All language subtitles for Kukhnya01.03

It has been a week that I'm working in the restaurant “Claude Monet”

the best restaurant in Moscow.

I already know everything about everyone.

This is our Sous-chef, a real bore .

This is Kostya, our bartender and my new friend.

Shipment received!

Interesting, that with his looks,

he doesnt have any luck with girls.

Great choice!

Beautiful champagne for beautiful ladies.

Me and my girlfriend are going to my place,

would you like to join us?

This cook is Senya,

a great expert in vegetables.

And here is Fedya.

Its hard to find such fools,

but the kitchen wouldn’t be so much fun withou them.

This waitress is Nastya.

She is a vegetarian.

And sometimes its really hard on her.

Tender rack of six month old lamb,

which was probably sucking it’s mother's milk

at the moment when he was slaughtered and roasted.

Bon appetite!

And this pretty lady is Vika.

More accurate, Viktoria Sergeevna,

the manager of our restaurant.

Yes, our relationship has some issues ...

And this is our Chef.

At first sight,

this is a man who hates everything and everyone around him.

Well, what retard cut pepper for ratatouille in strips?

But really ... that’s actually the way he is.

I think I’ll fit in perfectly with this team.

Stanislav Nikolaevich!

Its Victor Barinov calling you regarding my license.

And how could they take it away

if I didnt even go to the Tver court?

Who? Vassily Mikhailovich?

But he suggested to call you.

Chef...here it is.

-What's this?
-A goose.

Really? And I thought it was a camel.

Well, we have a banquet today, right?

And what, is he invited?

Why the hell do I need a live goose in the kitchen?

But... chef, the supplier said that you asked for the freshest.

Vassily Mikhailovich?

This is Barinov, disturbing you about my driver’s license...

Stanislav Nikolayevich?

He’s standing right next to me.

Yeah...

He said you’d help.

Ok, I’ll wait.

Good morning, Chef!

What are we going to do today?

Go, unload the groceries.

But chef, I’m not a stock boy, I’m a cook.

I’ve been unloading and cleaning for a week already.

I came here to cook, not to unload.

Moreover, I already finished unloading.

Ok.

- Kill the goose.
-What do you mean?

Whack this goose for today’s banquet.

... like to death?

Would you rather slice it into pieces live?

Or do you think that pieces of meat grow on trees?

Every cook should be ready to kill.

Kill the goose!

Kill, kill, kill!

Hmm! Kill the goose! Its easy to say!

I have never killed anyone in my life.

And this one looks like my uncle.

I've explained it to you already.

I can’t leave her now.

I need to wait for the right time.

Vadim! I’ve been listening to this for two years.

Enough! I already told you last week.

- You’re seeing someone else, right?
- Maybe I am.

- Does he work here?
- Its not your business.

You’ve got a wife and a happy family.

If I find out who he is, I’ll rip his head off!

Viktoria Sergeevna, I hope today's banquet will be up to the standards.

Yes, I will go now and check everything.

Damn it, every day I cook “foie gras” and forced to eat pasta with meatballs.

As my one-legged captain used to say:

"Be happy that you are eating, and not the one being eaten".

Just pasta for me.

Why don’t you eat meat?

Because I’m a vegetarian.

Are you serious? A vegetarian?
And I thought you were a Russian.

Vegetarians are people who don’t eat meat.

That means I was a vegetarian during 90's too.

I didn’t have any money, so I just ate a potato.

I don’t eat meat at all.

I just think its unacceptable to kill animals for food.

That was probably a cute cow that had a favorite calf,

they were grazing pastures and loved each other.

And then people came,

slit her throat and made these juicy cutlets out of her meat,

and the poor little calf was probably grilled in one piece!

Wow! You make it sound so delicious!

So, there's no chance to do it?

And what if I bribe them?

How much?

It’s easier to buy a new driving license.

Well, if there is nothing that can be done.

In any case, thank you.

Yes!

Chef, they’re calling you.

This can be a dance floor, if you'd like. There’s our bar.

Oh! And here is Viktor Petrovich.

Let me to introduce you, Elvira Gumarovna,

the guest of honor at tonight's celebration

- Happy birthday.
- Thank you.

How may I help you?

For desert I'd like traditional Tatar chak chak (sweet cake).

And maybe instead of baguettes we will keep "Uchpuchmaki"(pastry with meat and potato) in the bread baskets

and we can serve "Surpa" for soup.

I’m afraid not everyone will like that.

Let’s just have the chak chak.

Do it!

- I can’t. Can you try?
- No. I can’t do it for sure.

- Kostya, this is bullshit!
- No, it’s totally true! I’ve seen it in the movies!

Go ahead! Put it in!

Crap! We blew a fuse.

What do you think, did we kill him?

It says that they have a very weak cardiovascular system.

Let's scare him. It will kill him for sure.

On the count of "three", we turn around and scream. Got it?

One, two, three!

Idiots!!! Don’t you have anything to do? Go to work f*** Idiots!!! *** Freaks!!! ***

Kostya, I got it.

I need a killer, a professional who can finish it off.

Come here.

Stay here for a little while.

Aynura, can you help me to kill the goose?

One thousand rubles, and you will see it sometimes.

Do you maybe mean never?

Ah yeah, never.

Listen fella, can we talk?

Yes.

Vika works here with you,

Victoria Sergeevna.

I need to know who she’s dating here.

Well, why are you so quiet?

Why do I have to answer you?

If you don’t want to answer here,

you’ll answer all the questions in my prosecutor's office.

Got it?

“The official of the Prosecutor's office:
Name: You’re Dead
Position: You’re Dead”

Got it, got it.

As far as I know,

she's not dating anyone here.

Well, keep your eyes open.

Interesting... I wonder who’ll be killed first – me or the goose?

When the pigs fly she will get her Chak-Chak here!!!

This is a French restaurant!!!

Maybe you dont understand what kind of people we have here tonight?

If she’s a judge, I doubt that plumbers are invited to her birthday.

And in general you can't argue with people like this.

A judge of which court?

I don’t remember, I think in Tver.

Louis!!!

You have to make chak chak for today’s banquet.

What? Chak pak?

Louis, shut up. The chitchat is over. If I say make chak chak, you have to make chak chak.

You need to do it without saying a word. You need to make it and that’s it.

Retard!

Madhouse!

Only Chef, Vicka and Kostya know that I slept with Vika.

I need to warn Kostya not to blurt it out by mistake.

He was the most talented chicken-butt, I have ever known.

Sleep well, just the way you slept with someone else’s woman.

“Chicken-butt
He slept with someone else’s woman”

- Why did you tell him? Now I’m dead!
- Who?

That man. What did he ask?

Relax. He just asked for the toilet.

Here we go, chak-chak from our pastry chef. Try it.

Thank you. Thank you that you made changes to your menu.

Not a big deal.

I’m the head chef, and Its my duty to fulfil any wish of my clients

And by the way, what do you do?

Well, I don’t have such an interesting job.
I’m a judge.

Really?!

You know, it’s a pity that we didnt meet yesterday.

What do you mean?

It’s no big deal. They took my driver’s license.

And even if we met yesterday…you’re not from the Tver court?

Coincidences like these are incredible.

You know, Tver court is exactly where I work.

You’re kidding me!

No, really. What is your last name?

Barinov. Victor Barinov.

Ah! I was the judge of your case,

and you didn’t even care to come to the court.

I was busy with your banquet.

Maybe there is a way to fix it.

- I’d be grateful.
- No.

You drove into the opposite lane

and knocked down a traffic light.

I have an excuse. I was drunk.

You have to thank me that I took your license only for a year.

Oh, of course. Thank you.

And your chak chak is a bit weird.

You know, I’ll probably order it from a proven place.

Hi!

We’ve already seen each other today.

Yes...Vika, that guy that you were fighting with…

My private life is none of your business.

Yea, yea, that’s exactly what I wanted to say.

Well...actually...what happened between us, you know…

In short... I think you shouldn’t tell him anything about it.

Because you know, he might get upset

and get the wrong idea.

You understand, right?

You're scared that I’ll tell him?

Me?! Tell him if you want, it’s up to you.

Moreover, it wasnt real sex, we just had fun.

Ah, so that was just fun?

Vadim,

you wanted to know who I’m seeing?

Let me introduce you. This is my Max.

Relax,

I see what she’s up to.

She wants to make me angry.

No offense, but...

she would never in her life

hook up with such a wimp as you.

I know it for sure.

Want a drink?

No, thanks.

Well, as you wish.

Hey, where’s your goose?

Wait.

Damn. He was right here!

Why did you leave it there?

The garbage truck probably took it away.

Calm down, Max, seems that you don’t have to kill anyone.

Now i just have to find a dead goose somewhere.

Ainura?

Where is the market here?

"You have to thank me that I took your license only for a year".

What a snake! I will show you today!

Go, go.

Fedya!

Yes, Chef?

Run to the pharmacy!

Got it, Chef. Classic!

Chicken-butt! Where’s the goose?

Uh…I just finished him off.

Why are you so clean?

Not even a single drop of blood on you...

I didn’t chop its head off.

I strangled it.

Its horrible!

Okay, Othello. Get your Desdemona to sous-chef.

Lyova!

Start cooking the goose, it’s time already.

Got it, chef.

And I'll take care of "With complements from chef".

Vika, we need to talk.

I already told you everything.

Enough, Vika. You know that I care about you...my bunny.

Vadim, here you are!

We are talking with Victoria Sergeevna about the banquet.

Let me introduce you.

This is my wife, Elvira Gumarovna and this is Victoria Sergeevna.

We’ve already met each other.

Victoria Sergeevna helped me a lot today.

Vadik, you were so right to sugges this place for celebration.

You’re the best.

Why’s it so small?

Ah...There were just lots of feathers.

I was shocked myself when I was plucking it.

Here it is, Chef. It’s new. One tablet and our client

won’t be able to stay more than three meters away from the toilet.

It's time to congratulate the birthday girl.

- Excuse me, can you come here for a minute please?
- Of course

There!

Oh…look here, its a goose...

So that’s why I called you.

Thank you very much.

You can go to the dining hall.

If I see anything interesting, I’ll call you too.

Go, go.

Shoot, I just knew I’d find you in here.

Let’s go, I’ll hide you somewhere else.

Don’t be afraid. When my shift is over, I’ll set you free.

Sit here, only be quiet.

I would like to raise a glass for my beloved.

Dear, I wish you health!

Everything else you will get in the form of “gratitude”.

Yeah, you know, I’d like you to remember

that I will always by your side.

Let's drink to the best woman, to my beloved.

Hoorah!

Hoorah! Hoorah!

Hoorah! Hoorah! Good evening.

Regardless our little misunderstanding this afternoon,

I still would like to give you a little surprise

with complements from Chef for your birthday.

Thank you for everything.

Everything is so delicious.

You know, I see you're very responsible and honest man.

I think I can do something to help you.

Call me tomorrow.

Yummy!

Oh, let me try that first.

Too much pepper.

Yeah. Sasha, take this away to the kitchen.

I’ll do it again and bring it back.

As for me, it’s delicious.

Excuse me,

can I have a little bit more…

I’ll be back in a minute.

I feel like Im in a soap opera.

He loves her, but he loves his wife more.

Jerk!

Listen Vika, forgive me, I didn’t want to.

I really didn’t know you will get so upset.

Don’t touch me.

Why do I end up with such assholes?

Just broke up with one asshole, same night I met another one.

Listen Vika, everyone makes mistakes.

Yes, Its my fault that I run away in the morning, but I…

No, it was my fault that I hooked up with you at all.

Oh, you slut!

Vadim.

So, then, it is true, isn’t it?

You hooked up with this looser???

Oh, you're bitch!

Listen! Watch your language!

By the way, you’re talking to the lady.

What did you say?

- I said leave her alone.
- Vadik…

- What did you say?
- What are you doing?!!

- Are you completely out of your minds?
- Chef?

Excuse me – can we serve the goose now?

Vadik, put the gun away! Pants! Put on your pants!

He lost his mind! Somebody stop him!

Don't you move, b*tch!

- Is this my goose?
- Aha…

Murderer!

Goosey…

Damn it! What a messed up banquet!

And I missed it.

Sorry, for this.

My Vadim really shouldn’t drink.

Don’t worry, it wasn’t a real gun.

Traumatic...

He shot with it my last birthday too.

Here, take this

and give it to all the staff for caused inconveniences.

And call me tomorrow.

Agreed.

Lets sum up your first week of work.

On the first day you almost poisoned someone.

On the second day you fought with the bartender

and crashed the entire bar.

Now I found out that you banged Victoria Sergeevna,

But...

and today you are almost got shot.

It seems that you...

fit into our team perfectly.

Lets go.

Well, chicken-butt, we accept you into our kitchen.

On your knee.

From Here to Eternity

we accept you into our kitchen

in the name of the oven and baking pan,

and in the name of the frying pan and the ladle.

Amen.

Life is a series of losses and wins.

Someone grieves over their loss,

others celebrate their wins.

And there are some that gain from a loss.

So chef, you aren't even going to punish me?

Wasn’t that enough for you?

You're actually the first person to go through this ritual.

Actually, it turned out pretty great, huh?

I think everybody needs to go through this kind of initiation.

Come on, Senja! Lyova! Fedia! Aynura!

And whatever happens,

the most important is to understand

that its just the beginning.

No goose was harmed during filming.
Honestly.