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1
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One thing I realised,
after all these years,
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00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:11,560
is you get what's coming to you.
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00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:22,920
Let's start at the beginning.
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London, the early 80s it was rough out
there, the worst recession since the war.
5
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:31,400
Thatcher had pulled
the working class's pants down,
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00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:33,693
but in the same
breath filed down our
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00:00:33,717 --> 00:00:36,600
conscience and replaced
it with naked greed.'
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You will find in the new
Conservative Government
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00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:43,800
a remorseless
and implacable opponent.
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00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:47,960
They called this little pocket
of east London the Bermuda Triangle
11
00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:50,600
because what went in
was never seen again.'
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00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:54,440
♪ Peeling the skin back
from my eyes... ♪
13
00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:59,000
We were all just surviving
back then, trying not to drown.'
14
00:00:59,040 --> 00:01:01,800
OK, so we've got, er,
one double bubble,
15
00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:04,120
double, er, double,
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00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:07,160
double bubble... One double bubble,
double egg and beans. Yeah. Sorry.
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00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:09,560
Albert Fantoni,
a sweet man, an honourable man,
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00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:11,960
just a bit of a soft touch,
bless him.'
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00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:14,160
Oh, you all right, Joe? Erm...
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00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:16,320
What's that doing there?
21
00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:18,720
Erm, that was it,
22
00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:22,760
er, Tash was just saying
I should ask, er, just, erm,
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i-if you c-could s-square up
what you owe us?
24
00:01:25,680 --> 00:01:27,240
Oh, yeah, yeah,
we'll pay what we owe.
25
00:01:27,280 --> 00:01:30,320
Oh, yeah?
Yeah. But we'll pay it in salmon.
26
00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:32,652
Salmon? Yeah,
salmon. We lifted a lorry load. Fuck
27
00:01:32,676 --> 00:01:34,920
all we can do with it,
so you can have the lot.
28
00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:39,080
No, no, that's really kind of you,
but it's just that, erm,
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I dunno really what we could...
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00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:44,760
Oh!
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You had me there! I thought
you were gonna shit yourself!
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00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:48,840
I wouldn't do that here!
33
00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:52,800
I was like,
"What are we gonna do with salmon?"
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00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:55,720
We are paying you in salmon, though.
35
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:02,120
Mick Neville was Albert's cousin. He
tells like he could've been a contender
36
00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:03,909
but we knew the truth
he was soppy as a
37
00:02:03,933 --> 00:02:05,960
Sunday and bullshit
just poured out of him.'
38
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:11,000
About two year ago, I'm called out to
fight a man by the name of George Foreman.
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00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:14,560
Eight men before me
he's knocked sparko.
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00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:16,560
They call me into the ring,
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00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:20,360
my old Aristotle's
going like a rabbit's nose,
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I step in, I get my dukes up,
he comes at me,
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"Ping! Ping! Oh!"
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Have you ever been kicked
by a horse, Eric? It felt like that.
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00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:34,600
Hello, Alberto's. Tash,
it's the Captain. Is Mick there?
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00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:37,920
No-one calls you that, Phil. You
can't just give yourself a nickname.
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00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:40,600
Whatever.
Just tell Mick that I'm outside,
48
00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:42,480
and make sure
you get this bit right,
49
00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:44,280
I'm on a car phone.
50
00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:48,200
Mick, Phil's outside.
He's on a car phone.
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00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:50,280
A car phone? Fuck off!
52
00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:52,360
He says fuck off. "I can if I want."
53
00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:56,480
I can make calls anywhere. Well, as
long as I can get to it in the car.
54
00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:59,040
He's on a car ph...
He's on a phone in his car!
55
00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:00,960
Is he on that car phone again?
56
00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:03,840
You know the phone you're on now?
It's exactly like that,
57
00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:05,840
but it's installed in a car.
58
00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:07,840
Move it!
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00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:10,880
Modern tech...
Tell him it's modern technology.
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00:03:10,920 --> 00:03:12,920
Oi. Yep?
61
00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:15,240
Are you daft? Sorry.
What did I tell ya?
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00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:18,600
Ah, Phil Pocket...
Bowled about like a big-time gangster
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00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:21,640
but he didn't really have the apples
to be anything but a gofer
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00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:24,240
for the likes of Joey
and Crazy Clive Cornell,
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00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:26,720
the real faces, the real deal.'
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00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:29,920
You're the driver! It's not your car!
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00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:33,560
The girls are ready, babe, so I'm
gonna take them to school, all right? OK.
68
00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:38,040
All right, girls? Daddy loves you this
much. How much do you love Daddy?
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00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:40,920
All right, soppy bollocks!
70
00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:44,720
Did you get paid? Oh, yeah, erm... I
need to get the girls' pressies. Yeah, no.
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00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:47,920
Er, I was actually, erm,
going to talk to you about that.
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00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:50,120
Yeah, all sorted. Erm...
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00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:52,920
Yeah, and he's paying us in salmon,
so...
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00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:54,480
Salmon?
75
00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:56,320
Yeah. Well, smoked salmon.
76
00:03:56,360 --> 00:04:00,760
Right, so, we, erm, we're gonna give
the girls lumps of fish for Christmas?
77
00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:05,040
Yeah, I mean...
OK, no, you're right. I'll sort it.
78
00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:06,120
I'll speak to Joey.
79
00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:07,800
Er, kissy?
80
00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:09,960
Not in front of the customers.
Oh, OK, then. Yeah.
81
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:11,960
See ya.
82
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:16,120
L-Love you!
83
00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:19,600
Love only gets you so far
when you're down and broke.
84
00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:23,160
It's not a currency
and it don't pay the bills.
85
00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:25,640
Everyone round here
was just trying to make ends meet,
86
00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:30,960
just existing, like bit-parts
in someone else's story.'
87
00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:40,920
What's on the agenda today, then,
Joe? What we up to?
88
00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:42,720
Shut up!
89
00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:49,440
We were looking for any way
to change our luck,
90
00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:52,680
any way to get out,
to get a bit more than we had,
91
00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:57,400
but as my old mum used to say, you've
got to be careful what you wish for.'
92
00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:04,920
This Club Tropicana place
is as real as they come. Yeah?
93
00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:07,920
And it's a good time and the drinks
are free for everyone.
94
00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:11,760
That's what George Michael
insisted. I saw the video.
95
00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:14,800
As someone in the catering sector,
I doubt the drinks would be free
96
00:05:14,840 --> 00:05:18,360
but I'm sure they're making it back off
the entrance fee or something like that.
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00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:20,416
George isn't paying an entrance fee.
He's a celebrity.
98
00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:22,120
Maybe not George,
but you know what I mean.
99
00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:24,800
I bet he gets so much crumpet.
Oh, God, yeah! Swimming in it! Yeah.
100
00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:26,520
He's a good-looking boy,
that's for sure.
101
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:28,920
Lovely eyes. Cheekbones on the kid!
Whoa!
102
00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:32,280
He's the centrefold in this month's
Just Seventeen magazine.
103
00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:34,240
Why are you reading Just Seventeen?
You're 45.
104
00:05:34,280 --> 00:05:37,200
Here he is! Thanks for coming.
Hello, Sid. How you feeling?
105
00:05:37,228 --> 00:05:39,188
Are you well, Sid? All right,
boy? You're probably
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00:05:39,212 --> 00:05:41,080
wondering where I've
been the last few months.
107
00:05:41,104 --> 00:05:44,360
Well, er, Tash did tell us about,
er, Sue sleeping with her boss.
108
00:05:44,388 --> 00:05:46,148
I'm really sorry to hear
about that. Who told
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00:05:46,172 --> 00:05:47,920
you? Did you have a
breakdown or something?
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00:05:47,944 --> 00:05:49,600
My sister's a blabbermouth.
111
00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:53,640
No, that's not what this is about.
I've got myself a new job.
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00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:56,048
Congratulations, then, Sidney,
mate. Well done. Very
113
00:05:56,072 --> 00:05:58,440
nice! Well done,
Sid. Got your life back together.
114
00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:01,000
Good stuff. That's not why I'm here.
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00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:04,520
I'm here because I've got
a proposition for you. Oh, yeah?
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00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:06,480
I've got myself a job down in Newham.
Oh, yeah?
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00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:08,800
This little warehouse.
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00:06:08,840 --> 00:06:13,040
I say little. It's big.
The place is like an Aladdin's cave.
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00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:17,040
Cash, shipments, coming in and out.
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00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:19,680
Up to 50 grand.
I'm in! I'm all over it.
121
00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:21,520
Hold on. Slow down, mate.
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00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:24,680
He's just explaining about his new
job. Yeah, let him finish, Mick. Go on.
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00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:27,760
Well, the security there is just me
and a couple of wheezy old-timers.
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00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:31,240
They pretty much
just let you in the back door.
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00:06:31,280 --> 00:06:34,600
How did we get here?
Are you talking about a robbery?
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00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:37,560
It's not a robbery as such.
127
00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:40,480
I just, er, open the door
128
00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:42,600
and turn my back.
That's still a robbery.
129
00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:46,400
I'll have a word with Crazy Clive.
Clive Cornell. Good friend of mine.
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00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,320
He's hardly your friend.
You work for him, mate.
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00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:50,080
He is my friend.
And he's a fucking lunatic.
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00:06:50,104 --> 00:06:53,360
Yeah, I think we should agree
not to involve anyone called Crazy.
133
00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:55,916
Sidney, can we do it tomorrow?
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00:06:55,940 --> 00:06:57,732
I'm around all day tomorrow. All day long.
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00:06:57,756 --> 00:06:58,800
Nothing in the diary.
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00:06:58,840 --> 00:07:02,040
Not tomorrow.
Yeah, yeah, not tomorrow, mate.
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00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:04,280
My time is extremely valuable.
138
00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:05,920
Do you understand that?
139
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:09,280
So you tell me
when is the best time to do this.
140
00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:11,520
That's a good question.
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00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:14,600
Erm, I haven't...
142
00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:16,640
I haven't exactly...
That'll be the next...
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00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:19,208
That'll be the next part
of the plan that I'd have
144
00:07:19,232 --> 00:07:21,760
to start thinking about
and that's what I would do.
145
00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:25,160
So... I'm not being funny, but he
doesn't know what he's talking about.
146
00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:27,128
He's just got off the
back of a breakdown.
147
00:07:27,152 --> 00:07:29,080
No offence. Technically,
it was a breakdown.
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00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:30,868
Albert,
it's 50 grand. We could all do with
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00:07:30,892 --> 00:07:32,652
a drop of that. I could
do with a drop of it.
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00:07:32,676 --> 00:07:36,720
50,000 grand. I'm on the bones
of my very arse as I'm talking.
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00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:38,367
You'd be the first to
get caught. Look at
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00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:40,240
the size of ya. Albert's
talking some common!
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00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:41,920
I've got too much to lose. I'm out!
154
00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:43,689
No, Mick,
you've got fuck all to lose, mate.
155
00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:45,320
You're entitled to a bit of cream,
boy.
156
00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:48,760
I'm entitled to some cream,
I never had no cream.
157
00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:50,760
Big Mick's back in.
Ah, fucking hell!
158
00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:52,360
So...
159
00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:53,600
we have a decision.
160
00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:56,080
Mick's in.
161
00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:58,360
Sidney, how about you?
162
00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:00,040
Well, yeah, it's my job.
So, you're in?
163
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,360
Well, yeah. I invented it.
Good. Good.
164
00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:05,400
Albert? Are you in?
165
00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:08,240
Of course I'm not in! It's a stupid
idea. Why would I be in?
166
00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:09,880
To the robbery! Yeah!
167
00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:13,440
Let's not say that too loudly.
168
00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:15,200
50 grand between the four of you.'
169
00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:19,520
That's like...
12, nearly 13 bags each, babe.
170
00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:22,720
It could be a million grand for all
I care, it's just way too risky.
171
00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:25,720
I'm not doing it, never.
172
00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:27,862
Remember when I was,
like, 14 and I used to
173
00:08:27,886 --> 00:08:30,240
go up west knocking out
that dodgy aftershave?
174
00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:31,880
Oh, yeah!
175
00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:34,120
This old boy comes up to me once
176
00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:37,080
and asked whether I wanna join this
girl group he's putting together.
177
00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:39,520
He ain't even heard me sing!
178
00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:41,440
So I tell him to do one.
179
00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:43,760
But every now and again I think,
180
00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:47,720
"What if he was real?
I could've been in Bananarama!"
181
00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:49,760
Yeah. Or he could've been a nonce.
182
00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:51,400
Yeah, he probably was just a nonce.
Yeah.
183
00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:53,200
The point is,
we'll never know, will we?
184
00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:55,640
I know, but he sounds quite noncey.
185
00:08:55,680 --> 00:08:57,120
What are Phil and Mick saying?
186
00:08:57,160 --> 00:09:00,040
They're idiots,
so obviously they're up for it.
187
00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:06,120
They'd need someone strong
to pull it off, though, mind.
188
00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:08,640
Yeah, I know, that's the problem.
189
00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:10,720
A leader like...
190
00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:15,280
Oh... Someone to take control.
191
00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:24,080
We could clear all our debts.
192
00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:26,120
Maybe get a new car. Yeah.
193
00:09:26,160 --> 00:09:28,240
A holiday,
194
00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:30,760
Breville sandwich maker...
195
00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:35,320
I mean, yeah, Breville have been
stepping it up a notch recently.
196
00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:36,480
Mm-hm.
197
00:09:39,560 --> 00:09:42,560
They say life
is a series of decisions
198
00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:44,760
and all we can do is make em.
199
00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:50,200
But sometimes,
one decision can change everything.'
200
00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:55,800
really buff-looking fella.
Really strong, mate.
201
00:09:55,840 --> 00:09:57,440
Big arms. All right, boys?
202
00:09:57,480 --> 00:09:59,280
Here he is.
Oh, my word, look at this!
203
00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:01,120
You look very dapper, mate.
Do you like it?
204
00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:03,120
Very dapper.
Well, they always do say,
205
00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:05,200
"If you wanna be the part,
you gotta look the part."
206
00:10:05,224 --> 00:10:08,120
"Good fortune always follows
a pretty dress." Yes.
207
00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:12,120
May I say I'm over the moon that you
are coming on this caper with us.
208
00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:14,868
Well, I just felt like, er,
you really needed a
209
00:10:14,892 --> 00:10:17,600
strong leader,
someone to really take control.
210
00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:20,080
Well, no, I'm gonna be taking control
of the meeting
211
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,880
because it's my job and my...
I'm the mastermind.
212
00:10:22,920 --> 00:10:26,200
I'm not being funny, Sidney, mate,
but I'm the leader, OK?
213
00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:28,800
And if you've got a problem
with that, then, speak to Tash.
214
00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:31,840
On your toes, boys. The Firm's here.
215
00:10:33,480 --> 00:10:35,200
All right, Phil? All right?
216
00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:37,280
I didn't know anyone else
was joining us.
217
00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:41,320
Jesus Christ!
218
00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:43,240
I didn't know John Travolta
was joining us!
219
00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:46,760
Yeah, I was...
220
00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:53,360
OK, Firm, meet the boys.
Boys, meet the Firm,
221
00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:55,880
which I'm now part of.
222
00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:58,080
He knows me all right!
Clive, mate, how you doing?
223
00:10:58,120 --> 00:10:59,400
Handsome Mick Neville!
224
00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:02,880
I used to see you down the Ford.
You know Tina.
225
00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:04,160
Don't ya?
226
00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:06,440
Little Tina?
227
00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:11,960
OK, so if we do this thing,
we do it properly,
228
00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:15,280
this thing of ours.
It's technically a thing of mine,
229
00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:19,400
erm, but, yeah, a few more people
have been added to the equation.
230
00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:21,748
So we thought we'd
map it out on the snooker
231
00:11:21,772 --> 00:11:24,080
table because it doesn't
leave a paper trail.
232
00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:25,960
It's sort of like a metaphor,
in a way.
233
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:29,600
{\an4} So "D"... "D" for Depot,
easy to remember. Sid!
234
00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:33,000
Over here's your loading bay.
That's where they load stuff.
235
00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:34,880
OK, the triangle's the getaway van
236
00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:39,400
and then the different-coloured snooker
balls are us. Does that make sense?
237
00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:42,400
I'm the black ball.
No, you're gonna let us in.
238
00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:44,440
I'm gonna let...
I'll be letting everyone in.
239
00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:45,800
What's the chalk?
240
00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:47,600
The chalk?
241
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:51,680
W-We could think of something...
Yeah.
242
00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:53,560
And the table pockets? BOTH: Erm...
243
00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:56,960
What about the ashtray, then?
The ashtray...
244
00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:58,200
Sid?
245
00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:01,360
What about the fag there?
Is that you?
246
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:05,600
N-No. So that's the depot,
247
00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:08,880
loading bay and, er, this is us.
248
00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:10,400
So... Tell him about the...
249
00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:13,640
Oh, yeah. So I thought we could all
wear different-coloured balaclavas,
250
00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:15,960
like snooker balls.
To differentiate...
251
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:17,080
Have you finished?
252
00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:20,720
Er, yeah. This is Sidney.
He works as security in the depot.
253
00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:23,000
Does he?
254
00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:25,520
You...
255
00:12:25,560 --> 00:12:27,320
You haven't said anything.
256
00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:32,280
N-No, I-I was, erm...
257
00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:34,160
Sorry, erm...
258
00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:37,560
just thinking that, er,
259
00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:39,800
I dunno if I'm really up
for all this,
260
00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:44,920
but, erm, I was just popping my head
in anyway, just to see i-if everyone was,
261
00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:47,720
you know, what it would look like
but not...
262
00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:49,680
I'm probably...
Yeah, I'm just gonna shoot
263
00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:53,320
and then happy to just hear
about how it all goes. OK.
264
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:55,000
See ya.
265
00:12:56,560 --> 00:12:59,240
What's going on? Nah, nah, nah, nah.
266
00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:01,440
You're not going anywhere,
Night Fever.
267
00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:04,880
You now know we're involved,
so that means you are.
268
00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:07,000
Well, I wasn't going to tell anyone.
269
00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:09,120
Oh, he wants to be involved
very much.
270
00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:12,280
Actually, what he said, Clive...
Don't. He wants to be leader.
271
00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:14,240
I didn't say I wanted to...
That's what you said.
272
00:13:14,264 --> 00:13:17,720
He wore his special suit. As you can see,
he looks nice. I've worn it before.
273
00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:20,760
He runs a cafe, you know, so he's
got experience with leading people.
274
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,880
Enough!
275
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:28,880
I don't like his face. Me?
The ugly ape.
276
00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:31,240
Well, that's horrible.
Make him turn around.
277
00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:33,680
Him and the coward.
You two, turn around. Yeah.
278
00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:37,320
I wanna... I'll miss out.
Just turn around!
279
00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:39,240
You,
280
00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:42,320
is this a fair representation
of the premises in which you work?
281
00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:45,360
Well, it's not a snooker table,
282
00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:47,440
but there's a green carpet
in the office.
283
00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:50,400
How much do you hold there?
50 grand sometimes.
284
00:13:50,440 --> 00:13:54,360
You deal with me from now on.
No-one else.
285
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,760
We'll be in contact
when the job's a goer.
286
00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:58,720
Yeah. We'll be in touch.
287
00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:01,840
You stay! I'll stay.
Keep an eye on these lot.
288
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:07,880
That was utterly humiliating, us
stood there like a pair of plonkers
289
00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:10,480
while all the fun happened
over here.
290
00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:13,040
What are you doing? What?
291
00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:18,960
Great. Now we've got a crazy person
involved.
292
00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:33,440
♪ Lost my shape
293
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:37,800
♪ Trying to act casual
294
00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:41,150
♪ Can't stop... ♪
The trouble with being
295
00:14:41,174 --> 00:14:43,720
involved with someone
like Crazy Clive Cornell
296
00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:47,000
is you lose all control.
297
00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:51,240
Days turned into weeks
and no-one knew what was going on.
298
00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:55,480
To be honest, they secretly hoped
it had all gone away.'
299
00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:04,640
Merry Christmas!
300
00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:11,040
Ah, merry Christmas, lads.
Cheers, mate, yeah. Nice one.
301
00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:13,760
What's been new, then? Me and the
big man have applied for Bullseye.
302
00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:16,880
We've been getting down the Red
Lion on a Thursday, have a little practice.
303
00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:19,048
Yeah. Whoa,
when was this decided? Because I'm much
304
00:15:19,072 --> 00:15:21,200
better at general knowledge
than either of you two!
305
00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:23,480
It wasn't an easy decision to make.
306
00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:25,960
I'm the arrows,
Mick's the knowledge. Mm.
307
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:27,560
Mick does the knowledge? Yeah.
308
00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:30,720
You don't even know what day of the
week it is. How dare you? Hold your tongue.
309
00:15:30,744 --> 00:15:33,200
D-Do a question on me. Go on. OK,
in terms
310
00:15:33,224 --> 00:15:35,680
of height,
what is the largest breed of dog?
311
00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:36,800
Great Dane! Great Dane.
312
00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:39,280
What you doing? You're not quick
enough. Do it again.
313
00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:41,520
Do me a question now
if you wanna be the quizmaster. OK.
314
00:15:41,544 --> 00:15:43,480
What shoe size is Elton John?
315
00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:46,120
I imagine he's about a size five.
Size nine.
316
00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:50,320
Nine? He has a massive feet for
a man of his size. That's... Yeah.
317
00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:53,840
Why are you all on your own,
you weirdo? I'm not a weirdo!
318
00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:57,440
Clive said I have to keep my
distance from everyone, so I'm just...
319
00:15:57,480 --> 00:16:00,880
Why did you come to this pub, then?
You could've gone to any other pub.
320
00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:03,520
Yeah, well, why should I
be pushed out of my own local?
321
00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:05,960
It's getting out of hand, sis,
to be honest.
322
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:09,720
You said this was gonna be an easy
plan. Keep your voice down, Sidney!
323
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:15,400
It was not just me that came up with
this idea, it was both of us, remember?
324
00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:17,800
You're the... mastermind.
325
00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:22,560
I've been thinking about that.
Maybe I could mastermind an escape.
326
00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:26,240
What about that?
Just go off-grid for a bit.
327
00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:28,920
I've got my tent and my, you know,
my bag.
328
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:31,760
I could just... Ahem!
..just do my press-ups.
329
00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:34,200
Can you do press-ups?
Yes, I can do press-ups!
330
00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:37,600
I do 50 a week. Joey's here.
331
00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:44,200
Don't act weird.
I'm not acting weird. You are.
332
00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:46,600
Hold it. Hold it.
333
00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:49,880
Oh! You all right, mate?
All right, Joe. Good to see ya.
334
00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:51,600
We were doing
a little weird quiz thing.
335
00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:53,960
What, you're not gonna offer me
a drink, then, Albert? Oh!
336
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:56,440
I didn't know you were coming.
What would you like, mate?
337
00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:58,920
Fuck off!
338
00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:01,520
Listen up, we're on tomorrow. 5.00am.
Nice.
339
00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:04,120
We're going fishing.
340
00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:06,320
Joey? Er, Mick.
341
00:17:06,360 --> 00:17:09,120
Er, just a quick question.
By "fishing",
342
00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:14,560
are you alluding to the breaking in
of Sidney's security depot?
343
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:15,960
Yes. Yes.
344
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:17,640
Yeah, in his defense,
345
00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:21,440
we hadn't spoken about
any sort of slang or whatever,
346
00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:24,200
but I knew to roll with it, man,
347
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:26,160
and, er...
348
00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:29,600
Sorry!
What's wrong with you? Nothing.
349
00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:31,360
The van keys. It's outside. Oh.
350
00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:33,800
5.00am. 5.00am.
351
00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:35,080
Oh!
352
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:37,560
Ow! Cheers, Joey, mate.
353
00:17:58,640 --> 00:18:00,440
He's late.
354
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:04,160
Yeah. To be fair,
he can be quite unreliable, so, er,
355
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:06,080
what's the protocol with all this,
then?
356
00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:07,960
Do we just pull it
and call it a day?
357
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:12,160
Turn around.
No-one's pulling anything.
358
00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:14,000
We wait.
359
00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:24,600
Anyone fancy a little game of I Spy
at all? Anyone?
360
00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:26,640
No, no-one wants to play I Spy.
361
00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:28,240
Come on. I'll let you go first.
362
00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:30,920
Go first. You go first.
Show everyone how good you are.
363
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:33,000
I spy with my little eye
something beginning with M.
364
00:18:33,024 --> 00:18:35,800
Mick? Yeah.
You know how I know? Go on.
365
00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:38,268
You gave a little look
out of the side of your eye,
366
00:18:38,292 --> 00:18:40,720
you side-eyed me,
I know straight away "That's Mick!"
367
00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:44,520
I've got to be very, very, like...
Mick, I know how to play the game.
368
00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:47,960
Disguised in your look. You have
to move your eyes but not your head.
369
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:51,360
You're just a bad loser.
You're a terrible loser. Stop!
370
00:18:58,240 --> 00:18:59,760
That's him. Is it?
371
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:01,393
I-I can't really
tell. I dunno if it
372
00:19:01,417 --> 00:19:03,560
definitely is him. No,
it's definitely Sidney.
373
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:05,960
OK, well, I don't think he's ready,
maybe.
374
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:08,040
I dunno. Let's go.
375
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:11,520
Let's go. Bring the coward with ya.
Why can't you bring Phil?
376
00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:13,080
Clive, please!
377
00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:15,040
Half Pint and Ugly Ape,
stay in the van.
378
00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:17,720
Sorry, this ugly ape thing, that's
not gonna become a thing, is it?
379
00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:19,400
Shut up! There's a shooter.
380
00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:23,800
I don't even know how to hold it! You put
your finger through the little hole there.
381
00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:25,080
Let's go!
382
00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:26,960
"Christmas Wrapping"
by The Waitresses
383
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:30,000
Morning, chaps! Sorry I'm late.
384
00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:33,640
I had a, er, delay just with the...
my car.
385
00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:35,480
It was, erm,
386
00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:40,280
the thing had fallen off inside
into the... in the engine.
387
00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:43,920
You know what cars are like
when they get the thing in there!
388
00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:49,360
I was... I was going, "What's that rattling
sound? That's not how it normally sounds."
389
00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:53,360
And then I... and then next thing,
there's all smoke coming out.
390
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:57,800
Anyway, erm, I'm gonna go
and strain the cabbage,
391
00:19:57,840 --> 00:20:02,240
just cos I've been obviously holding
it in the whole time cos of the...
392
00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:06,720
my car broke down,
so, yeah, I'll be back in a sec.
393
00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:23,120
Ah, well,
that was completely uneventful.
394
00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:25,640
Just a regular, you know...
395
00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:33,440
Everyone, get down on your knees
or you will die!
396
00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:34,680
Get the fuck down!
397
00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:36,880
What? I was not expecting this.
398
00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:38,200
Shut up!
399
00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:41,560
Ow!
400
00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:03,800
Open the shutters! Move it!
401
00:21:07,120 --> 00:21:09,880
I've never done this before.
Really sorry.
402
00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:12,120
Open em!
403
00:21:18,120 --> 00:21:19,760
Open it.
404
00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:22,760
Move it!
405
00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:49,160
Fucking hell!
406
00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:51,800
Fucking...
407
00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:54,080
Where's the fucking money?
408
00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:58,320
Is that all you've got?
409
00:21:59,920 --> 00:22:01,360
Where's the rest of the money?
410
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:02,760
That's everything, I swear!
411
00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:05,360
Waste of my fucking time!
412
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:09,320
Big apologies for this and just...
413
00:22:09,360 --> 00:22:13,800
have a lovely week. I mean...
Sorry.
414
00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:17,600
Bunch of fucking cowboys!
415
00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:21,560
Sorry, everyone! Cowboys!
416
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:24,360
Have a nice evening.
417
00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:37,560
No-one believes it now,
418
00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:40,880
but they stumbled upon it
on the way out.
419
00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:44,720
By accident.
They could so easily have missed it.'
420
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:55,960
Boxes and boxes of solid gold bars.
421
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:59,480
7,000 gold bars, to be exact.
422
00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:03,360
That's a lot of sandwich makers.'
423
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:05,560
Boys...
424
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:07,840
Come on, move,
we're running out of time.
425
00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:15,400
I remember as a kid at school,
we learnt about Howard Carter
426
00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:19,640
and that group of explorers who
stumbled across the tomb of Tutankhamun.'
427
00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:23,760
Let's go! The men left with
treasures beyond their wildest dreams,
428
00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:27,000
but it was said that every man
who'd taken from the tomb
429
00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:29,920
was cursed with death.
430
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:32,120
So, why am I telling you all this?
431
00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:37,120
Well, it turns out the gold we stole
had a curse of its own.'
432
00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:40,160
And I'm the only one that lives
to tell the tale.
433
00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:43,600
Subtitles by Red Bee Media
434
00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:46,280
♪ You know you can't get away
435
00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:50,840
♪ You know you can't get away
436
00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:55,600
♪ You know you can't get away
♪ You know you can't get away
437
00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:59,840
♪ No, you can't get away
♪ No, you can't get away
438
00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:03,440
♪ No, you can't get away
♪ No, you can't get away
439
00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:05,240
♪ From here
440
00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:11,640
♪ No! ♪
35617
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