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1
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(INDISTINCT TALKING)
2
00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:56,069
Oh! I remember it now.
3
00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:57,479
CELIA: Oh, go on.
4
00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:00,275
So, there's this, uh, fella,
5
00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:02,715
urn, he's buying this face cream.
6
00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:04,916
- Yeah?
- And he says to woman behind counter,
7
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"This stuff's marvellous.
I've only been using it a few weeks.
8
00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:10,071
"You'll never guess how old I am."
9
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And she says, "Oh, 36?"
10
00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:16,156
He says, "No! I'm 47."
11
00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:20,028
And she goes, "Oh, that's wonderful!
I must try some of that meself."
12
00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:22,554
Anyway, next off
he goes on to post office
13
00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:25,438
and he gets chatting to the fellow
behind the counter and he says,
14
00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:28,512
"You want to try some of
this face cream I've been using.
15
00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:30,556
"You'll never guess how old I am."
16
00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:34,792
And the fellow behind the counter says,
"Oh, er, 35."
17
00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:37,917
He says, "No, I'm 47."
18
00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:40,355
The fellow behind the counter says,
"Oh, that's wonderful!
19
00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:42,351
"I'll have to get some of that meself."
20
00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:45,150
And he's just leaving post office
21
00:01:45,240 --> 00:01:47,800
and he bumps into this little old lady.
22
00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:49,518
- Oh, aye?
- And he says to her,
23
00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:52,034
"I bet you can't guess how old I am."
24
00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:54,509
And she says, "Well, I probably can
25
00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:56,830
"but I'm just going to
have to put me hand
26
00:01:56,920 --> 00:01:59,070
"down the front of your trousers."
27
00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:02,197
And he was like, "Ooh, okay."
28
00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:05,750
So, she puts her hand down
inside his trousers
29
00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:08,991
-and does a bit of a...
-(GIGGLES)
30
00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:11,992
...rummage around
31
00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:17,029
and then, after two or three minutes,
she says, "You're 47."
32
00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:19,998
And he says, "Good Lord!
How do you know?
33
00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:21,593
"How can you tell?"
34
00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:24,831
And she says,
"I was stood behind you in chemist."
35
00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:26,751
(BOTH LAUGHING LOUDLY)
36
00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:32,679
(LAUGHING CONTINUES)
37
00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:48,070
Hey, I... I never told you.
38
00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:50,116
Our Gillian's got a date.
39
00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:52,794
(LAUGHING) Oh, has she? Who with?
40
00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:54,359
- I've kept you waiting.
- No!
41
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:56,078
I'm really sorry.
42
00:02:57,200 --> 00:03:00,192
- Let me get you a drink.
- No, no, no, no! Oh, you've already...
43
00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:01,872
(CHUCKLES)
44
00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:05,430
- A fella.
- Oh, well, that's something in itself.
45
00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:09,270
God, this is really embarrassing.
46
00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:11,351
Is it? Why?
47
00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:14,509
- Gary, he's called.
- Hmm?
48
00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:16,033
Gary Jackson.
49
00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:18,190
(STAMMERING) 'Cause I've forgotten
it was Valentine's Day.
50
00:03:18,280 --> 00:03:20,396
(LAUGHS) Forgotten?
51
00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:24,432
It's just one of those things
that goes right over my head.
52
00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:26,078
Where did she meet him?
53
00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:28,833
Oh! He came in to the shop
once or twice,
54
00:03:28,920 --> 00:03:30,638
then he's asked her out.
55
00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:31,789
Mmm?
56
00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:35,236
Not that I didn't want
to ask you out but it wasn't...
57
00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:37,356
Shouldn't have been, obviously,
quite so obvious
58
00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:40,876
or full-on as that would
seem to suggest and...
59
00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:43,155
- And now I've offended you.
- No!
60
00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:45,595
- I'm such a...
-(LAUGHS) No. No, you haven't,
61
00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:47,238
Gary, honestly.
62
00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:51,313
(STAMMERING) I wanted a chance
just to talk to you and now I've...
63
00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:52,753
- It's fine.
- IS it?
64
00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:56,150
Yeah, it'd take more than that
to offend me. Really. Believe me.
65
00:03:56,240 --> 00:04:00,153
I've been offended by people who
really know what they're talking about.
66
00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:04,159
You look really nice.
67
00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:05,879
So do you.
68
00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:11,673
I've booked a table for two,
half past seven.
69
00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:12,875
Er, Gary Jackson.
70
00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:15,353
(APPLAUSE ON TELEVISION)
71
00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:17,436
JEREMY PAXMAN: (ON TV) Your bonuses
are on Quantum Physics.
72
00:04:17,520 --> 00:04:19,795
Heisenberg's original
uncertainty relation
73
00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:23,031
concerned which two
observable properties of a particle?
74
00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:25,119
(MUFFLED) Position and momentum.
75
00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:28,431
- Yeah, location and momentum.
-Position and momentum is correct. Yes.
76
00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:29,919
(APPLAUSE)
77
00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:31,991
PAXMAN". Quantitatively, the product
of the two uncertainties
78
00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:36,551
is always greater than or equal to
the unreduced Planck's constant, h,
79
00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:38,119
divided by what number?
80
00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:39,269
4pi.
81
00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:43,078
PAXMAN". Come along.
82
00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:44,718
Let's have it, please.
83
00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:45,915
4pi.
84
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:47,353
Quickly.
85
00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:48,714
(MUFFLED) It's 4pi.
86
00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:50,388
- KATE: Hello.
Speed of light.
87
00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:52,755
- PAXMAN'. IT'S 4pi...
-Mmm, no sh“.
88
00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:55,789
- I'm turning this off.
- PAXMAN: ...energy and what quantity?
89
00:04:57,560 --> 00:05:00,028
Oh, guess what? Gillian's got a date.
90
00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:01,629
Has she? Gillian?
91
00:05:02,360 --> 00:05:03,918
- This bloke just...
-What bloke?
92
00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:05,956
...just came into the shop, apparently,
and asked her out.
93
00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:08,029
Oh, that's romantic.
94
00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:09,314
- Is it?
- Isn't it?
95
00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:11,797
Oh, it's very Gillian.
96
00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:13,791
I can never work out
whether you love Gillian to bits
97
00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:15,757
or you think she's a complete plonker.
98
00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:17,554
Well, it's kind of...
99
00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:20,035
both.
100
00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:26,753
Got something else for you.
101
00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:31,310
This one is the card and the flowers
and the chocolate.
102
00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:32,515
What?
103
00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:36,749
Okay.
104
00:05:39,280 --> 00:05:40,633
You know, Christmas...
105
00:05:41,280 --> 00:05:42,269
Yeah?
106
00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:46,031
I was so happy
107
00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:47,439
when, you know...
108
00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:50,159
And I was thinking,
109
00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:52,876
with the baby nearly due
and everything,
110
00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:57,114
should...
111
00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:00,595
Shall...
112
00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:05,919
Why don't we get married?
113
00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:08,434
Properly...
114
00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:11,717
-married?
-(GIGGLES)
115
00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:13,916
(LAUGHING)
116
00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:16,234
Is that it?
117
00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:18,308
What is that?
118
00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:22,632
(BOTH LAUGHING)
119
00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:32,869
Okay.
120
00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:35,990
I'm going to tell you this thing
that happened to me recently.
121
00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:37,149
Okay.
122
00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:39,117
- Okay, it's a story.
- Yeah.
123
00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:42,794
My mother died.
124
00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:44,833
Oh, God.
125
00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:46,353
I'm sorry.
126
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:47,509
It's, urn...
127
00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:49,955
Six or seven months ago,
August... August 15th.
128
00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:51,155
(SPOON CLATTERS)
129
00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:53,636
Er, she was 77. She'd been ill.
130
00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:56,635
Well, anyway,
I was sorting through the house,
131
00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:58,278
going through her things,
me and me brother,
132
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:01,078
and I found a marriage certificate.
133
00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:02,752
Her and me dad's marriage certificate,
134
00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:06,719
in an old biscuit tin under the stairs,
which I'd never seen before.
135
00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:09,553
Not surprisingly because,
136
00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:12,712
it turns out,
that they got married not in 1966,
137
00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:14,552
when they'd always told us
they got married,
138
00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:16,551
but in 1967.
139
00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:20,394
Exact same day they'd always celebrated
but one whole year later.
140
00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:23,392
Which would also mean
that when they got married,
141
00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:26,995
she was already pregnant,
four or five months,
142
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:28,115
with me.
143
00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:29,997
You know, these things happen.
144
00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:32,548
- Yeah, well, less so then.
- No, no. It's a myth.
145
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:35,355
Does it matter?
146
00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:38,079
Yeah. No, well, no, no. Not in itself.
147
00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:40,276
- Okay.
-(EXHALES)
148
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:43,158
So, anyway, I just happened
to mention this to me Auntie jean,
149
00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:46,949
who's me dad's sister. She's
in her eighties, 85. Lives up Siddal.
150
00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:48,588
This was over Christmas.
151
00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:50,839
(CLEARS THROAT) Anyway, I'd said it,
152
00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:54,796
and she went a bit quiet
and then, eventually, eventually
153
00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:57,351
she said, "Well,
154
00:07:57,440 --> 00:08:01,069
"I suppose if I don't tell you,
there's no one left that can.
155
00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:05,312
"Gordon wasn't your real dad."
156
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:07,277
(GASPS) No way!
157
00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:09,316
- Yeah.
-Wow. God.
158
00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:12,358
Apparently, my mother
159
00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:15,512
had a relationship, a fling,
with a man who was married.
160
00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:19,114
And then she went
and got pregnant, with me.
161
00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:22,237
My dad, being me dad, or the man
I always thought was my dad,
162
00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:25,357
he'd always had a soft spot for her
163
00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:28,000
and they were friends and basically,
164
00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:31,197
he must have agreed
to pretend that I was his.
165
00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:34,192
My God, so that's a...
Wow. That's, urn...
166
00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:37,038
(EXHALES) ...a shock.
167
00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:38,917
Yeah, he's a nice man, my dad,
168
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:41,639
and I'd never had any reason
to imagine that...
169
00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:44,028
Well, why would you?
170
00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:45,909
So?
171
00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:48,510
So, I said to my Auntie jean, "Well,
172
00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:52,479
"who was my real dad, then?
This man that was married."
173
00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:56,473
And she said,
"It was that Buttershaw fella."
174
00:08:59,880 --> 00:09:04,396
I mean, it's a long time ago, obviously,
but she seemed very sure and so,
175
00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:07,278
-the thing is...
-(LAUGHS) Hang on.
176
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:10,319
Which Buttershaw fellow?
177
00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:12,389
Your dad.
178
00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:17,077
KM 366'?
179
00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:19,671
- Yeah.
- No. No. Er...
180
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:23,594
He married my mum in 1957.
181
00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:25,758
Yeah, well, okay.
182
00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:28,400
Do you know how many
Buttershaws there are around here?
183
00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:30,038
- I do, yeah.
-(LAUGHS)
184
00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:31,997
Can I just... Can I just
get to the end of the story?
185
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:35,199
Okay, go on.
186
00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:39,515
So, when she said, "It was that
Buttershaw fellow," I said, "Who?"
187
00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:43,513
And she said, "Him, in the Courier.”
188
00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:54,315
"Celia and Alan find wedded bliss
after 60 years."
189
00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:57,639
She said, "That's him."
190
00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:04,953
Is she senile?
191
00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:08,510
No. She can't get about like she did
but mentally, she's bright as a button.
192
00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:12,308
Okay. What you, urn...
193
00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:16,032
Bless your auntie,
but what you have to understand,
194
00:10:16,680 --> 00:10:17,795
Ga FY;
195
00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:21,308
is that my dad isn't like that.
196
00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:24,149
Oh, I don't know. Obviously. I've...
197
00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:26,108
- I've not met him.
- It...
198
00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:27,952
- It sounds to me...
-(STAMMERING)
199
00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:30,873
- I'm just telling you what she said.
- It just sounds to me like
200
00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:35,397
she's seen a photo
of somebody in the paper
201
00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:37,436
and she's just latched onto it.
202
00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:42,029
-Would he do a blood test?
- No!
203
00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:46,238
Gillian, I don't want anything,
Gillian, I just... It's...
204
00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:49,673
It's just that now I've started
getting a little bit used to the idea
205
00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:51,034
that my dad
206
00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:53,309
wasn't my dad,
207
00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:56,193
I want to know where I came from.
208
00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:01,910
Oh, hang on. So that day,
when we got chatting in Greenhough's...
209
00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:03,672
Yeah, that... Yeah.
210
00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:06,035
Yeah, that wasn't entirely, urn...
211
00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:10,276
Er, a friend of mine recognised you
from the picture in the Courier
212
00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:14,069
and after I told him this business
that me aunt had said and...
213
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:18,917
I didn't know that it was
Valentine's Day when I suggested tonight
214
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:22,072
and I'm really sorry
if you got the wrong idea.
215
00:11:23,560 --> 00:11:26,279
And I approached you
rather than him 'cause in the Courier
216
00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:27,395
it said that he'd had a heart attack,
217
00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:29,710
so I didn't want to go
giving him a shock, obviously.
218
00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:32,360
Well, that's... Urn...
219
00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:38,912
He loved my mum.
They were nice, happy people.
220
00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:42,600
I'd just been born in 1965.
221
00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:44,439
He...
222
00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:46,676
He wouldn't have been
mucking about with somebody.
223
00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:51,631
You couldn't broach it with him?
224
00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:55,909
She's barking up the wrong tree.
225
00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:14,429
You up?
226
00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:17,438
I'm just taking Alan
a cup of tea in bed.
227
00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:21,832
Uh, just quickly. Uh, Kate and...
Oh! You have a nice evening?
228
00:12:21,920 --> 00:12:23,558
- Perfect.
- Good.
229
00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:26,393
- Aren't we boring?
- No, you're lovely.
230
00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:29,916
I know what they were all thinking.
Dozy old beggars.
231
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:31,991
- All who?
- In the restaurant.
232
00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:34,878
- I couldn't give a monkey's.
-WelL, that's...
233
00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:36,837
That's one of the joys of getting older,
234
00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:38,956
you finally give less and less
of a monkey's.
235
00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:40,758
Yeah, good. Sorry, I'm in a rush, Mum.
236
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:43,718
Uh, you won't like this, but me
and Kate, we're going... (STAMMERING)
237
00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:44,835
Well, we're going to have...
238
00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:46,512
- A bath?
- No.
239
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:48,272
- A party?
- No.
240
00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:49,998
A fortnight in the Bellonas?
241
00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:52,310
We're going to get married. So, urn...
242
00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:55,111
So, we've chosen a date.
243
00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:58,111
Why do you assume I wouldn't like it?
244
00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:00,156
Well, I know you...
I know it's all, you know,
245
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:02,872
outside your comfort zone.
246
00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:05,152
I don't know why you think that.
247
00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:07,913
There's no one more broadminded
than me and Alan.
248
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:08,989
(CHUCKLES)
249
00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:12,069
- What's so funny?
-No, I'm pleased.
250
00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:15,593
I know you like to think
I'm stuck in the Dark Ages.
251
00:13:15,680 --> 00:13:16,908
Well...
252
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:20,276
- WelL, what?
-No, I'm pleased. I am. I'm pleased.
253
00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:23,875
I often flick through the 62
when Alan buys a Guardian.
254
00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:27,190
Uh, it won't be a big do,
it'll be very discreet.
255
00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:29,077
Just immediate family
and one or two friends.
256
00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:33,195
- Okay.
- So, the Friday of half-term, hopefully.
257
00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:35,869
We're going to see if we can book
a nice little function room
258
00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:37,552
in a nice little hotel.
259
00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:40,510
It's... I just...
260
00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:42,113
We thought that
with the baby on its way,
261
00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:43,474
we ought to make it
as official as we can.
262
00:13:43,560 --> 00:13:45,994
Then it's, you know, it's...
(STAMMERING) ...it's official.
263
00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:50,269
What will it call you when it arrives,
the baby? Will you be its dad?
264
00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:51,713
No, I'll be its mum.
265
00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:54,918
Well...
266
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:56,638
It'll have two mums.
267
00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:58,756
- Won't it get confused?
-No.
268
00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:01,958
A child needs a father.
269
00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:04,190
Mum, gay couples bring up children
all the time.
270
00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:05,793
It's perfectly normal.
271
00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:08,314
No, it's not normal, is it?
272
00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:09,879
That's not the right word.
273
00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:12,758
It's becoming increasingly normal.
274
00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:16,879
It'll have two very responsible,
mature, loving parents and that's...
275
00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:17,995
Oh...
276
00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:20,036
-...all that matters.
- But no dad.
277
00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:22,475
No dad. What the hell
is so fantastic about dads?
278
00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:24,551
Look at my dad. Look at john.
They're a liability.
279
00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:27,079
Alan's not a bad dad.
280
00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:28,878
No, well, Gillian's very lucky.
281
00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:32,270
I sometimes think you've turned out
the way you have because of your dad.
282
00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:34,078
Do you?
283
00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:37,118
Well, he wasn't a role model,
was he, your father?
284
00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:38,633
I thought you thought it was your fault.
285
00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:40,472
My fault? No.
286
00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:42,152
Kate said that when you
went round to her house
287
00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:44,037
to apologise after
you'd fallen out with Alan,
288
00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:45,872
that you said you were worried
it was all your fault.
289
00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:50,158
Yes, because of your dad
being ineffectual as a man.
290
00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:54,597
So I projected things,
ideas and expectations onto you.
291
00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:58,639
Oh, so that's my dad's fault,
that you projected "expectations"?
292
00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:00,312
Yeah, in a sense,
293
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:03,551
in a very obvious sense.
I thought you were in a rut.
294
00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:05,392
Yeah, but you do know
that's all bollocks, don't you?
295
00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:07,675
"I was born this way."
To quote Lady Gaga.
296
00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:09,318
Oh, I like Lady Gaga.
297
00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:11,595
- Do you?
- Mmm, she's nuts.
298
00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:14,148
I'm going now.
299
00:15:14,240 --> 00:15:16,037
She reckons to be a lesbian.
300
00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:19,078
I bet she isn't, no more than you are.
301
00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:21,151
Hmm. You know... I'm going to work.
302
00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:23,071
Mmm, okay. Ta-ta, love.
303
00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:28,950
Guess the latest.
304
00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:34,398
Nigel Farage has thrown in
towel after realising it's not 1957.
305
00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:35,595
No.
306
00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:38,711
They're getting "married".
307
00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:41,073
The lesbians.
308
00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:43,358
Ah!
309
00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:46,671
"A little do," she says. Thank God!
310
00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:49,354
Are we going
all Attila the Hun again, dear?
311
00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:51,351
Oh, they do what they want.
312
00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:56,435
I told her. I said, "We're
very broad-minded, me and Alan."
313
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:00,952
Why are you smiling?
314
00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:03,918
(STAMMERING) Nothing,
they're very well-suited.
315
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:07,390
Well, apart from the fact that
they're both women, yes! Possibly.
316
00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:11,355
I thought we'd gone beyond this?
317
00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:14,000
It's for the baby, it's...
So it's all official.
318
00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:17,149
I said, "Oh, will you be the father?"
319
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:19,913
She didn't like that.
320
00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:22,557
They're both going to be mums.
321
00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:26,630
I said,
"Well, it'll get very confused."
322
00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:28,517
Wi ll it, heck.
323
00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:32,309
No. I suppose one black one,
one white one.
324
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,231
It'll soon know its colours.
325
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:40,116
More tea, Archbishop?
326
00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:42,839
Ah, go on.
327
00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:45,677
Here, we might have to
get our skates on.
328
00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:47,318
Harry will wonder where we are.
329
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:51,469
What time's he due in court? Dozy sod.
330
00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:53,198
- Oh, I knew they'd be late!
-(BABY COOING)
331
00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:54,679
I said they should have
driven over last night
332
00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:56,432
so there wouldn't be a panic.
333
00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:58,750
Yeah, well, I'm here now. So come on.
334
00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:02,952
I could've rung our Yvonne,
but she'd not have come.
335
00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:06,669
She'd have said, "Call a taxi."
Which is all very well and good,
336
00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:09,069
but it's moral support you want
as much as anything.
337
00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:10,434
Of course it is.
338
00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:13,400
And she won't want the humiliation.
339
00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:15,311
Oh, Harry! You made a mistake.
340
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:17,834
It was a mistake.
Anyone could've done it.
341
00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:19,797
That were the first thing
the lock-keeper said.
342
00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:23,270
(SIGHS) What time
you meeting your solicitor?
343
00:17:23,360 --> 00:17:24,952
Uh... (LAUGHS)
344
00:17:25,520 --> 00:17:27,909
That overpriced pillock? Ten to.
345
00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:31,718
Hey! How'd you get on last night?
Didn't you have a date?
346
00:17:32,360 --> 00:17:33,679
Oh, yeah. Uh...
347
00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:36,670
Turns out he's not my sort.
348
00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:39,473
Thought you liked all sorts?
349
00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:41,315
No.
350
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,078
Not always.
351
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:47,638
Harry,
352
00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:49,233
did you...
353
00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:51,311
You know, you and me dad...
354
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:53,709
Did you ever know a Mary Kershaw?
355
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:55,628
From up Siddal?
356
00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:58,837
I don't think I ever knew
anyone from up Siddal. Why?
357
00:17:58,920 --> 00:17:59,955
Hey UP-
358
00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:01,913
Where've you been?
359
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,316
(BELL RINGING)
360
00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:07,436
You've got a phone call
with Alec Bracewell
361
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:11,069
from the Independent Schools
Association in 10 minutes.
362
00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:13,390
They're after you
delivering the keynote lecture
363
00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:15,118
at the conference in March.
364
00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:17,953
You're seeing
Cressida Wade's parents at 9:45.
365
00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:19,917
Your HODs meeting is at break,
366
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:22,514
then you've got the architects
in again at 11:00
367
00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:25,068
and then you've got the year reps.
368
00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:28,232
Oh, and then first thing after lunch,
369
00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:29,753
you're teaching!
370
00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:32,952
Good God, am I?
371
00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:36,350
Oh, and your stepsister rang
on your mobile. Gillian?
372
00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:38,874
She said she's sorry to be ringing you
when you're working
373
00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:41,428
but can you ring her back ASAP?
374
00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:43,192
It's important.
375
00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:46,192
HARRY: I told you I'd never get
in the back in that bloody thing.
376
00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:48,999
I don't know why they bother
pretending sports cars have a back seat.
377
00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:50,832
It's nowt but a shelf
for your shopping.
378
00:18:55,120 --> 00:18:58,430
So, you're going to be all right
without this for an hour or two?
379
00:18:58,520 --> 00:19:01,592
Yeah, like I say,
I have you to take to the vet.
380
00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:05,229
So long as you don't mind me wedging
her in the passenger seat. Celia?
381
00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:10,110
We could probably get two more
on the back seat, back shelf as well.
382
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:12,156
Yeah, I'll lay a bit of straw down
and then, you know,
383
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:13,434
-it won't make so much mess.
- Yeah!
384
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:16,637
- Yeah. You're both so funny.
-(ALAN AND GILLIAN LAUGHING)
385
00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:20,989
Right. You just remember to
mind your Ps and Qs, Harry. Be polite...
386
00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:22,399
- Yeah.
-...to the judge.
387
00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:24,914
-(MOBILE RINGING)
- Oh, shit.
388
00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:27,594
- Caroline.
-CAROLINE: Gillian?
389
00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:28,749
CELIA: Oh, is it Caroline?
390
00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:30,876
Yeah, can I ring you back
in, like, 10 minutes?
391
00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:34,075
Beverley said you said it was important.
392
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:37,232
Yeah, it is. It is.
Can you just give us 10 minutes?
393
00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:39,956
Well, ring me back when you're ready.
I'm in my office.
394
00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:41,758
Okay, I will. Ta-ra.
395
00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:46,080
Good luck! Break a leg!
396
00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:50,273
Dozy sod.
397
00:19:56,360 --> 00:19:57,679
GILLIAN: So, that's it.
398
00:19:57,760 --> 00:19:59,990
I left the restaurant, I walked out.
399
00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:01,479
Thing is, though, if I don't
400
00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:03,949
broach the subject with my dad,
he will, and then what?
401
00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:06,359
Well, look, either he is or he isn't
402
00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:08,112
and if he isn't,
he’ll just laugh, surely.
403
00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:10,119
And if he is, well...
404
00:20:11,120 --> 00:20:12,872
Not going to come
as a surprise to him, is it?
405
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:15,712
He knows whether or not he had a fling.
406
00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:17,428
Yeah, but he just wouldn't.
407
00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:19,795
Oh, when my mum told me
about my dad being a bit of a one,
408
00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:21,108
I couldn't take it in.
409
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:25,239
"My dad? Not my dad. My dad wouldn't do
something like that." But he had.
410
00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:26,755
He did.
411
00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:29,154
And more than once.
412
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:31,119
Did he...
413
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:32,758
- -What?
-(GILLIAN SIGHS)
414
00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:35,070
Have other kids? Another family?
415
00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:38,550
Oh, no, no, no, nothing.
Well, not that I know of.
416
00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:40,835
Well, you wouldn't, necessarily,
would you?
417
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:45,313
(EXHALES)
418
00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:49,354
There was this thing
419
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:51,995
last night
420
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:54,519
when we were talking.
421
00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:57,035
What thing?
422
00:20:58,600 --> 00:20:59,749
What was your mother's name?
423
00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:02,032
Before she married your dad.
424
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:04,637
Kershaw, Mary Kershaw.
425
00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:08,393
What was she like?
426
00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:11,152
Ooh, well, urn...
427
00:21:11,240 --> 00:21:12,559
She had a great sense of humour.
428
00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:14,198
No. I mean, what did she look like?
429
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:15,998
Oh, she was quite attractive.
430
00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:17,513
- I've got a...
- You've got a photo?
431
00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:18,669
Yeah.
432
00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:27,558
GILLIAN". When I was little,
433
00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:29,710
we had a bureau
at the top of the stairs.
434
00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:33,960
And I used to
entertain myself for hours
435
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:38,114
going through all the little drawers,
tiny cupboards.
436
00:21:39,120 --> 00:21:40,348
There was all sorts.
437
00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:45,279
And I remember this little 'tin box.
438
00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:47,754
It was red.
439
00:21:48,120 --> 00:21:50,918
And it had a lock on it
but it never worked.
440
00:21:55,120 --> 00:21:56,951
And on the lid,
441
00:21:57,040 --> 00:21:58,439
in gold letters, it said,
442
00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:03,752
"Tall oaks from little acorns grow."
443
00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:07,240
And inside there was foreign coins,
444
00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:09,193
Paper clips.
445
00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:11,599
And there was this photo,
446
00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:14,238
a little photo,
447
00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:16,550
a passport photo, black and white,
448
00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:19,875
of this woman.
449
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:24,952
I had no idea who she was.
It wasn't anyone I'd ever seen.
450
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:28,714
And on the back,
451
00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:32,308
it said "Mary".
452
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:35,594
And?
453
00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:38,119
Does she look like...
454
00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:43,711
(EXHALES) Oh, I don't know.
It's hard to know.
455
00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:45,438
It's so long since but...
456
00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:51,471
As far as I can recall...
457
00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:53,949
Oh, I don't know, there might
have been a resemblance.
458
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:58,715
Could you ask him about the photo?
See what he says, see if he reacts.
459
00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:01,515
Yeah.
460
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:03,589
I could.
461
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:06,069
But...
462
00:23:09,120 --> 00:23:10,314
You all right?
463
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:14,470
He wouldn't do that to my mum.
464
00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:17,871
No, no! God, no.
465
00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:21,068
So, I was thinking...
466
00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:23,229
Urn...
467
00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:26,269
So, the thing is...
468
00:23:27,120 --> 00:23:29,031
I was thinking maybe you could
469
00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:32,913
talk to Celia
470
00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:37,079
and she could tell him.
471
00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:39,674
It'd be better coming from her.
472
00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:42,556
I'm terrified about
his heart condition, Caroline.
473
00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:44,710
I don't want this thing
hitting him from out of the blue.
474
00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:47,350
Uh, yeah, yeah, but surely,
475
00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:50,316
if it is true,
476
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:53,234
it's going to affect my mum
really badly, too.
477
00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:55,354
Your mum?
478
00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:58,637
Oh, it destroyed her when she
found out about my dad sleeping around.
479
00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:00,756
I mean, it killed her. It changed her.
480
00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:01,909
(CHUCKLES)
481
00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:03,674
Yeah, but
482
00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:06,754
even if it is him, which is stupid,
483
00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:10,994
it isn't like he's been
unfaithful to her.
484
00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:13,310
Well, no, no. But, you know...
485
00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:14,879
If he's been unfaithful, full stop,
486
00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:17,952
it'd put him in the same category
as my dad in her book, wouldn't it?
487
00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:19,795
Would it?
488
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:23,231
Well, yeah. I think surely
it's got to come from you,
489
00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:26,596
if you don't want this fella
talking to Alan himself.
490
00:24:26,680 --> 00:24:27,954
Yeah, but...
491
00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:31,712
Look, if he's a troublemaker
and it's all nonsense,
492
00:24:31,800 --> 00:24:34,473
-your dad'll just say so, won't he?
- Yeah.
493
00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:37,555
Yeah.
494
00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:40,708
Yeah.
495
00:24:49,360 --> 00:24:50,509
What am I going to do?
496
00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:52,830
I don't think there's much alternative.
497
00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:55,150
On the plus side,
once you've sold your house,
498
00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:59,028
paid off your fines, you'll have
quite a lot of money left over
499
00:24:59,120 --> 00:25:00,269
to rent somewhere with.
500
00:25:00,360 --> 00:25:02,999
Oh, you could buy another narrowboat.
501
00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:05,310
I'm not going near
that canal ever again.
502
00:25:06,560 --> 00:25:08,391
How did it happen?
503
00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:09,833
It's easily done.
504
00:25:10,960 --> 00:25:14,475
Back of the stern
got caught on the seal, didn't lock.
505
00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:16,391
You see, already it's double dutch.
506
00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:19,916
Basically, he got back of his boat
hooked on to the top of the lock gate,
507
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:22,673
so when all the water drained
out of the lock,
508
00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:24,830
the stern stayed up,
509
00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:26,239
stuck to gate,
510
00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:29,630
and the bow sank down into the mud
at the bottom of the lock.
511
00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:32,434
I could've been killed.
512
00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:35,310
Well, you shouldn't have been kaylied.
513
00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:39,037
It's easily done.
Don't have to be kaylied.
514
00:26:00,120 --> 00:26:01,792
So, okay, so the bad news is
515
00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:03,677
they couldn't fit us in at half-term,
they're fully booked,
516
00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:05,512
jam-packed wall-to-wall,
517
00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:07,750
but bizarrely, amazingly,
as luck would have it,
518
00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:11,992
they've had a cancellation
two weeks on Saturday, 11:30.
519
00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:14,229
What's this for?
520
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:18,269
Oh.
521
00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:19,989
Well...
522
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:25,794
we've decided
we're going to get married.
523
00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:28,477
It'll only be a small do,
there's no need to panic.
524
00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:30,471
I was just going to ask you and Will,
525
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:33,518
Mum and Alan
and perhaps Auntie Muriel and...
526
00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:35,354
a few people from work.
527
00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:38,469
Right.
528
00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:43,671
We thought before the baby's born,
we ought to, you know...
529
00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:46,233
You can ask Angus if you like.
530
00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:49,959
He's probably busy.
531
00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:52,559
Well, ask him.
532
00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:58,277
KATE: You hadn't told him. Sorry.
533
00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:04,831
Is it too soon, fortnight on Saturday?
534
00:27:05,840 --> 00:27:08,308
No. No. No.
535
00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:10,470
Sooner the better,
as far as I'm concerned.
536
00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:11,913
Oh!
537
00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:13,228
How's the nursery?
538
00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:14,639
(MOBILE RINGING)
539
00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:17,954
Oh, here we go.
540
00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:21,278
- J o h n .
-j O H N : Caroline.
541
00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:23,274
Speaking.
542
00:27:23,360 --> 00:27:24,634
I just...
543
00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:26,153
I wondered, urn...
544
00:27:27,360 --> 00:27:28,429
You all right?
545
00:27:29,080 --> 00:27:30,149
Yeah.
546
00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:33,833
No. Judith’s, urn, she's...
547
00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:37,118
She's lost the baby.
548
00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:40,158
We've been in the hospital all day.
549
00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:43,072
But she's over...
550
00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:45,557
...thirty...
-What' s the matter?
551
00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:47,195
Yeah, it's...
552
00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:49,513
(WHISPERING) Judith's lost the baby.
553
00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:51,319
How?
554
00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:52,628
It's been awful,
555
00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:56,279
she had to give birth.
556
00:27:57,520 --> 00:27:59,317
(SIGHS) Good Lord.
557
00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:04,154
They said it was the only way,
with it being 30 weeks.
558
00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:05,514
Apparently, that's...
559
00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:06,999
That's what you do. So...
560
00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:09,869
-(WHISPERS) She had to give birth...
-JOHN: It's been pretty drawn-out...
561
00:28:11,120 --> 00:28:13,680
and distressing, one way and another.
562
00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:18,478
I couldn't pop round, could I?
563
00:28:19,320 --> 00:28:20,912
(WHISPERING) Can he pop round?
564
00:28:21,640 --> 00:28:22,629
Of course.
565
00:28:23,480 --> 00:28:24,754
Yes, of course you can.
566
00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:30,634
- Never even wanted it.
- No.
567
00:28:32,280 --> 00:28:33,474
But I didn't want this, either.
568
00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:35,596
Wouldn't wish this on anyone.
It's been...
569
00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:39,790
just sad, actually, just...
570
00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:42,359
so sad.
571
00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:44,918
This little person, it should have
572
00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:49,674
run around and grazed her knees
573
00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:51,876
and grown up
and lived to a ripe old age
574
00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:55,629
and breathed the air
long after we were gone.
575
00:28:56,840 --> 00:28:58,512
But she won't.
576
00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:00,956
She didn't even get to start.
577
00:29:03,360 --> 00:29:04,793
She just gets nothing.
578
00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:07,995
Forever.
579
00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:09,069
Was it...
580
00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:12,314
definitely a she?
581
00:29:12,800 --> 00:29:14,392
Yes. Yes. A little girl.
582
00:29:18,360 --> 00:29:19,918
Life's so precious.
583
00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:22,870
And we just take it for granted,
don't we?
584
00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:26,234
Squander it.
585
00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:30,279
He's in shock. You're in shock.
586
00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:33,909
Yeah.
587
00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:37,395
(SOFTLY) You all right?
588
00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:39,869
Yeah.
589
00:29:42,360 --> 00:29:43,759
(CHICKENS CLUCKING)
590
00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:48,075
RAFF: It's not fair.
ELLIE: It invalidated his insurance.
591
00:29:48,160 --> 00:29:49,878
RAFF: He's 75.
ELLIE: He were drunk!
592
00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:51,632
RAFF: Yeah, but you can't make a man
his age sell his house.
593
00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:53,073
And how else
is he going to pay all his costs?
594
00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:55,310
-(BABY CRYING)
- Hey, hey.
595
00:29:57,080 --> 00:29:59,355
- Have you told Mum?
- No.
596
00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:02,238
- How long did he give you to pay it?
- Twenty-eight days.
597
00:30:02,320 --> 00:30:05,232
You can't! They can't expect you
to sell your house in 28 days.
598
00:30:05,320 --> 00:30:07,276
And how else is he going to raise
that kind of money?
599
00:30:07,600 --> 00:30:08,953
-(BABY CRYING)
- She needs a bottle.
600
00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:11,110
Come on, then.
601
00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:13,670
ALAN: Right. I'll go
and find our Gillian.
602
00:30:13,760 --> 00:30:15,990
Find out what it was
she wanted to talk to me about.
603
00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:19,470
- Do you want me to come with you?
- No. No. You, er, stay.
604
00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:21,073
Where it's warm.
605
00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:27,790
- I'm going to get changed.
- CELIA: Right, love.
606
00:30:30,760 --> 00:30:32,034
(HARRY GROANS)
607
00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:38,509
Hey, what's up?
608
00:30:39,040 --> 00:30:40,234
Breech.
609
00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:44,077
But, uh, I'll sort her out.
610
00:30:45,120 --> 00:30:46,633
What did you want to talk to me about?
611
00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:48,309
(EXHALES)
612
00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:50,952
Oh, okay.
613
00:30:51,920 --> 00:30:53,478
Well, it's...
614
00:30:54,640 --> 00:30:56,710
It's a bit delicate.
615
00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:04,710
Do you remember when I was little
in the house up Barkersland?
616
00:31:04,800 --> 00:31:06,518
There was the bureau
at the top of the stairs.
617
00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:09,672
- Oh.
- And in it, there was all...stuff.
618
00:31:11,240 --> 00:31:13,276
And do you remember a little tin box
619
00:31:14,280 --> 00:31:15,395
with a red cover
620
00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:17,269
in the shape of a book?
621
00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:21,835
"Tall oaks from little acorns grow."
622
00:31:23,160 --> 00:31:26,516
And in it,
there was a photo of a woman.
623
00:31:27,120 --> 00:31:30,112
And on the back, it said "Mary".
624
00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:32,349
Did it?
625
00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:35,109
Yeah.
626
00:31:35,920 --> 00:31:37,751
Yeah, it did.
627
00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:44,388
Did you ever know a woman
628
00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:46,872
called Mary Kershaw?
629
00:31:48,320 --> 00:31:49,435
No.
630
00:31:50,720 --> 00:31:53,280
No. No, I don't think so.
631
00:31:56,800 --> 00:31:58,950
I don't want to upset you.
632
00:31:59,040 --> 00:32:00,792
Well, you haven't told me owt yet.
633
00:32:00,880 --> 00:32:01,995
Okay. So...
634
00:32:03,520 --> 00:32:05,078
Okay, so, urn...
635
00:32:06,040 --> 00:32:07,951
as Mum used to always say to me,
636
00:32:10,280 --> 00:32:13,192
I won't be cross
if you just tell me the truth.
637
00:32:19,040 --> 00:32:22,191
Did you ever have a fling with someone
638
00:32:23,280 --> 00:32:26,078
-after you married me mum?
- No!
639
00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:28,599
Of course I didn't!
640
00:32:30,920 --> 00:32:33,070
- Don't be so silly.
- Right.
641
00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:36,269
Why would you think that?
642
00:32:36,360 --> 00:32:38,999
- So, who's this Mary?
- I've no idea!
643
00:32:39,080 --> 00:32:41,435
- Mary in the tin...
- I've got no idea!
644
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:44,555
Have you still got that tin?
You know the tin I mean?
645
00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:47,757
Well, I threw a lot of stuff out
when I moved in here.
646
00:32:47,880 --> 00:32:50,678
Yes, yes, I know the tin you mean.
647
00:32:51,720 --> 00:32:55,474
It were a savings box
from the post office.
648
00:32:57,520 --> 00:32:58,714
Okay.
649
00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:04,708
You know, yesterday,
650
00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:07,512
my date with Gary?
651
00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:10,229
Gary Jackson.
652
00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:15,389
Well, it turns out it wasn't me
he was interested in.
653
00:33:17,880 --> 00:33:19,598
It was you.
654
00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:23,349
He thinks...
655
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:27,831
He thinks you had a fling
656
00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:32,278
with his mother, Mary Kershaw.
657
00:33:33,960 --> 00:33:36,110
And that you're his dad.
658
00:33:37,200 --> 00:33:39,350
Ah, look, if it isn't true,
it doesn't matter.
659
00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:41,032
No, I told him it'd been rubbish.
660
00:33:44,600 --> 00:33:45,919
It's just I'd promised him
661
00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:48,753
I'd ask you, because...
662
00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:52,597
Oh, because he was a nice man,
actually, and...
663
00:33:55,160 --> 00:33:57,276
if I didn't ask you,
I was worried he would.
664
00:33:57,360 --> 00:33:59,794
We neither of us wanted to upset you,
with your heart and...
665
00:34:02,360 --> 00:34:03,679
What does he want?
666
00:34:04,360 --> 00:34:05,679
Nothing. just...
667
00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:09,751
just to know, I suppose.
668
00:34:10,040 --> 00:34:11,189
Right. Well.
669
00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:15,754
He needs to know he's got hold of
wrong end of stick.
670
00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:20,351
- He asked if you'd do a blood test.
- No! I darn well won't!
671
00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:23,833
Right. Good. Okay.
Well, I'll tell him that.
672
00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:25,194
Cheeky beggar!
673
00:34:26,280 --> 00:34:27,474
Okay.
674
00:34:29,160 --> 00:34:30,388
Well, is that it, then?
675
00:34:31,240 --> 00:34:33,117
- Can I go?
- Sure.
676
00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:44,631
You all right?
677
00:34:46,160 --> 00:34:48,390
I did love your mum.
678
00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:50,635
I know.
679
00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:53,789
I know that.
680
00:34:55,080 --> 00:34:56,399
I didn't...
681
00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:01,558
I didn't know there'd been a child.
682
00:35:05,040 --> 00:35:06,189
Wow.
683
00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:11,991
It's shameful.
A fella in his seventies, being ordered
684
00:35:12,080 --> 00:35:15,629
by some over-privileged, toffee-nosed
twat of a judge to sell his house.
685
00:35:15,720 --> 00:35:18,678
- He could've killed someone.
- Yeah, but he didn't.
686
00:35:18,760 --> 00:35:20,830
He was enjoying his retirement,
he had a mishap.
687
00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:23,718
Which would've all been fine,
had he not been over the limit.
688
00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:26,075
Who is it
that he actually owes the money to?
689
00:35:26,160 --> 00:35:28,355
Who is it that's taken him to court,
the council?
690
00:35:28,440 --> 00:35:31,034
- No, it's...
-Waterways and Rivers Authority.
691
00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:33,395
ELLIE: Yeah, that's it.
RAFF: Can't believe the bastards.
692
00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:09,677
Your mum never knew.
693
00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:16,197
It finished
before it even started, really.
694
00:36:16,880 --> 00:36:18,074
It were...
695
00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:20,230
ridiculous! An embarrassment!
696
00:36:21,360 --> 00:36:23,237
It should never have happened.
697
00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:27,679
How do you know she didn't know?
698
00:36:28,080 --> 00:36:29,274
She didn't.
699
00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:33,950
I'll have to take your word for it.
700
00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:36,074
What does he want?
701
00:36:37,240 --> 00:36:38,229
Nothing.
702
00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:42,911
I think he just wanted to know
703
00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:44,909
for a fact
704
00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:47,148
if it was true.
705
00:36:51,760 --> 00:36:52,988
What does he look like?
706
00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:01,755
You, actually.
707
00:37:04,240 --> 00:37:05,229
Taller.
708
00:37:06,480 --> 00:37:07,959
He's very dapper.
709
00:37:08,720 --> 00:37:09,948
He's very charming.
710
00:37:10,160 --> 00:37:12,720
- What's he do for a Living?
-I've got no idea.
711
00:37:12,800 --> 00:37:14,028
- He's married?
- Don't know.
712
00:37:14,120 --> 00:37:15,473
- Kids?
- Yes. Three.
713
00:37:15,560 --> 00:37:17,949
Tim, Toots and Teeny. I've got no idea!
714
00:37:18,040 --> 00:37:20,235
- No need to be snippy.
- Oh, really?
715
00:37:25,360 --> 00:37:28,591
Here, I don't think
we should tell Celia about this.
716
00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:30,910
What good would it do? None.
717
00:37:32,240 --> 00:37:35,676
(SIGHS) Or is it a mistake
not telling Celia?
718
00:37:35,760 --> 00:37:38,558
- Oh, I don't know.
- I don't like having secrets from Celia.
719
00:37:38,640 --> 00:37:41,154
No. (SIGHS) No, after all,
720
00:37:42,960 --> 00:37:45,872
it's not like it's her
you've been unfaithful to.
721
00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:46,949
Is it?
722
00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:52,836
No,just me mum.
723
00:37:55,280 --> 00:37:56,269
And me.
724
00:37:58,200 --> 00:37:59,918
On the other hand,
725
00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:02,673
as Caroline pointed out,
being unfaithful, full stop,
726
00:38:02,760 --> 00:38:03,954
in Celia's mind, could...
727
00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:06,352
Could put you
in the same category, same...
728
00:38:07,560 --> 00:38:09,073
doghouse as Kenneth.
729
00:38:09,160 --> 00:38:11,435
What the hell
does Caroline know about it?
730
00:38:11,520 --> 00:38:13,715
I mentioned it. On the phone.
731
00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:16,155
I didn't know how to tell you,
so I thought if I told Caroline,
732
00:38:16,240 --> 00:38:18,435
she could tell Celia
and then Celia could tell you.
733
00:38:18,520 --> 00:38:21,432
But then Caroline pointed out
that that might not...
734
00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:25,758
-be a great idea.
- Fancy telling Caroline!
735
00:38:25,840 --> 00:38:29,833
Hey! Don't you get Shirty Burty with me!
736
00:38:32,880 --> 00:38:33,869
(SIGHS)
737
00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:40,556
So, what do you think?
738
00:38:42,040 --> 00:38:43,473
About meeting him?
739
00:38:45,240 --> 00:38:47,356
I need to think about it.
740
00:38:49,680 --> 00:38:50,669
Okay.
741
00:38:55,520 --> 00:38:57,192
Have you taken your pills?
742
00:38:57,960 --> 00:38:59,075
Yeah.
743
00:39:07,160 --> 00:39:08,149
(CHUCKLES)
744
00:39:08,240 --> 00:39:11,391
She wants to go buying
another hat in the morning.
745
00:39:11,480 --> 00:39:12,674
Celia does.
746
00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:16,116
Caroline and Kate are getting wed.
747
00:39:17,240 --> 00:39:20,198
- Yep. Did she tell you?
- No.
748
00:39:20,920 --> 00:39:21,909
Oh.
749
00:39:35,520 --> 00:39:37,636
CELIA: I think
you've got to bite the bullet.
750
00:39:38,080 --> 00:39:39,354
HARRY: I have.
751
00:39:39,440 --> 00:39:40,919
I rung the estate agent.
752
00:39:41,360 --> 00:39:43,999
That one down Ripponden.
She's popping up this aft.
753
00:39:45,520 --> 00:39:47,397
I'm very good at selling houses.
754
00:39:47,480 --> 00:39:51,155
I've sold four.
And we always got the asking price.
755
00:39:51,240 --> 00:39:53,674
- My!
-What you need, Harry,
756
00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:56,797
is a good tidy-up and a lick of paint.
757
00:39:56,880 --> 00:39:58,393
I have tidied up.
758
00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:00,596
When? Recently?
759
00:40:00,680 --> 00:40:02,477
Yeah. just before you came.
760
00:40:02,560 --> 00:40:03,629
Okay.
761
00:40:05,440 --> 00:40:09,149
I think what somebody'd be buying
with a house like this
762
00:40:09,240 --> 00:40:10,719
is personality.
763
00:40:11,240 --> 00:40:13,708
I think...
I'm only giving you an opinion.
764
00:40:13,800 --> 00:40:14,869
No, no, no. Go on.
765
00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:18,669
I think your definition of tidied up
and somebody else's might differ.
766
00:40:18,760 --> 00:40:20,239
Well, yeah, obviously.
767
00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:24,117
But anybody with an ounce of wit
could see it's got potential.
768
00:40:24,200 --> 00:40:27,476
And you couldn't put a price on the view
out of that Velux window in the attic.
769
00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:28,788
CELIA: No. No.
770
00:40:29,480 --> 00:40:33,234
I think that's your big selling point.
It's a blank canvas.
771
00:40:34,520 --> 00:40:37,512
Have you thought where you might
move to, if it did sell?
772
00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:40,592
I'm not moving without Yvonne.
773
00:40:41,240 --> 00:40:42,355
BOTH: No.
774
00:40:42,920 --> 00:40:45,036
Even if she asked me,
which she wouldn't.
775
00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:48,196
I've got an appointment
with local housing.
776
00:40:48,280 --> 00:40:49,838
Rang 'em this morning.
777
00:40:49,920 --> 00:40:50,909
Nice girl.
778
00:40:51,520 --> 00:40:53,431
But obviously, there's a waiting list.
779
00:40:56,040 --> 00:40:57,359
Right.
780
00:40:57,440 --> 00:41:00,034
- Shall we make tracks, Mr Buttershaw?
- Mmm.
781
00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:03,478
I don't suppose I could move in at farm?
782
00:41:03,560 --> 00:41:05,551
No, you couldn't. There's not room.
783
00:41:06,400 --> 00:41:09,517
No, but you and Celia have got
your little pad in Harrogate.
784
00:41:09,600 --> 00:41:13,513
- Happen I could doss in your room?
- Don't be so bloody daft.
785
00:41:16,040 --> 00:41:19,476
- (CHILDREN SHOUTING)
- Yay!
786
00:41:19,560 --> 00:41:21,391
LAWRENCE: You don't have to come, man.
787
00:41:21,480 --> 00:41:22,913
I don't mind coming, dude.
788
00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:25,514
It'll be, like, boring.
789
00:41:25,600 --> 00:41:29,593
Dude, so what?
Saturdays are, like, boring anyway.
790
00:41:29,680 --> 00:41:32,592
They better not read out,
like, any poems.
791
00:41:33,240 --> 00:41:36,357
- Why not?
-'Cause that will be truly embarrassing.
792
00:41:37,600 --> 00:41:38,874
- Sorry, man.
- Oh, yeah...
793
00:41:38,960 --> 00:41:40,916
(BOYS LAUGHING)
794
00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:44,396
Poems, no, not poems.
Search for poems that are lesbino.
795
00:41:45,280 --> 00:41:46,918
- What? What's that?
-It's nothing.
796
00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:48,353
- What is it?
-Nothing.
797
00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:50,913
(PAPER RUSTLING)
798
00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:54,717
It's not worth it. It's not worth it!
799
00:41:55,040 --> 00:41:56,996
(GRUNTING)
800
00:42:03,400 --> 00:42:04,594
Who was it?
801
00:42:06,080 --> 00:42:07,638
- No one.
-Who was it?
802
00:42:07,720 --> 00:42:09,233
- No one.
-Who was it?
803
00:42:11,160 --> 00:42:12,354
Seb Dickson.
804
00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:18,912
Could you find
Sebastian Dickson's parents for me
805
00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:21,309
and explain to them that he's been
involved in a homophobic incident...
806
00:42:21,400 --> 00:42:22,594
- Do you have to?
-...and I'd like to see them
807
00:42:22,680 --> 00:42:24,830
at their earliest convenience.
Yes, I do have to.
808
00:42:25,760 --> 00:42:26,909
(DOOR SHUTS)
809
00:42:27,000 --> 00:42:29,878
(SIGHING) Are you coming a fortnight
on Saturday, Angus, to the wedding?
810
00:42:29,960 --> 00:42:31,359
Has Lawrence invited you?
811
00:42:31,440 --> 00:42:32,668
Yep. Thank you.
812
00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:37,032
Nobody is going to bully
or humiliate or ridicule me...
813
00:42:37,120 --> 00:42:39,714
- It's not just about you.
-...or anyone. Anyone!
814
00:42:42,240 --> 00:42:43,514
In this school.
815
00:42:50,960 --> 00:42:53,474
- Dark horse, isn't he? Your dad.
- Yep.
816
00:42:56,160 --> 00:42:57,149
You all right?
817
00:42:59,000 --> 00:43:01,389
I ought to be really cross with him.
818
00:43:02,920 --> 00:43:04,956
I am really cross with him.
819
00:43:06,840 --> 00:43:07,955
I'm more...
820
00:43:10,120 --> 00:43:12,953
It's my mum and he's...
821
00:43:13,040 --> 00:43:14,075
(SIGHS)
822
00:43:14,160 --> 00:43:16,276
And she never knew, he says.
823
00:43:18,000 --> 00:43:21,834
But how can I be cross with him?
With his heart? I can't say, "You...
824
00:43:23,440 --> 00:43:25,396
-"shag bandit."
-(LAUGHS)
825
00:43:25,480 --> 00:43:27,948
That's what he's called me
over the years.
826
00:43:29,520 --> 00:43:30,873
Was it just the once?
827
00:43:31,960 --> 00:43:33,029
He says.
828
00:43:34,800 --> 00:43:36,074
Do you think there are others?
829
00:43:38,080 --> 00:43:40,435
Not asked. Oh, I don't want to know.
830
00:43:43,680 --> 00:43:45,193
I can't imagine there were.
831
00:43:46,520 --> 00:43:48,670
But Caroline says
she couldn't imagine her dad.
832
00:43:49,880 --> 00:43:50,949
How did it happen?
833
00:43:51,040 --> 00:43:54,396
How does a fellow like your dad end up
getting into bed with somebody else?
834
00:43:54,480 --> 00:43:56,869
I don't know.
I'm not... I'm not going there.
835
00:43:58,720 --> 00:44:01,075
Maybe it was an in-the-back-of-a-car,
knee-tremble type job.
836
00:44:01,160 --> 00:44:02,798
(BOTH LAUGHING)
837
00:44:04,320 --> 00:44:05,753
Ahh.
838
00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:07,034
So, does Celia know?
839
00:44:07,120 --> 00:44:09,190
No. Shit, no. Not yet.
840
00:44:09,280 --> 00:44:11,510
- Is he going to tell her?
- Don't know.
841
00:44:13,760 --> 00:44:16,228
So what's he after, this Gary?
842
00:44:18,080 --> 00:44:19,399
Nothing.
843
00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:21,277
- Money?
- No.
844
00:44:21,360 --> 00:44:24,432
- Compensation?
- No. He doesn't seem short of money.
845
00:44:25,520 --> 00:44:27,476
Yeah, well, don't you be fooled.
846
00:44:33,920 --> 00:44:36,878
- Caroline and Kate are getting married.
- Are they?
847
00:44:38,160 --> 00:44:41,072
- Are they?
'(LAUGHING) Apparently
848
00:44:41,160 --> 00:44:42,149
You going?
849
00:44:42,760 --> 00:44:45,479
Just the toffs are being invited,
by the sound of things.
850
00:44:46,880 --> 00:44:47,869
(SIGHS)
851
00:44:51,920 --> 00:44:54,229
- How's Cheryl?
- Oh.
852
00:44:55,400 --> 00:44:56,719
She wants a new kitchen.
853
00:45:01,360 --> 00:45:03,237
(LAUGHS)
854
00:45:06,800 --> 00:45:07,949
CELIA: Oh, damn.
855
00:45:09,240 --> 00:45:12,391
Do you think this colour's too rich,
too vivid?
856
00:45:13,200 --> 00:45:15,475
Should I have gone for
something more pastelly?
857
00:45:16,240 --> 00:45:17,673
I've no idea.
858
00:45:17,760 --> 00:45:19,830
Well, I'm asking for an opinion.
859
00:45:20,400 --> 00:45:22,436
I think it looks very nice.
860
00:45:24,080 --> 00:45:25,638
- What's up?
-Nothing.
861
00:45:26,200 --> 00:45:29,510
You've been quiet all day.
862
00:45:29,600 --> 00:45:31,875
Why were you so snippy with Harry?
863
00:45:32,680 --> 00:45:33,669
Sorry.
864
00:45:35,200 --> 00:45:36,189
I love you.
865
00:45:37,720 --> 00:45:39,199
I love you.
866
00:45:44,720 --> 00:45:47,075
Do you remember
when you came out of hospital?
867
00:45:47,160 --> 00:45:51,278
You said you'd decided it was time to
give life a real kick up the trousers.
868
00:45:51,360 --> 00:45:52,554
(LAUGHING) Yeah.
869
00:45:53,640 --> 00:45:56,438
Kenneth's sister lives in Australia.
870
00:45:57,360 --> 00:45:59,191
Deborah, Debbie. We always got on.
871
00:45:59,280 --> 00:46:00,599
You see?
872
00:46:00,680 --> 00:46:01,908
What?
873
00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:06,073
There's stuff about each other
we still don't know.
874
00:46:07,600 --> 00:46:10,273
Towamba, it's just left of Brisbane.
875
00:46:10,960 --> 00:46:14,316
Her husband got a post
with the university, education.
876
00:46:14,400 --> 00:46:16,834
He taught people how to be teachers.
877
00:46:16,920 --> 00:46:19,832
Of course, he's retired now,
has been for 20 years.
878
00:46:19,920 --> 00:46:21,558
Do you keep in touch?
879
00:46:21,640 --> 00:46:23,710
An email at Christmas.
880
00:46:23,800 --> 00:46:27,315
I told her about us.
She was really happy for us.
881
00:46:30,800 --> 00:46:32,791
Well, we've got all this money
882
00:46:32,880 --> 00:46:36,589
that we reckon to be spending
on buying a house
883
00:46:36,680 --> 00:46:38,272
but the alternative,
884
00:46:38,720 --> 00:46:40,438
and I never thought
I'd hear meself say this,
885
00:46:40,520 --> 00:46:42,670
'cause all my life I've been a saver,
886
00:46:43,640 --> 00:46:47,189
is that we spend it
doing something daft.
887
00:46:47,920 --> 00:46:49,751
Something memorable.
888
00:46:50,760 --> 00:46:53,433
Do you fancy getting away? A holiday?
889
00:46:54,120 --> 00:46:55,394
A big trip.
890
00:46:56,320 --> 00:46:58,834
We could go and see Ted
and all their lot.
891
00:46:58,920 --> 00:47:00,069
Yes.
892
00:47:01,160 --> 00:47:02,309
Yes, I would.
893
00:47:17,640 --> 00:47:18,755
(CLEARS THROAT)
894
00:47:21,720 --> 00:47:23,278
I got your text.
895
00:47:26,440 --> 00:47:27,509
Hi.
896
00:47:27,600 --> 00:47:28,715
Hi.
897
00:47:31,440 --> 00:47:32,429
Urn...
898
00:47:33,720 --> 00:47:36,792
I've got a break
in about half an hour or so,
899
00:47:36,880 --> 00:47:38,472
if you fancy a coffee.
900
00:47:38,560 --> 00:47:39,629
Okay.
901
00:47:41,480 --> 00:47:44,233
Urn, but the basic, uh,
902
00:47:45,120 --> 00:47:47,714
gist is that, urn, is...
903
00:47:50,000 --> 00:47:51,911
It's true.
904
00:47:52,880 --> 00:47:54,472
He's your dad.
905
00:47:55,440 --> 00:47:57,317
He's your father.
906
00:47:59,600 --> 00:48:00,999
My father...
907
00:48:03,320 --> 00:48:05,072
-(EXHALES)
-(CHUCKLES)
908
00:48:08,360 --> 00:48:09,349
Blimey!
909
00:48:09,880 --> 00:48:10,869
(GARY SIGHS)
910
00:48:13,400 --> 00:48:14,719
Shocked.
911
00:48:14,800 --> 00:48:15,949
Upset.
912
00:48:16,880 --> 00:48:18,074
Really?
913
00:48:19,480 --> 00:48:22,040
Well, it's tricky for him, with Celia.
914
00:48:23,800 --> 00:48:26,678
Her first husband was a bit of a worm
915
00:48:27,320 --> 00:48:29,390
so it wasn't a very happy marriage.
916
00:48:29,480 --> 00:48:30,959
Whereas, you see,
917
00:48:31,040 --> 00:48:33,918
she thinks me dad, in comparison,
918
00:48:34,840 --> 00:48:36,592
-is squeaky clean.
- No.
919
00:48:36,680 --> 00:48:38,557
- So...
- Did he... Did he
920
00:48:38,640 --> 00:48:41,359
show any interest
in wanting to meet me?
921
00:48:43,240 --> 00:48:44,958
He asked what you look like.
922
00:48:45,040 --> 00:48:46,712
- I don't want to cause any problem...
- No, no.
923
00:48:46,800 --> 00:48:49,075
But I would like to meet him, if he...
924
00:48:51,920 --> 00:48:53,035
I don't know.
925
00:48:55,760 --> 00:48:57,079
Do you think he'd want to meet me?
926
00:48:58,160 --> 00:49:00,754
I think he's worried about
what it is you'd want.
927
00:49:00,840 --> 00:49:01,989
I don't want anything.
928
00:49:03,040 --> 00:49:04,189
He's not loaded.
929
00:49:04,760 --> 00:49:06,352
It's not about money.
930
00:49:06,440 --> 00:49:07,555
No, I didn't think it was.
931
00:49:07,640 --> 00:49:10,200
I think maybe it's more
he's worried about
932
00:49:11,280 --> 00:49:12,474
what you expect.
933
00:49:14,160 --> 00:49:15,752
He's just
934
00:49:15,840 --> 00:49:18,115
a very ordinary little fella.
935
00:49:18,200 --> 00:49:19,428
Does he not want to meet me?
936
00:49:19,520 --> 00:49:20,748
He didn't say that.
937
00:49:22,160 --> 00:49:24,355
I just want to say hello, really,
I suppose.
938
00:49:24,440 --> 00:49:25,759
Now that we know for a fact.
939
00:49:28,280 --> 00:49:30,157
I think that's all I want.
940
00:49:31,280 --> 00:49:34,795
Maybe that's not enough of a reason,
if he doesn't want to...
941
00:49:38,560 --> 00:49:39,788
(SIGHS)
942
00:49:43,040 --> 00:49:44,996
I've never had a brother.
943
00:49:46,600 --> 00:49:48,352
I've never had a sister. (LAUGHS)
944
00:50:07,440 --> 00:50:08,793
- You all right?
- Yeah.
945
00:50:10,200 --> 00:50:11,599
Where's Celia?
946
00:50:11,680 --> 00:50:13,193
Bathroom.
947
00:50:15,320 --> 00:50:17,390
I saw Gary. This aft.
948
00:50:19,320 --> 00:50:20,435
Told him.
949
00:50:24,560 --> 00:50:25,959
He'd like to meet you.
950
00:50:26,840 --> 00:50:30,355
-(SOFTLY) He asked me if you...
- I'm not... I told you, I'm not sure.
951
00:50:30,440 --> 00:50:31,839
I need to think about it.
952
00:50:33,160 --> 00:50:34,639
"Why?
'Just...
953
00:50:37,960 --> 00:50:40,155
He's a nice man.
954
00:50:43,160 --> 00:50:44,434
CAROLINE: Morning.
955
00:50:46,160 --> 00:50:48,833
-What time are Seb's parents coming in?
- Half past nine.
956
00:50:48,920 --> 00:50:51,036
- What are you going to say to 'em?
-Nothing. I'm not dealing with them.
957
00:50:51,120 --> 00:50:53,076
- Mr Harrison is.
-Why?
958
00:50:53,200 --> 00:50:55,509
Because it's the most appropriate way
of dealing with it.
959
00:50:55,840 --> 00:51:00,231
What if Seb's parents decide
to kick up a fuss about you being...
960
00:51:00,320 --> 00:51:03,073
Oh, they'd be very misguided and stupid
to try anything like that.
961
00:51:03,160 --> 00:51:04,559
I'm a good head teacher.
962
00:51:04,640 --> 00:51:07,552
My private life has got nothing to do
with the quality of my work.
963
00:51:07,640 --> 00:51:10,916
Well, you know, they gave birth to Seb,
they probably are very stupid.
964
00:51:11,000 --> 00:51:13,992
He chose to raise the issue
by putting that note on your back.
965
00:51:14,080 --> 00:51:16,036
If he or his family
966
00:51:16,120 --> 00:51:18,554
are going to try and use it as a stick
to beat either you or me,
967
00:51:18,640 --> 00:51:21,757
in the misguided belief that I'll
take it lying down, they're mistaken.
968
00:51:28,360 --> 00:51:29,952
(MOBILE RINGING)
969
00:51:36,720 --> 00:51:37,709
(LINE RINGING)
970
00:51:40,920 --> 00:51:42,433
Hi.
971
00:51:42,520 --> 00:51:43,748
Hi. How are things?
972
00:51:44,680 --> 00:51:46,352
Uh, fine.
973
00:51:46,720 --> 00:51:48,551
I've not heard from my mother
for a few days
974
00:51:48,640 --> 00:51:51,791
and I just wondered if there'd been
any developments with this, urn,
975
00:51:51,880 --> 00:51:55,190
Gary business, situation.
976
00:51:55,280 --> 00:51:56,952
Oh, yeah.
977
00:51:57,040 --> 00:51:59,918
Urn, yeah, I should have rung you, sorry.
978
00:52:02,160 --> 00:52:04,196
KATE: Definitely?
CAROLINE: Apparently.
979
00:52:04,280 --> 00:52:06,669
Well, he definitely had a fling
with this woman and the dates fit,
980
00:52:06,760 --> 00:52:08,432
so yeah.
981
00:52:08,520 --> 00:52:10,033
My God, you never can tell, can you?
982
00:52:10,120 --> 00:52:12,509
- My mother still doesn't know.
- Boom.
983
00:52:12,600 --> 00:52:15,319
He's going to meet him, apparently.
Alan's going to meet this guy.
984
00:52:15,400 --> 00:52:18,312
Gillian's fixed him up with a date
in some tea shop in Halifax next week.
985
00:52:18,680 --> 00:52:19,954
She's going to take my mother
out shopping
986
00:52:20,040 --> 00:52:22,554
for a new outfit for our wedding,
so it's all going on behind her back.
987
00:52:22,640 --> 00:52:25,074
She thinks her and Gillian
are having a girly day out,
988
00:52:25,160 --> 00:52:28,072
when in fact it's just a ruse
to get her out of the way.
989
00:52:28,160 --> 00:52:29,275
That's more or less how she said it.
990
00:52:29,400 --> 00:52:31,311
"Like I'd choose to spend a day
with your mother?"
991
00:52:31,400 --> 00:52:33,755
And I thought, "Don't you damn well
talk about my mother like that."
992
00:52:33,840 --> 00:52:35,796
- She didn't say that.
- It's a subtext.
993
00:52:35,880 --> 00:52:38,189
You didn't...say anything?
994
00:52:39,440 --> 00:52:41,078
Well, yes, in fact, I did.
995
00:52:42,680 --> 00:52:44,830
Okay. Well, Gillian,
996
00:52:44,920 --> 00:52:47,354
I'm sorry,
I understand it's a difficult situation
997
00:52:47,440 --> 00:52:49,829
and I really don't want to make it
any worse than it is but he...
998
00:52:49,920 --> 00:52:52,992
Well, someone is going to
have to tell my mother at some point
999
00:52:53,080 --> 00:52:55,548
and if none of you do, I will,
because my dad deceived her for years
1000
00:52:55,640 --> 00:52:58,996
and I am not,
not having that happen again, ever.
1001
00:52:59,840 --> 00:53:00,909
(MOUTHING)
1002
00:53:02,680 --> 00:53:06,070
Thing is, er, Caroline,
nobody wants to deceive anybody.
1003
00:53:06,160 --> 00:53:09,914
I just... I think if he meets him first
1004
00:53:10,000 --> 00:53:12,468
and gets that out of the way
sort of thing.
1005
00:53:12,680 --> 00:53:14,352
Yeah?
1006
00:53:14,720 --> 00:53:16,233
Yeah.
1007
00:53:16,320 --> 00:53:18,595
-0kay,
-(SIGHS) Right.
1008
00:53:19,600 --> 00:53:20,919
Okay-
1009
00:53:21,000 --> 00:53:22,069
Thank you.
1010
00:53:24,680 --> 00:53:26,671
Congratulations, by the way.
1011
00:53:27,200 --> 00:53:28,952
Oh! Uh, yeah.
1012
00:53:29,040 --> 00:53:30,359
Thank you.
1013
00:53:31,640 --> 00:53:33,198
On being a lesbian.
1014
00:53:35,480 --> 00:53:37,550
You busy? Fortnight on Saturday?
1015
00:53:39,560 --> 00:53:41,118
Oh, urn...
1016
00:53:41,840 --> 00:53:43,512
Er, you and Raff, Ellie and the baby,
1017
00:53:43,600 --> 00:53:45,636
11:30 at the register office
in Harrogate.
1018
00:53:48,200 --> 00:53:49,599
Well, we, we...
1019
00:53:50,680 --> 00:53:52,033
Well, it's not going to be a big deal.
It's not...
1020
00:53:52,120 --> 00:53:54,839
You know, don't feel obliged,
it's just us and
1021
00:53:55,360 --> 00:53:57,999
one or two of my friends from Oxford,
a few of Kate's friends from UEA
1022
00:53:58,080 --> 00:54:01,959
and one or two senior members of staff,
it's not... You don't have to, you know,
1023
00:54:02,040 --> 00:54:03,439
feel obliged.
1024
00:54:03,520 --> 00:54:04,509
Urn...
1025
00:54:05,960 --> 00:54:07,916
Yeah, sorry, it's, urn...
1026
00:54:08,600 --> 00:54:11,512
Yeah, sorry, damn! Sorry, we're, urn...
1027
00:54:13,080 --> 00:54:14,991
Well, I know it's short notice.
1028
00:54:15,080 --> 00:54:18,595
Sadly, yeah. We're, urn, yeah, busy.
1029
00:54:18,680 --> 00:54:22,559
Otherwise, yeah, we'd have
loved to have, urn, yeah...
1030
00:54:23,680 --> 00:54:24,715
been there.
1031
00:54:26,920 --> 00:54:27,909
Okay.
1032
00:54:28,600 --> 00:54:29,589
(SIGHS)
1033
00:54:30,480 --> 00:54:31,674
So...
1034
00:54:33,040 --> 00:54:35,600
He wasn't unfaithful to her, though.
1035
00:54:36,160 --> 00:54:37,309
Was he?
1036
00:54:39,720 --> 00:54:41,039
I don't think it matters.
1037
00:54:43,440 --> 00:54:44,668
She'll be gutted.
1038
00:54:45,840 --> 00:54:47,353
She'll be devastated.
1039
00:54:48,720 --> 00:54:50,119
But I do know she'd never forgive me
1040
00:54:50,200 --> 00:54:52,156
if she knew I'd known
and not said anything.
1041
00:54:55,440 --> 00:54:56,714
(SHEEP BLEATING)
1042
00:55:02,520 --> 00:55:04,590
I don't know why you won't come with us.
1043
00:55:04,680 --> 00:55:08,514
No! I don't want to go
trailing round clothes shops.
1044
00:55:08,600 --> 00:55:10,716
Hey, hey! Don't spend up.
1045
00:55:11,400 --> 00:55:12,389
Ta-ra!
1046
00:55:16,120 --> 00:55:17,439
- Bye.
- (CAR DOOR CLOSING)
1047
00:55:19,360 --> 00:55:20,588
(ENGINE STARTING)
1048
00:56:03,200 --> 00:56:04,315
Gary?
1049
00:56:05,120 --> 00:56:06,633
Alan, hello.
1050
00:56:13,520 --> 00:56:15,033
Kate's my wife's girlfriend.
1051
00:56:16,000 --> 00:56:17,991
Why did you let him go with you?
1052
00:56:18,240 --> 00:56:21,152
She never told me. I had no idea.
1053
00:56:21,240 --> 00:56:22,434
So, what did he say? What does he want?
1054
00:56:22,520 --> 00:56:25,910
He asked me if we'd like to
go and have a meal at his house.
1055
00:56:26,000 --> 00:56:27,513
Oh, my God!
1056
00:56:27,600 --> 00:56:30,876
There was an incident at work
involving Cheryl.
1057
00:56:30,960 --> 00:56:33,315
- I've heard the news.
-Which...
1058
00:56:33,760 --> 00:56:35,273
So you lost your job?
1059
00:56:35,880 --> 00:56:41,273
In just over three hours' time,
we'll be shackled to each other forever.
1060
00:56:42,040 --> 00:56:45,316
What the hell were you doing
telling Caroline for?
1061
00:56:45,400 --> 00:56:46,719
He hasn't told her.
1062
00:56:47,200 --> 00:56:50,795
I know there's something bothering you,
I wish you'd let on what it is.
77031
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