All language subtitles for Tripping.The.Rift.S03E06.1080p.WEBRip.x265-INFINITY_Subtitles01.ENG

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Warning...
this episode may contain nuts.

Not now, Six.
I'm busy here.

Hey! Yahoo!

Jeez, Six,
there's better ways

of showing me you're frisky
than goosing me.

Well, I wouldn't have to
if you'd lift up your right cheek.

What the hell
do you think you're doing?

Looking for change that might have fallen
down between the seat cushions.

How do you expect money
to fall out of my pockets

when I don't wear pants, huh?
You ever think of that?

I'm desperate.

We haven't had a score
in over a week and I'm broke!

How am I gonna
afford my Botox treatments?

Oh my God.
I'll die if I don't get them.

What's the big deal?

- You should see her without them.
- Maybe we shouldn't.

Yeah, if this is the pretty T'nuk,
she's right.

It is a matter of life and death...
ours. Everybody chip in.

All I have is two kronigs.

I'm down to my last one.

How about you?
Come on, cough up, you cheap bastard.

I'm a little short
at the moment.

Look, we'll all have plenty
of spending money

after we deliver that buttload

of bootlegged holographic DVDs
in the hold.

Chode,
trafficking in bootleg DVDs

means we're stealing
from the artist, producers...

everyone who works hard
to bring a little entertainment

to this dreary universe.

Maybe we should do the right thing
and destroy them.

There are no DVDs in here.

Looks like you got some
bootleg DVD boxes.

So, Chode,
what's your next brilliant plan?

Yeah, the new Zbox 360,000's
coming out

and I have no way
to pay for it.

What's the difference between
the Zbox you have and the new one?

Faster graphics?
Better sound?

Duh, my old one has

the 299,000 logo on it.

And this one has
the 360,000 logo.

Stop your whining.
You don't need that stupid game console.

And we solved
T'nuk's problem.

What about me?
My book club is meeting next week

and I can't afford the book.

Do you realize
the scandal it will cause

if I show up without reading
the assigned text?

Jeez, Frasier, have you ever thought
about visiting a library?

- Have you?
- Touchй.

Hey, I've been due
for my 50,000-light-year checkup

for about 20,000 light years,

and you don't see me
complaining... much.

- What about you, Six?
- What does she care?

She doesn't get bored

so she doesn't need any form
of entertainment.

Except during sex with Chode.
Ga-zing!

She doesn't need money,
she doesn't eat

and she doesn't grow old.

She's got it made.
Bitch.

Ahem.
She is standing right here.

Oh, sorry, bitch!

I can't believe
you're all so materialistic.

- And you're not?
- Nah, if I had a bunch of money,

I wouldn't buy things with it.
I'd just bathe in it.

I'd pour it onto my bed
and roll around in it.

I'd rub it
all over my body until the...

Ooh!

We need some money.

How about selling real estate
like that guy on TV?

No, that's just
a pyramid scheme.

- What about donating blood?
- You don't have any.

I could sell my sperm
to a sperm bank.

And I could sell my eggs.

Help me understand something.
Is your whole world a fantasy?

Or just the part where you two aren't
main attractions in the freak show?

How about paid assassins?

I saw an ad in the back of my magazine
that was looking for hit men.

There's not one of us here
that could hurt a fly.

Okay, anything bigger
than a fly.

I saw a thinly veiled ad
for a masseur

on the back of one
of my magazines.

Six could make a fortune
turning tricks.

Gus, what magazine
did you say you were reading?

- "Field and Stream. "
- Six, you've got an email.

- Oh my.
- What?

My creator's second cousin
once removed died.

What does "once removed" mean?

He's left me
his entire fortune.

Once removed means
he left you his fortune?

No, it means that there's
a difference of one generation.

For example,
your mother's first cousin

is your first cousin once...

Would you shut up
about the once removed thing?

What about the fortune?

It seems I'm rich.

I'm ridiculously wealthy.

Then what does this
second cousin part mean?

Whip, shut up!

Now go on, Six.
What else does the email say?

It looks like all I have to do
is fill out some paperwork,

but that's about it.

He left me 10 million kronigs.

Our troubles are over.

I say we retire from the rat race

and settle down
on an island planet.

Yeah, we could spend the rest
of our days sipping piсa coladas

and feeling up the natives.

Sounds good to me.

Listen, right now I'm not sure
what I'll do with the money.

Hmm?

I mean, maybe I should
donate it to a charity

or set up a scholarship fund
for sexbots.

Maybe this inheritance
is my opportunity

to start doing the right thing.

Let me at her. I'll kill her.
Do you hear me? I'll kill her!

He must really want that book.

- Snap out of it.
- That selfish little harlot.

Well, she can take her money
and shove it up her Grand Canyon of a...

Get ahold of yourself!

That intergalactic semen depository!

Let me have a try.

Thank you.
I needed that.

Look, you're going
about this all wrong.

You can catch more flies
with honey than with vinegar.

You want to catch flies,
you use a steaming pile of bull...

Whip! Now we have to come up
with a way

that she'll hand it over
to us happily.

- Yeah.
- Of course.

All right!

You can't see it,
but I'm smiling, too.

Big smile.

- Ahem.
- What's this?

Well, you probably
didn't know this about me,

but I'm a huge supporter
of the March of Kronigs.

Kids born with odd numbers
of tentacles, the less fortunate,

stuff like that. I was wondering
if you'd sponsor me.

This wouldn't be
about my money, would it?

Of course not.
I'm just doing the right thing.

Name here, sign here,
then put the amount here.

The minimum
is 5 million kronigs a mile.

How about
the "March of the Penguins"?

- "The Light Brigade?"
- That's "Charge. "

MasterCard or Visa?

Well, are you there yet?

No, and since when do you care
whether or not I have an orgasm?

Six, I'm hurt.

I care very deeply.

That's not it.

That's a button
on the comforter.

Okay, who feels lucky?

Keep your eye
on the little lady.

Where is she?
Where is she?

Where is she? Bets.

Hmm.

How are we gonna lure her in
if you can't even pick the right card?

- You went too fast.
- So much for playing our cards right.

The Bible says in Luke 6:38:

Give and it shall be given
unto you.

The Lord Jesus Christ said
in the Old Testament

and I quote,
"If you want my blessing,

give to my"... what?

I don't care if he wasn't around
till the New Testament.

Stop interrupting.

Please, look into your inheritan...
I mean,

your heart and give
to the number on the screen.

For a mere 10 million kronigs,

together we will build a palace
worthy of Our Lord Jesus.

And... oh, yeah,
and most importantly,

we will get you into heaven.

Chyron the telephone number.

God damn it, Bob,
Chyron the telephone freakin' number.

Father, sons and holy toast.

As you sleep, think of nothing
but giving all your money away.

What a restful and warm feeling
it will bring to you

to give all your money
to Bob.

Give all your money to Bob.

- Give your money to...
- Huh?

Give your money to Bob.

- And Whip.
- And T'nuk.

- And Gus.
- And Chode.

And afterwards,
do that thing that I love.

You know, the swirly thing
with your finger

that you get tired of doing,
but I can't get enough of.

And make me a ham sandwich
with mustard and Swiss

and a cool beverage
to go with it.

Shut up!

I've had it up to here
with all these money-grubbing schemes.

Right now I wish I'd never
inherited the money.

If it's troubling you,
I could take it off your hands.

I'd sooner jettison it into space
than give any of it to you.

Oh, yeah? Is that all the thanks
I get for trying to find your G-spot?

Tonight, I'm getting mine
and forget about you.

Brava, Six, brava.

What with standing up
to Chode like that

and your talk of scholarships
and charities,

I'm seeing a side
of you I never thought you had.

- Really?
- Yes.

And while I did go along
with Chode's silly little schemes,

I felt horribly about it.

We all should be
ashamed of ourselves.

Speak for yourself.

The only thing I'm ashamed of
is that we failed.

Huh?

You have shown us that
there is a different way of thinking,

an alternative
to Chode's selfish ways.

You have brought us out
of the dark ages

and led us into the light.

- I'm sorry, Six.
- Me too.

- I feel like...
- You're really serious?

You care about my opinion?

Serious as a heart attack.

Group hug.

Whip, get your hand off my ass.

Charity comes in all forms.

T'nuk, I've noticed you've been
resting your elbows on your console.

Yeah, so?

Well, it creates tension
in the shoulders.

Try relaxing.
Let your arms hang by your side.

Maybe there'd be less tension
in your sphincter

if you shoved
your head up your ass. Ow!

Oh, you're right.
Much better.

Whip, rift factor three...

I'm not sure we wanna do that.
What do you think, Six?

Whip, let's play it a little more
conservatively... rift factor two.

When should we plan
on refueling?

I figure we can
make it another 50...

Sorry, Uncle Chode.
I was asking Six.

- Huh?
- Maintaining our current speed

should take us at least
60 light years.

I don't know why
I didn't express my opinion before.

Probably because you had
my... in your mouth.

Six, since you seem
to be perfectly able to run this ship,

the rest of you,
my cabin now!

What the hell's
going on out there?

We're ingratiating ourselves
to Mommy Warbucks.

What do you think?

Well, from my chair,
which happens to be the captain's,

- it looks like mutiny.
- What?

Yeah, I saw it in
"Mutiny on the Booty. "

There was this captain
and he was tapping every chick

in the all-female crew
till his first mate...

His second in command.

No, the one he had sex
with first.

So the first mate,
she decides she's gonna take over

so the crew could have
a giant all-girl orgy without him.

God, it was hot.

Anyway, then they threw him
in an escape pod

and jettisoned him out
into space.

We're not getting rid of you.
We just need a couple of days

to win her over.

Come on, Uncle Chode.
It's working.

- She's digging the power.
- No.

Why do you have to screw us?

That's exactly what the crew asked
Captain Thigh.

You numbnuts need
to find another way

to get at her money
and that's an order.

I'm not sure.

Why not? Look at what
a great job you've been doing.

It's easy to look good
when you're sitting next to Chode.

Don't sell yourself short.
You're a born leader.

But it sounds like mutiny.

That's because we've got it in our
heads that this ship is a dictatorship.

But in reality,
it's a democracy.

And we would vote for you.

You're not all doing this
to get my money, are you?

Money?
Don't be ridiculous.

Besides, I thought you were giving
it away to your favorite charities.

- You haven't, have you?
- I haven't even received it yet.

But like any democracy,

you'd owe your constituency
for their support.

Like any democracy.

We need some new blood
in leadership.

When was the last time Chode
got us some dough, huh?

You'd be doing us a favor,
right, guys?

Please help us, Six.
We're desperate.

Well, thanks for putting
your faith in me.

I'll do what I can,
but how?

You'll think of something.
You're Six.

Stop it, stop it.
It hurts!

Chode, the crew
needs me right now.

It wouldn't be permanent.

Just until we get the ship back on
its feet, monetarily speaking.

Not for all the tea in China.

What if I could offer you
something better than tea?

Oh!

Whip, rift factor three

- High five.
- Nobody high fives anymore.

Chest bump?

- Yaaahh!
- Whoo-hoo!

¤ A jolly good fellow ¤

¤ That nobody can deny. ¤

Wow, no wonder Chode's
always horny.

Well, what will be your first act
as our new commander?

Well, how about addressing
the troops?

I'd like to start off
by explaining to you

that things are going to be
a bit different around here.

- We're counting on that.
- I'm going to run a tight ship.

Sure, whatever you say.

Always consider
the importance of responsibility

and accountability.

Yeah yeah yeah,
but are you going to, you know,

take care of us?

Of course. I guess what we'll have
is a symbiotic relationship.

You take care of the ship
and I take care of you.

- That's what I'm talking about.
- Any questions?

- Yes, Whip.
- Can I sit in the vibrating chair?

So what's our plan?
She owes us now,

but how do we
turn that into cash?

I guess we could just come out
and ask her for the money.

You know, kind of like
a headhunter's finder's fee.

Isn't there some kind
of alimony palimony we could demand?

Or maybe she
could adopt us.

We could ask her for a salary advance
of the next 20 years.

Oh, that's good!

No, it's not.
I was being sarcastic.

- What a bunch of lunkheads.
- You're not the captain anymore.

We don't have to put up
with your crap!

What are you exactly?
Six's sex slave now?

Nope, just a passenger waiting
to get off at the next stop.

Then go back
to your seat in coach.

This is first class, baby.

I'm flying first class,
believe me.

I can afford it.

Master Whip.
Sir.

Madam.

Where were we?
Oh, yes, the plan.

We keep doing what Six asks
and complimenting her

on her leadership skills.

Then once she receives
her inheritance,

we'll hit her
with some requests.

What are you all doing?

- We're on a break.
- I didn't authorize a break.

Come on, let's get back
on the bridge.

- This ship won't run itself.
- But Chode doesn't...

Do I look like a purple-
phallic-haired-

- no-pants-wearing lazy ass to you?
- No.

Then how could you confuse me
with Chode?

Your sunny disposition?

Cheer up.
I have a surprise for you.

- Yes!
- Okay, let's see them.

Uniforms break down
individuality

and inspire bonding.

The only thing it's
gonna bond together

are T'nuk's thighs
when they heat up.

Uh, crew.

Whip, haven't you
already used up

your allotted
bathroom break time?

But last time I had to
relieve a different urge.

But now I'm touching cloth here.

The turtle's poking his head out
of his shell, if you know what I mean.

Oh!

And then the Snozzolean says,

"Yeah, it always shrinks
when I go in the water. "

Let's keep the personal chatter
for when you're off-duty.

Money or no money,
if Big Tits barks one more order,

I'm gonna rip her face off.

Well, you've forgotten one thing:
She's a machine.

If you could insert this disk
in her and do a little reprogramming,

she'll do whatever
we tell her.

Hey!
What do you think you're doing?

I had an update
for your operating system,

so I thought
I'd upload it.

My disk drive is in the back
of my head.

Oh, I guess it's just men
who think with their genitals.

- Yaoow!
- Get back to work.

Wow, I can't believe
how strict Six has become.

Yeah, she sure knows how
to crack the Whip.

Well, that went extremely well.
What a great idea, Six.

Great idea, Captain Six.

So what did you sell
those guys?

Captain had the ingenious idea
to sell them the foam packing peanuts.

- Who'd wanna buy that crap?
- Humans. We repackaged it.

Sold it to them as freeze-dried
cappuccino foam.

And they bought it?

It seems they're suckers
for anything having to do

with the drinking of coffee.

The idiots pay up to $15
for a pound of beans.

Looks like we're
in the wrong business.

- No, we're not. We made a killing.
- Well, let's have it.

- What?
- Our cut.

You'll receive a paycheck
at the end of the month.

Of course, it will have
the necessary taxes withheld...

social security,
unemployment insurance,

FOOFA, CRF, et cetera.
Good work, everyone.

So now we're making less money
than before so we can be rich?

That is it.
I can't take this any longer.

My exo-alloy is sensitive
to synthetic material.

Not to mention it makes
you all look like dweebs.

I want Uncle Chode back.

I'm with Whip.
Six, the power's gone to your head.

You've sucked all the fun out
of this place.

Sure, you're efficient
and productive

and Chode is a slacker jerk,
but so are we.

If you want
to continue torturing us,

you'd better cut us in
on your millions right now.

- Mm-hmm.
- But I gave up my inheritance to Chode.

That's how I became captain.

Say what?

You asked me to take over
and run things, so I bought out Chode.

But we only wanted you
to be captain so you'd owe us

and give us your money.

And because of your need
for greed and your need for power,

I'm a very rich man,
or will be.

I just wired the jurisdictional
inheritance transfer fees,

which weren't cheap.
I should have my money any minute now.

Please, Chode, get us out
from under Six's tyrannical thumb.

Are you kidding?
And deal with this ship of fools again?

Nah, I feel 10 years younger

and 10 million kronigs richer.

You morons made this bed.
Now you can lie in it.

Please don't leave us
with her!

Take us with you.
We'll do anything!

Please, Uncle Chode, please.

Captain, you do have a heart.
You'll help us, won't you?

Are you kidding?
These are tears of joy.

I'm so happy I won't have to
see you nitwits again,

I can't hold
my emotions back.

My money should be here.

I knew it would take a while
coming all the way from Nigeria,

but this is ridiculous.

- From where?
- Nigeria.

Isn't that where all those
Internet scams originate?

Yeah, they operate out
of Internet cafes,

sending emails
to unsuspecting marks

with offers of lottery wins.

Or inheritance
from a long-lost relative.

Yeah, like I'm gonna
fall for that.

No, it's true. Didn't you say
you sent them a sizable fee?

My email came back undeliverable.

I'm gonna call them.

You have reached a number
that is no longer in service

or has been disconnected.

If you have reached this number
in error,

please hang up.

Mother..., son of a gun.
You son of a...

You...!
You...!

I hope this taught you
all a lesson.

What?
That the grass is always greener?

A fool and his money
are soon parted?

If it seems too good to be true,
it probably is?

No, I was thinking that
regardless of what we go through

on this ship, no matter
how life-threatening

or life-altering the conflict is,

we always pretty much end up
exactly where we started.

Not now, Six.
I'm busy here.

Whoa-ho! Jeez, Six,

there's better ways of showing me
you're frisky than goosing me.

Well, I wouldn't have to
if you'd lift up your right cheek.

Ah...!