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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,946 --> 00:00:06,777 Ken, hurry up! 2 00:00:07,177 --> 00:00:08,724 This is why I wanted to check luggage. 3 00:00:09,792 --> 00:00:12,851 I'm trying to save money, unlike Imelda Marcos over here, 4 00:00:13,113 --> 00:00:15,678 Who insisted on upgrading to a fancy rental car. 5 00:00:15,958 --> 00:00:18,252 The first one they showed us had no seat belts. 6 00:00:20,523 --> 00:00:23,124 Hey! You made me spill my macadamia nuts! 7 00:00:23,159 --> 00:00:24,358 It's your fault. 8 00:00:24,394 --> 00:00:27,175 When someone's text-walking, they have the right-of-way 9 00:00:27,218 --> 00:00:29,063 'cause they can't see you. 10 00:00:29,098 --> 00:00:31,165 Typical mainlander. 11 00:00:31,574 --> 00:00:32,833 Woman: Ladies and gentlemen, 12 00:00:32,869 --> 00:00:35,336 Hawaiian Star Airlines flight 358 to Los Angeles 13 00:00:35,371 --> 00:00:38,739 will now be delayed approximately three hours. 14 00:00:38,775 --> 00:00:40,307 - Oh, no! - Are you kidding me?! 15 00:00:44,213 --> 00:00:45,513 [Groans] 16 00:00:45,548 --> 00:00:48,015 Oh, I guess I'm stuck in this seat for three hours. 17 00:00:48,050 --> 00:00:50,418 Oh, my God, no seat belt. Hope I don't fall out. 18 00:00:51,788 --> 00:00:53,821 Speaking of seats, ours are messed up. 19 00:00:53,856 --> 00:00:55,756 You said you were gonna check them. 20 00:00:55,792 --> 00:00:57,658 In my defense, I didn't check them. 21 00:00:57,693 --> 00:01:00,261 Okay. Just saying "in my defense" is not a defense. 22 00:01:00,296 --> 00:01:02,396 In my defense, I thought it was. 23 00:01:02,432 --> 00:01:03,397 [Sighs] 24 00:01:03,433 --> 00:01:05,065 There's only three of them together. 25 00:01:05,101 --> 00:01:06,667 The fourth one's like 20 rows back. 26 00:01:06,702 --> 00:01:09,036 I'll just hit the desk when the line dies down 27 00:01:09,071 --> 00:01:12,273 and take care of "uh-binness." 28 00:01:12,308 --> 00:01:14,375 Can you just say it like a normal person? 29 00:01:14,495 --> 00:01:17,211 I could if I wanted to pop less. 30 00:01:17,246 --> 00:01:19,146 - Ugh! - What's wrong? 31 00:01:19,369 --> 00:01:21,415 Trevor still hasn't texted me back. 32 00:01:21,451 --> 00:01:23,117 It's been, like, forever. 33 00:01:23,152 --> 00:01:25,419 Well, maybe that's because he's not a nice person 34 00:01:25,455 --> 00:01:26,554 and doesn't deserve you. 35 00:01:26,622 --> 00:01:28,522 Why are you guys so hard on Trevor? 36 00:01:28,558 --> 00:01:31,192 Because he's not a nice person and doesn't deserve you. 37 00:01:31,227 --> 00:01:33,360 Hey. It's Molly's life. 38 00:01:33,396 --> 00:01:35,095 She can date whoever she wants... 39 00:01:35,367 --> 00:01:36,831 Even a guy who thought it was okay 40 00:01:36,866 --> 00:01:38,732 to come and meet her parents wearing flip-flops. 41 00:01:39,243 --> 00:01:39,967 Exactly. 42 00:01:40,002 --> 00:01:43,337 Flip-flops are basically the "screw you" of footwear. 43 00:01:43,372 --> 00:01:45,973 Yeah, right back at you, buddy! 44 00:01:46,008 --> 00:01:47,942 Even if Trevor does text me back, 45 00:01:47,977 --> 00:01:49,512 I'm not gonna get to see him. 46 00:01:49,632 --> 00:01:51,812 I'm gonna die in this stupid airport. 47 00:01:52,084 --> 00:01:53,380 I'm gonna take a walk. 48 00:01:53,416 --> 00:01:55,583 Good idea, Dave. Get some exercise. 49 00:01:55,651 --> 00:01:57,251 Can I have money for two cinnabons? 50 00:01:57,286 --> 00:01:58,919 Aww, that's sweet. 51 00:01:58,955 --> 00:02:01,255 A cinny-b for your old man. 52 00:02:01,290 --> 00:02:04,725 No, one to eat there and a roadie for the walk back. 53 00:02:06,849 --> 00:02:09,249 Synced and corrected by Octavia - www.addic7ed.com - 54 00:02:13,302 --> 00:02:14,935 Sir, everybody, please have patience. 55 00:02:14,971 --> 00:02:15,970 We'll be right with you. 56 00:02:16,005 --> 00:02:18,806 Man, sick people make me sick! 57 00:02:20,576 --> 00:02:23,177 What is going on? The waiting room is packed. 58 00:02:23,212 --> 00:02:24,278 It's Black Monday. 59 00:02:24,313 --> 00:02:27,214 Oh. Best wishes! 60 00:02:28,718 --> 00:02:31,886 No! Black Monday is the first day back after the holidays. 61 00:02:31,921 --> 00:02:33,888 It's the busiest day of the year. 62 00:02:33,923 --> 00:02:35,990 "Best wishes." 63 00:02:37,026 --> 00:02:38,726 It's the height of flu season. 64 00:02:38,761 --> 00:02:40,461 It's my least favorite season. 65 00:02:40,496 --> 00:02:43,864 I love the smell of sick people in the morning. 66 00:02:45,668 --> 00:02:48,469 Actually, they smell horrible. 67 00:02:48,504 --> 00:02:51,038 That was just an homage to my favorite dramedy. 68 00:02:51,073 --> 00:02:53,407 "Apocalypse Now" is a dramedy? 69 00:02:53,442 --> 00:02:54,975 Oh, yeah, there's some drama in there. 70 00:02:55,011 --> 00:02:56,610 It's not all laughs. 71 00:02:59,181 --> 00:03:01,348 Anyway, we've got a ton of patients out there 72 00:03:01,384 --> 00:03:04,084 in need of our care and compassion, 73 00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:05,920 so let's move that meat. 74 00:03:07,089 --> 00:03:08,389 Where's Dr. Park? 75 00:03:08,424 --> 00:03:10,357 Oh, he's still in Hawaii. 76 00:03:10,393 --> 00:03:13,561 Yeah, and the backup doctor, Dr. Nayak, is out with the flu. 77 00:03:13,596 --> 00:03:15,663 Oh, my God, it's the perfect storm. 78 00:03:15,698 --> 00:03:18,032 Ah, "The Perfect Storm." 79 00:03:18,067 --> 00:03:20,568 That is my second favorite buddy comedy. 80 00:03:20,603 --> 00:03:21,969 What's your favorite? 81 00:03:22,004 --> 00:03:23,871 "The Usual Suspects." 82 00:03:23,906 --> 00:03:27,441 [Chuckling] Yeah, just six six buddies out on a lark. 83 00:03:28,878 --> 00:03:32,546 So, for today, Dr. Dobbs, you are the physician in charge. 84 00:03:34,283 --> 00:03:36,884 So, my first day as lead physician 85 00:03:36,919 --> 00:03:38,352 is on Black Monday? 86 00:03:38,387 --> 00:03:40,487 Oh, God help us. 87 00:03:41,724 --> 00:03:43,057 Oh, not 'cause of you. 88 00:03:43,092 --> 00:03:45,759 That's just something we say on Black Monday. 89 00:03:45,795 --> 00:03:47,361 Clark, can I get an amen? 90 00:03:48,631 --> 00:03:50,831 Not for lying. 91 00:03:55,404 --> 00:03:57,104 Ugh! 92 00:03:57,139 --> 00:03:58,606 Still nothing from Trevor, 93 00:03:58,641 --> 00:04:00,674 and I only have 3% battery left. 94 00:04:00,710 --> 00:04:03,944 Aw. I'm only 3% interested. 95 00:04:03,980 --> 00:04:06,914 I'm gonna just give you one big eye roll 96 00:04:06,949 --> 00:04:08,816 to cover me for the rest of the day. 97 00:04:10,987 --> 00:04:13,120 [Hisses] 98 00:04:13,155 --> 00:04:14,888 If I get a text, come get me. 99 00:04:14,924 --> 00:04:17,725 I'll be buying magazines like someone from the '50s. 100 00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:20,394 [Chuckles] She thinks you're old. 101 00:04:22,431 --> 00:04:24,198 Oh, look, there's no line. 102 00:04:24,233 --> 00:04:27,267 Ooh. I know exactly how to handle this. 103 00:04:28,337 --> 00:04:29,670 What are you doing? 104 00:04:29,705 --> 00:04:30,971 I'm getting us all seats together... 105 00:04:31,007 --> 00:04:32,606 And probably some drink vouchers. 106 00:04:32,642 --> 00:04:33,841 Ken, that never works. 107 00:04:33,876 --> 00:04:36,143 It got me $5 off my tire rotation. 108 00:04:39,048 --> 00:04:41,915 Oh, look, it's Dr. Oz. I love that guy. 109 00:04:41,951 --> 00:04:43,484 [Gasps] Me, too. 110 00:04:43,519 --> 00:04:44,852 Ooh, he's so handsome. 111 00:04:44,887 --> 00:04:47,688 Whoa, whoa, put it back in your mom jeans, all right? 112 00:04:47,723 --> 00:04:48,956 I should go say hello. 113 00:04:48,991 --> 00:04:50,658 Say hello? You don't know him. 114 00:04:50,693 --> 00:04:52,059 Eh, we're both doctors. 115 00:04:52,094 --> 00:04:53,927 It's like how Prius owners always honk at each other. 116 00:04:57,099 --> 00:04:58,866 Mom, those college kids are playing cards, 117 00:04:58,934 --> 00:05:00,167 and they invited me to play. 118 00:05:00,202 --> 00:05:01,168 That's nice, honey. 119 00:05:01,203 --> 00:05:02,736 The buy-in's $20. 120 00:05:03,973 --> 00:05:06,040 Dave, I don't think you should be gambling with strangers. 121 00:05:06,075 --> 00:05:08,208 Yeah, you're right. 122 00:05:08,244 --> 00:05:10,644 Want to help me finish my travel essay about our trip? 123 00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:14,248 I'm gonna call it "Hawaii Five-Oh, What A Wonderful Time." 124 00:05:14,283 --> 00:05:15,683 Here's $40. 125 00:05:15,718 --> 00:05:17,785 If you take a bad beat, you could buy back in. 126 00:05:20,923 --> 00:05:22,456 Well, thank you for watching. It means a lot. 127 00:05:22,491 --> 00:05:24,525 All right, move it along. 128 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:26,493 Huzzah, huzzah. [Chuckles] 129 00:05:26,529 --> 00:05:29,096 He's a very busy man. He doesn't want to be bothered. 130 00:05:29,131 --> 00:05:30,064 [Chuckling] Geez. 131 00:05:30,099 --> 00:05:31,398 People don't respect your space, huh? 132 00:05:31,434 --> 00:05:34,702 Big smile. [Laughs] 133 00:05:34,737 --> 00:05:35,869 Give me your number. I'll text it to you. 134 00:05:35,905 --> 00:05:37,271 No, that's okay. Thank you. 135 00:05:37,306 --> 00:05:39,006 Dr. Ken Park, M.D. 136 00:05:39,041 --> 00:05:42,443 Just wanted to say 'sup, you know, doc to doc. 137 00:05:42,478 --> 00:05:44,411 Oh, well, 'sup. Say, have a great flight. 138 00:05:44,447 --> 00:05:46,547 Ooh! Got the new 8, huh? 139 00:05:46,582 --> 00:05:49,083 Me, too. Thing's amazing, isn't it? 140 00:05:49,118 --> 00:05:50,284 Yeah, it's great. 141 00:05:50,319 --> 00:05:51,685 I, uh... I use it to get a lot of work done, so... 142 00:05:51,721 --> 00:05:54,154 [Chuckles] By the way, I dig your show, 143 00:05:54,190 --> 00:05:56,757 and my wife thinks you're hot, so back off! 144 00:05:56,792 --> 00:05:58,459 - [Chuckles] - Will do. 145 00:05:58,494 --> 00:06:00,961 Ooh, what if there's a medical emergency on the flight? 146 00:06:00,996 --> 00:06:03,430 Hey, maybe you and I can double team a trach on a choker. 147 00:06:03,466 --> 00:06:05,299 Wouldn't that be tight? 148 00:06:05,334 --> 00:06:07,034 You don't really sound like a doctor. 149 00:06:07,069 --> 00:06:08,402 Word. 150 00:06:08,437 --> 00:06:10,270 I got a lot of stuff to do. 151 00:06:10,306 --> 00:06:11,338 I'll bet. 152 00:06:11,373 --> 00:06:13,440 Listen, I'm gonna give you a little freebie here. 153 00:06:13,476 --> 00:06:15,709 I love your hard-hitting medical stuff, 154 00:06:15,745 --> 00:06:17,177 but some of the lighter bits, 155 00:06:17,213 --> 00:06:18,712 like when you had the audience 156 00:06:18,748 --> 00:06:21,348 all check their underwear... [Inhales sharply] Not my fave. 157 00:06:21,383 --> 00:06:22,950 You know, I put in different kinds of segments 158 00:06:22,985 --> 00:06:24,084 in order to please everybody. 159 00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:25,719 Well, it did not please me. 160 00:06:25,755 --> 00:06:27,488 Yeah, I got that from "not my fave." 161 00:06:27,523 --> 00:06:29,423 Whoa, whoa, dude, take a knee. 162 00:06:29,458 --> 00:06:31,725 I'm just trying to help you out here. 163 00:06:31,761 --> 00:06:33,060 [Chuckles] I get it. 164 00:06:33,129 --> 00:06:34,895 My sister is one of you people. 165 00:06:34,930 --> 00:06:36,196 A Turkish American? 166 00:06:36,232 --> 00:06:39,466 No. She's a TV doctor... Dr. Wendy. 167 00:06:39,502 --> 00:06:41,502 And your show is even better than hers. 168 00:06:41,537 --> 00:06:44,471 And you have a gorgeous head of TV hair. 169 00:06:44,507 --> 00:06:46,940 Just lay off the undies. That's all I'm sayin'. 170 00:06:46,976 --> 00:06:49,143 You know, people learn a lot about their health 171 00:06:49,178 --> 00:06:50,711 from checking their underwear. 172 00:06:50,746 --> 00:06:53,814 Yeah, but since that aired, I've had a parade of patients 173 00:06:53,849 --> 00:06:55,616 waving their skivvies in front of me 174 00:06:55,651 --> 00:06:58,218 like some sort of crusty flag... 175 00:06:58,254 --> 00:06:59,486 Except it's not a flag. 176 00:06:59,522 --> 00:07:00,554 It's dirty undies, 177 00:07:00,589 --> 00:07:02,956 which is pretty rotten on a Monday. Feel me? 178 00:07:02,992 --> 00:07:04,224 You know what? I don't feel you. 179 00:07:04,260 --> 00:07:05,826 What I am feeling is you're sort of a jerk. 180 00:07:05,861 --> 00:07:09,396 Seriously? That's how you treat a medical peer? 181 00:07:09,431 --> 00:07:10,664 You're not my peer. 182 00:07:10,699 --> 00:07:12,399 You're some stranger who accosted me in the airport 183 00:07:12,434 --> 00:07:13,901 and starting criticizing my work. 184 00:07:13,936 --> 00:07:16,303 You know, I'm starting to doubt that you're even a doctor. 185 00:07:16,338 --> 00:07:18,505 You sound more like you're some '90s hip-hop wannabe. 186 00:07:18,541 --> 00:07:20,808 Aw, snap! That's cold, "G"! 187 00:07:20,843 --> 00:07:22,509 Homey don't play that! 188 00:07:22,545 --> 00:07:23,677 Go away. 189 00:07:23,712 --> 00:07:24,878 I'm going. 190 00:07:24,914 --> 00:07:26,446 Good. 191 00:07:31,253 --> 00:07:32,519 [Knock on door] 192 00:07:32,654 --> 00:07:34,821 Okay, Dr. Dobbs, friendly reminder 193 00:07:34,857 --> 00:07:37,124 that we are officially way behind 194 00:07:37,159 --> 00:07:41,428 and you are heading into hour number two with Mrs. Heller. 195 00:07:41,463 --> 00:07:45,365 I was just asking her about her 1990 knee surgery. 196 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:47,167 I wouldn't want to overlook anything. 197 00:07:47,202 --> 00:07:50,303 Like the fact that she probably has the flu? 198 00:07:50,372 --> 00:07:53,440 Or that everyone in her family has the flu? 199 00:07:53,475 --> 00:07:56,109 Or that, in her own words, "I know my body, 200 00:07:56,145 --> 00:07:57,978 and I know I have the flu"? 201 00:08:00,749 --> 00:08:02,349 Is she through with Mrs. Heller? 202 00:08:02,384 --> 00:08:04,684 "Is she through with Mrs. Heller?" 203 00:08:05,854 --> 00:08:08,155 "Is she through with Mrs. Heller?" 204 00:08:08,190 --> 00:08:11,658 She's not even through 1990 with Mrs. Heller! 205 00:08:13,729 --> 00:08:14,961 Okay, okay. 206 00:08:14,997 --> 00:08:16,163 [Whimpering] 207 00:08:16,198 --> 00:08:18,231 Hey, hey, Pat, man, you got to do something. 208 00:08:18,267 --> 00:08:20,066 I've got 100 people in the waiting room 209 00:08:20,102 --> 00:08:22,669 passing germs around like the L.A. damn clippers! 210 00:08:24,039 --> 00:08:25,772 I am way ahead of you. 211 00:08:25,808 --> 00:08:26,840 What you gonna do? 212 00:08:26,875 --> 00:08:28,775 I'm preparing to make a killing. 213 00:08:28,811 --> 00:08:32,379 When life gives you phlegm, you make "phlegm-onade." 214 00:08:32,414 --> 00:08:35,715 Juan-Julio, have you had your flu shot? 215 00:08:35,751 --> 00:08:36,683 No. 216 00:08:36,718 --> 00:08:37,951 That's a shame. We're going in. 217 00:08:40,522 --> 00:08:42,522 Candy bars! Popcorn! Soda! 218 00:08:42,558 --> 00:08:43,857 You can pay cash, credit, 219 00:08:43,892 --> 00:08:45,659 or put it on your Welltopia card. 220 00:08:45,694 --> 00:08:47,727 That's our preference. Don't touch me! 221 00:08:53,368 --> 00:08:55,202 Hi. My family's seats got messed up, 222 00:08:55,237 --> 00:08:57,037 and I need to get them all together. 223 00:08:57,072 --> 00:08:58,104 Can you help me out? 224 00:08:58,140 --> 00:09:00,841 Oh, I don't think so. 225 00:09:00,876 --> 00:09:03,543 Oh, oh, come on. I'm sure you understand. 226 00:09:03,579 --> 00:09:05,078 You must have a family. 227 00:09:05,113 --> 00:09:07,147 No, but thank you for bringing up 228 00:09:07,182 --> 00:09:09,382 something I'm very sensitive about. 229 00:09:10,953 --> 00:09:13,453 I'll see what I can do. 230 00:09:13,488 --> 00:09:17,057 [Keys clacking] 231 00:09:17,092 --> 00:09:19,559 Sorry. We're full. 232 00:09:19,595 --> 00:09:22,195 You can find the person who has 15D and ask them to switch. 233 00:09:22,231 --> 00:09:24,631 Hopefully they'll have been as unlucky in love as me 234 00:09:24,666 --> 00:09:25,732 and are traveling solo, 235 00:09:25,767 --> 00:09:27,434 which is also the name of my blog. 236 00:09:29,171 --> 00:09:31,872 Okay, fine. Any idea who's in 15D? 237 00:09:31,907 --> 00:09:33,240 That gentleman right over there. 238 00:09:35,043 --> 00:09:37,110 Great. 239 00:09:37,145 --> 00:09:39,112 [Sighs] 240 00:09:41,383 --> 00:09:43,783 [Clears throat] 241 00:09:50,626 --> 00:09:51,858 Mmm. 242 00:09:51,894 --> 00:09:54,060 Four inches of hairless chest. 243 00:09:54,096 --> 00:09:56,563 Let me bump you to first class. 244 00:09:56,598 --> 00:10:00,634 Perfect. All four of us, please. 245 00:10:00,669 --> 00:10:03,603 Sorry. I was being sarcastic. 246 00:10:03,639 --> 00:10:05,438 I thought it was clear. 247 00:10:05,474 --> 00:10:08,174 Not cool, lady. 248 00:10:08,210 --> 00:10:10,944 That was a real roller coaster. 249 00:10:12,948 --> 00:10:16,516 Okay, gents, the game is five-card stud, 250 00:10:16,585 --> 00:10:21,054 deuces and one-eyed Jacks wild, $2 ante. 251 00:10:21,089 --> 00:10:23,056 Oh, wait. 252 00:10:23,091 --> 00:10:25,792 This is my old maid deck. 253 00:10:27,729 --> 00:10:29,896 Guess who I have to get to switch seats with me? 254 00:10:29,932 --> 00:10:32,632 Here's a hint he hates me. 255 00:10:32,668 --> 00:10:34,267 You're gonna have to be more specific. 256 00:10:34,303 --> 00:10:37,003 Neighbor? Relative? Teacher? Pharmacist? 257 00:10:37,039 --> 00:10:38,972 Barista? Ooh, is it a dog? 258 00:10:39,007 --> 00:10:40,740 It's Dr. Oz! 259 00:10:40,776 --> 00:10:43,243 [Cellphone dings] 260 00:10:43,278 --> 00:10:44,244 Trevor? 261 00:10:44,279 --> 00:10:45,946 [Sighs] No, Tammi. 262 00:10:45,981 --> 00:10:47,714 Trevor still hasn't texted back. 263 00:10:47,749 --> 00:10:48,815 Little crap face. 264 00:10:48,850 --> 00:10:51,151 I'll tell you, if that flip-flop-wearing, 265 00:10:51,186 --> 00:10:53,019 toe-proud douche hurts my girl, 266 00:10:53,055 --> 00:10:54,821 I'm going straight to his Facebook page 267 00:10:54,856 --> 00:10:57,724 to write some really dark stuff under a false name. 268 00:10:57,793 --> 00:11:00,327 Wow. You're a modern hero. 269 00:11:00,362 --> 00:11:02,195 We can't get involved, 270 00:11:02,230 --> 00:11:05,432 although if we could, I'd write this. 271 00:11:05,467 --> 00:11:07,667 This is what she should text that loser. 272 00:11:07,703 --> 00:11:09,102 [Both laughs] 273 00:11:09,137 --> 00:11:10,103 Good one. 274 00:11:10,138 --> 00:11:12,072 Adult language, graphic violence, 275 00:11:12,107 --> 00:11:14,174 but it gets the message across. 276 00:11:14,209 --> 00:11:15,475 You're dumped, son! 277 00:11:15,510 --> 00:11:16,743 [Chuckles] Yeah. 278 00:11:16,778 --> 00:11:18,545 You're dumped, son. 279 00:11:19,815 --> 00:11:22,515 Okay, now delete that before she gets back here and sees it. 280 00:11:22,551 --> 00:11:24,050 You think? I'm not an idiot. 281 00:11:24,086 --> 00:11:25,485 [Chuckles] 282 00:11:25,520 --> 00:11:27,287 Oh, my God, I accidentally hit "send." 283 00:11:27,322 --> 00:11:28,755 I am an idiot! 284 00:11:28,790 --> 00:11:30,123 Wait. You sent it? 285 00:11:30,158 --> 00:11:32,625 It was an accident! I have fat thumbs! 286 00:11:32,661 --> 00:11:34,294 It's where I lose weight last. 287 00:11:34,363 --> 00:11:35,428 What do I do? 288 00:11:35,464 --> 00:11:36,563 Well, delete it! 289 00:11:36,598 --> 00:11:38,531 At least it won't be in her sent texts! 290 00:11:38,567 --> 00:11:40,266 Let me! 291 00:11:40,302 --> 00:11:42,068 My thumbs are like babies' pinkies. 292 00:11:42,104 --> 00:11:44,037 Oh, God, this is a disaster. 293 00:11:44,072 --> 00:11:45,705 We are so screwed. 294 00:11:45,741 --> 00:11:48,441 Okay, Al, listen to me. 295 00:11:48,477 --> 00:11:49,909 I love you... 296 00:11:49,945 --> 00:11:53,446 But I'm gonna have to distance myself from this whole mess. 297 00:11:53,482 --> 00:11:55,448 Let me know how it goes. 298 00:11:56,618 --> 00:11:59,285 Oh! Thank God you're done. 299 00:11:59,321 --> 00:12:02,322 Oh, no, Mr. Morton's just taking a bathroom break. 300 00:12:02,357 --> 00:12:03,690 This is intermission. 301 00:12:03,725 --> 00:12:06,493 Okay, Julie, enough. 302 00:12:06,528 --> 00:12:09,963 Have you seen the waiting room? 303 00:12:09,998 --> 00:12:13,366 It looks like "the walk-in dead." 304 00:12:13,402 --> 00:12:16,669 I'm just being thorough, and do you want to know why? 305 00:12:16,705 --> 00:12:19,172 Is it a quick story? 306 00:12:21,943 --> 00:12:24,711 There was one time when I wasn't thorough, 307 00:12:24,746 --> 00:12:26,146 but now I am. 308 00:12:27,649 --> 00:12:30,150 It was a quick story. 309 00:12:30,185 --> 00:12:31,518 And now, if you'll excuse me, 310 00:12:31,553 --> 00:12:33,486 I'm going to finish Mr. Morton's mole check. 311 00:12:33,522 --> 00:12:35,355 He's here for the flu! 312 00:12:35,390 --> 00:12:36,623 Is he? 313 00:12:36,658 --> 00:12:38,458 [All] Yes! 314 00:12:38,493 --> 00:12:40,226 [Coughs] 315 00:12:41,630 --> 00:12:42,896 [Gravelly voice] Hey, Dr. Oz. 316 00:12:42,931 --> 00:12:44,697 Nice to meet you. Big fan. 317 00:12:46,234 --> 00:12:48,301 You really think just by putting a ball cap on, 318 00:12:48,370 --> 00:12:50,070 I'm not gonna recognize you, Dr. Park? 319 00:12:50,105 --> 00:12:52,572 [Normal voice] Damn it. This thing cost $27. 320 00:12:52,607 --> 00:12:56,042 Look, I know we got off on the wrong foot, but I need your help. 321 00:12:56,078 --> 00:12:57,911 My family's seats got messed up, 322 00:12:57,946 --> 00:12:59,879 and you'd be doing me a huge solid 323 00:12:59,915 --> 00:13:01,081 if you'd swap with me. 324 00:13:01,116 --> 00:13:02,682 I mean seats, not wives... 325 00:13:02,717 --> 00:13:05,151 Although I have a feeling Allison would be down for it. 326 00:13:05,187 --> 00:13:08,455 And I assume your wife's a real smoke show. [Chuckles] 327 00:13:08,490 --> 00:13:10,723 Sorry, but I'm not switching seats. 328 00:13:10,759 --> 00:13:13,059 But if you did, you wouldn't have to be in the middle. 329 00:13:13,095 --> 00:13:14,761 I prefer the middle seat. 330 00:13:14,796 --> 00:13:16,296 Really? 331 00:13:16,331 --> 00:13:18,198 You're a big shot TV personality, 332 00:13:18,233 --> 00:13:20,967 over six feet tall, and you prefer the middle? 333 00:13:21,002 --> 00:13:22,635 It makes me feel safe. 334 00:13:22,671 --> 00:13:24,938 Oh, good for you. 335 00:13:29,311 --> 00:13:30,510 [british accent] Hello, Dr. Oz. 336 00:13:30,545 --> 00:13:31,578 Nice to meet you. Big fan... 337 00:13:31,613 --> 00:13:32,579 Nope. 338 00:13:32,647 --> 00:13:34,280 Bollocks! 339 00:13:39,449 --> 00:13:42,116 All right, now I'm going to do a series of coughs. 340 00:13:42,152 --> 00:13:45,920 You tell me when I get to one that sounds like yours. 341 00:13:45,955 --> 00:13:48,089 [Short cough] 342 00:13:48,124 --> 00:13:50,491 [Airy cough] 343 00:13:50,527 --> 00:13:52,226 [Coughs repeatedly] 344 00:13:52,262 --> 00:13:53,928 [Coughs repeatedly] 345 00:13:53,963 --> 00:13:57,065 Hey! Who's the doctor here? 346 00:13:57,100 --> 00:14:00,134 Now I got to start all over. 347 00:14:00,170 --> 00:14:01,169 [Short cough] 348 00:14:01,204 --> 00:14:02,336 [Knock on door] 349 00:14:02,372 --> 00:14:04,205 Doctor, a patient just fainted in the waiting room. 350 00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:05,206 We need you. 351 00:14:05,241 --> 00:14:06,574 What happened? 352 00:14:06,609 --> 00:14:07,942 She came in with flu symptoms, 353 00:14:07,977 --> 00:14:10,011 and she's been waiting for three hours. 354 00:14:10,046 --> 00:14:12,380 She's dehydrated. Get her some orange juice. 355 00:14:12,415 --> 00:14:16,551 Pulp or no pulp? Either way, it's $7. 356 00:14:18,254 --> 00:14:20,054 Let's get these people some help. 357 00:14:20,090 --> 00:14:22,323 Okay, I'm gonna see all of you guys 358 00:14:22,358 --> 00:14:24,592 and get you home just as soon as I can. 359 00:14:24,627 --> 00:14:26,394 Now, anyone with a fever, over here. 360 00:14:26,429 --> 00:14:28,329 Clark's gonna take your vitals. 361 00:14:28,364 --> 00:14:30,298 Anyone with no fever, over here. 362 00:14:30,333 --> 00:14:32,600 I will get to you as soon as possible. 363 00:14:32,635 --> 00:14:34,802 And if you're a drug seeker looking to score some Vicodin, 364 00:14:34,838 --> 00:14:37,672 it's not gonna happen. 365 00:14:40,543 --> 00:14:42,510 Whoa, slow down, Dr. Dobbs. 366 00:14:42,545 --> 00:14:44,045 I've got Juan-Julio in the garage 367 00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:46,414 making bacon-wrapped hot dogs. 368 00:14:50,553 --> 00:14:52,920 [Cellphone dings] 369 00:14:54,858 --> 00:14:56,224 Trevor? 370 00:14:56,259 --> 00:14:58,059 No. 371 00:14:58,094 --> 00:15:00,828 Listen, about that... there's something I should tell you. 372 00:15:00,864 --> 00:15:01,796 [Cellphone dings] 373 00:15:01,831 --> 00:15:03,464 Hah! Look! 374 00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:06,000 "Molz, u mean so much to me. 375 00:15:06,035 --> 00:15:09,637 Need 2 c u." Snowman, sunglasses, wink. 376 00:15:09,672 --> 00:15:11,706 Aww. 377 00:15:11,741 --> 00:15:14,375 See, mom? He is into me. 378 00:15:14,410 --> 00:15:17,145 Yay. 379 00:15:17,180 --> 00:15:18,913 [Cellphone dings] 380 00:15:18,948 --> 00:15:20,214 Wow, he's so sweet, 381 00:15:20,250 --> 00:15:23,217 texting me all this nice stuff out of the blue. 382 00:15:23,253 --> 00:15:24,585 Truthfully, I was starting to think 383 00:15:24,621 --> 00:15:25,920 you and Dad were right about him. 384 00:15:25,955 --> 00:15:27,722 [Cellphone dings] 385 00:15:27,757 --> 00:15:29,190 [Giggles] 386 00:15:29,225 --> 00:15:30,625 [Giggles] 387 00:15:33,496 --> 00:15:36,731 Okay, plenty of rest and fluids. 388 00:15:36,766 --> 00:15:40,134 And remember... gas stations good for getting gas, 389 00:15:40,170 --> 00:15:43,037 not great for getting flu shots. 390 00:15:43,072 --> 00:15:45,873 Okay, let's keep it moving. Who's next? 391 00:15:45,909 --> 00:15:47,642 Nobody. You saw them all. 392 00:15:47,677 --> 00:15:50,178 Wow. That's incredible. 393 00:15:50,213 --> 00:15:53,614 I can't believe we cleared out that waiting room. 394 00:15:53,650 --> 00:15:56,384 Turns out I can be thorough and fast. 395 00:15:56,419 --> 00:15:57,919 Girl, boom. 396 00:15:57,954 --> 00:15:59,253 [Chuckles] 397 00:15:59,289 --> 00:16:03,157 Guys, I want you to have these bacon-wrapped hot dogs 398 00:16:03,193 --> 00:16:05,593 as a thank-you for all your hard work. 399 00:16:05,628 --> 00:16:06,727 Oh, but, Mr. Pat, 400 00:16:06,763 --> 00:16:08,529 you said if your employees ate these hot dogs, 401 00:16:08,565 --> 00:16:09,964 it could be a tax write-off. 402 00:16:12,902 --> 00:16:15,937 You specifically added that it was not a thank-you 403 00:16:15,972 --> 00:16:17,471 for all their hard work. 404 00:16:22,946 --> 00:16:25,880 You know, Juan-Julio, I'd fire you 405 00:16:25,915 --> 00:16:30,084 if you hadn't found... what you found in my trunk. 406 00:16:37,327 --> 00:16:39,060 You know, Julie, you've been going nonstop. 407 00:16:39,095 --> 00:16:40,194 Why don't you take a break? 408 00:16:40,230 --> 00:16:43,231 Ugh. That's a plan. I'm exhausted. 409 00:16:43,266 --> 00:16:44,999 Thank you, guys. 410 00:16:45,034 --> 00:16:46,567 I never could have gotten through today 411 00:16:46,603 --> 00:16:47,835 without your help and support. 412 00:16:47,871 --> 00:16:49,971 Nope. It was all you. 413 00:16:51,908 --> 00:16:53,341 [Chuckles] 414 00:16:53,376 --> 00:16:55,142 Ohh. 415 00:16:57,080 --> 00:16:59,313 You got my 20 bucks? 416 00:16:59,349 --> 00:17:01,482 Yes, we do, Thelma. 417 00:17:01,517 --> 00:17:03,618 And let me tell you... that was some of the best 418 00:17:03,653 --> 00:17:06,587 - dramatic fainting I have ever seen. - [Chuckles] 419 00:17:06,623 --> 00:17:08,923 And that includes when my grandmother met Justin Bieber. 420 00:17:11,961 --> 00:17:13,527 [Cellphone dings] 421 00:17:13,563 --> 00:17:14,829 Again? 422 00:17:14,864 --> 00:17:16,998 "Call me, call me, call me." 423 00:17:17,033 --> 00:17:20,301 Mom, why do you think he's so into me all of a sudden? 424 00:17:20,336 --> 00:17:23,104 [Chuckling] I-I don't know. 425 00:17:26,009 --> 00:17:29,010 I got to say... it's feeling a little needy and desperate. 426 00:17:29,045 --> 00:17:31,712 I know exactly what you mean, Mol. 427 00:17:31,748 --> 00:17:34,048 You know, one of the things we liked about old Trev 428 00:17:34,083 --> 00:17:35,416 was how confident he was, 429 00:17:35,451 --> 00:17:37,551 with the no texting and the flip-flops, 430 00:17:37,587 --> 00:17:40,454 but this... this is very unattractive. 431 00:17:40,490 --> 00:17:41,555 I mean, myself, 432 00:17:41,591 --> 00:17:43,591 I prefer a man who's cool and confident, 433 00:17:43,626 --> 00:17:44,625 like your father. 434 00:17:44,661 --> 00:17:47,061 Please! 435 00:17:47,096 --> 00:17:49,864 Do you think I should break up with him? 436 00:17:49,899 --> 00:17:52,900 [Chuckling] Oh, that's not something I should get involved in. 437 00:17:52,936 --> 00:17:54,869 I just want you to be happy. [Chuckles] 438 00:17:54,904 --> 00:17:57,571 And if weak and desperate makes you happy, 439 00:17:57,607 --> 00:17:59,774 then you've hit the mother lode. 440 00:17:59,809 --> 00:18:01,409 [Cellphone dings] 441 00:18:01,444 --> 00:18:03,511 20 heart emojis? 442 00:18:03,546 --> 00:18:06,914 Ew. 443 00:18:06,950 --> 00:18:08,649 That's it. We're done. 444 00:18:08,685 --> 00:18:11,819 "You're dumped, son." [Chuckles] 445 00:18:15,191 --> 00:18:18,025 Come on. There's got to be something you can do. 446 00:18:18,061 --> 00:18:20,227 Here. I'll give you this hat. 447 00:18:20,263 --> 00:18:22,964 Ooh. An "aloha" hat. 448 00:18:22,999 --> 00:18:26,033 Those are hard to come by here in the Aloha state. 449 00:18:28,604 --> 00:18:31,605 Let me check one more thing. 450 00:18:31,641 --> 00:18:35,309 [Keys clacking] 451 00:18:38,247 --> 00:18:40,014 Are you just typing randomly? 452 00:18:40,049 --> 00:18:42,650 Yeah. I am. 453 00:18:44,854 --> 00:18:46,387 Excuse me, Dr. Park. 454 00:18:46,422 --> 00:18:48,222 I've been thinking about the feedback you gave me, 455 00:18:48,257 --> 00:18:49,590 and you're right. 456 00:18:49,625 --> 00:18:50,891 I think I should be doing some more hard-hitting stuff. 457 00:18:50,927 --> 00:18:54,195 Attaboy, "Ozzie." That wasn't so hard, was it? 458 00:18:54,230 --> 00:18:56,030 No. 459 00:18:56,065 --> 00:18:57,665 Anyway, my phone is dead, and I'm wondering 460 00:18:57,700 --> 00:18:59,066 if you have the charger for the new 8. 461 00:18:59,102 --> 00:19:02,670 Well, well, well. Hmm. 462 00:19:02,705 --> 00:19:04,772 Well, well, well, well. 463 00:19:04,807 --> 00:19:06,340 Can I use the charger or not? 464 00:19:06,376 --> 00:19:09,877 If there was only something I needed that you have. 465 00:19:09,912 --> 00:19:11,912 Fine. I'll switch seats with you. 466 00:19:11,948 --> 00:19:14,248 And? 467 00:19:14,283 --> 00:19:15,383 I'll pay for your dumb hat. 468 00:19:15,418 --> 00:19:17,752 That's how we do. 469 00:19:20,590 --> 00:19:21,756 Come on. 470 00:19:21,791 --> 00:19:24,658 Daddy needs a new pair of shoes. 471 00:19:24,694 --> 00:19:25,626 I actually do. 472 00:19:25,661 --> 00:19:27,561 The Velcro is shot on these things. 473 00:19:30,767 --> 00:19:34,235 Guess who just talked Dr. Oz into swapping. 474 00:19:34,270 --> 00:19:37,038 Ah. Well, he is handsome. 475 00:19:37,073 --> 00:19:38,072 Seats, Allison. Seats. 476 00:19:38,107 --> 00:19:40,541 Oh, cool, cool, cool. 477 00:19:40,576 --> 00:19:43,077 Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for your patience. 478 00:19:43,112 --> 00:19:45,112 Flight 358 with service to Los Angeles 479 00:19:45,148 --> 00:19:46,347 will now begin boarding. 480 00:19:46,382 --> 00:19:47,982 - Yes! - Yes! 481 00:19:48,017 --> 00:19:49,817 [Claps hands] Dave, let's go! 482 00:19:49,852 --> 00:19:51,452 - Cash out! - Okay! 483 00:19:51,487 --> 00:19:52,887 My dad's calling me. 484 00:19:52,922 --> 00:19:55,489 So, as the considerate man says to the toilet, 485 00:19:55,525 --> 00:19:58,359 I leave you with a flush. 486 00:19:58,394 --> 00:20:02,029 Pleasure doing business with you, fellas. 487 00:20:02,065 --> 00:20:03,731 Good luck back at Arizona state. 488 00:20:03,766 --> 00:20:05,966 Got to say... I thought a party school 489 00:20:06,002 --> 00:20:08,269 would have had better poker players. 490 00:20:18,667 --> 00:20:21,167 Hey, have fun in 32A. 491 00:20:21,203 --> 00:20:23,303 I'll see you on my way back to the bathroom 492 00:20:23,338 --> 00:20:25,472 because your seat is "a-bathroom" adjacent. 493 00:20:25,507 --> 00:20:27,440 [Laughs] 494 00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:28,875 Uh, excuse me. 495 00:20:28,910 --> 00:20:30,410 Aren't we limited to two carry-ons? 496 00:20:30,445 --> 00:20:31,678 'Cause he's got like nine. 497 00:20:32,781 --> 00:20:34,514 Thank you, Dr. Oz. 498 00:20:34,583 --> 00:20:36,283 You're gonna have to check them. 499 00:20:36,318 --> 00:20:37,717 Oh, and I'll need a credit card 500 00:20:37,753 --> 00:20:39,753 for the numerous baggage fees. 501 00:20:41,023 --> 00:20:43,023 That's how we do. 502 00:20:43,058 --> 00:20:44,457 [Scanner beeps] 503 00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:46,159 While you're checking all that baggage, 504 00:20:46,194 --> 00:20:47,894 check your underwear. 505 00:20:48,830 --> 00:20:53,700 Here you go, dad... for the baggage fees. 506 00:20:53,735 --> 00:20:56,002 And this is for you. 507 00:20:56,038 --> 00:20:58,305 Get yourself something nice. 508 00:20:58,340 --> 00:21:00,006 [Scanner beeps] 33814

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