All language subtitles for HouseBroken s02e16 Whos a Party Pony.eng

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,680 --> 00:00:03,883 [upbeat rock music] 2 00:00:03,884 --> 00:00:05,320 ? Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ? 3 00:00:05,353 --> 00:00:07,659 ? Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ? 4 00:00:07,692 --> 00:00:08,992 ? ? 5 00:00:08,994 --> 00:00:11,399 ? Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ? 6 00:00:11,432 --> 00:00:13,904 ? Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ? 7 00:00:13,938 --> 00:00:15,575 ? Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ? 8 00:00:15,608 --> 00:00:17,077 - ? Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ? - ? Meow, meow, meow, meow ? 9 00:00:17,110 --> 00:00:18,847 - ? Ruff, ruff ? - ? Meow, meow ? 10 00:00:18,881 --> 00:00:20,785 - ? Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ? - ? Meow, meow, meow, meow ? 11 00:00:20,851 --> 00:00:22,755 - ? Ruff, ruff, ruff ? - ? Meow, meow, meow ? 12 00:00:22,789 --> 00:00:25,029 - ? Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ? - ? Meow, meow, meow, meow ? 13 00:00:25,053 --> 00:00:27,464 [music crescendos] 14 00:00:27,531 --> 00:00:33,431 ? ? 15 00:00:36,225 --> 00:00:38,029 Nice renovation, Darla. 16 00:00:38,096 --> 00:00:40,533 Above-ground pool. Sweet. 17 00:00:40,633 --> 00:00:44,676 - And new boxes! - They just landed like this. 18 00:00:44,709 --> 00:00:47,514 [sniffs] It smells really, really bad here. 19 00:00:47,581 --> 00:00:49,284 Imagine if you had a dog's nose. 20 00:00:49,351 --> 00:00:51,222 I'm gonna have to roll in a lot of poop 21 00:00:51,255 --> 00:00:52,959 to get this smell out of my fur. 22 00:00:53,025 --> 00:00:54,763 ALL: Meep. Meep. Meep. Meep. 23 00:00:54,796 --> 00:00:56,365 ALL: Aww. 24 00:00:56,562 --> 00:01:00,169 Wow. It is so satisfying seeing Shel's family like this. 25 00:01:00,236 --> 00:01:02,407 I know, I really saved this relationship 26 00:01:02,474 --> 00:01:04,611 and got Shel on the path to parenthood, yeah. 27 00:01:04,678 --> 00:01:06,598 I mean, I don't wanna say I have a perfect record 28 00:01:06,615 --> 00:01:08,452 as a therapist, but I do. 29 00:01:08,486 --> 00:01:10,590 Ooh, I want to play hide and go seek with them. 30 00:01:10,657 --> 00:01:13,396 I think that concept may be over their heads. 31 00:01:13,462 --> 00:01:17,337 They don't know how to hide or seek or "and go." 32 00:01:17,404 --> 00:01:18,639 Lookin' at all these babies 33 00:01:18,673 --> 00:01:20,710 kinda makes one wonder about parenthood, huh? 34 00:01:20,777 --> 00:01:22,614 Stop it. You have no coins in purse. 35 00:01:22,647 --> 00:01:25,486 I have no oven in kitchen. You understand? 36 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:26,655 [babies meeping] 37 00:01:26,722 --> 00:01:31,031 - Motherhood is just so beautiful. - Oh, yeah, it is beautiful, 38 00:01:31,098 --> 00:01:32,601 and then instantly exhausting. 39 00:01:32,667 --> 00:01:36,108 Would you give me one second? Ugh! 40 00:01:36,141 --> 00:01:38,395 - Where's Shel? - He said something about 41 00:01:38,396 --> 00:01:41,736 having trouble connecting with the babies and how 42 00:01:41,737 --> 00:01:43,924 he needs space to masturbate. 43 00:01:43,991 --> 00:01:46,863 Hmm. that doesn't sound like the relationship I saved. 44 00:01:46,930 --> 00:01:48,099 Excuse me. 45 00:01:48,132 --> 00:01:49,468 Shel? 46 00:01:49,501 --> 00:01:52,741 - Shel, is that you in there? - No. 47 00:01:52,808 --> 00:01:57,584 - Shel. Oh, Shel. - Not so loud. They'll hear you. 48 00:01:57,684 --> 00:02:02,127 Oh, I'm not cut out to be a father of one, let alone 29. 49 00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:05,567 All fathers do is vanish, and leave you alone while 50 00:02:05,568 --> 00:02:11,813 you stand on a pile of hay crying, "Daddy! Why?" 51 00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:12,714 [sobs] 52 00:02:12,781 --> 00:02:15,219 Woof. I smell a thera-portunity. 53 00:02:15,253 --> 00:02:17,991 Trademark pending. Shel, do you think you might 54 00:02:17,992 --> 00:02:22,000 have some unresolved issues with your own "daddy," perhaps? 55 00:02:22,067 --> 00:02:23,367 [sobbing] 56 00:02:23,402 --> 00:02:25,640 I just wish I could connect with him. [sniffs] 57 00:02:25,673 --> 00:02:28,412 But he's passed on to the other side. 58 00:02:28,446 --> 00:02:31,953 - Oh, I'm so sorry for your... - Of 12th Street. Let me finish. 59 00:02:32,053 --> 00:02:35,193 He's way over there, at the 12th Street Animal Sanctuary. 60 00:02:35,226 --> 00:02:36,930 Closure is available to us! 61 00:02:36,997 --> 00:02:40,570 - And I won't leave until you get it. - I'm really moved. 62 00:02:40,603 --> 00:02:43,643 And not just down there for once. 63 00:02:43,709 --> 00:02:45,446 [babies meeping] All right. 64 00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:48,152 I'm getting your dinner as fast as I can. 65 00:02:48,219 --> 00:02:51,025 I only have no hands. 66 00:02:52,294 --> 00:02:54,966 - Hmm. Interesting. - You need something, cat? 67 00:02:54,999 --> 00:02:56,903 I'm just so interested that you feed 68 00:02:56,970 --> 00:02:59,608 all these babies from one big pile on the ground. 69 00:02:59,641 --> 00:03:03,616 - Not in little bowls? Okay. Okay. - Well, they're not kittens. 70 00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:06,555 They don't need bowls, and I don't need an audience. 71 00:03:06,588 --> 00:03:08,588 Oh, just ignore me, like you do with your babies. 72 00:03:08,612 --> 00:03:10,349 - What? - Hmm? 73 00:03:11,833 --> 00:03:14,438 It's so nice these old animals have a place 74 00:03:14,471 --> 00:03:16,308 to live out their golden years in dignity. 75 00:03:16,342 --> 00:03:20,450 I'm sorry to be a bother, but my rectum just fell out. 76 00:03:20,483 --> 00:03:22,354 Can you please kill me? 77 00:03:22,420 --> 00:03:24,624 - Aww, no. - That's him. 78 00:03:24,691 --> 00:03:25,691 [birds chuckling] 79 00:03:25,727 --> 00:03:29,301 I like it when you two laugh at the same time. 80 00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:30,871 - Daddy. - Just go say hello. 81 00:03:30,938 --> 00:03:33,476 No. I can't do this, Honey. Let's go home. 82 00:03:33,542 --> 00:03:34,979 I'll pretend to love my children. 83 00:03:35,046 --> 00:03:37,852 You can do this, Shel. I'm here for you. 84 00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:38,918 [grunts] 85 00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:41,926 Fine. Daddy? Uh, Dad? 86 00:03:41,993 --> 00:03:44,664 - No. Uh, Papa? - Perfect. 87 00:03:44,799 --> 00:03:46,836 I'll be with you every step of the... 88 00:03:46,870 --> 00:03:48,205 [horse whinnies] Is that... 89 00:03:48,239 --> 00:03:51,111 - Pony Ferrari! - That voice. 90 00:03:51,145 --> 00:03:54,117 Is that... Please. No. 91 00:03:54,184 --> 00:03:55,420 - No! - It is you! 92 00:03:55,453 --> 00:03:59,394 - It's me, Dr. Honey. - Leave me alone. 93 00:03:59,461 --> 00:04:01,699 [neighs] Whoa. Easy, boy. 94 00:04:01,765 --> 00:04:05,206 I know it's weird seeing me in a non-therapeutic setting. 95 00:04:05,273 --> 00:04:07,945 - Isn't he a heartbreaker? - What happened to him? 96 00:04:08,012 --> 00:04:11,552 Well, evidently, and we can't really say who told us this... 97 00:04:11,618 --> 00:04:15,493 But it was this super ugly dog, the kind with the long necks. 98 00:04:15,526 --> 00:04:18,099 - A whippet? A pharaoh hound? - It doesn't matter. 99 00:04:18,165 --> 00:04:19,367 His entire world fell apart 100 00:04:19,434 --> 00:04:23,109 because he got some bad advice from his terrible therapist. 101 00:04:23,175 --> 00:04:24,475 - Gulp. - Yeah. 102 00:04:24,511 --> 00:04:25,751 That's what the dachshund told... 103 00:04:25,775 --> 00:04:27,450 oh, my God. It was a dachshund. 104 00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:28,619 Isn't that funny? 105 00:04:28,652 --> 00:04:30,189 You stop thinking about something 106 00:04:30,256 --> 00:04:31,392 and it just comes to you! 107 00:04:31,458 --> 00:04:34,030 [laughter] 108 00:04:34,064 --> 00:04:35,700 I didn't give Pony bad advice. 109 00:04:35,767 --> 00:04:38,439 - Did I? - You were his therapist? 110 00:04:38,506 --> 00:04:42,113 Sounds like you were a quack. 111 00:04:42,147 --> 00:04:44,117 I know. I hate myself. 112 00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:47,590 On the other hand, I can pleasure a lover 113 00:04:47,591 --> 00:04:50,730 - using only my shell. - Daddy, it's me. 114 00:04:50,798 --> 00:04:54,404 I'm your son, Sheldon J. Whatever-your-last-name-is. 115 00:04:54,504 --> 00:04:56,041 What is this, some kind of ambush? 116 00:04:56,074 --> 00:04:59,448 You're blowing my chances of scoring with these birds. 117 00:04:59,514 --> 00:05:01,151 Like father, like son. 118 00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:02,788 [chuckles] 119 00:05:02,822 --> 00:05:05,560 Maurice, we're not getting any younger. 120 00:05:05,593 --> 00:05:06,830 [chokes] 121 00:05:06,863 --> 00:05:07,798 [thud] 122 00:05:07,832 --> 00:05:10,336 Aw, crap. It had to be the hot one. 123 00:05:10,403 --> 00:05:12,073 Look, I'm busy here, okay? 124 00:05:12,107 --> 00:05:14,144 But after dinner I like to stroll over 125 00:05:14,211 --> 00:05:16,950 by that old shirt and take an evening dump. 126 00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:19,321 If you wanna talk, you can find me there. 127 00:05:19,354 --> 00:05:21,525 Oh, boy, will I ever. 128 00:05:21,558 --> 00:05:23,830 [upbeat music] 129 00:05:23,864 --> 00:05:26,602 Don't wake up. Don't wake up. Don't wake up. 130 00:05:26,702 --> 00:05:28,272 Don't wake up. Don't wake up. 131 00:05:28,305 --> 00:05:29,307 [screams] 132 00:05:29,374 --> 00:05:31,078 [babies meeping] 133 00:05:31,111 --> 00:05:31,946 Damn it! 134 00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:33,884 I've been judging your interesting style 135 00:05:33,917 --> 00:05:36,555 of parenting all day, and I just want to say, 136 00:05:36,588 --> 00:05:37,825 you're doing it all wrong. 137 00:05:37,858 --> 00:05:40,129 Your babies should be cuddled into your fur... 138 00:05:40,163 --> 00:05:42,534 - I don't have fur. - Sharing the warmth of your body... 139 00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:44,906 - I'm cold-blooded. - Gently nuzzling them. 140 00:05:45,039 --> 00:05:46,810 Chico, I'm on my last nerve here, man. 141 00:05:46,843 --> 00:05:49,181 This is how tortoises have been parenting 142 00:05:49,281 --> 00:05:50,650 since the Jurassic Age. 143 00:05:50,716 --> 00:05:53,322 - Oh, so do you spank them too? - All right, cat. 144 00:05:53,355 --> 00:05:57,163 If you think you can do better, please do so. 145 00:05:57,230 --> 00:05:59,902 Mama needs a drink. I'm gonna go see what's 146 00:05:59,903 --> 00:06:02,942 - fermenting in the compost. - Fine! Go! 147 00:06:03,008 --> 00:06:05,012 I'll look after these little angels. 148 00:06:05,079 --> 00:06:06,748 - Cheep? - Oh, hi, little cheeper. 149 00:06:06,850 --> 00:06:09,354 I'm your new, better mommy for right now. 150 00:06:09,421 --> 00:06:11,993 - Cheep. - Yes, I did have a litter 151 00:06:12,026 --> 00:06:14,698 of my own a little while ago. Humans took them away. 152 00:06:14,764 --> 00:06:16,602 - Cheep. - [laughs] What's that? 153 00:06:16,635 --> 00:06:18,807 Overcompensating for my own unprocessed grief 154 00:06:18,840 --> 00:06:22,013 and crippling loneliness, you say? You're funny, Cheep. 155 00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:23,984 [upbeat music] 156 00:06:26,622 --> 00:06:28,292 Pony, tell me what happened. 157 00:06:28,325 --> 00:06:31,265 What good advice did I give you that you took the wrong way? 158 00:06:31,298 --> 00:06:32,333 [sighs] 159 00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:35,273 I was the second most successful party pony 160 00:06:35,306 --> 00:06:37,443 - in the world. - Yes, I know your whole backstory. 161 00:06:37,544 --> 00:06:39,414 All the famous children of the early aughts 162 00:06:39,447 --> 00:06:40,550 sat on these haunches... 163 00:06:40,616 --> 00:06:42,687 Frankie Muniz, Miranda Cosgrove, 164 00:06:42,754 --> 00:06:44,156 Brad Pitt at his 40th, 165 00:06:44,157 --> 00:06:46,261 the girl who played young Jennifer Garner 166 00:06:46,328 --> 00:06:47,630 in "13 Going on 30." 167 00:06:47,664 --> 00:06:49,601 Pressure kept mounting. 168 00:06:49,634 --> 00:06:53,209 And then I got Willow Smith's birthday party. 169 00:06:53,242 --> 00:06:55,580 I remember. I asked you for a picture that you never gave me. 170 00:06:55,646 --> 00:06:58,485 It was my chance to become the number-one party pony, 171 00:06:58,552 --> 00:07:01,091 but it was too much, the pressure to be the best. 172 00:07:01,158 --> 00:07:04,731 And I came to group, and do you know what you said to me? 173 00:07:04,799 --> 00:07:07,805 You told me not to get caught up in the competition 174 00:07:07,838 --> 00:07:09,809 and that time is fleeting. 175 00:07:09,875 --> 00:07:11,946 Once all the glory is gone, I'll have to face myself 176 00:07:11,980 --> 00:07:13,900 and I'd better like the pony I see in the mirror. 177 00:07:13,924 --> 00:07:16,953 And I was like, wait, time is moving? Where does it go? 178 00:07:17,023 --> 00:07:19,494 And I freaked out and couldn't perform. 179 00:07:19,527 --> 00:07:21,598 I got the yips. 180 00:07:21,665 --> 00:07:23,736 I bucked Willow off me into the crowd, 181 00:07:23,837 --> 00:07:27,277 where she landed on Brad Pitt, who was 41 at the time. 182 00:07:27,310 --> 00:07:28,345 [neighs] 183 00:07:28,379 --> 00:07:32,353 My career tanked, and it's all because of you. 184 00:07:32,420 --> 00:07:33,489 [neighs] 185 00:07:33,555 --> 00:07:35,794 My little Pony. My little Pony! 186 00:07:35,861 --> 00:07:39,571 Oh, I can comb and brush your hair. 187 00:07:43,175 --> 00:07:44,175 Honey. Honey! 188 00:07:44,344 --> 00:07:47,283 My daddy never showed up and it's bringing up a lot of... 189 00:07:47,317 --> 00:07:50,456 Not now, Shel. Pony really needs me. Pony! 190 00:07:50,489 --> 00:07:53,729 - Leave me alone. - You are going to listen to me 191 00:07:53,797 --> 00:07:56,068 and I'm not taking "whoa" for an answer. 192 00:07:56,134 --> 00:07:57,470 [chuckles] Eh? 193 00:07:57,503 --> 00:07:59,274 Please let me help you. 194 00:07:59,307 --> 00:08:01,411 You just need to get back on that horse, 195 00:08:01,478 --> 00:08:04,618 or rather, you know, let other animals get back on you. 196 00:08:04,684 --> 00:08:06,722 Pony Ferrari, I'm gonna ride you hard 197 00:08:06,755 --> 00:08:08,425 and put you away mentally stable. 198 00:08:08,459 --> 00:08:09,694 Shel, come here. 199 00:08:09,728 --> 00:08:12,000 Thank you, Honey. I really need to talk. 200 00:08:12,066 --> 00:08:12,767 [grunts] 201 00:08:12,835 --> 00:08:14,304 I can't. I'll buck you off. 202 00:08:14,371 --> 00:08:16,575 Nope. This is happening right now. 203 00:08:16,608 --> 00:08:17,777 [grunts] [snorts] 204 00:08:17,811 --> 00:08:20,483 Pony, easy. You're safe. You're safe. 205 00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:24,024 - I'm starting to freak out! - This is natural. 206 00:08:24,090 --> 00:08:26,161 - This is working! - Honey! 207 00:08:26,194 --> 00:08:27,330 [grunts] 208 00:08:27,363 --> 00:08:28,499 Ugh. 209 00:08:28,565 --> 00:08:31,238 - Well, how did that not work? - Nothing works. 210 00:08:31,305 --> 00:08:33,145 So I'm just gonna break into the human's office 211 00:08:33,169 --> 00:08:34,879 and blow through, like, 100 sugar cubes. 212 00:08:34,945 --> 00:08:38,118 Is it possible I am a bad therapist? 213 00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:40,891 - Honey, when you have a sec... - Not now, Shel. 214 00:08:40,991 --> 00:08:42,895 We'll address your neediness in group. 215 00:08:42,961 --> 00:08:46,001 [Scott Joplin's "The Entertainer" playing] 216 00:08:46,068 --> 00:08:48,940 ALL: ? Meep meep meep meep meep meep meep meep ? 217 00:08:49,007 --> 00:08:50,076 ? Meep meep meep meep ? 218 00:08:50,109 --> 00:08:52,848 ? Meep meep meep meep meep meep ? 219 00:08:52,915 --> 00:08:55,921 ? Meep meep meep meep meep meep meep meep ? 220 00:08:55,988 --> 00:08:57,090 ? Meep meep meep meep ? 221 00:08:57,156 --> 00:08:59,728 ? Meep meep meep meep meep meep ? 222 00:08:59,795 --> 00:09:02,633 ? Meep meep meep meep meep meep meep meep ? 223 00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:03,736 ? Meep meep meep meep ? 224 00:09:03,803 --> 00:09:05,103 ? Meep meep meep meep meep meep ? 225 00:09:05,107 --> 00:09:08,545 ? Meep meep meep meep meep meep meep ? 226 00:09:08,579 --> 00:09:09,647 Great work, everyone. 227 00:09:09,681 --> 00:09:12,687 Every cat needs to know at least one public domain song. 228 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,190 And that's nap time. 229 00:09:14,257 --> 00:09:17,196 [babies meeping] 230 00:09:19,567 --> 00:09:21,538 [babies purring] 231 00:09:21,571 --> 00:09:22,673 - Cheep? - What? 232 00:09:22,707 --> 00:09:25,279 No, this is totally natural. 233 00:09:25,312 --> 00:09:26,515 [upbeat music] 234 00:09:26,548 --> 00:09:30,490 - And where is your mate? - Well, he ate some poison 235 00:09:30,491 --> 00:09:35,099 - and passed away this morning. - Oh. That's too bad. 236 00:09:35,132 --> 00:09:36,936 - Daddy! - Oh, no. 237 00:09:36,969 --> 00:09:39,507 Daddy, I brought a baseball glove. 238 00:09:39,541 --> 00:09:41,445 I thought maybe, if you had time, 239 00:09:41,511 --> 00:09:42,848 we could hump it together. 240 00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:44,985 What do you think this is? "The Brady Bunch"? 241 00:09:45,052 --> 00:09:47,156 Daddy, I waited for you all night 242 00:09:47,223 --> 00:09:49,360 by that shirt for you to take a dump. 243 00:09:49,394 --> 00:09:51,631 Listen, kid, when I was your age, 244 00:09:51,698 --> 00:09:53,803 us tortoises were almost extinct. 245 00:09:53,837 --> 00:09:56,441 I had to repopulate our entire species... 246 00:09:56,475 --> 00:09:59,614 by myself! All right? Was it awesome? 247 00:09:59,647 --> 00:10:01,318 Yes, but a lot of work. 248 00:10:01,385 --> 00:10:03,288 Do you have any idea how many children I've had? 249 00:10:03,355 --> 00:10:06,661 No, but it sounds like a lot more than I have. 250 00:10:06,695 --> 00:10:09,098 Exactly. And am I supposed to be some kind 251 00:10:09,102 --> 00:10:11,204 of attentive father to all of them? 252 00:10:11,238 --> 00:10:12,278 I mean, what do you think? 253 00:10:12,340 --> 00:10:15,179 I'm gonna go around and start crying about my dad 254 00:10:15,212 --> 00:10:18,552 just because he was never there for me? Huh? 255 00:10:18,585 --> 00:10:21,893 [sobbing] Daddy! 256 00:10:21,926 --> 00:10:24,397 I was never close to him, you know. 257 00:10:24,464 --> 00:10:27,670 Oh, I do. I wish... I wish I could help you 258 00:10:27,737 --> 00:10:29,842 maybe get some closure with your dad. 259 00:10:29,909 --> 00:10:31,879 Maybe that would help me get closure with... 260 00:10:31,913 --> 00:10:33,782 It's too late, you idiot. 261 00:10:33,850 --> 00:10:35,854 He's crossed over to the other side. 262 00:10:35,887 --> 00:10:40,629 - Oh, I'm so sorry for your... - Of the barn! Let me finish. 263 00:10:40,663 --> 00:10:43,335 He's all the way over there by that bird bath. 264 00:10:43,368 --> 00:10:46,174 [somber music] 265 00:10:46,208 --> 00:10:48,278 - Bastard. - I'll help you. 266 00:10:48,345 --> 00:10:53,469 Come on, Dad. We can do this together. 267 00:10:53,755 --> 00:10:58,232 - Daddy! - Granddaddy! 268 00:10:58,265 --> 00:11:00,369 [sobbing] 269 00:11:01,471 --> 00:11:02,471 [upbeat music] 270 00:11:02,540 --> 00:11:05,179 And of course I want her to take the ball from me 271 00:11:05,212 --> 00:11:07,450 and throw it again, and I know she can't do that 272 00:11:07,483 --> 00:11:11,258 unless I let go of the ball, but something is stopping me. 273 00:11:11,324 --> 00:11:14,164 Am I too pliant? I mean, what should I do? 274 00:11:14,264 --> 00:11:17,569 Yes, you're asking me to give you advice 275 00:11:17,570 --> 00:11:19,774 that could possibly ruin your life forever. 276 00:11:19,842 --> 00:11:21,778 - So... - Well, I just wanna know 277 00:11:21,846 --> 00:11:24,584 if I should drop the ball, and you've made it about you. 278 00:11:24,617 --> 00:11:27,657 Okay, well, obviously, Elsa, you should... 279 00:11:27,690 --> 00:11:28,759 uh... 280 00:11:28,793 --> 00:11:31,598 uh, uh... 281 00:11:31,665 --> 00:11:35,573 - uh, sorry, I'm a bit, uh... - Yes? 282 00:11:35,639 --> 00:11:40,082 - So sorry. I think maybe, uh... - Are you okay? 283 00:11:40,115 --> 00:11:41,853 Oh, my God. I think I have the yips. 284 00:11:41,886 --> 00:11:44,724 - Oh, my God. Yes. - Diablo, ask me something. 285 00:11:44,792 --> 00:11:46,613 Okay. Uh... What are the yips? 286 00:11:46,628 --> 00:11:48,532 Oh, that's easy. You see, it's the kind 287 00:11:48,599 --> 00:11:51,171 of performance anxiety that makes it... 288 00:11:51,204 --> 00:11:54,577 impossible to perform at your j... 289 00:11:54,644 --> 00:11:58,452 - jo... - Are you yipping right now? 290 00:11:58,519 --> 00:12:01,341 - Ahh. - While that's going on, let me just jump in 291 00:12:01,374 --> 00:12:03,612 and say, I'm a better parent than Darla, so that's neat. 292 00:12:03,645 --> 00:12:06,334 I've been raising her kittens with attachment and compassion. 293 00:12:06,401 --> 00:12:08,572 Whoa, buddy. Aren't they tortoises? 294 00:12:08,639 --> 00:12:11,011 I don't believe in labels or boundaries. 295 00:12:11,044 --> 00:12:12,647 Chico, I really think you should... 296 00:12:12,713 --> 00:12:15,152 - Ahh! - Meep. 297 00:12:15,252 --> 00:12:16,822 Wow, you brought your babies to group. 298 00:12:16,889 --> 00:12:18,258 You're like Tori Spelling. 299 00:12:18,325 --> 00:12:20,196 You shouldn't bring your babies to group, 300 00:12:20,229 --> 00:12:22,133 unless you brought enough for all of us. 301 00:12:22,166 --> 00:12:24,003 Meep meep. [babies meeping] 302 00:12:24,070 --> 00:12:25,370 Well, I couldn't leave 303 00:12:25,372 --> 00:12:27,176 my perfectly independent babies on their own. 304 00:12:27,243 --> 00:12:29,949 Are you gonna step in here or should I? 305 00:12:30,015 --> 00:12:32,888 I don't think I can ever step in aga... aah. 306 00:12:32,955 --> 00:12:35,459 [sobs] My career is over! 307 00:12:35,559 --> 00:12:37,730 Ahh! 308 00:12:37,763 --> 00:12:39,802 - [grunts] - Nibbles, no! 309 00:12:43,442 --> 00:12:45,312 Look at us connecting, Dad, 310 00:12:45,346 --> 00:12:47,985 while breaking the cycle of neglect together 311 00:12:48,018 --> 00:12:49,520 - as father and... - Shut up! 312 00:12:49,587 --> 00:12:51,691 I'm trying to get closure with my dad. 313 00:12:51,725 --> 00:12:53,161 Yes, Daddy. 314 00:12:53,195 --> 00:12:56,836 - Ahem. Daddy? - Good. Stay with it. 315 00:12:56,869 --> 00:12:59,741 I just, uh, wanted to say hello. 316 00:12:59,808 --> 00:13:02,280 Maybe make up for lost time. 317 00:13:02,346 --> 00:13:04,548 Dad? Daddy? 318 00:13:04,584 --> 00:13:05,884 Hey. 319 00:13:07,590 --> 00:13:08,425 He's dead. 320 00:13:08,558 --> 00:13:11,698 But otherwise, I think it went really well. 321 00:13:11,765 --> 00:13:16,408 - No! This was a terrible idea. [sobbing] - Wait, no! 322 00:13:16,474 --> 00:13:17,777 [groans] 323 00:13:17,811 --> 00:13:19,882 - Wait, he's not dead! - Really? 324 00:13:19,915 --> 00:13:23,589 [groans] 325 00:13:23,655 --> 00:13:26,959 - Nope. He's gone. - [sobbing] 326 00:13:26,963 --> 00:13:29,167 Why did I wait so long? 327 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:35,848 - Daddy issues, unresolved. - Do not go in there. 328 00:13:40,422 --> 00:13:42,326 - Pony. - You can't fix me, Honey. 329 00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:44,631 I know, and I'm sorry I ruined your life 330 00:13:44,664 --> 00:13:47,069 and then tried to nonconsensually ride you. 331 00:13:47,103 --> 00:13:48,271 - I should just give up. - Yes. 332 00:13:48,338 --> 00:13:51,177 - Not just on you, but on myself. - Yes. 333 00:13:51,277 --> 00:13:53,348 - Did you blow through all those cubes? - Nope. 334 00:13:53,582 --> 00:13:55,019 My little Pony pity party starts right now 335 00:13:55,085 --> 00:13:56,121 and goes all the way to question mark, 336 00:13:56,187 --> 00:13:58,690 - question mark, question mark. - Giddyap. 337 00:13:58,692 --> 00:14:01,398 [upbeat music] 338 00:14:01,431 --> 00:14:04,838 ? ? 339 00:14:04,905 --> 00:14:06,074 - Whoo! - Ow! 340 00:14:06,107 --> 00:14:07,347 I'm gonna do some donkey kicks! 341 00:14:07,371 --> 00:14:09,580 - Let's write an opera! - A dog opera! 342 00:14:09,647 --> 00:14:12,954 - With cats! - Let's do "Cats" starring dogs! 343 00:14:13,021 --> 00:14:15,592 - But first... - BOTH: More sugar! 344 00:14:15,626 --> 00:14:17,798 ? ? 345 00:14:17,831 --> 00:14:19,567 [bowling pins clattering] 346 00:14:19,634 --> 00:14:24,043 ? ? 347 00:14:24,110 --> 00:14:26,581 [retches] 348 00:14:26,648 --> 00:14:28,018 [grunts] 349 00:14:28,051 --> 00:14:29,554 - [neighs] - Hee! 350 00:14:29,620 --> 00:14:31,993 - Oh! Oh! Oh! - Yeehaw! 351 00:14:32,059 --> 00:14:33,729 - Oh! - Get him! Get him! 352 00:14:33,762 --> 00:14:35,867 [cars honking] 353 00:14:35,900 --> 00:14:36,969 [tires screech] 354 00:14:37,003 --> 00:14:38,505 [both gasp] 355 00:14:38,605 --> 00:14:39,374 [clattering] 356 00:14:39,474 --> 00:14:41,711 [grunting in pain] [both laughing] 357 00:14:41,745 --> 00:14:43,415 Ow! Ooh. 358 00:14:43,448 --> 00:14:45,048 We're out of sugar. We're out of sugar! 359 00:14:45,072 --> 00:14:46,254 Who do we kill? 360 00:14:46,287 --> 00:14:47,858 Wait, ooh. There's some in your gums. 361 00:14:47,891 --> 00:14:50,727 [giggles] It tickles! It tickles! 362 00:14:50,763 --> 00:14:52,700 Stay still. [laughs] 363 00:14:52,767 --> 00:14:55,039 I'm looking a gift horse in the mouth. 364 00:14:55,139 --> 00:14:56,541 [stomach rumbles] 365 00:14:56,608 --> 00:14:58,779 [retches] 366 00:14:58,846 --> 00:15:00,249 [upbeat music] 367 00:15:00,315 --> 00:15:02,620 Here are your newly enriched little angels. 368 00:15:02,687 --> 00:15:03,488 You're welcome. 369 00:15:03,555 --> 00:15:05,258 What do you say to your birth mother? 370 00:15:05,259 --> 00:15:07,229 ALL: Ta-dah! 371 00:15:07,263 --> 00:15:09,968 Well, that's gonna take them some time to unlearn. 372 00:15:10,035 --> 00:15:11,771 Goodbye, Fizban the Fabulous. 373 00:15:11,839 --> 00:15:13,141 Bye, Sam the Spectacular. 374 00:15:13,175 --> 00:15:15,846 - Bye, Megan Thee Stallion. - Oh, my God. 375 00:15:15,847 --> 00:15:18,018 Only two percent of them survive to adulthood. 376 00:15:18,051 --> 00:15:20,089 You're not supposed to name them. 377 00:15:20,155 --> 00:15:21,959 And this one's trying to nurse. 378 00:15:21,992 --> 00:15:24,696 Chico, you turned them into cats! 379 00:15:24,697 --> 00:15:26,869 - What? - Oh, this is a disaster. 380 00:15:26,936 --> 00:15:29,607 I can't train them. I don't have a squirt bottle. 381 00:15:29,674 --> 00:15:31,796 You're right. Why don't I just take them 382 00:15:31,797 --> 00:15:32,816 and raise them as my own? 383 00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:35,152 - That might be easier. - What did you do, man? 384 00:15:35,219 --> 00:15:37,323 Well, I just gave them the unconditional love, 385 00:15:37,390 --> 00:15:39,895 attention, and ball of yarn they've been denied. 386 00:15:39,962 --> 00:15:44,404 - No, that you've been denied. - Look, I didn't have to come here, 387 00:15:44,437 --> 00:15:46,775 steal your children, and twist them into unnatural 388 00:15:46,776 --> 00:15:49,113 cat-tortoise hybrids that will be equally unwelcome 389 00:15:49,180 --> 00:15:50,783 in both the cat and tortoise communities. 390 00:15:50,884 --> 00:15:52,486 I could be at home alone, 391 00:15:52,586 --> 00:15:56,094 - nobody caring whether I live or die. - Oh, dear. 392 00:15:56,127 --> 00:15:57,831 That's the saddest thing I've ever heard. 393 00:15:57,864 --> 00:15:58,933 I'm not done. 394 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,000 I could be eating food I find in the couch cushions 395 00:16:01,024 --> 00:16:02,339 by myself. 396 00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:05,479 Pooping in a box that is filled with so much other poop 397 00:16:05,579 --> 00:16:06,579 by myself. 398 00:16:06,714 --> 00:16:09,554 Staring out the window for hours waiting for someone, 399 00:16:09,620 --> 00:16:11,892 anyone to pass by and see me. 400 00:16:11,926 --> 00:16:13,728 Okay, now I'm done. 401 00:16:13,762 --> 00:16:15,432 - Yikes. - Cheep. 402 00:16:15,499 --> 00:16:17,904 You get down from there. You're not a cat. 403 00:16:17,938 --> 00:16:19,942 Meep. 404 00:16:19,975 --> 00:16:22,948 [upbeat music] 405 00:16:23,048 --> 00:16:26,321 - Huh? Ugh. - Morning, beautiful. 406 00:16:26,354 --> 00:16:31,164 - Or should I say Mrs. Beautiful? - Ugh. Oh, God. 407 00:16:31,231 --> 00:16:33,301 So I guess you're my rock bottom. 408 00:16:33,368 --> 00:16:36,976 Well, last night, I certainly rocked your bottom. 409 00:16:37,009 --> 00:16:38,078 [hisses] 410 00:16:38,111 --> 00:16:39,113 Ready for round two? 411 00:16:39,147 --> 00:16:41,852 - My mule's got a stevia hookup. - Mm-hmm. Why not? 412 00:16:41,919 --> 00:16:43,688 My life's not going to destroy itself. 413 00:16:43,755 --> 00:16:46,728 Honey, the good news is, my grandfather is dead, 414 00:16:46,761 --> 00:16:50,169 which should give you an idea of how bad the bad news is. 415 00:16:50,235 --> 00:16:53,876 - I really need your help. - First of all, you're screaming. 416 00:16:53,943 --> 00:16:55,243 Second, I can't help you. 417 00:16:55,279 --> 00:16:56,916 Obviously, I never could. 418 00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:59,086 I'll just ruin your life like I ruined Pony's. 419 00:16:59,153 --> 00:17:00,990 - Facts. - Honey, please. 420 00:17:01,090 --> 00:17:03,779 I don't wanna lose the chance to make things right 421 00:17:03,780 --> 00:17:06,568 - with my daddy. - Shel, I'm a sugar head now. 422 00:17:06,634 --> 00:17:08,873 Just leave me here with Pony and... 423 00:17:08,973 --> 00:17:10,910 - Cheryl. - Cheryl? Okay. 424 00:17:10,977 --> 00:17:12,914 Just leave me here with Pony and Cheryl. 425 00:17:12,981 --> 00:17:15,590 Honey, no. If it weren't for you, I'd be married 426 00:17:15,614 --> 00:17:17,924 to a very unstable shoe right now. 427 00:17:17,991 --> 00:17:19,694 Even as a vomit-encrusted, 428 00:17:19,727 --> 00:17:22,199 post-iguana-coital wreck of a dog, 429 00:17:22,266 --> 00:17:25,272 you're still the only one I can rely on. 430 00:17:25,305 --> 00:17:26,842 - Really? - Of course. 431 00:17:26,909 --> 00:17:29,848 You're my friend with medical benefits. 432 00:17:29,915 --> 00:17:33,488 Shel, you are the most loyal, loving, passionate tortoise, 433 00:17:33,555 --> 00:17:35,392 and if your father can't see that, 434 00:17:35,459 --> 00:17:38,064 then he doesn't deserve to be part of your life. 435 00:17:38,131 --> 00:17:39,367 Boring! Come on, Honey. 436 00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:43,041 I know a Mexican skunk who can get us some dark agave syrup. 437 00:17:43,108 --> 00:17:45,712 [suspenseful music] 438 00:17:45,779 --> 00:17:46,779 ? ? 439 00:17:46,781 --> 00:17:49,888 No. Shel wants my help and you obviously don't. 440 00:17:49,955 --> 00:17:54,130 - Oh, here it comes. - One kid falls off your back, 441 00:17:54,197 --> 00:17:57,169 so you'll never give another child the joy of riding you again? 442 00:17:57,203 --> 00:17:58,505 How many Culkins, 443 00:17:58,605 --> 00:18:01,010 how many Fannings have been deprived? 444 00:18:01,077 --> 00:18:04,952 You are so fixated on one failure from your past, 445 00:18:05,018 --> 00:18:08,725 - you're missing the present. - Blah, blah, bla... [vomits] 446 00:18:08,758 --> 00:18:10,964 Shel, I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, 447 00:18:11,030 --> 00:18:14,003 but I'm here now. Now what's your problem again? 448 00:18:14,070 --> 00:18:15,150 - My father. - Right. Right. 449 00:18:15,205 --> 00:18:18,245 Right. Right. You can't change your father. 450 00:18:18,311 --> 00:18:20,382 But you can change how you father. 451 00:18:20,415 --> 00:18:23,321 You mean be the daddy that I needed. 452 00:18:23,355 --> 00:18:24,925 And I'm back, baby. Whoo! 453 00:18:24,992 --> 00:18:26,361 What a rush! [laughs] 454 00:18:26,394 --> 00:18:28,398 Let's go break that cycle. [chuckles] 455 00:18:28,431 --> 00:18:32,406 Turns out I only have 12 hours to live. 456 00:18:32,473 --> 00:18:36,748 - Hey, Dad, do you have a moment? - I only have 12 hours to live, 457 00:18:36,781 --> 00:18:40,322 but of course I have time to be a great father. 458 00:18:40,355 --> 00:18:43,295 - That's attractive. - Make it quick. 459 00:18:43,361 --> 00:18:46,534 I'm closing the deal on this macaw. She's 110. 460 00:18:46,567 --> 00:18:49,540 Used to watch Eleanor Roosevelt do lesbian stuff. 461 00:18:49,573 --> 00:18:53,581 I know you did the best you could. And I kind of feel sad for you. 462 00:18:53,648 --> 00:18:56,688 I mean, I have a family at home waiting for me. 463 00:18:56,754 --> 00:18:58,960 You never got to enjoy that. 464 00:18:58,993 --> 00:19:00,293 I love you, Dad. 465 00:19:00,295 --> 00:19:03,234 [sentimental music] 466 00:19:03,268 --> 00:19:05,974 ? ? 467 00:19:06,007 --> 00:19:08,311 - I don't care. - I know. Bye. 468 00:19:08,378 --> 00:19:10,048 [babies meeping] 469 00:19:10,115 --> 00:19:13,254 - Daddy's home. - That took way too long. 470 00:19:13,288 --> 00:19:15,025 I'm taking a nap. 471 00:19:15,058 --> 00:19:17,998 [chuckles] I'm glad I'm home too. 472 00:19:19,133 --> 00:19:20,502 Okay. Okay. Get off Daddy. 473 00:19:20,535 --> 00:19:22,706 This is annoying. Get off Daddy! 474 00:19:22,740 --> 00:19:24,878 [meeping continues] Wait. Wait a minute. 475 00:19:24,911 --> 00:19:27,416 Aren't we... Darla, we're missing one! 476 00:19:27,483 --> 00:19:30,222 The little one, kind of greenish and annoying. 477 00:19:30,255 --> 00:19:33,261 - [gasps] You're right. - I knew how many babies we have. 478 00:19:33,295 --> 00:19:36,902 - Aren't I a great father? - The best one they've got. 479 00:19:36,969 --> 00:19:40,977 Daddy issues resolved. Suck on that, Maurice. 480 00:19:41,077 --> 00:19:44,417 That's funny. My dad's name is Maurice. 481 00:19:44,450 --> 00:19:47,523 I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that. 482 00:19:48,959 --> 00:19:51,528 Darla? Shel? How did you, like... 483 00:19:51,564 --> 00:19:53,101 who pressed the button on the elevator? 484 00:19:53,168 --> 00:19:57,343 - Give us back our baby, Chico. - Who, Cheep? That's insane. 485 00:19:57,409 --> 00:20:00,282 - You're insane. - Come on now, Chico. 486 00:20:00,315 --> 00:20:01,885 Give him back. 487 00:20:01,952 --> 00:20:03,823 [tender music] 488 00:20:03,889 --> 00:20:04,889 Meow. 489 00:20:04,925 --> 00:20:07,329 Well, that's going to make him tough to love. 490 00:20:07,396 --> 00:20:10,600 I guess it is weird. I don't know what I was thinking. 491 00:20:10,604 --> 00:20:13,375 Well, now that I see you live alone with a sweatshirt, 492 00:20:13,475 --> 00:20:15,779 - I understand. - Thank you for that. 493 00:20:15,847 --> 00:20:18,752 Goodbye, Cheep. Don't forget about me. 494 00:20:18,819 --> 00:20:21,557 - Meow. - You know what, Chico? 495 00:20:21,624 --> 00:20:22,493 Why don't you keep him? 496 00:20:22,526 --> 00:20:24,965 At this point, he probably won't survive 497 00:20:25,032 --> 00:20:26,332 out in the wild anyway. 498 00:20:26,367 --> 00:20:28,605 No, no, no, Cheep belongs with you. 499 00:20:28,671 --> 00:20:31,477 You're a great mom, unlike that bird over there. 500 00:20:31,511 --> 00:20:33,548 Excuse me. [chick cheeping] 501 00:20:34,183 --> 00:20:35,719 Hey. Excuse me. 502 00:20:35,752 --> 00:20:39,427 Did you just throw up in your baby's mouth? 503 00:20:39,460 --> 00:20:44,454 - Yeah. What's it to you, Karen? - Hmm. Interesting. 504 00:20:47,342 --> 00:20:50,080 [monitor beeping] Bob the Peacock, I want to apologize. 505 00:20:50,182 --> 00:20:52,619 I've had a little time to take stock of my behavior, 506 00:20:52,653 --> 00:20:56,194 and the dog I was that day is not the dog I want to be, 507 00:20:56,227 --> 00:20:57,396 nor the dog I am. 508 00:20:57,463 --> 00:21:00,435 I hope you can find it in your new heart to forgive me. 509 00:21:00,502 --> 00:21:02,039 Well, Honey, what I'm about to say 510 00:21:02,072 --> 00:21:04,543 is actually going to blow your mind, 511 00:21:04,577 --> 00:21:06,481 because the day you left me for dead 512 00:21:06,547 --> 00:21:09,587 is actually the day I came alive. 513 00:21:09,620 --> 00:21:14,630 Because baby, I found Jesus. And you can too. 514 00:21:14,697 --> 00:21:16,869 Okay, then. So glad you're feeling better. 515 00:21:16,935 --> 00:21:20,275 He was plucked for our sins and yours. 516 00:21:20,308 --> 00:21:22,413 - You're right. You're right. - Now because of you, 517 00:21:22,479 --> 00:21:24,450 I'm gonna spread the good bird. 518 00:21:24,517 --> 00:21:25,837 Okay, well, good luck with that. 519 00:21:25,861 --> 00:21:29,360 - ? Because bird is the word ? - I'm so happy for you! 520 00:21:29,393 --> 00:21:32,040 ? Bird is the word, ha ? 521 00:21:32,090 --> 00:21:36,640 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 39316

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.