All language subtitles for Weddings.Christenings.And.Funerals.2022.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

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Do you think he's still coming?

40-30.

- Are you playing or not?
- Yeah, man, just wait a sec.

- Come on!
- Are we in a hurry or something?

Why wouldn't he come to his own wedding?

Cosmin Berinde and Aurelia Berinde!

6-3.
You win.

- That would be me.
- Hello. Your ID, please.

The ID, mum.

Doctor, will you give us a rematch
or are there dead people waiting for you?

For all I care...

What time is it?

Thank you. And the husband's ID?
Future husband, I mean.

Did he go to the car?
Call him.

Are you crazy?
I’m suposed to be at the marriage ceremony!

He forgot his ID home.

- Who’s marriage?
- Mine!

He should be here any minute.

Aren't you married to Rely?

- Cosmin Berinde, Aurelia Berinde.
- Yes.

- I was.
- And whom are you marring now?

- Do you have an exemption from the Mayor?
- What exemption?

Rely.

I need two witnesses.

And a doctor in case she kills me.

If you're relatives up to the third degree,
you need an exemption.

We're not relatives...

We used to be first degree relatives,
but we're not anymore.

What do you mean, not anymore?
Relatives are for life.

Can anyone tell me what's going on?

It's a story that spans over ten years.

Ma'am, I've got no time to waste.

Here's your ID and find the groom, please.

And please note that today
we're on a short schedule.

Have you also booked a restaurant?

George Plamada, Andreea Soare?

Here!

This way, please.

With weddings, christenings
and a funeral at the end.

Let's go!

In 2007, real estate speculations
with money borrowed from Greek banks and loan sharks

were booming.

Do you hear that?

What?

Silence.

It's priceless.

For everything else you have mortgages.

Please.

So here it is.

- Okay.
- Here's the woods, here's the lake.

Yeah, I got it.

What was that?

What?

That noise.

What noise?
I didn't hear anything.

And what exactly is over that fence?

Oh... a holiday home.

I sold it to a filthy rich family.
They come here once in a blue moon.

Okay.

Well, you have one week to decide.

But keep in mind that
there's big demand for this property.

My opinion is that if you just leave it
for three months,

it will surely double its value.

Okay.

- We'll sign the papers on Friday.
- Congratulations.

I signed the papers
the day Rely and I were celebrating

the ten year anniversary of our
first wedding.

- What...
- Easy.

- Ready?
- Yes.

Here it goes.

Where's the surprise?

This is it.

Which one?

This is it.

This land.

In two years' time
I'm gonna get one million euros out of it.

And where did you bury the money?

Look.

Help me out. Come on.

This is the land.

I want to divide it into seven parcels

and build seven houses on it.

Which...

... I wanna sell.

The net profit is gonna be
at least one million euros.

Wait a sec.
Who's gonna buy a house here?

They're gonna fight over them.

I'll put in an auction.

Fresh air,
a lake with fish,

and especially quietness.

Quiet as far as the ear can see.

One, two. One, two.
Can you hear me?

Play Mendelssohn!

What was that?

- What?
- What?

Maybe they heard about our anniversary.
And played the wedding march.

You mean the "get out of here" march.

What's over the fence?

The holiday house
of some millionaires.

Maybe they're marrying their daughter.

Let's get out of here
before we go deaf.

Rely...

Don't you even think about it!

I would rather have a rose
worth one leu

than land worth one million euros.

Roses are 7 lei a piece.

Wholesale.

After all, maybe you'll make that money.

How many daughters
can the neighbours have?

Three at most.

Like all stories.

How was dessert?

Excellent.

Coffee?

Not for me.

I want to sleep like a log.

I’ll have a double espresso.

- You won't be able to sleep.
- That's what I want.

After I take you home,
I want to go back to the estate.

To see how many daughters
the neighbour has to marry

Hello! Does anybody hear me?

Hello!

Hey!

What’s wrong with you?

Get out of here!

I can’t hear you.

I'm telling you nicely.

Move your car,
you're blocking the entrance.

A quarter-hour brake,
says the DJ.

- What's going on in there?
- What do you care?

I can't sleep.

Sleep?

Where, in the car?

No, at home.

What home? That waste ground?

What are you,
a gopher, a ground squirrel?

- If you don't leave, I'll call the police.
- Will you call them or should I?

Good evening. I would like to report
a serious case of disorderly conduct.

Yes.

Union Street, number...

- 58.
- 58.

Thank you very much.
Good bye.

And now we wait.

Boss, do you hear me?

Do you hear me?

Yes.

What’s wrong?

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

Are you the club owner?

The manager.

Is the owner inside by any chance?

You can talk to me.

Oh, so you're gonna pay the fine.

I don't understand
what the problem is.

The police will solve things right away.

- Good evening.
- Enough, Mieluta!

Stop.

Good evening, Officer Ionita.
And pardon the trouble.

Mister Barbat...

- Senior officer Nita Ionita.
- Officer Mieluta Berbece.

Good evening, Ma'am.

- Did you call 911?
- Yes, I did.

- ID.
- Sorry?

- ID!
- Sure.

Here.

- What’s the matter?
- The matter being...

- Didn't you hear the music?
- No, I didn't.

- The precinct is 30 feet away.
- I didn't hear it.

When I sleep, I sleep like a log,
I don't hear a thing.

So you sleep like a log...

- Mister Merinde.
- Berinde.

Are you implying that I sleep
during working hours?

I didn’t hear!

Did you hear anything, Mieluta?

You didn't hear it now
because they stopped it,

but please wait a bit and you'll see...

I got no time to waste.

I'll get over the fact that
you called us here for nothing.

Now clear the area.

- Is this car yours?
- Yes.

Move it or I'll write you a fine.
You're blocking the entrance.

I'm not leaving.

I'm not leaving,
the music will start again.

The party can't last
with no music.

Can't have a wedding
without music...

Enough.

I'll be going now,
but I'll come back in half an hour.

If there's any music,
I'll fine Barbat,

if not, I'll take you to the precinct
and we’ll change the tune.

Enough, Mieluta.

The thing is, Barbat has 100 witnesses,
you have none.

- Mister...
- Hush. Good bye.

That's enough, Mieluta. Let's go.

Please tell the owner that I'll meet him
tomorrow at 2 PM at the estate.

At 2 PM?

Yes.
And if we don't manage to meet,

please tell him that I intend on starting
a pig farm on that land.

All natural.

And I'm letting him know in advance,
like a good neighbour.

It's gonna stink around here.

What are you doing here? Hey!

What are you looking for?

Get lost! Piss off!

- Beat it!
- Get the hell out!

- Scram! Fuck off, will you!
- Get the fuck away from here!

Let him go.

The poor stay poor.

Is this his?

Yeah.

That means he's here.

Maybe he's fishing.

Mr. Berinde?

Mr. Berinde?

Maybe he’s gone deaf from our music.

Mr. Berinde?

Sorry, I fell asleep.

I didn't sleep a wink all night long.

Uh, did you sleep here?

I came to fish.

In summer time,
the best fishing is in the chilly morning.

Pusa Gogea.

And my husband,

Mircea Gogea.

You already met Mr. Barbat.

I had the displeasure, indeed.

Berinde.

Will you please come in
so we can talk seated?

Cross-legged, of course.

Yeah...

Mr. Berinde, let's not waste time.

We own this club,

Prestige.

We spent a load of money on it.

We took out a bank loan,
the mortgage is huge.

That's none of my business.

Yeah...

We've decided to rent it
for elitist events.

Better said "ethylist"
judging by last night.

Last night was an exception.

We rented the club to some friends.

I heard that they crossed the line,
it won't happen anymore.

We apologize.

What about you?

Do you really intend to start a business
on this fallow land?

I must admit that I was considering a
real estate investment.

But after what I heard last night,
I want to start a pig farm.

All natural.

You're joking, right?

No.

Yeah...

I hope you know
you need some permits for that.

Do you have any permits
for hosting weddings?

I don't get it. What hosting?

We already told you, we rent it to friends,
we don't do any business.

And on my property,

until 10 PM, I'm allowed
to turn the music up as loud as I want.

Well, it was 1 AM...

Mr. Merinde...

Yes, please.

I have a question.

How many square feet is the land?

27.000.

You paid one hundred euros
per ten square feet, market rate.

- You're good at this.
- Of course.

If I give you half a million euros

in ten annual instalments,
would it be okay?

Mr. Gogea...

... the way things are going,
this land is worth at least one million.

That's ridiculous!

Mr. Berinde...

... my husband made you a huge offer.

Can't we sort this out,
like neighbours?

Yeah...

Barkin' up the wrong tree.
Let's go.

- Mister...
- Berinde.

What line of work are you in?

Insurance.

And I like to pay my debts.

Mr. Barbat...

Will you close the gate?

During the Christian fasting,
I didn’t go to the property.

I knew there were
no weddings ceremonies,

but I was bothered
by the way they had treated me.

So, after a while,
I went back to the estate.

This time, I was prepared.

Especially since I started to like
Jean from Craiova City (Balkan music singer).

Can't we just break the lock
and go in?

- I don't have...
- What?

- I don't have a warrant!
- What warrant?

Can't you see it's a case of force majeure?
It's a fire hazard!

Mr. Barbat?
Please, our guests are leaving.

It might be force majeure,
but I dunno who that man is.

Who's got a quarter million euros
to pay for this barren field?

Do you?

I do, but I wouldn’t spend it on that dump.

Hello!

- Open the gate!
- Hey!

- Hello!
- Open...

Hey!

Hello!

Hey!

Can't you hear?

- Get your ass here and open it!
- Hey!

Hey! What's this?

Are you looking for me?

I think you're asking for it.

What's that fire?

I try to stay warm anyway I can,
I’m not hooked up to the gas network yet.

I can do as I please on my property.

It's not a problem for me.

And this music that bursts our ears?

If you turn your music down,
I'll turn mine as well.

- Are you the godfather?
- Yes.

Happy wedding!

Berinde. Congratulations.
It's a pleasure.

Mr. Berinde, "Jean from Craiova City"
(Balkan music singer),

half an hour in a loop?

At dusk I'll switch to Salam.

From what I gather,
catfish bites best on Salam (another Balkan music singer).

It best bites on Vijelie
(Balkan music singer).

- Mieluta...
- What? It's true.

That means that next week
I'll wreak havoc.

I heard that it's gonna rain every day.

Are you gonna be here
next week as well?

How else?

Every weekend till the season ends.

I want to max out my investment.

Think you're so smart?
I'll fine you for pollution.

You can't.
That's the Environmental Guard's job.

It's Saturday, 2 PM,
there's no one there.

And if anyone does come, I'll ask
for the decibel level to be measured.

Please, mister,
let us do this wedding!

Fine, I'll let you.

You turn the music down
and I'll cool off Jean.

Thank you so much.
Let's go!

And the fire?

The fire... well, I can't put it out.

I think that Mr. Barbat,
being the manager, should...

Mieluta, come, we're wasting our time.
Let them be. Come on.

Mr. Barbat, get some large buckets...

Happy wedding!

Has it been long?

- Is it something important?
- Open up.

- Have you gone completely mad?
- No. Why?

You don't care about the clients anymore.

You don't come to play tennis
on Saturdays anymore.

You just listen to Balkan music
all day long.

This month I landed two clients
who doubled our turnover.

Okay, that’s true. And...

And I don't come to play tennis anymore
cause the fishing season is about to close.

Until you got that god damned property,
you had no idea what a fishing rod is.

All those wasted years!

Do you even know what's like
to sit on the waterfront and listen to...

As for the Balkan music,
it has its role.

Oh look, it's Jean...

In your war with the Gogeas?

Why don't you sell them the land,

and bring the old Cosmin back?

- Cause I don't like to give up.
- And what's your gain in this?

One million euros.

Careful, the economic crisis
will hit us soon.

And what a premonition Andu had.
I'd rather he didn't.

In 2008, each and every
real estate business crashed.

On the chamomile fields purchased
in order to grow buildings,

not even chamomile grew now.

All those who mortgaged their houses
in order to become millionaires,

became beggars or close enough.

So I decided to build a cottage
on that land

and wait for the next real-estate bubble.

- Best of luck!
- Fingers crossed.

The cottage turn out all right.

I mean, I don't think you'll sell it
for one million euros...

But to spend the night here after
a round of...

... fishing... it's more than enough.

Wanna try the facilities?

- The facilities...
- The facilities.

Turn the light off.

- Turn it off.
- My Transylvanian girl!

What was this?

I don't know, I'll go see.

Turn the light on.

What's going on?

It's a party.

The neighbours
must be celebrating something.

Want some earplugs?

How long will the party last?

I don't know. Sometimes less,
other times until morning.

You want me to call the police?

So that's why you got so grumpy?

So cranky?

Lost your sense of humour.

Cause you got screwed over
with this property?

Fuck this property,
it's not like we need it.

To see you happy
is more important to me.

To see you hop on one foot
for winning at tennis.

Sell this land at once
if you don't want a divorce.

What?

I was joking about the divorce.

Will you promise me
that you’ll sell it?

I promise.

Wanna try the facilities?

- Please let me call the police.
- Cosmin!

Ioana, can you please give us a minute?

Just a minute.

Hello, is this the Prestige Club?

I would like to book a private event.

Around one hundred guests.

Where do I know about your Club?

I found you on the Internet,
but everybody knows about you.

Right. This Saturday.

Okay...

Yes, I know it's late to book,

but our boss
has been gone abroad.

He just got back today.

Tell me, please,
is it already booked for this Saturday?

That's such a pity.
But can't you cancel the other booking?

We'll pay for any compensation.

I see...

In three weeks from now?

I'll talk to my boss
and I'll call you back.

Thank you.

They've got a very important event
that they can't cancel.

Alice...

... you're magnificent.

For the CEO.

Superb!

Interesting.

Is it gold?

I think so.

Mulțumesc mult!

Este uimitor!

Mulțumesc!

- Oricând doriți!
- Bine.

Așadar, dragi invitați, vă mulțumesc enorm pentru că ați venit la
a 10-a aniversare a prezenței noastre aici, în România.

În țara voastră minunată!

Ce naiba e aia?

- Ce e asta?
- N-am idee!

What's going on?

Call somebody!
What's going on?

- Just call somebody! What's going on?
- That's what I'm doing!

Hai sa mergem!

Berinde?

Mr. Berinde?

Sorry.

Sorry.

Whoops.

I'm sorry, I was caught in a drill.

It's unbelievable how easily
the carp bites while listening to Jean.

I agree.

Thank you.

We have a complaint that
you're severely disturbing the public order.

- Me?
- Yes.

I don't hear a thing.

Do you?

Mr. Berinde,
I didn't come here to crack jokes.

You destroyed my event
and it's not about paying back the money.

but word gets around.

Word also gets around

that at your parties,
some wild stuff happens.

But I didn't believe it to be true.

Mister... and that...

I rented it, I want to build a gazebo.

To water the garden.

What garden?

- After I build the gazebo.
- Out there?

Mr. Gogea, I am sorry,

no offense, but there is no music.

Even so, till 10 PM he can do
as he pleases, for it's his property.

Please... after 10 PM.

What 10 PM?
At 10 I'm already sound asleep...

That, of course,
if there's no noise coming from the club.

Mr. Berinde, one last appeal to reason.

No one gains anything
out of this war.

What war? For heaven's sake!

All I want is that after a hard week,
when I come to my estate,

to enjoy a little bit of silence.
That's all.

If I build a soundproof fence between
our estates, will you gimme me a break?

I'm the one who doesn't give you a break?

Really?

Okay, build the fence and let's see.

And until then?

I have already booked four weddings
and a christening until fastening.

Look, I promise you
in front of the officers

that I'll keep my guests indoor.
It that all right?

And you're telling me this now?

Why not tell me earlier?

I have three team buildings
this weekend.

You have what?

And a fishing contest.
On the Annunciation Day.

Fish allowed during fasting.

True.

But I give you my word that I'll try
to keep a tight rein on my guests.

I see you're starting to get along.

You're both intellectuals,
for fuck's sake! Right?

I give you my word.

Come, Mieluta.
Let them be, stop staring.

What's wrong with you?

Of course that the Gogeas
didn't keep their word regarding the fence.

But I kept mine
regarding the gazebo.

Come on, go ahead!
Hurry up, please!

Start already,
the child pissed his pants.

Penelope?

Play already!

And now,

on the behalf

of DJ Space,

a special dedication
for the manliest man of them all

Mr. Barbat (Man).

Listen up!

I'm a man, a manly man

Penelope?

What is this?

A crazy man. He enjoys
blasting Balkan music.

- You know this happened before, right?
- Once.

Then call the police!

They can't do anything to him.
It's his property.

Please, let us celebrate
the child's christening!

If he doesn't stop at once,
we cancel everything.

We won't pay a dime,

but I'll make sure
that you pay us heavy penalties.

You know how much I paid,
just for the quartet.

I know, I'm the one who hired them.

Wait. Where's Piggy?

- Who?
- Piggy.

Oh, Piggy, she couldn't fit in the trunk.

Really? We're cancelling everything.

No, please wait!

Let's go inside,
we move the party indoor,

and meanwhile I promise you
that we'll sort it out somehow.

We chose your club
cause we wanted an outdoor party.

If we had wanted an indoor party,
we would've found hundreds of restaurants.

I'll charge you no rent,
I'll even pay for Piggy myself,

just pay for the food, please.

All right.

We'll talk after I count
the christening gift money.

Everybody inside!

Thank you so much.

Please go inside. Inside everyone.

Thank you very much.
Let's go inside.

Out!

- Five-nil. Can we focus a bit?
- You focus. I'm not defeated yet.

- Cosmin, boy...
- Leave me alone.

It's obvious.

It's obvious that this music war
is getting to you.

This Gogea won't give up
his business of hosting weddings.

It's what he lives on.

And you have this obsession that you'll
make a million euros out of that land.

Yes.

Even if he gives up hosting weddings,
we're in the middle of a recession, bro.

It's enough.

Sure, fine.

Each and every Saturday
you go fishing.

And Rely told me
you don't catch a damn fish.

She's lying!

Go serve.

You used to win every single set.
Now we all defeat you.

Wanna bet I'll turn the score
in my favour?

Let's see.

Fine, you're right,
I can't focus.

The failed concert at the christening had
a beneficial influence on the Gogeas.

They built a high fence, seemingly soundproof,
between the two estates.

Bro, listen up!

You're talking to me?

To whom else, bro? It's not like
I'm talking to Prapore.

Need a helping hand, boy?

What for, to water my garden?

Precisely.

No, thank you, I'll handle it myself.

Now listen here, our white brother.
Check this out.

- So Mr. Gogea...
- Mr. Gogea!

... build this wall
as you both agreed.

Now, if you keep playing
Balkan music while we're hosting events,

you'll be dealing with us.

I mean, it's not like
we don't love Balkan music,

but mix it up with
some Brahms, some Shostakovich,

some Sven Hassel. Right?

Just turn that music down,
have it in the background.

See?
We can settle this, boy.

- Are you hosting a wedding today ?
- And what a wedding!

All the guests are
big shots.

That's why Mr. Barbat sent us.
To make sure everything's fine.

And everything's fine, right?

I don't know.

Now I'll go inside

to play some Balkan music
in the background.

If I can't hear my own music anymore,

I'll turn it up.

Till I can hear it.

Mr. Barbat, everything's fine here.

Roger.

Federer.

Go!

There.

Hey!

You sucker!

We smashed him, bro.

What do you mean "nothing happened"?

- Can't you see it's water all over.
- Enough!

Enough already!
We'll file a property damage report.

Mieluta, write this down:

So...

- What day is today?
- It was an accident.

We were asked
to get a permit from the fire department.

And we did a spontaneous fire drill.

Mr. Berinde is known to
set tires on fire.

- That is correct.
- Are you out of your mind?

He aimed the hose straight at the gazebo,
soaking the loudspeakers.

How could they know
that your loudspeakers are there?

You told us that you keep water barrels,
to water the garden, there.

- We watered it for you.
- We'll water it daily, you looser.

Shut your mouth!
Do you live here, in our town?

I live in Romanesque.

He's our employee.

Mr. Barbat... then I will fine you.

I can't respond three times to a call
without fining anyone.

Listen, fine Oaida.

Considering all the fines
I've never paid...

Enough!

So it's settled, Mr. Berinde. We're clear.

- All right...
- That's it.

Give me that.
We’ll leave it at a warning.

Here are your IDs.

Okay. Get lost now. Scram!

Just a warning and that's it.
Let's go, Mieluta.

Mr. Berinde?

Brake a leg!

Let go of me!

But things didn't stay that way.

Especially that in the meantime
I discovered The Parasites Band,

since BUG Mafia and La Famiglia

were too soft for my taste.

Did you bring the ice?

- Yes.
- You sure?

I want more flowers, please.

- Can you put a lock here?
- Yes.

Do that, please.

And teaspoons. Put teaspoons on each table.
There too. Everywhere.

Why aren't there teaspoons anywhere?

I want teaspoons on every table.
And take that water bottle away!

No water bottles on the tables.
You'll pour the water.

Come on, boys!

And...

How are things with the nutter?

Pretty well. Everything's chill.
He doesn't seem to be up to no good.

But if he tries anything,
we'll turn the hose on him.

I don't think he wants to lose
another pair of loudspeakers.

Be careful! At the first sign,
you flood him!

Mr. Gogea will be here.
I don't want surprises.

We put him straight.

The sucker hired
his own "bondi-guards".

Mr. Barbat, have no worries. One call and
I'll have 100 cousins and in-laws here.

We'll make minced meat
out of him.

Oaida?

Oaida!

I can't afford even a hint of a scandal.

- You nip everything in the bud.
- In the bud.

Cool mise-en-place.

Hurry up with those teaspo...

Music!

Easy... All in good time.

Who wants more pork neck?

- Just some tenderloin.
- Right away.

Quiet, please!

Sorry, just a sec.

The waltz, little niece.

Now, the bride and groom dance.

What's that, bro?

Take care of it,
or else we've got a problem.

I don't know where it's coming from,
but I'll fix it in no time.

Barbat?

Do something with the nutter
or we're screwed.

Hey! Hit him!

Flood him, Nick boy!

Mr. Barbat?

We’re the ones getting soaked!

Aim at the loudspeakers,
not the sheet metal.

The loudspeakers, not the sheet metal!

Aim at the loudspeakers!

What?

Nick boy, turn off the water!

What did you do, Nick boy?!

Mr. Barbat?

Do we go in after them?

This is messy.

Messy as fuck.

Thank you so much, bro.
I owe you one.

Thanks a lot. Bye.

It's done.

I found a restaurant nearby. It's free.

We lucked out.

You lucked out, bro.

That's right, I did.

We'll handle everything,
there will be absolutely no charge.

We'll compensate for the damage,
the trouble and the embarrassment.

As for the wedding presents,
tell me what you expected

and we'll pay the difference. Okay?

I beg you.

If the bride forgives you,
I'll forgive you as well.

Please...

Give me one another chance.

I guarantee that you'll be satisfied.

I was sure that
I had set them straight

especially when he called
asking for a meeting to work something out.

It felt like my million euros
started kicking.

Just to be sure,
I brought my lawyer with me.

Lawyers are the best kind of bait
for the millions in search of a new owner.

Let me do the talking, okay?

You jump in
only if I ask you something.

They're here.

- Good afternoon.
- Afternoon.

Mrs. Gogea, Mr. Gogea.

- Mr. Jipa, my lawyer.
- Mircea Gogea, pleased to meet you.

Mr. lawyer, do me a favour, please.
May I sit in your place?

This air conditioning blows straight
to my chair and I'm about to catch a cold.

- Be my guest.
- Thank you.

We should order some food,
and meanwhile we can...

... discuss.

So Mr. Berinde,
I'll ask you for the fifth time.

How much do you want
in order for you to leave us alone?

And I'll tell you for the fifth time
that all I want

is to have some peace and quiet
on my estate.

Mr. Gogea offered to buy the land

and I agree with this solution
for one million euros.

Let's be serious! It's absurd.
Who's gonna give you that money?

We're in recession.

Mr. Gogea, I have two clients
ready to pay one million euros.

But I don't want to trick them.

To have them go through
the nightmare I've been going through

in the last three years
because of you.

It's clear, the price for our tranquillity
is one million euros.

No... one million euros
is the price of the estate.

We don't have that kind of money.

We have a mortgage to pay.

Ma'am, please...
I don't care about your business.

All I care about
is some peace and quiet.

Mr. Berinde.

If we gave you...

... one million euros

in ten instalments,

in the form of rent,

would that be okay?

Meaning?

Meaning I'll rent the estate
for the next ten years,

I'll give you 100,000 euros every year,

and when the last instalment is paid,
the estate becomes ours.

Do you agree on that?

Would you excuse us for a minute?

I agree.

As it follows.

You pay 500,000 euros
up front,

meaning the last five instalments,

to prove that you’re serious
about the agreement.

Then you'll pay an annual rate
of 100,000 euros.

The estate can be yours
starting tomorrow.

If you pay me 500,000,
plus the first instalment of 100,000.

- So 600,000 euros.
- Right.

You can do with it
whatever you please.

Grow tomatoes, build a parking lot,

make a playground for children.

And please note
that I’m not asking ask for interest.

I'll also throw in the cottage,
the gazebo and the loudspeakers.

although it's gonna be
hard letting them go.

If you don't pay one instalment,

you'll obviously lose everything
and we'll be back at square one.

Just like playing Ludo, the board game.

So...

... you want one million
in order for you to leave us alone.

No.

I just want my estate to be
an oasis of peace...

... on weekends.

We accept the rental proposal,
we're okay with it.

But we can't get this money
from one day to the next.

Mr. Gogea,
I'm not unreasonable.

What day is today?

Monday.

On Tuesday, Cezar will send you
a draft of the contract, and...

... you have till Friday
to transfer 10,000 euros

to my account.

In good faith.

Following which, by the end of the month,
you'll transfer the rest of the amount.

Why all the fuss with the money transfers,
when I can give it to you in cash?

I got the money at home.

Mr. Gogea, this is serious business.
Payments are made through the bank.

You wouldn't want to be questioned
on where you have 10,000 euros in cash from.

Whatever...

Well then,
you'll send me the contract on Tuesday,

on Wednesday, I'll transfer you the money

and when you receive it on Friday,
we'll meet to sign the papers.

Is that okay with you?

- That's a deal.
- All right, then.

I'll pay for...

- No, please.
- ... the restaurant bill.

It's our pleasure,
we're the ones who invited you.

In for a million...
in for a pound.

You have time
to change your mind till Friday.

If I don't have the money on Friday,
there's no way back.

By the way...

Any wedding or christening
this Saturday?

I've got a new dope music selection,

and it would be my pleasure
to contribute.

Let's go.

All set.

Drinks are on you.

This time, they went too far,

they didn't wire me the money.

I was determined to destroy their business.

I was so sure they will keep their word,

that I didn't take my CD made
for special circumstances.

Now I had to go back to Bucharest
and take it.

Leaving so soon, bro?

It's too hot, the fish don't bite.

Tell Gogea the deal is off.

I'll see him tomorrow.

Better said, he’ll hear from me.

I don't think so...

"Au-lavoir", sucker!

Chief Commissioner Ulea,
license and registration, please.

Sure.

Here.

Have you been drinking any alcohol?

No, I didn't.

I'm going to ask you
to follow us to the precinct.

I said: follow us.

Yes, will do.

I don't know why,
but I started being afraid.

And not because of the beer I just had.

What's wrong? Chill.

Good afternoon, Ma'am.

Here's your 24 hour detainment ordinance
issued for the following offences.

The offense of attempted blackmail
through repeated acts and activities,

provided for by Article 194, Criminal code,
with the application of Article 41 (2).

And the offense of breach of public policy
acting contra bonos mores.

And the offense of disorderly conduct
through repeated acts and activities.

Tomorrow morning you'll be sent
to the public prosecutor's office.

Cuff him!

Just give me a sec.

Hang on, not so fast.

Is it serious?

They've got the transcript
of the conversation at the restaurant.

Gogea had his watch bugged.

They’re working together.

But they can't arrest you.

What do you mean, arrest me?

Bearing in mind the penalty for blackmail,

the prosecutor may order you
to be kept in custody for 30 days.

He's right.

- Cezar... Cezar!
- I'm coming.

Don't worry,
they won't take you into custody.

He'll make a fool of himself.

The prosecutor doesn't have any proof
of the alleged blackmail.

All their transcripts
show it was a commercial conversation

about renting or selling an estate.

A third-year student
could solve the case.

And what if...

We'll file for appeal and win.
No biggie.

We’re dismissing the request for the defendant
to be remanded in custody.

The right of appeal within five days.

So they're releasing him?

So it seems.

But the prosecutor may request
for him to be held in custody till 11:00,

the time the 24 hours arrest warrant
was issued.

If he's a scumbag...

Move it!

Along with the detainment ordinance,
a search warrant was also issued.

It would be a pity not to use it.

If you object, we'll use force.

No, I'll open right away.

Just wait for me to... Let me just...

- Battering ram!
- Let me open the...

Mieluta Berbece at your service.

Be patient. Why are you meddling?

Break the gate!

There's no need, I'll open it up.

Please.

Move, you scumbag.

- Faster!
- Just wait... There must be a mistake.

Listen to me, please.

Hurry up, we've got work to do.

Hurry up!

He got away this time.

But till the trial at the court
of first instance, we'll have him packed tight.

Just wait for me to...

Turn those red lights off,
you'll scare away my clients.

Yes, sir.

I have a private event.

Will do.

What are you looking for?

Bugs, what else?

They had recordings, don't you get it?

- With our entire conversation.
- That's enough. Stop!

- You'll drive yourself crazy.
- I think I already did.

I know what would loosen you up.

Would you like to...

Are you mad?!

Want them to also have
a sex tape with us?

You are right.

You're right.

But not in here.

At a hotel.

At a hotel.

- You're being paranoid.
- At a hotel! Hush!

Come, let's go!

My marriage started getting
spicier than I could handle.

Code of Criminal Procedure

What are you reading?

The criminal code.

Does it turn you on?

The criminal code?
It gets me down.

Is it really that serious?

Cezar says not to worry, but...

Well then...

Wait, let me get those books.

I just have to...

When your lawyers tell you
there’s no problem,

you have a big problem.

We sentence the defendant Berinde Cosmin

to two months of imprisonment
for committing the crime

of breach of public policy
acting contra bonos mores,

and the offense of disorderly conduct
through repeated acts and activities,

but under judicial
mitigating circumstances.

Pursuant to article 81
of the criminal code,

it conditionally suspends serving
the sentence of two months of imprisonment

within a two-year
and two-months' probation.

You won't get away so easily.
We'll appeal.

So will we.

We'll see who's who.

I'll tear you apart!

We’ll see about that.

Sure thing, neighbour.

- Let's go for a soda.
- What a huge brooch.

It must've been expensive.

I talked to Cezar and he told me
that we're surely win the appeal.

But you know what the problem is?

The problem is a civil claim
disjointed from the file.

You lost me there.

The Gogeas sued us
for damages worth of 300,000 euros.

For the events they hosted, but
didn't cash in any money because of us.

Because of us?

Because of me. But still.

Being married,
it will be a joint liability.

You mean we're gonna lose everything?

Well...

Unless... we get a divorce.

What do you mean, divorce?

Do you have a lover?

Yes.

Whom I secretly date... right here,

in this hotel.

And just to see
how far my infidelity goes...

... I've decided to pass all my properties
in her name.

Come on...

Cezar advised me
to get a divorce

and pass all our properties
in your name, get it?

That way, if I lose the lawsuit,
I have no belongings they can take.

The only problem is that...

... I'll be at your mercy.

But what will people say?

No one will know.

We'll go to the notary
for a consensual divorce.

Then I'll win the lawsuit and...

... we'll get married again.

Discreetly.

- Discreetly.
- Very discreetly.

- Wait. Let me help you.
- Leave it!

It's heavy.

Let me help you.

To hell with those...

I told you to have a child with him
just to keep him tied down.

Mum, let me explain.

Explain what?

Explain what?

That you have disgraced me
in front of the whole village?

By now...

... your cousin already told
everybody!

Thank God your father
doesn’t leave the house anymore,

cause he would have had
another stoke.

Mum...

It's a temporary divorce.

I never heard
of a temporary divorce.

If it's temporary, why would you
get divorced in the first place?

Where is he now?

At a hotel.

Aurelia...

What is he doing there?

He's waiting for me.

I'm gonna leave. No way...

I'm gonna leave right now.

I don't wanna see him
and speak my mind.

Mum...

It's temporary. Believe me.

I won’t believe a word till Sanda shows me
the official notice that you're married.

With Cosmin that is.

Don't you dare marry someone else!

You’ll put me in an early grave,
both of you!

Stop making such a fuss,
everybody can hear you.

How long will we have to hide?

Till the appeal will be settled.

If only you knew
how much my mum suffers.

Why did we ruin our lives
for a lousy property?

Because I won’t let him
walk all over me.

But he already did.

That's what he thinks.

Overrules judgment

in the appealed criminal case,
and being proceeded on the merits,

renders the application of Article 4,
Criminal Code.

Therefore, pursuant to Article 396 (5),

in conjunction with Article 16 (1B),
Criminal Code,

with reference to Article 3
of Law 187/2012,

for implementing Law 286/2009
regarding the Criminal Code,

the court declares an acquittal
on the defendant Berinde Cosmin.

Fuck!

I'll eat you alive!
See you in court, at the civil law suit!

Mircea?

I've already been eaten alive.

Didn't you know? The divorce ended
with my wife taking everything.

She only left me the lake estate.

Mircea, I've been thinking...

I'm gonna donate it.

I was already contacted by a NGO.

They want to build a
pet cemetery there.

What do you think?

I had completely forgotten
about the estate where it all started.

During the law suit,
I didn't set foot there, even once.

That’s when I remembered,
I had a debt to pay

and it was overdue.

I think it's time to mind our own business.

You're right.

But we really should throw a restart party
for our employees.

Especially that we will soon celebrate
our 10-year business anniversary.

- That's in three months' time.
- I know.

But I just can’t wait.
Let's do it this Saturday.

And did think of a location?

Yes.

At the Prestige Club.

Are you sure?

I’ve never been more sure
in my entire life.

Why don't you call yourself?

They know my voice.

All right...

Prestige Club, Barbat speaking.

Here's another man speaking.

Barbat is my name.

How can I help you?

We'd like to throw
a corporate event on Saturday.

When?

On Saturday. This Saturday.

No can do. We're fully booked
for the next three weekends.

It's our 10-year business anniversary.
Our French partners will be here.

I'm sorry, I cannot help you.

What if we'd pay the money
you probably asked in advance

and any compensation arising.

Truth is that we didn't take
any money in advance.

The owners are marrying their
only daughter. We couldn't possibly...

But we might find a solution
for next Saturday.

No, we're interested in this Saturday.
Could you recommend us other venue?

No venue could live up to our standards.

What goes around comes around.

- You sure?
- Very.

I was so sure
that I went straight to a junk yard.

Looking for something in particular?

A hearse.

For...

... spare parts?

No.

For a dead guy.

Follow me.

You're in luck.

One was just brought in.

We didn't even deregister it yet.

“Just” brought in, you say?

It's as good as new.

A good mechanic
can fix it in less than...

... one month.

And do you know a good mechanic?

Yes.

Me.

Today is Monday.

On Saturday I need it
for the final journey.

- The hearse or the deceased?
- Both.

Two thousand euros
and you have it on Saturday.

You just make sure
that the deceased... deceases.

- How about warranty?
- Yes.

Thirty miles. Is that okay?

It's...

- ... tight.
- I'll even roll back the odometer.

In case you want to sell it back to me.

Give it a rest.

Secondly I went to a cemetery.

Though not knowing exactly
what I was looking for.

But I soon found what I was looking for.

Stop!

It's a private event.
Got an invitation?

No. What event?

Taru died.

Was he a great talent?

Lead begger
in front of Lady Balasa Church.

After the funeral,
his position will be opened.

Who will open the position?

Mr. Carcalete.

The head of the beggers' union.

He owned a real estate agency.

Whom do you leave us to, Taru?

And the one howling
is his mother?

Taru was an orphan.
The mourner is Mrs. Zenaida.

She was an opera soprano.

She lost her house playing slot machines.

Why is he buried
near the fence?

He committed suicide.

But I see a priest holding
the funeral service.

Father Mantuiala?
He's defrocked.

Why?

The birth rate increased to record high
in his parish.

People are mean.

His invitation.

From the State Division of Cemeteries?

Was this Taru a good guy?

God’s bread.

God’s wine.

And isn't it a shame
to throw him such a botched funeral?

It really is,
but we have no money.

What would you say
to burying him again?

But properly, with full honours.

Freeze!

If the Church doesn’t have a problem...

Actually, there might be a small problem.

What kind of problem?

We can't come dressed like this
to Taru's funeral.

It would be disrespectful
to Taru.

What about now?

Now's a different kettle of fish.

- For the soul of...
- Taru.

Taru.

Let's...

That's the music I adore!

What's that?

What?

Can't you hear it?

O Lord, have mercy on us.

In your endless grace, we pray Thee
to hear and have mercy upon us.

Lord, have mercy!

Happy swimming, Taru...

... for you've still got drowned
in the end.

How's the food honey?
The rolls, are they good?

They're delicious?
What are they made from?

Mircea?

Yes, pumpkin, what is it?

Where's your daughter?

Mircea, our guests are leaving.

What's that sound?

What is that?

I think it's a funeral.

You think?

Go around! Do something!

Should I turn on the headlights?

Freeze.

Why are you honking like crazy?
Let us mourn in peace.

Show a little respect.

And turn on those god-damned headlights,
like the good Christian, you are.

Or aren't you?

Please, could you let us pass?

We have a wedding to attend.
I'm the bride.

I figured that out.

How did you figure out?

Shut the fuck up.

I saw the bouquet.

I'm sorry, but death takes precedence.

A man only dies once in a lifetime.

And the way I see things,
you'll get married a few more times.

No offence.

Listen... Take a sip, for Taru's soul.

To save you from bad luck.

As you wish.

Singing, forward march!

- Cheerio, guys.
- Long live the godfather!

My respects.

That's it?
Did someone turn off the tap?

- Maybe they lowered the crossing barriers.
- You're right, smart ass.

What is that sound?

I'll be damned
if it's not the funeral march.

Pork-rind, push the car,
don's stay there stiff as the dead!

Push already!

Father?

Father!

Get your ass over here!

Are you talking to me?

What's wrong,
did the hearse die?

Did you like that?

- Should I help you push it?
- Zip it, moron!

Come on, keep driving.
Can't we pass them?

I can't.

Father, please, what in God's name?

It's God's will.

Oh, I'll kick your ass.

Do something!

Come, Barbat, let's go!

- Serve the octopus.
- The octopus!

Let's...

Mr. Carcalete...

... look at the mileage.
Thirty miles, just like I said.

- Prapore?
- Here!

Go get that funeral banner away.

I wouldn't do that if I were you.

Get that away from here!

Hurry up, you're late.

Take care of her.

Get this hearse out of here.

Ladies and gentlemen,

lunch is served.

Arise ye workers from your slumbers

Arise ye prisoners of want

For reason in revolt now thunders

And at last ends the age of cant.

So comrades, come rally

And the last fight let us face

The Internationale

Unites the human race.

- Oh, Mr. Ionita, what a pleasure.
- Good evening.

- Did you know Taru?
- Who didn't know Taru?

- My God rest his soul. My condolences.
- Thank you.

Father Mantuiala.

- Good evening, Father.
- God bless you, son.

Have it your way.

Or have you lost your way?

I know it's a heavy and terrible loss.

- And a painful one.
- That's right.

Because he was a loved man.

Look at how many friends he had.

Look how much they suffer.

Can't they suffer less loud?

A man like Taru
doesn't get born twice.

Mr. Gogea is marrying his daughter.

If I hadn't been in mourning,
I would've come to congratulate her.

Father...

Carcalete!

Let's hear it, Ionita.

There is a complaint.

Which you can shove up your ass.

Because on my property,

I'll mourn the dead any way I want
for as much as I want.

You son of a bitch,
it's my daughter's wedding!

You want to ruin it?

Ionita, do something,
my guests are leaving.

- I'm sorry, the circumstance...
- What circumstance? Do something!

The circumstance is such
that I cannot interfere.

Happy wedding!

Join us for a drink?

No.

- Mircea?
- We're very glad you could come.

We wish you could've come sooner,
but you're finally here.

He is Mr. Gogea.

- Jean from Craiova City.
- Mircea from Arges City.

My wife.

My respects. Glad to meet you.

If the nutter tries anything
with his loudspeakers,

we have the original.

I heard you play Jean from Craiova City
in your Club. It was only natural.

Let me take you to your cabin.

- Thank you for coming.
- Thank you, too.

We got him.

Show a little respect for Taru.

Taru woke up from the dead!

Taru woke up from the dead!

My love.

Move away, I wanna see.

Quiet!

He wants to tell us something.
Go ahead, my love.

Go ahead.

I found Heaven!

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!

I'm Jean from Craiova City.

Go!

I want to wish the newlyweds,
Luminita and Marius,

a happy wedding!

Hurry!

Let the party begin!

Young man, wanna challenge me
to arm wrestling? Man to man?

I don't care.

You’re annoying me!

What's going on here?

It shall be forfeit.

Your IDs, chop-chop!

Hands on the table!

Mieluta...

What are you doing, Mieluta?

Don't meddle, Ionita boy.

C'mon!

We'll throw you another wedding party.

Don't you think
this one was enough?

We'll throw you one
to remember all your life.

I won't forget this one
even if I want to.

May I have a special request?

- Whom for?
- For me.

For you it's free of charge.
What song do you want?

The Penguin Song.

You never give up, still with the fish.

I should get going.
I wish them good health.

Get going? No way, honey.

The mutton
will be served any minute now.

Please. Come now.

We felt amazing.

The roast pig is just about to be served.
It's delicious.

It melts in your mouth.

You wanna go? No problem.

I'll eat all 140 cake slices
by myself.

Scram!

Who's that?

Our neighbour.

That's all.

I also won the civil lawsuit,
I don't have to give them any money.

So I can get married.

If she'll still marry me
given how late I am.

Please excuse us.

And don't forget:
it’s only a step

from being a bridesmaid
to being a bride.

With all due respect,
I don't think he's coming.

And it's closing time.

You can reschedule it.

And maybe you'll find
someone dependable by then.

Wait, there's five more minutes.

Ma'am, with all due respect...

Here he is!

Am I late?

Douche bag!

Which of them do
you want to marry?

Eenie, meenie, minie mo

Catch a piggy by the toe...

IDs please!

One ID.

The witnesses.
Two, three, four IDs.

This way, please.

Mister Berinde Cosmin,

by free will and not under coercion,

will you, once again, take Miss Berinde Aurelia
as your wife?

As many times as it takes.