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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:00:05,985 --> 00:00:08,689
They just delivered the TV
an hour ago and, Kelly,
2
00:00:08,903 --> 00:00:11,310
this thing is so gigantic,
it's ridiculous.
3
00:00:11,530 --> 00:00:15,573
I mean, the instruction book
is bigger than our old TV.
4
00:00:16,325 --> 00:00:18,566
Oh, let me go, Doug's home.
Okay, bye.
5
00:00:20,619 --> 00:00:23,821
Oh, yeah? Well, for your information,
these are official company issue!
6
00:00:24,080 --> 00:00:25,289
- Doug.
- No, no, you shut up!
7
00:00:25,414 --> 00:00:28,947
- Doug.
- He's making fun of my shorts again.
8
00:00:30,500 --> 00:00:33,204
He's five. Be the bigger man.
9
00:00:34,920 --> 00:00:36,254
It's just frustrating, you know?
10
00:00:36,421 --> 00:00:39,623
He's so well-dressed, I can't
come back at him with anything.
11
00:00:39,839 --> 00:00:41,630
Hey, what are you doing home
from work?
12
00:00:41,841 --> 00:00:44,218
My boss was trying a case in Jersey,
so I snuck out early.
13
00:00:44,342 --> 00:00:47,719
Come on, come on.
I have a huge surprise for you.
14
00:00:47,756 --> 00:00:49,758
- You're pregnant? Yes!
- No.
15
00:00:50,012 --> 00:00:51,803
- Thank God!
- Would you stop?
16
00:00:52,389 --> 00:00:54,464
There's something
in the basement for you.
17
00:00:54,682 --> 00:00:55,677
What?
18
00:00:55,891 --> 00:01:00,219
Oh, something I arranged to have
delivered today, three days early.
19
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:05,310
- You- You don't mean in-?
- That's correct.
20
00:01:17,571 --> 00:01:18,851
I love you.
21
00:01:23,909 --> 00:01:26,992
And I know, in time,
you'll learn to love me too.
22
00:01:27,786 --> 00:01:30,164
- Man, I gotta call the guys.
- Already did. On their way.
23
00:01:30,329 --> 00:01:31,330
- You called them?
- Yup.
24
00:01:31,538 --> 00:01:33,614
You are the best
mail-order bride ever.
25
00:01:36,375 --> 00:01:39,375
So that's it, cutie.
Your cave is complete.
26
00:01:39,585 --> 00:01:41,826
Yeah, I just love it down here,
you know?
27
00:01:42,087 --> 00:01:43,796
It's like someone
stuffed some shag carpet
28
00:01:43,921 --> 00:01:47,004
and a foosball table
into my mother's womb.
29
00:01:50,842 --> 00:01:54,625
- Doug? Doug, Doug, you got the TV?!
- Yeah, it's down here!
30
00:02:03,183 --> 00:02:05,341
Your friends are here.
31
00:02:06,143 --> 00:02:08,633
I can't feel my legs.
32
00:02:08,853 --> 00:02:11,557
Damn, that's a nice TV.
33
00:02:21,153 --> 00:02:23,571
Would you look at the action
on this baby? She just glides.
34
00:02:23,696 --> 00:02:26,649
Look at that, I'm on two,
I'm on three, back to two, then:
35
00:02:26,865 --> 00:02:28,488
Hello, 57!
36
00:02:28,699 --> 00:02:31,367
Could we leave it on one channel,
please?
37
00:02:31,576 --> 00:02:32,952
Look at this, picture-in-picture.
38
00:02:33,077 --> 00:02:35,036
Oh, look at this,
picture-in-picture-in-picture.
39
00:02:37,038 --> 00:02:40,240
I'm begging you.
You're gonna trigger my epilepsy.
40
00:02:40,957 --> 00:02:44,289
All right, all right, I'll leave it on
two. I wanna catch the news, anyway.
41
00:02:44,501 --> 00:02:46,124
- The news?
- Yeah, the news.
42
00:02:46,335 --> 00:02:48,336
Clinton's in China
negotiating a big trade thing.
43
00:02:48,503 --> 00:02:49,712
Maybe you'll learn something.
44
00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:51,628
...Report both sides are satisfied
45
00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:54,329
that a successful agreement
was achieved.
46
00:02:54,548 --> 00:02:56,216
The first lady
accompanied the president-
47
00:02:56,383 --> 00:02:58,291
Would you do Hillary?
48
00:03:01,761 --> 00:03:04,086
It's a first lady,
you gotta do it.
49
00:03:06,598 --> 00:03:09,933
I don't know. She's filling out that skirt
a little bit too much for my taste.
50
00:03:09,970 --> 00:03:13,265
No, see, I love a little
jiggle-jiggle on a first lady.
51
00:03:13,519 --> 00:03:15,594
Quite a think tank
you two have going.
52
00:03:17,146 --> 00:03:20,062
Doug, it's after 6!
Enough with the TV!
53
00:03:20,273 --> 00:03:22,608
All right! You guys, come on,
you better get out of here.
54
00:03:22,774 --> 00:03:25,443
- Douglas, my man, you are whipped.
- Yeah, man, you're whipped.
55
00:03:25,651 --> 00:03:28,111
What are you talking about?
You still live with your mother.
56
00:03:28,278 --> 00:03:29,309
She doesn't drive!
57
00:03:31,613 --> 00:03:32,739
Now, listen up, sphincters,
58
00:03:32,864 --> 00:03:35,235
we inaugurate this bad boy 4:00,
Sunday, Jets-Miami.
59
00:03:35,449 --> 00:03:36,867
- You got it?
- Sunday it is. Doug.
60
00:03:37,075 --> 00:03:38,868
Oh, O'Donnell fades back to pass,
he's open.
61
00:03:38,993 --> 00:03:42,407
- Doug!
- Okay, honey. Love you!
62
00:03:43,329 --> 00:03:46,033
Come on, come on,
keep it moving, keep it moving.
63
00:03:46,247 --> 00:03:48,572
Go home to your wives and mother.
64
00:03:48,791 --> 00:03:51,459
She doesn't drive!
65
00:03:51,667 --> 00:03:54,240
All right, I'll see you mooks
on Sunday.
66
00:03:54,461 --> 00:03:57,330
Richie, don't pee there!
67
00:03:57,546 --> 00:03:59,621
All right, there.
68
00:04:00,340 --> 00:04:01,798
- I love those guys.
- Well, good.
69
00:04:02,007 --> 00:04:04,462
Maybe you can toilet train them,
you know?
70
00:04:04,676 --> 00:04:07,082
- Hello.
- Hi.
71
00:04:07,344 --> 00:04:10,379
Listen, thanks again
for getting the TV here early.
72
00:04:10,596 --> 00:04:12,303
You're just- You're so great.
73
00:04:12,555 --> 00:04:14,049
Oh, heck.
74
00:04:14,265 --> 00:04:15,891
What do you say
we rent a movie tonight,
75
00:04:16,016 --> 00:04:18,101
we crack open a box of wine
and make a night of it?
76
00:04:18,559 --> 00:04:21,228
Tonight? You know we can't tonight.
77
00:04:21,478 --> 00:04:22,473
Why not?
78
00:04:22,687 --> 00:04:24,311
Dinner at my dad's house?
Remember?
79
00:04:24,521 --> 00:04:26,893
I put the Post-it note on your head?
80
00:04:27,940 --> 00:04:33,145
Oh, come on, no, Carrie, please,
don't make me go to that bad place.
81
00:04:33,819 --> 00:04:36,819
Stop. It's just dinner.
It'll be painless.
82
00:04:37,029 --> 00:04:40,156
Yeah, for you, you get to stay inside
with his latest wife, what's-her-name?
83
00:04:40,323 --> 00:04:41,615
- Tessie.
- Tessie, right, yeah.
84
00:04:41,824 --> 00:04:45,322
Meanwhile, your wacko father's got me
combing the streets for broken glass.
85
00:04:46,076 --> 00:04:50,238
You know, you really should tell him
it's never gonna be a form of currency.
86
00:04:50,496 --> 00:04:53,873
All right, I admit, he's a little out there,
but we can't keep cancelling on them.
87
00:04:54,081 --> 00:04:56,459
I don't think they believed
the last excuse you gave them.
88
00:04:56,583 --> 00:05:00,365
What was it,
that you were stuck in a well?
89
00:05:02,170 --> 00:05:03,379
- All right, I choked.
- Yeah.
90
00:05:03,504 --> 00:05:04,702
I did.
91
00:05:04,921 --> 00:05:07,246
Come on, Car. I feel like
being alone with you tonight.
92
00:05:07,965 --> 00:05:12,542
You know, it has been 17 days
since I've enjoyed you.
93
00:05:13,510 --> 00:05:15,798
And I assume it's been months
since you've enjoyed me.
94
00:05:18,805 --> 00:05:22,753
- All right, all right, I'll cancel.
- Yes!
95
00:05:23,433 --> 00:05:25,425
You're pathetic.
96
00:05:28,561 --> 00:05:32,474
Will you look at this thing?
It's like the cockpit of a 747.
97
00:05:33,064 --> 00:05:34,973
Oh, lights up.
98
00:05:35,232 --> 00:05:37,400
It's dark, but I can still see
where the buttons are.
99
00:05:37,609 --> 00:05:39,109
All right. Enough with that already.
100
00:05:39,276 --> 00:05:41,315
I thought you wanted
to fool around tonight.
101
00:05:41,569 --> 00:05:42,767
I do. I'm ready. You ready?
102
00:05:42,987 --> 00:05:45,940
My friend, I've been looking
at Denzel Washington for two hours.
103
00:05:46,156 --> 00:05:47,566
I'm ready!
104
00:05:48,907 --> 00:05:50,317
- Let's rumble.
- All right.
105
00:05:50,575 --> 00:05:55,698
Now, you, I want a clean fight.
Protect yourself at all times.
106
00:06:00,039 --> 00:06:03,870
- What's that?
- It's just urgent knocking. It'll go away.
107
00:06:04,125 --> 00:06:06,126
- Stop, I'll get it.
- No, no, no, you stay here.
108
00:06:06,293 --> 00:06:08,451
You gotta stay focused, okay?
Hey, stay in the mood.
109
00:06:08,670 --> 00:06:10,626
Hey, it's all coming back.
110
00:06:19,718 --> 00:06:20,749
- Sara.
- I--
111
00:06:21,011 --> 00:06:23,049
Let me guess, some huge crisis,
you need to talk to your sister.
112
00:06:23,262 --> 00:06:25,586
- Yes!
- Yeah, no, sorry.
113
00:06:26,889 --> 00:06:28,087
Tessie died!
114
00:06:29,099 --> 00:06:30,344
Tessie died?
115
00:06:31,225 --> 00:06:32,600
Oh, man.
116
00:06:32,810 --> 00:06:34,303
Yeah, I got home from acting class,
117
00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:36,392
and Dad told me
she'd had a heart attack.
118
00:06:37,396 --> 00:06:38,510
What a shock, huh?
119
00:06:38,772 --> 00:06:41,096
Yeah, I know, isn't it?
120
00:06:42,524 --> 00:06:43,638
So how's your dad doing?
121
00:06:44,233 --> 00:06:46,984
He's pretty broken up.
122
00:06:47,235 --> 00:06:48,515
How about you? You all right?
123
00:06:48,778 --> 00:06:51,446
Well, you know, I'm wet.
Your sprinklers just came on.
124
00:07:00,077 --> 00:07:03,740
Poor Dad.
This has got to be tough on him.
125
00:07:03,996 --> 00:07:06,830
With Tessie gone,
he's gotta be heartbroken, you know?
126
00:07:07,039 --> 00:07:09,207
This is not mustard from a jar.
This is deli mustard.
127
00:07:09,374 --> 00:07:11,496
Try it, come on.
128
00:07:11,709 --> 00:07:15,787
I'm gonna go talk to Sara.
Spend some time with him, okay?
129
00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:27,172
So...
130
00:07:27,385 --> 00:07:30,385
How you doing, Arthur?
How you holding up?
131
00:07:30,596 --> 00:07:32,552
Look at that guy.
132
00:07:32,764 --> 00:07:36,511
- What guy?
- That freak over at the buffet table.
133
00:07:36,724 --> 00:07:37,887
He's stealing food.
134
00:07:38,434 --> 00:07:40,141
See that piece of ham?
135
00:07:40,352 --> 00:07:43,554
Watch. It's going right in his pocket.
136
00:07:43,771 --> 00:07:46,521
- He's making a sandwich.
- Another one? That's his third!
137
00:07:47,606 --> 00:07:48,602
Yeah, you!
138
00:07:48,815 --> 00:07:51,359
I guess my wife's dropping dead's
made you pretty hungry, huh?
139
00:07:51,525 --> 00:07:53,398
Well, that's it, I'm cutting you off!
140
00:07:53,610 --> 00:07:56,444
Doug, let's get his ham!
141
00:07:58,613 --> 00:08:00,273
God, a retirement home?
142
00:08:00,489 --> 00:08:03,158
I don't know, Carrie, is it, like,
evil of us to do that to him?
143
00:08:03,324 --> 00:08:06,158
Will you stop? We talked about this.
It's the best thing.
144
00:08:06,368 --> 00:08:08,159
I know, but don't those places
sometimes do
145
00:08:08,369 --> 00:08:10,245
you know,
experiments on old people, you know,
146
00:08:10,370 --> 00:08:13,619
like testing perfume in their eyes,
or making them run mazes?
147
00:08:14,165 --> 00:08:15,824
No.
148
00:08:16,041 --> 00:08:18,994
Okay, but even so, if he sells
his house, hi, where am I gonna go?
149
00:08:19,209 --> 00:08:20,543
I've been living here rent-free.
150
00:08:20,710 --> 00:08:22,453
- Don't you have any money saved?
- No.
151
00:08:22,670 --> 00:08:24,838
I thought I was gonna get
that big Mentos commercial,
152
00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:28,787
but they didn't think I was fresh
and full of life. Stupid schmucks.
153
00:08:29,049 --> 00:08:30,842
All right, you can stay with us
for a while.
154
00:08:30,967 --> 00:08:33,753
No! Oh, God, thank you!
Thank you so much!
155
00:08:33,969 --> 00:08:36,921
Oh, hey, can I paint my room black?
156
00:08:37,137 --> 00:08:39,710
Honey? Your father's frightening
the other mourners.
157
00:08:39,931 --> 00:08:42,136
Oh, I'm on my way.
158
00:08:43,891 --> 00:08:45,089
What are you holding?
159
00:08:45,351 --> 00:08:48,054
Oh, this is some guy's ham,
160
00:08:48,269 --> 00:08:50,427
and this is his wife's potato salad.
161
00:08:53,147 --> 00:08:56,483
Thanks for everything, padre.
You did a great job.
162
00:08:56,519 --> 00:08:57,976
Here,
163
00:08:58,192 --> 00:09:00,764
go get yourself an egg cream.
164
00:09:00,985 --> 00:09:04,318
Dad? Sara and I really need
to talk to you about something.
165
00:09:04,529 --> 00:09:05,940
What is it, darling?
166
00:09:06,155 --> 00:09:07,946
Well, now that Tessie's gone,
167
00:09:08,157 --> 00:09:10,444
things are probably
gonna change quite a bit.
168
00:09:10,658 --> 00:09:12,401
Yeah, and you know, Dad,
I was thinking,
169
00:09:12,618 --> 00:09:14,744
maybe I should just get out
of your way around here.
170
00:09:14,869 --> 00:09:17,162
In fact, Doug and Carrie
agreed to let me stay with them
171
00:09:17,287 --> 00:09:19,575
until I can afford my own place.
172
00:09:19,789 --> 00:09:21,911
Well, that's just fine, sweetheart.
173
00:09:22,124 --> 00:09:24,696
Now I can turn your room
into a little greenhouse,
174
00:09:24,917 --> 00:09:28,700
grow some stuff
to help my glaucoma.
175
00:09:30,879 --> 00:09:33,832
Dad, actually, you know,
there's more.
176
00:09:35,966 --> 00:09:37,792
It's- Carrie, you-?
177
00:09:39,176 --> 00:09:42,709
Well, Dad, we thought, you know,
under the circumstances,
178
00:09:42,928 --> 00:09:45,050
you might be happier
if you sold the house
179
00:09:45,305 --> 00:09:49,052
and moved into a nice,
lovely retirement home.
180
00:09:49,808 --> 00:09:53,507
I got two words for you:
I'm staying right here!
181
00:09:53,727 --> 00:09:55,304
- That's four words.
- Oh, is it?
182
00:09:55,561 --> 00:09:57,434
Then I got another four words:
Screw you!
183
00:09:57,646 --> 00:09:58,641
That's two words.
184
00:09:58,855 --> 00:10:01,232
You should stop saying in advance
how many words you have.
185
00:10:01,356 --> 00:10:02,982
Once you do that,
you're locked in, huh?
186
00:10:03,191 --> 00:10:05,275
- You're locked in.
- Yeah, right. Okay, thank you.
187
00:10:05,401 --> 00:10:07,392
Dad, look, we love you,
and we respect you,
188
00:10:07,610 --> 00:10:11,607
but let's face it,
you need a lot of watching.
189
00:10:13,239 --> 00:10:15,563
- I resent that!
- Oh, Dad, please!
190
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:17,867
The last time Tessie
left you alone for two minutes
191
00:10:18,075 --> 00:10:20,826
she found you re-shingling the roof
with no pants!
192
00:10:22,369 --> 00:10:24,029
And no shingles!
193
00:10:25,913 --> 00:10:31,498
So because a man is old,
because he has a few eccentricities,
194
00:10:31,709 --> 00:10:34,377
you're ready to put him down
like a lame horse, is that it?
195
00:10:35,503 --> 00:10:37,660
Well, let me tell you something.
196
00:10:37,879 --> 00:10:40,085
As long as I've got the strength
to draw a breath,
197
00:10:40,297 --> 00:10:43,914
as long as I've got one ounce
of dignity in my bones,
198
00:10:44,133 --> 00:10:47,832
I'm gonna live by myself,
take care of myself right here,
199
00:10:48,052 --> 00:10:51,883
in the house that I built
with my own two hands!
200
00:10:56,432 --> 00:11:09,399
I wonder if it's too late
to get insurance.
201
00:11:09,435 --> 00:11:10,394
Hey, what's going on?
202
00:11:10,608 --> 00:11:13,643
Guess who won himself $9
in poker tonight?
203
00:11:13,902 --> 00:11:18,147
If you guessed Doug Heffernan,
you might just be right.
204
00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:23,277
What's the matter?
205
00:11:23,491 --> 00:11:26,775
What's your dad doing here,
anyway?
206
00:11:28,953 --> 00:11:32,285
And why does he smell
like hickory-smoked bacon?
207
00:11:32,997 --> 00:11:37,622
Well, Dad decided to cook his dinner
on a 42-year-old hot plate,
208
00:11:37,875 --> 00:11:39,831
and he burned his house down.
209
00:11:40,085 --> 00:11:41,365
He what?
210
00:11:41,586 --> 00:11:43,494
But there's a whole big kitchen
in there.
211
00:11:43,712 --> 00:11:45,588
What the hell's he cooking
on a hot plate for?
212
00:11:45,838 --> 00:11:49,288
Apparently,
it was his lucky hot plate.
213
00:11:49,507 --> 00:11:50,835
It is lucky.
214
00:11:51,050 --> 00:11:54,334
It's the only thing
that survived the fire!
215
00:11:56,428 --> 00:12:00,092
Well, I guess I'll unpack now.
216
00:12:04,808 --> 00:12:06,635
Good night.
217
00:12:08,769 --> 00:12:10,975
I really screwed up, didn't I?
218
00:12:11,521 --> 00:12:13,264
At least no one was hurt.
219
00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:16,931
Sara's okay, you're okay,
that's the main thing.
220
00:12:17,191 --> 00:12:18,305
I'm not okay.
221
00:12:18,525 --> 00:12:23,320
I'm just a stupid old fool who's
overstayed his welcome on this earth.
222
00:12:23,356 --> 00:12:25,111
Carrie,
223
00:12:25,321 --> 00:12:28,107
why don't you pick out
one of those places for me,
224
00:12:28,323 --> 00:12:30,232
and I'll go without a fight.
225
00:12:44,208 --> 00:12:45,500
By the way, honey, if you want,
226
00:12:45,626 --> 00:12:47,460
I can take a personal day
from work tomorrow,
227
00:12:47,627 --> 00:12:49,628
we can check out some
of those retirement places.
228
00:12:49,795 --> 00:12:52,380
There's a nice one I deliver to,
right off of Queens Boulevard.
229
00:12:52,838 --> 00:12:55,624
They have very good macaroni
and cheese.
230
00:12:57,550 --> 00:12:59,340
Hey, what's the matter?
231
00:13:00,009 --> 00:13:02,678
Doug, upstairs it just hit me.
232
00:13:02,886 --> 00:13:04,001
I can't do this to him.
233
00:13:04,220 --> 00:13:07,220
I can't stick him in some crappy place
where they're gonna
234
00:13:07,431 --> 00:13:11,474
just prop him up in a chair
and pump him full of Jell-O.
235
00:13:12,601 --> 00:13:14,308
I mean, he's my father.
236
00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:16,220
Car, I know how you feel,
237
00:13:16,436 --> 00:13:18,808
but you gotta be realistic.
There's no alternative.
238
00:13:19,063 --> 00:13:22,513
Well, there is one alternative.
239
00:13:24,191 --> 00:13:26,230
Euthanasia?
240
00:13:27,485 --> 00:13:29,228
Do we dare?
241
00:13:30,820 --> 00:13:32,647
No.
242
00:13:33,572 --> 00:13:36,240
I was talking about him living here.
243
00:13:36,824 --> 00:13:38,909
Here? With us? I mean, how?
We don't have the room.
244
00:13:39,117 --> 00:13:40,910
Sara's gonna be
in the spare bedroom, right?
245
00:13:41,035 --> 00:13:42,578
- Yeah.
- Well, there's no other room.
246
00:13:42,703 --> 00:13:45,193
I mean, there's this room,
but this room is...
247
00:13:45,913 --> 00:13:47,623
Oh, no. No, no, no.
This is my safe place.
248
00:13:47,748 --> 00:13:49,989
- I'm safe here, remember?
- Did you see his face?
249
00:13:50,207 --> 00:13:52,250
When he talked about going
into a retirement home,
250
00:13:52,375 --> 00:13:53,750
he looked so depressed.
251
00:13:54,001 --> 00:13:56,670
Is that what you got, depressed?
See, I didn't get depressed.
252
00:13:56,878 --> 00:13:58,754
No, I read it more like a nervous,
fun energy.
253
00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:00,964
Like a kid going to summer camp
for the first time.
254
00:14:01,089 --> 00:14:03,626
It's scary, but, hey,
there's arts and crafts!
255
00:14:05,175 --> 00:14:07,630
Oh, whoa, come on,
don't do that, don't.
256
00:14:08,552 --> 00:14:10,793
I'm sorry, it's just
I feel so guilty about my dad,
257
00:14:11,012 --> 00:14:13,134
but I feel like
if I help him it hurts you,
258
00:14:13,347 --> 00:14:15,504
and I don't want to hurt you,
I love you.
259
00:14:15,765 --> 00:14:19,548
Come on, Carrie, don't cry.
Come on, when you cry, I...
260
00:14:21,852 --> 00:14:23,891
Oh, God.
261
00:14:27,522 --> 00:14:29,598
Oh, God.
262
00:14:30,483 --> 00:14:33,151
He can live here, it's okay.
263
00:14:33,318 --> 00:14:34,942
Oh, honey, are you sure?
264
00:14:35,152 --> 00:14:38,650
Yeah, this room's stupid anyway.
265
00:14:39,738 --> 00:14:41,398
Honey, you're the best.
266
00:14:41,615 --> 00:14:45,113
Thank you so much.
Let's go tell Dad.
267
00:14:46,493 --> 00:14:49,741
- Oh, God.
- Are you okay?
268
00:14:49,953 --> 00:14:52,704
I need a few minutes.
269
00:14:52,913 --> 00:14:55,285
- Could you hold me?
- Yeah.
270
00:15:01,002 --> 00:15:03,918
Come on,
you gotta make those tackles.
271
00:15:04,921 --> 00:15:06,711
They're gonna blow it.
272
00:15:06,922 --> 00:15:09,673
They're already down 42-3.
273
00:15:09,882 --> 00:15:13,748
Or at least I think that's the score.
I can't see the bottom of the screen.
274
00:15:15,719 --> 00:15:17,137
Richie, come on, eat over a plate.
275
00:15:17,262 --> 00:15:19,337
Carrie doesn't want to
get crumbs on the duvet.
276
00:15:19,555 --> 00:15:21,962
What's a duvet?
277
00:15:22,223 --> 00:15:25,757
Look, I don't know, but she was
pointing to that area when she said it.
278
00:15:33,105 --> 00:15:34,100
Pull the covers off.
279
00:15:34,314 --> 00:15:37,065
- Oh, it's drafty. My legs are-
- Pull the covers off!
280
00:15:37,274 --> 00:15:39,943
All right.
Why are you in such a foul mood?
281
00:15:40,151 --> 00:15:42,819
Because I'm watching a football game
on something called a duvet.
282
00:15:43,028 --> 00:15:44,737
- This sucks.
- What do you want me to do?
283
00:15:44,904 --> 00:15:46,822
I mean, I live with
my wife's family now, okay?
284
00:15:46,947 --> 00:15:48,606
At least you get to go home.
285
00:15:48,865 --> 00:15:51,022
Back with scores
and highlights after this.
286
00:15:51,241 --> 00:15:54,158
Hey, Moose, question for you.
287
00:15:54,410 --> 00:15:57,825
Now that your wife's sister moved in,
do the two of them ever, you know,
288
00:15:58,037 --> 00:16:02,744
get into an argument, and maybe
start whacking each other with pillows,
289
00:16:02,957 --> 00:16:05,412
next thing you know,
a little playful wrestling
290
00:16:05,625 --> 00:16:08,294
leads to a lingering kiss?
291
00:16:13,922 --> 00:16:15,665
I'm asking.
292
00:16:16,257 --> 00:16:18,083
Is this Egyptian cotton, because--
293
00:16:18,300 --> 00:16:20,457
Would you give me that?!
294
00:16:22,344 --> 00:16:25,676
See, when you can do this,
295
00:16:25,888 --> 00:16:28,674
that means it's time
to buy a new one, okay?
296
00:16:28,931 --> 00:16:30,849
Okay, this isn't about the milk,
is it, Carrie?
297
00:16:30,974 --> 00:16:34,060
No, this is about me losing that set
of house keys with your address on it.
298
00:16:34,268 --> 00:16:37,102
- What?
- Oh, you heard me.
299
00:16:38,437 --> 00:16:40,145
You wanna...
300
00:16:53,822 --> 00:16:55,897
Okay, honey, I'm out.
301
00:17:09,624 --> 00:17:11,500
- Oh, jeez!
- Oh, don't mind me, keep shaving.
302
00:17:11,666 --> 00:17:13,668
Sara, what are you doing?
I haven't showered yet!
303
00:17:13,876 --> 00:17:15,583
If I'm late for this audition
there's no way I'll get it.
304
00:17:15,794 --> 00:17:30,678
Just give me five minutes.
Okay, half-hour, tops.
305
00:17:30,715 --> 00:17:45,563
The subway's gonna be
a disaster this morning.
306
00:17:45,599 --> 00:17:47,021
Your face.
307
00:17:47,230 --> 00:17:50,016
Why did you cut yourself so much?
308
00:17:50,232 --> 00:17:52,354
I'd rather not say.
309
00:17:53,776 --> 00:17:55,527
And why are you still
in your pyjamas, hon?
310
00:17:55,652 --> 00:17:57,362
It's quarter to 8.
Have you even showered?
311
00:17:57,487 --> 00:17:59,405
No, your sister's been in there
for 20 minutes.
312
00:17:59,530 --> 00:18:00,864
Did you try flushing the toilet?
313
00:18:01,031 --> 00:18:02,821
Yeah, she just screams
and keeps showering.
314
00:18:03,074 --> 00:18:05,112
All right, I'll get her out.
315
00:18:06,742 --> 00:18:09,411
Well, slept like a baby!
316
00:18:09,619 --> 00:18:14,326
Seventy-five years old, and I still
wake up with the little guy saluting.
317
00:18:17,457 --> 00:18:20,410
- I'm out of the bathroom!
- Let me at it.
318
00:18:20,626 --> 00:18:25,121
I have a good feeling.
This could be my day.
319
00:18:29,632 --> 00:18:33,675
Doug? I got your wife on the line.
Should I patch her through?
320
00:18:33,926 --> 00:18:35,965
Yeah, yeah, please.
321
00:18:36,178 --> 00:18:37,552
- Doug?
- Hey, babe.
322
00:18:37,804 --> 00:18:39,677
Hi. How's it going?
323
00:18:39,930 --> 00:18:40,925
Been better.
324
00:18:41,139 --> 00:18:43,766
I was a half-hour late to work,
and my boss ripped me a new one.
325
00:18:43,891 --> 00:18:47,140
Again, honey?
That's your fourth one this month.
326
00:18:48,769 --> 00:18:50,393
So, what's up?
327
00:18:50,645 --> 00:18:53,514
Nothing. I was just sitting here,
thinking about you,
328
00:18:53,772 --> 00:18:54,851
and how much I love you,
329
00:18:55,064 --> 00:18:57,733
and how great you've been
about Dad moving in and everything.
330
00:18:57,941 --> 00:18:58,936
No big deal.
331
00:18:59,150 --> 00:19:02,933
No, it is. I mean, living with us
has calmed him down so much.
332
00:19:03,153 --> 00:19:06,236
In fact, I just spoke to him an hour ago
and he said he was just gonna
333
00:19:06,446 --> 00:19:10,395
spend the rest of the afternoon
in his room reading.
334
00:19:10,616 --> 00:19:13,106
Isn't that something?
335
00:19:23,207 --> 00:19:24,784
Doug?
336
00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:25,995
Doug?
337
00:19:26,751 --> 00:19:29,211
What are you so upset about?
I was just going to the movies.
338
00:19:29,336 --> 00:19:31,209
You see, that part's fine. Just fine.
339
00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:34,753
The part I'm having a problem with,
Dad, is the hookers!
340
00:19:34,964 --> 00:19:37,501
Look, the fact is I was lonely.
341
00:19:37,716 --> 00:19:39,717
I just didn't want to go
to the movies by myself.
342
00:19:39,926 --> 00:19:41,206
That's all there was to it.
343
00:19:41,427 --> 00:19:43,549
He didn't have to embarrass me
in front of my ho's.
344
00:19:43,761 --> 00:19:45,089
Okay.
345
00:19:45,304 --> 00:19:48,802
Embarrass you?
Excuse me, who'd they pepper spray?!
346
00:19:49,056 --> 00:19:51,344
Hey, you guys.
I'm thinking about having a party here.
347
00:19:51,558 --> 00:19:52,968
- Is Tuesday okay?
- No, it's not.
348
00:19:53,226 --> 00:19:55,685
And not Wednesday, either.
I'm having the Kiwanis club over.
349
00:19:55,894 --> 00:19:57,562
Well, can't you just move it
to Thursday?
350
00:19:57,728 --> 00:19:59,969
- No, Thursday's not-
- That's it! Listen up, okay?
351
00:20:00,230 --> 00:20:02,720
Hey, this is my house!
I pay the mortgage here.
352
00:20:02,940 --> 00:20:05,608
Actually, she pays the mortgage,
it's a tax thing.
353
00:20:05,817 --> 00:20:08,686
The point is, starting now,
here are the rules, all right?
354
00:20:08,902 --> 00:20:11,570
No parties. No Kiwanis. No hookers.
355
00:20:11,779 --> 00:20:14,280
No jumping in line for the bathroom,
making me late for work.
356
00:20:14,322 --> 00:20:16,361
And certainly no naked,
soapy silhouettes
357
00:20:16,573 --> 00:20:19,739
getting me all hot
while I'm trying to shave.
358
00:20:21,660 --> 00:20:22,774
You got that, Arthur?
359
00:20:28,623 --> 00:20:30,698
Oh, God, finally.
360
00:20:31,374 --> 00:20:36,200
Sara's out on a date, Dad's nailed
into the basement for the night,
361
00:20:36,419 --> 00:20:41,874
so it's just you and me, Doug,
if that is your real name.
362
00:20:44,758 --> 00:20:46,002
What's the matter?
363
00:20:46,676 --> 00:20:48,584
I'm not in the mood.
364
00:20:49,636 --> 00:20:53,253
- Why not?
- I feel fat.
365
00:20:55,848 --> 00:20:58,338
Would you stop it?
You're not fat. You're...
366
00:20:58,558 --> 00:20:59,720
- I know, husky.
- Husky.
367
00:20:59,934 --> 00:21:01,807
- Yeah, I'm husky.
- That's right.
368
00:21:02,060 --> 00:21:04,633
Now, what's really going on?
369
00:21:04,895 --> 00:21:06,804
I just miss the way things
used to be.
370
00:21:07,022 --> 00:21:08,930
You know,
when it was just you and me,
371
00:21:09,148 --> 00:21:10,565
and we had the house to ourselves,
372
00:21:10,732 --> 00:21:14,396
and we could watch the top
and bottom half of a movie.
373
00:21:14,651 --> 00:21:18,979
I know. I know. Me too.
374
00:21:19,196 --> 00:21:20,689
But look at it this way,
375
00:21:20,905 --> 00:21:25,151
sometimes the top half of a movie
is all you need.
376
00:21:25,366 --> 00:21:26,825
Right?
377
00:21:27,368 --> 00:21:29,443
I guess you're right.
378
00:21:33,872 --> 00:21:36,871
Wait. Top half of a movie
is all you need?
379
00:21:37,082 --> 00:21:39,654
What the hell does that mean?
380
00:21:41,501 --> 00:21:43,244
It means nothing. It means nothing.
381
00:21:43,461 --> 00:21:46,377
We haven't had sex in a month.
So if you wanna talk, let's talk after.
382
00:21:46,588 --> 00:21:53,215
- Yeah, if I'm still awake, baby.
- Okay.
383
00:21:53,251 --> 00:21:59,843
Did you confiscate
your dad's hot plate?
384
00:22:00,055 --> 00:22:01,963
I should have, shouldn't I?
385
00:22:02,181 --> 00:22:04,932
Let's just keep going
until we smell smoke.
30529
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