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1
00:00:02,234 --> 00:00:03,935
[♪]
2
00:00:03,937 --> 00:00:06,071
Ah, Douglas, just the man
I wanted to see.
3
00:00:06,073 --> 00:00:07,405
Give my résumé
a once-over,
4
00:00:07,407 --> 00:00:08,473
will you?
5
00:00:08,475 --> 00:00:09,507
Your résumé?
6
00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:10,508
What's that about?
What, you...
7
00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:12,744
You want to go back to work?
Yeah.
8
00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:14,980
I just can't take it anymore,
Douglas.
9
00:00:14,982 --> 00:00:17,682
Sitting alone
in that basement all day.
10
00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:20,218
To be honest with you,
I'm starting to have some...
11
00:00:20,220 --> 00:00:22,687
very strange thoughts.
12
00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:24,188
Really. Huh.
13
00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:26,758
Hadn't picked up on that.
14
00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:28,627
So, this going
to land me a job,
15
00:00:28,629 --> 00:00:30,294
or what?
16
00:00:30,296 --> 00:00:31,496
Well, my first
thought is,
17
00:00:31,498 --> 00:00:32,897
you might not
want to do it
18
00:00:32,899 --> 00:00:34,699
in magic marker.
19
00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:36,835
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
20
00:00:36,837 --> 00:00:38,036
Hmm...
21
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,403
and which
Little Rascal
22
00:00:39,405 --> 00:00:41,205
were you?
23
00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:43,241
Onions, beloved by millions,
24
00:00:43,243 --> 00:00:46,511
till that bastard Alfalfa
took it all away.
25
00:00:47,647 --> 00:00:49,080
All right, this,
26
00:00:49,082 --> 00:00:51,082
see, I got to throw
a flag on this, okay?
27
00:00:51,084 --> 00:00:52,483
Somebody's going
to check with NASA.
28
00:00:52,485 --> 00:00:53,818
That's for me
to worry about.
29
00:00:53,820 --> 00:00:54,819
All I wanted
30
00:00:54,821 --> 00:00:55,820
was for you
to double-check
31
00:00:55,822 --> 00:00:56,821
my spelling
and grammar
32
00:00:56,823 --> 00:00:57,822
and not nitpick
33
00:00:57,824 --> 00:00:58,823
at every
little detail!
34
00:00:58,825 --> 00:01:00,191
Okay! Fine!
35
00:01:00,193 --> 00:01:01,660
You spelled
GPA wrong.
36
00:01:01,662 --> 00:01:02,794
Other than that,
it's perfect.
37
00:01:02,796 --> 00:01:06,230
Thank you.
38
00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:08,700
♪ My eyes are gettin' weary
39
00:01:08,702 --> 00:01:12,336
♪ My back is gettin' tight
40
00:01:12,338 --> 00:01:14,205
♪ I'm sittin' here in traffic
41
00:01:14,207 --> 00:01:17,042
♪ On the Queensborough Bridge
Tonight ♪
42
00:01:17,044 --> 00:01:22,380
♪ But I don't care
'Cause all I want to do ♪
43
00:01:22,382 --> 00:01:26,484
♪ Is cash my check
And drive right home to you ♪
44
00:01:28,154 --> 00:01:33,825
♪ 'Cause, baby, all my life
I will be drivin' home to you ♪
45
00:01:39,631 --> 00:01:40,799
So there I am,
46
00:01:40,801 --> 00:01:42,400
watching TV
with my mom,
47
00:01:42,402 --> 00:01:43,868
and I turn to her
and go,
48
00:01:43,870 --> 00:01:44,969
"Hey, when is
Aunt Gwinnie
49
00:01:44,971 --> 00:01:46,537
getting here?"
50
00:01:46,539 --> 00:01:48,907
So I hear Larry King
on the TV say,
51
00:01:48,909 --> 00:01:50,308
"She'll be with us at 7:00."
52
00:01:52,078 --> 00:01:53,912
See, he was talking
about a guest.
53
00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:56,681
Uh, I think it was Joyce Dewitt
or Cindy Williams.
54
00:01:56,683 --> 00:01:58,116
I always get those two mixed up,
55
00:01:58,118 --> 00:02:01,920
but it sounded
like he was answering me.
56
00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:03,287
That's so weird, isn't it?
57
00:02:06,425 --> 00:02:08,559
I wonder where Doug is.
58
00:02:08,561 --> 00:02:10,095
I bet you
wish to God
59
00:02:10,097 --> 00:02:11,863
you hadn't lost
your house key.
60
00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:13,564
No, no. This is...
61
00:02:13,566 --> 00:02:15,033
This is nice.
62
00:02:15,035 --> 00:02:16,667
Did you read
that thing in The Times
63
00:02:16,669 --> 00:02:19,170
about how some men can lactate?
64
00:02:20,806 --> 00:02:22,006
That was
awesome!
I'm telling you,
65
00:02:22,008 --> 00:02:23,541
it's a rush every
time you get on.
66
00:02:23,543 --> 00:02:24,675
Hey.
Hey, babe.
67
00:02:24,677 --> 00:02:25,844
What's up?
68
00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:26,945
Oh, not much.
69
00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:28,512
I was just out riding
on Richie's hog.
70
00:02:28,514 --> 00:02:31,049
Okay. Please rephrase that.
71
00:02:31,051 --> 00:02:32,617
I got a motorcycle.
72
00:02:32,619 --> 00:02:33,618
Really?
Yeah.
73
00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:35,019
It's unbelievable.
74
00:02:35,021 --> 00:02:36,621
We went from here
to, like, Modells and back
75
00:02:36,623 --> 00:02:37,622
in, like, two minutes.
76
00:02:37,624 --> 00:02:38,857
It's so fast.
77
00:02:38,859 --> 00:02:40,258
You zip in and out
through traffic,
78
00:02:40,260 --> 00:02:41,659
and I got to level with you.
79
00:02:41,661 --> 00:02:43,962
There was a breeze
blowing up my shorts
80
00:02:43,964 --> 00:02:46,364
that felt like Christmas.
81
00:02:46,366 --> 00:02:47,932
Very nice. House key, please.
82
00:02:47,934 --> 00:02:49,067
Oh, right.
83
00:02:49,069 --> 00:02:50,935
God, that was
so cool.
84
00:02:50,937 --> 00:02:52,370
Everybody's looking at you,
like, whizzing by...
85
00:02:52,372 --> 00:02:53,638
and then,
out of nowhere,
86
00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:55,140
Richie just pulls
this wheelie.
87
00:02:55,142 --> 00:02:58,943
I wasn't going for one.
You just leaned back.
88
00:02:58,945 --> 00:03:00,645
Uh, you know, from here,
89
00:03:00,647 --> 00:03:02,113
it sounds like Mr. Doug
90
00:03:02,115 --> 00:03:04,282
wants to buy himself
a motorcycle.
91
00:03:04,284 --> 00:03:05,449
You know what?
92
00:03:05,451 --> 00:03:06,785
I am a little
tempted.
93
00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:08,953
Moose, you should see the guy
that I got mine from.
94
00:03:08,955 --> 00:03:10,155
He's got some real beauties
cheap,
95
00:03:10,157 --> 00:03:11,823
and they run like new.
96
00:03:11,825 --> 00:03:13,324
You know what?
Give me his number.
97
00:03:13,326 --> 00:03:15,160
Maybe I'll--
[IMITATES BUZZER]
98
00:03:15,162 --> 00:03:17,228
You're not getting
a motorcycle.
99
00:03:17,230 --> 00:03:18,329
Why not?
Okay, Doug,
100
00:03:18,331 --> 00:03:20,298
did you not hear
my buzzer noise?
101
00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:21,933
This is not
going to happen.
102
00:03:21,935 --> 00:03:22,934
Why not?
103
00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:24,702
Because they're
too dangerous,
104
00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:25,804
and people
die on them.
105
00:03:25,806 --> 00:03:26,805
I don't want
106
00:03:26,807 --> 00:03:28,239
to have to constantly
worry about you.
107
00:03:28,241 --> 00:03:29,440
Yeah, but, Carrie,
I wouldn't--
108
00:03:29,442 --> 00:03:30,608
Doug, no motorcycle.
109
00:03:30,610 --> 00:03:32,277
If you want,
I'll buy you a Schwinn,
110
00:03:32,279 --> 00:03:33,344
we'll put
a baseball card
111
00:03:33,346 --> 00:03:34,412
in the spokes,
112
00:03:34,414 --> 00:03:35,413
It'll sound
almost the same...
113
00:03:35,415 --> 00:03:37,182
Okay?
114
00:03:37,184 --> 00:03:39,617
Screw that noise.
115
00:03:39,619 --> 00:03:41,186
I can get one
if I want.
116
00:03:41,188 --> 00:03:42,453
Okay, Doug,
give me your hand.
117
00:03:42,455 --> 00:03:43,888
I want to make this
easy for you.
118
00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:44,823
No.
119
00:03:46,725 --> 00:03:48,092
No.
120
00:03:48,094 --> 00:03:49,127
Now, give me
the keys.
121
00:03:49,129 --> 00:03:50,661
I don't want to miss
The Real World.
122
00:03:50,663 --> 00:03:51,996
I love you.
Don't be home late.
123
00:03:51,998 --> 00:03:52,997
Bye, guys.
124
00:03:52,999 --> 00:03:54,199
Goodnight, Carr.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
125
00:03:56,936 --> 00:03:58,336
What?
126
00:03:58,338 --> 00:04:00,138
Nothing.
So, uh...
127
00:04:00,140 --> 00:04:01,372
you want to
shoot some pool,
128
00:04:01,374 --> 00:04:02,874
Mrs. Heffernan?
129
00:04:04,710 --> 00:04:06,744
Yeah, we could
spot you two balls.
130
00:04:10,515 --> 00:04:12,750
Hey, so much
for traditional gender roles,
131
00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:14,352
huh?
132
00:04:16,488 --> 00:04:18,156
I'm going to use
the bathroom.
133
00:04:20,559 --> 00:04:22,160
So, yeah, you want
to shoot a game?
134
00:04:22,162 --> 00:04:23,228
For real.
135
00:04:23,230 --> 00:04:25,463
No. You know what? No, thanks.
136
00:04:25,465 --> 00:04:27,098
Come on, man,
we're just kidding around.
137
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:28,666
It's not you.
It's Carrie.
138
00:04:28,668 --> 00:04:29,901
I mean, what was
that about?
139
00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:30,935
"No. No discussion."
140
00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:31,970
[IMITATES BUZZER]
141
00:04:31,972 --> 00:04:32,971
Sorry.
142
00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:33,972
[IMITATING BUZZER]
143
00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:35,006
Sorry!
144
00:04:35,008 --> 00:04:36,074
Easy. Easy.
145
00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:38,709
I just thought marriage
was supposed to be
146
00:04:38,711 --> 00:04:42,013
this mutual sharing
dialog thing.
147
00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:43,948
No.
148
00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:47,018
Well, you know what?
Ours is. Usually.
149
00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:48,253
Oh, really?
150
00:04:48,255 --> 00:04:49,820
Last year, uh...
151
00:04:49,822 --> 00:04:51,522
Where was it
you wanted to go on vacation?
152
00:04:51,524 --> 00:04:53,824
Baseball Hall of Fame.
Baseball Hall of Fame.
153
00:04:53,826 --> 00:04:55,126
Cooperstown,
154
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:57,128
and, uh,
where'd you end up going?
155
00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:59,663
Antiquing
in Connecticut.
156
00:04:59,665 --> 00:05:01,766
So you did,
and, uh, last week,
157
00:05:01,768 --> 00:05:04,369
when we were renting movies
to watch with the wives, uh...
158
00:05:04,371 --> 00:05:05,736
what did we end up renting?
159
00:05:05,738 --> 00:05:07,372
I don't know.
160
00:05:07,374 --> 00:05:08,873
I can't remember.
161
00:05:08,875 --> 00:05:10,275
No, no. What did we rent?
162
00:05:10,277 --> 00:05:11,342
I don't know.
What did we rent?
163
00:05:11,344 --> 00:05:12,410
Hope Floats, all right?
164
00:05:12,412 --> 00:05:14,645
There it is! Hope Floats!
165
00:05:14,647 --> 00:05:15,914
You see what I'm saying?
166
00:05:15,916 --> 00:05:17,215
You're married.
167
00:05:17,217 --> 00:05:18,216
Don't fight it.
168
00:05:18,218 --> 00:05:19,250
You just got to...
169
00:05:19,252 --> 00:05:21,386
Focus on a point
on the wall and...
170
00:05:21,388 --> 00:05:23,354
let it happen.
171
00:05:23,356 --> 00:05:24,789
No. No, you know what?
172
00:05:24,791 --> 00:05:26,257
You focus. Not this guy.
173
00:05:26,259 --> 00:05:27,458
I'm picking up my own soap,
174
00:05:27,460 --> 00:05:29,193
and I'm getting
out of the shower.
175
00:05:29,195 --> 00:05:30,461
Soap?
176
00:05:30,463 --> 00:05:32,130
What the hell
are you talking about?
177
00:05:32,132 --> 00:05:34,198
I don't know.
What are you talking about?
178
00:05:37,970 --> 00:05:39,337
She's pretty
sweet, huh?
179
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:40,338
Oh, that she is.
180
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:41,339
Richie's right.
You, uh...
181
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:42,340
You do nice work.
182
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:43,374
Yeah.
183
00:05:43,376 --> 00:05:44,375
I hollowed out
the cams,
184
00:05:44,377 --> 00:05:45,509
put in bigger
piston heads.
185
00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:47,011
You know, give it
a couple more horses.
186
00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:49,080
Good. Yeah,
because I, uh...
187
00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:51,482
I probably would've
hollowed them out myself.
188
00:05:51,484 --> 00:05:53,985
Now I don't have to.
That's good.
189
00:05:53,987 --> 00:05:55,019
So, you want
to do the deal?
190
00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:56,154
Hmm. I don't know.
191
00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:57,221
What do you
want for it?
192
00:05:57,223 --> 00:05:58,222
1200.
193
00:05:58,224 --> 00:05:59,223
Hmm.
194
00:05:59,225 --> 00:06:00,558
It's a nice bike,
195
00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:01,692
but I don't know
if it's 1200 nice.
196
00:06:01,694 --> 00:06:02,726
1200.
197
00:06:02,728 --> 00:06:03,962
It is nice.
198
00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:06,630
Still, I don't know,
you know?
199
00:06:06,632 --> 00:06:08,766
1200...
200
00:06:11,003 --> 00:06:13,804
What are you
looking for?
201
00:06:13,806 --> 00:06:15,539
I don't know.
Here's 1200.
202
00:06:20,012 --> 00:06:22,413
Darling, I need
to borrow the iron.
203
00:06:22,415 --> 00:06:24,215
Dad, I told you.
204
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:25,749
If you want
a grilled cheese sandwich,
205
00:06:25,751 --> 00:06:27,685
I will make you one.
206
00:06:27,687 --> 00:06:28,719
No, no.
207
00:06:28,721 --> 00:06:30,888
I just wanted to press my pants.
208
00:06:32,057 --> 00:06:33,992
I got a job interview
in the morning.
209
00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:35,193
Really?
210
00:06:35,195 --> 00:06:36,527
Good for you.
211
00:06:36,529 --> 00:06:38,162
What for?
212
00:06:38,164 --> 00:06:41,765
Head of Pediatrics,
Long Island Jewish.
213
00:06:45,037 --> 00:06:46,037
Great.
214
00:06:46,039 --> 00:06:48,172
Sure hope you don't get it.
215
00:06:48,174 --> 00:06:51,575
Okay, I think I know
where that came from.
216
00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:52,743
Now, look,
217
00:06:52,745 --> 00:06:54,145
I love you.
218
00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:56,014
When I go
back to work,
219
00:06:56,016 --> 00:06:59,183
you will not become
a latchkey child.
220
00:06:59,185 --> 00:07:01,585
That is
my pledge to you.
221
00:07:06,558 --> 00:07:08,759
[MOTORCYCLE REVVING]
222
00:07:13,698 --> 00:07:15,366
[REVVING]
223
00:07:48,467 --> 00:07:49,467
Hey, babe.
224
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:51,102
Hi.
225
00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:52,103
What happened?
226
00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:53,304
I thought you were
coming home
227
00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:54,772
right after work.
228
00:07:54,774 --> 00:07:56,474
Uh, actually, I stopped...
somewhere first.
229
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:59,643
In fact, I, uh...
I need to talk to you.
230
00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:01,546
Let me just get dinner started
real quick.
231
00:08:01,548 --> 00:08:02,580
Uh, dinner can wait.
232
00:08:02,582 --> 00:08:03,981
I want to get this out now.
233
00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:06,250
Dinner can wait?
234
00:08:06,252 --> 00:08:09,487
Okay.
Now you're really scaring me.
235
00:08:12,391 --> 00:08:13,958
Well?
236
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,126
What?
237
00:08:15,128 --> 00:08:16,360
Carrie,
238
00:08:16,362 --> 00:08:17,861
sometimes in a marriage...
239
00:08:17,863 --> 00:08:20,698
[CLEARS THROAT]
240
00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:23,334
there comes a time when...
241
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:25,203
one of the...
242
00:08:25,205 --> 00:08:28,172
members of that marriage
243
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:29,974
needs to express
themselves
244
00:08:29,976 --> 00:08:30,975
in a way that--
245
00:08:30,977 --> 00:08:32,243
Douglas,
246
00:08:32,245 --> 00:08:34,044
that is one bad-ass motorcycle
you got out there.
247
00:08:34,046 --> 00:08:36,147
Nice work, kiddo.
248
00:08:48,660 --> 00:08:49,960
You got a motorcycle?
249
00:08:49,962 --> 00:08:52,196
Can I finish my story, please?
250
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:53,197
You got a motorcycle?
251
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:54,665
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! I got a bike.
252
00:08:54,667 --> 00:08:55,933
I got a bike.
I got a bike.
253
00:08:55,935 --> 00:08:57,135
There, I said it.
I don't care.
254
00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:59,337
I said it. It's out there.
255
00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:02,607
By the way,
Douglas,
256
00:09:02,609 --> 00:09:05,976
did Carrie tell you
I got a job interview?
257
00:09:05,978 --> 00:09:07,845
Honey, you can't run from this.
258
00:09:07,847 --> 00:09:10,314
Daddy needs to work!
259
00:09:10,316 --> 00:09:12,082
Douglas, get her.
260
00:09:13,885 --> 00:09:14,985
Have you lost
your mind?
261
00:09:14,987 --> 00:09:16,053
And we discussed this.
262
00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:17,288
No, no, we didn't
discuss it.
263
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:18,322
You discussed it.
264
00:09:18,324 --> 00:09:19,923
I barely got
a sentence in.
265
00:09:19,925 --> 00:09:23,427
Doug, I specifically forbade you
from buying this.
266
00:09:23,429 --> 00:09:26,631
Forbade me? Forbade?
You can't forbade me.
267
00:09:26,633 --> 00:09:27,931
Are you insane?
268
00:09:27,933 --> 00:09:29,800
I mean, what the hell
do you think you're doing here?
269
00:09:29,802 --> 00:09:31,235
I knew you would
overreact like this.
270
00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:33,171
Look, I just wanted one.
Huh? It'll be fun.
271
00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:34,372
Fun? Really?
272
00:09:34,374 --> 00:09:36,174
Will it be fun
when you're in a wheelchair?
273
00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:39,343
Maybe.
274
00:09:39,345 --> 00:09:40,944
This is going back tomorrow.
275
00:09:40,946 --> 00:09:43,881
No,
it's not going back tomorrow.
276
00:09:43,883 --> 00:09:45,249
Oh. Oh, it is.
277
00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:46,250
Uh-uh. It's not.
278
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:47,251
It's s going back.
279
00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:49,119
It's so not
going back.
280
00:09:49,121 --> 00:09:51,189
Hey, Doug, not only
are you stupid for buying this,
281
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:54,058
but you're arguing about it
in a really annoying way.
282
00:09:54,060 --> 00:09:56,160
Tough noogies.
283
00:09:58,830 --> 00:10:00,331
Look, I'm keeping
the motorcycle.
284
00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:01,399
For once,
285
00:10:01,401 --> 00:10:03,000
I'm wearing the pants
in the family.
286
00:10:03,002 --> 00:10:04,101
Fine.
Fine.
287
00:10:04,103 --> 00:10:05,269
Keep the damn bike.
288
00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:06,270
I will.
Fine.
289
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:07,271
I will.
Fine.
290
00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:08,272
I will.
291
00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:09,273
And by the way,
292
00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:10,675
if you want to
wear the pants,
293
00:10:10,677 --> 00:10:12,276
you might think
about pulling them up.
294
00:10:22,688 --> 00:10:23,721
Well, peaches,
295
00:10:23,723 --> 00:10:26,390
I think
congratulations are in order.
296
00:10:26,392 --> 00:10:28,926
Your father
got himself a job.
297
00:10:28,928 --> 00:10:32,496
Well, I'm going to assume
it's not the head of Pediatrics.
298
00:10:32,498 --> 00:10:33,497
No, no.
299
00:10:33,499 --> 00:10:34,765
Unfortunately,
300
00:10:34,767 --> 00:10:37,201
they did
a little fishing around,
301
00:10:37,203 --> 00:10:40,304
so instead, I accepted an offer
from an enterprise
302
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:43,941
known as "A Big Hot Pretzel."
303
00:10:43,943 --> 00:10:47,111
Well, the important thing is,
you still get to work with kids.
304
00:10:47,113 --> 00:10:49,079
Congratulations.
305
00:10:49,081 --> 00:10:50,348
I'm proud of you.
306
00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:51,716
Thank you.
307
00:10:51,718 --> 00:10:52,750
The pay's not great,
308
00:10:52,752 --> 00:10:53,751
but they agreed
309
00:10:53,753 --> 00:10:54,752
to let me
work evenings.
310
00:10:54,754 --> 00:10:55,753
That way,
311
00:10:55,755 --> 00:10:58,922
you and I can have
our days together.
312
00:10:58,924 --> 00:11:01,091
I'd love to, Dad, but you know,
I work during the day.
313
00:11:01,093 --> 00:11:02,293
Come on, darling.
314
00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:03,728
You're going to have
to be flexible
315
00:11:03,730 --> 00:11:06,196
if we're going
to make this work.
316
00:11:06,198 --> 00:11:08,098
Okay, well, I guess
my only other option
317
00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:09,800
is to quit my job?
318
00:11:09,802 --> 00:11:11,435
That's my girl.
319
00:11:11,437 --> 00:11:14,272
Sewing kit?
Here we go.
320
00:11:14,274 --> 00:11:15,606
Got to let
the crotch out
321
00:11:15,608 --> 00:11:16,874
on these trousers.
322
00:11:16,876 --> 00:11:18,743
After all, I'm selling pretzels,
323
00:11:18,745 --> 00:11:20,244
not myself.
324
00:11:25,584 --> 00:11:27,818
What's up?
325
00:11:36,161 --> 00:11:38,896
Hey, babe.
326
00:11:38,898 --> 00:11:40,164
Kiss?
327
00:11:41,933 --> 00:11:43,734
You, uh, you want
to know where I was?
328
00:11:43,736 --> 00:11:44,769
I was...
329
00:11:44,771 --> 00:11:47,037
I was out cruising.
330
00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:49,173
Good for you, sweetie.
331
00:11:49,175 --> 00:11:52,510
I was on my motorcycle.
332
00:11:52,512 --> 00:11:53,811
I know. I know.
333
00:11:53,813 --> 00:11:55,245
I'm fine with that.
334
00:11:55,247 --> 00:11:56,781
You are?
335
00:11:56,783 --> 00:11:58,248
Yeah, you know, I had
a good night's sleep,
336
00:11:58,250 --> 00:11:59,517
thought things through,
337
00:11:59,519 --> 00:12:00,918
and I figured, hey,
you know what?
338
00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:03,454
If a motorcycle
makes you happy,
339
00:12:03,456 --> 00:12:06,256
then I'm happy too,
because you know what?
340
00:12:06,258 --> 00:12:07,425
Life's too short
341
00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:09,727
not to do the things
that make you happy.
342
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:10,994
Right?
343
00:12:14,766 --> 00:12:17,935
Right.
344
00:12:17,937 --> 00:12:20,037
So, you want to split
an egg roll?
345
00:12:20,039 --> 00:12:21,038
Do you?
346
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:21,972
All right...
347
00:12:23,675 --> 00:12:25,743
What are you
doing here?
348
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,110
What? Oh. Oh, this?
349
00:12:27,112 --> 00:12:28,879
I'm just doing
what makes me happy.
350
00:12:28,881 --> 00:12:30,247
Oh, you know what?
351
00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:32,249
These are so smooth.
352
00:12:32,251 --> 00:12:35,219
We've come a long way, baby.
353
00:12:35,221 --> 00:12:37,822
So you're going to get cancer
to make a point?
354
00:12:37,824 --> 00:12:40,290
Sure. I'll be in an iron lung,
you'll be in a wheelchair.
355
00:12:40,292 --> 00:12:41,625
Hey, you know what?
356
00:12:41,627 --> 00:12:44,895
Maybe we can chip in
and share a helper monkey.
357
00:12:44,897 --> 00:12:46,697
Well, you know what?
It's not going to work.
358
00:12:46,699 --> 00:12:47,931
You can smoke
all you want.
359
00:12:47,933 --> 00:12:49,166
I don't care.
360
00:12:49,168 --> 00:12:50,835
Well, I'm glad
you feel that way, sweetie.
361
00:12:50,837 --> 00:12:52,503
Oh, I do.
362
00:12:52,505 --> 00:12:53,671
I do. I do. You know?
363
00:12:53,673 --> 00:12:55,172
Look, I'm not going
to play games, Carrie.
364
00:12:55,174 --> 00:12:57,775
I'm not going to that place
where you want me to go here.
365
00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:59,176
If you want to ruin your lungs,
366
00:12:59,178 --> 00:13:00,043
then that's...
367
00:13:03,147 --> 00:13:04,214
All right.
368
00:13:04,216 --> 00:13:05,750
Put her out.
369
00:13:05,752 --> 00:13:07,084
I can't eat in that stink.
370
00:13:07,086 --> 00:13:08,619
Well, then go eat
with your motorcycle,
371
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:11,922
because I likes to smoke
while I eat.
372
00:13:11,924 --> 00:13:13,991
Fine. You know what?
I will. I will.
373
00:13:13,993 --> 00:13:15,092
You know what?
374
00:13:15,094 --> 00:13:17,127
I will,
and you can smoke all you want,
375
00:13:17,129 --> 00:13:19,162
because I'm keeping
my motorcycle.
376
00:13:19,164 --> 00:13:20,431
Duck sauce.
377
00:13:23,502 --> 00:13:25,669
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
378
00:13:29,941 --> 00:13:31,809
[REVVING]
379
00:13:35,881 --> 00:13:38,482
[TIRES SCREECH]
380
00:14:30,602 --> 00:14:33,337
Oh, don't mind me.
381
00:14:33,339 --> 00:14:35,940
I'm just looking for something.
382
00:14:35,942 --> 00:14:39,176
Oh, thank God.
383
00:14:39,178 --> 00:14:40,310
You know,
384
00:14:40,312 --> 00:14:41,545
if you lose one
of these things,
385
00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:42,880
it comes right out
of your paycheck.
386
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:43,881
I already owe them
387
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:47,317
for that stupid soda machine.
388
00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:51,522
So, uh... you...
389
00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:53,791
You still enjoying
the chopper?
390
00:14:53,793 --> 00:14:54,925
Hmm?
391
00:14:54,927 --> 00:14:56,293
Oh, uh, yeah.
392
00:14:56,295 --> 00:14:57,661
It's great.
393
00:14:57,663 --> 00:15:00,898
Don't let Carrie
get you down.
394
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:03,601
You know, when I
had my motorcycle,
395
00:15:03,603 --> 00:15:05,268
her mother was
the same way.
396
00:15:05,270 --> 00:15:06,504
You had a bike?
397
00:15:06,506 --> 00:15:09,106
Sure. Loved it too.
398
00:15:09,108 --> 00:15:10,574
The great open road.
399
00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:12,610
Rumble of your
machine.
400
00:15:12,612 --> 00:15:15,779
Camaraderie of your
gang brothers.
401
00:15:18,449 --> 00:15:19,917
You were in a gang?
402
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,084
Not really.
403
00:15:21,086 --> 00:15:22,486
I asked them
to let me in,
404
00:15:22,488 --> 00:15:23,921
but they drank
heavily all weekend
405
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:27,257
and beat me
pretty severely...
406
00:15:30,361 --> 00:15:32,129
Okay.
407
00:15:32,131 --> 00:15:34,832
and I think
I may have been compromised
408
00:15:34,834 --> 00:15:36,700
by a gentleman named...
409
00:15:36,702 --> 00:15:38,936
Road Dog.
410
00:15:48,713 --> 00:15:50,948
[MOTORCYCLE REVVING]
411
00:15:59,457 --> 00:16:01,759
God, I hate you!
412
00:16:03,762 --> 00:16:05,429
Carrie!
413
00:16:05,431 --> 00:16:07,097
Up here.
414
00:16:12,904 --> 00:16:13,904
Hey.
415
00:16:13,906 --> 00:16:17,007
Want to have sex?
416
00:16:17,009 --> 00:16:19,409
I'm getting rid of the bike.
417
00:16:19,411 --> 00:16:20,978
You are?
Mm-hmm.
418
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,212
Selling it tomorrow. You happy?
419
00:16:22,214 --> 00:16:23,781
Well...
420
00:16:23,783 --> 00:16:25,783
yeah.
421
00:16:25,785 --> 00:16:27,651
What happened?
You get sick of it?
422
00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:30,554
No. Sorry.
I didn't get sick of it.
423
00:16:30,556 --> 00:16:32,923
You got sick of it.
424
00:16:32,925 --> 00:16:34,491
No.
Yes!
425
00:16:34,493 --> 00:16:36,259
No. Let me tell you something,
Carrie, okay?
426
00:16:36,261 --> 00:16:37,327
I love that bike, okay?
427
00:16:37,329 --> 00:16:38,796
I'm a free spirit on that bike.
428
00:16:38,798 --> 00:16:40,798
Me and that bike are like this,
okay?
429
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:42,633
Then why you getting rid of it?
430
00:16:44,703 --> 00:16:45,769
Why, you ask me?
431
00:16:45,771 --> 00:16:48,472
Because it
just so happens
432
00:16:48,474 --> 00:16:50,007
that I love this...
433
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,008
more.
434
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:52,776
This is why
435
00:16:52,778 --> 00:16:54,011
I'm getting rid
of the bike,
436
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:55,112
and no other reason,
437
00:16:55,114 --> 00:16:56,513
and you know what?
438
00:16:56,515 --> 00:16:57,781
If you can't
understand that,
439
00:16:57,783 --> 00:16:58,983
then...
440
00:16:58,985 --> 00:17:01,418
how sad your
world must be.
441
00:17:09,227 --> 00:17:12,096
Ah, there she is.
442
00:17:12,098 --> 00:17:15,298
The harpy who made her husband
sell his motorcycle.
443
00:17:15,300 --> 00:17:16,433
Dad, please.
444
00:17:16,435 --> 00:17:17,868
Please, nothing.
I know why you did this,
445
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:19,269
but let me tell you one thing.
446
00:17:19,271 --> 00:17:20,704
Motorcycle or no motorcycle,
447
00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:22,606
I'll find a way to get to work.
448
00:17:22,608 --> 00:17:23,607
Dad!
449
00:17:23,609 --> 00:17:25,208
I'll take the bus if I have to.
450
00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:27,444
Sure, the bus can't pick me up
at my front door
451
00:17:27,446 --> 00:17:30,814
or make my tushy feel good
with its rhythmic vibrations--
452
00:17:30,816 --> 00:17:31,915
Dad, wait.
453
00:17:31,917 --> 00:17:33,383
Would you just listen to me,
please?
454
00:17:33,385 --> 00:17:35,452
I'm glad you got a job.
455
00:17:35,454 --> 00:17:37,121
I made Doug get rid
of the motorcycle
456
00:17:37,123 --> 00:17:38,488
because they're
way too dangerous.
457
00:17:38,490 --> 00:17:39,523
Uh-huh.
458
00:17:39,525 --> 00:17:42,592
Well...
459
00:17:42,594 --> 00:17:44,962
you know what's
more dangerous?
460
00:17:44,964 --> 00:17:46,463
What?
461
00:17:46,465 --> 00:17:48,598
Having somebody
resent you
462
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:50,734
for making them
give up their dream...
463
00:17:53,004 --> 00:17:54,938
and you know what's
even more dangerous?
464
00:17:56,207 --> 00:17:57,440
Leaving a pair
of boxer shorts
465
00:17:57,442 --> 00:17:59,609
drying
on a space heater,
466
00:17:59,611 --> 00:18:01,411
so if you'll
excuse me...
467
00:18:08,619 --> 00:18:09,787
Aah!
468
00:18:16,761 --> 00:18:20,230
I sold you.
469
00:18:20,232 --> 00:18:22,566
Oh, shoot.
You're home already.
470
00:18:22,568 --> 00:18:23,734
I didn't
get a chance
471
00:18:23,736 --> 00:18:25,335
to put the bow
on it yet.
472
00:18:25,337 --> 00:18:26,503
Well...
473
00:18:26,505 --> 00:18:27,504
here.
474
00:18:27,506 --> 00:18:28,505
What...
475
00:18:28,507 --> 00:18:29,740
What have you done?
476
00:18:29,742 --> 00:18:31,709
I felt really guilty
477
00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:32,876
about making you
sell it,
478
00:18:32,878 --> 00:18:34,477
and I didn't
want you to hate me
479
00:18:34,479 --> 00:18:36,113
for the rest
of your life, so...
480
00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:37,114
I bought it back.
481
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:38,115
You bought it back!
482
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:39,116
That's...
483
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:41,952
You bought it back.
484
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:42,986
So what's the deal?
485
00:18:42,988 --> 00:18:44,354
I don't get
a hug for this?
486
00:18:44,356 --> 00:18:45,522
Oh, yeah!
487
00:18:45,524 --> 00:18:48,258
Yeah.
488
00:18:48,260 --> 00:18:50,160
Now...
489
00:18:50,162 --> 00:18:51,862
no riding at night,
490
00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:53,163
no riding
on the expressway,
491
00:18:53,165 --> 00:18:54,364
and no riding
in bad weather.
492
00:18:54,366 --> 00:18:55,365
You got it?
493
00:18:55,367 --> 00:18:56,499
Yeah. Yeah.
494
00:18:56,501 --> 00:18:57,634
Oh, wait.
495
00:18:57,636 --> 00:18:58,936
I have another
surprise for you.
496
00:18:58,938 --> 00:19:00,670
They just keep coming,
don't they?
497
00:19:04,709 --> 00:19:06,076
Now we can go riding together.
498
00:19:06,078 --> 00:19:06,944
Look at me.
499
00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:11,815
I'm Pinky Tuscadero.
500
00:19:11,817 --> 00:19:13,050
Come on.
501
00:19:13,052 --> 00:19:14,718
Let's take it for a spin.
502
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:16,386
Let's bust some heads, baby.
503
00:19:16,388 --> 00:19:17,755
Okay.
504
00:19:19,624 --> 00:19:21,091
Come on!
505
00:19:21,093 --> 00:19:23,460
Okay! Yeah! Okay!
506
00:19:23,462 --> 00:19:24,694
All right.
507
00:19:31,302 --> 00:19:33,837
Honey, don't you
need to, like...
508
00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:36,106
start it
or something?
509
00:19:39,477 --> 00:19:40,543
Funny story.
510
00:19:40,545 --> 00:19:43,446
Uh, hey, get ready
to laugh.
511
00:19:43,448 --> 00:19:45,916
It turns out
I hate the bike.
512
00:19:45,918 --> 00:19:46,917
What?
513
00:19:46,919 --> 00:19:47,985
I hate it.
514
00:19:47,987 --> 00:19:49,386
Hey, let's go
buy you a gift.
515
00:19:49,388 --> 00:19:50,720
Come on.
516
00:19:50,722 --> 00:19:51,889
Doug!
517
00:19:51,891 --> 00:19:53,857
What do you mean
you hate the bike?
518
00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:55,092
I thought you
loved this thing.
519
00:19:55,094 --> 00:19:56,927
I don't love it,
okay?
520
00:19:56,929 --> 00:19:58,162
I mean,
I get rained on,
521
00:19:58,164 --> 00:19:59,329
people laugh at me,
522
00:19:59,331 --> 00:20:00,931
and at night,
no one can see you.
523
00:20:00,933 --> 00:20:02,132
At night, you're
going to die.
524
00:20:02,134 --> 00:20:03,533
You might as well just face it.
525
00:20:03,535 --> 00:20:05,135
You're going to die.
526
00:20:05,137 --> 00:20:07,337
Well, then what was that
load of crap you gave me
527
00:20:07,339 --> 00:20:08,672
about how much you loved it,
528
00:20:08,674 --> 00:20:11,108
but you loved
this more?
529
00:20:11,110 --> 00:20:12,176
I was embarrassed, all right?
530
00:20:12,178 --> 00:20:13,643
I was just trying
to get out of this
531
00:20:13,645 --> 00:20:14,644
with a shred of manhood.
532
00:20:14,646 --> 00:20:16,180
And you thought you'd do that
533
00:20:16,182 --> 00:20:18,481
by making me feel guilty
for the rest of my life?
534
00:20:18,483 --> 00:20:21,285
It felt right at the time, yeah.
535
00:20:21,287 --> 00:20:23,220
What is wrong with you?
536
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:26,056
I fell there!
537
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:27,590
Look, it was your fault too.
538
00:20:27,592 --> 00:20:29,392
My fault?
539
00:20:29,394 --> 00:20:31,394
Yeah, that...
That buzzer noise
is so insulting, you know?
540
00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:34,064
I don't like it when you do it
in front of my friends...
541
00:20:35,700 --> 00:20:37,968
and I really don't like it
when you do it during sex.
542
00:20:37,970 --> 00:20:41,138
Anybody would've buzzed you
on that one.
543
00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:44,407
Hello. It was dark.
I was disoriented.
544
00:20:44,409 --> 00:20:46,643
Okay.
545
00:20:46,645 --> 00:20:50,914
I'm sorry I buzzed you
about getting the motorcycle.
546
00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:53,283
I just did it
because I love you.
547
00:20:53,285 --> 00:20:54,551
I know. I...
548
00:20:54,553 --> 00:20:56,486
I love you too. Come here.
549
00:20:58,756 --> 00:20:59,756
All right.
550
00:20:59,758 --> 00:21:01,758
Well, let's see
where we're at
551
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:03,861
with this thing.
552
00:21:03,863 --> 00:21:05,963
We got a bike that we don't want
553
00:21:05,965 --> 00:21:08,431
that we bought twice
554
00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:10,467
and I'm addicted to smoking.
555
00:21:10,469 --> 00:21:13,837
Yeah, but we, uh...
We still got this, right?
556
00:21:13,839 --> 00:21:16,473
Hmm? Oh, yeah.
We still have this.
557
00:21:16,475 --> 00:21:18,508
Okay, um...
558
00:21:18,510 --> 00:21:19,910
I guess
I'll just call Dirk tomorrow
559
00:21:19,912 --> 00:21:21,678
and see if I can get
my 800 bucks back.
560
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:22,679
Eight?
561
00:21:22,681 --> 00:21:25,115
You, uh, you
got the bike for eight?
562
00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:28,785
Yeah. He wanted 1200.
Can you believe that?
563
00:21:28,787 --> 00:21:30,687
That's ridiculous.
564
00:21:35,459 --> 00:21:36,526
[SHOWER RUNNING]
565
00:21:36,528 --> 00:21:37,995
Hey, honey.
566
00:21:37,997 --> 00:21:38,996
Hey.
567
00:21:38,998 --> 00:21:39,997
How you feeling?
568
00:21:39,999 --> 00:21:41,031
Great.
569
00:21:41,033 --> 00:21:43,000
This nicotine patch
really works.
570
00:21:43,002 --> 00:21:45,302
It's like,
"Cigarette?"
571
00:21:45,304 --> 00:21:46,870
"No, thanks."
572
00:21:46,872 --> 00:21:48,471
Good. I'm glad
you feel that way.
573
00:21:48,473 --> 00:21:51,141
You know, I think
we're getting
574
00:21:51,143 --> 00:21:52,642
a little low
on shampoo.
575
00:21:52,644 --> 00:21:53,977
Can you pick up
some later?
576
00:21:53,979 --> 00:21:55,178
You got it.
577
00:21:55,180 --> 00:21:56,380
Oh, and don't forget,
578
00:21:56,382 --> 00:21:57,814
we're having dinner
with Deacon and Kelly
579
00:21:57,816 --> 00:21:59,416
on Thursday.
580
00:22:02,887 --> 00:22:05,155
[♪]
37459
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