All language subtitles for De.Zevende.Hemel.1993

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Those lovebirds are back.

-I don't know what's wrong.
-It can happen.

That's only ever happened to me
when I was sixteen.

I'd never done it with a girl

and I was on vacation in the countryside.

Yes, at your grandparents
and the field was full of flowers.

You asked if you could kiss her
and she took you to the shed.

You tell me that story
every time you can't get it up, Samuel.

That story you can remember,
but not the PIN of your bank card?

Those pigeons get on my nerves.

I don't love you anymore, Samuel.

It's over.

Over and done with.

Fuck off.

We don't have a job for you.
You don't have to come by every day.

When we have a job, we'll call you.

Why not prime minister?

Micheline? It's Samuel.
I need to talk to you urgently.

Why don't come
to my place for dinner tonight?

Just dinner. Come on.

Call me if you're coming.
But don't call too soon, I'm not home yet.

I'm not okay. I'm not doing well at all.

I'll be home in 15 minutes.

If you haven't called, I'll call you,
because my answering machine has problems.

The people who call me
think they left a message

but it doesn't record everything any--

Sorry, it was extremely interesting,
but your time is up. Thanks and goodbye.

OUT OF ORDER

Elevator!

It's not coming down.

If you kick it too much,
it won't go up either. Can't you read?

Was it tough to get to my apartment
with your vacuum cleaner?

-I have not been upstairs.
-You're kidding, right?

Mr. Samuel,
you have not paid me for three months.

I'm not Mother Theresa.

You're right, I'll pay you,
but now is a really bad time.

-Did you get a job yet?
-Yes, things are starting to move.

It has been moving for six months.
If you really want to pay, sell your car.

-I don't have a car, but I do have a job.
-It's the other way around for me.

I don't have a job, but I have a car.
I need it for my profession.

But you have no profession.
That is a car to drive to welfare.

Have a nice weekend. Ça va?

Ça va?

Don't bite my head off.

I only said, "Have a nice weekend."
I haven't raped you.

I'm not leaving for the weekend,
but for six months with my fiancé.

That's not the point. I expected something
more original than "Ça va."

-Something like, "Yes, you too. Thanks."
-Did I ask you to say something?

If you can't even be kind
to people anymore.

There is pigeon shit on your shoe.

Ça va?

Doing well, Mr. Troyon?

Samuel, it's Patrick. About the loan
I promised you, something came up.

Sorry. It's a bad time.

Samuel, it's Sylvain.
The job I talked about…

There is a problem.
Another time, okay?

-Hi, it's Sofie…
-Micheline.

Something happened.
We better not see each other anymore.

Stop calling Micheline! Understand?

Micheline is mine.

Mine, understand?
So you and her are done.

Micheline and I
are getting married, okay?

Make a payment or we repossess the car.

It's Micheline.
If Claude comes by, do not open the door.

He said that he was going to punch you.

But he won't do it. He's not like that.

About that dinner, better not, Sam.
It's over between us.

VARIOUS WAYS TO KILL YOURSELF

Hello, you have reached
Samuel Bloemensteen.

You can leave a message,
but I don't think I'll hear it

because something came up.
I'm dead.

Hello, you have reached
Samuel Bloemensteen.

You can leave a message,
but I don't think I'll hear it

because something came up.
I'm dead.

Goodbye.

I thought you were gone for six months.

I'll apologize first.

It's Samuel, your upstairs neighbor.

I've come to apologize for what I said.

I don't want to interrupt, but--
Okay, I'll be honest.

I don't feel well.
I need to be able to speak to someone.

Are you almost done, Mr. Samuel?

Shut up, old fart. I am unhappy.

Open that door.
What is going on, anyway?

Are you going to open the door?

Sorry, I thought
this kind of door would be stronger.

You better put a better lock on there,

with all the crazy people walking around.

Oh, no.

-Hello?
-Get Micheline, you stupid bastard.

Micheline. It's for you.

-It's for you.
-Hello, Samuel?

Micheline, don't marry
a guy that you don't know.

He was the type that punches someone.

Stop calling me when you're down.
I'm not your guardian angel.

How To Commit Suicide, page 27.
Does that mean anything to you?

I just wanted to say goodbye. Goodbye.

Samuel, wait. No, don't.

Give me a reason why I shouldn't.

Samuel, there is more
than one woman in the world.

-There's someone for everyone.
-Not for me.

A man has more
than one woman in his life.

Life is full of surprises.
Who knows, you might find work tomorrow.

You can't let yourself go like that,
because you're down. Everything passes.

Samuel? Samuel?

Samuel, talk to me.

Samuel? Samuel, listen.

Water.

Hendrik.

-But you are not Hendrik.
-No, I'm Samuel.

Am I dead?

-Am I not dead?
-Not quite.

Is this my apartment?

Yes.

-Then what are you doing here?
-Me?

I am your guardian angel.

What do you mean?

Everyone has a guardian angel.
I am yours.

You wanted to end it.
That reflects badly on me.

I have three days
to make you want to live again.

Without us,
there'd be more suicides than Catholics.

I'll take you to the countryside.
We have a network of houses there.

That is my assignment:
stay dead or start to live again.

I can prove that I am an angel.
I can make you invisible.

-Invisible?
-Yes.

Well, it has already happened.

Of course, you can see yourself
and I can see you too,

but for everyone else
you are completely invisible.

There, gone.

-Impossible.
-What's the worst that can happen?

-But they don't exist.
-You have nothing to lose.

But what if they do exist?

Hi, Mom, it's Samuel. Good, good.

No, I'm not dead. That was just a joke.

Hey, that key to our country house,

it is still hidden
in that gnome with the wheelbarrow?

Oh, in the plastic Bambi.
Yes, it's okay, thank you.

No, it's only for a day or three.
Yes, this time I will clean up everything.

Yes, bye, Mom.

A little fresh air is good for you.

Are you crazy?
Do you think it's summer?

I thought that in your condition
you could use some fresh air.

-Come on, close that thing.
-Okay, then I'll close it.

What is that? Stuck again.

Goddammit. Like you Dutch say.

Can't you fix it? That's weird
for someone who can work miracles.

I'm a guardian angel, not a mechanic.

Here, put on that coat.

Advertising from the police.

Don't put me on a pedestal like that.
I am not perfect.

For example, when
I'm alone and reading, I pick my nose

and make little balls of it.
Bad, right?

And I can lie.
You wouldn't think that is possible.

For example, my dance lessons.
I've never taken a dance class.

I follow men around.
And before I go home

I wet my tights,
to make it look like I've been sweating.

So you don't go to those dance classes
and you stick your fingers up your nose?

-Samuel?
-And you make balls of it?

I heard you.

Are you feeling better?

The one up there
didn't even give me your name.

Geez, you are a ray of sunshine
when you wake up.

Give me one good reason
why I shouldn't end it.

You're too beautiful to die yet.

Too beautiful.

If you want to be original,
say I look intelligent.

I didn't say that you look dumb, did I?

My name is Charlyne.

That sounds nice, Charlyne.
That's not an ordinary name, is it?

Does an angel have genitals?

Of course not. Genitals no.

Your parents gave you a really nice name.

-So no genitals. And do you eat?
-No. No food.

-And angels don't drink either?
-No.

So no natural needs?

There are some names that smell like sweat

and other names
that automatically make you a CEO.

I never met a cleaning lady
named Charlyne.

So what? Because my name
doesn't smell like sweat,

do I have to love life?

Hey, there's more than one man on Earth.

-There is someone for everyone.
-What does an angel know about that? Well?

What do you know about heartbreak?

What it's like when your lover
leaves you for someone else.

How it is when you dream
the two of you are in bed

but when you wake up and are by yourself.

How to go crazy
with self-pity and jealousy.

Can you cry?

What do you know about angels?

Do you know
whether an angel can fall in love?

You can't even hang yourself,
yet you're going to explain life to me.

You must've been great fun to be with.
Now I understand why he left.

Charlyne.

Charlyne.

Sorry.

-Charlyne, I have to tell you something.
-Never mind. You are absolutely right.

-I always screw up everything.
-We started off on the wrong foot.

-That's all.
-Of course, the wrong foot!

Forget that I'm an angel.

We'll pretend that we are two lovers
who go away for a weekend.

-Can an angel fantasize?
-Yes, but--

Okay then.
We are in love and we go on a trip.

Two lovers.

You know… love is like alcohol.

If you've had a little too much to drink

you'll need a drink the next day
to get rid of the hangover.

Driver, off to the countryside.

Charlyne. I really have to tell you…

Two lovers.

…you have to stop
doing stunts like that,

because I'll have
to explain that upstairs.

Charlyne, don't be silly.

-We are pretending, right?
-Yes, but…

Tell me, how was the beginning
of our love affair?

-What do you want me to say to that?
-The first meeting, our first kiss.

All those little things
that they ask you afterwards.

-So, how we met…
-Yes.

The first time I met you,

I was blinded by your beauty.
I had to squint my eyes,

otherwise, I would've had to use
a seeing-eye dog for the rest of my life.

-Something like that?
-Yes, keep going.

You wore a beautiful lace dress
with those little frills.

That would surprise me,
because I hate lace and frills.

Charlyne, this is enough.

What is wrong? I didn't mean any harm.

But frame me as a simple country girl
and I can't fantasize any further.

If you can do it better, then tell me.

How was the first time that we kissed?

-Our first kiss?
-Yes, the first kiss.

-The first kiss?
-Yes, the one with lips and our tongue.

I had just moved

and I went downstairs
to take out the garbage.

When I got there, you were there too.

You turned around, looked at me
and it was love at first sight.

Our first kiss
was between the garbage bags?

Wait. I wore a dress with a lot
of frills, because you love that, right?

Hey, watch out.

"So Abraham went down to Egypt
to live there as a foreigner,

-because there was famine…"
-Was it this one? Hmm?

Yes, I think so, yes.
"And it came to pass when--"

You think so? Then why
does it smell like fabric softener?

You didn't sweat in class?
You even sweat when you slow dance.

-I don't remember.
-You don't?

Samuel, I'll be right back.
This is not a good time, Claude.

Excuse me, could we borrow that hose?
We have a bit of a problem.

I don't lend out anything.
That garden hose is owned by the city

and I am responsible for it.

-Yes?
-Would you rather wash it yourself?

I don't know.
I'll have to think about that.

-That's extra work, isn't it?
-But I'll pay you for it.

-We'll see about that.
-We'll take care of it.

I'll get you something to drink.

-Make me invisible.
-Invisible? Why?

You're not leaving me
with that creep?

-That makes me uncomfortable.
-It's not that simple.

I have no right.
There must be a valid reason.

-Well, then I'll go with you.
-No, stay there.

Sometimes, I abuse my gift.

Well, it happened. Invisible.

-The car you are going to wash…
-300 francs.

-Yes, but there is a girl in that car.
-Should I wash her too?

No. That's a hitchhiker that I picked up.

She thinks that she is invisible.
I've been pretending that I believe her.

She's… a little crazy,
but I don't care.

I don't live with her.
I only want to have a nice…

Get it?

If you wash that car,
will you pretend you don't see her?

Then she doesn't make any problems.

Six hundred francs.

-Tell me you're my…
-Micheline, dance.

-What?
-Dance.

If you take classes twice a week,
then dance.

Claude, please.

And?

I'm going to get some things.

That you keep listening means
that you expect something from life,

that you hope that…

-One moment. What is this?
-So you don't want to dance?

I'm doing everything to keep him alive.

How can you base our future on a lie?

I didn't lie, Claude.
I went to dance class this morning.

So, dance.

And five, six, seven, eight.

And one, two, three, four, five
and six, seven, eight and one, two.

And one, two, three,
four, five, six, seven, eight.

So?

Claude.

Samuel, you just did me
a great favor. Thanks.

Do angels vomit? You don't eat.

Yeah, but you gotta understand,
we live on the happiness of others.

So when we run into a lot of misery,
it chokes us.

And I encountered
someone in that store…

I'll spare you the story.
But it was horrible.

I believe you. And it gave me time
to almost finish my book.

-What is that?
-I found it in the glove box.

Do angels read this kind of trash?

I do not know.
I didn't know it was there.

-Hot Nights with Paprika.
-That's a nice title.

Ridiculous how little is in it.

-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah.

-Apparently, you are a connoisseur.
-So what?

It is forbidden up there
to be interested in something like that?

Not at all. On the contrary.

-Sex is sacred to us.
-But sex isn't sacred at all.

Everybody does it.
Dogs, horses, pigs.

Even whales.

Sex has nothing to do with being holy.
It's just damn good.

Is there a garage open in the area?

Us farmers say "good evening"
when we barge in somewhere.

-Good evening.
-Good evening.

Good evening. What can I do for you?

-Is there a garage open in the area?
-There's no garage here at all.

Just kidding.

My son has a garage,
but he is in the kitchen.

Come back tomorrow.

What do we do now?

-Can we get two rooms?
-No.

There is only one available.
With a large bed.

That makes it cheaper
and the memory more interesting.

Okay.

Room 12. Here's the key,
but there is no door on it.

Just kidding.

I can't go with you,
the food is getting cold.

-Is there still something to eat?
-No, nothing left.

Just kidding.

You must go straight to the dining room,
because the kitchen is closing.

-Can't I freshen up a bit?
-No.

That is not a joke.
There is no time for that. Jimmy!

Get the luggage.

Tasty.

You don't get a menu.
We only have mussels.

Too bad that you don't know
how delicious food can be.

I'm not aware of it,
so I don't miss anything.

-Do you know how to toast?
-Of course.

-To your second life.
-To the day you get a dick.

Yes. Come on. No food, no sex.
How do you go wild up there?

We masturbate.

Samuel, respond.

Please, say something.

Okay, this is what psychoanalysts
call transfer of fear.

But I am not playing that game.
You goddamn, bastard.

It's your fault that Claude is gone.

And I am constantly eating things
that make me fat.

So, if I understand correctly,
there is only one God.

-But there are several religions?
-Yes, but Charlyne--

-Yes?
-We're just pretending, right?

Well, look into my eyes.

About that angel thing…
I have to tell you something very serious.

But that doesn't explain why
there are so many different religions.

You drank too much. You don't speak
about God when you're drunk.

Sex is sacred,
whales don't French kiss,

and you don't talk about God
when you are drunk.

-Come on, let's go to bed.
-To bed?

To do what?

What do I care that everyone is listening.
Hey, I have a problem.

This man here, Samuel,
wants to sleep with me.

And I want to. Why not?

But, and listen up,
Samuel has no wiener.

In that case, it is a no for me.
Am I right?

Yes, for sure.

So why are there
so many different religions?

Charlyne, listen for two minutes.

Do you mind
if this gentleman sits at your table?

Of course, we were
engaged in an intimate conversation.

-Can't you put him over there?
-Those are regular customers.

-They don't want to be disturbed.
-And we do?

-Come and have a good time.
-I don't want to intrude.

Not at all.

We only have cold herring
because the kitchen is closed.

So, maybe you can tell me
how it is that-- What?

How is it that there is only one God,

but there are many different religions?

-I don't know. Good evening, sir.
-Good evening.

I think that it's sort of
the same as laundry detergents.

Maybe the more products there are,
the more they sell?

But I'm not sure.

Well, that could be the case. Yes.

Well, different topic.
Do you have a wiener?

Okay, I'm off.

Shut up or I'll break your glasses.

-Excuse me, I think your husband…
-No, that's my guardian angel.

He found me when I tried to hang myself.
And here I am.

Congratulations.

Laundry detergent.

-Samuel.
-Yes?

-Are you mad?
-No.

Are you jealous?
-Me? No.

No? I would love it
if you were jealous.

May I come in?

No, no. Yes, yes.
I have to-- I have to--

Nice toiletry bag.

What is that?

What are you doing?
Are you calling Our Lord?

That black suitcase and coat aren't ours.
I'm calling the front desk.

That's not a… mistake.
They're mine.

I may not have a wiener,
but I can still count to two.

We left with my leather bag
and your suitcase. That's two.

I know that, but they are mine.

Hang up and I'll explain.

Hello? Just kidding.

-Okay, explain.
-You won't be happy.

That is disappointing, because until now
I have really enjoyed myself.

When you made me invisible,
I went on a little rampage.

You're kidding.

Do you think I get the chance
to be invisible every day?

-Did anyone see you?
-No, because I was invisible.

You know for sure
that no one has seen you?

-No, I was invisible after all.
-Geez Louise. You may have been!

But if they saw how that suitcase
crawled into my car by itself,

they could've written down my plate.
How can you be so stupid?

I won't bother you anymore.

Charlyne.

Are you taking a shower?

Charlyne.

You're not doing anything stupid, right?

Come on, it's okay.

Do you know what we'll do?
Tonight, we'll forget everything.

And tomorrow, we will look for an address
in that suitcase and we will send it back.

But they are not from the same person.

What do you mean?

That suitcase and the coat
belong to two different people.

That's okay, then I'll look
in the suitcase and in the coat.

There's nothing special in that suitcase.
Just socks.

I found an address. We'll send it
all back tomorrow, come on.

Charlyne, come out.

We are two smitten seahorses, right?

You know what? We are going to sleep
and tell each other sweet things

and memories and stuff. And

and sweet things.

Are you feeling better?

-Do you have keys in your pocket?
-No.

-I thought you had no genitals?
-Actually, I don't.

But they gave me a male human body

and they put something there,
but that thing doesn't work.

So I can push against you like that
and that doesn't affect you at all?

No.

Gosh, how reassuring to be with a man

-who has no ulterior motives.
-Really?

Sometimes you just want
a little tenderness from a friend.

But such a small gesture, like this,

is often sufficient
to make a man prance.

Come on.

Of course, you can't understand,
but if you do this…

That's like a code that means:
there is a good chance that I'll agree.

That is great.

And if you do this…

Then that means that you hope
that he takes action.

-Yes?
-Uh-huh.

And I've even known a guy
where it was enough to just

do this for a moment.

And he'd get a cannon that could
shoot straight through a closet.

Oh, yeah?

Me too.

-Is an angel allowed to do this?
-I'll pretend. I'll pretend.

You have to do it with an angel
to understand

-the saying, "to be in seventh heaven."
-That's just the beginning.

Don't forget,
what seventh heaven is for you,

is only ground floor for us.

Charlyne?

I am not an angel.

I have no gift whatsoever
and you have never been invisible.

Everyone saw how you
stole that suitcase and coat.

I had sex all night
with someone I don't know?

That is not important…

What important
is what has grown between us.

What do you mean, not important?
You raped a dead person. Necrophiliac.

Don't be so hysterical.
I haven't raped anyone.

You're always stirring me up
with your talk about genitals.

-You wanted to do it with an angel.
-I haven't stirred up anyone.

You jumped me. I was not in my right mind.
I wanted to die.

You know what I was doing
when you were fumbling with your rope?

I about to kill myself too,
but I came to save you.

-I didn't ask you to.
-You can thank me anyway.

Well, thanks so much.

It was standing in a corner.

-What was in a corner?
-That suitcase.

We will return it.

We can keep it too.
Those socks would look nice on me.

-An honest person doesn't do such a thing.
-No?

But I'm not an angel, remember?

After five years it was over.
Her name was Micheline.

-Why was it over?
-Would you stay with someone

who always lies, is untidy
and just fumbles around in bed?

-Probably not.
-Neither did she.

She left me.

How long had you been
with your sweetheart?

I'm cold.

Thank you.

Won't you tell me?

Too bad, I would have liked to know.

Do you have a problem with that?

-We're just pretending, right?
-Yes.

Don't all lovers
talk about their previous experiences?

Yes.

Wait, if I don't tell you how I saved
my younger sister from drowning,

you will never know
what kind of brave hero is standing here.

And if I don't tell you about
all my affairs, you'll never realize

what kind of a turbo lover you caught.

Okay, where do I start?
Sex or heroics?

Difficult choice.

Okay, from the start.

The first time you did it with a girl,
turbo lover.

Okay…

but the last time I talked about
my first time, it didn't turn out so well.

Is that a problem?

Don't all lovers tell each other
about their first time?

But don't laugh.

The first time,
there were flowers everywhere.

I was on vacation at my grandparents
in the countryside.

Every afternoon, a bunch of girls
were playing in a meadow.

There was one girl with white socks

and I was a bit in love with her.

Sometimes I looked at her
from the fence,

but I was afraid
to go play with her.

Once I did ask her
to go on a walk with me.

And she said yes.

I looked straight into her eyes
and held her hand.

And she took me
to her father's shed.

And we kissed each other
and that was fantastic.

And the following holiday,
she moved and I never saw her again.

Too bad, otherwise she could have given
those 1,000 francs back to you.

You ran off so quickly,
that she didn't have the time to.

I can't look at you anymore.
How do you know about that?

Charlyne.

Charlyne.

Charlyne.

Charlyne.

Samuel.

Where were you?

-Here.
-But how do you do that?

Samuel.

I am your guardian angel.

A real angel.

No, wait a minute.
That idea of the angel was my idea.

I came up with that in the moment

and now you are telling me
that you are a real angel.

That's a coincidence.

Maybe angels create coincidences.

If your neighbor hadn't turned up
her music too loud at the right moment…

If my neighbor is my guardian angel,

she wouldn't leave for six months,
just when I'm going to kill myself.

It was because your neighbor left
that I could take her place.

If the landlady had been away,
I would have taken her place.

No, something is wrong here…

Is this better, Mr. Samuel?

May I remind you that you are still
three months behind on your rent?

-Charlyne.
-Samuel.

Why did you not tell me before?

You said it yourself.
All lovers first talk about their past

and then slowly
move over to their future.

That's where our problem is,
we have no future.

We have to find something
to end our relationship.

I am the bandage
on the wound called Micheline

and if that bandage stays on too long,
the wound gets infected.

Lovely image.

-We were pretending, weren't we?
-Yes.

But it was so nice.

But shall we ever see each other again?

Yes and no.

Yes, we will or no, we won't?

Will anything remain from that first kiss
and everything last night?

A lot.

Just not me.

But what's the point of saving my life

when you leave me even more depressed?

How do you like my legs?
Nicer than Micheline's?

That's pure moral cruelty.

Micheline can go jump into the canal
with her Claude.

If Micheline leaves you cold today,
it was pointless kill yourself yesterday.

Is it better that I take poison
to get over you tomorrow?

I'd wait until the day after tomorrow.

Maybe tomorrow you'll tell a girl
that I can jump into the canal.

Charlyne, I don't want
to never see you again.

No, that's too easy.

Charlyne.

Samuel.

Charlyne?

I forgot to tell you something.
Bring back that stolen suitcase.

An angel is not allowed to steal.

Is that your goodbye? That's great.

No, you can keep the coat.
It might bring you luck.

The coat? Are angels cynical?

No, but angels
find it hard to say goodbye.

Then why can't we
not see each other again?

Charlyne.

Charlyne?

Now I'm all alone again.
Easy to vanish without leaving an address.

Is that how they do things up there?

Well, thanks so much.

I'm just a simple person,
not perfect like you,

but I never left
like a thief in the night. Never.

Samuel, the time has come.

Samuel, I'm counting to twenty.

One, two, three,

four, five, six,

seven…

…thirteen,

fourteen, fifteen,

eighteen, nineteen,

nineteen and a half, nineteen--

Micheline, it's me.

I forgot my keys, open up.

Micheline.

I want to talk to you.
I haven't slept all night.

You really are a bitch.
If you keep acting like that,

I wonder if I should have just
let you sit there with your nose balls.

Are these yours, sir?

-Yes.
-There you go.

Thank you.

Micheline?

Micheline, but--

Come here.

Excuse me
does a certain Mr. Colombani work here?

Yes, do you have an appointment?

No, but I found this
and it had his name in it.

Just take a seat near that pencil.
I will inform the director.

Mr. Director? Yes, it's Linda.

There is a man here who claims
he found a suitcase of yours somewhere.

Maybe we should call security.

Okay. Yes, immediately, Mr. Director.

Will you follow me, please?

-Yes?
-Mr. Director…

Yes, leave us and close the door.

You can check everything,
no sock is missing.

Great job. Thanks.

Wonderful. Gerard Colombani.
How can I thank you?

-I have only done what's right.
-No, you could have kept it.

No, I am not like that.

Take a seat.

In a company, it is sometimes necessary

to make sure a certain transfer of funds
is handled discreetly.

That's why I wanted
to thank you personally.

Thank you.

I will not offend you
by offering you money.

-Right, what could I do with it?
-But if I can ever do you a favor.

Good evening.

Mr. Samuel,
I've already set the table.

-It is beautiful.
-Nice, right, those candles?

-I got them myself.
-Thanks.

Mr. Samuel, there is no more cleaner left.
Shall I buy some?

-Yes, that's fine.
-Okay, then I'll see you Friday.

Yes, I'll see you on Friday.

-See you on Friday.
-Until Friday.

This is Patrick. I have to ask something.
A small favor, 20,000 francs.

You'll have it back at the end
of the month. I can count on you, right?

Samuel, it's Sofie.
Haven't heard from you in a long time.

Will you give me a call? Kisses.

He's not like that.
About that dinner, better not.

It's over between us.

If you can do miracles,
why don't you leave a message on it?

That should be possible.

-Go ahead.
-Excuse me.

Can I offer you something?

Do you have a cocktail
with pineapple, banana, coconut milk?

No. Carrot juice?

No, I just like cocktails
with pineapple, banana and coconut milk.

Champagne?

If you don't have anything else.
I don't want to be difficult.

Have a seat.

It's my first time having dinner
with a colleague. It's not my style.

-Do you usually get laid without dinner?
-Excuse me?

No, I keep work private
I keep work and private separate.

-I keep them separate.
-It was just a joke.

Just kidding.

Please. To your eternal beauty.

Thanks.

The first time I saw you,
I would never have expected

to ever dine with you…

But the first time that you saw me,
you didn't look at me properly.

No, I did, you were ugly
and totally unkempt.

-Do you want me to be really honest?
-Yes, be honest.

I still don't understand
why he hired you.

You have misunderstood.

You've only seen the tip of my iceberg.

But that also counts, the tip.

I mean,
what's underneath counts as well, right?

Everything actually counts.

That's right, but what was most striking
to me, were your hands.

-You really have beautiful hands.
-You're not the first to say that.

I really have a soft spot for hands.
There are breathtaking women

and when you see their hands,
it's a letdown.

These neurotics that bite off their nails.

My hair too.
They say I have beautiful hair.

Yes, indeed,
everything about you, everything.

The first time I saw you,
I was blinded by your beauty.

I had to squint my eyes, otherwise…

Yeah, otherwise, you had to use
a seeing-eye dog for the rest of my life.

Charlyne.

We can see each other again?

Did you think I was that slut over there?

No.

Then why are giving her
the same compliments that you gave me?

-You're jealous, aren't you?
-Me? Not at all.

But you don't need to recycle
our declarations of love.

But there is no love here at all.
That bitch just wants to get promoted.

She's a bandage on a bandage.

-Then why are you pretending with her?
-I'm not pretending. I'm trying my best.

But I miss you.

Do you think it's normal to kiss
this handkerchief three times a day?

The lipstick is almost completely gone.
That's not normal, is it?

Come, I will show you something else.

Come, I'll show you.

Look, the hotel bill
from when spent the night.

In the evening, I look at it
and cry myself to sleep.

-Do you think that's normal?
-No.

-We absolutely must see each other again.
-Samuel, I no longer exist.

But why do you always show up?

-I haven't, I'm right there.
-But I can see and smell you.

Let me touch you for a change.

If you want to touch an idea in your head,
be my guest.

Charlyne.

Charlyne.

But I didn't even
thank you yet for Colombani.

Thanks.

Cheers.

Cheers.

-Enjoy.
-Thank you.

Enjoy, both of you.

He is dearer to me than my family.

Leave that woman alone.

-Does it shock you when I say that?
-No, I love animals.

-I had a turtle myself.
-They feel that. They have an instinct.

Yes, a dog is nothing but instinct,
with hair on it.

If you start talking about the weather
as well, she will be so impressed.

They say they're man's best friend.
It's true.

-Yes, you can count on a dog.
-Absolutely.

You have to take him out twice a day,
so he doesn't piss on your carpet.

You are never alone with a dog.

You are never alone with a dog. No, no.

She says it. A dog is the best friend for
those who have no friends of their own.

You'll have a bit of fun
and then she'll start yapping again.

Just drop her.

-Is something wrong?
-And all of this for a quickie.

Take matters into your own hands.
That saves time.

Admit it, no foreplay, and if it makes you
deaf, I will speak a little louder.

Do you think that's funny, you idiot?

-Claude.
-Samuel.

Micheline.
Sorry, I had no control over my hand.

How are you?

-Great. Are you free the 27th?
-The-- Yes.

Okay, then you
are invited to our wedding.

That's great.

-And you can bring your date.
-That's fine.

Are you doing okay?

I am good. I found a job.

I am completely on top of it.
I am fine.

It's going great.

It's really going

It's great.

I am doing good. So good.

Away. Go away.

Yes, and now to the right ear, yes.
Kiss, kiss, kiss.

And then slowly to the left, yes.

And now slowly go down.

Hey!

Fine.

-Now I'm all excited.
-I'm excited too.

-I'm about to collapse.
-It's the third time that I've been here

and the third time you stopped halfway.
Are you impotent or something?

Can you change into my landlady?

That is the only thing
that still excites me these days.

Forget it.
You don't understand anything.

You won't see me again.

I will have to live with that.

No, Charlyne, please.

I can't take it anymore.
You must stop. It's driving me crazy.

Stop this. I can't take it anymore.
You have to leave me alone.

Good evening, Mr. Bloemensteen.

Stop that nonsense.

I am not thinking of you anymore.
Go away, disappear.

Charlyne, because of you
I might never get an erection again.

But, my name is not Charlyne.
My name is Sandrine.

Sa Sandrine.

I signed up for an acting class

and I was trying my lines on you.
I see it is working.

Yes, great.

Weren't you gone for six months
with your fiancé?

-My ex-fiancé, yes.
-Ex--

Ah.

Sorry for the last time we spoke.
I was a little rude.

Ça va?

Ça va. Thank you. And you?

Do you always dress like that
when you take the garbage out?

No, I was going to a costume ball,
but something went wrong.

I understand.

There was a leak upstairs
and it has been dripping in here.

But it was fixed.
While you were gone.

-Well, bye, Mr. Bloemensteen.
-Call me Samuel.

Goodbye, Samuel.

Forget everything I said.
Awesome, you angels. Great work.

I'm counting on you.

Good evening, I thought, because
something happened, we could…

Excuse me. I'll be back.
But, come in.

Hello.

-Hello.
-Are you the babysitter?

-No, I'm the upstairs neighbor.
-Shame.

We were to go to a costume ball
and the babysitter didn't come.

That is unfortunate.

I've put in a lot of effort
to find this Pinocchio costume.

Look at my nose when I lie.
Look at my nose.

I am Fred Flintstone.

-Isn't it great?
-Phenomenal.

Your friend told me
about the babysitter.

-If you want, I can babysit.
-Are you serious?

-It could go late.
-I had nothing else to do anyway.

I wanted to take you to a restaurant,

but we'll do that another time.

Very sweet of you.
You'll really help me out.

We'll do that dinner some other time.

-Bertha, this is Samuel.
-Bertha is a very beautiful name.

I like it a lot.

He's going to look after you.
Will you be nice to him?

-I didn't know you had a child.
-It's my sister's.

-She's divorced. A stewardess.
-That's difficult on a plane.

Okay if I leave you alone for a bit?
I'll make something to eat.

Let's jump.

There, pinch your own nose.

No, don't do that.

Such a good girl.

You are not starting that again, right?
Get out of here.

You are a ray of sunshine
when you wake up.

-Did you lose Pinocchio on the way?
-He left with Tom Thumb.

Was Bertha good?

Yes, but she's not very fond of spinach.

I'm sorry, I'll pay for the dry cleaning.

No, that's not important.

It's too good to be true, isn't it?

-I don't understand what you mean.
-Neither do I, but never mind.

I'll let you go to sleep.

Yes, I look ridiculous, but it's not mine.
-I can see that, it is mine.

How did you get that coat?

It was stolen in a cafe somewhere,
four months ago.

So, tell me. How did you get that coat?

Did it fall from the sky or something?

Give it a try.

Go, walk. Yes, walk to Mommy.

-Well done.
-Well done!

In the playpen.

Go ahead.

-Mama.
-The toy.

Ah, the bear.

Let's call grandma.

-Hi, Grandma. Hello.
-Hi.

I'll get it.

Look, Daddy found the little bear!

-And? Who was it?
-It was your mother.

Plastic Bambi got stolen
and she can't get into her country house.