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1
00:00:01,680 --> 00:00:03,883
[upbeat rock music]
2
00:00:03,884 --> 00:00:05,320
? Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ?
3
00:00:05,353 --> 00:00:07,659
? Ruff, ruff, ruff,
ruff, ruff, ruff ?
4
00:00:07,692 --> 00:00:08,992
? ?
5
00:00:08,994 --> 00:00:11,399
? Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ?
6
00:00:11,432 --> 00:00:13,904
? Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff,
ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ?
7
00:00:13,938 --> 00:00:15,575
? Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ?
8
00:00:15,608 --> 00:00:17,077
- ? Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ?
- ? Meow, meow, meow, meow ?
9
00:00:17,110 --> 00:00:18,847
- ? Ruff, ruff ?
- ? Meow, meow ?
10
00:00:18,881 --> 00:00:20,785
- ? Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ?
- ? Meow, meow, meow, meow ?
11
00:00:20,851 --> 00:00:22,755
- ? Ruff, ruff, ruff ?
- ? Meow, meow, meow ?
12
00:00:22,789 --> 00:00:25,029
- ? Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ?
- ? Meow, meow, meow, meow ?
13
00:00:25,053 --> 00:00:27,464
[music crescendos]
14
00:00:27,531 --> 00:00:33,431
? ?
15
00:00:36,225 --> 00:00:38,029
Nice renovation, Darla.
16
00:00:38,096 --> 00:00:40,533
Above-ground pool. Sweet.
17
00:00:40,633 --> 00:00:44,676
- And new boxes!
- They just landed like this.
18
00:00:44,709 --> 00:00:47,514
[sniffs]
It smells really, really bad here.
19
00:00:47,581 --> 00:00:49,284
Imagine if you had
a dog's nose.
20
00:00:49,351 --> 00:00:51,222
I'm gonna have to roll
in a lot of poop
21
00:00:51,255 --> 00:00:52,959
to get this smell out of my fur.
22
00:00:53,025 --> 00:00:54,763
ALL: Meep. Meep. Meep. Meep.
23
00:00:54,796 --> 00:00:56,365
ALL: Aww.
24
00:00:56,562 --> 00:01:00,169
Wow. It is so satisfying
seeing Shel's family like this.
25
00:01:00,236 --> 00:01:02,407
I know, I really saved
this relationship
26
00:01:02,474 --> 00:01:04,611
and got Shel on the path
to parenthood, yeah.
27
00:01:04,678 --> 00:01:06,598
I mean, I don't wanna say
I have a perfect record
28
00:01:06,615 --> 00:01:08,452
as a therapist, but I do.
29
00:01:08,486 --> 00:01:10,590
Ooh, I want to play
hide and go seek with them.
30
00:01:10,657 --> 00:01:13,396
I think that concept may
be over their heads.
31
00:01:13,462 --> 00:01:17,337
They don't know how to hide
or seek or "and go."
32
00:01:17,404 --> 00:01:18,639
Lookin' at all these babies
33
00:01:18,673 --> 00:01:20,710
kinda makes one wonder
about parenthood, huh?
34
00:01:20,777 --> 00:01:22,614
Stop it.
You have no coins in purse.
35
00:01:22,647 --> 00:01:25,486
I have no oven in kitchen.
You understand?
36
00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:26,655
[babies meeping]
37
00:01:26,722 --> 00:01:31,031
- Motherhood is just so beautiful.
- Oh, yeah, it is beautiful,
38
00:01:31,098 --> 00:01:32,601
and then instantly exhausting.
39
00:01:32,667 --> 00:01:36,108
Would you give me one second?
Ugh!
40
00:01:36,141 --> 00:01:38,395
- Where's Shel?
- He said something about
41
00:01:38,396 --> 00:01:41,736
having trouble connecting
with the babies and how
42
00:01:41,737 --> 00:01:43,924
he needs space to masturbate.
43
00:01:43,991 --> 00:01:46,863
Hmm. that doesn't sound like
the relationship I saved.
44
00:01:46,930 --> 00:01:48,099
Excuse me.
45
00:01:48,132 --> 00:01:49,468
Shel?
46
00:01:49,501 --> 00:01:52,741
- Shel, is that you in there?
- No.
47
00:01:52,808 --> 00:01:57,584
- Shel. Oh, Shel.
- Not so loud. They'll hear you.
48
00:01:57,684 --> 00:02:02,127
Oh, I'm not cut out to be a
father of one, let alone 29.
49
00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:05,567
All fathers do is vanish,
and leave you alone while
50
00:02:05,568 --> 00:02:11,813
you stand on a pile of hay
crying, "Daddy! Why?"
51
00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:12,714
[sobs]
52
00:02:12,781 --> 00:02:15,219
Woof.
I smell a thera-portunity.
53
00:02:15,253 --> 00:02:17,991
Trademark pending.
Shel, do you think you might
54
00:02:17,992 --> 00:02:22,000
have some unresolved issues
with your own "daddy," perhaps?
55
00:02:22,067 --> 00:02:23,367
[sobbing]
56
00:02:23,402 --> 00:02:25,640
I just wish I could
connect with him. [sniffs]
57
00:02:25,673 --> 00:02:28,412
But he's passed on
to the other side.
58
00:02:28,446 --> 00:02:31,953
- Oh, I'm so sorry for your...
- Of 12th Street. Let me finish.
59
00:02:32,053 --> 00:02:35,193
He's way over there, at the
12th Street Animal Sanctuary.
60
00:02:35,226 --> 00:02:36,930
Closure is available to us!
61
00:02:36,997 --> 00:02:40,570
- And I won't leave until you get it.
- I'm really moved.
62
00:02:40,603 --> 00:02:43,643
And not just down there
for once.
63
00:02:43,709 --> 00:02:45,446
[babies meeping]
All right.
64
00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:48,152
I'm getting your dinner
as fast as I can.
65
00:02:48,219 --> 00:02:51,025
I only have no hands.
66
00:02:52,294 --> 00:02:54,966
- Hmm. Interesting.
- You need something, cat?
67
00:02:54,999 --> 00:02:56,903
I'm just so interested
that you feed
68
00:02:56,970 --> 00:02:59,608
all these babies from
one big pile on the ground.
69
00:02:59,641 --> 00:03:03,616
- Not in little bowls? Okay. Okay.
- Well, they're not kittens.
70
00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:06,555
They don't need bowls,
and I don't need an audience.
71
00:03:06,588 --> 00:03:08,588
Oh, just ignore me,
like you do with your babies.
72
00:03:08,612 --> 00:03:10,349
- What?
- Hmm?
73
00:03:11,833 --> 00:03:14,438
It's so nice
these old animals have a place
74
00:03:14,471 --> 00:03:16,308
to live out their golden years
in dignity.
75
00:03:16,342 --> 00:03:20,450
I'm sorry to be a bother,
but my rectum just fell out.
76
00:03:20,483 --> 00:03:22,354
Can you please kill me?
77
00:03:22,420 --> 00:03:24,624
- Aww, no.
- That's him.
78
00:03:24,691 --> 00:03:25,691
[birds chuckling]
79
00:03:25,727 --> 00:03:29,301
I like it when you two laugh
at the same time.
80
00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:30,871
- Daddy.
- Just go say hello.
81
00:03:30,938 --> 00:03:33,476
No. I can't do this, Honey.
Let's go home.
82
00:03:33,542 --> 00:03:34,979
I'll pretend
to love my children.
83
00:03:35,046 --> 00:03:37,852
You can do this, Shel.
I'm here for you.
84
00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:38,918
[grunts]
85
00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:41,926
Fine.
Daddy? Uh, Dad?
86
00:03:41,993 --> 00:03:44,664
- No. Uh, Papa?
- Perfect.
87
00:03:44,799 --> 00:03:46,836
I'll be with you every step
of the...
88
00:03:46,870 --> 00:03:48,205
[horse whinnies]
Is that...
89
00:03:48,239 --> 00:03:51,111
- Pony Ferrari!
- That voice.
90
00:03:51,145 --> 00:03:54,117
Is that...
Please. No.
91
00:03:54,184 --> 00:03:55,420
- No!
- It is you!
92
00:03:55,453 --> 00:03:59,394
- It's me, Dr. Honey.
- Leave me alone.
93
00:03:59,461 --> 00:04:01,699
[neighs]
Whoa. Easy, boy.
94
00:04:01,765 --> 00:04:05,206
I know it's weird seeing me
in a non-therapeutic setting.
95
00:04:05,273 --> 00:04:07,945
- Isn't he a heartbreaker?
- What happened to him?
96
00:04:08,012 --> 00:04:11,552
Well, evidently, and we can't
really say who told us this...
97
00:04:11,618 --> 00:04:15,493
But it was this super ugly dog,
the kind with the long necks.
98
00:04:15,526 --> 00:04:18,099
- A whippet? A pharaoh hound?
- It doesn't matter.
99
00:04:18,165 --> 00:04:19,367
His entire world fell apart
100
00:04:19,434 --> 00:04:23,109
because he got some bad advice
from his terrible therapist.
101
00:04:23,175 --> 00:04:24,475
- Gulp.
- Yeah.
102
00:04:24,511 --> 00:04:25,751
That's what
the dachshund told...
103
00:04:25,775 --> 00:04:27,450
oh, my God.
It was a dachshund.
104
00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:28,619
Isn't that funny?
105
00:04:28,652 --> 00:04:30,189
You stop thinking
about something
106
00:04:30,256 --> 00:04:31,392
and it just comes to you!
107
00:04:31,458 --> 00:04:34,030
[laughter]
108
00:04:34,064 --> 00:04:35,700
I didn't give Pony bad advice.
109
00:04:35,767 --> 00:04:38,439
- Did I?
- You were his therapist?
110
00:04:38,506 --> 00:04:42,113
Sounds like you were a quack.
111
00:04:42,147 --> 00:04:44,117
I know. I hate myself.
112
00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:47,590
On the other hand,
I can pleasure a lover
113
00:04:47,591 --> 00:04:50,730
- using only my shell.
- Daddy, it's me.
114
00:04:50,798 --> 00:04:54,404
I'm your son, Sheldon J.
Whatever-your-last-name-is.
115
00:04:54,504 --> 00:04:56,041
What is this,
some kind of ambush?
116
00:04:56,074 --> 00:04:59,448
You're blowing my chances
of scoring with these birds.
117
00:04:59,514 --> 00:05:01,151
Like father, like son.
118
00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:02,788
[chuckles]
119
00:05:02,822 --> 00:05:05,560
Maurice, we're not getting
any younger.
120
00:05:05,593 --> 00:05:06,830
[chokes]
121
00:05:06,863 --> 00:05:07,798
[thud]
122
00:05:07,832 --> 00:05:10,336
Aw, crap.
It had to be the hot one.
123
00:05:10,403 --> 00:05:12,073
Look, I'm busy here, okay?
124
00:05:12,107 --> 00:05:14,144
But after dinner
I like to stroll over
125
00:05:14,211 --> 00:05:16,950
by that old shirt
and take an evening dump.
126
00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:19,321
If you wanna talk,
you can find me there.
127
00:05:19,354 --> 00:05:21,525
Oh, boy, will I ever.
128
00:05:21,558 --> 00:05:23,830
[upbeat music]
129
00:05:23,864 --> 00:05:26,602
Don't wake up. Don't wake up.
Don't wake up.
130
00:05:26,702 --> 00:05:28,272
Don't wake up. Don't wake up.
131
00:05:28,305 --> 00:05:29,307
[screams]
132
00:05:29,374 --> 00:05:31,078
[babies meeping]
133
00:05:31,111 --> 00:05:31,946
Damn it!
134
00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:33,884
I've been judging
your interesting style
135
00:05:33,917 --> 00:05:36,555
of parenting all day,
and I just want to say,
136
00:05:36,588 --> 00:05:37,825
you're doing it all wrong.
137
00:05:37,858 --> 00:05:40,129
Your babies should be cuddled
into your fur...
138
00:05:40,163 --> 00:05:42,534
- I don't have fur.
- Sharing the warmth of your body...
139
00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:44,906
- I'm cold-blooded.
- Gently nuzzling them.
140
00:05:45,039 --> 00:05:46,810
Chico, I'm on my
last nerve here, man.
141
00:05:46,843 --> 00:05:49,181
This is how tortoises have
been parenting
142
00:05:49,281 --> 00:05:50,650
since the Jurassic Age.
143
00:05:50,716 --> 00:05:53,322
- Oh, so do you spank them too?
- All right, cat.
144
00:05:53,355 --> 00:05:57,163
If you think you can do better,
please do so.
145
00:05:57,230 --> 00:05:59,902
Mama needs a drink.
I'm gonna go see what's
146
00:05:59,903 --> 00:06:02,942
- fermenting in the compost.
- Fine! Go!
147
00:06:03,008 --> 00:06:05,012
I'll look after these little angels.
148
00:06:05,079 --> 00:06:06,748
- Cheep?
- Oh, hi, little cheeper.
149
00:06:06,850 --> 00:06:09,354
I'm your new, better mommy
for right now.
150
00:06:09,421 --> 00:06:11,993
- Cheep.
- Yes, I did have a litter
151
00:06:12,026 --> 00:06:14,698
of my own a little while ago.
Humans took them away.
152
00:06:14,764 --> 00:06:16,602
- Cheep.
- [laughs] What's that?
153
00:06:16,635 --> 00:06:18,807
Overcompensating for my own
unprocessed grief
154
00:06:18,840 --> 00:06:22,013
and crippling loneliness, you say?
You're funny, Cheep.
155
00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:23,984
[upbeat music]
156
00:06:26,622 --> 00:06:28,292
Pony, tell me what happened.
157
00:06:28,325 --> 00:06:31,265
What good advice did I give you
that you took the wrong way?
158
00:06:31,298 --> 00:06:32,333
[sighs]
159
00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:35,273
I was the second most
successful party pony
160
00:06:35,306 --> 00:06:37,443
- in the world.
- Yes, I know your whole backstory.
161
00:06:37,544 --> 00:06:39,414
All the famous children
of the early aughts
162
00:06:39,447 --> 00:06:40,550
sat on these haunches...
163
00:06:40,616 --> 00:06:42,687
Frankie Muniz,
Miranda Cosgrove,
164
00:06:42,754 --> 00:06:44,156
Brad Pitt at his 40th,
165
00:06:44,157 --> 00:06:46,261
the girl who played
young Jennifer Garner
166
00:06:46,328 --> 00:06:47,630
in "13 Going on 30."
167
00:06:47,664 --> 00:06:49,601
Pressure kept mounting.
168
00:06:49,634 --> 00:06:53,209
And then I got
Willow Smith's birthday party.
169
00:06:53,242 --> 00:06:55,580
I remember. I asked you for a
picture that you never gave me.
170
00:06:55,646 --> 00:06:58,485
It was my chance to become
the number-one party pony,
171
00:06:58,552 --> 00:07:01,091
but it was too much,
the pressure to be the best.
172
00:07:01,158 --> 00:07:04,731
And I came to group, and do you
know what you said to me?
173
00:07:04,799 --> 00:07:07,805
You told me not to get
caught up in the competition
174
00:07:07,838 --> 00:07:09,809
and that time is fleeting.
175
00:07:09,875 --> 00:07:11,946
Once all the glory is gone,
I'll have to face myself
176
00:07:11,980 --> 00:07:13,900
and I'd better like the pony
I see in the mirror.
177
00:07:13,924 --> 00:07:16,953
And I was like, wait, time is moving?
Where does it go?
178
00:07:17,023 --> 00:07:19,494
And I freaked out
and couldn't perform.
179
00:07:19,527 --> 00:07:21,598
I got the yips.
180
00:07:21,665 --> 00:07:23,736
I bucked Willow off me
into the crowd,
181
00:07:23,837 --> 00:07:27,277
where she landed on Brad Pitt,
who was 41 at the time.
182
00:07:27,310 --> 00:07:28,345
[neighs]
183
00:07:28,379 --> 00:07:32,353
My career tanked,
and it's all because of you.
184
00:07:32,420 --> 00:07:33,489
[neighs]
185
00:07:33,555 --> 00:07:35,794
My little Pony.
My little Pony!
186
00:07:35,861 --> 00:07:39,571
Oh, I can comb
and brush your hair.
187
00:07:43,175 --> 00:07:44,175
Honey. Honey!
188
00:07:44,344 --> 00:07:47,283
My daddy never showed up
and it's bringing up a lot of...
189
00:07:47,317 --> 00:07:50,456
Not now, Shel.
Pony really needs me. Pony!
190
00:07:50,489 --> 00:07:53,729
- Leave me alone.
- You are going to listen to me
191
00:07:53,797 --> 00:07:56,068
and I'm not taking "whoa"
for an answer.
192
00:07:56,134 --> 00:07:57,470
[chuckles] Eh?
193
00:07:57,503 --> 00:07:59,274
Please let me help you.
194
00:07:59,307 --> 00:08:01,411
You just need to get back
on that horse,
195
00:08:01,478 --> 00:08:04,618
or rather, you know, let other
animals get back on you.
196
00:08:04,684 --> 00:08:06,722
Pony Ferrari,
I'm gonna ride you hard
197
00:08:06,755 --> 00:08:08,425
and put you away
mentally stable.
198
00:08:08,459 --> 00:08:09,694
Shel, come here.
199
00:08:09,728 --> 00:08:12,000
Thank you, Honey.
I really need to talk.
200
00:08:12,066 --> 00:08:12,767
[grunts]
201
00:08:12,835 --> 00:08:14,304
I can't. I'll buck you off.
202
00:08:14,371 --> 00:08:16,575
Nope.
This is happening right now.
203
00:08:16,608 --> 00:08:17,777
[grunts]
[snorts]
204
00:08:17,811 --> 00:08:20,483
Pony, easy. You're safe.
You're safe.
205
00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:24,024
- I'm starting to freak out!
- This is natural.
206
00:08:24,090 --> 00:08:26,161
- This is working!
- Honey!
207
00:08:26,194 --> 00:08:27,330
[grunts]
208
00:08:27,363 --> 00:08:28,499
Ugh.
209
00:08:28,565 --> 00:08:31,238
- Well, how did that not work?
- Nothing works.
210
00:08:31,305 --> 00:08:33,145
So I'm just gonna break
into the human's office
211
00:08:33,169 --> 00:08:34,879
and blow through, like,
100 sugar cubes.
212
00:08:34,945 --> 00:08:38,118
Is it possible
I am a bad therapist?
213
00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:40,891
- Honey, when you have a sec...
- Not now, Shel.
214
00:08:40,991 --> 00:08:42,895
We'll address your neediness in group.
215
00:08:42,961 --> 00:08:46,001
[Scott Joplin's
"The Entertainer" playing]
216
00:08:46,068 --> 00:08:48,940
ALL: ? Meep meep meep meep
meep meep meep meep ?
217
00:08:49,007 --> 00:08:50,076
? Meep meep meep meep ?
218
00:08:50,109 --> 00:08:52,848
? Meep meep meep
meep meep meep ?
219
00:08:52,915 --> 00:08:55,921
? Meep meep meep meep
meep meep meep meep ?
220
00:08:55,988 --> 00:08:57,090
? Meep meep meep meep ?
221
00:08:57,156 --> 00:08:59,728
? Meep meep meep
meep meep meep ?
222
00:08:59,795 --> 00:09:02,633
? Meep meep meep meep
meep meep meep meep ?
223
00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:03,736
? Meep meep meep meep ?
224
00:09:03,803 --> 00:09:05,103
? Meep meep meep
meep meep meep ?
225
00:09:05,107 --> 00:09:08,545
? Meep meep meep meep
meep meep meep ?
226
00:09:08,579 --> 00:09:09,647
Great work, everyone.
227
00:09:09,681 --> 00:09:12,687
Every cat needs to know at
least one public domain song.
228
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,190
And that's nap time.
229
00:09:14,257 --> 00:09:17,196
[babies meeping]
230
00:09:19,567 --> 00:09:21,538
[babies purring]
231
00:09:21,571 --> 00:09:22,673
- Cheep?
- What?
232
00:09:22,707 --> 00:09:25,279
No, this is totally natural.
233
00:09:25,312 --> 00:09:26,515
[upbeat music]
234
00:09:26,548 --> 00:09:30,490
- And where is your mate?
- Well, he ate some poison
235
00:09:30,491 --> 00:09:35,099
- and passed away this morning.
- Oh. That's too bad.
236
00:09:35,132 --> 00:09:36,936
- Daddy!
- Oh, no.
237
00:09:36,969 --> 00:09:39,507
Daddy, I brought
a baseball glove.
238
00:09:39,541 --> 00:09:41,445
I thought maybe,
if you had time,
239
00:09:41,511 --> 00:09:42,848
we could hump it together.
240
00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:44,985
What do you think this is?
"The Brady Bunch"?
241
00:09:45,052 --> 00:09:47,156
Daddy, I waited for you
all night
242
00:09:47,223 --> 00:09:49,360
by that shirt for you
to take a dump.
243
00:09:49,394 --> 00:09:51,631
Listen, kid,
when I was your age,
244
00:09:51,698 --> 00:09:53,803
us tortoises were almost extinct.
245
00:09:53,837 --> 00:09:56,441
I had to repopulate
our entire species...
246
00:09:56,475 --> 00:09:59,614
by myself!
All right? Was it awesome?
247
00:09:59,647 --> 00:10:01,318
Yes, but a lot of work.
248
00:10:01,385 --> 00:10:03,288
Do you have any idea
how many children I've had?
249
00:10:03,355 --> 00:10:06,661
No, but it sounds like
a lot more than I have.
250
00:10:06,695 --> 00:10:09,098
Exactly. And am I
supposed to be some kind
251
00:10:09,102 --> 00:10:11,204
of attentive father
to all of them?
252
00:10:11,238 --> 00:10:12,278
I mean, what do you think?
253
00:10:12,340 --> 00:10:15,179
I'm gonna go around
and start crying about my dad
254
00:10:15,212 --> 00:10:18,552
just because he was
never there for me? Huh?
255
00:10:18,585 --> 00:10:21,893
[sobbing] Daddy!
256
00:10:21,926 --> 00:10:24,397
I was never close to him,
you know.
257
00:10:24,464 --> 00:10:27,670
Oh, I do.
I wish... I wish I could help you
258
00:10:27,737 --> 00:10:29,842
maybe get some closure
with your dad.
259
00:10:29,909 --> 00:10:31,879
Maybe that would help me
get closure with...
260
00:10:31,913 --> 00:10:33,782
It's too late, you idiot.
261
00:10:33,850 --> 00:10:35,854
He's crossed over
to the other side.
262
00:10:35,887 --> 00:10:40,629
- Oh, I'm so sorry for your...
- Of the barn! Let me finish.
263
00:10:40,663 --> 00:10:43,335
He's all the way over there
by that bird bath.
264
00:10:43,368 --> 00:10:46,174
[somber music]
265
00:10:46,208 --> 00:10:48,278
- Bastard.
- I'll help you.
266
00:10:48,345 --> 00:10:53,469
Come on, Dad.
We can do this together.
267
00:10:53,755 --> 00:10:58,232
- Daddy!
- Granddaddy!
268
00:10:58,265 --> 00:11:00,369
[sobbing]
269
00:11:01,471 --> 00:11:02,471
[upbeat music]
270
00:11:02,540 --> 00:11:05,179
And of course I want her
to take the ball from me
271
00:11:05,212 --> 00:11:07,450
and throw it again,
and I know she can't do that
272
00:11:07,483 --> 00:11:11,258
unless I let go of the ball,
but something is stopping me.
273
00:11:11,324 --> 00:11:14,164
Am I too pliant?
I mean, what should I do?
274
00:11:14,264 --> 00:11:17,569
Yes, you're asking me
to give you advice
275
00:11:17,570 --> 00:11:19,774
that could possibly ruin
your life forever.
276
00:11:19,842 --> 00:11:21,778
- So...
- Well, I just wanna know
277
00:11:21,846 --> 00:11:24,584
if I should drop the ball,
and you've made it about you.
278
00:11:24,617 --> 00:11:27,657
Okay, well, obviously, Elsa,
you should...
279
00:11:27,690 --> 00:11:28,759
uh...
280
00:11:28,793 --> 00:11:31,598
uh, uh...
281
00:11:31,665 --> 00:11:35,573
- uh, sorry, I'm a bit, uh...
- Yes?
282
00:11:35,639 --> 00:11:40,082
- So sorry. I think maybe, uh...
- Are you okay?
283
00:11:40,115 --> 00:11:41,853
Oh, my God.
I think I have the yips.
284
00:11:41,886 --> 00:11:44,724
- Oh, my God. Yes.
- Diablo, ask me something.
285
00:11:44,792 --> 00:11:46,613
Okay. Uh...
What are the yips?
286
00:11:46,628 --> 00:11:48,532
Oh, that's easy.
You see, it's the kind
287
00:11:48,599 --> 00:11:51,171
of performance anxiety
that makes it...
288
00:11:51,204 --> 00:11:54,577
impossible to perform
at your j...
289
00:11:54,644 --> 00:11:58,452
- jo...
- Are you yipping right now?
290
00:11:58,519 --> 00:12:01,341
- Ahh.
- While that's going on, let me just jump in
291
00:12:01,374 --> 00:12:03,612
and say, I'm a better parent
than Darla, so that's neat.
292
00:12:03,645 --> 00:12:06,334
I've been raising her kittens
with attachment and compassion.
293
00:12:06,401 --> 00:12:08,572
Whoa, buddy.
Aren't they tortoises?
294
00:12:08,639 --> 00:12:11,011
I don't believe in labels
or boundaries.
295
00:12:11,044 --> 00:12:12,647
Chico, I really think you should...
296
00:12:12,713 --> 00:12:15,152
- Ahh!
- Meep.
297
00:12:15,252 --> 00:12:16,822
Wow, you brought
your babies to group.
298
00:12:16,889 --> 00:12:18,258
You're like Tori Spelling.
299
00:12:18,325 --> 00:12:20,196
You shouldn't bring
your babies to group,
300
00:12:20,229 --> 00:12:22,133
unless you brought enough
for all of us.
301
00:12:22,166 --> 00:12:24,003
Meep meep.
[babies meeping]
302
00:12:24,070 --> 00:12:25,370
Well, I couldn't leave
303
00:12:25,372 --> 00:12:27,176
my perfectly independent babies
on their own.
304
00:12:27,243 --> 00:12:29,949
Are you gonna step in here
or should I?
305
00:12:30,015 --> 00:12:32,888
I don't think I can ever
step in aga... aah.
306
00:12:32,955 --> 00:12:35,459
[sobs]
My career is over!
307
00:12:35,559 --> 00:12:37,730
Ahh!
308
00:12:37,763 --> 00:12:39,802
- [grunts]
- Nibbles, no!
309
00:12:43,442 --> 00:12:45,312
Look at us connecting, Dad,
310
00:12:45,346 --> 00:12:47,985
while breaking the cycle
of neglect together
311
00:12:48,018 --> 00:12:49,520
- as father and...
- Shut up!
312
00:12:49,587 --> 00:12:51,691
I'm trying to get closure
with my dad.
313
00:12:51,725 --> 00:12:53,161
Yes, Daddy.
314
00:12:53,195 --> 00:12:56,836
- Ahem. Daddy?
- Good. Stay with it.
315
00:12:56,869 --> 00:12:59,741
I just, uh, wanted to say hello.
316
00:12:59,808 --> 00:13:02,280
Maybe make up for lost time.
317
00:13:02,346 --> 00:13:04,548
Dad?
Daddy?
318
00:13:04,584 --> 00:13:05,884
Hey.
319
00:13:07,590 --> 00:13:08,425
He's dead.
320
00:13:08,558 --> 00:13:11,698
But otherwise,
I think it went really well.
321
00:13:11,765 --> 00:13:16,408
- No! This was a terrible idea. [sobbing]
- Wait, no!
322
00:13:16,474 --> 00:13:17,777
[groans]
323
00:13:17,811 --> 00:13:19,882
- Wait, he's not dead!
- Really?
324
00:13:19,915 --> 00:13:23,589
[groans]
325
00:13:23,655 --> 00:13:26,959
- Nope. He's gone.
- [sobbing]
326
00:13:26,963 --> 00:13:29,167
Why did I wait so long?
327
00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:35,848
- Daddy issues, unresolved.
- Do not go in there.
328
00:13:40,422 --> 00:13:42,326
- Pony.
- You can't fix me, Honey.
329
00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:44,631
I know, and I'm sorry
I ruined your life
330
00:13:44,664 --> 00:13:47,069
and then tried to
nonconsensually ride you.
331
00:13:47,103 --> 00:13:48,271
- I should just give up.
- Yes.
332
00:13:48,338 --> 00:13:51,177
- Not just on you, but on myself.
- Yes.
333
00:13:51,277 --> 00:13:53,348
- Did you blow through all those cubes?
- Nope.
334
00:13:53,582 --> 00:13:55,019
My little Pony pity party
starts right now
335
00:13:55,085 --> 00:13:56,121
and goes all the way
to question mark,
336
00:13:56,187 --> 00:13:58,690
- question mark, question mark.
- Giddyap.
337
00:13:58,692 --> 00:14:01,398
[upbeat music]
338
00:14:01,431 --> 00:14:04,838
? ?
339
00:14:04,905 --> 00:14:06,074
- Whoo!
- Ow!
340
00:14:06,107 --> 00:14:07,347
I'm gonna do some donkey kicks!
341
00:14:07,371 --> 00:14:09,580
- Let's write an opera!
- A dog opera!
342
00:14:09,647 --> 00:14:12,954
- With cats!
- Let's do "Cats" starring dogs!
343
00:14:13,021 --> 00:14:15,592
- But first...
- BOTH: More sugar!
344
00:14:15,626 --> 00:14:17,798
? ?
345
00:14:17,831 --> 00:14:19,567
[bowling pins clattering]
346
00:14:19,634 --> 00:14:24,043
? ?
347
00:14:24,110 --> 00:14:26,581
[retches]
348
00:14:26,648 --> 00:14:28,018
[grunts]
349
00:14:28,051 --> 00:14:29,554
- [neighs]
- Hee!
350
00:14:29,620 --> 00:14:31,993
- Oh! Oh! Oh!
- Yeehaw!
351
00:14:32,059 --> 00:14:33,729
- Oh!
- Get him! Get him!
352
00:14:33,762 --> 00:14:35,867
[cars honking]
353
00:14:35,900 --> 00:14:36,969
[tires screech]
354
00:14:37,003 --> 00:14:38,505
[both gasp]
355
00:14:38,605 --> 00:14:39,374
[clattering]
356
00:14:39,474 --> 00:14:41,711
[grunting in pain]
[both laughing]
357
00:14:41,745 --> 00:14:43,415
Ow! Ooh.
358
00:14:43,448 --> 00:14:45,048
We're out of sugar.
We're out of sugar!
359
00:14:45,072 --> 00:14:46,254
Who do we kill?
360
00:14:46,287 --> 00:14:47,858
Wait, ooh.
There's some in your gums.
361
00:14:47,891 --> 00:14:50,727
[giggles] It tickles!
It tickles!
362
00:14:50,763 --> 00:14:52,700
Stay still. [laughs]
363
00:14:52,767 --> 00:14:55,039
I'm looking a gift horse
in the mouth.
364
00:14:55,139 --> 00:14:56,541
[stomach rumbles]
365
00:14:56,608 --> 00:14:58,779
[retches]
366
00:14:58,846 --> 00:15:00,249
[upbeat music]
367
00:15:00,315 --> 00:15:02,620
Here are your
newly enriched little angels.
368
00:15:02,687 --> 00:15:03,488
You're welcome.
369
00:15:03,555 --> 00:15:05,258
What do you say
to your birth mother?
370
00:15:05,259 --> 00:15:07,229
ALL: Ta-dah!
371
00:15:07,263 --> 00:15:09,968
Well, that's gonna take them
some time to unlearn.
372
00:15:10,035 --> 00:15:11,771
Goodbye, Fizban the Fabulous.
373
00:15:11,839 --> 00:15:13,141
Bye, Sam the Spectacular.
374
00:15:13,175 --> 00:15:15,846
- Bye, Megan Thee Stallion.
- Oh, my God.
375
00:15:15,847 --> 00:15:18,018
Only two percent of them
survive to adulthood.
376
00:15:18,051 --> 00:15:20,089
You're not supposed
to name them.
377
00:15:20,155 --> 00:15:21,959
And this one's trying to nurse.
378
00:15:21,992 --> 00:15:24,696
Chico, you turned them
into cats!
379
00:15:24,697 --> 00:15:26,869
- What?
- Oh, this is a disaster.
380
00:15:26,936 --> 00:15:29,607
I can't train them.
I don't have a squirt bottle.
381
00:15:29,674 --> 00:15:31,796
You're right.
Why don't I just take them
382
00:15:31,797 --> 00:15:32,816
and raise them as my own?
383
00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:35,152
- That might be easier.
- What did you do, man?
384
00:15:35,219 --> 00:15:37,323
Well, I just gave them
the unconditional love,
385
00:15:37,390 --> 00:15:39,895
attention, and ball of yarn
they've been denied.
386
00:15:39,962 --> 00:15:44,404
- No, that you've been denied.
- Look, I didn't have to come here,
387
00:15:44,437 --> 00:15:46,775
steal your children, and
twist them into unnatural
388
00:15:46,776 --> 00:15:49,113
cat-tortoise hybrids that
will be equally unwelcome
389
00:15:49,180 --> 00:15:50,783
in both the cat
and tortoise communities.
390
00:15:50,884 --> 00:15:52,486
I could be at home alone,
391
00:15:52,586 --> 00:15:56,094
- nobody caring whether I live or die.
- Oh, dear.
392
00:15:56,127 --> 00:15:57,831
That's the saddest thing
I've ever heard.
393
00:15:57,864 --> 00:15:58,933
I'm not done.
394
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,000
I could be eating food
I find in the couch cushions
395
00:16:01,024 --> 00:16:02,339
by myself.
396
00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:05,479
Pooping in a box that is filled
with so much other poop
397
00:16:05,579 --> 00:16:06,579
by myself.
398
00:16:06,714 --> 00:16:09,554
Staring out the window
for hours waiting for someone,
399
00:16:09,620 --> 00:16:11,892
anyone to pass by and see me.
400
00:16:11,926 --> 00:16:13,728
Okay, now I'm done.
401
00:16:13,762 --> 00:16:15,432
- Yikes.
- Cheep.
402
00:16:15,499 --> 00:16:17,904
You get down from there.
You're not a cat.
403
00:16:17,938 --> 00:16:19,942
Meep.
404
00:16:19,975 --> 00:16:22,948
[upbeat music]
405
00:16:23,048 --> 00:16:26,321
- Huh? Ugh.
- Morning, beautiful.
406
00:16:26,354 --> 00:16:31,164
- Or should I say Mrs. Beautiful?
- Ugh. Oh, God.
407
00:16:31,231 --> 00:16:33,301
So I guess
you're my rock bottom.
408
00:16:33,368 --> 00:16:36,976
Well, last night,
I certainly rocked your bottom.
409
00:16:37,009 --> 00:16:38,078
[hisses]
410
00:16:38,111 --> 00:16:39,113
Ready for round two?
411
00:16:39,147 --> 00:16:41,852
- My mule's got a stevia hookup.
- Mm-hmm. Why not?
412
00:16:41,919 --> 00:16:43,688
My life's not going
to destroy itself.
413
00:16:43,755 --> 00:16:46,728
Honey, the good news is,
my grandfather is dead,
414
00:16:46,761 --> 00:16:50,169
which should give you an idea
of how bad the bad news is.
415
00:16:50,235 --> 00:16:53,876
- I really need your help.
- First of all, you're screaming.
416
00:16:53,943 --> 00:16:55,243
Second, I can't help you.
417
00:16:55,279 --> 00:16:56,916
Obviously, I never could.
418
00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:59,086
I'll just ruin your life
like I ruined Pony's.
419
00:16:59,153 --> 00:17:00,990
- Facts.
- Honey, please.
420
00:17:01,090 --> 00:17:03,779
I don't wanna lose the chance
to make things right
421
00:17:03,780 --> 00:17:06,568
- with my daddy.
- Shel, I'm a sugar head now.
422
00:17:06,634 --> 00:17:08,873
Just leave me here
with Pony and...
423
00:17:08,973 --> 00:17:10,910
- Cheryl.
- Cheryl? Okay.
424
00:17:10,977 --> 00:17:12,914
Just leave me here
with Pony and Cheryl.
425
00:17:12,981 --> 00:17:15,590
Honey, no. If it weren't
for you, I'd be married
426
00:17:15,614 --> 00:17:17,924
to a very unstable shoe
right now.
427
00:17:17,991 --> 00:17:19,694
Even as a vomit-encrusted,
428
00:17:19,727 --> 00:17:22,199
post-iguana-coital wreck
of a dog,
429
00:17:22,266 --> 00:17:25,272
you're still the only one
I can rely on.
430
00:17:25,305 --> 00:17:26,842
- Really?
- Of course.
431
00:17:26,909 --> 00:17:29,848
You're my friend
with medical benefits.
432
00:17:29,915 --> 00:17:33,488
Shel, you are the most loyal,
loving, passionate tortoise,
433
00:17:33,555 --> 00:17:35,392
and if your father can't see that,
434
00:17:35,459 --> 00:17:38,064
then he doesn't deserve
to be part of your life.
435
00:17:38,131 --> 00:17:39,367
Boring! Come on, Honey.
436
00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:43,041
I know a Mexican skunk who can
get us some dark agave syrup.
437
00:17:43,108 --> 00:17:45,712
[suspenseful music]
438
00:17:45,779 --> 00:17:46,779
? ?
439
00:17:46,781 --> 00:17:49,888
No. Shel wants my help
and you obviously don't.
440
00:17:49,955 --> 00:17:54,130
- Oh, here it comes.
- One kid falls off your back,
441
00:17:54,197 --> 00:17:57,169
so you'll never give another child
the joy of riding you again?
442
00:17:57,203 --> 00:17:58,505
How many Culkins,
443
00:17:58,605 --> 00:18:01,010
how many Fannings have
been deprived?
444
00:18:01,077 --> 00:18:04,952
You are so fixated
on one failure from your past,
445
00:18:05,018 --> 00:18:08,725
- you're missing the present.
- Blah, blah, bla... [vomits]
446
00:18:08,758 --> 00:18:10,964
Shel, I'm sorry
I wasn't there for you,
447
00:18:11,030 --> 00:18:14,003
but I'm here now.
Now what's your problem again?
448
00:18:14,070 --> 00:18:15,150
- My father.
- Right. Right.
449
00:18:15,205 --> 00:18:18,245
Right. Right.
You can't change your father.
450
00:18:18,311 --> 00:18:20,382
But you can change how you father.
451
00:18:20,415 --> 00:18:23,321
You mean be the daddy
that I needed.
452
00:18:23,355 --> 00:18:24,925
And I'm back, baby. Whoo!
453
00:18:24,992 --> 00:18:26,361
What a rush! [laughs]
454
00:18:26,394 --> 00:18:28,398
Let's go break that cycle.
[chuckles]
455
00:18:28,431 --> 00:18:32,406
Turns out
I only have 12 hours to live.
456
00:18:32,473 --> 00:18:36,748
- Hey, Dad, do you have a moment?
- I only have 12 hours to live,
457
00:18:36,781 --> 00:18:40,322
but of course I have time
to be a great father.
458
00:18:40,355 --> 00:18:43,295
- That's attractive.
- Make it quick.
459
00:18:43,361 --> 00:18:46,534
I'm closing the deal on
this macaw. She's 110.
460
00:18:46,567 --> 00:18:49,540
Used to watch Eleanor Roosevelt
do lesbian stuff.
461
00:18:49,573 --> 00:18:53,581
I know you did the best you could.
And I kind of feel sad for you.
462
00:18:53,648 --> 00:18:56,688
I mean, I have a family at home
waiting for me.
463
00:18:56,754 --> 00:18:58,960
You never got to enjoy that.
464
00:18:58,993 --> 00:19:00,293
I love you, Dad.
465
00:19:00,295 --> 00:19:03,234
[sentimental music]
466
00:19:03,268 --> 00:19:05,974
? ?
467
00:19:06,007 --> 00:19:08,311
- I don't care.
- I know. Bye.
468
00:19:08,378 --> 00:19:10,048
[babies meeping]
469
00:19:10,115 --> 00:19:13,254
- Daddy's home.
- That took way too long.
470
00:19:13,288 --> 00:19:15,025
I'm taking a nap.
471
00:19:15,058 --> 00:19:17,998
[chuckles]
I'm glad I'm home too.
472
00:19:19,133 --> 00:19:20,502
Okay. Okay. Get off Daddy.
473
00:19:20,535 --> 00:19:22,706
This is annoying.
Get off Daddy!
474
00:19:22,740 --> 00:19:24,878
[meeping continues]
Wait. Wait a minute.
475
00:19:24,911 --> 00:19:27,416
Aren't we...
Darla, we're missing one!
476
00:19:27,483 --> 00:19:30,222
The little one,
kind of greenish and annoying.
477
00:19:30,255 --> 00:19:33,261
- [gasps] You're right.
- I knew how many babies we have.
478
00:19:33,295 --> 00:19:36,902
- Aren't I a great father?
- The best one they've got.
479
00:19:36,969 --> 00:19:40,977
Daddy issues resolved.
Suck on that, Maurice.
480
00:19:41,077 --> 00:19:44,417
That's funny.
My dad's name is Maurice.
481
00:19:44,450 --> 00:19:47,523
I'm going to pretend
I didn't hear that.
482
00:19:48,959 --> 00:19:51,528
Darla? Shel?
How did you, like...
483
00:19:51,564 --> 00:19:53,101
who pressed the button
on the elevator?
484
00:19:53,168 --> 00:19:57,343
- Give us back our baby, Chico.
- Who, Cheep? That's insane.
485
00:19:57,409 --> 00:20:00,282
- You're insane.
- Come on now, Chico.
486
00:20:00,315 --> 00:20:01,885
Give him back.
487
00:20:01,952 --> 00:20:03,823
[tender music]
488
00:20:03,889 --> 00:20:04,889
Meow.
489
00:20:04,925 --> 00:20:07,329
Well, that's going
to make him tough to love.
490
00:20:07,396 --> 00:20:10,600
I guess it is weird. I
don't know what I was thinking.
491
00:20:10,604 --> 00:20:13,375
Well, now that I see you live
alone with a sweatshirt,
492
00:20:13,475 --> 00:20:15,779
- I understand.
- Thank you for that.
493
00:20:15,847 --> 00:20:18,752
Goodbye, Cheep.
Don't forget about me.
494
00:20:18,819 --> 00:20:21,557
- Meow.
- You know what, Chico?
495
00:20:21,624 --> 00:20:22,493
Why don't you keep him?
496
00:20:22,526 --> 00:20:24,965
At this point,
he probably won't survive
497
00:20:25,032 --> 00:20:26,332
out in the wild anyway.
498
00:20:26,367 --> 00:20:28,605
No, no, no,
Cheep belongs with you.
499
00:20:28,671 --> 00:20:31,477
You're a great mom,
unlike that bird over there.
500
00:20:31,511 --> 00:20:33,548
Excuse me.
[chick cheeping]
501
00:20:34,183 --> 00:20:35,719
Hey. Excuse me.
502
00:20:35,752 --> 00:20:39,427
Did you just throw up
in your baby's mouth?
503
00:20:39,460 --> 00:20:44,454
- Yeah. What's it to you, Karen?
- Hmm. Interesting.
504
00:20:47,342 --> 00:20:50,080
[monitor beeping] Bob the
Peacock, I want to apologize.
505
00:20:50,182 --> 00:20:52,619
I've had a little time
to take stock of my behavior,
506
00:20:52,653 --> 00:20:56,194
and the dog I was that day
is not the dog I want to be,
507
00:20:56,227 --> 00:20:57,396
nor the dog I am.
508
00:20:57,463 --> 00:21:00,435
I hope you can find it in
your new heart to forgive me.
509
00:21:00,502 --> 00:21:02,039
Well, Honey,
what I'm about to say
510
00:21:02,072 --> 00:21:04,543
is actually going
to blow your mind,
511
00:21:04,577 --> 00:21:06,481
because the day you left me
for dead
512
00:21:06,547 --> 00:21:09,587
is actually the day I came alive.
513
00:21:09,620 --> 00:21:14,630
Because baby, I found Jesus.
And you can too.
514
00:21:14,697 --> 00:21:16,869
Okay, then.
So glad you're feeling better.
515
00:21:16,935 --> 00:21:20,275
He was plucked for our sins
and yours.
516
00:21:20,308 --> 00:21:22,413
- You're right. You're right.
- Now because of you,
517
00:21:22,479 --> 00:21:24,450
I'm gonna spread the good bird.
518
00:21:24,517 --> 00:21:25,837
Okay, well,
good luck with that.
519
00:21:25,861 --> 00:21:29,360
- ? Because bird is the word ?
- I'm so happy for you!
520
00:21:29,393 --> 00:21:32,040
? Bird is the word, ha ?
521
00:21:32,090 --> 00:21:36,640
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