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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,200
ENGINE REVS
2
00:00:11,280 --> 00:00:12,719
SAT NAV: Re-routing.
3
00:00:12,720 --> 00:00:16,119
Turn around where possible. Eh?
4
00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:19,719
Re-routing. OK... OK, look.
5
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:20,999
Sure, let's re-route.
6
00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:24,519
In 200 metres,
your destination is on your left.
7
00:00:24,520 --> 00:00:27,359
Oh! Where did those
bollards come from?
8
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:31,839
Re-routing. Oh, look at the state
of that. Oh, my God. I'm in hell.
9
00:00:31,840 --> 00:00:33,359
I'm actually in hell.
10
00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:36,559
At the roundabout,
take the second exit.
11
00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:40,039
I can't take the second exit
any more. In 200 metres,
12
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:42,199
go straight ahead.
Since when was that a bus lane?
13
00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:44,359
HORN HONKING
Yes! Sorry!
14
00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:45,519
MAN: You moron!
15
00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:48,119
I'm doing my be...
I'm doing my best!
16
00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:50,599
Re-routing.
Turn around where possible.
17
00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:52,519
Turn around where?
Proceed to the route.
18
00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:54,359
Oh, you heartless machine.
19
00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:57,479
Re-routing. Robots are shit!
You're a shit robot!
20
00:00:57,480 --> 00:01:01,440
Continue straight ahead
for one mile to your destination.
21
00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:04,280
Bollards...
22
00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:09,999
BUZZING
23
00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:12,119
MAN OVER INTERCOM:
Hello, this is the access team.
24
00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:13,879
Lausen Cleaners,
I'm here for the statue.
25
00:01:13,880 --> 00:01:15,599
None of us are at
our desks at the moment,
26
00:01:15,600 --> 00:01:18,079
but if you leave a message after
the tone, we'll get back to you
27
00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:20,399
as soon as possible. Thank you.
Hello?
28
00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:22,879
LINE GOES DEAD
Doesn't work, that, la'.
29
00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:24,399
Might as well talk to a cup.
30
00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:26,639
Oh, right. Well, can you
let me through, then?
31
00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:27,719
I'm here for the statue.
32
00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:28,999
Nah, mate, I'm sorry.
33
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:31,279
Got an outside company now
that deals with the access.
34
00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:32,839
Eh? Who do I talk to, then?
35
00:01:32,840 --> 00:01:34,559
I wouldn't know, my mate.
36
00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:36,879
See, the department that deals
with the access company,
37
00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:38,679
they're not about that much.
38
00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:40,799
Based at home, mainly, you know.
39
00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:43,839
It's called...agile working.
40
00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:45,559
My God, the world's in a mess.
41
00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:47,120
HE CHUCKLES
42
00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:52,359
Oi! What do YOU do, then?
43
00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:54,559
You're not the first
to ask that, la'.
44
00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:56,679
These days, I'm unsure myself.
45
00:01:56,680 --> 00:01:58,720
They say, "Do it, Vince,"
and I'll have a go.
46
00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:01,199
OK.
47
00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:02,919
Hiya! Whoa... Sorry.
48
00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:06,239
Council Officer Frankel, Pepper.
You're with the council.
49
00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:08,759
Urban Redevelopment
with culture brief, yes.
50
00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:11,119
And you are our valiant cleaner.
51
00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:13,199
I'm a crime scene cleaner,
and your one-way system
52
00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:14,759
is bloody ridiculous.
SHE SCOFFS
53
00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:17,319
I hardly think a
£3 million-pedestrianisation
54
00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:20,119
re-routing system
can be described as ridiculous.
55
00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:22,879
BOTH LAUGH
It's rubbish.
56
00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:24,599
It's rubbish.
57
00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:28,319
Now, we are in
a vehicle-free zone...
58
00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:31,239
It's only a 15-minute or so walk
from here if we get a wriggle on.
59
00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:33,999
Eh? Can you not put
these bollards down?
60
00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:36,599
I'll drive across the pedestrian
area, it's a maintenance job.
61
00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:39,599
Ooh, no, that's the responsibility
of the access team... Access team.
62
00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:42,399
..and they follow an agile working
system. They don't come to work,
63
00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:44,239
I've heard, yeah. Yes.
64
00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:47,519
Anyway, pop your van over there
and let's get you off to the statue.
65
00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:49,079
Pop? Yes.
66
00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:50,400
Yeah.
67
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:58,359
Are these shops all right? You're
making people walk a very long way.
68
00:02:58,360 --> 00:03:00,079
It's just a period of adjustment.
69
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:02,799
I like to think we've given the
town a shot in the arm.
70
00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:06,039
Yeah? I like to think if I hold
my stomach in when I talk to women,
71
00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:07,239
I look thin.
72
00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:10,320
The consensus is, people like
a low-emission town centre.
73
00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:14,519
What people? There are no people.
74
00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:16,399
And what's he? A mirage?
75
00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:17,719
CHEERFULLY: Morning!
76
00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:20,519
How are we finding the
pedestrianisation zone?
77
00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:22,599
You've ruined this town!
78
00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:25,559
SHE CHUCKLES
So many characters around here.
79
00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:27,680
So, this new statue...
80
00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:34,279
..given the feelings towards the
previous incarnation of the statue,
81
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:35,839
well, that was problematic,
82
00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:39,919
but once it was gone, there was
a palpable sense of relief.
83
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:43,279
Especially for me. I'd been
lobbying for years to get rid of it.
84
00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:45,159
We've even had
a focus group approved
85
00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:47,639
and a fully-budgeted
alternative all lined up,
86
00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:50,479
and thankfully,
everyone was thrilled with it.
87
00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:52,679
But then, out of the blue,
this happens.
88
00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:55,119
Do you mean there was a statue
and that statue was replaced
89
00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:56,999
and now someone's
vandalised that statue?
90
00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:58,199
Yes.
91
00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:00,359
You use a lot of words.
92
00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:02,199
Your meetings must go on for ages.
93
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,919
Hmm, well, I'm sorry if you
find me a little verbose.
94
00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:07,919
Hey, well, we're all
verbose sometimes, aren't we?
95
00:04:07,920 --> 00:04:10,440
Jesus Christ,
I'm verbose as shit, myself.
96
00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:14,239
You don't know what
verbose means, do you?
97
00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:15,680
No.
98
00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:24,920
And there it is.
99
00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:31,079
Oh, my God.
100
00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:32,559
Quite striking, isn't it?
101
00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:36,279
We wanted something that reflected
a rich period in the town's history,
102
00:04:36,280 --> 00:04:37,839
so we did some research and then...
103
00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:39,320
Put a big bollock on a plinth.
104
00:04:40,840 --> 00:04:42,319
Put a what?
105
00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:43,879
A big bollock.
106
00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:45,879
A giant plum. A huge gonad.
107
00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:49,399
It's not a gonad. It's a sweet meat.
108
00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:51,119
A nut. A teabag.
109
00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:52,439
It's a knick-knack. A knacker.
110
00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:53,959
A love spud.
111
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,359
It's a purple popper.
112
00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:56,559
It's a Jacob.
113
00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:58,879
I know one of grandfather's
clock weights when I see it.
114
00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:00,799
I'm finding this
quite triggering, actually.
115
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,279
Who's triggered? I'm triggered.
116
00:05:02,280 --> 00:05:04,679
Hello. I'm Wicky. You've put
a big testicle in your town.
117
00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:06,640
It's...a chickpea.
118
00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:10,719
Is it? Yes!
119
00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:14,159
Why? Because the town
used to import chickpeas.
120
00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:15,959
I've been coming to
this town for years.
121
00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:17,679
No-one's ever mentioned chickpeas.
122
00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:20,440
1856-1858. It was quite the hub.
123
00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:23,719
What's that on it?
124
00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:25,199
Goose blood, we think.
125
00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:27,559
Oh, God, is that part of
council training these days,
126
00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:29,239
identifying bird blood?
127
00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:31,199
Is that what we're wasting
taxpayers' money on?
128
00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:32,799
There's a goose beak down there.
129
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,039
All right, Midsomer Murders,
keep your clogs on.
130
00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:37,039
Can you clean it, or not?
131
00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:38,399
Of course I can.
132
00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:42,319
You will have a gleaming
golden plum within the hour.
133
00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:44,839
Did you actually wink at me?
134
00:05:44,840 --> 00:05:46,919
Do you know what? As I did it,
I thought,
135
00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:49,159
"I've misjudged
my wink audience here."
136
00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:51,839
It's funny, isn't it? I winked
at a lollipop lady earlier
137
00:05:51,840 --> 00:05:53,439
and she let me go before the kids.
138
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:54,599
Cos some women...
139
00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:57,119
I am amazed you didn't wolf-whistle.
At Jan?
140
00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:58,959
She's hearing impaired.
There's no point.
141
00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:01,159
Shouldn't be in the job,
really, to be honest with you.
142
00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:03,039
It's bloody dangerous.
Right. Must go.
143
00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:05,519
I've got a planning
subcommittee to attend.
144
00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:07,719
You going to put a big boob
on the town hall steps?
145
00:06:07,720 --> 00:06:09,319
Pardon? Eh?
146
00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:10,719
Oh, nothing.
147
00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:13,080
You'd better get
a wriggle on - it's miles away.
148
00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:17,720
CHEERFULLY: Morning!
149
00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:32,959
I've bloody chipped it.
150
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:35,319
I'm glad you agree.
It is a carbuncle.
151
00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:36,639
Hello.
152
00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:37,999
You're not a photographer.
153
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:39,959
I'm not. And you're not a hurdler.
154
00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:41,079
What?
155
00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:42,639
Sorry, I thought it was a game.
156
00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:44,039
I'm here to clean.
157
00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:45,759
The public toilets are over there.
158
00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:46,999
Oh, fair warning.
159
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:49,319
I defecated in each of the
stalls myself,
160
00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:50,679
to make a point.
161
00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:53,199
God, you must be starving.
162
00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:54,479
I'm not here for the bogs.
163
00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:56,239
I'm here for the big,
golden ball bag.
164
00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:59,399
Oh, no, no. No, no.
This doesn't need cleaning. Move on.
165
00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:01,359
Eh? It's covered in blood.
166
00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:02,759
Yes, goose blood.
167
00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:05,239
Damn near three buckets of it.
Walk on.
168
00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:08,719
Right. Well, this isn't a question
I thought I'd be asking,
169
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:10,519
but was it you that threw
goose blood
170
00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:12,480
onto the big, bronze chickpea,
madam?
171
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:15,760
Maybe I did.
172
00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:18,320
Maybe I didn't.
173
00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:24,959
Is that goose blood
on your tweed skirt?
174
00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:26,919
Perhaps.
175
00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:30,599
OK. I've got lots of questions
jostling for position now,
176
00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:32,519
but the frontrunner is, why?
177
00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:34,919
Why would a woman want to
take a stand about
178
00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:37,759
the demise of a previously
thriving market town?
179
00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:42,279
Why would a lady seek to have
a symbolic carbuncle removed
180
00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:45,759
from a place where she
once ran free, as a child?
181
00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:47,839
It is a mystery, isn't it?
182
00:07:47,840 --> 00:07:50,079
In much the same way as why
would an illiterate
183
00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:53,319
be sent to end a legitimate
protest with his mop?
184
00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:55,999
HE GASPS
Illiterate?
185
00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:58,719
I've just finished reading
The Deathly Hallows.
186
00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:01,479
OK. Fun's over. Clean-up time.
187
00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:02,799
This is not fun!
188
00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:04,319
This is popular protest.
189
00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:06,079
I have a legal right to undertake it
190
00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:08,599
and until the local press arrive
to document it,
191
00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:10,039
I will defend that right.
192
00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:13,159
You've got the time it takes me
to finish mixing these chemicals,
193
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:14,719
and then it is with great regret
194
00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:17,240
that I shall be cleaning
this statue, regardless.
195
00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:21,759
I am playing darts
in my local team tonight,
196
00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:25,519
and for some reason, none of
those boys can hit a double ten.
197
00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:30,199
Some genetic abnormality of some
kind, but that is where I come in.
198
00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:32,079
Because I never miss it.
199
00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:35,399
A game. A shot. In the mitch.
200
00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:36,920
To the Brummie bomber.
201
00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:40,839
Do you have a carer?
202
00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:43,920
PHONE VIBRATES
Yeah, I do. And here he is.
203
00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:47,839
Yes, I'm there now.
204
00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:49,759
Well, there are complications.
205
00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:51,799
Not long, but I'm...
I'm doing my best.
206
00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:53,440
AHEM!
207
00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:56,759
What are you doing?
208
00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:59,159
Believe in the power of
popular protest, yet?
209
00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:02,119
I'm going to have to go back to the
van now, it's bloody miles away!
210
00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:04,519
Down with this chickpea!
Down with all chickpeas.
211
00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:06,519
The chickpea does not speak for us!
212
00:09:06,520 --> 00:09:08,760
Hey! Bloody right!
213
00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:12,199
This is going to make me
pro-chickpea, if anything.
214
00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:13,559
I'm the chickpea!
215
00:09:13,560 --> 00:09:15,919
# We shall not
We shall not be moved
216
00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:17,599
# We shall not... #
Yeah, yeah.
217
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:18,919
Don't worry, I'll get my stuff.
218
00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:20,959
# We shall not... #
I'll go back to the van again.
219
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:22,639
Yeah. I'll go back again,
no problem!
220
00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:24,079
Jesus Christ!
# We shall not
221
00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:25,239
# We shall not be moved
222
00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:27,279
# We shall... #
I'm the chickpea!
223
00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:28,479
I'm the chickpea!
224
00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:31,200
# We shall not
We shall not be moved. #
225
00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:43,920
What the..?
226
00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:51,920
HE GRUNTS
227
00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:12,039
Ooh, now, there is some
suggestion that the supermarket
228
00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:14,639
we gave planning permission for
229
00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:17,799
has drawn trade away
from the town centre,
230
00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:21,079
but I'm excited to hear
your ideas for regeneration.
231
00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:23,760
Barbara. A vegan cheesemonger.
232
00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:28,639
Why not? Yes, I mean, that's
just the sort of lateral thinking
233
00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:30,399
that'll get people coming back.
234
00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:31,559
KNOCKING
235
00:10:31,560 --> 00:10:34,039
Why don't we give free
coffee to blue badge holders?
236
00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:36,079
Uh, well... Jackpot.
237
00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:37,839
Will you excuse me for a moment?
238
00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:39,040
Thank you.
239
00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:45,319
LOWERED VOICES: What are you doing?
I need to speak to you.
240
00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:48,799
This is not the time or the place.
I need to speak to you now.
241
00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:50,639
You can't just
pull me out of a meeting.
242
00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:52,119
Your voice probably needs a rest.
243
00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:53,759
Someone's locked
all my chemicals up.
244
00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:55,319
Yes, well, you left them unattended.
245
00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:57,519
The health and safety
team have had to impound them.
246
00:10:57,520 --> 00:11:00,279
An infant may have consumed them.
You told me to leave my van there.
247
00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:02,239
And where's this plague
of infants coming from?
248
00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:04,959
Where's the health and safety team?
They are centralised in Cardiff
249
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:07,279
and our representatives are
on a course this afternoon.
250
00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:09,959
You're not going to get your bloody
chickpea cleaned, then are you?
251
00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:11,959
Some woman's poured away
my remaining chemicals.
252
00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:14,119
Oh, God, I bet she has.
I knew she'd be back.
253
00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:16,639
You know her? Now, you listen to me.
254
00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:19,359
How you clean that statue
is your concern.
255
00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:21,599
But if it is not cleaned,
your boss will lose
256
00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:23,519
a very lucrative council contract.
257
00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:27,079
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to
go and speak too much in a meeting.
258
00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:28,760
Argh!
259
00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:36,479
All right, la'? How's it going?
260
00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:38,599
They've taken all
my cleaning stuff, Vince.
261
00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:41,439
Health and safety team are all agile
working this afternoon, kiddo.
262
00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:42,839
You'll have to contact Cardiff.
263
00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:45,439
I've got to get it done today.
This place is insane!
264
00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:48,360
What you need is someone
who's worked here so long...
265
00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:52,240
JANGLING
..got the keys to everything.
266
00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:56,120
See? I didn't mind the wink at all!
267
00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:02,599
There you go, kiddo.
268
00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:04,520
Jackpot. Thanks, mate.
269
00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:11,159
Ah. That's the old statue, is it?
270
00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:13,479
Oh, yeah, that's him.
Old Ryce Dennison.
271
00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:15,479
Daft-looking fella.
272
00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:19,159
You know, when we was kids,
we used to climb on top of him,
273
00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:21,559
pretend that we were all
off to cause mayhem.
274
00:12:21,560 --> 00:12:22,639
WICKY CHUCKLES
275
00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:24,599
Which committee
dragged him down, then?
276
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:27,079
I don't know which one,
but I know where they are.
277
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,759
All at home in their pyjamas?
278
00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:32,319
Spot on, mate.
HE CHUCKLES
279
00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:33,880
HE SIGHS
280
00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:40,879
For God's sake, where did
you get the chain from?
281
00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:41,999
Britain!
282
00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:45,399
# Land of hope and glory
283
00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:48,239
# Mother of the free
284
00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:51,479
# We will always adore thee
285
00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:53,439
# Even though... #
Look, this is starting to feel
286
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:54,639
like one of my cheese dreams.
287
00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:57,719
I can't keep doing that walk.
I'm very fat.
288
00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:00,439
Yes, I can see you're a product
of the fast-food generation.
289
00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:04,079
Burgers, microwave pizzas,
chicken nuggets, chicken...
290
00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:07,399
LAUGHING: You wouldn't know a
Sussex Bantam if I threw one at you.
291
00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:09,919
Look, I can see why you
might not like the chickpea...
292
00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:12,479
I DESPISE it.
293
00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:13,759
But then, I would.
294
00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:15,239
My name, sir,
295
00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:18,239
is Lucille Ryce Dennison.
296
00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:20,119
Ryce Dennison?
297
00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:21,359
Is that the...
298
00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:22,919
Is that the old statue?
299
00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:26,479
Colonel Sir William Arthur
Balfour Ryce Dennison.
300
00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:29,679
And I, his great-great-great niece.
301
00:13:29,680 --> 00:13:31,519
Right. So that's why you're here.
302
00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:33,279
I've just seen him at the town hall.
303
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:35,559
Fair play,
he's a fine-looking fellow.
304
00:13:35,560 --> 00:13:37,879
A revered colonial governor.
305
00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:40,839
A man of impeccable breeding
and a woefully-underrated
306
00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:42,639
watercolour landscape painter.
307
00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:45,679
Eh... Replaced by a chickpea!
308
00:13:45,680 --> 00:13:47,799
Look, you might have a point,
but, come on,
309
00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:50,399
my boss is going to go mad
if I don't complete the work order.
310
00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:52,919
Oh, only following orders, are we?
311
00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:54,439
Just like the Nazis.
312
00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:56,519
Bloody hell, we got there
a bit quick, didn't we?
313
00:13:56,520 --> 00:13:59,919
Bet you would have loved to have
buffed statues of the Fuhrer
314
00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:02,479
while the Wehrmacht
goosestepped by.
315
00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:04,279
They liked to erase history, too!
316
00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:05,799
Look, can I just clean round you?
317
00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:07,079
Never! Never!
318
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:09,119
Ow! Ow, never!
319
00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:12,079
Augh! Never! Oh, really? Yes,
really.
320
00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:13,560
BOTH GRUNTING
321
00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:18,119
See, if I miss this darts match...
Darts, ha-ha!
322
00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:20,879
An opiate to the masses, the man
that once stood on this plinth.
323
00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:22,799
Put this town on the map!
324
00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:25,439
He who sang its name
through the corridors of power,
325
00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:27,599
tossed it to the winds of
the Americas,
326
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:30,079
whispered to the waters
of the East Indies.
327
00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:32,839
But now, they seek to pretend
he didn't exist.
328
00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:35,959
# Land of hope and glory
329
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:38,559
# Mother of the free
330
00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:42,160
# I will always adore thee... #
331
00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:47,680
KNOCKING
332
00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:50,759
What do you mean,
she's chained herself to it?
333
00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:53,879
British chains, apparently.
Ugh, bloody woman.
334
00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:56,319
Well, she's got a point.
Oh, she's got a point, has she?
335
00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:57,959
And you share her precious point?
336
00:14:57,960 --> 00:15:00,119
Well, she's related to
old whatshisname, isn't she?
337
00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:02,599
She's not going to be into
a golden knacker. Ryce Dennison.
338
00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:04,079
Yes, the colonel himself.
339
00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:06,439
And she's told you ALL
about him, no doubt.
340
00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:08,439
Yes. Very good at watercolours.
341
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:11,159
Look, I know he looks
a bit old-fashioned,
342
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:14,119
but come on, he's better
than a golden gland.
343
00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:15,759
SHE SCOFFS
344
00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:19,799
She told you about his use
of slave labour, I presume?
345
00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:21,679
Sla..? Slaves?
346
00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:22,879
What did you say, slaves?
347
00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:26,679
Slave? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
we don't say "slave".
348
00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:29,239
We say..."hello". Yes.
349
00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:31,079
She usually misses that bit out.
350
00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:34,319
Renowned benefactor who sat
drinking port with his friends
351
00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:36,400
while a subjugated people
did the work.
352
00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:42,199
There you go, mate. Thanks, Vince.
353
00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:44,359
Don't tell the maintenance team,
whatever you do,
354
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:46,719
when they get back from
the health and safety conference.
355
00:15:46,720 --> 00:15:48,879
See, I'm not supposed to
lend them out.
356
00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:51,480
So this woman,
what's she protesting about?
357
00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:55,039
Who? Her?
358
00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:56,479
Protest?
359
00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:59,399
Oh, God, I don't know.
You'd have to ask her. Don't ask me.
360
00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:01,519
Why are you asking me, Vince?
I don't know.
361
00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:04,079
I can't stand around chatting
to you. I've got to go.
362
00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:08,439
Yeah. Thanks. Thanks. Lovely.
363
00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:12,319
# Bring me my bow of burning gold
364
00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:15,639
# Bring me my arrows of desire
365
00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:16,919
# Bring... #
366
00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:18,960
What? What?!
367
00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:21,599
Ooh!
368
00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:23,479
Right. Move.
369
00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:25,359
New information has come to light
370
00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:27,160
and I'm about to buff a chickpea.
371
00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:31,039
Going to struggle to clean
without your mop, aren't you?
372
00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:32,799
That is not a mop.
373
00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:36,039
That is a microfibre,
polypropylene bisom.
374
00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:38,079
It's a piece of
specialist equipment.
375
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:39,240
And as a specialist...
376
00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:42,440
..I always carry a spare.
377
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,999
En garde! Augh! Ha-ha!
378
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:48,439
GROWLING
379
00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:51,040
GRUNTING
380
00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:55,520
HE GROWLS, SHE CACKLES
381
00:16:57,560 --> 00:16:59,360
HE YELLS
382
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:02,439
Ugh! Suck on that!
383
00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:03,799
Bloody hell.
384
00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:05,680
HE YELLS
385
00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:10,560
FAINT SCUFFLING
386
00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:14,680
Ugh!
387
00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:18,840
Yield!
388
00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:23,920
That's how we do it.
389
00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:32,039
Ridiculous. Can't a man
do his job in peace? Nutter.
390
00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:33,920
What did you call me?
391
00:17:38,120 --> 00:17:40,480
One soapy bollock...coming up.
392
00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:50,840
Puh.
393
00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:05,359
Am I going to go bald? No.
394
00:18:05,360 --> 00:18:08,879
The acidity is much the same
as household vinegar.
395
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:11,879
If anything, you might
see a bit more shine,
396
00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:13,279
a reduction in frizz.
397
00:18:13,280 --> 00:18:15,639
Really? I might try that at home.
398
00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:17,160
Cider vinegar's best.
399
00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:19,800
Apparently.
400
00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:24,199
Well, that got a bit
out of hand, didn't it?
401
00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:26,919
In that you decided to have
a fight with a woman, yes.
402
00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:30,159
Why are you so desperate to stop me?
403
00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:33,239
Look, I know you're proud
of the colonel and everything
404
00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:36,159
and I don't really want to
be the one to tell you, but...
405
00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:39,199
LOWERED VOICE:
..apparently he used slaves.
406
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:40,959
He had what?
407
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:42,639
He used slaves.
408
00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:44,319
You sound like you've had a stroke.
409
00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:46,279
Speak your mind, sir.
He used slaves!
410
00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:47,879
We're all slaves!
411
00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:49,559
Mate, have you not
got anything to do?
412
00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:51,319
Nope. Fair enough.
413
00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:54,279
So... And who didn't, in that era?
414
00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:57,159
All the ruling classes did.
Yes, but it's wrong!
415
00:18:57,160 --> 00:19:00,599
It is, and I'm sure he wouldn't
have done it if he were alive today.
416
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:03,439
Hang on... Do you believe
we can't have a statue of anyone
417
00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:05,559
who did things we
didn't approve of today?
418
00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:08,639
Well... Let's get Winston Churchill
pulled down, shall we?
419
00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:11,679
Oh, Gandhi had some
pretty unhealthy views.
420
00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:14,119
Let's draft a letter to the
Indian government, shall we?
421
00:19:14,120 --> 00:19:16,679
Yeah, I know, but... I hope you
won't be watching Goldfinger
422
00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:18,039
on television this Christmas.
423
00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:20,599
Sean Connery said
it was OK to slap a woman.
424
00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:21,959
You leave Bond out of it.
425
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:24,719
Sorry, if you don't mind, sorry.
426
00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:27,279
I respect all women, madam.
Thank you, sorry.
427
00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:29,639
Not quite as simple
as you thought, is it?
428
00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:33,319
Look, I just want to
go and play darts.
429
00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:35,559
The two Johnnies will
go mad if I don't turn up.
430
00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:37,679
And who are the two Johnnies
when they're at home?
431
00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:39,199
Oh, it's one bloke called Johnny,
432
00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:41,999
he's just had the same condom
in his wallet since 1994.
433
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:44,120
He's a bloody good darts
captain, though, so...
434
00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:50,079
Look, can we compromise?
435
00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:54,199
I'll get the worst of it off, and
then if your photographer turns up,
436
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:57,160
I'll splash some stuff on it, make
it look like there's been a protest.
437
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:05,999
CLINKING
438
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:07,959
What the..? Congratulations.
439
00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:11,079
You've just become part
of a popular protest.
440
00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:13,919
Fancy a snack?
How about a nice, little key?
441
00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:15,839
No, no, no, no, no, no, no...
442
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,919
Mmm-mmm, yum, yum, yum.
443
00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:19,639
Oh, my God!
444
00:20:19,640 --> 00:20:21,919
# Land of hope and glory... #
445
00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:23,200
Enough!
446
00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:28,280
SIGHING
447
00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:36,679
You've just seen this in a film,
haven't you?
448
00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:38,239
Yes, all right.
449
00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:40,239
Lucille, this has got to stop.
450
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:43,839
Over my dead body,
Council Officer Fran.
451
00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:45,479
So you two actually know each other?
452
00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:48,319
In so far as you can know
a jingoistic dinosaur.
453
00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:50,119
Or a politically correct fool,
454
00:20:50,120 --> 00:20:54,239
who would rip the heart out of
a town to avoid offending anyone.
455
00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:58,039
He ruined people's lives.
Oh, yes, let's erase history,
456
00:20:58,040 --> 00:21:00,599
and replace it with
utter meaningless tosh.
457
00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:04,079
Could you not put the colonel's
statue in a museum? Oh, please!
458
00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:05,559
Like we haven't heard that before.
459
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:07,999
No? It's in the way
like a dirty secret.
460
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,999
We need to educate, not deny.
461
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:13,199
What about a little plaque
at the bottom of the statue
462
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:15,159
saying about all the bad stuff
he did? Good idea.
463
00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:17,159
Yes, an apologetic
little sign saying,
464
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:19,159
"Sorry, we're celebrating
a monster."
465
00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:20,959
You can't erase a town's history.
466
00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:23,959
People need to know from whence
they came, good and bad.
467
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:25,919
Oh, so you're the voice
of the people now?
468
00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:27,439
Yes, I thought chucking blood
469
00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:29,799
at a statue
was rather reminiscent of mob rule.
470
00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:34,439
And keeping the truth from the
people smacks of a bloody dictator,
471
00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:36,919
Chairwoman Mao.
Don't you "Chairwoman Mao" me,
472
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:38,559
you one-woman gang of thugs.
473
00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:40,479
Did anyone ask people from the town?
What?
474
00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:43,879
Did either of you think to
ask the people who matter?
475
00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:45,559
Black people!
476
00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:47,439
Oh, good point! No!
477
00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:50,799
That's not what I meant!
Ooh, yes, he has got a point. No!
478
00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:52,999
Who do we know? I don't know, um...
479
00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:54,999
Erm... Hmm...
480
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:56,319
SHE GASPS
Vince!
481
00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:57,559
Why don't we ask Vince?
482
00:21:57,560 --> 00:22:00,119
Why don't we? Good!
No, that's not what I meant!
483
00:22:00,120 --> 00:22:02,319
Come along, come along... No...
Come on, cleaner.
484
00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:04,399
Off you come. We can't do this!
485
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:07,439
I'm sure he'll have an insight
into a lineage of pain.
486
00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:09,279
And I'm sure he'll be
intelligent enough
487
00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:11,519
to put it into historical
perspective.
488
00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:14,640
For the last time, I don't think
we should do this, ladies. Come on.
489
00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:20,799
This is insensitive.
This is exploitation.
490
00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:22,799
And I've got a darts match!
491
00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:25,519
Oh, well done, Vince.
492
00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:27,199
So, what are youse on about?
493
00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:29,039
They're talking about the statues,
Vince.
494
00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:31,039
The chickpea is meaningless.
495
00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:34,159
He'll want the town to
celebrate its past, warts and all.
496
00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:36,079
Better to have a symbol
of hate, then, is it?
497
00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:37,639
We are talking about the colonel?
498
00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:41,359
A flawed man, but a
beautifully-made, historic statue.
499
00:22:41,360 --> 00:22:43,479
Made a good climbing frame,
to be fair.
500
00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:46,839
Vince, why are you being so blase?
501
00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:49,239
Your heritage, the suffering...
502
00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:50,799
What are you on about?
503
00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:53,279
Vince, I'm sorry to have to
break it to you,
504
00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:56,839
but the colonel was someone
who utilised subjugated labour.
505
00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:59,119
As did all the ruling classes
of the time.
506
00:22:59,120 --> 00:23:00,399
You what?
507
00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:02,519
He used slaves, Vince.
508
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:04,599
Oh, yeah, I know about that.
509
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:05,799
Wait, you do?
510
00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:07,959
Of course I do.
Grew up here, didn't I?
511
00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:09,399
Then you'll have a view on it.
512
00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:11,719
You'll want the history of
the town acknowledged
513
00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:13,159
and the aesthetic preserved.
514
00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:14,719
Or the shame removed.
515
00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:16,680
And why would I have
such strong opinions?
516
00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:19,759
Well, b...because...
517
00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:22,919
You're... ..because...well...
You're...
518
00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:24,119
Don't do this.
519
00:23:24,120 --> 00:23:26,439
BOTH: Because you're black.
520
00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:28,359
Oh, my God.
521
00:23:28,360 --> 00:23:29,839
You're right.
522
00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:31,719
I am!
523
00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:33,080
Oh!
524
00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:35,959
So?
525
00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:38,799
So? Should the statue
have been pulled down or not?
526
00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:41,479
Yeah, I'm glad they
got rid of the old git.
527
00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:42,959
Progress.
528
00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:44,679
Vince is a progressive, I knew it.
529
00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:46,399
I'll see you're on a mural
for this, Vince.
530
00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:48,119
But you used to climb on the statue.
531
00:23:48,120 --> 00:23:49,599
It's part of your childhood.
532
00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:51,799
Yeah, we did. And me arl fella
used to laugh.
533
00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:54,239
Go on, kids, that's it.
534
00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:56,759
"Let the old bastard
carry you for a change."
535
00:23:56,760 --> 00:23:59,039
Didn't lobby to have it
taken down, though?
536
00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:02,479
No. No-one knew it was
even an option back then.
537
00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:05,399
I mean, me arl fella's glad
he's gone. I'm glad he's gone.
538
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:07,759
Thank you. But I don't think
he should have been replaced
539
00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:09,799
by a bleeding chickpea. Thank you!
540
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:11,479
130 grand, that thing cost.
541
00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:13,359
You what?!
542
00:24:13,360 --> 00:24:16,159
For a big, brass gonad?
543
00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:19,159
Sorry. Sorry, this is important.
You carry on.
544
00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:21,279
I mean, it's pretty disgusting
in this day and age,
545
00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:22,839
people struggling to make ends meet,
546
00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:24,839
that you waste money
on something like that.
547
00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:27,079
I wouldn't mind, but the kids
can't even climb on it.
548
00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:29,279
Vince, you haven't engaged
with the debate.
549
00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:31,599
You weren't at any of
the consultation meetings.
550
00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:34,079
I did send a petition.
You didn't sign it.
551
00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:36,319
Now, listen to me, youse two.
552
00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:38,519
I have got to cut some poor kid
out the railings,
553
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:41,079
and then someone's broken down
in the one-way lane,
554
00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:42,879
so I'll have to get
the tow truck out.
555
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:45,039
And THEN, on the fifth floor,
556
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:46,679
one of those venetian
blinds is stuck,
557
00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:49,479
and the woman's trying to show
slides about river pollution,
558
00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:51,559
and THEN, it's the end of my shift,
559
00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:53,159
and I am hoping
to make the tail end
560
00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:55,080
of my granddaughter's
birthday party.
561
00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:59,799
Now, I am so grateful that youse two
have given me permission to protest,
562
00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:02,639
but like my arl fella before me,
I'm going to get on
563
00:25:02,640 --> 00:25:04,439
and leave youse to bicker,
564
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:05,920
if it's all the same with you.
565
00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:15,240
I know someone who'd have
made that chickpea for 300 quid.
566
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:19,040
Anyway... Shame on you both.
567
00:26:07,440 --> 00:26:09,039
What's going on?
568
00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:10,679
This is coming down.
569
00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:13,319
Eh? I've only just
finished cleaning it.
570
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:14,839
It's getting melted down.
571
00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:16,599
Offensive, apparently.
572
00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:18,759
Mind you, this can't be it.
573
00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:22,079
This is a statue of some colonel,
it says here.
574
00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:24,519
This looks like a massive...
A bollock?
575
00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:26,959
Yeah. Yeah,
it's the colonel's bollock.
576
00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:29,439
You got the right statue.
577
00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:32,799
Yeah, I should check. No, no, you're
all right. I'm with the council.
578
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:34,279
Not seen you about before.
579
00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:36,279
No, I'm an agile worker.
580
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:37,760
I'm normally at home.
581
00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:43,200
MUSIC: Itchycoo Park
by Small Faces
582
00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:50,599
# Over bridge of sighs
583
00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:53,879
# To rest my eyes
in shades of green... #
584
00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:55,479
All right, Vince? Oh, hello.
585
00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:56,919
Just getting off. Yeah, listen,
586
00:26:56,920 --> 00:26:58,959
I thought I'd give you
a lift to your party.
587
00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:01,639
I... I've had an idea.
588
00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:03,639
# What did you do there?
589
00:27:03,640 --> 00:27:05,519
# I got high
590
00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:07,279
# What did you feel there?
591
00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:09,439
# Well, I cried
592
00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:11,119
# But, why the tears there?
593
00:27:11,120 --> 00:27:13,559
# Tell you why
594
00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:17,439
# It's all too beautiful... #
PLAYFUL SCREAMING
595
00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:21,239
# It's all too beautiful
596
00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:28,080
# It's all too beautiful
It's all too beautiful
597
00:27:30,360 --> 00:27:31,800
# Ha
598
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:36,679
# It's all too beautiful
599
00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:37,839
# Beautiful
600
00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:40,719
# It's all too beautiful
601
00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:42,119
# Beautiful
602
00:27:42,120 --> 00:27:44,559
# It's all too beautiful
603
00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:45,799
# Beautiful
604
00:27:45,800 --> 00:27:48,119
# It's all too beautiful
605
00:27:48,120 --> 00:27:49,320
# Beautiful
606
00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:52,240
# Ha
607
00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:57,719
# It's all too beautiful
608
00:27:57,720 --> 00:27:58,999
# Beautiful
609
00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:02,320
# It's all too beautiful
Beautiful. #
45716
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