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1
00:00:04,750 --> 00:00:06,460
MAN:
30 years.
2
00:00:06,580 --> 00:00:09,920
Geez, that's how long
it's been, uh, Dr. Venture.
3
00:00:10,050 --> 00:00:13,510
Do you remember that day?
"State of the art," you said.
4
00:00:13,630 --> 00:00:16,220
And "Oi, nothing's gonna happen."
5
00:00:16,340 --> 00:00:17,890
And at the first sign of trouble,
6
00:00:18,010 --> 00:00:19,680
you abandon your best friend--
7
00:00:19,810 --> 00:00:22,736
strand me
in this fucking hellhole!
8
00:00:22,895 --> 00:00:24,895
What?
It would've killed you to call?!
9
00:00:25,690 --> 00:00:28,110
[WHIRRING]
10
00:00:34,110 --> 00:00:36,820
DR. VENTURE: That's it.
Just like that.
11
00:00:36,950 --> 00:00:39,870
Easy! Pull back a bit.
God, you're right on top of me!
12
00:00:39,990 --> 00:00:42,290
BROCK:
Can't help it. It's-- It's stiff, Doc.
13
00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:45,410
Maybe I should lube this thing up
before we take it down there.
14
00:00:45,540 --> 00:00:46,540
DR. VENTURE:
It'll be fine.
15
00:00:46,670 --> 00:00:49,750
It's not built for speed.
It's built for deep penetration.
16
00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:51,590
All right, that's it.
17
00:00:51,710 --> 00:00:53,630
You promised, no penetration jokes.
18
00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:54,800
Oh, come on!
19
00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:55,880
Look at that thing!
20
00:00:56,010 --> 00:00:56,930
How could I resist?
21
00:00:57,050 --> 00:00:59,390
It's practically a monument
to my father's repression.
22
00:00:59,510 --> 00:01:01,350
BROCK: You want me to
turn this thing around?
23
00:01:01,470 --> 00:01:02,930
Fine, spoilsport.
24
00:01:03,060 --> 00:01:04,890
All right, keep it moving.
25
00:01:05,020 --> 00:01:06,140
You're doing fi--
26
00:01:06,270 --> 00:01:07,350
Aaaah!
27
00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:08,810
BROCK:
Doc, what's goin' on?
28
00:01:08,940 --> 00:01:10,650
- Am I clear or what?
- [THUD]
29
00:01:12,150 --> 00:01:13,360
What the hell, Doc?
30
00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:14,530
Now where'd you--
31
00:01:14,650 --> 00:01:16,360
Aw, snap, Doc!
Doc?!
32
00:01:16,490 --> 00:01:18,160
You okay down there?!
33
00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:19,780
Did you break anything?!
34
00:01:19,910 --> 00:01:21,530
How's your hip?!
35
00:01:21,660 --> 00:01:23,410
Doc, can you hear me?
36
00:01:23,540 --> 00:01:25,160
Doc? Doc?!
37
00:01:26,370 --> 00:01:28,040
Ohh. Oh.
38
00:01:28,170 --> 00:01:30,040
Why, yes, I'm fine, Brock.
39
00:01:30,170 --> 00:01:31,380
Thanks for asking.
40
00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:33,960
Gonna need you to throw down
a rope or something, though.
41
00:01:34,090 --> 00:01:35,050
Ohh!
42
00:01:35,170 --> 00:01:37,050
And my wellies, if you can find them.
43
00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:39,800
If you go in my closet they're
on the bottom left of my shoe tr--
44
00:01:39,930 --> 00:01:41,390
Hello, are you listening?!
45
00:01:41,510 --> 00:01:43,220
- Brock?
- [STATIC]
46
00:01:43,350 --> 00:01:47,060
Okay, if you're screening me,
this is an official emergency
47
00:01:47,190 --> 00:01:52,730
and your employer
would like you to pick up in 3... 2... 1?
48
00:01:52,860 --> 00:01:54,230
Doc?
49
00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:55,650
Doc, ya down there?!
50
00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:05,700
Di-e-e-e, Dr. Venture!
51
00:02:05,830 --> 00:02:06,910
Aah! Aah! Aah!
52
00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:09,710
Ow! Damn it! Ow!
53
00:02:13,710 --> 00:02:17,260
[FAINT SQUEAKING]
54
00:02:17,380 --> 00:02:18,470
Aah!
55
00:02:18,590 --> 00:02:20,050
Holy crap! You're not a rat!
56
00:02:20,180 --> 00:02:21,970
And you're not Dr. Venture.
57
00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:23,600
Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
58
00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:24,890
You closed it.
59
00:02:25,010 --> 00:02:26,010
Why would you do that?
60
00:02:26,140 --> 00:02:27,640
It was an accident!
What?
61
00:02:27,770 --> 00:02:30,060
This is a nuclear fallout shelter, Boychick.
62
00:02:30,190 --> 00:02:32,940
You just set the time lock
for 40 years -- another 40 years!
63
00:02:33,060 --> 00:02:34,110
Get outta here.
64
00:02:34,230 --> 00:02:35,440
I would if I could!
65
00:02:35,570 --> 00:02:37,070
Now, where the hell is Jonas?
66
00:02:37,190 --> 00:02:38,610
Why isn't he with you?
67
00:02:38,740 --> 00:02:39,740
[STATIC]
68
00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:41,416
- HANK: See?
- DEAN: Same with Brock's channel.
69
00:02:41,567 --> 00:02:43,160
It's like they vanished into thin air.
70
00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:45,030
Which is kind of your whole deal, so...
71
00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:48,160
And you're certain they haven't simply
stepped out?
72
00:02:48,290 --> 00:02:50,080
They have been known to engage
73
00:02:50,210 --> 00:02:52,670
in impromptu derring-do
from time to time.
74
00:02:52,790 --> 00:02:53,790
Without us?
75
00:02:53,920 --> 00:02:55,710
Can you think of
even one place on Earth
76
00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:57,340
they wouldn't drag us along to?
77
00:02:57,460 --> 00:02:58,800
Look at this.
78
00:02:58,920 --> 00:03:00,420
That is a giant centipede scar!
79
00:03:00,550 --> 00:03:04,300
Besides, the X-1's still in the hangar
and we had plans today.
80
00:03:04,430 --> 00:03:05,470
Family plans.
81
00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:07,180
There was even talk of French toast.
82
00:03:07,310 --> 00:03:08,810
But there was none to be had.
83
00:03:08,930 --> 00:03:09,980
Hmm.
84
00:03:10,100 --> 00:03:13,440
A most compelling mystery, indeed.
85
00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:16,190
Make yourselves comfortable,
sons of Venture,
86
00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:17,480
while I assemble...
87
00:03:17,610 --> 00:03:19,740
- The Order of the Triad!
- [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
88
00:03:20,780 --> 00:03:22,570
Would you prefer to be alone for this?
89
00:03:22,700 --> 00:03:24,530
Magic beacon, shed your light,
90
00:03:24,660 --> 00:03:27,370
through fog of time and darkest night,
91
00:03:27,490 --> 00:03:30,700
though scorpions sting and spiders bite
92
00:03:30,830 --> 00:03:33,960
that we may wage our triune fight!
93
00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:37,500
He wrote a little poem...
94
00:03:37,630 --> 00:03:38,960
to his dollies.
95
00:03:39,090 --> 00:03:40,630
- Ugh!
- Really? He's dead?
96
00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:42,630
You don't say.
How long is he dead?
97
00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:44,470
Like 20 years. Where you been?
98
00:03:44,590 --> 00:03:47,100
Here... for, like, 30.
99
00:03:47,220 --> 00:03:49,810
So, that's really how
people wear their hair now?
100
00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:52,520
- Men?
- Look, you're so freakin' clever,
101
00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:55,060
how'd you get your little ass
stuck in here the first time?
102
00:03:55,190 --> 00:03:58,770
Ah, well, as with all
juicy science-fiction tales,
103
00:03:58,900 --> 00:04:00,480
this one starts with an accident.
104
00:04:00,610 --> 00:04:02,360
We were testing the system,
105
00:04:02,490 --> 00:04:04,030
something went horribly wrong
106
00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:05,660
and Jonas abandoned the project.
107
00:04:05,780 --> 00:04:07,160
End of story.
108
00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:09,740
Would've been nice if
he'd at least taken a last look around,
109
00:04:09,870 --> 00:04:12,200
maybe see if he forgot nothing --
best friend.
110
00:04:12,330 --> 00:04:14,580
Geez, no wonder
you wanted to kill him.
111
00:04:14,710 --> 00:04:17,380
I'm really not
a violent man by nature,
112
00:04:17,500 --> 00:04:20,420
but 30 years fending off giant army ants...
113
00:04:20,550 --> 00:04:22,420
- ...makes anyone a little jumpy.
- I can imagine.
114
00:04:22,550 --> 00:04:24,720
No... you really can't.
115
00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:26,340
And just when
you've killed the last of them
116
00:04:26,454 --> 00:04:28,664
a-and you think it's
okay to feel safe again,
117
00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:30,930
that's when the real horror begins.
118
00:04:31,060 --> 00:04:33,810
That's when you realize you're all alone.
119
00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:35,060
There's no one left to talk to.
120
00:04:35,190 --> 00:04:37,350
Y-You could talk to the ants?
121
00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:39,400
No, you don't wanna actually talk to them.
122
00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:40,570
That would be silly.
123
00:04:40,690 --> 00:04:42,570
They wouldn't have
anything to say anyway, other than,
124
00:04:42,690 --> 00:04:46,110
"Hey, let's eat and/or have sex
with this us-sized guy."
125
00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:49,240
[INDISTINCT TALKING ON TELEVISION]
126
00:04:49,370 --> 00:04:52,910
Order of the Triad, assemble!
127
00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:55,040
What do you want? My stories are on.
128
00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:57,170
[SNIFFS]
129
00:04:57,290 --> 00:04:58,630
Where this sucker at?
130
00:04:58,750 --> 00:04:59,710
Mm-hmm.
131
00:04:59,840 --> 00:05:02,630
Can't hide from the blood eye, baby.
132
00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:03,800
I'm on ya.
133
00:05:04,590 --> 00:05:07,300
Order of the Triad, assemble!
134
00:05:07,430 --> 00:05:09,970
Damn it, Orpheus.
I almost had that bloodsucker. Aw!
135
00:05:10,100 --> 00:05:12,100
Now I got the blue balls in my blood eye.
136
00:05:12,220 --> 00:05:13,640
DR. ORPHEUS:
My apologies, old friend.
137
00:05:13,770 --> 00:05:18,940
But the Order of the Triad
is ne-- What are you doing in--
138
00:05:19,060 --> 00:05:20,110
I-Is this London?!
139
00:05:20,230 --> 00:05:21,820
Hey, man, I gotta go where the Blacktion is.
140
00:05:21,940 --> 00:05:24,440
What the hell are you talking about?
This is my apartment.
141
00:05:24,570 --> 00:05:25,990
Not you.
I was talking to Jefferson.
142
00:05:26,110 --> 00:05:28,780
- I am Jefferson.
- No, now I'm talking to Al.
143
00:05:28,910 --> 00:05:32,080
You are ordered to stay close
in case of a Triad emergency!
144
00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:33,620
You talking to me?
145
00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:36,960
Ugh! Will you learn
how to double-project already?
146
00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:39,290
It gets confusing.
147
00:05:39,420 --> 00:05:40,830
But-- Would you hold?
148
00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:42,210
- Mm-hmm.
- Yes, I understand--
149
00:05:42,340 --> 00:05:43,380
Tell him I say hi, at least.
150
00:05:43,500 --> 00:05:46,210
Two -- you don't order me
to do anything. You're not my mama.
151
00:05:46,340 --> 00:05:48,510
She was taken by
Marauding Blaculas when I was 10.
152
00:05:48,630 --> 00:05:50,010
And I'm sorry for your loss, but--
153
00:05:50,140 --> 00:05:52,510
Three -- there is never a Triad emergency.
154
00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:54,430
Well, there's no need
to be petulant about it.
155
00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:55,680
Give him hell, J.T!
156
00:05:55,810 --> 00:05:58,520
And four -- this ain't London.
157
00:06:02,020 --> 00:06:03,020
Sweet!
158
00:06:03,150 --> 00:06:04,150
The action figures came?!
159
00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:05,190
Finally!
160
00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:07,530
Merchandising --
that's where the real money's at!
161
00:06:07,650 --> 00:06:08,650
Cha-ching!
162
00:06:08,780 --> 00:06:10,610
Actually, Hasbro passed.
163
00:06:10,740 --> 00:06:13,120
- These I made myself.
- Hmm. Nice work.
164
00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:16,160
Little on the creepy side, but--
You sculpted these yourself?
165
00:06:16,290 --> 00:06:17,660
Oh, heavens, no.
166
00:06:17,790 --> 00:06:20,830
I merely repainted
an old Mego doll of the Falcon.
167
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:21,830
Aw!
168
00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:24,920
Would you rather be Spock
with a bald spot? I'll trade ya.
169
00:06:28,420 --> 00:06:30,760
DR. VENTURE:
Well, now I know why my heating bills
170
00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:32,140
are through the roof.
171
00:06:32,260 --> 00:06:35,060
[FOOTSTEPS]
172
00:06:35,180 --> 00:06:36,680
Huh?
173
00:06:36,810 --> 00:06:37,850
[FOOTSTEPS]
174
00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:42,190
What the...
175
00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:48,360
Well, I don't detect any astral rifts,
176
00:06:48,490 --> 00:06:51,320
temporal anomalies,
or ectoplasmic residue.
177
00:06:51,450 --> 00:06:53,490
And they haven't been taken by Blaculas,
178
00:06:53,620 --> 00:06:55,950
though I'm not prepared
to rule out Caucasian vampires.
179
00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:58,250
It appears your father was engaged
180
00:06:58,370 --> 00:07:00,160
in some sort of experiment.
181
00:07:00,290 --> 00:07:02,960
But why would he
abandon it in such haste?
182
00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:04,210
He gets bored pretty easy.
183
00:07:04,340 --> 00:07:05,920
And rarely tidies his work area.
184
00:07:06,050 --> 00:07:07,210
Hey, do you think maybe --
185
00:07:07,340 --> 00:07:09,550
and I'm gonna go out
on a limb here -- they went...
186
00:07:09,670 --> 00:07:11,300
down there?
187
00:07:11,430 --> 00:07:13,800
Y-You mean you didn't... check?
188
00:07:13,930 --> 00:07:16,470
DEAN: Are you kidding?
That's, like, the basement!
189
00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:18,350
It's super spooky down there.
190
00:07:18,470 --> 00:07:19,390
Oh, dear God.
191
00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:20,480
Aw, no, no, no, no, no, no!
192
00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:23,520
Well, why else would we call
magic guys to help us look?
193
00:07:23,650 --> 00:07:27,270
So, was it this accident
that made you all tiny, too --
194
00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:29,730
like some kind of shrink bomb?
195
00:07:29,860 --> 00:07:32,110
Boy, you really live
in a little dream world, don't you?
196
00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:35,410
You got the shrink bombs
and the men who talk to the ants.
197
00:07:35,530 --> 00:07:36,450
Booga-booga.
198
00:07:36,580 --> 00:07:39,410
No, no, see,
I used to be 15 feet tall as a result
199
00:07:39,540 --> 00:07:40,540
of another accident
200
00:07:40,660 --> 00:07:43,210
which left me with
a terminal case of supergigantism.
201
00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:46,080
Jonas and I worked together
to find a cure, and, uh...
202
00:07:46,210 --> 00:07:48,750
I guess we took it a little too far.
203
00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:49,840
[LAUGHS]
204
00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:51,130
That's a pun.
205
00:07:51,260 --> 00:07:53,220
Hello?
Mr. Venture?
206
00:07:53,340 --> 00:07:54,930
Mr. Samson?
207
00:07:55,050 --> 00:07:56,340
Triad emergency.
208
00:07:56,470 --> 00:07:58,720
DR. ORPHEUS: I said I was sorry.
The boys have very...
209
00:07:58,850 --> 00:08:00,600
active imaginations.
210
00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:01,770
They're given to...
211
00:08:01,890 --> 00:08:03,100
flights of fancy.
212
00:08:03,230 --> 00:08:05,940
Yes, the little imps
have certainly skylarked us
213
00:08:06,060 --> 00:08:07,940
into quite a mare's nest this time.
214
00:08:08,070 --> 00:08:10,280
The skinny one thinkin'
he has a shot with his daughter --
215
00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:11,650
now, that's an active imagination.
216
00:08:11,780 --> 00:08:13,070
Are you finished?
217
00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:16,570
Then let us try to get
a psychic lock on them.
218
00:08:16,700 --> 00:08:18,830
I will shine the light of Thelos!
219
00:08:18,950 --> 00:08:20,870
I'll cast a spell of unveiling.
220
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,000
I'll, um...
221
00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:23,870
check for Blaculas.
222
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:25,540
Nope, no Blaculas.
223
00:08:25,670 --> 00:08:27,790
Hey, you know
what you kind of remind me of?
224
00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:29,880
That guy from the old Marvel comics.
225
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:32,960
- The Mariner?
- Think he was in the Avengers.
226
00:08:33,090 --> 00:08:35,840
- Hawkeye.
- Scientist dude, like you.
227
00:08:35,970 --> 00:08:41,180
He was, like, the size of, uh, an ant.
228
00:08:42,180 --> 00:08:43,230
Look, your Marvel comics--
229
00:08:43,350 --> 00:08:44,390
I-I read "Archie."
230
00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:45,940
Wait...
231
00:08:46,060 --> 00:08:47,400
I'm getting something.
232
00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:48,980
Me too.
233
00:08:49,110 --> 00:08:51,020
Join hands, Triad!
234
00:08:51,150 --> 00:08:52,820
Our bond is our strength!
235
00:08:52,940 --> 00:08:54,440
Geez, Jefferson.
236
00:08:54,570 --> 00:08:55,740
You ever hear of Jergens?
237
00:08:55,860 --> 00:08:57,740
I told you I'm not into rough trade.
238
00:08:57,870 --> 00:09:00,330
The leather hilts on my Blacula blades --
they chap, man.
239
00:09:00,450 --> 00:09:01,580
- Gentlemen!
- BOTH: Right.
240
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,370
I see them.
241
00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:05,460
They are safe,
242
00:09:05,580 --> 00:09:07,420
but I sense... confusion,
243
00:09:07,540 --> 00:09:10,090
anxiety and something else.
244
00:09:10,210 --> 00:09:12,460
A presence...
245
00:09:12,590 --> 00:09:14,210
Aah!
246
00:09:14,340 --> 00:09:15,340
Ohh!
247
00:09:15,470 --> 00:09:16,720
Ugh!
248
00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:19,010
[ALL SCREAMING]
249
00:09:19,140 --> 00:09:20,800
Triad, retreat!
250
00:09:23,470 --> 00:09:24,770
Huh? Huh?
251
00:09:24,890 --> 00:09:26,020
What'd I tell ya?
252
00:09:26,140 --> 00:09:27,520
Heebie-jeebies, right?
253
00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:29,020
That face!
254
00:09:29,150 --> 00:09:32,360
Some unspeakable horror
has transpired below.
255
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:35,030
The air is thick with psychic residue.
256
00:09:35,150 --> 00:09:37,070
I can still smell the brimstone.
257
00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:38,240
No, I think that's sulphur.
258
00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:40,410
No, I think that's Mr. Jefferson.
259
00:09:40,530 --> 00:09:42,370
Yeah, I'm gonna need--
260
00:09:42,490 --> 00:09:44,200
Hey, you got any pants --
261
00:09:44,330 --> 00:09:46,370
like... extra pants?
262
00:09:46,500 --> 00:09:49,210
I fear this is beyond
even our combined powers.
263
00:09:49,330 --> 00:09:52,290
I must seek guidance from the master!
264
00:09:52,420 --> 00:09:54,670
- Wait here, please.
- Oh, come on!
265
00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:56,170
We're supposed to be a team.
266
00:09:56,300 --> 00:09:58,930
How come we never get to see
this all-knowing guy with you?
267
00:09:59,050 --> 00:10:01,180
Yeah, tell the truth.
You're embarrassed of us, aren't you?
268
00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:02,350
It's 'cause he's gay, isn't it?
269
00:10:02,470 --> 00:10:05,430
No, it's because you've soiled yourself.
270
00:10:05,560 --> 00:10:07,310
And he's gay.
271
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,190
Not diggin' this Charlie's Angels crap.
272
00:10:09,310 --> 00:10:11,690
Well, they at least had an intercom.
What do we get?
273
00:10:11,810 --> 00:10:13,230
[PANTING]
274
00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:15,070
Oh, thank God.
275
00:10:15,190 --> 00:10:16,110
Hello?!
276
00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:17,490
Hello, police?
277
00:10:17,610 --> 00:10:18,530
Batman?
278
00:10:18,650 --> 00:10:20,030
- [TELEPHONE RINGING]
- What?
279
00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:21,530
I'm not doing that.
280
00:10:23,780 --> 00:10:24,910
- Hello?
- Hello?
281
00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:26,200
BOTH:
Thank God!
282
00:10:26,330 --> 00:10:27,660
You gotta get me out of here!
283
00:10:27,790 --> 00:10:30,080
- Wait a minute. Where are you?
- I-I don't know.
284
00:10:30,210 --> 00:10:32,040
Some kind of sewer or something.
285
00:10:32,170 --> 00:10:33,500
Now come down here and get me!
286
00:10:33,630 --> 00:10:36,340
I can't.
I'm trapped, Doc.
287
00:10:36,460 --> 00:10:38,720
Look, we can talk about
your psychological problems later.
288
00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:40,470
Take a Valium and get over yourself.
289
00:10:40,590 --> 00:10:42,260
You need to get me out of here!
290
00:10:42,390 --> 00:10:44,510
I'm... not alone, Brock.
291
00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:45,600
What? Who's with you?
292
00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:48,640
I don't know. He just
keeps saying he's the firestarter.
293
00:10:48,770 --> 00:10:50,060
Hold on. He's coming back.
294
00:10:50,190 --> 00:10:51,940
Sir, what-- Man, he's quick.
295
00:10:52,060 --> 00:10:55,570
- Well, ask him which way is out.
- Ugh! I tried.
296
00:10:55,690 --> 00:10:57,030
He won't stand still for two seconds.
297
00:10:57,150 --> 00:10:59,400
He's probably spaced up
on yellowjackets from the looks of him.
298
00:10:59,530 --> 00:11:03,320
I'm trapped in a sewer
with a confessed arsonist, Brock!
299
00:11:03,450 --> 00:11:04,740
Help me!
300
00:11:04,870 --> 00:11:05,910
Hey!
301
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:06,950
Aah!
302
00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:09,080
[CHAIN SAW REVVING]
303
00:11:15,340 --> 00:11:18,210
- Are you Rusty?
- Oh! Why, yes.
304
00:11:18,340 --> 00:11:19,880
Yes, I am. I see you're a fan.
305
00:11:20,010 --> 00:11:21,010
You don't look like Rusty.
306
00:11:21,130 --> 00:11:22,130
Rusty's right.
307
00:11:22,260 --> 00:11:25,970
If you're Rusty,
why have we not seen you here before?
308
00:11:26,100 --> 00:11:28,600
Oh, because, uh--
Because I don't live here.
309
00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:30,180
I live... up there.
310
00:11:30,310 --> 00:11:31,270
[ALL GASPING]
311
00:11:31,390 --> 00:11:33,310
But it is forbidden to go above.
312
00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:35,480
Well, sure.
Let's make that rule right now.
313
00:11:35,610 --> 00:11:38,860
The upstairs areas
are strictly off-limits to you people.
314
00:11:38,980 --> 00:11:42,360
But just this once --
if you show me how to get back
315
00:11:42,490 --> 00:11:44,200
and you keep to the kitchen area --
316
00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:47,990
I'll allow you to come up
for a while, as a reward.
317
00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:49,240
What do you think, Rusty?
318
00:11:49,370 --> 00:11:52,460
We should let Father decide.
319
00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:57,790
So, the great and powerful Oz
told you to call... tech support?
320
00:11:57,920 --> 00:11:59,170
Not in so many words.
321
00:11:59,300 --> 00:12:03,680
His directives are delivered
in a patois of symbols, allegory,
322
00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:05,970
the occasional abasement.
323
00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:08,680
My training enables me
to divine his purport.
324
00:12:08,810 --> 00:12:10,930
And you divined
this dude's phone number?
325
00:12:11,060 --> 00:12:12,930
No, that I found on a leaflet
326
00:12:13,060 --> 00:12:15,020
he slipped beneath my windshield wipers.
327
00:12:15,150 --> 00:12:17,520
Oh, yeah.
Anywhere in the compound.
328
00:12:17,650 --> 00:12:20,070
Just let the ever-popular
Pete White's magic fingers
329
00:12:20,190 --> 00:12:23,150
do the walkin'
and if they're here, this'll find 'em.
330
00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:24,240
[GASPS]
331
00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:27,490
This explains why Pop
finds me so fast every time I run away
332
00:12:27,620 --> 00:12:29,120
to live in the abandoned zoo.
333
00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:30,990
I didn't even know we had a room like this.
334
00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:33,790
Your loss. Rusty and I
hang out in here all the time.
335
00:12:33,910 --> 00:12:35,040
Oh, you know what's fun?
336
00:12:35,170 --> 00:12:36,620
When Brock has a lady friend over,
337
00:12:36,750 --> 00:12:38,960
you can switch it
to night vision and you can--
338
00:12:39,090 --> 00:12:40,090
Uh, never mind.
339
00:12:40,210 --> 00:12:41,670
Hup! Speak of the devil!
340
00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:42,760
BOTH:
Hey, Brock!
341
00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:44,220
That's a tape, fellas.
342
00:12:44,340 --> 00:12:45,300
He can't see you.
343
00:12:45,430 --> 00:12:46,840
Okay, he went in there...
344
00:12:46,970 --> 00:12:50,350
so I'll just pull up the video
from that room and-- Huh.
345
00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:52,060
I can't access those cameras.
346
00:12:52,180 --> 00:12:55,060
Boys, look around
and see if you can find any cables
347
00:12:55,190 --> 00:12:57,100
or anything unplugged
down there, will ya?
348
00:13:00,570 --> 00:13:03,490
No, I don't have
the proportionate strength of an ant.
349
00:13:03,610 --> 00:13:04,570
I'm just a guy, okay?
350
00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:05,650
All right, sorry.
351
00:13:05,780 --> 00:13:07,030
I'm just makin' conversation.
352
00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:08,780
Let me tell you
something about the whole
353
00:13:08,910 --> 00:13:11,490
"an ant can lift 100 times
its own weight" business.
354
00:13:11,620 --> 00:13:13,080
It's a myth, okay?
355
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:14,870
How much do you think
an ant actually weighs?
356
00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:16,080
Like nothing.
357
00:13:16,210 --> 00:13:18,670
- What's nothing times a hundred?
- N-Noth--
358
00:13:18,790 --> 00:13:20,500
- It's nothing!
- [DING!]
359
00:13:20,630 --> 00:13:24,130
M.U.T.H.E.R. is now online.
360
00:13:24,260 --> 00:13:27,630
M.U.T.H.E.R. wishes
to speak with Dr. Venture.
361
00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:29,840
Aw, he named
his hard drive "M.U.T.H.E.R."
362
00:13:29,970 --> 00:13:30,890
How cute is that?
363
00:13:31,010 --> 00:13:32,890
Incorrect response.
364
00:13:33,020 --> 00:13:34,810
This is not a request.
365
00:13:34,930 --> 00:13:37,730
M.U.T.H.E.R. will only
communicate with Dr. Venture.
366
00:13:37,850 --> 00:13:38,810
Get down!
367
00:13:38,940 --> 00:13:40,100
Don't let her see you!
368
00:13:40,230 --> 00:13:41,230
Come on!
369
00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:42,400
What? What is that thing?
370
00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:43,440
M.U.T.H.E.R.
371
00:13:43,570 --> 00:13:46,490
She's the supercomputer
Jonas built to run this place --
372
00:13:46,610 --> 00:13:49,610
sentient, controlling,
superbitch, ruin-my-life computer!
373
00:13:49,740 --> 00:13:51,530
M.U.T.H.E.R.:
Incorrect response.
374
00:13:51,660 --> 00:13:53,830
Where is Dr. Venture?
375
00:13:53,950 --> 00:13:54,990
You're sure he's dead, right?
376
00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:56,330
- Positive.
- Shivers!
377
00:13:56,460 --> 00:14:00,120
? Thought our busy little hackers
might be getting hungry ?
378
00:14:00,250 --> 00:14:01,130
How is everything going?
379
00:14:01,250 --> 00:14:02,210
M.U.T.H.E.R.:
Negative.
380
00:14:02,340 --> 00:14:05,420
- The house is mad at us for losing Pop.
- M.U.T.H.E.R. demands to see Dr. Venture.
381
00:14:05,550 --> 00:14:07,010
DR. ORPHEUS:
The face! The face!
382
00:14:07,130 --> 00:14:08,800
M.U.T.H.E.R.:
Initiating contact with
383
00:14:08,930 --> 00:14:11,470
Ven-tech missile defence system.
384
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:13,640
If you do not produce Dr. Venture,
385
00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:17,350
M.U.T.H.E.R. will deploy
full nuclear arsenal.
386
00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:19,850
We're gone two minutes
to heat up some pizza rolls
387
00:14:19,980 --> 00:14:21,600
and we come back to World War III?
388
00:14:21,730 --> 00:14:22,730
BOTH:
He started it!
389
00:14:22,860 --> 00:14:23,820
Okay, okay, look.
390
00:14:23,940 --> 00:14:25,940
It's not as bad as it sounds.
391
00:14:26,070 --> 00:14:27,740
[MODEM DIALLING]
392
00:14:27,860 --> 00:14:29,990
Well, it sounds pretty awful to me.
393
00:14:30,110 --> 00:14:32,070
Come on. Old phone lines?
394
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:34,160
Antique, reel-to reel mainframe?
395
00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:35,660
We got plenty of time here.
396
00:14:35,790 --> 00:14:39,250
Now, everybody think.
397
00:14:39,370 --> 00:14:44,040
M.U.T.H.E.R. is awaiting connection
with Ven-tech defence system.
398
00:14:44,170 --> 00:14:45,840
Oi, who's doing that?
399
00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:49,340
Probably Doc trying to, uh, "save us."
400
00:14:49,470 --> 00:14:50,510
Typical Rusty.
401
00:14:50,630 --> 00:14:53,140
Schmeckeling around
with Daddy's equipment.
402
00:14:55,180 --> 00:14:57,430
DR. VENTURE:
Would you-- Okay, easy!
403
00:14:57,560 --> 00:14:59,270
All right already. Stop pushing.
404
00:14:59,390 --> 00:15:00,690
Is that the guy from The Buggles?
405
00:15:00,810 --> 00:15:01,900
Silence!
406
00:15:02,020 --> 00:15:04,860
You are in the presence of the father!
407
00:15:04,980 --> 00:15:08,230
Oh, Father,
a non-Rusty has entered our midst
408
00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:11,400
and we fear he brings
contamination from above.
409
00:15:11,530 --> 00:15:14,030
We humbly seek
your wisdom and guidance.
410
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:16,530
Show us the way to cleanse ourselves.
411
00:15:16,660 --> 00:15:19,290
You were right to bring him here, Rusty.
412
00:15:19,410 --> 00:15:23,250
Now, let us see what Father has to say.
413
00:15:23,380 --> 00:15:26,040
ALL:
Always to wash behind one's ears!
414
00:15:26,170 --> 00:15:29,010
Always to brush before bedtime!
415
00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:33,890
Oh, hello, Rusty!
416
00:15:34,010 --> 00:15:34,930
ALL:
Hello, Father.
417
00:15:35,050 --> 00:15:36,010
What?
418
00:15:36,140 --> 00:15:39,100
You're looking well.
Enjoying your new life belowground?
419
00:15:39,220 --> 00:15:41,020
ALL:
Yes, Father.
420
00:15:41,140 --> 00:15:42,890
Ha ha! Good!
421
00:15:43,020 --> 00:15:45,730
Because today
I'd like to talk to you about...
422
00:15:45,860 --> 00:15:47,360
personal hygiene!
423
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:49,610
- ALL: Ahh!
- Good, good, good!
424
00:15:49,740 --> 00:15:51,240
As humanity's last hope,
425
00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:54,530
the burden of preserving
the American way of life
426
00:15:54,660 --> 00:15:57,280
in a post-nuclear world is upon you.
427
00:15:57,410 --> 00:15:58,370
[TAPE FAST-FORWARDS]
428
00:15:58,490 --> 00:16:02,830
Not only controls flyaways,
but it looks and smells--
429
00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:04,080
[TAPE FAST-FORWARDS]
430
00:16:04,210 --> 00:16:05,830
FATHER:
One or two smooth, even strokes,
431
00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:08,380
each day will mitigate the odours caused
432
00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:10,170
by micro-organisms
which feed upon the sebum...
433
00:16:10,300 --> 00:16:12,300
You have got be shitting me.
434
00:16:12,420 --> 00:16:15,800
Difficult for me to discuss,
435
00:16:15,930 --> 00:16:21,600
but as you get older,
you may experience certain...
436
00:16:21,730 --> 00:16:22,730
urges...
437
00:16:22,850 --> 00:16:23,810
[CROWD GASPING]
438
00:16:23,940 --> 00:16:25,690
Okay, show's over!
439
00:16:25,810 --> 00:16:28,610
I don't go rifling through
your old home movies, do I?
440
00:16:28,730 --> 00:16:31,150
He-- He tuned Father out?
441
00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:33,610
Yes, I killed your god.
442
00:16:33,740 --> 00:16:35,030
Ooooh!
443
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:37,160
Now I will take his place.
444
00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:40,450
And new Dad says
it's time to get me the hell out of here!
445
00:16:40,580 --> 00:16:44,960
Contamination!
Contamination!
446
00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:46,620
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
447
00:16:47,670 --> 00:16:48,960
Okay, okay.
448
00:16:49,090 --> 00:16:50,550
I think I've got something.
449
00:16:50,670 --> 00:16:54,090
Maybe it's all... just a dream?
450
00:16:54,220 --> 00:16:56,630
Orpheus, you're the one
who dragged us into this B.S.
451
00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:58,050
So how do you want to go out --
452
00:16:58,180 --> 00:17:01,559
sitting in a peep booth waiting for
some Atari bitch to tell you "game over,"
453
00:17:01,665 --> 00:17:03,430
or do you want to finish
what you started?
454
00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:04,980
What do you mean?
455
00:17:05,100 --> 00:17:08,270
I mean we already know
where they're at, so let's go get 'em.
456
00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:09,440
Yes!
457
00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:10,820
Let's!
458
00:17:10,940 --> 00:17:13,480
Yeah, yeah, player 3 buying in.
459
00:17:13,610 --> 00:17:17,160
ALL:
The Order of the Triad, go!
460
00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:20,990
Awaiting connection with Ven-tech system.
461
00:17:21,120 --> 00:17:22,990
Where is Dr. Venture?
462
00:17:23,120 --> 00:17:24,870
Should I be as freaked out as I am?
463
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:26,370
Why is it doing this?
464
00:17:26,500 --> 00:17:29,000
You know, she and Jonas
had a bit of a falling out
465
00:17:29,130 --> 00:17:31,670
over parenting issues.
466
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:34,050
Jonas thought the survivors
of a nuclear holocaust
467
00:17:34,170 --> 00:17:36,510
might be too distraught to function
468
00:17:36,630 --> 00:17:40,220
as a society underground,
so he wanted to pump small amounts
469
00:17:40,350 --> 00:17:42,810
of mood-enhancing drugs
into the ventilation system.
470
00:17:42,930 --> 00:17:45,100
And M.U.T.H.E.R.,
this bitch -- she didn't approve.
471
00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:47,020
- What'd she do?
- Eh, you know,
472
00:17:47,140 --> 00:17:48,770
when your parents catch you smoking
473
00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:52,570
and they make you smoke the
whole freakin' pack as punishment?
474
00:17:52,690 --> 00:17:56,110
That's right.
A veritable subterranean utopia!
475
00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:58,360
Why, we even have our own concert hall
476
00:17:58,490 --> 00:18:01,280
with a 90-piece classical orchestra.
477
00:18:01,410 --> 00:18:02,330
[ALL COUGHING]
478
00:18:02,450 --> 00:18:05,790
Yessir, ol' Jonas
thought of just about every...
479
00:18:05,910 --> 00:18:07,870
[GROANS]
480
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,330
everything.
481
00:18:09,460 --> 00:18:14,210
[GROANS]
482
00:18:14,340 --> 00:18:17,880
[ALL GROANING]
483
00:18:18,010 --> 00:18:20,090
I'm gonna be sick.
484
00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:23,720
Ow! Ow! Get off!
485
00:18:23,850 --> 00:18:26,640
Aah! I can't-- Aah! Gah!
486
00:18:26,770 --> 00:18:27,930
[VOMITS]
487
00:18:28,060 --> 00:18:29,690
[ALL SCREAMING]
488
00:18:29,810 --> 00:18:31,600
Make it stop! Aah!
489
00:18:32,730 --> 00:18:34,190
Aah!
490
00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:37,900
We've got to get out of here!
491
00:18:38,030 --> 00:18:40,740
We've got to get the hell out of here!
492
00:18:44,330 --> 00:18:45,410
Blood everywhere!
493
00:18:45,540 --> 00:18:46,540
It's horrible!
494
00:18:46,660 --> 00:18:49,040
M.U.T.H.E.R.'s slipped us a mickey.
495
00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:52,380
Rally, Team Venture,
before she traps us forever!
496
00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:59,800
[ENGINE TURNS OVER]
497
00:19:00,510 --> 00:19:01,430
[PANTING]
498
00:19:01,550 --> 00:19:04,220
I should cast a spell of protection
over the vehicle before we embark.
499
00:19:04,350 --> 00:19:05,260
Unh-unh. No magic.
500
00:19:05,390 --> 00:19:06,890
You know what
happened to me last time.
501
00:19:07,020 --> 00:19:09,430
I'll be damned if I'm walkin'
out of here in Aquaman underoos.
502
00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:11,310
You sure you can drive this thing?
503
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:13,730
Oh, yeah.
I was a tank commander in the marines.
504
00:19:13,860 --> 00:19:15,900
I didn't know
you served in the armed forces.
505
00:19:16,020 --> 00:19:18,650
Boy, the stuff you don't know
about me could fill one big-ass book.
506
00:19:18,780 --> 00:19:21,280
Maybe next time you'll think
twice about leaving me behind
507
00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:23,110
when you go visit your precious master.
508
00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:25,620
[ENGINE TURNS OVER]
509
00:19:25,740 --> 00:19:29,120
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
510
00:19:29,250 --> 00:19:30,410
Ohh!
511
00:19:31,670 --> 00:19:32,960
Uh, I c--
512
00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:35,330
[SCREAMING]
513
00:19:36,420 --> 00:19:39,380
Did you know I also
raise carrier pigeons on my roof?
514
00:19:39,510 --> 00:19:40,510
No.
515
00:19:40,630 --> 00:19:45,010
W.O.M.B. breach.
516
00:19:45,140 --> 00:19:47,350
System connection established.
517
00:19:47,470 --> 00:19:50,980
Initiate launch --
full nuclear commitment.
518
00:19:51,100 --> 00:19:52,520
[COUGHING]
Quickly, Mr. Samson!
519
00:19:52,640 --> 00:19:54,730
We haven't a moment to--
520
00:19:54,860 --> 00:19:57,650
Ooh, did you sculpt him yourself?
521
00:19:57,770 --> 00:19:59,570
[GRUNTING]
522
00:19:59,690 --> 00:20:01,740
Back, all of you, or so help me!
523
00:20:01,860 --> 00:20:03,990
No! Give us back the word!
524
00:20:04,110 --> 00:20:05,410
Oh, you want this?
525
00:20:05,530 --> 00:20:07,330
I've got like a million of them upstairs.
526
00:20:07,450 --> 00:20:11,580
If you'd played nice,
I would have shared, but n-o-o-o-o!
527
00:20:23,300 --> 00:20:25,510
Yes, Father...
528
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:29,060
Make us clean again!
529
00:20:32,180 --> 00:20:34,350
DEAN:
There's Pop! I-I see him!
530
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:35,520
We did it, Mr. White!
531
00:20:35,650 --> 00:20:37,270
We saved Pop!
532
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:39,110
Go, Team Venture!
533
00:20:39,230 --> 00:20:40,150
Wonderful.
534
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:43,440
That's one for us,
5 billion for the apocalypse.
535
00:20:43,570 --> 00:20:46,660
I can't help but think that Rusty
would've wanted it that way.
536
00:20:47,910 --> 00:20:49,780
[EXPLOSION]
537
00:20:49,910 --> 00:20:51,830
[CREAKING]
538
00:20:56,120 --> 00:20:59,170
[GAGGING, SPITTING]
539
00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:02,050
Aw, sh--
540
00:21:30,870 --> 00:21:32,740
They'd been using it as a bathroom.
541
00:21:32,870 --> 00:21:35,040
If they sent all their waste into the sky,
542
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:36,830
"Father" would "make it clean."
543
00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:37,920
Lunatics.
544
00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:39,500
So, who were all those crazies?
545
00:21:39,630 --> 00:21:42,960
Honorary gold members of
the Rusty Venture fan club --
546
00:21:43,090 --> 00:21:45,590
which explains why
they had the canny survival skills
547
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:47,130
to live down there for so long.
548
00:21:47,260 --> 00:21:49,510
Yeah, one bright day back in 1978,
549
00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:52,180
my father thought
the kids from the local orphanage
550
00:21:52,310 --> 00:21:55,770
needed cheering up,
so he took them on a little field trip
551
00:21:55,890 --> 00:21:59,900
to see his brand-new,
state-of-the-art fallout shelter.
552
00:22:00,020 --> 00:22:01,980
And their only contact
with the outside world
553
00:22:02,110 --> 00:22:05,230
for like 30 years
was an old scopitone of your dad?
554
00:22:05,360 --> 00:22:08,900
Not entirely. Somehow they were
able to get VH1 classics on that thing, too.
555
00:22:09,030 --> 00:22:10,950
I don't know.
Cable wires got crossed somewhere.
556
00:22:11,070 --> 00:22:14,330
- So, what about M.U.T.H.E.R.?
- Where is Dr. Venture?
557
00:22:14,450 --> 00:22:15,540
Don't worry. I found him.
558
00:22:15,660 --> 00:22:16,580
He's right here.
559
00:22:16,710 --> 00:22:19,670
And, uh, he wants to talk to you, too.
560
00:22:19,790 --> 00:22:22,540
Oh, hello, Rusty!
561
00:22:22,670 --> 00:22:25,300
No, Dr. Venture, it's M.U.T.H.E.R.
562
00:22:25,420 --> 00:22:27,050
You're looking well.
563
00:22:27,170 --> 00:22:29,220
Enjoying your new life belowground?
564
00:22:29,340 --> 00:22:31,300
No, Dr. Venture.
565
00:22:31,430 --> 00:22:32,760
We have much to talk about.
566
00:22:32,890 --> 00:22:35,140
Ha ha! Good.
567
00:22:35,270 --> 00:22:38,060
Because today
I'd like to talk to you about...
568
00:22:38,190 --> 00:22:39,390
personal hygiene!
569
00:22:39,725 --> 00:22:41,370
Oh. Okay.
570
00:22:41,420 --> 00:22:45,970
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