All language subtitles for The Worlds Oldest Living Bridesmaid (1990) WEBRip

[ music playing ]

[ horn blowing ]

Woman:
So, here we are
in the middle

of a crowded restaurant
where everyone can hear,

and he says,
"You had the side order
of asparagus

and I had the
chocolate mousse
and the onion soup."

- He wad dividing it
to the penny.
- What a jerk.

He said he could tell
I was a liberated woman.

You know what you
should have done?

You should have paid
the whole check,
left a huge tip,

and gone home alone.

What do you think?

Unh-uh.

Come on, I've got to
get to the office.

I'm interviewing
secretaries.

- What happened to Jane?
- She got married.

Jane got married?

Why not?
Jane's a very
pleasant person.

Pleasant?
She's got the rear end
of a '57 Buick.

That's nothing.
Harriet's engaged.

Harriet's getting
married again?

I don't believe it.

Who's the latest victim?

They say he's...
older.

How much older?

They're looking
for a church
with a ramp.

Oh, Brenda, it isn't fair.

Harriet's always
getting married.

Why can't I find someone who
will take care of me?

Fall asleep in his arms,
and in the morning--

Yeah, in the morning
you have a plane to catch

and he wants scrambled eggs
and a quickie? No thanks.

Easy for you to say.
You've got a nice rich dentist
in the palm of your hand.

Brian's hardly
in the palm of my hand.

I'm just dating him.

And?

And nothing.

He's not for me.

He's sweet, but
kind of possessive.
A little clingy.

- How is he in bed?
- Fine.

What kind of word
is "fine"?

If someone said
I was fine in bed,
I'd kill myself.

Actually, he's, uh--

he's better than fine.
He's, uh, fantastic.

He really
is unbelievable.

Why, Brenda Morgan,
you devil.

You mean you're
going out with Brian
just for sex?

Why not?
I have everything else.

- I'll call you tonight. Bye.
- Bye.

Woman:
Rice Billingsly.

- Hi, Debbie.
Any messages?
- Hi.

They're on your desk
and your first
appointment's here.

That's a good sign.
She's early.

Hello.
I'm Brenda Morgan,

and I like the fact
that you're early.

Actually, you're late.

It's 2:07, Miss Morgan.

Like, I guess, you know,
I'm really a people person.

I mean, it's, like,
I love people,

and you sure
have lots of people
working here.

Woman:
Is this one of those
awkward pauses?

Because I hate
awkward pauses.

I always feel obligated
to say something.

Like when I'm on
a blind date, well,
it's not very cool

to tell a guy
you have bunions

the first time
you meet him.

I appreciate the time
you've given me,
and I hope I get this job,

so I can concentrate
on building my career,
you know?

What if you met
your dream man?

Well, I guess that would be
pretty hard to resist.

It would, wouldn't it?

- Thanks for coming in.
- Oh, thank you. Bye.

- [ sighs ]
- So, that last one
seemed nice.

- She wouldn't make it
to the Christmas party.
- You'll find someone.

The money's good,
and with the benefits
you're offering,

I know the next person
that walks through the door
is gonna be the one.

What about you, Debbie?

Wouldn't you like
to move up?

You could have
a very good career here.

Well, thank you,
Miss Morgan,

but I don't want a career.
I just wanna get married.

[ phone rings ]

Miss Morgan's office.

Oh, sure, Dr. Anderson,
could you hold on?

It's your dreamy dentist.

Thank you.

Hi.

You certainly
have an interesting

chairside manner,
doctor.

- Are you hungry?
- I was hoping you'd ask.

I'm not sure what I have,
but wanna go exploring?

I'd love to,
but let's eat first.

Let's see what we have.

Ah.

Yogurt, Perrier,

vitamins and
artichoke hearts.

Well, I guess
we can order pizza again.

Look! Caviar.

- Do you have any eggs?
- No.

I bought a dozen
last weekend.

Really?

Ah! Eggs.

Two caviar omelets
coming up.

- This is nice.
- Mm.

I could become addicted.

I think you'd even
get tired of caviar
after a while.

That's not what I meant,
Brenda, and you know it.

I like you a lot.

And when two people
like each other

they usually do
something about it.

We just did, didn't we?

I'm thinking of
making some changes.

Just take some time
to relax,

enjoy the simple things.

You could learn to cook.

You already know
how to cook.

But I could teach you.

You know what they say
about too many cooks.

You could do anything
you want.

You could quit work.
I make enough money
for both of us.

- So do I.
- I know you do, honey.

It was just a suggestion.

I thought maybe
that you'd like
some changes, too.

I'm just trying
to make you happy.

I am happy.
I don't want anything
to change.

I like things just
the way they are.

Okay?

Okay.

Okay.

[ thunder ]

- Good morning.
- It's a terrible morning.

I killed myself
to get to court,

then the judge adjourned
because his basement flooded.

My cab broke its axle
on a four-foot pothole,

and look at this umbrella.

Brenda, what happened
with Metcom Realty?

I filed a motion
that bought us two days.

We have
a conference call
at 3:00.

You got a pile
of messages.

Brenda, I need you
right away.

Can't it wait, George?
I just got here, George.

Please, five minutes.
All right?

So, the good news is,
the agency is sending over

another secretary,
who sounds fabulous.

Her name is
Alexandra Dante.

She's probably
from some exotic
foreign country.

Well, if she can type,

I don't care
if she's from Mars.

- Coffee?
- Please.

[ phone rings ]

- Yes?
- George: Look, Brenda--

- George, I thought--
- It can't wait.

Sherman Brothers
is a whopper
of a liability suit.

All right,
what happened?

You know those satellites
designed to blow up in space?

Well, one didn't,
and hit one of their tankers.

That sounds like
it ought to be easy.

Well, it would be,
but they've got to sue

the whole bloody
British government.

It was their satellite,

and we were in
international waters,

and the case
is a real mess.

I want you to handle it.

Well, I'll see
what I can do.

Thanks, Brenda.

[ phone rings ]

- George--
- Debbie: Miss Morgan?

The, uh-- the person
from the agency's here.

Oh, great.
Send her in.

- [ knock on door ]
- Come in.

Miss Morgan?

Hi.

I'm Alexander Dante.

You're a man.

Have been... for years.

I'm sorry, it's just that
I was expecting a--

all the other applicants
have been female.

Sit down, please.

Well, at least
you won't forget my face.

Well, your
test scores indicate

your skills are excellent,
Mr. Dante.

As a matter of fact,
you might be overqualified.

Would you mind telling me
why you want to be
a secretary?

I like doing
what I'm good at.

And you feel you have
the proper temperament
for this kind of work?

Look, Miss Morgan,
let me be honest with you.

I'm a very talented guy,
if I do say so myself.

I appreciate your honesty,
Mr. Dante.

I'm sure you'll
appreciate mine, too.

You see,
in the last year,

I've had three
excellent secretaries,

all of whom were
healthy, energetic,
and hard working.

And one by one,
they all left

because they chose
to get married

rather than pursue
their careers.

Now, I have
a very successful,

demanding law practice here,

and I feel like I'm running
a finishing school.

I really need someone
who wants to be
a secretary.

Well, you have him.

I don't want
to get married.

I'm not even dating
anyone right now.

I don't want a wife.
I want a job.

Well, I appreciate
your coming in,

but I have several other
applicants to see.

I am better than they are.

Well, perhaps,
but I think to be fair--

To be fair,
you'll give me
the chance.

Let me make
a deal with you.

Give me two weeks
to prove myself,

and I guarantee
you'll wonder how you
ever did without me.

And if I don't?

Well, then, I'm gone--

out the door,
no questions asked.

- Two weeks.
- One week.

- You won't be sorry.
- I hope not, Mr. Dante.

- When can you start?
- Oh, I just did.

Please call me Alex.

All right, Alex.
We have an awful lot
of work to do

since I've been
without someone.

What should I call you?

I beg your pardon?

What should I call you?

You should call me
Miss Morgan.

Oh. Sure.

Miss Morgan, sure.

What I'd like you to do,
first of all, Alex,

is acquaint yourself
with the account of
the Sherman Brothers.

Miss Morgan,
your mother's here.

- Brenda? Oh, hi, darling.
- Oh, Mother, hi.

- Careful, this is dripping.
- All right, I got it.

Oh, you've been
shopping, I see.

I just happened to be
in the neighborhood.

Are you gonna
stay for lunch?

No, no.
I can only stay a minute,
and I, um...

Oh, I'm sorry.
This is my new secretary
Alex Dante.

This is my mother
Edith Pierce.

- Alex: Nice to meet you.
- Nice meeting you, Alex.

Listen, why don't
you ask Debbie,

who is the receptionist,
where those files are?

- All right.
- Thanks.

Hmm. Male secretary?

- Men type faster.
- Huh?

- Shorter nails.
- Ah.

What happened to Jane?

She moved to Alaska.

Alaska?
Alaska is loaded
with eligible men.

I bet she won't
be single long.

Probably not.

Well, Frank is going
to pick me up here

and then we're gonna
go to a matinee,

but, uh, first, I--

I wanted to give you this.

Oh, thank you.

How sweet.

Why are you wearing
your hair like that?

It was raining out,
Mother.

You don't like it,
do you?

Well, I don't think
it's really me.

Well, I should
have known better.

I just thought
maybe you'd like
something different,

something with
a little pizazz.

Mother, have I ever
done anything,

have I ever said anything,

that indicated to you
in any way, shape, or form

that I was interested
in pizazz?

Darling, I don't wanna
hurt your feelings.

I mean,
you know how proud
I am of you.

I think you are brilliant
I think you are beautiful.

It's just that
I don't understand,

with all your success
and all the people you know,

you have never
gotten married.

Maybe I've just never
met my dream man.

There are no dream men,
Brenda, there are
only dreams.

Would you cross-stitch that
on a sampler for me?

I'd like to hang that
above my phone.

Okay. I give up.
I give up!

I always say
the wrong thing.

Well, at least
you're consistent.

- [ knock on door ]
- Hi. Anybody home?

Come on in, Frank.

Your wife was
just telling me

what's wrong
with my life.

Oh, really?
That's so unlike her.

- I hate to rush you--
- I know, I know.

Darling, I don't wanna
argue with you.

I just want you
to be happy.

I am happy, Mother.

Won't you just
let me be happy?

Yeah, you have my word.
The subject is closed.

Um, who sent you
the flowers?

My dentist.

Perfect checkup.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Frank:
Bye, love.

Oh, Miss Morgan,
these are ready
for you to sign.

- They're all ready?
- Yeah.

Have you checked
for errors?

Ready to go.

Oh. They actually
look very good.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Now, if there
isn't anything else--

Actually, Alex,
there's one thing.

Um, do you own a suit?

- A suit?
- Yeah, a real suit.

You know, something dark,
something conservative.

No, I don't.
Is it that important?

Well, we maintain a very
businesslike image here,

and proper clothes--

Make the proper man, right?

Well, they certainly do
make good impressions,

and good impressions,
particularly first ones,
are very important.

I'll see what
I can come up with.

I'd appreciate that.

- [ knock on door ]
- Hi, Brenda?

Oh, hi, come on in.

Um, do you have change
for a 50?

I have to take a cab.

I'm not sure.
Let me take a look.

Where you going?

There's a new band
playing at the Palladium.

Rodney, it's 10:30.

Where are your parents?

Well, Mom's in Denmark
and Dad's in Argentina.

Or maybe it's
the other way around.

Well, I'm sure they don't
want you running around

all over at this
time of night.

Brenda, I'm not a child.
I'm a bachelor.

- There's a difference?
- There's a big difference.

Do you realize
that if I got hit by
a truck tomorrow,

I could die a virgin?

So would a lot of
other people your age.

Yeah, don't bet on it.

You're in the 10th grade,
Rodney.

Hey, why don't you
come with me?

Senior citizens
are half price.

Thanks, but, uh,

I haven't finished
my homework.

Okay, well, next time
I'm not taking no
for an answer.

Ciao.

"Ciao"?

- [ knock on door ]
- Brenda: Come in.

Miss Morgan?

Oh, hi.
I thought you'd left
for the weekend.

Well, before I go,
I wanted to ask you,

what do you think?

You haven't said
anything about my suit.

Ah.

Well, it's an improvement.

But I'm afraid the boots
are gonna have to go, Alex.

Well, I do a lot of walking.
In fact, I walk to work.

You can ruin your feet
if you don't have
the right kind of shoes.

Well, fine,
wear them for walking.

Just get another
pair of shoes to keep
here at the office.

You know, real shoes.

Is something wrong?

Uh, you're missing
a button.

[ gasps ]
Oh, no.

Oh, Lord, I hope
I haven't lost it.

- Oh, here it is.
- Where?

Oh, great.
I'll have Debbie
sew it on.

- She's gone.
- Really?

I'll do it.

You can sew?

I'm really good
with my hands.

Well,
I'm sure you are.

In my family,

the boys also had to learn
how to cook and sew.

And the girls had to learn

how to change a flat
and build a fire.

That's very enlightened.

Well, can you change a flat?

No, but I can
build a fire.

I'll bet you can.

You really should
learn how to change a flat.

You never know
when you'll be driving down
some deserted road

and... trouble.

I have, um, AAA.

That won't do you much good
if there's no phone.

I have a car phone.

Well, you do think
of everything.

I try to.

Okay.

Well, now all I need
is scissors.

Well, I think there's one
in the drawer here.

Let me just get it
real quick with me teeth.

Look who I found
roaming around the--

Oh.

Oh. Excuse me.

Brian, what are you
doing here?

I was sewing on
her button, sir.

Oh, of course.

Brian, this is
my secretary Alex.

Well, I'm just about
set to go.

Can't wait to get out
in that fresh country air.

We're going away for
a very romantic weekend.

Thank you for sewing
on my button, Alex.

You're welcome.

Bye.

Bye, everyone. Bye!
Have a nice weekend.

Bye, everyone! Bye!

Woman:
I just can't believe it.

Everything
was going so well.

I just can't believe
he went back to his wife.

Brenda:
Sheila, they all go back
to their wives.

It's in their
job description.

Sheila:
But he said how boring
and helpless she is.

I know he was crazy
about me.

Brenda:
Well, of course he was.

Look, men are
attracted to us

because we're independent
and assertive

and capable
and successful.

And the minute
we get comfortable
in the relationship,

the bastards drop us,
because we're independent

and assertive and capable
and successful.

- I know you warned me.
- Sheila, may I
speak frankly?

- I'm not sure.
- You have terrible
taste in men.

I mean,
you could be in a room

full of Fortune 500
executives,

and end up going home
with a bodyguard
named Guido.

I'm open-minded.

I believe in giving
everybody a chance.

Besides,
I keep remembering

something my
Aunt Millie said.

Which was?

Well, she was so terrific

and beautiful and talented,

and I could never understand
why she never got married.

So, one day I asked her.

- And you know
what she said?
- What?

She said...

"Because the last time
someone asked me,

I didn't know
that was gonna be

the last time
someone asked me."

Oh, honey.

You wanna go shopping?

I just spent $600
on my lunch hour.

And I have
a blind date tonight.

Sheila!
Come on, not again.

Well, he's supposed
to be very nice.
A film producer.

His name is Charles Hasberg.
Maybe you've heard of him?

No, I haven't,
but do me a favor.

Don't sign any contracts
until you've talked
to your lawyer.

- How's that for service?
- Mmm!

Oh, Alex.

We have beautiful
bone china cups

that are much nicer
to drink from
than Styrofoam.

Besides, these aren't
biodegradable.

Well, I didn't know
it made a difference.

- I'll get you a fresh cup.
- No, don't bother right now.

What I really need
is that Actel report.

Would you bring it in
as soon as it's ready?

Here it is,
right in front of you.

I cross-referenced
the arguments with
the statistical charts,

so I think
that ought to help.

Huh.

This is excellent, Alex.
Excellent.

Good.

Um...

do you realize that my
trial period is up today?

No, I...

Alex, are you wearing
an earring?

Yes, I'm wearing
an earring.

Would you mind
not wearing an earring?

To the office, I mean?
What you do on your own time
is your business,

but if you're going to be
greeting clients--

Oh, then I got the job?

Have payroll put you
on the health plan.

Good. Good.

I hope you're not going to
lose your enthusiasm.

Miss Morgan,
you're about to learn

that I have
many qualities,

and enthusiasm...

is just one of them.

Yes!

Oh, no.

Ah. Oh.

Listen, Brenda--

- Hey, you got something
on your dress.
- I know.

- Sherman Brothers needs you
in London on Thursday.
- Fine.

The ship's captain
is meeting with
the board of directors.

You can get all
the depositions then

and have time to prepare
for the hearing.

It will be
a lot of paperwork,

so you better
take your secretary.

Alex?

He is your secretary,
isn't he?

I can be ready
in ten minutes.

[ bells tolling ]

- Sorry.
- To avoid jet lag,
don't nap.

Stay up all day and then
go to bed early tonight.

We've got a meeting
tomorrow morning at 8:30.

[ sighs ]

This place is too much. Ha!

We have such
a tight schedule.

I'm afraid there
won't be much time
for sight-seeing.

You have a reservation
for Brenda Morgan

and Alex Dante.

Well, I'll see you
tomorrow morning

in the dining room
at 8:30, okay?

- Oh, uh, Miss Morgan?
- Yes?

You're gonna be great.
Don't worry about anything.

Yeah, me against
twelve guys in wigs.

Sounds about even.

Well,
as my esteemed colleague

Miss Morgan must realize,

the question of liability
in this case

is not quite so simple

as in the child's tale
of Henny Penny.

When she was hit
on the head by an apple,

no one suggested
that the entire orchard
be cut down

to prevent it
from happening again.

I thank you.

Miss Morgan?

My Lord,
might I suggest that

had Henny Penny
had a good lawyer

who had advised her
of her rights,

she'd own
that orchard today.

Now, before
I begin my remarks,

I'd like to refresh
the court's memory

about the damages
suffered by my client

as illustrated in these
documents and photographs

submitted for evidence.

You were fantastic.
I can't wait for
the summation on Monday.

I'm sorry you've got
to stay over the weekend.

What, are you kidding?
I got a free weekend
in London.

I should take you out
and celebrate,

unless you're too tired.

- I don't get tired.
- Good. Neither do I.

- Hi.
- Ready?

- [ phone rings ]
- Just a second.

Hello?

Brian, hi.

I'm glad you got my message.

Oh, I'm sorry.

How can you be angry
when I just said I'm sorry?

Do you think
I want to spend
the entire weekend

locked up
in my room working?

Look,
I'll make it up to you
when I get home.

I promise,
I'll be worth waiting for.

Okay?

Okay.

Bye-bye.

- The beer is warm, too.
- Oh, good.

Oh, and after this,
I heard about a club that
sounds like a lot of fun.

- You a music lover?
- Oh, sure.

Good. Cheers.

- [ music playing ]
- [ chattering ]

[ chatter continues ]

Wow! This is great!

So, what are you
doing tomorrow?

Working on the case
all day.

I heard there's a really
great flea market
at Portobello Road.

- Have you ever been?
- Oh, years ago.

Great, you can be my guide.

Oh, I can't, really.
I've got a lot of
reading to do, and...

Well, now that I've
singlehandedly rescued
the British economy,

what are we doing
tomorrow?

I wanna be
out of here by 7:00

because
of the changing
of the guard.

Oh, Miss Morgan,
there are some flowers
here for you.

- Oh, thanks.
- I got them.

Wow.

I guess you and
Dr. Anderson are
quite the item, huh?

Well, you know
how hard it is
to find a good dentist.

Well, I'll see you
tomorrow morning at 7:00.

Sharp.

[ no audible dialogue ]

You cold?

No.

Here.

Put this on.

Thank you.

Did you ask Debbie
to send that telex?

- Yes, I did.
- Good.

I told you.

She said she'd send them
first thing tomorrow morning,

- so till then...
- Yeah?

why don't you forget
about the office?

I mean, look at that.

I think it's nice
that you and Debbie
get along so well.

It's rare that
a man and a woman
work well side by side.

And I think it's really nice
for her to get more insight

into her male-female
relationships.

You know,
you being a man and all,

you know what men want.

Oh, that's easy.

- It is?
- Yeah.

Man wants
what woman wants.

And what's that?

They want someone
to talk to,

to have a good time with,

hold, but have freedom,

and someone
to come home to.

I wish it was that easy.

Well, what do you think
a man wants?

Well, I think men want--

some men want--

well, they want to dominate.

They're into male dominance.

Aren't some women
into female dominance?

Well, maybe some are,
but not as many,

not statistically speaking.

Is Dr. Anderson
into male dominance?

I think Dr. Anderson is--

is... into male dominance.

But then, I think he thinks

I'm into female dominance.

- And you're not?
- No, I'm not.

- I only want--
- Someone to talk to

and have a good time with.

Isn't that
what everybody wants?

It's what I want.

Is it?

Well, we better
get out of here.

It looks like the sky's
gonna fall on us.

The final arguments
won't take long tomorrow,

so we should be
to the airport
in plenty of time.

I hate to say
good-bye to London.

Another lovely day.

It sure was, wasn't it?

Yeah.

Oh, I hope I have my key.

Hang on,
I'll take this from you.

Thanks.
I know I brought it.

Oh, there it is.

Okay.

- I'll take those.
- All right.

- Okay?
- Yeah.

You're forgetting something.

- What?
- My jacket.

I'm glad it was able
to keep you warm.

Don't want you
to catch cold.

If you catch cold,
that's all we need.

It's why I always
take my vitamins.

- Um, good night, yeah.
- Good night.

Don't even
think about it.

- Man: Good morning.
- [ chattering ]

Good morning, everyone.
Good morning.

Alex:
Good morning.

Hi.

You look great.

Thank you.

I need those notes
on London right away.

Uh, they're on your desk.

Oh, well, let's be sure
Mr. Billingsly

and the other partners
get copies.

- They already do.
- Good.

And take these receipts,
add your own,

and make sure
accounting gets those.

All right.

Remember,
the pub was on me.

- Mr. Billingsly.
- Alex.

George, I need to
go over London with you.

Oh, uh,
Dr. Anderson called

and he said he'd be
picking you up at 6:30.

Great.

Oh, tell him I'll go
by his office.

Right.

How does she do it?

She spends the weekend
with Alex,

and she's got the doctor
waiting for her.

God, I'd be
satisfied with one.

I don't think
she's ever satisfied.

- Brian?
- Brian: Be right out.

- Hi. Right on time.
- Hi.

- Did you miss me?
- Of course.

Yeah, I reserved
a corner booth,
so we better hurry.

- We should talk first.
- We can talk later.

No, Brenda,
this is important.

Sit down, please.

Well, what do you
want to talk about?

Well...

you know, I was--

I was really ticked off

when you phoned
from Europe.

I know. I couldn't
help it, Brian.

No, I'm not
blaming you, Brenda.

That's why
I sent you the flowers.

And they were lovely,
they really were.

I know how demanding
your job can be.

It's just that--

well, anyway,
I decided to stay
in town for the weekend

and do some errands,
you know?

Get a new dish strainer,

finally put up
that new tie rack.

And then at
the hardware store,
I met a woman.

She was--

well, I--

I was attracted to her.

I can understand
your being attracted
to someone else, Brian.

I've been attracted
to other people.

No, it wasn't
just that, Brenda.

It was something else.
It was more.

She had a light switch
that she wanted to fix

and I said
I would help her,

so I went to her house
and met her son.

- She has a child?
- Yeah.

Great kid.
Eleven years old
and all boy.

He's got a nasty overbite,

but I think I can fix that
with a retainer.

Anyway,
we sat around and talked

and got to know each other,

and we sent out for
a pastrami sandwiches.

You know, with those
really big pickles?

Brian, what are you saying?

Well, what I'm saying is,

I realized how much
I want that.

You know,
a home, a family,

the warmth and security
of sharing my life
with someone.

What I'm trying to say is,

well, this might sound crazy,
but I want her to marry me.

Marry you? Brian, I--

you want her to marry you?

I was crazy about you, Brenda.
I still am, I guess.

But it never would have
worked out between us.

I think you put it best
when you said

I'd get tired of caviar
every night.

You're too much for me,
Brenda.

I'm really just
a simple kind of guy,

- and Marylou...
- Marylou?

Marylou needs me,

and you don't need anybody,

and I need to be needed.

And little Joey needs
a father and a retainer.

I want you to meet them,
Brenda,

and you'll understand
why I'm so happy,

and you'll
be happy for me--
for all of us.

I just want everybody
to be happy.

[ phone rings ]

What kind of herbal teas
do you have?

Mint, rose hip, chamomile,
and lemon verbena.

I'll have a double
vodka martini,

straight up.

Am I glad you're
sitting down,

because what
I have to say

would knock you
off your feet.

What?

Charles proposed.

- We're getting married.
- You're what?

You heard right.
Married.

I'm getting married.

I thought you said
he was gonna dump you.

Well, I thought so, too,
but then he took me

to this crazy little diner
with a great jukebox,

and he had the waitress
serenade me, and then--

My God.

I told Charles
it was too extravagant,
but he insisted.

Well, isn't this
a little sudden?

Charles said,
"When you strike gold,

you should stop digging."

- He's so perfect.
- This is great, just...

...great.
It really is great, Sheila.

I'm so happy for you.

Now, we're gonna
do it right away.

We don't want to wait
any longer than necessary.

Well, we have to find
someplace to do it,

and then I've got
to invite everybody

and get his kids home
from school.

- He has children?
- Oh, widowed years ago.

The kids are away
at school.

We're gonna call them
tonight and tell them.

Oh, God,
my head is spinning.

I've got to make a list
of everything to do--

music, flowers, a dress.

Oh, and I almost forgot
the most important thing.

- You.
- Me?

We want you to be
our bridesmaid.

I'm gonna
call my mother.

Of course,
what would a wedding be

without me
to give away the bride?

Or the groom.

That's me,
the world's oldest
living bridesmaid.

I'll have another one.

I'm gonna double-check
these figures.

Okay.

Want some more coffee?

No, thank you.

Okay.

Hey, how about
something to eat?

This is saving my life.

I wish you'd said
something earlier.

I mean,
the least I can do
is buy you dinner.

- It's Saturday night.
- They're all the same to me.

I hope you didn't have
to change any plans.

None that couldn't
be changed.

You didn't have a date
or anything?

Nope. All yours.

Well, I appreciate
your coming in.

I don't mind.
I like my work.

I can tell.

You know,
when I first hired you,

I was really afraid that

you were going
to be uncomfortable

being the only
male secretary.

I'll be honest with you,
I don't give much credence

to that
masculine-feminine stuff.

It's all a bunch
of hype created by--

Men who are
afraid of women?

Or women
that are afraid
of themselves.

I don't know how
we're ever gonna get
all this work done.

Oh, yeah.

Work.

- You want some more coffee?
- No, thank you.

Look, we're both
pretty fried.

Why don't
we come in tomorrow?

I can't.
My friend Sheila's
getting married.

You mean, you're gonna
go with Dr. Anderson?

No.

I mean, he hasn't been
calling very much lately.

I was wondering
if you had...

broken up.

There wasn't really
much to break up.

If you want my opinion,

I thought he was
kind of a wimp.

You did?

Yeah, I did.

He's not your type.

What is my type?

I don't know.
You'll know
when you meet him.

I hope so.

Look, why don't--

why don't I just take
all this work home?

All it needs is to
be organized, right?

I can't ask you to do that.

I'm volunteering.

I'll consider it
a personal favor,

if you don't mind
getting personal.

No, I don't.

So, you go to your
friend's wedding
and enjoy yourself,

and who knows,

you might catch
the bouquet.

We'll be gone three weeks,

and we're gonna take
the kids with us,

so we can all get
to know each other.

Then we're coming home
for the real honeymoon,

right, darling?

There's Brenda.

She looks better than ever.

She sure does.

Oh! Better watch out.
Your face is gonna
freeze like that.

Hey, cheer up,
sweetheart.

You look more
like a pallbearer
than a bridesmaid.

I know, but I'm losing
my best friend.

It's silly, but I feel
so left behind

and left over
and left out.

Don't feel bad,
you'll be next.

There's another
Charles out there
just ready--

Ah, ah, ah!
The question is,

is Miss America
ready for him?

What is that
supposed to mean?

Honey, it's not as if
you never have been
asked to be married.

Half the men in this room
have been after you
at one time or another,

but you would never
give them the time of day.

What I don't understand
is why you feel left out?

- You always did the leaving.
- That's not true.

I think you were
a little hard on her, dear.

Mm. I always
say the wrong thing.

- Mm-hmm.
- Mm.

You must be
"something blue."

Nice to meet you.

- I'm "something old."
- I think I'm drunk.

Take deep breaths.

Will it make me sober?

It will either
make you sober
or make you faint.

Anything would be
an improvement.

You gonna throw up?

I already did.

Come on,
pull yourself together.

This is
your wedding night.

You haven't even gotten
to the good part yet.

I'm scared.

You've done it all before.

Don't worry.
It'll come back to you.

I mean really scared,
Brenda.

I've been married
for three and a half hours

and I feel
different already.

Well, of course
you feel different.

That was the whole idea,
wasn't it?

I guess, but...

I can't explain it.

It's such a responsibility.
It's overwhelming.

You know...

I don't even have a dog,

and now I have a husband.

Oh, Brenda,
you're my best friend
and I love you.

You do love Charles
though, don't you?

God, I adore him.
Worship him.

I'm crazy about him.

But still I wonder,

can we ever love a man
like we love each other?

I hope so, Sheila.

I want to.

I don't know.

I suppose if it really
happens, if you really
feel that spark,

then you just go
with your instincts.

Listen to me,
I sound like June Cleaver.

I don't know
what the hell
I'm talking about.

I feel better.

Let's go back before
Charles thinks
I chickened out.

Sheila, as your
very best friend,

could I tell you
one last thing?

Sure, what?

Your nose is running
and it looks disgusting.

Come on, honey,
time to throw the bouquet.

[ crowd chattering ]

[ chattering ]

- Woman: Congratulations.
- Woman #2: It's her turn.

Woman:
You're next!

Alex, hi.

I hope I'm not
disturbing you.

Good.

Listen, I was wondering
about that report.

Really?

That's great.

Because I--

I wanted to
go over it tomorrow.

Well, actually, I...

just happen to be
in your neighborhood.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Come on in.
- Thanks.

Alex, this place is lovely.

Well, you're
the first person

that's ever said
that about it.

Can I get you
something to drink?

Oh, thank you.
That would be lovely.

- Beer?
- Thanks.

I can't tell you
how much I appreciate this.

It really is
a charming place.

What's in there?

Oh, uh, something I do.

Come on, let me show you.

Alex.

I had no idea
you were an artist.

A lot of people
would agree with that.

But don't worry
about being polite

because I know
that this stuff's

probably not
up your alley.

Well, I certainly respect
the creative process

and personal achievement.

There's an
interesting theory

about the ability
to appreciate works of art--

the subjective versus
the objective.

Brenda.

Cut the crap.

I've been thinking
about that all day.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

I've been waiting for you.

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh.

[ clattering ]

[ footsteps ]

- Morning!
- Hi.

By the way, I'm also
good in the kitchen.

I'm working on breakfast.
See you in a minute?

Uh-huh.

You're out of moisturizer.

I'll put that
on the top of my list.

Sit down.
Don't bother the chef.

How do you like your eggs?
Overdone? Underdone?

None for me, thanks.

- I'll just
have some coffee.
- You sure?

You'll deprive yourself

of the world's
greatest eggs.

I have no doubt.

Here, take a bite.

Mmm.

Mmm. They are good...
and spicy.

Your, um, sculptures
are very unusual.

They'll grow on you,
I think.

I think they already have.

I must say, counselor,
you look so cute
in my terrycloth.

Have you sold any?

Sculptures?

I've traded a few.
Does that count?

What about the galleries?

None yet,
but I'll make
the rounds again.

I think you could
get someone interested.

Brenda, I have no illusion
about a one-man show
at the Modern.

I create things.
That's what I like to do.

I don't do it for money.

It's cheaper than therapy
and healthier than drugs.

But it could happen.

Maybe.

I'm still young.

You certainly are.

Are you sure I can't get you
some toast or some juice?

No, really.
I've got to get to work.

So do I.

In fact,
we could go together.

No.

I mean, I've got to
go home and change.

Oh, Lord,
I don't even have
my book with me.

Do I have
any appointments
this morning?

I think I have a 10:00.

Oh, Lord, I hope I wasn't
supposed to be in court.

Okay, so, you go
to the office and
tell them I called in.

No, I better do that myself.
I'll do that as soon
as I get home.

Oh, we're never gonna
get a cab at this hour.

Wait, there's one.
[ whistling ]

Hey, right here! Taxi!

Woman:
Thank you. Oh!

- Excuse me.
- I beg your pardon.
I saw him first.

- No, lady, we were here.
- Are you going uptown?

- Yes, I am.
- Good, we'll share!
What a great idea.

- Come on, come on.
- Really!

Mike Barton
to see Brenda Morgan.

Miss Morgan's gonna be
just a minute late.

Why don't you
have a seat over there?

- Thank you.
- Okay.

Mike, hi.
I'm so sorry I'm late.

I had a Peruvian cab driver
and I almost ended up
in Machu Picchu.

Mike:
My train had some
delays, too.

I sure could use
a cup of coffee.

I'll get it for you.
Do you take cream and sugar?

I'm sorry, did you say
you wanted cream or sugar

or cream and sugar?
We have both.

Oh, this coffee
smells so good.

I think I'll have
a cup myself.

I usually drink decaf,

but I feel a little
sluggish this morning,

so I think I'll
have some of this.

I don't understand it.

I went to bed
very early last night,

- and I slept a lot, too.
- [ doorbell rings ]

- Hi.
- Hi.

- It's nice.
- Thanks.

- You have the whole house?
- It's just three floors.

Hey.

Thanks.

Hi.

- Where's the bedroom?
- Third floor.

Third floor.
I got it.

Alex:
Hey, you missed the corner.

Brenda:
That's all right, driver.
Pull over right there.

If anyone sees us together,

they might get
the wrong idea...

or the right idea.

Excuse me.

You'd make a great spy.

Lawyers are
naturally sneaky.

- You better go in first.
- Do I get a kiss good-bye?

- Absolutely not.
- Yes, sir.

- Oh, I forgot
to tell you something.
- What?

I really like the slip
you're wearing.

In fact, I can't wait
to take it off you...

with my teeth. Bye.

- Good morning, Debbie.
- Good morning, Miss Morgan.

- Good morning, girls.
- All: Good morning,
Miss Morgan.

Good morning, Alex,
how are you this morning?

- Fine, Miss Morgan. You?
- Fine, fine.

Oh, Judge Palone called.
He wants to hear
from you right away.

Brenda:
Thank you very much, Alex.

- They are doing it.
- Doing what?

- It.
- Oh, come on.

That's ridiculous.

Do you really think so?

I know so.

I have to read all those
transcripts tonight.

Okay, you read,
I'll make some pasta.

Oh, please don't.
I have no willpower.

Yes, I've always
liked that about you.

I'm serious.
I've gained three pounds.

- You have not.
- I have.

I'd like to take
your word for it, counselor,

but a good investigator
always checks his sources.

Oh, yep.
There's one right there.

Stop it!
I'm ticklish.

- You are?
I didn't know that.
- Yes, you did.

Oh, there's two.
Two and a half.

I'm gonna find that third
if it take me all night.

[ knocking on door ]

- Hi.
- Hi.

Um, I was gonna
order a pizza,

but it's kind of big
just for one person,

so I thought that, um--

am I interrupting
something here?

Nah.

Nah.

What the hell is that?

Uh...

well, it's a...

kind of a kinetic
sculpture, sir.

What's it doing here?

Well, um, Miss Morgan,
she said--

George, I've been
looking for you.

Brenda, Alex says you
okayed this contraption.

Well, yes I did.

I think it's just
what the office needs.

You do?

I think it provides
a wonderful interplay
of light and shadow.

Whatever you say.

Well, what are you
staring at? Girls!

Let's get back to work.
This isn't an art gallery.

It's a place of business.

- Brenda: All right.
- Alex: Flush against.

Oh, sorry.
About like that?

Oh, yeah.

Here, wait a minute.

- Let me look at it.
- All right.

[ door bell rings ]

Hang on a second.

Jeanie? Surprise.

I know I should have called,
but I wanted to surprise you.

Nick's looking
for a parking spot,

and we brought
lots of goodies.

- You're spoiling me.
- If I don't spoil you,
who will?

Alex, do I have to
keep holding this?

Sorry!

- Who was at the door?
- Uh--

Oh, hi.

Oh, excuse me.
You didn't tell me
you had company.

If you would have called,
I would have.

Brenda, my sister Jeanie.
Jeanie, Brenda.

Jeanie, hi.
I'm Brenda Morgan.

It's a pleasure
to meet you.

Alex has told me
so much about you.

Really? He hasn't told me
anything about you.

What a minute.
Brenda Morgan?

That name sounds
very familiar.

It's a very common name.
There are pages of us
in the phone book.

Ah.

So, how did you
and Alex meet?

We work together.

Oh. You mean you're
"Miss Morgan."

Only in the office.

Well, please forgive me.

I didn't realize
that you two were...

It is a little peculiar!

Not for us.

- Hmm.
- [ knocking on door ]

Hang on.

- Alex: Hey, man,
good to see you.
- Boy: What's up?

- Alex: Did your old man
make it up the stairs?
- Boy: Yeah, barely.

- I want you to meet someone.
- Oh, hi. You must be--

This is my son Gregory.

- Greg. Hi.
- I'm Brenda.

Dad is bringing
enough food for an army.

Oh, well.
We can't stay.

Man: Hey!

Anyone home?

Hey, when are you
getting an elevator?

The exercise is good for you.

Oh, yeah.
Well, it's good for
my appetite, too.

Let's eat. Oh, hello.

Honey,
this is Alex's boss
Miss Morgan.

Nicholas Alessandro
at your service, Miss Morgan.

- Brenda.
- Oh.

Well, you don't look
like the lawyers I know.

We come in
all shapes and sizes.

So, um, Brenda,

how long have
you been a lawyer?

Oh, I don't know.
I guess about 14 years.

14 years.

Hmm. Just think, Nick.

When Brenda
was graduating
from law school,

Alex was still playing
on the junior varsity.

Isn't that something?

Uh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Something, yeah.

Would you excuse us
for a minute?

Oh, sure. Go ahead.
Take your time.

Alex, this is a disaster.

She's ready
to have me arrested

for contributing to
the delinquency of a minor.

Don't worry.
I was delinquent
before I met you.

That's not funny.

And don't tell me
she means well.

I mean,
she wouldn't even
give me a chance.

She thinks that
I'm some kind of--

I don't care
what she thinks, okay?

Baby, I don't care.

I don't give a damn
what anybody thinks.

Jeanie: Gregory,
don't unwrap any of the food

until I scrub that counter.

Yeah, okay.
Our place next time.

- All right, sure.
- See you.

- See ya!
- Nicholas: Yeah.

Here's your hat.
What's your hurry?

It wasn't that bad,
was it?

- Your sister's right.
- About what?

I'm too old for you.

You know,
that's a bunch of--

That's the way it is.

Do you want children?

- What? Do you?
- I asked you first.

I don't know.
I can see the pros
and the cons.

I just thought
I'd always have time
to make the decision.

I don't have time, Alex.
I'm not a kid anymore.

- I'm not 22.
- Neither am I.

How old are you?

I'll be 30.

- When?
- Three years.

It's wonderful, Alex.

It's almost as good
as a backyard.

Well, I had
some spare parts.

To really
experience it,
you kind of--

you gotta crawl
through it.

Uh, white pants.

Hey.

What am I doing?

Well, I'm glad
we could settle this, Brenda.

- Let's do lunch next week
- All right.

I'll have my girl
call your... secretary,

and we'll see you
Saturday night for sure.

Right, Mike.
Bye-bye.

What's Saturday night?

Oh, just this stupid
formal dinner.

You don't have to go.
It'll be real boring.

- You know, lawyers,
lawyers' wives.
- Lawyers' lovers.

Well, I don't think
they'll be bringing
their lovers

if they're bringing
their wives.

Brenda.

We can't keep avoiding this.

I think it's time
for my coming out party.

I have a feeling
this is gonna be
a lot of fun.

Hmm.

I told you so.

I think we need
to drink-- a lot.

I'll be back.

George, hi.

Sewing on a button, huh?

Really, Brenda,

I thought we could
talk about these things.

George, we have never
talked about these things.

Hey, if you're happy,
I'm happy.

Don't I look happy?

- Mr. Billingsly.
- Thank you.

- Hi, Alex.
- How you doing?

- Nice to see you.
- It's good to be here, sir.

Well, yes, uh,

I have some guests to see.

Why don't
the two of you mingle?

Oh, we love to mingle.
Yeah.

Well, he's taking it
kind of hard.

I told you this
was a mistake.

- Hey, relax.
- I am totally relaxed.

Brenda, I was hoping
you were gonna be here.

I'm Mel Brookman.
I don't believe we've met.

Alex Dante.

I need some free advice.

Parker Construction
wants me to handle
that negligence mess.

I wouldn't touch that, Mel.

Well, what do you think,
Alex?

Well, I agree with Brenda.

Well, actually,
I'm not a lawyer,
really, so...

Oh, what business are you in?

- Um...
- He's in the, um,

secretarial business.

Really?
I'm sure we've used
some of your girls.

We have temps in
all the time.

- I doubt it.
- You know, Mel,

the more I think about
that Parker case,
the worse it seems.

I have a feeling
that they're gonna
declare bankruptcy

and you'll be left
without a penny.

That's all I had to hear.
Thanks, Brenda.

- Nice meeting you, Alex.
- Nice meeting you, too.

Bye, Mel.

Well, I admire your
amateur ventriloquism.

I can speak for myself.

Every time you speak
for yourself,

you call everybody "sir."

Hey, if you're
having a problem--

I'm not having
a problem, Alex.
I'm simply hungry.

I'm going to have
something to eat.

Good. I'll mingle.

Brenda!

Mary, hi.
I love your dress.

George tells me you
brought your secretary.

I think that's the most
wonderful thing
I've ever heard.

Well, I just thought
he ought to meet
all the clients.

He's very bright,
has great potential.

Oh, then,
it's strictly business?

I guess I jumped to
the wrong conclusion.

I guess you did.

Bye-bye.

Brenda.

- Hey, Brenda
- Mike.

- Hi, Doris.
I love your dress.
- Thank you.

Alex was just telling us
what it's like to be
dating his boss.

This is such a great story.
You two should write a book.

Well, I was just saying
how great it is.

We're both professionals,
we have our own jobs,

and yet our private life
is our own.

Doris:
That is so healthy.

Really, Brenda,
you two are so healthy.

Actually, I'm not
feeling very well.

- Are you sick?
- Mm-hmm. Sick.

Alex: Well, I guess
we should be going?

- Mm-hmm. Bye.
- See you again.

- Good seeing you again.
- Take care.

- What hurts?
- What hurts what?

You said you were sick.
What is it, your stomach
or your head?

Both.
They both hurt very much.

There's nothing wrong
with you, is there?

- What are you talking about?
- It's me, isn't it?

- Come on, Alex.
- Look at yourself.

You're embarrassed.
You're ashamed
to be here with me.

- That's ridiculous.
- Is it?

Then why are we leaving
a perfectly good party

with perfectly good people?

- I have a headache.
- No, you don't.

Look, I brought you
to this party.

- It's only fair--
- So, you could
call the shots.

We both knew
this was gonna be
a difficult situation.

It wasn't difficult.
You made it difficult.

Me? You're the one
who went around

calling everyone "sir"

and telling everyone
you were my secretary.

Why didn't you just
say you were an artist?

Because besides
being an artist,
I am a secretary,

and you seem to be
the only one that has
a problem with that.

- Me?
- This must be
driving you crazy.

I mean,
behind closed doors,
that's one thing,

but out in public,
to actually be seen

with someone as low
on the success ladder
as me--

- Oh, please, Alex.
- You almost had me fooled.

I mean, I really believed
that you were gonna

treat me with respect,
as an equal,

but you always wanted
to have the upper hand.

What are you
talking about?

I have tried to be fair
and open minded.

But you just couldn't
be discreet enough

to protect our privacy,
could you?

Why did you have to go
and ruin everything?

Me? Me?

I knew this would happen.
I knew it wouldn't work out.

You knew
it wouldn't work out,

and so you wouldn't
let it work out.

That way you covered
your butt.

You didn't have to
risk anything, or--

This whole relationship

has been ridiculous
from the very beginning.

- I don't know why
I even bothered.
- Oh, I do.

You wanted to control me

like you do
everyone else around you.

As long as I stay
in my place

and as long as you
have control,

then everything's fine.

You've built walls
around you, Brenda,

and I am tired of trying
to tear them down.

Don't you
talk to me like that.

You're just young
and inexperienced.

Don't tell me what I am!
I know what I am,

and I know
what you've become.

And I don't have
any respect

for that hard-driving
executive crap!

You may be older than I am,

but, lady,
you got a lot to learn.

Good-bye, Brenda.

I suppose her highness
is at lunch?

She's in her office.
She canceled it.

She's probably still worried
about those three pounds.

Debbie:
She told me to give you
your severance pay.

Alex:
Tell her she can keep it,

give it to the charity
of her choice--

the Society for the Prevention
of Improper Attire.

Okay.

Oh.

Tell her she can
keep these, too.

I'm tired of trying
to fill them.

- Bye.
- Bye.

It's not a blind date,
it's Charles' cousin.

I don't know, Sheila.
I don't think I'm ready.

Of course, you are.
It's just what you need.

No, tell Charles thanks,
but I'm--

- I've already said yes.
- [ sighs ]

Well, is this guy
in the movie business, too?

No, he's a doctor.

- Doctor?
- Mother, all doctors
aren't perfect.

Haven't you ever heard
of malpractice insurance?

What kind of a doctor?

A cardiovascular surgeon.

A cardiovascular surgeon!

You must be Brenda.

Yes...

even when I don't
want to be.

The apartment
needs a few touches,

but I can walk
to the hospital

and I've got my boat
at the 23rd Street marina.

Sounds like you're all set.

Well, just about.

I'm sure
I'll feel more at home

once I start going to
the theater and the opera.

Brenda is an opera freak.
Aren't you?

Hmm?

Mm!

Freak.

Edith:
I think he's wonderful.

Brenda:
I'm glad you like him.

Edith:
He obviously adores you.

Brenda:
He's very good to me.

Edith:
He has a yacht?

Brenda:
It's not a yacht, Mother.
It's a boat.

Edith:
Did you know Frank
and I love boating?

Brenda:
What a coincidence.

Edith:
So, you two are becoming
quite an item.

Brenda: Relax.
It's totally casual.

Edith:
At your age,
nothing is casual.

How's the sex?

Brenda:
It's none of your business.

Edith:
Honey, you can tell me.
I'm your mother.

Brenda:
How's the sex with Frank?

- Edith: It's great.
- Brenda: Congratulations.

Edith:
You didn't answer
my question.

Darling,
you look absolutely
ravishing tonight.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

Thank you for being
so beautiful, so charming,

so perfectly delightful.

These last few weeks
with you have been
the best of my life.

It has been nice.

We're good together.

We're solid, stable,
and decisive.

Do you feel it, too?

Yes, I guess
I just never thought of it
quite that way.

Well, that's the way
I want you to feel.

I want you to--

No, no, no.
Bring the '72.

Certainly, sir.

You are an amazing
woman, Brenda.

You're everything
I've searched for.

Will you marry me?

Okay.

I am famished.

What about you?

Woman:
It's a rock! A major rock!

It's bigger
than Princess Di's!

It's bigger
than Fergie's.

I'm so jealous,
I can't stand it!

- Good morning, ladies.
- Miss Morgan's engaged!

- She's marrying a doctor.
- Check out the jewelry.

Isn't it romantic?

That's wonderful news,
Brenda.

- Oh!
- Congratulations.

Who's the lucky man?

Oh, just some guy I met.

- I've got some more
great news.
- What?

- We won.
- Won what?

Sherman Brothers!
We beat the whole bloody
British government.

Congratulations, partner.

- You're a genius.
- It wasn't all me.

I certainly
couldn't have done it
without Alex.

- I've got some work to do.
- Yeah, me, too.

[ murmuring ]

Oh, darling,
isn't it perfect?

You know, I have been
wanting to throw you
an engagement party

since you were a little girl.

And here we are.

Oh, this must be
the most wonderful night
of your life.

- Mother?
- Huh?

Can we talk
in the kitchen?

Nobody has touched the mousse.
I don't understand it.

Don't worry
about the mousse.

I'll eat it
for breakfast.

Maybe it's because
the crackers are
in the other room.

Mother, I need you.
Come on.

All right, sweetheart,
what is it?

I probably should have
mentioned this before,

but I can't marry Roger.

Sweetheart,
I know just how you feel.

No, I don't think you do.

Honey, it is nerves.

You have been single
a long time,

and it's just normal
to get the jitters.

I mean, I had them myself.

Roger just isn't
my type, Mother.

- Well, you can do worse.
- He's not a bad person
or anything,

he's just not--

not like Alex.

Alex? Who's Alex?

Well, you know, Alex,
from my office.

Your secretary?

- Former.
- What's Alex like?

Well, he was
just easy-going,

and down to Earth,
and fun to be with.

[ clears throat ]

How was the sex?

Oh, Mother,

it was unbelievable.

Oh, sweetheart.

I didn't realize
that you two...

Well, we weren't.

And then we did,

- and then we stopped.
- Why?

Well, we had
this stupid fight

in front of almost
the entire Bar Association.

I was totally obnoxious,
and he was furious, and--

oh, it was awful.

I guess I just
don't understand men.

Well, I'm afraid I do.

Do you love him?

I do.

I guess?

I think.

I-- I do.

Sweetheart,
when I met your father,

I didn't know anything
about love.

I wanted to be a good wife.

There's nothing
I wouldn't have done for him,
and I have no regrets.

We had some good years.
We had some wonderful times.

- We-- we had you.
- But still you
weren't happy?

Happy?

I was miserable.
We both were.

There just wasn't enough
to build a life on.

There was no spark,
no chemistry, no passion.

But doesn't passion fade?

Oh, sweetheart,
of course, it doesn't fade.

It grows!

I just thank God
that I found Frank

and that I got
a second chance,

because marriage
with the right man
is heaven on Earth.

And to the wrong man, it's--

It's only me.

Mm.

I think I ought to go

and see if everybody's
going to have
enough to drink.

Come on, darling.
Everybody's asking for you.

Uh, Roger, there's something
I think we should talk about.

Not now, sweetheart.
We have to get back--

This can't wait.
I have something
to tell you.

Not now, dear.
We have to--

Damn it, Roger!
Listen to me.

Brenda, what is it?

You're becoming hysterical.

No, I'm not hysterical.

Actually, I feel good,

because I think
I've finally figured out
what's been wrong.

- And what is that?
- Us.

Darling, would you
like a nice sedative?

Roger...

I think we should
call the wedding off.

Call it off?
What are you talking about?

I'm talking about us
not marrying each other.

You know, breaking up,
throwing in the towel,

getting out while
the getting's good?

- You're serious?
- Yes, I am.

Look, I'm sorry I didn't
realize this sooner.

I never meant to lead you on.

But we're the perfect couple.

No, we're not.

You're half
of the perfect couple,

but I'm not the other half.

Trust me,
I'd make you miserable.

This is a beautiful ring,
but it just doesn't fit me.

I can't believe this.

Good-bye sounds
awfully final.

Maybe we could be friends.

I don't think
that's possible.

Good-bye, Brenda.

[ crying ]

Oh! Now I've done it.

I don't have Roger,
I don't have Alex,

I don't have anybody.

No black. Too severe.

All my life,
I've tried to be perfect.

- Look where it got me.
- Honey, don't cry.

It's gonna make
your eyes all puffy.

I don't care about my eyes.
I hate my eyes.

I hate myself.

Alex hates me, too.

Wouldn't be
caught dead in that.

Nothing I ever do
turns out right.

Everything I touch
withers and dies
a horrible death.

Honey, don't you think
you're exaggerating
a little bit?

No, I don't.

Even you don't
care about me.

Your own daughter's life
is going down the drain

and you're
cleaning out closets.

Sweetheart,
take that dress off.

We have a lot
of work to do.

[ knock on door ]

Well, isn't this
neighborhood
a little shabby

for a well-dressed

aristocrat like yourself?

Alex, I know it's too late--

But?

But I want to
apologize anyway

because you were right
about a lot of things,

things that I never
faced before.

And I want to thank you
for making me realize

that I was trying
to control you,
which was wrong,

even though I didn't know
I was doing anything wrong.

I mean,
I was just frightened
of being your boss,

of being more powerful
than you, of being older.

But even though
I was older,
you were wiser.

Of course,
if I could change you,
I still wouldn't want to.

It's just that before
I could accept you,
I had to accept myself,

which has made me
a better person,

although
I'm not perfect.

I mean, nobody
is perfect, Alex.

We all have our faults.

And now that
I've realized
some of mine,

I've realized
that most of this
was my fault,

and I'm just so sad
that I lost you.

Brenda.

We had fire
and spark and passion,

and that's
all that matters.

- It's all
that really counts.
- Brenda.

And if I had it all
to do over again, Alex,

I would be different.

I would be
more understanding
and honest.

And I know it's too late,

- Brenda.
- but I just wanted
to tell you--

- Brenda? Brenda?
- What?

- Would you just shut up
just a second...
- All right.

...so I can propose to you?

Propose?

Yeah, I wanna
marry you, Brenda.

I don't want
to play any games. I--

I don't want to play house.
I wanna live with you
for the rest of my life.

I don't wanna
talk about it anymore,

and I don't wanna
argue about it.

I just wanna do it,
all right?

Alex, do you think we could
really make a go of it?

- It's either yes or no.
- Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes!

Now quick, let's have some
premarital sex while
we still can, okay?

Wait a minute. Wait.

- What?
- Is that your best earring?

Yeah, why?

Come on, I wanna
take you to a party.

A party?

A party?

Both: Nah!

[ music playing ]