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welcome to the strictly Anonymous
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podcasts conversations with online
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strangers we place ads online Craigslist
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is definitely the gift that keeps on
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the Temptation is just too much does
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your friend know that you're banging her
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motto of the show let your Greek flag
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fly probably the only good advice I'll
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ever give you is to re-hide your whips
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is your host Kathy hi welcome to the
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strictly Anonymous podcast with Kathy if
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you haven't followed the strictly
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Anonymous podcast yet on Instagram or
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Twitter follow me at strict Anonymous if
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you want to be on the show it's called
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strictly anonymous because I change
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everyone's voices we change everybody's
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names if you have an interesting naughty
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secret life that you want to talk about
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while remaining Anonymous you could be
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on my show but you could also be on my
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show if you're you if you're out and
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proud and you live an interesting
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alternative lifestyle that you want to
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talk about like my guest today and you
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want to be on the show as yourself which
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is always great you could do that as
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well if you want to be on the show send
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me an email strictly anonymouspodcast
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gmail.com or go to my website strictly
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podcast.com and click on be on the show
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or there's a banner that says like click
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here just click there it'll send me the
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email directly if you just have a
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confession that you want to get off your
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back you could leave your confession on
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my Anonymous confessions line you could
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call that number 24 7. the number is
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347-420-3579 I change all the voices on
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those confessions and they're all aired
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on my patreon on my patreon you see
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Anonymous pics of my guests you get all
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my episodes early and AD free and you
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get access to my private Discord Channel
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where people are doing all kinds of
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naughty things over there I don't take
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part in my Discord Channel but it is now
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like a community where my listeners get
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to take part in and talk to each other
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and share videos and pictures and like I
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said it's super naughty it's fun you if
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you get if you join my patreon you get
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access to my Discord too and it's only
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five dollars a month and you could
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cancel at any time and then you could
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come back at any time I know there's
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never any questions asked I'm totally
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cool with that and I understand so
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listen I want to get right to my guest
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today because she's fascinating her name
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is Kenya K Stevens she's the CEO of
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progressive love Academy and Kenya has
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been into polyamory as for years way
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before anybody even knew what Paulie was
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Kenya and her husband were talking about
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it eventually they decided to open up
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their marriage she currently has two
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husbands who also have other partners
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she has plenty of other partners besides
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her husband she talks about her whole
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journey like when she started to have
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those conversations with her husband how
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they decided to move forward with it how
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it worked in the beginning how they set
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it up why they believe rules are for
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fools that was something I had to write
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down because I was like I love that
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saying she believes rules are for fools
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and she's here to tell you why she now
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started like I said that Progressive
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love Academy where she teaches other
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couples how to be in successful
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polyamorous relationships now when you
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hear her story you'll understand why she
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is the one to teach that she's been on
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TV she's been out and proud with her
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husband talking about polyamory uh
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forever and like I said now she's set up
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the progressive love Academy she has a
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course called how to get your partner
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into polyamory there will be a link to
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it in the description but on this
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episode what you're going to hear is her
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whole back story which is super
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interesting because her and her husband
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were not just open to polyamory they did
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Tantra they were just like she said they
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were always like scientists learning and
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they really were they were always ahead
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of their time always learning about
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different things it was not easy she's
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she says that it's not an easy thing to
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do but they've been doing it for a long
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time she believes in divorce proof
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marriages I mean this is not something
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that broke up her marriage her marriage
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she doesn't believe in divorcing either
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which is another whole fascinating topic
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we touched a little bit upon it in this
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episode but I'm gonna have her back on
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to talk about that even more because she
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believes in that too her beliefs are
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super interesting I love her Progressive
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ways I buy into everything she [\xa0__\xa0]
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says I think you know 100 years from now
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everyone should be living her life I
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believe in it and I love her story it's
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super interesting she's wonderful she's
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uh so I'm going to be right back on with
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Kenya K Stevens Progressive love Academy
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I'll put all of her links to everything
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hi Kanya Kenya K Stevens hi Kathy
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welcome to the strictly Anonymous
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podcast how are you today oh Kathy
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Kathy K and I'm Kenya K oh yeah you're
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how are you I feel great it's lovely to
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be here yeah well listen Kenya I mean
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while we were like waiting to start
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taping you were like asking one of your
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husbands to do some stuff for you and I
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mean you must be doing great because you
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have not one husband but two husbands
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correct yes yes and we are not Anonymous
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we are on National Television we've been
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poly for 17 years so I am very very
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excited to have this discussion not
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anonymously yeah I love that because I
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gotta tell you you guys are very ahead
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of the time okay considering that you
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guys were Paulie 17 years ago that's
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pretty major because even I've been
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doing my show for about eight years now
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eight or nine years I think and in the
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beginning it was like years before I
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heard from a polyamorous couple and
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nowadays I hear from a lot more people
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that are trying out polyamory but in the
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beginning like nobody was doing it so
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you guys are really like ahead of your
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well it's the work that we did that
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pushed it to the Forefront we've been on
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11 national television shows we have 12
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books out about polyamory and
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relationships I mean we have been
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pushing the Mark I remember my brother
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who plays for the NFL was like Kenya
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you're so smart don't talk about
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polyamory in public just talk about love
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coaching I'm like no we're polyamorous I
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don't care who's not talking about it I
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don't care if the celebrities want to
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stay away from it even though they're
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polyamorous as hell I don't care we're
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going to do it and that's what we've
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done yeah I mean listen it always takes
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people like you to really push things
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forward right like those really bold
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people that are like I don't [\xa0__\xa0]
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care I'm gonna be me and you're the
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person that helps all these other people
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coming up that want to do it right
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absolutely we've helped thousands of
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couples transition to polyamory but not
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without going through the [\xa0__\xa0] ourselves
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right well you have you are the CEO of
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the progressive love Academy so you do
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teach other couples how to have become
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polyamorous but let's start with your
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story like how did you wind up being out
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oh my goodness well I've been married
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for 30 years to date but I got married
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when I was 21. so I was fairly young for
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a genexor to get married and my husband
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and I had a really candid conversation
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before we got married he said to me you
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know what I think someday I might be the
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type to want to have several wives
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said okay well that's cool you know okay
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I didn't have any other thought about it
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I thought okay yeah you're young at 21.
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yeah yeah you're like I think if you
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told a 37 year old that she might be a
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little bit more horrified but 21 I think
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you're still more open-minded I don't
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know because that's a lot to take in
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right being 21 years old but he's also
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an MBA student I'm an undergrad he's
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getting his graduate degree he's so
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responsible so respectful so everything
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else that I wanted in a husband I just
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said okay I didn't even think it would
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ever come to pass right so at year four
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of our marriage I was pregnant with baby
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number two and I was at a community
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event and I was painting a portrait on
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the wall with another man from the
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community and we hugged each other good
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and throughout my entire body I felt the
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orgasm just rolling from my crown down
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to my feet and I said oh my God I just I
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had a a spontaneous orgasm have that
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that's whatever happened to you no I'm
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like super jealous I thought squirting
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was something that I needed to do I get
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jealous whenever someone says they can
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squirt now I know now that now I know
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that there's people out there that could
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spontaneously orgasm I'm like now I want
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to do that too come on oh yes it was so
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good and I went immediately home and I
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was just flabbergasted I didn't know
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what to do I had a dream about this man
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I started dreaming about him having wow
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like you know very sexual dreams and So
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eventually I told my husband it wasn't
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even a few weeks before I told him I
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said look this is what happened because
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I felt innocent I didn't have sex with
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him I didn't try to convince him to go
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on a date with me I didn't even talk to
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him anymore but I kept having these
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dreams so I told my husband that this is
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what's happening my husband ran directly
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to our marriage counselors and told them
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that this is what was happening our
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marriage counselors at the time said
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you are in a monogamous relationship
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this is not acceptable this is not what
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you're supposed to do as if I was doing
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something at last I'll check I do not
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control my dreams so yeah yeah anyways I
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felt really shamed by them by my
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marriage counselors at that time and I
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felt like that was just something
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naturally occurring I wasn't a cheater I
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didn't have a work husband it's like I
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didn't even work I was a stay-at-home
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mom so I didn't understand why I was
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being shamed So eventually the dreams
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went away after several years they went
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away still nothing but let me just point
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out that you are you like went to school
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to be a child psychologist so is that
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why you had like marriage counselors and
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stuff going on in your relationship
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because that's like the world that you
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that is the world that I lived in and
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even my parents had marriage counselors
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raised to know that we need we need
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support we are not Island yeah that's
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important huh okay go on it's not like
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you were having problems I mean you just
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this is how you knew that this the best
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way to set yourself up for Success right
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we were not having marriage problems
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yeah it was just we knew and we thought
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that was why because we had counselors
268
00:10:53,399 --> 00:10:58,379
we had coaches we and this is in the 90s
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but either way time went on and 12 years
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down now the down the line my husband
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comes home from work and tells me hey do
272
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you remember that experience you had
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with hugging the guy and you had this
274
00:11:12,059 --> 00:11:16,319
feeling I feel like I'm falling in love
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with one of my co-workers in the same
276
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we didn't have the marriage counselors
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anymore and we were you know moving into
278
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our own sort of philosophy on marriage
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we really were we were really becoming
280
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very Freedom based in our marriage and I
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so I said to him I want to meet her I
282
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want to meet this woman so you don't
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have but that at that initial time
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though there's no jealousy or anything
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00:11:44,399 --> 00:11:47,879
that comes up is that because you were
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like having conversations about being
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okay it didn't sound like you're angry
288
00:11:56,339 --> 00:12:01,440
about it that's so funny okay you know I
289
00:11:58,620 --> 00:12:04,259
was not angry jealousy is not anger
290
00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:08,100
right okay jealousy yeah jealousy means
291
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I want something at a year 12 in your
292
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marriage you want the attention yeah
293
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that you know my husband's coming home
294
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telling me he's in love when's the last
295
00:12:13,919 --> 00:12:20,458
time he told me that he was in love with
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me yeah interesting okay no so uh-uh and
297
00:12:20,458 --> 00:12:25,879
I'm at home with kids you travel in the
298
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world having a good old time no
299
00:12:25,879 --> 00:12:30,059
so when he told me that I did say I
300
00:12:28,500 --> 00:12:32,100
wanted to meet her and I did meet her we
301
00:12:30,059 --> 00:12:34,078
all went out to dinner and he reminded
302
00:12:32,100 --> 00:12:36,480
me that before we got married he said he
303
00:12:34,078 --> 00:12:39,539
may want to take several wives he may
304
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want to explore polygyny so we went out
305
00:12:39,539 --> 00:12:44,338
and I saw the young woman now she was
306
00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:47,278
very different from me I'm loud I'm
307
00:12:44,339 --> 00:12:50,279
glamorous I'm cute I'm boisterous I'm
308
00:12:47,278 --> 00:12:54,000
brave this girl she didn't know what
309
00:12:50,278 --> 00:12:56,299
tofu was she she asked my husband what
310
00:13:00,559 --> 00:13:06,599
and I immediately recognized that this
311
00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:09,180
was a different energetic from me
312
00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:12,060
interesting this was something he might
313
00:13:09,179 --> 00:13:13,979
need something he might value so it was
314
00:13:12,059 --> 00:13:15,659
less threatening because it wasn't like
315
00:13:13,980 --> 00:13:17,159
someone replacing you it was something
316
00:13:17,159 --> 00:13:21,059
it was something totally different
317
00:13:18,839 --> 00:13:22,620
that's what I realized and it it felt
318
00:13:21,059 --> 00:13:24,659
less threatening but I was still mad as
319
00:13:22,620 --> 00:13:27,000
hell because when I had this experience
320
00:13:24,659 --> 00:13:29,039
it was he allowed our counselors to shut
321
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:32,399
us down I couldn't pursue it yeah yeah
322
00:13:29,039 --> 00:13:34,919
yeah so needless to say he didn't pursue
323
00:13:32,399 --> 00:13:36,958
that young woman because I was just not
324
00:13:34,919 --> 00:13:38,519
having it you know we I said we're going
325
00:13:36,958 --> 00:13:40,078
to talk about this if you're going to be
326
00:13:38,519 --> 00:13:41,700
open I'm going to be open I'm from
327
00:13:40,078 --> 00:13:44,578
Detroit I'm not going I'm not from
328
00:13:41,700 --> 00:13:46,379
somewhere where they do polygyny if
329
00:13:44,578 --> 00:13:49,138
you're going to be open I want to be
330
00:13:46,379 --> 00:13:50,578
open now this was 2005. yeah so not a
331
00:13:49,139 --> 00:13:52,980
lot of people were open there were no
332
00:13:50,578 --> 00:13:55,379
poly groups there were no poly books
333
00:13:52,980 --> 00:13:57,480
there was the ethical [\xa0__\xa0] yeah right
334
00:13:55,379 --> 00:14:00,299
that really had nothing to do with an
335
00:13:57,480 --> 00:14:03,670
egalitarian ethical non-monogamous thing
336
00:14:05,778 --> 00:14:10,139
so you know we talked about it for two
337
00:14:08,278 --> 00:14:11,700
years that's what we did Cassie we
338
00:14:10,139 --> 00:14:14,519
talked about it because when I said I
339
00:14:11,700 --> 00:14:16,379
wanted to be open as well he said no
340
00:14:16,379 --> 00:14:21,120
but he wanted to still be like was he
341
00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:25,740
yeah he was saying this is something men
342
00:14:23,339 --> 00:14:27,060
do right I told you this and he kept
343
00:14:25,740 --> 00:14:29,100
falling back I told you this before
344
00:14:27,059 --> 00:14:31,199
marriage this is what men do this is
345
00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:36,540
I understand what you're saying and I
346
00:14:35,399 --> 00:14:39,179
don't believe that this is just
347
00:14:36,539 --> 00:14:41,219
something that men do first of all being
348
00:14:39,179 --> 00:14:43,859
married to you 12 years I see that my
349
00:14:41,220 --> 00:14:46,320
sex drive is greater than yours now
350
00:14:43,860 --> 00:14:48,000
maybe that's just you and I but most of
351
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:49,920
the men I've been with I've wanted sex
352
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:51,480
more than them have you experienced that
353
00:14:49,919 --> 00:14:53,458
Kathy yeah a lot of times I've talked
354
00:14:51,480 --> 00:14:55,800
about on my show most got my boyfriend's
355
00:14:53,458 --> 00:14:58,619
they'd just be like oh Kathy please like
356
00:14:55,799 --> 00:15:00,479
enough like you know maybe I have a lot
357
00:14:58,620 --> 00:15:02,459
of testosterone I don't know but some
358
00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:04,079
women just roll that way it's not always
359
00:15:02,458 --> 00:15:05,638
the match and it doesn't necessarily
360
00:15:04,078 --> 00:15:08,519
mean it's always the guy that's more
361
00:15:05,639 --> 00:15:10,620
horny are you like me and you're totally
362
00:15:08,519 --> 00:15:12,240
hornier in the summer I don't know what
363
00:15:10,620 --> 00:15:14,220
it is the hot weather the naked people
364
00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:16,620
walking around I don't know but I'm
365
00:15:14,220 --> 00:15:18,480
definitely hornier in the summer and if
366
00:15:16,620 --> 00:15:22,139
you are too then you need to download
367
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that's what we're taught though we're
397
00:16:49,620 --> 00:16:55,019
taught that woman is the object of sex
398
00:16:52,620 --> 00:16:57,839
and man is a subject right because he
399
00:16:55,019 --> 00:17:00,778
wants it and he desires it he but I've
400
00:16:57,839 --> 00:17:02,399
had greater desire and and beyond that
401
00:17:00,778 --> 00:17:04,558
let's not even talk about me but it's
402
00:17:02,399 --> 00:17:05,939
about science like there's seven to
403
00:17:04,558 --> 00:17:07,798
eight thousand nerve endings on a
404
00:17:05,939 --> 00:17:09,660
woman's genitalia I've heard that
405
00:17:07,798 --> 00:17:10,980
they're less far less on the man's
406
00:17:09,660 --> 00:17:13,798
genitalia especially after he's
407
00:17:13,798 --> 00:17:19,679
so how do we get the philosophy or the
408
00:17:17,039 --> 00:17:22,259
understanding that men is somehow sexist
409
00:17:19,679 --> 00:17:24,600
for men or men want more sex or men want
410
00:17:22,259 --> 00:17:26,640
variety and women don't this is a
411
00:17:24,599 --> 00:17:28,859
standard narrative that does not add up
412
00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:31,500
when you look at individual women and
413
00:17:31,500 --> 00:17:36,839
so needless to say I just we had this
414
00:17:35,339 --> 00:17:39,298
conversation that you and I are having
415
00:17:36,839 --> 00:17:41,759
over two years time we we had the
416
00:17:39,298 --> 00:17:43,200
conversation of why not and what is
417
00:17:41,759 --> 00:17:44,940
wrong with women having multiple
418
00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:47,160
partners and what what would it do to
419
00:17:44,940 --> 00:17:49,080
your ego and eventually he got to the
420
00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:51,120
point because we were studying Tantra
421
00:17:49,079 --> 00:17:53,460
and his Tantra Masters were helping him
422
00:17:51,119 --> 00:17:56,699
understand the feminine and how the
423
00:17:53,460 --> 00:17:59,579
feminine should be free right and you
424
00:17:56,700 --> 00:18:02,100
know he got to an understanding that you
425
00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:04,558
know what maybe I don't want you to do
426
00:18:02,099 --> 00:18:07,740
it because your body and what you do
427
00:18:04,558 --> 00:18:10,139
with it is protecting my masculinity and
428
00:18:07,740 --> 00:18:13,740
and and I'm standing on you being
429
00:18:10,140 --> 00:18:16,799
monogamous to me to count toward my
430
00:18:13,740 --> 00:18:20,279
level of masculinity and that's not fair
431
00:18:16,798 --> 00:18:21,960
right interesting and pretty brave of
432
00:18:20,279 --> 00:18:24,298
him to go there and understand it or
433
00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:26,340
very self-aware for him to see that yes
434
00:18:24,298 --> 00:18:28,740
I just thought it was brilliant it made
435
00:18:26,339 --> 00:18:31,079
me fall so deep in love with him even
436
00:18:28,740 --> 00:18:32,759
deeper you know and yeah you said we
437
00:18:31,079 --> 00:18:34,619
were doing Tantra we were doing yoga we
438
00:18:32,759 --> 00:18:36,900
were doing meditation we're we're very
439
00:18:34,619 --> 00:18:39,058
metaphysical we've been in a spiritual
440
00:18:36,900 --> 00:18:41,820
Community we you know I had three home
441
00:18:39,058 --> 00:18:43,558
births I had orgasmic births yeah well
442
00:18:41,819 --> 00:18:47,298
that's why you could do that orgasm with
443
00:18:54,538 --> 00:19:00,058
so that is where we ended out and when
444
00:18:57,599 --> 00:19:02,939
he said that and owned that okay because
445
00:19:00,058 --> 00:19:04,740
that takes ownership brilliant
446
00:19:02,940 --> 00:19:07,259
so he owned that and that's when we
447
00:19:04,740 --> 00:19:10,319
moved into constructing our first sort
448
00:19:07,259 --> 00:19:11,759
of Constitution or principles as to how
449
00:19:10,319 --> 00:19:12,960
we would create our freedom-based
450
00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:18,440
so how did that go because and like
451
00:19:15,119 --> 00:19:21,259
what's the difference between being
452
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:23,759
polyamorous or being in an ethical
453
00:19:21,259 --> 00:19:25,879
non-monogamous relationship or do you
454
00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:29,580
oh don't ask me I don't see those as
455
00:19:29,579 --> 00:19:33,839
non-monogamy polyamory or open relating
456
00:19:31,980 --> 00:19:35,099
as any different right but a lot of
457
00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:37,678
people have distinguished some
458
00:19:35,099 --> 00:19:39,719
differences that they see I don't I
459
00:19:37,679 --> 00:19:41,340
don't know what those are for me this is
460
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:43,380
what I would tell you that I would think
461
00:19:41,339 --> 00:19:44,639
the difference is but I you know and
462
00:19:43,380 --> 00:19:46,200
you're gonna explain to me how it's
463
00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:48,480
different or maybe you started out one
464
00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:49,798
way and then it progressed but like I
465
00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:51,480
know a lot of couples they open their
466
00:19:49,798 --> 00:19:52,918
marriage uh strictly because they want
467
00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:54,360
to have sex with other people but
468
00:19:52,919 --> 00:19:56,880
they're their primary relationship
469
00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:59,279
there's no emotional relationships being
470
00:19:56,880 --> 00:20:00,660
had outside of that primary relationship
471
00:19:59,279 --> 00:20:02,519
and then I talk to the other people who
472
00:20:00,660 --> 00:20:03,900
are polyamorous and it's not they're not
473
00:20:02,519 --> 00:20:04,980
just having sex with other people but
474
00:20:03,900 --> 00:20:06,600
they're falling in love with other
475
00:20:04,980 --> 00:20:09,179
people you know they have intimate
476
00:20:06,599 --> 00:20:10,798
connections you know everyone said it
477
00:20:09,179 --> 00:20:12,840
sets it up differently I mean you have
478
00:20:10,798 --> 00:20:15,779
two husbands you really are polyamorous
479
00:20:12,839 --> 00:20:18,418
you're in love with two people and then
480
00:20:15,779 --> 00:20:21,480
they also have Partners correct
481
00:20:18,419 --> 00:20:23,820
oh yes my husbands have partners and I
482
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:27,120
have more Partners Beyond just my
483
00:20:23,819 --> 00:20:29,579
husband's right so yeah the polyamory so
484
00:20:27,119 --> 00:20:32,159
what are you defining that as polyamory
485
00:20:29,579 --> 00:20:35,519
in my view means many loves that means
486
00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:37,259
it's non-gender specific meaning the a
487
00:20:35,519 --> 00:20:41,400
person with a penis or a person with a
488
00:20:37,259 --> 00:20:43,740
vagina can both have many loves yeah
489
00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:45,360
so that's how I think of polyamory yeah
490
00:20:43,740 --> 00:20:46,859
so when you though when you're like
491
00:20:45,359 --> 00:20:49,319
talking to your husband in those
492
00:20:46,859 --> 00:20:51,298
beginning stages do you think it's just
493
00:20:49,319 --> 00:20:53,099
about having orgasms with different
494
00:20:51,298 --> 00:20:55,319
people and just connecting that way and
495
00:20:53,099 --> 00:20:57,058
then it progressed to like let's have
496
00:20:55,319 --> 00:20:58,619
feelings or did you always know that it
497
00:20:57,058 --> 00:21:02,759
was going to be like let's open this up
498
00:20:58,619 --> 00:21:04,259
to be able to love whoever we want
499
00:21:02,759 --> 00:21:06,298
oh we always knew it was going to be
500
00:21:04,259 --> 00:21:08,160
about love because the concept of just
501
00:21:06,298 --> 00:21:09,900
having sex with somebody that's not that
502
00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:12,200
wasn't appealing to me right I mean
503
00:21:09,900 --> 00:21:14,880
that's the more like swinging yeah yeah
504
00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:16,980
we never went through a swinging phase
505
00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:19,679
not that swingers are bad I love you
506
00:21:16,980 --> 00:21:21,660
anybody for any of their choices but we
507
00:21:19,679 --> 00:21:23,940
never did swinging we knew that we would
508
00:21:21,660 --> 00:21:26,160
be formulating committed Partnerships
509
00:21:23,940 --> 00:21:28,019
outside of our marriage right and I
510
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:31,140
think that that's what polyamory is it's
511
00:21:28,019 --> 00:21:33,359
just it you know it goes beyond just a
512
00:21:31,140 --> 00:21:35,299
sexual kind of hook up outside of your
513
00:21:33,359 --> 00:21:37,439
marriage right it's more than absolutely
514
00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:41,700
yeah so because I have Partners who I'm
515
00:21:40,140 --> 00:21:43,380
not sexual with at all but I still
516
00:21:41,700 --> 00:21:46,440
consider them my partners yeah because
517
00:21:43,380 --> 00:21:48,539
maybe I like to go skiing neither of my
518
00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:50,279
husbands like to go skiing well I like
519
00:21:48,538 --> 00:21:52,440
to go skiing with him and cuddle by the
520
00:21:50,279 --> 00:21:55,079
fire and maybe watch him make love with
521
00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:57,240
his wife or you know I it's it's not
522
00:21:55,079 --> 00:21:59,038
about whether you're having sex or not
523
00:21:57,240 --> 00:22:01,259
with this person as to whether or not
524
00:21:59,038 --> 00:22:03,179
you can formulate a relationship yeah
525
00:22:01,259 --> 00:22:05,700
yeah but which I think is actually
526
00:22:03,179 --> 00:22:07,980
scarier like how did you guys decide to
527
00:22:05,700 --> 00:22:09,900
proceed forward once you decided to do
528
00:22:07,980 --> 00:22:12,000
it I mean because I would think that
529
00:22:09,900 --> 00:22:13,559
would be scary that you know if somebody
530
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:15,779
sort of copped feelings for somebody
531
00:22:13,558 --> 00:22:17,579
else it would put your own relationship
532
00:22:15,779 --> 00:22:19,500
in jeopardy or were you guys just so
533
00:22:17,579 --> 00:22:21,779
solid because you'd been together for so
534
00:22:19,500 --> 00:22:22,980
long and talking about it that you were
535
00:22:22,980 --> 00:22:27,120
no I think we were solid because we
536
00:22:24,839 --> 00:22:30,599
built our constitution first yes so
537
00:22:27,119 --> 00:22:34,319
before we went into actual having sexual
538
00:22:30,599 --> 00:22:36,359
partners emotional relationships we
539
00:22:34,319 --> 00:22:37,859
created our constitution first of all we
540
00:22:36,359 --> 00:22:40,079
decided there were four steps to open
541
00:22:37,859 --> 00:22:42,479
love second of all we decided that we
542
00:22:40,079 --> 00:22:45,359
have five governing principles for our
543
00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:47,880
marriage and that sort of cemented us
544
00:22:45,359 --> 00:22:49,918
into an understanding that we could
545
00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:51,960
share with these other partners and say
546
00:22:49,919 --> 00:22:54,360
hey this is what we're about I'm married
547
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:56,700
of course this is how we conduct our
548
00:22:54,359 --> 00:22:58,319
marriage what do you think about that so
549
00:22:56,700 --> 00:22:59,819
that's my first conversations with any
550
00:22:59,819 --> 00:23:03,599
I think it would be more scary if I were
551
00:23:01,740 --> 00:23:05,819
just okay we're gonna be open now go
552
00:23:03,599 --> 00:23:08,339
ahead like we gonna try Paulie we never
553
00:23:05,819 --> 00:23:11,099
tried Polly Kathy we wrote about
554
00:23:08,339 --> 00:23:13,678
polyamory we broke down the scientific a
555
00:23:11,099 --> 00:23:16,740
psychological principles metaphysical
556
00:23:13,679 --> 00:23:18,840
principles of polyamory we we tested our
557
00:23:16,740 --> 00:23:20,220
theories and the ones that needed a
558
00:23:20,220 --> 00:23:24,480
scientists yeah polyamory yeah that's
559
00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:26,580
why you guys teach it now because you
560
00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:28,019
didn't just decide to open up and go out
561
00:23:26,579 --> 00:23:30,058
there because I think that's and that's
562
00:23:28,019 --> 00:23:31,500
why people like that's why you have this
563
00:23:30,058 --> 00:23:32,759
Progressive love Academy because you
564
00:23:31,500 --> 00:23:35,279
could teach other people how to do it
565
00:23:32,759 --> 00:23:37,740
the right way right because I think the
566
00:23:35,279 --> 00:23:40,139
the wrong way to do it is to just do it
567
00:23:37,740 --> 00:23:41,880
and not know these things that you
568
00:23:40,140 --> 00:23:44,400
figured out because you were like I said
569
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:46,380
ahead of your time it's obvious that you
570
00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:48,419
guys were always digging deep and you
571
00:23:46,380 --> 00:23:49,919
had those kind of scientific Minds right
572
00:23:48,419 --> 00:23:52,400
other people don't have time for that
573
00:23:57,240 --> 00:24:02,579
versus two years for us you know really
574
00:24:00,419 --> 00:24:04,980
17 years of of exploring and
575
00:24:02,579 --> 00:24:06,298
experimenting and writing we're just now
576
00:24:04,980 --> 00:24:07,740
getting to the point where okay we're
577
00:24:07,740 --> 00:24:11,819
yeah that's amazing so you decide you're
578
00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:12,779
both going to be you're going to open up
579
00:24:11,819 --> 00:24:15,538
your marriage you're going to be
580
00:24:12,779 --> 00:24:17,220
polyamorous and like how does that How
581
00:24:15,538 --> 00:24:20,759
does it go like who found the first
582
00:24:17,220 --> 00:24:24,058
partner well he told me that I should go
583
00:24:20,759 --> 00:24:26,220
first because he was really both of us
584
00:24:24,058 --> 00:24:29,099
want part of our philosophy now is that
585
00:24:26,220 --> 00:24:31,798
the least interested person the most
586
00:24:29,099 --> 00:24:33,779
fearful person should go first oh
587
00:24:31,798 --> 00:24:36,119
interesting it shouldn't be the person
588
00:24:33,779 --> 00:24:38,099
who's like yeah let's be Paulie man hey
589
00:24:36,119 --> 00:24:40,139
let's get out there it should be the one
590
00:24:38,099 --> 00:24:42,779
who's like I don't know about this this
591
00:24:40,140 --> 00:24:45,120
is going to because I was just so afraid
592
00:24:42,779 --> 00:24:46,980
Kathy I was like is he gonna still
593
00:24:45,119 --> 00:24:49,079
respect me is my husband gonna still
594
00:24:46,980 --> 00:24:51,480
love me is he still going to take care
595
00:24:49,079 --> 00:24:55,139
of me is he gonna like completely lose
596
00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:57,120
his [\xa0__\xa0] and just not be divorced me I
597
00:24:55,140 --> 00:24:59,640
was terrified because I'm never gonna be
598
00:24:57,119 --> 00:25:01,500
a single mother like that was never
599
00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:03,720
that's why I got married at 21 because I
600
00:25:01,500 --> 00:25:06,480
knew I want to have sex sex equal babies
601
00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:10,019
I'm gonna be with my man forever and I
602
00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:12,779
got my wish yeah but he let me go first
603
00:25:10,019 --> 00:25:15,119
he said I remember it just like it was
604
00:25:12,779 --> 00:25:17,639
yesterday I was headed to a conference
605
00:25:15,119 --> 00:25:20,158
and I knew that the Universe was leading
606
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:22,380
me down this path me and my girlfriends
607
00:25:20,159 --> 00:25:24,120
go to a weekend conference so of course
608
00:25:24,119 --> 00:25:28,079
so I'm riding in the car with a guy I
609
00:25:26,460 --> 00:25:30,538
met and I remember calling my husband
610
00:25:28,079 --> 00:25:32,220
because the guy got out to get gas and I
611
00:25:30,538 --> 00:25:34,740
called my husband I said I met someone
612
00:25:32,220 --> 00:25:36,600
what should I do he said you should get
613
00:25:34,740 --> 00:25:41,298
off the phone with me and talk to him
614
00:25:45,900 --> 00:25:50,100
but what ended up happening as that was
615
00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:52,679
one of my first Partners one of my first
616
00:25:50,099 --> 00:25:53,939
boyfriends outside of marriage and
617
00:25:52,679 --> 00:25:55,919
immediately I wanted him to come home
618
00:25:53,940 --> 00:25:57,840
and meet my husband you know he was West
619
00:25:55,919 --> 00:26:00,299
Coast we were East Coast so we were
620
00:25:57,839 --> 00:26:02,399
flying by Coastal for a while and he did
621
00:26:00,298 --> 00:26:04,859
meet my husband and you know it went
622
00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:08,460
great but you know my husband had a hard
623
00:26:04,859 --> 00:26:10,199
time he did but he didn't leave me what
624
00:26:08,460 --> 00:26:12,120
people don't understand about polyamory
625
00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:14,278
is you gonna have a hard time right
626
00:26:12,119 --> 00:26:16,139
you're gonna have a hell of a time you
627
00:26:14,278 --> 00:26:20,220
see what I'm saying because you're
628
00:26:16,140 --> 00:26:22,799
literally rewiring your core beliefs
629
00:26:20,220 --> 00:26:24,839
yeah and they're not just I mean these
630
00:26:22,798 --> 00:26:26,879
are like in you without you even
631
00:26:24,839 --> 00:26:28,798
realizing right I mean it's just how we
632
00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:32,220
grow up what we believe in what's taught
633
00:26:28,798 --> 00:26:34,500
to us and without even realizing it yes
634
00:26:36,558 --> 00:26:42,899
yeah yeah yes so it's not like oh yeah
635
00:26:40,500 --> 00:26:45,960
we just gonna try this we went through
636
00:26:42,900 --> 00:26:48,179
hell so my husband I called home later
637
00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:49,679
than that evening and my children
638
00:26:48,179 --> 00:26:51,360
answered the phone now my children are
639
00:26:49,679 --> 00:26:54,120
babies they're like three five and seven
640
00:26:51,359 --> 00:26:56,939
I say where's Daddy they said we don't
641
00:26:54,119 --> 00:26:59,459
know I said go find him he's in the
642
00:26:56,940 --> 00:27:00,960
basement he's in the now my husband
643
00:26:59,460 --> 00:27:03,120
doesn't drink he wouldn't even let me
644
00:27:00,960 --> 00:27:04,860
drink on our honeymoon okay he's down in
645
00:27:03,119 --> 00:27:06,058
the basement with a bottle of gin and a
646
00:27:06,058 --> 00:27:11,359
and just going through his own process
647
00:27:11,359 --> 00:27:16,699
yeah interesting and he was the one that
648
00:27:17,099 --> 00:27:21,959
and I I just admired his bravery but I
649
00:27:19,919 --> 00:27:24,059
also wanted to be there in this time of
650
00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:25,740
need so I supported him a little bit but
651
00:27:24,058 --> 00:27:27,778
he said don't worry about me continue
652
00:27:25,740 --> 00:27:30,240
doing what you're doing I have to go
653
00:27:27,778 --> 00:27:32,038
through this process of release yeah
654
00:27:32,038 --> 00:27:35,819
so that's happened I couldn't have sex
655
00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:38,038
now I could not have sex I I didn't have
656
00:27:35,819 --> 00:27:39,599
sex with this guy for a while in our
657
00:27:38,038 --> 00:27:42,179
relationship because it was just enough
658
00:27:39,599 --> 00:27:45,319
to be dating somebody else you know
659
00:27:42,179 --> 00:27:47,880
yeah that's interesting oh it was crazy
660
00:27:45,319 --> 00:27:49,379
so finally after we met my husband I
661
00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:53,039
would allow myself to have sex with him
662
00:27:49,380 --> 00:27:55,500
that was great he was also engaged which
663
00:27:53,038 --> 00:27:57,900
I didn't know about and my husband ended
664
00:27:55,500 --> 00:28:01,019
up liking his partner who was engaged
665
00:28:01,019 --> 00:28:05,400
because this is the first time now he
666
00:28:03,419 --> 00:28:07,980
has somebody correct this is the first
667
00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:10,679
time my husband has somebody in my
668
00:28:07,980 --> 00:28:12,659
process was much harder than my
669
00:28:10,679 --> 00:28:14,700
husband's process he's more level-headed
670
00:28:12,659 --> 00:28:17,580
than me right you know I'm hard-headed
671
00:28:14,700 --> 00:28:19,679
so I just had big problems with her big
672
00:28:17,579 --> 00:28:22,139
problems with them they were together in
673
00:28:19,679 --> 00:28:24,538
our marital bed how dare you guys sleep
674
00:28:22,140 --> 00:28:26,880
together in our marriage so bad I'm
675
00:28:24,538 --> 00:28:30,058
never sleeping in that bed again you
676
00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:32,760
know and how foolish was that this is my
677
00:28:30,058 --> 00:28:34,139
this is his marital body that I mean
678
00:28:32,759 --> 00:28:36,720
what difference does it make where they
679
00:28:34,140 --> 00:28:37,679
sleep together so these are the types of
680
00:28:37,679 --> 00:28:43,200
transitioning you do want to set up oh
681
00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:44,580
rules we had all these rules later we
682
00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:47,038
found that rules are for fools they
683
00:28:44,579 --> 00:28:47,839
don't work and the only thing that saved
684
00:28:47,839 --> 00:28:52,158
rules are for fools I gotta write that
685
00:28:52,159 --> 00:28:57,000
well later our protocols and our
686
00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:57,900
principles saved us more than any rule
687
00:28:57,900 --> 00:29:01,860
really in what sense like what's the
688
00:29:00,359 --> 00:29:03,240
difference like what do you mean when
689
00:29:01,859 --> 00:29:04,379
you say that be a little bit more
690
00:29:04,380 --> 00:29:09,840
absolutely so with our clients we say
691
00:29:07,079 --> 00:29:12,058
that rules are systems that you set up
692
00:29:09,839 --> 00:29:14,519
for somebody else to adhere to right
693
00:29:12,058 --> 00:29:16,859
because yo ego wants them to adhere to
694
00:29:14,519 --> 00:29:19,740
it you know it's like some form of
695
00:29:16,859 --> 00:29:21,359
control right it's like you yeah it's a
696
00:29:19,740 --> 00:29:23,339
mild form of control that we think we're
697
00:29:21,359 --> 00:29:24,778
entitled to if we are in a relationship
698
00:29:24,778 --> 00:29:29,398
not true you know rules are meant to be
699
00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:31,740
broken so protocols the way we help our
700
00:29:29,398 --> 00:29:33,239
clients design protocols is that these
701
00:29:31,740 --> 00:29:35,159
are principles that you set up for
702
00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:37,620
yourself so that you can let other
703
00:29:35,159 --> 00:29:39,778
people know hey these are my protocols
704
00:29:37,619 --> 00:29:41,359
this is how I go about safe sex for
705
00:29:39,778 --> 00:29:43,619
instance or this is how I go about
706
00:29:41,359 --> 00:29:45,119
introducing new partners this is how I
707
00:29:43,619 --> 00:29:47,579
do it and so that they can understand
708
00:29:45,119 --> 00:29:49,379
your protocols they can't set a rule for
709
00:29:47,579 --> 00:29:51,298
you you can't set a rule for them right
710
00:29:49,380 --> 00:29:53,100
but if you don't like their protocols
711
00:29:51,298 --> 00:29:55,679
you all can discuss them and you can
712
00:29:53,099 --> 00:29:57,839
understand them more deeply but I can't
713
00:29:55,679 --> 00:29:59,519
set a rule for a grown man and a grown
714
00:29:57,839 --> 00:30:01,558
man can't set a rule for me a grown
715
00:29:59,519 --> 00:30:03,119
woman and you mean that even talking
716
00:30:01,558 --> 00:30:04,379
about your husband right it's not just
717
00:30:03,119 --> 00:30:06,178
the other person that you're getting
718
00:30:04,380 --> 00:30:08,820
involved in is this also within the
719
00:30:06,179 --> 00:30:11,220
couple themselves rules are for fools
720
00:30:08,819 --> 00:30:12,379
absolutely I would never set up a rule
721
00:30:12,380 --> 00:30:16,980
it's not my place and he knows it's not
722
00:30:15,179 --> 00:30:19,798
his place to set up a room for me first
723
00:30:16,980 --> 00:30:22,079
of all we trust each other yeah so we
724
00:30:19,798 --> 00:30:23,639
work on trust more than trying to set up
725
00:30:22,079 --> 00:30:25,199
rules or some people call that
726
00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:27,778
boundaries I don't I don't have
727
00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:29,940
boundaries in that way right right yeah
728
00:30:27,778 --> 00:30:31,259
I mean that like that's the way if
729
00:30:29,940 --> 00:30:33,360
you're gonna do it I think the most
730
00:30:31,259 --> 00:30:36,778
successful way right but like were you
731
00:30:33,359 --> 00:30:38,759
already there or is this stuff that you
732
00:30:36,778 --> 00:30:40,440
figured out after you had these times
733
00:30:38,759 --> 00:30:42,960
like in the beginning where you were
734
00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:44,460
super jealous because he did [\xa0__\xa0]
735
00:30:42,960 --> 00:30:46,500
someone in the bed I mean was that a
736
00:30:44,460 --> 00:30:49,679
rule that you had or you had none even
737
00:30:46,500 --> 00:30:52,880
then that was a rule we set up a pay I
738
00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:57,840
and and none of them worked that was
739
00:30:55,619 --> 00:31:00,418
that was taking the monogamous mindset
740
00:30:57,839 --> 00:31:02,339
and going over into polyamory with that
741
00:31:02,339 --> 00:31:07,139
and we couldn't that was never gonna
742
00:31:04,380 --> 00:31:09,419
work right so in order to get into
743
00:31:07,140 --> 00:31:10,620
polymer you have to let go of that
744
00:31:10,619 --> 00:31:16,819
and you don't have to if you want to
745
00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:21,200
have a a success in the way that we have
746
00:31:16,819 --> 00:31:24,778
it's conducive to shift over to a more
747
00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:27,778
egalitarian mindset rules are based on
748
00:31:24,778 --> 00:31:30,240
ownership and possession we don't want
749
00:31:27,778 --> 00:31:32,640
to bring ownership and possession a
750
00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:38,580
freedom-based relating yeah that's a but
751
00:31:35,339 --> 00:31:39,599
that's a very Progressive way to be I
752
00:31:38,579 --> 00:31:42,298
think a lot of people aren't there
753
00:31:39,599 --> 00:31:43,798
that's why they need help you know right
754
00:31:42,298 --> 00:31:46,558
that's why we're Progressive love
755
00:31:43,798 --> 00:31:48,298
Academy yeah yeah of course yeah it
756
00:31:46,558 --> 00:31:49,619
makes sense because a lot of people I
757
00:31:48,298 --> 00:31:51,418
think need help to go there you are
758
00:31:49,619 --> 00:31:53,219
always very spiritual people I used to
759
00:31:51,419 --> 00:31:54,778
always believe when I saw like swinging
760
00:31:53,220 --> 00:31:57,538
documentaries years ago like I always
761
00:31:54,778 --> 00:31:58,740
felt like to be really evolved would be
762
00:31:57,538 --> 00:32:01,079
to get to the point where you don't feel
763
00:31:58,740 --> 00:32:02,579
like you own someone sexually right like
764
00:32:01,079 --> 00:32:04,339
I always felt like that was the top of
765
00:32:04,339 --> 00:32:09,500
in evolution but for you you're taking
766
00:32:07,140 --> 00:32:11,640
it even a step further it's even with
767
00:32:09,500 --> 00:32:13,740
love and your emotions and your
768
00:32:11,640 --> 00:32:17,159
vulnerability I mean being completely
769
00:32:13,740 --> 00:32:19,259
without ownership at all yes yeah that's
770
00:32:19,259 --> 00:32:24,419
oh yes that was major as I said it took
771
00:32:22,140 --> 00:32:26,340
many many years of work we even had to
772
00:32:24,419 --> 00:32:28,500
develop communication systems that work
773
00:32:26,339 --> 00:32:30,720
because we found even the communication
774
00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:35,159
communication which I call the language
775
00:32:32,339 --> 00:32:37,019
of War yeah English communication the
776
00:32:35,159 --> 00:32:39,600
way that we talk to each other it's like
777
00:32:37,019 --> 00:32:41,639
well you did this well why you're you're
778
00:32:39,599 --> 00:32:43,798
you're home late I I don't appreciate
779
00:32:41,640 --> 00:32:46,020
that that's disrespectful so we're
780
00:32:43,798 --> 00:32:47,940
accusing within the very language that
781
00:32:46,019 --> 00:32:50,278
we think we're communicating that's not
782
00:32:47,940 --> 00:32:53,759
a communication that's just an
783
00:32:50,278 --> 00:32:55,319
accusation that's a sentence right you
784
00:32:53,759 --> 00:32:58,158
see what I'm saying and they even call
785
00:32:59,119 --> 00:33:05,099
your sentence why are we sentencing
786
00:33:01,859 --> 00:33:07,500
others yes but we have to even we have
787
00:33:05,099 --> 00:33:10,918
to rewrite the English language and
788
00:33:07,500 --> 00:33:13,380
reorder how we com how we talk to each
789
00:33:10,919 --> 00:33:15,000
other you know some therapists and and
790
00:33:13,380 --> 00:33:16,679
psychologists say well we have a
791
00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:18,778
communication issue well what are they
792
00:33:16,679 --> 00:33:21,840
talking about we all know vocabulary
793
00:33:18,778 --> 00:33:23,759
yeah we all are talking in fact we
794
00:33:21,839 --> 00:33:26,278
talking loud so what's the communication
795
00:33:23,759 --> 00:33:28,140
issue we figured out what those are and
796
00:33:26,278 --> 00:33:30,240
we had to in order to shift over to
797
00:33:28,140 --> 00:33:33,299
polyamory but how did you get out of
798
00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:35,399
that monogamous mindset when you know
799
00:33:33,298 --> 00:33:37,980
everyone around you has that word how
800
00:33:35,398 --> 00:33:40,018
did you get to a place where you threw
801
00:33:37,980 --> 00:33:42,360
ever everything that you ever learned
802
00:33:40,019 --> 00:33:46,019
off the table and decided to live in the
803
00:33:42,359 --> 00:33:48,538
minority and be non-monogamous well this
804
00:33:46,019 --> 00:33:51,480
is going to sound like woo probably for
805
00:33:48,538 --> 00:33:53,700
some of your listeners but we started to
806
00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:56,640
pull apart the difference between like
807
00:33:53,700 --> 00:33:59,220
the higher self the ego and the animal
808
00:33:56,640 --> 00:34:00,899
so we realized that the ego yes the ego
809
00:33:59,220 --> 00:34:03,419
is where these beliefs and stories are
810
00:34:00,898 --> 00:34:04,859
are stored yeah now do we want the ego
811
00:34:03,419 --> 00:34:06,899
to be sitting on the throne of our
812
00:34:04,859 --> 00:34:09,239
Consciousness no we don't what would the
813
00:34:06,898 --> 00:34:11,699
higher self think the Limitless self
814
00:34:09,239 --> 00:34:14,338
yeah think about the concept that you
815
00:34:11,699 --> 00:34:16,980
own this person's heart or you own this
816
00:34:14,338 --> 00:34:19,079
person's mind that would be ridiculous
817
00:34:16,980 --> 00:34:22,019
to the higher self the higher self says
818
00:34:19,079 --> 00:34:24,838
we are all one nothing is wrong nothing
819
00:34:22,019 --> 00:34:27,780
is against me you know I am I am
820
00:34:24,838 --> 00:34:30,358
all-powerful I I I can create what I
821
00:34:27,780 --> 00:34:32,580
want I you know nobody's doing anything
822
00:34:30,358 --> 00:34:34,559
to me so those are higher self
823
00:34:32,579 --> 00:34:36,059
principles that we started and then also
824
00:34:34,559 --> 00:34:38,759
you have to find the root to your
825
00:34:36,059 --> 00:34:40,918
stories if I have a story that well if
826
00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:43,379
you didn't text me back that means that
827
00:34:40,918 --> 00:34:45,598
you don't love me is that true where's
828
00:34:43,378 --> 00:34:47,940
that story coming from right who didn't
829
00:34:45,599 --> 00:34:50,099
talk to you as a youth where do you
830
00:34:47,940 --> 00:34:52,139
start to get the trauma around somebody
831
00:34:50,099 --> 00:34:54,960
not getting responding to you right away
832
00:34:52,139 --> 00:34:57,000
where is that trauma born in you okay
833
00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:58,559
let's deal with the root and stop
834
00:34:57,000 --> 00:35:00,358
looking at all these instances that
835
00:34:58,559 --> 00:35:02,820
prove the route to be true let's just
836
00:35:00,358 --> 00:35:05,519
dig up the root yeah what about the root
837
00:35:02,820 --> 00:35:08,940
of like that that thing that most people
838
00:35:05,519 --> 00:35:10,679
believe that if you your partner wants
839
00:35:08,940 --> 00:35:12,179
to sleep with someone else or you allow
840
00:35:10,679 --> 00:35:14,098
them to sleep with someone else it means
841
00:35:12,179 --> 00:35:16,078
they don't love you like they can't love
842
00:35:14,099 --> 00:35:17,519
somebody if they're having sex with
843
00:35:16,079 --> 00:35:18,780
somebody else I mean a lot of people
844
00:35:18,780 --> 00:35:23,220
right and that's an easy route that
845
00:35:20,760 --> 00:35:25,800
route is the big three religions that is
846
00:35:23,219 --> 00:35:27,539
television that root is probably in your
847
00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:29,400
own home you know that route is also
848
00:35:27,539 --> 00:35:31,380
with your sexual training your mother
849
00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:33,720
told you if you were a girl don't give
850
00:35:31,380 --> 00:35:37,380
it up don't open your legs because you
851
00:35:33,719 --> 00:35:39,358
will not be respected so you say well
852
00:35:37,380 --> 00:35:41,640
does that go for men too and nobody ever
853
00:35:39,358 --> 00:35:43,440
answers that question but there's a lot
854
00:35:41,639 --> 00:35:45,179
of roots to that you got to dig up that
855
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:47,519
whole bed baby because none of that was
856
00:35:45,179 --> 00:35:50,338
true right yeah you know and when I say
857
00:35:47,519 --> 00:35:52,920
true what do I mean true not true based
858
00:35:50,338 --> 00:35:55,019
on a religious Doctrine but true based
859
00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:56,338
on our higher Limitless self right the
860
00:35:55,019 --> 00:35:57,780
higher self said there's nothing wrong
861
00:35:56,338 --> 00:35:59,460
with you there's nothing wrong with
862
00:35:57,780 --> 00:36:01,460
desire there's nothing wrong with sex
863
00:36:01,460 --> 00:36:06,720
and and there's nothing wrong with me
864
00:36:04,440 --> 00:36:08,880
loving more than one person we can see
865
00:36:06,719 --> 00:36:11,399
that root is not true we look at our
866
00:36:08,880 --> 00:36:14,280
kids we love them all yeah you're right
867
00:36:11,400 --> 00:36:16,079
yeah yeah but and you have two husbands
868
00:36:14,280 --> 00:36:18,780
like when do you wind up meeting that
869
00:36:16,079 --> 00:36:20,160
second husband or did you have multiple
870
00:36:18,780 --> 00:36:23,400
husbands or you have you always just had
871
00:36:20,159 --> 00:36:26,338
these two I I just I have two husbands
872
00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:28,079
right now but I had have had many
873
00:36:26,338 --> 00:36:29,880
experience a lot of people always say
874
00:36:28,079 --> 00:36:32,940
well how many men you slept with is
875
00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:35,780
uncountable I love brilliant high five
876
00:36:41,179 --> 00:36:48,299
so you know with my husband I met him in
877
00:36:45,179 --> 00:36:50,460
2014 my second husband so that's after
878
00:36:50,460 --> 00:36:55,980
relationships women moving into my house
879
00:36:53,219 --> 00:36:58,078
men moving into my house of having
880
00:36:55,980 --> 00:37:00,838
Community you know we've went through a
881
00:36:58,079 --> 00:37:03,359
lot before I met a man who was ready to
882
00:37:00,838 --> 00:37:05,820
really join my family mm-hmm
883
00:37:03,358 --> 00:37:07,139
and that was a beautiful thing now it
884
00:37:05,820 --> 00:37:09,240
wasn't beautiful for him because it took
885
00:37:09,239 --> 00:37:13,679
oh your husband your second husband my
886
00:37:11,519 --> 00:37:15,599
second husband yeah now was he married
887
00:37:13,679 --> 00:37:17,879
because I know that one of your husbands
888
00:37:15,599 --> 00:37:20,160
has another wife as well like was this
889
00:37:17,880 --> 00:37:22,200
the guy that is married to to somebody
890
00:37:22,199 --> 00:37:27,779
yes both of my husbands have other wives
891
00:37:24,960 --> 00:37:30,240
so my hubby number one has been married
892
00:37:27,780 --> 00:37:32,880
for two years to another beautiful woman
893
00:37:30,239 --> 00:37:35,159
who lives right down the street and um
894
00:37:32,880 --> 00:37:39,059
he's there two weeks and here two weeks
895
00:37:35,159 --> 00:37:41,279
and then my second husband was married
896
00:37:39,059 --> 00:37:44,039
prior to me meeting him but they were
897
00:37:41,280 --> 00:37:47,160
separated and for all intents and
898
00:37:44,039 --> 00:37:50,719
purposes divorce so I helped him and her
899
00:37:47,159 --> 00:37:53,338
get back together and raise their child
900
00:37:50,719 --> 00:37:55,139
and I became such great friends with her
901
00:37:53,338 --> 00:37:57,779
you know we got her a house so that she
902
00:37:55,139 --> 00:37:59,819
could be on her feet and so yeah we I
903
00:37:57,780 --> 00:38:02,040
love her I love all of their other wives
904
00:37:59,820 --> 00:38:04,200
yeah that's amazing so they're so he's
905
00:38:02,039 --> 00:38:06,599
back married with her as well as married
906
00:38:04,199 --> 00:38:08,399
to you now well I would say they're
907
00:38:06,599 --> 00:38:10,380
co-parenting because they never got they
908
00:38:08,400 --> 00:38:13,079
never got a divorce like that there's no
909
00:38:10,380 --> 00:38:15,059
need to get a divorce yeah you do I have
910
00:38:13,079 --> 00:38:16,680
to say a whole other thing I wanted to
911
00:38:15,059 --> 00:38:18,480
focus on polyamory because I've just had
912
00:38:16,679 --> 00:38:20,639
so many calls with polyamorous people
913
00:38:18,480 --> 00:38:23,099
some gone right some gone wrong you know
914
00:38:20,639 --> 00:38:25,618
but but you do have have a whole thing
915
00:38:23,099 --> 00:38:29,359
that you talk on which is like a divorce
916
00:38:25,619 --> 00:38:32,579
proof marriage which is a pretty major
917
00:38:29,358 --> 00:38:34,559
thing to sort of stand for right because
918
00:38:32,579 --> 00:38:37,019
I feel like it's like the opposite of
919
00:38:34,559 --> 00:38:39,599
like what a lot of really Progressive
920
00:38:37,019 --> 00:38:41,219
people might think right it seems almost
921
00:38:39,599 --> 00:38:42,780
like the opposite of progressive like
922
00:38:41,219 --> 00:38:45,000
some people are like leave somebody if
923
00:38:42,780 --> 00:38:47,579
they cheat on you or it's like worse to
924
00:38:45,000 --> 00:38:49,619
stay than to leave well sure leave
925
00:38:47,579 --> 00:38:51,839
somebody because they might cheat on you
926
00:38:49,619 --> 00:38:53,099
doesn't sound Progressive to me no I
927
00:38:51,838 --> 00:38:54,539
know but this is what's so interesting
928
00:38:53,099 --> 00:38:56,160
about the way you see things you see
929
00:38:54,539 --> 00:38:57,358
them so different than most what most
930
00:38:56,159 --> 00:38:58,980
people say you know what I mean like
931
00:38:57,358 --> 00:39:01,319
they would think it's like losing your
932
00:38:58,980 --> 00:39:02,400
power by staying but you're you see it
933
00:39:02,400 --> 00:39:06,420
oh I see it much different it just needs
934
00:39:04,380 --> 00:39:08,460
a new relationship contract yeah you
935
00:39:06,420 --> 00:39:11,820
know it needs new tools you know nobody
936
00:39:08,460 --> 00:39:14,400
means to cheat on the other but the
937
00:39:11,820 --> 00:39:16,260
concept that you did that we have to dig
938
00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:18,240
in and see how that happened in this
939
00:39:16,260 --> 00:39:20,220
marriage and how to reformulate the
940
00:39:18,239 --> 00:39:22,259
marriage so everybody is getting their
941
00:39:20,219 --> 00:39:24,059
needs met so everybody's because some
942
00:39:22,260 --> 00:39:26,220
people say cheating is not about getting
943
00:39:24,059 --> 00:39:28,139
needs that it's just a power move okay
944
00:39:26,219 --> 00:39:30,659
we need to reformulate the mayor so
945
00:39:28,139 --> 00:39:32,940
everybody feels powerful yeah we have to
946
00:39:30,659 --> 00:39:35,279
reformulate the marriage and polyamory
947
00:39:32,940 --> 00:39:37,740
can be a part of that most of my divorce
948
00:39:35,280 --> 00:39:41,099
proof marriages become polyamorous
949
00:39:37,739 --> 00:39:42,059
marriages oh okay so they remain kind of
950
00:39:42,059 --> 00:39:46,858
yes they have to open in order to
951
00:39:44,579 --> 00:39:49,260
divorce proof themselves because the
952
00:39:46,858 --> 00:39:51,779
divorce comes from feeling like oh my
953
00:39:49,260 --> 00:39:54,060
gosh I'm stuck with this person I'm
954
00:39:51,780 --> 00:39:57,060
stuck not getting my needs met I'm stuck
955
00:39:54,059 --> 00:39:59,699
with the arguments and the this disease
956
00:39:57,059 --> 00:40:02,338
you know okay let's end all of that
957
00:39:59,699 --> 00:40:04,019
you're not stuck with anything you're
958
00:40:02,338 --> 00:40:06,078
going to learn tools Technologies
959
00:40:04,019 --> 00:40:09,000
techniques to help you uproot these
960
00:40:06,079 --> 00:40:11,220
ill-fated beliefs then you're going to
961
00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:13,619
learn how to have a freedom-based
962
00:40:11,219 --> 00:40:15,480
marriage and then you won't there's
963
00:40:13,619 --> 00:40:18,539
nothing to fight about I haven't had a
964
00:40:15,480 --> 00:40:20,519
fight in years yeah fight about what
965
00:40:18,539 --> 00:40:22,559
yeah you're right really if you really
966
00:40:20,519 --> 00:40:24,179
think about a lot of the fighting is you
967
00:40:22,559 --> 00:40:25,619
know even if it doesn't seem like it's
968
00:40:24,179 --> 00:40:27,659
about the fact that you can't [\xa0__\xa0]
969
00:40:25,619 --> 00:40:29,460
somebody else sometimes it is you know
970
00:40:27,659 --> 00:40:31,799
what I mean those little Nitty Gritty
971
00:40:29,460 --> 00:40:33,358
things it's because you know maybe your
972
00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:35,220
wife's sick of blowing you but maybe if
973
00:40:33,358 --> 00:40:38,039
you had a girlfriend and she blew you'd
974
00:40:35,219 --> 00:40:39,959
be happier you know right yeah and and
975
00:40:38,039 --> 00:40:40,980
it's I wish it were that simple but it's
976
00:40:40,980 --> 00:40:45,780
is at the core none of my couples are
977
00:40:43,019 --> 00:40:48,300
allowed to become polyamorous until they
978
00:40:45,780 --> 00:40:51,240
Master authentic communication through
979
00:40:48,300 --> 00:40:52,920
my systems so there's no way to just
980
00:40:51,239 --> 00:40:55,500
jump into poly without authentic
981
00:40:52,920 --> 00:40:57,180
communication on debt right of course
982
00:40:55,500 --> 00:40:59,039
and you guys know that because like I
983
00:40:57,179 --> 00:41:00,419
said it sounds like you guys you didn't
984
00:40:59,039 --> 00:41:01,980
jump into it I mean you were talking
985
00:41:00,420 --> 00:41:03,780
about it for a really long time there
986
00:41:01,980 --> 00:41:05,159
were signs there he mentioned things you
987
00:41:03,780 --> 00:41:07,800
mentioned things but you guys really
988
00:41:05,159 --> 00:41:10,259
didn't dip your toes into it until you
989
00:41:07,800 --> 00:41:12,839
were like married for how long we were
990
00:41:10,260 --> 00:41:14,460
married for 17 no we were married for 12
991
00:41:12,838 --> 00:41:16,619
years when we started that discussion
992
00:41:14,460 --> 00:41:18,900
yeah and at year 15 we opened yeah
993
00:41:16,619 --> 00:41:21,380
that's major and then how long into it
994
00:41:18,900 --> 00:41:24,599
did you get your second husband
995
00:41:21,380 --> 00:41:26,700
wow that was recent as you saw on
996
00:41:24,599 --> 00:41:29,760
seeking brother husband our reality
997
00:41:26,699 --> 00:41:33,960
series we just got our marriage official
998
00:41:29,760 --> 00:41:36,119
marriage ceremony in 2022. but I've been
999
00:41:33,960 --> 00:41:37,320
with him for 10 years yeah yeah that's
1000
00:41:36,119 --> 00:41:38,820
major now do you ever have a
1001
00:41:37,320 --> 00:41:39,720
relationships with women or only with
1002
00:41:39,719 --> 00:41:43,858
I would love to have relationships with
1003
00:41:42,059 --> 00:41:46,500
women but I don't I'm not that lesbian
1004
00:41:43,858 --> 00:41:48,960
and I really don't feel confident in my
1005
00:41:46,500 --> 00:41:52,380
lesbianism although I really love
1006
00:41:48,960 --> 00:41:55,800
women's bodies I love women's softness
1007
00:41:52,380 --> 00:41:58,440
and I love planning women's hair but I
1008
00:41:55,800 --> 00:42:00,720
can't I haven't had a um lesbian
1009
00:41:58,440 --> 00:42:03,059
encounter since I was maybe 10 or 11
1010
00:42:03,059 --> 00:42:07,619
but are there any threesomes that are
1011
00:42:04,980 --> 00:42:09,480
going on in these kinds of scenarios or
1012
00:42:07,619 --> 00:42:12,660
is it just or do you keep your
1013
00:42:09,480 --> 00:42:15,900
relationship separate in our scenarios
1014
00:42:12,659 --> 00:42:17,399
no my husband's would never lay down in
1015
00:42:15,900 --> 00:42:20,220
the same bed with me they would think I
1016
00:42:17,400 --> 00:42:22,079
was crazy by asking to do that and I
1017
00:42:20,219 --> 00:42:25,618
don't typically get with their Partners
1018
00:42:22,079 --> 00:42:28,680
however I had a girl who really liked me
1019
00:42:25,619 --> 00:42:31,440
she lives in Los Angeles and she came
1020
00:42:28,679 --> 00:42:33,719
and see us here in Houston and she
1021
00:42:31,440 --> 00:42:35,460
myself and my second husband shared a
1022
00:42:33,719 --> 00:42:37,439
bed in fact I hooked my second husband
1023
00:42:35,460 --> 00:42:41,220
up with a lot of my friends because he's
1024
00:42:37,440 --> 00:42:43,679
very sexual so free sexual you've heard
1025
00:42:41,219 --> 00:42:47,639
of that term right yeah yeah so because
1026
00:42:43,679 --> 00:42:49,440
he's Fray it's really enticing when I
1027
00:42:47,639 --> 00:42:52,019
can set him up with somebody because
1028
00:42:49,440 --> 00:42:54,119
that gets his Chi and his juices flowing
1029
00:42:52,019 --> 00:42:55,858
for me baby could you explain what that
1030
00:42:55,858 --> 00:43:02,098
sure phrase sexuality is when you are
1031
00:42:58,619 --> 00:43:05,039
the type of asexual person who prefers
1032
00:43:05,039 --> 00:43:08,639
relationships where you don't know the
1033
00:43:06,599 --> 00:43:10,680
person that well that's more enticing
1034
00:43:08,639 --> 00:43:12,598
once you know somebody well if you're
1035
00:43:10,679 --> 00:43:15,239
afraid you don't have the sexual
1036
00:43:12,599 --> 00:43:16,980
attraction as strongly oh my God I think
1037
00:43:15,239 --> 00:43:19,559
I was phrase sexual when I was younger
1038
00:43:16,980 --> 00:43:21,179
and then it switched but I just I
1039
00:43:19,559 --> 00:43:23,279
thought I had [\xa0__\xa0] issues I don't
1040
00:43:21,179 --> 00:43:24,779
know you know it's so interesting a lot
1041
00:43:23,280 --> 00:43:26,819
of people who are free think they have
1042
00:43:24,780 --> 00:43:29,460
those issues but he has you know he's
1043
00:43:26,818 --> 00:43:31,259
really a free advocate so and then I I
1044
00:43:29,460 --> 00:43:33,240
do the things that phrase need you know
1045
00:43:31,260 --> 00:43:36,060
he needs space he needs time he doesn't
1046
00:43:33,239 --> 00:43:39,239
want to make love every day he I want
1047
00:43:36,059 --> 00:43:40,739
him you know to have his adventures and
1048
00:43:39,239 --> 00:43:42,059
come back to me ready to give me a
1049
00:43:40,739 --> 00:43:43,799
little something you know but this is
1050
00:43:42,059 --> 00:43:46,139
not that's what we mean about polyamory
1051
00:43:43,800 --> 00:43:48,119
his in mind is not purely sexual
1052
00:43:46,139 --> 00:43:50,519
relationships yeah yeah it's very sexual
1053
00:43:48,119 --> 00:43:52,140
yeah and I mean he's not giving you all
1054
00:43:50,519 --> 00:43:54,239
your needs I mean it's not like you're
1055
00:43:52,139 --> 00:43:56,039
waiting around because you also have
1056
00:43:54,239 --> 00:43:57,959
your needs met wherever you want I mean
1057
00:43:56,039 --> 00:44:01,440
there's no sort of boundaries it is
1058
00:43:57,960 --> 00:44:04,079
boundaries exactly yes now you're
1059
00:44:01,440 --> 00:44:05,400
thinking Progressive Kathy no listen I
1060
00:44:04,079 --> 00:44:07,740
think everyone should think [\xa0__\xa0]
1061
00:44:05,400 --> 00:44:09,599
Progressive I've always been like I mean
1062
00:44:07,739 --> 00:44:10,979
there wasn't that word polyamory when I
1063
00:44:09,599 --> 00:44:13,140
was growing up but I always felt like
1064
00:44:10,980 --> 00:44:14,760
polygamy or something other than what
1065
00:44:13,139 --> 00:44:16,318
was being dished to me even when I was
1066
00:44:14,760 --> 00:44:17,760
younger I was like this is like a crock
1067
00:44:16,318 --> 00:44:20,099
of [\xa0__\xa0] you know I don't know I just
1068
00:44:17,760 --> 00:44:22,440
never bought into it and I just always
1069
00:44:20,099 --> 00:44:24,119
felt like it's so sad that we grow up in
1070
00:44:22,440 --> 00:44:25,980
the society where it shoved down our
1071
00:44:24,119 --> 00:44:27,838
throats and in a way we barely have a
1072
00:44:25,980 --> 00:44:29,940
choice because it's just how we grow up
1073
00:44:27,838 --> 00:44:32,338
but I felt like oh a hundred years from
1074
00:44:29,940 --> 00:44:34,440
now it would be so beneficial for women
1075
00:44:32,338 --> 00:44:37,139
not to be taught this [\xa0__\xa0] because I
1076
00:44:34,440 --> 00:44:38,880
really think that like monogamy and the
1077
00:44:37,139 --> 00:44:40,920
way it's set up is really worse for
1078
00:44:38,880 --> 00:44:43,260
women than men because I think it really
1079
00:44:40,920 --> 00:44:45,420
pits us against each other I just think
1080
00:44:43,260 --> 00:44:47,160
it's not helpful for women so I think
1081
00:44:45,420 --> 00:44:49,619
it's not helpful but it's not helpful
1082
00:44:47,159 --> 00:44:51,838
for men either because look at the end
1083
00:44:49,619 --> 00:44:55,079
cell movement the incel movement is
1084
00:44:51,838 --> 00:44:56,880
about nobody will [\xa0__\xa0] us okay if you
1085
00:44:55,079 --> 00:44:59,519
tell every woman who's [\xa0__\xa0] that
1086
00:44:56,880 --> 00:45:02,400
she's a [\xa0__\xa0] if you say that a woman
1087
00:44:59,519 --> 00:45:04,199
who's [\xa0__\xa0] is for the streets yes if
1088
00:45:02,400 --> 00:45:07,920
you say that women who are free women
1089
00:45:04,199 --> 00:45:09,719
and centrally open are [\xa0__\xa0] then how
1090
00:45:07,920 --> 00:45:13,019
you think you gonna get laid like it's
1091
00:45:09,719 --> 00:45:14,939
like a schizophrenic dichotomy that's
1092
00:45:13,019 --> 00:45:17,219
happening there and and it's it's not
1093
00:45:14,940 --> 00:45:18,838
good for men and you're right it's not
1094
00:45:17,219 --> 00:45:20,578
good for women no you know how many
1095
00:45:18,838 --> 00:45:22,019
times I when I was younger because I
1096
00:45:20,579 --> 00:45:24,119
would just kind of like [\xa0__\xa0] whoever I
1097
00:45:22,019 --> 00:45:25,980
wanted and you know I'm 54 so when I was
1098
00:45:24,119 --> 00:45:27,838
younger most girls didn't have sex
1099
00:45:25,980 --> 00:45:29,460
unless they were in relationships I just
1100
00:45:27,838 --> 00:45:31,019
kind of did what I wanted and I can't
1101
00:45:29,460 --> 00:45:32,579
tell you how many times my guy friends
1102
00:45:31,019 --> 00:45:34,739
would be like you know Kevin you're not
1103
00:45:32,579 --> 00:45:36,539
the type of girl you marry like you're
1104
00:45:34,739 --> 00:45:38,519
the type of girl you [\xa0__\xa0] and like so
1105
00:45:36,539 --> 00:45:40,199
many of my guys that I dated were like
1106
00:45:38,519 --> 00:45:42,960
they loved to [\xa0__\xa0] me but they didn't
1107
00:45:40,199 --> 00:45:45,299
really want to ever take me seriously
1108
00:45:42,960 --> 00:45:47,338
but you know shouldn't girls be allowed
1109
00:45:45,300 --> 00:45:49,619
to express that I wasn't any different
1110
00:45:47,338 --> 00:45:51,119
than any other girl I was just more out
1111
00:45:49,619 --> 00:45:53,579
of the box and just did whatever the
1112
00:45:51,119 --> 00:45:55,380
[\xa0__\xa0] I wanted but Mo you think other
1113
00:45:53,579 --> 00:45:57,480
girls don't have those same sexual
1114
00:45:55,380 --> 00:46:00,480
desires and those same needs that I had
1115
00:45:57,480 --> 00:46:02,699
I mean come on it's ridiculous right oh
1116
00:46:00,480 --> 00:46:04,440
that's such a good story I love you for
1117
00:46:02,699 --> 00:46:06,598
persevering through that and we are
1118
00:46:04,440 --> 00:46:08,760
shifting that my daughter's 22. she's
1119
00:46:06,599 --> 00:46:11,460
also a poly coach and she is Big Time
1120
00:46:08,760 --> 00:46:13,440
online spreading the word I love that
1121
00:46:11,460 --> 00:46:14,880
life changing I think it is very
1122
00:46:13,440 --> 00:46:17,579
different now now and the younger
1123
00:46:14,880 --> 00:46:19,440
generation is so amazing I think it's
1124
00:46:17,579 --> 00:46:20,940
very different which is great but I
1125
00:46:19,440 --> 00:46:23,760
think that there's still so many people
1126
00:46:20,940 --> 00:46:26,400
alive that were born when I grew up and
1127
00:46:23,760 --> 00:46:27,960
they need your help because this is what
1128
00:46:26,400 --> 00:46:30,539
you guys have been not only teaching
1129
00:46:27,960 --> 00:46:32,460
this but living it way before most
1130
00:46:30,539 --> 00:46:33,599
people had the balls too which is
1131
00:46:33,599 --> 00:46:38,519
thank you it's been a journey and I
1132
00:46:36,780 --> 00:46:40,019
really love it I love that you're doing
1133
00:46:38,519 --> 00:46:42,239
the strictly Anonymous to let people
1134
00:46:40,019 --> 00:46:44,338
talk out about what they're doing so we
1135
00:46:42,239 --> 00:46:46,919
start to normalize the fact that you
1136
00:46:44,338 --> 00:46:48,719
understand 66 of those married today are
1137
00:46:46,920 --> 00:46:51,000
cheating there's a cheating site called
1138
00:46:48,719 --> 00:46:53,578
Ashley Madison let's not play games I
1139
00:46:51,000 --> 00:46:55,500
had that guy on the CFO was on my show
1140
00:46:53,579 --> 00:46:57,119
to talk about it I like I have a
1141
00:46:55,500 --> 00:46:59,940
podcaster friend who's in the sexuality
1142
00:46:57,119 --> 00:47:01,858
category and she won't uh have anyone on
1143
00:46:59,940 --> 00:47:03,300
who has cheated and I'm like why not I
1144
00:47:01,858 --> 00:47:05,159
think it's important to hear those
1145
00:47:03,300 --> 00:47:07,619
stories you know it's important to get
1146
00:47:05,159 --> 00:47:09,299
the [\xa0__\xa0] truth out it's sad that
1147
00:47:07,619 --> 00:47:10,980
there's people living double lives and
1148
00:47:09,300 --> 00:47:13,140
they have to remain anonymous on my show
1149
00:47:10,980 --> 00:47:15,059
but the whole point of them coming on is
1150
00:47:13,139 --> 00:47:18,299
so that other people a don't feel so
1151
00:47:15,059 --> 00:47:20,159
alone and be that we start to normalize
1152
00:47:18,300 --> 00:47:22,380
this kind of stuff and people know what
1153
00:47:20,159 --> 00:47:24,118
the is really happening you know and so
1154
00:47:22,380 --> 00:47:27,300
a lot of people don't eventually have to
1155
00:47:24,119 --> 00:47:29,480
cheat you know down the line right and
1156
00:47:27,300 --> 00:47:32,039
bust their family apart which is not
1157
00:47:29,480 --> 00:47:34,920
necessary my kids my three kids
1158
00:47:32,039 --> 00:47:36,059
everybody always ask them every show hey
1159
00:47:34,920 --> 00:47:38,220
what do you think about your parents
1160
00:47:38,219 --> 00:47:43,919
considering all of our friends parents
1161
00:47:40,260 --> 00:47:46,560
are divorced yes we're very happy about
1162
00:47:43,920 --> 00:47:49,619
her well tell me a little bit about that
1163
00:47:46,559 --> 00:47:51,599
though like when do you wind up telling
1164
00:47:49,619 --> 00:47:53,039
your children and explaining to them or
1165
00:47:51,599 --> 00:47:54,720
was it like oh they were young and it
1166
00:47:53,039 --> 00:47:56,338
just this is what they just kind of saw
1167
00:47:54,719 --> 00:47:57,838
and you never like had to sit them down
1168
00:47:56,338 --> 00:47:59,338
or like what were those conversations
1169
00:47:59,338 --> 00:48:03,719
well some of both we have never believed
1170
00:48:02,159 --> 00:48:05,578
in lying to our children we don't
1171
00:48:03,719 --> 00:48:07,919
understand why people lie about sex or
1172
00:48:05,579 --> 00:48:10,519
yeah yeah that they are having sex or
1173
00:48:07,920 --> 00:48:13,380
the fact that they like sex or you know
1174
00:48:10,519 --> 00:48:15,659
we've never understood that so we've
1175
00:48:13,380 --> 00:48:17,400
always told our kids the truth we were
1176
00:48:15,659 --> 00:48:19,980
starting our poly Journey when our
1177
00:48:17,400 --> 00:48:22,318
youngest was four so clearly he's not of
1178
00:48:19,980 --> 00:48:25,260
age to have a discussion about it but
1179
00:48:22,318 --> 00:48:27,358
our seven nine-year-old yes they were of
1180
00:48:25,260 --> 00:48:29,640
age to know that Mommy has other
1181
00:48:27,358 --> 00:48:31,980
partners boyfriends daddy has other
1182
00:48:29,639 --> 00:48:34,078
partners girlfriends you're gonna meet
1183
00:48:31,980 --> 00:48:38,400
them you're gonna you know you're gonna
1184
00:48:34,079 --> 00:48:41,400
understand our lifestyle and it's way
1185
00:48:38,400 --> 00:48:43,740
different from divorcing we are together
1186
00:48:41,400 --> 00:48:46,200
we'll be together forever and that's
1187
00:48:43,739 --> 00:48:48,539
what you all can know about this you
1188
00:48:46,199 --> 00:48:50,098
know any questions and they always had
1189
00:48:48,539 --> 00:48:52,679
questions and we always answer them
1190
00:48:50,099 --> 00:48:54,539
directly and honestly and now how about
1191
00:48:52,679 --> 00:48:56,519
like the neighbors or the people at
1192
00:48:54,539 --> 00:48:59,219
school or the other moms you know when
1193
00:48:56,519 --> 00:49:01,019
your kids were younger I mean I I'm
1194
00:48:59,219 --> 00:49:02,939
assuming that just people always kind of
1195
00:49:01,019 --> 00:49:04,980
knew because you were out and proud I
1196
00:49:08,039 --> 00:49:12,119
well yes but I didn't understand the
1197
00:49:10,079 --> 00:49:13,440
backlash because I'm I'm a warrior like
1198
00:49:12,119 --> 00:49:15,539
yeah you don't want to backlash me
1199
00:49:13,440 --> 00:49:16,980
because I say wait a minute who are you
1200
00:49:15,539 --> 00:49:19,440
talking to like what are you talking
1201
00:49:16,980 --> 00:49:22,318
about look around look around we had a
1202
00:49:19,440 --> 00:49:24,420
neighbor one time who was a lesbian
1203
00:49:22,318 --> 00:49:25,920
couple and they found out because
1204
00:49:24,420 --> 00:49:28,139
everybody could find out we were on
1205
00:49:25,920 --> 00:49:30,960
Instagram when it opened 2011. Facebook
1206
00:49:28,139 --> 00:49:33,539
when it opened 2007. Polly Polly Polly
1207
00:49:30,960 --> 00:49:36,000
yeah so yeah in terms of uh this
1208
00:49:33,539 --> 00:49:37,920
neighbor lesbian couple came over and
1209
00:49:36,000 --> 00:49:39,358
took their daughter home and never let
1210
00:49:37,920 --> 00:49:42,240
the daughter come back because we were
1211
00:49:39,358 --> 00:49:44,519
Polly now this is a lesbian couple and
1212
00:49:46,739 --> 00:49:50,059
whose logic are we using where's the
1213
00:49:50,059 --> 00:49:56,400
non-existent yeah terrible but but I I
1214
00:49:53,880 --> 00:49:58,740
believe it but have you seen it change
1215
00:49:56,400 --> 00:50:01,019
though over time like even in your own
1216
00:49:58,739 --> 00:50:03,479
coaching business like where you're
1217
00:50:01,019 --> 00:50:05,219
seeing more people opening up to this
1218
00:50:05,219 --> 00:50:09,480
absolutely Donald we've created the
1219
00:50:07,739 --> 00:50:11,879
change we've watched it since the
1220
00:50:09,480 --> 00:50:14,219
beginning we were on Dr Phil with people
1221
00:50:11,880 --> 00:50:16,980
throwing pies at us we were on Richmond
1222
00:50:14,219 --> 00:50:18,719
oh you're kidding Fox News yeah Dr Phil
1223
00:50:16,980 --> 00:50:20,219
what about [\xa0__\xa0] Dr Drew I heard him
1224
00:50:18,719 --> 00:50:21,719
recently and I was like so turned off
1225
00:50:20,219 --> 00:50:23,879
because I always loved him and he was
1226
00:50:21,719 --> 00:50:25,679
talking about like opening like open
1227
00:50:23,880 --> 00:50:27,180
marriages and how it never works and
1228
00:50:25,679 --> 00:50:29,159
they always have issues and I'm just
1229
00:50:27,179 --> 00:50:30,539
like he doesn't he does I have plenty of
1230
00:50:29,159 --> 00:50:33,239
people on my show that have open
1231
00:50:30,539 --> 00:50:34,619
marriages and they're fine and you know
1232
00:50:33,239 --> 00:50:36,239
I I just think that some people have
1233
00:50:34,619 --> 00:50:37,800
such an outdated view of it I was a
1234
00:50:36,239 --> 00:50:39,179
surprise with him but you were on all
1235
00:50:39,179 --> 00:50:44,699
my gosh yes and Dr Phil lost his title
1236
00:50:42,358 --> 00:50:46,799
of doctor with doctor's a stage name now
1237
00:50:44,699 --> 00:50:49,318
because he was de-licensed for actually
1238
00:50:46,800 --> 00:50:51,300
flirting with his with his secretary so
1239
00:50:49,318 --> 00:50:53,219
what is he talking about yeah see he got
1240
00:50:51,300 --> 00:50:55,318
mad at me on the show because I said Dr
1241
00:50:53,219 --> 00:50:56,699
Phil what would happen if you came home
1242
00:50:55,318 --> 00:50:58,739
and told your wife that you were just
1243
00:50:56,699 --> 00:51:00,659
attracted to somebody at work she would
1244
00:50:58,739 --> 00:51:02,399
hit me over the head with a pan and I
1245
00:51:00,659 --> 00:51:04,199
said that's what so you're saying that
1246
00:51:02,400 --> 00:51:06,720
you cannot be authentic in your
1247
00:51:04,199 --> 00:51:11,539
relationship and you are coaching love
1248
00:51:12,420 --> 00:51:17,519
yeah that's awesome so listen give out
1249
00:51:15,300 --> 00:51:19,619
all your information I think you're
1250
00:51:17,519 --> 00:51:21,239
[\xa0__\xa0] great I think listen I get a lot
1251
00:51:19,619 --> 00:51:22,559
of people emailing me looking for help
1252
00:51:21,239 --> 00:51:24,000
on certain things and I'm always like I
1253
00:51:22,559 --> 00:51:25,500
don't really give advice you know I have
1254
00:51:24,000 --> 00:51:27,780
people on and you could learn from my
1255
00:51:25,500 --> 00:51:29,818
episodes but I think you you guys you're
1256
00:51:27,780 --> 00:51:31,260
like the real deal you have courses
1257
00:51:29,818 --> 00:51:32,699
right I mean you have a website you have
1258
00:51:31,260 --> 00:51:34,880
books why don't you give like your whole
1259
00:51:32,699 --> 00:51:37,858
pitch to everything that you offer
1260
00:51:34,880 --> 00:51:40,079
absolutely if anyone wants to think
1261
00:51:37,858 --> 00:51:42,019
about can consider polyamory you should
1262
00:51:42,019 --> 00:51:47,159
loveacademy.com there's a free manual
1263
00:51:45,358 --> 00:51:49,500
the four steps to open love and then
1264
00:51:47,159 --> 00:51:52,399
there's also a link that you could share
1265
00:51:49,500 --> 00:51:55,139
for how to get your partner into
1266
00:51:52,400 --> 00:51:57,660
polyamory if you think my husband would
1267
00:51:55,139 --> 00:52:00,000
never consider this all of my clients
1268
00:52:00,000 --> 00:52:05,760
wife would never and of course we do so
1269
00:52:03,539 --> 00:52:08,338
that's the magic of progressive love the
1270
00:52:05,760 --> 00:52:10,740
step-by-step the easy walk the the
1271
00:52:08,338 --> 00:52:12,318
safety involved in our coaching but
1272
00:52:10,739 --> 00:52:16,078
definitely follow me on Instagram
1273
00:52:12,318 --> 00:52:19,558
Progressive love Academy and we have
1274
00:52:16,079 --> 00:52:23,579
books yeah you can go to Amazon and pick
1275
00:52:19,559 --> 00:52:26,280
up the art of open relating also the
1276
00:52:23,579 --> 00:52:28,740
nine expressions of Love or up level
1277
00:52:26,280 --> 00:52:30,960
communication just Google my name Kenya
1278
00:52:28,739 --> 00:52:33,419
K Stevens you'll probably find a lot of
1279
00:52:30,960 --> 00:52:35,579
stuff yeah and you also on that same you
1280
00:52:33,420 --> 00:52:37,619
know on your website you have that whole
1281
00:52:35,579 --> 00:52:39,059
divorce proof I I mean I feel like we
1282
00:52:37,619 --> 00:52:41,818
need to do a whole other episode on that
1283
00:52:39,059 --> 00:52:43,200
your whole divorce proof marriage of
1284
00:52:41,818 --> 00:52:46,259
course you have something on that as
1285
00:52:43,199 --> 00:52:48,358
well right absolutely that's a 12-week
1286
00:52:46,260 --> 00:52:50,819
intensive course for couples who really
1287
00:52:48,358 --> 00:52:53,000
want to stay together and do the serious
1288
00:52:53,000 --> 00:52:57,619
re-constituting their relationship you
1289
00:52:55,619 --> 00:53:00,960
know I'm changing the relationship
1290
00:52:57,619 --> 00:53:02,519
upgrading the relationship yes right and
1291
00:53:00,960 --> 00:53:04,318
now so for that how to get your pro
1292
00:53:02,519 --> 00:53:06,000
partner into a polyamory that's like
1293
00:53:04,318 --> 00:53:07,739
it's only one person they don't even
1294
00:53:06,000 --> 00:53:09,239
have to be at the place yet where the
1295
00:53:07,739 --> 00:53:11,219
other person has signed on I mean this
1296
00:53:09,239 --> 00:53:12,838
is like the really beginning step like
1297
00:53:11,219 --> 00:53:15,000
if you're thinking you want to do it
1298
00:53:12,838 --> 00:53:17,179
this is something you could get that
1299
00:53:15,000 --> 00:53:19,559
will help you start those conversations
1300
00:53:17,179 --> 00:53:21,118
yes that's the first step and don't
1301
00:53:19,559 --> 00:53:21,420
watch it with your partner who's not
1302
00:53:23,159 --> 00:53:28,078
watch it alone yeah that's interesting
1303
00:53:25,920 --> 00:53:29,220
because the partner that isn't ready I
1304
00:53:28,079 --> 00:53:30,599
think it was really interesting when you
1305
00:53:29,219 --> 00:53:32,399
said in the beginning like how that's
1306
00:53:30,599 --> 00:53:34,559
the first that's the partner who should
1307
00:53:32,400 --> 00:53:36,539
do the first steps or because really you
1308
00:53:34,559 --> 00:53:37,920
have to wait for that like both have to
1309
00:53:36,539 --> 00:53:40,019
be on board and in the same place
1310
00:53:37,920 --> 00:53:43,200
correct that's why you let that partner
1311
00:53:40,019 --> 00:53:45,179
do it first right yes that's why we
1312
00:53:43,199 --> 00:53:46,439
created that technology of allowing your
1313
00:53:45,179 --> 00:53:48,659
partner to do it first and there's
1314
00:53:46,440 --> 00:53:50,880
several more tricks but they explained
1315
00:53:48,659 --> 00:53:53,699
are explained in that first video right
1316
00:53:50,880 --> 00:53:55,380
so I'm gonna put links to everything I
1317
00:53:53,699 --> 00:53:57,659
love you you're hilarious I could see
1318
00:53:55,380 --> 00:54:00,358
why you've been on TV a lot because
1319
00:53:57,659 --> 00:54:02,159
you're just like a like funny I love
1320
00:54:00,358 --> 00:54:05,279
what you have to say you're [\xa0__\xa0]
1321
00:54:02,159 --> 00:54:08,699
ballsy you're very ahead of your time
1322
00:54:05,280 --> 00:54:09,960
which I think is amazing and needed you
1323
00:54:08,699 --> 00:54:11,759
know I mean there's not a lot of people
1324
00:54:09,960 --> 00:54:13,740
17 years ago that were doing what you
1325
00:54:11,760 --> 00:54:15,599
were doing so you've really helped
1326
00:54:13,739 --> 00:54:17,338
people you know already and now you're
1327
00:54:15,599 --> 00:54:20,039
gonna help my audience so if anybody
1328
00:54:17,338 --> 00:54:21,000
wants to take your course and find all
1329
00:54:20,039 --> 00:54:22,858
of your information that you just gave
1330
00:54:21,000 --> 00:54:24,358
I'm gonna put all your links I'm
1331
00:54:22,858 --> 00:54:26,400
assuming when you have a link tree too
1332
00:54:24,358 --> 00:54:29,338
maybe I could put that in my uh
1333
00:54:26,400 --> 00:54:31,260
description as well as the link to your
1334
00:54:31,260 --> 00:54:35,640
I do absolutely yeah I'll share
1335
00:54:33,780 --> 00:54:36,960
everything with you but thank you so
1336
00:54:35,639 --> 00:54:39,299
much this is just such a beautiful
1337
00:54:36,960 --> 00:54:41,159
platform and I'm so happy that there's
1338
00:54:41,159 --> 00:54:45,960
doing what we do nobody and you and your
1339
00:54:44,099 --> 00:54:47,400
all your husbands and everybody and your
1340
00:54:45,960 --> 00:54:49,019
daughter coming up I love that she's
1341
00:54:47,400 --> 00:54:50,700
following in your footsteps and I think
1342
00:54:49,019 --> 00:54:52,800
it's great thank you so much for coming
1343
00:54:50,699 --> 00:54:55,199
on and sharing your story you not only
1344
00:54:52,800 --> 00:54:57,059
teaching you lived it it's fascinating
1345
00:54:55,199 --> 00:54:58,858
your story and I will include all your
1346
00:54:58,858 --> 00:55:03,480
thank you so much everyone thanks so
1347
00:55:01,440 --> 00:55:05,760
much for tuning in to this week's
1348
00:55:03,480 --> 00:55:08,219
episode if you want to follow the show
1349
00:55:05,760 --> 00:55:10,680
follow me at strict Anonymous on
1350
00:55:08,219 --> 00:55:13,799
Instagram or Twitter that's at strict
1351
00:55:10,679 --> 00:55:17,098
Anonymous if you are on YouTube make
1352
00:55:13,800 --> 00:55:18,780
sure to subscribe I love YouTube as a
1353
00:55:17,099 --> 00:55:21,119
platform for my show because people
1354
00:55:18,780 --> 00:55:22,800
comment there and I try to reply back to
1355
00:55:21,119 --> 00:55:24,420
every single person who posts a comment
1356
00:55:22,800 --> 00:55:25,740
so even if you're not listening on
1357
00:55:24,420 --> 00:55:28,680
YouTube and you want to talk about the
1358
00:55:25,739 --> 00:55:30,539
show go to my YouTube channel subscribe
1359
00:55:28,679 --> 00:55:33,118
like and share my videos at strictly
1360
00:55:30,539 --> 00:55:35,579
Anonymous podcasts if you wanna sign up
1361
00:55:33,119 --> 00:55:37,140
for my patreon on my patreon you are not
1362
00:55:35,579 --> 00:55:40,318
only supporting my show but you will get
1363
00:55:37,139 --> 00:55:43,318
these episodes early ad free and you get
1364
00:55:40,318 --> 00:55:45,300
to see Anonymous pics of my guests most
1365
00:55:43,318 --> 00:55:47,279
of the girls send in Anonymous picks and
1366
00:55:45,300 --> 00:55:48,960
some of the guys send in Anonymous back
1367
00:55:47,280 --> 00:55:51,059
so if you want to see Anonymous pics of
1368
00:55:48,960 --> 00:55:53,159
my guest as well as support my show and
1369
00:55:51,059 --> 00:55:56,359
get these episodes early and AD free
1370
00:55:53,159 --> 00:55:58,879
sign up for my patreon patreon.com
1371
00:55:56,358 --> 00:56:02,219
strictly Anonymous podcast that's
1372
00:55:58,880 --> 00:56:03,900
patreon.com strictly Anonymous podcast
1373
00:56:02,219 --> 00:56:08,358
the link is also in the description
1374
00:56:03,900 --> 00:56:08,358
below thanks so much for listening
1375
00:56:12,480 --> 00:56:18,300
do you have a story lifestyle or
1376
00:56:15,719 --> 00:56:20,639
situation you can't talk about to anyone
1377
00:56:18,300 --> 00:56:23,460
to anyone or do you just want to let
1378
00:56:20,639 --> 00:56:26,400
your freak flag fly and be on the show
1379
00:56:23,460 --> 00:56:29,480
well strictly Anonymous wants to hear
1380
00:56:26,400 --> 00:56:31,039
from you send us an email strictly
1381
00:56:31,039 --> 00:56:38,058
gmail.com with your story and your
1382
00:56:34,980 --> 00:56:43,280
Anonymous name and remember everything
1383
00:56:38,059 --> 00:56:43,280
is strictly Anonymous strictly anonymous
101933
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