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1
00:00:00,267 --> 00:00:01,668
for once, I agree with Gizmo.
2
00:00:01,702 --> 00:00:04,505
You do overuse
the vampiric hypnosis.
3
00:00:04,538 --> 00:00:06,540
-What? And you don't?
-I don't need to.
4
00:00:06,573 --> 00:00:10,310
I can rely on my wit and wisdom,
not cheap tricks and gambits.
5
00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:12,045
Electrical audio recording.
6
00:00:12,079 --> 00:00:14,715
Testing. One, two and...
7
00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:17,084
My point being,
I can wander about these humans
8
00:00:17,117 --> 00:00:19,086
without having
to resort to hypnosis.
9
00:00:19,119 --> 00:00:21,355
I'm a student
of the human condition,
10
00:00:21,388 --> 00:00:23,590
a psychological chameleon,
one might say.
11
00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:25,692
Well, one might also say
12
00:00:25,726 --> 00:00:29,029
that you have hypnotized your
best friend Sean many times.
13
00:00:29,062 --> 00:00:31,431
Yeah, to clear up your mess,
but I don't say anything
14
00:00:31,465 --> 00:00:34,268
that causes Sean
any kind of alarm.
15
00:00:34,301 --> 00:00:36,003
In fact, if you talk to Sean,
he'll tell you
16
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:38,238
I'm just one of the guys.
17
00:00:38,272 --> 00:00:39,540
Well, he's my friend, too.
18
00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:41,241
That's 'cause he's a nice guy,
19
00:00:41,275 --> 00:00:42,442
which makes it
doubly embarrassing
20
00:00:42,476 --> 00:00:44,311
when you say dumb shit like,
21
00:00:44,344 --> 00:00:47,781
"I am a vampire,
I've lived for 2,000 years.
22
00:00:47,814 --> 00:00:49,550
"I like to suck-a the blood.
23
00:00:49,583 --> 00:00:51,251
"Oh, shit. I fucked up.
24
00:00:51,285 --> 00:00:54,188
I'll now have to hypnotize
the whole fucking world."
25
00:00:55,522 --> 00:00:57,591
-I don't do that.
-You do do that.
26
00:00:57,624 --> 00:00:59,359
You just said "Doo doo."
27
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:03,430
Touché.
Can we get on with this?
28
00:01:03,463 --> 00:01:05,599
["You're Dead"
by Norma Tanega playing]
29
00:01:05,632 --> 00:01:08,101
♪ Don't sing if you want
to live long ♪
30
00:01:08,135 --> 00:01:10,604
♪ They have no use
for your song ♪
31
00:01:10,637 --> 00:01:13,273
♪ You're dead, you're dead,
you're dead ♪
32
00:01:13,307 --> 00:01:16,009
♪ You're dead
and out of this world ♪
33
00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:20,781
♪ Now your hope and compassion
is gone ♪
34
00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:23,517
♪ You sold out your dream
to the world ♪
35
00:01:23,550 --> 00:01:25,652
♪ Stay dead, stay dead,
stay dead ♪
36
00:01:25,686 --> 00:01:27,621
♪ You're dead
and out of this world. ♪
37
00:01:37,798 --> 00:01:40,267
[Nadja]
I am not imagining anything.
38
00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:43,237
Something is going very tits up
with my life.
39
00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:46,139
-In what ways?
-I don't know, Colin Robinson.
40
00:01:46,173 --> 00:01:49,042
How about, my nightclub
got destroyed by fire?
41
00:01:49,076 --> 00:01:51,545
-Which you set.
-I was drinking
42
00:01:51,578 --> 00:01:54,314
liquor blood every day
for months.
43
00:01:54,348 --> 00:01:56,517
I know, my darling, but we did
all tell you to slow down.
44
00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:58,485
-Slow down.
-We did tell you to slow down.
-[Nadja] And no one,
45
00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:00,320
none of you told me
to slow down!
46
00:02:00,354 --> 00:02:04,024
-Uh...
-And now, my poor,
precious little dolly
47
00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:06,260
has got her body all mangled
and minced up.
48
00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:09,062
You did that by sitting on me.
49
00:02:09,096 --> 00:02:10,998
While you were drunk
on liquor blood.
50
00:02:11,031 --> 00:02:12,666
After we told you to slow down.
51
00:02:12,699 --> 00:02:16,003
-Yes.
-This is never going to end.
[cries]
52
00:02:16,036 --> 00:02:18,505
Now, now, Nadja. There, there.
It is going to end.
53
00:02:18,539 --> 00:02:20,274
And I have just the thing
that's going to help you.
54
00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:23,377
Don't tell me, Nandor. Hypnosis.
55
00:02:23,410 --> 00:02:24,611
Uh...
56
00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:26,180
Hypnosis seems
to be Nandor's solution
57
00:02:26,213 --> 00:02:27,748
to every problem.
58
00:02:27,781 --> 00:02:30,250
And as a fellow vampire,
I find this artless,
59
00:02:30,284 --> 00:02:32,786
and even embarrassing.
60
00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:36,356
You plan to hypnotize my wife
free of all her woes?
61
00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:38,258
-No, actually.
-Really?
62
00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:40,527
What was it then?
63
00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:42,429
You know what?
The atmosphere in this room...
64
00:02:42,462 --> 00:02:44,364
-Hey...
-...is not really conducive
to positive
65
00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:45,732
contributions,
so just forget it.
66
00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:48,502
[rumbling]
67
00:02:51,805 --> 00:02:53,640
-Surprise!
-[gasping]
68
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,475
I'm back.
69
00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:58,178
-Were you gone?
-Yes.
70
00:02:58,212 --> 00:02:59,479
I was gone for a while.
71
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:02,082
I have been
sitting over there
72
00:03:02,115 --> 00:03:04,251
at the Vampiric Council
headquarters
73
00:03:04,284 --> 00:03:07,154
wondering if you guys were going
to come back.
74
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,655
After a while, I just decided,
75
00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:11,124
"Maybe they forgot
I even exist!"
76
00:03:11,158 --> 00:03:13,627
[laughs softly]
77
00:03:13,660 --> 00:03:15,696
Says here we're on track
78
00:03:15,729 --> 00:03:19,600
for a higher than usual level
of precipitation this month.
79
00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:21,468
-[Nandor] No doubt.
-Mm.
80
00:03:21,502 --> 00:03:25,138
So, what did I miss?
81
00:03:25,172 --> 00:03:27,774
What's the old gang
been up to, huh?
82
00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:31,044
Actually, I'm going to sit
in that chair in a few minutes.
83
00:03:31,078 --> 00:03:33,647
No problemo.
It's more comfortable over here.
84
00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:36,350
Any fun activities planned
for tonight?
85
00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:38,051
Yes, we're off
for a night on the town
86
00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:40,120
-with Sean and his friends.
-Ha, ha!
87
00:03:40,153 --> 00:03:43,123
Is this like a
"Come one, come all" type deal?
88
00:03:43,156 --> 00:03:44,992
Uh, not sure.
89
00:03:45,025 --> 00:03:46,593
I'll give you a ring
when I get there.
90
00:03:46,627 --> 00:03:48,428
-All right.
-[door creaks open]
91
00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:50,063
-But you don't have a phone.
-[door closes]
92
00:03:50,097 --> 00:03:51,598
That was weird, right?
93
00:03:51,632 --> 00:03:54,401
I know it's hard
to break into a vampire clique.
94
00:03:54,434 --> 00:03:57,204
Oh, no. What happened
to your little body?
95
00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,540
-She sat on me.
-No.
96
00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:02,576
They've never invited me
to live in the house.
97
00:04:02,609 --> 00:04:06,246
Apparently, they are not allowed
to have a fifth vampire here,
98
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:09,283
due to some zoning regulation
99
00:04:09,316 --> 00:04:11,251
that I have never heard of.
100
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,323
[Sean] I was never much
101
00:04:16,356 --> 00:04:17,658
of a wine guy
when I was younger.
102
00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:18,659
-Same.
-But that's 'cause
103
00:04:18,692 --> 00:04:19,660
we were drinking to get drunk.
104
00:04:19,693 --> 00:04:21,695
Now that we're older,
105
00:04:21,728 --> 00:04:25,032
you know, you can appreciate
the concept of moderation.
106
00:04:25,065 --> 00:04:26,500
Or Charmaine told you
you better start appreciating it
107
00:04:26,533 --> 00:04:28,168
if you don't want
to keep sleeping
108
00:04:28,202 --> 00:04:29,636
on an army cot in the garage.
109
00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:31,505
-Come on.
-Whoa. Why you got
to bring that up?
110
00:04:31,538 --> 00:04:34,675
Wine can of their wits
the wise beguile,
111
00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:38,512
make a sage frolic,
and the serious smile.
112
00:04:38,545 --> 00:04:40,614
Whoa! We got a fucking poet
over here.
113
00:04:40,647 --> 00:04:42,616
Classic Laz.
114
00:04:42,649 --> 00:04:44,318
[Laszlo]
Now I'd like to claim that
as my own,
115
00:04:44,351 --> 00:04:46,286
it was actually written
a long time ago by Homer.
116
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:47,621
[Frank]
Oh. Homer's great.
117
00:04:47,654 --> 00:04:50,057
-Yeah. D'oh!
-Yeah. D'oh.
118
00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:51,558
-[chuckling]
-Yes!
119
00:04:51,592 --> 00:04:54,294
Wine is very cool.
120
00:04:54,328 --> 00:04:56,129
Um...
121
00:04:56,163 --> 00:04:58,499
That was... Nandor.
122
00:04:58,532 --> 00:05:02,202
-Hmm.
-Oh, me. But seriously,
123
00:05:02,236 --> 00:05:04,004
yeah, how come you guys
never drink?
124
00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:06,273
I mean, I don't think I've ever
seen you guys take a sip
125
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,041
of nothing ever.
126
00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:10,210
-Uh...
-Never?
127
00:05:10,244 --> 00:05:12,145
-No?
-No.
128
00:05:12,179 --> 00:05:13,480
[Sean]
What's up with that?
129
00:05:13,514 --> 00:05:17,017
Actually, uh,
I drink lots of fluids.
130
00:05:17,050 --> 00:05:20,087
-Oh.
-Red fluids.
131
00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:22,656
If Nandor were to engage his
brain just once before speaking,
132
00:05:22,689 --> 00:05:25,425
he would not fall back
on hypnosis.
133
00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:27,528
Much like your wine.
134
00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:31,298
-Except it is not wine.
-[Frank] Hmm.
135
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,267
Okay.
136
00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:35,135
-What is it then?
-Um...
-Um...
137
00:05:35,169 --> 00:05:37,237
I don't know why I said that.
138
00:05:37,271 --> 00:05:39,039
[Laszlo]
A real vampire uses
139
00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:41,141
wit, wisdom and charm.
140
00:05:41,175 --> 00:05:43,377
What he's trying to say is,
um, he's more
141
00:05:43,410 --> 00:05:45,479
of a Red Bull and vodka guy.
142
00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:46,613
-Oh!
-Oh!
-Oh!
143
00:05:46,647 --> 00:05:48,382
-Yeah.
-Yes, yes.
144
00:05:48,415 --> 00:05:50,450
The reason
you don't see us drinking is,
145
00:05:50,484 --> 00:05:53,253
'cause we pre-gamed
before we got here very heavily.
146
00:05:53,287 --> 00:05:55,422
There you go.
Budget conscious.
147
00:05:55,455 --> 00:05:57,257
And you never see us
eat anything
148
00:05:57,291 --> 00:05:59,059
'cause I don't want
what's going down there
149
00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:02,062
to come back up here
and across your stupid faces.
150
00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:05,332
-[laughter]
-Yeah!
151
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:07,067
See? Little charm goes
a long way.
152
00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:09,570
That was close.
153
00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:11,572
[Nadja]
And on top of this
154
00:06:11,605 --> 00:06:14,541
bag of shit things
that keep happening to me,
155
00:06:14,575 --> 00:06:17,544
I've got no one
to talk to about it.
156
00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:19,346
I am here.
157
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,715
Yes, yes,
but you know what I mean.
158
00:06:21,748 --> 00:06:24,318
I have got absolutely
159
00:06:24,351 --> 00:06:28,021
no really close
female friends anymore.
160
00:06:28,055 --> 00:06:29,590
None?
161
00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:31,758
Nope. Go figure.
162
00:06:31,792 --> 00:06:33,660
[Guide] I just felt like
163
00:06:33,694 --> 00:06:35,295
we had gotten closer
164
00:06:35,329 --> 00:06:37,164
with the nightclub
and everything,
165
00:06:37,197 --> 00:06:39,633
and... [sighs]
166
00:06:39,666 --> 00:06:42,102
So you're telling me
167
00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:45,506
you have no close
female friends?
168
00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:48,108
None at all.
169
00:06:51,478 --> 00:06:53,313
What do I got to do? [laughs]
170
00:06:53,347 --> 00:06:55,282
[sighs]
171
00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:57,284
It's got an ass-load of terroir.
172
00:06:57,317 --> 00:06:59,119
-What the fuck do you know,
terroir?
-What do you mean?
173
00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:01,255
Nandor, uh, I don't know
whether you've noticed,
174
00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:04,224
but Gizmo seems
a bit odd lately.
175
00:07:04,258 --> 00:07:05,726
Yeah, I mean,
he's been a bit distant lately,
176
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,361
but I think it's because
177
00:07:07,394 --> 00:07:09,263
I haven't given him
enough shit work.
178
00:07:09,296 --> 00:07:10,697
You know what it's like
with familiars.
179
00:07:10,731 --> 00:07:12,733
If you don't give them
enough shit work,
180
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,368
then they have too much time
181
00:07:14,401 --> 00:07:16,537
to contemplate
their own pathetic existences.
182
00:07:16,570 --> 00:07:18,305
I think
it might be something else.
183
00:07:18,338 --> 00:07:21,775
I have a theory, but I could
just be imagining things.
184
00:07:21,808 --> 00:07:24,244
[Guillermo]
I don't understand
what's taking so long.
185
00:07:24,278 --> 00:07:26,079
How long did it take when
you were made into a vampire
186
00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:28,515
to fully, you know,
become a vampire?
187
00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:30,384
For me it was, like,
six to eight hours,
188
00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:33,387
but as with all things,
your mileage may vary.
189
00:07:33,420 --> 00:07:35,022
It's been three weeks.
Why am I not a vampire?
190
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:36,757
-I should be a vampire by now.
-Maybe you are one,
191
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,158
and you just don't realize it.
192
00:07:38,192 --> 00:07:40,327
Okay, hang on.
Have you tried this?
193
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:43,530
Form of... Microchiroptera.
194
00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:45,399
[squeaking]
195
00:07:45,432 --> 00:07:48,268
-[gasps]
-No.
196
00:07:48,302 --> 00:07:50,204
I can't do that. If I could
do that, I wouldn't be here.
197
00:07:50,237 --> 00:07:51,605
-Have you tried?
-Yes, of course, I've tried.
198
00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:53,140
Try now.
199
00:07:54,374 --> 00:07:56,376
Okay.
200
00:07:56,410 --> 00:07:58,378
Bat.
201
00:07:59,513 --> 00:08:02,549
Whoa! That is some freaky shit.
202
00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:04,384
-[Man] Hey, Derek?
-Toilets!
203
00:08:04,418 --> 00:08:06,053
-It's overflowing.
-Yeah, um, I've got to...
204
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:07,754
Hold that thought.
205
00:08:07,788 --> 00:08:09,456
-[man] Derek!
-Coming!
206
00:08:17,731 --> 00:08:20,300
I think
I have everything we need.
207
00:08:20,334 --> 00:08:22,035
For what?
208
00:08:22,069 --> 00:08:23,437
All these troubles
you're having--
209
00:08:23,470 --> 00:08:25,472
I hate to say it,
but I think it might be...
210
00:08:25,506 --> 00:08:27,040
a hex.
211
00:08:27,074 --> 00:08:29,243
Do you mean, like, a curse?
212
00:08:29,276 --> 00:08:33,113
No, no, curses are just
supernatural excuses
213
00:08:33,146 --> 00:08:35,349
people make up for being losers.
214
00:08:35,382 --> 00:08:38,352
Hexes, on the other hand--
that's a real thing.
215
00:08:38,385 --> 00:08:41,622
Targeted harassment brought on
by your own past actions.
216
00:08:41,655 --> 00:08:44,024
-Right.
-Let's just rule it out.
217
00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:46,426
Is there anyone in your life,
218
00:08:46,460 --> 00:08:50,097
current or past,
that you have treated unkindly?
219
00:08:50,130 --> 00:08:51,565
-Nope.
-No one?
220
00:08:51,598 --> 00:08:53,167
-No.
-Never?
221
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,434
-No.
-No one?
222
00:08:54,468 --> 00:08:55,736
Nope.
223
00:08:57,404 --> 00:08:59,306
-Oh, that's the way.
-Please stop fucking doing that.
224
00:08:59,339 --> 00:09:00,707
-Why? Why?
-What's wrong with you?
225
00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:03,043
Hey, hey, hey, hey, boys.
226
00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:05,612
Why don't we just play nice?
227
00:09:05,646 --> 00:09:07,447
No, it's bullshit.
228
00:09:07,481 --> 00:09:11,051
That's a fucking
eight-dollar bottle of wine,
229
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:12,619
and he's putting ice in it!
230
00:09:12,653 --> 00:09:15,389
That's what they do in France!
231
00:09:15,422 --> 00:09:18,425
-Come on. Marone.
-Easy now, fellows.
232
00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:20,227
Mikey's right.
That is what they do in France.
233
00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:23,430
What the fuck do you know
from fucking France?
234
00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:26,166
Oh! My cousin is from France.
235
00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:28,702
Your cousin is
from fucking Quebec!
236
00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:31,171
-How dare you.
-But I'm right, ain't I?
237
00:09:31,205 --> 00:09:32,606
-Ain't I? Huh?
-Quit doing the fucking
chin thing.
238
00:09:32,639 --> 00:09:34,208
-Fuck you.
-Get the fuck out of--
239
00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:36,577
-[clamoring]
-[Laszlo laughs]
-[woman] Hey... stop it!
240
00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:38,178
-Stop it!
-Shouldn't we, uh...?
241
00:09:38,212 --> 00:09:40,080
No, I think
let them just carry on.
242
00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:42,749
-They're having a great time.
-[Mikey] You know, I think
243
00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:44,184
Céline Dion is from Quebec.
244
00:09:44,218 --> 00:09:45,185
-[indistinct shouting]
-[Laszlo] Céline who?
245
00:09:45,219 --> 00:09:46,587
Céline Dion.
246
00:09:46,620 --> 00:09:48,055
I don't know who she is.
247
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:50,624
-Vegas showgirl, singer type.
-Is she good?
248
00:09:50,657 --> 00:09:53,026
Fucking bring it!
249
00:09:53,060 --> 00:09:55,062
-[woman shrieks]
-Fuck you!
250
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,164
-That's not good.
-No it's not.
251
00:09:57,197 --> 00:09:58,599
That's not good at all.
252
00:09:58,632 --> 00:10:00,767
All right,
nothing to see here, everyone.
253
00:10:00,801 --> 00:10:02,503
-Maybe we should,
uh, skedaddle.
-Yeah.
254
00:10:02,536 --> 00:10:04,304
-Whoops.
-You really got me.
255
00:10:04,338 --> 00:10:06,707
-Oh.
-Sorry for the ruckus, Jimmy.
256
00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:08,642
-[woman] Not my name.
-We'll get this cleaned up
257
00:10:08,675 --> 00:10:11,044
and squared away in no time.
258
00:10:11,078 --> 00:10:13,614
I think
she's calling the police.
259
00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:15,582
Why don't you hypnotize them,
Nandor? You're so fond of that.
260
00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:17,317
I don't think
that will be necessary.
261
00:10:17,351 --> 00:10:19,520
Maybe you fellas
should apologize to Jimmy.
262
00:10:19,553 --> 00:10:21,455
-Not my name.
-[Sean] Sorry, Jimmy.
-And offer
263
00:10:21,488 --> 00:10:22,489
-to pay for the window.
-Yo!
264
00:10:22,523 --> 00:10:24,091
-Shit.
-Who the fuck's
265
00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:26,493
-this bonanza?
-Oh, go, go, go!
266
00:10:26,527 --> 00:10:28,729
-What's going on here, fellas?
-Officer, thank goodness.
267
00:10:28,762 --> 00:10:30,631
This window-- it exploded,
268
00:10:30,664 --> 00:10:33,333
and it nearly blew the asses
off these guys.
269
00:10:33,367 --> 00:10:36,336
-What guys?
-These guys. The, uh...
270
00:10:36,370 --> 00:10:38,105
Uh...
271
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:40,040
-You need some help?
-[Nandor] No, I got this.
272
00:10:40,073 --> 00:10:42,176
There were these guys.
This much we know.
273
00:10:42,209 --> 00:10:44,044
But there was also this window,
274
00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:46,213
-and the, uh...
-Mikey?
275
00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:49,249
-I...
-Oh, fuck off, Terry.
It was an accident.
276
00:10:49,283 --> 00:10:51,585
Whatever, Mikey.
I'm filing a report.
277
00:10:51,618 --> 00:10:53,787
Hold on there. Do you two fellas
know each other?
278
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,056
Yeah, Terry, Seany,
279
00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:58,025
Frank and I-- we all went
to high school together.
280
00:10:58,058 --> 00:11:00,561
Oh, so this is Terry?
These fellas-- they speak
281
00:11:00,594 --> 00:11:02,196
very highly of you.
282
00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:04,431
-This guy?
Get the fuck out of here.
-No.
283
00:11:04,464 --> 00:11:06,233
It's absolutely true.
284
00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:08,235
I've waited a long time
285
00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:11,038
to meet the world-famous
Terry from high school.
286
00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:12,506
And now I have,
and I'll tell you something.
287
00:11:12,539 --> 00:11:14,575
I'm not disappointed.
288
00:11:14,608 --> 00:11:16,310
-For real?
-Oh, yes.
289
00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:17,511
-Shit. That's good.
-Just a bit of charm.
290
00:11:17,544 --> 00:11:19,179
And I'll wager
291
00:11:19,213 --> 00:11:21,348
not many constables could think
of a creative way out
292
00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:23,617
of this particular predicament,
293
00:11:23,650 --> 00:11:25,252
and that's because
they're not Terry.
294
00:11:25,285 --> 00:11:28,355
[both laughing]
295
00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:30,190
Sean, I don't know
what you're doing down there,
296
00:11:30,224 --> 00:11:32,059
but it doesn't look
like a good idea.
297
00:11:32,092 --> 00:11:35,162
Hey, Terry, see you next fall.
298
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,296
-Come on, book it. Let's go.
-Shit.
299
00:11:36,330 --> 00:11:38,465
-All right.
-Eat shit and die, Terry.
-[siren wailing]
300
00:11:38,499 --> 00:11:40,467
-[laughing]
-[Nandor] Where did you get
those chains?
301
00:11:40,501 --> 00:11:42,102
-From the car.
-What car?
302
00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:43,637
-Right over here!
-Here.
303
00:11:43,670 --> 00:11:46,173
Get in, losers!
We're going shopping!
304
00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:49,243
No, no, no, no, no,
don't steal my car!
305
00:11:49,276 --> 00:11:51,445
You stole my car back in school!
306
00:11:51,478 --> 00:11:53,180
You sold me that piece of shit!
307
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:56,183
-Drive on, motherfuckers.
-[horn honking]
308
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:58,385
-[tires screeching]
-[siren wailing]
309
00:11:58,418 --> 00:12:00,521
[horn blaring]
310
00:12:00,554 --> 00:12:03,056
[indistinct shouting]
311
00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:04,558
[Sean] [over megaphone]
Eat shit, Terry!
312
00:12:04,591 --> 00:12:06,560
[laughter over megaphone]
313
00:12:10,531 --> 00:12:12,299
Am I needed for this bit,
314
00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:14,301
or can I just take a nap
while you do your--
315
00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:15,302
Shh! Honestly.
316
00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:17,571
It's this way?
317
00:12:17,604 --> 00:12:20,174
Is it this way?
I'm listening.
318
00:12:20,207 --> 00:12:21,608
No, no. Oh.
319
00:12:21,642 --> 00:12:23,343
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
320
00:12:23,377 --> 00:12:26,213
It's here.
[gasps loudly, yells]
321
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:29,116
[gasps]
322
00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:31,451
-Is this yours?
-No,
323
00:12:31,485 --> 00:12:33,787
but, no, I know this woman.
324
00:12:33,820 --> 00:12:36,723
This is Yiaya Neikia.
In Antipaxos,
325
00:12:36,757 --> 00:12:39,026
this is a very bad-luck woman.
326
00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:40,427
A real shit-stirrer.
327
00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:43,764
How did this get here?
328
00:12:43,797 --> 00:12:46,099
[blows]
That ought to do it.
329
00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:47,334
[Guide clears throat]
330
00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:48,735
Oh, my.
331
00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:50,737
What?!
332
00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:52,506
Oh.
333
00:12:52,539 --> 00:12:54,174
This shriveled bitch!
334
00:12:54,208 --> 00:12:55,342
[ripping photo]
335
00:12:57,511 --> 00:12:59,646
Now that really ought
to do it. [laughs]
336
00:12:59,680 --> 00:13:02,049
Um...
337
00:13:02,082 --> 00:13:04,184
-Oh, my...
-[Nadja] What?!
338
00:13:04,218 --> 00:13:05,419
[panting]
339
00:13:07,554 --> 00:13:09,656
Ew-kay. [chuckles]
340
00:13:09,690 --> 00:13:12,659
This is a little bit
really bad, isn't it?
341
00:13:20,801 --> 00:13:22,636
[Lazlo]
Didn't feel a thing.
342
00:13:22,669 --> 00:13:23,637
[Sean]
Think I went out of bounds.
343
00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:26,039
-[coughing]
-Jesus.
344
00:13:26,073 --> 00:13:27,708
[Sean]
Everybody good?
345
00:13:27,741 --> 00:13:30,377
-Holy shit.
-Hey, look, I didn't even
spill my wine.
346
00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:33,647
-Nice.
-That was some GTA5 shit.
347
00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:35,516
Yo, yo, Mikey, Mikey,
you got a little cut.
348
00:13:35,549 --> 00:13:37,384
That's gonna be a good scar
in the morning.
349
00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:38,785
-Yeah. Go ahead.
-[Laszlo] Say, boys.
350
00:13:38,819 --> 00:13:40,420
I've got a great idea.
351
00:13:40,454 --> 00:13:43,690
What say we... call it a night?
352
00:13:43,724 --> 00:13:46,426
[Nandor]
Laszlo makes a good point.
Maybe we should all just
353
00:13:46,460 --> 00:13:49,029
-go home and go to bed?
-[Mikey] Oh! Look what I found!
354
00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:51,031
-Look what I found.
-Oh!
-Oh!
355
00:13:51,064 --> 00:13:53,300
-Nice!
-Breaker 1-9, Breaker 1-9.
356
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:55,102
This is Rubber Duck.
357
00:13:55,135 --> 00:13:56,436
-That's a good reference.
-Yeah.
358
00:13:56,470 --> 00:13:57,571
-10-4, yeah.
-[Frank] That's nothing.
359
00:13:57,604 --> 00:13:59,039
Look what I found.
360
00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:00,674
-Whoa.
-[laughs]
361
00:14:00,707 --> 00:14:02,109
[Laszlo] Why don't you
put that back in the car?
362
00:14:02,142 --> 00:14:03,277
[Sean]
Laz is right.
363
00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:05,012
We got to tell Terry about that.
364
00:14:05,045 --> 00:14:07,047
Cop's not supposed
to lose his gun.
365
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,715
It's real bad.
I saw it in a movie once.
366
00:14:08,749 --> 00:14:10,784
Yeah, we should leave the gun,
367
00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:13,053
-go home and go to bed.
-[Sean] Empty the bullets,
dipshit.
368
00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:15,722
You know, that's a felony--
to have a loaded weapon?
369
00:14:15,756 --> 00:14:18,158
-[gunshots]
-[clamoring]
370
00:14:18,192 --> 00:14:19,293
Very loud.
371
00:14:19,326 --> 00:14:20,761
What the fuck are you doing?
372
00:14:20,794 --> 00:14:21,762
You told me
to get rid of the bullets.
373
00:14:21,795 --> 00:14:25,165
-I said, empty the clip!
-That's what I'm doing!
374
00:14:25,199 --> 00:14:27,167
-[siren wailing]
-See? Now it's empty,
375
00:14:27,201 --> 00:14:29,036
-idiot.
-[Sean] Oh, shit.
Terry snitched.
376
00:14:29,069 --> 00:14:31,305
-Oh. Shit.
-We got to hit the bricks.
377
00:14:31,338 --> 00:14:34,408
Go, go, go.
Come on, boys, let's go!
378
00:14:34,441 --> 00:14:37,311
[siren wailing]
379
00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:39,012
You're not coming?
380
00:14:39,046 --> 00:14:40,581
Well, if you want
to be a coward, Nandor.
381
00:14:40,614 --> 00:14:42,783
-[cop] Freeze!
-[cop 2] Put your hands up.
382
00:14:42,816 --> 00:14:44,551
-Hands where we can see them.
-Uh, no, not really.
I just thought maybe
383
00:14:44,585 --> 00:14:46,186
it's what you wanted to do. Hi.
384
00:14:46,220 --> 00:14:47,421
-Shit. There's a lot of them.
-Stay there, stay there.
385
00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:49,056
-Evening.
-Evening, gentlemen.
386
00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:50,457
I'm sure you're wondering
387
00:14:50,491 --> 00:14:52,759
what are those two chaps doing
with one of our cars?
388
00:14:52,793 --> 00:14:54,661
Firstly, there were these guys.
389
00:14:54,695 --> 00:14:56,029
-Ah.
-This much we know.
390
00:14:56,063 --> 00:14:59,099
But, also,
there was this window.
391
00:14:59,132 --> 00:15:01,435
Uh...
392
00:15:01,468 --> 00:15:03,437
-Nandor, would you mind
if I dealt with this?
-Would you?
393
00:15:03,470 --> 00:15:05,405
Now, tell me something, fellas.
394
00:15:05,439 --> 00:15:09,443
Is it true what they say
about Staten Island policemen?
395
00:15:09,476 --> 00:15:11,445
-[lock buzzes]
-[door clangs]
396
00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:14,448
-Well.
-Well.
397
00:15:14,481 --> 00:15:17,518
-You tried.
-Yup.
398
00:15:17,551 --> 00:15:20,120
Not one of my finest moments.
399
00:15:20,153 --> 00:15:21,455
I think
this could be a situation
400
00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:23,423
where hypnosis is warranted.
401
00:15:23,457 --> 00:15:25,225
I think you're right.
402
00:15:25,259 --> 00:15:27,261
Go ahead.
403
00:15:28,729 --> 00:15:30,564
No, well, you see,
there's a problem there.
404
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,633
Um...
405
00:15:32,666 --> 00:15:34,434
I'm not very good at hypnosis.
406
00:15:34,468 --> 00:15:36,637
Sorry. I didn't catch that.
407
00:15:36,670 --> 00:15:38,305
I said, I'm not very good
at hypnosis.
408
00:15:38,338 --> 00:15:39,573
I never have been good at it,
409
00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:41,441
and I don't think
I ever will be.
410
00:15:41,475 --> 00:15:44,311
-Nonsense.
-Well, it's not.
411
00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:47,447
I mean, I can hypnotize Sean,
but only with your help.
412
00:15:47,481 --> 00:15:49,449
And only
'cause his brain's fucked.
413
00:15:49,483 --> 00:15:53,453
I should also admit that I've
been envious of your skills,
414
00:15:53,487 --> 00:15:56,690
which I think is the reason why
I take the piss out of you.
415
00:15:56,723 --> 00:15:58,692
Much as it pains me to say this,
416
00:15:58,725 --> 00:16:01,295
if anyone can get us out
of this situation, Nandor,
417
00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:02,329
I think it will be you.
418
00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:05,299
Okay, then.
419
00:16:05,332 --> 00:16:08,702
I will fix.
420
00:16:08,735 --> 00:16:12,005
Guards!
421
00:16:12,039 --> 00:16:14,107
[Nadja]
So...
422
00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:17,144
I am hexed, which...
is not great.
423
00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:19,680
There is writing
on the hex picture,
424
00:16:19,713 --> 00:16:21,582
but I haven't read
the Antipaxon language
425
00:16:21,615 --> 00:16:23,116
in hundreds of years, so...
426
00:16:23,150 --> 00:16:25,152
[speaking Greek]
427
00:16:25,185 --> 00:16:27,254
[stammering]
428
00:16:27,287 --> 00:16:29,156
I am a little bit rusty.
[laughs]
429
00:16:29,189 --> 00:16:31,558
Could you maybe help translate
this picture
430
00:16:31,592 --> 00:16:33,026
-using your gray box?
-Sure.
431
00:16:33,060 --> 00:16:35,429
[Nadja]
So I had to get Colin Robinson
432
00:16:35,462 --> 00:16:37,264
to help me translate
on his computer machine.
433
00:16:37,297 --> 00:16:40,300
And he told me something,
which, quite frankly,
434
00:16:40,334 --> 00:16:42,436
blew my mind apart.
435
00:16:42,469 --> 00:16:44,771
Or you could just walk down
to Little Antipaxos
436
00:16:44,805 --> 00:16:47,007
and have someone translate it
for you.
437
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:49,643
Wh-Which? There is
a Little Antipaxos? What?
438
00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:52,145
Oh, yeah, not too far from here,
439
00:16:52,179 --> 00:16:54,114
just above Little Italy.
440
00:16:54,147 --> 00:16:56,650
That's the great melting pot
of America for you.
441
00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:59,319
-The broad mosaic.
-No, no, shut up.
442
00:16:59,353 --> 00:17:01,455
Are you saying
there is a Little Antipaxos
443
00:17:01,488 --> 00:17:03,190
right here on Staten Island?
444
00:17:03,223 --> 00:17:05,159
It's only, like,
a four-block-by-two-block area,
445
00:17:05,192 --> 00:17:07,161
but it's there.
446
00:17:07,194 --> 00:17:08,428
[laughs]
447
00:17:08,462 --> 00:17:11,298
♪ ♪
448
00:17:11,331 --> 00:17:14,501
[speaking Greek]
449
00:17:14,535 --> 00:17:17,638
So much cheap crap and old fish.
450
00:17:17,671 --> 00:17:20,541
It's like looking out the window
of my childhood home.
451
00:17:20,574 --> 00:17:22,509
There is, in Staten Island,
452
00:17:22,543 --> 00:17:25,312
a neighborhood known
as "Little Antipaxos"!
453
00:17:25,345 --> 00:17:27,047
[speaking Greek]
454
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:28,315
It is where all the Antipaxons
455
00:17:28,348 --> 00:17:30,317
who come to America work
and live
456
00:17:30,350 --> 00:17:31,518
and laugh and love.
457
00:17:31,552 --> 00:17:32,519
I'm Nadja.
458
00:17:32,553 --> 00:17:35,322
[speaks Greek]
459
00:17:35,355 --> 00:17:37,424
Three for joy.
460
00:17:37,457 --> 00:17:39,660
Look!
This is the beach of Voutoumi!
461
00:17:39,693 --> 00:17:42,563
I tried to lose my virginity
here so many times.
462
00:17:42,596 --> 00:17:44,531
Souvlaki. Stifado!
463
00:17:44,565 --> 00:17:46,300
The food of my youth!
464
00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:48,368
Of course
the Greeks stole it from us,
465
00:17:48,402 --> 00:17:49,503
and claimed it as their own,
466
00:17:49,536 --> 00:17:51,305
but the real heads know
467
00:17:51,338 --> 00:17:53,040
that it originally came
from Antipaxos.
468
00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:55,175
[both speak Greek]
469
00:17:55,209 --> 00:17:57,277
I mean, it would be wrong
not to just try a little bit.
470
00:17:57,311 --> 00:18:00,180
Mmm.
471
00:18:00,214 --> 00:18:03,050
[loud retching]
472
00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:05,319
[gurgles, coughs]
473
00:18:05,352 --> 00:18:06,553
So worth it.
474
00:18:06,587 --> 00:18:08,021
You can still sell that,
I think.
475
00:18:08,055 --> 00:18:09,122
[laughs]
Thank you.
476
00:18:09,156 --> 00:18:11,525
Oh, this place. [sniffs]
477
00:18:11,558 --> 00:18:12,993
[grunts]
478
00:18:13,026 --> 00:18:14,428
How fucking long
have we lived here,
479
00:18:14,461 --> 00:18:16,630
and you never thought to tell me
480
00:18:16,663 --> 00:18:18,165
there was a
Little Antipaxos neighborhood,
481
00:18:18,198 --> 00:18:20,033
like, half a mile
from our house?!
482
00:18:20,067 --> 00:18:21,235
You never asked.
483
00:18:21,268 --> 00:18:22,402
[speaks Greek]
484
00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:26,173
Oh, look.
485
00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:28,442
A shitty diner just like
my theía used to run.
486
00:18:28,475 --> 00:18:30,143
Come on.
487
00:18:30,177 --> 00:18:32,412
[woman speaking Greek]
488
00:18:32,446 --> 00:18:36,016
[laughter]
489
00:18:36,049 --> 00:18:40,521
-[laughter]
-[speaking Greek]
490
00:18:40,554 --> 00:18:42,256
What did he say?
What did he say?
491
00:18:42,289 --> 00:18:44,558
It is an Antipaxon thing.
492
00:18:44,591 --> 00:18:48,529
[speaking Greek]
493
00:18:48,562 --> 00:18:51,431
-What does the writing say?
-Oh, um,
494
00:18:51,465 --> 00:18:54,034
she says it says, "A simple act
495
00:18:54,067 --> 00:18:56,770
"of kindness, compassion
and friendship
496
00:18:56,803 --> 00:19:00,040
will remove the hexes
that is on top of your head."
497
00:19:00,073 --> 00:19:01,708
[speaking Greek]
498
00:19:01,742 --> 00:19:03,577
Starting now, this a new me.
499
00:19:03,610 --> 00:19:07,114
Kind, welcoming, inclusive,
sensitive
500
00:19:07,147 --> 00:19:08,682
to the feelings of others.
501
00:19:08,715 --> 00:19:10,017
[laughter]
502
00:19:10,050 --> 00:19:11,318
What, what?
503
00:19:11,351 --> 00:19:12,553
Oh, it's very complicated.
504
00:19:12,586 --> 00:19:15,055
I-I don't think
you can understand.
505
00:19:15,088 --> 00:19:17,157
[Nadja laughs]
506
00:19:17,191 --> 00:19:19,760
[owl hooting]
507
00:19:19,793 --> 00:19:24,431
No, I cannot say
I have heard of this before.
508
00:19:24,464 --> 00:19:27,401
-This fellow you speak of.
-Derek. Derek's friend.
509
00:19:27,434 --> 00:19:28,502
-[Derek] Uh, you wouldn't
have met him.
-Yeah,
510
00:19:28,535 --> 00:19:30,304
-because he lives in Canada.
-Yes.
511
00:19:30,337 --> 00:19:35,042
Ah. So, he was turned
into a vampire
512
00:19:35,075 --> 00:19:38,545
by a vampire,
but does not yet seem
513
00:19:38,579 --> 00:19:41,048
to be a vampire?
514
00:19:41,081 --> 00:19:42,316
Yeah, that's about the size
of it, yeah.
515
00:19:42,349 --> 00:19:44,418
But, um, does that happen?
516
00:19:44,451 --> 00:19:45,686
Uh... uh...
517
00:19:45,719 --> 00:19:48,555
[speaking native language]
518
00:19:52,593 --> 00:19:54,461
[speaking native language]
519
00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:00,167
Neither of us have ever heard
of such a thing.
520
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,002
-Mm.
-Mm. Okay.
521
00:20:02,035 --> 00:20:03,670
[speaking native language]
522
00:20:07,341 --> 00:20:10,377
Oh. Could work, I suppose.
523
00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:12,045
-What could work?
-He says maybe
524
00:20:12,079 --> 00:20:16,316
repeat the turning process
with a different vampire.
525
00:20:16,350 --> 00:20:19,319
Of course, that could make
your friend a vampire-and-a-half
526
00:20:19,353 --> 00:20:21,255
or a double vampire,
527
00:20:21,288 --> 00:20:23,023
but who gives a shit?
I don't know this freak.
528
00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:26,260
[laughter]
529
00:20:26,293 --> 00:20:29,096
Let us see what happens
when you turn a vampire twice.
530
00:20:29,129 --> 00:20:31,098
Jonathan is my neighbor.
531
00:20:31,131 --> 00:20:33,300
He used to run his leaf blower
532
00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:35,769
all the day long
while I was trying to sleep.
533
00:20:35,802 --> 00:20:38,172
So, I turned him into a vampire,
and now we're all good.
534
00:20:38,205 --> 00:20:40,774
-My Liege.
-Oh.
535
00:20:40,807 --> 00:20:45,179
How sweet. Arise, Jonathan.
We need your help.
536
00:20:45,212 --> 00:20:48,715
-Your wish is my command,
My Liege.
-Oh. Boop.
537
00:20:48,749 --> 00:20:54,054
Okay, so since
I already turned Jonathan,
538
00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:56,657
I guess, uh...
Yes, Derek, is it?
539
00:20:56,690 --> 00:20:58,091
-Uh, yes, sir.
-Right.
540
00:20:58,125 --> 00:21:01,161
Bite Jonathan and drink
some of his blood. Mm.
541
00:21:01,195 --> 00:21:05,365
-Okay, um... Hi. Uh, Derek.
-Mm. Mm.
542
00:21:05,399 --> 00:21:08,769
-Just gonna...
-Very good.
543
00:21:08,802 --> 00:21:12,306
Now Jonathan,
have a taste of Derek's blood.
544
00:21:12,339 --> 00:21:16,410
-Ah, okay.
-[sucking]
545
00:21:16,443 --> 00:21:19,012
Very nice.
Thank you, gentlemen.
546
00:21:19,046 --> 00:21:22,049
So... did it work?
547
00:21:22,082 --> 00:21:24,418
Ah, how are you feeling,
Jonathan?
548
00:21:24,451 --> 00:21:26,653
-Uh, I feel fine.
-Ah.
549
00:21:26,687 --> 00:21:28,322
I'm a little aggravated
because the motor
550
00:21:28,355 --> 00:21:30,157
in this here edge trimmer
keeps conking--
551
00:21:33,727 --> 00:21:38,298
So, at least now we know
one way that does not work.
552
00:21:38,332 --> 00:21:40,133
[Derek]
Huh.
553
00:21:45,072 --> 00:21:46,507
[Sean]
They really just gonna
554
00:21:46,540 --> 00:21:48,475
let us walk out of here?
555
00:21:48,509 --> 00:21:51,044
How'd you
pull that one off, Laz?
556
00:21:51,078 --> 00:21:53,213
Actually, Sean,
it was I who, um...
557
00:21:53,247 --> 00:21:57,117
At ease. It was I who convinced
558
00:21:57,150 --> 00:21:58,719
your good friend Laszlo
559
00:21:58,752 --> 00:22:01,321
to, uh, use his notorious charm.
560
00:22:01,355 --> 00:22:02,723
-Yeah, yeah.
-Yeah.
561
00:22:02,756 --> 00:22:04,558
Between us, Nandor,
562
00:22:04,591 --> 00:22:07,294
what did you
say to them back there?
563
00:22:07,327 --> 00:22:09,630
I just said that
we had solved all the crimes
564
00:22:09,663 --> 00:22:11,698
that Sean and his pals
had committed.
565
00:22:11,732 --> 00:22:13,700
And, also, I got them
566
00:22:13,734 --> 00:22:15,169
to give their friend Terry
567
00:22:15,202 --> 00:22:17,037
-a little promotion.
-Oh, really? Great.
568
00:22:17,070 --> 00:22:19,606
And, just for funsies,
I told them
569
00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:22,309
that I was
Captain Sully Sullenberger,
570
00:22:22,342 --> 00:22:25,345
and you were the gentleman
with the moustache
571
00:22:25,379 --> 00:22:27,314
in that cop show that you like.
572
00:22:27,347 --> 00:22:29,049
Thomas Selleck in Blue Bloods?
573
00:22:29,082 --> 00:22:30,584
-That's it!
-Good move.
574
00:22:30,617 --> 00:22:32,319
-Look. There's Terry.
-[Nandor] Hi, Terry.
575
00:22:32,352 --> 00:22:35,088
-Terry! Captain Dumbfuck.
-[Laszlo] Well done, Nandor.
576
00:22:35,122 --> 00:22:37,558
[Sean]
Reporting for duty. [snorts]
577
00:22:37,591 --> 00:22:40,027
[Colin]
I think I'll just
have the tak...
578
00:22:40,060 --> 00:22:42,229
-Tak... tak...
-Tzat... tzatziki.
579
00:22:42,262 --> 00:22:43,697
-I'll get it. Tack...
-Tzat...
580
00:22:43,730 --> 00:22:48,035
Tacky. Tacky.
Uh, but without the, uh, yogurt.
581
00:22:48,068 --> 00:22:51,572
[sirens chirping]
582
00:22:51,605 --> 00:22:53,574
[tires screeching]
583
00:22:55,776 --> 00:23:00,781
Halt!
584
00:23:00,814 --> 00:23:02,316
That was great.
585
00:23:04,818 --> 00:23:06,720
[clears throat]
586
00:23:06,753 --> 00:23:08,088
At ease.
587
00:23:09,489 --> 00:23:11,358
-At ease. At ease.
-Ah. There he is.
588
00:23:11,391 --> 00:23:13,427
At ease.
589
00:23:13,460 --> 00:23:15,229
-At ease. At ease.
-Hold on.
590
00:23:15,262 --> 00:23:16,497
No, no, no, I'm with them.
I'm with them.
591
00:23:16,530 --> 00:23:18,298
Gizmo, I need a word with you.
592
00:23:18,332 --> 00:23:20,200
-Okay.
-Coppers, fuck off.
593
00:23:20,234 --> 00:23:22,503
Yes, sir!
Thank you, Mr. Selleck!
594
00:23:22,536 --> 00:23:24,037
I think it's about time
you came clean.
595
00:23:24,071 --> 00:23:26,073
About what?
596
00:23:26,106 --> 00:23:28,208
Well, the others aren't
as observant as I am.
597
00:23:28,242 --> 00:23:30,077
But you've been off recently.
598
00:23:30,110 --> 00:23:31,478
And I've been watching you.
599
00:23:32,746 --> 00:23:34,314
-Uh-huh.
-Yeah.
600
00:23:34,348 --> 00:23:36,717
I think we got
a bit of a problem, Gizmo.
601
00:23:36,750 --> 00:23:39,052
The longer you keep it a secret,
602
00:23:39,086 --> 00:23:40,320
it's gonna remain a problem.
603
00:23:41,555 --> 00:23:43,423
I felt like I had
no other choice, okay?
604
00:23:45,092 --> 00:23:46,560
I mean, Nandor's been
promising to make me a vampire
605
00:23:46,593 --> 00:23:48,195
for 12 years, and it's
never come true, all right?
606
00:23:48,228 --> 00:23:50,564
So, like, Derek, he was
right there, he's a vampire,
607
00:23:50,597 --> 00:23:52,733
-so of course
I was gonna take-- Yeah.
-Whoa, whoa.
608
00:23:52,766 --> 00:23:54,735
I asked Derek to make me into
a vampire, but I regretted it
609
00:23:54,768 --> 00:23:56,370
-the second
it happened because--
-What the fuck?
610
00:23:56,403 --> 00:23:57,738
I thought you said
you figured it out.
611
00:23:57,771 --> 00:23:59,439
No!
612
00:23:59,473 --> 00:24:00,674
I just thought
you had the shits.
613
00:24:00,707 --> 00:24:03,477
I was gonna tell you to steer
clear of the breakfast burritos.
614
00:24:03,510 --> 00:24:05,646
Too much of the chilaquiles.
615
00:24:05,679 --> 00:24:08,115
You let someone,
who isn't your master,
616
00:24:08,148 --> 00:24:09,583
turn you into a vampire?
617
00:24:09,616 --> 00:24:10,717
You fucking idiot.
618
00:24:10,751 --> 00:24:12,386
I know, okay, I know.
619
00:24:12,419 --> 00:24:13,720
And it seems to be taking
forever to take full effect.
620
00:24:13,754 --> 00:24:15,088
And I don't know
what to do, okay?
621
00:24:15,122 --> 00:24:16,456
So please,
please don't tell Nandor.
622
00:24:16,490 --> 00:24:17,591
Tell Nandor?
623
00:24:17,624 --> 00:24:19,359
This is the greatest humiliation
624
00:24:19,393 --> 00:24:21,295
for any vampire.
625
00:24:21,328 --> 00:24:23,330
I don't know if he would
even survive it.
626
00:24:26,233 --> 00:24:28,368
All right, I've got an idea.
627
00:24:28,402 --> 00:24:30,304
But you've got to do exactly
what I tell you.
628
00:24:30,337 --> 00:24:32,039
Okay, yes, of course.
629
00:24:32,072 --> 00:24:34,041
Despite the fact that you've
already been bitten
630
00:24:34,074 --> 00:24:35,742
by a vampire, I could persuade
631
00:24:35,776 --> 00:24:38,111
Nandor to bite you again.
632
00:24:38,145 --> 00:24:40,280
No one'd be any the wiser.
633
00:24:43,116 --> 00:24:44,585
I don't think that's gonna work.
634
00:24:44,618 --> 00:24:46,486
You don't?
635
00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:48,455
Well, then you're fucked.
636
00:24:48,488 --> 00:24:50,457
["Hey! [I'm Dead]"
by Jank Sinatra playing]
637
00:24:50,491 --> 00:24:53,594
♪ I just went to a funeral ♪
638
00:24:53,627 --> 00:24:57,464
♪ I just said my goodbyes ♪
639
00:24:57,498 --> 00:25:00,567
♪ I just felt
the cold hand of death ♪
640
00:25:00,601 --> 00:25:03,737
♪ Pass before my eyes ♪
641
00:25:03,770 --> 00:25:06,106
[woman shrieks]
642
00:25:06,139 --> 00:25:07,574
♪ Yeah, he's dead ♪
643
00:25:07,608 --> 00:25:09,176
♪ He is dead ♪
644
00:25:09,209 --> 00:25:11,078
♪ He's dead, Granny ♪
645
00:25:11,111 --> 00:25:12,713
-♪ He's dead ♪
-♪ Dead ♪
646
00:25:12,746 --> 00:25:14,448
-♪ He's dead now ♪
-♪ Oh, he's dead ♪
647
00:25:14,481 --> 00:25:16,583
♪ I'm in the oxygen
you breathe ♪
648
00:25:16,617 --> 00:25:19,453
♪ And I'm in the cayenne
on your sleeve ♪
649
00:25:19,486 --> 00:25:22,122
♪ I'm on the outside
and the inside ♪
650
00:25:22,155 --> 00:25:24,291
♪ At the same time ♪
651
00:25:24,324 --> 00:25:27,161
♪ I'm in the sunshine
on your face ♪
652
00:25:27,194 --> 00:25:30,097
♪ I'm in a very funky place ♪
653
00:25:30,130 --> 00:25:33,700
♪ I'm in a dead dog's brain,
rotting on the highway line ♪
654
00:25:33,734 --> 00:25:35,469
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh. ♪
655
00:25:35,502 --> 00:25:42,142
[woman shrieks]
44753
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