All language subtitles for Twisted.Metal.S01E03.720p.WEB.h264-EDITH

- Oh, my God.

That's hot.

If my mom weren't such a
stupid bitch, I'd do it, too.

At least she's
good for one thing.

- No way.

Oh, my God, I've been
dying for a ciggy all day.

- Me, too.

I heard Gwyneth Paltrow
smokes, like, two packs a day.

- Oh, my God.

Hello, there, ladies.

I saw that.

I get it.

You wanna be adults,
and that makes sense,

two beautiful young women.

- Sketchy much?

- No, I was just giving
you a compliment.

- Okay, perv,

you're old enough to be my dad.

Eww.

- And you're old
enough to know the law.

Now, give me the cigarettes,
and I'll forget about this.

- Or what? You'll arrest us?

I mean, you're
just some mall cop.

- No, I'm-I'm-I'm a
member of the Topeka P.D.

- Oh, ooh.

Oh, my God.
- I'm calling my mom.

She's a lawyer.

- I thought she
didn't pass the bar.

- Shut up, Bianca.

What the hell?

I knew I should've
gotten a Razr.

- What the
fuck? What's going on?

- Free money!
- Oh, my god.

- Oh, hell, yeah!

- That's for not doing
what you're told.

- Yeah, follow directions!

- Why don't you stay in the car?

- Strip 'em and zip 'em.

- I'm gonna take your
jacket off, okay?

I'll give it back to
you when we're all done.

And your gloves, too, actually.

- Stu, you don't
have to explain.

Just do it.
- Okay.

Let me know if it's too tight.

Hands up, please.
- Stop saying, "Please."

- Okay, sorry.
- Hey, there.

Oh, yeah, that wound
is still fresh, huh?

Hmm...

Tell me, tough guy,
this your main squeeze,

or is this some sort of
transactional arrangement?

Send 'em down the purple line.

- You got it, boss.

- Oh, my God. It's a DMV.

- A what?
- You have been detained

for driving without
an open road license.

You will now be
issued a license.

If you decline, you
will walk the red line.

If you are caught driving
without a license again,

you will walk the red line.

- What's down the red line?

- No, no, wait!

- Cool, screams.

- Take 'em away.

- Have fun, losers.

- Just to be clear,
I fucking hate you.

- Same.

- Open, you stupid
trunk. Damn.

- Cocoa butter?

Mike, you ever
tried cocoa butter?

- Tried it?
- Ugh.

- Come on.
Just fuckin'...

Come on.

- Hey, do-do you think Agent
Stone is kinda intense?

I do not like it when he smiles.

- Shepard already gave me
the lowdown on Stone, okay?

He's a legit hero.

Get this, when the
fall happened, right,

this terrorist group took
over this man's hometown.

This guy stepped up himself

and single handedly
annihilated everybody

with extreme prejudice.

- Extreme prejudice, cool.

- Fuck.

Man, you need to fix this shit.

- Yoo-hoo, Mikey-Mike.

Mmm, what's up?

I really love the way you
tased that twat like...

- Ahh!

- Uh-oh. Speaking of twats...

What you got there, big guy?

- You know, you-you
can just call me Stu,

and it's trash.

- Well, you know, uh,

as Stone says, one
man's trash is a...

- Is what?

- Oh, Goddamn.

- Hey, how'd you know that
old ratty cop out there,

Shepard or whatever?

So, we're back to this now?

Fine, I can play
the quiet game, too.

W-why won't you talk?

Why won't you talk?
Why won't you talk?

Why won't you talk?
- Why do you talk so much?

- Look, this mouth
has gotten me out

of a lotta sticky situations.

- Eww.
- Not like that.

I mean, that happened,
too.

Look, out here, silence
can get you killed.

- Silence has kept me alive.
- Oh, yeah?

So, why'd you tell that
cop to eat your ass?

- Well, hello.

It's a mystery how our
paths just keep crossing.

My men say

you have a darling little voice.

I'm excited to hear
what comes out of it.

- Go ahead, drink up.

Where we're sitting,

there once flowed
a powerful river.

Then they built this
architectural marvel.

My father used to bring
me here for the tour

when I was a child.

The tour was a bit dry.

- Ha!

- Just a little
dam humor for ya.

But now, the roads have
all become wild rivers,

so I'm building my own
blockade, a dam, if you will.

It runs from Southern Arizona

all the way to the
Canadian wastes,

but the only way through...

is here.

- Wow, cool story.

There's been a
misunderstanding, all right?

I'm not a criminal.

I'm a milkman on a delivery.

Now I know you got a
beef with the girl.

Pfft, that ain't got nothin'
to do with me, right?

- I don't give a fuck
about your delivery.

What I do give a fuck about,

is how you would
happen to have this.

I have spent decades building
outposts and checkpoints,

but this map manages to
avoid damn near every one.

I want the name of
your cartographer.

- My carta-ta... my what?

- Your mapmaker.

- Oh, no, man. I found that

on the side of the road, dude.

Come on. You want it, take it.

- You really think
I'm that stupid?

- No. No, no, no,
no, no, not at all.

I know how this
world works, officer.

- A little respect,
I appreciate that,

but for the record, it's Agent.

- Even better, Agent, uh, Stone.

I didn't know this map
avoided your routes.

I did not know.

Now, I do know.

So, how about I get
one of those licenses

I keep hearing so much about,

and I go on my merry way?

Whoa!

Why'd you do that?

Oh, that was unnecessary.

- Couldn't even do it yourself.

- We'll revisit that
attitude in a few hours.

- Can't wait.

- Get the name of the mapmaker.

One leak could bring
the whole dam down.

- Come on, come on, hurry.

- Let's go. Get in back.

- Don't matter
if it's legal.

- That's the last one.

- Hey, neighbor, need some help?

- Thanks, Margie.

How are you and Rick holding up?

- Oh, it's scary out there.

Looters hit us the other day.

We went to the station
for help, but...

- The station burned down.

Yeah, bastards
torched it on Tuesday.

It's every man for
himself.

Margie, what are you doing?

- Rick, get in here!

Get the gun.

- Sorry, bro.

- Check the back for his rifles.

Check the cabinets, too!

- Ain't nothing
back here but "Juggs!"

- Of what? Of-of water?

- No, like the magazine,

two Gs, big boob porn.

- Of course, Officer
Stone is into big titties.

Pig.

- I got 'em. Let's jet.

- Why are you guys doing this?

- Like you said,
every man for himself.

We're getting out of this
city before it all goes up,

and you've always been
kind of an asshole.

Go.

Later, officer.

- While I give you points
for velocity and precision,

spit washing his face was
a stupid fuckin' idea.

I was this close to
talking us outta here.

Why did you do that?

- Why didn't you tell him
who made your shitty map?

- That's none of your business.

- Oh, look at that. You
answer your own questions.

- Yo, you're a pain in my ass.

- Oh, blow me.
- You wish.

- Pfft, not likely.

Prick.
- Asshole.

- Stone is really counting
on us to get this info, man.

So, we can't fuck this up, Stu.

- You say that like
I'm gonna fuck it up.

- All I'm saying is,
we gotta go hard, okay?

Put your game face on.

Now what's our motto?

- Big, swinging...

- We got big swinging dicks.
- Swinging dicks.

- That's right, and we're
in motherfucking charge.

- Fuck you.
- Fuck you.

What the fuck is that?

- It's American sign
language for big balls.

- Y'all got saws and shit
in there to torture us?

- Tell us who made that map,

and you'll never
need to find out.

- Ooh, you do this a lot.

- Fill out these
forms in triplicate.

- That's scary.

- Oh, it will be.

- Yeah, it will be.

- So, what if I
don't know my DOB?

- It means date of birth.
- Okay.

So, what if I don't
know that either?

- Turn it on.

- You're lucky I love this song!

- Not for long.

Louder!

- Get writing!

- Why is
the pencil so small?

- That's all we
got! Keep writing!

- n-p-x-t-z.

- Now, you.

- f-u-c-k-u.

- Eyes look a little
dry, don't they?

- Aww, come on, man. Ahh!

- No, no, no, no! Oh, God!

Sorry. Oh, my God. Ugh!

- Give us the mapmaker
or meet yours.

- Wait, did you mean

you wanna meet the mapmaker
or meet your maker?

That would have
been a cool line,

but you fucked it up, player.

- No! No!

- That used to be
my jam back in the day.

So, you have anything
you'd like to share?

- Yeah.

I've known the mapmaker
for a long time.

He's probably the only
person on this earth

that I really trust.

That's why I'll never
tell you his name.

You can give me 1,000
more forms to fill out.

They're fun.

- I guess we're just
gonna have to send you

down the red line then.

And you, you must be thrilled.

You get to hug your
brother, again.

To think that he took
a bullet for you,

and you just threw it away.

Shame.

Take 'em away.

- I'll find you.

- Oh, yeah? Where?

In the afterlife?

Spooky.

- Let's go.

- Listen, if there's
more maps out there,

we could be compromised.

- Want me to head to HQ?
- No.

I'll handle it myself.

- Officer, are you in here?

I saw your police car
out in the driveway.

- I cannot help you.

- These guys,
these-these terrorists,

they threw me out
of my restaurant.

- Don't you get it?
The world is over.

- That's why we need you.

Too bad... I thought
you were a cop.

B67... that's B67.

- Guess I'm not gonna
finish this job.

So, Stone killed
your brother, huh?

- You know, sometimes it's
okay to shut the fuck up.

- I was just... you know what?

Never mind, asshole.

- Stone...

He made my brother...

He made him shoot himself.

- That's messed up.

Was he your only family?

You know, I had a family, too.

- What a stunning admission.

- If you let me finish...

I was gonna say I
don't remember them.

Like, my memory
is not that good.

And no matter how hard I
try, I can't remember 'em.

I can't see their faces.

So, you were lucky
to have as much time

with your brother as you did.

'Cause all I have is a
burnt photo and feelings.

- Wow. That is
supremely fucked.

- Yeah, I know.

That's why this delivery
job for New San Francisco...

It was supposed to help
me get it back, you know.

I mean, not the family, but...

the feeling,

being a part of somethin'.

B68... that's B68.

- Maybe we should try and
kill each other right here

for old times sakes.

- All right, bud, you're up.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. No.

You, do it.

- I'll handle these
douche nozzles.

- Mm-hmm.

- Hey, listen, Stu.
It's Stu, right?

I mean, or you go by Stuart?

Like, what is your...
What do you go by?

- Sh-shut up.
- My bad, big man.

- Big man? Go fuck yourself!

You don't think I know
what "big man" means

or, uh, "papa bear", or "boss,"

or "Plus Size Polly,"

or "Big-titted Timmy,"

or, "Hey, you know what
who you look like?"

Oh, let me guess,
fuckin' Bruce Vilanch.

I get it. I'm
not petite, okay?

So, don't patronize me.

How would you like to
be called, uh, uh...

How are you so
Goddamn good-lookin'?

- I mean, his breath
smells like shit.

- Why would you even say that?
- Oh, God,

I can smell it from here.

- Oh, shit.

- Open it.

Open it. Go on.

- Oh, it's so
high! It's so high!

It's so high! Oh, God,
I fuckin' hate heights!

- Yeah, I hate
fuckin' hate dyin'!

Hey, look, we're
not gonna jump, man.

- And I'm not negotiating.

This is where the red line ends.

- Look, Stu, your
friend has a cold heart,

but I see you, Stu.

You're not that guy.
You're a good guy.

- Either you jump, or you fall.

- Then go ahead and
fuckin' shoot us!

We're not gonna do your job.

Go ahead. Fire away!

Blow our fuckin' heads off!

- Stone played this game
with me and my brother, Stu.

It's about power!

You wanna feel that power?
You wanna be like Stone?

Then go ahead. Shoot us.

But you have to finish the job!

- Do it!
- Come on, do it!

Do it!
- Do it!

- If I don't kill you, I'm dead.

- Not if you're in the car

speeding your ass outta
here with us, Stu.

- Fuck.

- You gonna get a
commemorative t-shirt?

I thought you were more
of a snow globe guy.

- Do you ever stop talking?
- No.

- Come on. Yeah, okay.

- Keys, keys, keys, right here.

Here we go.

What do your keys look like?
- Keys.

- Okay, how many
ridges are on them or teeth?

- They
look like keys.

I don't know. It's-it's a key.

- Please be more
specific. I don't know keys.

I'm not a locksmith
or a keymaster.

- Got it.

- Where'd your friend go?
- Goddamn it, Quiet.

Fuck it. We gotta leave her.

- The terrorists are in there?

- Yeah, and they're armed.

I'll handle this.

- Shh, be quiet.

- Why?

- Hey, come on,
honey. Come over here.

- Hey, who's out there?

- Freeze in the name of the law!

Wait, you are the terrorists?

- Officer?
- We had nowhere else to go.

The grocery stores
were all looted.

We only came here to get
food for our families,

and then the owner freaked out.

There's enough snake-sketti
and coconut shrimp here

to feed hundreds of people.

- Look, lots of people
are struggling, right now,

but hunger is not an
excuse to break the law.

Leave now.
- Wait, I know you.

I see him around
here all the time.

This dude is a
fucking rent-a-cop.

- Uh, the mall is
part of my patrol.

I'm a real cop.
- You don't act like one.

Tellin' folks not
to double park.

Sweating little
kids stealing candy.

That make you feel like
a big, powerful man?

- I need you to vacate
the premises, please.

- "Vacate the premises, please."

Look at you trying
to look tough.

That uniform barely
has a crease in it.

Shoes still shiny.

How is a pathetic, worthless,
pencil dick of a mall cop...

- I told you! I am
a man of the law!

Oh, no.

You did this! I
was here to help!

You had to resist!
This is your fault!

You broke the law!

- Oh, shit! Sorry, boss.

I thought you were
already headed to HQ.

- Where is Stone?

- I got two stones
for you, right here.

- Oh, are we flirting now?

More like pebbles.

I remember what your
fuckhead boss said

about how if someone
tells your story,

it lives on forever.

You'll be remembered
as the guy who died

with his dick in his hand.

- What the fuck did you do, Stu?

The prisoners are loose.

- hq.

- Oh, Ev.

Oh, what did they do to
your beautiful body, baby?

Fuck. Damn it!

Come on, baby.

Which one of you assholes
left the dome light on?

- Uh, who was in the car last?

Uh, uh...
- Get out and push!

- Okay. Wasn't me.

Go! I got it!

- Stu, you're my hero!

We couldn't have
did it without you!

- He's not here.
- I gotta fix that trunk.

Should we go back and get him?
- Are you shitting me?

- You're right.

Jello, Stu.

- Mike, they overpowered me.

- If you ain't with
us, you're against us.

- Did they really
have to strip all your guns?

That's just mean.

- They take everything?
- Yeah, no weapons,

which means I'm gonna
be clinching my cheeks

all the way to New Chicago.

Aww, man, they took
my cocoa butter.

Now, I'm gonna be ashy, too.

Look, I need to
make up some time,

so is there any
way I can drop you

between here and New Chicago?

- Yeah, there is.

Growing up, my brother,
he used to tell me

about how before the fall,

people lived in cities
without walls, without fear.

We were trying to get
to a place like that.

- Well, I'm sorry to break
the news to you, sister,

but all those cities are gone.

- No, not all of them.

There's a sanctuary
city in the Midwest.

That's where we were
headed before...

things got fucked.

- Well, does this
sanctuary city have a name?

- HQ. Topeka.