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www.tvsubtitles.net
2
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What the hell does
tripping the rift mean anyway?
3
00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:37,495
Come on, you little green... hole.
We ain't got all day.
4
00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:39,869
- I'm thinking.
- How do you manage that
5
00:00:39,906 --> 00:00:42,466
without a brain?
6
00:00:44,244 --> 00:00:47,907
You'd better be
spelling out "cunning. "
7
00:00:47,947 --> 00:00:51,144
- Preparing to beam the captain aboard.
- Oh, wouldn't you know it?
8
00:00:51,184 --> 00:00:53,482
Just when I was about
to put down "homoeroticism. "
9
00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:55,886
Really? I can't imagine you
10
00:00:55,922 --> 00:00:58,550
ever putting down homoeroticism.
11
00:00:58,591 --> 00:01:00,388
Are you back on that again?
12
00:01:00,427 --> 00:01:02,395
I am not gay.
13
00:01:02,429 --> 00:01:05,762
Yeah, and I am not
a heterosexual ball sack
14
00:01:05,799 --> 00:01:08,927
of raging testosterone.
Hey, I got a job for you.
15
00:01:08,968 --> 00:01:10,162
Chode, you're out of luck.
16
00:01:10,203 --> 00:01:12,228
My vagina's in the shop
for its maintenance checkup.
17
00:01:12,272 --> 00:01:15,503
No, not that.
I got us a job as royal bodyguards
18
00:01:15,542 --> 00:01:17,703
for the Princess of Slovenia.
19
00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:19,507
The princess's bodyguards?
20
00:01:19,546 --> 00:01:21,207
Isn't that a little dangerous?
21
00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:23,078
Not at all, scary fairy.
22
00:01:23,116 --> 00:01:25,209
Everybody down there
loves her.
23
00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:27,412
And besides, it's just
for a couple of days
24
00:01:27,454 --> 00:01:29,251
until her coronation.
25
00:01:29,289 --> 00:01:32,986
We'll be in and out faster
than a rabbit with ejaculin praecox.
26
00:01:33,026 --> 00:01:34,857
So when do we start,
Uncle Chode?
27
00:01:34,894 --> 00:01:37,192
They're expecting us
in about an hour.
28
00:01:37,230 --> 00:01:40,461
So how long is your snatch
in the shop?
29
00:01:42,802 --> 00:01:44,827
I have a bad feeling
about this.
30
00:01:44,871 --> 00:01:48,568
Yeah, black and white usually means
the producers ran out of money.
31
00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:51,406
She's talking
about this place, dumbass.
32
00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:53,639
Thank God this job's only
for two days.
33
00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:56,080
These local yokels
give me the creeps.
34
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:59,108
Oh, nonsense,
they're probably just shy.
35
00:01:59,152 --> 00:02:01,518
You just have to be the one
that's friendly first.
36
00:02:01,554 --> 00:02:03,078
A pleasant good evening
to you, madam.
37
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,920
Off!
38
00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:06,448
That went well.
39
00:02:06,493 --> 00:02:08,518
Hey, Uncle Chode,
you've seen the princess.
40
00:02:08,561 --> 00:02:11,325
Is she beautiful and sweet and innocent
like in all the fairy tales?
41
00:02:11,364 --> 00:02:14,094
Here, come and see
the princess.
42
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:17,592
Lord, let her be
a hot little virgin
43
00:02:17,637 --> 00:02:21,129
anxious to learn the wicked ways
of the world.
44
00:02:23,176 --> 00:02:25,041
Oh, baby!
45
00:02:25,078 --> 00:02:27,342
Somebody's
been hitting the supersize!
46
00:02:27,380 --> 00:02:30,838
Well, let's just say
they call 'em fairy tales
47
00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:32,875
for a reason, kid.
48
00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:44,120
Is it Halloween already?
49
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:45,756
Jeez, you tell me.
50
00:02:45,798 --> 00:02:49,564
You all look a little old
to be trick or treating.
51
00:02:49,602 --> 00:02:51,695
We've been hired
to guard the princess.
52
00:02:51,738 --> 00:02:55,071
Oh. In that case,
let me introduce myself. I'm...
53
00:02:55,108 --> 00:02:57,076
Don't tell me. Eyesore.
54
00:02:57,110 --> 00:03:00,443
No, I don't know why
everyone think my name is Eyesore.
55
00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:03,074
- Maybe it's because you've got...
- What?
56
00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:04,583
Nothing.
57
00:03:04,617 --> 00:03:06,983
Who is
the inconsiderate bastard
58
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:09,511
that's bothering us
at this time of the night?
59
00:03:09,556 --> 00:03:11,888
They're here
to guard the princess.
60
00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:13,153
Yeah, my name's...
61
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:16,060
Don't tell me.
Swollen Hemorrhoid.
62
00:03:16,095 --> 00:03:18,359
May I call you Swollen?
I'm Frau Schmidt.
63
00:03:18,398 --> 00:03:20,389
I'm Her Highness's
lady in waiting.
64
00:03:20,433 --> 00:03:22,162
Show them in.
65
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:25,035
Walk this way.
66
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:32,076
Nah, too easy.
67
00:03:33,079 --> 00:03:36,640
Sorry, but your cow will have
to go in the barn.
68
00:03:36,683 --> 00:03:38,514
I beg your pardon?
69
00:03:38,551 --> 00:03:41,918
Oh, I am sorry.
Your talking cow
70
00:03:41,955 --> 00:03:43,923
will have to go in the barn.
71
00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:47,290
I am not an animal!
72
00:03:47,327 --> 00:03:51,093
Oh!
73
00:03:56,102 --> 00:03:59,037
Piss off,
you murdering swine!
74
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:02,235
What? How dare you talk
to me like...
75
00:04:02,275 --> 00:04:04,835
Who's out there?
What did you say?
76
00:04:04,877 --> 00:04:07,744
Nothing.
77
00:04:07,780 --> 00:04:09,907
And when I am king,
78
00:04:09,949 --> 00:04:13,385
you will be Queen Mother, Mother.
79
00:04:14,854 --> 00:04:16,913
One minute.
80
00:04:16,956 --> 00:04:20,653
One stinking minute!
81
00:04:23,429 --> 00:04:26,523
- What is it, woman?
- Last night there was another threat
82
00:04:26,566 --> 00:04:28,557
on the life of the princess.
83
00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:30,364
Let me see that note.
84
00:04:30,403 --> 00:04:32,564
I hope that security team
that I asked you
85
00:04:32,605 --> 00:04:34,573
to hire knows their stuff.
86
00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:37,132
Yes, I got the best bodyguards
87
00:04:37,176 --> 00:04:39,007
in the business.
88
00:04:43,349 --> 00:04:46,045
They better be. If anything were
to happen to her,
89
00:04:46,085 --> 00:04:49,111
our nation would be
without a leader.
90
00:04:49,155 --> 00:04:52,488
Oh, we would find one
somewhere.
91
00:04:52,525 --> 00:04:54,720
Nonsense.
92
00:04:54,761 --> 00:04:56,820
There is no one left
of royal blood.
93
00:04:56,863 --> 00:04:59,923
She's the last of an ancient
noble line that goes back
94
00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:01,831
hundreds of years.
95
00:05:01,868 --> 00:05:04,837
Yeah yeah yeah.
Don't let the door hit you on the ass
96
00:05:04,871 --> 00:05:06,463
on the way out.
97
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,777
Did you know Her Highness's
royal crown
98
00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:14,245
is on your moose head?
99
00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:17,943
Did you know even in this light
I can see your "moose-stache"?
100
00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:22,619
Oh, that was close.
101
00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:26,614
It's time to kill me
one big-ass ugly princess
102
00:05:26,659 --> 00:05:29,492
and become the king!
103
00:05:33,099 --> 00:05:35,897
This is torture.
104
00:05:35,935 --> 00:05:39,336
She hasn't done anything but look
at herself in the mirror for hours.
105
00:05:39,372 --> 00:05:41,237
How could she stand it?
106
00:05:41,274 --> 00:05:44,072
Oh, those earrings
are lovely!
107
00:05:44,110 --> 00:05:45,668
What do you know?
108
00:05:45,712 --> 00:05:47,873
It must be wonderful
to be in a position
109
00:05:47,914 --> 00:05:50,178
to make a difference
in the lives of your people.
110
00:05:50,216 --> 00:05:52,116
Oh, them.
111
00:05:52,151 --> 00:05:55,143
They're the reason
I don't have a minute for myself.
112
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,850
Why am I brushing
my own hair?
113
00:05:57,890 --> 00:06:01,621
You with the big tits,
get over here and start brushing.
114
00:06:01,661 --> 00:06:03,788
A hundred strokes.
115
00:06:03,830 --> 00:06:06,697
Yeah, I could use a hundred
strokes myself about now.
116
00:06:06,733 --> 00:06:08,758
I'm bored!
117
00:06:08,801 --> 00:06:10,428
I brought along a word game.
118
00:06:10,470 --> 00:06:14,201
Good idea.
You're not as stupid as you look.
119
00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:17,505
Set it up and make it snappy.
120
00:06:17,543 --> 00:06:19,773
- Psst. Over here.
- Hmm?
121
00:06:21,848 --> 00:06:24,282
I had to get you alone.
122
00:06:24,317 --> 00:06:27,844
Oh, boy, here it comes.
Look, lady, you're not my type.
123
00:06:27,887 --> 00:06:30,378
I get broads like you
hitting on me all the time.
124
00:06:30,423 --> 00:06:32,584
Let me tell you how it is.
You're too old,
125
00:06:32,625 --> 00:06:34,820
you're too ugly
and, for the record,
126
00:06:34,861 --> 00:06:38,228
I'd like to be the only one
in the relationship who shaves.
127
00:06:38,264 --> 00:06:41,097
I have no sexual interest
in you.
128
00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:43,227
Hey, what am I, chopped liver?
129
00:06:43,269 --> 00:06:45,737
Listen, the princess is
in great danger.
130
00:06:45,772 --> 00:06:47,797
I don't mean
to tell you your job,
131
00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:51,241
but I think the prime minister
is up to no good.
132
00:06:51,277 --> 00:06:53,040
The prime minister?
133
00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:54,842
He seems like
a nice enough guy.
134
00:06:57,216 --> 00:07:00,515
You think so?
Maybe I'm just being paranoid.
135
00:07:00,553 --> 00:07:02,851
Oftentimes we judge people
so harshly,
136
00:07:02,889 --> 00:07:05,687
when we are only projecting
our own fears.
137
00:07:05,725 --> 00:07:08,387
Man is inherently good.
138
00:07:12,198 --> 00:07:14,223
Yeah, uh-huh,
that's what I believe.
139
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:16,633
I hope that's what
you do believe.
140
00:07:16,669 --> 00:07:18,796
Because if anything happens
to the princess,
141
00:07:18,838 --> 00:07:22,171
you and your friends
will all be put to death.
142
00:07:22,208 --> 00:07:25,666
What? I didn't see anything
about death in the contract.
143
00:07:25,711 --> 00:07:28,612
It's standard.
Always read the fine print.
144
00:07:28,648 --> 00:07:31,446
"Kanot. "
And I get double points for the "K."
145
00:07:31,484 --> 00:07:33,452
Just a minute.
That's not a word.
146
00:07:33,486 --> 00:07:34,885
It is so.
147
00:07:34,921 --> 00:07:37,617
Oh, really?
Use it in a sentence.
148
00:07:37,657 --> 00:07:40,285
My authority "kanot"
be questioned,
149
00:07:40,326 --> 00:07:43,784
otherwise a certain robot's
gonna get his fairy ass
150
00:07:43,830 --> 00:07:46,390
carted off to the scrap heap.
151
00:07:46,432 --> 00:07:48,593
Well, now that I hear it
in a sentence...
152
00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:50,966
Hey, where you going?
153
00:07:51,003 --> 00:07:53,528
We have to keep an eye
on you at all times.
154
00:07:53,573 --> 00:07:57,168
Oh, puhleeze.
I'm just going to the powder room.
155
00:07:57,210 --> 00:08:00,270
And it ain't
to take a powder.
156
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:02,611
- Somebody go with her. T'nuk.
- Huh?
157
00:08:02,648 --> 00:08:05,549
Ow!
158
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:45,116
Everything come out okay
in there?
159
00:08:45,157 --> 00:08:49,116
Kick the door in.
How is she?
160
00:08:49,161 --> 00:08:52,961
Remember those pretty earrings
I admired on the princess earlier?
161
00:08:52,999 --> 00:08:55,900
Well, there's not a scratch
on them.
162
00:08:55,935 --> 00:08:58,267
Holy...
We gotta get out of here.
163
00:08:58,304 --> 00:09:00,966
If the princess's subjects find out
she's been murdered,
164
00:09:01,007 --> 00:09:02,531
we'll all be executed.
165
00:09:02,575 --> 00:09:05,066
- Executed?
- Uncle Chode, is it true?
166
00:09:05,111 --> 00:09:06,578
Are we doomed?
167
00:09:06,612 --> 00:09:09,843
Well, if you wanna see
the glass as half empty,
168
00:09:09,882 --> 00:09:12,043
- technically...
- Chode, really.
169
00:09:12,084 --> 00:09:14,450
Bob, I need you
to lock into our coordinates
170
00:09:14,487 --> 00:09:16,887
- and beam us back on board.
- No can do, El Capitбn.
171
00:09:16,923 --> 00:09:18,891
- What do you mean?
- I kind of shorted out
172
00:09:18,925 --> 00:09:20,984
the beaming device
with a fork.
173
00:09:21,027 --> 00:09:22,961
You should
have never left me alone.
174
00:09:22,995 --> 00:09:24,963
Sheesh!
How the hell did that happen?
175
00:09:24,997 --> 00:09:26,828
Well, I was trying to beam
my raisin toast out
176
00:09:26,866 --> 00:09:29,733
of the toaster with the help
of the transporter beam and a fork.
177
00:09:29,769 --> 00:09:31,600
Why, for Christ's sake?
178
00:09:31,637 --> 00:09:34,197
Because my toast was stuck
in the toaster.
179
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:38,074
We're toast, Uncle Chode!
180
00:09:38,110 --> 00:09:40,578
I'm surrounded by morons.
181
00:09:40,613 --> 00:09:43,548
Look, if we can find out
who killed the princess,
182
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:44,914
maybe they'll go easy on us.
183
00:09:44,951 --> 00:09:47,317
Everybody,
grab the rest of her.
184
00:09:47,353 --> 00:09:50,618
Sheesh, whoever said die young
and leave a beautiful corpse
185
00:09:50,656 --> 00:09:53,181
- never met this stiff.
- Chode, what do we do now?
186
00:09:53,225 --> 00:09:56,353
We gather every shred of evidence,
pore over every clue,
187
00:09:56,395 --> 00:10:00,331
go to any extreme necessary
to determine the perp's identity.
188
00:10:00,366 --> 00:10:02,960
What it is?
189
00:10:03,002 --> 00:10:05,630
It's a short curly purple hair
of some sort,
190
00:10:05,671 --> 00:10:07,434
probably the killer's.
191
00:10:07,473 --> 00:10:10,271
Or your own pubic hair,
dumbass!
192
00:10:10,309 --> 00:10:13,039
That's another theory
that deserves exploring.
193
00:10:13,079 --> 00:10:14,842
Princess! Princess!
194
00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:18,111
Princess, it's almost time
for your noon appearance.
195
00:10:18,150 --> 00:10:21,210
My God!
What has happened to the princess?
196
00:10:21,253 --> 00:10:24,245
After a battery
of sophisticated tests,
197
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:26,986
I've determined she died
of natural causes.
198
00:10:27,026 --> 00:10:28,584
But she's been cut to ribbons.
199
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:30,721
Well, I mean, after that,
naturally, she died.
200
00:10:30,763 --> 00:10:33,789
For all our sakes,
no one must find out.
201
00:10:33,833 --> 00:10:36,199
I need time to think.
202
00:10:36,235 --> 00:10:38,226
Your Majesty?
203
00:10:38,270 --> 00:10:40,261
God damn it,
I needed more time than that.
204
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:42,365
It's noon, Your Highness.
205
00:10:42,408 --> 00:10:45,070
Time for you
to greet your loyal subjects.
206
00:10:45,111 --> 00:10:48,410
This is no time to fall apart,
Your Highness.
207
00:10:48,447 --> 00:10:50,108
Your public awaits.
208
00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:53,118
Pull yourself together.
209
00:10:53,152 --> 00:10:54,642
I know, Mother.
210
00:10:54,687 --> 00:10:57,747
I get my sense of humor
from you.
211
00:10:57,790 --> 00:10:59,553
I'm brushing my teeth.
212
00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:02,117
- I'll be right out.
- You will?
213
00:11:02,161 --> 00:11:04,026
Well, please hurry.
214
00:11:04,063 --> 00:11:07,328
Your subjects can't wait
to see you.
215
00:11:07,366 --> 00:11:10,392
And frankly, neither can I.
216
00:11:10,436 --> 00:11:13,269
I'll be right out...
why'd you say that?
217
00:11:13,305 --> 00:11:15,830
If she doesn't show,
the townspeople will know immediately
218
00:11:15,875 --> 00:11:17,399
something is wrong.
219
00:11:17,443 --> 00:11:19,070
Princess! Princess!
220
00:11:19,111 --> 00:11:22,512
T'nuk, grab that head.
The princess will be right out.
221
00:11:28,954 --> 00:11:31,286
The suckers are buying it.
222
00:11:31,323 --> 00:11:33,917
How can this be?
She's dead!
223
00:11:41,267 --> 00:11:43,895
Show's over, folks.
224
00:11:43,936 --> 00:11:45,870
The princess is dead...
225
00:11:45,905 --> 00:11:47,463
tired.
226
00:11:47,506 --> 00:11:49,770
Hope to see you all
at the coronation.
227
00:11:49,809 --> 00:11:52,175
Free beer and pretzels.
228
00:11:53,913 --> 00:11:55,710
You two, come with me.
229
00:11:55,748 --> 00:11:59,684
I suspect the princess
has been the victim of foul play.
230
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:01,584
Okay,
we need an escape plan.
231
00:12:02,988 --> 00:12:05,047
We're trapped.
We're not going anywhere.
232
00:12:05,091 --> 00:12:06,820
Nonsense, you're going to
233
00:12:06,859 --> 00:12:09,157
certain death, unless...
234
00:12:09,195 --> 00:12:11,595
- Unless?
- No no. It's too crazy.
235
00:12:11,630 --> 00:12:13,188
Too farfetched.
236
00:12:13,232 --> 00:12:16,759
It goes against all the laws
of nature and God.
237
00:12:16,802 --> 00:12:18,565
You're not talking
about my sex life, are you?
238
00:12:18,604 --> 00:12:21,232
No.
I'm talking about bringing
239
00:12:21,273 --> 00:12:25,107
the dead princess
back to life.
240
00:12:25,144 --> 00:12:26,805
Am I hearing you right?
241
00:12:26,846 --> 00:12:30,282
I don't know. When's the last time
you had your hearing tested?
242
00:12:30,316 --> 00:12:32,716
You really should take her
to the vet every once in a while.
243
00:12:34,787 --> 00:12:36,482
They're gonna knock
down the door any minute.
244
00:12:36,522 --> 00:12:39,923
She's right.
Everyone grab a piece of princess
245
00:12:39,959 --> 00:12:42,484
and follow me through
the secret passageway.
246
00:12:42,528 --> 00:12:45,429
- Where does it lead?
- Let me guess. To a long-forgotten
247
00:12:45,464 --> 00:12:48,490
laboratory where a mad scientist
once reanimated the dead?
248
00:12:48,534 --> 00:12:51,799
Wow, does someone got
that women's intuition or what?
249
00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:58,877
I'll leave a note
to throw them off the scent.
250
00:12:58,911 --> 00:13:01,277
Break it down!
251
00:13:10,122 --> 00:13:12,784
"Gone to the movies...
double feature.
252
00:13:12,825 --> 00:13:15,988
Grabbing a bite after.
Don't wait up. "
253
00:13:16,028 --> 00:13:17,928
Let's see.
254
00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:20,693
¤ The knee bone's
connected to the thigh bone ¤
255
00:13:20,733 --> 00:13:24,066
¤ The thigh bone's connected
to the hip bone. ¤
256
00:13:24,103 --> 00:13:27,197
Chode, you can't perform
an operation as complex as this.
257
00:13:27,239 --> 00:13:30,140
He won't have to.
Young Dr. Skankenstein
258
00:13:30,176 --> 00:13:33,304
has been reanimating the dead
as his crazy father did before him,
259
00:13:33,345 --> 00:13:36,246
and his even crazier father
did before him.
260
00:13:36,282 --> 00:13:37,806
He could do it
with his eyes closed.
261
00:13:37,850 --> 00:13:39,374
If he were here.
262
00:13:39,418 --> 00:13:41,750
"Gone to 'American Idol' tryouts.
263
00:13:41,787 --> 00:13:43,948
I'm a better singer than Ruben,
Clay Aiken
264
00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:45,786
and Fantasia put together. "
265
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,452
Well, that's that.
We're screwed.
266
00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:49,120
Well, not so fast.
267
00:13:49,161 --> 00:13:51,493
According to this "Reanimating
the Dead for Dumbasses" book,
268
00:13:51,530 --> 00:13:53,191
it's not so hard.
269
00:13:53,232 --> 00:13:56,065
Okay, Six, plug in that
electrical V-shaped thing
270
00:13:56,101 --> 00:13:57,830
that goes "Zzzz!"
271
00:13:57,870 --> 00:14:00,100
Gus, find me a giant needle
and thread.
272
00:14:00,139 --> 00:14:03,131
T'nuk, make sure
the moonroof opens.
273
00:14:03,175 --> 00:14:06,440
Whip, go over to that shelf
and grab me a brain.
274
00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:15,115
Careful, Whip.
275
00:14:15,154 --> 00:14:16,883
Don't worry.
There's another one.
276
00:14:16,922 --> 00:14:19,049
"Senator Diane Finestein,
277
00:14:19,091 --> 00:14:20,854
Mel Brookstein,
278
00:14:20,893 --> 00:14:23,293
Hearty Fiberstein. "
279
00:14:26,632 --> 00:14:28,293
Hurry!
280
00:14:28,334 --> 00:14:31,394
The storm is
almost directly overhead.
281
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:36,004
Raise the gurney!
282
00:14:43,515 --> 00:14:46,416
Give my creature life!
283
00:14:53,325 --> 00:14:55,520
Oh, what a pretty night
it turned out to be.
284
00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:58,359
I don't need a pretty night.
I need lightning.
285
00:14:58,397 --> 00:15:01,423
Is there any other source
of intense electricity around here?
286
00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:03,594
Yeah, I could divert
the electricity
287
00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:05,866
from the entire
kingdom's power grid
288
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:07,429
to the cables
you are holding.
289
00:15:07,473 --> 00:15:09,964
That is if I can
reach the switch.
290
00:15:10,009 --> 00:15:12,500
You've got to try.
291
00:15:12,544 --> 00:15:14,478
Okay.
292
00:15:24,957 --> 00:15:26,390
Did you say something?
293
00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:28,689
Could you at least
294
00:15:28,727 --> 00:15:31,753
wait until I let go
of the cables?
295
00:15:31,797 --> 00:15:34,823
- Oh, my apologies.
- Okay, now.
296
00:15:48,514 --> 00:15:51,176
Bring us down.
297
00:15:56,722 --> 00:15:58,383
Love the hair.
298
00:15:58,424 --> 00:16:01,154
It's sort of Liza
meets Lily Munster.
299
00:16:01,193 --> 00:16:04,560
Great job, everybody.
300
00:16:08,267 --> 00:16:11,703
My God!
Look at this place.
301
00:16:11,737 --> 00:16:15,264
Don't tell me I'm playing
dinner theater in the Poconos.
302
00:16:15,307 --> 00:16:17,172
No, this is Slovenia.
303
00:16:17,209 --> 00:16:18,699
Slovenia.
304
00:16:18,744 --> 00:16:21,804
I've opened out of town before,
but this is ridiculous.
305
00:16:21,847 --> 00:16:23,906
Look, you were dead,
and we brought you back to life.
306
00:16:23,949 --> 00:16:26,713
Okay, now you're starting
to sound like my agent.
307
00:16:29,054 --> 00:16:31,079
I am so parched.
308
00:16:31,123 --> 00:16:33,785
Who does a queen have to do
to get a drink around here?
309
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:37,318
Your Royal Highness,
welcome back.
310
00:16:37,363 --> 00:16:38,728
Royal Highness?
311
00:16:38,764 --> 00:16:42,097
Let me explain, lady...
mister...
312
00:16:42,134 --> 00:16:44,102
whatever the hell team
you're playing for.
313
00:16:44,136 --> 00:16:46,502
Look, in this show,
you play a princess
314
00:16:46,538 --> 00:16:48,403
who gets crowned queen
315
00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:50,203
and lives happily ever after.
316
00:16:50,242 --> 00:16:53,234
Unless, of course, they declare
you a total weirdo
317
00:16:53,278 --> 00:16:55,576
and the fickle public turns
their back on you.
318
00:16:55,614 --> 00:16:58,014
You mean like Tom Cruise?
319
00:16:58,050 --> 00:16:59,915
There's an angry mob led
by the prime minister
320
00:16:59,952 --> 00:17:01,249
surrounding the castle.
321
00:17:01,286 --> 00:17:03,618
It sounds like he's whipping them
into a frenzy.
322
00:17:05,391 --> 00:17:07,985
Not the face.
Not the face!
323
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,790
They have killed the princess.
324
00:17:09,828 --> 00:17:12,820
Slice them up like a turkey
on Thanksgiving morning.
325
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:14,594
I say we lynch them first
326
00:17:14,633 --> 00:17:17,397
and ask intelligent
questions later.
327
00:17:20,272 --> 00:17:22,502
I haven't seen critics
this out for blood
328
00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:24,975
since Puff Daddy did
"Raisin in the Sun. "
329
00:17:25,010 --> 00:17:28,241
We're going to to have to go
down there and face the people.
330
00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:29,770
Let me know
how that turns out.
331
00:17:29,815 --> 00:17:31,544
Chode, we don't have
any choice.
332
00:17:31,583 --> 00:17:34,245
We've gotta escort the princess
out there and see if her subjects
333
00:17:34,286 --> 00:17:36,447
will accept her... him.
334
00:17:36,488 --> 00:17:38,456
I gotta take a wicked leak.
335
00:17:38,490 --> 00:17:40,720
Where's the men's room?
336
00:17:42,561 --> 00:17:45,724
Is anyone really stupid enough
to buy that big lug as the princess?
337
00:17:45,764 --> 00:17:49,598
Wow, is that princess babe
hot or what?
338
00:17:49,635 --> 00:17:50,761
Show's on.
339
00:17:55,274 --> 00:17:58,402
All hail the royal princess.
340
00:18:01,146 --> 00:18:02,875
Smile at the people.
341
00:18:05,217 --> 00:18:07,549
Watch where you're
putting that thing,
342
00:18:07,586 --> 00:18:09,554
you buggy-eyed ass!
343
00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:12,785
Wait a minute.
Why is your voice so deep?
344
00:18:12,825 --> 00:18:15,157
Friday night's my poker night.
345
00:18:15,194 --> 00:18:17,355
Too much booze
and cigarettes.
346
00:18:17,396 --> 00:18:19,557
Well, that satisfied
my curiosity.
347
00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:21,156
I'm not buying it.
348
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:25,159
If you're the princess,
sing the princess's favorite song.
349
00:18:31,643 --> 00:18:34,077
Sorry, just warming up
my instrument.
350
00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:37,378
Hit it, frau.
351
00:18:37,416 --> 00:18:40,385
¤ I love Slovenia
in the summer ¤
352
00:18:40,419 --> 00:18:41,943
¤ When it sizzles ¤
353
00:18:41,987 --> 00:18:45,252
¤ I love Slovenia
in the spring ¤
354
00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:47,258
¤ When the frigging
flowers bloom ¤
355
00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:50,056
¤ I love Slovenia
in the winter ¤
356
00:18:50,095 --> 00:18:53,587
¤ When it's snowing and snowing
and snowing... ¤
357
00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:56,601
You gotta admit it snows
like a mother... out here.
358
00:18:56,635 --> 00:19:00,401
¤ But when you see Slovenia
in the fall ¤
359
00:19:00,439 --> 00:19:02,839
¤ That's when I love Slovenia ¤
360
00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:05,571
¤ That's when she loves Slovenia ¤
361
00:19:05,611 --> 00:19:08,079
¤ That's when
I love Slovenia ¤
362
00:19:08,113 --> 00:19:10,308
¤ That's when she loves Slovenia ¤
363
00:19:10,349 --> 00:19:13,409
¤ That's when
I love Slovenia ¤
364
00:19:13,452 --> 00:19:16,512
¤ Most of all. ¤
365
00:19:21,927 --> 00:19:23,519
Not bad.
366
00:19:23,562 --> 00:19:25,723
We call it a backer's audition.
367
00:19:25,764 --> 00:19:27,629
How much
could I put you down for?
368
00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:29,691
Put me down
for one pitchfork
369
00:19:29,735 --> 00:19:31,396
in the belly!
370
00:19:31,436 --> 00:19:33,631
Wait a minute.
I say we let the people decide.
371
00:19:33,672 --> 00:19:35,799
Would you like to continue
to live your lives
372
00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:37,638
in quiet desperation,
373
00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:40,804
living off the stale crumbs
from this tyrant's table,
374
00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:44,009
or have a fabulous queen
375
00:19:44,049 --> 00:19:46,017
who's going to put on
hit show after hit show
376
00:19:46,051 --> 00:19:49,885
and make this town a bundle
off busloads of out-of-town suckers?
377
00:19:49,922 --> 00:19:51,651
Perhaps we could put on
378
00:19:51,690 --> 00:19:54,386
"Hunchback of Notre Dame:
The Musical. "
379
00:19:54,426 --> 00:19:57,327
Long live our drag queen!
380
00:19:57,362 --> 00:19:59,728
Hip hip hooray!
381
00:19:59,765 --> 00:20:01,824
What a bunch of ingrates.
382
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:05,030
Okay, I go to California.
383
00:20:05,070 --> 00:20:09,029
I will be governor.
You just see if I don't.
384
00:20:09,074 --> 00:20:11,065
Wait for me, Mother.
385
00:20:16,248 --> 00:20:18,478
Well, looky here.
386
00:20:18,517 --> 00:20:20,485
I'm on a triple square.
387
00:20:20,519 --> 00:20:22,248
That's another 84 points.
388
00:20:22,287 --> 00:20:25,085
I'm kicking
your pathetic asses.
389
00:20:25,123 --> 00:20:27,683
There's nothing
like a gracious winner.
390
00:20:27,726 --> 00:20:31,253
And you're nothing like
a gracious winner.
391
00:20:31,296 --> 00:20:33,992
- Hey, what's this?
- A bill from Dr. Skankenstein.
392
00:20:34,032 --> 00:20:36,830
"Use of laboratory,
10,000 kronigs;
393
00:20:36,868 --> 00:20:40,702
dry cleaning of laboratory smock,
100 kronigs;
394
00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:43,799
electric bill,
10 million kronigs"?
395
00:20:43,842 --> 00:20:46,777
I thought he went off to win
"American Idol" and wasn't coming back.
396
00:20:46,812 --> 00:20:48,677
Apparently, he hit
a screechy high note
397
00:20:48,714 --> 00:20:51,342
that simultaneously burst both
of Simon's eardrums
398
00:20:51,383 --> 00:20:54,409
and shattered Randy's glasses,
blinding him for life.
399
00:20:54,453 --> 00:20:55,852
What about Paula Abdul?
400
00:20:55,887 --> 00:20:57,855
She was very encouraging
as always...
401
00:20:57,889 --> 00:20:59,880
then went home
and jumped out a window.
402
00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:02,621
Whatever. Nothing's gonna get
in the way of my enjoyment
403
00:21:02,661 --> 00:21:06,495
at watching these two losers
crash and burn at Scribble.
404
00:21:06,531 --> 00:21:09,432
Oh, Chode, you wanna guess
what's back from the shop?
405
00:21:09,468 --> 00:21:11,561
Later.
30384
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