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1
00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:13,280
Too upset... to cry.
2
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:22,080
That might be the most
I've ever told them off.
3
00:00:22,080 --> 00:00:25,280
That might be the most
she's ever told us off.
4
00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:52,360
{\an8}I've just never seen Alison
so angry.
5
00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:55,320
{\an8}She used a word
I'd never heard before
6
00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:57,120
as a verb and a noun.
7
00:00:57,120 --> 00:00:59,320
Yes, was
rather colourful. I mean,
8
00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:01,640
I did some pretty awful things
back in the day,
9
00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:05,080
but I have never been rebuked
like th...
10
00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:07,680
Oh, hang on, actually.
11
00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:09,560
There was this one time...
12
00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:11,800
Oh, and they just go on
and on and on and on.
13
00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:13,640
And they know
that we're stressed,
14
00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:15,120
with the Gatehouse
and this place.
15
00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:17,560
I know. They're a lot.
16
00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:20,280
I mean, I find them a lot,
and I can't see or hear them.
17
00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:24,160
Turns out,
18
00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:27,840
the arms contract had been sold
to the newspapers
19
00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:30,040
by one of the prostitutes.
20
00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:33,360
Too confused to cry.
21
00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:35,880
So, how do we make things
right?
22
00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:38,400
Well, you'd have to refund
the Libyans,
23
00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:39,800
find the prostitute...
24
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:41,160
With Alison!
Oh.
25
00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:44,160
Well, is obvious.
26
00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:46,760
We need say sorry.
27
00:01:46,760 --> 00:01:48,560
Huh?
28
00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:50,960
No. No, no, no, no, no.
29
00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:52,320
No, that... Ye...
30
00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:55,280
Yeah, no, just... Just thanks
for letting us know.
31
00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:58,040
Yeah. All the best, yeah.
Bye-bye. Bye. Bye.
32
00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:00,000
Bye.
33
00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:01,960
Unbelievable!
34
00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:03,680
I mean, how selfish can you be?
35
00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:05,520
What happened?
The Carters just cancelled.
36
00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:06,840
What? Why?
37
00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:08,680
Because they're evil.
38
00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:10,600
Er, and maybe
because their cat's ill.
39
00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:12,120
But mainly cos they're evil.
40
00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:13,840
I mean, what is the point
41
00:02:13,840 --> 00:02:15,840
in us offering
five-star service
42
00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:18,200
if there's no-one here
to give it five stars?
43
00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:20,760
Hey, you know what this means?
That we're going to go bankrupt?
44
00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:21,800
It means that
45
00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:24,000
a very nice little guesthouse
that I know of
46
00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:26,280
happens to have
a last-minute vacancy.
47
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:29,600
Yeah, I just told you that.
48
00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:32,000
No, I mean... for us.
Well, for you.
49
00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:34,120
You never lose it
like you did this morning,
50
00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:35,200
even with that lot.
51
00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:37,880
You're frazzled.
You need to unwind.
52
00:02:37,880 --> 00:02:41,080
Listen, if I said
you had a day off
53
00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:43,480
and you could do anything
you wanted, what would it be?
54
00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:45,720
I don't know.
55
00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:48,360
Like... maybe a spa day?
56
00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:49,560
Mm.
57
00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:51,280
Or maybe like a nice meal.
58
00:02:51,280 --> 00:02:53,160
Or a picnic!
59
00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:56,080
Or the cinema.
60
00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:57,400
Well, that's what we'll do.
61
00:02:57,400 --> 00:02:58,840
Which?
62
00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:00,520
All of it.
63
00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:01,880
We have to be very careful.
64
00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:05,000
I'm just saying, if we want
Alison to hear us out,
65
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:07,680
we should send the person
she likes the most.
66
00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:10,280
Very well. I shall try,
but I can't guarantee...
67
00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:14,400
I was thinking more Kitty.
68
00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:17,560
Is that wise under
the circumstances? After all,
69
00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:19,240
it was Kitty who pushed her
over the edge.
70
00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:20,960
That's a lie!
71
00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:22,520
You said you wished
she was dead.
72
00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:23,880
No, I didn't.
73
00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:26,360
Quite the opposite. I said
that I wanted to comfort her
74
00:03:26,360 --> 00:03:28,320
and hope that one day,
God willing,
75
00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:30,560
I'll be able to hug her
and hold her and...
76
00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:31,920
Yes, I see what you mean.
77
00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:34,920
But it was you who made her
use the C-word.
78
00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:38,360
It was you
who was being callous. Oh!
79
00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:40,320
Come on,
it was one little finger.
80
00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:42,840
It was inappropriate.
81
00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:44,240
I just so missed the texture.
82
00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:46,520
Mm. I was being the soldier.
83
00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:49,280
You are not to use that term!
Oh, here he goes,
84
00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:51,440
barking his orders.
No wonder she's sick of you.
85
00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,920
Do not lay this
at my door, sir!
86
00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:56,680
I was merely telling Robin
not to play with the lamps...
87
00:03:56,680 --> 00:03:58,480
Hey, no you pin this on me!
Was Fanny,
88
00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:00,240
with the yibbayabba, yibbayabba.
89
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,240
Excuse me, Robin!
It was nothing to do...
90
00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:12,160
Oh!
91
00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:14,600
Five stars, right?
Yeah.
92
00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:16,200
And it's all ours.
93
00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:19,840
Ooooh, yeah. Oh,
94
00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:22,640
you've go to have a go
on some of... What?
95
00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:26,120
Sorry. I'm just thinking about how
long it takes to change the bedding.
96
00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:28,600
No, no, no. No. We're not thinking
about bedding,
97
00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:30,480
or cleaning,
98
00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:32,320
or hoovering or dusting
or bin change...
99
00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:35,600
Yeah, you're right.
It was a terrible idea.
100
00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:37,240
It's never going to happen, is it?
101
00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:39,440
So, day off's off?
No, day off's on.
102
00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:41,600
Just... not here.
103
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:44,240
Er... I've got a better idea.
104
00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:46,600
You want a piece of me?!
105
00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:48,400
Right. Right. Right!
106
00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:51,440
Bang!
107
00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:53,320
Oh! What are you doing?
108
00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:55,400
I was firing my pistol
into the air.
109
00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:57,360
You don't have a pistol.
110
00:04:57,360 --> 00:04:59,800
Well, we didn't win the war with
attitudes like that, did we?
111
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:02,280
This blame game
is getting us nowhere.
112
00:05:02,280 --> 00:05:05,080
It's quite clear that we all
share some responsibility
113
00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:07,840
for provoking
Alison's outburst,
114
00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:10,960
whether it's Julian fingering,
Fanny's lip
115
00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:12,720
or Mary and her...
116
00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:17,440
Why, Mary, I do believe that
you didn't do anything wrong.
117
00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:21,120
Oh, no. Er... No.
I suppose... I suppose not.
118
00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:23,840
Hey, this is perfect!
119
00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:25,920
Alison can't be cross
with Mary
120
00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:27,640
if she's done nothing wrong.
121
00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:30,880
Let's send Mary in
with our apologies,
122
00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:33,320
wait for the dust to settle,
and then...
123
00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:34,400
Yeah, no, actually.
124
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:38,320
No. I'm thinking... no.
To that. To doing that.
125
00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:40,680
But you're our secret weapon, Mary.
126
00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:42,800
Yeah. No. Right. It's just...
127
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:45,920
Erm, I tooks the fall
for something I didn't do
128
00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:47,880
once before,
and it didn't turn out
129
00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:50,360
all that well for me.
130
00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:53,200
So I'm... I'm thinkin', erm,
maybe this time
131
00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:55,960
I'm going to leave the guilt
for the guilty.
132
00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:59,560
Cos someone in this room
has done nothing wrong!
133
00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:05,720
Ah. Looks like
it has to be one of us.
134
00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:07,600
Any volunteers?
135
00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:12,360
Or we could do nominations?
136
00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:13,760
Ah, well in that case...
137
00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:21,080
Oooh.
Mm!
138
00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:24,560
I like it. Homely.
Really homely.
139
00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:27,080
Oh, I think these
might be the owners.
140
00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:29,560
Oh-ho, she did all right!
141
00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:30,840
What are you doing?
142
00:06:30,840 --> 00:06:33,320
You can't go lying down,
you've got relaxing to do.
143
00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:35,120
Do you hear yourself?
144
00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:36,960
We have a list. Your list.
145
00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:39,360
And we've just lost 45 minutes
going nowhere.
146
00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:42,040
Well, if it's my list,
I'm adding lying down.
147
00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:46,360
OK, OK. But it's already 10.30,
so we can't just go adding...
148
00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:50,960
You know what?
It's fine. Er...
149
00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:53,840
If we combine it with
"listening to some music,"
150
00:06:53,840 --> 00:06:56,280
then I think
I can make it work.
151
00:06:56,280 --> 00:06:57,640
Deal.
152
00:06:57,640 --> 00:06:59,200
OK, so I just add that on,
153
00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:01,440
cross it off,
154
00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:04,440
and we're back on track. Almost.
155
00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:06,360
Right. See you in 30.
156
00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:08,680
Where are you going?
Shop. We need ingredients.
157
00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:10,000
Ingredients for what?
158
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:12,080
Whatever you want.
It's your day.
159
00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:14,680
Oh. OK, so could we get...?
160
00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:15,880
No time. Text me.
161
00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:20,400
No, no...
162
00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:23,480
Er...
163
00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:25,560
You've got the most
to apologise for.
164
00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:29,440
Tadadadadadada!
Tadadadadadada!
165
00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:31,640
Chacachac,
clink, clink, clink...
166
00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:33,160
Now...
167
00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:36,440
Yeah. I did not for a moment
want to bring out
168
00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:38,120
the Bren Mark 1
light machinegun
169
00:07:38,120 --> 00:07:40,520
in such an enclosed space,
but you forced my hand.
170
00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:43,560
Is he having a breakdown?
Very hard to tell.
171
00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:45,840
This bickering is futile.
172
00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:47,880
If nobody wants
to take on this mission,
173
00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:50,720
then, as ranking officer,
I shall step up to the plate
174
00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:53,440
and issue an apology
on behalf of the entire unit.
175
00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:55,600
My command experience
has taught me
176
00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:57,800
a thing or two
about effective communication
177
00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:00,800
you have to be direct,
concise and to the point.
178
00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:05,360
Apologies.
179
00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:07,120
Not accepted. Understood.
180
00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:11,880
She can't be reasoned with.
Nothing to be done.
181
00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:14,600
We shall just have to avoid her
until she dies.
182
00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:16,080
Probably longer.
183
00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:19,360
Yes, well, whilst I'm sure
you mined every ounce
184
00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:21,120
of your natural warmth,
do you think
185
00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:23,240
you could take us through
your key messaging?
186
00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:26,800
What?
Yeah, thought so.
187
00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:28,240
You see,
you can't just go around
188
00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:29,920
shouting orders at people
any more.
189
00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:32,000
He's got a point. Silence.
190
00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:34,240
Communication's become
much more nuanced
191
00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:38,040
in this modern age
of car phones and pagers.
192
00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:41,000
But, luckily,
193
00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:42,880
you're looking
at one of history's
194
00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:44,360
greatest communicators,
195
00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:45,600
the brains behind some of
196
00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:48,000
the most memorable
political slogans
197
00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:50,160
of the 20th century. Erm...
198
00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:54,360
"Family, family, family."
Yours truly.
199
00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:57,600
As was..."Better for Britain."
200
00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:59,240
"I'm in. Are you?"
201
00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:03,560
And of course...
"A dog's just for Christmas."
202
00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:06,440
I think it was..."A dog's
not just for Christmas."
203
00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:09,040
No. One year,
there was a surplus.
204
00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:11,640
Must have been the heat.
Oh, surely not him.
205
00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:14,720
Yep, that was another one.
Election '83.
206
00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:38,560
OK, then.
207
00:09:38,560 --> 00:09:43,360
I now declare this meeting
of Being In The Right Club
208
00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:45,000
officially open.
209
00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:47,400
What's that?
210
00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:50,000
Oh, no, it's just, erm,
211
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:52,320
just us today, Flo.
212
00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:53,400
Just us.
213
00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:04,360
No. Yeah.
214
00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:21,440
Yes?
215
00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:23,360
We're closer...
216
00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:25,480
...together.
217
00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:27,600
What?
218
00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:29,800
We're closer... Yeah?
219
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:33,200
...together. Mm-hm.
220
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:34,800
Than what?
Oh, come on!
221
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:37,640
This is very clear messaging.
How are you not getting this?
222
00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:43,480
We - you and us - are closer
you know, rubbing along,
223
00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:45,480
despite your over-sensitivity,
224
00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:47,480
together -
225
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,720
ie, not off moping
in our rooms about,
226
00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:51,920
I don't know,
whatever petty grievance it is
227
00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:54,000
that's got you in such a tizz.
228
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:58,160
So let's admit mistakes
were made on both sides
229
00:10:58,160 --> 00:10:59,480
and hope that tomorrow
230
00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:01,360
you get out of the bed
the right side.
231
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:04,240
Because the fact is...
232
00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:06,240
...we are closer...
233
00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:08,560
...together.
234
00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:11,120
Go away.
235
00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:15,640
Now, that's clear messaging.
236
00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:23,440
Did you forget your keys?
237
00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:26,120
No, no, I'm still at the shop.
Ingredients crisis.
238
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:28,560
There's chicken, but no breadcrumbs,
so Milanese is off.
239
00:11:28,560 --> 00:11:30,680
Er, I can do salmon
if you can live without lemon.
240
00:11:30,680 --> 00:11:32,760
Do they have broccoli?
Normal, not purple,
241
00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:34,600
but I could switch
for asparagus if...
242
00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:36,280
Without lemon?
I wasn't thinking. OK.
243
00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:38,720
Yeah. Let's bring back the chicken.
We'll go peri peri.
244
00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:41,200
Do they have paprika?
Er, normal, not smoky.
245
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:42,920
OK, OK. Let's make it satay.
246
00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:44,880
Which aisle is peanuts?
247
00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:47,360
Just get peanut butter.
Smooth or crunchy? Just get both.
248
00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:50,400
But that's back with jams. I haven't
got time. Just leave it. Get out.
249
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:51,680
I'm coming out.
Go! Go!
250
00:11:51,680 --> 00:11:53,000
Any joy?
251
00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:54,760
Well, you know, er,
252
00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:57,160
how does one define success?
253
00:11:58,280 --> 00:11:59,440
Messed it up.
254
00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:02,520
I suppose
Elton John was right.
255
00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:05,640
Sorry does seem to be
the hardest word.
256
00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:08,720
No. Hardest word is
"apolocathry."
257
00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:11,280
Ap...
258
00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:15,160
Hang on.
Maybe Elton John had a point.
259
00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:19,840
If it's too hard to say it,
could we sing it?
260
00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:25,240
Hey. Still relaxing?
All relaxed?
261
00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:26,560
Where have you been?
262
00:12:26,560 --> 00:12:29,320
Yeah. Well, turns out
that if you run out
263
00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:31,480
of a supermarket still holding
a pack of stock cubes,
264
00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:33,360
security want to have
a little word with you.
265
00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:35,160
Oh, God.
Yeah, no, it's fine.
266
00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:38,080
I, er.. I made this great joke
about pinching their stock,
267
00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:39,920
and we're basically mates now.
He loved it.
268
00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:42,120
Yeah?
Yeah. Whoa, OK.
269
00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:45,320
Er, there's no time to cook
and we have nothing to cook,
270
00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:48,000
so I thought
we can order something in.
271
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,840
Like... pizza?
What's faster than pizza?
272
00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:51,280
Pizza's fine.
Yeah?
273
00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:52,560
Yeah.
OK, great.
274
00:12:52,560 --> 00:12:53,760
Well, you order the pizza,
275
00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:57,040
and I will dig out the picnic set.
Pizza picnic?
276
00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:58,080
Yeah.
277
00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:00,560
Well, you wanted a picnic,
so you're having a picnic.
278
00:13:00,560 --> 00:13:01,640
Aw.
279
00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:07,120
I think it may be... carpet picnic.
280
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,080
Good call.
All right.
281
00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:10,360
You just keep relaxing.
282
00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:11,880
OK. Er... OK.
283
00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:17,560
But order a pizza!
Oh, all righty!
284
00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:19,960
But lyrics
are a form of poetry,
285
00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:22,960
and mastery of
the English language is my...
286
00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:25,840
...thing.
Yeah, I know.
287
00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:28,120
It's just that you can be
a little maudlin, mate,
288
00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:30,280
and I think it should be
something upbeat,
289
00:13:30,280 --> 00:13:32,160
like, have you heard
of Ging Gang Goolie?
290
00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:33,240
The disease?
291
00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:34,640
What?
292
00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:37,160
No. As in like, you know,
"Ging Gang Goolie gotcha."
293
00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:38,560
It most certainly did not!
294
00:13:38,560 --> 00:13:41,360
Although I hear
Byron had a terrible case.
295
00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:43,960
Wha...?
Look, clearly neither of you
296
00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:45,640
are exactly Cole Porter.
Who?
297
00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:48,440
My Heart Belongs To Daddy?
298
00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:52,560
Philistines. My point is,
perhaps you should look
299
00:13:52,560 --> 00:13:55,160
to a more skilled songsmith
for your inspiration.
300
00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:57,400
I mean,
how does John Elton compose?
301
00:13:57,400 --> 00:14:00,160
Oh, for the last time,
it's not Elton, comma, John.
302
00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:02,960
It's Elton John!
And he has a co-writer.
303
00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:05,400
Bernie does the words,
and Elt does the music.
304
00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:07,760
Ah!
Music's being taken care of,
305
00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:09,320
thank you very much.
306
00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:21,280
OK. Sure my note was
in there somewhere.
307
00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:31,600
No, no. I want no part
in this embarrassing spectacle,
308
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:34,800
this circus of contrition!
309
00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:36,720
Oooh! That's a good name
for the band.
310
00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:38,320
Cool name. Yeah.
311
00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:39,840
Apoloclubby.
312
00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:40,880
Apothecary.
313
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:41,960
Apottecaty.
314
00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:43,920
Apothecary.
Apoppercappy.
315
00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:45,920
Just say chemist.
No, no, no.
316
00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:48,280
Come on. Come on. Ugh.
317
00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:49,760
Apothecary.
318
00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:51,520
Apolicecathery.
319
00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:54,800
No, no...
320
00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:57,240
No point wailing 'bout it.
You made your beds.
321
00:14:57,240 --> 00:15:01,040
Perhaps you'll think 'bout your
actions from this day hence.
322
00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:06,920
Justice is a fickle wench,
323
00:15:06,920 --> 00:15:08,920
but 'pon this occasion
324
00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:10,680
fairly served,
325
00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:13,280
for 'tis heartening indeed
326
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:16,680
to feel not a licking flame,
327
00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:18,720
but the warmth
of a righteous sun.
328
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:25,120
I think things are clearing up
a bit, Flo.
329
00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:28,600
No. I don't want a refund,
I want our pizza.
330
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:30,480
What do you mean,
331
00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:32,760
you can't find the house?
It's the only house.
332
00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:35,520
If you're within three miles and
there's a building, that's us.
333
00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:37,920
Hello? Hello?
334
00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:42,920
slight change of plan.
335
00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:44,320
Today's picnic will be courtesy
336
00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:45,760
of the little shop
at the garage.
337
00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:49,040
But they only do crisps.
They do more than crisps.
338
00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:50,360
All right, I'll be back in ten.
339
00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:51,400
Er...
340
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:57,080
Relax!
Yep.
341
00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:00,800
...poth...
...poth...
342
00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:04,040
...ecary. ..ecary. Apothecary. Apothgagary.
343
00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:07,320
Which is it? Which is it?
344
00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:09,480
It's all one thing - R&B.
345
00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:11,280
Like S&M.
346
00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:12,840
What's S&M?
Ah, well...
347
00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:15,360
More electronic, I think.
A lot of fun, a bit naughty.
348
00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:17,440
Is it a firm no to country?
I think it should be
349
00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:19,160
pop music.
Country is pop.
350
00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:21,800
Hey. Hey!
351
00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:24,480
Order! Orderrrr!
352
00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:26,480
Thank goodness.
353
00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:28,480
I don't think I had
a grenade-launcher in me.
354
00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:30,120
All this
petty squabbling.
355
00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:32,040
God knows
how they pulled off Band Aid.
356
00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:34,400
Ah, now, there's only one way
to pull off a Band-Aid -
357
00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:37,240
smooth, quick motion
against the grain of the hairs.
358
00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:41,040
No, no, Band Aid.
Christmas '84.
359
00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:43,360
Or were you already, er...?
360
00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:47,000
I was dead. Yes, I had passed.
361
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:48,800
Blimey.
You really did go too soon.
362
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:52,080
No, Band Aid
was a charity single,
363
00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:55,000
featuring all the top pop acts
of the day.
364
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:56,640
Like S Club.
365
00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:59,280
Er, more like Culture Club.
Yeah. Was number one for ages.
366
00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:01,600
What, and they all
just mucked in?
367
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:02,720
Like, sung it together?
368
00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:05,440
Yeah. They all kind of did
a little bit each, you know.
369
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,280
Have you tried
a cheese and onion one
370
00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:17,560
with a roast beef one?
371
00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:19,040
Tastes like a pasty.
372
00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:22,040
I think I've tried
all the combinations now.
373
00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:25,600
Any luck with the bath?
Nearly there.
374
00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:27,840
Water pressure is a joke.
It doesn't matter.
375
00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:29,360
It doesn't need to be deep.
376
00:17:29,360 --> 00:17:32,080
I'll just sink anyway.
I'm mostly potato now.
377
00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:36,240
Mm, delicious. In that case,
your bath is drawn, m'lady.
378
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:41,120
Oh, wow. You know those are for
sharing, right?
379
00:17:41,120 --> 00:17:42,680
Too late.
380
00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:46,680
It's not quite a day spa, but...
381
00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:48,240
No, it's perfect.
382
00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:49,720
You're the best.
383
00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:51,320
I am the best.
384
00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:54,520
Right, get in. We've got 34 minutes
if you want to make the cinema.
385
00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:55,960
Go, go, go.
386
00:17:57,720 --> 00:17:59,680
Oooh...
387
00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:04,200
Oh. Wine. Er, one sec.
388
00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:12,720
Yeah, and Robin,
Captain and then Kitty to end.
389
00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:14,880
Should I not...?
Kitty to end.
390
00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:17,480
OK, here we go.
391
00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:22,200
A-one. A-two.
A-one, two, three...
392
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:32,560
OK. A-one, a-two.
A-one, two, thr...
393
00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:39,400
In a-one...
394
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:41,120
Got it.
395
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:46,160
Now, I know today hasn't been
entirely plain sailing so far,
396
00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:47,880
but I am about
to turn it around.
397
00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:51,160
Because, tonight,
we are dining
398
00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:52,280
at the French place.
399
00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:54,000
Mm-hm!
Mm!
400
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:55,240
Ooh la la!
Ooh la...
401
00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:56,640
Let me just give them a call
402
00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:58,120
and check that they've got
a table.
403
00:18:58,120 --> 00:19:00,160
Actually,
I should've done that first.
404
00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:01,520
Er...
405
00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:02,800
Bonjour.
406
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:05,640
Er, I am just wondering
if you have a table tonight
407
00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:07,160
for two, around eight-ish?
408
00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:10,080
You can squeeze us in?
409
00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:11,120
Yes!
Wonderful.
410
00:19:11,120 --> 00:19:12,680
Merci. Yes, the name is, erm...
411
00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:14,720
Argh! Phone. No.
412
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:16,680
Oh!
Wine! Waah!
413
00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:19,200
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
414
00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:23,520
Fine. You shower off,
I'll call 'em back.
415
00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:25,520
Oh, it's in my hair!
Where's your phone?
416
00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:27,080
Oh, it's on the be...
417
00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:28,280
Oh! Oh!
What now?
418
00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:29,640
No more hot!
419
00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:32,640
Argh!
420
00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:34,720
Oh, hello? Yes, we were
just on the phone...
421
00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:37,520
No, no, no, that's just my wife screaming.
422
00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:39,680
I was just talking to you
earlier about a table
423
00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:42,480
when we got... You're kidding me!
It was like one minute ago.
424
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:45,080
Fine, but you're telling
my wife.
425
00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:47,920
Hello? Hello?
426
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:49,360
Table's gone.
427
00:19:49,360 --> 00:19:51,120
Yeah?
Yeah.
428
00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:04,600
You have to listen
to what I am doing.
429
00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:07,400
I mean, come on.
430
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:09,240
One is reminded
of Battersea Dogs Home.
431
00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:12,400
Really? Was there a fire?
432
00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:20,440
Perfick.
433
00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:23,200
Hardly!
You were nowhere near my note.
434
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:25,200
Yeah. I think maybe
piano need tuning.
435
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:28,520
Yeah, so, you know,
we might need to tweak the end.
436
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:31,320
But, overall, I think
that went pretty well.
437
00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:32,360
You know? I mean,
438
00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:34,240
some parts were better
than others.
439
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:37,360
But with a bit of polish,
440
00:20:37,360 --> 00:20:40,280
well, it would be a cold heart
not to be won over
441
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:41,480
by the sentiment.
442
00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:43,320
Well, it did nothing for me.
443
00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:46,360
Right, then,
once more from the top?
444
00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:52,880
We're probably going to have
to burn the towels, but, erm...
445
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:54,200
No, no, no, no.
446
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:56,800
What?
No cleaning. Day off.
447
00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:59,120
Well, we missed the cinema,
so I thought...
448
00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:02,040
No. This is the cinema.
Your own private cinema.
449
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:04,520
The AlisOdeon.
450
00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:05,960
The AlisCineworld?
451
00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:08,720
Oh, yeah. The Alis...
452
00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:10,680
No, there's no more.
All right. Come on,
453
00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:13,240
the feature presentation
is about to begin.
454
00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:15,400
Hooray. OK.
455
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:17,200
What is it?
456
00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:19,200
I think I found
the perfect chill-out movie.
457
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:20,520
It's only 90 minutes long
458
00:21:20,520 --> 00:21:22,520
and it could not sound
more relaxing.
459
00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:23,960
A Quiet Place.
460
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:25,360
Ooh.
461
00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:35,160
Well, that is
the most traumatic thing
462
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:36,280
I will see today.
463
00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:38,160
Alison,
we've written you a song!
464
00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:39,280
Here we go.
465
00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:41,280
I may have spoken too soon.
466
00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:42,400
What?
467
00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:44,640
Oh, front row!
468
00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:46,920
Right.
469
00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:52,080
No, no...
470
00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:54,640
What are they doing?
471
00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:57,280
Er, I'm looking at it,
and I don't know.
472
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:54,440
RAPS # Oh, my heart doth pine
for that face divine
473
00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:07,920
This is not in the tone
of the piece.
474
00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:09,520
Skip to the end.
475
00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:15,000
Now, Kitty!
I can't.
476
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:16,760
Oh!
477
00:23:20,480 --> 00:23:22,000
Apothecary.
478
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:23,040
Apologies.
479
00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:24,600
Oh, you know, what he say.
480
00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:27,200
At the end of the day,
you know, sorry.
481
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:30,800
That felt weird.
You have no idea.
482
00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:33,600
Yeah, well, it was a little
rough around the edges.
483
00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:36,280
And further apologies
for the middle eight...
484
00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:37,400
Yeah. She liked it!
485
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:39,840
But, you know,
you get the idea.
486
00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:42,000
We really are very sorry, Alison.
487
00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:45,320
Sorry for what?
488
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:48,840
Well, for, er,
what happened, erm...
489
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:50,720
...earlier.
490
00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:53,240
What did happen earlier?
491
00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:55,520
Why... Why was I upset?
492
00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:02,040
No, no, no!
493
00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:06,760
It's no one thing,
or one person.
494
00:24:08,360 --> 00:24:10,480
And it's not just today.
495
00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:13,560
It's that, every day,
we are breaking our backs
496
00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:15,320
to make this guest-house work,
497
00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:18,400
and I'm already waiting
on eight people.
498
00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:20,160
Nine. Every day,
499
00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:21,320
it's "Turn that page,"
500
00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:22,840
"Oh, it's time
for my programme,"
501
00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:24,920
or, "Google this horse,"
502
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:28,480
and without even a word
of thanks.
503
00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:30,400
No, I don't want an apology.
504
00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:35,160
And I don't want
some big song and dance.
505
00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:38,440
I just want, like,
a little bit of thought
506
00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:40,440
and a little bit of help.
507
00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:43,160
Yes, of course you can't help,
508
00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:45,520
but do you really
have to not help
509
00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:48,680
24 hours a day?
510
00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:02,080
I think that might be
511
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:04,320
the second most
we've ever been told off.
512
00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:05,360
Yeah.
513
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:09,200
I think you guys
should probably go.
514
00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:15,320
OK. I'm going to go out
on a limb here and say
515
00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:20,280
it's possible that you're still
a little bit stressed. Hmm?
516
00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:21,640
Sorry.
517
00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:23,400
I know you really tried.
518
00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:25,000
Not hard enough, though.
519
00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:26,240
What?
520
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:28,040
You did everything. I...
521
00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:31,000
Give me the list.
522
00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:43,360
That's what I want to do today.
523
00:25:44,360 --> 00:25:47,360
We can squeeze that in.
Yeah? Yeah.
524
00:25:54,120 --> 00:25:56,200
Best bit of the day.
525
00:25:58,080 --> 00:25:59,840
Mmm.
526
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:11,560
Oh.
527
00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:13,320
Someone's posted a new review.
528
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:14,880
Any good?
529
00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:18,440
Yeah. Amazing.
530
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:23,640
But we don't have any guests.
531
00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:25,080
Better?
532
00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:27,720
Still a bit crampy
around the knuckle.
533
00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:29,360
I've been on it ten minutes. Hey.
534
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:33,240
You?
535
00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:34,560
Ah.
536
00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:35,920
Just the typing.
537
00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:38,600
We all composed a bit.
538
00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:40,120
And helped to edit Thomas's.
539
00:26:40,120 --> 00:26:43,040
But she is a radiant beauty.
Is off topic!
540
00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:45,360
That is really,
really lovely, guys.
541
00:26:45,360 --> 00:26:48,840
But you have to delete it.
It's like cheating or...
542
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:50,360
Nonsense.
543
00:26:50,360 --> 00:26:52,920
We are guests in your house
every day.
544
00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:56,600
And you are
the most incredible hosts.
545
00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:59,240
Yes. Every word's the truth.
546
00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:01,720
"We never wanted to leave."
547
00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:03,880
Bit of luck, eh?
548
00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:08,800
Thanks, guys.
549
00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:10,560
Friends?
550
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:12,840
Friends.
551
00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:14,240
Aw!
552
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:22,120
You see?
We're closer... together.
553
00:27:22,120 --> 00:27:24,440
Yeah. It sounds better
now that you...
554
00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:25,800
What?!
555
00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:28,160
But they be in the wrongs,
Al'son.
556
00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:30,720
Where be the punishment?
Where be the trial?
557
00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:32,680
Oh, no. Oh, no, Mary, we've...
558
00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:34,080
We've made up.
559
00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:35,840
Made up?
560
00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:37,320
But... But I was...
561
00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:39,840
Have you forgottens?
562
00:27:39,840 --> 00:27:43,000
Now, you listen to me,
Alison Coopers!
563
00:27:47,120 --> 00:27:49,840
I think that might be the most
I've ever been told off.
37258
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