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1
00:00:04,159 --> 00:00:05,912
Oh, my God. Oh, my
God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
2
00:00:05,937 --> 00:00:07,344
Guys, guys, guys,
guys, guys, guys.
3
00:00:07,369 --> 00:00:09,238
"Congratulations, Paddy's Pub.
4
00:00:09,263 --> 00:00:11,023
"We are pleased to report that
we are interested in featuring
5
00:00:11,048 --> 00:00:14,088
"your bar on an upcoming
episode of our show.
6
00:00:14,113 --> 00:00:16,435
"We will be sending a producer
to do a walk-through soon.
7
00:00:16,460 --> 00:00:18,698
"Warmly, your friends at...
8
00:00:18,879 --> 00:00:19,947
Bar Rescue!"
9
00:00:19,981 --> 00:00:21,583
Yes!
10
00:00:21,617 --> 00:00:23,755
This is like our dreams
come true, right?
11
00:00:23,789 --> 00:00:25,759
What? To be on a
reality TV show?
12
00:00:25,793 --> 00:00:27,395
Yeah. Wh... How
did this happen?
13
00:00:27,429 --> 00:00:29,107
I've been writing them
a letter every week
14
00:00:29,132 --> 00:00:30,669
since the show first started.
15
00:00:30,703 --> 00:00:32,305
- Well, how long's it been?
- Too long.
16
00:00:32,339 --> 00:00:33,642
I very much do
want to be famous,
17
00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:35,179
but I don't know if I want
to be on a reality show
18
00:00:35,204 --> 00:00:36,650
where they try and make
us look like jerks.
19
00:00:36,675 --> 00:00:38,091
- Right.
- Right. Oh, right, yeah.
20
00:00:38,116 --> 00:00:39,524
'Cause, like, what if
they, like, edit it
21
00:00:39,549 --> 00:00:41,140
to, like, make me look
stupid or something?
22
00:00:41,165 --> 00:00:43,143
Yeah. This is a definite
pass for me. I'm out.
23
00:00:43,168 --> 00:00:44,371
This could be huge for us.
24
00:00:44,396 --> 00:00:45,829
What are you guys talking about?
25
00:00:45,854 --> 00:00:47,544
I'm a little disappointed that
you didn't tell me earlier
26
00:00:47,569 --> 00:00:48,757
because I would have
been working out
27
00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:49,985
for weeks in preparation.
28
00:00:50,010 --> 00:00:51,477
I mean, for God's sakes, man.
29
00:00:51,510 --> 00:00:52,980
What if, what if
my shirt falls off?
30
00:00:53,013 --> 00:00:54,951
Yeah, yeah. I'm a little
off my regimen, too.
31
00:00:54,984 --> 00:00:56,855
Like, I haven't even
been doing any of my...
32
00:00:56,888 --> 00:00:58,424
- workouts.
- Ever. He never has. Yeah.
33
00:00:58,457 --> 00:01:00,294
You guys are missing
the bigger picture here.
34
00:01:00,328 --> 00:01:02,900
I mean, wh-what are the odds
that they would pick our bar?
35
00:01:02,933 --> 00:01:05,204
This is a million-to-one shot,
36
00:01:05,238 --> 00:01:06,951
and I've got a really good
feeling about this, guys.
37
00:01:06,975 --> 00:01:09,246
Things are about to
change here at Paddy's Pub
38
00:01:09,279 --> 00:01:12,352
because our luck
just turned around.
39
00:01:37,770 --> 00:01:39,315
The second I clean it up,
you're making more crumbs.
40
00:01:39,339 --> 00:01:40,719
- Stop.
- There should be more crumbs.
41
00:01:40,743 --> 00:01:42,545
We should put crumbs all
over the goddamn bar.
42
00:01:42,579 --> 00:01:44,459
Sorry, but, Charlie, why am
I seeing so many silverfish?
43
00:01:44,483 --> 00:01:45,594
I-I don't know where
they're coming from, man.
44
00:01:45,618 --> 00:01:46,788
I cannot get rid of them.
45
00:01:46,821 --> 00:01:48,491
You should not get rid of them.
46
00:01:48,524 --> 00:01:50,561
Don't you guys understand
what Bar Rescue is?
47
00:01:50,595 --> 00:01:52,465
These are the exact
kind of things
48
00:01:52,499 --> 00:01:54,880
that John Taffer's gonna come in
and hand our asses to us about.
49
00:01:54,904 --> 00:01:56,684
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
50
00:01:56,708 --> 00:01:58,320
No, I don't... I don't want
to have my ass handed to me.
51
00:01:58,344 --> 00:01:59,781
I mean, how the
bar comes across is
52
00:01:59,814 --> 00:02:01,918
- a reflection of how I come across. Okay?
- Yes.
53
00:02:01,951 --> 00:02:03,296
And I, for one, don't
want to be known
54
00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:05,793
as a silverfish man. Okay?
55
00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:07,471
I want to look good
for the people watching
56
00:02:07,495 --> 00:02:09,533
in their...
57
00:02:13,809 --> 00:02:16,013
Uh... What's the-the thing?
58
00:02:16,046 --> 00:02:17,817
The-the boxes that-that
people live in?
59
00:02:17,850 --> 00:02:19,319
You talking about their homes?
60
00:02:19,352 --> 00:02:21,523
Y... uh, yes, yeah. Their homes.
61
00:02:21,557 --> 00:02:23,537
Jesus. I couldn't
think of that word. That's so weird.
62
00:02:23,561 --> 00:02:25,732
Guys, we have a problem.
63
00:02:25,766 --> 00:02:27,937
But whatever you
do, don't laugh.
64
00:02:31,744 --> 00:02:33,691
- How are we not supposed to laugh at that?
- I wouldn't laugh at that.
65
00:02:33,715 --> 00:02:35,093
This is not funny, all
right? It's not a joke.
66
00:02:35,117 --> 00:02:36,496
I don't know what's
going on with my face,
67
00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:37,756
but it's broken or something.
68
00:02:37,790 --> 00:02:39,035
It's very funny.
69
00:02:39,059 --> 00:02:40,461
That's really funny.
70
00:02:40,495 --> 00:02:41,998
- Ah!
- My egg's all bloody.
71
00:02:42,031 --> 00:02:44,035
Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no.
72
00:02:44,069 --> 00:02:45,672
This is bad, dude.
73
00:02:45,706 --> 00:02:46,951
This is the kind of stuff
that starts happening
74
00:02:46,975 --> 00:02:48,645
when someone's put
a curse on you.
75
00:02:48,678 --> 00:02:50,414
- Curse? What are you talking about?
- What?
76
00:02:50,448 --> 00:02:51,861
Let's just stop and
think for a second, okay?
77
00:02:51,885 --> 00:02:53,521
Like, Dee, did you
have any run-ins
78
00:02:53,554 --> 00:02:55,859
with anyone who might
have put a curse on you?
79
00:02:55,893 --> 00:02:58,364
I mean, I had a
tiny little issue
80
00:02:58,397 --> 00:02:59,834
with a neighbor last night.
81
00:02:59,867 --> 00:03:01,838
Yes!
82
00:03:01,871 --> 00:03:05,044
Spewing my hate
all over your teenage asses.
83
00:03:05,077 --> 00:03:08,384
What?
84
00:03:08,417 --> 00:03:10,956
Banging the goddamn
door down. What?
85
00:03:12,425 --> 00:03:13,795
Yeah.
86
00:03:13,829 --> 00:03:15,666
What? Why are you trying
to break my door down
87
00:03:15,699 --> 00:03:16,901
at 3:00 in the morning?
88
00:03:16,935 --> 00:03:18,571
I baked you some brownies.
89
00:03:18,604 --> 00:03:19,874
Why you baking me shit?
90
00:03:19,907 --> 00:03:21,778
- Trying to poison me?
- No.
91
00:03:21,811 --> 00:03:25,484
I just wanted to kindly ask if
you could keep the noise down.
92
00:03:25,518 --> 00:03:28,792
Oh. Oh,
no. I'm so sorry.
93
00:03:28,825 --> 00:03:30,528
I didn't realize.
94
00:03:30,561 --> 00:03:32,041
- That was really sweet of you...
- Oh, yeah.
95
00:03:32,065 --> 00:03:33,500
- To bake these for me.
- Yeah.
96
00:03:33,534 --> 00:03:34,813
Hey, I have something
for you also.
97
00:03:34,837 --> 00:03:37,041
- Oh, it's so nice. What is it?
- Yeah.
98
00:03:37,075 --> 00:03:39,647
Well, it's a trophy. See?
99
00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:41,149
It says "Cunt of the Year."
100
00:03:41,183 --> 00:03:42,920
That's you.
101
00:03:45,626 --> 00:03:46,995
You are a nasty woman,
102
00:03:47,028 --> 00:03:50,401
and bad things are going
to happen to you one day.
103
00:03:50,434 --> 00:03:53,541
I guarantee it.
104
00:03:53,574 --> 00:03:54,609
Drop dead.
105
00:03:55,545 --> 00:03:57,983
Well, ther e you go. It sounded
like that lady cursed you.
106
00:03:58,017 --> 00:04:00,856
I don't know. I call old ladies
cunts all the time. We all do.
107
00:04:00,889 --> 00:04:02,836
- Right. - That's true.
- No, she brings up a good point.
108
00:04:02,860 --> 00:04:04,572
- We do. We do.
- I called an old lady a cunt this morning.
109
00:04:04,596 --> 00:04:06,701
- See? - Did you? Yeah.
- I sure did. I sure did.
110
00:04:06,734 --> 00:04:08,113
- No, I might've done it, too, actually.
- Honestly,
111
00:04:08,137 --> 00:04:09,907
for me this raises an
even bigger concern.
112
00:04:09,941 --> 00:04:11,176
Okay. What's that?
113
00:04:11,209 --> 00:04:13,080
Dee had no right to
give that trophy away.
114
00:04:13,113 --> 00:04:14,993
I mean, we worked very, very hard on that.
115
00:04:15,017 --> 00:04:16,854
We did. It's not easy to make.
116
00:04:16,888 --> 00:04:18,466
- Nobody wanted to do it.
- Plus, she earned it, right?
117
00:04:18,490 --> 00:04:19,937
- Yeah, you earned it.
- And you earned it.
118
00:04:19,961 --> 00:04:21,674
And you're just gonna
give it away? I mean...
119
00:04:21,698 --> 00:04:23,668
Either way, this is
all bullshit anyway,
120
00:04:23,702 --> 00:04:25,982
because we're not having bad
luck, we're having good luck.
121
00:04:26,006 --> 00:04:27,408
What about my egg?
122
00:04:27,442 --> 00:04:29,079
You know what that
might've been?
123
00:04:29,112 --> 00:04:31,059
Y-You might've gotten cursed
when you killed that seabird.
124
00:04:31,083 --> 00:04:32,896
- What seabird?
- Oh, I didn't tell you guys about this? Okay.
125
00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:35,191
So, the other day, uh, Frank's
making a banana daiquiri.
126
00:04:35,224 --> 00:04:37,495
Seagull flies
right into the bar.
127
00:04:37,528 --> 00:04:38,999
- Cheers.
- Yeah. Here you go.
128
00:04:39,032 --> 00:04:40,534
It's tasty.
129
00:04:41,503 --> 00:04:42,472
- Oh, shit.
- What?
130
00:04:42,505 --> 00:04:43,842
A seagull.
131
00:04:43,875 --> 00:04:45,011
Whoa.
132
00:04:47,115 --> 00:04:49,119
Oh, a little birdie.
133
00:04:49,152 --> 00:04:51,590
Oh, what a sweet little birdie.
134
00:04:51,624 --> 00:04:54,596
You want some food? Want some?
135
00:04:54,630 --> 00:04:56,142
Whoa! Shit, Frank!
136
00:04:56,166 --> 00:04:58,604
- Die!
- Ah, Frank. Jesus.
137
00:04:58,638 --> 00:05:00,742
Come here, you rat, die!
138
00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:05,217
Ah! Goddamn!
139
00:05:05,251 --> 00:05:08,490
And die, you fucking seagull.
140
00:05:08,524 --> 00:05:11,530
Bitch. Fucking cunt.
141
00:05:11,563 --> 00:05:14,235
Well, it's bad luck if a
seabird flies into a building.
142
00:05:14,269 --> 00:05:15,939
No, dude. It's bad
luck to kill a seabird.
143
00:05:15,973 --> 00:05:17,542
Every sailor knows that.
144
00:05:17,575 --> 00:05:18,778
I don't sail.
145
00:05:18,812 --> 00:05:19,923
Charlie, will you
stop trying to turn
146
00:05:19,947 --> 00:05:22,151
our good fortune
into bad fortune?
147
00:05:22,185 --> 00:05:24,790
All this doom and
gloom. Nobody is cursed.
148
00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:26,593
Oh, really, Mac? Because
I straight-up heard
149
00:05:26,628 --> 00:05:27,997
Cricket curse you yesterday.
150
00:05:29,232 --> 00:05:30,243
All right. It's
time to make good
151
00:05:30,267 --> 00:05:31,938
on your end of the bargain, Mac.
152
00:05:31,971 --> 00:05:33,249
What are you talking
about? I still need proof.
153
00:05:33,273 --> 00:05:35,144
Oh, come on, man.
Don't start with that.
154
00:05:35,177 --> 00:05:36,222
- We had...
- Cricket, what are you doing in here, man?
155
00:05:36,246 --> 00:05:37,650
That's what I was just saying.
156
00:05:37,683 --> 00:05:39,219
Cricket, what are
you doing in here?
157
00:05:39,252 --> 00:05:40,999
What? What-what... No,
we're-we're talking business.
158
00:05:41,023 --> 00:05:42,802
Business? I'm not doing
business with you, street trash.
159
00:05:42,826 --> 00:05:44,630
What is your deal,
man? What-what...
160
00:05:44,664 --> 00:05:46,075
One second you need me, the
next I'm a pile of garbage?
161
00:05:46,099 --> 00:05:48,046
- Is that what this is?
- Cricket, beat it, man...
162
00:05:48,070 --> 00:05:50,117
You better beat it, or I'm
gonna beat you with my shoe.
163
00:05:50,141 --> 00:05:51,185
- You know what?
- Get out of the bar, dude.
164
00:05:51,209 --> 00:05:52,221
You know what? Screw you guys.
165
00:05:52,245 --> 00:05:54,850
Oh. Hey, Mac.
166
00:05:54,884 --> 00:05:56,119
A curse on you.
167
00:05:57,121 --> 00:06:00,962
Vos omnes maledicti mille annis.
168
00:06:03,133 --> 00:06:04,937
I mean, he-he literally
cursed you, man.
169
00:06:04,970 --> 00:06:06,215
Now, guys, come on. We got
to take this seriously.
170
00:06:06,239 --> 00:06:08,210
Like, let's look at
this. Like, uh, Frank.
171
00:06:08,243 --> 00:06:09,923
Let-Let's do our homework
on sailors' curses.
172
00:06:09,947 --> 00:06:12,085
Dee, Mac, go make
your apologies.
173
00:06:12,118 --> 00:06:13,855
I will do nothing of the sort.
174
00:06:13,888 --> 00:06:15,200
In fact, I am done
listening to this.
175
00:06:15,224 --> 00:06:17,195
It's irritating, anti-God,
176
00:06:17,228 --> 00:06:21,103
and most importantly will not
make for good Bar Rescue banter.
177
00:06:21,136 --> 00:06:22,572
I am leaving.
178
00:06:22,605 --> 00:06:23,942
Come on, man!
179
00:06:23,975 --> 00:06:27,816
Charlie, how do you
know all this curse...
180
00:06:29,854 --> 00:06:31,289
- Stuff?
- Yeah.
181
00:06:31,323 --> 00:06:32,969
That... I mean, look, maybe
it's real, maybe it's not.
182
00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:34,630
But, like, look at it this way.
183
00:06:34,663 --> 00:06:36,242
Like, i-if a black
cat crosses your path,
184
00:06:36,266 --> 00:06:37,936
do you spit over
your left shoulder?
185
00:06:37,970 --> 00:06:39,172
- Uh-uh.
- Why would I do that?
186
00:06:39,205 --> 00:06:40,174
- No.
- You guys don't do that one?
187
00:06:40,207 --> 00:06:41,744
I don't know what that is.
188
00:06:41,778 --> 00:06:43,189
Well, I mean, like,
when you're hopeful
189
00:06:43,213 --> 00:06:44,659
for something, though,
do you knock on wood?
190
00:06:44,683 --> 00:06:46,062
- Oh, that one. No. No.
- Nah... No.
191
00:06:46,086 --> 00:06:46,954
I've heard of that
one, but I don't do it.
192
00:06:46,988 --> 00:06:48,223
Well, do you make a wish
193
00:06:48,257 --> 00:06:49,927
when you blow out a
damn candle? I mean...
194
00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:51,931
- Of course we do. - Yes.
- Ah, yes, that one I do.
195
00:06:51,964 --> 00:06:53,576
- You know what I'm talking about.
- Candles, yeah, I like that.
196
00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:54,613
Well, 'cause I want my
wishes to come true.
197
00:06:54,637 --> 00:06:55,571
Okay. And why do you do it?
198
00:06:55,604 --> 00:06:56,641
You do it just in case.
199
00:06:56,674 --> 00:07:00,247
Just in case it's real, right?
200
00:07:00,281 --> 00:07:02,018
And "just in case"
is as good a reason
201
00:07:02,051 --> 00:07:03,251
to believe in anything as any.
202
00:07:04,189 --> 00:07:05,759
Hmm.
203
00:07:11,049 --> 00:07:12,103
I got to call a
doctor or something.
204
00:07:12,127 --> 00:07:13,363
Oh, no, you definitely should.
205
00:07:13,396 --> 00:07:14,834
I'm pretty sure you
have Bell's palsy.
206
00:07:14,858 --> 00:07:16,462
I, uh, I looked it up.
207
00:07:16,495 --> 00:07:17,507
But first you got to
apologize to your neighbor.
208
00:07:17,531 --> 00:07:20,570
Yeah. Just in case? Hmm?
209
00:07:20,603 --> 00:07:22,407
Just in ca... No, no.
210
00:07:22,441 --> 00:07:23,976
I don't believe in
that bullshit. No.
211
00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:25,589
She's got the trophy. I
want to get the trophy back.
212
00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:27,283
You had no right to
give that to her.
213
00:07:27,317 --> 00:07:29,287
I swear to God, if she
doesn't have that thing,
214
00:07:29,321 --> 00:07:30,733
- I'm gonna paralyze the other side of your face.
- Oh, okay.
215
00:07:30,757 --> 00:07:32,370
'Cause I want it. Come
on, that's-that's crazy.
216
00:07:32,394 --> 00:07:34,431
You-you have to be
nominated for that.
217
00:07:36,034 --> 00:07:37,671
Hello, um, you don't know me,
218
00:07:37,704 --> 00:07:40,610
but I'm the brother of
this horrible woman,
219
00:07:40,643 --> 00:07:42,481
and she just wanted to
come by and tell you
220
00:07:42,514 --> 00:07:44,651
that she's very...
221
00:07:46,822 --> 00:07:48,793
Uh, she-she feels...
She, uh...
222
00:07:48,826 --> 00:07:50,497
Oh, what's the word?
223
00:07:50,530 --> 00:07:51,808
To make
better the feelings?
224
00:07:51,832 --> 00:07:54,671
- "Sorry"?
- Sorry. Yes. Goddamn.
225
00:07:54,705 --> 00:07:56,809
Um... I don't know
what that... Yeah.
226
00:07:56,842 --> 00:07:58,980
- Yeah.
- Um, and also, she, um...
227
00:07:59,013 --> 00:08:01,318
She gave you
something, uh, a trophy,
228
00:08:01,352 --> 00:08:02,654
and-and it was not hers to give.
229
00:08:02,687 --> 00:08:04,391
Do-do you perhaps
still have that?
230
00:08:04,424 --> 00:08:06,562
- Yeah, I have it. I'll get it.
- Yeah? Okay, great.
231
00:08:06,595 --> 00:08:08,107
You know what? I got to
look up some clinics,
232
00:08:08,131 --> 00:08:09,644
'cause I really need a
doctor to fix my face
233
00:08:09,668 --> 00:08:10,670
before we're on TV.
234
00:08:11,872 --> 00:08:13,309
- Uh-oh.
- Hmm?
235
00:08:13,342 --> 00:08:15,446
- Whoa. Did-did you see that?
- What?
236
00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:16,849
See what?
237
00:08:16,882 --> 00:08:18,986
Uh, a black cat just ran
out of her apartment.
238
00:08:19,020 --> 00:08:20,957
- It just...
- I didn't see a cat.
239
00:08:20,990 --> 00:08:22,727
You kidding me? It
ran right past us.
240
00:08:22,761 --> 00:08:23,763
Well, that's not good.
241
00:08:23,796 --> 00:08:25,533
- A black cat?
- Yeah.
242
00:08:25,567 --> 00:08:26,945
Well, shit. What'd Charlie
say we were supposed to do
243
00:08:26,969 --> 00:08:28,014
if we saw it?
That's a bad omen.
244
00:08:28,038 --> 00:08:29,942
Oh.
245
00:08:29,975 --> 00:08:31,846
Oh!
246
00:08:31,879 --> 00:08:33,850
Uh-oh. I got you, didn't
I? Sorry about that.
247
00:08:33,883 --> 00:08:34,985
- Yes, you did.
- Yeah.
248
00:08:35,018 --> 00:08:36,455
Boy, that's a shame.
249
00:08:36,488 --> 00:08:37,700
- Thank you for this, though.
- Yeah.
250
00:08:37,724 --> 00:08:39,761
Um, listen, um...
Do you have a cat?
251
00:08:39,795 --> 00:08:41,708
'Cause I think I just saw one
run out of your apartment.
252
00:08:41,732 --> 00:08:43,603
- A cat?
- Yeah, yeah. A little black cat?
253
00:08:43,636 --> 00:08:46,976
I had a little black cat.
Her name was Maureen.
254
00:08:48,078 --> 00:08:49,448
Whoa.
255
00:08:49,481 --> 00:08:51,585
But she's been dead for years.
256
00:08:51,619 --> 00:08:53,856
Huh. That's crazy.
257
00:08:53,890 --> 00:08:55,960
I was, I was murdered to
a woman named Maureen.
258
00:08:55,994 --> 00:08:57,430
- Huh?
- Huh?
259
00:08:57,464 --> 00:08:58,766
No, I meant
married. I'm sorry.
260
00:08:58,799 --> 00:09:00,011
I was married to a
woman named Maureen.
261
00:09:00,035 --> 00:09:01,438
I-I...
262
00:09:01,472 --> 00:09:03,442
That's so weird. I
swear I saw a cat.
263
00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:04,687
You know what? This
place is full of cats.
264
00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:05,723
Can we get out of here, please?
265
00:09:05,747 --> 00:09:07,049
- Yeah, go. Go.
- Okay.
266
00:09:07,082 --> 00:09:09,521
And please keep the
noise down at night.
267
00:09:09,555 --> 00:09:11,559
Yeah. Okay, you got it, cunt.
268
00:09:14,464 --> 00:09:15,800
Are you sure about
this, Cricket?
269
00:09:15,833 --> 00:09:17,637
Yeah, I'm sure about it, man.
270
00:09:17,671 --> 00:09:18,916
I've been greasing the doormen
of this building for years.
271
00:09:18,940 --> 00:09:20,543
Chase Utley's back in town.
272
00:09:20,577 --> 00:09:22,423
He's coming out of his
apartment any second now.
273
00:09:22,447 --> 00:09:23,926
Is it good intel? 'Cause I
only got one good shot at this.
274
00:09:23,950 --> 00:09:25,462
Maybe it is, maybe it
isn't. What do I know?
275
00:09:25,486 --> 00:09:26,789
I'm just a street rat, right?
276
00:09:26,822 --> 00:09:28,693
I'm just trash.
That's what you said.
277
00:09:28,726 --> 00:09:30,004
- Okay, Cricks, I'll tell you...
- You've got nothing for me.
278
00:09:30,028 --> 00:09:31,575
I knew you were gonna
be a little bit of
279
00:09:31,599 --> 00:09:32,877
a bitch about this, so
I did something nice.
280
00:09:32,901 --> 00:09:35,506
- I got you a sixer.
- You got that for me?
281
00:09:35,540 --> 00:09:36,718
Yeah, I got a gift
for you, buddy.
282
00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:38,746
There's
only four in here.
283
00:09:38,779 --> 00:09:40,450
I drank two of 'em, of course.
284
00:09:40,483 --> 00:09:42,128
Okay. All right. Well,
thank you.
285
00:09:42,152 --> 00:09:43,799
Oh, I'm gonna buy a
six-pack and not drink two?
286
00:09:43,823 --> 00:09:45,927
Well, yeah. That's kind
of the kind thing to...
287
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:47,873
But I... Look,
um, thank you for the four.
288
00:09:47,897 --> 00:09:49,009
If I'm being honest,
I drank four.
289
00:09:49,033 --> 00:09:50,737
Two of those are piss.
290
00:09:50,770 --> 00:09:52,148
Because I was stuck in the
van, and you were out...
291
00:09:52,172 --> 00:09:53,976
You know what, I don't
even care, frankly.
292
00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:55,422
- I'm just glad to have a beverage.
- Yeah. All right.
293
00:09:55,446 --> 00:09:56,725
All right, um...
294
00:09:56,749 --> 00:09:58,519
Dominus espritu sanctum, okay?
295
00:09:58,552 --> 00:10:00,723
- You're off.
- What was that?
296
00:10:00,757 --> 00:10:02,637
I was, uh, I was lifting
the curse that I put on you.
297
00:10:02,661 --> 00:10:05,900
Oh. Yeah, no, I don't
believe in curses.
298
00:10:05,934 --> 00:10:07,570
Yeah, that's anti-God,
299
00:10:07,604 --> 00:10:09,116
and God is the reason
that all things happen.
300
00:10:09,140 --> 00:10:10,710
And speaking of
things that happened,
301
00:10:10,743 --> 00:10:12,714
I got to show you
something, Cricks,
302
00:10:12,747 --> 00:10:15,018
but you got to keep it a secret.
303
00:10:16,054 --> 00:10:18,459
Something wrong with your dick?
304
00:10:18,492 --> 00:10:20,195
- What?
- Okay, I was waiting for this.
305
00:10:20,228 --> 00:10:21,975
If it's your dick, though,
I-I got to charge you for it.
306
00:10:21,999 --> 00:10:23,077
I'm gonna tell you right now.
307
00:10:23,101 --> 00:10:24,905
No. It's not my dick, Cricket.
308
00:10:24,938 --> 00:10:26,116
Well, if-if you're
gonna whip it out, uh,
309
00:10:26,140 --> 00:10:28,011
we're on the clock. All right?
310
00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:29,724
- I'm not whipping anything out!
- There's a tiered system...
311
00:10:29,748 --> 00:10:31,585
Look. This.
312
00:10:31,619 --> 00:10:33,188
What? What is that?
313
00:10:33,221 --> 00:10:35,727
It's a monkey paw, and
I think it's good luck,
314
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,105
like a rabbit's foot
or something like that,
315
00:10:37,129 --> 00:10:38,633
'cause ever since I found it,
316
00:10:38,666 --> 00:10:40,111
nothing but good
things have happened.
317
00:10:40,135 --> 00:10:41,705
Uh, sorry, I thought
God was the reason
318
00:10:41,739 --> 00:10:43,676
that anything good
happens, et cetera.
319
00:10:43,709 --> 00:10:47,651
Well, no. God decides who
the good things happen to
320
00:10:47,684 --> 00:10:49,186
and then who he smites.
321
00:10:49,220 --> 00:10:51,024
- You're not following.
- I-I can't follow it.
322
00:10:51,057 --> 00:10:52,737
- Cricket, I'm...
- It makes literally no sense.
323
00:10:52,761 --> 00:10:55,074
- You got to pick a lane.
- I don't even know why I even...
324
00:10:55,098 --> 00:10:56,711
- Let's get this open. I'm feeling curious.
- Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
325
00:10:56,735 --> 00:10:57,913
Wait, that's... there he
is, there he is. Okay.
326
00:10:57,937 --> 00:10:59,474
Let's go.
327
00:10:59,508 --> 00:11:02,112
Mr. Utley?
328
00:11:02,146 --> 00:11:04,116
Mr. Utley?
329
00:11:04,150 --> 00:11:06,254
Mr. Utley, a moment
of your time, sir.
330
00:11:06,287 --> 00:11:08,024
Mr. Utley?
331
00:11:08,058 --> 00:11:09,928
Mr. Utley, hello?
332
00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:12,901
Hello. Oh, hi. Hi, Mr. Utley.
333
00:11:12,934 --> 00:11:14,838
Hey, uh, would you
like an autograph?
334
00:11:14,871 --> 00:11:17,176
Oh, no. That's a cl...
A classic, Mr. Utley.
335
00:11:17,209 --> 00:11:20,182
- I-It's me, Mac.
- I don't know a Mac.
336
00:11:20,215 --> 00:11:22,195
I wrote you a letter every
week for the last ten years.
337
00:11:22,219 --> 00:11:24,591
Did you not receive my
letters? There was a video.
338
00:11:24,624 --> 00:11:26,695
A video in response. Wait.
339
00:11:26,729 --> 00:11:28,966
"Dear Mac, I feel like
I can call you Mac
340
00:11:28,999 --> 00:11:30,703
"because you called me Chase.
341
00:11:30,737 --> 00:11:33,576
"Thank you for the
compliment on my hair.
342
00:11:33,609 --> 00:11:34,988
"It's my fourth favorite
thing after baseball,
343
00:11:35,012 --> 00:11:37,650
"running fast and my dad.
344
00:11:37,684 --> 00:11:39,521
"I'm sorry your dad
doesn't like you.
345
00:11:39,554 --> 00:11:41,692
"Maybe you could
become a better son.
346
00:11:41,725 --> 00:11:43,529
"Meeting you and
having a game of catch
347
00:11:43,562 --> 00:11:45,241
"sounds like a lot of
fun, but like I said,
348
00:11:45,265 --> 00:11:48,138
"I'm really busy playing a lot
of baseball for the Phillies.
349
00:11:48,171 --> 00:11:50,208
"I hope you have a good life.
350
00:11:50,242 --> 00:11:52,647
"Fans like you make my
life a 'grand slam.'
351
00:11:52,680 --> 00:11:54,818
Your good friend, Chase."
352
00:11:54,851 --> 00:11:56,822
- Wait, you're that Mac?
- Yes.
353
00:11:56,855 --> 00:11:59,093
I thought Mac was a little kid.
354
00:11:59,126 --> 00:12:01,598
Yes, there's a child. A child...
355
00:12:01,632 --> 00:12:04,805
A child born unto
me. Little Mac.
356
00:12:04,838 --> 00:12:06,542
- What?
- He's Little Mac, I'm Big Mac,
357
00:12:06,575 --> 00:12:07,753
and you shall have
a catch with him.
358
00:12:07,777 --> 00:12:09,013
Your hair, it's throwing me.
359
00:12:09,046 --> 00:12:11,184
It's making me very
nervous.
360
00:12:11,217 --> 00:12:13,021
On the Dodgers, yes,
you were the Silver Fox.
361
00:12:13,054 --> 00:12:15,025
Philadelphia, you
were just the Fox.
362
00:12:15,058 --> 00:12:16,895
I don't know, man.
I'm pretty busy.
363
00:12:16,929 --> 00:12:20,737
Yes, we're all, we're all
busy, but the boy is sick.
364
00:12:22,106 --> 00:12:23,876
He's very sick.
He's, he's dying.
365
00:12:23,909 --> 00:12:26,949
He's got leukemia and you
shall have a catch with him.
366
00:12:26,982 --> 00:12:29,621
- Where's my car?
- I'll tweet that you didn't.
367
00:12:29,654 --> 00:12:31,157
I'm sorry. I threatened you.
368
00:12:31,190 --> 00:12:32,727
Now I'm upset and so are you.
369
00:12:34,063 --> 00:12:37,771
A catch, we shall
have? Later today.
370
00:12:37,804 --> 00:12:40,576
Okay. Maybe, but for,
like, five minutes tops.
371
00:12:40,610 --> 00:12:43,315
- Yes. Yes, yes.
- I'm really busy.
372
00:12:43,349 --> 00:12:45,218
Mom?
373
00:12:45,252 --> 00:12:47,657
Hey, can we pick your
brain about something?
374
00:12:47,690 --> 00:12:50,797
Oh, Charlie, I didn't
think you could make it.
375
00:12:50,830 --> 00:12:54,036
- Come on in.
- Yeah, shit, I forgot it's Uncle Jack's birthday.
376
00:12:54,069 --> 00:12:56,040
Come on in, Charlie.
You can sit next to me.
377
00:12:56,073 --> 00:12:58,646
Nah, I'm good. Uh, we'll
come back later or something.
378
00:12:58,679 --> 00:13:00,650
No, no, no, no, Charlie.
I want a piece of cake.
379
00:13:00,683 --> 00:13:02,119
- Come on.
- Oh, do you? Oh, shit.
380
00:13:02,152 --> 00:13:03,689
Okay, all right, all right.
381
00:13:03,722 --> 00:13:06,762
♪ Happy birthday, dear Jack ♪
382
00:13:06,795 --> 00:13:10,268
- ♪ Happy birthday to you. ♪
- Can we switch seats?
383
00:13:10,303 --> 00:13:12,239
Okay, make a wish.
384
00:13:12,272 --> 00:13:14,644
Oh, right, right, right.
Okay, you and I hold hands.
385
00:13:14,678 --> 00:13:17,049
- Nope.
- Okay, ready?
386
00:13:17,082 --> 00:13:18,752
All right.
387
00:13:18,786 --> 00:13:20,399
-Oh!
-Good. All right. Very good, very good.
388
00:13:20,423 --> 00:13:22,059
Hey, you want to know
my wish, Charlie?
389
00:13:22,092 --> 00:13:23,972
- Sure don't, pal.
- Ooh, don't tell him your wish,
390
00:13:23,996 --> 00:13:26,067
- it won't come true.
- Yeah, there you go.
391
00:13:26,100 --> 00:13:27,904
- Exactly.
- I made a wish, too.
392
00:13:27,937 --> 00:13:30,118
How about you and me go on
upstairs with some cake, Bon?
393
00:13:30,142 --> 00:13:32,012
Hey, Frank, you don't
get a wish, okay?
394
00:13:32,045 --> 00:13:33,859
That's not how birthday candles work.
395
00:13:33,883 --> 00:13:35,796
- Says who?
- Uh, look, that's not why we're here!
396
00:13:35,820 --> 00:13:37,256
Mom, Frank killed a seagull.
397
00:13:39,995 --> 00:13:41,398
Hey, that's not good, Frank.
398
00:13:41,431 --> 00:13:43,043
Yeah, we know it's not
good, Uncle Jack. Okay?
399
00:13:43,067 --> 00:13:44,781
That's why... that's why
we came here, all right?
400
00:13:44,805 --> 00:13:46,384
Mom, now is that the kind of
thing that could put, like,
401
00:13:46,408 --> 00:13:49,848
- a curse on Frank?
- Yes.
402
00:13:49,881 --> 00:13:54,391
They say that a sailor's
spirit lives on in the gulls,
403
00:13:54,424 --> 00:13:57,062
and if you kill a
gull, the sailor
404
00:13:57,095 --> 00:13:59,200
can haunt you for
the rest of its life.
405
00:13:59,233 --> 00:14:01,213
- No shit?
- Yeah, well, is there anything we can do,
406
00:14:01,237 --> 00:14:04,377
- or, like...
- Well, you could slit Frank's throat
407
00:14:04,411 --> 00:14:07,817
with a horn of a goat and
drink a bowl of his blood.
408
00:14:07,851 --> 00:14:09,321
What?
409
00:14:09,354 --> 00:14:11,825
Well, uh, okay, yeah,
maybe not, maybe not that.
410
00:14:11,859 --> 00:14:13,429
Is, like, there
anything else, or...
411
00:14:13,462 --> 00:14:14,965
Ooh!
412
00:14:14,998 --> 00:14:17,437
He could behead the
gull and wear its skull
413
00:14:17,470 --> 00:14:20,208
around his neck for
the rest of his life.
414
00:14:20,242 --> 00:14:21,454
Mom, that's not gonna
work, 'cause we don't have
415
00:14:21,478 --> 00:14:23,349
- the gull anymore.
- Yeah, we do.
416
00:14:23,382 --> 00:14:24,885
It's at the bar.
417
00:14:24,918 --> 00:14:26,254
- What? It is?
- Mm, yeah.
418
00:14:26,287 --> 00:14:27,757
I kicked it under
one of the booths
419
00:14:27,790 --> 00:14:29,293
so I didn't have to clean it up.
420
00:14:31,030 --> 00:14:32,877
Okay, so you're telling
me that you want to wear
421
00:14:32,901 --> 00:14:35,473
a seagull skull around your
neck for the rest of your life?
422
00:14:35,506 --> 00:14:37,810
I don't know. Could be cool.
423
00:14:37,844 --> 00:14:38,855
No, we're not doing
that. That's crazy.
424
00:14:38,879 --> 00:14:39,948
Mom, anything else?
425
00:14:39,981 --> 00:14:42,252
You could give the seagull
426
00:14:42,286 --> 00:14:44,791
a proper burial.
427
00:14:44,824 --> 00:14:47,864
What? Well, yeah, that
one, Mom. That one.
428
00:14:47,897 --> 00:14:50,011
Why didn't you lead off with
that one in the first place?
429
00:14:50,035 --> 00:14:52,707
Well, sometimes you're
at sea, Charlie,
430
00:14:52,740 --> 00:14:54,945
and you wouldn't
have that option.
431
00:14:54,978 --> 00:14:56,481
Do I look like I'm at sea, Mom?
432
00:14:56,515 --> 00:14:58,295
- I don't know.
- You don't know if I'm at sea?
433
00:14:58,319 --> 00:14:59,764
You don't,
uh... Uncle Jack, stop.
434
00:14:59,788 --> 00:15:00,948
Stop putting your hand on me.
435
00:15:08,439 --> 00:15:10,476
Looking for this.
436
00:15:10,509 --> 00:15:12,380
What is it?
437
00:15:12,413 --> 00:15:14,283
Maureen Ponderosa.
438
00:15:14,317 --> 00:15:16,163
- Well, why do you have that?
- Well, I wanted to keep it
439
00:15:16,187 --> 00:15:18,792
as a-a-a...
440
00:15:18,826 --> 00:15:21,297
Oh, a trophy? From the murder.
441
00:15:21,331 --> 00:15:23,268
No, not a... What?
No, not a trophy.
442
00:15:23,302 --> 00:15:25,071
I... As... I wanted...
443
00:15:25,105 --> 00:15:26,742
Like a souvenir,
f-from your victim.
444
00:15:26,775 --> 00:15:28,278
Not a souvenir,
no. It's-it's, a...
445
00:15:28,312 --> 00:15:31,117
It's a... I wanted to keep
it as a w-way to spite her.
446
00:15:31,150 --> 00:15:32,453
Which one? Which one's it under?
447
00:15:32,487 --> 00:15:34,491
- Uh, by the jukebox. Over here.
- Oh... ah!
448
00:15:34,524 --> 00:15:36,069
-Over here.
-I see it, yeah. Let me get a trash bag.
449
00:15:36,093 --> 00:15:37,864
Eh.
450
00:15:37,897 --> 00:15:40,268
- What the hell is that?
- That's the gull Frank killed.
451
00:15:40,303 --> 00:15:42,440
- All right.
- What's that?
452
00:15:42,473 --> 00:15:44,043
Oh, that's his dead wife.
453
00:15:44,076 --> 00:15:45,513
- Yeah.
- Looks like a trophy.
454
00:15:45,546 --> 00:15:47,951
No, it's not a-a
trophy, okay?
455
00:15:47,984 --> 00:15:49,497
The crazy bitch had it in
her will that she wanted
456
00:15:49,521 --> 00:15:52,092
to be buried in a pet
cemetery, and I refused.
457
00:15:52,125 --> 00:15:53,529
Wait a second.
458
00:15:53,562 --> 00:15:55,433
You refused your
wife's dying wishes
459
00:15:55,466 --> 00:15:57,937
to be buried in a pet cemetery?
Why would you do that?
460
00:15:57,971 --> 00:15:59,407
Because she's not a cat.
461
00:15:59,441 --> 00:16:00,852
Yeah, but, dude, like,
that's-that's the exact
462
00:16:00,876 --> 00:16:01,955
kind of thing that
could lead to a curse.
463
00:16:01,979 --> 00:16:03,482
That... I know.
464
00:16:03,515 --> 00:16:05,853
I... Yes. Okay, I get that now.
465
00:16:05,886 --> 00:16:07,466
- This is bullshit, Cricket.
- I don't know what you're so upset about.
466
00:16:07,490 --> 00:16:09,193
Y-You said get a kid.
467
00:16:09,226 --> 00:16:11,965
I mean, his name on the
street is literally "Kid."
468
00:16:11,999 --> 00:16:14,203
- That's what he goes by.
- He is a grown man.
469
00:16:14,236 --> 00:16:16,875
I can be whatever you
want me to be, champ.
470
00:16:16,908 --> 00:16:19,279
- I'll make your dreams come true.
- Oh, he can.
471
00:16:19,314 --> 00:16:21,394
-Would you make it... Do a, do a turn. Do a spin.
-Oh.
472
00:16:22,119 --> 00:16:24,089
There you go. Make
it sexy. Let's go.
473
00:16:25,626 --> 00:16:27,563
Yeah.
474
00:16:27,597 --> 00:16:29,133
Uh, move the bangs,
put the bangs.
475
00:16:29,166 --> 00:16:30,803
Show them your face,
show them your face.
476
00:16:30,836 --> 00:16:33,074
- Yeah. Huh?
- Hey.
477
00:16:33,107 --> 00:16:35,021
- Get him out of here.
- All right, yeah. You're gone.
478
00:16:35,045 --> 00:16:36,156
- Uh, here. Go.
- Oh, yeah...
479
00:16:36,180 --> 00:16:37,326
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
480
00:16:37,350 --> 00:16:38,519
Drugs? Mm.
481
00:16:38,552 --> 00:16:40,890
No eyes.
482
00:16:40,923 --> 00:16:42,125
Okay.
483
00:16:42,159 --> 00:16:43,294
It's all about respect.
484
00:16:43,329 --> 00:16:44,864
Mac, what the hell is this?
485
00:16:44,898 --> 00:16:47,537
Um, I believe that
Cricket is now a pimp,
486
00:16:47,570 --> 00:16:49,374
and that was his boy slut.
487
00:16:49,407 --> 00:16:51,511
Uh, t-that's oversimplifying it.
488
00:16:51,545 --> 00:16:53,615
But, uh, that's-that's
it in a nutshell.
489
00:16:53,649 --> 00:16:55,227
No, we got that. He got,
yeah, he means like...
490
00:16:55,251 --> 00:16:57,423
Yes. I-I mean, what are
you doing with Cricket?
491
00:16:57,457 --> 00:16:58,897
No, he's got a monkey
paw.
492
00:16:58,926 --> 00:17:01,263
Ugh, come on, Cricket.
That's a secret.
493
00:17:01,297 --> 00:17:03,043
Oh, I can't keep secret...
Honestly, I'm so high,
494
00:17:03,067 --> 00:17:04,604
I'm thinking about
it, and I'm gonna go
495
00:17:04,637 --> 00:17:07,275
with him in the bathroom
and finish up the... Yeah.
496
00:17:07,310 --> 00:17:08,879
Mac, what's going on
497
00:17:08,912 --> 00:17:10,316
with the monkey
paw? What is this?
498
00:17:10,349 --> 00:17:11,461
You know how I've been
chasing Chase Utley
499
00:17:11,485 --> 00:17:13,121
for years to have a catch?
500
00:17:13,154 --> 00:17:15,091
Well, I finally got to
him and we were supposed
501
00:17:15,125 --> 00:17:17,597
to have a catch tomorrow
with my "dying son."
502
00:17:17,630 --> 00:17:19,299
Cricket was gonna
help me find one,
503
00:17:19,334 --> 00:17:21,505
- but he brought back a junkie.
- Wait, wait, wait.
504
00:17:21,538 --> 00:17:24,209
You actually met Chase
Utley? How'd you do that?
505
00:17:24,243 --> 00:17:26,314
Well, ever since I
found this monkey's paw,
506
00:17:26,348 --> 00:17:28,251
my luck has totally
turned around.
507
00:17:28,284 --> 00:17:30,923
Well, actually, it
wasn't just a paw.
508
00:17:30,956 --> 00:17:33,962
It was a whole monkey behind
the kegs, and he was dead.
509
00:17:33,996 --> 00:17:36,033
He had this cash in his
hand, and when I went
510
00:17:36,067 --> 00:17:38,013
to grab the cash, the whole hand
just, like, kind of popped out,
511
00:17:38,037 --> 00:17:39,550
and I've been carrying
it around ever since.
512
00:17:39,574 --> 00:17:41,421
Monkey in the
bar, right? Totally random.
513
00:17:41,445 --> 00:17:43,415
Wha... that-that's
not random at all.
514
00:17:43,449 --> 00:17:45,519
That's probably the
monkey that worked here,
515
00:17:45,553 --> 00:17:47,399
- robbed us and fucked our faces.
- He got stuck behind the keg.
516
00:17:47,423 --> 00:17:49,394
- It's behind the kegs?
- Well, actually,
517
00:17:49,427 --> 00:17:51,307
I found him by the office, but
I kicked him behind the kegs
518
00:17:51,331 --> 00:17:53,267
because I didn't feel
like cleaning him up.
519
00:17:53,302 --> 00:17:54,571
- Oh!
- Goddamn it!
520
00:17:54,604 --> 00:17:56,183
Well, he is decomposing
521
00:17:56,207 --> 00:17:58,111
and there's also a shit-ton
of mold back there.
522
00:17:58,144 --> 00:17:59,079
- Shit, now I smell it.
- I don't know how I missed that.
523
00:17:59,113 --> 00:18:00,983
Okay, okay.
524
00:18:01,016 --> 00:18:02,362
I got a new fix, all right? I
got a new fix for everything.
525
00:18:02,386 --> 00:18:04,289
We're gonna take, uh, your wife,
526
00:18:04,324 --> 00:18:05,993
the gull and what's
left of the monkey,
527
00:18:06,026 --> 00:18:07,539
and we're gonna bury them
all in a pet cemetery.
528
00:18:07,563 --> 00:18:09,643
And Mac, you are gonna have
a catch with Chase Utley,
529
00:18:09,667 --> 00:18:11,270
but not with your dying son.
530
00:18:11,304 --> 00:18:13,409
- Why not?
- 'Cause he's already dead.
531
00:18:16,013 --> 00:18:17,282
I'm confused.
532
00:18:17,316 --> 00:18:18,519
This is your son?
533
00:18:18,552 --> 00:18:20,155
Oh, yes, Mr. Utley.
534
00:18:20,188 --> 00:18:21,701
I didn't have the heart
to tell you earlier.
535
00:18:21,725 --> 00:18:24,263
He was only ten years old
when he died. He's dead now.
536
00:18:24,296 --> 00:18:26,167
Why is he buried
at a pet cemetery?
537
00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:29,106
Dogs. He loved dogs.
538
00:18:29,139 --> 00:18:30,543
Okay, man. What is this?
539
00:18:30,576 --> 00:18:32,346
What's going on?
540
00:18:34,417 --> 00:18:36,287
I'm sorry, I...
541
00:18:36,321 --> 00:18:39,994
Look, I know you're
gonna think that this is crazy,
542
00:18:40,028 --> 00:18:42,032
but I-I found this monkey paw,
543
00:18:42,065 --> 00:18:43,936
and it's brought me
really good luck.
544
00:18:43,969 --> 00:18:46,475
And I know that you don't
think superstitions are real,
545
00:18:46,508 --> 00:18:47,944
and that this is
all ridiculous...
546
00:18:47,977 --> 00:18:49,681
Not real? Of course
they're real.
547
00:18:49,714 --> 00:18:51,985
- What, really?
- Yeah.
548
00:18:52,018 --> 00:18:53,465
How do you think baseball
players get out of their slumps?
549
00:18:53,489 --> 00:18:55,291
With superstitions.
550
00:18:55,326 --> 00:18:57,597
'Cause what they believe
influences their actions.
551
00:18:57,630 --> 00:18:59,233
But actions do
have consequences.
552
00:18:59,266 --> 00:19:01,671
Like lying, Mac.
553
00:19:01,705 --> 00:19:03,442
Why don't you hand
over that monkey paw?
554
00:19:05,379 --> 00:19:07,215
You're right.
555
00:19:07,249 --> 00:19:10,456
You're right, actions do
have consequences, and I...
556
00:19:10,489 --> 00:19:12,460
I'm really sorry,
man, I think...
557
00:19:12,493 --> 00:19:14,998
Hall of Fame, baby, here I come!
558
00:19:16,535 --> 00:19:18,739
What the hell was
that all about?
559
00:19:18,772 --> 00:19:22,078
I think Chase Utley just
stole my monkey paw.
560
00:19:22,112 --> 00:19:24,584
Oh. Well, then, maybe the
curse has been lifted.
561
00:19:24,617 --> 00:19:27,122
- Oh. Right, yeah.
- Uh, hey, guys? Um...
562
00:19:27,155 --> 00:19:29,193
- Hmm?
- Check this out.
563
00:19:29,226 --> 00:19:31,698
Okay, so, apparently, um...
564
00:19:31,731 --> 00:19:34,404
temporary facial
paralysis and brain fog
565
00:19:34,437 --> 00:19:36,741
are all symptoms of exposure
to high levels of mold.
566
00:19:37,743 --> 00:19:39,447
- Huh?
- Oh...
567
00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:41,785
You know what? That might
also explain the silverfish.
568
00:19:41,818 --> 00:19:43,287
Yeah, no, it does.
Actually, it does.
569
00:19:43,322 --> 00:19:44,490
They eat mold.
570
00:19:44,524 --> 00:19:45,702
- Huh?
- And what about my egg?
571
00:19:45,726 --> 00:19:46,737
Well, is it possible, Frank,
572
00:19:46,761 --> 00:19:48,465
that that egg was a seagull egg?
573
00:19:50,369 --> 00:19:52,048
- Oh...
- That might've been, because, you know what,
574
00:19:52,072 --> 00:19:53,642
- we found some eggs...
- And we...
575
00:19:53,675 --> 00:19:55,355
- And you might've mixed them up.
- I might've swapped...
576
00:19:55,379 --> 00:19:57,024
- Mixed them up.
- Yeah, 'cause we had store eggs
577
00:19:57,048 --> 00:19:58,428
- and we had found eggs.
- You did a flip-flop.
578
00:19:58,452 --> 00:19:59,563
- You did a flip-flop.
- Yeah, there you go.
579
00:19:59,587 --> 00:20:00,765
So, the... so, there's no curse.
580
00:20:00,789 --> 00:20:02,660
Oh, no. Hold on a second.
581
00:20:02,693 --> 00:20:04,597
"Dear Mr. McDonald, we
regret to inform you
582
00:20:04,631 --> 00:20:07,370
that we came by your bar
and there was nobody there."
583
00:20:07,403 --> 00:20:09,139
- Huh?
- "After several failed attempts
584
00:20:09,172 --> 00:20:11,411
"to reach you, we have
decided to rescind our offer.
585
00:20:11,444 --> 00:20:14,450
We wish you the best of luck.
Your friends at Bar Rescue."
586
00:20:14,484 --> 00:20:15,819
Damn it. If I had
that monkey paw,
587
00:20:15,853 --> 00:20:17,490
none of this would've happened.
588
00:20:17,523 --> 00:20:18,701
Yeah, so that means
we are still cursed.
589
00:20:18,725 --> 00:20:20,128
- Oh, no. - Shit.
- It doesn't!
590
00:20:20,161 --> 00:20:21,464
We're not... There is no curse.
591
00:20:21,498 --> 00:20:23,468
Okay? Mac, no, you
were never lucky.
592
00:20:23,502 --> 00:20:25,606
Okay? You just bombarded
them both with mail.
593
00:20:25,639 --> 00:20:27,275
And you stalked Chase
Utley for years.
594
00:20:27,310 --> 00:20:30,382
We're not unlucky, okay?
We're just the type of...
595
00:20:30,416 --> 00:20:32,720
We're just the type of people
to bury various animals
596
00:20:32,753 --> 00:20:35,326
and-and wives in a pet cemetery
597
00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:36,828
when we know we
should be at work.
598
00:20:36,861 --> 00:20:39,099
- Oh, yeah.
- Let's go back to the bar.
599
00:20:39,132 --> 00:20:40,812
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
600
00:20:40,836 --> 00:20:43,140
Uh, what about me?
What about my luck?
601
00:20:43,174 --> 00:20:46,781
I don't know, Cricks, I guess...
there's no real explanation
602
00:20:46,815 --> 00:20:48,785
as to why bad things
would happen to you.
603
00:20:48,819 --> 00:20:50,832
- Yeah.
- Maybe it's just one of those things, Cricket.
604
00:20:50,856 --> 00:20:52,402
-That's life. That's life, sometimes.
-Yeah, man.
605
00:20:52,426 --> 00:20:54,129
- It is what it is.
- You got a dark cloud
606
00:20:54,162 --> 00:20:56,142
- following you around.
- It is what it is.
607
00:20:56,166 --> 00:20:57,579
- That's all there is to it.
- It is what it is.
608
00:20:57,603 --> 00:20:59,483
- It is what it is.
- Nice day.
609
00:21:37,583 --> 00:21:42,593
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