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1
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[theme music playing]
2
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[sniffs]
3
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No. No.
4
00:00:49,680 --> 00:00:52,120
Hey! Hey, mate. You going to pay for that?
5
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:53,880
I'm not sure yet.
6
00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:54,960
What do you mean?
7
00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:56,920
Come back in two minutes
and I will tell you.
8
00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:58,520
No, no. You can't do that.
9
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:01,920
I might waste one,
but if it is good, I buy ten.
10
00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:05,640
Did you test this as well?
11
00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:07,840
Yes, and it failed miserably.
12
00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:10,400
We don't allow that, mate.
What else have you had?
13
00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:11,920
-The almonds.
-How many?
14
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:14,920
Enough to know that
they are not real almonds.
15
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What kind of business are you running?
16
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Who are your farmers? Where are they?
17
00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:19,840
I want to speak to them!
18
00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:22,200
You are coming with me
and I'm charging you
19
00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:23,880
for the apple, pear and almonds.
20
00:01:23,960 --> 00:01:26,880
I will come to the counter
and you will give me a refund
21
00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:29,160
for the rotten mango I bought yesterday.
22
00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:32,280
The produce is on display
to look at, not eat.
23
00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:36,160
I have a right to try before I buy, idiot.
24
00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:37,960
Right, I'm calling the police.
25
00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:39,120
You call the police?
26
00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:41,080
You call the police on me?
27
00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:42,840
Yep, you can argue all you want with them.
28
00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:45,320
I will not be threatened!
I know my rights!
29
00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:47,200
Yeah, okay. Yes, police.
30
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We've caught a thief on our premises.
31
00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:53,200
We've already got you on camera!
32
00:01:54,160 --> 00:01:55,880
[sniffs] Mmm.
33
00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:57,520
[sniffs] Mmm.
34
00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:11,760
Theo?
35
00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:14,880
-Hey!
-Are you talking to me?
36
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:17,600
Yeah! How have you been?
37
00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:19,040
Uh, do I know you?
38
00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:22,680
You don't remember me? It's me, Lilly.
39
00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:25,800
Lilly from the phone sex hotline?
40
00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:27,080
What? No.
41
00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:29,200
I went to primary school with you.
42
00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:32,560
Oh, yeah, Lilly. I do remember you!
43
00:02:32,640 --> 00:02:36,560
Yeah, you used to find empty
water bottles and blow them in my face.
44
00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:39,800
Oh, I only used to do that
for scientific purposes.
45
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:40,880
Oh.
46
00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:44,200
Hey, why did you leave in grade six?
47
00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:46,000
I tried looking for you for ages.
48
00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:49,080
'Cause my dad thought
my maths teacher was a communist.
49
00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:50,640
-Oh.
-Yep.
50
00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:53,360
-Anyway, how have you been?
-Good!
51
00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:56,960
I just moved back to Sydney.
I am so happy to be back.
52
00:02:57,400 --> 00:03:00,160
Actually, my housewarming is tonight.
53
00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:03,120
-Do you want to come?
-Yeah, okay.
54
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,560
I mean, I guess I could, you know.
55
00:03:05,640 --> 00:03:06,680
Great.
56
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:09,000
It's just all girls, though.
I hope you don't mind.
57
00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:11,360
Really? Well, I don't know.
58
00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:15,320
It's just my cheerleading team.
They're all really nice.
59
00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:17,600
Oh, well, if they're nice,
then I guess I could.
60
00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:18,720
Awesome.
61
00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:20,360
Is there a train station near here?
62
00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:22,720
No, but you can get
a bus over near the park.
63
00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:24,720
-Do you need a lift?
-Oh, no, it's fine.
64
00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:26,760
I think I might shop around
for a bit more anyway.
65
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:28,760
You sure? I don't mind giving you a lift.
66
00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:30,440
No, it's fine. Don't worry.
67
00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:34,000
Oh, my God, Theo! I can't believe this.
68
00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:35,760
I'm going to grab your number.
69
00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:38,400
-If I can find my damn phone first.
-[mouthing]
70
00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:43,120
You want to take one of the biggest
supermarkets in the country to court?
71
00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:44,600
To the High Court!
72
00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:45,680
Why?
73
00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:50,960
Because the manager, fucking idiot,
not let me try the nuts before I buy them.
74
00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:55,080
Try before you buy is a fundamental right!
75
00:03:55,160 --> 00:03:57,680
This is justice for the people.
76
00:03:58,160 --> 00:04:00,320
This is a million-dollar case.
77
00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:02,640
Get out. You're wasting my time.
78
00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:04,120
-Please!
-No.
79
00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:07,040
You almost cost me my license last time.
80
00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:09,280
-I'm not risking it.
-I beg you!
81
00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:10,440
Get out!
82
00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:17,560
But I was discriminated against.
83
00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:18,920
How?
84
00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:21,959
They treated me like I was a scumbag.
85
00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:24,960
That's because you are a scumbag!
86
00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:28,320
You still owe me $20,000
for the case against
87
00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:29,680
the fucking vacuum company.
88
00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:30,920
Yes, but you lost!
89
00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:35,040
We lost because you tried to kidnap
one of their witnesses.
90
00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:36,720
You are a lawyer.
91
00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:39,160
You should care about justice.
92
00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:41,080
I do care about justice.
93
00:04:41,160 --> 00:04:43,360
And being able to eat at night.
94
00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:45,160
Now fuck off!
95
00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:46,360
Okay, look.
96
00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:51,560
If you win, you can take the money
you need to pay the debt.
97
00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:53,720
I would have done that anyway, you idiot.
98
00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:57,760
And you can take another $1,000.
99
00:04:58,000 --> 00:04:59,960
But not $1 more.
100
00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:01,560
Get out!
101
00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:04,280
Margaret! Get him out of my office.
102
00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:06,760
Please, I am begging you!
103
00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:10,560
I want 70/30 of anything we make.
104
00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:12,640
Okay. Okay.
105
00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:15,000
And I want it in writing.
106
00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:16,640
Okay.
107
00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:19,120
You'd better follow everything I say.
Do you understand?
108
00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:20,160
Yes.
109
00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:22,600
And go and get a bloody suit this time.
110
00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:26,320
You can't wear fucking shorts to court.
111
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:28,120
What's a housewarming?
112
00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:29,560
I don't know. Who cares?
113
00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:32,600
I've only ever heard
very boring people talk about them.
114
00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:34,600
It must be only for boring people.
115
00:05:34,680 --> 00:05:37,840
I think it's when friends come over
and bless the house or some shit.
116
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:38,880
Bless it how?
117
00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:40,880
Oh, my God, I don't know, Johnny.
I don't know.
118
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:44,240
Whatever it is, it's her and
her hot cheerleader friends, okay?
119
00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:46,680
-[scoffs] Cheerleaders.
-What?
120
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:50,440
What are a bunch of hot cheerleaders
going to do with someone like you?
121
00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:53,440
What, I was all right at rugby.
I'm basically a jock.
122
00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:54,640
You're not a jock.
123
00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:56,240
You're the opposite of a jock.
124
00:05:56,320 --> 00:05:57,800
You were in the Fs for rugby.
125
00:05:57,880 --> 00:05:59,120
That's the lowest team.
126
00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:01,440
Fuck you, Johnny.
I scored tries, at least.
127
00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:03,160
They might like my personality.
128
00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:05,840
Yeah, cheerleaders are gonna
like you for your personality.
129
00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:07,760
You know, I don't know
if I want to bring you.
130
00:06:07,840 --> 00:06:09,160
You're a pussy repellent.
131
00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:12,400
-No, I'm not. You are.
-No, I'm a pussy attractant.
132
00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:15,320
Hi, would you guys care
for a complimentary Chiko Roll?
133
00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:16,600
Yeah, okay.
134
00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:22,560
Mmm!
135
00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:24,600
Mmm, so good!
136
00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:26,680
How good is Aussie food, hey?
137
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:28,760
First fairy bread and now this.
138
00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:30,880
I'm telling you, us Aussies must be
139
00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:33,240
up there in world standards
for quality cuisine.
140
00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:35,680
[mouth full] Man,
it's like a huge spring roll.
141
00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:38,320
Mmm, what's in this?
142
00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:40,720
[stomach rumbles]
143
00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:41,920
[groans softly]
144
00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:43,400
[farts]
145
00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:45,880
-Oh, man, it must be the cabbage.
-[farts]
146
00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:50,240
[farts loudly] Ah!
147
00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:51,680
-Oh, man.
-Fuck.
148
00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:53,160
-It's too strong!
-[laughing]
149
00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:55,560
Why are you laughing? Why?
150
00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:58,480
[farts] There you go.
151
00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:00,120
[groans]
152
00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:02,040
-Not so funny, huh?
-[gags]
153
00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:03,080
No, no, no, wait.
154
00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:05,160
We should hot-box it
and see who lasts the longest.
155
00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:06,240
Okay.
156
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:09,040
[farts and grunts]
157
00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:11,800
-Whoa.
-[farts]
158
00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:13,680
[gags]
159
00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:14,920
Oh!
160
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:16,160
Ugh! I can taste your shit.
161
00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:19,200
Wait, wait, wait. [farts]
162
00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:22,000
[both gag]
163
00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:28,280
Oh, my God.
164
00:07:31,080 --> 00:07:33,360
Get it out! Get it out!
165
00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:35,920
It's not leaving!
166
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:38,400
Hey, actually, you know what?
I'd love that lift.
167
00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:40,640
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What do I do?
168
00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:43,360
-[clicks on fan]
-No, that's going to make it worse!
169
00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:45,440
She smells this car, it's over.
170
00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:48,200
Drive. Drive!
171
00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:50,960
[tires screech]
172
00:07:57,320 --> 00:07:58,480
No, no, no!
173
00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:00,560
-[cell phone rings]
-Okay. Okay. It's her.
174
00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:02,120
All I need is a good excuse.
175
00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:04,720
-Tell her the truth.
-What the fuck? No!
176
00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:06,080
I just need an excuse.
177
00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:07,880
The truth is the only excuse!
178
00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:09,160
No!
179
00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:11,080
-Hello?
-Hey.
180
00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:12,400
Is everything okay?
181
00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:13,880
Yeah, everything's fine.
182
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:16,200
Why did you drive off?
That was pretty rude.
183
00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:18,480
Oh, I'm sorry, but…
184
00:08:21,320 --> 00:08:22,560
It was a heart attack.
185
00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:23,600
What?
186
00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:27,480
It's my grandma. My fucking
grandma had a heart attack!
187
00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,000
Oh, my God!
188
00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:32,000
And then the ambulance came.
189
00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:33,480
I can't believe it.
190
00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:36,600
-Horse riding.
-What?
191
00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:40,240
I'm so sorry.
192
00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:41,679
I remember her.
193
00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:43,559
She used to drop you off at school.
194
00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:45,600
She always bought the tastiest biscuits.
195
00:08:45,680 --> 00:08:46,680
Yeah.
196
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:48,440
Okay, well, anyway…
197
00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:51,160
Look, please tell me.
Which hospital is she in?
198
00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:53,680
Uh…
199
00:08:55,240 --> 00:08:56,920
Sorry, I didn't hear that. What was that?
200
00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:58,440
Which hospital is she in?
201
00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:01,880
Royal…
202
00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:04,280
North…
203
00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:05,640
Shore.
204
00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:07,040
I live opposite there.
205
00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:08,600
Opposite as in near there?
206
00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:10,520
No, literally right opposite.
207
00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:11,680
Oh, okay.
208
00:09:12,680 --> 00:09:14,600
Look, I'm going to buy flowers
and drop them off.
209
00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:15,920
When will you be there?
210
00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:17,400
No. It's fine. You don't have to.
211
00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:18,920
No, really. I do.
212
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:20,560
I'll see you in half an hour.
213
00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:22,960
Uh, okay. See you then. Bye.
214
00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:25,240
Excuse me. Excuse me.
215
00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:27,920
[groans] Don't touch me, don't touch me!
216
00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:30,640
Hello. Hi. Sorry.
217
00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:34,040
Is that the best suit you could find?
218
00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:37,160
I got it from Saint Vinnie's for $2.
219
00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:39,960
Your Honor, I call
my witness to the stand.
220
00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:46,360
You and I might be walking out
of here today with a very easy win.
221
00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:47,440
[Dad] Why?
222
00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:50,640
Because that lawyer is one
of the cheapest in town.
223
00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:53,000
Even cheaper than me.
224
00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:56,920
You are the manager
at the supermarket in question?
225
00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:58,160
Correct.
226
00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:05,720
Your job is to run the day-to-day
business of the supermarket?
227
00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:06,880
Correct.
228
00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:10,840
This includes ensuring that
fresh produce is up to standard?
229
00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:13,840
Yes. Anything that isn't up to standard,
we throw out.
230
00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:15,040
Bullshit!
231
00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:16,560
Shh!
232
00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:18,920
And what happened when you saw this man?
233
00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:22,280
I saw him biting into a pear
and shaking his head
234
00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:24,520
and putting it back like it
was some buffet.
235
00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:25,640
[audience gasps]
236
00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:28,520
He refused to trust
the judgement of Australia's
237
00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:30,360
most-loved supermarket, didn't he?
238
00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:32,240
Woolworths is better!
239
00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:34,720
Shut up! Shut up!
240
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:35,880
Yes, that's right.
241
00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:36,960
Yes.
242
00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:40,800
So, as I was saying…
243
00:10:43,680 --> 00:10:45,640
Sorry, I've lost my train of thought.
244
00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:48,440
We were talking about the pear.
245
00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:50,880
No, but I had a different question.
246
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:53,800
Is he going to hurry up
or are we going to have to listen
247
00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:55,960
to him rambling for the rest of the day?
248
00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:58,520
We'll adjourn until after lunch.
249
00:10:58,680 --> 00:10:59,720
Thank you.
250
00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:04,240
[groans] What do you want?
251
00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:05,920
-Where's Grandma?
-She's asleep.
252
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:07,880
Can you wake her up?
'Cause I need to see her.
253
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:09,800
-No.
-She's my grandma too, you know?
254
00:11:09,880 --> 00:11:11,280
What do you want from her?
255
00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:13,480
-I need to take her to the hospital.
-What?
256
00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:16,520
Because I met this girl,
she wanted a lift, but I couldn't
257
00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:18,800
let her in because me and Johnny
hot-boxed the car.
258
00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:19,760
So I drove off.
259
00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:21,960
But then I said Grandma
had a heart attack.
260
00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:23,000
Why?
261
00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:24,480
Because Johnny mimed it.
262
00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:26,280
I can do it now. Do you want to see?
263
00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:27,400
No. Go away.
264
00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:29,840
Look, Grandma is always supportive
265
00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:31,800
when it comes to me
getting pussy, isn't she?
266
00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:34,080
She is, okay.
267
00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:35,560
So let me at least ask her.
268
00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:37,520
She probably needs a checkup anyway.
269
00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:39,440
[scoffs]
270
00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:41,600
-Lilly!
-Yes.
271
00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:43,920
She remembers you and said she loves you.
272
00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:45,840
She's a user, that little bitch.
273
00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:48,200
She ate too many of my biscuits.
274
00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:51,040
Yes, but, Grandma,
she wants me to go to her party
275
00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:52,960
with all her cheerleader friends.
276
00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:55,160
Huh! You too ugly for a cheerleader.
277
00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:58,000
Listen, Grandma. You're coming
with me to the hospital.
278
00:11:58,080 --> 00:11:59,920
No. Go and fuck yourself.
279
00:12:00,560 --> 00:12:04,440
Why can't you find
intelligent pussy for once?
280
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:06,240
-Come on!
-You're rotten.
281
00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:08,200
Just like your dad. [spits]
282
00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:11,400
Really, Grandma? Really?
283
00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:14,120
You see what type of family I come from?
284
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,840
Scum. You're all fucking scumbags!
285
00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:18,000
Fuck you!
286
00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:20,000
-Fuck you!
-Fuck me? Fuck you!
287
00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:26,360
It was a normal day.
You went to your local supermarket
288
00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:28,360
to buy some fruit and nuts.
289
00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:29,440
Yes.
290
00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:33,400
When you saw the apples,
you were unsure of their quality.
291
00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:34,480
Yes.
292
00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:38,720
Naturally, you took it upon yourself
to assess their quality,
293
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:42,000
a mere visual inspection wasn't enough.
294
00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:43,080
No.
295
00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:46,040
How did you go about
examining them further?
296
00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:48,880
I pick it up and then I tap it.
297
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:50,200
Can you show the court?
298
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:54,840
That's my husband.
299
00:12:55,680 --> 00:12:56,960
We're going to be rich.
300
00:12:57,160 --> 00:13:01,680
Still unsure, you decided
to take a small bite.
301
00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:02,880
Yes.
302
00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:07,400
It was the worst apple
I have ever had in my life.
303
00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:10,520
Was it a Pink Lady or a Jazz?
304
00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:12,040
It was a Kanzi.
305
00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:15,880
It tasted worse than my own poo.
306
00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:19,480
And believe me, that is very bad.
307
00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:24,800
Last time I ate my poo
was when I got lost in the desert.
308
00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:28,120
I was clinically dead for three minutes.
309
00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:33,000
Kanzis are supposed to be
juicy, crisp, refreshing.
310
00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:36,320
But this one most certainly
wasn't, was it?
311
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:37,400
No.
312
00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:39,480
In fact, it was hardly an apple at all.
313
00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:44,760
Yet when you put it back,
you were chastised by the manager.
314
00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:47,280
He called me a thief!
315
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:48,640
[audience murmurs]
316
00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:54,040
A thief, for simply checking
the fitness of an apple.
317
00:13:55,240 --> 00:13:57,080
I rest my case.
318
00:13:57,280 --> 00:13:59,560
[audience applauds]
319
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:01,320
Go, honey! Go, honey!
320
00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:04,560
You really shouldn't have.
321
00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:05,960
I just had to.
322
00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:07,880
I remember your grandma so well.
323
00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:09,920
You know what?
Let me take them in for you.
324
00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:11,760
-Why?
-You won't believe it.
325
00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:13,240
It's out of visiting hours.
326
00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:15,240
We should really get back
to the housewarming.
327
00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:16,760
-Oh!
-Actually…
328
00:14:17,680 --> 00:14:19,560
It's fine. I'll make an exception.
329
00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:21,320
Here.
330
00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:22,600
But the nurse…
331
00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:23,800
Hello?
332
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:26,360
It's fine.
333
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:28,080
I'll make an exception.
334
00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:29,200
Are you sure?
335
00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:30,480
Rules are rules, though.
336
00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:32,640
Well, that is true,
but you all seem so lovely,
337
00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:34,440
so I'll have to make an exception.
338
00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:37,840
You're lovely,
I think you're lovely and I respect
339
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:39,880
there are rules that
aren't meant to be broken.
340
00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:42,040
No, it's fine. I'll break them this time.
341
00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:43,720
What's your grandma's surname?
342
00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:44,880
The surname?
343
00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:47,080
Yes. The surname.
344
00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:49,520
The surname is…
345
00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:51,440
Um…
346
00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:54,520
-Tutankhamen!
-Tutankhamen?
347
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:55,920
Yeah.
348
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:58,120
-As in the pharaoh?
-Yeah.
349
00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:07,480
Oh. I've found her.
There she is, Mrs. Tutankhamen.
350
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:09,560
-You're joking.
-No.
351
00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:12,320
Room 21, Mrs. Tutankhamen.
352
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:15,400
Beautiful name.
353
00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:22,840
It looks like she's having a nap.
354
00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:25,360
Oh, thank God!
355
00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:27,920
Sorry, I'm just so sad.
356
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:29,360
[sobs]
357
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,960
-I'll leave you with her.
-Thank you.
358
00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:34,400
It's okay. It's okay.
359
00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:45,480
Your Honor, for the cross-examination,
I call our esteemed senior counsel,
360
00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:48,400
the honorable Mr. Mark Sheehan.
361
00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:49,640
Oh, no.
362
00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:53,720
Whatever you do, just stick
to the plan and don't panic.
363
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:55,000
Why?
364
00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:58,640
Because that's the most
ruthless barrister in the country.
365
00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:00,760
He's destroyed every witness
he's ever examined.
366
00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:03,640
-Been well?
-Oh, yeah. As always.
367
00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:05,160
Great to see you again.
368
00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:06,520
Let's catch up after.
369
00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:09,080
Don't worry. I'll be very quick.
370
00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:12,600
You, witness box.
371
00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:17,440
I'll be brief.
372
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:20,080
So answer as concisely as possible.
373
00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:21,920
How many apples did you have?
374
00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:23,040
One.
375
00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:25,120
And how many nuts did you have?
376
00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:27,080
14.5.
377
00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:30,080
And of those 14-and-a-half nuts,
how many were almonds?
378
00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:31,160
Three.
379
00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:34,760
Why was it necessary for you to
taste three to make your choice?
380
00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:35,840
Because…
381
00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:37,360
Because I had to.
382
00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:41,080
Yes, but eating the first nut
allowed you to assess its quality.
383
00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:44,200
Why did you eat the second? And third?
384
00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:47,200
Uh… Uh… I don't know.
385
00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:49,400
No, no, no. What are you doing, you idiot?
386
00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:50,600
I know.
387
00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:55,080
You only ate them because you wanted
to enjoy their flavor.
388
00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:56,520
-No!
-Yeah.
389
00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:58,240
You didn't care about quality.
390
00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:00,000
You cared about flavor.
391
00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:04,560
You ate those nuts because
you wanted to enjoy their sweet,
392
00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:06,560
creamy almond flavor.
393
00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:09,160
Okay! Okay! I eat the nuts
for fucking flavor!
394
00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:11,359
I fucking ate the fucking nuts for flavor!
395
00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:13,240
No!
396
00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:15,359
Outstanding.
397
00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:17,839
I award the case to the defendant.
398
00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:21,160
All costs to be paid for by the plaintiff.
399
00:17:22,079 --> 00:17:23,240
That's my invoice.
400
00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:26,760
Fuck me!
401
00:17:26,839 --> 00:17:29,240
[guffaws]
402
00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:32,240
What happened? What happened?
403
00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:34,440
You bastard!
404
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:37,000
[mum screaming] Stop! Stop!
405
00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:40,480
Let go of him!
406
00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:44,000
Okay, we'd better go.
407
00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:45,160
Okay.
408
00:17:49,120 --> 00:17:51,080
-Quickly, let's go!
-Who are you?
409
00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:53,720
-Hello, Grandma.
-Who the fuck are you?
410
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:55,960
-I'm your grandson.
-No, you're not.
411
00:17:56,360 --> 00:17:58,800
She's got dementia, it's very sad.
She doesn't know who I am.
412
00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:01,280
No, I don't. Help!
413
00:18:01,360 --> 00:18:02,840
The heart attack only made it worse.
414
00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:04,560
I'm not here for a heart attack.
415
00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:07,480
I had my anal warts cut off.
416
00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:08,720
Oh, my God.
417
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:11,080
-[gags]
-I don't know this person.
418
00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:12,840
I have no relation to you.
419
00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:14,000
-[alarm beeps]
-Nurse!
420
00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:15,440
Let's go.
421
00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:16,840
Nurse!
422
00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:17,840
[Johnny straining]
423
00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:21,800
[monitor flatlines]
424
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:23,480
[both screaming]
425
00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:25,520
Get out, get out, quickly! Get out!
426
00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:29,200
Wait! Please, wait!
427
00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:31,400
Please, I'm begging you.
428
00:18:31,480 --> 00:18:34,200
I only lied because
I didn't want you to smell my fart.
429
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:35,480
That's why I drove off.
430
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:38,800
-You're joking.
-No. I was so embarrassed.
431
00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:41,320
I ate these Chiko Rolls
and hot-boxed the car.
432
00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:44,480
I have a very weird fascination
with hot-boxing, okay?
433
00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:47,600
It has nothing to do with science.
I just… I don't know.
434
00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:51,160
I like the smell of my own farts,
just like I did in primary school.
435
00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:52,480
Oh, my God.
436
00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:54,880
Theo, so do I.
437
00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:58,000
What did you think we were
going to do tonight?
438
00:18:58,280 --> 00:18:59,880
What? You like to hot-box?
439
00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:02,880
When you left school suddenly,
I was heartbroken.
440
00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:06,280
And the only way I could
remember you was by hot-boxing.
441
00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:09,200
I even got all my friends into it as well.
442
00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:13,000
And we wanted to surprise you
by hot-boxing together.
443
00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:16,000
Wait, so that's what a housewarming is?
444
00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:18,320
Well, no. It has nothing
to do with farting.
445
00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:21,760
But it's a habit that connects
Theo and I deeply.
446
00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:23,760
So I thought…
447
00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:25,200
Delivery for Lilly?
448
00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:26,280
Yeah.
449
00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:29,360
We even ordered 30 Chiko Rolls
so we could hot-box the house
450
00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:31,600
with some truly fucked-up farts.
451
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:34,880
I guess I'll have
to invite that guy instead.
452
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:37,840
No, no, no. Wait, wait.
453
00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:39,760
I have way more where that came from.
454
00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:41,720
I have the fucking dirtiest farts!
455
00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:44,080
I can hot-box your house! Please, let me!
456
00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:46,840
[groans]
457
00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:52,840
I'm sure the party will be shit.
We're not missing out. Don't worry.
458
00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:57,120
[both sniffing]
459
00:19:57,840 --> 00:19:59,840
[dance music playing]
460
00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:03,440
-[farts]
-[women squealing in delight]
461
00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:06,000
[sighing happily]
462
00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:16,040
You're under arrest!
463
00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:18,520
Get off me!
464
00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:21,720
[screams] Hey! Hey!
465
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:30,280
-Oh!
-[laughter]
466
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:33,880
[Superwog] I have the fucking
dirtiest farts, I can hot-box your car!
467
00:20:34,360 --> 00:20:36,120
Let me in! Hey, get away from her.
468
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:37,200
[laughter]
469
00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:38,920
Yes, but…
470
00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:41,280
-Sorry.
-[all laughing]
471
00:20:41,360 --> 00:20:42,240
[groaning softly]
472
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:47,000
-Ah!
-[laughs]
473
00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:51,240
You're stopping and starting
like you've got OCD.
474
00:20:51,320 --> 00:20:52,200
What's going on?
475
00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:54,640
Down there is a crazy magpie
that viciously attacks people.
476
00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:56,040
-A magpie?
-Yes.
477
00:20:56,120 --> 00:20:57,480
-[wings flapping]
-Watch out!
478
00:20:57,560 --> 00:20:58,880
Don't run, it'll make it worse.
479
00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:02,000
[man on radio] Parklea station,doing unleaded for 70 cents a liter.
480
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:03,640
What's wrong with you? Where you going?
481
00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:04,840
To fill up the car.
482
00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:06,920
-I filled it up this morning.
-You stupid woman!
483
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:08,000
I wanted to go out!
484
00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:10,440
We want to put in a complaint
about a menacing magpie.
485
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:13,400
We can't move the bird,
but we can give you these helmets.
486
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:16,760
I want to shoot that fucker.
I want it to explode into 100 pieces.
487
00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:18,960
Go, go, go!
488
00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:19,920
[fires]
489
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:20,880
[Dad grunting]
490
00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:21,800
Wake up!
34249
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