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1
00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:33,679
- (Bernard) Oh, my God.
- Isn't it great?
2
00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:36,149
No, it's ridiculous.
3
00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:38,914
Why did you get it?
And why is it in my shop?
4
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:40,957
Manny said I should get a hobby.
5
00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:44,032
It'll be gone soon -
they need a winch to get it up to my flat.
6
00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:45,997
You'll be bored of the piano
in ten minutes.
7
00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:49,436
No. I'm getting proper lessons
from this Russian guy.
8
00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:51,477
His ad says he never fails.
9
00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:53,639
Right.
10
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:56,394
I have been working now for...
11
00:00:57,520 --> 00:00:59,318
73 straight hours.
12
00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:01,471
- I'm going to lunch.
- You can't.
13
00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:05,315
Don't sell this, it's reserved for Williams,
all right?
14
00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:08,711
- Where's my cure?
- It's not my fault you're hung over.
15
00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:10,791
It is. If you were a normal person,
16
00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:14,430
there wouldn't be so much to blot out.
Where's the flake?
17
00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:16,875
I was looking for Blue Sands.
18
00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:19,439
Sorry.
19
00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:22,797
- This is not for sale!
- Flake, flake, flake, flake.
20
00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:24,712
Oh, God!
21
00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:27,030
Beat it, flaps.
22
00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:31,873
This teacher is coming tomorrow,
is that OK?
23
00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:34,236
Here's your bloody flake.
24
00:01:34,320 --> 00:01:35,913
- Bernard?
- What?!
25
00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:37,911
This is reserved for Williams.
26
00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:41,231
You know what he's like.
It's written in the ledger.
27
00:01:41,320 --> 00:01:43,038
"Williams - Blue Sands.”
28
00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:45,031
Will you get out of the way
for the lesson?
29
00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:47,919
Shut up, all of you! I'm dying.
30
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:49,718
Jesus, more hobbledehoys.
31
00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:52,360
You can't leave me alone with them!
32
00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:55,273
They're all over the place
like a nest of pigs!
33
00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:57,670
Why can't they all just go away and...
34
00:01:57,760 --> 00:02:00,115
Oh, Manny, look.
35
00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:06,715
I'm going. I don't even need a book.
36
00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:09,758
I just heard this was funny
but sorry to bother you.
37
00:02:09,840 --> 00:02:13,754
- No, wait. It's yours.
- No! That belongs to...Williams...
38
00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:16,797
Great. How much do I owe you?
39
00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:19,156
Nothing. Sorry it's not
beautifully wrapped.
40
00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:21,231
Thanks.
41
00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:24,438
What are you doing?
Why did you give that to that girl?
42
00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:27,353
That's the woman I love, not "that girl”.
43
00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:29,670
- (Kicks Manny)
- (Phone)
44
00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:33,593
Hello? No, they're all gone.
We sold the last one.
45
00:02:33,680 --> 00:02:36,593
Mr Williams, your book.
Do you fancy a drink?
46
00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:40,435
I'm afraid Manny's just sold
the last copy. Terribly sorry.
47
00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:51,071
(+ Discordant piano)
48
00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:56,990
Again! Come on.
49
00:02:57,080 --> 00:02:59,037
Three Blind Mice!
50
00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:06,040
- God, not again.
- What's the matter?
51
00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:09,158
We've done this for 10 minutes,
it's not what I imagined.
52
00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:11,959
Neither was my first wife. Play!
53
00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:15,755
(Continues discordantly)
54
00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:22,920
You see? I can't play. Even if I had
50 fingers and a million years to spare.
55
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,913
I want to watch a video.
Can we go get chips?
56
00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:29,436
When you hired me,
you hired a Slavanski.
57
00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:33,593
My family has taught piano for 200 years.
58
00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:37,196
Of all my 13 brothers and sisters,
59
00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:40,272
I was the one sent on the scholarship.
60
00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:43,159
The rest stayed behind in the yurt.
61
00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:47,234
- What's a yurt?
- A tent made of beaver skins.
62
00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:49,470
No slouching. Play!
63
00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:53,309
(Continues, out of tune)
64
00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:03,755
- Where were you?
- Fran kicked me out for her lesson.
65
00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:05,911
Shut up. I'm not talking to you.
66
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:08,514
What? A customer
was a bit disappointed.
67
00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:14,919
Quite disappointed. I'll make it up to you.
68
00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:18,231
I'm sick of being used.
I'm sick of your lies.
69
00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:21,312
- How will you make it up to me?
- I'll buy you a Jeep.
70
00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:23,960
No. I want the weekend off.
71
00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:26,270
I mean it. I want a life.
72
00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:29,830
This is life!
We suffer and slave and expire, that's it.
73
00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:32,673
We have needs. Fran's got her piano.
74
00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:36,310
I want some time to myself.
You want to go out with a girl.
75
00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:39,233
Don't make me laugh...bitterly.
76
00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:42,153
Fran will fail, you'll toil your life away
77
00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:45,471
and I'll die alone,
upside down on the floor of a pub toilet.
78
00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:48,074
(Laughing)
79
00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:57,517
- Just...just ask her out.
- It's pointless.
80
00:04:57,600 --> 00:05:00,718
Look at her, she's got goodness
running out of her ears.
81
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:03,997
I bet you the weekend she says yes.
82
00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:07,677
Go on, give it a go.
83
00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:09,478
All right, all right, look.
84
00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:14,872
Hello. I'm, erm - not that it matters -
85
00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:16,917
erm, Bernard and...
86
00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:19,594
Nice to meet you. Kate.
87
00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:22,479
- The book's good. Thank you.
- Oh...
88
00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:29,834
Do you eat? I do. Want to do it
in the same room sometime?
89
00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:32,833
- Er, well...
- You're busy.
90
00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:36,834
Probably seeing one of your
four million friends. Never mind.
91
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:39,309
There, you see?
92
00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:42,357
Is tomorrow all right?
93
00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:44,636
- You did ask me out?
- Yes, I did.
94
00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:46,677
And I'm sorry to bother you.
95
00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:49,718
I pass by the shop anyway,
say eight o'clock?
96
00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:52,553
- E-Eight...
- Good. See you then.
97
00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:58,436
What does that mean, "see you then"?
98
00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:03,640
It means me, duvet, TV, Maltesers,
behind a locked door.
99
00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:06,917
1 win. I've got the weekend off.
You've got a date.
100
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,799
Fran's having a great time
with her piano.
101
00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:12,520
Who's suffering now? You tell me. Ha!
102
00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:19,277
(+ Faltering simple tune)
103
00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:23,319
Enough!
104
00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:25,789
Enough today.
105
00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:28,952
Lots of work to be done.
106
00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:31,316
Stupid piano.
107
00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:34,631
You will practise all evening,
swear to me.
108
00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:37,996
I swear.
109
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:45,639
1 will be back tomorrow
and every day until you can play.
110
00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:58,474
1 got the weekend off.
111
00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:02,757
That girl, I mean Kate, she asked me out.
112
00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:05,877
Couldn't resist my musk.
113
00:07:07,240 --> 00:07:09,550
- What's the matter?
- It's so unfair.
114
00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:13,235
I must be musical.
I've got hundreds of CDs.
115
00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:17,234
He wants me to practise all evening.
116
00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:19,277
He's such a meanie.
117
00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:23,319
Hm. I always wanted to learn
but my parents forced me not to.
118
00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:29,670
I spent hour after hour
playing football all by myself.
119
00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:33,640
Peering in at all the other children
practising their piano.
120
00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:36,553
Get on with it,
you're not off till tomorrow.
121
00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:38,950
What are you gonna do
with your time off?
122
00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:42,590
Oh, I dunno. Long baths,
braid my beard, unbraid it.
123
00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:46,594
Lie around fondling moonbeams,
being a lord of leisure.
124
00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:48,830
Go on, you, get cracking.
125
00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:51,673
OK, got to get down to this.
126
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:56,597
W-Where are you going?
127
00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:58,478
Drink.
128
00:07:58,560 --> 00:07:59,914
(Door closes)
129
00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:07,077
Oh.
130
00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:11,751
(+ Lively classical piano)
131
00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:34,239
Ah! I can play!
132
00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:47,119
(Static)
133
00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:49,316
(+ Boogie-woogie)
134
00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:02,995
Ah!
135
00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:06,880
(+ Scats along to music)
136
00:09:14,440 --> 00:09:16,158
Hey!
137
00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:25,436
(Groaning)
138
00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:27,830
(Both groaning)
139
00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:34,072
(Both) Argh!
140
00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:37,516
- Nooo!
- Shut up!
141
00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:42,720
Ooh, drinking when you should
be practising? Naughty, naughty.
142
00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:46,555
After this, you're on your own.
My time off starts now.
143
00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:51,956
I was listening to the radio,
I picked up a few chords.
144
00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:53,997
Oh, Manny, don't! My head.
145
00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:58,517
Josef is coming. He'll squeeze my face
and my brains will come out my nose.
146
00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:01,240
- (& Manny plays single notes)
- No noise!
147
00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:03,391
(+ Grieg: Piano Concerto)
148
00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:15,200
It's good, isn't it? Sort of relaxing.
149
00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:21,157
I picked up this as well.
It's quite famous. It goes...
150
00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:23,675
(+ Plays lively tune from radio)
151
00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:39,479
Miss Fran?
152
00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:42,398
I've been practising.
153
00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:45,279
Therefore I don't need
to have any more lessons
154
00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:47,476
and so you can...go home.
155
00:10:47,560 --> 00:10:50,279
Hmm. I see.
156
00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:53,192
How wonderful.
157
00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:57,069
And did you pick up anything else
in this single evening?
158
00:10:57,160 --> 00:11:00,073
(+ Jazz)
159
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:02,800
Impossible!
160
00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:05,394
I don't believe it.
161
00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:07,551
Nobody picks up jazz so quickly.
162
00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:09,790
It was me showing off. I play jazz.
163
00:11:09,880 --> 00:11:12,952
This is Bernard. Just a friend.
164
00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:16,829
Have you been teaching my pupil,
Mr Bernard Jazz Friend?
165
00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:19,196
Come away from the piano, please.
166
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:25,118
Now, play again. We shall see.
167
00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:28,800
(+ Lively tune from radio)
168
00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:33,351
How can this be?
169
00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:35,636
Well, I did practise all night.
170
00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:38,155
Don't be upset, Josef, you inspired her.
171
00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:40,356
Yes, thank you, Josef.
172
00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:43,273
You've done a wonderful, wonderful job.
173
00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:46,716
Today she's a natural,
yesterday it was cats screwing.
174
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:52,152
All credit to you. This morning
she played Brahms, Handel, Bach...
175
00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:55,039
Bach! My favourite.
176
00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:56,997
Before I go, please.
177
00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:01,830
No, I can't. It's not good enough.
178
00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:04,355
A perfectionist!
179
00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:06,556
Excellent.
180
00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:09,758
- (Slams keys discordantly)
- I will return tomorrow.
181
00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:12,229
- No, but-but...
- Ah. Tomorrow.
182
00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:20,031
What did you say that for?
Now he's coming back!
183
00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:22,430
Don't worry, Manny's gonna pick it up.
184
00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:25,512
No, he won't.
He's on holiday, remember?
185
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:30,037
He'll be watching the Test match in bed,
eating tiramisu with a long spoon.
186
00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:33,191
Manny, what could be nicer?
187
00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:36,272
It's really relaxing, you said so yourself.
188
00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:41,437
(+ Bach: Prelude 21)
189
00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:43,318
Faster.
190
00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:45,357
Faster!
191
00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:48,595
You're not trying. Feathery strokes.
192
00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:51,559
- You just told me to dampen it.
- Damp feathers.
193
00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:54,598
You have to become the piano.
Play from within.
194
00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:56,432
Argh! This isn't fair.
195
00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:58,716
I get the weekend off, you meet Kate.
196
00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:01,474
Ah! The lucky girl. I have to freshen up.
197
00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:05,520
Er... No.
198
00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:07,750
Come on, come on.
199
00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:11,151
It's not as if you've been
asked to play anything difficult.
200
00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:13,550
This is Bach's Prelude 21.
201
00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:15,711
What would you describe as difficult?
202
00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:20,158
Ritzenberg-Toscanonovic-
Prokofiev-Poppinofftoshops.
203
00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:24,157
OK, you can have a break. Tea?
204
00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:25,833
Oh! That'd be lovely.
205
00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:28,753
I'll have one, too, thanks. And a bickie.
206
00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:36,556
- Hi.
- Oh, hello.
207
00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:38,790
I brought the book for you to read.
208
00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:41,872
It's funny. What are you playing?
209
00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:45,032
Oh, nothing, nothing,
nothing, nothing, nothing.
210
00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:47,714
Well, jazz. And classical. And everything.
211
00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:50,394
- Rubbish, really.
- Go on.
212
00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:53,438
- Oh, I'm not very good.
- That doesn't matter.
213
00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:58,117
Usually I have to rub linseed oil
into my triceps before I...
214
00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:00,430
Well, maybe a little ditty. Hang on.
215
00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:04,075
No. No way. Not possible.
216
00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:06,470
I refuse. Absolutely no.
217
00:14:06,560 --> 00:14:08,278
That is a pity.
218
00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:11,478
Have a nice weekend
repricing every book in the shop -
219
00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:13,631
they've all just gone up by a penny.
220
00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:16,358
Er, how...
221
00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:20,479
there's just, er, something
I wanted to, er, ask you.
222
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:24,076
Erm, do you... Have you...
223
00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:26,800
Have you ever, erm...
224
00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:28,871
Have you ever read this?
225
00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:31,793
- No.
- Well, don't. It's just birds.
226
00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:34,076
Birds, birds and more birds.
227
00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:38,313
Owls, finches, sparrows,
that kind of thing and it's...
228
00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:41,313
It's very, very dull and birdy.
229
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:43,391
So stay away from that, OK?
230
00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:45,471
- OK.
- All right. OK. Good.
231
00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:47,551
Now, do you want to...?
232
00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:50,029
Have a seat, have a seat.
233
00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:51,599
Now...
234
00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:53,591
music.
235
00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:55,990
(+ Upbeat jazz)
236
00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:09,270
Sounds good. You've been practising.
237
00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:11,033
- Oh, hello.
- Hi.
238
00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:33,637
You are the lowest. How can you?
239
00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:38,396
Awful, eh? Much worse than lying
to that sweet old blind man.
240
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:40,630
Clear off, you're ruining my gig.
241
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:50,112
Good, isn't he?
242
00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:52,316
Amazing.
243
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:55,153
The truth is...he's a genius.
244
00:15:55,240 --> 00:15:56,753
This is nothing.
245
00:15:56,840 --> 00:16:00,993
Upstairs he's got rooms full
of his most recent paintings.
246
00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:07,031
He can, er, speak nine languages,
blow glass, do hard sums,
247
00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:09,475
but he wouldn't tell you.
He's just so modest.
248
00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:11,517
I had no idea.
249
00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:14,035
He seems so sort of awkward.
250
00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:18,472
What he needs is someone
to give him confidence.
251
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:20,039
Right.
252
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:34,910
(+ Gentle closing chord)
253
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:38,474
That was a bit clumsy. I'm usually better.
254
00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:41,712
That was just fine.
Come on, you're taking me out.
255
00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:44,997
Cheers.
256
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,750
Money. Taxis, dinners, tips.
257
00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:51,592
What did you say about me?
258
00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:53,637
Just nice things.
259
00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:01,437
Oh, you poor thing.
260
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:06,356
Oh, Manny,
you mustn't let him exploit you like that.
261
00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:09,114
You come and sit down.
262
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,157
There.
263
00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:13,197
You sit there.
264
00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:17,353
And have a nice practice
of the Bach for Josef.
265
00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:18,794
Get off.
266
00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:22,111
This is my holiday, I'm going to the pub.
267
00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:25,079
I'm never playing for you again.
268
00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:28,835
Well, if you can pick it up just like that...
269
00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:30,877
anybody can.
270
00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:37,274
(Discordant banging)
271
00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:41,237
You freak!
272
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:47,752
Ohhh, God.
273
00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:51,720
Come on, Manny, please!
Josef is gonna be here in a minute.
274
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:55,837
Don't! Stop! Stop.
275
00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:59,595
What am I gonna say to him?
He'll kill me with his cane.
276
00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:03,030
You. What did you say to Kate?
277
00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:05,157
She thinks I'm the Renaissance.
278
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:11,949
She'll think I've lied. I had to go along
with all this reclusive genius stuff.
279
00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:15,920
She'll be upset when she finds out
I'm a reclusive wanker.
280
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:18,958
You have lied, both of you, it's your fault.
281
00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:22,192
I'm hung over and on holiday.
I'm going to lie down.
282
00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:28,074
He's right.
We just have to tell them the truth.
283
00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:33,029
- Josef! Um, hello.
- Fran, my dear.
284
00:18:33,120 --> 00:18:35,873
Yes, erm, er...
Now, this is very difficult for me.
285
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:37,553
I know, I know.
286
00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:40,029
Bach is always a challenge.
287
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:42,350
Permit me to introduce my father,
288
00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:45,398
who flew in this morning
from Petersburg.
289
00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:47,994
Miss Fran, my father Petor.
290
00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:52,472
Hello. Yes, er, this makes
what I have to say even more difficult.
291
00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:58,078
But wait. My grandfather Anton,
all the way from Odessa.
292
00:18:58,160 --> 00:19:01,073
He taught the Tsar before the revolution.
293
00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:02,912
Hello, erm, yes.
294
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:06,516
They have both come just to hear you.
295
00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:09,990
Now, what did you want to tell me?
296
00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:13,071
Wait.
297
00:19:14,360 --> 00:19:15,839
Hi.
298
00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:18,480
Oh...hi. Er, I feel very bad...
299
00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:21,074
This is Mr Bernard Jazz - very good.
300
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,356
No, I'm not at all.
301
00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:26,193
You've got to stop
putting yourself down.
302
00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:27,953
Go on, play something.
303
00:19:30,360 --> 00:19:32,317
Yes... Sorry, hang on.
304
00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:38,316
No, I can't help either of you. I'm dying.
305
00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:41,552
Look, if you just say yes,
I'll stop doing this.
306
00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:46,116
A week off! I'll distract Kate.
307
00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:49,431
A whole week, all yours, paid,
from today.
308
00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:57,870
Spoon me.
309
00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:02,557
(+ Elaborate arpeggios)
310
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:09,038
Bravo!
311
00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:13,312
Go on, your turn.
312
00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:15,073
How about a duet?
313
00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:16,559
Huh?!
314
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:19,154
Bernard?
315
00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:21,197
Yeah.
316
00:20:23,360 --> 00:20:24,759
Please, no!
317
00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:27,798
- And one, and a two...
- No! No!
318
00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:29,757
One, two, three, four.
319
00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:32,116
(+ Light and fast)
320
00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:46,875
Ah!
321
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:57,114
(+ Frantic piano continues)
322
00:20:58,280 --> 00:21:00,191
Oh!
323
00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:29,072
Bravo! Bravo!
324
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:31,231
Extraordinary!
325
00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:35,678
I think possibly the second best
performance I ever heard.
326
00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:37,990
Yeah, no big th... Second best?
327
00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:40,071
No more, ho more.
328
00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:43,391
In '43, I heard Rachmaninov.
329
00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:46,871
He finished with
Flight Of The Bumble Bee.
330
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:48,871
You almost approached him.
331
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:50,837
You're never happy, are you?
332
00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:53,434
Rachmaninov?
I bet he used all his fingers.
333
00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:55,272
I'm sure you could do better.
334
00:21:55,360 --> 00:21:57,351
Exactly. Exactly.
335
00:21:57,440 --> 00:21:59,158
We'll do our party piece.
336
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:02,232
(Fran) Yeah.
We only use one finger each.
337
00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:04,038
It's in triple time.
338
00:22:04,120 --> 00:22:07,670
It's called Flight Of
The Seven Million Bumble Bees.
339
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:09,956
(Josef) Impossible. You're joking.
340
00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:12,873
- You think so?
- Just watch this.
341
00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:17,156
(Discordant pounding)
342
00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:30,154
Mmm. (Chuckling)
343
00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:32,197
Oh, that's good.
344
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:36,835
Wonderful! That's just the ticket.
345
00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:48,276
(Punching, thudding)
346
00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:54,509
- (Weeping)
- Shut up.
347
00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:59,876
So Josef shouted at you,
you're a failure, but hush your noise.
348
00:22:59,960 --> 00:23:05,273
I can't even get a refund
cos it's full of bloody spoons.
349
00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:10,072
Manny, get the aspirin.
350
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:12,674
No. I hope your head explodes.
351
00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:15,912
Have some pity. You get drunk when
you've been dumped.
352
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:18,469
I'm delighted. It's all your fault.
353
00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:22,155
I've sprained my ankle,
I can only see out of my ear.
354
00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:24,151
- Everything hurts.
- Please!
355
00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:26,117
No!
25680
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