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1
00:00:00,513 --> 00:00:01,579
S and ears, se�oritas.
2
00:00:01,581 --> 00:00:04,382
I'm sergeant bambino,
commanding officer
3
00:00:04,384 --> 00:00:05,984
Of this here maternal mission.
4
00:00:05,986 --> 00:00:08,252
In case you aren't
aware, fort gator
5
00:00:08,254 --> 00:00:11,522
Has the highest teen-pregnancy
rate in the nation.
6
00:00:11,524 --> 00:00:14,125
[ students cheering ] no,
stop. That's a bad thing.
7
00:00:14,127 --> 00:00:16,394
Therefore, this
mother's day weekend,
8
00:00:16,396 --> 00:00:19,129
Your good friends
in the u.S. Military
9
00:00:19,131 --> 00:00:20,798
Will run an advanced simulation.
10
00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:24,536
We're calling it operation:
Keep your legs closed.
11
00:00:26,539 --> 00:00:30,741
After self-impregnation,
your a.I. Real baby embryo
12
00:00:30,743 --> 00:00:35,480
Will migrate up into your womb
and expand to newborn size.
13
00:00:35,482 --> 00:00:38,683
In t-minus four to six
hours, you'll give birth,
14
00:00:38,685 --> 00:00:43,087
Then care for your baby until a
recon team comes to retrieve it.
15
00:00:43,089 --> 00:00:44,622
But it won't be easy.
16
00:00:44,624 --> 00:00:48,292
These babies' sole mission
is to get you to shake them.
17
00:00:48,294 --> 00:00:50,695
Your mission is to resist.
18
00:00:50,697 --> 00:00:51,896
Questions?!
19
00:00:51,898 --> 00:00:53,564
-Um, I don't want to do this.
20
00:00:53,566 --> 00:00:55,433
-Spoken like a
real parent. Next!
21
00:00:55,435 --> 00:00:57,836
-I've already decided
not to have kids
22
00:00:57,838 --> 00:00:59,904
For environmental reasons.
23
00:00:59,906 --> 00:01:01,840
Do I still have to participate?
24
00:01:01,842 --> 00:01:03,374
- Affirmative.
- Aw.
25
00:01:03,376 --> 00:01:05,976
-According to our research,
77% of babies born today
26
00:01:05,978 --> 00:01:08,779
Contain more plastic than
your average water bottle.
27
00:01:08,781 --> 00:01:11,782
So giving birth is a lot more
like recycling than you think.
28
00:01:11,784 --> 00:01:16,320
-But, mister, what happens
if we do shake the babies?
29
00:01:16,322 --> 00:01:19,858
-One shake... nothing. Two
shakes... also nothing.
30
00:01:19,860 --> 00:01:22,993
But three shakes and you're
out of the reproductive game.
31
00:01:22,995 --> 00:01:27,398
Your girlie eggs will be
frozen for a decade... minimum!
32
00:01:27,400 --> 00:01:28,799
[ students gasp ]
- frozen?
33
00:01:28,801 --> 00:01:30,535
Like, harvested and
preserved cryogenically?
34
00:01:30,537 --> 00:01:31,669
-No, ma'am.
35
00:01:31,671 --> 00:01:34,072
Frozen like funds
in a bank account.
36
00:01:34,074 --> 00:01:36,207
Now, I'll wait
outside the classroom
37
00:01:36,209 --> 00:01:37,942
While you insert the babies.
38
00:01:37,944 --> 00:01:39,677
But please don't swallow them,
39
00:01:39,679 --> 00:01:42,146
As they're considered
a choking hazard.
40
00:01:42,148 --> 00:01:44,815
Okay, line up and
serve your country,
41
00:01:44,817 --> 00:01:46,817
Ladies!
42
00:01:46,819 --> 00:01:48,086
[ baby cries ]
43
00:01:48,088 --> 00:01:52,823
-? I'm not as crazy
as I used to be ?
44
00:01:52,825 --> 00:01:55,693
? some of my devils
up and left me free ?
45
00:01:55,695 --> 00:01:59,564
? to find a quiet space,
I'm not as out of place ?
46
00:01:59,566 --> 00:02:03,101
? and I'm coming home again ?
47
00:02:03,103 --> 00:02:08,172
? it's been too long a time
gettin' back what's mine ?
48
00:02:08,174 --> 00:02:12,777
? and I can't remember
why I went away ?
49
00:02:12,779 --> 00:02:17,248
? but it's lookin' now
like maybe I can stay ?
50
00:02:17,250 --> 00:02:19,117
Is that any good?
51
00:02:21,187 --> 00:02:23,654
-Baba, please take me with you!
52
00:02:23,656 --> 00:02:25,856
Every year, all you
want for mother's day
53
00:02:25,858 --> 00:02:27,325
Is to be left alone.
54
00:02:27,327 --> 00:02:29,460
But this year, I want to
do something together.
55
00:02:29,462 --> 00:02:31,061
How about a couple's massage?
56
00:02:31,063 --> 00:02:32,997
Or a mother-son tantric brunch.
57
00:02:32,999 --> 00:02:34,799
It's less sexual than it sounds.
58
00:02:34,801 --> 00:02:36,066
-No, peter.
59
00:02:36,068 --> 00:02:38,603
Old country way is mothers
spend mother's day weekend
60
00:02:38,605 --> 00:02:41,472
Alone in forest, trapping
and killing bear.
61
00:02:41,474 --> 00:02:43,007
That best gift.
62
00:02:43,009 --> 00:02:46,144
-Well, I'm making annie take
me to the mama-con pub crawl
63
00:02:46,146 --> 00:02:48,212
For our first
mother's day together.
64
00:02:48,214 --> 00:02:50,815
It's like santacon
but for single moms.
65
00:02:50,817 --> 00:02:53,217
-I think I'm crowning!
66
00:02:53,219 --> 00:02:55,286
Boil some water!
67
00:02:55,288 --> 00:02:56,554
Aaaah!
68
00:02:56,556 --> 00:02:58,489
-You think giving
birth is gonna get you
69
00:02:58,491 --> 00:03:00,158
Out of taking me to mama-con?
70
00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:01,692
Well, think again.
71
00:03:01,694 --> 00:03:04,695
Being pregnant never
stopped me from drinking.
72
00:03:04,697 --> 00:03:07,632
-This isn't a real
pregnancy! Aaaah!
73
00:03:07,634 --> 00:03:10,969
I'm part of a secret
government experiment!
74
00:03:10,971 --> 00:03:12,570
Aaaah!
- That's either your shame
75
00:03:12,572 --> 00:03:14,705
Talking or my tax
dollars hard at work.
76
00:03:14,707 --> 00:03:17,708
So, yeah, win-win
for baba. Good luck.
77
00:03:17,710 --> 00:03:19,377
-You, too, baba!
78
00:03:19,379 --> 00:03:22,981
And happy mother's day!
79
00:03:22,983 --> 00:03:24,248
Little help here?
80
00:03:24,250 --> 00:03:26,250
-Sorry. I got to
deliver a surprise
81
00:03:26,252 --> 00:03:29,720
Picnic brunch to
baba in the woods.
82
00:03:29,722 --> 00:03:31,121
[ watch beeping ]
83
00:03:31,123 --> 00:03:33,324
Shh!
- Fine. I'll do it.
84
00:03:33,326 --> 00:03:34,659
The sooner you can
squeeze this thing out,
85
00:03:34,661 --> 00:03:36,194
The sooner we can mama-con.
86
00:03:36,196 --> 00:03:38,863
I did this when I was
your age, so you can, too.
87
00:03:38,865 --> 00:03:40,331
It doesn't take a genius.
88
00:03:40,333 --> 00:03:42,000
Okay, pull!
89
00:03:42,002 --> 00:03:43,468
Pull!
90
00:03:43,470 --> 00:03:44,735
Oh, oops.
91
00:03:44,737 --> 00:03:46,304
Push!
92
00:03:47,874 --> 00:03:49,073
[ coughs ]
93
00:03:49,075 --> 00:03:50,474
Oh, wet!
94
00:03:50,476 --> 00:03:51,609
Oh, get her off me.
95
00:03:51,611 --> 00:03:53,344
Ouch! It's gripping!
96
00:03:53,346 --> 00:03:54,679
-Real baby activated.
97
00:03:54,681 --> 00:03:57,548
Initiating
maternal-instinct test.
98
00:03:57,550 --> 00:04:00,018
Commence wail
mode. [ wailing ]
99
00:04:00,020 --> 00:04:02,420
-[ gasps ] stop! Please!
100
00:04:02,422 --> 00:04:05,890
Stop! Please be quiet.
101
00:04:05,892 --> 00:04:09,960
-Oh, no! No! No, no!
102
00:04:09,962 --> 00:04:11,162
-Shake number 1.
103
00:04:11,164 --> 00:04:12,430
Bad mommy.
104
00:04:12,432 --> 00:04:13,498
-Problem solved.
105
00:04:13,500 --> 00:04:16,434
Let's go.
- You cannot shake her.
106
00:04:16,436 --> 00:04:20,371
If it happens twice more,
my eggs will be frozen.
107
00:04:20,373 --> 00:04:21,639
-Mommy detected.
108
00:04:21,641 --> 00:04:24,242
Low self-esteem,
people-pleasing tendencies.
109
00:04:24,244 --> 00:04:27,111
Commencing
shake-temptation protocol.
110
00:04:27,113 --> 00:04:28,779
[ wailing ]
- okay, way to be
111
00:04:28,781 --> 00:04:30,448
An assertive little girl boss.
112
00:04:30,450 --> 00:04:33,317
You know what you want,
and mommy loves it.
113
00:04:33,319 --> 00:04:34,785
Don't touch her.
114
00:04:34,787 --> 00:04:37,522
Sorry, but the baby and I
should probably stay home.
115
00:04:37,524 --> 00:04:39,257
-Just leave it here,
annie. What's it gonna do?
116
00:04:39,259 --> 00:04:40,591
Call 911?
117
00:04:40,593 --> 00:04:42,126
That's the great
thing about babies.
118
00:04:42,128 --> 00:04:43,394
They can't.
119
00:04:43,396 --> 00:04:45,263
- Connecting to 911.
- No, no, no.
120
00:04:45,265 --> 00:04:46,264
End call, end call.
121
00:04:46,266 --> 00:04:48,799
I can't leave her alone.
- Fine.
122
00:04:48,801 --> 00:04:50,601
Bring it. I can't
believe a baby
123
00:04:50,603 --> 00:04:52,804
Is ruining a perfectly
good mother's day.
124
00:04:54,340 --> 00:04:56,340
-[ imitates bear grunt ]
125
00:04:56,342 --> 00:04:59,477
[ rustling ]
126
00:04:59,479 --> 00:05:01,679
-Surprise! Oh!
127
00:05:01,681 --> 00:05:03,013
-Idiot!
128
00:05:03,015 --> 00:05:05,416
I nearly put bullet-sized
hole in boy-sized head.
129
00:05:05,418 --> 00:05:07,085
What in the hell
are you doing here?
130
00:05:07,087 --> 00:05:08,887
-I thought you might
be hungry out here.
131
00:05:08,889 --> 00:05:10,354
Hungry for a son's love.
132
00:05:10,356 --> 00:05:13,023
And!
- No. I very full.
133
00:05:13,025 --> 00:05:15,293
Baba just rocky balboa
a half-dozen eggs.
134
00:05:15,295 --> 00:05:17,161
-Well, I took the
liberty of learning
135
00:05:17,163 --> 00:05:22,166
How to cook a delicious
traditional old country brunch.
136
00:05:22,168 --> 00:05:23,634
Sad possum with a
side of ryegrass,
137
00:05:23,636 --> 00:05:26,905
And to wash it down, your
favorite, brown wine.
138
00:05:28,508 --> 00:05:30,308
- Ehhh!
- Boo!
139
00:05:30,310 --> 00:05:33,244
-Eat my ryegrass,
poor-planning strumpet!
140
00:05:33,246 --> 00:05:34,645
- Boo!
- Hyah!
141
00:05:34,647 --> 00:05:37,648
- Get husband, you nympho!
- Shameful.
142
00:05:37,650 --> 00:05:41,319
Unwed teen mom give birth
alone in shame cave.
143
00:05:41,321 --> 00:05:41,982
??
144
00:05:46,859 --> 00:05:49,327
-[ grunting ]
145
00:05:51,397 --> 00:05:52,530
[ baby crying ]
146
00:05:52,532 --> 00:05:54,933
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Aha.
147
00:05:54,935 --> 00:05:58,903
Tell me, little one,
do you like the teat?
148
00:06:02,142 --> 00:06:04,142
[ groans ]
149
00:06:04,144 --> 00:06:06,010
[ gasps ]
150
00:06:06,012 --> 00:06:08,212
We have visitor.
151
00:06:08,214 --> 00:06:10,348
Hello, mr. Bear.
152
00:06:10,350 --> 00:06:12,150
We friendly.
153
00:06:12,152 --> 00:06:13,752
See?
154
00:06:13,754 --> 00:06:16,154
-[ roars ]
155
00:06:16,156 --> 00:06:18,222
[ baby crying ]
156
00:06:18,224 --> 00:06:21,159
-[ yells ]
157
00:06:21,161 --> 00:06:23,294
[ crying continues ]
158
00:06:23,296 --> 00:06:25,730
Hyah!
159
00:06:27,099 --> 00:06:28,232
Huh?
160
00:06:28,234 --> 00:06:30,635
Ha ha!
161
00:06:30,637 --> 00:06:32,170
Aah! [ grunts ]
162
00:06:32,172 --> 00:06:34,438
[ baby wailing ]
163
00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:36,707
Girls, new enemy is bear.
164
00:06:36,709 --> 00:06:40,711
One day, we get revenge!
165
00:06:40,713 --> 00:06:42,380
- [ roars ]
- [ gasps ]
166
00:06:42,382 --> 00:06:43,914
Peter, quick, run.
167
00:06:43,916 --> 00:06:45,583
Get out of here before
bear take you away
168
00:06:45,585 --> 00:06:46,985
And raise you as its own.
169
00:06:46,987 --> 00:06:50,655
-I'm not going anywhere
until you taste my brunch.
170
00:06:50,657 --> 00:06:53,391
-Shut up and go, stupid boy!
171
00:06:54,861 --> 00:06:57,728
-You'd rather shoot me
than spend mother's day
172
00:06:57,730 --> 00:06:59,397
With your favorite son?
173
00:06:59,399 --> 00:07:00,798
Fine!
174
00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:01,932
'scuse me.
175
00:07:01,934 --> 00:07:04,869
Aah!
176
00:07:04,871 --> 00:07:07,372
-[ roars ]
177
00:07:09,342 --> 00:07:11,742
-Oh, my god. This is
better than I imagined.
178
00:07:11,744 --> 00:07:13,011
I can't wait to get in there
179
00:07:13,013 --> 00:07:16,014
And see what it's
like to be a mom!
180
00:07:16,016 --> 00:07:18,483
Annie, will you
shut that thing up?
181
00:07:18,485 --> 00:07:20,018
The moms are judging.
182
00:07:20,020 --> 00:07:23,421
-Either shove that baby
back inside or go home!
183
00:07:23,423 --> 00:07:25,756
-I don't think she
likes the loud music.
184
00:07:25,758 --> 00:07:27,558
- Move it along!
- Sorry.
185
00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:30,094
No outside food or
babies under 2 allowed.
186
00:07:30,096 --> 00:07:34,164
Moms are welcome to leave babies
unattended in their hot car.
187
00:07:34,166 --> 00:07:35,366
Next.
188
00:07:35,368 --> 00:07:40,304
-I am missing out on mama-con,
and it's all your fault!
189
00:07:40,306 --> 00:07:43,241
-Whoopsie-doodle, bitch.
190
00:07:43,243 --> 00:07:44,709
-Mom! Stop!
191
00:07:44,711 --> 00:07:46,577
My eggs. Remember?
192
00:07:46,579 --> 00:07:48,112
-Shake number 2.
193
00:07:48,114 --> 00:07:50,248
-If you're not supposed to
shake it, why does it have
194
00:07:50,250 --> 00:07:51,649
Such a stupid shakable face?!
195
00:07:51,651 --> 00:07:54,252
-It looks just like
a normal baby, mom.
196
00:07:54,254 --> 00:07:57,121
-Exactly.
197
00:07:57,123 --> 00:07:59,990
-[ crying ]
198
00:07:59,992 --> 00:08:01,792
Well, I guess if I spy on baba
199
00:08:01,794 --> 00:08:03,528
From a distance,
that will still count
200
00:08:03,530 --> 00:08:05,796
As us spending mother's
day together, right?
201
00:08:05,798 --> 00:08:08,266
Oh, no! I can't
spot her anywhere!
202
00:08:08,268 --> 00:08:10,601
I think I'm lost!
203
00:08:10,603 --> 00:08:12,737
Wait. What's that?
204
00:08:12,739 --> 00:08:15,073
Wow!
205
00:08:15,075 --> 00:08:17,408
1, 2, 3... 17... 56...
206
00:08:17,410 --> 00:08:19,677
99 bottles of beer on the wall.
207
00:08:19,679 --> 00:08:23,013
So this is where
that song comes from!
208
00:08:23,015 --> 00:08:24,415
[ chuckles ]
- [ sniffs ]
209
00:08:24,417 --> 00:08:28,553
Do I smell an adult mama's
boy with unmet needs?
210
00:08:28,555 --> 00:08:29,954
Ooh, hello, dear.
211
00:08:29,956 --> 00:08:31,289
I'm mother marnie.
212
00:08:31,291 --> 00:08:34,225
Why don't you come inside
for a nice cold beer?
213
00:08:34,227 --> 00:08:37,228
- Oh!
- Make yourself at home, hon.
214
00:08:37,230 --> 00:08:40,831
I'll be just a moment.
- [ chuckles ]
215
00:08:40,833 --> 00:08:44,034
[ gasps ]
216
00:08:44,036 --> 00:08:45,303
Those your sons?
217
00:08:45,305 --> 00:08:48,306
Bet you're excited to spend
mother's day with them.
218
00:08:48,308 --> 00:08:50,241
-I insist you join us.
219
00:08:50,243 --> 00:08:52,376
-I'd love to spend mother's
day with my own mom,
220
00:08:52,378 --> 00:08:56,714
But she wants to be alone
and "avoid me today."
221
00:08:56,716 --> 00:08:58,449
-How peculiar.
222
00:08:58,451 --> 00:09:00,184
Oh, I couldn't bear the thought
of being away from my boys.
223
00:09:00,186 --> 00:09:03,387
Would you mind if I took
your photo to hang up?
224
00:09:03,389 --> 00:09:04,522
Say "beer."
225
00:09:04,524 --> 00:09:06,324
-Beer.
[ camera shutter clicks ]
226
00:09:06,326 --> 00:09:08,859
[ grunts, body thuds ]
227
00:09:08,861 --> 00:09:12,130
-There. I think I
finally got her to sleep.
228
00:09:12,132 --> 00:09:14,332
I'm gonna go set up
her crib upstairs.
229
00:09:14,334 --> 00:09:17,268
It's a tiny coffin.
230
00:09:17,270 --> 00:09:18,669
Don't touch her.
231
00:09:18,671 --> 00:09:20,471
-Yeah, yeah.
232
00:09:20,473 --> 00:09:23,541
I guess you are kind of cute,
at least while you're sleeping.
233
00:09:23,543 --> 00:09:25,676
Maybe you just had
to get used to me.
234
00:09:25,678 --> 00:09:28,346
I'm more of a mommy
than you realize.
235
00:09:28,348 --> 00:09:31,349
In fact, my womb
is full right now.
236
00:09:31,351 --> 00:09:33,818
Yes, with insects.
- Scanning.
237
00:09:33,820 --> 00:09:36,287
Insecure alcoholic
universally disliked.
238
00:09:36,289 --> 00:09:37,888
Correction.
239
00:09:37,890 --> 00:09:40,158
Non-living human with worn-out
beetle-infested genitalia.
240
00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:41,292
Correction.
241
00:09:41,294 --> 00:09:43,093
Subhuman cast member
of "bad girls club"
242
00:09:43,095 --> 00:09:45,763
Who was too ugly
to get camera time.
243
00:09:45,765 --> 00:09:48,166
- You shady little bitch.
- What you gonna do?
244
00:09:48,168 --> 00:09:49,233
Shake me?
245
00:09:49,235 --> 00:09:50,100
-Don't shake.
246
00:09:50,102 --> 00:09:52,703
Annie needs her...
- Do it.
247
00:09:52,705 --> 00:09:55,173
You know you want to, grandma.
248
00:09:55,175 --> 00:09:58,109
-[ yelling ]
249
00:09:58,111 --> 00:09:59,310
- Shake 3.
- Oops.
250
00:09:59,312 --> 00:10:01,512
-Potential maternity terminated.
251
00:10:01,514 --> 00:10:04,649
Commencing operation:
Eggs on ice.
252
00:10:04,651 --> 00:10:06,250
Whoopsie-doodle.
253
00:10:06,252 --> 00:10:09,654
-Okay, I've got the
white-noise machine on, and...
254
00:10:09,656 --> 00:10:11,722
Oh, my god!
255
00:10:11,724 --> 00:10:13,792
Did you shake her again?!
256
00:10:13,794 --> 00:10:15,994
-She begged me to!
257
00:10:15,996 --> 00:10:18,062
-I was hoping things were
getting better between us,
258
00:10:18,064 --> 00:10:20,731
But you act like it's
your job to ruin my life.
259
00:10:20,733 --> 00:10:22,733
-Annie, I hate jobs.
260
00:10:22,735 --> 00:10:24,134
I did you a favor.
261
00:10:24,136 --> 00:10:27,071
But if it's really such
a big deal to you...
262
00:10:27,073 --> 00:10:29,407
[ grunts ]
- what are you doing?
263
00:10:29,409 --> 00:10:32,210
-I'm using my death powers
to "magic school bus" myself
264
00:10:32,212 --> 00:10:35,613
Into the baby and turn off
the strikes from the inside!
265
00:10:35,615 --> 00:10:36,947
-Mom, no. Wait!
266
00:10:36,949 --> 00:10:40,118
- Death power!
- Aah!
267
00:10:41,354 --> 00:10:43,087
Huh?
268
00:10:43,089 --> 00:10:44,155
[ baby beeps ]
269
00:10:44,157 --> 00:10:45,356
-I did it!
270
00:10:45,358 --> 00:10:46,424
Hey, watch this.
271
00:10:46,426 --> 00:10:47,692
"I'm a baby.
272
00:10:47,694 --> 00:10:49,427
I poopy myself."
273
00:10:49,429 --> 00:10:50,695
Oh, wait.
274
00:10:50,697 --> 00:10:52,430
I think I actually
did just shit myself.
275
00:10:52,432 --> 00:10:54,232
-There's still three tallies.
276
00:10:54,234 --> 00:10:55,700
That didn't work at all.
277
00:10:55,702 --> 00:10:57,702
Come back out of there.
278
00:10:57,704 --> 00:11:00,371
-Okay. Death powers!
279
00:11:00,373 --> 00:11:02,907
And death powers.
280
00:11:02,909 --> 00:11:05,043
Aw, crap. It's not working.
281
00:11:05,045 --> 00:11:06,244
-What?! Why?!
282
00:11:06,246 --> 00:11:10,048
-Annie, my powers have
a truth but no logic,
283
00:11:10,050 --> 00:11:11,382
Like a picasso painting
284
00:11:11,384 --> 00:11:13,051
Or a season of "riverdale."
285
00:11:13,053 --> 00:11:16,921
My guess is, I'm like a husk,
and any actual death powers
286
00:11:16,923 --> 00:11:20,458
I have or had [chuckles]
are because of the beetles.
287
00:11:20,460 --> 00:11:23,327
- So you're just stuck in there?
- Well, on the bright side,
288
00:11:23,329 --> 00:11:25,930
Now you got to take care
of me on mother's day.
289
00:11:25,932 --> 00:11:28,767
Is the, uh, booby bar open?
290
00:11:30,936 --> 00:11:33,337
-The new bro is waking up.
Look. He's coming out of it.
291
00:11:33,339 --> 00:11:35,540
-Hey. You're marnie's sons.
292
00:11:35,542 --> 00:11:37,675
Your mom's real nice.
293
00:11:37,677 --> 00:11:39,810
I guess I drank too
much and passed out.
294
00:11:39,812 --> 00:11:42,413
Whoa!
- Easy, now.
295
00:11:42,415 --> 00:11:44,949
Sit and take a
breather, brother.
296
00:11:44,951 --> 00:11:47,017
Hey, how about a
nice frosty cold one
297
00:11:47,019 --> 00:11:49,153
To put some color
back in those cheeks?
298
00:11:49,155 --> 00:11:52,290
-Not really in a
popsicle mood, thanks.
299
00:11:52,292 --> 00:11:53,691
Oh, cold one.
300
00:11:53,693 --> 00:11:56,160
You guys really like beer, huh?
301
00:11:56,162 --> 00:11:57,428
-Go on and try a sip.
302
00:11:57,430 --> 00:12:00,631
We brewed it ourselves.
303
00:12:00,633 --> 00:12:05,236
- That's nice.
- Note the, um, apricot.
304
00:12:05,238 --> 00:12:06,370
Huh?
- Come on, pete.
305
00:12:06,372 --> 00:12:07,772
Try some.
- You got to try it, pete.
306
00:12:07,774 --> 00:12:10,641
-I don't really
like beer, but okay.
307
00:12:10,643 --> 00:12:12,443
Oh. Tastes like beer.
308
00:12:12,445 --> 00:12:14,645
-Sure does.
[ laughter ]
309
00:12:14,647 --> 00:12:16,380
- Aw, pete.
- Pete!
310
00:12:16,382 --> 00:12:17,648
-You notice the almond?
311
00:12:17,650 --> 00:12:20,651
Van thought I was
a nut to add it.
312
00:12:20,653 --> 00:12:23,053
[ laughter ]
313
00:12:23,055 --> 00:12:24,989
-Oh, bucky.
314
00:12:24,991 --> 00:12:27,057
-Now, pete, I'm sure you've
got a lot of questions,
315
00:12:27,059 --> 00:12:28,927
And we're more than
happy to answer them.
316
00:12:28,929 --> 00:12:31,796
-Well, just off the top of
my head, where's marnie?
317
00:12:31,798 --> 00:12:33,598
And are we in prison down here?
318
00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:35,733
Also, do I taste a little
kumquat in that beer?
319
00:12:35,735 --> 00:12:39,069
-Ah, petey, this is gonna
be a bitter ale to swallow.
320
00:12:39,071 --> 00:12:41,606
But this here is an
eternal fraternity.
321
00:12:41,608 --> 00:12:43,541
A brewhouse of brotherhood.
322
00:12:43,543 --> 00:12:45,610
And there's no way out of here.
323
00:12:45,612 --> 00:12:49,013
From now on, there is only here.
324
00:12:49,015 --> 00:12:50,881
-What?! I can't stay here!
325
00:12:50,883 --> 00:12:54,418
-I felt the same way at
first, but now look at me.
326
00:12:54,420 --> 00:12:58,088
Sure, I haven't seen the
sun in six years, but...
327
00:12:58,090 --> 00:12:59,424
-Six years?!
328
00:12:59,426 --> 00:13:01,159
Why won't marnie let us out?
329
00:13:01,161 --> 00:13:04,028
-She expresses her
love through padlocks
330
00:13:04,030 --> 00:13:06,230
And pretending she's
leaving to go on errands,
331
00:13:06,232 --> 00:13:08,098
But she's really just
waiting in the driveway
332
00:13:08,100 --> 00:13:10,034
For someone to
make a run for it.
333
00:13:10,036 --> 00:13:13,638
-We warned number 11 about
that, but he wouldn't listen.
334
00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:16,774
-Honestly, marnie is the best.
335
00:13:16,776 --> 00:13:19,577
I mean, she lets us
crash here for free.
336
00:13:19,579 --> 00:13:22,981
-And on fridays, she orders
pizza and rents a dvd for us.
337
00:13:22,983 --> 00:13:25,183
-Baba never lets me have pizza.
338
00:13:25,185 --> 00:13:26,784
She says it makes me hyper.
339
00:13:26,786 --> 00:13:28,987
-I think you're gonna
have way more fun
340
00:13:28,989 --> 00:13:31,255
Living under
marnie's floorboards.
341
00:13:31,257 --> 00:13:33,191
-Plus, we'll teach
you how to brew.
342
00:13:33,193 --> 00:13:38,128
You'll be whipping up tasty suds
with your pasty buds in no time.
343
00:13:38,130 --> 00:13:40,198
-I mean, when you
put it that way,
344
00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:43,334
It sounds like a
pretty amazing life!
345
00:13:43,336 --> 00:13:44,669
- Yeah!
- He gets it.
346
00:13:44,671 --> 00:13:47,538
-I never imagined my
life could be so good.
347
00:13:47,540 --> 00:13:49,340
-Okay, brothers.
348
00:13:49,342 --> 00:13:50,741
But before we proceed,
349
00:13:50,743 --> 00:13:52,477
Could I have a moment
alone to pinch myself
350
00:13:52,479 --> 00:13:56,214
So I know this great situation
is real and not a dream?
351
00:13:56,216 --> 00:13:57,948
-No problemo, bro.
352
00:13:57,950 --> 00:14:00,150
We'll be in the grow room
checking on the hop harvest.
353
00:14:00,152 --> 00:14:02,286
Up top.
354
00:14:02,288 --> 00:14:04,355
-[ gasps ]
[ watch beeping ]
355
00:14:04,357 --> 00:14:07,091
[ gasps ]
356
00:14:07,093 --> 00:14:11,295
Come on. Send, send,
send! [ buzzer ]
357
00:14:11,297 --> 00:14:12,430
-Jesus, mom!
358
00:14:12,432 --> 00:14:14,165
You really need to get
some fiber in your diet.
359
00:14:14,167 --> 00:14:15,834
-That was actually
way more solid
360
00:14:15,836 --> 00:14:17,035
Than I expected it to be, right?
361
00:14:17,037 --> 00:14:18,436
[ doorbell rings ]
- oh, no!
362
00:14:18,438 --> 00:14:21,105
That's my friends. I forgot
they were coming over.
363
00:14:21,107 --> 00:14:22,172
Play along.
364
00:14:22,174 --> 00:14:23,774
I don't want them
to know I failed.
365
00:14:23,776 --> 00:14:25,043
You're a baby the
government gave me as part
366
00:14:25,045 --> 00:14:26,444
Of a covert operation
to stop the human race.
367
00:14:26,446 --> 00:14:27,578
Got it?
- Yeah.
368
00:14:27,580 --> 00:14:28,646
Yeah, sure. Government baby.
369
00:14:28,648 --> 00:14:30,581
I can do this.
- Hey.
370
00:14:30,583 --> 00:14:31,916
How you guys holding up?
371
00:14:31,918 --> 00:14:34,252
Anyone hit three shakes yet?
372
00:14:34,254 --> 00:14:36,254
-Only two, but it was close.
373
00:14:36,256 --> 00:14:37,788
I haven't slept.
374
00:14:37,790 --> 00:14:40,191
And when we walked past
dadology this morning,
375
00:14:40,193 --> 00:14:44,262
She started talking about how
much more fun the dads are.
376
00:14:44,264 --> 00:14:47,331
-My mommy can't keep a man.
377
00:14:47,333 --> 00:14:49,868
-Once I told manny
I don't want kids
378
00:14:49,870 --> 00:14:53,538
And just want to be a cool
aunt, things got much easier.
379
00:14:53,540 --> 00:14:55,073
-This sucks.
380
00:14:55,075 --> 00:14:56,875
If the government's trying to
prevent unwanted pregnancies,
381
00:14:56,877 --> 00:15:00,211
Why won't they just make birth
control and abortion free
382
00:15:00,213 --> 00:15:01,812
And available to all?
383
00:15:01,814 --> 00:15:04,815
Right, guys?
384
00:15:04,817 --> 00:15:06,751
-Pbht! Good luck with that.
385
00:15:06,753 --> 00:15:07,952
Wait. What are you
guys looking at?
386
00:15:07,954 --> 00:15:09,019
-Oh, my god, annie!
387
00:15:09,021 --> 00:15:11,021
Your baby has three strikes.
388
00:15:11,023 --> 00:15:15,359
Even my shitty-ass baby
doesn't have three strikes.
389
00:15:15,361 --> 00:15:17,762
-Danger! Danger!
390
00:15:17,764 --> 00:15:19,697
-See you later, annie.
391
00:15:19,699 --> 00:15:21,099
- Good luck, annie.
- Baba.
392
00:15:21,101 --> 00:15:23,101
We weren't expecting
you back so soon.
393
00:15:23,103 --> 00:15:24,702
-Eh, day was bust.
394
00:15:24,704 --> 00:15:26,704
Peter's surprise
scare away bear.
395
00:15:26,706 --> 00:15:28,106
Oh, no.
396
00:15:28,108 --> 00:15:30,508
Annie, very sorry, but
baby resemble trophy.
397
00:15:30,510 --> 00:15:34,512
Will probably grow up to be
jezebel bimbo like trophy, too.
398
00:15:34,514 --> 00:15:35,780
Eh! Horrible shame.
399
00:15:35,782 --> 00:15:37,515
-Baba, it is me.
400
00:15:37,517 --> 00:15:40,585
I put myself into annie's
government-assigned real baby
401
00:15:40,587 --> 00:15:41,652
Because...
- Yeah, I no care.
402
00:15:41,654 --> 00:15:43,187
Peter!
- He hasn't been back
403
00:15:43,189 --> 00:15:45,856
Since he left to bring
you a picnic in the woods.
404
00:15:45,858 --> 00:15:47,258
-Push memory down, baba.
405
00:15:47,260 --> 00:15:49,393
Keep traumatic
memory in stomach,
406
00:15:49,395 --> 00:15:53,197
Pinned below rocky balboa
eggs. [ breathes deeply ]
407
00:15:53,199 --> 00:15:54,733
-Son in danger!
408
00:15:54,735 --> 00:15:56,867
Repeat... son in danger!
409
00:15:56,869 --> 00:15:59,003
Sending coordinates.
- [ gasps ] come!
410
00:15:59,005 --> 00:16:01,872
We must save him now!
- Ugh! Really?
411
00:16:01,874 --> 00:16:03,741
It's just these baby
arms are so short.
412
00:16:03,743 --> 00:16:05,343
[ whining ]
- no!
413
00:16:05,345 --> 00:16:09,480
As mother's day gift to baba,
we all go save peter as family.
414
00:16:09,482 --> 00:16:10,815
-Good job, pete!
415
00:16:10,817 --> 00:16:12,150
Now I'm gonna teach
you the differences
416
00:16:12,152 --> 00:16:14,685
Between flaked and malted oats.
417
00:16:14,687 --> 00:16:16,487
-Wow! Oats got malted now?
418
00:16:16,489 --> 00:16:17,622
Awesomeness!
419
00:16:17,624 --> 00:16:20,358
Come on, baba.
420
00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:23,093
-Pete better be eaten at
least from the waist down
421
00:16:23,095 --> 00:16:24,763
If he's making us
drive this far.
422
00:16:24,765 --> 00:16:27,298
-Shut baby hole!
According to son finder,
423
00:16:27,300 --> 00:16:30,368
He should be right about
here. [ tires screech ]
424
00:16:30,370 --> 00:16:32,170
Look like "hansel
and gretel" cottage,
425
00:16:32,172 --> 00:16:33,838
But of adult-boy kidnapper.
426
00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:36,307
-Let me take the reins
on this one, gang.
427
00:16:36,309 --> 00:16:39,377
Annie, grab baba's gun
and hide it in your pants.
428
00:16:39,379 --> 00:16:40,845
-What?
429
00:16:40,847 --> 00:16:43,047
-I need you to "yes,
and" me on this, annie.
430
00:16:43,049 --> 00:16:45,049
-Here's the last of it, boys.
[ men grunt ]
431
00:16:45,051 --> 00:16:48,119
How's that chicago-style
beer coming?
432
00:16:48,121 --> 00:16:52,056
- Oh, it's thick!
- And zero traces of ketchup.
433
00:16:52,058 --> 00:16:54,525
[ knocking on door ]
- ugh!
434
00:16:54,527 --> 00:16:57,728
[ knocking continues ]
435
00:16:57,730 --> 00:17:00,598
Ah. Can I... Help you?
436
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:02,066
-Hi. Sorry to bother you,
437
00:17:02,068 --> 00:17:03,934
But do you happen to
have a tampon for my mom?
438
00:17:03,936 --> 00:17:05,203
She just got her period,
439
00:17:05,205 --> 00:17:07,271
And we're worried
it'll attract bears.
440
00:17:07,273 --> 00:17:08,873
-Sorry, dear.
441
00:17:08,875 --> 00:17:11,609
I haven't had a need for those
for many years now, I'm afraid.
442
00:17:11,611 --> 00:17:12,877
Take care.
443
00:17:12,879 --> 00:17:14,345
-Maybe she could
use your bathroom
444
00:17:14,347 --> 00:17:16,280
To macgyver something
together and clean herself up,
445
00:17:16,282 --> 00:17:17,816
Because it's
looking and smelling
446
00:17:17,818 --> 00:17:19,417
Like texas chili down... ow!
447
00:17:19,419 --> 00:17:21,152
-Please, mother to mother.
448
00:17:21,154 --> 00:17:23,421
I just need a minute, and
then we'll be off to resume
449
00:17:23,423 --> 00:17:26,825
Celebrating mother's day in
the middle of the remote woods.
450
00:17:26,827 --> 00:17:29,360
-[ sighs ] fine. It's
back and to the left.
451
00:17:29,362 --> 00:17:31,562
But I'm afraid I'll have
to ask you to be brief.
452
00:17:31,564 --> 00:17:34,099
I have my own mother's
day plans to attend to.
453
00:17:35,635 --> 00:17:37,168
-Uh, lovely home.
454
00:17:37,170 --> 00:17:40,171
Very creative to
make all from bottle.
455
00:17:40,173 --> 00:17:41,906
You live here by self?
- Yeah.
456
00:17:41,908 --> 00:17:45,309
Me, myself, and I.
- Oh. I envious.
457
00:17:45,311 --> 00:17:46,244
Hmm.
458
00:17:46,246 --> 00:17:49,580
I bet it not often
you get a visitor.
459
00:17:49,582 --> 00:17:51,249
-Nope. Hardly ever.
460
00:17:51,251 --> 00:17:52,917
Just my sons.
461
00:17:52,919 --> 00:17:54,919
The cabin is pretty
hard to find,
462
00:17:54,921 --> 00:17:57,522
If you don't know where to look.
463
00:17:57,524 --> 00:18:01,926
- These your son?
- Yes, my pride and boys.
464
00:18:01,928 --> 00:18:05,396
boymom.
- [ gasps ] peter!
465
00:18:05,398 --> 00:18:06,597
-[ whistles ]
[ gun cocks ]
466
00:18:06,599 --> 00:18:08,533
-Drop it. I'm holding a gun,
467
00:18:08,535 --> 00:18:11,870
And I am definitely
comfortable with that concept.
468
00:18:11,872 --> 00:18:13,604
-I knew one day,
a nosy mama bear
469
00:18:13,606 --> 00:18:15,806
Would come looking for
her pathetic little cub.
470
00:18:15,808 --> 00:18:19,544
- Where my peter?
- Now he's my peter.
471
00:18:19,546 --> 00:18:21,412
You'll never see him again.
472
00:18:21,414 --> 00:18:22,613
-Oh, yeah?
473
00:18:22,615 --> 00:18:24,883
-Activating marco polo mode.
474
00:18:24,885 --> 00:18:26,951
Marco.
- [ muffled ] polo.
475
00:18:26,953 --> 00:18:28,486
-They're under the floorboards.
476
00:18:28,488 --> 00:18:30,020
Oh, god, she killed them!
477
00:18:30,022 --> 00:18:32,223
-Or they're in the
creepy basement.
478
00:18:32,225 --> 00:18:34,092
That smells delicious!
479
00:18:34,094 --> 00:18:38,162
-You'll never get my boys
or my home microbrewery!
480
00:18:38,164 --> 00:18:39,697
[ grunts, chuckles ]
- [ gasps ]
481
00:18:39,699 --> 00:18:43,301
-Get away from my
daughter, witch!
482
00:18:43,303 --> 00:18:44,836
-Aaaaah!
483
00:18:46,773 --> 00:18:48,839
You ugly little bitch!
484
00:18:48,841 --> 00:18:51,242
-Let go of my mother!
485
00:18:51,244 --> 00:18:54,512
-Use maternal instinct
to defeat predator.
486
00:18:54,514 --> 00:18:56,514
- Booby!
- Yeah, right.
487
00:18:56,516 --> 00:18:58,583
I mean, annie!
488
00:18:58,585 --> 00:18:59,850
-Huh?
489
00:18:59,852 --> 00:19:01,252
-Aah!
490
00:19:01,254 --> 00:19:03,654
-[ gasps ] way to go, guys.
491
00:19:03,656 --> 00:19:05,656
Mom! Are you okay?
492
00:19:05,658 --> 00:19:09,860
-Ugh, her leg tasted
like eczema lotion.
493
00:19:09,862 --> 00:19:11,730
-Peter!
494
00:19:11,732 --> 00:19:13,598
[ siren wails ]
495
00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:14,799
-Please, don't leave!
496
00:19:14,801 --> 00:19:17,468
Don't abandon me!
497
00:19:17,470 --> 00:19:19,804
-Don't worry, marnie.
We'll stay right here.
498
00:19:19,806 --> 00:19:23,274
-You guys know you literally
can't stay here, right?
499
00:19:23,276 --> 00:19:24,875
- What? That's official?
- Come on!
500
00:19:24,877 --> 00:19:26,745
- Well, that's stupid.
- No fair.
501
00:19:26,747 --> 00:19:29,013
-Well, gang, I guess
this is goodbye.
502
00:19:29,015 --> 00:19:30,415
-No way, brother.
503
00:19:30,417 --> 00:19:32,350
You know what? We could
all move in together.
504
00:19:32,352 --> 00:19:35,353
Yeah, find a clutch two-bedroom
in downtown fort gator.
505
00:19:35,355 --> 00:19:37,355
We all sleep in one
room and use the other
506
00:19:37,357 --> 00:19:39,423
For a little home-brew setup.
507
00:19:39,425 --> 00:19:40,224
You down?
508
00:19:40,226 --> 00:19:43,093
-Let me, uh, think about it.
509
00:19:43,095 --> 00:19:45,229
-[ grunting ]
510
00:19:45,231 --> 00:19:47,097
Can one of you big
boys crack this for me?
511
00:19:47,099 --> 00:19:48,566
To the weekend, right?
512
00:19:48,568 --> 00:19:50,034
- Aww!
- Oh, yeah.
513
00:19:50,036 --> 00:19:53,103
-If you take even one sip,
I'm putting you in baby jail.
514
00:19:53,105 --> 00:19:55,573
-Damn! Couldn't resist
shaking it, could you?
515
00:19:55,575 --> 00:19:57,041
-It's complicated.
516
00:19:57,043 --> 00:19:58,977
But how'd you know about
the three-shake rule?
517
00:19:58,979 --> 00:20:00,711
-I used to be a
tech for real kid.
518
00:20:00,713 --> 00:20:04,649
It was good, honest union
work deterring young folks
519
00:20:04,651 --> 00:20:06,184
From becoming moms.
520
00:20:06,186 --> 00:20:09,587
We also provided sentient
anti-loneliness teddy bears
521
00:20:09,589 --> 00:20:10,655
To the elderly.
522
00:20:10,657 --> 00:20:11,990
Marnie... she ordered one,
523
00:20:11,992 --> 00:20:14,258
And I came here to
do the in-home setup.
524
00:20:14,260 --> 00:20:17,528
And she made sure I never left.
525
00:20:17,530 --> 00:20:18,463
I miss her.
526
00:20:18,465 --> 00:20:20,331
-Is there any way you
can undo the strikes?
527
00:20:20,333 --> 00:20:23,267
None of them were even my fault.
- Let me take a look.
528
00:20:23,269 --> 00:20:27,538
I can try rebooting it
to the factory settings.
529
00:20:27,540 --> 00:20:30,408
Wow.
530
00:20:30,410 --> 00:20:32,210
-Would you look at that, bucky.
531
00:20:32,212 --> 00:20:33,678
-Babies having babies.
532
00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:37,382
-This is the world marnie
tried to protect us from.
533
00:20:38,951 --> 00:20:42,286
-Okay, if you thought that
was a normal mother's day,
534
00:20:42,288 --> 00:20:44,689
You might be a redneck.
535
00:20:44,691 --> 00:20:46,624
[ laughter ] right?
536
00:20:46,626 --> 00:20:48,092
-Annie fantasy?
537
00:20:48,094 --> 00:20:50,428
I'm following the tracker
on real kid number 82791.
538
00:20:50,430 --> 00:20:52,096
Here to collect.
- Sure thing.
539
00:20:52,098 --> 00:20:54,965
Here you go. She's
been a real angel.
540
00:20:54,967 --> 00:20:57,101
-Zero shakes? Very impressive.
541
00:20:57,103 --> 00:21:00,571
If you so choose, you will
make a great teen mom.
542
00:21:00,573 --> 00:21:04,108
-Some people just aren't
cut out to be teen mothers.
543
00:21:04,110 --> 00:21:06,310
-Don't I know it.
Sterilized 12 today.
544
00:21:06,312 --> 00:21:09,514
-Glad I'm not
lucky 13. Up top.
545
00:21:09,516 --> 00:21:11,982
-Best mother's day ever, baba.
546
00:21:11,984 --> 00:21:14,519
Brunch with all your kids.
547
00:21:14,521 --> 00:21:15,386
-Right.
548
00:21:15,388 --> 00:21:17,988
All my kids. Hm.
549
00:21:17,990 --> 00:21:22,393
??
550
00:21:22,395 --> 00:21:26,731
??
551
00:21:26,733 --> 00:21:29,234
-[ grunts, groaning ]
552
00:21:32,873 --> 00:21:35,473
-[ growling ]
553
00:21:35,475 --> 00:21:36,136
??
554
00:21:41,548 --> 00:21:47,017
-? baby, baby, baby bitch ?
555
00:21:47,019 --> 00:21:52,022
? go conquer someone else ?
556
00:21:52,024 --> 00:21:57,695
? people say, "how beautiful,
how sweet, how kind." ?
557
00:21:57,697 --> 00:22:02,567
? you're perfect, you've
got nothing to hide ?
558
00:22:02,569 --> 00:22:08,639
? but I, for one,
have seen the sun ?
559
00:22:08,641 --> 00:22:12,644
? and the bitch that
you've locked up inside ?
560
00:22:12,694 --> 00:22:17,244
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