subtitlecat.com

All language subtitles for Christmas.Vacation.2.Cousin.Eddies.Island.Adventure.2003.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

Afrikaans

Albanian

Amharic

Arabic

Armenian

Azerbaijani

Basque

Belarusian

Bengali

Bosnian

Bulgarian

Catalan

Cebuano

Chichewa

Chinese (Simplified) Download

Chinese (Traditional) Download

Corsican

Croatian Download

Czech

Danish Download

Dutch Download

English

Esperanto

Estonian

Filipino

Finnish

French

Frisian

Galician

Georgian

German

Greek

Gujarati

Haitian Creole

Hausa

Hawaiian

Hebrew

Hindi

Hmong

Hungarian

Icelandic

Igbo

Indonesian

Irish

Italian

Japanese

Javanese

Kannada

Kazakh

Khmer

Korean

Kurdish (Kurmanji)

Kyrgyz

Lao

Latin

Latvian

Lithuanian

Luxembourgish

Macedonian

Malagasy

Malay

Malayalam

Maltese

Maori

Marathi

Mongolian

Myanmar (Burmese)

Nepali

Norwegian

Pashto

Persian

Polish

Portuguese

Punjabi

Romanian

Russian

Samoan

Scots Gaelic

Serbian

Sesotho

Shona

Sindhi

Sinhala

Slovak

Slovenian

Somali

Spanish Download

Sundanese

Swahili

Swedish

Tajik

Tamil

Telugu

Thai

Turkish

Ukrainian

Urdu

Uzbek

Vietnamese

Welsh

Xhosa

Yiddish

Yoruba

Zulu

Odia (Oriya)

Kinyarwanda

Turkmen

Tatar

Uyghur

Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:09,743 CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS. 3 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 4 00:00:27,095 --> 00:00:29,630 SO HOW COME YOU'RE SO SMART? 5 00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:31,732 LIKE, HOW COME THEY CALL YOU "THIRD"? 6 00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:34,202 WELL, I GUESS BEING SMART JUST HAPPENED. 7 00:00:34,202 --> 00:00:37,838 I WAS NAMED AFTER MY MOM'S COUSIN'S HUSBAND -- 8 00:00:37,838 --> 00:00:39,607 CLARK GRISWOLD THE SECOND. 9 00:00:39,607 --> 00:00:43,043 I'M THE THIRD CLARK GRISWOLD -- CLARK GRISWOLD JOHNSON. 10 00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:46,080 DO YOU HAVE ANY BROTHERS AND SISTERS? 11 00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:47,181 YES. 12 00:00:47,181 --> 00:00:50,017 THEY'RE WITH MY GRANDMA IN KANSAS, 13 00:00:50,017 --> 00:00:52,086 EXCEPT FOR MY OLDEST SISTER. 14 00:00:52,086 --> 00:00:54,088 SHE'S WORKING AT A STRIP CLUB IN LAS VEGAS. 15 00:00:54,088 --> 00:00:55,689 A STRIP CLUB? 16 00:00:55,689 --> 00:00:56,690 MM-HMM. 17 00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:58,058 WHERE DO YOU LIVE? 18 00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:00,094 WELL, MY MOM AND DAD AND I ARE STAYING 19 00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:01,795 WITH MY COUSIN, AUDREY GRISWOLD. 20 00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:05,233 SHE'S VISITING HER BOYFRIEND IN INDIANAPOLIS. 21 00:01:05,233 --> 00:01:07,034 SO WE'RE KIND OF HOUSE-SITTING FOR HER. 22 00:01:07,034 --> 00:01:08,936 YOU KNOW, THE HOLIDAYS. 23 00:01:08,936 --> 00:01:11,405 WELL, THIS IS WHERE I LIVE. 24 00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,607 MY DAD'S A BRAIN SURGEON. 25 00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:15,008 WHAT'S YOUR DAD DO? 26 00:01:15,008 --> 00:01:18,979 UM...HE WORKS IN NUCLEAR RESEARCH. 27 00:01:18,979 --> 00:01:22,116 OH, HE'S A NUCLEAR SCIENTIST? 28 00:01:22,116 --> 00:01:29,957 WELL...NOT EXACTLY. 29 00:01:29,957 --> 00:01:33,994 [ DINGING ] 30 00:01:33,994 --> 00:01:37,131 [ SIGHS ] 31 00:01:37,131 --> 00:01:40,868 [ DINGING RAPIDLY ] 32 00:01:42,136 --> 00:01:44,472 SO WE INJECT THEM WITH NUCLEAR WASTE, 33 00:01:44,472 --> 00:01:46,574 AND THEN WE STUDY THEIR BRAIN WAVES 34 00:01:46,574 --> 00:01:50,043 AND OTHER ORGANS TO EXAMINE THE EFFECTS OF THE NUCLEAR WASTE 35 00:01:50,043 --> 00:01:52,146 ON VARIOUS SPECIES OF ANTHROPOIDS. 36 00:01:52,146 --> 00:01:56,184 [ DINGING CONTINUES ] 37 00:01:58,752 --> 00:02:01,755 [ SIGHS ] 38 00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:06,360 [ DINGING RAPIDLY ] 39 00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:23,043 OH! 40 00:02:23,043 --> 00:02:24,278 [ SCREECHES ] 41 00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:26,180 FASCINATING, PROFESSOR. 42 00:02:26,180 --> 00:02:28,782 BUT TELL ME -- THEY'RE PLAYING TICKTACKTOE, 43 00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:31,485 AND THE CHIMPANZEE APPEARS TO BE WINNING. 44 00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:32,920 HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? 45 00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:38,892 BECAUSE... THE MONKEY IS SMARTER. 46 00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:41,829 [ "JINGLE BELLS" PLAYS ] 47 00:02:49,069 --> 00:02:50,304 I'M SORRY, EDDIE. 48 00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:51,939 WE JUST GOT THIS DIRECTIVE FROM WASHINGTON, 49 00:02:51,939 --> 00:02:53,607 AND THEY'RE CUTTING COSTS. 50 00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:56,610 WE'VE BEEN ORDERED TO CUT OUR STUDY GROUP BY HALF. 51 00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:59,680 SO FROM NOW ON WE'RE ONLY WORKING TILL NOON? 52 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:00,848 [ CHUCKLES ] 53 00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:03,951 NO, EDDIE, I'M AFRAID THIS IS BETWEEN YOU AND ROY. 54 00:03:03,951 --> 00:03:05,953 ONE OF YOU HAS TO GO. 55 00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:09,357 OH. 56 00:03:09,357 --> 00:03:12,726 GEE, ROY, THAT'S A TOUGH BREAK. 57 00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:16,163 BUT DON'T WORRY -- YOU'LL LAND ON YOUR FEET. 58 00:03:16,163 --> 00:03:18,065 IT'S NOT ROY WE'RE LETTING GO, EDDIE. 59 00:03:18,065 --> 00:03:19,433 IT'S YOU. 60 00:03:23,371 --> 00:03:24,938 WELL, WHY DON'T YOU FIRE HIM? 61 00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:27,375 I MEAN, WHAT HAS HE GOT THAT I AIN'T GOT? 62 00:03:27,375 --> 00:03:31,879 HIS BRAIN WAVES REGISTER MORE DISTINCTLY THAN YOURS. 63 00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:33,481 WHICH ONE'S MINE? 64 00:03:33,481 --> 00:03:35,182 THE ONE LABELED "EDDIE." 65 00:03:35,182 --> 00:03:36,850 OH. 66 00:03:36,850 --> 00:03:38,085 I'LL CHECK OTHER BRANCHES 67 00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:40,588 AND SEE IF THERE'S ANYTHING ELSE AVAILABLE FOR YOU. 68 00:03:40,588 --> 00:03:43,357 [ SIGHS ] 69 00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:48,829 OH, EDDIE! 70 00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:50,598 MERRY CHRISTMAS! 71 00:04:10,618 --> 00:04:15,289 I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY THEY'D LET ME GO JUST BEFORE CHRISTMAS. 72 00:04:15,289 --> 00:04:17,758 AND I WORKED HARD, TOO. 73 00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:21,228 I EVEN HELPED PLUG THE WIRES IN MY HEAD. 74 00:04:21,228 --> 00:04:23,096 THAT'S MORE THAN ROY DID. 75 00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:27,234 IT'S JUST LIKE THE TIME A GOAT KICKED ME IN THE TEETH 76 00:04:27,234 --> 00:04:30,304 FOR MILKING HER WITH THE VACUUM CLEANER. 77 00:04:30,304 --> 00:04:33,341 EDDIE, DON'T FEEL SO BAD. 78 00:04:33,341 --> 00:04:36,209 YOU KNOW THAT MONKEY'S PRETTY SMART. 79 00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:39,179 OH, YOU'LL FIND ANOTHER JOB. 80 00:04:39,179 --> 00:04:40,814 YOU'RE REAL GOOD AT IT. 81 00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:42,883 YEAH, YOU'VE DONE IT LOTS OF TIMES. 82 00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:45,185 I'M JUST A TOTAL FLOP. 83 00:04:45,185 --> 00:04:46,920 LET'S FACE IT. 84 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:50,658 NO, EDDIE! NOT...TOTAL. 85 00:04:50,658 --> 00:04:53,494 IT'S TRUE, MOM -- TOTAL. 86 00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:55,863 I MEAN, THIS IS THE SIXTH JOB DAD'S LOST 87 00:04:55,863 --> 00:04:58,198 SINCE THEY FORECLOSED ON THE FARM, 88 00:04:58,198 --> 00:05:00,868 AND NOW HE'S LOST OUT TO A MONKEY. 89 00:05:00,868 --> 00:05:04,438 THIRD, THAT'S A TERRIBLE THING TO SAY. 90 00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:07,174 WELL, THE BOY'S RIGHT. 91 00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:10,878 I'M JUST ONE BIG DISAPPOINTMENT. 92 00:05:10,878 --> 00:05:12,680 [ SIGHS ] 93 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:14,948 I'M SORRY I LET YOU DOWN. 94 00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:35,869 YOU'RE NOT A FAILURE, AND WE HAVE A LOT TO BE THANKFUL FOR. 95 00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:39,707 WE GOT A WONDERFUL FAMILY. WE'RE ALL TOGETHER. 96 00:05:39,707 --> 00:05:41,542 WELL, EXCEPT FOR FOUR OF THE KIDS, 97 00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:43,043 WHO ARE STAYING WITH GRANDMA, 98 00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:45,278 AND OUR DAUGHTER WHO'S IN SHOW BUSINESS. 99 00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:46,780 BUT WE GOT ONE REAL SMART KID. 100 00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:49,850 YEAH, WHO THINKS HIS DADDY'S DUMB. 101 00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,251 OH, EDDIE, NO! 102 00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:55,623 OH, NO, THIRD HAS FAITH IN YOU, AND HE THINKS YOU'RE REAL SMART. 103 00:05:57,124 --> 00:06:01,061 WELL, HE THINKS YOU HAVE A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR. 104 00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:04,598 OH, EDDIE, I KNOW THIS HAS BEEN A BIG DISAPPOINTMENT TO YOU, 105 00:06:04,598 --> 00:06:06,600 BUT WE'LL FIGURE SOMETHING OUT. 106 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:09,302 AND AT LEAST WE GOT A ROOF OVER OUR HEADS, HUH? 107 00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:11,038 YEAH, BUT FOR HOW LONG? 108 00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:12,640 I BET IN A YEAR OR TWO, 109 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:16,777 AUDREY WILL GET SICK OF US LIVING HERE AND FEEDING US. 110 00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:22,182 HE THINKS I GOT A REAL GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR, HUH? 111 00:06:22,182 --> 00:06:23,784 MM-HMM. 112 00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:28,422 THAT'S IT! 113 00:06:28,422 --> 00:06:30,891 GOLDARN IT, I'M GONNA DO IT! WHAT? 114 00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:33,427 I'M GONNA TAKE A HOT BATH. I CAN'T SLEEP. 115 00:06:35,328 --> 00:06:36,764 YOU KNOW WHAT THE PREACHER SAID 116 00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:38,532 THAT TIME I GOT FIRED FROM THAT JOB 117 00:06:38,532 --> 00:06:40,300 TESTING THEM SECOND-HAND RECLINERS. 118 00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:42,202 THINGS CAN ONLY GET BETTER. 119 00:06:42,202 --> 00:06:47,007 THAT WAS THE DAY BEFORE THE BANK FORECLOSED ON THE DIRT FARM. 120 00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:50,110 [ SQUEAKING ] 121 00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:52,480 [ RUMBLING ] 122 00:07:04,692 --> 00:07:07,060 [ RUMBLING INTENSIFIES ] 123 00:07:20,007 --> 00:07:23,877 [ SIGHS ] 124 00:07:25,513 --> 00:07:26,947 [ RUMBLING ] 125 00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:36,089 [ RUMBLING INTENSIFIES ] 126 00:07:39,359 --> 00:07:41,128 CATHERINE! 127 00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:46,934 I'LL TAKE IT FROM HERE. 128 00:07:46,934 --> 00:07:49,036 AUDREY LEFT US THESE EMERGENCY NUMBERS. 129 00:07:49,036 --> 00:07:52,272 I'M GONNA CALL THE 24-HOUR EMERGENCY PLUMBER. 130 00:07:52,272 --> 00:07:53,807 THEY NEVER CLOSE. 131 00:07:55,609 --> 00:08:00,313 I NEVER DID TRUST INDOOR PLUMBING! 132 00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:02,983 AH! 133 00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:04,885 I CAN'T REACH HIM. THE LINE'S BUSY! 134 00:08:04,885 --> 00:08:07,888 [ RUMBLING ] 135 00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:12,593 WE'RE GONNA BE WASHED AWAY! 136 00:08:12,593 --> 00:08:14,995 BOY TO DO A MAN'S JOB. 137 00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,830 [ DIALING ] 138 00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:19,266 I NEED BIGGER EQUIPMENT! 139 00:08:19,266 --> 00:08:21,368 [ Ringing ] 140 00:08:21,368 --> 00:08:23,604 Man: Hi, and Merry Christmas! 141 00:08:23,604 --> 00:08:26,239 This is the Ever-Ready Plumbing Service. 142 00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:27,507 MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU. 143 00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,109 Using your Touch-Tone phone, 144 00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:32,646 please select from the following menu to accommodate your needs. 145 00:08:32,646 --> 00:08:34,915 UM...I HAVE A BIG PROBLEM HERE -- 146 00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:36,516 If you want our sales department 147 00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:40,120 for the latest in bathroom and kitchen fixtures, press one. 148 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:41,655 And Merry Christmas! 149 00:08:41,655 --> 00:08:43,957 [ SNEEZES ] MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU. 150 00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:46,426 If you would like our billing department 151 00:08:46,426 --> 00:08:48,261 for your latest billing information, 152 00:08:48,261 --> 00:08:51,198 or to ask about our handy layaway plan, press two. 153 00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:54,434 Unless you'd like to talk to Wally Evans, 154 00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:56,336 our vice president of finance. 155 00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:59,472 That office is open from 10:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. 156 00:08:59,472 --> 00:09:01,709 And did I wish you a Merry Christmas? 157 00:09:01,709 --> 00:09:04,211 YES, YOU DID. MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU. 158 00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:05,512 CAN YOU HEAR ME? 159 00:09:05,512 --> 00:09:06,780 If you'd like to talk... 160 00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:09,416 STOP! STOP IT! I'M LOSING IT! 161 00:09:09,416 --> 00:09:10,784 HELLO? 162 00:09:10,784 --> 00:09:12,753 For Kathleen, Harry's secretary, 163 00:09:12,753 --> 00:09:17,658 or Julie Lynch in personnel, or Billy in accounting... 164 00:09:17,658 --> 00:09:20,093 If you'd like our 4-color brochure 165 00:09:20,093 --> 00:09:24,632 on our imported Parisian bidets, press five and ask for Antoine. 166 00:09:24,632 --> 00:09:29,970 DAMN, ROTTEN, DIRTY PIECE OF SLUDGE! 167 00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:32,072 ...safe, secure, pleasant Christmas. 168 00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:34,574 AAHHH! 169 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:36,109 [ Dial tone ] 170 00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:40,380 * OH, JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE ALL THE WAY * 171 00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:44,818 * OH, WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE IN A ONE-HORSE, OPEN SLEIGH * 172 00:09:44,818 --> 00:09:48,822 * JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE ALL THE WAY * 173 00:09:48,822 --> 00:09:50,724 OH, HI, EDDIE. I DIDN'T SEE YOU COME IN. 174 00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:52,592 I HAVE YOUR SEVERANCE CHECK. 175 00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:54,461 MERRY CHRISTMAS! 176 00:09:54,461 --> 00:09:55,996 THANKS, JENNIFER. 177 00:09:55,996 --> 00:09:57,998 OH, EDDIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 178 00:09:57,998 --> 00:09:59,767 YOU HERE FOR YOUR SEVERANCE CHECK? 179 00:09:59,767 --> 00:10:03,136 YEAH. PROFESSOR DOORNITZ, I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU. 180 00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:05,472 I'VE BEEN THINKING, YOU KNOW, 181 00:10:05,472 --> 00:10:08,475 AND WELL, I REALLY LIKE THIS JOB. 182 00:10:08,475 --> 00:10:10,143 AND I WAS WONDERING 183 00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:14,114 IF YOU COULD KIND OF RECONSIDER LETTING ROY GO 184 00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:16,583 AND KEEPING ME ON. 185 00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:17,851 HE AIN'T THAT SMART. 186 00:10:18,719 --> 00:10:20,821 HE'S JUST PRETENDING TO READ. 187 00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:23,523 OW! 188 00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:25,625 OH, DEAR. 189 00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:28,195 OH, I'LL GET IT. I'LL GET IT. 190 00:10:28,195 --> 00:10:32,232 YOU KNOW, THE THING ABOUT ATOMIC ENERGY AND MONKEYS IS... 191 00:10:32,232 --> 00:10:34,401 OH, UH... 192 00:10:35,435 --> 00:10:36,503 [ ROY SCREECHES ] 193 00:10:36,503 --> 00:10:39,106 AAH! OHH! OHHH! 194 00:10:39,106 --> 00:10:40,640 HE'LL BE FINE. 195 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,575 YOU PUMPED SO MUCH ATOMIC WASTE INTO HIM 196 00:10:42,575 --> 00:10:44,377 THAT THE AREA WHERE THE CHIMP BIT HIM 197 00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:45,512 HEALED ALMOST IMMEDIATELY. 198 00:10:45,512 --> 00:10:46,714 THANK GOD. 199 00:10:46,714 --> 00:10:48,248 AND, MOST IMPORTANTLY, THE CHIMP IS OKAY. 200 00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:51,084 OH, YEAH. WHAT ABOUT A POSSIBLE LAWSUIT? 201 00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:53,086 THIS GUY'S GOT ONE HELL OF A CASE. 202 00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:56,656 HE'S NOT TOO BRIGHT. I'LL THINK OF SOMETHING. 203 00:10:56,656 --> 00:11:00,894 [ MOANING ] 204 00:11:00,894 --> 00:11:03,797 AN ALL-EXPENSE-PAID CHRISTMAS VACATION 205 00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:06,533 ON AN ISLAND IN THE SOUTH PACIFIC! 206 00:11:06,533 --> 00:11:07,667 OH-HO-HO-HO! 207 00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,870 BUT YOU DIDN'T GET YOUR JOB BACK. 208 00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,204 THEY KEPT THE MONKEY! 209 00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:15,909 YEAH, ROY HAD A CONTRACT-- IRONCLAD. 210 00:11:15,909 --> 00:11:18,812 YOU LOST ANOTHER JOB, 211 00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:20,480 AND YOU AND THE MONKEY WERE THE ONLY ONES 212 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:22,149 WHO APPLIED FOR THE JOB. 213 00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:25,719 I MEAN, THIS IS JUST ANOTHER DISASTER. 214 00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:29,222 LIKE BACK HOME, WHEN YOU HAD TO QUIT BEING A MAIL-ORDER DENTIST 215 00:11:29,222 --> 00:11:31,859 AFTER YOU STAPLED THE MAYOR'S MOUTH TOGETHER. 216 00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:33,994 THIRD, YOUR FATHER REMEMBERS THAT. 217 00:11:33,994 --> 00:11:35,628 YOU DON'T HAVE TO REMIND HIM. 218 00:11:35,628 --> 00:11:38,298 I THINK THIS IS EXCITING. 219 00:11:38,298 --> 00:11:40,968 A CHRISTMAS VACATION IN THE SOUTH SEAS -- 220 00:11:40,968 --> 00:11:44,637 TROPICAL NIGHTS, BEAUTIFUL WHITE BEACHES, 221 00:11:44,637 --> 00:11:46,774 LUAUS. [ LAUGHS ] 222 00:11:46,774 --> 00:11:49,609 NO CABLE TV, PROBABLY NO FAST FOOD. 223 00:11:49,609 --> 00:11:52,946 OH, THEY GOT FAST FOOD. THEY GOT FRIED FOOD EVERYWHERE. 224 00:11:52,946 --> 00:11:55,048 I THINK WE SHOULD LOOK AT THIS POSITIVELY. 225 00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,785 I MEAN, WE'VE NEVER HAD A REAL VACATION. 226 00:11:57,785 --> 00:11:59,186 IT'LL BE AN ADVENTURE. 227 00:11:59,186 --> 00:12:00,954 YOU KNOW PROFESSOR DOORNITZ? 228 00:12:00,954 --> 00:12:03,656 HE SAID THAT WE'RE STAYING IN THE BEST MOTEL 229 00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:05,425 IN THE WHOLE PACIFIC OCEAN. 230 00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:07,094 IT'LL PROBABLY BE IN A TREE. 231 00:12:07,094 --> 00:12:11,331 WHY DON'T I JUST STAY HERE WITH COUSIN AUDREY FOR CHRISTMAS? 232 00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:13,834 I MEAN, PAIGE IS HERE. 233 00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:16,336 NO, NO, NO. NOW WE'RE GONNA STICK TOGETHER. 234 00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:20,173 NO KID OF MINE'S GOING OFF ON THEIR OWN TILL THEY'RE 13. 235 00:12:21,809 --> 00:12:26,313 CATHERINE, COUSIN EDDIE? 236 00:12:26,313 --> 00:12:29,850 I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF. 237 00:12:29,850 --> 00:12:32,820 [ Crying ] MERRY CHRISTMAS! 238 00:12:32,820 --> 00:12:37,557 OH! AUDREY, WHAT'S WRONG? 239 00:12:37,557 --> 00:12:38,725 WHAT HAPPENED? 240 00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:43,563 DANIEL AND I -- WE BROKE UP. 241 00:12:43,563 --> 00:12:45,866 IT'S OVER. 242 00:12:45,866 --> 00:12:50,804 THE GREAT LOVE OF MY LIFE, AND IT'S OVER. 243 00:12:50,804 --> 00:12:53,340 I WILL NEVER FIND TRUE LOVE AGAIN. 244 00:12:53,340 --> 00:12:54,474 [ SIGHS ] 245 00:12:54,474 --> 00:13:00,013 I'M -- I'M -- I'M THINKING ABOUT KILLING MYSELF, 246 00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:04,584 OR -- OR EATING LARGE AMOUNTS OF ICE CREAM. 247 00:13:04,584 --> 00:13:06,386 I'D GO FOR THAT ICE-CREAM DEAL. 248 00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:08,989 COULD YOU IMAGINE SOMETHING THAT TERRIBLE HAPPENING 249 00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:12,492 RIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS? 250 00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:15,395 OH. 251 00:13:15,395 --> 00:13:17,564 I MEAN, WE WERE PERFECT TOGETHER. 252 00:13:17,564 --> 00:13:21,568 WE BOTH LIKED THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND JAPANESE FOOD 253 00:13:21,568 --> 00:13:26,039 AND RAINDROPS ON ROSES AND LITTLE WHISKERS ON KITTENS. 254 00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:28,608 BUT, AUDREY, IF YOU WERE SO GREAT TOGETHER, 255 00:13:28,608 --> 00:13:29,642 WHY'D YOU BREAK UP? 256 00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,111 OH. 257 00:13:31,111 --> 00:13:33,113 FOUND OUT HE WAS MARRIED. 258 00:13:33,113 --> 00:13:36,049 [ SIGHS ] THAT'LL DO IT. 259 00:13:39,186 --> 00:13:41,221 THANKS FOR INVITING ME TO STAY WITH YOU 260 00:13:41,221 --> 00:13:43,490 AT THE HOTEL IN MALUKA, CATHERINE. 261 00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:44,524 UH-HUH. 262 00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:45,758 I NEED TOTAL RELAXATION, 263 00:13:45,758 --> 00:13:47,460 AND THE SOUTH PACIFIC SOUNDS JUST GREAT. 264 00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:50,197 OH, IT'LL BE GREAT HAVING YOU WITH US, AUDREY. 265 00:13:50,197 --> 00:13:52,532 AND, YOU KNOW, EDDIE NEEDS RELAXATION, TOO, 266 00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:55,368 WHAT WITH HIM LOSING HIS ATOMIC-RESEARCH JOB. 267 00:13:56,636 --> 00:13:58,138 I DON'T KNOW WHY, BOY, 268 00:13:58,138 --> 00:14:01,208 BUT I GOT A FEELING THIS TRIP'S GONNA BE REAL GOOD FOR US. 269 00:14:01,208 --> 00:14:03,310 I DON'T KNOW WHY, EITHER, DAD. 270 00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:08,916 HEY, SNOTS. FETCH. 271 00:14:08,916 --> 00:14:11,885 GO GET IT! 272 00:14:11,885 --> 00:14:12,953 GO GET IT. 273 00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:14,521 GO GET IT! GO ON! 274 00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:17,457 CATHERINE, WHEN THEY TEST EDDIE FOR A REACTION 275 00:14:17,457 --> 00:14:20,193 FROM ALL THAT STUFF HE'S EXPOSED TO, 276 00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:22,362 DOES IT HAVE ANY EFFECT ON HIM? 277 00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:23,730 NO, HE'S FINE. 278 00:14:23,730 --> 00:14:26,900 AND THE PLATE IN HIS HEAD HAS BECOME QUITE A GOOD BUG ZAPPER. 279 00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:29,937 JUST FRIES THOSE LITTLE FELLOWS. 280 00:14:29,937 --> 00:14:31,304 WHOO! 281 00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:35,008 [ GRUNTS ] 282 00:14:35,008 --> 00:14:36,543 YEAH, I KNOW. 283 00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:40,213 THINGS AIN'T BEEN SO GREAT FOR US THE LAST 30, 40 YEARS, BOY, 284 00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:43,750 BUT, YOU KNOW, MAYBE THIS IS A NEW BEGINNING. 285 00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:48,255 MAYBE THIS IS THE TIME WHEN THINGS WILL START TO GO RIGHT. 286 00:14:48,255 --> 00:14:49,889 [ BUZZES ] 287 00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:53,927 VISITING A NEW... 288 00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:55,695 COUN-- 289 00:14:55,695 --> 00:14:57,597 [ SIZZLES ] 290 00:14:57,597 --> 00:14:59,199 [ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ] 291 00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:03,336 ...NEW COUNTRY. 292 00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:08,575 MAYBE I JUST NEEDED THIS TIME TO FOLLOW MY PASSION. 293 00:15:12,679 --> 00:15:13,846 [ GRUNTS ] 294 00:15:13,846 --> 00:15:15,848 [ BREATHING HEAVILY ] 295 00:15:15,848 --> 00:15:17,650 YOU KNOW, AUDREY. 296 00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:19,086 EDDIE'S REALLY WORRIED. 297 00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:22,255 HE'S SORT OF RUN OUT OF CAREERS. 298 00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:25,258 I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE NOTICED, BUT HE'S NOT PERFECT. 299 00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,460 NO ONE IN HIS FAMILY IS. 300 00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:28,996 THIRD'S PERFECT. 301 00:15:28,996 --> 00:15:32,065 YEAH, THIRD'S PERFECT. 302 00:15:32,065 --> 00:15:34,601 HE TAKES AFTER MY SIDE OF THE FAMILY. 303 00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:36,836 ALL OF OUR OTHER KIDS TAKE AFTER EDDIE. 304 00:15:36,836 --> 00:15:40,273 EXCEPT FOR OUR DAUGHTER -- SHE'S A MARVELOUS STRIPPER. 305 00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:45,378 COME ON, SNOT. COME ON. 306 00:15:45,378 --> 00:15:46,646 NOW GO GET IT! 307 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:49,449 GO! 308 00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:53,253 YOU SHOULD HAVE NEVER LET THE AGENCY OFF THE HOOK. 309 00:15:53,253 --> 00:15:57,257 THE MONKEY BIT YOU, AND YOU TOOK A CHRISTMAS VACATION! 310 00:15:57,257 --> 00:15:59,192 WE COULD HAVE FOUND A GOOD LAWYER 311 00:15:59,192 --> 00:16:00,860 AND SUED THEM FOR A FORTUNE. 312 00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:02,395 I DON'T THINK SO. 313 00:16:02,395 --> 00:16:07,567 PROFESSOR DOORNITZ, HE FELT THAT I INSULTED ROY. 314 00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:10,170 SNOT, HERE YOU GO. 315 00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:12,472 HEY, HEY, HERE. 316 00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:13,806 GO GET IT! 317 00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:15,942 [ BARKS ] 318 00:16:15,942 --> 00:16:18,278 [ CRASH ] 319 00:16:18,278 --> 00:16:20,513 [ ORNAMENTS SHATTER ] 320 00:16:23,616 --> 00:16:25,285 [ DOORBELL RINGS ] 321 00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:27,787 HELLO. 322 00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:30,023 MERRY CHRISTMAS. 323 00:16:30,023 --> 00:16:31,491 CAN I COME IN? 324 00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,795 UNCLE NICK! 325 00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:37,164 MERRY CHRISTMAS! 326 00:16:37,164 --> 00:16:39,666 AUDREY, THIS IS EDDIE'S UNCLE NICK. 327 00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:41,168 WHAT'S WRONG? 328 00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:43,570 NOTHING! CAN I COME IN? 329 00:16:43,570 --> 00:16:45,038 UNCLE NICK! 330 00:16:45,038 --> 00:16:47,340 THIS IS A SURPRISE. 331 00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:49,142 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 332 00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:50,643 MERRY CHRISTMAS. 333 00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:52,079 I CAME HERE TO DIE. 334 00:16:52,079 --> 00:16:54,314 NOW CAN I COME IN AND DIE SITTING DOWN? 335 00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:57,050 SO AUNT JESSICA RAN OFF 336 00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:59,186 WITH THE CHRISTMAS-TREE DELIVERY MAN? 337 00:16:59,186 --> 00:17:02,055 A 28-YEAR-OLD DELIVERY MAN. 338 00:17:02,055 --> 00:17:03,623 I DIDN'T KNOW THEY DELIVERED. 339 00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:07,560 A 28-YEAR-OLD RUNS OFF WITH A 66-YEAR-OLD GRANDMOTHER? 340 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:09,929 I DIDN'T THINK GRANDMOTHERS THOUGHT ABOUT SEX 341 00:17:09,929 --> 00:17:11,731 AND STUFF LIKE THAT. 342 00:17:11,731 --> 00:17:15,135 APPARENTLY, THE THOUGHT ENTERED HER MIND. 343 00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:16,836 I'M SO SORRY, UNCLE NICK. 344 00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:19,272 I'M SURE SHE'LL COME BACK TO YOU. 345 00:17:19,272 --> 00:17:21,708 SHE WAS 17 WHEN WE WERE MARRIED, 346 00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:25,178 AND I WAS THE FIRST MAN WHO EVER TOUCHED HER. 347 00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:28,281 I GUESS NOW THERE'S A SECOND. 348 00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:30,750 UNCLE NICK, 349 00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:32,919 HOW COME YOU'RE WEARING A SANTA CLAUS JACKET? 350 00:17:32,919 --> 00:17:34,254 WHEN HE TOOK OFF WITH JESSICA, 351 00:17:34,254 --> 00:17:37,424 HE GRABBED MY GOOD JACKET AND LEFT ME WITH THIS. 352 00:17:37,424 --> 00:17:41,361 I JUST CAN'T SIT AROUND THAT HOUSE ALL DAY ALL ALONE, EDDIE. 353 00:17:41,361 --> 00:17:43,963 AND I THOUGHT I MIGHT... 354 00:17:43,963 --> 00:17:46,099 SPEND SOME TIME WITH YOU. 355 00:17:46,099 --> 00:17:48,368 WELL, GEE, UNCLE NICK. 356 00:17:48,368 --> 00:17:51,238 ROY BIT ME ON THE ASS, AND I LOST MY JOB. 357 00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:52,505 WE'RE ALL TAKING OFF 358 00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:55,108 ON AN ALL-EXPENSE-PAID CHRISTMAS VACATION. 359 00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:58,010 YOU LOST ANOTHER JOB? YEAH. 360 00:17:58,010 --> 00:18:00,947 ROY BIT YOU ON THE ASS? WHO'S ROY? 361 00:18:00,947 --> 00:18:02,982 ME AND ROY -- WE WORKED TOGETHER. 362 00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:05,152 BUT WE'RE ALL FLYING OUT TOMORROW. 363 00:18:05,152 --> 00:18:07,620 AUDREY IS COMING WITH US. 364 00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:09,289 DANIEL IS MARRIED. 365 00:18:09,289 --> 00:18:12,992 DANIEL? WHO'S DANIEL? 366 00:18:12,992 --> 00:18:14,727 OH, NEVER MIND. I DON'T CARE. 367 00:18:15,662 --> 00:18:18,698 WHERE YOU GOING ON YOUR VACATION? 368 00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:19,866 SOMEWHERE WARM? 369 00:18:19,866 --> 00:18:22,269 IT'S HOT. 370 00:18:22,269 --> 00:18:23,570 I'M GOING WITH YOU. 371 00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:27,240 I DON'T LIKE CHRISTMAS WHEN IT SNOWS. 372 00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:31,411 IT'S TOO SENTIMENTAL. 373 00:18:33,546 --> 00:18:36,149 EDDIE, COME ON. WE'RE GONNA MISS THE PLANE! 374 00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:38,618 I HAVE TWO MORE! 375 00:18:41,388 --> 00:18:43,923 DON'T FORGET MY BAGS. 376 00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:46,626 YOU GOT ROOM FOR THIS ONE? SURE. 377 00:18:57,737 --> 00:18:59,606 THIRD, DID YOU GIVE SNOTS HIS PILL? 378 00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:02,175 YEAH. HE'S GETTING TIRED ALREADY. 379 00:19:02,175 --> 00:19:03,843 HE'S GOT A LITTLE BIT OF GAS. 380 00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:06,313 YEAH, VET GAVE HIM A LITTLE SOMETHING TO CALM HIM DOWN. 381 00:19:06,313 --> 00:19:08,080 [ FARTS ] HE'S NEVER FLOWN BEFORE. 382 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:11,384 THEN, AGAIN, NEITHER HAVE I! 383 00:19:17,056 --> 00:19:20,293 [ RUMBLING ] 384 00:19:29,236 --> 00:19:31,338 P.A.: Attention all passengers, 385 00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:33,873 please watch your luggage, your children, 386 00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:35,275 and all other valuables. 387 00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:37,544 And...merry Christmas! 388 00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:44,083 NO! LOOK AT THE LINE. 389 00:19:44,083 --> 00:19:46,753 WE'LL NEVER MAKE THE PLANE. 390 00:19:46,753 --> 00:19:48,555 LET'S GO. 391 00:19:48,555 --> 00:19:50,223 [ SIGHS ] 392 00:19:50,223 --> 00:19:52,625 [ FARTS ] 393 00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:55,194 OH! OH! 394 00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:57,029 THANK YOU. 395 00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:59,266 THANK YOU. THANKS A LOT. 396 00:19:59,266 --> 00:20:00,633 [ COUGHS ] 397 00:20:00,633 --> 00:20:02,502 YEAH! THIS IS ALL RIGHT. 398 00:20:02,502 --> 00:20:05,305 [ FARTING CONTINUES ] 399 00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:08,641 [ COUGHS ] 400 00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:11,110 OH, HI! MERRY CHRISTMAS! 401 00:20:11,110 --> 00:20:13,313 ANYONE LOSE A BOWLING BALL? 402 00:20:13,313 --> 00:20:15,748 ANYONE LOSE A BOWLING BALL? 403 00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:21,588 COME ON! 404 00:20:22,589 --> 00:20:25,925 I HEAR SOMETIMES THEY RUN OUT OF PEANUTS! 405 00:20:25,925 --> 00:20:27,193 AAH! 406 00:20:27,193 --> 00:20:29,396 [ SCREAMING CONTINUES ] 407 00:20:29,396 --> 00:20:32,332 [ ALARM BUZZING ] 408 00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:41,207 ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? 409 00:20:41,207 --> 00:20:43,410 OH -- OH, YEAH. 410 00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:44,444 MERRY CHRISTMAS. 411 00:20:44,444 --> 00:20:47,480 NO, I'M -- I'M FINE. NO DAMAGE. 412 00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:50,216 I'VE GOT ALL THE USUAL NUMBER OF ARMS AND LEGS. 413 00:20:50,216 --> 00:20:52,151 I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T EVEN SEE YOU. 414 00:20:52,151 --> 00:20:56,623 IT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT -- JUST A FEW SUPERFICIAL BREAKS. 415 00:20:56,623 --> 00:20:59,025 SORT OF THING HAPPENS TO ME ALL THE TIME. 416 00:20:59,025 --> 00:21:00,893 YOU'RE A FOREIGNER, AIN'T YOU? 417 00:21:00,893 --> 00:21:02,061 WHAT ARE YOU? 418 00:21:02,061 --> 00:21:03,830 I-I'M -- I'M ENGLISH. 419 00:21:03,830 --> 00:21:06,399 OH! [ CHUCKLES ] WELL, YOU SURE DO TALK PRETTY. 420 00:21:06,399 --> 00:21:09,369 WELL, WE DID SORT OF INVENT THE LANGUAGE. 421 00:21:09,369 --> 00:21:10,637 NO HARD FEELINGS? 422 00:21:10,637 --> 00:21:13,640 NO FEELINGS WHATSOEVER. 423 00:21:15,375 --> 00:21:18,311 HE'S ALL RIGHT! HE'S ENGLISH! 424 00:21:18,311 --> 00:21:21,280 I UNDERSTOOD EVERY WORD HE SAID! 425 00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,149 AAH! 426 00:21:23,149 --> 00:21:24,451 MERRY CHRISTMAS. 427 00:21:24,451 --> 00:21:26,185 RAISE YOUR ARMS, PLEASE. 428 00:21:26,185 --> 00:21:29,589 [ WHIRS ] 429 00:21:30,657 --> 00:21:32,859 [ WHIRRING INTENSIFIES ] 430 00:21:32,859 --> 00:21:34,827 [ BEEPS RAPIDLY ] 431 00:21:39,766 --> 00:21:43,269 ATTENTION! ATTENTION, PLEASE! 432 00:21:43,269 --> 00:21:46,005 DID ANYBODY LOSE THIS? 433 00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:56,516 HEY, LOOK AT ALL THOSE PEOPLE DOWN THERE. 434 00:21:56,516 --> 00:21:59,118 THEY LOOK LIKE ANTS. 435 00:21:59,118 --> 00:22:00,553 THOSE ARE ANTS, DAD. 436 00:22:00,553 --> 00:22:03,490 THE PLANE HASN'T TAKEN OFF YET. 437 00:22:16,936 --> 00:22:20,373 [ SNORES ] 438 00:22:24,544 --> 00:22:27,013 [ Shouting ] BOY, THAT'S A BIG OCEAN OUT THERE! 439 00:22:27,013 --> 00:22:29,248 LOT OF WATER! 440 00:22:29,248 --> 00:22:32,685 [ SNORING CONTINUES ] 441 00:22:42,228 --> 00:22:43,362 [ CHUCKLES ] 442 00:22:43,362 --> 00:22:44,831 PEANUTS, GENTLEMEN? 443 00:22:44,831 --> 00:22:47,534 LUNCH! 444 00:22:48,334 --> 00:22:50,437 THANK YOU! 445 00:22:50,437 --> 00:22:53,339 [ CRYING ] 446 00:22:53,339 --> 00:22:56,409 DON'T CRY, AUDREY. IT'S ONLY A BOOK. 447 00:22:56,409 --> 00:22:59,211 I'M NOT CRYING ABOUT THE BOOK. 448 00:22:59,211 --> 00:23:02,214 I'M CRYING ABOUT DANIEL. 449 00:23:02,214 --> 00:23:04,884 EVERYTHING REMINDS ME OF HIM. 450 00:23:04,884 --> 00:23:06,185 THESE PEANUTS -- 451 00:23:06,185 --> 00:23:09,989 HE USED TO LOVE PEANUTS. 452 00:23:09,989 --> 00:23:13,092 HE'S THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, CATHERINE. 453 00:23:14,594 --> 00:23:17,830 I'LL NEVER LOVE AGAIN -- NEVER. 454 00:23:17,830 --> 00:23:22,401 I'LL NEVER SEE INDIANAPOLIS AGAIN. 455 00:23:22,401 --> 00:23:24,637 ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT DASHIELL? 456 00:23:24,637 --> 00:23:27,774 THAT WAS JUST A PASSING THING. 457 00:23:27,774 --> 00:23:29,642 I THOUGHT YOU WENT WITH HIM FOR A YEAR. 458 00:23:29,642 --> 00:23:32,479 IT PASSED SLOWLY. 459 00:23:32,479 --> 00:23:35,214 ACTUALLY, DAD, 460 00:23:35,214 --> 00:23:41,387 THE PACIFIC OCEAN IS 164,384,000 SQUARE MILES IN AREA -- 461 00:23:41,387 --> 00:23:43,656 18 TIMES THE SIZE OF THE UNITED STATES. 462 00:23:43,656 --> 00:23:46,192 IT WAS NAMED BY THE EXPLORER MAGELLAN, 463 00:23:46,192 --> 00:23:49,629 BECAUSE WHEN HE FIRST SAW IT, IT WAS SO TRANQUIL, 464 00:23:49,629 --> 00:23:51,998 HE CALLED IT THE PACIFIC. 465 00:23:51,998 --> 00:23:55,468 [ GRUNTS ] 466 00:24:02,909 --> 00:24:04,276 OH! 467 00:24:04,276 --> 00:24:05,945 AH! 468 00:24:05,945 --> 00:24:08,548 OOH. 469 00:24:08,548 --> 00:24:11,017 [ MAN MOANS ] 470 00:24:11,017 --> 00:24:13,620 OH. 471 00:24:25,998 --> 00:24:28,034 PEANUT? 472 00:24:32,238 --> 00:24:34,173 THANK YOU. 473 00:24:36,175 --> 00:24:38,778 [ SNORING CONTINUES ] 474 00:25:04,003 --> 00:25:07,139 [ TRADITIONAL ISLAND MUSIC PLAYS ] 475 00:25:13,079 --> 00:25:14,513 WHERE'S THE BATHROOM? 476 00:25:14,513 --> 00:25:17,717 OH, WOW! 477 00:25:17,717 --> 00:25:20,386 OH, THANK YOU! 478 00:25:20,386 --> 00:25:22,288 OH, BEAUTIFUL! 479 00:25:22,288 --> 00:25:25,357 WELL, LOOK AT THAT. [ LAUGHS ] 480 00:25:25,357 --> 00:25:27,126 OH! 481 00:25:27,126 --> 00:25:28,995 WOW! 482 00:25:28,995 --> 00:25:30,863 WELL. 483 00:25:30,863 --> 00:25:31,864 HERE. 484 00:25:34,934 --> 00:25:36,302 [ CHUCKLES ] HERE YOU GO, UNCLE NICK. 485 00:25:36,302 --> 00:25:37,604 THIS ONE HERE'S A-WILLING. 486 00:25:37,604 --> 00:25:39,672 [ LAUGHS ] 487 00:25:39,672 --> 00:25:41,073 HEY, THIRD, 488 00:25:41,073 --> 00:25:42,942 YOU SEE ABOUT GETTING SNOTS OUT OF BAGGAGE AREA? 489 00:25:42,942 --> 00:25:45,578 THEY'RE BRINGING HIM OUT, DAD. HE'S STILL ASLEEP. 490 00:25:45,578 --> 00:25:48,948 THE LOCAL AUTHORITIES INSISTED THAT THEY FUMIGATE HIM FIRST. 491 00:25:48,948 --> 00:25:51,050 THEY DIDN'T LIKE THE WAY HE SMELLED. 492 00:25:51,050 --> 00:25:54,754 THAT'S FUNNY. I NEVER NOTICED HE SMELLED BAD. 493 00:25:54,754 --> 00:25:58,257 DAD, SMALL ANIMALS PASS OUT WHEN HE WALKS BY THEM. 494 00:25:58,257 --> 00:26:00,793 Woman: ALOHA! 495 00:26:00,793 --> 00:26:03,930 HI! ARE YOU THE JOHNSON FAMILY? 496 00:26:03,930 --> 00:26:05,264 YEAH! 497 00:26:05,264 --> 00:26:07,333 MERRY CHRISTMAS. 498 00:26:07,333 --> 00:26:09,535 HELLO. 499 00:26:09,535 --> 00:26:11,170 I'M MUKA LAKA MIKI, MR. JOHNSON. 500 00:26:11,170 --> 00:26:14,306 I WORK FOR THE ATOMIC TESTING AGENCY HERE IN MALUKA. 501 00:26:14,306 --> 00:26:15,608 YOU'RE OUR GUESTS. 502 00:26:15,608 --> 00:26:18,077 WELL, NICE TO MEET YOU... MUKA LIKA HICKY. 503 00:26:18,077 --> 00:26:19,078 [ CHUCKLES ] 504 00:26:19,078 --> 00:26:20,713 OH! 505 00:26:22,114 --> 00:26:24,717 [ SMOOCHING ] 506 00:26:24,717 --> 00:26:26,585 [ CHUCKLES ] 507 00:26:26,585 --> 00:26:29,021 Catherine: EDDIE! 508 00:26:29,021 --> 00:26:30,657 OH. 509 00:26:30,657 --> 00:26:32,825 THIS IS MY WIFE, CATHERINE, 510 00:26:32,825 --> 00:26:37,229 AND COUSIN AUDREY AND OUR SON, THIRD THE THIRD. 511 00:26:37,229 --> 00:26:38,030 HEY. 512 00:26:38,030 --> 00:26:40,066 AND THIS HERE IS UNCLE NICK. 513 00:26:40,066 --> 00:26:42,201 HI, THERE! 514 00:26:42,201 --> 00:26:43,302 HI. 515 00:26:43,302 --> 00:26:44,804 NICK -- 516 00:26:44,804 --> 00:26:48,274 NICK JUGSON... AT YOUR SERVICE. 517 00:26:48,274 --> 00:26:50,009 OH! [ LAUGHS NERVOUSLY ] 518 00:26:50,009 --> 00:26:52,812 I'LL -- I'LL GET YOU TO YOUR MOTEL. 519 00:26:52,812 --> 00:26:54,681 THEN I THOUGHT YOU'D WANT THE REST OF THE DAY 520 00:26:54,681 --> 00:26:56,348 TO GET UNPACKED AND STUFF, 521 00:26:56,348 --> 00:26:59,018 AND THEN TOMORROW I COULD SHOW YOU THE ISLAND. 522 00:26:59,018 --> 00:27:01,721 THE AGENCY WANTS TO GIVE YOU SPECIAL TREATMENT. 523 00:27:01,721 --> 00:27:04,323 THEY'RE REALLY SORRY ABOUT THE MONKEY BITING YOU. 524 00:27:04,323 --> 00:27:05,825 OH, WELL. I HEAL FAST. 525 00:27:05,825 --> 00:27:08,494 BUT IF THIS IS THE WAY YOU FOLKS SHOW YOUR APOLOGIES... 526 00:27:08,494 --> 00:27:12,264 [ LAUGHS ] THAT MONKEY CAN BITE MY ASS EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK 527 00:27:12,264 --> 00:27:14,066 AND TWICE ON SUNDAY. 528 00:27:26,545 --> 00:27:28,347 WHOO! HEH-HEH! 529 00:27:28,347 --> 00:27:30,917 YOU FOLKS SURE ARE TREATING US IN STYLE. 530 00:27:30,917 --> 00:27:34,153 WELL, I'VE PLANNED A BIG DAY FOR US. 531 00:27:34,153 --> 00:27:36,522 THIS MORNING, WE'RE GONNA WALK AROUND THE TOWN 532 00:27:36,522 --> 00:27:37,890 AND GET TO KNOW IT A LITTLE. 533 00:27:37,890 --> 00:27:39,926 AND VISIT THE NATIVE SHOPS, AND I NEED A MANICURE. 534 00:27:39,926 --> 00:27:42,194 AND THEN WE CAN CHANGE INTO BEACH CLOTHES 535 00:27:42,194 --> 00:27:44,563 AND HAVE A NATIVE CHRISTMAS COOKOUT FOR LUNCH -- 536 00:27:44,563 --> 00:27:46,498 SORT OF A MINI LUAU. 537 00:27:46,498 --> 00:27:49,168 AND THIS AFTERNOON, I'VE CHARTERED A SMALL BOAT, 538 00:27:49,168 --> 00:27:51,670 AND I THOUGHT WE'D TOUR SOME OF THE ISLANDS. 539 00:27:51,670 --> 00:27:53,706 THAT SOUNDS GREAT! 540 00:27:53,706 --> 00:27:56,042 HEAR THAT, UNCLE NICK? WE'RE GOING ON A BOAT! 541 00:27:56,042 --> 00:27:59,078 JUST WHAT AN OLD SAILOR WANTS TO HEAR! 542 00:27:59,078 --> 00:28:03,682 [ MAN SINGING IN NATIVE LANGUAGE ] 543 00:28:18,831 --> 00:28:21,834 SNOTS? SNOTS, HERE. 544 00:28:23,102 --> 00:28:25,237 [ SNORING ] 545 00:28:26,572 --> 00:28:27,974 [ ENGINE WHIRRING ] 546 00:28:30,642 --> 00:28:33,312 HEY, WHOSE SEAPLANE IS THAT OVER THERE? 547 00:28:33,312 --> 00:28:35,381 THAT'S JACK MALTBY, MELBOURNE JACK. 548 00:28:35,381 --> 00:28:36,582 HE'S AN AUSSIE. 549 00:28:36,582 --> 00:28:39,786 HE OWNS A HOTEL NEAR HERE ON HIS OWN PRIVATE ISLAND. 550 00:28:39,786 --> 00:28:41,788 HE'S A GREAT GUY. 551 00:28:43,022 --> 00:28:44,957 THERE'S MORE COMING, HONEY. 552 00:28:44,957 --> 00:28:48,194 THESE RIBS ARE GREAT, MUKA KOOKIE. 553 00:28:48,194 --> 00:28:50,930 RIBS AND PINEAPPLE -- THOSE ARE OUR BIG CHRISTMAS DISHES -- 554 00:28:50,930 --> 00:28:52,131 AND FRIED EEL. 555 00:28:52,131 --> 00:28:55,234 FRIED EEL? FRIED?! WOW! 556 00:28:56,435 --> 00:28:58,137 AM I INVITED FOR LUNCH? 557 00:28:58,137 --> 00:29:01,841 SURE, JACK! COME ON IN! 558 00:29:01,841 --> 00:29:05,011 HI, MUKA LAKA MIKI. THANKS FOR THE INVITE. 559 00:29:05,011 --> 00:29:06,645 HI, JACK. HOW ARE YOU? 560 00:29:06,645 --> 00:29:09,481 HI, I'M AUDREY GRISWOLD. 561 00:29:09,481 --> 00:29:10,950 WE JUST ARRIVED. 562 00:29:10,950 --> 00:29:14,353 LOVE THE ISLAND -- FABULOUS PLACE. 563 00:29:14,353 --> 00:29:15,621 ARE YOU MARRIED? 564 00:29:15,621 --> 00:29:17,957 HI, THERE. WE'RE THE JOHNSONS. 565 00:29:19,125 --> 00:29:21,127 I'M EDDIE. 566 00:29:21,127 --> 00:29:22,661 THIS HERE IS UNCLE NICK. 567 00:29:22,661 --> 00:29:23,896 [ SNORES ] 568 00:29:23,896 --> 00:29:25,231 THAT'S MY BOY. 569 00:29:26,198 --> 00:29:28,300 AND HERE'S MY WIFE, CATHERINE. 570 00:29:28,300 --> 00:29:29,435 EEL? 571 00:29:29,435 --> 00:29:31,871 LIKE I SAID, THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL PLACE. 572 00:29:31,871 --> 00:29:34,640 WOULD YOU LIKE TO TAKE ME...ON A TOUR? 573 00:29:34,640 --> 00:29:36,642 SURE. 574 00:29:36,642 --> 00:29:39,912 [ CHUCKLES ] WHAT A CHARMING MAN. 575 00:29:39,912 --> 00:29:42,181 WHAT'S THAT SMELL? 576 00:29:43,883 --> 00:29:46,418 Audrey: OH! OH, THAT WAS A GOOD ONE. 577 00:29:46,418 --> 00:29:47,920 [ AUDREY LAUGHS ] 578 00:29:47,920 --> 00:29:50,823 IT'S TIME FOR THE BOAT, YOU GUYS. LET'S PACK UP. 579 00:29:50,823 --> 00:29:53,625 OH, OKAY. THIRD, GRAB YOUR STUFF. 580 00:29:53,625 --> 00:29:56,195 AND SOMEONE PUT OUT THE FIRE. 581 00:29:56,195 --> 00:29:57,463 I'M FULL. 582 00:29:57,463 --> 00:30:00,566 YOU JUST SIT AND DIGEST. I'LL PACK UP. 583 00:30:04,871 --> 00:30:07,506 SNOTS! SNOTS! 584 00:30:07,506 --> 00:30:10,843 Eddie: I HOPE THEY GOT A POOPER ON THIS THING. 585 00:30:10,843 --> 00:30:14,580 THAT FRIED EEL'S HEADED DUE SOUTH. 586 00:30:14,580 --> 00:30:16,883 CAPTAIN LYNCH! 587 00:30:22,488 --> 00:30:25,491 IT'S FROM CAPTAIN LYNCH. 588 00:30:25,491 --> 00:30:29,361 HIS WIFE IS HAVING A BABY, AND HE HAS TO DELIVER IT. 589 00:30:29,361 --> 00:30:31,964 HE SAYS WE CAN TAKE THE BOAT OUT IF WE WANT TO, 590 00:30:31,964 --> 00:30:33,732 IF WE KNOW HOW TO RUN A BOAT. 591 00:30:33,732 --> 00:30:35,334 DO YOU KNOW HOW TO RUN A BOAT? 592 00:30:35,334 --> 00:30:39,838 NO, I FISH LOTS IN A CREEK, BUT DIDN'T HAVE NO BOAT. 593 00:30:39,838 --> 00:30:41,307 I'M WILLING TO TRY. 594 00:30:41,307 --> 00:30:42,641 FORGET IT. 595 00:30:42,641 --> 00:30:46,078 I'VE GOT MORE SALT UNDER MY ARMPITS THAN YOU EVER SAILED ON. 596 00:30:46,078 --> 00:30:50,149 LEAVE IT TO ME. I WAS IN THE NAVY. 597 00:30:57,256 --> 00:31:01,560 WHY SHOULD THIS BE DIFFERENT FROM AN AIRCRAFT CARRIER? 598 00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:05,564 AAH! THE KEY. 599 00:31:05,564 --> 00:31:08,467 ALL RIGHT. 600 00:31:08,467 --> 00:31:10,069 [ ENGINE TURNS OVER ] 601 00:31:10,970 --> 00:31:12,704 YAY! WHOO! 602 00:31:12,704 --> 00:31:16,575 SOMETIMES YOU JUST DON'T THINK OF THE EASY THINGS. 603 00:31:16,575 --> 00:31:17,876 [ LAUGHS ] 604 00:31:24,416 --> 00:31:26,852 SHOULDN'T WE UNTIE THIS FIRST? 605 00:31:26,852 --> 00:31:30,522 EDDIE, GET OUT AND CAST OFF. 606 00:31:45,637 --> 00:31:48,240 UNCLE NICK! 607 00:32:12,999 --> 00:32:17,069 [ GRUMBLES ] 608 00:32:38,924 --> 00:32:41,160 OKAY, WHERE IS IT? 609 00:32:41,160 --> 00:32:42,428 WHAT'S WRONG? 610 00:32:42,428 --> 00:32:45,864 THE COMPASS -- I CAN'T FIND A COMPASS. 611 00:32:45,864 --> 00:32:47,966 EVERY BOAT HAS A COMPASS! 612 00:32:47,966 --> 00:32:50,702 MAYBE WE SHOULD HEAD BACK TO SHORE. 613 00:32:50,702 --> 00:32:52,638 I THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. 614 00:32:52,638 --> 00:32:54,073 WHOA! WHOA! 615 00:32:54,073 --> 00:32:57,376 WHOA-OH-OH! WHOA! 616 00:32:57,376 --> 00:33:00,146 AH! I GOT A BIG FISH! 617 00:33:00,146 --> 00:33:02,481 OH-OH-OH-WHOA! 618 00:33:02,481 --> 00:33:03,549 HOLD ON! 619 00:33:03,549 --> 00:33:04,783 WHOA! 620 00:33:04,783 --> 00:33:07,386 AAH! 621 00:33:07,386 --> 00:33:09,355 CAREFUL, HONEY! YOU'RE ALL TANGLED! 622 00:33:09,355 --> 00:33:12,758 GET A KNIFE! GET A KNIFE! 623 00:33:12,758 --> 00:33:14,126 I DON'T HAVE A KNIFE. 624 00:33:14,126 --> 00:33:16,828 I HAVE SCISSORS IN MY PURSE, EDDIE. 625 00:33:16,828 --> 00:33:18,464 GET A KNIFE! 626 00:33:18,464 --> 00:33:20,032 HOLD ON. 627 00:33:20,032 --> 00:33:21,667 GET A KNIFE! 628 00:33:21,667 --> 00:33:22,834 AAHHH! 629 00:33:22,834 --> 00:33:24,770 HOLD ON! 630 00:33:24,770 --> 00:33:26,505 AAH! 631 00:33:26,505 --> 00:33:28,774 AAH! 632 00:33:28,774 --> 00:33:30,142 AH-HA-HA-HA! 633 00:33:30,142 --> 00:33:32,644 I HAVE SCISSORS, EDDIE. 634 00:33:32,644 --> 00:33:33,945 AAAHHHH! 635 00:33:33,945 --> 00:33:36,415 AAH! AAH! 636 00:33:36,415 --> 00:33:38,184 AAH! AAH! 637 00:33:38,184 --> 00:33:41,053 HOLD ON, MR. JOHNSON! 638 00:33:41,053 --> 00:33:42,588 CALL ME EDDIE! 639 00:33:42,588 --> 00:33:44,156 HOLD ON, EDDIE! 640 00:33:46,625 --> 00:33:47,993 OH! 641 00:33:47,993 --> 00:33:49,695 OH! 642 00:33:49,695 --> 00:33:50,796 AAH! 643 00:33:50,796 --> 00:33:54,266 AAH! AAAHHHH! 644 00:33:55,767 --> 00:33:57,103 AAAAAH! 645 00:33:57,103 --> 00:34:00,806 AAAH! AAAH! AAAH! AAAH! 646 00:34:00,806 --> 00:34:03,842 UNCLE NICK, UNCLE NICK! THE BOAT'S GOING BACKWARDS! 647 00:34:03,842 --> 00:34:06,212 MAKE IT GO FORWARDS! 648 00:34:06,212 --> 00:34:09,615 [ ENGINE TURNS OVER ] 649 00:34:09,615 --> 00:34:11,217 AAAHHHH! AAAHHHH! 650 00:34:11,217 --> 00:34:14,986 AAAH! AAAH! AAAH! AAAH! 651 00:34:14,986 --> 00:34:17,989 OHHHH! 652 00:34:17,989 --> 00:34:19,691 [ SNAP ] 653 00:34:19,691 --> 00:34:21,627 [ GRUNTS ] 654 00:34:21,627 --> 00:34:23,229 HA HA HA! 655 00:34:23,229 --> 00:34:24,730 HA HA HA! 656 00:34:26,865 --> 00:34:28,434 OH! 657 00:34:28,434 --> 00:34:32,171 OH, EDDIE! YOU WERE WONDERFUL! 658 00:34:32,171 --> 00:34:34,039 I ALMOST HAD IT! 659 00:34:34,039 --> 00:34:36,375 DID YOU SEE THAT, HUH? 660 00:34:36,375 --> 00:34:39,378 THAT FISH WAS THE BIGGEST FISH I EVER SAW! 661 00:34:39,378 --> 00:34:43,515 THAT THING MUST HAVE WEIGHED 10,000 POUNDS. 662 00:34:43,515 --> 00:34:46,118 [ LAUGHS ] HOW ARE MY SHOES? 663 00:34:46,118 --> 00:34:47,986 [ CRASH ] AAH! 664 00:34:47,986 --> 00:34:48,987 WHOA! 665 00:34:48,987 --> 00:34:50,088 WHOA! 666 00:34:50,088 --> 00:34:51,990 AAH! 667 00:34:51,990 --> 00:34:53,192 WHOA! 668 00:34:54,893 --> 00:34:56,628 OH! OOH! 669 00:34:56,628 --> 00:34:58,130 MAN THE LIFEBOATS! 670 00:34:58,130 --> 00:35:00,199 THERE ARE NO LIFEBOATS. 671 00:35:05,103 --> 00:35:06,305 AAHHH! 672 00:35:06,305 --> 00:35:09,975 EDDIE, WHERE'S THE REST OF YOU?! 673 00:35:09,975 --> 00:35:12,311 OH, EDDIE, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? 674 00:35:12,311 --> 00:35:15,013 HEY, THEY GOT A UKULELE IN HERE! 675 00:35:15,013 --> 00:35:16,648 [ GRUNTING ] 676 00:35:18,684 --> 00:35:21,187 OH! 677 00:35:21,187 --> 00:35:23,889 OH, MY HEAD AND SHOULDERS. 678 00:35:23,889 --> 00:35:25,991 I'M IN PAIN. 679 00:35:25,991 --> 00:35:27,193 [ GASPS ] 680 00:35:27,193 --> 00:35:29,094 MY MANICURE IS RUINED! 681 00:35:29,094 --> 00:35:34,032 UNCLE NICK, WILL YOU PLEASE TAKE YOUR HAND OFF MY BREAST? 682 00:35:34,032 --> 00:35:36,935 IS EVERYBODY OKAY? 683 00:35:36,935 --> 00:35:38,470 I'M OKAY. 684 00:35:38,470 --> 00:35:42,441 BUT THERE'S JUST THIS HORRIBLE SMELL IN HERE. 685 00:35:44,310 --> 00:35:46,312 [ FARTS ] OH, GOD! 686 00:35:48,046 --> 00:35:50,249 UNCLE NICK! 687 00:35:50,249 --> 00:35:53,051 ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? 688 00:35:53,051 --> 00:35:54,920 I DON'T KNOW. I CUT MY HAND. 689 00:35:54,920 --> 00:35:56,021 I DON'T KNOW HOW. 690 00:35:56,021 --> 00:35:57,856 I BIT IT. 691 00:35:57,856 --> 00:36:00,892 THIRD? THIRD?! 692 00:36:00,892 --> 00:36:04,129 WE'VE RUN AGROUND, 693 00:36:04,129 --> 00:36:06,198 BUT THERE'S AN ISLAND RIGHT THERE. 694 00:36:06,198 --> 00:36:09,335 YOU KNOW WHERE WE ARE? 695 00:36:09,335 --> 00:36:10,502 I'M FROM MILWAUKEE. 696 00:36:10,502 --> 00:36:12,304 I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT THESE ISLANDS. 697 00:36:13,272 --> 00:36:16,842 THE RADIO -- LET'S TRY THE RADIO. 698 00:36:16,842 --> 00:36:17,943 MILWAUKEE? 699 00:36:17,943 --> 00:36:20,546 I THOUGHT YOUR NAME WAS MALUKA MALARKA RIKKI. 700 00:36:20,546 --> 00:36:22,748 FORGET THE RADIO. IT DOESN'T WORK. 701 00:36:22,748 --> 00:36:27,686 WELL, THAT ISLAND LOOKS NICE -- NOT TOO FAR. 702 00:36:27,686 --> 00:36:29,988 ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA TRY TO SWIM TO SHORE. 703 00:36:29,988 --> 00:36:31,990 I BET THERE'S NOTHING DANGEROUS ON THESE ISLANDS, 704 00:36:31,990 --> 00:36:33,459 RIGHT, MILWAUKEE-LIKI? 705 00:36:33,459 --> 00:36:35,427 I THINK IT'S SAFER THAN MILWAUKEE -- 706 00:36:35,427 --> 00:36:38,096 ONLY SNAKES, WILD DOGS, WILD BOAR. 707 00:36:38,096 --> 00:36:40,232 WILD BOAR? 708 00:36:40,232 --> 00:36:42,334 WELL, THEY'RE LIKE PIGS. 709 00:36:42,334 --> 00:36:45,571 SOME OF THEM CAN WEIGH UP TO 600 POUNDS. 710 00:36:45,571 --> 00:36:48,874 THEY'RE VERY FAST AND REAL NASTY. 711 00:36:48,874 --> 00:36:50,208 I'LL GO, DAD. 712 00:36:50,208 --> 00:36:52,478 NO, BOY, YOUR LIFE'S MORE PRECIOUS THAN MINE. 713 00:36:52,478 --> 00:36:54,680 WHY? I DON'T KNOW. 714 00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:57,316 DADDY'S ARE JUST SUPPOSED TO SAY THINGS LIKE THAT SOMETIMES. 715 00:36:57,316 --> 00:37:00,919 NO! WE ALL GO. 716 00:37:00,919 --> 00:37:02,921 WE ALL GO TOGETHER. 717 00:37:02,921 --> 00:37:07,393 CATHERINE, I'M NOT AFRAID OF A LITTLE, OLD PIG. 718 00:37:07,393 --> 00:37:10,496 EDDIE, YOU CAN'T SWIM! 719 00:37:27,646 --> 00:37:29,681 LET'S WALK. 720 00:37:29,681 --> 00:37:32,284 [ "COME, ALL YE FAITHFUL" PLAYS ] 721 00:37:42,961 --> 00:37:47,032 AUDREY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH AN ELECTRIC CAPPUCCINO MAKER? 722 00:37:47,032 --> 00:37:49,000 I BOUGHT IT IN TOWN. 723 00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:51,903 SOMEHOW I DOUBT WE'LL BE ABLE TO USE THAT. 724 00:37:51,903 --> 00:37:54,272 I DON'T THINK THERE ARE TOO MANY ELECTRICAL OUTLETS 725 00:37:54,272 --> 00:37:55,607 ON THIS ISLAND. 726 00:37:55,607 --> 00:37:56,775 MAYBE WE'LL FIND A MOTEL 727 00:37:56,775 --> 00:37:58,777 OR SOMETHING WITH AN ELECTRICAL OUTLET. 728 00:37:58,777 --> 00:38:01,913 LOOK! 729 00:38:01,913 --> 00:38:04,783 THE BOAT'S DRIFTING AWAY! 730 00:38:13,224 --> 00:38:16,928 DID ANYONE ANCHOR THE BOAT? 731 00:38:24,603 --> 00:38:26,438 WELL, WE GOT TO DO THIS RIGHT. 732 00:38:35,747 --> 00:38:36,848 WE NEED FOOD. 733 00:38:38,083 --> 00:38:39,551 YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT, EDDIE. 734 00:38:39,551 --> 00:38:41,820 OKAY, HERE IS WHAT WE BROUGHT ASHORE. 735 00:38:41,820 --> 00:38:45,924 WE GOT A DOZEN TOOTSIE ROLLS, WE GOT SOME BRIDGE MIX, 736 00:38:45,924 --> 00:38:48,660 TWO SIX-PACKS OF BEER, SOME HAMBURGER HELPER, 737 00:38:48,660 --> 00:38:50,195 AND FOUR BOTTLES OF BOURBON. 738 00:38:50,195 --> 00:38:52,431 THAT'S MY KIND OF CAPTAIN. 739 00:38:52,431 --> 00:38:54,500 YEAH, WE ALSO GOT A QUARTER-POUND 740 00:38:54,500 --> 00:38:57,736 OF MOLDY AMERICAN CHEESE, A PACK OF MATCHES, 741 00:38:57,736 --> 00:38:59,405 AND A BOX OF THOSE LITTLE TOOTHPICKS 742 00:38:59,405 --> 00:39:01,373 THAT YOU PUT INTO FRANKFURTERS. 743 00:39:01,373 --> 00:39:03,375 ONLY WE DON'T HAVE ANY FRANKFURTERS. 744 00:39:03,375 --> 00:39:06,578 WE CAN USE THOSE TO GET THE TOOTSIE ROLLS OUT OF OUR TEETH. 745 00:39:06,578 --> 00:39:10,081 OH, AND, DAD, I FOUND A KNIFE ON THE BOAT. 746 00:39:10,081 --> 00:39:11,517 IT WAS IN THE GALLEY. 747 00:39:11,517 --> 00:39:14,185 Uncle Nick: I HAVEN'T HAD A TOOTSIE ROLL IN 35 YEARS. 748 00:39:14,185 --> 00:39:16,955 THAT'S WHEN I GOT MY FALSE TEETH. 749 00:39:16,955 --> 00:39:18,857 WELL, WE GOT BEER, 750 00:39:18,857 --> 00:39:22,528 GOT MY FAVORITE HUNTING DOG. 751 00:39:25,096 --> 00:39:27,232 I CAN HUNT FOR FOOD. 752 00:39:27,232 --> 00:39:29,000 OH, EDDIE. 753 00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:32,337 THE ONLY PLACE YOU EVER HUNTED FOR FOOD WAS OUR REFRIGERATOR. 754 00:39:32,337 --> 00:39:35,607 HEY, THERE'S A FRESHWATER STREAM BACK THERE IN THE FOREST 755 00:39:35,607 --> 00:39:37,409 AND PLENTY OF BANANAS EVERYWHERE, 756 00:39:37,409 --> 00:39:40,679 AND WE CAN MAKE SPEARS AND FISHING RODS TO HUNT AND FISH. 757 00:39:40,679 --> 00:39:43,348 AND I THINK I FOUND A GOOD PLACE FOR A CAMPSITE. 758 00:39:43,348 --> 00:39:45,283 OH, WOW! 759 00:39:45,283 --> 00:39:47,419 Catherine: ALL RIGHT, LET'S PACK UP. 760 00:39:47,419 --> 00:39:50,388 SNOTS! SNOTS! 761 00:39:50,388 --> 00:39:53,459 [ SNOTS BARKS ] 762 00:39:58,864 --> 00:40:01,867 THIS IS THE SPOT, EVERYBODY. 763 00:40:01,867 --> 00:40:03,969 IT'S STARTING TO GET DARK. 764 00:40:03,969 --> 00:40:06,371 WE BETTER FIGURE OUT WHERE WE'RE GONNA SLEEP. 765 00:40:06,371 --> 00:40:07,939 WE'LL TEAM UP, 766 00:40:07,939 --> 00:40:11,109 AND THERE ARE SOME TOWELS FROM THE HOTEL. 767 00:40:11,109 --> 00:40:14,412 I'M ALL SET. 768 00:40:14,412 --> 00:40:17,949 AUDREY AND I WILL BUDDY UP. 769 00:40:17,949 --> 00:40:19,217 [ INSECT BUZZES ] 770 00:40:19,217 --> 00:40:22,287 WELL, WE ONLY HAVE THREE TOWELS, AND THEY'RE ALL WET. 771 00:40:22,287 --> 00:40:23,555 WELL, IF YOU GET COLD, 772 00:40:23,555 --> 00:40:25,857 YOUR BUDDY'S BODY HEAT WILL HELP WARM YOU UP. 773 00:40:25,857 --> 00:40:28,927 YOU WANT TO RETHINK YOUR ASSIGNED BUDDY? 774 00:40:28,927 --> 00:40:30,596 NO. 775 00:40:32,297 --> 00:40:34,866 [ SNORING ] 776 00:40:39,137 --> 00:40:42,107 [ INSECT BUZZES ] 777 00:40:58,423 --> 00:41:00,626 [ GRUNTING ] 778 00:41:29,454 --> 00:41:33,525 [ GRUNTS ] 779 00:41:56,481 --> 00:41:57,949 OOH! 780 00:41:57,949 --> 00:42:00,919 [ CHANTING ] 781 00:42:05,757 --> 00:42:09,561 [ BIRDS CHIRPING ] 782 00:42:13,264 --> 00:42:16,401 THAT FELT GOOD! 783 00:42:16,401 --> 00:42:18,169 WHEN YOU GET TO BE MY AGE, 784 00:42:18,169 --> 00:42:22,007 A GOOD DUMP IS ONE OF THE GREAT PLEASURES IN LIFE. 785 00:42:23,308 --> 00:42:26,712 WELL, SHE'S ALL FINISHED. 786 00:42:28,446 --> 00:42:31,249 NOW WHEN I WAS WALKING UP TO THE HILL THIS MORNING, 787 00:42:31,249 --> 00:42:34,853 I SAW THAT THERE WAS NOTHING HERE BUT A LOT OF BANANAS. 788 00:42:34,853 --> 00:42:38,223 SO WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO HUNT FOR SOME REAL FOOD. 789 00:42:38,223 --> 00:42:39,257 SO LET'S GO, THIRD. 790 00:42:39,257 --> 00:42:40,491 YEAH! 791 00:42:40,491 --> 00:42:42,794 I'LL GO WITH YOU. 792 00:42:56,074 --> 00:42:57,542 ALL RIGHT. HERE'S THE GAME PLAN. 793 00:42:57,542 --> 00:43:00,078 WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO SPLIT UP SO WE CAN COVER MORE GROUND. 794 00:43:00,078 --> 00:43:03,214 WE'LL USE THAT FIRE ON TOP OF THE HILL AS A LANDMARK. 795 00:43:03,214 --> 00:43:06,484 UNCLE NICK, YOU MAKE A QUICK LEFT AND GO UP THE LEFT FLANK. 796 00:43:06,484 --> 00:43:07,786 THIRD, YOU MAKE A WIDE RIGHT. 797 00:43:07,786 --> 00:43:09,855 SNOTS AND I WILL GO RIGHT UP THE MIDDLE, 798 00:43:09,855 --> 00:43:11,723 AND VICTORY WILL BE OURS. 799 00:43:11,723 --> 00:43:15,193 WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO IF I RUN INTO A WILD ANIMAL? 800 00:43:15,193 --> 00:43:16,527 THROW MY BANANA AT IT? 801 00:43:16,527 --> 00:43:18,129 GOOD THINKING! 802 00:43:20,231 --> 00:43:22,000 YAAAHHH! 803 00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:23,001 [ BARKS ] 804 00:43:38,249 --> 00:43:40,485 [ BIRD SQUAWKS ] 805 00:43:40,485 --> 00:43:42,387 [ SIGHS ] 806 00:43:42,387 --> 00:43:46,157 HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF BARKING OR POINTING? 807 00:43:46,157 --> 00:43:47,058 [ WHIMPERS ] 808 00:43:47,058 --> 00:43:49,127 HOW ABOUT A LITTLE WARNING HERE? 809 00:43:49,127 --> 00:43:52,630 GIVE ME A LITTLE HEADS UP NEXT TIME. 810 00:44:01,940 --> 00:44:04,642 WELL, ARE YOU COMING? 811 00:44:32,170 --> 00:44:34,605 OH, MY. 812 00:44:34,605 --> 00:44:37,508 OH, MY! 813 00:44:37,508 --> 00:44:39,711 OH, MY! 814 00:44:41,012 --> 00:44:43,248 OH, MY! 815 00:44:46,084 --> 00:44:49,755 OH, MY GOD! 816 00:44:53,959 --> 00:44:55,260 Yes! 817 00:45:29,627 --> 00:45:31,763 ANY LUCK HUNTING, HONEY? 818 00:45:31,763 --> 00:45:34,199 NO. I ALMOST GOT A BIRD. 819 00:45:34,199 --> 00:45:37,335 BUT ALL I SAW WERE 'NANNERS. 820 00:45:40,605 --> 00:45:42,740 DID YOU GUYS HAVE ANY LUCK? 821 00:45:43,541 --> 00:45:45,811 NO. 822 00:45:45,811 --> 00:45:47,445 THAT'S IT. 823 00:45:49,214 --> 00:45:52,350 I AIN'T WALKED THIS MUCH SINCE MY LAST VISIT TO WAL-MART. 824 00:45:52,350 --> 00:45:53,384 HEY, EVERYBODY. 825 00:45:53,384 --> 00:45:56,121 YOU KNOW, IT'LL BE CHRISTMAS IN THREE DAYS. 826 00:45:56,121 --> 00:45:57,555 IT IS? 827 00:45:57,555 --> 00:45:58,957 OH. 828 00:45:58,957 --> 00:46:00,926 DO YOU KNOW, WITH ALL THE EXCITEMENT 829 00:46:00,926 --> 00:46:02,760 OF THE SHIPWRECK AND EVERYTHING, 830 00:46:02,760 --> 00:46:04,729 I GUESS I JUST FORGOT ALL ABOUT CHRISTMAS. 831 00:46:04,729 --> 00:46:08,199 WELL, I GUESS WE WILL HAVE TO FORGET ABOUT IT THIS YEAR. 832 00:46:08,199 --> 00:46:11,502 YEAH, IT'S MY FIRST CHRISTMAS WITHOUT MOM AND DAD. 833 00:46:11,502 --> 00:46:14,840 WELL, THIS IS MY FIRST CHRISTMAS WITHOUT GIFTS. 834 00:46:14,840 --> 00:46:17,675 NO TREE, NO SANTA. 835 00:46:17,675 --> 00:46:19,277 NO REAL FOOD. 836 00:46:19,277 --> 00:46:20,912 NO EGGNOG. 837 00:46:20,912 --> 00:46:23,581 HEY! WE CAN STILL HAVE CHRISTMAS. 838 00:46:23,581 --> 00:46:26,017 WE CAN HAVE AN ISLAND CHRISTMAS. 839 00:46:26,017 --> 00:46:28,954 WELL, THAT'S A REAL GOOD IDEA, MUKA NUKI. 840 00:46:28,954 --> 00:46:32,523 AN ISLAND CHRISTMAS -- WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT? 841 00:46:32,523 --> 00:46:34,459 WHAT IS AN ISLAND CHRISTMAS? 842 00:46:34,459 --> 00:46:37,562 WELL, EVERY YEAR WE CELEBRATE THE THINGS 843 00:46:37,562 --> 00:46:39,564 THAT WE'RE MOST THANKFUL FOR. 844 00:46:39,564 --> 00:46:43,501 WELL, WE'RE ALL ALIVE, AND WE'RE ALL TOGETHER. 845 00:46:43,501 --> 00:46:45,303 THAT'S WORTH CELEBRATING. 846 00:46:45,303 --> 00:46:47,738 YOU'RE PRETTY DAMN EASY TO PLEASE. 847 00:46:47,738 --> 00:46:49,140 WHAT ABOUT THE GIFTS? 848 00:46:49,140 --> 00:46:50,741 WE HAVE THE WHOLE ISLAND! 849 00:46:50,741 --> 00:46:54,913 LET'S THINK OF SOMETHING WE CAN ALL GIVE TO EACH OTHER. 850 00:46:57,082 --> 00:46:59,450 HOW ABOUT A FULL-BODY MASSAGE? 851 00:46:59,450 --> 00:47:02,420 UNCLE NICK! 852 00:47:02,420 --> 00:47:06,457 THE ISLANDS CAN BE VERY MAGICAL, FULL OF MANY GIFTS. 853 00:47:06,457 --> 00:47:10,028 ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS USE YOUR IMAGINATION. 854 00:47:10,028 --> 00:47:12,397 OH, DANG IT. I KNEW THERE WAS A CATCH. 855 00:47:12,397 --> 00:47:14,866 WHAT HAVE YOU ALWAYS WANTED, EDDIE? 856 00:47:14,866 --> 00:47:16,301 I DON'T KNOW. 857 00:47:16,301 --> 00:47:19,804 I GOT PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED -- 858 00:47:19,804 --> 00:47:23,474 A GOOD DOG, SIX KIDS. 859 00:47:26,644 --> 00:47:30,081 OH...DOTING WIFE WHO TAKES CARE OF MY EVERY NEED, 860 00:47:30,081 --> 00:47:31,816 IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. 861 00:47:31,816 --> 00:47:32,850 [ CHUCKLING ] 862 00:47:32,850 --> 00:47:35,553 WE COULD GET A HOUSE, EDDIE. 863 00:47:35,553 --> 00:47:38,423 [ LAUGHING ] WHERE ARE WE GONNA GET A HOUSE? 864 00:47:38,423 --> 00:47:41,359 WE COULD BUILD IT WITH OUR HANDS. 865 00:47:41,359 --> 00:47:44,429 I THOUGHT THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A VACATION. 866 00:47:44,429 --> 00:47:45,830 CATHERINE, NO, IT'S A GREAT IDEA. 867 00:47:45,830 --> 00:47:47,999 IT'LL BE FUN. 868 00:47:47,999 --> 00:47:51,636 IF YOU BUILD IT, THEY WILL COME. 869 00:47:53,238 --> 00:47:55,673 WHO? 870 00:47:55,673 --> 00:47:58,143 WELL, SOMEONE TO RESCUE US. 871 00:47:59,978 --> 00:48:01,612 WON'T BE MUCH OF A HOUSE. 872 00:48:01,612 --> 00:48:03,114 BUT IT'LL BE OURS. 873 00:48:03,114 --> 00:48:07,285 REMEMBER, JESUS WAS BORN IN A STABLE. 874 00:48:09,520 --> 00:48:11,389 YEAH... 875 00:48:11,389 --> 00:48:14,392 YEAH. 876 00:48:14,392 --> 00:48:16,995 YEAH! 877 00:48:16,995 --> 00:48:20,331 WE'LL BUILD IT...HERE! 878 00:48:20,331 --> 00:48:22,333 AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE WE NEED? 879 00:48:22,333 --> 00:48:25,270 A CHRISTMAS DINNER -- A REAL CHRISTMAS DINNER -- 880 00:48:25,270 --> 00:48:27,405 NOT THESE BANANAS OR TOOTSIE ROLLS 881 00:48:27,405 --> 00:48:30,541 OR NONE OF THAT THERE BANANA HELPER, NEITHER. 882 00:48:30,541 --> 00:48:32,944 NO, SIR! 883 00:48:32,944 --> 00:48:35,080 I'M GOING OUT AGAIN! 884 00:48:35,080 --> 00:48:36,982 WE'RE GONNA HAVE OURSELVES SOME MEAT! 885 00:48:36,982 --> 00:48:39,350 YAAHHH! 886 00:48:39,350 --> 00:48:41,486 [ BARKS ] 887 00:48:44,289 --> 00:48:46,291 GOOD LUCK! 888 00:49:00,671 --> 00:49:02,407 [ BARKS ] 889 00:49:05,843 --> 00:49:07,512 [ GRUNTS ] 890 00:49:07,512 --> 00:49:09,580 COME HERE! 891 00:49:09,580 --> 00:49:11,349 [ SQUEALING ] 892 00:49:26,597 --> 00:49:30,168 YEE-EEE-EEE-EEE! 893 00:49:33,438 --> 00:49:35,740 COME BACK HERE, YOU LITTLE BUGGER! 894 00:49:46,084 --> 00:49:47,752 [ GRUNTS ] 895 00:49:52,723 --> 00:49:55,093 [ PIG GROWLS ] 896 00:50:00,831 --> 00:50:03,168 SNOTS...KILL! 897 00:50:03,168 --> 00:50:05,370 KILL! KILL! 898 00:50:05,370 --> 00:50:08,773 WHERE YOU GOING, SNOTS?! COME BACK HERE! 899 00:50:08,773 --> 00:50:11,542 [ ROARS ] 900 00:50:26,857 --> 00:50:28,993 * O, TANNENBAUM * 901 00:50:28,993 --> 00:50:31,862 * O, TANNENBAUM * 902 00:50:31,862 --> 00:50:33,698 [ GROANS ] 903 00:50:33,698 --> 00:50:37,902 IT IS NOT A CHRISTMAS TREE, BUT IT'LL DO. 904 00:50:37,902 --> 00:50:39,704 IT'LL HAVE TO. 905 00:50:39,704 --> 00:50:43,974 OH, YOU KNOW, WE USED TO HAVE A BIG TREE EVERY CHRISTMAS 906 00:50:43,974 --> 00:50:45,343 WHEN I WAS A KID. 907 00:50:45,343 --> 00:50:48,146 OH, MY FATHER WOULD TAKE HOURS TO PICK IT OUT. 908 00:50:48,146 --> 00:50:51,549 HE SOMETIMES WOULD DO EVERYTHING BUT X-RAY IT. 909 00:50:51,549 --> 00:50:53,151 THEN HE'D TURN TO US AND SAY, 910 00:50:53,151 --> 00:50:56,887 "YOU ARE LOOKING AT THE BEST CHRISTMAS TREE IN KANSAS CITY. 911 00:50:56,887 --> 00:50:59,524 NO, IN THE WORLD." 912 00:50:59,524 --> 00:51:00,825 OH, GOSH. 913 00:51:00,825 --> 00:51:03,294 CHRISTMAS WITH DADDY. 914 00:51:03,294 --> 00:51:08,666 I GUESS DADS ARE ALL LIKE THAT AT CHRISTMAS. 915 00:51:08,666 --> 00:51:10,235 EVEN EDDIE. 916 00:51:11,236 --> 00:51:13,838 [ GROWLING ] 917 00:51:27,352 --> 00:51:29,654 THAT'S A GOOD PIGGY. 918 00:51:29,654 --> 00:51:31,589 THAT'S A GOOD PIGGY. 919 00:51:43,701 --> 00:51:46,737 AAAHHHH! 920 00:51:57,682 --> 00:52:00,451 [ WHISTLES ] 921 00:52:08,526 --> 00:52:10,695 OH, IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL HERE. 922 00:52:10,695 --> 00:52:14,064 YEAH, IF ONLY IT HAD A SHOPPING MALL. 923 00:52:14,064 --> 00:52:17,202 THE HOUSE IS COMING ALONG GREAT, HUH? 924 00:52:17,202 --> 00:52:19,870 YEAH. IT'S A GREAT CHRISTMAS GIFT. 925 00:52:19,870 --> 00:52:20,905 LOOK AT HIM. 926 00:52:20,905 --> 00:52:22,373 IT'S A FUNNY THING, YOU KNOW? 927 00:52:22,373 --> 00:52:24,275 HERE WE ARE IN SERIOUS TROUBLE, 928 00:52:24,275 --> 00:52:26,777 AND I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER SEEN EDDIE SO HAPPY. 929 00:52:26,777 --> 00:52:30,114 SOMETIMES A CRISIS BRINGS OUT THE BEST IN A PERSON. 930 00:52:30,114 --> 00:52:31,616 I MEAN, HE'S EVEN WORKING. 931 00:52:31,616 --> 00:52:34,319 [ "THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS" PLAYS ] 932 00:52:37,988 --> 00:52:39,056 HEY, DAD? 933 00:52:39,056 --> 00:52:40,325 DAD? DAD?! 934 00:52:40,325 --> 00:52:43,828 THERE'S SOMETHING I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU. 935 00:52:43,828 --> 00:52:45,796 IT'S YOUR GIRLFRIEND. 936 00:52:45,796 --> 00:52:47,097 IS SHE PREGNANT? 937 00:52:47,097 --> 00:52:48,098 NO! 938 00:52:48,098 --> 00:52:49,367 OH. 939 00:52:49,367 --> 00:52:53,271 [ "THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS" CONTINUES ] 940 00:52:53,271 --> 00:52:54,839 IT'S JUST THAT... 941 00:52:54,839 --> 00:52:57,275 I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT... 942 00:52:57,275 --> 00:53:01,812 YOU WERE KIND OF, SORT OF... 943 00:53:02,813 --> 00:53:04,449 GAY? 944 00:53:04,449 --> 00:53:05,350 NO! 945 00:53:05,350 --> 00:53:08,753 JUST THE BOTTOM OF THE FOOD CHAIN. 946 00:53:10,255 --> 00:53:11,989 WELL, I WAS WRONG. 947 00:53:11,989 --> 00:53:17,695 I MEAN, YOU KNOW, LIKE YOU NEVER WORKED MUCH, AND... 948 00:53:17,695 --> 00:53:22,099 MOM TOOK CARE OF THE KIDS AND COOKED AND CLEANED 949 00:53:22,099 --> 00:53:23,801 AND WORKED THREE JOBS. 950 00:53:23,801 --> 00:53:27,572 AND THEN, YOU KNOW, THE BANK FORECLOSED ON THE HOUSE, 951 00:53:27,572 --> 00:53:30,140 AND THE REPO PEOPLE TOOK THE R.V. 952 00:53:30,140 --> 00:53:32,343 OH, YEAH. 953 00:53:32,343 --> 00:53:36,281 I LOVED THAT R.V. 954 00:53:36,281 --> 00:53:39,083 [ Sobbing ] THAT R.V. 955 00:53:39,083 --> 00:53:42,353 AND HERE WE ARE ON A DESERT ISLAND, WHO KNOWS WHERE? 956 00:53:42,353 --> 00:53:45,155 AND HE GOES OUT AND KILLS WITH HIS BARE HANDS 957 00:53:45,155 --> 00:53:46,591 TO FEED HIS FAMILY. 958 00:53:46,591 --> 00:53:49,460 I MEAN, CAN YOU IMAGINE HIM TAKING ON THAT HUGE ANIMAL 959 00:53:49,460 --> 00:53:51,729 AND BEATING HIM IN A FAIR FIGHT? 960 00:53:51,729 --> 00:53:53,264 I KNOW! 961 00:53:53,264 --> 00:53:55,266 GOD, HE WAS LIKE A CAVEMAN 962 00:53:55,266 --> 00:53:57,535 OR A GLADIATOR OR SOMETHING. 963 00:53:57,535 --> 00:53:59,637 YEAH. 964 00:54:04,074 --> 00:54:07,878 WELL, ANYWAY, I WAS WRONG. 965 00:54:07,878 --> 00:54:10,815 NO, YOU WERE RIGHT. 966 00:54:10,815 --> 00:54:13,351 I'M JUST NO GOOD. 967 00:54:13,351 --> 00:54:16,354 RIGHT, YOU KNOW, NORMALLY. 968 00:54:16,354 --> 00:54:19,924 BUT HERE, ON THIS ISLAND... 969 00:54:19,924 --> 00:54:21,959 YOU'VE BEEN GREAT. 970 00:54:25,496 --> 00:54:28,198 DO YOU MEAN THAT? 971 00:54:28,198 --> 00:54:29,867 YEAH. 972 00:54:29,867 --> 00:54:35,973 OH, BOY, YOU DON'T KNOW HOW GOOD THAT MAKES ME FEEL. 973 00:54:35,973 --> 00:54:37,642 FROM NOW ON... 974 00:54:37,642 --> 00:54:42,713 [ LAUGHS ] I'VE GOT NO PLACE TO GO BUT UP! 975 00:54:46,884 --> 00:54:47,918 [ TELEPHONE RINGS ] 976 00:54:47,918 --> 00:54:49,387 Hi, it's Audrey Griswold. 977 00:54:49,387 --> 00:54:52,056 Leave a message and Merry Christmas. 978 00:54:52,056 --> 00:54:54,158 [ BEEPS ] 979 00:54:54,158 --> 00:54:55,826 Man: Ever-Ready Plumbing here. 980 00:54:55,826 --> 00:54:57,127 We got your message, 981 00:54:57,127 --> 00:54:59,330 and we'll have a man out to your house within 30 days. 982 00:54:59,330 --> 00:55:01,699 Merry Christmas! 983 00:55:07,204 --> 00:55:11,275 MERRY CHRISTMAS MORNING, EVERYBODY! 984 00:55:11,275 --> 00:55:12,943 [ CHUCKLES ] 985 00:55:22,620 --> 00:55:25,890 MERRY CHRISTMAS MORNING! 986 00:55:25,890 --> 00:55:27,492 [ CHUCKLES ] YEAH. 987 00:55:27,492 --> 00:55:29,860 COME HERE, YOU! MERRY CHRISTMAS! 988 00:55:29,860 --> 00:55:31,161 MERRY CHRISTMAS! 989 00:55:31,161 --> 00:55:33,163 OH! 990 00:55:33,163 --> 00:55:34,532 MERRY CHRISTMAS, MILWAUKEE. 991 00:55:34,532 --> 00:55:38,836 AND HERE'S... MR. CHRISTMAS HIMSELF. 992 00:55:38,836 --> 00:55:41,105 IT'S ST. NICK. 993 00:55:41,105 --> 00:55:44,041 HO, HO, HO! 994 00:55:44,041 --> 00:55:45,443 WHOO! 995 00:55:48,513 --> 00:55:51,482 MERRY CHRISTMAS, AUDREY. THIS IS FROM EDDIE. 996 00:55:51,482 --> 00:55:53,484 WOW, EDDIE. THIS IS GREAT! 997 00:55:53,484 --> 00:55:56,053 LIPSTICK -- IT'S MY FAVORITE COLOR. 998 00:55:56,053 --> 00:55:57,121 WHERE DID YOU GET IT? 999 00:55:57,121 --> 00:56:00,425 FOUND IT IN YOUR PURSE. 1000 00:56:00,425 --> 00:56:03,260 THIS IS FROM THIRD. 1001 00:56:03,260 --> 00:56:05,095 OH, THIRD! 1002 00:56:05,095 --> 00:56:07,398 MY GOSH, LOOK AT THAT. 1003 00:56:07,398 --> 00:56:09,900 THAT'S A -- THAT'S A DELUXE SPEAR. 1004 00:56:09,900 --> 00:56:13,237 IT'S AN AERODYNAMICALLY CORRECT SPEAR, DAD. 1005 00:56:13,237 --> 00:56:14,405 SEE THOSE FINS? 1006 00:56:14,405 --> 00:56:16,907 THOSE ARE FOR THROWING ACCURATELY. 1007 00:56:16,907 --> 00:56:18,843 LOOKS LIKE A ONE-WAY STREET SIGN. 1008 00:56:18,843 --> 00:56:22,413 WELL, LET'S TAKE IT FOR A LITTLE TEST DRIVE, SHALL WE? 1009 00:56:22,413 --> 00:56:23,914 STAY CLEAR! 1010 00:56:26,383 --> 00:56:28,686 [ ANIMAL TRUMPETS ] 1011 00:56:31,221 --> 00:56:36,226 OKAY, NOW LET'S SING A FEW CHRISTMAS SONGS, HUH? 1012 00:56:36,226 --> 00:56:37,562 [ CHUCKLES ] 1013 00:56:37,562 --> 00:56:39,964 OH, LET'S SEE. 1014 00:56:39,964 --> 00:56:43,668 * HARK, THE HERALD ANGELS SING * 1015 00:56:43,668 --> 00:56:47,037 * GLORY TO THE NEWBORN KING * 1016 00:56:47,037 --> 00:56:50,541 * PEACE ON EARTH AND MERCY MILD * 1017 00:56:50,541 --> 00:56:53,978 * GOD AND SINNERS RECONCILED * 1018 00:56:53,978 --> 00:56:57,682 * JOYFUL, ALL YE NATIONS RISE * 1019 00:56:57,682 --> 00:57:01,118 * JOIN THE TRIUMPH OF THE SKIES * 1020 00:57:01,118 --> 00:57:04,955 * WITH THE ANGELIC HOST PROCLAIM * 1021 00:57:04,955 --> 00:57:08,859 * CHRIST IS BORN IN BETHLEHEM * 1022 00:57:08,859 --> 00:57:13,430 * HARK, THE HERALD ANGELS SING * 1023 00:57:13,430 --> 00:57:19,904 * GLORY TO THE NEWBORN KING * 1024 00:57:25,610 --> 00:57:28,513 HEY, I GOT ANOTHER SURPRISE FOR US HERE. 1025 00:57:28,513 --> 00:57:30,881 A LITTLE HOMEMADE HOME CONCOCTION 1026 00:57:30,881 --> 00:57:34,118 THAT MY DADDY USED TO MAKE, 1027 00:57:34,118 --> 00:57:36,120 ONLY HE HAD A STILL AND SOLD IT TO THE NEIGHBORS, 1028 00:57:36,120 --> 00:57:38,255 BUT IT KEPT US GOING THROUGH THE LEAN TIMES 1029 00:57:38,255 --> 00:57:40,858 UNTIL HE GOT CAUGHT AND WOUND UP DOING THREE TO FIVE. 1030 00:57:40,858 --> 00:57:43,528 BUT HERE'S A LITTLE TASTE FOR EVERYBODY. 1031 00:57:43,528 --> 00:57:45,663 OKAY, ALL RIGHT! HERE GOES. 1032 00:57:48,899 --> 00:57:50,501 WHOO! 1033 00:57:50,501 --> 00:57:52,469 WOW, THAT'S GOT A KICK. WHAT IS IN THAT? 1034 00:57:52,469 --> 00:57:55,105 WELL, IT'S GOT THREE PARTS COCONUT MILK, 1035 00:57:55,105 --> 00:57:56,340 TWO PARTS BUG JUICE, 1036 00:57:56,340 --> 00:57:59,577 SIX PARTS BOURBON AND A LITTLE BANANA PEEL FOR TEXTURE 1037 00:57:59,577 --> 00:58:01,111 AND A TOOTSIE ROLL. 1038 00:58:01,111 --> 00:58:02,947 OH, AND SOME SUNSCREEN. 1039 00:58:08,886 --> 00:58:12,222 LORD, I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR KEEPING US HEALTHY AND, 1040 00:58:12,222 --> 00:58:17,161 PARTICULARLY, ALIVE DURING THIS WHOLE SHIPWRECK DEAL. 1041 00:58:17,161 --> 00:58:21,365 BUT MOST OF ALL, LORD, I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR THIS HOUSE. 1042 00:58:21,365 --> 00:58:23,768 OH, IT'S A GOOD HOUSE, LORD. 1043 00:58:23,768 --> 00:58:27,071 IT'S PROBABLY THE FIRST HOUSE WE EVER HAD 1044 00:58:27,071 --> 00:58:30,541 WHERE WE DIDN'T OWE A MORTGAGE OR TAXES. 1045 00:58:30,541 --> 00:58:32,843 AND MAYBE THE ONLY HOUSE WE'LL EVER HAVE 1046 00:58:32,843 --> 00:58:35,045 WHERE THE BANK WON'T FORECLOSE ON IT. 1047 00:58:35,045 --> 00:58:37,848 OH, IT'S NOT AS NICE AS AUDREY'S HOUSE, 1048 00:58:37,848 --> 00:58:40,284 BUT IT'S A FINE HOUSE, LORD. 1049 00:58:40,284 --> 00:58:44,722 AND I WANT YOU TO PLEASE JUST FIND IT TO FORGIVE ME, LORD, 1050 00:58:44,722 --> 00:58:50,661 FOR LOSING THE R.V. AND THE DIRT FARM, LORD, 1051 00:58:50,661 --> 00:58:52,830 AND THE WAY I SEE IT, LORD -- 1052 00:58:52,830 --> 00:58:54,599 CAN I SAY SOMETHING? 1053 00:58:56,433 --> 00:59:00,871 EXCUSE ME, LORD. 1054 00:59:00,871 --> 00:59:02,740 YEAH? 1055 00:59:02,740 --> 00:59:04,541 WHAT'S IN THE COCONUT? 1056 00:59:04,541 --> 00:59:07,812 ANOTHER TROPICAL SURPRISE. 1057 00:59:07,812 --> 00:59:11,548 CAN WE DRINK THE SURPRISE FIRST AND THEN BUST THE COCONUT? 1058 00:59:11,548 --> 00:59:13,217 NO. 1059 00:59:13,217 --> 00:59:14,985 WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT. 1060 00:59:14,985 --> 00:59:17,922 ANYWAY, LORD, BE IT EVER SO HUMBLE, 1061 00:59:17,922 --> 00:59:21,191 THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE THIS HERE HOUSE. 1062 00:59:21,191 --> 00:59:22,827 OH! AMEN. 1063 00:59:22,827 --> 00:59:26,063 * HAPPINESS FOREVER * * AMEN * 1064 00:59:26,063 --> 00:59:29,366 * AMEN * * AMEN * 1065 00:59:29,366 --> 00:59:31,736 * AMEN * * AMEN * 1066 00:59:31,736 --> 00:59:38,008 * AMEN * 1067 00:59:41,712 --> 00:59:44,448 WHOO! WHOO! 1068 00:59:44,448 --> 00:59:45,582 MERRY CHRISTMAS! 1069 00:59:45,582 --> 00:59:48,218 OH, MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU! 1070 00:59:52,456 --> 00:59:54,491 AH-AH-AH! 1071 00:59:54,491 --> 00:59:57,795 OH, EDDIE! [ LAUGHS ] 1072 01:00:00,264 --> 01:00:03,600 PUT ME DOWN! PUT ME DOWN! 1073 01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:05,002 YOU DID IT, DAD. 1074 01:00:05,002 --> 01:00:08,538 YOU KILLED A BOAR AND BUILT OUR OWN DAMN HOUSE. 1075 01:00:08,538 --> 01:00:10,808 WATCH YOUR MOUTH, THIRD. 1076 01:00:14,144 --> 01:00:16,847 [ CREAKING ] 1077 01:00:37,334 --> 01:00:41,038 WELL...WE'VE LEARNED SOMETHING HERE TODAY. 1078 01:00:41,038 --> 01:00:44,709 WE DEFINITELY HAVE TO MAKE IT MORE SECURE. 1079 01:00:44,709 --> 01:00:46,677 LET'S EAT. 1080 01:01:09,133 --> 01:01:11,836 [ SNORES ] 1081 01:01:14,471 --> 01:01:15,906 [ Thinking ] Catherine: EDDIE? 1082 01:01:15,906 --> 01:01:18,042 EDDIE, YOU'RE SO BRAVE, 1083 01:01:18,042 --> 01:01:21,378 AND YOU HAVE A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR. 1084 01:01:21,378 --> 01:01:25,783 [ Echoing ] YOU'RE MY HERO...HERO...HERO...HERO. 1085 01:01:25,783 --> 01:01:28,052 [ SILENT MOVIE PIANO PLAYS ] 1086 01:01:38,562 --> 01:01:39,964 [ NO AUDIO ] 1087 01:02:02,419 --> 01:02:04,822 [ SCREECHES ] 1088 01:02:04,822 --> 01:02:07,591 [ SCREAMS ] 1089 01:02:07,591 --> 01:02:09,159 [ WHIMPERS ] 1090 01:02:16,700 --> 01:02:18,435 [ BARKS ] 1091 01:02:36,620 --> 01:02:38,322 AHA! WHOO! 1092 01:02:38,322 --> 01:02:43,828 HEY, EVERYBODY! I SAW AN AIRPLANE! 1093 01:02:43,828 --> 01:02:45,762 [ LAUGHS ] 1094 01:02:45,762 --> 01:02:46,897 HEY! 1095 01:02:46,897 --> 01:02:50,434 IT'S A PLANE -- A PLANE! 1096 01:02:50,434 --> 01:02:52,269 AND HE SEES US. 1097 01:02:52,269 --> 01:02:53,570 IT'S JACK. 1098 01:02:53,570 --> 01:02:56,941 IT'S MELBOURNE JACK MALTBY. 1099 01:02:56,941 --> 01:03:02,379 WE'RE SAVED...WE'RE SAVED... WE'RE SAVED! OVER HERE! 1100 01:03:02,379 --> 01:03:04,014 UNCLE NICK, WAKE UP. 1101 01:03:04,014 --> 01:03:06,583 WE'RE RESCUED! WE'RE SAVED! 1102 01:03:06,583 --> 01:03:10,554 SAVED? FROM WHAT? 1103 01:03:15,359 --> 01:03:17,895 DOWN HERE! 1104 01:03:17,895 --> 01:03:23,067 JACK! IT'S ME...AUDREY! 1105 01:03:32,977 --> 01:03:35,579 THEY'VE HAD SEARCH PARTIES ALL OVER THE SOUTH PACIFIC 1106 01:03:35,579 --> 01:03:36,813 LOOKING FOR YOU AND THAT BOAT. 1107 01:03:36,813 --> 01:03:38,582 THEY FOUND THE BOAT 300 MILES FROM HERE. 1108 01:03:38,582 --> 01:03:41,785 OH, YOU'VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR ME THIS WHOLE TIME? 1109 01:03:41,785 --> 01:03:43,954 YOU'RE A HERO! WELL, YOU FOUND ME. 1110 01:03:43,954 --> 01:03:46,490 YOU DID SAY YOU WEREN'T MARRIED. 1111 01:03:46,490 --> 01:03:49,193 ACTUALLY, I WAS JUST FLYING OVER TO CHECK OUT A HOTEL I OWN 1112 01:03:49,193 --> 01:03:51,095 ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ISLAND, 1113 01:03:51,095 --> 01:03:52,997 WHEN I SAW EDDIE OUT THERE ON THE CLIFF. 1114 01:03:52,997 --> 01:03:55,599 PROBABLY NOBODY THOUGHT OF LOOKING FOR YOU HERE. 1115 01:03:55,599 --> 01:03:56,867 WELL, IT'S ONLY 10 MILES. 1116 01:03:56,867 --> 01:03:59,003 YOU COULD HAVE WALKED TO MY HOTEL. 1117 01:04:01,906 --> 01:04:07,244 WELL, I...GUESS WE BETTER PACK UP AND GET OUT OF HERE THEN. 1118 01:04:07,244 --> 01:04:11,982 MAN, I GOT ALL EXCITED WHEN I FIRST SAW THE PLANE, BUT... 1119 01:04:11,982 --> 01:04:14,751 I'M REALLY GONNA MISS THIS PLACE. 1120 01:04:14,751 --> 01:04:19,389 THIS WAS THE BEST VACATION THIS FAMILY HAS EVER HAD. 1121 01:04:19,389 --> 01:04:20,891 OH, WELL. 1122 01:04:20,891 --> 01:04:22,859 IT WAS GREAT, BUT IT WILL BE GOOD 1123 01:04:22,859 --> 01:04:24,761 TO GET BACK TO CIVILIZATION. 1124 01:04:24,761 --> 01:04:27,164 NAH, CIVILIZATION. 1125 01:04:27,164 --> 01:04:28,298 PEOPLE LIKE TO LIVE IN CROWDS 1126 01:04:28,298 --> 01:04:29,566 'CAUSE THEY DON'T TRUST EACH OTHER. 1127 01:04:29,566 --> 01:04:30,734 OH, I DON'T KNOW. 1128 01:04:30,734 --> 01:04:33,770 THERE'S SOME GOOD THINGS TO SAY ABOUT CIVILIZATION. 1129 01:04:33,770 --> 01:04:35,439 NAME ONE. 1130 01:04:35,439 --> 01:04:40,110 MASSAGES, MANICURES, FROZEN ARTICHOKES, 1131 01:04:40,110 --> 01:04:42,646 HOT TUBS, CHAMPAGNE. 1132 01:04:42,646 --> 01:04:45,015 I WANT TO SAY SOMETHING. 1133 01:04:45,015 --> 01:04:47,817 I'M GONNA MISS NOT HAVING A LOT OF THINGS. 1134 01:04:47,817 --> 01:04:50,454 IT'S BEEN GREAT WITHOUT TELEPHONES 1135 01:04:50,454 --> 01:04:53,523 AND PEOPLE YOU NEVER EVEN MET CALLING, 1136 01:04:53,523 --> 01:04:57,327 TRYING TO SELL YOU THINGS YOU DON'T EVEN NEED. 1137 01:04:57,327 --> 01:05:01,631 AND RAP MUSIC ON BEER COMMERCIALS, AND JUNK MAIL? 1138 01:05:01,631 --> 01:05:02,832 NYAH! 1139 01:05:02,832 --> 01:05:07,071 I'M GONNA MISS US ALL BEING SO TOGETHER, 1140 01:05:07,071 --> 01:05:10,941 THE WAY EVERYBODY CHIPPED IN AND WORKED. 1141 01:05:10,941 --> 01:05:12,542 IT WAS A CHRISTMAS THING. 1142 01:05:12,542 --> 01:05:14,078 I SAW AN AIRPLANE! 1143 01:05:14,078 --> 01:05:16,813 I SAW AN AIRPLANE! 1144 01:05:16,813 --> 01:05:18,882 WE'RE SAVED! AH-HA-HA-HA! 1145 01:05:18,882 --> 01:05:22,352 WE'RE SAVED! AH-HA-HA! 1146 01:05:22,352 --> 01:05:26,756 I SAW A PLANE! AH-HA! AH-- 1147 01:05:26,756 --> 01:05:28,192 JACK! 1148 01:05:29,226 --> 01:05:31,595 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 1149 01:05:36,600 --> 01:05:38,902 AHA-HA! 1150 01:05:38,902 --> 01:05:41,838 MERRY CHRISTMAS! MERRY CHRISTMAS! 1151 01:05:41,838 --> 01:05:43,573 AH-HA-HA! 1152 01:05:43,573 --> 01:05:46,243 THIS WAS THE BEST CHRISTMAS I'VE EVER HAD. 1153 01:05:46,243 --> 01:05:49,146 IT WAS FUN BEING A PART OF YOUR FAMILY HERE ON... 1154 01:05:49,146 --> 01:05:50,647 WHAT IS THE NAME OF THIS ISLAND? 1155 01:05:50,647 --> 01:05:53,517 WELL, IT WAS NAMED AFTER KING HALEEHOWKEE, 1156 01:05:53,517 --> 01:05:54,618 BUT YOU CAN CHANGE IT. 1157 01:05:54,618 --> 01:05:55,919 HE WAS A HEADHUNTER. 1158 01:05:55,919 --> 01:05:56,987 OOH. 1159 01:05:56,987 --> 01:06:00,490 I SAY WE RENAME IT EDDIE ISLAND, 1160 01:06:00,490 --> 01:06:02,926 IN HONOR OF THE MAN WHO KILLED THE BOAR. 1161 01:06:02,926 --> 01:06:05,629 OH! 1162 01:06:07,464 --> 01:06:09,866 WHAT BUSINESS DID YOU SAY YOU WERE IN? 1163 01:06:09,866 --> 01:06:11,468 I WAS IN NUCLEAR RESEARCH. 1164 01:06:11,468 --> 01:06:12,769 YOU'RE KIDDING. 1165 01:06:12,769 --> 01:06:15,072 NO, NO. NUCLEAR RESEARCH. 1166 01:06:15,072 --> 01:06:16,873 BUT THEN I GOT LAID OFF, 1167 01:06:16,873 --> 01:06:19,943 BUT THEN 'CAUSE I GOT BIT ON THE ASS, 1168 01:06:19,943 --> 01:06:22,412 THEY GIVE ME THIS HERE CHRISTMAS VACATION. 1169 01:06:22,412 --> 01:06:24,948 YOU GOT LAID OFF. DID THE COMPANY DOWNSIZE? 1170 01:06:24,948 --> 01:06:28,818 YEAH, WELL, THE OTHER GUY -- HE WAS A LOT SMALLER THAN I WAS. 1171 01:06:28,818 --> 01:06:30,187 I WAS BETTER AT THE JOB. 1172 01:06:30,187 --> 01:06:32,422 JACK'S INCREDIBLE, ISN'T HE? 1173 01:06:32,422 --> 01:06:34,024 YEAH, HE'S A REALLY GREAT GUY. 1174 01:06:34,024 --> 01:06:36,293 HE'S SO...MATURE. 1175 01:06:36,293 --> 01:06:39,163 BIG DEAL! UNCLE NICK'S MATURE. 1176 01:06:41,298 --> 01:06:44,634 OH, THIS IS LIABLE TO ROLL DOWN THE HILL 1177 01:06:44,634 --> 01:06:47,271 AND KILL A LITTLE PIG OR SOMETHING. 1178 01:06:47,271 --> 01:06:48,605 I BETTER MOVE THIS. 1179 01:06:50,006 --> 01:06:52,076 HOLD IT. YOU'RE GONNA BUST YOUR ROLLERS TRYING TO MOVE THAT. 1180 01:06:52,076 --> 01:06:53,177 LET ME HELP YOU. 1181 01:06:53,177 --> 01:06:56,646 ALL RIGHT. PUT IT OVER THERE. 1182 01:06:56,646 --> 01:06:58,648 [ Grunting ] WHERE? 1183 01:06:58,648 --> 01:07:00,650 OVER THERE. 1184 01:07:00,650 --> 01:07:03,420 OH! OH-OH! OH! 1185 01:07:03,420 --> 01:07:05,021 [ GAGGING ] 1186 01:07:05,021 --> 01:07:08,225 LET GO! YOU'RE CHOKING ME! 1187 01:07:08,225 --> 01:07:11,495 WHAT? LET GO! 1188 01:07:11,495 --> 01:07:12,296 ALL RIGHT. 1189 01:07:12,296 --> 01:07:16,233 AAH! AAAHH-AAHHH-AAHHH! 1190 01:07:16,233 --> 01:07:17,867 AAH-AAHHH! 1191 01:07:17,867 --> 01:07:19,836 [ THUD ] 1192 01:07:19,836 --> 01:07:21,638 JACK? 1193 01:07:24,474 --> 01:07:25,742 I'M ALL RIGHT. 1194 01:07:25,742 --> 01:07:28,312 NO, NO, NO, JACK. YOU TOOK A TERRIBLE FALL. 1195 01:07:28,312 --> 01:07:29,879 YOU NEED REST AND CARE. 1196 01:07:29,879 --> 01:07:33,016 I'M FINE. 1197 01:07:33,016 --> 01:07:35,585 OH! 1198 01:07:35,585 --> 01:07:37,421 I WOULDN'T BE GOING INTO A CAREER IN THE MOVING BUSINESS 1199 01:07:37,421 --> 01:07:39,856 ANY TIME TOO SOON IF I WERE YOU, MATE. 1200 01:07:39,856 --> 01:07:41,191 [ LAUGHS NERVOUSLY ] 1201 01:07:41,191 --> 01:07:43,160 [ CHUCKLES ] 1202 01:07:47,697 --> 01:07:50,234 YOU ALL READY TO FLY? 1203 01:07:59,276 --> 01:08:02,246 [ EDDIE LAUGHING ] 1204 01:08:09,186 --> 01:08:12,456 OH, I'M GONNA REALLY MISS THE OLD HOMESTEAD. 1205 01:08:23,032 --> 01:08:25,101 JACK, YOU OKAY? 1206 01:08:25,101 --> 01:08:28,338 I'M OKAY. IT'S JUST A HEADACHE. 1207 01:08:28,338 --> 01:08:29,973 THERE ARE SOME ASPIRIN IN THE CABIN. 1208 01:08:29,973 --> 01:08:32,142 YEAH? 1209 01:08:34,811 --> 01:08:36,680 OH! 1210 01:08:40,016 --> 01:08:41,218 HIS HEAD HURTS. 1211 01:08:41,218 --> 01:08:42,419 OH, MY GOD. 1212 01:08:42,419 --> 01:08:44,454 OH, MY GOD, HE NEEDS ME! HE NEEDS ME! 1213 01:08:44,454 --> 01:08:47,924 NOW, NOW, HE'LL BE ALL RIGHT. 1214 01:08:47,924 --> 01:08:49,493 JUST A HEADACHE. 1215 01:08:55,799 --> 01:08:57,834 HE'LL BE ALL RIGHT. 1216 01:09:03,407 --> 01:09:09,112 MALUKA TOWER, MALUKA TOWER, THIS IS MIKE-808-MIKE. 1217 01:09:09,112 --> 01:09:10,414 MELBOURNE JACK HERE. 1218 01:09:10,414 --> 01:09:12,616 I'VE JUST PICKED UP SOME LOST SOULS 1219 01:09:12,616 --> 01:09:16,220 ON THE REAR END OF KING HALEEHOWKEE ISLAND. 1220 01:09:16,220 --> 01:09:17,687 EDDIE ISLAND! 1221 01:09:17,687 --> 01:09:21,090 OUR POSITION IS... 1222 01:09:21,090 --> 01:09:23,627 HELL, I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE. 1223 01:09:23,627 --> 01:09:24,628 [ SIGHS ] 1224 01:09:24,628 --> 01:09:27,764 I'M NOT TOO WELL, MY FRIEND. 1225 01:09:27,764 --> 01:09:30,267 I LIKE YOU, ED. 1226 01:09:30,267 --> 01:09:31,901 YOU'RE A GOOD MAN. 1227 01:09:31,901 --> 01:09:35,539 YOU'RE NOT THE BRIGHTEST BULB IN THE CHANDELIER, 1228 01:09:35,539 --> 01:09:37,507 BUT YOU'RE A GOOD MAN. 1229 01:09:43,112 --> 01:09:44,748 AAH! JACK! 1230 01:09:44,748 --> 01:09:46,416 Man: Mike-808-Mike. 1231 01:09:46,416 --> 01:09:49,519 Say again your position. Over. 1232 01:09:49,519 --> 01:09:51,120 HELP! 1233 01:09:51,120 --> 01:09:53,156 This is Maluka Tower. Merry Christmas. 1234 01:09:53,156 --> 01:09:54,758 Is that you, Jack? 1235 01:09:54,758 --> 01:09:55,859 NO, IT'S EDDIE. 1236 01:09:55,859 --> 01:10:00,029 JACK -- JACK, HE -- HE FAINTED, OR HE'S DEAD! 1237 01:10:00,029 --> 01:10:01,298 [ AUDREY SCREAMS ] 1238 01:10:01,298 --> 01:10:03,667 JACK, SNAP OUT OF IT! SNAP OUT OF IT! 1239 01:10:03,667 --> 01:10:06,169 OH, HE'S NOT DEAD. HE MOVED. 1240 01:10:06,169 --> 01:10:09,172 Well, okay, Eddie. Merry Christmas! 1241 01:10:09,172 --> 01:10:11,941 Can you fly a plane? 1242 01:10:11,941 --> 01:10:14,811 I'll take that as a no. 1243 01:10:17,013 --> 01:10:18,448 We got you on radar now. 1244 01:10:18,448 --> 01:10:21,285 You're heading right for Maluka Airport. 1245 01:10:21,285 --> 01:10:23,820 All you're gonna have to do is, well, land. 1246 01:10:23,820 --> 01:10:25,054 Nick: WE'RE GONNA DIE. 1247 01:10:25,054 --> 01:10:26,155 Now relax. 1248 01:10:26,155 --> 01:10:27,857 When we get you over the airport, 1249 01:10:27,857 --> 01:10:29,025 we're gonna talk you in. 1250 01:10:29,025 --> 01:10:31,060 And, Eddie? 1251 01:10:31,060 --> 01:10:32,329 [ Nervously ] YEAH? 1252 01:10:32,329 --> 01:10:33,697 We're gonna clear the area 1253 01:10:33,697 --> 01:10:35,865 of all incoming and outgoing flights. 1254 01:10:35,865 --> 01:10:39,303 Hell, all you're gonna have to worry about is to make 1255 01:10:39,303 --> 01:10:42,272 a nice, simple landing right there on the tarmac. 1256 01:10:42,272 --> 01:10:45,975 You'll go down gradually and just coast on in. 1257 01:10:45,975 --> 01:10:46,976 OKAY, OKAY. 1258 01:10:46,976 --> 01:10:48,111 DAD! 1259 01:10:48,111 --> 01:10:50,414 DAD, YOU CAN'T LAND ON THE TARMAC! 1260 01:10:50,414 --> 01:10:52,549 PROBABLY NOT, BUT I GOT TO TRY. 1261 01:10:52,549 --> 01:10:56,353 THIS IS A SEAPLANE, DAD! A SEAPLANE! 1262 01:10:56,353 --> 01:10:57,687 TOWER, TOWER! 1263 01:10:57,687 --> 01:11:01,291 MR. TOWER, THIS -- THIS IS A SEAPLANE! 1264 01:11:01,291 --> 01:11:03,126 Damn, forgot. Right. Shoot. 1265 01:11:03,126 --> 01:11:04,661 I'm getting so absentminded! 1266 01:11:04,661 --> 01:11:06,763 Good, good -- that's even easier. 1267 01:11:06,763 --> 01:11:10,500 You'll just land right there in the bay in front of the airport, 1268 01:11:10,500 --> 01:11:12,636 and we'll come on out and get you. 1269 01:11:12,636 --> 01:11:17,907 Now just sit back, stay on course, and relax. 1270 01:11:17,907 --> 01:11:19,543 No sweat. 1271 01:11:21,811 --> 01:11:23,847 HOW'S JACK? 1272 01:11:23,847 --> 01:11:27,183 AUDREY'S BREATHING INTO HIS MOUTH. 1273 01:11:27,183 --> 01:11:29,386 Okay, easy does it. 1274 01:11:29,386 --> 01:11:31,888 Loosen your clothing. 1275 01:11:31,888 --> 01:11:33,122 Good! 1276 01:11:33,122 --> 01:11:34,791 PLANES WILL NEVER REPLACE BOATS 1277 01:11:34,791 --> 01:11:37,461 AS A MEANS OF TRANSPORTATION. 1278 01:11:37,461 --> 01:11:39,763 PEOPLE LIKE TO STAY CLOSE TO TERRA FIRMA. 1279 01:11:39,763 --> 01:11:40,764 UNCLE NICK? 1280 01:11:40,764 --> 01:11:44,133 BOATS STILL SAIL ON WATER, NOT EARTH. 1281 01:11:44,133 --> 01:11:47,070 Okay, Eddie, we got you inside now. 1282 01:11:47,070 --> 01:11:48,738 THERE'S THE AIRPORT! 1283 01:11:48,738 --> 01:11:50,740 Now, here's what we want you to do. 1284 01:11:50,740 --> 01:11:52,141 We want you to look at the altimeter. 1285 01:11:52,141 --> 01:11:53,943 WHERE?! WHERE IS IT?! 1286 01:11:53,943 --> 01:11:55,044 All right, calm down now. 1287 01:11:55,044 --> 01:11:58,415 It's the gauge on the right side of the panel. 1288 01:11:58,415 --> 01:11:59,949 You're now at 2,000 feet. 1289 01:11:59,949 --> 01:12:04,320 I want you to turn the wheel very slowly to your left, 1290 01:12:04,320 --> 01:12:09,626 press it down gradually, very slowly. 1291 01:12:11,461 --> 01:12:13,730 AAH! AAH! AAH! 1292 01:12:13,730 --> 01:12:14,764 Eddie? 1293 01:12:14,764 --> 01:12:15,932 AAHHH! 1294 01:12:15,932 --> 01:12:18,368 Merry Christmas. 1295 01:12:18,368 --> 01:12:21,538 Up...up...up...pull it up! 1296 01:12:21,538 --> 01:12:23,673 Eddie, come on! 1297 01:12:23,673 --> 01:12:27,076 Oh, no! No! No, Eddie! 1298 01:12:28,945 --> 01:12:32,949 Okay, Eddie, we're gonna try it again. 1299 01:12:32,949 --> 01:12:34,183 Now slowly. 1300 01:12:34,183 --> 01:12:35,351 Slow down, Eddie! 1301 01:12:35,351 --> 01:12:37,387 Don't you know what "slow" means?! 1302 01:12:37,387 --> 01:12:38,622 EDDIE, YOU DAMN IDIOT! 1303 01:12:38,622 --> 01:12:40,824 DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT "SLOW" MEANS?! 1304 01:12:43,326 --> 01:12:45,629 MUKA... 1305 01:12:45,629 --> 01:12:50,033 IF WE DON'T DIE, WILL YOU BE MY GIRLFRIEND? 1306 01:12:50,033 --> 01:12:53,403 WELL, THANK YOU, THIRD. 1307 01:12:53,403 --> 01:12:55,905 I THINK YOU'RE TERRIFIC... 1308 01:12:55,905 --> 01:12:57,974 BUT I DON'T THINK YOU'RE QUITE GROWN-UP ENOUGH FOR ME. 1309 01:12:57,974 --> 01:13:00,777 I AM GROWN-UP! 1310 01:13:00,777 --> 01:13:02,712 I'VE EVEN SEEN A NAKED WOMAN. 1311 01:13:04,548 --> 01:13:07,884 ANYWAY, IF WE DON'T DIE, I'M GOING BACK TO MY HUSBAND. 1312 01:13:07,884 --> 01:13:09,419 YOUR HUSBAND? 1313 01:13:09,419 --> 01:13:11,788 YES, DANIEL. 1314 01:13:11,788 --> 01:13:13,723 HE LIVES IN INDIANAPOLIS. 1315 01:13:16,660 --> 01:13:19,963 Now let's...let's try again there, Eddie baby. 1316 01:13:19,963 --> 01:13:21,665 And, Eddie, you see that tall building 1317 01:13:21,665 --> 01:13:23,399 with the glass all around it? 1318 01:13:23,399 --> 01:13:24,601 Good. 1319 01:13:24,601 --> 01:13:27,671 Whatever you do, don't hit that building. 1320 01:13:27,671 --> 01:13:30,574 You see, that's the tower, Eddie, and that's -- 1321 01:13:30,574 --> 01:13:32,175 well, that's where I am. 1322 01:13:32,175 --> 01:13:33,577 Now what we're gonna do, 1323 01:13:33,577 --> 01:13:36,145 you're gonna turn the wheel slowly to the left again 1324 01:13:36,145 --> 01:13:38,482 and then press down. 1325 01:13:40,183 --> 01:13:43,319 No...no...no. 1326 01:13:43,319 --> 01:13:44,554 Oh, no! 1327 01:13:44,554 --> 01:13:46,590 No! No, Eddie! 1328 01:13:49,425 --> 01:13:52,529 [ Man screaming ] 1329 01:13:58,535 --> 01:14:00,637 DAD, IT'S JUST LIKE THE TIME 1330 01:14:00,637 --> 01:14:03,840 YOU DROVE THE R.V. OFF THE SIDE OF THE MOUNTAIN 1331 01:14:03,840 --> 01:14:07,911 AND BROKE YOUR LEG... ONLY MORE DANGEROUS. 1332 01:14:09,946 --> 01:14:12,982 IT'S MORE LIKE THE TIME THAT YOU WERE FISHING OFF THAT BRIDGE 1333 01:14:12,982 --> 01:14:15,619 AND REACHED DOWN TO TIE YOUR SHOELACES 1334 01:14:15,619 --> 01:14:17,320 AND FELL 50 FEET INTO THE WATER. 1335 01:14:17,320 --> 01:14:20,857 ONLY THIS TIME, WE COULD ALL DIE. 1336 01:14:22,792 --> 01:14:26,229 Third: YOU CAN DO IT, DAD. I KNOW YOU CAN. 1337 01:14:32,235 --> 01:14:34,103 [ NO AUDIO ] 1338 01:14:52,822 --> 01:14:54,490 [ CATHERINE SCREAMS ] 1339 01:15:09,606 --> 01:15:14,343 [ "JOY TO THE WORLD" PLAYS ] 1340 01:15:14,343 --> 01:15:16,846 [ LAUGHING ] 1341 01:15:23,186 --> 01:15:27,156 BINGO. 1342 01:15:34,163 --> 01:15:35,999 Anchor: AND MERRY CHRISTMAS, MALUKA. 1343 01:15:35,999 --> 01:15:38,367 NOW WE'VE ALL HEARD ABOUT THE SHIPWRECKED JOHNSONS. 1344 01:15:38,367 --> 01:15:40,904 AND HERE'S A HOLIDAY VIDEO FROM THEIR DAUGHTER, 1345 01:15:40,904 --> 01:15:42,205 WHO'S CURRENTLY APPEARING 1346 01:15:42,205 --> 01:15:44,340 AT THE BARE-BOTTOM CLUB IN LAS VEGAS. 1347 01:15:44,340 --> 01:15:47,844 [ "THE STRIPPER" PLAYS ] 1348 01:15:54,217 --> 01:15:55,251 OH, HO, HO! 1349 01:15:55,251 --> 01:15:58,287 OH, MERRY CHRISTMAS, THIRD. 1350 01:15:58,287 --> 01:15:59,856 HOW'S MY BOY? 1351 01:15:59,856 --> 01:16:03,092 AUNT JESSICA, YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE WHAT WE'VE BEEN THROUGH. 1352 01:16:03,092 --> 01:16:06,229 YOU'RE NOT GONNA SHOW ME YOUR TRAVEL MOVIES, ARE YOU, THIRD? 1353 01:16:06,229 --> 01:16:07,530 LATER. 1354 01:16:07,530 --> 01:16:10,533 OKAY, SO, WHERE'S THAT OLD MAN OF MINE? 1355 01:16:10,533 --> 01:16:12,101 AND WHERE ARE YOUR FOLKS? 1356 01:16:12,101 --> 01:16:14,838 OH, WELL, MY MOM AND DAD AND COUSIN AUDREY 1357 01:16:14,838 --> 01:16:17,073 ARE VISITING A FRIEND IN THE HOSPITAL. 1358 01:16:17,073 --> 01:16:20,109 DAD DROPPED A ROCK ON HIM AND GAVE HIM A BRAIN CONCUSSION. 1359 01:16:20,109 --> 01:16:22,578 OH. OH, AND UNCLE NICK'S RESTING. 1360 01:16:22,578 --> 01:16:24,480 YOU GO UP AND TELL HIM I'M HERE. 1361 01:16:24,480 --> 01:16:27,583 IF I WALK IN ON HIM, HE'S LIABLE TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK. 1362 01:16:27,583 --> 01:16:28,885 SURE. 1363 01:16:33,156 --> 01:16:36,525 AUNT JESSICA, YOU DIDN'T, DID YOU? 1364 01:16:36,525 --> 01:16:38,995 [ CHUCKLES ] DON'T ASK. 1365 01:16:38,995 --> 01:16:41,164 Okay. 1366 01:16:43,867 --> 01:16:46,369 BOY, THAT JACK -- HE IS OKAY, ISN'T HE? 1367 01:16:46,369 --> 01:16:47,871 WHAT A GREAT GUY. 1368 01:16:47,871 --> 01:16:50,473 AND HE DIDN'T EVEN MENTION THAT I ALMOST KILLED HIM. 1369 01:16:50,473 --> 01:16:52,341 CAN'T BELIEVE IT. 1370 01:16:52,341 --> 01:16:54,644 HE'S MARRIED, FIVE KIDS. 1371 01:16:54,644 --> 01:16:58,882 I MEAN, MY GOD -- CAN'T ANY MAN BE TRUSTED? 1372 01:16:58,882 --> 01:17:02,418 HE WAS THE GREAT LOVE OF MY LIFE. 1373 01:17:02,418 --> 01:17:03,987 I'LL NEVER LOVE AGAIN. 1374 01:17:05,488 --> 01:17:07,156 MERRY CHRISTMAS! 1375 01:17:07,156 --> 01:17:08,825 MERRY CHRISTMAS. 1376 01:17:08,825 --> 01:17:10,559 IS HE ALL RIGHT? 1377 01:17:10,559 --> 01:17:14,530 IT'S MY HUSBAND -- NERVOUS BREAKDOWN. 1378 01:17:14,530 --> 01:17:16,700 OH. MERRY CHRISTMAS! 1379 01:17:18,735 --> 01:17:19,803 I'M SO SORRY. 1380 01:17:19,803 --> 01:17:22,205 HOW LONG HAS HE BEEN LIKE THIS? 1381 01:17:22,205 --> 01:17:23,439 SINCE THIS MORNING. 1382 01:17:23,439 --> 01:17:25,341 HE'S AN AIR-TRAFFIC CONTROLLER. 1383 01:17:30,013 --> 01:17:32,949 HEY, BUDDY. MERRY CHRISTMAS! 1384 01:17:34,517 --> 01:17:36,385 HEY, COME ON, BUDDY. SNAP OUT OF IT. 1385 01:17:36,385 --> 01:17:37,486 SNAP OUT OF IT! 1386 01:17:37,486 --> 01:17:39,522 AAH-AAH-AAAHHHH! 1387 01:17:39,522 --> 01:17:40,790 NO, EDDIE! AAH-AAH! 1388 01:17:40,790 --> 01:17:44,393 BLESS YOU! OH, THANK YOU! 1389 01:17:44,393 --> 01:17:46,595 YOU ARE A MIRACLE WORKER. 1390 01:17:46,595 --> 01:17:48,564 WELL... 1391 01:17:48,564 --> 01:17:52,435 COME ON, LET'S GET BACK TO THE MOTEL. 1392 01:17:52,435 --> 01:17:55,371 I MAY BECOME A NUN. 1393 01:17:59,442 --> 01:18:02,846 AUNT JESSICA... 1394 01:18:02,846 --> 01:18:05,648 SO YOU FINALLY GOT TIRED OF THAT YOUNG FELLOW, 1395 01:18:05,648 --> 01:18:09,452 AND YOU DECIDED TO COME CRAWLING BACK TO UNCLE NICK. 1396 01:18:09,452 --> 01:18:12,722 AND YOU'RE GONNA TAKE HER BACK, I SUPPOSE. 1397 01:18:12,722 --> 01:18:16,159 WELL, I HAVE SEEN IT ALL NOW. 1398 01:18:16,159 --> 01:18:19,829 ANYBODY WANTS ME, I'LL BE IN THE CAN. 1399 01:18:25,168 --> 01:18:28,304 I'M SORRY FOR THAT LITTLE UNPLEASANTNESS, DARLING. 1400 01:18:28,304 --> 01:18:33,542 THAT PIG SNOUT NEVER DID HAVE NO MANNERS. 1401 01:18:33,542 --> 01:18:35,211 WHEN YOU'RE FINISHED MASSAGING ME, 1402 01:18:35,211 --> 01:18:38,447 GET YOUR BUTT INTO THE KITCHEN AND FIX ME A DECENT DINNER. 1403 01:18:38,447 --> 01:18:42,385 I'VE BEEN EATING NOTHING BUT BURNT PIG AND BANANAS. 1404 01:18:47,323 --> 01:18:49,959 [ MAN SINGING IN NATIVE LANGUAGE ] 1405 01:19:02,205 --> 01:19:04,107 THEY'RE WAITING FOR YOU INSIDE, EDDIE. 1406 01:19:04,107 --> 01:19:07,643 OH, WELL, THANK YOU, MILWAUKEE. 1407 01:19:07,643 --> 01:19:09,445 HI, MUKA. 1408 01:19:09,445 --> 01:19:12,515 THERE'S SOMETHING I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU. 1409 01:19:12,515 --> 01:19:18,554 YOU KNOW, I'M SORRY ABOUT ASKING YOU TO BE MY GIRL. 1410 01:19:18,554 --> 01:19:22,725 BUT...I'M ENGAGED. 1411 01:19:22,725 --> 01:19:25,328 OH. 1412 01:19:25,328 --> 01:19:30,333 SHE'S, UH, BEAUTIFUL. 1413 01:19:30,333 --> 01:19:31,700 [ SIGHS ] 1414 01:19:31,700 --> 01:19:35,271 WELL, IT'LL TAKE A WHILE TO GET OVER IT. 1415 01:19:35,271 --> 01:19:36,272 Yeah. 1416 01:19:39,408 --> 01:19:40,309 EDDIE! 1417 01:19:40,309 --> 01:19:44,447 EDDIE, EDDIE, EDDIE, EDDIE, EDDIE! 1418 01:19:44,447 --> 01:19:47,150 OH! 1419 01:19:47,150 --> 01:19:48,852 OH! 1420 01:19:48,852 --> 01:19:51,454 OH, PROFESSOR DOORNITZ! 1421 01:19:51,454 --> 01:19:54,423 [ BONES CRACK ] 1422 01:19:54,423 --> 01:19:55,925 WE ARE SO PROUD OF YOU. 1423 01:19:55,925 --> 01:19:58,727 ALL THE NEWSPAPERS CARRIED YOUR STORY. 1424 01:19:58,727 --> 01:20:00,163 OH. 1425 01:20:00,163 --> 01:20:03,499 SHIPWRECKED... SWAM 30 MILES TO RESCUE YOUR FAMILY. 1426 01:20:03,499 --> 01:20:06,769 BUILT A 2-STORY HOUSE WITH YOUR OWN HANDS. 1427 01:20:06,769 --> 01:20:09,572 KILLED A WILD BOAR WITH MANICURE SCISSORS! 1428 01:20:09,572 --> 01:20:13,476 WELL... 1429 01:20:13,476 --> 01:20:15,278 [ ROY BLOWS RASPBERRIES ] 1430 01:20:17,646 --> 01:20:19,115 WHAT'S HE DOING HERE? 1431 01:20:19,115 --> 01:20:20,984 YOU'RE REPLACING HIM. 1432 01:20:20,984 --> 01:20:23,086 HE'S HERE ON VACATION. 1433 01:20:26,255 --> 01:20:27,823 OH, NO! 1434 01:20:27,823 --> 01:20:29,525 UNH-UNH. 1435 01:20:29,525 --> 01:20:31,827 I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE. 1436 01:20:31,827 --> 01:20:36,099 I GOT MYSELF A NEW JOB. 1437 01:20:40,336 --> 01:20:43,472 WELL, ROY, LOOKS LIKE THIS IS THE BEGINNING 1438 01:20:43,472 --> 01:20:45,408 OF A BEAUTIFUL FRIENDSHIP. 1439 01:20:48,878 --> 01:20:53,983 YEEEEE-HAAAA! [ SCREECHES ] 1440 01:20:53,983 --> 01:20:56,785 CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS. 1441 01:20:56,785 --> 01:20:59,322 CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org-- 1442 01:20:59,322 --> 01:21:00,990 * WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS * 1443 01:21:00,990 --> 01:21:03,292 * WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS * 1444 01:21:03,292 --> 01:21:07,964 * WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR * 91560