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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:41,171 --> 00:00:44,740 WOMAN: EVERYBODY FUCKS EVERYBODY. IT'S THE NATURE OF THE BEAST. 2 00:00:44,783 --> 00:00:46,046 [HONKING] 3 00:00:50,615 --> 00:00:51,921 JESUS CHRIST! 4 00:00:54,619 --> 00:00:55,925 [WHISTLING] 5 00:00:55,968 --> 00:00:58,232 ♪ YOU GO CRAZY BUT I DON'T MIND ♪ 6 00:00:58,275 --> 00:00:59,363 FUCK! 7 00:00:59,407 --> 00:01:00,799 ♪ YOU'RE GONNA WISH 8 00:01:00,843 --> 00:01:03,280 ♪ YOU NEVER LEFT MY SIDE 9 00:01:03,324 --> 00:01:04,977 ♪ YOU SHALL SEE 10 00:01:05,848 --> 00:01:09,243 [CARS HONKING] 11 00:01:09,286 --> 00:01:12,072 I CAN PROVIDE A WOMAN WITH PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING SHE WANTS. 12 00:01:13,638 --> 00:01:16,206 SAUSAGE INCLUDED. [CHUCKLING] 13 00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:20,558 ♪ OUR LOVE'LL BE SO GOOD 14 00:01:21,516 --> 00:01:22,908 ♪ YOU SHALL SEE 15 00:01:25,607 --> 00:01:27,043 ♪ SHE WAS MEANT FOR ME 16 00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:28,305 -OH. 17 00:01:30,264 --> 00:01:32,266 -HOW YOU DOING, BABY? -FINE. 18 00:01:34,137 --> 00:01:35,704 HERE'S MY CARD. 19 00:01:38,533 --> 00:01:41,144 ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT KEYS TO BEING A SCAMMER, 20 00:01:41,188 --> 00:01:46,236 IS TO TRY AND GET THEIR NUMBER AND GO TO THEIR PLACE, IF AT ALL POSSIBLE. 21 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:48,412 HOMELESS GUYS GOT IT FUCKIN' MADE. FORGET ABOUT IT. 22 00:01:54,157 --> 00:01:55,898 HI. MM. 23 00:02:02,209 --> 00:02:03,427 SHIT! 24 00:02:08,650 --> 00:02:13,263 I'VE SLEPT WITH NINE WOMEN. I KNOW, I KNOW, LIKE NINE WOMEN BY THE TIME YOU'RE 26. 25 00:02:13,307 --> 00:02:16,919 I KNOW. IT'S ALMOST LIKE BEING A VIRGIN, BUT I LIKE TO THINK THAT I'M JUST PICKY. 26 00:02:21,532 --> 00:02:23,012 THANKS. 27 00:02:23,055 --> 00:02:24,927 HEY, MAN, WHERE THE FUCK'S MY TIP? 28 00:02:24,970 --> 00:02:27,451 -IN YOUR PANTS, DICKHEAD. YOU SHOULD'VE TAKEN A LEFT. -BASTARD. 29 00:02:28,496 --> 00:02:30,976 NICE! REAL NICE! 30 00:02:31,020 --> 00:02:33,109 FUCK OFF, JERK. 31 00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:36,112 YOU'D LIKE THAT, WOULDN'T YOU? GIVE ME YOUR NUMBER. I'LL CALL YOU LATER 32 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:39,071 AND SEE IF WE CAN MAKE A NICE LITTLE BRAD SANDWICH. 33 00:02:40,029 --> 00:02:41,683 WOMAN: DON'T TOUCH ME! 34 00:02:43,859 --> 00:02:45,687 JONATHAN AND ZEKE: BRAD! 35 00:02:45,730 --> 00:02:48,298 HEY, HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON? 36 00:02:48,342 --> 00:02:50,822 -NOTHING, MAN. -HOW YOU DOING? 37 00:02:50,866 --> 00:02:52,868 -WHAT'S UP, BROTHER? -AFTER YOU. 38 00:03:03,095 --> 00:03:07,230 ♪ OH, YOU COME KNOCKING ON MY FRONT DOOR 39 00:03:07,274 --> 00:03:11,713 ♪ YOU'RE GONNA BE SO SAD I DON'T LOVE YOU NO MORE 40 00:03:11,756 --> 00:03:16,152 ♪ 'CAUSE YOUR LOVE IS TAINTED YOUR LOVE IS FRUSTRATED 41 00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:18,328 ♪ YOUR LOVE IS MISMATED 42 00:03:18,372 --> 00:03:22,506 ♪ YOUR LOVE IS A RIVER A RIVER RUN DRY ♪ 43 00:03:25,770 --> 00:03:27,119 [BEEPING] 44 00:03:29,774 --> 00:03:34,605 ♪ YOU GOT MANY PLANS BUT I DON'T MIND 45 00:03:34,649 --> 00:03:39,088 ♪ I STILL CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU LEFT ME BEHIND 46 00:03:39,131 --> 00:03:43,179 ♪ BUT WHEN YOU REALIZE YOUR BIG MISTAKE 47 00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:47,836 ♪ YOU'LL SAY YOU WAS WRONG BUT YOU'LL BE TOO LATE 48 00:03:47,879 --> 00:03:50,665 ♪ BECAUSE I'LL BE LONG GONE 49 00:03:50,708 --> 00:03:54,103 ♪ AND YOU WILL FIND SHOULD HAVE NEVER LEFT MY SIDE ♪ 50 00:04:01,893 --> 00:04:04,244 -[CHATTERING] -YEAH, I'LL GO GET YOU A FORK. 51 00:04:04,287 --> 00:04:07,203 BRAD: SO YOU SEE, I'VE GOT THIS CHICK BACK AT MY APARTMENT. 52 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:09,379 AND SHE THINKS I'M HER BEST FRIEND'S BROTHER. 53 00:04:09,423 --> 00:04:12,643 -WHY THE FUCK DOES SHE THINK THAT? -'CAUSE I TOLD HER I WAS. 54 00:04:12,687 --> 00:04:14,863 ONLY WAY SHE'D COME HOME WITH ME. 55 00:04:14,906 --> 00:04:17,387 DO YOU EVEN KNOW HER BEST FRIEND? 56 00:04:17,431 --> 00:04:19,302 OF COURSE NOT. I NEVER KNOW THEIR BEST FRIENDS. 57 00:04:19,346 --> 00:04:22,871 BUT IF THEY BELIEVE I KNOW THEIR BEST FRIENDS, THEN I'M, LIKE, SAFE. 58 00:04:22,914 --> 00:04:24,394 -THAT'S GENIUS. -WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "SAFE"? 59 00:04:24,438 --> 00:04:26,570 SAFE, YOU KNOW IT'S LIKE, 60 00:04:26,614 --> 00:04:29,530 SHE WANTS TO KNOW YOU HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON BEFORE SHE LETS YOU IN. 61 00:04:29,573 --> 00:04:31,880 IT'S KINDA LIKE THE COLLEGE CONNECTION. WHEN YOU MEET A CHICK IN COLLEGE, 62 00:04:31,923 --> 00:04:34,317 SHE AUTOMATICALLY FEELS COMFORTABLE TO LET YOU NAIL HER. 63 00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:38,365 SHE THINKS YOU HAVE THIS COMMON BOND ALL BECAUSE YOU GO TO THE SAME SCHOOL. 64 00:04:38,408 --> 00:04:41,019 ALL OF A SUDDEN, YOU'RE SAFE. 65 00:04:41,063 --> 00:04:43,457 FUCK THIS SAFE BULLSHIT. DID YOU BONE? 66 00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:46,851 AH, WELL, LISTEN, OKAY? I WAS AT THIS CLUB... 67 00:04:46,895 --> 00:04:49,724 -WITH SOME GUYS FROM WORK, RIGHT? -MM, MM, MM. 68 00:04:49,767 --> 00:04:54,381 -CHECK OUT THOSE SWEET HONEYS. -THAT HO' IS FLY. 69 00:04:54,424 --> 00:04:57,297 LOOK AT THOSE FUCKING LOSERS OVER THERE. THEY'RE TOTALLY CHECKING US OUT. 70 00:04:57,340 --> 00:04:59,386 PIGS! SO DESPERATE. 71 00:04:59,429 --> 00:05:01,866 I BET THEY'RE A BUNCH OF LAWYER OR WALL STREET ASSHOLES. 72 00:05:01,910 --> 00:05:04,608 -THEY WANT LAWYER ACTION. -BULLSHIT! 73 00:05:04,652 --> 00:05:07,176 CHICKS DON'T DIG THAT LAWYER RAP, THEY WANT WALL STREET. 74 00:05:07,219 --> 00:05:10,527 -WALL STREET! -[CLAMORING] 75 00:05:10,571 --> 00:05:13,182 -YEAH, PIGS. -I DON'T KNOW. 76 00:05:13,225 --> 00:05:15,967 I THINK THAT THAT BLONDE ONE'S KIND OF A HOTTIE. 77 00:05:16,011 --> 00:05:17,447 -WHATEVER. -YEAH, RIGHT. 78 00:05:17,491 --> 00:05:20,407 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 79 00:05:20,450 --> 00:05:24,019 -I'M NOT EVEN SURE IF THEY CAN HANDLE ME. -GO GET 'EM THEN, TIGER. 80 00:05:24,062 --> 00:05:26,369 -[LAUGHING] -YOU CAN HAVE HIM. 81 00:05:26,413 --> 00:05:28,632 THESE CHICKS ARE ALL OVER ME, MAN. 82 00:05:30,242 --> 00:05:32,244 I'M GOIN' IN. 83 00:05:32,288 --> 00:05:36,597 -[CHANTING] Brad, Brad, Brad. -HI. 84 00:05:38,207 --> 00:05:39,991 HAVE WE MET BEFORE? 85 00:05:41,166 --> 00:05:42,690 EXCUSE ME. 86 00:05:42,733 --> 00:05:46,824 -I-I'M SURE I'VE MET YOU BEFORE. -OH, I DON'T THINK SO. 87 00:05:46,868 --> 00:05:50,350 -MAYBE THROUGH A FRIEND. -SHE'S NOT INTERESTED, OKAY? JUST GO. 88 00:05:50,393 --> 00:05:52,787 WHAT'S YOUR NAME? MAYBE IT'LL COME BACK TO ME. 89 00:05:52,830 --> 00:05:57,444 -I'M REALLY NOT INTERESTED, SO... -LOOK, I'M SORRY. 90 00:05:57,487 --> 00:06:00,490 IT'S JUST THAT YOU, YOU TOTALLY LOOK LIKE ONE OF MY SISTER'S FRIENDS, 91 00:06:00,534 --> 00:06:03,450 AND I WANTED TO COME OVER AND SAY HI, SORRY. 92 00:06:03,493 --> 00:06:05,669 WAIT A MINUTE. WHO'S YOUR SISTER? 93 00:06:05,713 --> 00:06:07,018 [LAUGHING] 94 00:06:10,979 --> 00:06:12,589 JEN. 95 00:06:12,633 --> 00:06:14,852 YOUR JEN'S BROTHER? 96 00:06:14,896 --> 00:06:17,899 -I KNEW I RECOGNIZED YOU FROM THOSE PICTURES. -GET OUT OF HERE. 97 00:06:17,942 --> 00:06:20,292 -I HAVEN'T SEEN JENNY SINCE COLLEGE. -WOW! 98 00:06:20,336 --> 00:06:22,382 HOW DID YOU KNOW TO SAY JEN? 99 00:06:22,425 --> 00:06:25,123 EVERY CHICK'S GOT A FRIEND NAMED JEN. IT'S COMMON NAME OUT THERE. 100 00:06:25,167 --> 00:06:27,256 IT'S LIKE SAYING YOU HAVE A FRIEND NAMED PETER. 101 00:06:27,299 --> 00:06:29,737 DUDE, SHE DIDN'T EVEN ASK YOU YOUR LAST NAME? 102 00:06:29,780 --> 00:06:33,523 BRO, SHE WANTED ME SO BAD, ALL SHE NEEDED WAS THE LINK. 103 00:06:33,567 --> 00:06:36,004 -[LAUGHING] -YEAH, SO THEN WHAT? 104 00:06:36,047 --> 00:06:38,528 WELL, I FED HER MORE BULLSHIT ABOUT JENNY, 105 00:06:38,572 --> 00:06:41,401 AND AFTER ABOUT 20 MINUTES, SHE WAS BEGGING TO JOIN ME BACK... 106 00:06:41,444 --> 00:06:43,011 AT THE STABBIN' CABIN. 107 00:06:43,054 --> 00:06:44,534 ♪ STICK IT IN THE FRIDGE STICK IT IN THE FRIDGE 108 00:06:44,578 --> 00:06:47,407 ♪ STICK IT IN THE FRIDGE 109 00:06:47,450 --> 00:06:49,365 ♪ STICK IT IN THE FRIDGE STICK IT IN THE FRIDGE STICK IT IN THE FRIDGE ♪ 110 00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:52,194 BOY, VERY STYLING PLACE YOU HAVE. 111 00:06:52,237 --> 00:06:54,979 -NOT HALF AS STYLING AS YOU. -REALLY? 112 00:06:55,023 --> 00:06:56,154 YES. 113 00:06:56,198 --> 00:06:58,983 BRAD: SHE IS ALL OVER ME. 114 00:06:59,027 --> 00:07:02,726 OKAY, SHE IS SO FIRED UP AND REARING TO GO, THIS CHICK IS NOT WASTING ANY TIME. 115 00:07:02,770 --> 00:07:05,555 SHE'S LIKE A FUCKING GORILLA ON ECSTASY. 116 00:07:05,599 --> 00:07:07,731 [MOANING] 117 00:07:12,301 --> 00:07:14,172 [BELT BUCKLE UNBUCKLING] 118 00:07:14,216 --> 00:07:16,479 -[ZIPPER UNZIPPING] -[MOANING] 119 00:07:18,873 --> 00:07:21,484 I'M IN BRAD HEAVEN, JUST ABOUT TO GET SMOKED, 120 00:07:21,528 --> 00:07:25,401 AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, SHE STARTED CLEANING MY TAILPIPE. 121 00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:27,969 [GRUNTING] 122 00:07:28,012 --> 00:07:32,234 -OH, MAN, THAT'S AWESOME! -THAT'S NOT AWESOME. IT'S FUCKING DISGUSTING. 123 00:07:32,277 --> 00:07:34,584 SHE TOSSED YOUR SALAD. THAT'S RIGHT OUT OF A PORNO FILM. 124 00:07:34,628 --> 00:07:36,586 YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH SOME PEOPLE PAY FOR THAT? 125 00:07:36,630 --> 00:07:38,849 THAT'S GOTTA BE THE BEST BLOW JOB STORY YET. 126 00:07:38,893 --> 00:07:41,461 NO, MORON, YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT. 127 00:07:41,504 --> 00:07:44,333 SHE COMPLETELY PASSED OVER MY DICK AND WENT STRAIGHT FOR THE ASS. 128 00:07:44,376 --> 00:07:46,291 WHAT ARE YOU COMPLAINING ABOUT? SOME PEOPLE WAIT THEIR 129 00:07:46,335 --> 00:07:49,730 -WHOLE LIVES FOR A RIMMER. -YEAH, WELL... 130 00:07:49,773 --> 00:07:52,297 -WELL, COME ON, YOU GUYS KNOW HOW BAD MY STOMACH IS, RIGHT, -EWW. 131 00:07:52,341 --> 00:07:56,388 AND HOW I'M CONSTANTLY TAKING SLOPPY DUMPS AND SHIT? 132 00:07:56,432 --> 00:07:57,868 ZEKE: THAT'S HER PROBLEM, NOT YOURS. 133 00:07:57,912 --> 00:08:00,044 BRAD: IT BECAME MY PROBLEM. 134 00:08:00,088 --> 00:08:01,350 NO. 135 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:04,658 NO. 136 00:08:12,013 --> 00:08:14,581 [GROANING DISGUST] 137 00:08:14,624 --> 00:08:18,149 -DUDE, THAT SHIT'S DISGUSTING. -YEAH, NO SHIT. 138 00:08:18,193 --> 00:08:21,326 DUDE, YOU'RE TOTALLY GROSSING ME OUT. YOU TASTED YOUR OWN ASSHOLE. 139 00:08:21,370 --> 00:08:25,287 -NOT BY CHOICE, ALL RIGHT? -LET'S CHANGE THE SUBJECT. MAN, ZEKE, YOU'RE UP. 140 00:08:25,330 --> 00:08:27,681 OH, NO, MAN, THAT'S SICK. I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN TOP THAT. 141 00:08:27,724 --> 00:08:29,900 WELL, TRY, 'CAUSE SHIT LIPS OVER HERE IS BUGGING ME OUT. 142 00:08:29,944 --> 00:08:32,947 -[LAUGHING] FUCK YOU. -ALL RIGHT, CHILL. 143 00:08:32,990 --> 00:08:34,731 I WAS AT BELL CAFE, RIGHT, WRITING. 144 00:08:41,477 --> 00:08:45,481 WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, I SEE THESE TWO FINE HONEYS... 145 00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:46,830 ALL OVER MY WOOD, 146 00:08:47,962 --> 00:08:50,268 ALL OVER IT. 147 00:08:50,312 --> 00:08:53,228 SO, I'M TRYING TO WORK, AND I REALIZE THEY'RE TOTALLY FOCUSED IN ON ME. 148 00:08:53,271 --> 00:08:56,666 THERE'S NO WAY I'M GONNA GET ANYTHING DONE. SO I'M THINKING, 149 00:08:56,710 --> 00:08:59,016 -OPPORTUNITY'S A-KNOCKING. -I DON'T GET IT. 150 00:08:59,060 --> 00:09:02,585 IF I WALKED INTO SOME BEATNIK COFFEE SHOP AND SAW SOME UNEMPLOYED DIRTY FREAK, 151 00:09:02,629 --> 00:09:04,935 LIKE YOURSELF, WRITING IN A DIARY, 152 00:09:04,979 --> 00:09:07,938 I WOULD SIT AS FAR AWAY AS FUCKING POSSIBLE FROM THAT LOSER. 153 00:09:07,982 --> 00:09:10,288 AHH, BUT THAT'S YOU, BRAD, 154 00:09:10,332 --> 00:09:13,988 AN ASS-KISSING... NO PUN INTENDED, SUIT FROM THE UPPER EAST SIDE. 155 00:09:14,031 --> 00:09:16,947 WOMEN LOOK AT YOU, THEY KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEY'RE GETTING. 156 00:09:16,991 --> 00:09:19,820 I, ON THE OTHER HAND, AM AN EAST VILLAGE ENIGMA. 157 00:09:19,863 --> 00:09:23,127 I SECRETE MYSTERY. WOMEN DIG MYSTERY. 158 00:09:23,171 --> 00:09:25,652 -THAT, COMBINED WITH THE PHEROMONES... -THE WHAT? 159 00:09:25,695 --> 00:09:28,132 THE PHEROMONES. THE ELECTRICITY 160 00:09:28,176 --> 00:09:31,005 I GIVE OFF THAT SENDS CHICKS CLIMBING THE WALLS AND SHIT. 161 00:09:31,048 --> 00:09:34,574 THEY SEE ME, THEY SMELL ME, THEY FUCK ME! 162 00:09:34,617 --> 00:09:36,619 [LAUGHING] 163 00:09:36,663 --> 00:09:39,404 YEAH, OKAY, GUY. 164 00:09:39,448 --> 00:09:42,538 -SO, ANYWAY, WHICH ONE DID YOU CHOOSE? -FUCK THAT, I TOOK 'EM BOTH. 165 00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:43,713 BRAD: NICE! 166 00:09:45,236 --> 00:09:47,587 [MOANING] 167 00:09:47,630 --> 00:09:50,415 JONATHAN: DAMN, YOU GOT BOTH CHICKS BACK AT YOUR CRIB? ZEKE: DAMN STRAIGHT! 168 00:09:50,459 --> 00:09:53,201 THESE GIRLS WERE FUCKING PROS, DUDE. 169 00:09:53,244 --> 00:09:56,987 THEY WERE DOING ALL KINDS OF SHIT TO ME I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW EXISTED. 170 00:09:57,031 --> 00:09:59,337 [MOANING] JONATHAN: LIKE WHAT? 171 00:09:59,381 --> 00:10:05,169 EVER HEAR OF AN INVERTED DOUBLE TEA-BAG SLIDE? 172 00:10:05,213 --> 00:10:07,737 NO WAY! 173 00:10:07,781 --> 00:10:12,699 -DUDE, THE SEX WAS AMAZING. IT WAS LIKE A GIFT FROM GOD. -YOU WRITING THIS SHIT DOWN? 174 00:10:12,742 --> 00:10:15,005 THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT YOUR NEXT SCREENPLAY SHOULD BE ABOUT. 175 00:10:15,049 --> 00:10:17,573 -HOW MANY TIMES DID YOU BONE? -BOX WORTH. 176 00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,575 THREE TIMES? 177 00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:22,491 -YOU KNOW I ONLY BUY 12-PACKS, ASSHOLE. -[CHUCKLES] 178 00:10:22,534 --> 00:10:25,015 -BRO, THESE CHICKS SOUND PERFECT. - NOT EXACTLY PERFECT. 179 00:10:25,059 --> 00:10:27,235 -WOMAN: OKAY, SHH. -[TV BLARING] 180 00:10:27,278 --> 00:10:30,717 -HE'S NOT LOOKING. - THE NEXT MORNING, THEY STOLE MY TV. 181 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:32,762 -THEY WHAT? -FUCKIN' STOLE MY SET. 182 00:10:32,806 --> 00:10:36,461 -YOU THINK THAT WAS THEIR INTENTION FROM THE START? -DEFINITELY. 183 00:10:36,505 --> 00:10:38,507 I'M SURE OF IT. I BETCHA THESE BITCHES... 184 00:10:38,550 --> 00:10:40,814 DOUBLE-TEAM GUYS ALL THE TIME, JUST SO THEY CAN CARRY OUT MORE SHIT. 185 00:10:40,857 --> 00:10:43,599 IT'S A PRETTY GENIUS OPERATION, IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT. 186 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:46,558 YEAH, BUT DON'T YOU FEEL LIKE THEY FUCKED YOU, LIKE THEY GOT THE BETTER OF YOU? 187 00:10:46,602 --> 00:10:49,518 OH, THEY FUCKED ME, ALL RIGHT, IN A WAY I'LL NEVER FORGET. 188 00:10:49,561 --> 00:10:52,303 IT WAS WORTH A TV. IF THEY COME BACK, I'LL THROW 'EM A FUCKING TOASTER. 189 00:10:52,347 --> 00:10:53,783 [ALL LAUGHING] 190 00:10:53,827 --> 00:10:55,959 THAT'S FUCKED-UP SHIT. 191 00:10:56,003 --> 00:10:59,180 YEAH, BOTH OF YOU GUYS ARE CRAZY, MAN. SHIT LIKE THAT NEVER HAPPENS TO ME. 192 00:10:59,223 --> 00:11:00,790 IT'S 'CAUSE NOTHING EVER HAPPENS TO YOU. 193 00:11:00,834 --> 00:11:03,750 [LAUGHS] YEAH, WHO'D YOU SCORE? 194 00:11:03,793 --> 00:11:06,535 -OR DID YOU SPEND ANOTHER WEEK IN TUGGIN' ROOT? -FUCK YOU, MAN. 195 00:11:06,578 --> 00:11:10,017 I HAD MULTIPLE LADIES ON MY TIP 196 00:11:10,060 --> 00:11:12,802 -MULTIPLE, MY ASS. -YEAH, BETTER YOUR ASS THAN BRAD'S. 197 00:11:12,846 --> 00:11:15,326 [SCOFFS] FUNNY! 198 00:11:15,370 --> 00:11:20,723 SO, ANYWAY, I WAS AT-I WAS AT STROKES WITH MY FIVE KNUCKLEHEAD FRIENDS, RIGHT? 199 00:11:20,767 --> 00:11:23,726 THERE WERE LIKE SEVEN FINE HONEYS AT MY DISPOSAL. 200 00:11:23,770 --> 00:11:26,816 PLACE WAS SO RIPE, I HAD MY PICK. 201 00:11:26,860 --> 00:11:28,688 ALWAYS TALKING A BIG GAME. 202 00:11:28,731 --> 00:11:30,646 NO, SERIOUSLY, THEY WERE ALL SITTING THERE WAITING. 203 00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:33,170 ALL I HAD TO DO WAS GO IN FOR THE KILL. 204 00:11:33,214 --> 00:11:34,650 SO? 205 00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:35,825 SO I DID. 206 00:11:36,870 --> 00:11:39,263 -[CHUCKLES] -HER NAME... 207 00:11:39,307 --> 00:11:40,438 WAS KERI. 208 00:11:42,571 --> 00:11:44,268 THE FLYEST GIRL AT THE BAR. MM-HMM, ALL RIGHT. 209 00:11:44,312 --> 00:11:47,750 -DUDE, YOU'VE GOT TO STOP WHACKING IT SO MUCH. -WHAT? 210 00:11:47,794 --> 00:11:50,753 YOU'RE ALWAYS MAKING UP CHICK'S NAMES AND SHIT WHILE YOU'RE FEEDING THE GEESE. 211 00:11:50,797 --> 00:11:54,061 FUCK YOU, MAN. SHE'S AS REAL AS THE SCRAMBLED EGGS ON THAT PLATE. 212 00:11:54,104 --> 00:11:57,586 DUDE, LAST WEEK, HER NAME WAS NIVEA. THE WEEK BEFORE, LUBRIDINA. 213 00:11:57,629 --> 00:12:00,110 NIVEA WAS A NICE FRENCH GIRL I MET IN THE PARK. 214 00:12:00,154 --> 00:12:02,591 FUCK THAT. IF YOU DIDN'T SCORE, JUST SAY IT. 215 00:12:02,634 --> 00:12:05,159 -FINE, YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME? I DON'T GIVE A SHIT. -SAY IT. 216 00:12:05,202 --> 00:12:07,770 ALL I WANNA KNOW IS, HAVE WE FOUND A PROSPECT YET? 217 00:12:07,814 --> 00:12:09,554 -PROSPECT? YEAH. -FOR WHAT? 218 00:12:09,598 --> 00:12:11,469 YOU KNOW, THE PLAN. 219 00:12:11,513 --> 00:12:12,862 "TRIPLE TEAM SOME CHICK" PLAN. 220 00:12:12,906 --> 00:12:15,343 YOU STILL CAUGHT UP IN THAT SHIT? 221 00:12:15,386 --> 00:12:18,215 COME ON! IT'LL BE FUCKING GREAT. THE THREE OF US WITH SOME AMAZING HOTTIE. 222 00:12:18,259 --> 00:12:22,263 DOING HIGH-FIVES AND SHIT OVER HER BACK, IT'LL BE THE ULTIMATE SEXUAL PLATEAU. 223 00:12:22,306 --> 00:12:24,395 OOH! AH! 224 00:12:24,439 --> 00:12:26,615 -[WHIMPERING] -[PANTING] 225 00:12:26,658 --> 00:12:30,532 LOOK, FUCK THE PLAN. I'M JUST TRYING TO FIND SOME CHICK I CAN RELATE TO. 226 00:12:30,575 --> 00:12:33,013 -WHAT? -SOME GIRL I ACTUALLY RESPECT. 227 00:12:33,056 --> 00:12:36,407 -YEAH, WHY CAN'T WE FIND GIRLS JUST LIKE US? -DUDE, 228 00:12:36,451 --> 00:12:39,236 -ALL GIRLS MASTURBATE. -FUCK YOU, MAN. THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT. 229 00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:41,586 -WHY DO YOU ALWAYS GOTTA JOKE ABOUT THE... -I'M JUST KIDDING. 230 00:12:41,630 --> 00:12:43,066 I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. 231 00:12:43,110 --> 00:12:44,807 IT WOULD BE KINDA COOL TO FIND A CHICK THAT'S HOT... 232 00:12:44,851 --> 00:12:46,940 AND THAT ALSO CARED ABOUT THE SAME SHIT WE DO. 233 00:12:46,983 --> 00:12:49,638 YEAH. SOME LITTLE SNAPPY YOU DON'T WANNA KICK OUTTA BED EVERY NIGHT 234 00:12:49,681 --> 00:12:51,771 -RIGHT AFTER YOU THROW YOUR WEB. -I HEAR YOU. 235 00:12:51,814 --> 00:12:54,774 -I MEAN, IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK? -GOOD FUCKING LUCK. 236 00:12:55,818 --> 00:12:57,385 WHAT? 237 00:12:57,428 --> 00:12:59,474 OH, NO! 238 00:12:59,517 --> 00:13:01,389 ZEKE: OH, MAN, WHO THE HELL INVITED HIM? 239 00:13:01,432 --> 00:13:03,173 JONATHAN: I DID. COME ON, GUYS, HE USED TO BE ONE OF US. 240 00:13:03,217 --> 00:13:05,697 EXACTLY. USED TO BE, THEN THE ASSHOLE GOT MARRIED. 241 00:13:05,741 --> 00:13:07,830 YOU KNOW THE RULES. YOU PASS THE RING, YOU LOSE THE STING. 242 00:13:07,874 --> 00:13:09,919 YOU MAY AS WELL CHOP YOUR DICK OFF AT THE ALTAR. 243 00:13:09,963 --> 00:13:11,921 [WHIP CRACKING] 244 00:13:16,317 --> 00:13:18,798 -WHAT'S UP? -HEY, ERIC, HAVE A SEAT. 245 00:13:18,841 --> 00:13:22,758 -ZEKE, BRAD, WHAT'S UP? WHAT'S UP? -SAME OL'. 246 00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:26,501 WHAT THE FUCK'S THAT? 247 00:13:26,544 --> 00:13:29,069 MY WIFE SAYS I HAVE CHRONIC HALITOSIS. 248 00:13:29,112 --> 00:13:33,290 SHE MAKES ME SPRAY THIS SHIT INTO MY MOUTH EVERY HOUR ON THE HOUR. 249 00:13:33,334 --> 00:13:34,901 MAYBE YOU SHOULD LEND THAT STUFF TO BRAD. 250 00:13:34,944 --> 00:13:37,555 -[SCOFFS] FUCK YOU. -OH, SHIT. 251 00:13:37,599 --> 00:13:39,427 [LAUGHING] WHAT? 252 00:13:39,470 --> 00:13:42,778 DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. 253 00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:46,477 SO, WHERE YOU GUYS BEEN? IT'S LIKE I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN FOREVER. 254 00:13:46,521 --> 00:13:50,307 DUDE, YOU'RE MARRIED! WE NO LONGER HAVE ANYTHING IN COMMON. 255 00:13:50,351 --> 00:13:53,006 JESUS. WHAT? [SNORTING] 256 00:13:53,049 --> 00:13:55,878 -I'M STILL THE SAME GUY. -NO, YOU'RE NOT. 257 00:13:55,922 --> 00:13:59,099 -YOU'RE MARRIED. FACE IT. -BUT YOU THINK I DON'T GOT STORIES? 258 00:13:59,142 --> 00:14:01,318 -ABOUT YOUR WIFE? COME ON, BRO, THAT'S NASTY. -OH. 259 00:14:01,362 --> 00:14:04,147 -ARE YOU SAYING THAT WE DON'T DO KINKY SHIT? -NO, I'M SURE YOU DO. 260 00:14:04,191 --> 00:14:08,891 BUT IT'S YOUR WIFE, MAN. THERE'S GOTTA BE SOMETHING A LITTLE BIT SACRED ABOUT THAT. 261 00:14:08,935 --> 00:14:12,590 YEAH, I MEAN, IF IT WAS A GIRL WE DON'T KNOW, THEN, WELL, THAT'D BE OKAY, 262 00:14:12,634 --> 00:14:15,202 BUT YOUR WIFE, I MEAN, IT'S KINDA SICK. 263 00:14:15,245 --> 00:14:17,291 NO, NO, MAN, THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE WRONG. 264 00:14:17,334 --> 00:14:20,598 IT'S WAY BETTER BECAUSE IT'S TOTALLY UNINHIBITED. 265 00:14:20,642 --> 00:14:23,688 ALL RIGHT, LIKE LAST NIGHT, WE WERE HAVING SEX IN THE KITCHEN, RIGHT, 266 00:14:23,732 --> 00:14:26,691 AND I START USING ALL THE UTENSILS AND SHIT, DUDE. 267 00:14:26,735 --> 00:14:31,392 WE JUST GOT THIS NEW JUICER, AND IT'S SHAPED LIKE A CARROT, RIGHT? I AM BENT OVER. 268 00:14:31,435 --> 00:14:33,176 -ALL OF A SUDDEN... -SAVE IT! 269 00:14:33,220 --> 00:14:36,353 WHAT? DUDE, WE HAD AN ENTIRE LINE OF EXTRA VIRGIN OLIVE OIL... 270 00:14:36,397 --> 00:14:39,008 HEY, HEY, PLEASE, OKAY? THE VISUALS. I'M TRYING TO EAT BREAKFAST. 271 00:14:51,978 --> 00:14:54,545 HEY, ERIC, DIDN'T YOU SAY YOU HAD TO GO SOMEWHERE THIS AFTERNOON? 272 00:14:54,589 --> 00:14:56,896 YEAH. 273 00:14:56,939 --> 00:15:00,769 -DUDE, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY GO. -YEAH, I SUPPOSED TO MEET MY WIFE 274 00:15:00,812 --> 00:15:03,772 -BRUNCH TWENTY MINUTES AGO. -BRUNCH? YOU JUST FUCKING ATE. 275 00:15:03,815 --> 00:15:08,342 YEAH, ONCE YOU'RE MARRIED, YOU GOTTA DO A LOT OF THINGS TWICE. YOU KNOW? 276 00:15:08,385 --> 00:15:11,998 APPEASE THE LITTLE WOMAN, MAKE HER FEEL ALL IMPORTANT, LIKE YOU CARE AND SHIT. 277 00:15:12,041 --> 00:15:14,565 -MAN, THAT SUCKS. -YEAH. [SIGHS] 278 00:15:16,002 --> 00:15:17,351 WELL, BYE! 279 00:15:18,613 --> 00:15:20,876 SEE YOU, ERIC. 280 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,792 NOW, JONATHAN, I WANT YOU TO GO BACK TO THAT TREE, WAIT ABOUT A MINUTE. 281 00:15:23,835 --> 00:15:27,665 BRAD, I WANT YOU TO COME UP AT THE END. YOU CLOSE THE DEAL. YOU GOT IT? 282 00:15:27,709 --> 00:15:30,103 THE STANDARD. JUST DON'T SAVE THE UGLY ONE FOR ME. ALL RIGHT. 283 00:15:30,146 --> 00:15:32,975 DUDE, LOOK AT THEM. THEY'RE ALL SITTING DOWN. 284 00:15:33,019 --> 00:15:35,673 THEY COULD ALL HAVE FAT ASSES FOR ALL WE KNOW. ALL RIGHT. 285 00:15:35,717 --> 00:15:38,676 -YOU GUYS, COME ON, THEY'RE GONNA LEAVE. -CHILL. ARE YOU READY? 286 00:15:39,634 --> 00:15:41,027 BREAK. 287 00:15:41,070 --> 00:15:42,942 WOMEN, MEN, NOBODY. 288 00:15:42,985 --> 00:15:44,204 [CHATTERING] 289 00:15:48,077 --> 00:15:49,687 [LAUGHING] 290 00:15:49,731 --> 00:15:50,906 HEY, GIRLS. 291 00:15:51,907 --> 00:15:53,953 -HOW YOU DOING? -GOOD. 292 00:15:56,042 --> 00:15:59,132 -IS YOUR NAME KELLY? -NO. STACEY. 293 00:15:59,175 --> 00:16:01,438 -STACEY, HI, I'M ZEKE. -HI. 294 00:16:01,482 --> 00:16:03,875 HI. AND YOUR LOVELY FRIENDS? 295 00:16:03,919 --> 00:16:06,182 THIS IS MARIE AND BRISTOL. 296 00:16:06,226 --> 00:16:07,879 -MARIE? -MM-HMM. 297 00:16:07,923 --> 00:16:09,490 -AND CRYSTAL? -BRISTOL. 298 00:16:12,232 --> 00:16:16,018 -SO... -SO, THOSE ARE INTERESTING PANTS YOU GOT THERE. 299 00:16:16,062 --> 00:16:18,194 OH, YOU LIKE? 300 00:16:18,238 --> 00:16:20,849 -STROKE IT. -"LIKE" IS NOT EXACTLY THE WORD. 301 00:16:20,892 --> 00:16:22,982 THAT'S REAL CROCODILE LEATHER. 302 00:16:23,025 --> 00:16:26,289 I GUESS I'M MOST LIKE MICKEY ROURKE IN NINE 1/2 WEEKS. 303 00:16:26,333 --> 00:16:30,946 LET'S FACE IT. THAT MAN UNDERSTANDS THE TERM "DOMINANT MALE" TO THE Nth DEGREE. 304 00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:34,123 NOT THAT I SEE MYSELF AS THE CONTROLLING FREAK THAT HE WAS. 305 00:16:34,167 --> 00:16:36,908 YOU NEVER KNOW. AM I IN CONTROL? AM I NOT IN CONTROL? 306 00:16:36,952 --> 00:16:40,608 NOT THAT I'M A CONTROL FREAK, I MEAN, BUT, YOU KNOW. 307 00:16:40,651 --> 00:16:42,697 CONTROL IS VERY, VERY IMPORTANT. 308 00:16:42,740 --> 00:16:44,699 YOU ALWAYS MUST KEEP THE UPPER HAND. 309 00:16:44,742 --> 00:16:45,874 NO, IT'S NOT. 310 00:16:45,917 --> 00:16:47,484 -WHAT? -CROCODILE HAS SCALES. 311 00:16:47,528 --> 00:16:49,704 -OH MY GOD! ZEKE! -JONATHAN! 312 00:16:49,747 --> 00:16:51,358 -I THOUGHT THAT WAS YOU. -WHAT'S UP, BUDDY? 313 00:16:51,401 --> 00:16:54,100 -WHAT'S UP? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? -JUST WALKING AROUND. 314 00:16:54,143 --> 00:16:56,711 -JONATHAN, MEET MARIE. -HI. 315 00:16:57,581 --> 00:17:00,193 -KELLY AND CRYSTAL. -HI. 316 00:17:00,236 --> 00:17:02,195 -STACEY. -STACEY, I'M SORRY, STACEY. 317 00:17:02,238 --> 00:17:04,023 BRISTOL. 318 00:17:04,066 --> 00:17:07,417 -SO, HOW DO YOU GUYS KNOW ZEKE? -WE DON'T. 319 00:17:07,461 --> 00:17:10,551 MAYBE ANDREW McCARTHY INST. ELMO'S FIRE. 320 00:17:10,594 --> 00:17:13,858 YOU KNOW, HE WAS LIKE TOTALLY MISUNDERSTOOD IN THAT FILM, OKAY? 321 00:17:13,902 --> 00:17:19,603 JUST BECAUSE HE HAD CREATIVE, MORE INTELLECTUAL INTERESTS, EVERYBODY THOUGHT HE WAS GAY. 322 00:17:19,647 --> 00:17:22,084 I DON'T-YOU KNOW, I'M NOT-I'M NOT LIKE THAT. 323 00:17:22,128 --> 00:17:25,740 IT-IT'S JUST BECAUSE I'M SINGLE AND CREATIVE, AND, YOU KNOW, 324 00:17:25,783 --> 00:17:29,048 MAYBE I UNDERSTAND MY FEMININE SIDE A LITTLE BIT BETTER THAN THE NEXT GUY. 325 00:17:29,091 --> 00:17:33,400 HE JUST CAME OVER HERE, MADE US FEEL HIS LEG. 326 00:17:33,443 --> 00:17:36,185 HEY, GUYS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE PARK ON SUNDAY? 327 00:17:36,229 --> 00:17:38,100 JONATHAN AND ZEKE: BRAD! 328 00:17:38,144 --> 00:17:40,624 WHO ARE THESE BEAUTIFUL MOMMIES? 329 00:17:40,668 --> 00:17:42,322 BRAD, THIS IS MARIE, 330 00:17:42,365 --> 00:17:43,671 -MARIE. -STACEY... 331 00:17:43,714 --> 00:17:46,108 -PLEASURE. -AND CRYSTAL. 332 00:17:46,152 --> 00:17:47,588 BRISTOL. 333 00:17:47,631 --> 00:17:49,372 -BRISTOL. -BRISTOL. 334 00:17:49,416 --> 00:17:53,289 I WOULD HAVE TO SAY TOM CRUISE,RISKY BUSINESS. 335 00:17:53,333 --> 00:17:55,770 HE WAS STUFFING REBECCA De MORNAY, 336 00:17:55,813 --> 00:17:59,469 DROVE A PORSCHE, AND HE RAN A FUCKING CLAM HOUSE, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! 337 00:17:59,513 --> 00:18:04,213 BRAD, GET OFF THE BABY-SITTER. [CHUCKLING] 338 00:18:04,257 --> 00:18:08,826 NO, SCAMMING'S NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. IT'S JUST... 339 00:18:08,870 --> 00:18:12,352 SOMETHING I'M GOOD AT. A GOOD CATCH? YEAH, I THINK I'M A GOOD CATCH. 340 00:18:13,875 --> 00:18:15,746 I MAKE A SHITLOAD OF MONEY. 341 00:18:18,009 --> 00:18:19,228 LOOK AT ME! 342 00:18:21,187 --> 00:18:22,492 [HONKING] 343 00:18:45,950 --> 00:18:48,388 WHY THE FUCK'S EVERYONE SO QUIET? 344 00:18:48,431 --> 00:18:53,132 DIDN'T ANYONE SCAM THIS WEEKEND? ZEKE. 345 00:18:53,175 --> 00:18:56,091 YEAH, OF COURSE. IT'S JUST, I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT. 346 00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:58,267 WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT? 347 00:18:58,311 --> 00:19:00,356 ISN'T THAT THE POINT? WHY ELSE DO WE COME HERE EVERY SUNDAY? 348 00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:03,925 LOOK, MARRIED ASS, MAYBE I MET SOMEONE I DON'T FEEL LIKE TELLING YOU DICKS ABOUT. 349 00:19:03,968 --> 00:19:06,493 JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO MORALS AND TALK ABOUT HOW YOU PORKED YOUR WIFE 350 00:19:06,536 --> 00:19:09,800 WITH A WAFFLE IRON, THAT DOESN'T MEAN I GOTTA TELL YOU SHIT. 351 00:19:09,844 --> 00:19:12,499 EXCUSE ME FOR ASKING. AND IT WAS THE JUICER. 352 00:19:14,631 --> 00:19:15,937 SO, 353 00:19:15,980 --> 00:19:18,853 WAS SHE HOT? 354 00:19:18,896 --> 00:19:22,291 I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT LOOKS ANYMORE. I'M OVER THAT SUPERFICIAL CRAP. 355 00:19:22,335 --> 00:19:25,425 AS LONG AS SHE'S GOT A GREAT RACK AND BUNS LIKE A CHAMP, I'M HAPPY. 356 00:19:25,468 --> 00:19:26,861 YEAH, SHE WAS HOT. 357 00:19:26,904 --> 00:19:28,689 -AND YOU RAILED HER? -WHAT? 358 00:19:28,732 --> 00:19:30,517 YOU DIDN'T RAIL HER? 359 00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:33,259 THAT'S PROBABLY WHY YOU LIKE HER AND YOU'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT HER. 360 00:19:33,302 --> 00:19:34,782 LOOK, I DIDN'T SAY IF I RAILED HER OR NOT. 361 00:19:34,825 --> 00:19:37,088 WHICH USUALLY MEANS YOU DIDN'T. 362 00:19:37,132 --> 00:19:39,134 -DIDN'T RAIL HER. -DEFINITELY DIDN'T RAIL HER. 363 00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:42,224 -LISTEN UP, ASSHOLES. -[LAUGHING] 364 00:19:42,268 --> 00:19:45,880 IT'S THURSDAY NIGHT. I WAS BACK AT THE BELL CAFE, LOOKING FOR THE WONDER TWINS, 365 00:19:45,923 --> 00:19:50,189 WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, I NOTICE THIS BEAUTIFUL WOMAN READING A BOOK AT ANOTHER TABLE. 366 00:19:50,232 --> 00:19:53,540 ERIC: YOU NOTICE HOW SHE'S A WOMAN AND NOT A HO. BRAD: MM-HMM. 367 00:19:58,719 --> 00:20:02,070 WHAT ARE YOU READING? THIS GIRL WAS FLY! 368 00:20:02,113 --> 00:20:05,073 -SHE'S THAT FUCKING HOT? -YEAH. -WOW! 369 00:20:05,116 --> 00:20:08,207 BUT THE CAPPER IS, SHE WAS READING SYD FIELD'S SCREENPLAYBOOK. 370 00:20:08,250 --> 00:20:11,645 -SO. -SO? THAT'S LIKE THE BIBLE FOR SCREENWRITERS. 371 00:20:11,688 --> 00:20:13,908 NOT ONLY IS THIS CHICK HOT, BUT SHE'S GOT THE SAME INTERESTS AS ME. 372 00:20:13,951 --> 00:20:15,649 WOW! 373 00:20:15,692 --> 00:20:18,521 -WAIT. DID YOU JUST SAY YOU FUCKED HER IN A FIELD? -[LAUGHING] 374 00:20:18,565 --> 00:20:22,351 YEAH. NO, I SAID SHE WAS READING SYD FIELD'S SCREENPLAYBOOK. 375 00:20:22,395 --> 00:20:25,485 -OH, DUDE, WHO CARES? DID YOU FUCK HER? -[ALL LAUGHING] 376 00:20:25,528 --> 00:20:27,226 NO, LOOK! 377 00:20:27,269 --> 00:20:30,272 HAVE SOME FUCKING RESPECT. I THINK I ACTUALLY LIKE THIS ONE. 378 00:20:30,316 --> 00:20:32,013 JONATHAN: AH! I KNEW IT! 379 00:20:32,056 --> 00:20:34,233 ERIC: DEFINITELY DIDN'T FUCK HER. 380 00:20:34,276 --> 00:20:37,497 BRAD: DID YOU GET HER BACK TO YOUR CRIB? ZEKE: OF COURSE. 381 00:20:37,540 --> 00:20:39,847 ZEKE: WHAT ARE YOUR LEGS? STEEL SPRINGS. 382 00:20:39,890 --> 00:20:43,024 HOW FAST CAN YOU RUN? FAST AS A LEOPARD. GALIPOLI. 383 00:20:43,067 --> 00:20:44,678 -MM. -UM, UM... 384 00:20:46,506 --> 00:20:48,464 UM... 385 00:20:48,508 --> 00:20:51,075 GEORGE, GEORGE, GEORGE, GEORGE, GEORGE, 386 00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:53,426 IT'S MICHAEL DORSEY, YOUR FAVORITE CLIENT. 387 00:20:54,514 --> 00:20:58,039 -GEORGE OF THE JUNGLE? -NO. 388 00:20:58,082 --> 00:20:59,997 -TOOTSIE! -[SIGHS] 389 00:21:00,041 --> 00:21:02,565 -OKAY, YOU GO. -WHAT? I AMUSE YOU? 390 00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:05,699 THAT'S SO EASY. GOODFELLAS. 391 00:21:07,178 --> 00:21:09,529 HEY, HEY. HEY, WAIT. 392 00:21:10,791 --> 00:21:14,055 CAN'T WE JUST TAKE IT SLOW? 393 00:21:14,098 --> 00:21:16,492 WE CAN DEFINITELY TAKE IT SLOW, BABY. 394 00:21:18,494 --> 00:21:22,846 SO SHE WANTED ME PRETTY BADLY, BUT I THOUGHT IT'D BE BEST TO TAKE IT SLOW. 395 00:21:22,890 --> 00:21:25,196 MAN, I KNEW IT. 396 00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:28,939 SEE? IF HE NAILED HER, THEN SHE'D BE LIKE ALL THE REST. NOTHING SPECIAL. 397 00:21:28,983 --> 00:21:31,899 BUT SINCE HE DIDN'T FUCK HER, HE CARES. 398 00:21:31,942 --> 00:21:34,815 BUT I NEVER GET LAID, AND I NEVER CARE ABOUT MOST OF MY SCAMS. 399 00:21:34,858 --> 00:21:36,860 -THAT'S BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T FUCKED AND LOST YET. -MM-HMM. 400 00:21:36,904 --> 00:21:39,428 YOU KNOW, ONCE A CHICK PLAYS YOU FOR NOTHING MORE THAN A DICK, 401 00:21:39,472 --> 00:21:42,301 YOU WILL TOUGHEN UP, AND YOU WILL BE ABLE TO FUCK AND FORGET JUST LIKE THAT. 402 00:21:42,344 --> 00:21:45,086 YEAH, A CHICK'S GOTTA TEASE THE DICK IN ORDER TO BE TEASED. 403 00:21:45,129 --> 00:21:48,263 YEAH, AND AFTER A DICK TEASE, YOU'LL BE WORKING WITH AN UN-TEASEABLE DICK. 404 00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:50,004 -NOTHING'S PENETRATING THAT THING. -YEAH. 405 00:21:50,047 --> 00:21:54,225 YOU GOTTA FALL OFF THE BIKE IN ORDER TO GET BACK ON. 406 00:21:54,269 --> 00:21:56,315 SO, I'VE GOTTA BE FUCKED AND SPIT ON. 407 00:21:56,358 --> 00:21:58,795 BEFORE I CAN HAVE FEELINGS FOR A GIRL BY NOT FUCKING HER? 408 00:21:58,839 --> 00:22:00,580 [MUNCHING] 409 00:22:00,623 --> 00:22:02,625 -YEAH. -MM-HMM, YEAH. 410 00:22:02,669 --> 00:22:04,758 -I GET IT NOW. -THANKS. 411 00:22:04,801 --> 00:22:07,848 -YO, DUDE, YOU'RE UP. WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT? -HMM? 412 00:22:07,891 --> 00:22:10,416 -WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND? -NOTHING. 413 00:22:10,459 --> 00:22:13,027 IT'S JUST, UH, 414 00:22:13,070 --> 00:22:15,856 I THINK I MAY HAVE MET SOMEBODY THIS WEEKEND THAT I ACTUALLY LIKE TOO. 415 00:22:15,899 --> 00:22:18,162 NO! DUDE. 416 00:22:18,206 --> 00:22:19,599 [ TECHNOMUSIC] 417 00:22:28,521 --> 00:22:29,870 [GIGGLING] OH! 418 00:22:31,001 --> 00:22:32,568 [MOANING] 419 00:22:33,482 --> 00:22:35,354 OH, MY GOD! 420 00:22:36,180 --> 00:22:38,357 UNBELIEVABLE! 421 00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:40,402 I THINK I'M GETTING A WOOD. 422 00:22:40,446 --> 00:22:44,450 WHAT IS IT ABOUT TWO CHICKS GRINDING THAT TURNS ME ON? 423 00:22:44,493 --> 00:22:47,278 THIS LESBIAN FAD IS AWESOME! 424 00:22:47,322 --> 00:22:49,411 OH. 425 00:22:49,455 --> 00:22:52,545 OH. HOLY BALLS. WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT? 426 00:22:56,331 --> 00:22:57,680 SHIT. 427 00:23:03,338 --> 00:23:06,689 -HI. -HI. [ECHOING] 428 00:23:06,733 --> 00:23:09,823 THIS CHICK WAS SO HOT. OKAY? SHE HAD THE WHOLE PACKAGE. 429 00:23:09,866 --> 00:23:11,825 -SHE HAD A COCK? -[LAUGHING] 430 00:23:13,087 --> 00:23:16,090 YEAH, SHE HAD A DICK, DUDE. 431 00:23:16,133 --> 00:23:17,961 COME ON, NO. SHE HAD THE WHOLE PACKAGE. 432 00:23:18,005 --> 00:23:19,833 I MEAN, THIS IS THE KIND OF GIRL I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR. 433 00:23:19,876 --> 00:23:22,531 AND SHE WAS DIGGING YOUR SHIT? 434 00:23:22,575 --> 00:23:24,185 OF COURSE SHE WAS DIGGING MY SHIT. 435 00:23:24,228 --> 00:23:27,144 -DID YOU STUFF HER? -NO, MAN. 436 00:23:27,188 --> 00:23:30,539 I'M KINDA LIKE YOU, ZEKE. I THINK I REALLY LIKE THIS GIRL. 437 00:23:30,583 --> 00:23:34,456 SHE WAS MORE INTERESTED IN STOCK OPTIONS AND BONDS AND STUFF LIKE THAT. 438 00:23:34,500 --> 00:23:37,633 -IT SOUNDS LIKE SHE WAS INTERESTED IN YOUR WALLET. -IT WASN'T LIKE THAT AT ALL. 439 00:23:37,677 --> 00:23:40,070 I THINK SHE REALLY CARED ABOUT ME, WHAT I WAS ALL ABOUT. 440 00:23:40,114 --> 00:23:41,463 THAT'S SO GREAT. 441 00:23:41,507 --> 00:23:44,684 -ALL RIGHT, SO, THESE ARE THE REVENUES. -MM-HMM. 442 00:23:46,163 --> 00:23:49,428 -THESE ARE THE EARNINGS. -EXACTLY. 443 00:23:49,471 --> 00:23:51,734 THAT MAKES SENSE. 444 00:23:51,778 --> 00:23:54,041 MOST CHICKS I DATE COULDN'T GIVE TWO SHITS ABOUT WHAT I DO. 445 00:23:54,084 --> 00:23:57,305 ALL THEY REALLY WANT IS SOME NICE DINNER AT SOME TRENDY RESTAURANT... 446 00:23:57,348 --> 00:23:59,655 AND A NICE HARD COCK AT THE END OF THE NIGHT. 447 00:23:59,699 --> 00:24:01,483 THEY DON'T CARE WHAT'S IMPORTANT TO ME. 448 00:24:01,527 --> 00:24:03,616 -MM. -MM. 449 00:24:03,659 --> 00:24:06,706 DID THIS ONE WANT THE HARD COCK TOO? 450 00:24:06,749 --> 00:24:10,579 NO, MAN, SHE WAS DIFFERENT. WE TOTALLY BONDED. 451 00:24:10,623 --> 00:24:13,887 NO, I DIDN'T EVEN WANNA SLEEP WITH HER. I COULD'VE STAYED UP ALL NIGHT AND TALKED TO HER. 452 00:24:13,930 --> 00:24:15,671 GOSH, THAT SOUNDS LIKE A LOT OF FUN. 453 00:24:15,715 --> 00:24:18,457 SO, YOU JUST TALKED ALL NIGHT? 454 00:24:18,500 --> 00:24:20,197 NO. SHE SMOKED ME. 455 00:24:20,241 --> 00:24:22,417 [LAUGHING] 456 00:24:22,461 --> 00:24:24,332 BUT I COULD'VE TALKED ALL NIGHT. 457 00:24:24,375 --> 00:24:27,030 WAS SHE GOOD? 458 00:24:27,074 --> 00:24:29,293 -I JUST TOLD YOU I DIDN'T FUCK HER. -NO, NO, I MEANT, 459 00:24:29,337 --> 00:24:32,862 -W-WAS SHE GOOD AT SMOKING POLE? -FUCKING HORNY BASTARD. 460 00:24:32,906 --> 00:24:36,605 WELL, SHE WAS ALL RIGHT. SHE'S NOT GONNA WIN ANY MEDALS, 461 00:24:36,649 --> 00:24:39,173 SO SHE AIN'T NO HANNA? 462 00:24:39,216 --> 00:24:41,871 ALL: OH, SHIT! 463 00:24:41,915 --> 00:24:45,135 -WAIT A SECOND. WHO'S HANNA? -MY GOD, I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT HER. 464 00:24:45,179 --> 00:24:48,138 ZEKE: DUDE, YOU REMEMBER HANNA. "HOOVER" HANNA. 465 00:24:48,182 --> 00:24:50,750 SHE GAVE BRAD THE FIVE-HOUR BLOW JOB. 466 00:24:50,793 --> 00:24:52,969 -BULLSHIT. NO FUCKING WAY. -MM-HMM. 467 00:24:53,013 --> 00:24:56,190 THAT CHICK COULD SUCK A TAXI DRIVER THROUGH IMMIGRATION. 468 00:24:56,233 --> 00:25:00,150 AFTER ABOUT THREE HOURS, I WAS GETTING SO HUNGRY, I CALLED MR. PIZZA. 469 00:25:00,194 --> 00:25:02,936 DUDE CAME INTO MY ROOM AS HOOVER WAS GUMMING MY KNOB. 470 00:25:02,979 --> 00:25:05,678 [MOANING] SHE NEVER KNEW HE WAS THERE. 471 00:25:05,721 --> 00:25:08,332 HOW DID YOU LAST FOR FIVE HOURS? 472 00:25:08,376 --> 00:25:12,902 BRO, I WAS SO BOOZED UP AND TABBED UP AND HAD PROBABLY 27 BONG LOADS ON TOP OF THAT. 473 00:25:12,946 --> 00:25:15,949 THERE WAS NO WAY I WAS GONNA NUT. I WAS JUST FORTUNATE 474 00:25:15,992 --> 00:25:18,473 MY WOOD DIDN'T GO SOUTH 475 00:25:18,517 --> 00:25:21,128 PLUS, SHE KINDA REMINDED ME OF MY SISTER. I COULDN'T GET INTO IT. 476 00:25:21,171 --> 00:25:23,652 -[BOTH GROANING] -ENOUGH ABOUT ME. 477 00:25:23,696 --> 00:25:27,090 IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO BORE US WITH ANOTHER SPANK FEST. WHAT WAS HER NAME THIS WEEK? 478 00:25:27,134 --> 00:25:29,266 -VASELINA? -[LAUGHING] 479 00:25:29,310 --> 00:25:32,443 NO, MAN, THIS WEEK WAS DIFFERENT. 480 00:25:32,487 --> 00:25:36,665 I WAS AT THE NEWSSTAND, RIGHT, PICKING UP SOME READING MATERIAL FOR THE BATHROOM, 481 00:25:36,709 --> 00:25:38,841 -WHEN, OUTTA NOWHERE... -[BOTH GRUNTING] 482 00:25:40,539 --> 00:25:41,714 I'M SORRY. 483 00:25:45,369 --> 00:25:47,894 -I'LL GET IT. -UH, NO, NO. OH. 484 00:25:56,555 --> 00:25:58,861 -ARE YOU OKAY? -YEAH. 485 00:26:02,648 --> 00:26:06,173 DO YOU WANT ME TO PUT THESE BACK IN YOUR BAG FOR YOU? 486 00:26:06,216 --> 00:26:07,130 OKAY. 487 00:26:19,142 --> 00:26:22,102 WE SPENT THE REST OF THE DAY TALKING, OVER COFFEE. 488 00:26:22,145 --> 00:26:24,365 ZEKE: THAT'S THE MOST EMBARRASSING SHIT I'VE EVER HEARD. 489 00:26:24,408 --> 00:26:27,498 -MAN, THAT SUCKS. -NO, BUT, BUT, THAT'S THE BEST PART. 490 00:26:27,542 --> 00:26:30,501 I MEAN, SHE KNOWS I BEAT OFF CONSTANTLY. SHE DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT. 491 00:26:30,545 --> 00:26:32,547 -WHAT? -[CHUCKLING] 492 00:26:32,591 --> 00:26:35,594 WHAT'S MORE PERSONAL THAN THAT? 493 00:26:35,637 --> 00:26:38,814 I MEAN, AFTER KNOWING THAT, 494 00:26:38,858 --> 00:26:40,773 WE COULD TALK ABOUT ANYTHING. 495 00:26:40,816 --> 00:26:42,601 IT'S LIKE THERE'S NOTHING TO HIDE. 496 00:26:42,644 --> 00:26:44,298 ONCE A DAY. THAT'S IT? 497 00:26:45,691 --> 00:26:48,084 YEAH. WELL, ISN'T THAT ENOUGH? 498 00:26:49,825 --> 00:26:52,306 [STAMMERING] WELL... 499 00:26:52,349 --> 00:26:54,961 ONCE A DAY, THERE'S LIKE A FOUNDATION, AND THEN, 500 00:26:55,004 --> 00:26:57,354 UM, 501 00:26:57,398 --> 00:27:00,227 LIKE, DEFINITELY AT NIGHT BEFORE I GO TO SLEEP, ALWAYS. IT HELPS ME GO TO SLEEP. 502 00:27:00,270 --> 00:27:02,011 -ME TOO. -REALLY? 503 00:27:02,055 --> 00:27:03,752 -YES! -THAT'S SO COOL. 504 00:27:03,796 --> 00:27:06,712 YEAH, EXCEPT SOMETIMES I'M JUST TOO TIRED TO FINISH, YOU KNOW? 505 00:27:06,755 --> 00:27:09,802 I JUST BORE MYSELF. [LAUGHING] 506 00:27:11,804 --> 00:27:13,066 [SLURPPING] 507 00:27:14,807 --> 00:27:17,200 MY EX-BOYFRIEND WAS ACTUALLY REALLY INTO... 508 00:27:18,811 --> 00:27:20,247 VIDEOTAPING ME WHILE I... 509 00:27:22,597 --> 00:27:24,599 REALLY? 510 00:27:24,643 --> 00:27:28,037 AND THEN WHILE HE WAS VIDEOTAPING, HE WOULD ALSO BE... 511 00:27:28,081 --> 00:27:31,171 -TO HIMSELF. -REALLY? 512 00:27:31,214 --> 00:27:33,869 -AND YOU WOULD WATCH? -YEAH. 513 00:27:36,263 --> 00:27:39,875 WHILE HE... DID YOU, DID YOU LIKE IT? 514 00:27:40,789 --> 00:27:41,834 UH, YEAH. 515 00:27:43,705 --> 00:27:45,402 WOW! 516 00:27:45,446 --> 00:27:47,535 ♪ DON'T KISS AND DON'T TELL 517 00:27:47,578 --> 00:27:49,711 [HORN BLOWING] 518 00:27:49,755 --> 00:27:52,540 ♪ YOU'RE GONNA GET YOURSELF IN TROUBLE ♪ 519 00:27:52,583 --> 00:27:56,152 -YOU ARE ONE LUCKY BASTARD. -[LAUGHING] 520 00:27:56,196 --> 00:27:58,067 CONGRATULATIONS, LITTLE STROKER. 521 00:27:58,111 --> 00:28:00,940 -FOR THE FIRST TIME YOU FINALLY SCORED BIG. -[LAUGHING] 522 00:28:00,983 --> 00:28:05,248 -HE'S EARNING HIS STRIPES. -THANKS. THAT MEANS A LOT COMING FROM YOU GUYS. 523 00:28:05,292 --> 00:28:07,250 -SO, UH, DID YOU? -NO, NO, NO. 524 00:28:07,294 --> 00:28:11,037 NO, I DIDN'T FUCK HER, BUT I HAVE A DATE WITH HER. THIS WEEK. 525 00:28:11,951 --> 00:28:14,431 AND, 526 00:28:14,475 --> 00:28:18,174 -SHE ASKED ME TO BRING THE VIDEO CAMERA. -NICE! 527 00:28:18,218 --> 00:28:20,829 DUDE, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU GOTTA DO? YOU GOTTA SHOW UP 528 00:28:20,873 --> 00:28:23,702 AT HER APARTMENT WITH SOME WINE AND FLOWERS AND SHIT. 529 00:28:23,745 --> 00:28:27,662 -WITH THE VIDEO CAMERA. -OF COURSE WITH THE VIDEO CAMERA, YEAH. 530 00:28:27,706 --> 00:28:30,621 -WHY ARE YOU FEEDING HIM THAT BULLSHIT? -WHAT MADE YOU A FUCKING PRO? 531 00:28:30,665 --> 00:28:35,757 I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. YOU GET SOME CHEAP WINE, LIKE DUNNEWOOD, RIGHT? 532 00:28:35,801 --> 00:28:38,629 IT'S GOT A REALLY NICE LABEL, SO IT LOOKS EXPENSIVE. 533 00:28:38,673 --> 00:28:42,068 YOU COULD ALWAYS GET THE SHIT ON SALE, FOR LIKE 9.99. 534 00:28:42,111 --> 00:28:47,073 DUNNEWOOD AND SOME CHEAP ROSES. YOU'LL BE DOING THE BONE DANCE IN NO TIME. 535 00:28:47,116 --> 00:28:49,815 LIKE HE SHOULD TAKE ADVICE FROM YOU? WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT WOMEN? 536 00:28:49,858 --> 00:28:51,817 YOU'RE MARRIED, FOR CHRISSAKES! 537 00:28:51,860 --> 00:28:54,645 YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW WHAT WOMEN WANT? 538 00:28:54,689 --> 00:28:58,606 NOW THAT I AM MARRIED, I AM MUCH MORE SENSITIVE TO A WOMAN'S NEEDS. 539 00:28:58,649 --> 00:29:02,218 -WAIT, WAIT. DUNNEWOOD. -THE SHIT WORKS EVERY TIME. 540 00:29:02,262 --> 00:29:06,527 I THINK I'M GONNA WAIT A WEEK OR TWO BEFORE CALLING MY CHICK. YOU KNOW? 541 00:29:06,570 --> 00:29:09,399 GET HER ALL MOIST AND SHIT SO SHE'S BEGGING FOR MY LOVE. 542 00:29:09,443 --> 00:29:11,880 BRAD, IF YOU REALLY LIKE THIS WOMAN, YOU SHOULD CALL HER RIGHT AWAY, 543 00:29:11,924 --> 00:29:14,056 -MAKE HER FEEL SPECIAL. -PIPE IT, TOUGHY. 544 00:29:14,100 --> 00:29:16,058 -I DON'T NEED YOUR BULLSHIT ADVICE. -YEAH, SHUT THE FUCK UP. 545 00:29:16,102 --> 00:29:18,713 DUDE, HE'S RIGHT. YOU SHOULD CALL HER TONIGHT BECAUSE, 546 00:29:18,757 --> 00:29:20,671 MAYBE WE COULD ALL DO SOMETHING TOGETHER THIS WEEK. 547 00:29:20,715 --> 00:29:23,283 DON'T GET FAGGY ON ME. 548 00:29:23,326 --> 00:29:27,330 I DON'T WANT YOUR ASS RUINING MY CHANCES OF TACKLING SOME CLAM. I'M WAITING A WEEK. 549 00:29:27,374 --> 00:29:30,029 I DON'T KNOW ABOUT A WEEK. I'D TRY TO GET THE NICE-GUY DATE OUT OF THE WAY 550 00:29:30,072 --> 00:29:32,553 -AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. -WHAT? NICE-GUY DATE? 551 00:29:32,596 --> 00:29:35,208 THE ONE THAT'S JUST FILLER, SHOWS HER WHAT A NICE GUY YOU ARE. THAT WAY, 552 00:29:35,251 --> 00:29:37,079 SHE'LL LET YOU HIT IT ON THE NEXT DATE. 553 00:29:37,123 --> 00:29:39,342 HOW MANY DATES DOES IT TAKE FOR YOU TO BONE? 554 00:29:39,386 --> 00:29:42,955 WELL, IF I DON'T HIT IT ON THE FIRST, WHICH IS RARE, THEN MOST LIKELY ON THE SECOND. 555 00:29:42,998 --> 00:29:47,394 BUT, BY RULE, IF I DON'T GET IT ON THE THIRD, I'M NEVER CALLING THAT GIRL AGAIN. 556 00:29:47,437 --> 00:29:50,397 THEY'RE DEFINITELY NOT WORTH THE TIME AFTER THE THIRD. 557 00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:52,138 IT ALWAYS TAKES ME A FEW MONTHS. 558 00:29:57,491 --> 00:30:00,624 COME ON, ART BOY. LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT. WHAT'D YOU BRING TODAY, HUH? 559 00:30:00,668 --> 00:30:04,150 BRING YOUR NOTEPAD? GONNA WRITE THIS SHIT DOWN? "BRAD DREAMS." 560 00:30:04,193 --> 00:30:07,762 "BRAD'S GOT GAME." YOU TRYING TO GET A PIECE OF ME? 561 00:30:07,806 --> 00:30:10,591 -PASS THE BALL. -I'M READY. FUCKING BRING IT. -ARE YOU READY? 562 00:30:10,634 --> 00:30:11,853 ALL RIGHT, BRING IT IN! 563 00:30:11,897 --> 00:30:13,724 WHY DON'T YOU PAY ATTENTION? 564 00:30:13,768 --> 00:30:16,205 I AM PAYING ATTENTION! 565 00:30:16,249 --> 00:30:19,861 ♪ SAY OOH, LA, LA, SASSOON COME ON, COME ON 566 00:30:19,905 --> 00:30:23,386 ♪ SAY OOH, LA, LA, SASSOON COME ON, COME ON 567 00:30:23,430 --> 00:30:27,521 ♪ SAY OOH, LA, LA, SASSOON COME ON, COME ON 568 00:30:27,564 --> 00:30:31,351 ♪ SAY OOH, LA, LA, SASSOON COME ON, COME ON 569 00:30:31,394 --> 00:30:35,181 ♪ SAY OOH, LA, LA, SASSOON COME ON, COME ON 570 00:30:35,224 --> 00:30:38,967 ♪ SAY OOH, LA, LA, SASSOON COME ON, COME ON 571 00:30:39,011 --> 00:30:43,102 ♪ SAY OOH, LA, LA, SASSOON COME ON, COME ON 572 00:30:43,145 --> 00:30:46,279 ♪ SAY OOH, LA, LA, SASSOON COME ON, COME ON # ♪ 573 00:30:46,322 --> 00:30:50,109 LATE LAST NIGHT, I COULDN'T GET TO SLEEP 'CAUSE LORAINE WAS IN THE BED, 574 00:30:50,152 --> 00:30:54,548 SO I SNUCK DOWN TO THE DEN, AND I ORDERED SOME PAY-PER-VIEW PORN. 575 00:30:54,591 --> 00:30:58,378 WHY? THAT'S JUST TERRIBLE. IT'S USELESS. THEY DON'T SHOW PENETRATION. 576 00:30:58,421 --> 00:31:00,989 I COULDN'T BELIEVE THE SIZE OF THEIR BREASTS ON SOME OF THESE WOMEN. 577 00:31:01,033 --> 00:31:03,252 THEY WERE LIKE HUGE. 578 00:31:03,296 --> 00:31:07,169 -THEY WERE FAKE! -YEAH, KNUCKLE DICK, THOSE FUN BAGS AREN'T REAL. 579 00:31:07,213 --> 00:31:09,693 WOW! YEAH, THOSE LOVE PILLOWS... 580 00:31:09,737 --> 00:31:13,001 JUST PROPPED UP, STRAIGHT, POINTING NORTH LIKE THAT... NEVER SOUTH, ALWAYS NORTH. 581 00:31:25,579 --> 00:31:26,710 [MOANING] 582 00:31:30,497 --> 00:31:33,979 SOMETIMES WHEN I GET HOME FROM THE GYM, I'VE DONE A FEW SETS OF BUTTERFLIES. 583 00:31:34,022 --> 00:31:36,938 I'M ALL PUMPED UP, I LOOK IN THE MIRROR, AND GO, 584 00:31:36,982 --> 00:31:40,594 "I'VE GOT A NICE RACK. I'D FUCK ME." WHOO! 585 00:31:40,637 --> 00:31:42,291 [CHUCKLING] 586 00:31:42,335 --> 00:31:44,293 KINDA LIKE THAT PSYCHO IN SILENCE OF THE LAMBS. 587 00:31:44,337 --> 00:31:46,730 EXACTLY, EXCEPT I DON'T DO THE DICK TUCK. 588 00:31:46,774 --> 00:31:49,124 -[ALL LAUGHING] -[SQUEAKING] 589 00:31:49,168 --> 00:31:52,998 I USED TO DO THE TUCK FOR LORAINE, YOU KNOW, JUST TO SPICE UP THE SEX LIFE. 590 00:31:53,041 --> 00:31:55,652 -YOU KNOW, KEEP THE BEDROOM HOT AND SHIT. -WHAT? 591 00:31:55,696 --> 00:31:59,308 YOU DID THE TUCK FOR LORAINE? WELL, SHE STARTED TALKING ABOUT BRINGING HOME A WOMAN 592 00:31:59,352 --> 00:32:02,746 -AND, LIKE, THREESOMES AND SHIT LIKE THAT. -DUDE, THAT'S AWESOME. 593 00:32:08,274 --> 00:32:09,928 Mmm. 594 00:32:12,104 --> 00:32:13,888 OH, MASTER, OH, MASTER. 595 00:32:15,063 --> 00:32:17,674 HIYA! 596 00:32:17,718 --> 00:32:19,459 SO ANYWAY, SHE WOULDN'T LET THIS GO, 597 00:32:19,502 --> 00:32:23,071 AND THAT'S WHEN I REALIZED SHE HAS THIS PSEUDO-LESBIAN CRAVING. 598 00:32:23,115 --> 00:32:25,769 WHAT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? LORAINE? 599 00:32:25,813 --> 00:32:27,858 NO, SHE WOULDN'T LET IT GO. YOU KNOW? 600 00:32:27,902 --> 00:32:31,210 SO INSTEAD OF BRINGING BACK ANOTHER CHICK, SOMETIMES I JUST, 601 00:32:31,253 --> 00:32:34,604 I DO THE TUCK, TALK IN A HIGH VOICE LIKE THIS, AND SHIT, LIKE THIS. 602 00:32:34,648 --> 00:32:37,956 TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME. 603 00:32:37,999 --> 00:32:39,566 [GROANING] 604 00:32:47,922 --> 00:32:50,098 MM, BRAD. 605 00:32:50,142 --> 00:32:53,362 [MOANING] MM, BRAD. 606 00:32:53,406 --> 00:32:56,278 I TRIED THE TUCK A COUPLE TIMES, BUT, I DON'T KNOW, 607 00:32:56,322 --> 00:33:00,195 IT REALLY KINDA HURTS MY PENIS. 608 00:33:00,239 --> 00:33:03,416 -YOU'RE NOT DOING IT RIGHT. -SO IS THIS SHIT STILL GOING ON? 609 00:33:03,459 --> 00:33:05,592 YOU'RE STILL UNSTRAPPING ONE FOR LORAINE? 610 00:33:05,635 --> 00:33:09,552 NO, DUDE, THAT WAS JUST A PHASE. NOW SHE'S IN A BOOK GROUP. 611 00:33:09,596 --> 00:33:12,425 -YOU KNOW WHAT? I GOTTA GO. -WHERE DO YOU GOTTA GO? 612 00:33:12,468 --> 00:33:14,905 I GOTTA MAKE A PHONE CALL. BRAD, DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR CELL? 613 00:33:14,949 --> 00:33:18,170 -WHAT, YOU CALLING YOUR HO? -WHAT? OF COURSE NOT. I MEAN... 614 00:33:22,522 --> 00:33:24,219 IT FUCKING SUCKS. 615 00:33:53,205 --> 00:33:55,946 THERE ARE CERTAIN WORDS I DON'T LIKE TO USE. 616 00:33:57,774 --> 00:34:00,342 I DON'T LIKE "MASTURBATION," 617 00:34:00,386 --> 00:34:03,650 OR, OR "JERKING OFF," 618 00:34:03,693 --> 00:34:06,957 OR, OR "SPANKING." 619 00:34:07,001 --> 00:34:09,699 I THINK THOSE WORDS ARE, THEY SOUND VULGAR. 620 00:34:09,743 --> 00:34:13,703 "STURBING" IS THE WORD I USE. UM, STURBING. UM, 621 00:34:13,747 --> 00:34:16,793 UM, I'M COMFORTABLE WITH STURBING. 622 00:34:18,839 --> 00:34:21,581 ♪ HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY HEY, MIA 623 00:34:24,062 --> 00:34:26,934 ♪ YOU'RE MY CUP OF 624 00:34:26,977 --> 00:34:30,938 ♪ TEA...A 625 00:34:30,981 --> 00:34:35,508 [CHUCKLES] SOMETIMES, I...I SIT ON MY HAND, YOU KNOW, AND... 626 00:34:35,551 --> 00:34:40,295 I SIT ON IT FOR A REALLY LONG TIME UNTIL IT FALLS ASLEEP, 627 00:34:40,339 --> 00:34:45,692 AND THEN, ONCE IT'S ASLEEP, I, YOU KNOW, I STURB WITH IT, LIKE THIS, 628 00:34:45,735 --> 00:34:49,304 SO IT FEELS LIKE...LIKE SOMEBODY ELSE IS DOING IT TO ME. 629 00:34:50,697 --> 00:34:52,177 I CALL IT THE "STRANGER." 630 00:34:52,220 --> 00:34:53,352 ♪ MIA 631 00:34:55,180 --> 00:34:57,269 ♪ WE CAN TAKE A TRIP 632 00:34:58,357 --> 00:35:02,752 ♪ ACROSS THE SEA, YEAH YEAH ♪ 633 00:35:02,796 --> 00:35:03,884 [CONTINUES PLAYING GUITAR] 634 00:35:03,927 --> 00:35:06,191 ♪ HEY, MIA, YEAH, YEAH 635 00:35:07,975 --> 00:35:10,412 [RINGING] 636 00:35:13,937 --> 00:35:16,636 YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL, MIA. NO, THAT'S NO GOOD. 637 00:35:16,679 --> 00:35:21,293 UM, YOU LOOK WONDERFUL. [SCOFFS] 638 00:35:22,207 --> 00:35:24,339 UH, YOU LOOK AMAZING. 639 00:35:27,386 --> 00:35:29,997 WHAT THE HELL? HELLO? 640 00:35:30,040 --> 00:35:31,738 [RINGING] 641 00:35:31,781 --> 00:35:32,913 [BUZZING] 642 00:35:37,570 --> 00:35:40,138 YOU LOOK AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL. 643 00:35:40,181 --> 00:35:42,662 SHIT. THAT'S SO BAD. 644 00:35:42,705 --> 00:35:45,578 -UM, OKAY. -[MUFFLED SHOUTING] 645 00:35:45,621 --> 00:35:49,625 YOU LOOK... YOU LOOK STUNNING. 646 00:35:49,669 --> 00:35:51,758 [MUFFLED SHOUTING CONTINUES] 647 00:35:51,801 --> 00:35:55,327 MIA? MIA? 648 00:35:55,370 --> 00:35:57,024 -[DISHES CLATTERING] -SHIT! 649 00:35:57,067 --> 00:35:58,330 WOMAN: LET GO! LET GO! 650 00:35:59,983 --> 00:36:01,898 JONATHAN: HOLY SHIT. -[WOMAN SCREAMING] 651 00:36:02,769 --> 00:36:05,163 IN HERE! [SHOUTING] 652 00:36:05,206 --> 00:36:08,209 -[SHOUTING, INDISTINCT] -STOP THAT! 653 00:36:08,253 --> 00:36:11,169 GET OFF. GET OFF. 654 00:36:11,212 --> 00:36:12,344 FUCKING COCKSUCKER! 655 00:36:13,345 --> 00:36:14,824 WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON HERE? 656 00:36:18,088 --> 00:36:19,568 -HEY, WAIT! -WHAT? 657 00:36:19,612 --> 00:36:21,353 I AM GONNA KICK YOUR ASS 658 00:36:21,396 --> 00:36:23,268 IF YOU DON'T TELL ME WHY THE FUCK YOU'RE HERE. 659 00:36:23,311 --> 00:36:25,400 -WHAT IS GOING ON? -I HAVE A DATE WITH MIA. 660 00:36:29,056 --> 00:36:32,233 -FUCK YOU. I'M DATING MIA. -WOULD YOU GET THE HELL OFF ME? 661 00:36:32,277 --> 00:36:34,801 YOU GUYS ALL KNOW EACH OTHER? 662 00:36:34,844 --> 00:36:38,326 -YOU GUYS HAVE KNOWN EACH OTHER SINCE COLLEGE? -MM-HMM. 663 00:36:38,370 --> 00:36:41,329 -AND YOU'RE BEST FRIENDS? -YEAH. 664 00:36:41,373 --> 00:36:45,290 FOR REAL? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? 665 00:36:45,333 --> 00:36:49,076 I MEAN, IT'S NEW YORK CITY. WHAT ARE THE ODDS OF THAT? 666 00:36:49,119 --> 00:36:50,860 APPARENTLY, PRETTY HIGH. 667 00:36:52,253 --> 00:36:55,169 -SORRY. -I'M SORRY TOO. 668 00:36:57,650 --> 00:36:59,652 I MEAN, I REALLY LIKE YOU GUYS, ALL OF YOU. 669 00:37:02,785 --> 00:37:04,309 WHAT'S WITH THE DUNNEWOOD? 670 00:37:07,181 --> 00:37:09,705 ANYWAY, IN AN IDEAL WORLD, I GUESS THAT... 671 00:37:11,403 --> 00:37:13,448 I WANNA KEEP SEEING ALL OF YOU. 672 00:37:13,492 --> 00:37:15,972 BUT I UNDERSTAND THAT THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE. 673 00:37:16,016 --> 00:37:16,973 SO, 674 00:37:18,714 --> 00:37:19,715 IF YOU GUYS WANNA TAKE OFF, 675 00:37:20,890 --> 00:37:23,806 I UNDERSTAND. 676 00:37:23,850 --> 00:37:28,420 OKAY. [CLEARS THROAT] IT WAS FUN WHILE IT LASTED. 677 00:37:34,991 --> 00:37:37,342 [STAMMERING] 678 00:37:37,385 --> 00:37:38,734 -BYE. -BYE, JOHN. 679 00:37:41,215 --> 00:37:43,826 -COME ON, ZEKE, LET'S GO. -I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE. 680 00:37:43,870 --> 00:37:47,047 [CHUCKLING] WHAT? 681 00:37:47,090 --> 00:37:49,397 -I'M STAYING. -COME ON, ZEKE. 682 00:37:50,877 --> 00:37:53,401 FUCK THAT! IF YOU WANNA GO, GO. 683 00:37:53,445 --> 00:37:56,230 [CHUCKLING] COME ON, MAN, DON'T BE A DICK. 684 00:37:56,274 --> 00:37:58,972 YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. I ACTUALLY LIKE HER. 685 00:38:00,452 --> 00:38:02,410 MIA AND I HAVE A CONNECTION. 686 00:38:08,721 --> 00:38:11,463 WAIT. WE HAVE A CONNECTION, TOO, RIGHT? 687 00:38:17,164 --> 00:38:20,950 -I'M STAYING. [CHUCKLING] -[CHUCKLING] WHAT? 688 00:38:20,994 --> 00:38:24,563 -I'M STAYING. -OH, MY GOD. YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME. 689 00:38:30,308 --> 00:38:34,877 OKAY. OKAY. IF YOU'RE CONNECTED, 690 00:38:34,921 --> 00:38:39,578 AND IF YOU'RE CONNECTED, [SIGHS] I'M CONNECTED TOO. 691 00:38:42,798 --> 00:38:44,234 YOU'RE SURE YOU'RE OKAY WITH THIS? 692 00:38:46,193 --> 00:38:48,413 OH, YEAH. IT'S NOT A PROBLEM. 693 00:38:48,456 --> 00:38:53,026 BACK OFF! SHE'S MINE! BOTH OF YOU HAVE TOTALLY FUCKING DICKED ME OVER. 694 00:38:53,069 --> 00:38:56,116 -FUCK THAT. YOU DICKED ME. -YOU KNOW? 695 00:38:56,159 --> 00:38:58,379 I'M THE ONLY ONE THAT'S EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE HERE, 696 00:38:58,423 --> 00:39:01,469 AND I THINK IT'S REALLY FUNNY THAT BOTH OF YOU DECIDED TO SURPRISE HER... 697 00:39:01,513 --> 00:39:04,646 ON THE ONE DAY THAT I HAD A DATE WITH HER, AND WE WERE GONNA USE THE VIDEO CAMERA. 698 00:39:06,561 --> 00:39:08,607 I'M NOT BACKING OFF. 699 00:39:08,650 --> 00:39:11,958 IF MIA WANTS TO SEE ALL OF US, THEN YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT. 700 00:39:12,001 --> 00:39:16,484 OH, FUCK YOU! WHO GIVES A SHIT WHAT YOU THINK? 701 00:39:16,528 --> 00:39:19,444 YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M REALLY TIRED OF THE WAY YOU TALK TO ME. 702 00:39:21,533 --> 00:39:23,535 FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING... 703 00:39:23,578 --> 00:39:25,885 -FUCK YOU. -HEY, HEY, EASY, EASY. CHILL. 704 00:39:25,928 --> 00:39:28,844 -I'M GONNA KICK HIS ASS. -WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? KUNG-FU CHOP ME TO DEATH? 705 00:39:28,888 --> 00:39:31,673 -HIYA, KARATE BOY. -HEY, CHILL. 706 00:39:31,717 --> 00:39:35,068 -CRANE POSITION, DANIEL SAN. -WHAT THE FUCK... 707 00:39:35,111 --> 00:39:37,810 FIRST OF ALL, IT'S JUJITSU, FAGGOT. SECOND OF ALL, 708 00:39:37,853 --> 00:39:41,640 -I DON'T NEED TO KNOW SHIT TO KICK YOUR LAME ASS. -YEAH, I'M SO SCARED. 709 00:39:41,683 --> 00:39:43,468 IF YOU DON'T SHUT THE FUCK UP, I'M GONNA MOVE. 710 00:39:46,035 --> 00:39:49,561 YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK THIS SHIT. YOU'RE BOTH ASSHOLES. 711 00:39:49,604 --> 00:39:51,084 I'M OUTTA HERE. 712 00:39:54,217 --> 00:39:56,437 ASSHOLES. 713 00:39:56,481 --> 00:39:58,613 WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE SUCH A DICK? 714 00:39:58,657 --> 00:40:00,659 ASSHOLE. 715 00:40:00,702 --> 00:40:02,748 DICK. 716 00:40:02,791 --> 00:40:04,706 ♪ BA, BA-BA-BA BA-BA, BA-BA-BA 717 00:40:12,410 --> 00:40:15,891 ♪ I'M SLEEPING AND RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF A GOOD DREAM 718 00:40:15,935 --> 00:40:18,546 ♪ I CALL OUT ONCE I WAKE UP 719 00:40:18,590 --> 00:40:22,028 ♪ FROM SOMETHING THAT KEEPS KNOCKING AT MY BRAIN 720 00:40:22,071 --> 00:40:26,554 ♪ BEFORE I GO INSANE I HOLD MY PILLOW TO MY HEAD 721 00:40:26,598 --> 00:40:31,037 ♪ AND SPRING UP IN MY BED SCREAMING OUT THE WORDS I DREAD 722 00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:34,823 ♪ I THINK I LOVE YOU I THINK I LOVE YOU ♪ 723 00:40:34,867 --> 00:40:40,176 [ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS] HEY, IT'S MIA. PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE. 724 00:40:40,220 --> 00:40:43,441 HELLO, MIA. HOW YOU DOING, SWEETIE? IT'S BRAD. 725 00:40:43,484 --> 00:40:45,704 I HAVE TWO TICKETS TO THE KNICKS GAME TONIGHT. 726 00:40:45,747 --> 00:40:47,488 I WANTED TO SEE IF YOU WANTED TO GO. 727 00:40:47,532 --> 00:40:50,535 ♪ AND NEVER TALKED ABOUT IT 728 00:40:50,578 --> 00:40:52,885 ♪ AND DID NOT GO AND SHOUT IT 729 00:40:52,928 --> 00:40:56,889 ♪ WHEN YOU WALKED INTO THE ROOM I THINK I LOVE YOU ♪ 730 00:41:00,545 --> 00:41:04,462 [MACHINE BEEPS] HI, IT'S JONATHAN. HOW ARE YOU? 731 00:41:04,505 --> 00:41:08,291 I'M CALLING TO SAY HEY AND SEE IF MAYBE, 732 00:41:08,335 --> 00:41:11,164 I DON'T KNOW, YOU WANNA DO SOMETHING LATER. 733 00:41:11,207 --> 00:41:16,343 ♪ I THINK I LOVE YOU ISN'T THAT WHAT LIFE IS MADE OF 734 00:41:16,386 --> 00:41:21,522 ♪ THOUGH IT WORRIES ME TO SAY THAT I NEVER FELT THIS WAY 735 00:41:21,566 --> 00:41:24,830 ♪ HEY! I THINK I LOVE YOU ♪ 736 00:41:24,873 --> 00:41:27,615 [MACHINE BEEPS] HEY, MIA, IT'S ZEKE. WHERE ARE YOU, BABY? 737 00:41:27,659 --> 00:41:30,966 I WANNA HANG OUT WITH YOU. WE COULD DO SOMETHING, REALLY GET CLOSE. 738 00:41:31,010 --> 00:41:32,141 CALL ME. 739 00:41:34,404 --> 00:41:38,931 ♪ I THINK I LOVE YOU, ISN'T THAT WHAT LIFE IS MADE OF ♪ 740 00:41:38,974 --> 00:41:42,151 I LIKE TO WALK INTO A PLACE, CHECK OUT THE VIBES, 741 00:41:42,195 --> 00:41:45,328 SEE WHAT KIND OF SIGNALS I'M GETTING ON THE WOOD METER, LOOK-AWAYS, THAT KIND OF SHIT. 742 00:41:45,372 --> 00:41:48,288 A "LOOK-AWAY"? THAT'S WHEN A GIRL LOOKS AT YOU, 743 00:41:48,331 --> 00:41:50,246 AND SHE INSTANTLY LOOKS AWAY. 744 00:41:50,290 --> 00:41:53,772 THAT IS A SOLID GREEN LIGHT. 745 00:41:53,815 --> 00:41:56,252 LOOK AWAY. LOOK AWAY. 746 00:41:56,296 --> 00:41:59,038 THAT'S LIKE YOU'VE HIT A HOME RUN, YOU HAVEN'T EVEN HAD TO PICK UP A BAT. 747 00:41:59,081 --> 00:42:01,736 LIKE MOST SCAMMERS THAT I'M AWARE OF, 748 00:42:01,780 --> 00:42:04,957 I'M NOT THAT COMFORTABLE WITH OTHER MEN. 749 00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:08,569 I HAVE A VERY STRONG AFFINITY FOR THE SOCIETY OF WOMEN. 750 00:42:08,613 --> 00:42:12,181 I KNEW IT'D JUST BE A MATTER OF TIME FOR YOU TO GET 751 00:42:12,225 --> 00:42:14,662 WHAT'D YOU SEE IN THOSE DICKS ANYWAY? 752 00:42:14,706 --> 00:42:17,012 DICKS? I THOUGHT THEY WERE YOUR FRIENDS. 753 00:42:17,056 --> 00:42:19,537 YOUR FRIENDS DON'T TRY AND GET ON YOUR GIRLFRIEND. 754 00:42:22,496 --> 00:42:24,542 EXCUSE ME. 755 00:42:33,202 --> 00:42:35,204 MIA, 756 00:42:35,248 --> 00:42:36,945 I KNOW WE HAVEN'T BEEN TOGETHER FOR THAT LONG, 757 00:42:39,557 --> 00:42:41,994 BUT I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU, 758 00:42:42,037 --> 00:42:45,345 I HAVEN'T HAD THAT MANY SPECIAL RELATIONSHIPS WITH GIRLS. 759 00:42:45,388 --> 00:42:46,781 I MEAN, WOMEN. 760 00:42:49,697 --> 00:42:53,701 AND, IT MIGHT NOT SEEM LIKE A BIG DEAL TO YOU, 761 00:42:53,745 --> 00:42:59,228 BUT I JUST FEEL LIKE I CAN TALK TO YOU ABOUT JUST ABOUT ANYTHING. 762 00:43:01,100 --> 00:43:03,015 IT MEANS A LOT TO ME. 763 00:43:03,058 --> 00:43:04,799 I NEVER THOUGHT I'D BE ABLE TO SAY THAT. 764 00:43:07,367 --> 00:43:09,674 THAT'S WHAT I LOVE ABOUT YOU, ZEKE. 765 00:43:09,717 --> 00:43:15,418 YOU HAVE THIS WHOLE COOL, LADY'S MAN EXTERIOR, 766 00:43:15,462 --> 00:43:17,551 BUT INSIDE YOU'RE JUST A BIG DORK. 767 00:43:18,378 --> 00:43:20,032 -HMM? -IN A GOOD WAY. 768 00:43:27,648 --> 00:43:29,302 HOW DO YOU KNOW ME SO WELL? 769 00:43:30,564 --> 00:43:33,045 I JUST... DO. 770 00:43:38,964 --> 00:43:41,053 [MOANING] 771 00:43:41,096 --> 00:43:43,359 [MOANING CONTINUES] 772 00:43:48,582 --> 00:43:50,366 [SIGHING] 773 00:43:50,410 --> 00:43:52,455 [SIGHS] 774 00:43:55,154 --> 00:43:59,985 -THAT WAS AWESOME. -THANKS. PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT. 775 00:44:00,028 --> 00:44:04,163 -[BOTH LAUGHING] -LOOK. 776 00:44:04,206 --> 00:44:08,210 I KNOW I JOKE AROUND A LOT, MIA, BUT... 777 00:44:08,254 --> 00:44:11,170 I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I AM TOTALLY SERIOUS... 778 00:44:13,128 --> 00:44:18,046 WHEN I SAY THAT YOU ARE THE COOLEST THING IN MY LIFE. 779 00:44:21,746 --> 00:44:23,965 I HAVE NEVER MET ANYONE LIKE YOU BEFORE. 780 00:44:25,663 --> 00:44:27,055 SO WHAT'S NEXT? 781 00:44:29,449 --> 00:44:32,017 NO, NO. I MEANT WITH US. 782 00:44:32,060 --> 00:44:36,238 OH! OH, I DON'T KNOW. 783 00:44:36,282 --> 00:44:38,763 I'VE NEVER BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP... 784 00:44:38,806 --> 00:44:40,895 LIKE THIS BEFORE. 785 00:44:40,939 --> 00:44:44,159 YOU'LL BE MY LITTLE STUDENT. 786 00:44:44,203 --> 00:44:47,989 [LAUGHING] AND YOU CAN SPANK ME WHEN I'M BAD AND SHIT. 787 00:44:48,033 --> 00:44:49,861 -MM-HMM. -[LAUGHING] 788 00:44:51,863 --> 00:44:53,952 [MIA MOANING] 789 00:44:56,650 --> 00:44:58,957 OH, GOD. 790 00:45:02,569 --> 00:45:04,876 [GIGGLING] WOW! 791 00:45:05,920 --> 00:45:07,182 THAT WAS AMAZING. 792 00:45:08,793 --> 00:45:11,360 [SIGHS] 793 00:45:11,404 --> 00:45:14,189 -I WANNA SHOW YOU SOMETHING. -OKAY. 794 00:45:28,551 --> 00:45:30,553 THESE ARE GREAT. 795 00:45:37,865 --> 00:45:39,911 [GIGGLING] THESE ARE REALLY... 796 00:45:41,086 --> 00:45:43,349 THESE ARE GREAT. 797 00:45:43,392 --> 00:45:46,134 THE GUYS THINK I LOOK LIKE A FAG IN THAT PICTURE. 798 00:45:46,178 --> 00:45:48,397 WELL, WHAT DO THEY KNOW? THEY'RE JUST JEALOUS. 799 00:45:53,576 --> 00:45:56,231 YOU'RE REALLY DIFFERENT FROM THEM, YOU KNOW, JONATHAN. 800 00:45:56,275 --> 00:45:59,669 YOU'RE A LOT MORE GENUINE, 801 00:45:59,713 --> 00:46:03,456 AND THESE PAST FEW WEEKS WITH YOU HAVE BEEN REALLY SPECIAL. 802 00:46:06,894 --> 00:46:10,768 THE PAST FEW WEEKS WITH ME AND ZEKE AND BRAD. 803 00:46:12,204 --> 00:46:13,292 NO... 804 00:46:14,554 --> 00:46:17,687 DUMMY. THE PAST FEW WEEKS WITH YOU. 805 00:46:24,738 --> 00:46:26,522 I WAS REALLY CONFUSED BEFORE, 806 00:46:27,828 --> 00:46:29,177 BUT I'M NOT ANYMORE. 807 00:46:36,881 --> 00:46:38,186 [URINATING] 808 00:46:39,797 --> 00:46:41,146 [SIGHING] 809 00:46:48,675 --> 00:46:49,937 [STOPS] 810 00:46:53,375 --> 00:46:55,464 -[RESUMES] -OOH. 811 00:46:58,163 --> 00:46:59,991 [STOPS] 812 00:47:18,923 --> 00:47:20,446 YEAH. 813 00:47:24,798 --> 00:47:25,930 [SIGHS] 814 00:47:38,507 --> 00:47:39,813 WHOA. 815 00:47:50,128 --> 00:47:53,696 JONATHAN! COME ON, WE'RE LATE. 816 00:47:54,697 --> 00:47:57,178 -I'LL BE RIGHT OUT. -OKAY. 817 00:47:58,788 --> 00:48:00,355 [WHIRRING] 818 00:48:04,316 --> 00:48:08,146 WOW, FIVE SPEEDS. [GASPS] 819 00:48:16,371 --> 00:48:17,459 OH, HO. 820 00:48:18,504 --> 00:48:20,593 OH. AH. 821 00:48:27,992 --> 00:48:32,300 ♪ KARMA, KARMA, KARMA KARMA, KARMA, CHAMELEON 822 00:48:32,344 --> 00:48:36,130 ♪ YOU COME AND GO YOU COME AND GO 823 00:48:38,393 --> 00:48:42,484 ♪ LOVING WOULD BE EASY IF YOUR COLORS WERE LIKE MY DREAMS 824 00:48:42,528 --> 00:48:45,052 ♪ RED, GOLD AND GREEN 825 00:48:45,096 --> 00:48:47,098 HONEY, COME ON! WE GOTTA GO! 826 00:48:51,667 --> 00:48:52,755 SHIT. 827 00:48:55,106 --> 00:48:56,542 SHIT. 828 00:48:56,585 --> 00:48:58,848 -WHAT? -OH, NOTHING. 829 00:49:00,067 --> 00:49:02,504 [GROANING] ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE OKAY? 830 00:49:02,548 --> 00:49:04,245 I'M FINE. JUST A SECOND. 831 00:49:05,203 --> 00:49:06,334 OH. 832 00:49:07,770 --> 00:49:09,859 [SNIFFING] EWW! 833 00:49:17,041 --> 00:49:18,216 EWW! 834 00:49:19,434 --> 00:49:21,306 [GROANING] OKAY. 835 00:49:22,785 --> 00:49:26,702 -[GROANING] -UM... 836 00:49:26,746 --> 00:49:30,924 SWEETHEART, IF...IF YOU NEED IT, THERE'S SOME PEPTO ABOVE THE SINK IN THE CABINET. 837 00:49:30,968 --> 00:49:33,753 COME ON, COME ON. FUCK. 838 00:49:33,796 --> 00:49:37,104 COME ON. COME ON. [GRUNTING] 839 00:49:37,148 --> 00:49:39,802 -IT'S NOT COMING OUT. -ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE OKAY? 840 00:49:39,846 --> 00:49:44,590 -YOU SOUND PRETTY BAD. -NO, I'M... I'M FINE. 841 00:49:44,633 --> 00:49:46,984 -HONEY, I'M COMING IN. -NO, WAIT! NO! 842 00:49:50,074 --> 00:49:51,597 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 843 00:49:51,640 --> 00:49:53,512 I WAS JUST WASHING MY HANDS, MY HAIR. 844 00:49:53,555 --> 00:49:56,297 I WAS FEELING DIRTY. WE... WE HAVE TO GO. 845 00:49:56,341 --> 00:49:59,039 -WAIT. WHAT IS THAT? [SNIFFING] -W...WHAT? 846 00:49:59,083 --> 00:50:01,694 -[HUMMING] -I HEAR A HUMMING. 847 00:50:01,737 --> 00:50:06,177 -OH, I DON'T HEAR ANYTHING. -WHY ARE YOU SO WET? YOU SMELL LIKE A TOILET. 848 00:50:15,795 --> 00:50:19,581 ERIC: IT'S GREAT TO HAVE THE BOYS BACK TOGETHER AGAIN. 849 00:50:19,625 --> 00:50:23,063 -ACTUALLY, I WAS STARTING TO MISS YOU GUYS. -FUCK YOU. 850 00:50:23,107 --> 00:50:26,458 ERIC: TO THINK THAT I ACTUALLY CARED. 851 00:50:26,501 --> 00:50:29,852 LOOK, GUYS, CAN WE JUST PUT EVERYTHING BEHIND US AND MOVE ON? 852 00:50:29,896 --> 00:50:34,161 -LET'S JUST FORGET ABOUT ALL THE BULLSHIT. -OKAY WITH ME. 853 00:50:35,902 --> 00:50:38,209 -FINE. -GOOD. LET'S ORDER. 854 00:50:38,252 --> 00:50:40,211 HEY, HEY. WHOOP. OKAY. 855 00:50:42,778 --> 00:50:45,651 SO, UM, 856 00:50:45,694 --> 00:50:48,306 DID ANYONE READ THE BLOW JOB ARTICLE IN COSMOTHIS MONTH? 857 00:50:50,482 --> 00:50:52,832 -WHAT? -WHY THE FUCK YOU READING COSMO? 858 00:50:52,875 --> 00:50:55,922 MY WIFE KEEPS IT NEAR THE BATHTUB. 859 00:50:55,965 --> 00:50:58,011 GOD, THANK GOD, I AM NOT MARRIED. 860 00:50:58,055 --> 00:51:02,102 NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. THIS MAGAZINE'S FOR WOMEN AND SHIT. 861 00:51:02,146 --> 00:51:07,107 IT...IT HAS, LIKE, ALL THESE TIPS ON HOW TO PLEASE YOUR MAN. 862 00:51:07,151 --> 00:51:08,891 OH, I GET IT NOW. 863 00:51:08,935 --> 00:51:12,460 SO YOU READ THIS SHIT SO YOU CAN LEARN HOW TO PLEASE YOUR MAN. 864 00:51:12,504 --> 00:51:15,768 OH, THAT IS FUNNY, BUT NO, NO, DUDE. 865 00:51:15,811 --> 00:51:19,076 WHAT I'M SAYING IS THAT IT'S WRITTEN BY WOMEN. 866 00:51:19,119 --> 00:51:22,862 IT SAYS THINGS LIKE, OKAY, ONE OUT OF EVERY THREE MEN... 867 00:51:22,905 --> 00:51:25,256 HAS LATENT HOMOEROTIC FANTASIES. 868 00:51:31,523 --> 00:51:33,786 -WHAT? -ANYWAY, SO, 869 00:51:33,829 --> 00:51:38,007 THIS ARTICLE SAYS THAT CHICKS SHOULD MAKE THEIR BOYFRIENDS... 870 00:51:38,051 --> 00:51:40,706 DRINK APPLE JUICE BEFORE THEY GIVE HEAD. 871 00:51:40,749 --> 00:51:43,056 THEY SAY IT MAKES THE TASTE BETTER. 872 00:51:43,100 --> 00:51:48,366 THEREFORE, THEY WOULD WANT TO GIVE MORE HEAD IN THE FUTURE. 873 00:51:49,628 --> 00:51:52,021 -REALLY? -THAT SHIT'S BULLSHIT. 874 00:51:52,065 --> 00:51:54,850 WHY YOU WASTING OUR TIME WITH THIS CRAP? 875 00:51:54,894 --> 00:51:57,114 IT'S BETTER THAN TALKING ABOUT THAT WHACKED HO, MIA. 876 00:51:59,725 --> 00:52:03,163 OH, MAN, SHE'S GOT YOU ALL WHIPPED! 877 00:52:04,817 --> 00:52:06,601 [IMITATING WHIP CRACKING] 878 00:52:08,516 --> 00:52:12,085 -EXCUSE ME. -YEAH, WHO'S WHIPPED? 879 00:52:12,129 --> 00:52:15,871 SHE'S GOT YOU SO MUFF-SPELLED, SHE'S FUCKING RIDING YOUR ASSES INTO THE GROUND. 880 00:52:15,915 --> 00:52:18,961 WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS ASSHOLE? 881 00:52:19,005 --> 00:52:22,313 MIA'S NOT RIDING ME ANYWHERE. SHE JUST REALIZED WHO MR. RIGHT WAS. 882 00:52:22,356 --> 00:52:25,229 -YEAH, ME! -THAT'S A GOOD ONE, ZEKE. 883 00:52:25,272 --> 00:52:30,451 ACTUALLY SHE ONLY WANTS TO SEE ME NOW... EXCLUSIVELY, IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY HEARD. 884 00:52:30,495 --> 00:52:33,150 I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT. YOU SEE, MIA AND I ARE IN LOVE. 885 00:52:33,193 --> 00:52:35,804 OH, DREAM ON, PUSSY! 886 00:52:35,848 --> 00:52:39,199 ARE YOU BOTH THAT WHACKED YOU DON'T REALIZE SHE THINKS YOU'RE BOTH LOSERS? 887 00:52:39,243 --> 00:52:41,593 SHE WANTS ME, THE "Z." 888 00:52:41,636 --> 00:52:46,467 MY GOD. YOU TALK SO MUCH SHIT, YOU'RE ACTUALLY STARTING TO BELIEVE IT. 889 00:52:46,511 --> 00:52:48,295 COME ON, SHE'S JUST A GIRL. 890 00:52:48,339 --> 00:52:51,037 I THOUGHT BOTH OF YOU GUYS KNEW SHE DIDN'T WANT TO SEE YOU ANYMORE 891 00:52:51,080 --> 00:52:53,170 OH, AND LIKE SHE WANTS TO SEE YOU? 892 00:52:53,213 --> 00:52:56,042 THE ONLY REASON I SHOWED UP TODAY 'CAUSE I FIGURED YOU TWO IGNORANT DICKHEADS... 893 00:52:56,085 --> 00:52:58,218 FINALLY GOT THE MESSAGE AND BACKED OFF. 894 00:52:58,262 --> 00:53:00,829 -WHATEVER, ZEKE. -DON'T "WHATEVER" ME, COCK BOY. 895 00:53:00,873 --> 00:53:04,224 HEY, COME ON, COME ON, THERE'S OTHER PEOPLE HERE. PULL THAT, TAKE IT OUTSIDE. 896 00:53:04,268 --> 00:53:06,835 I'LL FUCKING TAKE IT OUTSIDE, AWAY FROM YOU TWO DICKS. 897 00:53:07,880 --> 00:53:09,360 BUNCH OF FUCKING PRICKS. 898 00:53:09,403 --> 00:53:11,144 SHE WANTS ME, ASSHOLE. 899 00:53:12,276 --> 00:53:14,408 YOU REMEMBER THAT, TOO, FUCKO. 900 00:53:14,452 --> 00:53:17,977 YEAH? SHOULD I REMIND HER OF THAT BEFORE OR AFTER I PULL OUT? 901 00:53:18,020 --> 00:53:21,372 -[GASPS] -FUCK YOU, YOU LITTLE PUFF. 902 00:53:23,200 --> 00:53:25,941 DICK! 903 00:53:25,985 --> 00:53:28,422 WHY DON'T YOU GO HOME AND SNAP ONE OUT, YOU TOSS-OFF! 904 00:53:28,466 --> 00:53:30,032 FUCK YOU TOO! 905 00:53:30,946 --> 00:53:34,298 -OH, MY GOSH. -SORRY. 906 00:53:34,341 --> 00:53:38,693 DON'T WORRY. AND BESIDES, IT'S NOT APPLE JUICE. 907 00:53:38,737 --> 00:53:40,129 IT'S PINEAPPLE. 908 00:53:42,175 --> 00:53:44,177 THAT'S IT. FORGET IT. 909 00:53:58,278 --> 00:53:59,671 [RINGING] 910 00:54:02,239 --> 00:54:06,330 -HELLO? -UH, YEAH, HI. MY NAME'S ERIC, 911 00:54:06,373 --> 00:54:12,553 AND I'M A FRIEND OF ZEKE, BRAD AND JONATHAN'S. 912 00:54:12,597 --> 00:54:18,472 -YEAH? -UH, YEAH, UH, I JUST, UH, CAME TO TALK ABOUT, UH... 913 00:54:20,039 --> 00:54:21,693 WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO MY FRIENDS. 914 00:54:24,522 --> 00:54:27,220 WELL, MOST OF IT IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS, 915 00:54:27,264 --> 00:54:32,269 BUT YOU'RE COMPLETELY MESSING WITH THEIR HEADS. 916 00:54:33,531 --> 00:54:36,011 AND I JUST WANNA KNOW... 917 00:54:36,055 --> 00:54:40,277 HOW IT IS THAT YOU CAN RESPECT YOURSELF... 918 00:54:40,320 --> 00:54:41,539 DOING... 919 00:54:42,583 --> 00:54:44,150 WHAT IT IS... 920 00:54:44,193 --> 00:54:49,242 -THAT YOU DO. -WHAT EXACTLY IS IT THAT I DO? 921 00:54:49,286 --> 00:54:53,899 YOU...YOU'RE SEEING ALL OF MY FRIENDS... AT THE SAME TIME. 922 00:54:53,942 --> 00:54:55,988 YOU'RE LIKE FUCKING ALL THREE OF THEM. 923 00:54:58,643 --> 00:55:00,906 IS THIS DUNNEWOOD? 924 00:55:00,949 --> 00:55:03,430 FIRST OF ALL, I DON'T SEE HOW THIS IS ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS. 925 00:55:03,474 --> 00:55:07,347 SECOND OF ALL, YOU ACT LIKE I'M DOING THIS ON PURPOSE. 926 00:55:07,391 --> 00:55:11,569 YOU THINK I ENJOY PUTTING MYSELF AND YOUR FRIENDS THROUGH THIS? 927 00:55:11,612 --> 00:55:14,876 WELL, THEN WHY DON'T YOU JUST... CHOOSE ONE OF THEM? 928 00:55:17,488 --> 00:55:19,925 LOOK, I REALLY... 929 00:55:19,968 --> 00:55:23,842 I REALLY LIKE YOUR FRIENDS. 930 00:55:23,885 --> 00:55:28,977 HAVEN'T YOU EVER MET A WOMAN WHO'S SO SPECIAL THAT YOU DIDN'T WANT TO LOSE HER? 931 00:55:29,021 --> 00:55:30,675 OH, WELL, NO. I'M MARRIED SO... 932 00:55:31,850 --> 00:55:33,591 SO... THEN YOU HAVE. 933 00:55:34,592 --> 00:55:36,376 OH! YEAH. 934 00:55:36,420 --> 00:55:39,379 RIGHT, RIGHT. YEAH. 935 00:55:39,423 --> 00:55:42,077 WELL, SO HAVE I. 936 00:55:42,121 --> 00:55:44,863 EXCEPT, INSTEAD OF ONE PERSON, I MET THREE. 937 00:55:44,906 --> 00:55:49,084 I'M JUST ASKING YOU TO STOP SEEING THEM. 938 00:55:51,130 --> 00:55:52,392 WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH? 939 00:55:53,480 --> 00:55:54,525 BECAUSE! 940 00:55:57,528 --> 00:55:58,877 BECAUSE WHY? 941 00:55:58,920 --> 00:56:00,008 BECAUSE! 942 00:56:01,532 --> 00:56:02,924 UH... 943 00:56:02,968 --> 00:56:04,056 YOU GOTTA UNDERSTAND... 944 00:56:06,624 --> 00:56:08,756 I'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR TWO YEARS. 945 00:56:09,714 --> 00:56:11,803 TWO LONG FUCKIN' YEARS! 946 00:56:11,846 --> 00:56:14,632 I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW WHAT THAT'S LIKE HAVING TO SPEND... 947 00:56:14,675 --> 00:56:18,157 EVERY FRICKIN' DAY WITH THE SAME WOMAN. 948 00:56:18,200 --> 00:56:23,075 BUT THE ONLY THING I HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO IS SUNDAYS WITH THE GUYS. 949 00:56:23,118 --> 00:56:25,991 AND NOW THAT YOU'VE COME ALONG... 950 00:56:29,647 --> 00:56:32,780 YOU'RE RUINING ME. 951 00:56:32,824 --> 00:56:35,348 YOU'VE TAKEN AWAY... THE ONE THING I HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO, 952 00:56:35,392 --> 00:56:37,568 AND NOW I'M FUCKED! 953 00:56:40,092 --> 00:56:42,399 I GOT NO OUTLETS. 954 00:56:45,227 --> 00:56:47,186 [CLEARS THROAT] 955 00:56:47,229 --> 00:56:49,667 WELL, ERIC... 956 00:56:49,710 --> 00:56:51,712 -IS IT ERIC? -MM-HMM. 957 00:56:53,235 --> 00:56:54,323 I UNDERSTAND. 958 00:56:55,586 --> 00:56:59,416 AND I WILL TAKE CARE OF IT. 959 00:56:59,459 --> 00:57:00,547 OKAY? 960 00:57:04,246 --> 00:57:06,553 MALE SINGER: ♪ THERE'S JUST NOT ENOUGH 961 00:57:06,597 --> 00:57:08,686 ♪ MMM, OH BABY 962 00:57:10,165 --> 00:57:13,691 ♪ DARLING MY DARLING, I 963 00:57:15,301 --> 00:57:17,434 ♪ CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF YOUR LOVE, BABE 964 00:57:20,437 --> 00:57:22,874 ♪ GIRL, I DON'T KNOW I DON'T KNOW WHY ♪ 965 00:57:22,917 --> 00:57:24,832 CALL ME ANYTIME, OKAY? 966 00:57:24,876 --> 00:57:26,617 ♪ CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF YOUR LOVE, BABE 967 00:57:28,923 --> 00:57:31,317 ♪ THERE ARE SOME THINGS I CAN'T GET USED TO 968 00:57:32,536 --> 00:57:34,712 ♪ NO MATTER HOW I TRY 969 00:57:37,236 --> 00:57:40,108 ♪ IT'S LIKE THE MORE YOU GIVE THE MORE I WANT 970 00:57:41,327 --> 00:57:43,982 ♪ AND, BABY, THAT'S NO LIE 971 00:57:44,025 --> 00:57:47,681 ♪ OH, NO, BABE, TELL ME 972 00:57:47,725 --> 00:57:51,729 ♪ WHAT CAN I SAY WHAT AM I GONNA DO 973 00:57:51,772 --> 00:57:55,689 ♪ HOW SHOULD I FEEL WHEN EVERYTHING IS YOU 974 00:57:55,733 --> 00:58:00,302 ♪ WHAT KIND OF LOVE IS THIS THAT YOU'RE GIVING ME ♪ 975 00:58:00,346 --> 00:58:03,610 LOOK AT THIS ONE. NICE. HOT. 976 00:58:03,654 --> 00:58:06,613 OH, HOO! THERE'S ONE FOR YOU RIGHT OVER THERE. 977 00:58:06,657 --> 00:58:09,181 YOU KNOW A GIRL LIKE THAT DOES SQUATS. 978 00:58:09,224 --> 00:58:11,400 GOD, I LOVE THIS. 979 00:58:13,490 --> 00:58:16,754 ♪ I SCREAM YOUR NAME LOOK WHAT YOU GOT ME DOIN' 980 00:58:16,797 --> 00:58:18,016 ♪ DARLING, I 981 00:58:20,105 --> 00:58:22,281 ♪ I CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF YOUR LOVE, BABE 982 00:58:25,197 --> 00:58:28,548 ♪ GIRL, I DON'T KNOW I DON'T KNOW I DON'T KNOW WHY 983 00:58:28,592 --> 00:58:30,507 ♪ I CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF YOUR LOVE ♪ 984 00:58:32,726 --> 00:58:38,210 I FIND IT AMAZING THAT MEN SEEM TO GO FOREVER WITHOUT BUYING TOILET PAPER. 985 00:58:38,253 --> 00:58:42,257 -WHAT DO YOU MEAN? -I MEAN FOR US, IT'S LIKE AN ESSENTIAL. 986 00:58:42,301 --> 00:58:45,870 BUT MEN, THEY'LL USE ANYTHING. TISSUE, PAPER TOWELS. 987 00:58:47,698 --> 00:58:49,743 NEWSPAPER. 988 00:58:49,787 --> 00:58:53,747 -SHEETS. -[CHUCKLES] SHEETS? 989 00:58:53,791 --> 00:58:55,532 THAT'S A GOOD ONE. HEY, HONEY. 990 00:58:56,968 --> 00:59:00,058 OHHH! MAN, THIS PLACE SUCKS! 991 00:59:00,101 --> 00:59:02,364 DON'T HAVE MY ROUGH RIDERS? ALL RIGHT. 992 00:59:03,540 --> 00:59:04,889 I THINK THIS'LL DO. 993 00:59:07,239 --> 00:59:11,591 HONEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T THINK THOSE ARE THE RIGHT ONES. 994 00:59:12,940 --> 00:59:16,770 HONEY, LET GO. 995 00:59:16,814 --> 00:59:20,034 DON'T YOU THINK THESE WOULD ACTUALLY BE MORE COMFORTABLE? 996 00:59:20,078 --> 00:59:23,081 -WHAT? -FOR ME. 997 00:59:23,124 --> 00:59:25,997 -I MEANT MORE COMFORTABLE FOR ME. "FOR HER PLEASURE." -WHAT'RE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 998 00:59:26,040 --> 00:59:27,868 EXCUSE ME. 999 00:59:35,267 --> 00:59:37,051 WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT? 1000 00:59:39,314 --> 00:59:41,403 COME ON, BABY, IT'S THE MOTION OF THE OCEAN. 1001 00:59:44,755 --> 00:59:47,627 ERIC: I DIDN'T EXPECT TO SEE YOU AROUND FOR A WHILE. 1002 00:59:47,671 --> 00:59:49,368 TO WHAT DO I OWE THE PLEASURE? 1003 00:59:51,544 --> 00:59:53,851 WELL, SEEING AS HOW YOU'RE MARRIED AND ALL, 1004 00:59:53,894 --> 00:59:55,330 I WAS JUST WONDERING, 1005 00:59:57,681 --> 01:00:00,771 WHAT'S IT LIKE TO SETTLE DOWN WITH A WOMAN? 1006 01:00:00,814 --> 01:00:04,775 I MEAN, DOES YOUR LIFE STOP OR WHAT? 1007 01:00:04,818 --> 01:00:07,952 NO, NO. DON'T GET ME WRONG. I'M NOT SAYING I WANNA DO THIS NOW. 1008 01:00:07,995 --> 01:00:12,217 IT'S JUST... I'M INTERESTED IN YOUR THOUGHTS ABOUT LIVE-IN CHICKS AND SHIT. 1009 01:00:12,260 --> 01:00:15,176 [SIGHS] WAIT A SECOND. 1010 01:00:15,220 --> 01:00:17,788 YOU'RE NOT THINKING ABOUT SHACKING UP WITH THAT HO, ARE YOU? 1011 01:00:17,831 --> 01:00:20,529 DUDE, OF COURSE... DON'T BE A DICK. OF COURSE NOT. 1012 01:00:20,573 --> 01:00:22,575 I'M JUST, [CLEARS THROAT] 1013 01:00:22,619 --> 01:00:23,881 YOU KNOW, CURIOUS. 1014 01:00:24,838 --> 01:00:27,580 WELL, AH, 1015 01:00:27,624 --> 01:00:31,105 WHEN YOU DO DECIDE TO LIVE WITH A CHICK, BASICALLY EVERYTHING CHANGES. 1016 01:00:33,804 --> 01:00:37,808 THE KEY TO SURVIVAL IS REMEMBER ONE THING: 1017 01:00:37,851 --> 01:00:42,595 THAT'S THAT YOUR LIFE NOW BELONGS TO SOMEONE ELSE. 1018 01:00:42,639 --> 01:00:47,295 BASICALLY YOU'LL NOTICE THINGS ABOUT YOUR DAILY ROUTINE THAT START TO CHANGE. 1019 01:00:47,339 --> 01:00:50,603 FOR INSTANCE, THE TOILET SEAT SHIT, IT IS A BIG ONE. 1020 01:00:50,647 --> 01:00:54,476 YOU HAVE GOT TO REMEMBER TO PUT THAT SHIT DOWN, OR YOU'RE FUCKED. 1021 01:00:54,520 --> 01:00:57,218 LORAINE ALMOST LEFT ME BECAUSE I FORGOT THAT SHIT. 1022 01:00:57,262 --> 01:01:00,569 OH, AND YOU GOTTA REMEMBER TO FLUSH. 1023 01:01:00,613 --> 01:01:02,789 IF YOU LEAVE A FLOATER IN THERE, YOU'RE A DEAD MAN! 1024 01:01:05,487 --> 01:01:09,404 OH, AND YOU... YOU GOTTA GO EASY ON THE GAS. 1025 01:01:09,448 --> 01:01:13,800 I USED TO GIVE LORAINE THE "DUTCH OVEN" LIKE EVERY NIGHT. 1026 01:01:13,844 --> 01:01:18,631 THEN SHE STARTED SLIPPING LAXATIVES INTO MY DINNER AT NIGHT FOR REVENGE, 1027 01:01:18,675 --> 01:01:23,549 AND I ALMOST SHIT OUT MY COLON. 1028 01:01:23,592 --> 01:01:29,294 BUT, YOU KNOW, I CHANGED MY DIET AFTER THAT, YOU KNOW, FOR LORAINE. 1029 01:01:29,337 --> 01:01:31,078 I ACTUALLY FEEL A LOT BETTER BECAUSE OF IT. 1030 01:01:33,037 --> 01:01:35,735 BUT, ALL IN ALL, LIVING WITH LORAINE, 1031 01:01:35,779 --> 01:01:37,563 SHARING EVERYTHING, 1032 01:01:39,391 --> 01:01:41,567 HAS GOT ITS ADVANTAGES AND ITS DISADVANTAGES. 1033 01:01:43,177 --> 01:01:45,005 IS THAT KINDA WHAT YOU WANTED TO HEAR? 1034 01:01:45,963 --> 01:01:48,574 YEAH, MAN. YEAH. 1035 01:01:49,662 --> 01:01:51,011 THANKS A LOT. 1036 01:01:55,494 --> 01:01:57,409 BRAD: WE USED TO HAVE THIS CREDO, 1037 01:01:57,452 --> 01:01:58,758 "BROS BEFORE HOS, 1038 01:01:59,977 --> 01:02:02,719 "PALS BEFORE GALS." 1039 01:02:02,762 --> 01:02:05,765 DON'T GET ME WRONG. I DEFINITELY BELIEVE... 1040 01:02:05,809 --> 01:02:08,637 IN THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE AND FAMILY. 1041 01:02:09,856 --> 01:02:10,944 IT'S JUST THAT... 1042 01:02:12,685 --> 01:02:14,905 UNTIL I FIND THE ONE, 1043 01:02:14,948 --> 01:02:17,734 I DON'T SEE ANYTHING WRONG WITH CHALKING UP AS MANY POINTS AS POSSIBLE. 1044 01:02:18,996 --> 01:02:22,216 WHEN I'M NOT CLOSING DEALS, I'M CLOSING DEALS! 1045 01:02:32,357 --> 01:02:34,098 WHAT THE FUCK'S GOIN' ON HERE? 1046 01:02:35,621 --> 01:02:37,188 WHY ARE YOU ASSHOLES HERE? 1047 01:02:38,798 --> 01:02:41,801 FUCK YOU. I WAS INVITED. 1048 01:02:41,845 --> 01:02:44,804 -WHERE'S MIA? -WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOIN' HERE? 1049 01:02:44,848 --> 01:02:48,852 -SHE CALLED ME AND ASKED ME TO COME, DICK-SUCK. -MIA'S IN THE SHOWER. 1050 01:02:48,895 --> 01:02:54,205 -WHAT THE FUCK'S GOING ON? -I DON'T KNOW, BUT MAYBE MIA MADE HER CHOICE. 1051 01:02:54,248 --> 01:02:56,598 THEN YOU GUYS MIGHT AS WELL LEAVE NOW. 1052 01:02:56,642 --> 01:03:00,820 THIS IS AS GOOD A TIME AS ANY FOR YOU TO LEARN HOW SPECIAL OUR RELATIONSHIP REALLY IS. 1053 01:03:00,864 --> 01:03:02,430 YOU REALLY ARE WHACKED! 1054 01:03:02,474 --> 01:03:04,955 WAIT A MINUTE. 1055 01:03:04,998 --> 01:03:08,915 I'M NOT SURE, BUT IT'S DEFINITELY POSSIBLE... 1056 01:03:08,959 --> 01:03:13,093 [LAUGHS] YES, IT IS A DEFINITE POSSIBILITY. 1057 01:03:13,137 --> 01:03:15,748 I THINK I KNOW WHY SHE CALLED US ALL HERE. 1058 01:03:15,792 --> 01:03:19,665 THERE'S A GOOD CHANCE... THAT SHE CALLED US ALL HERE BECAUSE... 1059 01:03:19,708 --> 01:03:22,842 BECAUSE SHE WANTS US ALL TO DO HER... 1060 01:03:22,886 --> 01:03:24,757 TOGETHER! 1061 01:03:24,801 --> 01:03:26,672 YOU KNOW, TRIPLE-TEAM HER! 1062 01:03:26,715 --> 01:03:30,241 -SHE WANTS THE FUCKING PLAN! -YOU CAN'T LET THAT SHIT GO. 1063 01:03:30,284 --> 01:03:34,245 -THAT IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS! -IT COULD'VE BEEN HER FANTASY RIGHT FROM THE START. 1064 01:03:34,288 --> 01:03:36,682 COME ON. SHE'S BEEN SEEING ALL THREE OF US FOR A FEW WEEKS NOW. 1065 01:03:36,725 --> 01:03:39,206 IF SHE WANTED TO MAKE A CHOICE, SHE WOULD'VE DONE SO A LONG TIME AGO. 1066 01:03:39,250 --> 01:03:41,295 SHE WANTS THE PLAN! 1067 01:03:41,339 --> 01:03:45,691 SHE'S IN THE FUCKING SHOWER SOAPING HERSELF UP. 1068 01:03:45,734 --> 01:03:49,695 SHE'S CLEANING HERSELF UP BECAUSE SHE WANTS US ALL TO BONE HER. 1069 01:03:49,738 --> 01:03:53,133 -HAVE SOME FUCKING RESPECT! -MY MIA DOESN'T WANT THE PLAN. 1070 01:03:53,177 --> 01:03:55,788 I KNOW SHE WANTS TO FUCK ME, BUT NOT YOU GUYS. 1071 01:03:55,832 --> 01:03:58,008 YOUR MIA? COME ON! 1072 01:03:58,051 --> 01:04:01,489 YEAH, MY MIA. 1073 01:04:01,533 --> 01:04:04,318 GUYS, BELIEVE WHAT YOU WANT, BUT I'M BONING! 1074 01:04:06,016 --> 01:04:07,974 WHAT IS THAT? 1075 01:04:08,018 --> 01:04:11,717 THAT IS WHAT KEEPS THE CHICKS COMING BACK, MY MAN. 1076 01:04:11,760 --> 01:04:13,850 YOU'VE GOT SOME FUCKED-UP SHIT GOIN' ON! 1077 01:04:13,893 --> 01:04:15,764 AT LEAST I'VE GOT SOME SHIT GOIN' ON! 1078 01:04:17,679 --> 01:04:21,335 WHAT YOU FAG BOYS LOOKIN' AT MY DICK FOR ANYWAY? 1079 01:04:21,379 --> 01:04:24,599 LOOK, JUST PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON, OKAY? I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU GUYS. 1080 01:04:27,559 --> 01:04:30,823 -SERIOUS. -OH, WHAT NOW? 1081 01:04:36,133 --> 01:04:38,831 I MADE, UH, A DECISION ABOUT SOMETHING. 1082 01:04:40,311 --> 01:04:43,096 IT'S THE TOUGHEST DECISION I'VE EVER HAD TO MAKE. 1083 01:04:43,140 --> 01:04:48,014 I KNEW YOU'D COME OUT EVENTUALLY. IT'S OKAY. BEIN' GAY IS HIP NOW. 1084 01:04:48,058 --> 01:04:51,061 THIS IS SERIOUS. IT'S NOT A JOKE! JUST LISTEN. 1085 01:04:53,150 --> 01:04:54,891 -I LOVE MIA. -[LAUGHING] 1086 01:04:57,284 --> 01:04:59,069 -AND MIA LOVES ME. -[LAUGHING] 1087 01:05:01,549 --> 01:05:03,595 AND I THINK I'M GONNA ASK HER TO MARRY ME. 1088 01:05:03,638 --> 01:05:05,466 -ARE YOU KIDDING ME? -WHOA. 1089 01:05:05,510 --> 01:05:08,643 I KNOW THIS IS GONNA HAVE SOME EFFECT ON OUR FRIENDSHIP. 1090 01:05:08,687 --> 01:05:11,995 BUT IF YOU GUYS DON'T UNDERSTAND MY FEELINGS FOR MIA, 1091 01:05:14,649 --> 01:05:16,042 THEN YOU'RE NOT MY REAL FRIENDS. 1092 01:05:16,086 --> 01:05:20,090 [SCOFFS] FINE. FUCK YOU THEN. 1093 01:05:20,133 --> 01:05:22,701 MY GOD, MIA DOES NOT LOVE YOU. 1094 01:05:22,744 --> 01:05:26,357 JESUS, JONATHAN, YOU CAN BE SO NAIVE SOMETIMES. 1095 01:05:26,400 --> 01:05:30,491 YEAH. YOU KNOW WHAT? I COULD USE A GOOD LAUGH. WHY DON'T YOU GO IN RIGHT NOW... 1096 01:05:30,535 --> 01:05:33,016 AND ASK HER TO MARRY YOU, YOU FUCKING LOSER! 1097 01:05:33,059 --> 01:05:34,887 [SIREN WAILING] 1098 01:05:34,931 --> 01:05:37,846 -I'M GONNA KILL YOU! -HEY, HEY, HEY! JONATHAN, CHILL OUT! 1099 01:05:37,890 --> 01:05:39,500 [SHOUTING] 1100 01:05:44,549 --> 01:05:46,725 WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE? 1101 01:05:46,768 --> 01:05:48,770 WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? 1102 01:05:51,121 --> 01:05:53,210 PUT YOUR PANTS ON. 1103 01:05:53,253 --> 01:05:54,994 ARE YOU GUYS FUCKING OUT OF YOUR MINDS? 1104 01:06:02,393 --> 01:06:06,788 I WOULD SAY THAT THE ONE THING THAT YOU CAN NEVER BE PREPARED FOR... 1105 01:06:06,832 --> 01:06:08,268 WITH MARRIED LIFE... 1106 01:06:09,182 --> 01:06:11,924 IS THE SHOPPING. 1107 01:06:11,968 --> 01:06:14,361 IT ALL SEEMS TO HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH SHOPPING. 1108 01:06:14,405 --> 01:06:16,842 THERE IS ALWAYS SHOPPING TO BE DONE. 1109 01:06:16,885 --> 01:06:19,323 SOMEWHERE. SHOPPING. 1110 01:06:20,585 --> 01:06:22,804 I'VE KINDA GOTTEN INTO ANTIQUING. 1111 01:06:22,848 --> 01:06:24,806 BUT THAT'S JUST 'CAUSE THE CHICKS ARE USUALLY BETTER-LOOKING. 1112 01:06:25,677 --> 01:06:28,027 MY SPECIALTY... 1113 01:06:28,071 --> 01:06:32,031 WHEN I WAS HANGING OUT WITH THE GUYS AND SCAMMING, 1114 01:06:32,075 --> 01:06:35,600 WAS SOMETHING CALLED "JUMPING ON THE GRENADE." 1115 01:06:35,643 --> 01:06:38,081 THAT'S WHEN YOU'RE OUT WITH A GROUP OF GUYS. 1116 01:06:38,124 --> 01:06:42,650 YOU MEET WITH A GROUP OF WOMEN, OR FIND A GROUP OF WOMEN. 1117 01:06:42,694 --> 01:06:47,873 AND USUALLY ONE OF THEM IS A LITTLE LESS ATTRACTIVE. THIS IS THE GRENADE. 1118 01:06:47,916 --> 01:06:52,356 AND IT WOULD BE MY JOB TO JUMP ON THE GRENADE. 1119 01:06:52,399 --> 01:06:55,837 TO SORT OF KEEP EVERYTHING FLOWING FOR THE EVENING. 1120 01:06:55,881 --> 01:06:57,404 THAT WAS MY THING. 1121 01:06:59,232 --> 01:07:01,191 THEN I MARRIED THE GRENADE. 1122 01:07:03,802 --> 01:07:05,325 I PULLED HER PIN. 1123 01:07:10,896 --> 01:07:16,728 -SHE JUST THREW YOU GUYS OUT? -YEAH, BECAUSE TARZAN HERE THOUGHT SHE WANTED THE PLAN... 1124 01:07:16,771 --> 01:07:19,165 AND GOT NAKED. 1125 01:07:19,209 --> 01:07:22,777 HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW? ALL THE SIGNS WERE THERE. 1126 01:07:22,821 --> 01:07:26,085 -AND YOU NEVER EVEN FOUND OUT WHAT HER CHOICE WAS? -NOPE. 1127 01:07:26,129 --> 01:07:29,175 THEN FAG BOY FREAKED OUT ON US AND LEFT THE PLACE. 1128 01:07:29,219 --> 01:07:32,091 DO YOU KNOW HE'S THINKING ABOUT ASKING MIA TO MARRY HIM? 1129 01:07:32,135 --> 01:07:34,485 -NO! -YEAH. SHE'LL NEVER MARRY HIM! 1130 01:07:35,573 --> 01:07:36,704 RIGHT? 1131 01:07:36,748 --> 01:07:39,272 -OF COURSE NOT! -OF COURSE NOT. 1132 01:07:39,316 --> 01:07:41,187 ZEKE: NO WAY. 1133 01:07:41,231 --> 01:07:43,798 AHH, HERE COMES THE PRINCESS NOW. 1134 01:07:46,497 --> 01:07:48,238 ERIC: HEY, JONATHAN. BRAD: HEY, DUDE. 1135 01:07:50,283 --> 01:07:53,069 I JUST WANT YOU GUYS TO KNOW... 1136 01:07:53,112 --> 01:07:55,941 THAT I OFFICIALLY DO NOT LIKE YOU ANYMORE. 1137 01:07:55,984 --> 01:07:58,030 [SCOFFS] 1138 01:07:58,074 --> 01:08:01,207 FROM THIS MOMENT ON, WE ARE NO LONGER FRIENDS. 1139 01:08:01,251 --> 01:08:03,427 -JONATHAN? -JUST STAY OUT OF IT. OKAY? 1140 01:08:03,470 --> 01:08:05,342 THIS IS BETWEEN ME AND THEM. 1141 01:08:06,691 --> 01:08:08,084 SO I BROUGHT SOME THINGS. 1142 01:08:10,129 --> 01:08:12,827 HERE ARE YOUR KARATE VIDEOS... 1143 01:08:12,871 --> 01:08:16,962 THAT YOU LENT ME. SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO RETURN THEM, BUT I WAS BUSY. 1144 01:08:19,051 --> 01:08:20,618 YOU CAN HAVE IT BACK. 1145 01:08:20,661 --> 01:08:24,230 EVERY TIME I USE IT, I THINK OF YOU, AND IT MAKES ME UPSET. 1146 01:08:24,274 --> 01:08:25,753 DUDE, COULD I HAVE THAT? 1147 01:08:27,581 --> 01:08:29,235 -DUDE, IT'S A BONER TONER! -I'M GONNA GO. 1148 01:08:29,279 --> 01:08:33,152 WHY DON'T YOU SIT DOWN AND RELAX? SIT DOWN. 1149 01:08:33,196 --> 01:08:35,676 JONATHAN, I ORDERED YOU SOME WAFFLES AND SAUSAGE. 1150 01:08:35,720 --> 01:08:37,504 COME ON, MAN. HAVE A SEAT. 1151 01:08:39,724 --> 01:08:43,467 I'M NOT STAYING. I HAVE THINGS TO DO. 1152 01:08:43,510 --> 01:08:47,732 ARE YOU REALLY WILLING TO GIVE UP EVERYTHING WE'VE GOT FOR MIA? 1153 01:08:47,775 --> 01:08:50,517 YEAH. THAT'S HOW MUCH SHE MEANS TO ME. 1154 01:08:55,827 --> 01:08:57,524 [HUMMING] 1155 01:09:04,966 --> 01:09:06,533 OH, MY GOD! 1156 01:09:08,840 --> 01:09:10,189 WHAT THE FUCK? 1157 01:09:10,233 --> 01:09:11,625 WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? 1158 01:09:15,238 --> 01:09:17,631 JUST, UNO MOMENTO. 1159 01:09:22,941 --> 01:09:24,464 HEY, YOU GUYS! 1160 01:09:26,901 --> 01:09:29,426 UM, LOOK, I KNOW WE HAVE A LOT TO TALK ABOUT. 1161 01:09:29,469 --> 01:09:31,689 BUT I'M KINDA BUSY RIGHT NOW. 1162 01:09:31,732 --> 01:09:33,517 WHO THE FUCK ARE THEY? 1163 01:09:33,560 --> 01:09:35,388 MIA: JUST SOME GUYS I MET IN ITALY LAST SUMMER. 1164 01:09:35,432 --> 01:09:38,304 -THEY'RE VISITING ME FOR A WHILE. -VISITING? 1165 01:09:38,348 --> 01:09:41,351 YEAH. BUT I'LL CALL YOU GUYS LATER. 1166 01:09:41,394 --> 01:09:43,179 LATER IN THE WEEK. OKAY? 1167 01:09:44,310 --> 01:09:46,704 -BUT, MIA! -WHAT'S GOIN' ON HERE? 1168 01:09:48,140 --> 01:09:50,360 I'M SORRY. GOTTA GO. 1169 01:09:54,146 --> 01:09:57,497 -I'M GONNA KICK SOME SALAMI MOTHERFUCKER ASS! -CALM DOWN, MAN. 1170 01:09:57,541 --> 01:10:01,284 FUCK YOU! LET IT GO. FOR ALL YOU KNOW THEY COULD BE HER COUSINS. 1171 01:10:01,327 --> 01:10:04,330 COUSINS? GIMME A BREAK. SHE WAS TOTALLY MACKING THAT GODDAMN MEATBALL. 1172 01:10:04,374 --> 01:10:07,377 -MAYBE THEY'RE VERY CLOSE COUSINS. -WHAT? 1173 01:10:07,420 --> 01:10:10,554 -MIA? -DUDE, ONE OF THEM'S GRABBIN' HER ASS! 1174 01:10:10,597 --> 01:10:13,339 -WHERE? -DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, MAN. 1175 01:10:13,383 --> 01:10:15,820 -ALL FUCKING THREE ARE GRABBING HER ASS! -WHAT THE FUCK! 1176 01:10:15,863 --> 01:10:20,172 -MIA! MIA! -THAT WAS THE LAST TIME ANY OF US SAW OR HEARD FROM MIA. 1177 01:10:20,216 --> 01:10:22,130 SHE JUST KIND OF VANISHED. 1178 01:10:22,174 --> 01:10:24,263 I GUESS I SHOULD BE ANGRY. 1179 01:10:24,307 --> 01:10:26,918 SHE COULD'VE HAD THE BEST. ME! 1180 01:10:36,101 --> 01:10:41,106 AS FOR THE GROUP? WELL, WE TRIED TO GET BACK INTO THE GROOVE. 1181 01:10:42,281 --> 01:10:44,588 I HAVE TO TAKE A SHIT SO BAD. 1182 01:10:44,631 --> 01:10:46,894 I'M LOOKING AROUND, THERE'S NO BATHROOM, OKAY? I CAN BARELY HOLD IT IN. 1183 01:10:46,938 --> 01:10:48,983 ZEKE WAS BACK TO GETTING ROBBED ONCE A WEEK. 1184 01:10:50,594 --> 01:10:54,598 THE BASTARD WAS WATCHING. 1185 01:10:54,641 --> 01:10:57,514 ERIC WAS STILL TRYING TO FIND CREATIVE WAYS TO PORK HIS WIFE. 1186 01:10:59,037 --> 01:11:03,563 HONEY, READY OR NOT, HERE I COME. 1187 01:11:03,607 --> 01:11:06,914 -[LORAINE SCREAMS] -HE'D DO ANYTHING TO STAY PART OF THE GROUP. 1188 01:11:06,958 --> 01:11:08,612 AND JONATHAN? WELL... 1189 01:11:10,309 --> 01:11:12,268 LET'S SEE. 1190 01:11:13,181 --> 01:11:15,227 WHO WILL IT BE TONIGHT? 1191 01:11:16,446 --> 01:11:18,404 AS FOR ME... 1192 01:11:18,448 --> 01:11:22,800 DAMN! MY SISTER NEVER TOLD ME HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU WERE. 1193 01:11:22,843 --> 01:11:25,455 SHE'S GONNA GET IT WHEN SHE GETS IN FROM COLORADO. 1194 01:11:25,498 --> 01:11:28,893 COLORADO? I THOUGHT JEN LIVED IN BOSTON. 1195 01:11:28,936 --> 01:11:30,677 OH, WHATEVER. 1196 01:11:34,202 --> 01:11:36,944 BRAD: AND SOON WE FACED THE INEVITABLE: 1197 01:11:36,988 --> 01:11:38,729 OUR LITTLE TRADITION BEGAN TO DISBAND, 1198 01:11:40,339 --> 01:11:43,081 TILL FINALLY, IT WAS NO MORE. 1199 01:11:46,998 --> 01:11:51,350 JONATHAN'S VOICE: WE HAD NEVER LET ANYBODY GET BETWEEN US BEFORE. 1200 01:11:51,394 --> 01:11:53,613 I GUESS IT TOOK SOMEBODY AS SPECIAL AS MIA 1201 01:11:54,919 --> 01:11:58,836 TO OPEN OUR EYES... AND MAKE US REALIZE... 1202 01:11:58,879 --> 01:12:02,405 THAT WOMEN ARE A LOT MORE LIKE US. 1203 01:12:02,448 --> 01:12:05,495 WELL, LOT MORE LIKE ZEKE AND BRAD... 1204 01:12:06,844 --> 01:12:08,933 THAN WE EVER IMAGINED. 1205 01:12:08,976 --> 01:12:10,630 JONATHAN'S VOICE: I'M WORRIED ABOUT HER. 1206 01:12:10,674 --> 01:12:14,721 I KNOW IN MY HEART THAT SHE'S REALLY HURTING INSIDE. 1207 01:12:14,765 --> 01:12:19,335 MIA: BRAD WAS NEVER... I MEAN NEVER--FULLY HARD. -WHAT DO YOU MEAN NEVER? 1208 01:12:19,378 --> 01:12:21,424 WHY DIDN'T YOU BAIL? 1209 01:12:21,467 --> 01:12:23,556 JONATHAN'S VOICE: I JUST REALLY HOPE SHE'S OKAY. 1210 01:12:23,600 --> 01:12:25,819 IT'S A PACKAGE DEAL. EVIDENTLY NOT. 1211 01:12:28,169 --> 01:12:30,302 -SO, WHAT HAPPENED? -DID HE EVER GET IT IN? 1212 01:12:30,346 --> 01:12:32,957 MMM, SORT OF. 1213 01:12:33,000 --> 01:12:35,568 I GOTTA SAY, I KINDA FELT SORRY FOR THE GUY. 1214 01:12:35,612 --> 01:12:38,789 I MEAN, IT WAS REALLY SAD WATCHING HIM STRUGGLE. 1215 01:12:38,832 --> 01:12:40,921 HE WOULD JUST KIND OF, YOU KNOW, 1216 01:12:43,184 --> 01:12:47,624 BANG IT UP AGAINST ME... LIKE FUCKING RAIN MAN. 1217 01:12:47,667 --> 01:12:51,192 I KNOW WHAT THAT'S LIKE. IT'S LIKE FITTING A MARSHMALLOW IN A KEYHOLE. 1218 01:12:51,236 --> 01:12:53,499 -IT'S LIKE PLAYING POOL WITH A STRING. -OKAY. 1219 01:12:53,543 --> 01:12:56,894 HOW DO YOU GET A CONDOM ON LIKE THAT? 1220 01:12:56,937 --> 01:13:00,724 WHAT DOES HE NEED A CONDOM FOR? GUY NEEDS A SPLINT. 1221 01:13:00,767 --> 01:13:03,335 -YOU KNOW WHAT'S EVEN WORSE? THE GUY HAD ASS-ROT. -WHAT? 1222 01:13:03,379 --> 01:13:05,206 [WOMEN GROAN] 1223 01:13:05,250 --> 01:13:07,774 -I'M SORRY, BUT HE DID. -DISGUSTING! 1224 01:13:07,818 --> 01:13:12,257 -I'M SERIOUS. -YOU KNOW WHY? THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO WIPE. TRUE. 1225 01:13:12,300 --> 01:13:14,999 AND THEN THERE WAS ZEKE. ZEKE WAS LIKE... 1226 01:13:15,042 --> 01:13:18,306 DOWNTOWN ART BOY, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. 1227 01:13:18,350 --> 01:13:21,527 THE GUY WAS SO FUCKING CONCEITED IN BED. 1228 01:13:21,571 --> 01:13:27,141 AND THE IRONY IS... HE HAD THE SMALLEST COCK I HAVE EVER SEEN. 1229 01:13:27,185 --> 01:13:29,970 IT WAS ALL TIP AND NO SHAFT. 1230 01:13:30,014 --> 01:13:31,668 I'M SERIOUS. 1231 01:13:31,711 --> 01:13:36,020 IT WAS LIKE A FUCKING ACORN RESTING ON HIS BALLS. 1232 01:13:36,063 --> 01:13:40,067 AND THEN, TO TOP IT OFF, THE GUY'S A FUCKING FREAK IN BED. 1233 01:13:40,111 --> 01:13:43,593 HE'D BE LIKE, "WHO'S YOUR DADDY? 1234 01:13:43,636 --> 01:13:47,510 -"WHO'S YOUR DADDY!" -OH! 1235 01:13:47,553 --> 01:13:51,992 ACTUALLY, I THINK THAT WAS THE MOST HE EVER ASKED ME ABOUT MYSELF. 1236 01:13:52,036 --> 01:13:57,084 THEN THERE WAS JONATHAN. YEAH, HE WAS HARMLESS, JONATHAN. 1237 01:13:57,128 --> 01:13:59,913 YEAH, I COULD'VE HUNG OUT WITH HIM FOR A LITTLE WHILE LONGER. 1238 01:13:59,957 --> 01:14:04,178 -WHOA, MIA! ARE YOU GETTING "EMO" ON US? -PLEASE! 1239 01:14:04,222 --> 01:14:07,573 -WHAT'S "EMO"? -EMOTIONS. OCCUPATIONAL HAZARD. 1240 01:14:07,617 --> 01:14:12,143 I KINDA FELT BAD FOR HIM. THAT'S ALL. THEN AGAIN, HE DID HAVE IT COMING. 1241 01:14:12,186 --> 01:14:14,232 -OF COURSE HE HAD IT COMING. -EXACTLY. 1242 01:14:14,275 --> 01:14:16,756 FUCK THIS SHIT, I WANT DETAILS. DID HE HAVE A BIG DICK? 1243 01:14:16,800 --> 01:14:19,063 COME ON, GIVE IT TO US. 1244 01:14:19,106 --> 01:14:21,239 PACKAGE SIZE. 1245 01:14:21,282 --> 01:14:22,501 OH, MY. 1246 01:14:24,372 --> 01:14:25,461 COME ON! 1247 01:14:27,114 --> 01:14:28,942 -NO. -HOLY SHIT! 1248 01:14:31,031 --> 01:14:33,860 -BABY! -GOD! YOU GO, GIRL! 1249 01:14:33,904 --> 01:14:36,994 DOES HE HAVE ANY COUSINS OR BROTHERS? 1250 01:14:37,037 --> 01:14:41,607 -SO, IS THAT ALL OF THEM? -MMM, NO. THEN THERE WAS ALSO ERIC. 1251 01:14:41,651 --> 01:14:43,609 ERIC WAS LIKE THE PATHETIC FUCKING MARRIED FRIEND. 1252 01:14:43,653 --> 01:14:46,264 MARRIED, NOT MARRIED, MARRIED, NOT MARRIED, MARRIED. 1253 01:14:46,307 --> 01:14:48,919 COMES OVER TO MY HOUSE. GIVES ME THIS WHOLE SOB STORY... 1254 01:14:48,962 --> 01:14:51,312 ABOUT HOW IT'S MY FAULT THAT ALL HIS FRIENDS... 1255 01:14:51,356 --> 01:14:55,142 -ARE ABANDONING HIM ON THEIR SUNDAY BRUNCHES. -WHICH IT WAS. 1256 01:14:55,186 --> 01:14:57,536 OF COURSE, BUT I DIDN'T LET HIM KNOW THAT. 1257 01:14:57,580 --> 01:14:58,755 SO, WHAT'D YOU DO? 1258 01:15:00,408 --> 01:15:01,584 I BLEW HIM. 1259 01:15:01,627 --> 01:15:04,151 OH, YEAH! WHO'S YOUR DADDY NOW? 1260 01:15:07,720 --> 01:15:11,028 -HE ACTUALLY TASTED GOOD. -HIS WIFE PROBABLY READS COSMO. 1261 01:15:11,071 --> 01:15:13,378 MIA, YOU'RE A FUCKIN' PRO. 1262 01:15:14,597 --> 01:15:16,599 WHERE DO YOU FIND THESE GUYS? 1263 01:15:16,642 --> 01:15:19,340 EVER SINCE I SAW THEM GO TO WORK ON THOSE THREE GIRLS IN THE PARK THAT DAY 1264 01:15:19,384 --> 01:15:21,299 I KNEW THEY WERE THE ONES. 1265 01:15:21,342 --> 01:15:26,522 I MEAN, THEY HAD THE BLOATED EGOS, THE LOOK, THE LINES. 1266 01:15:26,565 --> 01:15:28,567 I MEAN, THE WHOLE NINE YARDS. 1267 01:15:28,611 --> 01:15:34,225 -WHY ARE MEN IDIOTS? -I FIGURED THESE GUYS OUT IN MINUTES. THEY WERE PERFECT. 1268 01:15:34,268 --> 01:15:37,750 IT WAS SO FUCKING AWESOME WATCHING THEM SCRAMBLE IN THEIR OWN GAME. 1269 01:15:37,794 --> 01:15:41,014 THINKING THEY'RE GOD'S GIFT TO WOMEN. THEY DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HIT 'EM. 1270 01:15:41,058 --> 01:15:45,192 MIA'S VOICE: THE POINT IS THAT IT'S FUN. I MEAN... 1271 01:15:45,236 --> 01:15:48,718 YEAH, IT'S FUN. GUYS DO IT ALL THE TIME. 1272 01:15:48,761 --> 01:15:51,938 YOU GOTTA BE WILLING TO FACE THE CONSEQUENCES IF YOU'RE GONNA SCAM. 1273 01:15:51,982 --> 01:15:55,942 YOU KNOW? EVERYBODY FUCKS EVERYBODY IN THE END. 1274 01:15:55,986 --> 01:15:58,771 YOU GOTTA BE PREPARED. IT'S THE NATURE OF THE BEAST. 1275 01:15:59,772 --> 01:16:00,860 NEXT, PLEASE. 1276 01:16:12,655 --> 01:16:14,221 I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU GOT DOWN HERE, LADY. 1277 01:16:14,265 --> 01:16:15,875 IT'S BEEN CLOGGED ALL WEEK. 1278 01:16:17,007 --> 01:16:18,791 OH, I THINK I GOT SOMETHIN' HERE. 1279 01:16:23,013 --> 01:16:25,276 THAT'S WHERE IT IS! GIMME THAT! 1280 01:16:38,724 --> 01:16:40,683 -[PANTING] -[GROANING] 1281 01:16:40,726 --> 01:16:42,641 HERE COMES PAPA! 1282 01:16:42,685 --> 01:16:44,425 [LAUGHING] 1283 01:16:54,740 --> 01:16:57,917 [TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING] 1284 01:17:07,535 --> 01:17:08,972 [SCREAMS] 1285 01:17:09,015 --> 01:17:10,626 AHHH! 1286 01:17:31,472 --> 01:17:33,736 WHAT THE HELL? 1287 01:17:33,779 --> 01:17:36,216 I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO COME ALL WEEK, AND THAT'S WHY. 1288 01:17:45,443 --> 01:17:47,010 -WHAT'S THAT SMELL? -WHAT? 1289 01:17:48,359 --> 01:17:49,447 [LAUGHS] 1290 01:17:51,623 --> 01:17:52,668 NEVER MIND. 1291 01:17:54,321 --> 01:17:55,975 LOOK, JUST PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON. 1292 01:17:56,019 --> 01:17:59,500 I GOTTA TALK TO YOU GUYS. SERIOUS. 1293 01:17:59,544 --> 01:18:00,937 WHAT NOW? 1294 01:18:10,860 --> 01:18:12,688 I DON'T CARE WHAT THE GUYS SAY... 1295 01:18:14,124 --> 01:18:15,560 ANYMORE. 1296 01:18:15,603 --> 01:18:19,825 YOU KNOW, THEY'RE ALWAYS GIVING ME SHIT ABOUT LORAINE, 1297 01:18:19,869 --> 01:18:22,262 AND TRY TO COCK-BLOCK ME AT BARS. 1298 01:18:22,306 --> 01:18:26,092 COCK-BLOCK. THAT'S WHERE, LET'S SAY, YOU'RE AT A BAR, 1299 01:18:26,136 --> 01:18:31,010 AND YOU'RE TRYING TO HIT ON A WOMAN, AND SHE'S COMPLETELY BUYING YOUR SHIT. 1300 01:18:31,054 --> 01:18:36,233 AND THEN ONE OF YOUR ASSHOLE FRIENDS COMES UP AND THEY'RE LIKE, 1301 01:18:36,276 --> 01:18:40,716 "HEY, MAN, HOW'S THE WIFE?" 1302 01:18:40,759 --> 01:18:45,068 THAT'S AN INSTANT COCK-BLOCK. YOU CANNOT TALK YOUR WAY OUT OF THAT SHIT. 1303 01:18:45,111 --> 01:18:46,983 LADY: WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO PICK UP WOMEN AT BARS IF YOU'RE MARRIED? 1304 01:18:48,419 --> 01:18:50,551 WHAT? 1305 01:18:50,595 --> 01:18:52,945 WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO PICK UP WOMEN AT BARS IF YOU'RE MARRIED? 1306 01:18:52,989 --> 01:18:56,427 [SCOFFS] I MEAN, COME ON. 1307 01:18:58,603 --> 01:18:59,865 I'M A GUY. 1308 01:19:02,172 --> 01:19:03,173 [SONG PLAYING] 1309 01:19:15,315 --> 01:19:19,450 MALE SINGER: ♪ SO I'M BEGINNING TO WONDER WHY 1310 01:19:19,493 --> 01:19:22,714 ♪ IT ESCAPES ME WHY YOU LIED 1311 01:19:22,758 --> 01:19:26,674 ♪ ABOUT THE CHANGE FOR THE WORSE THAT MAKES YOUR LOVE 1312 01:19:29,242 --> 01:19:32,115 ♪ SO WHY MUST I KNOW 1313 01:19:32,158 --> 01:19:35,814 ♪ IF I REPEATEDLY LET GO 1314 01:19:35,858 --> 01:19:39,470 ♪ IT'S THE SADDEST OF TRUTHS I DON'T KNOW 1315 01:19:39,513 --> 01:19:42,734 ♪ AND THAT'S THE LOWEST BLOW 1316 01:19:42,778 --> 01:19:45,955 ♪ IF I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S RIGHT 1317 01:19:45,998 --> 01:19:49,175 ♪ I CANNOT KNOW WHAT'S WRONG 1318 01:19:49,219 --> 01:19:53,484 ♪ IF YOU TRY TOO HARD TO FIND A REASON 1319 01:19:53,527 --> 01:19:55,312 ♪ I'LL BLAME YOU 1320 01:19:56,704 --> 01:19:58,097 ♪ I'LL BLAME 1321 01:20:00,796 --> 01:20:04,147 ♪ YOU PUSHED THE BUTTON I SCREAM 1322 01:20:04,190 --> 01:20:07,280 ♪ I TOE THE LINE YOU'RE CROSSING 1323 01:20:07,324 --> 01:20:10,588 ♪ FUNNY WHILE YOU KEEP ON LAUGHING 1324 01:20:10,631 --> 01:20:13,547 ♪ MY TOP'S ABOUT TO BLOW 1325 01:20:13,591 --> 01:20:18,030 ♪ WHY WHEN MY FACE TURNS RED 1326 01:20:18,074 --> 01:20:21,338 ♪ YOU DON'T REMEMBER A THING YOU SAID 1327 01:20:21,381 --> 01:20:24,341 ♪ YOU WANNA GO BACK TO THE GOOD TIMES 1328 01:20:24,384 --> 01:20:28,258 ♪ AND THE WAY THINGS WERE INSTEAD 1329 01:20:28,301 --> 01:20:31,043 ♪ IF I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S RIGHT 1330 01:20:31,087 --> 01:20:35,004 ♪ I CANNOT KNOW WHAT'S WRONG 1331 01:20:35,047 --> 01:20:38,964 ♪ IF YOU TRY TOO HARD TO FIND A REASON 1332 01:20:39,008 --> 01:20:41,053 ♪ I'LL BLAME YOU 1333 01:20:41,097 --> 01:20:44,274 ♪ IF I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S RIGHT 1334 01:20:44,317 --> 01:20:48,060 ♪ I CANNOT KNOW WHAT'S WRONG 1335 01:20:48,104 --> 01:20:52,021 ♪ IF YOU TRY TOO HARD TO FIND A REASON 1336 01:20:52,064 --> 01:20:54,153 ♪ A REASON 1337 01:21:08,254 --> 01:21:11,127 [ROCK CONTINUES] 1338 01:21:19,875 --> 01:21:23,182 ♪ EVERY TIME I PLAY THIS GAME 1339 01:21:26,142 --> 01:21:30,059 ♪ REMINDS ME JUST HOW BAD I AM AT IT 1340 01:21:32,800 --> 01:21:36,456 ♪ WHEN I GO TO SAY YOUR NAME 1341 01:21:39,155 --> 01:21:43,420 ♪ REMINDS ME JUST HOW BAD I AM AT IT 1342 01:21:46,423 --> 01:21:49,687 ♪ IF I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S RIGHT 1343 01:21:49,730 --> 01:21:53,125 ♪ I CANNOT KNOW WHAT'S WRONG 1344 01:21:53,169 --> 01:21:57,042 ♪ IF YOU TRY TOO HARD TO FIND A REASON 1345 01:21:57,086 --> 01:21:59,697 ♪ I'LL BLAME YOU 1346 01:21:59,740 --> 01:22:02,526 ♪ IF I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S RIGHT 1347 01:22:02,569 --> 01:22:06,138 ♪ I CANNOT KNOW WHAT'S WRONG 1348 01:22:06,182 --> 01:22:10,099 ♪ IF YOU TRY TOO HARD TO FIND A REASON 1349 01:22:10,142 --> 01:22:11,578 ♪ I'LL BLAME YOU 1350 01:22:13,580 --> 01:22:15,104 ♪ I'LL BLAME YOU 1351 01:22:26,811 --> 01:22:28,117 [WHIP CRACKING] 102791