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"Grube's Fairytales"
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sync & correction by f1nc0
~ addic7ed.com ~
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All right! Oh!
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Hark, me lords, and listen ye well,
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forsooth, my ladies,
I have tales to tell.
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What are you doing, bro?
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Canst thou not see, me lord?
I am but a humble bard.
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Nice pantaloons.
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Oh, I thought he was
wearing the man diaper.
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This is not a man diaper!
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I am a bard here to excite thee
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with tales of adventure
and morality.
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Hey, bard.
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Do you go pee-pee in that
man diaper?
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Bards do not pee-pee in their pants!
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They tell stories that
instill morals and character.
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- Isn't that what you always do anyway?
- And you never listen.
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So, I'm engaging in these theatrics
to trick you into learning.
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What's wrong with
our character and morals now?
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- Everything!
- Can we at least get some snacks
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if we're gonna have to
listen to you tell stories?
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Snacks? Funny you mention that.
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I just happen to have a story
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about two children who
loved snacks so much,
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they almost died.
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Lend me your ears and listen ye well
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to the magical tale
that I shall now tell.
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A story of children with large appetites
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cast out in the forest
on the coldest of nights.
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Oh, you're talking
about Hansel and Gretel.
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- We know that one.
- Yeah, let us tell it!
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No! Only the bard can tell the story!
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The bard can pee-pee in his man diaper.
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We're telling the story.
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Once upon those olden times,
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Hansel and Gretel ate all the food
and got kicked out of the house.
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I told you not to eat
all the schnitzels!
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Maybe you should have
shared the strudel.
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Well, great. Now we're
starving and lost in the forest.
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That's not even the worst of it, bro.
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I hear there's witches out here.
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Oh, yoo-hoo!
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Little children, all
alone in the forest.
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You must be starving.
Why not have a nibble of
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mine scrumptious candy
house to fill those tummies?
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- Don't you live in there?
- Well, yeah. This is mine house.
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So you walk around in there
getting your hair stuck in everything?
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Perhaps, there is a bit of
armpit hairs here and there, yeah.
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Who cares if there's armpit hair?
Look at those gumdrops!
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Ah! All right, we'll eat your house.
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These foolish children have no idea
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I lured them here to be eaten.
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I am so hungry, but they will
make quite a meal.
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Yoo-hoo!
Little children!
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You cannot start a meal with dessert.
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Why not try a hot appetizer instead?
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Yo, I could crush
those mozzarella sticks!
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There is dipping sauce in the fountain.
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Ooh!
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Hey! They were going to
eat my house, you old bag!
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I think they should decide.
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Yoo-hoo!
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Do not fill up on
appetizers, my Liebchen.
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The main course is ready.
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Try my delicious meat and potato house.
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- I love meat!
- I love potatoes!
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Ah! You leaches are eating all
of the children I lure here.
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- I'm starving.
- Don't blame us if the children
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refuse to eat your hairy candy canes.
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How dare you speak of mine
candy canes in such way!
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Ah! Mmm, mmm, mmm.
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That was so yummy.
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- Ah! Thanks for the meal, ladies.
- Catch you later.
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Our delicious houses...
gone!
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Where will we live now?
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I cannot afford another appetizer house.
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No, we are on
the fixed incomes!
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And so Hansel and Gretel left
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having enjoyed a delicious
three-course meal.
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And the witches froze
to death during the long
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- winter that followed.
- Moral of the story:
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"Don't make your house
out of foods. That's dumb."
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That is not a moral!
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Well, it should be.
Can we leave now?
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You cannot leave this
tower until I've told you
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the story of a girl who
could not leave her tower.
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Lend me your ears!
I will tell you a tale of a tower
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and within it, a maiden so fair who is
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- blessed with long locks of luxurious...
- Oh, Rapunzel.
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I'll tell it fast so at least one of us
can get out of her tower.
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There was a princess named Rapunzel
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who was trapped in a tower.
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All the princes of the
land wanted to rescue her.
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Hey, yo, Rapunzel!
Let me get up in that tower, girl!
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The tower had no stairs,
but luckily, Rapunzel
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was gifted with long,
healthy and very curly...
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fingernails.
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Come on, prince.
Are you going to rescue me or not?
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No, I'm good, yo.
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- It's the nails, isn't it?
- Can you just cut 'em?
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What would you use to
climb up and rescue me?
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They're just so gnarly.
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You princes are worthless.
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Forget this. If I'm gonna
escape, I'll just do it myself.
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M'lady, I would ask for
your hand in marriage.
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Also, I have brought you this nail file.
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No one's gonna cage this bird again.
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And so Rapunzel went
on to live an awesome life
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of adventure and intrigue
using her rad fingernails
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to slice and dice her
way to fame and fortune.
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So, the moral of the story is
"Forget boys."
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Get paid!
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Get the money, get the cash!
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You are ruining these stories!
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I quite enjoyed the tale
of the fingernail princess.
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- Yo, can we eat now?
- All you do is eat!
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Good thing I have another
story about eating.
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Listen, knaves, and
interrupt not my story,
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or your demise by my hand
will be swift and gory.
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This is the tale of a girl
in a hood who met a large wolf
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- deep in the woods.
- Oh, oh, oh!
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Oh, the story of the diminutive female
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who wore the red cloak of the riding.
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I am quite familiar with
this tale of the folk.
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Please, let me...
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Once upon a particular time interval
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the girl of the red ridings and hoods
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was bringing the treats
to her grandmother.
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Ooh, I have the hunger.
I suppose grandmother
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will not mind if I have a
small bite of her snacks.
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Oh, hello, Mr. Wolf.
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It is good to see
you, but I cannot dally
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for I am on my way to
the grandmother's house.
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Oh, and what a lovely girl you are
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- to help your grandmother so.
- No, alas, I am not.
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I ate up her snacks and
now the basket is empty.
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All of the snacks you say?
You must be stuffed.
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To be quite honest I am
still having the hungries.
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Well, if we're being honest,
I could have a bite myself.
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Mmm!
Delicious.
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Oh, I should have saved some
wolf for the grandmother.
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I suppose I can still give
her this warm fur coat.
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Say, Father...
Father, where are you?
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We are so lost and so very cold.
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If Father is missing, who'll
get the medicine for Mother?
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She is so very ill.
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Oh, dear!
Those poor, poor wolf babies.
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What have I done!
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Hello and wolf greetings
to you, my little fuzzies.
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Father!
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- Um... Wolf, wolf.
- Father, you look so strange.
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What long eyelashes you have.
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Uh, the better to give you
the butterfly kisses with.
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What a small nose you have.
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The better to smell your
scrumptious aroma with.
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Uh, what tiny teeth you have, Father.
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Ah! The better to eat...
normal food with.
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You're hungry, Father?
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- Very hungry.
- So are we!
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Hmm... Oh, I have the idea.
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I know the grandmother,
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that is in no way related to me,
that we can eat!
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Hurray!
We love you, Father.
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And so the red rider of hoods
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and the tiny wolves ate
the tasty grandmother.
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- And they lived happily ever the after.
- Whaaat?
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00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:08,874
And the moral is,
"If you consume the wolf,
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you must then adopt his identity
and raise his family as your own."
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- Oh, yeah, totally!
- That makes a lot of sense.
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That is a great story.
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I've failed as a bard.
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- My stories didn't teach you anything.
- That's not true, Robin.
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Hansel and Gretel taught
us to eat proper meals.
174
00:10:27,528 --> 00:10:31,363
From the Rapunzel we learned
the value of independence.
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00:10:31,365 --> 00:10:33,416
And Little Red Riding Hood taught
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us to be responsible for our actions.
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But the most important
thing we learned...
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Is that you wear man diapers!
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00:10:45,307 --> 00:10:47,885
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ addic7ed.com ~ 14410
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