All language subtitles for Is It Fall Yet

( surf music playing)

♪ La-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ Turn the sun down ♪

♪ Turn the sun down ♪

♪ Oh, no, don't say surf's up ♪

♪ I don't hang ten ♪

♪ In fact, I hang none ♪

♪ Take the undertow ♪

♪ Hurry up and row ♪

♪ Maybe someone could
turn down the sun ♪

♪ Sun, sun, sun ♪

♪ Turn the sun down ♪

♪ Sun, sun, sun ♪

♪ Turn the sun down ♪

♪ Sun, sun, sun, ooh ♪

♪ Where's Jaws
when you need him? ♪

♪ A tsunami ♪

♪ Would just be too grim ♪

♪ Hey, don't block
my shade ♪

♪ Hold the lemonade ♪

♪ Maybe someone
can turn down the sun ♪

♪ Sun, sun, sun, ooh ♪

♪ Turn the sun down ♪

♪ Sun, sun, sun, ooh ♪

♪ Turn the sun down ♪

♪ Sun, sun, sun, ooh ♪

♪ Turn the sun down ♪

♪ Sun, sun, sun, ooh ♪

♪ Turn the sun down ♪

♪ Ooh, ah-ah-ah-ah, ooh ♪

♪ Ah, ah-ah-ah-ah, ooh ♪

♪ Ah, ah-ah-ah-ah, ooh ♪

♪ Ah, ah-ah-ah-ah, ooh ♪

Well, students...

I certainly appreciate

your help in cleaning out
the classroom for the summer.

It almost makes me forget

that most of you didn't learn
a thing all year!

That's not true.

I learned to sleep sitting up.

Mr. D, as QB I think
I can speak for...

Careful with that map, Kevin!

( squeals)

Now, without turning around

did you want to dangle

a morsel of hope
before me by announcing

you're doing something
constructive this summer?

Like partaking in much needed
remedial classes

or some sort of vocation?

I'm not going on vacation.

Me and Brit are
going to be lifeguards!

No turning, Kevin.

Do not turn until...

Did you say lifeguards?

It'll be really easy

cause I already
know how to use...

Um, a bullhorn.

( screaming)

Why couldn't I have been born

during an influenza epidemic?

Or at the base of a volcano?

Why did I survive,
grow tall and strong

only to squander
all my potential

by becoming a teacher?

( screams)

When he would have made

such a wonderful
motivational speaker.

( laughs)

Now, remember, the P-STATS

are a good dry run
for your college boards.

If you got 1,200 points
or better, kudos.

You'll have a wide
and exciting choice of colleges.

And for those with less, uh,
robust scores

there are still wonderful
opportunities

in the food services sector.

Hmm, 940.

902.

955.

956.

I guess we're all of
comparable intelligence.

Yeah, comparable.

( bell rings)

All right, have a rewarding

and growth-filled summer,
everyone.

And by the way,
we still have openings

for counselors
at the Okay to Cry Corral...

My day camp
for sensitive children

and those who'd like to be.

It's going to be wonderful.

I hope some of...

Um, all right, then.

I'll miss you all, too.

Quinn, you'd like
to join the roundup

at the Okay to Cry Corral

and make a difference
in a child's life?

Why would I want to do that?

I just, um, need to
ask you something.

Problems at home?

Is it your mother?

She seems awfully stressed.

Has she been acting out on you?

It's about my test score.

Oh.

Um, let's say you got
a certain score on a test

and it wasn't terrible...

but some other people got
almost the same score...

People you really thought
you could do better than

although for personal reasons

you'd rather not name them
or say why?

Um... what?

Okay, forget everything
I just said.

Let's try this.

Can I get into Pepperhill
with a 955?

955? Oh, dear.

Well, let's see.

Pepperhill University.

It is known more
for its wide range

of social activities
than for academics

but... ah!

Uh-oh!

I'm afraid to get
into Pepperhill

you'll need a combined score
of at least a thousand.

But that's not fair!

I didn't have time to study
with my fashion club duties.

Don't extracurricular activities
count for anything?

You think you might
have done better

if you'd studied?

Who were those other people
you mentioned?

I told you to forget them!

Eep! Of course you did!

Well, Quinn,
if you think studying would help

I say go for it!

Take this summer
to crack the books!

Hire a tutor!

Put your nose
to the proverbial grindstone.

What's wrong with my nose?

( groans)

I think I'm finally finding out

what it feels like to be a Lane.

That can't be

since it's only afternoon

and you're already out of bed.

I mean the lack
of tiresome parental
involvement.

Mine have been so busy

they've completely forgotten
to force me

into some dumb summer activity.

I'm turning into you.

Well, you've got
so much else of mine

you might as well
have my identity.

Hey.

Take a joke, Daria.

Anyway, que ironico.

You don't have
summer plans. I do.

"Ironico's" not a word.

This old commune-mate
of my mother's

runs an artists' colony.

I've been accepted into
their summer program.

That's great.

That sounds sincere.

Why didn't you say anything?

I didn't want to jinx it.

Two months of painting
and sculpting my heart out

in a college town
in the middle of nowhere...

Starting this weekend.

Does this college town
have a name

or do you just turn left
at the kid with the tractor?

Cheer up, Daria.

Without me around, you'll
have that much more time

for your budding social life.

This college book said
you need a score of 1,000

and a B-minus average
to get into Pepperhill.

God, we're only flesh and blood.

Stacy, ew.

Sorry.

So we'll go somewhere else.

Somewhere that appreciates

our specialness
and individuality.

But I'm sure I can
do better on those tests.

You can do better?

We! Did I say me? We.

Gee, Quinn, I'm glad you think

you're so much smarter
than the rest of us

but you're worried
about nothing.

We have plenty of time

to pull up our test scores
next year.

Yeah, no sweat.

Stacy, ew.

Sorry.

More waffles, Dad?

I found an extra
stick of butter.

No, thanks.

The old diet, you know.

May 2?

Hey, it's June!

These waffles have expired!

Relax, Jake,
that's a sell-by date.

They've been frozen since then.

They're fine.

Easy for you to say.

You didn't just eat
four poisoned waffles!

Mom's right.

Besides, if you
had food poisoning

you'd be developing a very
mild stomachache by now.

A mild stomachache?

I think I have one, damn it!

Jake, can't you ever
tell when anyone's joking?

Of course I can.

Uh, you're not
doing it now, are you?

It's June?

Oh, my gosh, Daria.

What are you doing this summer?

I was wondering when you'd ask

but don't worry, I have a job.

Good for you, kiddo!

I see, and what exactly
is this job?

I'm sorry, but
the confidentiality agreement

I signed with the government

prevents me from revealing that.

I've already said too much.

Wow!

I mean, wow, what a funny joke!

Daria, I'm serious.

I'm not going to
let you sit around
the house all summer.

Fine, I'll lie around
the house all summer.

Quinn, what are your
plans for the summer?

All right, I admit it.

My P-STAT scores
were a little low.

What?

Sandi said we have

plenty of time
to catch up next year.

What about all the new things
you'll have to learn then?

Yeah, the second half
of the alphabet

is even harder than the first.

Oh, great, so you think
I should get a tutor, too.

Aren't there, like,
any TV shows I can watch?

Good idea.

You wouldn't want to flunk
the essay section on Matlock.

Ha! Matlock!

Well, if you don't
want a tutor, then...

Fine! A tutor it is.

Just make it out
to me... Brittany!

Gee, thanks for
clearing that up.

You're welcome.

What are you guys
doing this summer?

Two internships,
volunteer community service

a part-time job and, in
my spare time, golf lessons.

Wow! What about you,
Mack Daddy?

Driving an ice cream truck.

Ha, that's not very
prestigitatious.

Thanks for pointing that out.

You're welcome.

Mack owes his father some money

and I think it's very
conscientious of him

to take that job
and pay him back.

Yeah, he gets the money;
I get the humiliation.

Mack, it'll be fine.

Wait, isn't golf for old
people who dress funny?

Yeah, my parents.

They're trying to get into
Winged Tree Country Club

and they want me
to learn how to play.

Hey, do you get to wear
one of those little hats

and ring that bell that goes
"ding-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling..."

"A-ling"?

So I told my parents, "All right

"I'll go with you
on your little
trip to Bermuda

"but don't expect me
to take part

in any family luaus."

But isn't it Hawaii
where they do luaus?

Gee, Quinn, that's exactly
what my mother said.

Maybe you should go with them.

( giggles nervously)

What are you doing
this summer, Quinn?

Oh, nothing special.

See some movies, catch up
on my dating, get a tutor.

A tutor?

Oh, Quinn, I'm so sorry.

Really.

I know, it's terrible

but my mother's making me.

Um, you guys will keep it
to yourselves, won't you?

Of course.

You can trust us.

You have our word.

You guys are the best.

I think we should talk.

Okay. We are now talking.

About the Tom thing.

That I don't want to talk about.

If you're still upset about it,
we should deal with it now

especially since we won't be
seeing each other all summer.

You don't get it, do you?

I don't want to talk about it.

I don't want to think about it.

I told you I'm not mad at you
about Tom.

Now, let it freaking go, okay?

Can I at least take you out
for a good-luck pizza

before you leave for
your big art adventure?

Daria, I said, let it go.

Jake, put the paper down.

That boy Daria's been dating
is on his way over.

You mean Quinn's been dating.

No, Daria.

Oh, good one, honey!

Old Jake Morgendorffer
sure appreciates a funny joke.

Jake, will you
listen to me, please!

Daria's been out with this Tom
several times

and we're finally
going to meet him

and I want to make sure we have
our game plan together.

Wait, I remember now.

The guy without any vocal cords.

I want you to stay
cool and relaxed

and not embarrass her by
getting all nervous and crazy.

Daria said he communicates
by blinking.

Now, was it one blink for yes
or one blink for no?

Jake, she was joking!

I know!

( laughing)

Now, what's the game plan?

The game plan is,
you don't say a word.

So he won't feel self-conscious

about the vocal cords, right?

( groans)
( doorbell rings)

Hello. You must be Tom.

Hi...

I'm Helen Morgendorffer.

Glad to...

Won't you come in?

I...

Great!

We've heard so much
about you, Tom.

Really?

Um, well, actually...

Hey, there, young man!

Jake Morgendorffer.

Hi. I'm Tom Sloane.

Sloane?

Not the same Sloane as in
Grace, Sloane and Page?

Well, that's my dad,
so I guess...

Grace, Sloane and Page?

Hey, sign me up for a little
of that insider trading!

Little joke, of course.

Class firm like your father's
would never...

Um, say, you know,
my vocal cords hurt.

I'd better go gargle.

Sorry about that.

They've been acting
a little strange

ever since, oh, I can remember.

Pizza?

Okay.

What's this?

My new car.

Well, my grandmother's old one.

Did you want this car?

Well, yeah, after my parents had
my old one towed away

in the middle of the night.

Note to self:
leave Quinn out
on curb tonight.

Oh, hi, Daria!

Um, hello.

Hey, Daria.
I didn't know
you had a brother.

What?

Jane's going out
with your brother?

Wow!
What?

You're Tom, right?
Jane's boyfriend?

Well, I'm Tom, but...

How long have you and
Daria been brothers?

I mean, how long
has Daria been
your brother?

Wait a minute.

Actually...

Listen, it's been
great talking and all

but we've got to get
back to the rent-a-brother shop

before they charge us
for an extra day.

Bye.

You know what, babe?

I don't think he's
her brother at all.

What's the matter?

I can't do this.

I can't spend
the evening in there

explaining to people

that no, you're not my brother

and no, you're
not Jane's boyfriend.

You're actually my uh...

Yes?

Guy I'm dating.

Okay, I understand.

I know. Let's bag
the pizza place

and go to my parents' club.

You're not much for crafty
strategizing, are you?

Nobody knows you there.

Besides, they charge
my folks for meals

whether they eat them or not

so we might as well
get their money's worth.

Tom, as much as I'd like
to help your family

in their time of need...

Do they have cheddar fries?

Think you'll come visit me
while I'm working

in my father's office
this month?

You can help me
file earnings reports.

Oh, sure, that old line.

Boy, you can really
smell the mold

on the old money
in here, can't you?

Better on the money
than on the food.

Uh-oh.

Someone pull out a new 20?

Mom, Dad, Elsie.

Daria, this is
my mother and father

and my sister Elsie.

Hi, Daria.
Nice to meet you.

I just spoke with Aunt Mildred.

She's made a lot of
improvements on the house.

She had the screen door fixed.

We always spend August
at the Cove

with my Great-Aunt Mildred...
It's kind of a tradition.

In other words,
we don't have a choice.
Elsie!

Daria, I'll bet you have

something fun planned
for the summer.

Um...

Actually, Daria's
just going to relax.

She's earned it.

She made high honor roll
all three trimesters.

Fielding doesn't have
trimesters.

I go to Lawndale High.

Oh. Well, high honor roll
is an achievement at any school.

Actually, at ours it just means
you just managed

to stay out of prison all year.

( forced laughter)

Sorry about the
family onslaught.

No big deal.

Your parents had to find out

you were dating me sometime.

Does that bother you

that I hadn't told
them about you?

No.

Daria, I never tell them

about anyone I'm dating.

Now I really feel special.

Well, you should,
because I like you.

Thanks.
Um, I'd better be going.

Hold on.

I want to ask you.

Do you, you know,
feel the same way about me?

Uh, yeah... sure.

Bye.

Hi. I'm David Sorenson.

Are you Quinn?

I don't know.

Is this the ninth circle
of hell?

The Divine Comedy.

Wait a minute.
You know that?

All right, who are you

and what do you want
with my sister?

I'm here to tutor her.

Seriously.

Quinn, your tutor's here.

David, hi.
Helen Morgendorffer.

Don't mind Daria.

Unemployment does strange things
to one's mind.

Eric tells me you've worked
wonders with his niece.

Jasmine's been doing very well.

Of course, it makes my job
much easier

to have the support
of involved parents.

( chuckles)

Yes.

Quinn!

I see here that you took
European history last year.

I guess there's no need
repeating that.

Oh, yeah, Napoleon,
Waterworld, the A la Carte.

Hmm, revisit European history.

Moving on to literature.

I want you to check off
all the books you've read.

No point in assigning
Ethan Frome

or Silas Marner again.

What did they write?

( laughs)

Okay, how's this for an idea?

You tell me which
are your best subjects.

Well, let's see.

I have an unerring color sense.

I got a postcard
from your mother.

Boy, do I envy her
in Death Valley.

Can you believe
there are some people

who wouldn't want
to go there in July?

I know.
Here we are.

I'm not saying Fauvism
didn't have its place

but now it just looks like
so much black velvet junk

at the swap meet.

That's not fair.

You can't evaluate the work
outside the context of its time.

You can if it's good.

( Sedona clears throat)

Everyone, I'd like you to meet
your new housemate Jane.

Jane... Caroline, Jett,
Anais and Paris.

Hey.

Enjoy.
I'll see you later.

Thanks.

Nice haircut.
Thanks. I...

Anyway, color is
not just something
you fling around

like a dog marking
its territory.

Kevy, you look so cute!

And you look hot!

And your muscles,
they're so ripply.

Aw, babe.

Hey, you guys
are supposed to be
watching the pool.

What about this arm?
Is it ripply, too?

Ooh, let me see how ripply.

( coughing)

Oh...

Can't talk.
Top secret mission.

Well, complete your mission soon

because I'm sending
you on another one.

Mr. O'Neill called
looking for day camp volunteers

and I signed you up.

You didn't.

You start Monday.

I'm sorry, but you're
not staying locked up

in your room all summer.

So instead you're
going to lock me up

with a busload of whiny kids

and the poor man's
Kathy Lee Gifford.

Daria, you need
to be more tolerant.

You know what they say...
"Judge and be judged."

And I judge myself
unfit for human contact.

That's exactly what you will be

if you don't start engaging
with the rest of us.

You keep hiding your real face

behind that antisocial mask

and one day the mask
will be your face.

I'm not letting that happen.

You're working at that camp.

What about my feelings?

What about my rights?

( door closes)

What about my bribe?

But, Stacy, how can I
possibly decide

if you should wear
your chocolate brown

or beige brown headband

if you haven't picked out
your eyeliner?

Beige brown. Bye.

Sorry.

Okay, as I was saying,
people in the Middle Ages

were in constant...

God, we're still
on the Middle Ages?

I mean, things were so
depressing then

and everone was so short.

( phone rings)

Sandy, hi.
I'm kind of bus...

She wore under-the-knee
knee socks?! No!

Hang on a second.

Where are you going?

Far, far away.

Sandy, I'll call you right back.

Okay, so we were talking
about short people.

No, you were talking
about sock length.

See ya.

But you can't go.
I haven't learned anything.

Gee, and how do you
propose to do that

when you're on the phone
through the whole session?

But they call, David, they call!

Look, you seem bright enough,
but I just can't sit here

and listen to any more
vacuous prattle

with your brain-dead friends.

Eyeliner, headband colors,
God, are you boring.

I'm not boring. I'm popular.

Hey, the only reason
you're popular is your looks

and those won't last forever.

You have nothing
interesting to say

and no intellectual
curiosity whatsoever.

Do the world a favor
and don't go to college.

Give up your spot to somebody
who wants to learn.

But you just said I was bright.

So what?
It doesn't matter.

If you're hell-bent
on achieving complete
brain atrophy

before you're old
enough to vote...

I'm not!

Do you even know
what atrophy means?

David, my friends and I all got
practically the same scores

on our P-STATS.

So?

So they were bad

and I know I can do better.

It's not like I care or anything

it's just that I know I can.

It's not like you care?

It's not like you want
to do better?

Then why the hell am I here?

All right, I care.
I want to do better.

Okay, then, the Middle Ages.

♪ With a knick-knack, gentle
pat, give the dog a bone ♪

♪ This young person
helps out at home. ♪

Now just the counselors.

♪ This young person,
he played... ♪

Oh, dear.

Greetings, and welcome
to the "Okay to Cry Corral."

I'm Uncle Timothy,
and together we're going

to take a journey
to the land of self-discovery.

A land where it's okay to laugh

and it's okay... to cry.

I feel like doing that now.

And now I'd like
my co-counselors

Daria and Uncle Anthony

to say a few words
about what they hope

to accomplish here.

After you, Daria.

Thanks, Uncle Anthony.

My goal is to get out
of this unscathed.

I'm hoping to rediscover

the joys and satisfactions
of teaching

and the motives that led me
to pursue such a thankless...

I mean, rewarding profession
in the first place.

At least that's what my doctor
says I need to do

before I incur
a cerebral hemorrhage.

Uncle Anthony, I mean,
what are your goals
for the campers?

( chuckles)

Oh. Um...

"To help make this a pleasurable
experience for all

Let's learn
to love ourselves together."

Okay, let's divide
into three groups, shall we?

One, two, three.

Daria, you take group one.

Um, hello.

Would, um, anyone like
to say anything

before we get started?

How come you're so pale?

Why do you bite your nails?

Do you ever smile?

Um, how about you?

Would you like to say anything?

Is it fall yet?

When I unveiled
Paper Plate Genocide in 1991

it was hailed as intriguing,
provocative, even brilliant

and not just by me.

( laughter)

No. We all know critics tend
to get carried away

but what was I thinking

when I created a work
that seems to have turned out

both seminal and semiotic?

"I can't believe
I'm getting away
with this"?

Excuse me,
Mr. Dotson?

Please, Paris, isn't it?

Call me Daniel.

Daniel, I just want
to say, I think

you're the greatest
living artist of our time.

And not just because
I have no taste.

I was wondering, where do you
get your inspiration?

My alimony bills.

I don't sit around
and wait for inspiration

I grab it in the glint
of the sun on a frozen peak

in the pain
of an arthritic's hobble

and a lover's whisper
in the dark.

So I'd have to say

my inspiration comes
from life itself.

Wow!

Well, that's enough

of the old windbag's ramblings
for today.

( students sighing)
We'll pick up here tomorrow.

Hi. I'm Allison.

Jane.

Our Mr. Dotson's really
something, isn't he?

Well, he certainly
doesn't let substance

get in the way of self-
congratulatory yap.

At least we'll never have
to worry about him

intimidating us with his talent.

I want an Astro Pop.

Hang on.

Give me a fudge bar.

Just a second.

The flavor just went out
of my snow cone.

You suck!

Yeah, you suck!

( phone ringing)

Yeah?

Sound like you're having
as good a day as I am.

Well, things are looking up now.

Want to do something later?

I can't.
I'm going to be stuffing

these stupid envelopes
all night.

But I'll see you at my family's
Fourth of July party, right?

Right. Unless I...
shove an ice cream scooper

down someone's throat first.

ANNOUNCER:
Are drug-crazed rodents raiding
your child's medicine cabinet?

( shrieking)

"Rats on Ritalin,"
next on Sick, Sad World.

Hey, maybe you should
get some of that for
the little campers.

Ritalin or the rats?

Hello, Daria.

It's nice to see you again.

Um, you, too,
Mrs. Sloan.

Hi, Elsie.

Elsie, why don't you
show Tom and Daria

the dress Richard
made you for the
Starry Night Ball?

Oh, I couldn't ruin
the surprise.

Daria, is there any
way I can change your
mind about going?

Then you and
I could gang up
and convince Tom.

Um...

Sorry, I forgot to tell you.

Mom's on the board
of the Lawndale Art Museum.

They're holding a benefit
to raise money

for a new wet bar.

A new gallery.

It should be a lot of fun.

Um, sounds like it.

If you like watching
ice sculptures melt.

Actually, these things
are excruciatingly
dull and stuffy

and I told her
there's no way
we're going.

Well, um, I guess that's right.

You wouldn't want to compromise
your quasi-rebelliousness.

I hope Richard left enough room
in that dress

for your faux jadedness.

Children!
You know, Daria

this event is not
"members only."

I'd love to send
your parents an
invitation

if you think they'd
be interested.

Um... thanks.

Are you going to blow off
fireworks at the club, too?

Sorry, I forgot.

We can't.
I already told...

Promised Daria I'd go with her

to her friend's
Fourth of July party.

Daria, what can we do
to get into your good graces?

Now, I want each one of you
to think of the blue lanyard

as representing
how you feel on the inside

and the green as how you
present yourself on the outside.

Picture...

It's a hundred degrees!

Can't we go
for a swim
in the lake?

Yeah!
Yeah, lake!

Now, Kristin,
do we really want to risk

exposure to algae blooms?

Maybe some other time,
when it's not quite as warm out.

( kids groaning)

The blue strand represents
the gnawing feeling of failure

growing with each wasted year.

The green represents
the ulcer you're developing

from the unrelenting indignities
you suffer!

Take the blue and cross it
under... I mean over the loop

and then through
the frustration...!

( growling)

Lanyards suck!

So continue threading
the blue with the green

until you've finished.

Or can't take the tedium
anymore.

Hey, Link.
Need some help?

Nope. All done.

Hey, Quinn, can I
get you a soda?

How about a lemon for your soda?

How about a knife
for your lemon?

Um, okay.

Gee, Quinn, I'm
surprised you're not
at the planetarium

with the Jet Propulsion Club

what with all your tutoring.

Sandi, shh!

I'm trying to keep that
a little quiet, remember?

Say no more.

As your friend and fellow
Fashion Club officer

I give you my solemn word

that your secret
is safe with me.

Thanks, Sandi.

I will never tell a soul

that you, Quinn Morgendorffer

are seeing a tutor.

Quinn, you're seeing a tutor?

Quinn, I'm so sorry.

I didn't see them
sneaking up behind you.

Um... yeah.
I'm being tutored

because of my P-STAT scores.

That's cool!

Hey, yeah!

Awesome.

Really?
You think
next year

you could you help me
with my homework?

No, me!
I'm stupider
than he is!

I can barely spell my own name!

No, I'm stupider!
Come on!

Gee, I didn't realize
being tutored

provides you with
an opportunity
to help others.

Maybe I should get a tutor.

Yeah. Me, too.

Oh, God. I think
I need one, too.

Jodie, what have
you been up to
this summer?

Soup kitchen, crisis center

Congressman Sack's office,
fund-raising, golf lessons.

Isn't she something?

Oh, yes.
And Michael, is it?

What are you doing this summer?

Driving an ice cream truck.

Oh.

Hey, there's Daria with
that guy who claims

to be her brother.

I'm gonna trap him in
his own web of lies.

Oh, Kevin,
You're so... spidery!

It's been a lovely evening

but I think I'm ready
to go home now.

But first, a word
from the village idiots.

Hi, Daria!
Hi, Tom!

Hi.
Hi.

Say there, um, Tom

if you're Daria's brother

how come we never saw
you before this year?

That should be obvious.

They weren't able to match up

our telltale birthmarks
until now.

Oh, hey, man, I'm sorry.

I have something
to tell you two.

Tom's not my brother.

Aha!

He's the mad scientist
who built me.

He has to hang around

in case my internal organs
fall out.

Eew!

I'm her date.

( laughing)

Good one, man!

Wait a minute,
Kevvy, he's serious!

But how can you be
dating Jane and Daria?

Well, I'm not dating
Jane anymore.

Oh.

Oh!

Daria!

Um, will you
excuse us for awhile?

We'll be back right after
man walks on the sun.

Wow! Daria's dating
her best friend's
boyfriend.

So then, whose brother is he?

Hey, Daria, thanks for coming.

Tom Sloane, right?
Jane's boyfriend?

Actually, we're
just friends now.

Aw, that's too bad.

You guys were a cute couple.

Any chance for a reconciliation?

Um, Jodie, hell's frozen over
and Tom's here with me.

What?! I mean...

it didn't occur to me
that, um...

you know... Dad!

You remember Daria
Morgendorffer.

And this is Tom Sloane.

Sloane? You're not
Angier's boy, are you?

As a matter of fact, yeah.

Great guy.

And how's your lovely
mother, Katherine?

You know my mother?

I just had the pleasure.

We're up for membership
at Winged Tree

and she's on the board.

Forget politics, that's power.

( laughing)

I can't believe I let
you talk me into this.

You can't eat
in your room forever.

Why go to an artists'
colony if you're

not going to mingle
with your fellow artists?

That's like saying
"Why go to a penal colony

if you're not going to mingle
with your fellow..."

I think I'll stop there.

Come on. I know
they'll warm up to you

if you give them a chance.

Um, are we, by any chance

conversing across
parallel dimensions?

I'll bet you dinner I'm right.

You're on, sucker.

Mind if we join you?

Not at all.

How's everyone liking
the colony so far?

I love it!

It's so... freeing.

And Daniel, that
man is brilliant!

He said my white-on-white
painting was a stroke
of inspiration.

I'll bet you two have
explored all sorts
of strokes together.

( hysterical laughter)

Oh, well, I suppose genius
does have its prerogatives.

Well, I don't know if Daniel's
a genius...

No offense, Jane,
but aren't you still
in high school?

How much can you know
about art at this point?

Excuse me?

Paris, we all
had to submit a portfolio

to be accepted here.

I'd say Jane knows
quite a bit about art.

I'm sure you're right.
I apologize.

You guys ready to go?

Yeah.
See you guys later.

Bye. See you later.

Gee, that was fun,
but in the future

let's save time and just
roll around on gravel.

Sorry about that.
I guess I owe you one.

You owe me dinner.

♪ Brush, brush,
brush you teeth ♪

♪ Using good hygiene ♪

♪ Up and down
and up and down ♪

♪ And floss
until they gleam. ♪

Everybody!

♪ Brush, brush,
brush your teeth ♪

♪ Using good hygiene ♪

♪ Up and down
and up and down ♪

♪ And floss
until they gleam. ♪

Remember, don't think
about what you're doing

because I don't really
want a painting from you

I want a painting
from the child within.

It's so pretty out.

Can't we go for
a hike? Please?

Please? We never
get to go on a hike!

Please?

Campers, I wouldn't be

a very caring counselor

if I let you run
higgledy-piggledy

through the poison ivy
and ticks.

One day, there'll be time
to explore the woods

after we explore ourselves.

( kids sighing)

Well, well, Josh,
what have we here?

A football player!

May I inquire why?

My child within
wants to be a winner.

Everyone knows football players
are winners.

I see.

Obviously, your
definition of a winner

is a degenerate slacker
with pigskin for brains

an unshakable desire
to sleep through class

and a lifetime goal of excelling
at arm-noise contests

while never, ever doing
any honest work of any kind!

Is that right?

( whimpering)

Oh, my gosh!

Anthony, what happened?

I, uh...

Timothy, I think I may have

spoken too harshly to a camper.

Oh, no! Was he
traumatized?

I'm no good at working
with young people!

Why, oh, why did I ever
think I could?

( all cheering)

Josh is the worst bully at camp.

I hate his child within.

Hooray for Uncle Anthony!

Hooray for Uncle Anthony!

Oh, thank you, campers.

Okay, let's talk about
the rise and fall of
the Roman Empire.

"In 753 BC, Romulus
and Remus..."

Um, excuse me.

Is this going to take long?

I still have
a few accessories
left to buy

for my date tonight.

Well, Rome wasn't built in a day

if you know what I mean.

Good one.
Might I suggest, then

that we finish this session
at Cashman's?

Sandi, if you're not going
to take this seriously...

Are you implying that I can't
shop and give you my attention?

Because I don't think

that's the sort
of confidence-building

a tutor is supposed
to provide his student.

We're not going to the mall.

You academics
aren't very understanding

of the pressures
facing normal people.

Nevertheless, if we leave now,
I'll buy you a snow cone.

Forget it.
I quit.

Geek.

( door slams)

"Steinbeck was perhaps
best known

for his poignant novel
about the Okies..."

Uh... huh...

A heavy metal band famous
for having a baboon on bass.

Uh... huh...

Uh, why do you do that?

Because I'm not here
to watch you put on makeup.

But I don't mind.

Well, I do.

Now, if you did your reading

you'll recall
that Steinbeck was...

What are you doing?

This toaster's really shiny.

Later.

( door closes)

Huh?

"During the Reconstruction

"Southerners complained

"that the newly installed
government officials

were nothing more
than carpetbaggers."

They were making
fun of their butts?!

Wait, that would be
"saddlebaggers."

Oh, no.

That's the look
my mother always gets

when I say something stupid.

I'm such an idiot!

I'll never get anywhere in life!

At least you're trying

unlike Sandi and Tiffany

whom I had to drop.

Now, "The carpet...

Wait... you dropped them?

Yep.

Why didn't they tell me?

I'm being shut out.

I can't believe this
is happening to me.

I knew this was going
to happen to me!

Oh, why did I wear
that butterfly clip?

( sobbing)

( phone rings)

Congressman Sack's office.

Hey, how's it going?

Terrible.

You want to go to
a movie Saturday?

I have to pull
a double shift
at the crisis center.

You know, I never
see you anymore.

I know

but look at it this way:

I'm wasting away the summer,
stuck inside all day.

At least you get to drive around
in your nice white suit

ringing your little bells.

Hey, you think it's funny
that I have to do this?

Who said it was funny?

( phone rings)

I got to get this.
I'll talk to you later.

We want ice cream!

Yeah. Later.

( phone ringing)

QUINN:
Daria, it's that Tom!

Hello.

Hey, it's me.
I was wondering

what you're doing tonight.

Actually, I'm...

not feeling that well.

Still?!

Then can I bring you
a bowl of soup?

I'll even throw
in a couple of
goldfish crackers.

Or real goldfish, if you prefer.

Thanks, but I'm kind of beat.

I think I'll pass.

Daria, is everything all right?

Never better.

I mean, except for this cold.

You know I'm leaving
for the Cove in a
week, right?

I won't see you for a month.

I know. Um...

A month's not that long.

All right.

Call me if you feel
like getting out, okay?

Sure.

MR. O'NEILL:
Link, I asked you
to stop by

because I've noticed

you seem a little bit subdued.

I was going to
say miserable,
but okay.

Growing up is kind
of like being a
kite, isn't it?

We want to fly but we don't
really trust ourselves

to cut the parental string
and soar with the birds.

A kite doesn't fly
if you cut its string.

It blows around in the wind for
a while and then crashes.

Exactly. Just the way...

You might know that
if you ever took
us outside.

Oh, well, I...

What do you know?

'Cause it seems to me
you spout out a lot of crap

about loving ourselves

and that doesn't do any good

to someone trying to figure out

why his mother threw
his father out

for being a jerk, and then went
and married a bigger one.

Well, that certainly sounds like
something we can talk about.

I don't want to talk about it.

I want to go to a real camp

where you run around all day
doing stuff

until you're too tired to think.

Can we do that, Uncle Timothy?

Well, you see, Link,
much as I'd like to

we have to keep
the other children's
safety in mind.

That's what I thought.

You don't really
care about making
kids feel better.

Of course I do.

Then I guess the problem is
that you suck at it.

It'll be okay.

That was just Link's anger
with himself talking.

( sobs)

Um, keep up the good work.

Hey, everything okay?

How can you stand this place?

Um, 'cause I'm one of the guards
instead of the prisoners.

Yeah, right.

Look, you want to go for a walk?

Outside?
That would be dangerous.

Tell you what,
I won't say a word.

It'll be just like
going by yourself

except for the
"by yourself" part.

God, I envy you, Jane.

To have all that talent
and focus at your age.

Oh, come on.

I wish I could be
in high school again

knowing what I know now.

A little perspective
and you could sidestep
all the torture, huh?

No.

( both laughing)

Hell, I'd trade places
with you in a minute.

You're doing exactly
what I want to...

Making it on your own
as an artist.

Trying to, anyway.

Hey, you'll do it.

So will you.

A little more?

Why not?

You and your future,
me and my so-called career

I guess we've each got something
the other would love to have.

Daria, how are things at camp?

Hmm.

Daria.

Well, let's see.

Tomorrow we're going to push
the campers

to their physical limits

by having them make
paper doll chains.

Ha! A joke, right?

( phone ringing)

That's what I keep
telling myself.

Hello.

Yes, this is
Helen Morgendorffer.

Kay Sloane?

Oh, yes, hello.

It's very nice to speak
with you at last.

I'm sorry we haven't met yet.

Oh, yes, I know.

In fact, that's sort
of why I'm calling.

We're having a little benefit

for the Lawndale Art Museum

we're calling
the Starry Night Ball.

Do you think you might
like to attend?

We could finally meet
and do our bit for the arts.

The Starry Night Ball...
What a wonderful idea.

Without the arts

what distinguishes us
from animals, right?

Well, let's see.

Animals don't feel the need
to suck up to wealthier animals.

Wonderful.

It's on September 8

and tickets are
$1,000 per couple.

Or you can buy
a table for $5,000.

But please don't feel
obligated to do that.

Um, did you say the eighth?

Oh dear, that's the weekend
of the office retreat.

Well, I'll check
to be sure, but...

Yes, I'm sorry.

It was nice speaking
with you, too.

Good-bye.

Phew.

Damn it, Helen,
I want to go
to the Ball!

Yes, why should your
wicked stepsisters
have all the fun.

I mean to hobnob with
all those rich people.

Clients... money...

Hobnob?

Jake, the tickets are $1,000.

A thousand bucks?!

Insensitive rich bastards!

Don't they know some people
have to work for a living?

Relax. I think she bought
my excuse.

Thank God.
Thank God.

Oh, dear...

I hope they won't think
we're cheap now.

Who cares what they think?

What's the matter with you?

It's bad enough
the rest of the town

grovels at the Sloanes' feet.

Now I have to put up
with it in my own home?

Was I groveling?

Was she joking?

JANE:
These pastels are great.

Thanks. I wish
the galleries
felt the same way.

They're nuts.

I knew you'd get
what I'm trying to do.

Top that off?

No, I'd better call it a night.

I get cranky
if I don't get
my usual 12 hours.

Come on, it's still early.

I'm sure we can find
something to do

to amuse ourselves.

Well, that's where

the whole sleeping thing
factors in.

( yawns)

I'll see you tomorrow.

I'm exhausted.

I can't let you walk
home in your condition.

I'm going to have
to insist that
you lie down.

No, really, I'm fine.

I promise not to
kick you out of
bed in the morning.

Well, unless you're snoring.

Thanks, but I...

Oh, God.

What's the matter?

I'm not your type?

Um, Alison... I'm straight.

Yeah, right.

I don't think so.

I'm not gay.

( laughing):
Where have I heard
that before?

Wait a minute.

Is this your first time
with a girl?

Well, no wonder you're nervous.

Alison...

read my lips... I like guys.

And hanging out with bisexuals
in their bedrooms

after they buy you dinner.

Hey, I didn't know you were bi.

And the dinner thing
was settling a bet.

Sure, settling a bet.

I'm sorry, baby,
but I never hit
on straight chicks.

Listen, you've been
really nice to me and all

and I really appreciate it

but I'm not interested in women.

You mean you're not ready
to admit it.

I got to go.

Eep!

Man, it's hard to see
out of this thing.

Kevvy, this is terrible!

That icky pool water
is turning my hair green.

Wow. you really do
have green hair.

( chanting):
Green hair, green hair...

Kevvy, it's not funny!

Ho, ho, ho, it's
the Jolly Green Babe.

Ooh!

Ho, ho, ho, Green Babe.

Ow!

You big jerk!

Ow!

( whistle blowing)

You two mess up one more time
and you're fired.

Now, everyone hold the hand
of the person next to them

while we all visualize
the same word... "trust."

We've been sitting
inside all day.

Can't we go out and play,
please?

Now, Curtis, we're listening
to our souls.

It's much easier
to hear them indoors.

( all sighing)

Uncle Anthony, can't
you talk to him?

You're such a great counselor.

Um, Uncle Timothy, perhaps
little Curtis has a point.

Maybe frolicking outdoors

would offer a refreshing
counterpoint

to sitting in a circle like
a quilting bee of shut-ins.

Anthony, please.

You're supposed to be
setting an example.

Besides, quilting
can be very therapeutic.

( beeping)

Now... Oops,
time for my
echinacea.

I'll be back in a jiffy.

Now, everyone hold hands
and feel the warmth.

( growling)

( screams)

Peanut butter!

Sitting in circles...
stupid songs...

arts and crafts...
cruel and unusual...

Hell!

I can't take it anymore.

( yells)

I'm going on a hike.

( all shouting)

Let's go!

Come on, even I'll admit
that was mildly amusing.

Whatever.

Look, for what it's worth,
when I was your age

I... um, had this friend
who was kind of like you.

The only people she liked
were the ones in books

and she spent most of her time
in her room

convinced the world had been
quietly taken over

by a race of idiot space aliens.

And then one day you're "friend"
grew out of it

and went on
to make many more friends

and now her life is
one big bowl of cherries.

Okay, bad example.

But maybe things would
have been a little
easier for my friend

if she hadn't
kept everything
bottled up inside.

You know, if she'd had
someone to talk to.

Or maybe "she" did try talking

and the people
just told her to shut up

or paid someone else
to deal with her

because they were too busy
listening to their souls.

You think that's
what's happening to you?

Hey, look around, Daria.

Everybody's so
busy being their
own best friend...

Maybe they should try
buddying up to the people

they brought into the damn world

who never asked to be born.

Oh.

So what books does your
"friend" like to read, anyway?

Well, let's see.

When she was 12,
she was really into
George Orwell...

Daria, Link.

Having a little
one-on-one session?

Yes, and so,
by definition,
it can't include...

Daria, I knew you could do it.

See, it's easier
to rap with Daria

than with me, isn't it?

A teen who's closer
to your own age.

But I'm just as
concerned as she is

about your well-being.

I should have known.

Hey, wait.

Oh, did I say something wrong?

Oh my, what happened
to the window?

Uh, where'd everybody go?

But when the workers
stormed the Bastille

they only found seven prisoners

and one of them
was the Marquis De Sade.

Ew.

That's more or less
the way they felt.

Did Marie Antoinette
have the champagne glasses

molded after
her... you know?

We really should be
focusing more

on the politics
of the Revolution

but that's what they say.

If she had been a different
body type

we'd all be drinking
champagne out of bowls.

David, I must say,
I'm quite impressed.

I've never seen Quinn
have so much fun studying.

That's because in school
they only teach you

the really boring stuff.

Mom, Dad, did you know

Marie Antoinette never
said "let them eat cake"?

That expression comes
from a story

about a princess
written by Rousseau.

Right?
Right.

Lousy tabloids.

We've got to run. Bye.

Wait!

I was joking.

You were not.

Was Marie Antoinette pretty?

They said she was
a great beauty.

Of course, you won't find
a lot of people

willing to call their
absolute monarch butt ugly.

David, do you think...
I'm pretty?

Sure.

By the way, have you
been to Chez Pierre?

Because it's really nice

if you ever wanted
to take me there.

It would be kind of educational

since we're studying
French history and stuff.

Thanks.

But you don't want to be seen
around town with an egghead.

Your friends would behead you.

Well, that's about it for today.

Now, be sure to read
the chapter on the
Industrial Revolution

and don't forget
your vocabulary words.

I'll be back for more
pedagogy next week.

Quinn, pedagogy...

That's one of the words.

Yeah.

Pedagogy.

Excellent.

The brushwork is very confident

and I love the strained,
almost antagonistic

relationship with color.

Really, you remind me
of myself when I was young.

Oh, Daniel, you're not old.

Well, I'm certainly
young at heart.

Not to mention
delusional of mind.

Hey.

Hey.

Haven't seen you around.

Oh, you know,
the solitary artist.

Look, I got to be honest.

That whole thing
that happened
between...

I mean, didn't happen...

Well, it kind of confused me.

Me, too.

Maybe I was hoping
a little too hard

and saw something
that wasn't there.

But you said you never
make a mistake

in that... uh, area.

There's a first time
for everything.

Still want to be friends?

Sure.

Maybe we'll skip the hug.

Uh-oh, don't look
now, but it's
Toulouse Le Dreck.

Ready?
Just a minute.

I'll wait for you in the car.

You're seeing him?

He's not so bad
once you get
to know him.

You said he went
through more students

than tubes of paint.

You can't possible think
he gives a damn about you.

Who's looking for romance?

I just want to have
a little fun.

And if it's with someone
who can introduce you

to a few gallery owners
that's not so bad either, eh?

I think I'm beginning to see
how the art world works.

God, high school.

It's all such a big deal
with you guys.

You take everything
so seriously.

Like someone telling you
you give off gay vibes

just because they're trying
to get into your pants.

Well, campers, before you go,
let's take a moment to reflect

on the valuable lessons
we've learned about...

Let Uncle Anthony talk.

Um... about ourselves
and the growth

that only we can truly...

Uncle Anthony, he's cool.

Um... the personal
growth that...

Growth my butt.

Uncle Anthony!

Uncle Anthony!
Uncle Anthony!
Uncle Anthony!

Thank you, campers.

Remember, if you feel yourself
getting mad... go ahead.

If someone's doing something
to irritate you...

Tell them about it in detail!

And hike whenever
you feel like it!

( cheering)

I...

I guess maybe I've been doing
more harm than good.

Thank you, Timothy.

You're reawakened my
hunger to enlighten.

I want to teach again.

( groaning)

That hurts a bit.

Hey, slow down.

Go to hell.

Just hear me out.

Mr. O'Neill didn't
ask me to speak to you

and I would never tell
him anything anyway

except my name, rank
and home room number.

Yeah, right.

Look, I'm not good
at this kind of thing

probably because I've never
done this kind of thing

but if you ever need
someone to talk to...

um... I'm around.

I don't need anyone to talk to.

Especially you.

( doorbell ringing)

Tom! Come in.

Daria! Tom's here!

Jake and I are so sorry

we won't be able to make
the museum benefit.

Normally, we love museums.

In fact, we were thinking

of seeing the Van Gogh
exhibit this week.

Um... That exhibit left
a year ago.

Oh. Heh.

Well, at least you
can be confident

your mother's not
addicted to sedatives.

Hey, she didn't ask

to be invited
to that stupid fund-raiser.

My mother was just
trying to be nice.

A lot of people like
going to those things.

Sure, helping the little people

while avoiding contact
with them at all cost.

Um, is something wrong?

No.

Come on. I had to beg
you to come out tonight

and then the first thing you
do is jump down my throat.

What's going on?

I don't know.

It's the museum and the
country club and your family.

You know, your whole
elitist world.

It's not elitist, and
it's not my world.

Don't tell me.

Tell Aunt Mildred tomorrow

when you get
to your private island

and be sure not
to mention me to her, okay?

What?

It's obvious
you don't want me mixing

with your family

since you didn't ask me
to the fund-raiser

or the fireworks display.

Daria, I didn't invite
you to those things

because I sure as
hell didn't want to go

and I assumed you
wouldn't either, right?

Well, you still
should have asked.
You're right.

Unless you just
assumed your parents

were going to hate me.

What? What are
you talking about?

My parents think you're great.

They know you're really smart

and headed
for college and stuff.

It's not like you're Jane.

What do you mean,
not like I'm Jane?

Jane's smart.

Yeah, I know she's smart
but she could get a Ph.D.

or spend the rest
of her days painting tiles

and her parents
wouldn't care either way.

If we did that

our parents would have a fit.

So what you're saying is

Jane isn't up
to your family's standards.

God, you're a snob.

Damn it, Daria, quit trying
to pick a fight with me.

Excuse me?

You attack my mother

for inviting your parents
to the fund-raiser

then attack me for not
inviting you.

You say my family
disapproves of you.

I say they relate to
you better than Jane

and now I'm a snob.

Forgive me for being
a loyal friend.

Why don't you say what
you're really afraid of?

The idea that you might actually

start caring about someone.

'Cause that would
make you vulnerable.

Look, maybe we just jumped
into this dating stuff too fast.

Maybe we need to take a break.

A break? From what?

We haven't done anything.

Come on, Daria.

I don't believe this.

Well, I'm not going
to stand here and beg.

Fine. Nice knowing you.

Yeah. Nice knowing you.

Gee, Quinn, it's sweet of you

to take time out
from your studies

to be with the friends

you've neglected all summer.

Oh, Sandi, I just wish
I were as smart as you

so I wouldn't need a tutor.

You know, David's kind of funny.

If by "funny," you mean

"extraordinarily unpleasant"

I agree completely.

That's why I was forced
to terminate his services.

What a geek.

I know, and so... geeky.

But he said...

Yes?

Nothing.

I guess David is a little geeky

although I wouldn't be surprised

if some people
thought he was cute...

You know,
in that brainy kind of way.

Quinn, are you trying
to tell us something?

Me? Oh, no.

Of course not.

Ooh, look...
Intermediate markdowns.

Of course I did the right thing.

He is from his world,
I'm from mine.

Never would have worked.

I mean, unless
I tried or something.

Here's your book.

Um... that's not mine.

Oh, right.

I borrowed it from David.

Um... what do you think of him?

Seems like a nice guy

and he obviously has
a high threshold for pain.

Why?

No reason.

Do you think he's,
uh... cute?

Well, I suppose, in that

not-a-brain-dead-surfer
kind of way.

Yeah.

I know you may
find this hard to believe

but looks aren't everything.

Really?

See, there's this thing
called personality.

There's also liking
the same things

having a similar sense of humor

being able to have
five-minute conversations

without boring the living
hell out of each other.

Like you and Tom.

Did I mention Tom?

Well, who else would
you be talking about?

You're obviously
very compatible.

How would you know?

Daria, up until recently

dating has been
my major field of study.

Well, you've never
met his family.

You can't judge someone
by their family.

I mean, what if people
judged me by... blech!

Got to go.

That's it.

( robotically):
Must contact intelligent life.

Hey. Call.

Hello?

DARIA:
Hope you don't mind
that I called.

Daria.

How are things going?

Fine, fine, fine.

Couldn't be better.

Sucks, huh?

Only in a mind-numbingly
pretentious kind of way.

Do you think, um...

a familiar face
might cheer you up?

What do you mean?

Like floating in space
over my bed

saying my name over and
over again in a creepy voice?

Jane.

Look, I don't really feel

like any visitors right now.

It's nothing personal.

Wait.

I don't want to talk
about it, okay?

Nothing you could
say can change that.

I'll pay you.

Trent was going to drop by
on his way to a gig.

Maybe you can hitch a ride.

They can always use
an extra person to push.

Now, this is called
mouth-to-mouth regurgitation.

Ready, babe?

Ready.

Did you see how
I pinched Britt's nose

to, like, keep the air
from getting out?

I could just stick
my fingers up there

but who knows what...?

Oh, Kevvy!

Mmm.

( whistle blowing)

Peep show's over.

Everyone scram.

Hey, Romeo and Juliet.

( whistle blowing)
Ow!

You're fired.

Here you go.

It's about time.

I want a fudgy pop.

Hey, I was here first.

Shut up, you jerk.

This is dripping.

What are you doing here?

Oh, Mack, something
terrible happened.

It's okay. The sun
isn't really gone.

It's just hiding
behind the clouds.

No! We got fired.

Trent

does it ever bother you
that the speedometer

is stuck at ten miles per hour?

Hmm. Ten. That reminds me.

Time for dinner.

Just for the record...

The police generally
don't like it

when you drive
on the wrong side of the road.

Tell me about it.

No, thanks.

Um, how's Jane been doing?

Oh. Okay.

I haven't talked
to her much this summer.

Well, you know. The Tom thing.

Look, we...

Hey, Janie knows you guys
didn't mean to hurt her.

She'll come around. Trust me.

Yeah. Thanks, Trent.

♪ Betrayal, yeah,
a stab in the back ♪

♪ Betrayal, yeah, I'm
stretched on the rack ♪

♪ Betrayal, yeah,
thrown out of the... ♪

♪ Thrown out of the... ♪

Pack.

♪ Thrown out
of the pack ♪

♪ Betrayal...
betrayal... yeah ♪

♪ Betrayal...
betrayal... ♪

♪ Betrayal, yeah... ♪

And that's how Randolph Hearst's

yellow journalism
helped get the U.S.

into the American-Spanish War.

Close enou...

The Spanish-American War.

You know, I had
my doubts at first...

Serious doubts...
but you've come
a long way, Quinn.

You should be very
proud of yourself.

Thanks.

Um... are you proud of me?

Of course, and I want you
to drop me a line at school

and let me know
how you're doing in class.

David.

Yes?

Um...

I like you.

I like you, too.

No, I mean I "like" like you.

Oh, look.

I mean, I never thought

I could really
"like" like someone

who wasn't, you know,
really cute.

Not that you're uncute

but you know what I mean.

You don't try to be cute.

Not that I would ever try
to make you try to be cute.

Right.

Well, we can probably get in

at least two dates
before you go off to college.

Look, Quinn,
it's very flattering

and you're a really nice kid,
but you're not my type.

But I already told you

I don't care what you look like.

Quinn, look, when I go out

it has to be
with someone who has...

How can I put this?

A certain amount
of... depth.

But I know stuff now.

Yes...

but why did you want
to know stuff?

So you'd be able
to get into a party school.

Talk about a lack
of self-esteem.

I have tons of self-esteem.

I esteem myself
more than anybody.

When it comes to appearance

but not in any areas that count.

Look at the losers
you hang out with.

No chance of feeling
stupid around them.

Losers?

But the whole reason I even
thought of getting tutored

was I knew I could do better
on the P-STATS than them.

Than they, and I'm
glad to hear that.

It means you're starting
to understand your potential.

So...?

Quinn...

you and I are in
two different places

way too far apart to go out.

You'd hate it, believe me

but it's a real big compliment.

Keep studying and good luck.

Yeah.

Good luck.

TRENT:
♪ Betrayal, yeah,
you ruined my life ♪

♪ Betrayal, yeah, you're
twisting the knife ♪

Trent.
Huh?

That's not helping.

Oh. Sorry. Um, you
know how it is.

Inspiration.

We'd better not disturb them.

You got to wake
Jesse up just right

or he gets all disoriented.

How can you tell?

( laughing, coughing)

You're funny, Daria.

Anyway, don't go crazy
over this Tom stuff.

Even Janie said
you make a good couple.

You mean "made."

We're not going out anymore.

Really? Why?

A lot of stuff.

Mainly, I got wierded
out by his family.

But you weren't dating them.

Some day the curators
will look back on these

and say they're from my
"Art Colonies Suck" period.

Curators?

Criminologists?

You know, when it comes to art

you and Link have
a lot in common.

I'd introduce you

if he didn't loathe
every fiber of my being.

The Link situation
really bothers you, huh?

Serves me right for breaking

my cardinal rule and trying

to reach out to a lost soul.

Any kid who looks to you
for nurturing

is more than just lost.

Gee, thanks.

Hey, I call 'em like I see 'em.

This soup bites.

Then don't have a fourth bowl.

Mack! I'm going
to take five.

These are for you.

Aw, that's sweet.

I've missed you so much.

Wow. I got to buy you
flowers more often.

Anyway, I got them to celebrate.

I quit my job yesterday.

Oh, Mack. Summer's
not even over

and it was such a piece of cake.

Piece of cake?

Working in a dirty,
cramped truck all day

for minimum wage?

What would you know about it

with your glamour jobs
and your golf lessons?

What's the matter with you?

I'm on your side, remember?

I'm sorry.
It's just...

Wearing that white suit

serving those little brats.

I felt like some kind

of house slave
in Gone With the Wind.

It's just not how I thought

the summer would go.

Hey, you're no house slave.

You owed your father some money.

You were doing
the stand-up thing

in trying to pay him back.

No big deal.

You'll find another way.

I paid him back a week ago.

Oh. So, how come
you didn't quit then?

I wanted to make
a little more money

so I could take you out
for dinner at Chez Pierre.

Oh, Mack, that place
is so expensive.

I can afford it, for once.

I don't need Chez Pierre

when I have a guy like you.

Wait a minute.

Who's driving the truck?

That'll be $1.60.

Babe, how much change
do I give back?

Um, let's see...

$1.60 minus five
is $4.40.

But I gave you a five.

Right. $5.40.

I'll have a snow cone
and a Popsicle.

Let's see, that's
a ten, so I owe you...

$12.20.

Right.

I want an ice cream!
My turn!

I said I want an ice cream!

Come on!

The guys here are a lot
better-looking in person

than on their wanted posters.

Now I understand why people
go to the bathroom in groups.

Don't worry.

I promise not to meet
a new boyfriend

and leave you alone
between sets.

I've learned my lesson.

Okay.

Speaking of Tom,
I guess you heard we broke up.

I don't read
the papers, remember?

I thought Trent might
have said something.

Nope.

Questions? Comments?

Please tell me you're not
trying to get my sympathy

after blowing me off
for my now ex-boyfriend.

You mean he blew you off for me

although if you recall,
that's not the way it happened.

No, I meant
you blew me off for him.

You wanted to go out with him

regardless of what it did
to our friendship.

Hey, you stopped talking to me,
remember?

After you broke up with him

and said you didn't care
if I dated him.

And you believed me?

I'm confused.

What are we fighting about here?

We're fighting about you,
Daria Morgendorffer

being dumb enough to think
a boyfriend

is worth screwing up
a really good friendship for.

A really important friendship.

I'm sorry if I did that.

Um, I really missed you
this summer.

Well, I really missed you, too

only don't ask me to sleep over.

Huh?

Nothing.
Oh, hey, Trent.

I meant to tell you.

You guys have a gig tonight.

You better start soon,
or you'll miss your next break.

Unless you take
your next break now.

In which case
you better take it on stage.

They'll never think of
looking for you there.

And while you're up there,
maybe you could play something.

Oh, wait, that's what they're
paying you for, never mind.

You guys are weird.

So what'd you miss
most about me?

It was my joie
de vivre, wasn't it?

If you really want to know,
it was your damn aura.

Wow, you did spend the summer
with Mr. O'Neill.

I mean your aura of confidence.

I drifted through summer in
a perpetual identity crisis

questioning everything
I said and did.

That's funny, 'cause I...

And I kept thinking about you
up here doing your paintings

making your jokes,
being Jane Lane.

Being Jane Lane's
what I do best.

Precisely.

You know exactly who you are

and nobody's ever
going to con you
into thinking you don't.

I wish I'd had you around
just as a role model.

You know, you're
absolutely right about me.

Gee, shall I attempt further
heights of ego inflation?

Please do.

Hey, we're Mystik Spiral

and this one's for
Daria and Jane.

I hope it's not
"You Are So Beautiful."

Oh, please, make it
"Close to You."

♪ When the aliens come ♪

♪ When the death rays hum ♪

♪ When the bummers bum ♪

♪ We'll still be
freakin' friends ♪

♪ When the whip comes down ♪

♪ When they nuke the town ♪

♪ When dead clowns can't clown ♪

♪ We'll still be
freakin' friends ♪

♪ Freakin' friends,
freakin' friends ♪

♪ Till we come to bad ends
we're freakin' friends ♪

♪ Freakin' friends,
freakin' friends ♪

♪ Till we come to bad ends
we're freakin' friends ♪

♪ Freakin' friends,
freakin' friends... ♪

I just couldn't get past
all that upper-crustiness.

I felt like the poor cousin
in a Henry James novel.

You know, someone
to be tolerated

until she gets run over
by a horse and buggy.

Yeah, the Sloanes
definitely come from
the land of the Muffys

but it's not like
they're jerks or anything.

I just ignored the money
and concentrated

on the incredibly well-stocked
refrigerator.

Yeah. Look, why don't you
just come back with us?

I don't know.

Some kind of dumb-ass notion

about seeing this
through, I guess.

Anyway, it's just
another two weeks

and then we'll be
back at school.

Wait, what's my point?

That life sucks no matter what

so don't be fooled
by location changes.

You really should
write fortune cookies.

Call me when you get back.

All right, freakin' friend.

Um, I don't believe
I'm about to say this

but you should give Tom
another shot.

He's not a bad guy, and
you could use the recreation.

Um, what about the whole

"You stabbed me in the back
how could you" thing?

I think I actually am over that

as opposed to when
I said I was over it

but was really still under it.

Yeah, right.

Seriously, give it some thought
on the way back.

I don't think so.

Or converse with the band.

The choice is yours.

No, those sandals don't
make your toes look fat.

So David was right.

I am superficial.

At least you know
your strengths.

He really called you that?

He said he only
dates girls with depth.

How'd it even come up?

Oh, boy, you asked him out?

( sobbing)

Quinn, you're, um, not
as superficial as you act.

I'm sure you just
feel obliged to stress

the moronic aspects
of your personality

so you'll fit in better
with the fashion drones

like a mask you wear

'cause you think
they wouldn't like the real you.

You mean, sort
of the way you
keep people away

by being really
unfriendly and stuff?

Hey, we're talking
about you here.

You really like that guy, huh?

Well, he certainly wasn't
what we intellectuals call

a totally buff hottie,
so if you saw past his looks

you can't be completely shallow.

Thanks, Daria.

Damn it, I even told
him I liked him.

I never do that.

Quinn, sometimes
you reach out to someone

and all you get back
is a slap in the face.

Then why even bother?

I guess because, um...

You got to give people a chance.

Otherwise, there's no point

to the whole
"being human" routine.

Why? David didn't
give me a chance.

Sure he did.

Wasn't he going to quit

before you begged him not to?

Yeah, so?

So you learned
a whole bunch of stuff

and found out you don't have to
be a dummy if you don't want to

because he gave you a chance.

Quinn, I...

Okay, thanks for
lending this to me.

"A Journal of
the Plague Year."

Sounds fun!

"Give people a chance."

Sounds like good advice.

That crap?

Oh, Daria.

Here, this came for you.

And I guess I'll go see
how Quinn is doing.

Ugh, this heat is making
my lip gloss all runny.

Tell me about it.

It's so hot we can't even
wear our new fall clothes.

They should really start
school in November.

I know.

MS. LI: ( over intercom)
Welcome back, students

and remember,
the school nurse is in

and ready to take
your voluntary urine sample.

Show your Lawndale High spirit
with the gift of urine.

ALL:
Ewww!

All right, which of you
promising young people

would like to share your
definition of Manifest Destiny?

Ms. Morgendorffer,
did you want something?

Manifest Destiny
was a phrase politicians used

to say that God wanted
the U.S. to keep expanding west

all the way to the Pacific Ocean

because why bother
owning the country

if Hollywood wasn't included?

Quinn, that's very good!

Thank you for making my day
rewarding.

( quiet talking)

Gee, Quinn

I hope that little foray of
yours into geekland just now

is the result of heat exhaustion

and not an unpleasant side
effect of all that tutoring.

I mean, you're not
turning into a brain, are you?

Sandi, just because someone
can answer a simple question

doesn't mean
they're a pedagogue.

So, I guess I got through
to Link after all

and all it cost me was a
generous period of self-doubt

followed by a bracing
stint of self-hatred.

See, not every human
is a manipulative,
opportunistic lech.

Or at least that's
what I'm told.

You didn't make any friends
at that art colony, did you?

No. Well, except
this one girl...

Until she got fresh.

You're not kidding.

As much as I'd like to gain

your sour perspective
on the whole sordid incident

it's going to have to wait.

I think someone's
looking for you.

Whoa.

Nice car. Where's Jeeves?

I killed him for his uniform.

How are you doing?

I'm okay.

She's pretty okay, too.

Yeah, I know that.

Hey, Daria.
Hey.

You want to go for a ride?

Actually, we were just...

Saying good-bye.

I'll call you later.

DARIA:
Thanks for the lift.

Um, I guess I should be going.

Just hear me out, okay?

Sure.

There's nothing I can do about

the club, my family...
The whole thing...

And yes, I can see
where all of that

could make you uncomfortable.

Thank you.

But would you also agree
that maybe I was right

when I said this dating stuff
is new to you

and you're afraid of
getting hurt

and maybe you were
looking for an out

before you got too pulled in?

Daria?

Maybe some of that's true.

Well, here's the deal.

I want to start
seeing you again.

We can take it slow

but you've got to
at least try to trust me.

I really like you, Daria

but I don't want
to waste any more time

if you're not going
to give it a chance.

Please?

( mumbling)

Daria.

I want to try again, too.

Don't say any more.

I hate it when
you get all mushy.

Yeah, I don't like it, either.

Okay, then, I'm glad.

See you.

Oh, Jakey, do you realize

what a momentous summer
our girls have had?

Quinn learned she's smarter
than she thought

and Daria has
her first boyfriend.

It's summer already?

Jake.

You made a joke, didn't you?

Yep!

Old Jake was joking!

I like a man with
a sense of humor.

Why did the chicken
cross the road?

I don't know.

Well, you're about to find out!

No!

( laughter)

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