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00:00:48,430 --> 00:00:51,165
In the bleak days
of 1983,
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00:00:51,265 --> 00:00:55,442
as England languished in the doldrums
of a ruinous monetarist policy,
3
00:00:55,938 --> 00:00:59,992
the good, loyal men of the
Permanent Assurance Company,
4
00:01:00,092 --> 00:01:04,044
a once-proud family firm
recently fallen on hard times,
5
00:01:04,144 --> 00:01:09,885
strained under the yoke of their
oppressive new corporate management.
6
00:01:09,985 --> 00:01:11,920
Terrible.
Really terrible.
7
00:01:31,740 --> 00:01:32,740
Row!
8
00:01:59,936 --> 00:02:02,772
That's it, Evans.
You're fired.
9
00:02:02,872 --> 00:02:04,682
You heard me. Out.
10
00:02:05,742 --> 00:02:09,246
Did you hear that?
He's been sacked.
11
00:02:09,579 --> 00:02:10,979
Sacked?
12
00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:17,553
Sacked? Come on, boys.
Let's get at 'em.
13
00:02:20,290 --> 00:02:21,290
Hey!
14
00:02:23,493 --> 00:02:26,337
Come on! Come on!
15
00:03:19,984 --> 00:03:22,760
Let me out of here!
16
00:03:23,554 --> 00:03:26,432
I demand
to see my lawyer!
17
00:03:35,165 --> 00:03:37,076
Tooley! Come on.
18
00:04:03,127 --> 00:04:05,828
Quiet! Silence!
19
00:04:05,928 --> 00:04:08,030
Now, lads, let's move.
20
00:04:08,130 --> 00:04:11,702
You, you and you,
break open the weapons.
21
00:04:11,802 --> 00:04:15,662
You, you and you,
into the rigging.
22
00:04:15,762 --> 00:04:19,621
And you, put the kettle on.
Aye, sir.
23
00:04:37,562 --> 00:04:40,406
There, there, Charles.
24
00:05:08,693 --> 00:05:09,893
Sorry!
25
00:05:10,660 --> 00:05:13,040
Come on, Tooley.
This way!
26
00:05:37,623 --> 00:05:41,023
Weigh the anchor!
27
00:05:43,095 --> 00:05:44,596
Weigh the anchor.
28
00:06:49,729 --> 00:06:53,031
And so, The Crimson Permanent Assurance
29
00:06:53,131 --> 00:06:57,638
was launched upon the high
seas of international finance.
30
00:07:15,322 --> 00:07:18,769
Come on, boy.
Watch it. Route. Route!
31
00:07:19,926 --> 00:07:23,096
Cup of tea, dear?
Hey, Captain!
32
00:07:23,196 --> 00:07:26,200
Look! To starboard!
33
00:07:29,536 --> 00:07:33,974
There it lay,
the prize they sought.
34
00:07:34,074 --> 00:07:36,275
Hard to starboard!
35
00:07:36,375 --> 00:07:41,315
A financial district swollen with
multinationals, conglomerates,
36
00:07:41,415 --> 00:07:45,058
and fat, bloated
merchant banks.
37
00:07:47,421 --> 00:07:51,096
All right, lads,
battle stations!
38
00:07:52,159 --> 00:07:55,469
Come on! Move it! Move it! Move it!
39
00:08:19,387 --> 00:08:22,493
All right, then. That's
enough. Take cover.
40
00:08:23,658 --> 00:08:25,865
Down, down! Get down!
41
00:08:44,211 --> 00:08:46,247
Down, down.
42
00:09:23,552 --> 00:09:25,463
Hard to starboard!
43
00:09:48,443 --> 00:09:49,443
Fire!
44
00:10:59,482 --> 00:11:02,053
Eric! My balance sheets!
45
00:11:04,187 --> 00:11:06,394
Ross! Get the readouts!
46
00:11:13,497 --> 00:11:16,232
Stop him!
Eric!
47
00:11:16,332 --> 00:11:18,803
Thanks!
Charge!
48
00:11:39,823 --> 00:11:42,166
Come on! Grab it!
49
00:12:09,119 --> 00:12:11,155
No, no! Let me! Let me!
Okay, Kane.
50
00:12:18,095 --> 00:12:19,630
Cudgelled!
51
00:12:27,105 --> 00:12:28,505
Gotcha!
52
00:12:29,941 --> 00:12:31,943
You bastard!
53
00:13:06,110 --> 00:13:08,055
Take this.
54
00:13:13,251 --> 00:13:15,287
Here. File this.
55
00:13:26,998 --> 00:13:27,998
Shit!
56
00:13:37,142 --> 00:13:41,112
And so, heartened
by their initial success,
57
00:13:41,212 --> 00:13:46,619
the desperate and reasonably violent
men of The Permanent Assurance
58
00:13:46,719 --> 00:13:49,962
battled on until,
59
00:13:51,557 --> 00:13:54,697
as the sun set
slowly in the west,
60
00:13:55,327 --> 00:13:58,898
the outstanding returns on
their bold business venture
61
00:13:58,998 --> 00:14:01,032
became apparent.
62
00:14:01,132 --> 00:14:03,970
Once-proud financial giants
63
00:14:04,070 --> 00:14:06,449
lay in ruins,
64
00:14:07,606 --> 00:14:10,484
their assets stripped,
65
00:14:11,443 --> 00:14:14,856
their policies in tatters.
66
00:14:27,693 --> 00:14:31,128
Full speed ahead,
Mr. Cohen!
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00:14:31,228 --> 00:14:34,600
Up, up, up your premium
Up, up, up your premium
68
00:14:34,700 --> 00:14:38,321
Scribble away
And balance the books
69
00:14:38,421 --> 00:14:42,101
Scribble away
But balance the books
70
00:14:42,201 --> 00:14:46,209
It's fun to charter
an accountant
71
00:14:46,309 --> 00:14:50,248
And sail the wide
accountancy
72
00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:53,721
To find,
explore the funds offshore
73
00:14:53,821 --> 00:14:57,193
And skirt the shoals
of bankruptcy
74
00:14:58,324 --> 00:15:02,060
It can be manly in insurance
75
00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:06,131
We'll up your premium
semiannually
76
00:15:06,231 --> 00:15:10,370
It's all tax-deductible
We're fairly incorruptible
77
00:15:10,470 --> 00:15:13,739
Sailing on
the wide accountancy
78
00:15:13,839 --> 00:15:17,411
Sail away...
And so, they sailed off
79
00:15:17,511 --> 00:15:20,178
into the ledgers of history,
80
00:15:20,278 --> 00:15:22,881
one by one, the financial
capitals of the world
81
00:15:22,981 --> 00:15:25,520
crumbling under the might
of their business acumen.
82
00:15:26,653 --> 00:15:28,220
Or so it would have been,
83
00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:31,758
if certain modern theories
concerning the shape of the world
84
00:15:31,958 --> 00:15:36,236
had not proved
to be disastrously wrong.
85
00:17:05,687 --> 00:17:09,087
Morning.
Morning.
86
00:17:15,530 --> 00:17:17,130
Morning.
87
00:17:19,968 --> 00:17:23,368
Morning.
Morning.
88
00:17:24,873 --> 00:17:27,216
What's new?
Not much.
89
00:17:32,514 --> 00:17:34,583
Morning!
Good morning! Morning!
90
00:17:34,683 --> 00:17:36,288
Morning!
Morning!
91
00:17:37,886 --> 00:17:41,026
Frank was just asking
what's new. Was he?
92
00:17:41,423 --> 00:17:42,423
Yes.
93
00:17:45,627 --> 00:17:46,994
Hey, look.
94
00:17:47,094 --> 00:17:50,099
Howard's being eaten.
Is he?
95
00:17:57,606 --> 00:17:59,807
Makes you think, doesn't it? H mm.
96
00:17:59,907 --> 00:18:03,982
I mean, what's it all about?
Beats me.
97
00:18:05,814 --> 00:18:08,416
Why are we here
98
00:18:08,516 --> 00:18:10,736
What's life all about
99
00:18:10,836 --> 00:18:12,987
Is God really real
100
00:18:13,087 --> 00:18:15,159
Or is there some doubt
101
00:18:16,893 --> 00:18:21,664
Well, tonight
we're going to sort it all out
102
00:18:21,764 --> 00:18:25,110
For tonight
it's The Meaning of Life
103
00:18:27,270 --> 00:18:30,974
What's the point
of all this hoax
104
00:18:31,074 --> 00:18:34,711
Is it the chicken
and the egg time
105
00:18:34,811 --> 00:18:37,383
Are we just yolks
106
00:18:37,513 --> 00:18:42,752
Or perhaps we're just one
of God's little jokes
107
00:18:42,852 --> 00:18:47,461
Well, ça, c'est
le meaning of life
108
00:18:48,157 --> 00:18:50,625
Is life just a game
109
00:18:50,725 --> 00:18:53,261
Where we make up the rules
110
00:18:53,361 --> 00:18:58,244
While we're searching
for something to say
111
00:18:58,701 --> 00:19:04,007
Or are we just
simply spiralling coils
112
00:19:04,107 --> 00:19:07,475
Of self-replicating DNA
113
00:19:07,575 --> 00:19:09,379
Nay, nay, nay, nay, nay, nay
Nay, nay, nay, nay
114
00:19:09,479 --> 00:19:13,155
What is life
What is our fate
115
00:19:14,317 --> 00:19:16,764
Is there heaven and hell
116
00:19:17,054 --> 00:19:19,989
Do we reincarnate
117
00:19:20,089 --> 00:19:24,894
Is mankind evolving
or is it too late
118
00:19:24,994 --> 00:19:28,565
Well, tonight
here's The Meaning of Life
119
00:19:29,733 --> 00:19:31,371
For millions
120
00:19:31,902 --> 00:19:35,371
This life
is a sad vale of tears
121
00:19:35,471 --> 00:19:39,717
Sitting round
with really nothing to say
122
00:19:40,744 --> 00:19:43,178
While scientists say
123
00:19:43,278 --> 00:19:46,650
We're just
simply spiralling coils
124
00:19:46,750 --> 00:19:49,685
Of self-replicating DNA
125
00:19:49,785 --> 00:19:51,422
Nay, nay, nay, nay, nay, nay
Nay, nay, nay, nay
126
00:19:51,522 --> 00:19:54,925
So just why
Why are we here
127
00:19:56,293 --> 00:19:57,559
And just what
128
00:19:57,659 --> 00:20:00,266
What, what, what do we fear
129
00:20:01,865 --> 00:20:04,384
Well, ce soir for a change
130
00:20:04,484 --> 00:20:06,902
It will all be made clear
131
00:20:07,002 --> 00:20:11,075
For this is
The Meaning of Life
132
00:20:11,175 --> 00:20:13,362
C'est le sens de la vie
133
00:20:13,462 --> 00:20:15,647
This is The Meaning of Life
134
00:20:17,781 --> 00:20:21,353
Part one.
The miracle of birth.
135
00:20:50,281 --> 00:20:52,315
One thousand and eight!
136
00:20:52,415 --> 00:20:54,085
Mrs. Moore's contractions
are more frequent, Doctor.
137
00:20:54,185 --> 00:20:55,987
Good. Take her into
the fetus frightening room.
138
00:20:56,087 --> 00:20:57,089
Right.
139
00:21:05,263 --> 00:21:06,571
Jolly good.
140
00:21:06,731 --> 00:21:10,620
It's a bit bare in here today, isn't it?
141
00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:14,575
Yes. Yes. More
apparatus, please, Nurse.
142
00:21:14,806 --> 00:21:18,710
The EEG, the BP monitor and
the AVV. Certainly, Doctor.
143
00:21:18,810 --> 00:21:21,111
And get the machine
that goes 'ping.'
144
00:21:21,211 --> 00:21:23,955
And get the most expensive machines
in case the administrator comes.
145
00:21:33,324 --> 00:21:36,095
That's it. Bring it in. Bring
it right here. Behind me.
146
00:21:36,195 --> 00:21:39,130
Lovely, lovely.
Jolly good. That's better.
147
00:21:39,230 --> 00:21:43,111
That's much, much better.
Yes, that's more like it.
148
00:21:44,436 --> 00:21:47,306
Still something
missing, though.
149
00:21:47,406 --> 00:21:49,546
Hmm?
Hmm.
150
00:21:52,411 --> 00:21:53,778
Patient.
Patient, yes.
151
00:21:53,878 --> 00:21:56,215
Where's the patient? Patient!
Anyone seen the patient?
152
00:21:57,483 --> 00:21:59,963
Here she is.
Bring it over here.
153
00:22:00,652 --> 00:22:02,555
Mind the machines!
Sorry, Doctor.
154
00:22:02,655 --> 00:22:03,921
Come along!
155
00:22:04,021 --> 00:22:05,322
Come along.
Jump on it.
156
00:22:05,422 --> 00:22:08,844
Hello. Now don't you worry.
We'll soon have you cured.
157
00:22:08,944 --> 00:22:12,331
Leave it all to us. You'll
never know what hit you.
158
00:22:12,431 --> 00:22:14,017
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
159
00:22:14,117 --> 00:22:15,633
Drips up.
Injections.
160
00:22:15,733 --> 00:22:17,169
Can I put the tube
in the baby's head?
161
00:22:17,269 --> 00:22:18,504
Only if I can
do the episiotomy.
162
00:22:18,604 --> 00:22:19,638
Okay.
Thank you.
163
00:22:19,738 --> 00:22:20,738
Legs up.
164
00:22:21,273 --> 00:22:24,610
Oh, come in. Come on in, all
of you. That's it. Jolly good.
165
00:22:24,710 --> 00:22:27,279
Come on. Come along. Spread round there.
166
00:22:27,379 --> 00:22:29,280
Who are you?
I'm the husband.
167
00:22:29,380 --> 00:22:33,557
I'm sorry. Only people
involved are allowed in here.
168
00:22:34,019 --> 00:22:36,387
What do I do?
Yes?
169
00:22:36,487 --> 00:22:40,559
What do I do? Nothing,
dear. You're not qualified.
170
00:22:40,659 --> 00:22:43,163
Leave it to us.
What's that for?
171
00:22:43,263 --> 00:22:45,765
That's the machine
that goes 'ping.'
172
00:22:47,033 --> 00:22:50,902
You see? That means
your baby is still alive.
173
00:22:51,002 --> 00:22:54,441
And that's the most expensive
machine in the whole hospital.
174
00:22:54,541 --> 00:22:57,043
Yes, it cost over three-quarters
of a million pounds.
175
00:22:57,143 --> 00:22:59,249
Aren't you lucky?
176
00:22:59,779 --> 00:23:01,948
The administrator
is here, Doctor.
177
00:23:02,048 --> 00:23:03,289
Switch everything on.
178
00:23:03,950 --> 00:23:05,224
Morning, gentlemen.
179
00:23:05,752 --> 00:23:07,719
Morning. Morning, gentlemen.
Morning.
180
00:23:07,819 --> 00:23:09,589
Morning, Mr. Pycroft.
Mr. Pycroft.
181
00:23:09,689 --> 00:23:11,389
Oh, very impressive,
very impressive.
182
00:23:11,489 --> 00:23:14,699
And what are you doing
this morning? It's a birth.
183
00:23:14,894 --> 00:23:16,896
And what sort of thing
is that?
184
00:23:17,163 --> 00:23:20,755
Well, that's when we take a
new baby out of a lady's tummy.
185
00:23:20,855 --> 00:23:24,413
Wonderful what we
can do nowadays.
186
00:23:24,971 --> 00:23:28,680
I see you have the machine that
goes 'ping. ' This is my favorite.
187
00:23:29,075 --> 00:23:31,643
You see, we lease this back
from the company we sold it to,
188
00:23:31,743 --> 00:23:36,284
and that way, it comes under the monthly
current budget and not the capital account.
189
00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:44,290
Thank you, thank you. We try to
do our best. Well, do carry on.
190
00:23:45,325 --> 00:23:48,061
Oh, the vulva's dilating,
Doctor. Oh, yes, there's the head.
191
00:23:48,161 --> 00:23:51,298
Yes, four centimeters,
five, six centimeters.
192
00:23:51,398 --> 00:23:53,334
Lights!
Amplify the ping machine.
193
00:23:53,434 --> 00:23:54,934
Masks up!
Suction!
194
00:23:55,034 --> 00:23:57,305
Eyes down
for a full house!
195
00:23:57,405 --> 00:23:59,249
Here it comes.
196
00:24:01,041 --> 00:24:03,576
And frighten it.
197
00:24:03,676 --> 00:24:07,182
Thank you.
And the rough towels!
198
00:24:08,582 --> 00:24:11,001
Show it to the mother.
That's enough.
199
00:24:11,101 --> 00:24:13,419
Right. Sedate her.
N umber the child.
200
00:24:13,519 --> 00:24:16,126
Measure it, blood-type
it and isolate it.
201
00:24:16,890 --> 00:24:18,525
Okay, show's over.
202
00:24:19,893 --> 00:24:21,928
Is it a boy or a girl?
203
00:24:22,028 --> 00:24:25,366
I think it's a little early to start
imposing roles on it, don't you?
204
00:24:25,466 --> 00:24:28,734
Now, a word of advice. You may
find that you suffer for some time,
205
00:24:28,834 --> 00:24:33,250
a totally irrational feeling of
depression, PND, as we doctors call it.
206
00:24:33,374 --> 00:24:35,575
So, it's lots of
happy pills for you,
207
00:24:35,675 --> 00:24:38,145
and you can find out all about
the birth when you get home.
208
00:24:38,245 --> 00:24:41,921
It's available on BetaMax,
VHS and Super 8.
209
00:24:46,887 --> 00:24:51,358
The miracle of birth,
part two. The third world.
210
00:25:04,606 --> 00:25:06,710
Oh, bloody hell.
211
00:25:15,083 --> 00:25:18,530
Oh, get it, would you,
Deidre? All right, Mum.
212
00:25:28,129 --> 00:25:31,500
Now whose teatime is it?
Mine!
213
00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:33,233
Come on.
Out you go.
214
00:25:33,333 --> 00:25:36,103
Now, Vincent, Tessa,
Valerie, Janine,
215
00:25:36,203 --> 00:25:39,506
Martha, Andrew, Thomas,
Walter, Pat, Linda,
216
00:25:39,606 --> 00:25:42,644
Michael, Evadne, Alice, Dominique
and Sasha, it's your bedtime.
217
00:25:43,778 --> 00:25:45,879
Now don't argue!
218
00:25:45,979 --> 00:25:49,484
Laura, Alfred, Nigel,
Annie, Simon, Amanda...
219
00:25:49,584 --> 00:25:53,088
Wait. I've got something
to tell the whole family.
220
00:25:53,321 --> 00:25:56,461
Oh, quick. Go and get
the others in, Gordon.
221
00:25:58,026 --> 00:26:01,029
The mill's closed.
There's no more work.
222
00:26:01,296 --> 00:26:04,496
We're destitute.
223
00:26:04,765 --> 00:26:08,136
Come in, my little loves. I've
got no option but to sell you all
224
00:26:08,236 --> 00:26:09,807
for scientific experiments.
225
00:26:12,208 --> 00:26:14,779
No, no, that's the way it is,
my loves.
226
00:26:14,910 --> 00:26:16,110
Blame the Catholic Church
227
00:26:16,210 --> 00:26:18,664
for not letting me wear one
of those little rubber things.
228
00:26:18,764 --> 00:26:21,149
Oh, they've done some
wonderful things in their time.
229
00:26:21,249 --> 00:26:25,062
They've preserved the might and majesty,
even mystery of the Church of Rome,
230
00:26:25,521 --> 00:26:30,126
and the sanctity of the sacrament,
the indivisible oneness of the Trinity,
231
00:26:30,226 --> 00:26:32,328
but if they'd let me wear one
of those little rubber things
232
00:26:32,428 --> 00:26:33,928
on the end of my cock,
233
00:26:34,028 --> 00:26:36,431
we wouldn't be in the mess
we are now.
234
00:26:36,531 --> 00:26:40,570
Couldn't Mummy have worn
some sort of pessary?
235
00:26:40,670 --> 00:26:41,836
Not if we're going
to remain members
236
00:26:41,936 --> 00:26:44,213
of the fastest-growing
religion in the world, my boy.
237
00:26:45,174 --> 00:26:48,945
He's right.
You see, we believe...
238
00:26:49,045 --> 00:26:50,957
Well, let me put it like this.
239
00:26:51,147 --> 00:26:53,616
There are Jews in the world
240
00:26:53,716 --> 00:26:55,594
There are Buddhists
241
00:26:55,718 --> 00:27:00,166
There are Hindus
and Mormons and then
242
00:27:00,523 --> 00:27:04,861
There are those
that follow Mohammed
243
00:27:04,961 --> 00:27:09,266
But I've never been
one of them
244
00:27:11,567 --> 00:27:14,369
I'm a Roman Catholic
245
00:27:14,469 --> 00:27:17,905
And have been since
before I was born
246
00:27:18,005 --> 00:27:21,695
And the one thing
they say about Catholics
247
00:27:21,795 --> 00:27:25,449
Is they'll take you
as soon as you're warm
248
00:27:25,549 --> 00:27:28,984
You don't have
to be a six-footer
249
00:27:29,084 --> 00:27:32,556
You don't have to
have a great brain
250
00:27:32,889 --> 00:27:36,546
You don't have to
have any clothes on
251
00:27:36,646 --> 00:27:40,270
You're a Catholic
the moment Dad came
252
00:27:40,931 --> 00:27:43,731
Because
253
00:27:43,932 --> 00:27:49,035
Every sperm is sacred
254
00:27:49,135 --> 00:27:53,566
Every sperm is great
255
00:27:53,666 --> 00:27:57,060
If a sperm is wasted
256
00:27:57,160 --> 00:28:01,026
God gets quite irate
257
00:28:02,419 --> 00:28:06,492
Every sperm is sacred
258
00:28:06,592 --> 00:28:11,326
Every sperm is great
259
00:28:11,426 --> 00:28:15,681
If a sperm is wasted
260
00:28:15,781 --> 00:28:20,319
God gets quite irate
261
00:28:20,419 --> 00:28:24,041
Let the heathens spill theirs
262
00:28:24,141 --> 00:28:28,876
On the dusty ground
263
00:28:28,976 --> 00:28:31,619
God shall make them pay
264
00:28:31,949 --> 00:28:36,888
For each sperm
that can't be found
265
00:28:36,988 --> 00:28:41,932
Every sperm is wanted
266
00:28:42,032 --> 00:28:46,086
Every sperm is good
267
00:28:46,186 --> 00:28:50,623
Every sperm is needed
268
00:28:50,723 --> 00:28:53,852
In your neighborhood
269
00:28:53,952 --> 00:28:57,752
Hindu, Taoist, Mormon
270
00:28:58,142 --> 00:29:01,544
Spill theirs just anywhere
271
00:29:01,644 --> 00:29:05,754
But God loves those who treat
272
00:29:05,854 --> 00:29:09,963
Their semen with more care
273
00:29:10,354 --> 00:29:14,045
Every sperm is sacred
274
00:29:14,145 --> 00:29:17,802
Every sperm is great
275
00:29:18,162 --> 00:29:21,983
If a sperm is wasted
276
00:29:22,083 --> 00:29:25,901
God gets quite irate
277
00:29:26,001 --> 00:29:29,818
Every sperm is sacred
278
00:29:30,207 --> 00:29:33,811
Every sperm is good
Every sperm is good
279
00:29:33,911 --> 00:29:37,484
Every sperm is needed
280
00:29:37,782 --> 00:29:41,522
In your neighborhood
281
00:29:41,622 --> 00:29:45,327
Every sperm is useful
282
00:29:45,524 --> 00:29:49,260
Every sperm is fine
283
00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:52,934
God needs everybody's
284
00:29:53,365 --> 00:29:54,937
Mine
And mine
285
00:29:55,037 --> 00:29:56,576
And mine
286
00:30:11,984 --> 00:30:15,586
Let the pagans spill theirs
287
00:30:15,686 --> 00:30:19,158
O'er mountain, hill and plain
288
00:30:19,258 --> 00:30:22,660
God shall strike them down
289
00:30:22,760 --> 00:30:27,006
For each sperm
that's spilt in vain
290
00:30:27,399 --> 00:30:31,236
Every sperm is sacred
291
00:30:31,336 --> 00:30:35,072
Every sperm is good
292
00:30:35,172 --> 00:30:38,794
Every sperm is needed
293
00:30:38,894 --> 00:30:42,475
In your neighborhood
294
00:30:42,575 --> 00:30:46,154
Every sperm is sacred
295
00:30:46,284 --> 00:30:49,940
Every sperm is great
296
00:30:50,040 --> 00:30:53,661
If a sperm is wasted
297
00:30:54,060 --> 00:30:56,527
God gets
298
00:30:56,627 --> 00:30:59,694
Quite irate
299
00:31:07,306 --> 00:31:09,559
So you see my problem,
little ones.
300
00:31:09,659 --> 00:31:11,845
I can't keep you all here
any longer.
301
00:31:11,945 --> 00:31:13,745
Speak up!
302
00:31:13,845 --> 00:31:16,486
I can't keep you all here
any longer!
303
00:31:16,949 --> 00:31:21,187
God has blessed us so much I
can't afford to feed you anymore.
304
00:31:21,287 --> 00:31:23,063
Couldn't you have
your balls cut off?
305
00:31:24,257 --> 00:31:27,694
It's not as simple as
that, Nigel. God knows all.
306
00:31:27,794 --> 00:31:30,330
He'd see through
such a cheap trick.
307
00:31:30,430 --> 00:31:32,897
What we do to ourselves,
we do to Him.
308
00:31:32,997 --> 00:31:35,368
You could have had them
pulled off in an accident.
309
00:31:37,503 --> 00:31:39,572
No. Children, I know
you're trying to help,
310
00:31:39,672 --> 00:31:41,840
but believe me,
me mind's made up.
311
00:31:41,940 --> 00:31:44,888
I've given this long
and careful thought,
312
00:31:45,244 --> 00:31:47,780
and it has to be medical
experiments for the lot of you.
313
00:31:51,217 --> 00:31:54,425
Every sperm is sacred
314
00:31:55,588 --> 00:32:00,988
Every sperm is great
315
00:32:01,729 --> 00:32:04,999
Look at them. Bloody Catholics.
Filling the bloody world up
316
00:32:05,099 --> 00:32:08,601
with bloody people they
can't afford to bloody feed.
317
00:32:08,701 --> 00:32:13,207
What are we, dear? Protestant,
and fiercely proud of it.
318
00:32:13,307 --> 00:32:15,975
Well, why do they have
so many children?
319
00:32:16,075 --> 00:32:20,081
Because every time they have sexual
intercourse, they have to have a baby.
320
00:32:20,181 --> 00:32:23,317
But it's the same with us,
Harry. What do you mean?
321
00:32:23,417 --> 00:32:25,557
Well, I mean
we've got two children,
322
00:32:25,719 --> 00:32:28,187
and we've had
sexual intercourse twice.
323
00:32:28,287 --> 00:32:31,592
That's not the point. We could
have it any time we wanted.
324
00:32:31,692 --> 00:32:33,726
Really?
Oh, yes. And what's more,
325
00:32:33,826 --> 00:32:36,230
because we don't believe
in all that Papist claptrap,
326
00:32:36,330 --> 00:32:38,264
we can take precautions.
327
00:32:38,364 --> 00:32:40,232
What, you mean
lock the door?
328
00:32:40,332 --> 00:32:44,705
No, no. I mean because we are members
of the Protestant Reformed Church,
329
00:32:44,805 --> 00:32:46,674
which successfully challenged
the autocratic power
330
00:32:46,774 --> 00:32:48,808
of the Papacy
in the mid-sixteenth century,
331
00:32:48,908 --> 00:32:51,879
we can wear little rubber
devices to prevent issue.
332
00:32:51,979 --> 00:32:52,978
What do you mean?
333
00:32:53,078 --> 00:32:55,950
I could, if I wanted, have
sexual intercourse with you.
334
00:32:56,050 --> 00:32:57,216
Oh, yes, Harry.
335
00:32:57,316 --> 00:32:59,821
And by wearing a rubber sheath
over my old fellow,
336
00:32:59,987 --> 00:33:03,591
I could ensure that when I came
off, you would not be impregnated.
337
00:33:03,691 --> 00:33:07,262
Ooh! That's what being
a Protestant's all about.
338
00:33:07,362 --> 00:33:08,831
That's why
it's the church for me.
339
00:33:08,931 --> 00:33:10,330
That's why
it's the church for anyone
340
00:33:10,430 --> 00:33:13,538
who respects the individual
and the individual's right
341
00:33:13,735 --> 00:33:15,736
to decide for him
or herself.
342
00:33:15,836 --> 00:33:19,575
When Martin Luther nailed his
protest up to the church door in 1517,
343
00:33:19,675 --> 00:33:23,412
he may not have realized the full
significance of what he was doing
344
00:33:23,545 --> 00:33:26,468
but 400 years later,
thanks to him, my dear,
345
00:33:26,568 --> 00:33:29,458
I can wear whatever I want
on my John Thomas.
346
00:33:29,751 --> 00:33:33,655
And Protestantism doesn't stop
at the simple condom. Oh, no!
347
00:33:33,755 --> 00:33:36,594
I can wear French Ticklers
if I want. You what?
348
00:33:36,694 --> 00:33:39,531
French Ticklers, Black
Mambos, Crocodile Ribs...
349
00:33:39,661 --> 00:33:42,362
Sheaths that are designed
not only to protect,
350
00:33:42,462 --> 00:33:45,877
but also to enhance the
stimulation of sexual congress.
351
00:33:46,034 --> 00:33:48,869
Have you got one?
Have I got one? Well, no,
352
00:33:48,969 --> 00:33:52,073
but I can go down the road anytime
I want and walk into Harry's
353
00:33:52,173 --> 00:33:55,243
and hold my head up high and
say, in a loud, steady voice,
354
00:33:55,343 --> 00:33:57,811
'Harry, I want you
to sell me a condom.
355
00:33:57,911 --> 00:34:01,792
'In fact, today I think I'll have a
French Tickler, for I am a Protestant.'
356
00:34:02,050 --> 00:34:04,651
Well, why don't you?
But they, they cannot,
357
00:34:04,751 --> 00:34:08,056
because their church never made the
great leap out of the Middle Ages
358
00:34:08,156 --> 00:34:11,324
and the domination
of alien Episcopal supremacy.
359
00:34:11,424 --> 00:34:13,631
But despite the attempts
of Protestants
360
00:34:13,731 --> 00:34:15,937
to promote the idea
of sex for pleasure,
361
00:34:16,332 --> 00:34:19,210
children continue
to multiply everywhere.
362
00:34:20,336 --> 00:34:25,012
The Meaning of Life, part two.
Growth and learning.
363
00:34:25,875 --> 00:34:31,324
And spotteth twice they the
camels before the third hour.
364
00:34:31,547 --> 00:34:35,187
And so the Midianites
went forth to Ram Gilead,
365
00:34:35,384 --> 00:34:37,603
in Kadesh Bilgemath,
366
00:34:37,703 --> 00:34:39,821
by Shor Ethra Regalion,
367
00:34:39,921 --> 00:34:44,258
to the house of
Gash-Bil-Bethuel-Bazda,
368
00:34:44,358 --> 00:34:47,463
he who brought the butter dish
to Balshazar,
369
00:34:47,563 --> 00:34:50,633
and the tent peg
to the house of Rashomon,
370
00:34:50,733 --> 00:34:53,634
and there,
slew they the goats,
371
00:34:53,734 --> 00:34:59,208
yea, and placed they
the bits in little pots.
372
00:35:00,242 --> 00:35:02,278
Here endeth the lesson.
373
00:35:02,378 --> 00:35:04,256
Let us praise God.
374
00:35:09,218 --> 00:35:12,218
O Lord.
O Lord.
375
00:35:13,889 --> 00:35:16,426
Ooh! You are so big.
376
00:35:16,725 --> 00:35:19,483
Ooh! You are so big.
377
00:35:19,583 --> 00:35:22,307
So absolutely huge.
378
00:35:22,431 --> 00:35:26,231
So absolutely huge.
379
00:35:26,568 --> 00:35:31,678
Gosh, we're all really impressed
down here, I can tell You.
380
00:35:31,942 --> 00:35:36,546
Gosh, we're all really impressed
down here, I can tell you.
381
00:35:36,646 --> 00:35:41,186
Forgive us, O Lord, for this,
our dreadful toadying.
382
00:35:41,718 --> 00:35:44,354
And barefaced flattery.
383
00:35:44,454 --> 00:35:47,541
But you're so strong,
384
00:35:47,641 --> 00:35:50,694
and, well, just so super.
385
00:35:50,794 --> 00:35:52,794
Fantastic.
386
00:35:53,630 --> 00:35:55,731
Amen, Reverend.
Amen.
387
00:35:55,831 --> 00:35:59,136
Now two boys have been found
rubbing linseed oil
388
00:35:59,236 --> 00:36:01,205
into the school cormorant.
389
00:36:02,339 --> 00:36:06,109
Now some of you may feel that the
cormorant does not play an important part
390
00:36:06,209 --> 00:36:08,315
in the life of the school,
but I would remind you
391
00:36:08,712 --> 00:36:12,921
that it was presented to us by the
corporation of the town of Sudbury,
392
00:36:13,216 --> 00:36:15,986
to commemorate Empire Day,
when we try to remember
393
00:36:16,086 --> 00:36:18,761
the names of all those
from the Sudbury area,
394
00:36:18,922 --> 00:36:21,925
who so gallantly
gave their lives
395
00:36:22,025 --> 00:36:24,393
to keep China British.
396
00:36:24,493 --> 00:36:28,932
So from now on, the cormorant
is strictly out of bounds!
397
00:36:31,468 --> 00:36:33,636
Oh, and, Jenkins,
398
00:36:33,736 --> 00:36:36,307
apparently, your mother
died this morning.
399
00:36:36,407 --> 00:36:38,207
Chaplain.
400
00:36:41,712 --> 00:36:45,581
O Lord, please don't burn us
401
00:36:45,681 --> 00:36:49,854
Don't grill or toast
Your flock
402
00:36:49,954 --> 00:36:54,259
Don't put us on the barbecue
403
00:36:54,359 --> 00:36:59,277
Or simmer us in stock
404
00:36:59,377 --> 00:37:02,300
Don't braise
or bake or boil us
405
00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:06,372
Or stir-fry us in a wok
406
00:37:07,671 --> 00:37:11,550
Oh, please don't
lightly poach us
407
00:37:12,009 --> 00:37:16,145
Or baste us with hot fat
408
00:37:16,245 --> 00:37:20,685
Don't fricassee or roast us
409
00:37:20,785 --> 00:37:25,553
Or boil us in a vat
410
00:37:25,653 --> 00:37:29,660
And please don't
stick thy servants, Lord
411
00:37:29,760 --> 00:37:34,160
In a Rotissomat
412
00:37:39,737 --> 00:37:40,905
He's coming!
413
00:37:48,246 --> 00:37:50,658
All right, settle down,
settle down.
414
00:37:52,384 --> 00:37:55,194
Now, before I begin the
lesson, will those of you
415
00:37:55,320 --> 00:37:58,223
who are playing in the match this
afternoon move your clothes down
416
00:37:58,323 --> 00:38:01,193
onto the lower peg
immediately after lunch,
417
00:38:01,293 --> 00:38:02,659
before you write
your letter home,
418
00:38:02,759 --> 00:38:05,413
if you're not getting your hair cut,
unless you've got a younger brother,
419
00:38:05,513 --> 00:38:08,133
who's going out this weekend as the
guest of another boy, in which case,
420
00:38:08,233 --> 00:38:09,900
collect his note before lunch,
421
00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:12,202
put it in your letter after
you have had your haircut,
422
00:38:12,302 --> 00:38:15,307
and make sure he moves your clothes
down onto the lower peg for you.
423
00:38:15,407 --> 00:38:16,409
Now...
Sir?
424
00:38:16,708 --> 00:38:17,708
Yes, Wymer?
425
00:38:17,808 --> 00:38:20,312
My younger brother's going out
with Dibble this weekend, sir.
426
00:38:20,412 --> 00:38:22,881
But I'm not having my hair cut
today, so do I move my clothes...
427
00:38:22,981 --> 00:38:26,251
I do wish you'd listen, Wymer.
It's perfectly simple.
428
00:38:26,351 --> 00:38:27,785
If you're not
getting your hair cut,
429
00:38:27,885 --> 00:38:30,522
you don't have to move your brother's
clothes down to the lower peg.
430
00:38:30,622 --> 00:38:32,925
You simply collect his note
before lunch,
431
00:38:33,025 --> 00:38:35,259
after you've done
your scripture prep,
432
00:38:35,359 --> 00:38:37,963
when you've written
your letter home before rest,
433
00:38:38,063 --> 00:38:40,182
move your own clothes
onto the lower peg,
434
00:38:40,282 --> 00:38:42,367
greet the visitors
and report to Mr. Viney
435
00:38:42,467 --> 00:38:44,106
that you've had
your chit signed.
436
00:38:45,871 --> 00:38:47,671
Now, sex.
437
00:38:50,308 --> 00:38:53,654
Sex, sex, sex.
Where were we?
438
00:38:57,750 --> 00:38:59,584
Well, had I got as far as
439
00:38:59,684 --> 00:39:03,395
the penis entering the vagina?
440
00:39:06,792 --> 00:39:09,067
No, sir.
No, sir. No, sir.
441
00:39:09,695 --> 00:39:11,640
Well, had I done foreplay?
442
00:39:15,001 --> 00:39:16,000
Yes, sir.
443
00:39:16,100 --> 00:39:19,370
Ah. Well, as we all know
all about foreplay,
444
00:39:19,470 --> 00:39:23,750
no doubt you can tell me what
the purpose of foreplay is.
445
00:39:24,810 --> 00:39:26,010
Biggs.
446
00:39:30,416 --> 00:39:32,452
Don't know.
Sorry, sir.
447
00:39:32,718 --> 00:39:33,958
Carter?
448
00:39:34,687 --> 00:39:38,566
Oh, was it taking
your clothes off, sir?
449
00:39:39,959 --> 00:39:41,631
Well, and after that?
450
00:39:42,361 --> 00:39:44,738
Oh, putting them
on a lower peg, sir.
451
00:39:46,999 --> 00:39:51,371
The purpose of foreplay is to
cause the vagina to lubricate,
452
00:39:51,471 --> 00:39:55,147
so that the penis
can penetrate more easily.
453
00:39:55,541 --> 00:39:57,177
Could we have a window open,
please, sir?
454
00:39:57,277 --> 00:39:58,810
Yes. Harris, will you?
455
00:39:58,910 --> 00:40:01,484
And, of course, to cause
the man's penis to erect
456
00:40:01,615 --> 00:40:03,815
and harden.
457
00:40:06,053 --> 00:40:10,324
Now, did I do
vaginal juices last week?
458
00:40:10,424 --> 00:40:12,091
Oh, do pay attention,
Wadsworth!
459
00:40:12,191 --> 00:40:14,428
I know it's Friday. Watching
the football, are you?
460
00:40:14,528 --> 00:40:17,737
Boy, move over there.
I'm warning you.
461
00:40:18,165 --> 00:40:20,907
I may decide
to set an exam this term.
462
00:40:21,034 --> 00:40:23,189
Oh, sir!
Sir!
463
00:40:23,289 --> 00:40:25,411
So just listen.
464
00:40:27,407 --> 00:40:30,595
Now did I or did I not
465
00:40:30,695 --> 00:40:33,850
do vaginal juices?
466
00:40:34,348 --> 00:40:35,648
Yes, sir.
467
00:40:35,748 --> 00:40:39,891
Name two ways of getting them
flowing, Watson.
468
00:40:40,687 --> 00:40:42,291
Rubbing the clitoris, sir?
469
00:40:46,426 --> 00:40:49,582
What's wrong
with a kiss, boy? H mm?
470
00:40:49,682 --> 00:40:52,804
Why not start her off
with a nice kiss?
471
00:40:52,966 --> 00:40:54,567
You don't
have to go leaping
472
00:40:54,667 --> 00:40:56,704
straight for the clitoris
like a bull at a gate.
473
00:40:56,804 --> 00:40:59,046
Give her a kiss, boy.
474
00:41:00,274 --> 00:41:03,444
Suck the nipple, sir?
Good, good. Well done, Wymer.
475
00:41:03,544 --> 00:41:05,846
Stroking the thighs, sir?
Yes, yes.
476
00:41:05,946 --> 00:41:07,949
I suppose so.
Biting the neck.
477
00:41:08,049 --> 00:41:09,982
Yes, good.
Nibbling the earlobe,
478
00:41:10,082 --> 00:41:12,787
kneading the buttocks
and so on and so forth.
479
00:41:12,887 --> 00:41:15,095
So we have
all these possibilities,
480
00:41:15,223 --> 00:41:19,432
before we stampede
towards the clitoris, Watson.
481
00:41:19,861 --> 00:41:21,695
Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.
482
00:41:21,795 --> 00:41:24,966
Now, all these forms
of stimulation
483
00:41:25,066 --> 00:41:27,479
can now take place.
484
00:41:36,411 --> 00:41:38,982
And, of course, tonguing
will give you the best idea
485
00:41:39,213 --> 00:41:42,850
of how the juices
are coming along.
486
00:41:42,950 --> 00:41:46,486
Helen?
Now, penetration and coitus,
487
00:41:46,586 --> 00:41:50,627
that is to say intercourse
up to and including orgasm.
488
00:41:51,826 --> 00:41:56,498
Ah, hello, dear. Do stand up when
my wife enters the room, Carter.
489
00:41:56,598 --> 00:41:58,164
Oh, sorry, sir. Sorry.
490
00:41:58,264 --> 00:41:59,899
Humphrey, I hope
you don't mind.
491
00:41:59,999 --> 00:42:02,470
I told the Garfields we
would dine with them tonight.
492
00:42:02,570 --> 00:42:04,393
Yes, yes, well,
I suppose we must.
493
00:42:04,493 --> 00:42:06,315
I said we'd be
there by 8: 00.
494
00:42:06,441 --> 00:42:09,183
At least it'll give me a reason
to wind up the staff meeting.
495
00:42:09,477 --> 00:42:12,180
I know you don't like them, but
I couldn't make another excuse.
496
00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:14,022
It's just that I felt...
497
00:42:15,016 --> 00:42:18,320
Wymer, this is
for your benefit.
498
00:42:18,420 --> 00:42:20,493
Would you kindly
wake up?
499
00:42:20,856 --> 00:42:23,461
I've no intention of going
through this all again.
500
00:42:34,336 --> 00:42:37,640
We'll take the foreplay as
read, if you don't mind, dear.
501
00:42:37,740 --> 00:42:38,773
No, of course not,
Humphrey.
502
00:42:38,873 --> 00:42:43,379
So, the man starts by entering
or mounting his good lady wife,
503
00:42:43,479 --> 00:42:45,212
in the standard way.
504
00:42:45,312 --> 00:42:50,456
The penis is now, as you will
observe, more or less fully erect.
505
00:42:50,619 --> 00:42:53,089
There we are,
that's better.
506
00:42:53,189 --> 00:42:55,295
Now, Carter.
507
00:42:55,691 --> 00:42:57,830
Yes, sir?
What is it?
508
00:42:59,428 --> 00:43:02,841
It's an ocarina, sir.
Bring it up here.
509
00:43:03,465 --> 00:43:07,503
The man now starts making thrusting
movements with his pelvic area,
510
00:43:07,603 --> 00:43:10,990
moving the penis up and down
inside the vagina.
511
00:43:11,090 --> 00:43:14,408
Put it there, boy.
Put it there on the table.
512
00:43:14,508 --> 00:43:18,514
While the wife maximizes her clitoral
stimulation by the shaft of the penis,
513
00:43:18,614 --> 00:43:20,133
by pushing forward.
514
00:43:20,233 --> 00:43:21,682
Thank you, dear.
515
00:43:21,782 --> 00:43:23,986
Now, as the
sexual excitement mounts...
516
00:43:24,086 --> 00:43:26,123
What's funny, Biggs?
517
00:43:27,089 --> 00:43:28,122
Oh, nothing, sir.
518
00:43:28,222 --> 00:43:30,844
Do, please, share your little
joke with the rest of us.
519
00:43:30,944 --> 00:43:33,530
I mean, obviously, something
frightfully funny's going on.
520
00:43:33,630 --> 00:43:34,763
No, honestly, sir.
521
00:43:34,863 --> 00:43:36,198
Well, as it's so funny,
522
00:43:36,298 --> 00:43:39,576
I think you'd better be selected
to play for the boys' team,
523
00:43:39,869 --> 00:43:42,281
in the rugby match against
the masters this afternoon.
524
00:43:43,373 --> 00:43:44,943
Oh, no, sir!
525
00:43:54,284 --> 00:43:57,230
Come on, Buster!
526
00:44:04,527 --> 00:44:07,132
Well played, well played.
527
00:45:30,614 --> 00:45:34,789
The Meaning of Life, part
three. Fighting each other.
528
00:45:40,691 --> 00:45:43,899
Okay, Blackitt, Sturridge and Walters,
you take the buggers on the left flank.
529
00:45:44,028 --> 00:45:45,930
Hordern, Spadger and I
will go for the gun post.
530
00:45:46,030 --> 00:45:47,013
Hang on, 68.
531
00:45:47,113 --> 00:45:49,902
You'll never make it, let us come
with you. Do as you're told, man.
532
00:45:50,002 --> 00:45:52,608
Righto, Skipper.
Oh, sir, sir?
533
00:45:52,804 --> 00:45:55,784
If we don't
meet again, sir.
534
00:45:56,007 --> 00:46:00,546
I'd just like to say it's been a real
privilege fighting alongside you, sir.
535
00:46:00,646 --> 00:46:04,014
Yes, well, this is hardly the time
or place for a goodbye speech, eh?
536
00:46:04,114 --> 00:46:08,826
Me and the lads realize that, sir, but,
well, we may never meet again, so...
537
00:46:09,020 --> 00:46:10,756
Yes, all right, Blackitt.
Thanks a lot.
538
00:46:10,856 --> 00:46:11,855
No, just a moment, sir.
539
00:46:11,955 --> 00:46:15,029
Me and the lads, we've had
a little whip-around, sir.
540
00:46:15,293 --> 00:46:19,138
We've bought you something,
sir. We bought you this, sir.
541
00:46:19,965 --> 00:46:23,066
Oh! Well, it...
I don't know what to say.
542
00:46:23,166 --> 00:46:27,539
It's a lovely thought.
Thank you. Thank you all.
543
00:46:27,639 --> 00:46:29,674
But I think
we'd better get to cover...
544
00:46:31,643 --> 00:46:35,612
We've got something else
for you as well, sir.
545
00:46:35,712 --> 00:46:38,483
Sorry it's another clock, sir,
only there was a bit of a mix-up.
546
00:46:38,583 --> 00:46:40,851
Walters thought
he was buying a present
547
00:46:40,951 --> 00:46:43,456
and Spadger and I had
already got the other one.
548
00:46:44,089 --> 00:46:46,524
Well, it's beautiful,
they're both beautiful.
549
00:46:48,927 --> 00:46:50,645
I think we'd better
get to cover now.
550
00:46:50,745 --> 00:46:52,362
I'll thank you properly
later on.
551
00:46:52,462 --> 00:46:54,533
Corporal Sturridge got this
for you as well, sir.
552
00:46:54,633 --> 00:46:56,568
He didn't know
about the others.
553
00:46:56,668 --> 00:46:59,639
It's Swiss. Well, now, that
is thoughtful, Sturridge.
554
00:46:59,739 --> 00:47:02,084
Good man.
And there's a card, sir.
555
00:47:02,208 --> 00:47:05,985
From all of us,
sorry about the blood, sir.
556
00:47:06,312 --> 00:47:07,345
Thank you all.
557
00:47:07,445 --> 00:47:10,516
Squad! Three cheers
for Captain Biggs.
558
00:47:10,616 --> 00:47:13,718
Hip, hip.
Hooray!
559
00:47:13,818 --> 00:47:15,553
Hip, hip...
560
00:47:15,653 --> 00:47:17,155
Blackitt! Blackitt!
561
00:47:17,255 --> 00:47:20,193
I'll be all right, sir. There's
just one other thing, sir.
562
00:47:20,293 --> 00:47:22,463
Spadger, give him the check. Oh, yeah.
563
00:47:22,563 --> 00:47:24,732
Oh, no, this is
really going too far.
564
00:47:24,964 --> 00:47:28,334
I don't seem to be able to find
it, sir, be in number four trench.
565
00:47:28,434 --> 00:47:30,540
For Christ's sake,
forget it, man.
566
00:47:32,038 --> 00:47:34,381
You shouldn't
have said that, sir.
567
00:47:35,174 --> 00:47:36,876
You've hurt his feelings, now.
568
00:47:36,976 --> 00:47:38,752
Don't mind me, Spadge.
569
00:47:38,878 --> 00:47:43,326
Toffs is all the same. One minute,
it's all please and thank you.
570
00:47:43,516 --> 00:47:46,551
The next, they'll kick
you in the teeth. Yeah.
571
00:47:46,651 --> 00:47:49,687
Let's not give him the cake.
I don't want any cake.
572
00:47:49,787 --> 00:47:52,358
Look, Blackitt cooked it
especially for you, you bastard.
573
00:47:52,458 --> 00:47:54,994
Yeah, he saved his rations
for six weeks, sir.
574
00:47:55,094 --> 00:47:56,361
I don't mean
to be ungrateful.
575
00:47:56,461 --> 00:47:58,765
I'll be all right...
576
00:47:58,865 --> 00:48:01,099
Blackie! Blackie!
577
00:48:01,199 --> 00:48:05,038
Look at him! He worked on that cake
like no one else I've ever known.
578
00:48:05,138 --> 00:48:06,907
Some nights it was so cold
we could hardly move
579
00:48:07,007 --> 00:48:08,307
but Blackitt
would be out there,
580
00:48:08,407 --> 00:48:11,343
slicing the lemons,
mixing the sugar and almonds.
581
00:48:11,443 --> 00:48:15,547
I mean, you try getting butter
to melt at 15 degrees below zero.
582
00:48:15,647 --> 00:48:20,821
There's love in that cake, this
man's love and this man's care and...
583
00:48:22,556 --> 00:48:25,935
Oh, my Christ!
You bastard.
584
00:48:27,394 --> 00:48:31,069
All right, we will eat
the cake. They're right.
585
00:48:31,264 --> 00:48:33,183
It's too good a cake
not to eat.
586
00:48:33,283 --> 00:48:35,135
Get the plates
and knives, Walters.
587
00:48:35,235 --> 00:48:36,470
Yes, sir.
How many plates?
588
00:48:36,570 --> 00:48:37,570
Six.
589
00:48:39,673 --> 00:48:42,443
Oh, better make it five.
Tablecloth, sir?
590
00:48:42,543 --> 00:48:44,956
Yes, get the tablecloth.
591
00:48:45,946 --> 00:48:47,980
No, no,
I'll get the tablecloth.
592
00:48:48,080 --> 00:48:49,716
You better get
the gate leg table, Hordern.
593
00:48:51,118 --> 00:48:53,285
And the little lamp, sir?
Yes.
594
00:48:53,385 --> 00:48:56,023
Oh, and while you're at it,
you'd better get a doily.
595
00:48:56,123 --> 00:48:58,158
I'll bring two, sir,
in case one gets crumpled.
596
00:48:58,258 --> 00:48:59,258
Okay!
597
00:49:03,163 --> 00:49:06,701
But, of course, warfare isn't
all fun. Right. Stop that.
598
00:49:06,967 --> 00:49:08,836
It's all very well
to laugh at the military,
599
00:49:08,936 --> 00:49:10,703
but when one considers
the meaning of life,
600
00:49:10,803 --> 00:49:14,411
it is a struggle between alternative
viewpoints of life itself.
601
00:49:14,609 --> 00:49:17,132
Without the ability to
defend one's own viewpoint,
602
00:49:17,232 --> 00:49:19,721
against other perhaps
more aggressive ideologies,
603
00:49:19,847 --> 00:49:23,851
then reasonableness and moderation
could quite simply disappear.
604
00:49:24,552 --> 00:49:27,153
That is why we'll always need an army.
605
00:49:27,253 --> 00:49:29,724
May God strike me down
were it to be otherwise.
606
00:49:34,328 --> 00:49:36,429
Don't stand there gawping,
607
00:49:36,529 --> 00:49:39,199
like you've never seen
the hand of God before!
608
00:49:39,299 --> 00:49:43,772
Now, today we're going to do
marching up and down the square.
609
00:49:43,872 --> 00:49:48,219
That is, unless any of you
got anything better to do.
610
00:49:48,409 --> 00:49:49,409
Well?
611
00:49:50,877 --> 00:49:53,014
Anyone got anything
they'd rather be doing,
612
00:49:53,114 --> 00:49:57,222
than marching up and down
the square?
613
00:49:58,953 --> 00:50:01,399
Yes! Atkinson.
614
00:50:03,691 --> 00:50:08,695
What would you
rather be doing, Atkinson?
615
00:50:08,795 --> 00:50:12,472
Well, to be quite honest, Sarge, I'd
rather be home with the wife and kids.
616
00:50:14,268 --> 00:50:16,372
Would you now?
617
00:50:16,504 --> 00:50:19,348
Yes, Sarge.
Right. Off you go.
618
00:50:20,041 --> 00:50:21,041
Now,
619
00:50:21,941 --> 00:50:24,686
everybody else happy
with my little plan,
620
00:50:25,013 --> 00:50:27,650
of marching up and down
the square a bit?
621
00:50:27,750 --> 00:50:29,083
Sarge?
Yes?
622
00:50:29,183 --> 00:50:30,853
I've got a book
I'd quite like to read.
623
00:50:30,953 --> 00:50:32,188
Go read your book then.
624
00:50:32,288 --> 00:50:33,288
Now!
625
00:50:34,523 --> 00:50:38,869
Everybody else
quite content to join in
626
00:50:39,061 --> 00:50:42,464
with my little scheme
of marching
627
00:50:42,564 --> 00:50:45,267
up and down the square?
628
00:50:45,367 --> 00:50:46,567
Sarge?
629
00:50:46,967 --> 00:50:48,971
Yes, Wyclif,
what is it?
630
00:50:49,137 --> 00:50:52,708
Well, I'm learning the piano.
631
00:50:52,808 --> 00:50:54,743
Learning the piano?
632
00:50:55,244 --> 00:50:57,813
Yes, Sarge.
And I suppose
633
00:50:57,913 --> 00:51:00,381
you want to go practice, eh?
634
00:51:00,481 --> 00:51:04,486
Marching up and down the square
not good enough for you, eh?
635
00:51:04,586 --> 00:51:07,054
Well...
Right! Off you go!
636
00:51:07,154 --> 00:51:10,193
Now, what about
the rest of you?
637
00:51:11,560 --> 00:51:15,166
Rather be at the pictures,
I suppose.
638
00:51:17,799 --> 00:51:20,108
All right! Off you go!
639
00:51:23,605 --> 00:51:25,506
Bloody army. I don't know
what it's coming to.
640
00:51:25,606 --> 00:51:28,410
Right. Sergeant Major marching
up and down the square.
641
00:51:28,510 --> 00:51:30,311
Left, right, left.
642
00:51:30,411 --> 00:51:32,213
Democracy and humanitarianism
643
00:51:32,313 --> 00:51:34,551
have always been trademarks
of the British Army.
644
00:51:34,651 --> 00:51:35,951
Rubbish!
Shh!
645
00:51:36,051 --> 00:51:40,228
And have stamped its triumph in the
furthest-flung corners of the Empire.
646
00:51:57,307 --> 00:52:00,583
But no matter where or when
there was fighting to be done,
647
00:52:00,743 --> 00:52:04,681
it has always been the calm
leadership of the officer class
648
00:52:04,781 --> 00:52:07,490
that has made the British Army
what it is.
649
00:52:42,486 --> 00:52:44,397
Excuse me.
650
00:52:51,028 --> 00:52:53,303
Morning, Ainsworth.
Morning, Pakenham.
651
00:52:53,564 --> 00:52:56,267
Sleep well? Not bad.
Bitten to shreds, though.
652
00:52:56,367 --> 00:52:59,321
Must be that hole in
the bloody mosquito net.
653
00:52:59,421 --> 00:53:02,340
Yes, savage little blighters,
aren't they?
654
00:53:02,440 --> 00:53:04,340
Excuse me, sir.
Yes, Chadwick?
655
00:53:04,440 --> 00:53:07,111
I'm afraid Perkins got rather
badly bitten during the night.
656
00:53:07,211 --> 00:53:08,611
Well, so did we.
657
00:53:08,711 --> 00:53:10,886
Yes, but I do think
Doctor ought to see him.
658
00:53:11,515 --> 00:53:14,335
Well, go and fetch him then.
Right you are, sir.
659
00:53:14,435 --> 00:53:17,188
Suppose I'd better go along.
Coming, Pakenham?
660
00:53:17,288 --> 00:53:19,622
Yes, I suppose so.
661
00:53:19,722 --> 00:53:22,534
Here, now.
Come on, boy.
662
00:53:31,835 --> 00:53:33,903
Morning, Perkins.
663
00:53:34,003 --> 00:53:36,781
Morning, sir. What's
all the trouble, then?
664
00:53:37,007 --> 00:53:39,777
Bitten, sir.
During the night.
665
00:53:39,877 --> 00:53:40,877
Oh?
666
00:53:41,143 --> 00:53:43,352
The whole leg gone, eh?
Yes.
667
00:53:44,314 --> 00:53:45,881
How's it feel?
668
00:53:45,981 --> 00:53:49,653
Stings a bit. Well,
it would, wouldn't it?
669
00:53:49,753 --> 00:53:53,458
That's quite a bite
you've got there.
670
00:53:53,558 --> 00:53:55,327
Yes. A real beauty,
isn't it?
671
00:53:55,427 --> 00:53:57,127
Any idea how
it happened?
672
00:53:57,227 --> 00:53:59,983
None whatsoever.
Complete mystery to me.
673
00:54:00,083 --> 00:54:02,837
Woke up just now,
one sock too many.
674
00:54:02,967 --> 00:54:04,770
You must have a hell
of a hole in your net.
675
00:54:04,870 --> 00:54:06,203
We've sent
for the doctor.
676
00:54:06,303 --> 00:54:09,941
Hardly worth it, is it?
Yes. Better safe than sorry.
677
00:54:10,041 --> 00:54:13,645
Yes. Good Lord, look at this.
By Jove! That's enormous.
678
00:54:13,745 --> 00:54:16,181
You don't think
it'll come back, do you?
679
00:54:16,281 --> 00:54:17,447
For more, you mean?
680
00:54:17,547 --> 00:54:19,017
You're right. We'd
better get this stitched.
681
00:54:19,117 --> 00:54:20,717
Right.
Hello, Doc!
682
00:54:20,817 --> 00:54:25,188
Morning. I came as fast as
I could. Is something up?
683
00:54:25,288 --> 00:54:30,068
Yes. During the night, old Perkins
got his leg bitten sort of off.
684
00:54:30,528 --> 00:54:33,465
Oh, yeah.
Been in the wars, have we?
685
00:54:33,565 --> 00:54:34,565
Yes.
686
00:54:34,698 --> 00:54:37,203
Any headache?
Bowels all right?
687
00:54:37,802 --> 00:54:41,408
Well, let's have a look at
this one leg of yours, then, eh?
688
00:54:42,674 --> 00:54:45,108
Yes. Yes, yes, yes.
689
00:54:45,208 --> 00:54:50,022
Yes, yes. Yes, yes. Yes, well,
this is nothing to worry about.
690
00:54:50,348 --> 00:54:53,417
Oh, good. There's a lot of
it about. Probably a virus.
691
00:54:53,517 --> 00:54:56,488
Keep warm, plenty of rest and if
you're playing football or anything,
692
00:54:56,688 --> 00:54:58,390
try and favor
the other leg.
693
00:54:58,490 --> 00:55:00,157
Oh, righto.
694
00:55:00,257 --> 00:55:02,195
As right as rain
in a couple of days.
695
00:55:02,295 --> 00:55:04,147
Oh. Thanks for
the reassurance, Doc.
696
00:55:04,247 --> 00:55:06,030
Not at all.
That's what I'm here for.
697
00:55:06,130 --> 00:55:08,601
Any other problems
I can reassure you about?
698
00:55:08,701 --> 00:55:09,967
No, I'm fine.
699
00:55:10,067 --> 00:55:12,276
Jolly good.
Well, must be off.
700
00:55:12,438 --> 00:55:15,942
So it'll just grow back again,
then, will it?
701
00:55:17,042 --> 00:55:18,179
U h...
702
00:55:19,311 --> 00:55:22,615
I think I'd better come
clean with you about this.
703
00:55:22,715 --> 00:55:26,250
It's not a virus,
I'm afraid.
704
00:55:26,350 --> 00:55:30,321
You see, a virus is what we
doctors call very, very small,
705
00:55:30,421 --> 00:55:33,991
so small it could not possibly
have made off with a whole leg.
706
00:55:34,091 --> 00:55:36,863
What we're looking for, and this
is no more than an educated guess,
707
00:55:36,963 --> 00:55:38,129
I'd like to make that clear,
708
00:55:38,229 --> 00:55:40,465
is some multi-cellular
life-form
709
00:55:40,565 --> 00:55:45,037
with stripes, huge, razor-sharp
teeth, about 11-foot long
710
00:55:45,137 --> 00:55:47,505
and of the genus
Felis Horribilis.
711
00:55:47,605 --> 00:55:51,452
What we doctors,
in fact, call a tiger.
712
00:55:51,610 --> 00:55:53,210
A tiger?
713
00:55:59,351 --> 00:56:01,554
A tiger in Africa?
H mm?
714
00:56:01,654 --> 00:56:03,293
A tiger in Africa!
715
00:56:05,391 --> 00:56:07,693
Ah, well, it's probably
escaped from a zoo.
716
00:56:07,793 --> 00:56:09,646
Doesn't sound
very likely to me.
717
00:56:09,746 --> 00:56:11,530
Mmm-mmm-mmm.
Sir! Sir!
718
00:56:11,630 --> 00:56:14,234
The attack's over, sir.
The Zulus are retreating.
719
00:56:14,334 --> 00:56:15,400
Oh, jolly good.
720
00:56:15,500 --> 00:56:17,387
Quite a lot of
casualties, sir.
721
00:56:17,487 --> 00:56:19,304
C- division wiped out.
Signals gone.
722
00:56:19,404 --> 00:56:21,725
Thirty men killed in
F-section. Yes, I see.
723
00:56:21,825 --> 00:56:24,111
I should think about
150 men altogether, sir.
724
00:56:24,211 --> 00:56:25,344
Jolly good.
725
00:56:25,444 --> 00:56:26,645
I haven't got
the final figures,
726
00:56:26,745 --> 00:56:28,814
but there's a lot of seriously
wounded in the compound...
727
00:56:28,914 --> 00:56:32,625
Yes, well, the thing is, Sergeant,
I've got a bit of a problem here.
728
00:56:34,554 --> 00:56:37,391
One of the officers
has lost a leg.
729
00:56:37,491 --> 00:56:39,911
Oh, no, sir!
I'm afraid so.
730
00:56:40,011 --> 00:56:42,429
Probably a tiger.
In Africa?
731
00:56:43,663 --> 00:56:47,601
The MO says we can stitch it back
on if we can find it immediately.
732
00:56:47,701 --> 00:56:49,935
Right, sir.
I'll organize a party.
733
00:56:50,035 --> 00:56:52,673
It's hardly the time
for that, Sergeant.
734
00:56:52,773 --> 00:56:56,415
A search party.
Much better idea.
735
00:57:01,348 --> 00:57:02,581
Sorry about the mess, sir.
736
00:57:02,681 --> 00:57:05,385
We'll try and get it cleared
up by the time you get back.
737
00:57:05,485 --> 00:57:07,519
We showed 'em, didn't we, sir? Yes.
738
00:57:07,619 --> 00:57:10,022
Here. We got a search party.
Leave that alone.
739
00:57:10,122 --> 00:57:12,926
All this killing, bloodshed.
Bloody good fun, sir, isn't it?
740
00:57:13,026 --> 00:57:14,059
Yes, very good.
741
00:57:14,159 --> 00:57:15,260
Morning, sir.
742
00:57:15,360 --> 00:57:16,730
Nasty wound
you've got there, fella.
743
00:57:16,830 --> 00:57:18,606
Thank you very much, sir.
744
00:57:19,267 --> 00:57:21,747
Come on, Private.
Making up a search party.
745
00:57:23,771 --> 00:57:25,738
Better than staying home,
isn't it?
746
00:57:25,838 --> 00:57:28,342
I mean, at home if you kill
someone, they arrest you.
747
00:57:28,442 --> 00:57:30,877
Here, they give you a gun
and show you what to do, sir.
748
00:57:30,977 --> 00:57:35,750
I mean, I killed 15 of those
buggers, sir. At home, they'd hang me.
749
00:57:35,850 --> 00:57:38,160
Here, they'll give me
a fucking medal, sir.
750
00:57:55,403 --> 00:57:58,474
Sorry, sir.
Thank you, Sergeant Major.
751
00:58:16,290 --> 00:58:17,290
Look!
752
00:58:19,593 --> 00:58:21,732
My God! It's huge!
753
00:58:31,606 --> 00:58:34,245
Don't shoot. Don't
shoot. We're not a tiger.
754
00:58:35,777 --> 00:58:38,052
We were just...
755
00:58:38,547 --> 00:58:40,617
Why are you dressed
as a tiger?
756
00:58:42,918 --> 00:58:44,952
Oh, why, why, why?
757
00:58:45,052 --> 00:58:46,687
Isn't it a lovely
day today?
758
00:58:46,787 --> 00:58:50,090
Answer the question.
Oh, we were just...
759
00:58:50,190 --> 00:58:54,071
Well, actually, we're
dressed like this because...
760
00:58:54,930 --> 00:58:56,664
Oh, no, that's not it.
761
00:58:56,764 --> 00:58:59,535
Oh, we did it for a laugh.
Part of a spree. High spirits.
762
00:58:59,635 --> 00:59:02,378
Simple as that.
Nothing more to it.
763
00:59:02,704 --> 00:59:05,684
Well, actually, we're on a
mission for British Intelligence.
764
00:59:06,007 --> 00:59:08,544
There's a pro-czarist
Asante chief...
765
00:59:08,644 --> 00:59:10,511
No, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
766
00:59:10,611 --> 00:59:12,815
No, no, no, no. We're doing
it for an advertisement.
767
00:59:12,915 --> 00:59:15,401
Ah, that's it.
Forget about the Russians.
768
00:59:15,501 --> 00:59:17,953
We're doing an advert
for Tiger Brand Coffee.
769
00:59:18,053 --> 00:59:19,553
'Tiger Brand Coffee
is a real treat.
770
00:59:19,653 --> 00:59:22,157
'Even tigers prefer
a cup of it to real meat.'
771
00:59:22,257 --> 00:59:24,591
Now, look...
All right, all right.
772
00:59:24,691 --> 00:59:27,996
We are dressed as a tiger because
he had an auntie who did it in 1839.
773
00:59:28,096 --> 00:59:31,266
This is the 50th anniversary.
No. We're doing it for a bet.
774
00:59:31,366 --> 00:59:32,349
God told us to do it.
775
00:59:32,449 --> 00:59:35,169
To tell the truth,
we are completely mad.
776
00:59:35,269 --> 00:59:37,639
We're inmates of a Bengali
psychiatric institution,
777
00:59:37,739 --> 00:59:42,445
and we escaped by making this skin
out of old used cereal packets.
778
00:59:42,545 --> 00:59:44,813
It doesn't matter!
What?
779
00:59:44,913 --> 00:59:50,120
It doesn't matter why they're dressed
as a tiger. Have they got my leg?
780
00:59:50,220 --> 00:59:52,889
Good thinking.
Well, have you?
781
00:59:52,989 --> 00:59:55,256
Actually...
Yes?
782
00:59:55,356 --> 00:59:57,525
We were thinking of
training as taxidermists.
783
00:59:57,625 --> 00:59:59,696
We wanted to get the feel of it
from the animal's point of view.
784
00:59:59,796 --> 01:00:00,779
Be quiet!
785
01:00:00,879 --> 01:00:03,020
Now look,
we're just asking you
786
01:00:03,120 --> 01:00:05,277
if you've got
this man's leg.
787
01:00:06,035 --> 01:00:08,336
A wooden leg?
No, no, a proper leg.
788
01:00:08,436 --> 01:00:13,444
He was fast asleep, and someone or
something came in and removed it.
789
01:00:14,377 --> 01:00:16,049
Without waking him up?
790
01:00:18,347 --> 01:00:20,582
Yes.
I don't believe you.
791
01:00:20,682 --> 01:00:23,420
We found the tiger skin
in a bicycle shop in Cairo.
792
01:00:23,520 --> 01:00:25,321
The owner wanted it
taken to Dar Es Salaam.
793
01:00:25,421 --> 01:00:26,387
Shut up!
794
01:00:26,487 --> 01:00:30,097
Now look, have you or
have you not got his leg?
795
01:00:30,259 --> 01:00:34,104
Yes. No. No, no, no, no.
No. No, no, no.
796
01:00:35,598 --> 01:00:38,234
Why did you say yes?
I didn't.
797
01:00:38,334 --> 01:00:39,871
I'm not talking to you.
798
01:00:41,904 --> 01:00:43,104
Um...
799
01:00:47,344 --> 01:00:49,289
Right. Search the thicket.
800
01:00:49,646 --> 01:00:52,047
Oh, come on.
I mean, do we look like
801
01:00:52,147 --> 01:00:53,916
the sort of chaps who'd
creep into a camp at night,
802
01:00:54,016 --> 01:00:56,954
steal into someone's tent,
anaesthetize them, tissue-type them,
803
01:00:57,054 --> 01:00:59,228
amputate a leg
and run away with it?
804
01:00:59,790 --> 01:01:01,394
Search the thicket.
805
01:01:01,692 --> 01:01:04,226
Oh, leg!
You're looking for a leg!
806
01:01:04,326 --> 01:01:06,597
Actually, I think there
is one there somewhere.
807
01:01:06,697 --> 01:01:08,449
Somebody must have
abandoned it here,
808
01:01:08,549 --> 01:01:10,232
knowing you were
coming after it.
809
01:01:10,332 --> 01:01:12,269
We stumbled across it, actually,
and wondered what it was.
810
01:01:12,369 --> 01:01:14,677
They'll be miles away
by now.
811
01:01:14,777 --> 01:01:17,084
We'll have to take
all the blame.
812
01:01:17,474 --> 01:01:21,717
Hello, good evening and welcome
to The Middle of the Film.
813
01:01:28,519 --> 01:01:31,153
Hello and welcome
to The Middle of the Film,
814
01:01:31,253 --> 01:01:33,991
the moment where we take a break
and invite you, the audience,
815
01:01:34,091 --> 01:01:37,528
to join us, the filmmakers,
in Find the Fish.
816
01:01:38,896 --> 01:01:41,131
We're going to show you
a scene from another film
817
01:01:41,231 --> 01:01:43,933
and ask you to guess
where the fish is.
818
01:01:44,033 --> 01:01:46,804
But if you think you know,
don't keep it to yourselves.
819
01:01:46,904 --> 01:01:49,273
Yell out so that all
the cinema can hear you.
820
01:01:49,373 --> 01:01:52,343
So here we are
with Find the Fish.
821
01:02:02,020 --> 01:02:05,891
I wonder
where that fish has gone.
822
01:02:05,991 --> 01:02:07,858
You did love it so.
823
01:02:07,958 --> 01:02:11,646
You looked after it
like a son.
824
01:02:11,746 --> 01:02:15,365
And it went
wherever I did go.
825
01:02:15,465 --> 01:02:19,069
Is it in the cupboard?
Yes! No!
826
01:02:19,169 --> 01:02:23,508
Wouldn't you like to know?
It was a lovely little fish.
827
01:02:23,608 --> 01:02:28,378
And it went
wherever I did go.
828
01:02:28,478 --> 01:02:32,816
It's behind the sofa!
Where can that fish be?
829
01:02:32,916 --> 01:02:35,353
Have you thought of the
drawers in the bureau?
830
01:02:35,453 --> 01:02:39,091
It is a most
elusive fish.
831
01:02:39,191 --> 01:02:43,079
And it went
wherever I did go.
832
01:02:43,179 --> 01:02:47,032
Oh! Fishy, fishy,
fishy, fish.
833
01:02:47,132 --> 01:02:51,532
Fish, fish, fishy, oh!
834
01:02:51,768 --> 01:02:56,341
Oh! Fishy, fishy,
fishy, fish!
835
01:02:56,441 --> 01:03:00,944
That went
wherever I did go.
836
01:03:01,044 --> 01:03:04,583
Look up his trunk! Yeah!
It's in his trousers!
837
01:03:04,683 --> 01:03:07,018
That was terrific!
Great! Yeah!
838
01:03:07,118 --> 01:03:10,723
Best bit so far.
Fantastic! Really great!
839
01:03:10,823 --> 01:03:13,031
Really risky, yeah.
840
01:03:16,528 --> 01:03:20,266
They haven't said much about the
meaning of life so far, have they?
841
01:03:20,366 --> 01:03:23,053
Well, it's been building
up to it. Has it?
842
01:03:23,153 --> 01:03:25,805
Yeah, I expect
they'll get onto it now.
843
01:03:25,905 --> 01:03:27,572
Personally, I doubt
844
01:03:27,672 --> 01:03:30,343
they're going to say anything
about the meaning of life at all.
845
01:03:30,443 --> 01:03:32,111
Oh, come on.
They've gotta say something.
846
01:03:32,211 --> 01:03:33,446
They're bound to.
847
01:03:33,546 --> 01:03:34,546
Yeah.
848
01:03:38,450 --> 01:03:40,553
What do you think
the next bit will be?
849
01:03:40,653 --> 01:03:41,619
Caption, I expect.
850
01:03:41,719 --> 01:03:45,024
What, about the next stage of life,
you mean? Oh, yeah. Here we go.
851
01:03:45,124 --> 01:03:46,591
Middle Age.
852
01:03:46,691 --> 01:03:48,433
Could've guessed it.
853
01:03:54,033 --> 01:03:56,235
That's much better.
Thank you, honey.
854
01:03:56,335 --> 01:03:57,474
You're welcome.
855
01:03:59,304 --> 01:04:01,040
It was all sort of
misty before.
856
01:04:02,141 --> 01:04:05,378
That's fine.
Hey! How are you?
857
01:04:05,478 --> 01:04:06,844
Oh, we're just fine.
858
01:04:06,944 --> 01:04:09,315
What kind of food you
like to eat this evening?
859
01:04:09,415 --> 01:04:11,517
Well, we sort of
like pineapple.
860
01:04:11,617 --> 01:04:13,517
Yeah, we love pineapple.
861
01:04:13,617 --> 01:04:16,490
Yeah, anything with
pineapple in is great for us.
862
01:04:16,590 --> 01:04:19,126
Well, how 'bout
the dungeon room?
863
01:04:19,226 --> 01:04:20,659
Oh, that sounds fine.
864
01:04:20,759 --> 01:04:22,794
Sure is.
It's real Hawaiian food,
865
01:04:22,894 --> 01:04:27,333
served in an authentic medieval
English dungeon atmosphere.
866
01:04:42,882 --> 01:04:45,385
Isn't this nice?
How are ya?
867
01:04:47,220 --> 01:04:50,428
Take a little Kodak. Oh,
thank you. Thank you very much.
868
01:05:04,971 --> 01:05:08,208
Good evening. Would you care
for something to talk about?
869
01:05:08,308 --> 01:05:10,175
Oh, that would
be wonderful.
870
01:05:10,275 --> 01:05:12,562
Our special tonight
is minorities.
871
01:05:12,662 --> 01:05:14,880
Oh, that sounds
real interesting.
872
01:05:14,980 --> 01:05:18,483
What's this conversation
here? That's football.
873
01:05:18,583 --> 01:05:21,454
You can talk about the
Steelers-Bears game Saturday,
874
01:05:21,554 --> 01:05:24,392
or you could reminisce about
really great World Series.
875
01:05:24,492 --> 01:05:27,532
No, no, no.
What is this one here?
876
01:05:27,632 --> 01:05:30,671
That's philosophy.
Is that a sport?
877
01:05:31,132 --> 01:05:33,332
No, it's more of an attempt
878
01:05:33,432 --> 01:05:37,371
to construct a viable hypothesis
to explain the meaning of life.
879
01:05:37,471 --> 01:05:40,541
What was that?
What's he saying?
880
01:05:40,641 --> 01:05:42,408
Oh, that sounds wonderful.
881
01:05:42,508 --> 01:05:45,320
Would you like to talk about
the meaning of life, darling?
882
01:05:45,946 --> 01:05:47,513
Sure. Why not?
883
01:05:47,613 --> 01:05:49,751
Philosophy for two?
Right.
884
01:05:49,851 --> 01:05:51,920
Room?
259.
885
01:05:52,020 --> 01:05:54,020
259.
Yeah.
886
01:05:54,120 --> 01:05:56,520
How do we...
887
01:05:57,023 --> 01:05:59,293
Oh, you folks
want me to start you off?
888
01:05:59,393 --> 01:06:01,780
We'd appreciate that.
889
01:06:01,880 --> 01:06:04,197
Okay! Well, look.
890
01:06:04,297 --> 01:06:07,439
Have you ever wondered
just why you're here?
891
01:06:09,370 --> 01:06:12,507
Well, we went to Miami last year
and California the year before...
892
01:06:12,607 --> 01:06:16,180
No, no, no. I mean, why
we're here, on this planet.
893
01:06:19,647 --> 01:06:20,647
No.
894
01:06:20,813 --> 01:06:24,990
Right. You ever wanted to
know what it's all about?
895
01:06:25,219 --> 01:06:26,219
Nope.
896
01:06:26,954 --> 01:06:29,989
Righty-ho! Well,
897
01:06:30,089 --> 01:06:33,447
see, throughout history, there've
been certain men and women,
898
01:06:33,547 --> 01:06:36,903
who've tried to find the solution
to the mysteries of existence.
899
01:06:37,199 --> 01:06:38,232
Great!
900
01:06:38,332 --> 01:06:40,267
And we call these guys
philosophers.
901
01:06:40,367 --> 01:06:42,604
Oh! And that's what we're talking about.
902
01:06:42,704 --> 01:06:44,705
Right!
Oh, that's neat.
903
01:06:44,805 --> 01:06:46,607
Well, you look like
you're getting the idea,
904
01:06:46,707 --> 01:06:49,309
so why don't I give you
these conversation cards.
905
01:06:49,409 --> 01:06:53,882
They'll tell you a little about philosophical
method, names of famous philosophers.
906
01:06:53,982 --> 01:06:56,552
There you are.
Have a nice conversation.
907
01:06:56,652 --> 01:06:58,519
Oh, thank you
very much.
908
01:06:58,619 --> 01:07:01,688
He's cute.
Yeah, real understanding.
909
01:07:01,788 --> 01:07:06,102
Oh! I never knew Schopenhauer
was a philosopher.
910
01:07:07,462 --> 01:07:11,068
Oh, yeah. He's the one
that begins with an 'S.'
911
01:07:13,969 --> 01:07:14,969
Oh.
912
01:07:18,039 --> 01:07:19,643
Like Nietzsche.
913
01:07:21,610 --> 01:07:23,555
Does Nietzsche
begin with an 'S'?
914
01:07:25,480 --> 01:07:28,187
There's an 'S' in Nietzsche.
915
01:07:29,851 --> 01:07:32,126
Oh, well, yes, there is.
916
01:07:33,021 --> 01:07:35,296
Do all philosophers
have an 'S' in them?
917
01:07:35,724 --> 01:07:37,999
Yeah. I think most of them do.
918
01:07:38,560 --> 01:07:43,009
Oh. Does that mean Selena
Jones is a philosopher?
919
01:07:43,566 --> 01:07:46,308
Yeah! Right! She could be.
920
01:07:46,569 --> 01:07:48,673
She sings about
the meaning of life.
921
01:07:48,804 --> 01:07:53,676
Yeah. That's right, but I don't
think she writes her own material.
922
01:07:53,776 --> 01:07:57,713
No. Oh, maybe Schopenhauer
writes her material.
923
01:07:58,114 --> 01:08:00,491
No. Burt Bacharach writes it.
924
01:08:01,851 --> 01:08:03,762
There's no 'S'
in Burt Bacharach.
925
01:08:04,520 --> 01:08:06,090
Or in Hal David.
926
01:08:07,223 --> 01:08:08,827
Who's Hal David?
927
01:08:09,225 --> 01:08:12,580
He writes the lyrics.
Burt just writes the tunes.
928
01:08:12,680 --> 01:08:16,001
Only now, he's married
to Carole Bayer Sager.
929
01:08:19,268 --> 01:08:22,170
Waiter? This conversation
isn't very good.
930
01:08:22,270 --> 01:08:27,410
Oh, I'm sorry, sir. We do have
one today that's not on the menu.
931
01:08:27,510 --> 01:08:29,479
It's sort of a speciality
of the house, you know?
932
01:08:29,579 --> 01:08:31,457
Live organ transplants.
933
01:08:32,415 --> 01:08:34,895
Live organ transplants?
What's that?
934
01:08:37,186 --> 01:08:41,600
The Meaning of Life, part
five. Live organ transplants.
935
01:08:44,560 --> 01:08:46,929
Don't worry, dear.
I'll get it.
936
01:08:54,304 --> 01:08:56,977
Yes?
Hello. Can we have your liver?
937
01:08:57,774 --> 01:08:59,617
What?
Your liver.
938
01:09:00,644 --> 01:09:03,818
It's a large glandular organ
in your abdomen.
939
01:09:05,716 --> 01:09:09,087
You know, it's
reddish-brown, it's sort of...
940
01:09:09,187 --> 01:09:12,525
Yeah, yeah, I know what
it is, but I'm using it.
941
01:09:14,891 --> 01:09:18,099
Come on, sir. Don't muck
us about. Hey, hey, hey!
942
01:09:19,062 --> 01:09:20,262
Hello!
943
01:09:22,733 --> 01:09:25,336
What's this, then?
A liver donor's card.
944
01:09:25,436 --> 01:09:27,403
Need we say more?
No.
945
01:09:27,503 --> 01:09:31,308
Listen, I can't give it to you now.
It says, 'In the event of death.'
946
01:09:31,408 --> 01:09:32,574
My God!
947
01:09:32,674 --> 01:09:36,313
No one has ever had their liver
taken out by us and survived.
948
01:09:36,413 --> 01:09:38,621
Just lie there, sir.
It won't take a minute.
949
01:09:53,030 --> 01:09:55,030
Here. What's going on?
950
01:09:55,130 --> 01:09:56,872
He's donating
his liver, madam.
951
01:09:58,235 --> 01:10:01,239
Is this because he took out
one of those silly cards?
952
01:10:01,339 --> 01:10:04,207
That's right, madam.
Typical of him.
953
01:10:04,307 --> 01:10:08,046
He goes down to the public
library, sees a few signs up,
954
01:10:08,146 --> 01:10:10,525
comes home all full
of good intentions.
955
01:10:11,282 --> 01:10:15,319
He gives blood, does cold
research, all that sort of thing.
956
01:10:19,290 --> 01:10:21,759
What do you do
with them all, anyway?
957
01:10:21,859 --> 01:10:24,262
They all go to
saving lives, madam.
958
01:10:24,362 --> 01:10:25,762
That's what
he used to say.
959
01:10:25,862 --> 01:10:28,232
'It's all for the good of
the country,' he used to say.
960
01:10:29,767 --> 01:10:32,213
Do you think it's all for
the good of the country?
961
01:10:32,370 --> 01:10:33,370
H mm?
962
01:10:33,503 --> 01:10:35,940
Do you think it's all for
the good of the country?
963
01:10:36,040 --> 01:10:37,444
I wouldn't
know about that, madam.
964
01:10:37,544 --> 01:10:38,947
We're just doing our jobs,
you know?
965
01:10:41,446 --> 01:10:43,858
You're not doctors, then?
966
01:10:44,682 --> 01:10:46,422
Oh, blimey, no.
967
01:10:47,585 --> 01:10:49,986
Mum, Dad,
I'm off out now.
968
01:10:50,086 --> 01:10:52,625
I'll see you about 7: 00?
Righto, son.
969
01:10:52,790 --> 01:10:54,792
Look after yourself.
970
01:10:59,363 --> 01:11:02,434
You fancy
a cup of tea?
971
01:11:03,267 --> 01:11:05,872
Oh, well, that'd be
very nice. Thank you.
972
01:11:06,437 --> 01:11:09,042
Thank you very much, madam. Thank you.
973
01:11:10,776 --> 01:11:12,619
I thought
she'd never ask.
974
01:11:16,882 --> 01:11:19,050
You do realize
975
01:11:19,150 --> 01:11:23,964
he has to be, well, dead,
by the terms of the card,
976
01:11:24,423 --> 01:11:26,402
before he donates his liver.
977
01:11:26,792 --> 01:11:30,663
Well, I told him that, but he
never listens to me, silly man.
978
01:11:30,763 --> 01:11:32,732
I mean,
I was wonderin'...
979
01:11:33,565 --> 01:11:36,135
Well, you know, what you was
thinkin' of doin' after that.
980
01:11:36,235 --> 01:11:39,046
I mean, will you stay
on your own?
981
01:11:39,638 --> 01:11:43,984
Or is there, well,
someone else, sort of,
982
01:11:45,878 --> 01:11:47,254
on the horizon?
983
01:11:47,613 --> 01:11:50,950
I'm too old for that sort
of thing. I'm past my prime.
984
01:11:51,050 --> 01:11:54,191
Not at all.
Very attractive woman.
985
01:11:54,920 --> 01:11:58,424
Well, I'm certainly not thinking
of getting hitched up again.
986
01:12:00,025 --> 01:12:01,765
Sure?
Sure.
987
01:12:10,269 --> 01:12:13,978
Can we have your liver
then? I would be scared.
988
01:12:14,106 --> 01:12:15,380
All right.
989
01:12:16,942 --> 01:12:18,717
I'll tell you what.
990
01:12:20,046 --> 01:12:21,388
Listen to this.
991
01:12:22,081 --> 01:12:24,959
Whenever life gets
you down, Mrs. Brown
992
01:12:25,185 --> 01:12:27,927
And things seem hard
or tough
993
01:12:28,588 --> 01:12:32,866
And people are stupid,
obnoxious or daft
994
01:12:33,459 --> 01:12:35,905
and you feel
that you've had
995
01:12:36,362 --> 01:12:40,362
quite enough.
996
01:12:42,569 --> 01:12:45,522
Just remember
that you're standing
997
01:12:45,622 --> 01:12:48,473
On a planet
that's evolving
998
01:12:48,573 --> 01:12:51,681
And revolving
at 900 miles an hour
999
01:12:52,445 --> 01:12:56,516
It's orbiting at 19 miles
a second so it's reckoned
1000
01:12:56,616 --> 01:13:00,121
A sun that is the source
of all our power
1001
01:13:00,486 --> 01:13:03,990
The sun and you and me and
all the stars that we can see
1002
01:13:04,457 --> 01:13:07,927
Are moving
at a million miles a day
1003
01:13:08,328 --> 01:13:12,365
In an outer spiral arm
at 40,000 miles an hour
1004
01:13:12,465 --> 01:13:15,140
Of the galaxy
we call the Milky Way
1005
01:13:24,244 --> 01:13:27,887
Our galaxy itself contains
a hundred billion stars
1006
01:13:27,987 --> 01:13:31,595
It's a hundred thousand
light years side to side
1007
01:13:32,253 --> 01:13:35,843
It bulges in the middle
16,000 light years thick
1008
01:13:35,943 --> 01:13:39,499
But out by us, it's just
3,000 light years wide
1009
01:13:40,094 --> 01:13:43,831
We're 30,000 light years
from galactic central point
1010
01:13:43,931 --> 01:13:47,368
We go round
every 200 million years
1011
01:13:47,901 --> 01:13:51,606
And our galaxy is only
one of millions of billions
1012
01:13:51,706 --> 01:13:54,949
In this amazing
and expanding universe
1013
01:14:27,975 --> 01:14:31,946
The universe itself keeps
on expanding and expanding
1014
01:14:32,046 --> 01:14:35,324
In all of the directions
it can whizz
1015
01:14:35,849 --> 01:14:39,686
As fast as it can go
The speed of light, you know
1016
01:14:39,786 --> 01:14:43,292
Twelve million miles a minute and
that's the fastest speed there is
1017
01:14:43,392 --> 01:14:47,364
So remember when you're
feeling very small and insecure
1018
01:14:47,796 --> 01:14:51,368
How amazingly unlikely
is your birth
1019
01:14:51,733 --> 01:14:55,304
And pray that there's intelligent
life somewhere up in space
1020
01:14:55,404 --> 01:14:58,249
'Cause there's bugger all
down here on Earth
1021
01:15:03,845 --> 01:15:06,715
Makes you feel so, sort of
insignificant, doesn't it?
1022
01:15:06,815 --> 01:15:08,352
Yeah. Yeah.
1023
01:15:10,885 --> 01:15:12,694
Can we have
your liver, then?
1024
01:15:13,688 --> 01:15:15,057
Yeah, all right.
You talked me into it.
1025
01:15:15,157 --> 01:15:16,157
Eric!
1026
01:15:25,066 --> 01:15:28,370
Which brings us, once again,
to the urgent realization
1027
01:15:28,470 --> 01:15:31,748
of just how much there is
still left to own.
1028
01:15:32,674 --> 01:15:37,589
Item six on the agenda,
the Meaning of Life.
1029
01:15:39,714 --> 01:15:42,482
Now, Harry, you've had
some thoughts on this.
1030
01:15:42,582 --> 01:15:45,652
I've had a team working on
this over the past few weeks,
1031
01:15:45,752 --> 01:15:50,294
and what we've come up with can be
reduced to two fundamental concepts.
1032
01:15:51,093 --> 01:15:53,835
One. People are not wearing enough hats.
1033
01:15:54,563 --> 01:15:57,100
Two. Matter is energy.
1034
01:15:57,533 --> 01:16:02,379
In the universe, there are many energy
fields which we cannot normally perceive.
1035
01:16:02,805 --> 01:16:07,412
Some energies have a spiritual
source, which act upon a person's soul.
1036
01:16:08,144 --> 01:16:11,814
However, this soul
does not exist ab initio,
1037
01:16:11,914 --> 01:16:14,520
as orthodox Christianity
teaches.
1038
01:16:14,950 --> 01:16:17,488
It has to be
brought into existence,
1039
01:16:17,588 --> 01:16:20,092
by a process of guided
self-observation.
1040
01:16:21,257 --> 01:16:25,114
However, this is rarely achieved,
owing to man's unique ability
1041
01:16:25,214 --> 01:16:29,038
to be distracted from spiritual
matters by everyday trivia.
1042
01:16:33,202 --> 01:16:35,511
What was that about
hats again?
1043
01:16:36,872 --> 01:16:39,142
Oh, people aren't
wearing enough.
1044
01:16:39,242 --> 01:16:40,575
Is this true?
1045
01:16:40,675 --> 01:16:42,478
Certainly.
Hat sales have increased,
1046
01:16:42,578 --> 01:16:44,312
but not pari passu,
as our research...
1047
01:16:44,412 --> 01:16:46,948
When you say 'enough,'
enough for what purpose?
1048
01:16:47,048 --> 01:16:49,462
Can I just ask, with
reference to your second point,
1049
01:16:49,919 --> 01:16:54,094
when you say souls don't develop
because people become distracted...
1050
01:16:56,626 --> 01:16:59,038
Has anyone noticed
that building there before?
1051
01:17:01,364 --> 01:17:04,071
What?
Good Lord!
1052
01:17:24,254 --> 01:17:25,858
Good Lord!
1053
01:17:26,256 --> 01:17:29,464
The Crimson
Permanent Assurance!
1054
01:17:32,095 --> 01:17:35,132
We interrupt this film to apologize
for this unwarranted attack
1055
01:17:35,232 --> 01:17:36,575
by the supporting feature.
1056
01:17:36,800 --> 01:17:39,169
Luckily, we have been prepared
for this eventuality
1057
01:17:39,269 --> 01:17:41,147
and are now taking steps
to remedy it.
1058
01:17:43,240 --> 01:17:44,406
Thank you.
1059
01:17:44,506 --> 01:17:49,081
The Meaning of Life, part six.
The autumn years.
1060
01:17:50,680 --> 01:17:51,880
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.
1061
01:17:51,980 --> 01:17:54,428
Here's a little number I tossed
off recently in the Caribbean.
1062
01:17:55,118 --> 01:17:57,655
Isn't it awfully nice
to have a penis
1063
01:17:58,188 --> 01:18:00,691
Isn't it frightfully good
to have a dong
1064
01:18:01,224 --> 01:18:04,126
It's swell to have a stiffy
It's divine to own a dick
1065
01:18:04,226 --> 01:18:07,471
From the tiniest little tadger
to the world's biggest prick
1066
01:18:07,932 --> 01:18:10,935
So three cheers for your Willy
or John Thomas
1067
01:18:11,502 --> 01:18:14,141
Hooray for your
one-eyed trouser snake
1068
01:18:14,539 --> 01:18:18,214
Your piece of pork, your wife's
best friend, your percy or your cock
1069
01:18:18,342 --> 01:18:21,618
You can wrap it up in ribbons
You can slip it in your sock
1070
01:18:21,879 --> 01:18:24,983
But don't take it out in public
or they will stick you in the dock
1071
01:18:25,083 --> 01:18:26,889
And you won't come back
1072
01:18:26,989 --> 01:18:28,794
Thank you very much.
1073
01:18:30,922 --> 01:18:33,291
Oh, what a
frightfully witty song.
1074
01:18:33,391 --> 01:18:34,996
Terribly clever.
1075
01:18:37,895 --> 01:18:40,068
Jolly good.
Marvellous.
1076
01:18:47,638 --> 01:18:49,913
Oh, shit!
It's Mr. Creosote!
1077
01:19:08,759 --> 01:19:11,729
Good afternoon, sir,
and how are we today?
1078
01:19:11,829 --> 01:19:12,962
Better.
Better?
1079
01:19:13,062 --> 01:19:15,568
Better get a bucket.
I'm gonna throw up.
1080
01:19:15,734 --> 01:19:18,077
Gaston?
A bucket for monsieur.
1081
01:19:22,674 --> 01:19:24,619
There we are, monsieur.
1082
01:19:39,725 --> 01:19:41,994
Merci, Gaston.
I haven't finished.
1083
01:19:42,094 --> 01:19:43,528
Oh, pardon!
Gaston?
1084
01:19:43,762 --> 01:19:45,396
A thousand pardons,
monsieur.
1085
01:19:45,496 --> 01:19:50,276
Now, this afternoon, we have
monsieur's favorite, the jugged hare.
1086
01:19:50,535 --> 01:19:55,040
The hare is very high
and the sauce is very rich,
1087
01:19:55,307 --> 01:20:00,145
with truffles, anchovies,
Grand Marnier, bacon and cream.
1088
01:20:00,245 --> 01:20:02,749
Thank you, Gaston.
There's still more.
1089
01:20:03,615 --> 01:20:05,415
Allow me.
1090
01:20:06,551 --> 01:20:08,291
A new bucket
for monsieur.
1091
01:20:12,491 --> 01:20:13,799
And the cleaning woman.
1092
01:20:17,095 --> 01:20:19,965
Et maintenant, would
monsieur care for an aperitif,
1093
01:20:20,065 --> 01:20:22,501
or would he prefer
to order straightaway?
1094
01:20:23,670 --> 01:20:27,583
Today, we have for
appetizers, excuse me,
1095
01:20:29,676 --> 01:20:33,146
moules marinières, pàtè
de foie gras, beluga caviar,
1096
01:20:33,312 --> 01:20:36,815
eggs Benedictine, tarte de
poireaux, that's leek tart,
1097
01:20:36,915 --> 01:20:40,819
frogs' legs amandine or oeufs
de caille Richard Shepherd.
1098
01:20:40,919 --> 01:20:45,091
C'est a dire, little quails' eggs
on a bed of purèed mushrooms.
1099
01:20:45,191 --> 01:20:47,069
It's very delicate,
very succulent.
1100
01:20:47,360 --> 01:20:49,066
I'll have the lot.
1101
01:20:50,029 --> 01:20:54,100
A wise choice, monsieur. And
now, how would you like it served?
1102
01:20:54,200 --> 01:20:56,603
All mixed up together
in a bucket?
1103
01:20:56,703 --> 01:20:58,570
Yeah. With the eggs on top.
1104
01:20:58,670 --> 01:21:00,874
But of course.
Avec des oeufs frites.
1105
01:21:00,974 --> 01:21:02,307
Don't skimp on the pãtè.
1106
01:21:02,407 --> 01:21:03,708
Oh, monsieur,
I assure you,
1107
01:21:03,808 --> 01:21:06,144
just because it is mixed up
with all the other things,
1108
01:21:06,244 --> 01:21:08,513
we would not dream of giving
you less than the full amount.
1109
01:21:08,613 --> 01:21:12,494
In fact, I will personally make
sure you have a double helping.
1110
01:21:14,687 --> 01:21:16,121
Something to drink,
monsieur?
1111
01:21:16,221 --> 01:21:19,559
Yeah, I'll have six bottles
of Chateau Latour '45,
1112
01:21:19,659 --> 01:21:22,729
and a double Jeroboam of champagne. '45.
1113
01:21:22,829 --> 01:21:25,263
Bon, and the usual
brown ales?
1114
01:21:25,363 --> 01:21:28,968
Yeah. No, wait a minute. I think I
could only manage six crates today.
1115
01:21:29,068 --> 01:21:30,051
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
1116
01:21:30,151 --> 01:21:33,244
I hope monsieur was not
overdoing it last night.
1117
01:21:34,041 --> 01:21:36,008
Shut up!
D'accord.
1118
01:21:36,108 --> 01:21:39,352
The new bucket
and the cleaning woman.
1119
01:21:46,353 --> 01:21:48,322
Is there something wrong
with the food?
1120
01:21:48,422 --> 01:21:50,122
No, the food
was excellent.
1121
01:21:50,222 --> 01:21:52,259
Perhaps you're not happy
with the service?
1122
01:21:52,359 --> 01:21:53,693
No, no complaints.
1123
01:21:53,793 --> 01:21:57,299
It's just that we have to go.
I'm having rather a heavy period.
1124
01:21:58,499 --> 01:22:00,774
And we have
a train to catch.
1125
01:22:01,635 --> 01:22:04,970
Oh! Yes, of course.
We have a train to catch
1126
01:22:05,070 --> 01:22:07,916
and I don't want to start
bleeding all over the seats.
1127
01:22:08,842 --> 01:22:11,652
Madam? Perhaps we should be going?
1128
01:22:13,113 --> 01:22:16,150
Very well, monsieur.
Thank you so much.
1129
01:22:16,650 --> 01:22:18,417
So nice to see you,
1130
01:22:18,517 --> 01:22:20,854
and I hope very much we
will see you again very soon.
1131
01:22:23,323 --> 01:22:26,633
Oh, dear. I have trodden
in monsieur's bucket.
1132
01:22:30,631 --> 01:22:32,735
Another bucket
for monsieur,
1133
01:22:34,868 --> 01:22:37,280
and perhaps a hose.
1134
01:22:40,474 --> 01:22:43,012
Oh, Max. Really!
1135
01:22:58,893 --> 01:23:01,796
Finally, monsieur,
a wafer-thin mint.
1136
01:23:02,864 --> 01:23:05,844
Oh, sir, it's only a tiny,
little thin one.
1137
01:23:06,201 --> 01:23:08,874
No, fuck off. I'm full.
Oh, sir.
1138
01:23:11,573 --> 01:23:13,450
It's only wafer-thin.
1139
01:23:13,675 --> 01:23:18,647
Look, I couldn't eat another
thing. I'm absolutely stuffed.
1140
01:23:18,747 --> 01:23:22,787
Bugger off.
Oh, sir, just, just one.
1141
01:23:25,920 --> 01:23:29,595
All right, just one.
Just the one, monsieur.
1142
01:23:31,359 --> 01:23:33,959
Voila.
1143
01:23:37,232 --> 01:23:39,143
Bon appetit.
1144
01:24:20,643 --> 01:24:23,783
Thank you, monsieur,
and now, here's your check.
1145
01:24:37,860 --> 01:24:42,638
The Meaning of Life, part 6B.
The meaning of life.
1146
01:24:57,379 --> 01:25:00,582
You know, Maria,
I sometimes wonder
1147
01:25:00,682 --> 01:25:04,495
if we'll ever discover
the meaning of it all,
1148
01:25:04,888 --> 01:25:07,095
working in a place like this.
1149
01:25:07,557 --> 01:25:11,595
Well, I've worked in worse
places, philosophically speaking.
1150
01:25:11,695 --> 01:25:13,607
Really, Maria?
Yes.
1151
01:25:14,798 --> 01:25:17,935
I used to work
in the Academie Française,
1152
01:25:18,035 --> 01:25:20,402
but it didn't do me
any good at all.
1153
01:25:20,502 --> 01:25:25,419
I once worked in the library
in the Prado in Madrid,
1154
01:25:25,742 --> 01:25:28,688
but it didn't teach
me nothin', I recall,
1155
01:25:29,479 --> 01:25:34,223
and the Library of Congress you'd
have thought would hold some key,
1156
01:25:34,551 --> 01:25:38,430
but it didn't, and neither
did the Bodleian Library.
1157
01:25:39,189 --> 01:25:43,228
In the British Museum,
I hoped to find some clue.
1158
01:25:43,760 --> 01:25:48,470
I worked there from 9: 00 till
6: 00, read every volume through,
1159
01:25:49,065 --> 01:25:53,172
but it didn't teach me
nothing about life's mystery.
1160
01:25:53,503 --> 01:25:57,849
I just kept getting older, and
it got more difficult to see.
1161
01:25:58,341 --> 01:26:02,653
Till eventually, me eyes
went and me arthritis got bad.
1162
01:26:03,246 --> 01:26:06,056
So now,
I'm cleaning up in here.
1163
01:26:07,450 --> 01:26:09,953
But I can't
be really sad,
1164
01:26:10,053 --> 01:26:13,758
'cause you see,
I feel that life's a game.
1165
01:26:13,858 --> 01:26:16,893
You sometimes win or lose,
1166
01:26:16,993 --> 01:26:19,498
and though I may
be down right now,
1167
01:26:19,864 --> 01:26:22,503
at least I don't
work for Jews.
1168
01:26:27,304 --> 01:26:29,249
I'm so sorry.
1169
01:26:29,440 --> 01:26:32,861
I had no idea we had
a racist working here.
1170
01:26:32,961 --> 01:26:36,348
I apologize most sincerely.
1171
01:26:36,580 --> 01:26:37,956
I mean...
1172
01:26:38,983 --> 01:26:41,190
Where are you going?
No, I can explain...
1173
01:26:46,757 --> 01:26:48,395
As for me...
1174
01:26:48,993 --> 01:26:52,668
If you want to know what I
think, I'll show you something.
1175
01:26:54,932 --> 01:26:58,106
Come with me.
I was saying that...
1176
01:26:59,336 --> 01:27:00,678
Hello?
Come on.
1177
01:27:02,206 --> 01:27:03,377
Hello?
1178
01:27:05,409 --> 01:27:07,786
Hello!
This way.
1179
01:27:13,084 --> 01:27:14,961
Come on.
Don't be shy.
1180
01:27:15,953 --> 01:27:17,932
Mind the stairs,
all right?
1181
01:27:22,461 --> 01:27:24,634
I think this
will help explain.
1182
01:27:32,170 --> 01:27:34,081
Come along.
Come along.
1183
01:27:37,209 --> 01:27:39,120
Over here.
1184
01:27:49,654 --> 01:27:51,224
Come on.
Come on.
1185
01:27:56,194 --> 01:27:57,468
This way.
1186
01:28:01,399 --> 01:28:02,639
Come on.
1187
01:28:06,638 --> 01:28:07,912
This way.
1188
01:28:10,075 --> 01:28:11,554
Stay by me.
1189
01:28:14,846 --> 01:28:16,484
Nearly there now.
1190
01:28:26,458 --> 01:28:27,938
You see that?
1191
01:28:30,596 --> 01:28:32,575
That's where I was born.
1192
01:28:34,600 --> 01:28:38,603
You know, one day, my mother,
1193
01:28:38,703 --> 01:28:41,242
she put me on her knee
and she said to me,
1194
01:28:42,575 --> 01:28:44,809
'Gaston, my son,
1195
01:28:44,909 --> 01:28:47,880
'the world
is a beautiful place.
1196
01:28:49,248 --> 01:28:52,593
'You must go into it
and love everyone.'
1197
01:28:54,587 --> 01:29:00,160
'Try to make everyone happy
and bring peace and contentment,
1198
01:29:00,260 --> 01:29:01,899
'everywhere you go.'
1199
01:29:03,763 --> 01:29:05,708
So I became a waiter.
1200
01:29:14,607 --> 01:29:18,247
Well, it's not much
of a philosophy, I know.
1201
01:29:20,179 --> 01:29:23,057
Well, fuck you.
1202
01:29:23,249 --> 01:29:25,854
I can live my own life
in my own way if I want to.
1203
01:29:27,420 --> 01:29:28,523
Fuck off.
1204
01:29:30,856 --> 01:29:32,699
Don't come following me.
1205
01:29:40,400 --> 01:29:44,473
The Meaning of Life,
part seven. Death.
1206
01:30:09,796 --> 01:30:12,003
This man is about to die.
1207
01:30:12,165 --> 01:30:15,067
In a few moments now,
he will be killed,
1208
01:30:15,167 --> 01:30:17,770
for Arthur Jarrett
is a convicted criminal,
1209
01:30:17,870 --> 01:30:21,751
who has been allowed to choose
the manner of his own execution.
1210
01:30:25,746 --> 01:30:27,691
There he is.
1211
01:30:41,995 --> 01:30:46,603
Arthur Charles Herbert
Runcie MacAdam Jarrett,
1212
01:30:47,669 --> 01:30:51,275
you have been convicted by
12 good persons, and true,
1213
01:30:51,572 --> 01:30:56,418
of the crime of first degree
making of gratuitous sexist jokes,
1214
01:30:56,678 --> 01:30:58,521
in a moving picture.
1215
01:31:35,917 --> 01:31:39,091
Ashes to ashes,
dust to dust.
1216
01:31:43,157 --> 01:31:44,691
It's no good.
1217
01:31:44,791 --> 01:31:48,399
I just can't go on.
I'm no good anymore.
1218
01:31:49,597 --> 01:31:52,009
I want to end it all!
1219
01:31:52,767 --> 01:31:55,170
Goodbye! Goodbye!
1220
01:32:02,578 --> 01:32:04,778
Oh, my God!
1221
01:32:05,914 --> 01:32:07,950
Oh, no! I...
1222
01:32:08,684 --> 01:32:12,996
What'll I do? I can't
live without him! I...
1223
01:32:18,060 --> 01:32:20,164
Mummy!
Mum, where are you?
1224
01:32:20,329 --> 01:32:22,929
Daddy? Mummy?
1225
01:32:23,197 --> 01:32:24,397
Mummy?
1226
01:33:31,501 --> 01:33:32,501
Yes?
1227
01:33:34,537 --> 01:33:36,072
Is it about the hedge?
1228
01:33:38,942 --> 01:33:42,879
Well, I'm awfully sorry,
but... I am the Grim Reaper.
1229
01:33:42,979 --> 01:33:45,937
Who?
The Grim Reaper.
1230
01:33:46,037 --> 01:33:48,994
Yes, I see.
I am Death.
1231
01:33:50,186 --> 01:33:51,186
Yes, well, the thing is,
1232
01:33:51,286 --> 01:33:53,540
we've got some people from
America for dinner tonight...
1233
01:33:53,640 --> 01:33:55,824
Who is it, darling?
It's a Mr. Death or something.
1234
01:33:55,924 --> 01:33:59,346
He's come about the reaping? I don't
think we need any at the moment.
1235
01:33:59,446 --> 01:34:02,833
Hello. Don't leave him hanging
around outside, darling. Ask him in.
1236
01:34:02,933 --> 01:34:04,167
I don't think
it's quite the moment.
1237
01:34:04,267 --> 01:34:05,400
Do come in.
Come along.
1238
01:34:05,500 --> 01:34:07,880
Come and have a drink.
Do. Come on.
1239
01:34:11,608 --> 01:34:14,214
It's one of the little men
from the village.
1240
01:34:14,545 --> 01:34:16,581
Do come in.
Please.
1241
01:34:17,548 --> 01:34:20,318
This is Howard Katzenberg
from Philadelphia.
1242
01:34:20,418 --> 01:34:22,386
H i.
And his wife, Debbie.
1243
01:34:22,486 --> 01:34:23,727
Hello, there.
1244
01:34:24,021 --> 01:34:27,263
And these are the Portland
Smythes, Jeremy and Fiona.
1245
01:34:27,391 --> 01:34:30,269
Good evening.
This is Mr. Death.
1246
01:34:37,568 --> 01:34:40,412
Do get Mr. Death a drink, darling. Yes.
1247
01:34:41,405 --> 01:34:43,612
Mr. Death is a reaper.
1248
01:34:43,807 --> 01:34:46,981
The Grim Reaper.
1249
01:34:47,311 --> 01:34:49,620
Hardly surprising
in this weather.
1250
01:34:52,149 --> 01:34:54,752
So you still reap around
here, do you, Mr. Death?
1251
01:34:54,852 --> 01:34:59,052
I am the Grim Reaper.
1252
01:35:00,090 --> 01:35:01,694
That's about all he says.
1253
01:35:01,859 --> 01:35:04,339
There's your drink, Mr. Death.
Do sit down.
1254
01:35:04,562 --> 01:35:07,831
We were just talking about some of
the awful problems facing the Third...
1255
01:35:12,536 --> 01:35:16,607
Would you prefer white? I'm
afraid we don't have any beer.
1256
01:35:16,707 --> 01:35:18,141
The Stilton's
awfully good.
1257
01:35:19,043 --> 01:35:23,643
I am not of this world.
1258
01:35:27,419 --> 01:35:28,954
Good Lord.
1259
01:35:29,154 --> 01:35:31,354
I am Death.
1260
01:35:36,461 --> 01:35:37,594
Well, isn't that
extraordinary?
1261
01:35:37,694 --> 01:35:40,799
We were just talking about
death only five minutes ago.
1262
01:35:40,899 --> 01:35:43,969
Yes, we were. You know, whether
death is really the end...
1263
01:35:44,069 --> 01:35:47,290
As my husband Howard here
feels, or whether there is,
1264
01:35:47,390 --> 01:35:50,576
and one so hates to use words
like soul or spirit...
1265
01:35:50,676 --> 01:35:52,578
What other words can one use? Exactly.
1266
01:35:52,678 --> 01:35:56,217
You do not understand.
1267
01:35:57,782 --> 01:36:00,125
No. Obviously not.
1268
01:36:00,352 --> 01:36:03,453
I'll tell you something,
Mr. Death... You don't...
1269
01:36:03,553 --> 01:36:05,924
Just one moment. I'd like to
express on behalf of everybody here,
1270
01:36:06,024 --> 01:36:08,010
what a really unique
experience this is.
1271
01:36:08,110 --> 01:36:09,854
Hear, hear.
Yes, we're so delighted
1272
01:36:09,954 --> 01:36:11,628
that you dropped in,
Mr. Death.
1273
01:36:11,728 --> 01:36:14,369
Can I just finish, please?
Mr. Death.
1274
01:36:15,233 --> 01:36:17,269
Is there an afterlife?
1275
01:36:17,969 --> 01:36:19,670
Dear, if you could
just wait, please...
1276
01:36:19,770 --> 01:36:21,506
Are you sure you wouldn't
like some sherry or...
1277
01:36:21,606 --> 01:36:23,642
Angela, I'd like
to say this, please.
1278
01:36:23,742 --> 01:36:24,808
Be quiet!
1279
01:36:24,908 --> 01:36:26,378
Can I just say this
at this time, please?
1280
01:36:26,478 --> 01:36:30,882
Silence!
I have come for you.
1281
01:36:33,252 --> 01:36:35,707
You mean to...
1282
01:36:35,807 --> 01:36:38,229
Take you away.
1283
01:36:39,458 --> 01:36:42,495
That is my purpose.
1284
01:36:44,363 --> 01:36:46,563
I am Death.
1285
01:36:50,102 --> 01:36:52,946
Well, that's cast rather a gloom
over the evening, hasn't it?
1286
01:36:53,239 --> 01:36:54,581
I don't see it
that way, Geoff.
1287
01:36:54,774 --> 01:36:57,126
Let me tell you what I think
we're dealing with here,
1288
01:36:57,226 --> 01:36:59,512
a potentially positive
learning experience that can...
1289
01:36:59,612 --> 01:37:02,532
Shut up!
Shut up, you American.
1290
01:37:02,632 --> 01:37:05,551
You always talk,
you Americans.
1291
01:37:05,718 --> 01:37:08,786
You talk and you talk
and you say,
1292
01:37:08,886 --> 01:37:13,826
'Let me tell you something'
and 'I just wanna say this.'
1293
01:37:13,926 --> 01:37:17,534
Well, you're dead now,
so shut up!
1294
01:37:17,730 --> 01:37:19,930
Dead?
Dead.
1295
01:37:22,334 --> 01:37:25,610
All of us?
All of you.
1296
01:37:27,873 --> 01:37:28,973
Now look here.
1297
01:37:29,073 --> 01:37:31,676
You barge in here quite
uninvited, break glasses,
1298
01:37:31,776 --> 01:37:34,212
and then announce quite
casually that we're all dead.
1299
01:37:34,312 --> 01:37:37,884
Well, I would remind you that
you're a guest in this house...
1300
01:37:37,984 --> 01:37:43,299
Be quiet! Englishmen!
You're all so fucking pompous!
1301
01:37:43,757 --> 01:37:46,669
None of you
have got any balls.
1302
01:37:47,761 --> 01:37:50,537
Can I ask you a question?
What?
1303
01:37:51,298 --> 01:37:54,210
How can we all have died
at the same time?
1304
01:38:06,980 --> 01:38:09,426
The salmon mousse.
1305
01:38:10,717 --> 01:38:13,754
Darling, you didn't use
canned salmon, did you?
1306
01:38:14,020 --> 01:38:17,194
I'm most dreadfully
embarrassed.
1307
01:38:17,791 --> 01:38:21,204
Now the time has come.
1308
01:38:22,629 --> 01:38:26,229
Follow. Follow me.
1309
01:38:41,414 --> 01:38:44,087
Just testing. Sorry.
1310
01:38:45,752 --> 01:38:48,752
Follow me. Now.
1311
01:38:55,930 --> 01:38:56,930
Come.
1312
01:39:01,002 --> 01:39:03,838
The fishmonger promised me
he'd have some fresh salmon.
1313
01:39:03,938 --> 01:39:06,039
He's normally so reliable.
1314
01:39:06,139 --> 01:39:08,883
Can we take our glasses?
Good idea.
1315
01:39:12,446 --> 01:39:15,017
Hey, I didn't even
eat the mousse.
1316
01:39:20,388 --> 01:39:22,889
Honestly, darling,
I'm so embarrassed.
1317
01:39:22,989 --> 01:39:26,494
It really is embarrassing. I
mean, to serve salmon with botulism
1318
01:39:26,594 --> 01:39:28,472
at a dinner party
is social death.
1319
01:39:30,898 --> 01:39:33,601
Shall we take our cars?
Why not?
1320
01:39:33,701 --> 01:39:36,478
Good idea.
Why not?
1321
01:40:11,907 --> 01:40:15,107
Behold Paradise.
1322
01:40:17,546 --> 01:40:21,425
I love it here, darling.
Me, too, Marvin.
1323
01:40:21,817 --> 01:40:24,354
Hello. Welcome to heaven.
1324
01:40:33,896 --> 01:40:36,137
Excuse me. Could you just
sign here, please, sir?
1325
01:40:37,532 --> 01:40:38,532
Thank you.
1326
01:40:38,632 --> 01:40:40,636
There's a table for you through
there, in the restaurant.
1327
01:40:40,736 --> 01:40:41,719
Thank you.
1328
01:40:41,819 --> 01:40:45,307
For the ladies.
Afterlife mints.
1329
01:40:45,407 --> 01:40:47,149
Thank you.
Happy Christmas.
1330
01:40:47,376 --> 01:40:48,878
Oh, is it Christmas today?
1331
01:40:48,978 --> 01:40:50,244
Of course, madam.
1332
01:40:50,344 --> 01:40:52,314
It's Christmas every day
in heaven.
1333
01:40:52,414 --> 01:40:55,123
Oh! How 'bout that?
Lovely.
1334
01:41:40,330 --> 01:41:42,264
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.
1335
01:41:42,364 --> 01:41:46,803
It's truly a real honourable
experience to be here this evening,
1336
01:41:46,903 --> 01:41:49,437
a very wonderful and warm
1337
01:41:49,537 --> 01:41:51,917
and emotional moment
for all of us.
1338
01:41:52,608 --> 01:41:54,711
And I'd like to
sing a song,
1339
01:41:54,811 --> 01:41:57,656
for all of you.
1340
01:42:02,018 --> 01:42:08,560
It's Christmas in heaven
All the children sing
1341
01:42:09,459 --> 01:42:12,337
It's Christmas in heaven
1342
01:42:12,628 --> 01:42:16,700
Hark, hark,
those church bells ring
1343
01:42:16,800 --> 01:42:19,908
It's Christmas in heaven
1344
01:42:20,170 --> 01:42:23,673
The snow falls from the sky
1345
01:42:23,773 --> 01:42:27,278
But it's nice and warm
and everyone
1346
01:42:27,378 --> 01:42:30,656
Looks smart and wears a tie
1347
01:42:36,587 --> 01:42:39,841
It's Christmas in heaven
1348
01:42:39,941 --> 01:42:43,161
There's great films on TV
1349
01:42:43,727 --> 01:42:47,331
The Sound of Music
twice an hour
1350
01:42:47,431 --> 01:42:50,640
And Jaws I, II and III
1351
01:42:51,101 --> 01:42:54,772
There's gifts
for all the family
1352
01:42:54,872 --> 01:42:58,441
There's toiletries
and trains
1353
01:42:58,541 --> 01:43:02,113
There's Sony Walkman
headphone sets
1354
01:43:02,213 --> 01:43:05,354
And the latest video games
1355
01:43:05,682 --> 01:43:08,662
It's Christmas
It's Christmas in heaven
1356
01:43:10,054 --> 01:43:12,431
Hip, hip, hip, hip
hip hooray
1357
01:43:12,623 --> 01:43:15,569
Every single day
1358
01:43:16,093 --> 01:43:18,596
Is Christmas Day
1359
01:43:20,364 --> 01:43:23,140
It's Christmas
It's Christmas in heaven
1360
01:43:24,535 --> 01:43:27,172
Hip, hip, hip, hip
hip hooray
1361
01:43:27,272 --> 01:43:33,072
Every single day is...
1362
01:43:34,846 --> 01:43:36,068
Well, that's the end
of the film.
1363
01:43:36,168 --> 01:43:37,356
Now here's
the meaning of life.
1364
01:43:39,784 --> 01:43:40,955
Thank you, Brigitte.
1365
01:43:46,257 --> 01:43:47,531
Well, it's nothing
very special.
1366
01:43:47,725 --> 01:43:49,593
'Try and be nice to people.
Avoid eating fat.
1367
01:43:49,693 --> 01:43:52,064
'Read a good book every now
and then. Get some walking in,
1368
01:43:52,164 --> 01:43:53,765
'and try and live together
in peace and harmony
1369
01:43:53,865 --> 01:43:55,504
'with people of all creeds
and nations.'
1370
01:43:56,134 --> 01:43:59,037
And finally, here are some completely
gratuitous pictures of penises,
1371
01:43:59,137 --> 01:44:02,324
to annoy the censors and to hopefully
spark some sort of controversy,
1372
01:44:02,424 --> 01:44:05,577
which is the only way these days
to get the jaded video-sated public
1373
01:44:05,677 --> 01:44:08,369
off their fucking arses and
back in the sodding cinema.
1374
01:44:08,469 --> 01:44:11,159
Family entertainment? Bollocks.
What they want is filth.
1375
01:44:11,382 --> 01:44:12,516
People doing things
to each other
1376
01:44:12,616 --> 01:44:14,484
with chainsaws
during Tupperware parties,
1377
01:44:14,584 --> 01:44:17,989
baby-sitters being stabbed with knitting
needles by gay presidential candidates,
1378
01:44:18,089 --> 01:44:19,956
vigilante groups
strangling chickens,
1379
01:44:20,056 --> 01:44:22,761
armed bands of theater critics
exterminating mutant goats.
1380
01:44:22,861 --> 01:44:25,897
Where's the fun in pictures?
Oh, well, there we are.
1381
01:44:25,997 --> 01:44:28,239
Here's the theme music.
Good night.
1382
01:44:41,580 --> 01:44:46,084
Just remember that
you're standing on a planet
1383
01:44:46,184 --> 01:44:50,327
That's evolving and revolving
at 900 miles an hour
1384
01:44:51,423 --> 01:44:55,428
It's orbiting at 19 miles
a second, so it's reckoned
1385
01:44:55,528 --> 01:44:58,532
A sun that is the source
of all our power
1386
01:44:59,398 --> 01:45:03,175
The sun and you and me and
all the stars that we can see
1387
01:45:03,302 --> 01:45:06,510
Are moving
at a million miles a day
1388
01:45:07,306 --> 01:45:11,310
In an outer spiral arm
at 40,000 miles an hour
1389
01:45:11,410 --> 01:45:14,187
Of the galaxy
we call the Milky Way
1390
01:45:23,255 --> 01:45:26,828
Our galaxy itself contains
a hundred billion stars
1391
01:45:26,928 --> 01:45:30,467
It's a hundred thousand
light years side to side
1392
01:45:31,263 --> 01:45:34,752
It bulges in the middle
16,000 light years thick
1393
01:45:34,852 --> 01:45:38,307
But out by us, it's just
3,000 light years wide
1394
01:45:39,171 --> 01:45:42,808
We're 30,000 light years
from galactic central point
1395
01:45:42,908 --> 01:45:45,845
We go round every
200 million years
1396
01:45:46,947 --> 01:45:50,584
And our galaxy is only
one of millions of billions
1397
01:45:50,684 --> 01:45:53,825
In this amazing
and expanding universe
1398
01:46:26,319 --> 01:46:30,791
The universe itself keeps on
expanding and expanding
1399
01:46:30,891 --> 01:46:33,930
In all of the directions
it can whizz
1400
01:46:34,828 --> 01:46:38,697
As fast as it can go at
the speed of light, you know
1401
01:46:38,797 --> 01:46:42,336
Twelve million miles a minute and
that's the fastest speed there is
1402
01:46:42,436 --> 01:46:46,573
So remember when you're
feeling very small and insecure
1403
01:46:46,673 --> 01:46:49,780
How amazingly unlikely
is your birth
1404
01:46:50,877 --> 01:46:54,182
And pray that there's intelligent
life somewhere up in space
1405
01:46:54,282 --> 01:46:57,093
'Cause there's bugger all
down here on Earth
110064
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