All language subtitles for Birches (2019)

I'd like to get away from Arthur

and then come back to it and begin over

Earth, the right place for love.

I don't know where it's likely to go better.

I'd like to go by climbing a birch tree

and climbing black branches of a Snow White trunk

towards heaven

till the tree could bear no more, but dip its top and set me down again.

That would be good both going and coming back.

One could do worse than to be a swinger virtuous.

Gonna get

for all the hard work you put in over the years as

my literary agent

however I regret to inform you that I will no longer be needing your
services

as I will be retiring

thank you for your understanding

Ormus regards

I still get nervous

Oh the cover turned out nice

now are you right

you're right.

Does make it look like I'm trying hard doesn't

told you so why A bomber jacket

we have a book

How are we going to fix that?

Keith What are you doing here?

What do you think I would do when I got your email

got the first plane out of Nashville

David you can just quit

this is what you do.

It's more than that. It's who you are.

I'm not gonna I'm not gonna drill myself around

like some bereavement sideshow, I'm not going

to that won't happen. But listen,

if you need to take six months, even a year,

just take some time and back away.

I think if you do that and pray about it,

something will come to you

how often do you

people recycle their tragedies

just to offer him backup as ministries

Jessica is gone

ask yourself this.

What are you going to do with the rest of your life?

Got convention next week.

we already committed we're under contract.

Honor that contract.

That point you can decide what you want to do?

Hello, David,

Angela,

what do you what are you doing here?

Making sure you're still eating

it's bit chilly.

Out here just standing around.

Like to come in for tea

how's your group?

Peter, Mike, Jenny. And Graham.

Graham. You still stay in touch with them?

Yeah. That's partly why I'm here.

Jessica wrote to me.

She wanted me to do something for her for you.

She asked me to get the old church youth group back together again.

help you reconnect.

I've got a place in the country. I've turned into a bed and breakfast.

I thought we could all come together there have a bit of a retreat.

Angela, I don't I don't

think I'm ready to be around people. Yet.

She also gave me something that she wanted to give to you.

What? She

asked me not to tell you or give it to you and till after we've come
together

because this does not sound like Jessica at all.

That's what she requested.

Well, I think if you have something for me, you should go ahead and give it
to me.

I'm just following her instructions. David.

Angela it doesn't belong to you. It belongs to me.

You know I can imagine coming together with old friends

is the very last thing you want to do right now

but please think about it

if you can't do it for yourself do it for Jessica

wait slowly oh god David keep at it

No it's awfully cute though

anyway

I thought you knew

come on

I think we're lost

we should

in a tree used to do when we were kids

it's not just for the romantic side

I'd like to go by climbing a birch tree

and climb black branches under Snow White

I love you why don't you climb a birch tree for me.

I ruin a perfectly good 10 Knife cover our niches?

Jessica

Hello

hello

Angela?

Let me help you with that?

Probably one bottle Angela.

I hope you're not rationed the alcohol this weekend.

You haven't changed much have you Mike? Oh,

it's fine. Peter just made an attempt at humor that's all

we wait to open it until they get it nonsense

we shouldn't have to suffer because of the Yanks tardiness Should we

stop it? Mike.

Shall I do the honors?

Just say to him

What do you say to someone who's just

just offer your condolences like any well meaning human would

follow my lead if you need to.

Do you ever wonder what it's like?

That what's like you know?

If you finally everything you've known just all of a sudden gone

I prefer not to think of such things

David I'm so glad you decided to come

take your stuff coming up

think who's here? Hey.

Give us a hug old chap. A my son. I'm sorry. I didn't make it to the
funeral.

I hadn't heard until Angela call me. It's fine.

No, I feel terrible. I should have been there.

It's quite alright. Well, Ben

Graham. Hello, David.

Nice to see you as well Adrian David.

I well. I was sorry for your loss. Yes, truly,

thank you. Thank you Jenny

we're all really glad you came

and it's good to see everyone

please thank you okay project David I would

cheers

must cost a fortune to run this place. Angela

yeah, if I had more cash, I'd make the living areas more livable,

and get the really old interesting bits in some sort of state where people
can come see them properly.

So the foundations are Roman in origin.

And above us it sucks and Paul was erected

for you to be replaced by Norman house in the late 11th century.

What's your film history more interesting.

By the time the 17th century was underway,

the normal building had been largely demolished and replaced

most of the existing things

I don't like it up here

Oh. Is this related to the Bordeaux?

Yes, it is. I was saving it for a special occasion.

Well, I would say this just a special occasion.

I didn't mean it like that. Sorry, David. Yes it's okay,

Mike, I knew what you meant.

I was saving it for my 20th wedding anniversary, which is

let's drink it. Brilliant Right. Let's finish up the farm.

And this is the man of the house. Now that my husband's left me,

up here we've got six bedrooms including two oak paneled bed chambers.

And this is our priest hole,

which was a sort of secret cupboard where few ship priests used to hide

none of the poor Catholics are claustrophobic like me.

claustrophobic scale of one to 10 Where does this come grade eleven?

This will be your own David is that alright?

What are the members of your paying public aren't scheduled to come
strolling through here tomorrow morning?

Think I would prefer the ghost instead?

It's no visitors this weekend? Cannot speak for the ghosts though.

Good luck, David. Now, this little bottle is not going to drink itself.

Have you always been claustrophobic? Yeah.

Do you remember? You locked me in a cupboard?

at that hospital? therapist since

I can't help it. I'm sorry if it's always your party, but

I can't help feeling the way I do.

And the way you feel is what exactly

what it isn't anything. Exactly.

Nothing's exactly anything, is it?

Well, not in my world anyway. Or perhaps you all live in a different world

to the one I had to get up with a grab with every morning.

You know, I think I know your trouble. Mike.

Your problem is you've never really recovered from the shock of finding

that nobody objects to wearing skinny jeans anymore.

All right, all right. You can always have a laugh at my expense,

It will not change anything. And for everyone's information.

I don't go to church anymore.

I haven't been in years.

I want to go back to what you were saying Mike,

about the way you feel.

The way I feel the way I feel.

Being here with all of you right now.

Is very very disappointed.

I don't know what to say to that mike.

I don't mean I'm disappointed with you Jenny

or anyone else around this table for that matter.

Well then we don't follow.

I'm disappointed with God Of course.

Oh wasting no time how we might straight in with the heavy stuff.

You can't be disappointed with God. Cannot

God is perfect scripture.

Don't give me the Scripture.

If everything came down to Scripture, the Pharisees would win.

Well, he's not wrong there.

All right, David, I'm fine.

This should be the last.

The only help thank you I actually like doing this.

This something that you can see results in my line of work,

you don't really see much of that. But you impact

people. How do you measure that?

Well, I've read all your books.

And they're inspiring to me. Now, as you were back in our youth group.

We've always had a way with words.

Really feeling was very inspiring.

giving it all up

what are you doing please

do join us

not only is this weekend, what Jessica wanted,

but it gives us a chance to all reconnect to go back.

And I'm so thankful for that means so much to me. And

to Jessica, that all of you came.

And I I'd like to ask for everyone to make a commitment

to be as open and vulnerable as possible.

I thought we could begin by filling each other in on

what's going on in our lives at the moment.

But I, I'd love to get to the point where we can be, you know, really
authentic.

So Well, I suppose I can start.

I'm on my own here. Now. Obviously,

trying to keep the business going with a little bit of paid help after my
husband and I separated.

Your husband was an idiot.

Thank you, Mike. Right. Okay.

I've been married and divorced twice.

I do a little bit of this. And I do a little bit of that.

Mostly connected with the automobile industry.

I came here because Angela is single again.

And I wanted to see if she was still as attractive she was

when we were back in secondary school.

Apologies.

You want the truth? I came here.

This weekend will be free booze.

Mike, please. What's your problem? Seriously?

All right. I came here.

Because I wanted to see you lot again.

Well, I've still single, I've been married,

and I've been another serious boyfriend to speak of.

You can do it. I live in Northampton.

I work for an international aid agency in Milton Keynes.

And I came here because

I really wanted to catch up with old friends.

Well, these days I sell hats cases and umbrellas from a small shop in
Harrogate.

And I came here, hoping that God

would find the opportunity to do something important.

Peter Grange, still solid as a block of concrete

hasn't changed a bit. And to think

I always used to use you as a sort of, I don't know, reassurance or his

mike.

What do you mean by reassurance?

Well, he was a reassurance I suppose. Well.

Let's just say he was one of the ones who are always so sure

about everything.

I agree. I always envied that about your pizza,

the way that you could see such deep matters in absolutes,

then move forward as if the thought the the idea the issue need never be
addressed again.

Half the time I can hardly pick up my morning wardrobe

without being unsure whether it's the right look for the day.

That's probably why my wife insists she choose for me.

I'll come on everyone. You know what I'm talking about.

You go to the services on Wednesday and Sunday.

You sing the choruses. You listen to what everyone else says about God
speaking to them.

Then you say a few things yourself

in the right sort of language to show you're a fully fledged member of the
club

Well the truth is I've never experienced or felt the right things up to now

because other people like Peter here have got the right confidence and
faith to keep us all going

I used to say to myself one day things are gonna happen to me

and when they do I'll be just like old Peter here

and everything will be all right

what is that it's nothing it's the wind it gets behind our barndoor

smashes it against the wall. David

you give me a hand Yes, of course

David, can you pull this door shot?

Yeah

I've replaced these hinges once already.

Was we are going to fix it up please like this.

You have no idea cannot be easy doing it alone.

Oh, thanks for reminding me David.

You know I didn't mean it that way.

I can secure this from the inside. I can do that for you

happy to do it on my own

Okay, yeah. You go down to the cellar and get us another bottle of red.

Yeah, sure.

And don't pull any wedding party miracle

Mike's had enough already, so just get follow the cheap stuff.

I just got filled up with a thought of

what I always thought faith would be like someday

we're beginning to think one of the ghosts had gotten you

to yourself a broke one. and I cleaned it up.

Don't worry, it wasn't a board.

Problem. You said, I haven't changed at all.

In fact, you said something about me

being a solid block of concrete.

Oh, looks like I'm in trouble, folks.

Let's talk about you for a moment Shall we mike?

If I haven't changed then neither of you.

Not one tiny little scrap as far as I can see.

Now hold on just seem to think you're the only person here who's ready and
willing

to grapple with their deep dark issues and

in the process favorites all by doing the whole performance in CinemaScope.

You spent a lot of time feeling sorry for yourself when I knew then

and you're doing exactly the same thing. Now.

I didn't realize this weekend was designed to be a forum for personal
abuse.

You seem to think personal abuse is absolutely fine

when you're dishing it out to other people.

I hardly think you can acquite what I think, yes,

yes. You tried to take control of everybody

with your juvenile designer moods. Even then

and unbelievably you're still trying to do the same thing tonight.

How tell dare you tell me what I can or can't think

that time was long gone.

I think we jumped into this way too fast. Sorry.

Do you really think that you're soaking

is going to pressure God into doing exactly what you want?

Without any effort on your part?

Isn't that right, David? No, I think we should call it a night.

I mean, no wonder you learned so easily from tears to laughter just now,

as far as you're concerned, that one's just as meaningless as the other.

I wonder how long it took you to put that little speech together?

Did you work it out in the car on the way down?

Or is it the set piece that you come out with

every time that you start worrying

that nobody's taking enough notice of your pizza?

That's enough pizza

Amazing how these things get stored up for years

sorry. I was being honest.

If God really cared about me, he wouldn't be making me wait my whole life
the clouds apart

so I can see him and know that he's real.

Mike, sometimes the clouds never Park

and sometimes they pardon the clothes back up again and just

I'm sorry just like you I'm waiting for the class to party.

I really appreciate what you're trying to do here.

But I think it's best for everyone if you just

just give me what my wife left me so I can go.

Sorry, David. I can't do that.

As well. I didn't come here this weekend.

To reconnect with everyone.

I came here to get what is mine. So please.

Jessica was my friend.

I made her a promise and I'm gonna keep it.

She may have been your friend. She was my wife. You have no

right David. Jessica wanted you here this weekend.

And if you want what she left for you

you've got to stay

You sure you don't want to come in the car?

No, I could use the fresh air. You take the footpath down there.

And then the Royal Oak Pub is just here on the edge of Stockhill.

It's pretty straightforward.

Actually, Angela, I think I'd like to walk too

you Sure. It's quite a way Yeah I can manage.

Okay, see you there. Thanks.

David Can I join you?

Sure, Jenny.

So are you going to tell me or any of us about Jessica.

When did you come so direct?

And I guess I've grown more confident with age.

I guess you have.

Do you remember years ago at church?

I'd be volunteering to help all the time.

Yeah, I think I remember that.

Well, whenever you volunteered to do anything I'd

shoot up my hand and volunteer to do it with you.

When we were young, I used to fun see you so much that it hurt.

I had this terrible crush on you

no, what am I saying? I was in love with you David.

I loved everything about you even your stupid little American accent

No, no, no, please don't Don't say something corny.

I'm not asking for sympathy. Or reassurance

Why does it always get called a crush?

When someone whose plain
falls for the good looking heavily in demand stars

that they're obviously never gonna get in a million years?

It's just not fair. Is it?

I guess not.

I'll never be your type

who is your type? Angela

Jessica

Jessica is mytype she will always be my type

I'm sorry you've lost something I've never had

you made it

like we've had a table big enough to fit all of us in a place like this

luck this forward thinking lady booked in advance

there's the easy thing well what's our thinks

that's dealing with what's gonna be different.

I'm gonna go help mine. That was a walk.

beautiful landscape.

What you got last to cut time

recovering from last night.

I can't put myself that when you Jesus delivered His Sermon on the Mount.

He never said bless it are the annoying gets.

Peter did a stupid thing. But I thought the way you controlled yourself was

very impressive.

Well, of course, at the end of the day,

your problem David mile maintenance. You can't afford to put a foot wrong
can you.

What I mean is purely on a commercial basis.

Public sin would be a very bad career move for you, wouldn't it?

I guess the invitations would dry up pretty quick.

If you were smashed off your face and

had to be peeled off the pavement by a couple of coppers in Leicester
Square.

Am I right?

Did you say your Jesus a second ago.

So isn't faith important to you anymore?

I mean, from what you were saying last night,

I would have said it's very important to you.

I guess what Peter said last night wasn't far off the mark.

I was half cut and just looking for a spot of attention.

No real harm in that is there. I'll get these

order a steak for me and don't forget the pepper sauce.

On the side. Not on the steak.

Now that is important.

Don't just go to swing for a bursary.

Oh no, you're never gonna make that.

Oh do you need a hand? Maybe?

I got it. Wow. Well done.

And the old man still has it

seriously helped me. Yeah, no, come on. I'll catch you.

What Are you reading

Robert Frost. Two roads diverged in a wood and I took the one less traveled
by

that's the difference between you and me.

You managed to take two of the very best roads I can possibly imagine.

You turned into a famous writer and speaker

and you married Jessica

think of that you were the most important person in her life for 1000s and
1000s of days

I'm glad you were happy and

so sorry about Jessica

you went down both roads and you lost ever so much

you are given ever so much to lose David

Graham your wife and kids

cherish them

get on with it

Come on

David. Come join us you can go slip

I'm sorry go what.

Stand there when the ball comes off the edge of his back get ready to catch
it okay

back a bit David. Just said

David, you fancy getting in on this.

On what or Angela can get peter out

if you lose the bet. You buy the Chinese dinner tonight. Okay.

Hang on a second.

What did you just see?

I mean, who's your money on?

Oh, Peter. Of course. He's ruthless.

fancies himself as a semi pro cricketer. No,

hang on a second. I am not at all comfortable with gambling.

What about you Jen? Go power.

I'm on Angela too No

no no. Stop the game.

I'm not happy with this

not out not out. I stopped the game but it wasn't it is not out.

Oh come on Pete Be a sport about it. What do you mean bear sport

about it it is not out

I will buy Chinese? It's okay.

Some of the by the dinner. That's hardly gambling. Well, I

didn't expect you to respect my values. That's typical of you.

Oh, come off. It's a company we just did that.

That's not cricket. I'm gonna knock your block off

i have to see you want

both of you. Honestly.

That's it. I'm taking my bat.

And I'm not playing anymore.

Like children.

Hey, don't forget to get the Chinese.

Can I have extra sweet and sour sauce Graham

Did you remember to pick up extra sweet and sour sauce?

I didn't realize you had a cheeky bone in your body Graham.

Dear Lord bless this food for which Mike and Pete have provided

on account of peach lack of skill and my inferior wrestling techniques,

I thank you. Amen. Amen.

Well, I don't actually believe in ghosts, of course.

And I think we'd be most unwise to have anything to do with them.

Oh, come on, Peter. You can take a little 10 minute holiday from not
believing in them.

I fancy some entertainment.

Yeah, I'd love some to.

Yeah. Okay.

So the previous owners of this place the Pattersons

had a daughter called Emily. She was about seven years old at the time.

bright, happy, intelligent little girl.

One day, she came home from school all excited because she got part in the
school play.

And she asked her nanny Doris to come into her room with her while she got
changed

so she could tell her all about it.

So the two of them climb the back stairs.

That staircase that leaves past your room David.

Emily was in front scampering up like Little Rabbit

when all of a sudden, she stopped dead.

Something caught her eye now on the landing above David's room.

What was it the attic door wide

so the partisans always kept the attic door locked shut.

Nobody ever went in there except Mr. Patterson, and he was away

excellent evil doings in the haunted house on the hill.

Doris was also quite surprised to see the attic door wide open.

But assuming there was some explanation for it,

she took Emily into the bedroom and

listen for a few minutes while Emily chatted about her day

Doris was just beginning to think they ought to be joining Mrs. Patterson
downstairs in the kitchen

when she and Emily heard Mrs. Patterson's voice calling

fatally audibly.

From the landing at the top of the stairs.

Do you have to go up and see what Mommy found in the lock?

Let me let me go home today.

Doris, would you please let me know Dinner will be ready in five minutes.

Dogs grabbed me. Before the arm of someone or something pulled her up into
the attic.

She bundled her downstairs past her bewildered mother

and sat on the sofa.

So what did they find when they went back upstairs?

Mr. Patterson arrived just after that.

And after hearing what happened he grabbed his golf club

and went upstairs to take a look.

He found the attic door completely closed and locked shut.

So he took his key. Unlock the door and carefully climbed in

to see who or what was inside

Did you find it

nothing. Nothing unusual or out of place.

From then on, Emily slept in her parents bedroom,

whatever it was that was in the attic.

It had appeared once it could appear again.

So they put the house up for sale.

And on the day they finally moved.

They were driving down the lane into the village in their car.

When out of nowhere, a Landrover slammed right into them

hitting the back door buckling it into within inches of Emily's face.

Oh my goodness,

you know, I think

goes to a little bit like dogs.

Because

because I have the distinct feeling that they're far less aggressive

with people who aren't scared of them.

Or maybe like dogs, they're loyal,

and they choose someone to follow to the end of their days.

I'd like to ask everyone a question.

Sure go ahead.

I'd like to know

what everyone fears the most.

That's quite a question.

Well, what I fear most is loneliness.

I'm sure many of you will have noticed that I was head over heels in love
with David

when we were in the youth group together.

Good Lord. So as I

thank you, Michael.

well, I decided to tell him about it while we were on our walk this morning
in the hills.

I just needed needed to see

if those old feelings had completely disappeared

or not.

I'm sorry. No, no, no, it's fine. It's fine.

I just wanted to come clean.

You know?

Sometimes, God never gives us what we want.

And if I think about it too much, I get frightened by the idea of ending up
on my own.

And it's not just the physical relationship.

What I'd like is someone especially mine

have someone to share the washing up.

So when when you go home if you say your prayers

say one for me

God's grace is sufficient to help you.

I foolishly used to say a similar phrase when I was trying to comfort
people myself, Peter,

but I don't I don't think that's what the scripture means

when it talks about God's grace being sufficient for us.

I also mean, when Jesus was dying and agonizing death on the cross

he still he still had the mental focus and energy to make sure

that his mother had someone to look after her

when he would be gone was his grace sufficient for her?

To me least not in the abstract anyways.

She still needed someone in flesh and blood

to go and live with

I'm sorry, I was just trying to be helpful.

I didn't mean to sound cold

you are a beautiful person.

And you deserve someone wonderful

I suppose I was fearful that this weekend would be a waste of time

I was trying to measure its spiritual value.

But actually it's it's all about me.

You know? My faith my walk my journey.

I know what I believe.

But I don't know how to fit in.

How to be me

how to show

but you just did Peter

No, I think I'd like a drink

you're not the only one who's frightened of being lonely.

Running this house is my way of fighting back

against some of the rubbish choices I've made in my life.

Your breakup wasn't your fault.

But I chose to marry him

and I was truly happy you know?

I up to the moment that he left

is packed with memories and my best friend Rachel

sitting in the front seat holding his hand

when I drove through that gate I was still attached to him

dragged away a chunk of me that I really needed to go living

course it was my stupid fault because I

I gave it to him

I joined myself to him

now I don't know how to get that part of me back

so horrible

Yeah, I'd like I'd like to take one of those logs and smash it in his
stupid face

I'm never gonna forgive him

and that's

that's what I'm frightened of.

That I'm never gonna be able to move on

perhaps this is the first step

I don't think I have any deep fears per se but

I'm sad I can't change the person that I am.

Have tried. I can't find faith.

It's not in me. And it certainly hasn't been given to me either

it's like I'm to slowly get out when I'm with people like you

I'm terrified that there might be nothing after we die

but if none of it really means anything

I'd almost rather die and stop all the pretending

I tell my little girls at grandma's safe in heaven and they'll see her
again one day but

she isn't

sometimes

sometimes I wish my family would just go ahead and die

imagine that the telephone rings and

when I answer it they're telling me that Julian the girls have been killed
in a bad traffic accident

I don't mean they suffered. died instantly.

No pain. No being afraid just come

all under today or tomorrow to hit all stop now.

I wanted them to badly Willa.

Julie still loves me. My girls saying I'm a great dad.

But it won't last. Can't

I sound like a monster unto David.

No, Graham, you don't.

I think that you can't believe you had so much success and

the things that you thought would fail the most.

Perhaps the thing you fear the most isn't oblivion but change.

And I I understand that.

I would never have chosen what happened to my Jessica

see when you lose someone that you love so much like you love your family

and like I love my wife. It's horrible.

You can't go around it. You gotta go straight through the middle of it.

Every single day you wake up and realize it wasn't a nightmare after all.

You can leave tomorrow and go home to your family who's waiting for you?

Or you could go home to a dead and gone

well I suppose there's

two things I fear the most.

One is living without Jessica in the others living with God without Jessica

I loved her so much.

Her love for voice I loved the way she walked

her life. I loved everything about it.

You're supposed to grow old together

I still see her everywhere I go.

So I have left and I don't want to let it go.

Look at my life without Jessica beside me.

And it's lonely and silent. It's terrifying.

When she got sick we were trying to have a child

that's gone

when she died from a complication of chickenpox

a child's thing sad to see me it sounds so stupid and trivial.

Came home after she died.

I walked into the kitchen I grabbed the plate and I threw it up against the
wall

recently have the taker for me

I could not yell

I really hate God for His perfection. Someone you

can't judge for anything.

Why did him sitting there with me?

Had that table visible real

someone you could touch

he was there

God may be all powerful but even he can't be Jessica

In my darkest hours like I did feel God's nearness

but I also experienced deeply God's absence

David

come to me David

Davis he was through new screaming

just a dream

Do you want me to stay

I mean

no I think you should

probably go.

Hè David I'm really sorry about last night

Angel there's nothing to be sorry about

thanks

Shane, isn't

This is we're really getting to know each other again,

starting to relax. It's time to go home.

Do you think we'll keep in touch but

that's up to you, isn't it? No, Mike, it's

up to all of us.

Well, let me just say I think it's very brave of you to want me to speak
this morning.

I particularly enjoy a risky sermon.

And with you being on the emotional edge,

you're my perfect choice. Thank you, Mike.

I was reading this morning the New Testament where Jesus says we shouldn't
cast our pearls before swine.

And I asked myself, What pearls what swine.

Graham, would you mind reading something?

Sure.

Pearls are formed by oysters as a reaction against an irritant,

usually a piece of sand or grit getting into the soft tissues.

bluish gray layers formed around the unwanted invader.

And the final product of all these repeated equations is a hard translucent
gem

that's regarded as a thing of great beauty

and high monetary value.

pearls of valuable things

and what you get when God transfigures things that could have become very
ugly.

Yeah I guess most of these irritants or whatever you want to call them go
back to our childhood.

And as you know their effects can be timeless.

I think something very similar has happened in my own life and yours.

There have been hardships and weaknesses

that have almost ruined parts of my life.

And I've talked to people in the past about giving up on life

until my Jessica died I didn't really understand what they were talking
about.

Everyday going through that pain is a terrible thing.

I'm dreading going home enough to bed tonight

to a half empty room and had to make the decision

whether I should turn her bedside light on or not

t's going to be tough but I think I've come to the understanding

that I can't sort it out by myself

we were God's pearls as a symbol of our vulnerability

and perhaps as pictures of the way God can make something beautiful

out of our weaknesses

we all have our ghost only

but I think we should greatly value the way in which God can form

a pearl of protection around each of these irritants

Yeah, I think there's some prayers that can't be answered

but I think there's one part of that can be answered

and that is I should survive this hell on earth that I'm walking through

and somehow become useful to others again.

This is Jessica

Thank you.

My dearest, darling David

I do hope you found a really nice place to sit and read my last letter to
you.

I think if things had happened the other way around,

I would probably have chosen somewhere outdoors.

And it could rain if it wanted to. I wouldn't mind.

I'd love to be in the rain one more time.

I wish with all my heart, I could be with you properly, David.

But it's only just thinking of the last couple of hours,

that we won't be together for very much longer.

And so I wanted to find a way to be with you just once more after I've
gone.

If it's allowed, you knows what's allowed.

I'm gonna come as close to you as I can.

It isn't dying. I mind so much.

I'm a little bit afraid of how much it might hurt. But

I'm pretty sure. I actually do believe all the things we said we believed,
every Sunday.

And all the other times. By the time you take this letter out of its
envelope,

I shall be with Jesus.

Wondering how we could all have been so dense,

and seeing some amazing, beautiful things.

But we will be together later on. It's a promise,

not mine. I know you only two well,

he won't have a clue about what to do with all the hurt and loneliness
that's washing around inside you.

I want to thank you very much for our marriage

has not been Is there a word in fact that captures these wonderful past
years.

We've had lots of fun in lots of different ways,

a few problems and a few end of the world fights.

But nothing that culminated in the rapture.

That's supposed to be a joke, by the way, in case you didn't get it.

David, be sad about the immediate future if you like

not about the past, we may not have made our 20th anniversary.

But the years we had good, good rich ones.

I'd like you to know that it was a pleasure and a privilege to spend them
with you.

The worst part of me the bad Jessica wants you to love me.

And think about me and want me in grief and me

and not even notice any other woman for the rest of your life until the day
you die.

And join Me in Heaven. And I can start nagging you all over again.

But the best Jessica, the good. Jessica doesn't want that.

I know you're going to be very unhappy, just as I would have been if you
died

but you won't be sad forever sweetheart.

One morning, you're going to wake up and feel a bit guilty and troubled

because the pain isn't quite as bad as it was before.

And that would be the first stage of being somewhere near alright again.

And after that, well, I have to grit my teeth and say that

as you'd be absolutely useless at being on your own.

I want you to find someone else one day

I mean that as well. You'll have my blessing and my love.

And let me tell you that she will be a very lucky lady indeed.

You will tell her what you do to the toothpaste

in the very early stage of the relationship though, won't you?

Be angry, be sad, rage a God about losing me if you have to

keep inviting people into this mysterious and confounding message of love

that has been put in your heart to tell.

I know you've always felt inadequate

when you've been silly enough to measure yourself against your message.

But that's why people listen to you.

I'm running out of my dear friend. Husband. Lots of things.

I'd like to write love, love, love, love, love love all over a blank page.

It just looks silly. I'm so tired.

God bless you sleep well tonight.

Always remember to be a swinger of birches David.

You haven't forgotten to water my plants. Have you