00:10:54,176 --> 00:10:56,821
after 10:00 in your working clothes.
301
00:10:56,821 --> 00:10:58,667
- Well, how am I supposed
to deliver this lot, then?
302
00:10:58,667 --> 00:10:59,500
Starkers?
303
00:11:00,725 --> 00:11:02,666
- You will leave in the staff entrance,
304
00:11:02,666 --> 00:11:05,087
and attract Mrs. Slocombe's attention.
305
00:11:05,087 --> 00:11:05,930
- Now, look here.
306
00:11:05,930 --> 00:11:06,763
I've been here many--
307
00:11:06,763 --> 00:11:08,319
- Stop arguing, Mr. Mash,
308
00:11:08,319 --> 00:11:12,295
and just do as you are
told by your superiors.
309
00:11:12,295 --> 00:11:13,868
- Well, I'll bet you didn't get 60 quid
310
00:11:13,868 --> 00:11:15,639
in your pay packet this week, did you, eh?
311
00:11:15,639 --> 00:11:19,822
Eh, eh,?
(Mr. Mash laughs)
312
00:11:19,822 --> 00:11:22,276
- I'd like a pair of
gloves for my husband.
313
00:11:22,276 --> 00:11:24,674
He has such cold hands.
314
00:11:24,674 --> 00:11:27,440
- Just over there, Madam.
315
00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:28,507
Mr. Mash!
316
00:11:28,507 --> 00:11:30,694
Do handle those with a little delicacy!
317
00:11:30,694 --> 00:11:32,111
They're £44 each!
318
00:11:33,083 --> 00:11:34,277
- Well, I'll tell you something.
319
00:11:34,277 --> 00:11:35,546
I get more for pushin' 'em about
320
00:11:35,546 --> 00:11:37,596
than you do for sellin' 'em.
321
00:11:37,596 --> 00:11:39,794
- You just can't get
the right sort of people
322
00:11:39,794 --> 00:11:41,265
for this job nowadays.
323
00:11:41,265 --> 00:11:44,423
- Yes, and he's worked here for 35 years.
324
00:11:44,423 --> 00:11:45,439
- I've told him in future
325
00:11:45,439 --> 00:11:47,946
to attract your attention
from the staff entrance.
326
00:11:47,946 --> 00:11:52,114
(Mr. Mash sputters)
(laughter)
327
00:11:54,369 --> 00:11:56,984
- Thank you, Captain Peacock.
328
00:11:56,984 --> 00:11:59,374
- Now, do bring the gloves
back if they don't fit, Madam,
329
00:11:59,374 --> 00:12:01,123
and we'll change them with pleasure.
330
00:12:01,123 --> 00:12:03,162
- The fingers do seem a bit long.
331
00:12:03,162 --> 00:12:04,014
- Well, don't worry, Madam.
332
00:12:04,014 --> 00:12:06,308
They'll ride up with
wear, everything does.
333
00:12:06,308 --> 00:12:07,834
- What about a nice tie to go with them?
334
00:12:07,834 --> 00:12:09,370
- Yes, or a briefcase to keep them in?
335
00:12:09,370 --> 00:12:11,632
- Or one of our latest novelties.
336
00:12:11,632 --> 00:12:14,004
An automatic umbrella.
337
00:12:14,004 --> 00:12:16,209
(laughter)
338
00:12:16,209 --> 00:12:18,067
- He won't need it in the south of France.
339
00:12:18,067 --> 00:12:20,352
It hardly ever rains.
340
00:12:20,352 --> 00:12:23,500
- They make very good sunshades as well.
341
00:12:23,500 --> 00:12:24,333
- Oh, no!
342
00:12:24,333 --> 00:12:25,239
- What's the matter, Madam?
343
00:12:25,239 --> 00:12:27,168
- Oh, the center stone is gone.
344
00:12:27,168 --> 00:12:28,354
Look.
345
00:12:28,354 --> 00:12:29,400
- Well, I shouldn't worry, Madam.
346
00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:31,353
I don't think it'll notice
amongst all the others.
347
00:12:31,353 --> 00:12:35,204
- But it was three
carats, worth over £1,000.
348
00:12:35,204 --> 00:12:36,621
And it was so pretty.
349
00:12:36,621 --> 00:12:40,025
- They usually are.
(laughter)
350
00:12:40,025 --> 00:12:41,360
- Are you sure you had
it when you came in?
351
00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:42,352
I mean, are you sure you didn't leave it
352
00:12:42,352 --> 00:12:44,188
trapped in your Rolls Royce?
353
00:12:44,188 --> 00:12:47,410
- Oh, well, I did try on a
mink at Alastair Solomon's.
354
00:12:47,410 --> 00:12:48,487
Perhaps it's there.
355
00:12:48,487 --> 00:12:50,354
- Well, I should pop back
before Alastair sweeps up,
356
00:12:50,354 --> 00:12:51,688
in the meantime.
357
00:12:52,776 --> 00:12:55,540
- I was also at the
hairdresser's first thing.
358
00:12:55,540 --> 00:12:57,332
And then I bought a pair of shoes.
359
00:12:57,332 --> 00:12:58,166
- I tell you what, Madam.
360
00:12:58,166 --> 00:12:59,242
You retrace your steps,
361
00:12:59,242 --> 00:13:01,867
and we'll take care of
everything at this end.
362
00:13:01,867 --> 00:13:03,158
- You're very sweet.
363
00:13:03,158 --> 00:13:05,463
- So I've been told.
(laughter)
364
00:13:05,463 --> 00:13:06,999
- I'm sorry to give you so much trouble.
365
00:13:06,999 --> 00:13:08,514
- It's no trouble at all, Madam.
366
00:13:08,514 --> 00:13:09,890
- Oh, thank you.
367
00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:13,646
Ooh, my husband'll be
furious if he finds out.
368
00:13:13,646 --> 00:13:16,919
I'll give £100 to the person who finds it.
369
00:13:16,919 --> 00:13:19,610
- £100?
(laughter)
370
00:13:19,610 --> 00:13:20,976
That is very generous.
371
00:13:20,976 --> 00:13:21,810
Now, don't worry.
372
00:13:21,810 --> 00:13:24,433
If it's here, we'll find it.
373
00:13:24,433 --> 00:13:26,517
Mr. Lucas, where are you?
374
00:13:27,569 --> 00:13:28,541
Get up, you fool!
375
00:13:28,541 --> 00:13:30,503
- Look, there's 100 quid
lyin' around here somewhere!
376
00:13:30,503 --> 00:13:32,030
- We don't want the rest
of the shop looking for it.
377
00:13:32,030 --> 00:13:34,015
Otherwise, we won't get the reward.
378
00:13:34,015 --> 00:13:36,107
Now, I'm not just a pretty face.
379
00:13:36,107 --> 00:13:37,045
- I'll tell what, we'll both look,
380
00:13:37,045 --> 00:13:38,876
and if we find it, we'll split it 50-50.
381
00:13:38,876 --> 00:13:41,109
- Well, it was my customer, 60-40.
382
00:13:41,109 --> 00:13:43,660
- Ah, yes, well, then if I
spot it first, 60-40 to me.
383
00:13:43,660 --> 00:13:46,029
- Then if I spot it first, 70-30 to me.
384
00:13:46,029 --> 00:13:48,803
(laughter)
385
00:13:48,803 --> 00:13:49,976
- A straight 50-50.
386
00:13:49,976 --> 00:13:51,555
- A straight 60-40.
387
00:13:51,555 --> 00:13:54,009
- A straight 50-50 is my last offer.
388
00:13:54,009 --> 00:13:55,396
- Give me one good reason.
389
00:13:55,396 --> 00:13:56,230
- I've just spotted it.
390
00:13:56,230 --> 00:13:58,362
- A straight 50-50.
(laughter)
391
00:13:58,362 --> 00:13:59,547
Where have you spotted it?
392
00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:01,630
- Between Peacock's legs.
393
00:14:03,207 --> 00:14:04,946
- How did it get there?
394
00:14:04,946 --> 00:14:07,592
Oh! I see what you mean.
395
00:14:07,592 --> 00:14:08,627
Oh, it's just by his heel.
396
00:14:08,627 --> 00:14:10,381
It's shining like Beachy Head Lighthouse.
397
00:14:10,381 --> 00:14:11,939
- Yes, and if he looks
down between his legs now,
398
00:14:11,939 --> 00:14:14,254
you and me have got 50% of sweet Fanny.
399
00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:17,253
Listen,
(laughter)
400
00:14:17,253 --> 00:14:19,653
I'll go over there and hide it,
401
00:14:19,653 --> 00:14:21,986
and you try and get it away.
402
00:14:30,696 --> 00:14:32,946
(laughter)
403
00:14:55,844 --> 00:14:59,512
- Why are you standing
like that, Mr. Lucas?
404
00:15:01,553 --> 00:15:03,814
- Why am I standing like
this, Captain Peacock?
405
00:15:03,814 --> 00:15:05,340
- That is what I asked.
406
00:15:05,340 --> 00:15:06,384
- It's your lumbago, Mr. Lucas.
407
00:15:06,384 --> 00:15:07,463
- It's my lumbago, Mr. Lucas,
408
00:15:07,463 --> 00:15:09,235
er, Captain Peacock.
409
00:15:09,235 --> 00:15:10,984
- Why do you suddenly
get it behind my back?
410
00:15:10,984 --> 00:15:12,308
- No, no, it's behind my back.
411
00:15:12,308 --> 00:15:13,300
(laughter)
412
00:15:13,300 --> 00:15:15,218
- Come here, Mr. Lucas.
413
00:15:16,852 --> 00:15:19,103
(laughter)
414
00:15:20,458 --> 00:15:21,462
- Is that the best you can do?
415
00:15:21,462 --> 00:15:23,134
- At the moment, sir, yes.
416
00:15:23,134 --> 00:15:26,732
- I usually have to massage
it for him, Captain Peacock.
417
00:15:26,732 --> 00:15:28,354
- Oh, the relief!
418
00:15:28,354 --> 00:15:30,573
- Why are you massaging
his ankle, Mr. Humphries?
419
00:15:30,573 --> 00:15:32,142
That's not where you get lumbago.
420
00:15:32,142 --> 00:15:33,869
- If I was to massage him
where you get lumbago,
421
00:15:33,869 --> 00:15:37,562
we'd both be thrown out.
(laughter)
422
00:15:37,562 --> 00:15:38,396
- It's gone!
423
00:15:38,396 --> 00:15:40,027
- It's in my pocket.
424
00:15:40,027 --> 00:15:42,428
- Back to your places, both of you.
425
00:15:42,428 --> 00:15:43,302
- Good afternoon, Captain Peacock.
426
00:15:43,302 --> 00:15:45,856
I'd like a word with everybody.
427
00:15:45,856 --> 00:15:47,204
- Would all the staff
pay attention, please?
428
00:15:47,204 --> 00:15:49,668
Mr. Rumbold would like
a word with everybody.
429
00:15:49,668 --> 00:15:50,852
- Captain Peacock, would you like us
430
00:15:50,852 --> 00:15:52,005
to go back to our places
431
00:15:52,005 --> 00:15:53,562
while Mr. Rumbold has
his word with everyone,
432
00:15:53,562 --> 00:15:54,395
or stay here?
433
00:15:54,395 --> 00:15:57,009
- Don't be juvenile, Mr. Lucas.
434
00:15:57,009 --> 00:15:58,575
- I have just had a message from a lady
435
00:15:58,575 --> 00:16:00,261
who has lost a valuable diamond
436
00:16:00,261 --> 00:16:01,776
somewhere in this department.
437
00:16:01,776 --> 00:16:04,838
Now, she's offering a substantial
reward for its recovery,
438
00:16:04,838 --> 00:16:07,046
so I suggest you all
have a very good search.
439
00:16:07,046 --> 00:16:09,031
Whoever finds it should
bring it straight to me,
440
00:16:09,031 --> 00:16:12,062
and I will divide the reward
equally amongst you all.
441
00:16:12,062 --> 00:16:13,673
- How much is the reward, sir?
442
00:16:13,673 --> 00:16:14,633
- I beg your pardon?
443
00:16:14,633 --> 00:16:16,949
- How much is the reward?
444
00:16:16,949 --> 00:16:18,432
- How much is the reward.
445
00:16:18,432 --> 00:16:19,265
- Yes.
446
00:16:19,265 --> 00:16:20,098
- Um, £75.
447
00:16:22,620 --> 00:16:24,306
How does that sound?
448
00:16:24,306 --> 00:16:27,409
- Very convincing, sir.
(laughter)
449
00:16:27,409 --> 00:16:29,951
The old chisler's trying
to do us out of 25 quid.
450
00:16:29,951 --> 00:16:31,519
- It's his ears, you know.
451
00:16:31,519 --> 00:16:32,639
When they're low-set like that,
452
00:16:32,639 --> 00:16:34,656
it means they've got criminal instincts.
453
00:16:34,656 --> 00:16:35,925
(laughter)
454
00:16:35,925 --> 00:16:37,857
- Well, carry on and good luck.
455
00:16:37,857 --> 00:16:38,838
- Thank you, sir.
456
00:16:38,838 --> 00:16:40,839
- Pretend to be looking.
457
00:16:56,546 --> 00:16:59,140
(laughter)
458
00:16:59,140 --> 00:17:00,641
- Now, that's £75.
459
00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:04,480
That's three in this department,
460
00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:07,371
and two in the ladies', that is five,
461
00:17:07,371 --> 00:17:10,016
divided into 75, is five and five, 22,
462
00:17:10,016 --> 00:17:11,684
that'll be £15 each.
463
00:17:13,036 --> 00:17:15,939
- Divided among six, Mr. Grainger.
464
00:17:15,939 --> 00:17:18,308
- Oh, Captain Peacock.
465
00:17:18,308 --> 00:17:21,221
As you are neither a
member of my department
466
00:17:21,221 --> 00:17:23,183
nor of Mrs. Slocombe's,
467
00:17:23,183 --> 00:17:25,807
I don't see how you could possibly have
468
00:17:25,807 --> 00:17:27,807
any claim on the reward.
469
00:17:28,655 --> 00:17:31,194
- I, on the other hand, have
no difficulty whatsoever
470
00:17:31,194 --> 00:17:33,063
in seeing how I might have a claim on it,
471
00:17:33,063 --> 00:17:35,421
and have a claim on it I will.
472
00:17:35,421 --> 00:17:38,185
- Well, I think whosever's
department it's found in
473
00:17:38,185 --> 00:17:40,009
should get the lion's share.
474
00:17:40,009 --> 00:17:41,171
- Well, I think whoever finds it
475
00:17:41,171 --> 00:17:42,623
should get the lion's share.
476
00:17:42,623 --> 00:17:44,373
- No, no, no, no, no.
477
00:17:45,822 --> 00:17:47,680
Well, there's no doubt that
478
00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:50,305
Mr. Lucas has the best suggestion.
479
00:17:50,305 --> 00:17:54,157
- Well, are we all agreed
to cut Captain Peacock in?
480
00:17:54,157 --> 00:17:56,834
- Believe me, Mr. Grainger,
I am very much in.
481
00:17:56,834 --> 00:18:00,835
So now let's all start
looking for it, shall we?
482
00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:08,286
- It must be very small.
483
00:18:10,003 --> 00:18:12,336
(laughter)
484
00:18:15,915 --> 00:18:17,523
- Captain Peacock!
485
00:18:17,523 --> 00:18:21,361
What is the reason for your proximity?
486
00:18:21,361 --> 00:18:23,133
- This is my area, I shall look here.
487
00:18:23,133 --> 00:18:24,285
You look over there.
488
00:18:24,285 --> 00:18:25,118
- Oh.
489
00:18:30,098 --> 00:18:31,166
- [Mr. Humphries] Captain Peacock?
490
00:18:31,166 --> 00:18:33,364
- Hmm?
(laughter)
491
00:18:33,364 --> 00:18:34,719
- On your feet, Captain Peacock.
492
00:18:34,719 --> 00:18:35,657
- Hmm.
493
00:18:35,657 --> 00:18:37,376
- Should we discover the diamond,
494
00:18:37,376 --> 00:18:40,737
wouldn't it be better to take
it to the young lady direct?
495
00:18:40,737 --> 00:18:42,315
- (garbled speech) Should
you discover the diamond,
496
00:18:42,315 --> 00:18:46,551
Mr. Humphries, it would be
the sensible thing to do, yes.
497
00:18:46,551 --> 00:18:48,802
(laughter)
498
00:18:55,183 --> 00:18:57,072
- To whom am I speaking?
499
00:18:57,072 --> 00:18:58,894
Madam's butler?
500
00:18:58,894 --> 00:19:01,659
Well, would you tell
Madam when she returns
501
00:19:01,659 --> 00:19:04,604
that we have located her stone.
502
00:19:04,604 --> 00:19:07,474
No, this is not the doctor's,
we are Grace Brothers.
503
00:19:07,474 --> 00:19:08,968
(laughter)
504
00:19:08,968 --> 00:19:10,931
Yes, I have the diamond here in my hand,
505
00:19:10,931 --> 00:19:12,911
and the message is--
(knock on door)
506
00:19:12,911 --> 00:19:16,479
Not now, I'm busy with my secretary!
507
00:19:16,479 --> 00:19:19,722
Yes, the message is for her
to come directly to my office
508
00:19:19,722 --> 00:19:23,574
and make the £100 reward to
payable personally to me,
509
00:19:23,574 --> 00:19:24,992
Cuthbert Rumbold,
510
00:19:26,060 --> 00:19:28,875
and I will see that it goes
to those who deserve it.
511
00:19:28,875 --> 00:19:30,042
Yes, good-bye.
512
00:19:30,883 --> 00:19:31,716
Come in!
513
00:19:33,851 --> 00:19:36,048
- Have you finished your call to MI5, sir?
514
00:19:36,048 --> 00:19:37,702
- What? Oh, yes.
515
00:19:37,702 --> 00:19:39,501
Don't tell anyone else.
516
00:19:39,501 --> 00:19:42,660
You couldn't hear through
the door, could you?
517
00:19:42,660 --> 00:19:43,844
- No, sir.
518
00:19:43,844 --> 00:19:44,677
- Good.
519
00:19:47,823 --> 00:19:49,318
- Pretend you're looking.
520
00:19:49,318 --> 00:19:50,982
- And aren't we to take it to Rumbold?
521
00:19:50,982 --> 00:19:52,103
- Oh, use your loaf.
522
00:19:52,103 --> 00:19:52,936
If we take it to him,
523
00:19:52,936 --> 00:19:54,716
she'll make out the check for 100 to him,
524
00:19:54,716 --> 00:19:55,965
he'll pocket 25,
525
00:19:55,965 --> 00:19:58,173
and six of us'll have
to share what's left.
526
00:19:58,173 --> 00:19:59,007
Do you follow me?
527
00:19:59,007 --> 00:20:01,976
- Well, I'm trying, but it's
gonna give me housemaid's knee.
528
00:20:01,976 --> 00:20:03,939
- [Both] Are you being served, sir?
529
00:20:03,939 --> 00:20:06,690
Good.
(laughter)
530
00:20:14,065 --> 00:20:15,516
What we've got to go is to get this woman
531
00:20:15,516 --> 00:20:17,618
to make out the check for 100 to us.
532
00:20:17,618 --> 00:20:20,360
We'll pocket 25 and then
take our share as well.
533
00:20:20,360 --> 00:20:22,099
- Of course, and Rumbold can't complain,
534
00:20:22,099 --> 00:20:24,137
because he was trying to
fiddle us in the first place.
535
00:20:24,137 --> 00:20:25,257
Yeah, but how are we gonna get a hold
536
00:20:25,257 --> 00:20:26,410
of this woman's telephone number
537
00:20:26,410 --> 00:20:27,776
so we can ring her, tell her we've got it,
538
00:20:27,776 --> 00:20:29,056
and then she's gotta come and see us?
539
00:20:29,056 --> 00:20:31,350
- One of us will bravely
sneak into Rumbold's office
540
00:20:31,350 --> 00:20:33,708
when he's at lunch and get it.
541
00:20:33,708 --> 00:20:34,541
- Which one?
542
00:20:34,541 --> 00:20:36,492
- A toss of the coin'll decide.
543
00:20:36,492 --> 00:20:37,325
- Heads.
544
00:20:37,325 --> 00:20:40,659
- Good luck.
(laughter)
545
00:20:42,675 --> 00:20:45,118
- You've got low-set ears
as well, haven't you?
546
00:20:45,118 --> 00:20:47,483
(laughter)
547
00:20:47,483 --> 00:20:48,933
(knock on door)
548
00:20:48,933 --> 00:20:50,101
- Mr. Rumbold!
549
00:20:52,068 --> 00:20:53,068
Mr. Rumbold?
550
00:21:03,572 --> 00:21:07,803
Blue-white, flawless,
three carats or more.
551
00:21:07,803 --> 00:21:08,636
58 facets.
552
00:21:09,511 --> 00:21:11,867
What a careless lady.
553
00:21:11,867 --> 00:21:13,867
Now, where's her number?
554
00:21:17,868 --> 00:21:18,701
Ah.
555
00:21:20,248 --> 00:21:21,722
Now, then.
556
00:21:21,722 --> 00:21:25,556
Mr. Rumbold is going to
make a telephone call.
557
00:21:29,479 --> 00:21:31,453
(imitating Mr. Rumbold)
Operator, Rumbold here.
558
00:21:31,453 --> 00:21:33,620
Would you get me 965 0721?
559
00:21:40,647 --> 00:21:42,079
- Is that you, Captain Peacock?
560
00:21:42,079 --> 00:21:45,173
(laughter)
- No, it's only me.
561
00:21:45,173 --> 00:21:46,763
I've found it!
562
00:21:46,763 --> 00:21:48,597
- Put it out of sight!
563
00:21:50,977 --> 00:21:51,811
Follow me.
564
00:21:55,843 --> 00:21:57,315
Now that we've found it,
565
00:21:57,315 --> 00:21:59,544
I'm going to see that we
get the biggest share.
566
00:21:59,544 --> 00:22:01,249
- But I found it.
567
00:22:01,249 --> 00:22:02,661
- It was found in my department,
568
00:22:02,661 --> 00:22:04,880
and I gave you permission to look.
569
00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:06,342
- All right, then, well, how
can we get a bigger share
570
00:22:06,342 --> 00:22:08,059
if we've already agreed?
571
00:22:08,059 --> 00:22:09,607
- Because we'll hide it.
572
00:22:09,607 --> 00:22:12,434
And if they don't divvy up,
we'll say we can't find it.
573
00:22:12,434 --> 00:22:13,404
Hand it over.
574
00:22:13,404 --> 00:22:14,354
- Right.
575
00:22:14,354 --> 00:22:15,645
Oh.
576
00:22:15,645 --> 00:22:17,043
Oh, it must have slipped through.
577
00:22:17,043 --> 00:22:19,078
I can't find it.
578
00:22:19,078 --> 00:22:21,278
- You wouldn't double-cross
me, Miss Brahms.
579
00:22:21,278 --> 00:22:23,699
- No, honest, Mrs. Slocombe, it...
580
00:22:23,699 --> 00:22:25,087
Oh, yes, I've found it.
581
00:22:25,087 --> 00:22:27,958
It's gone down the
insides of me tights, ooh.
582
00:22:27,958 --> 00:22:29,921
Ooh, they're gonna take ages to get off.
583
00:22:29,921 --> 00:22:31,572
- Oh, well, shake it down your leg
584
00:22:31,572 --> 00:22:33,250
and we'll cut the toe off.
585
00:22:33,250 --> 00:22:35,500
(laughter)
586
00:22:36,909 --> 00:22:38,126
- Has Rumbold gone to lunch?
587
00:22:38,126 --> 00:22:39,866
- Yes, he went about 10 minutes ago.
588
00:22:39,866 --> 00:22:41,080
And I'm gonna get mine now.
589
00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:41,966
- Quite true.
590
00:22:41,966 --> 00:22:45,646
(Mr. Lucas whistles)
- Ooh!
591
00:22:45,646 --> 00:22:46,907
- Now, I suggest, Madam,
592
00:22:46,907 --> 00:22:50,758
that you meet me by the
lifts on the ground floor.
593
00:22:50,758 --> 00:22:52,531
Oh, that's quite easy.
594
00:22:52,531 --> 00:22:54,251
I shall be wearing a red carnation.
595
00:22:54,251 --> 00:22:58,178
I am tall, slightly graying at the sides.
596
00:22:58,178 --> 00:23:01,517
Yes, that's right, rather distinguished.
597
00:23:01,517 --> 00:23:05,134
If you'll make the check
payable to Captain S. Peacock,
598
00:23:05,134 --> 00:23:09,903
and I will see that the £75
gets to the one who deserves it.
599
00:23:09,903 --> 00:23:10,904
It was £100?
600
00:23:12,112 --> 00:23:13,563
I see.
601
00:23:13,563 --> 00:23:16,304
Madam is very generous.
602
00:23:16,304 --> 00:23:18,805
Some people have no integrity.
603
00:23:22,086 --> 00:23:24,337
(laughter)
604
00:23:43,032 --> 00:23:44,451
- (Imitating Mr. Rumbold)
Operator, I wonder if
605
00:23:44,451 --> 00:23:46,369
you'll get me 965 0721.
606
00:23:48,793 --> 00:23:50,500
- [Operator] What, again?
607
00:23:50,500 --> 00:23:52,239
- Yes, again.
608
00:23:52,239 --> 00:23:53,978
- (normal voice) Hello,
oh, my name's Lucas.
609
00:23:53,978 --> 00:23:55,761
Could I speak to the lady
that lost the diamond?
610
00:23:55,761 --> 00:23:56,807
- [Captain Peacock] Lucas?
611
00:23:56,807 --> 00:23:58,228
- Yes, that's right, Lucas.
612
00:23:58,228 --> 00:23:59,062
- [Captain Peacock] Lucas!
613
00:23:59,062 --> 00:24:01,603
- Captain Peacock!
(laughter)
614
00:24:01,603 --> 00:24:03,780
- What is the meaning of this?
615
00:24:03,780 --> 00:24:04,697
- Ah, well,
616
00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:07,971
I was just trying to ring
up the lady, you see, sir.
617
00:24:07,971 --> 00:24:09,510
- Why?
618
00:24:09,510 --> 00:24:10,760
- Ah. Yes. Why.
619
00:24:12,529 --> 00:24:14,108
Well, it's a private matter, really.
620
00:24:14,108 --> 00:24:16,200
- Why, Mr. Lucas?
621
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:17,694
- Well, you see, sir, she fancied me.
622
00:24:17,694 --> 00:24:18,770
- She fancied you?
623
00:24:18,770 --> 00:24:20,158
- Ah, you noticed it, too.
624
00:24:20,158 --> 00:24:22,324
- I demand an explanation!
625
00:24:22,324 --> 00:24:24,180
- Shall I come down there,
or will you come up here?
626
00:24:24,180 --> 00:24:25,671
(laughter)
627
00:24:25,671 --> 00:24:26,505
- I was...
628
00:24:27,605 --> 00:24:29,483
I was searching for the diamond.
629
00:24:29,483 --> 00:24:31,115
- It wasn't lost in here.
630
00:24:31,115 --> 00:24:33,708
- Well, it could have been carried in here
631
00:24:33,708 --> 00:24:35,468
on the sole of a shoe
632
00:24:35,468 --> 00:24:39,716
that had a bit of a
chewing gum on the sole.
633
00:24:39,716 --> 00:24:41,578
(door opens)
634
00:24:41,578 --> 00:24:43,718
- What are you two doing in here?
635
00:24:43,718 --> 00:24:46,614
- I came to say that I hadn't
found the diamond, sir.
636
00:24:46,614 --> 00:24:49,537
- And I came to say that I
hadn't found the diamond either.
637
00:24:49,537 --> 00:24:51,521
- Well, keep searching, gentlemen.
638
00:24:51,521 --> 00:24:54,583
(knock on door)
Come in.
639
00:24:54,583 --> 00:24:56,076
- Oh.
640
00:24:56,076 --> 00:24:58,360
May I have a word with Mr. Rumbold?
641
00:24:58,360 --> 00:24:59,896
- What can I do for you, Mrs. Slocombe?
642
00:24:59,896 --> 00:25:03,429
- Well, I came to say that
I haven't found the diamond.
643
00:25:03,429 --> 00:25:05,924
- And I haven't found it, either.
644
00:25:05,924 --> 00:25:10,311
- But if Miss Brahms or
I did find it, we feel,
645
00:25:10,311 --> 00:25:14,056
and I am unanimous in this,
(laughter)
646
00:25:14,056 --> 00:25:16,946
that we ought to get a bigger cut.
647
00:25:16,946 --> 00:25:20,179
- Yes, well, I think if
you find the diamond,
648
00:25:20,179 --> 00:25:21,482
that's perfectly fair.
649
00:25:21,482 --> 00:25:24,884
- Yes, whoever finds the diamond
should have the larger cut,
650
00:25:24,884 --> 00:25:27,457
nor, indeed, all of it.
651
00:25:27,457 --> 00:25:29,804
- Yes, well, let's agree to that, then.
652
00:25:29,804 --> 00:25:32,641
Whoever finds the diamond
gets all the reward.
653
00:25:32,641 --> 00:25:35,438
- Yes, I definitely agree with that.
654
00:25:35,438 --> 00:25:37,700
- Oh, Mrs. Slocombe--
- Not yet.
655
00:25:37,700 --> 00:25:40,090
Yes, we agree also.
656
00:25:40,090 --> 00:25:42,747
And I think the moment has
come for me to tell you that--
657
00:25:42,747 --> 00:25:45,649
(knock on door)
- Come in.
658
00:25:45,649 --> 00:25:48,327
Have you come to tell me that
you haven't found the diamond?
659
00:25:48,327 --> 00:25:50,891
- No, I've come to tell
you that Mr. Grainger has.
660
00:25:50,891 --> 00:25:52,563
- What?
- What?
661
00:25:52,563 --> 00:25:55,239
- It had rolled under the counter.
662
00:25:55,239 --> 00:25:56,788
Isn't it marvelous?
663
00:25:56,788 --> 00:26:00,255
We all get £12 and 50 new pence.
664
00:26:00,255 --> 00:26:01,088
- Well, what about this one, then?
665
00:26:01,088 --> 00:26:02,347
She must have lost two.
666
00:26:02,347 --> 00:26:03,389
- Or three.
667
00:26:03,389 --> 00:26:05,079
- She couldn't have lost four.
668
00:26:05,079 --> 00:26:07,002
(knock on door)
- Come in.
669
00:26:07,002 --> 00:26:07,835
(Mr. Mash sputters)
670
00:26:07,835 --> 00:26:10,349
- Come in, Mr. Mash.
(laughter)
671
00:26:10,349 --> 00:26:11,682
- Oh, there you are, Mrs. Slocombe.
672
00:26:11,682 --> 00:26:13,784
Here, you've got a bit of sewing on to do.
673
00:26:13,784 --> 00:26:15,929
I found these in my truck.
674
00:26:15,929 --> 00:26:17,081
- Ah!
675
00:26:17,081 --> 00:26:18,628
They're off the dresses!
676
00:26:18,628 --> 00:26:20,046
It's all rubbish.
677
00:26:20,976 --> 00:26:22,385
Look, we should have guessed.
678
00:26:22,385 --> 00:26:24,785
Look, they're all mounted for sewing on.
679
00:26:24,785 --> 00:26:26,225
- Oh, so they are.
680
00:26:26,225 --> 00:26:27,334
- [Mr. Humphries] Well, we'll
have to get lucky again,
681
00:26:27,334 --> 00:26:28,337
won't we?
(telephone rings)
682
00:26:28,337 --> 00:26:30,154
- Just a moment, just a moment.
683
00:26:30,154 --> 00:26:31,237
Rumbold here.
684
00:26:32,338 --> 00:26:34,589
Somebody phoned and suggested what?
685
00:26:34,589 --> 00:26:36,254
Yeah?
686
00:26:36,254 --> 00:26:37,171
Yes, I see.
687
00:26:38,439 --> 00:26:40,735
The lady is on her way up.
688
00:26:40,735 --> 00:26:43,242
Apparently she's been waiting
by the lifts downstairs
689
00:26:43,242 --> 00:26:46,817
for a gentlemen who is tall,
slightly graying at the sides,
690
00:26:46,817 --> 00:26:49,387
rather distinguished, he says,
691
00:26:49,387 --> 00:26:50,520
and wearing a red carnation.
692
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:52,472
I wonder who that could be?
693
00:26:52,472 --> 00:26:55,011
- Oh.
(laughter)
694
00:26:55,011 --> 00:26:57,646
- Now, correct me if I'm
wrong, Captain Peacock,
695
00:26:57,646 --> 00:27:00,047
but I don't recall you
producing a diamond.
696
00:27:00,047 --> 00:27:01,744
- Well, I...
697
00:27:01,744 --> 00:27:04,200
I thought it was rubbish, like the rest.
698
00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:05,723
- Well, let's have a butcher's.
699
00:27:05,723 --> 00:27:08,222
- Here, here, let me see that.
700
00:27:08,222 --> 00:27:10,366
It's not mounted!
701
00:27:10,366 --> 00:27:12,210
It's the real one.
702
00:27:12,210 --> 00:27:13,210
Ooh, £1,000.
703
00:27:14,558 --> 00:27:16,712
I've never had anything worth that much
704
00:27:16,712 --> 00:27:18,292
in my hand before.
705
00:27:18,292 --> 00:27:19,709
- Neither have I.
706
00:27:20,794 --> 00:27:22,904
- Yes, well, you can all
get back to work now.
707
00:27:22,904 --> 00:27:26,118
And Captain Peacock, I'll
see that you get the £75.
708
00:27:26,118 --> 00:27:27,719
- I prefer to stay, sir,
709
00:27:27,719 --> 00:27:30,703
and receive the full reward personally.
710
00:27:30,703 --> 00:27:33,367
(knock on door)
- Come in.
711
00:27:33,367 --> 00:27:35,059
Ah, it's young Mr. Grace!
712
00:27:35,059 --> 00:27:37,000
- [All] Good afternoon, Mr. Grace.
713
00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:38,366
- We weren't expecting you, sir.
714
00:27:38,366 --> 00:27:40,392
- No, you were in a
fortnight ago for 10 minutes.
715
00:27:40,392 --> 00:27:44,210
- This young lady has told
me all about it in the lift.
716
00:27:44,210 --> 00:27:46,763
I think you've all done very well.
717
00:27:46,763 --> 00:27:49,239
- [All] Thank you, Mr. Grace.
718
00:27:49,239 --> 00:27:50,241
- Who found it?
719
00:27:50,241 --> 00:27:51,712
- I'm happy to say that I did.
720
00:27:51,712 --> 00:27:54,208
- Oh, I'm very grateful to you.
721
00:27:54,208 --> 00:27:56,793
And now I'll give you the £100 I promised.
722
00:27:56,793 --> 00:27:57,876
- 100?
- 100?
723
00:27:58,746 --> 00:28:02,078
- It was a bad line.
(laughter)
724
00:28:02,078 --> 00:28:05,544
- Well, I'm going to put in another £100,
725
00:28:05,544 --> 00:28:07,377
making it £200 in all.
726
00:28:08,285 --> 00:28:10,078
- That's very generous of you, Mr. Grace.
727
00:28:10,078 --> 00:28:11,390
- Don't the rest of us get any?
728
00:28:11,390 --> 00:28:13,973
- Oh, yes, you're all going to benefit.
729
00:28:13,973 --> 00:28:16,746
Now, you make the check out to me,
730
00:28:16,746 --> 00:28:20,636
and I will make out
another check for £100--
731
00:28:20,636 --> 00:28:22,300
- £200, I think you said, Mr. Grace.
732
00:28:22,300 --> 00:28:25,801
- £200 to go to Grace Brothers Staff Home.
733
00:28:28,335 --> 00:28:31,261
You see, virtue does bring its own reward,
734
00:28:31,261 --> 00:28:34,450
as I can see by all your happy faces.
735
00:28:34,450 --> 00:28:36,574
(laughter)
736
00:28:36,574 --> 00:28:38,907
- Grace Brothers Staff Home.
737
00:28:40,349 --> 00:28:42,793
- What are you smiling about?
738
00:28:42,793 --> 00:28:44,682
- Well, it rather seems that I shall be
739
00:28:44,682 --> 00:28:46,742
the first one to benefit.
740
00:28:46,742 --> 00:28:48,065
(laughter)
741
00:28:48,065 --> 00:28:50,342
(cash register advances and rings)
742
00:28:50,342 --> 00:28:53,682
(cheers and applause)
(Are You Being Served? Theme)
743
00:28:53,682 --> 00:28:56,253
♫ Ground floor, perfumery,
stationery and leather goods
744
00:28:56,253 --> 00:28:58,856
♫ Wigs and haberdashery,
kitchenware and food
745
00:28:58,856 --> 00:29:01,107
♫ Going up
746
00:29:04,885 --> 00:29:07,850
♫ First floor, telephones,
gents' ready-made suits
747
00:29:07,850 --> 00:29:10,369
♫ Shirts, socks, ties,
hats, underwear, and shoes
748
00:29:10,369 --> 00:29:12,619
♫ Going up
749
00:29:16,524 --> 00:29:19,478
♫ Second floor, carpets,
travel goods, and bedding
750
00:29:19,478 --> 00:29:21,988
♫ Material, soft furnishing,
restaurant, and teas
751
00:29:21,988 --> 00:29:24,406
♫ Going down
53707
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.