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[birds chirping]
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♪♪
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[narrator]
Welcome to Noman,
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00:00:42,868 --> 00:00:48,178
the island home of the once
famous author, Harry March.
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00:00:48,222 --> 00:00:51,355
Harry calls
his island Noman
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00:00:51,399 --> 00:00:54,141
so that if anyone
ever asks him,
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00:00:54,184 --> 00:00:56,447
"Noman, what's that?",
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00:00:56,491 --> 00:01:01,235
he can simply answer,
"Noman is an island."
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00:01:01,278 --> 00:01:04,151
To date,[chuckles]
no one has asked.
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00:01:06,153 --> 00:01:08,329
Perched on
the opposite shore
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00:01:08,372 --> 00:01:11,854
is the 36,000
square foot castle
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00:01:11,897 --> 00:01:15,162
belonging to the heard
of but rarely seen,
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00:01:15,205 --> 00:01:17,512
Mr. and Mrs. Lapham.
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00:01:33,397 --> 00:01:36,922
And today, while the Laphams
plan their housewarming party
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00:01:36,966 --> 00:01:39,708
and big reveal
of the prodigious facelift
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00:01:39,751 --> 00:01:41,405
made to their castle,
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00:01:41,449 --> 00:01:44,104
Harry March has plans
of his own.
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00:01:45,453 --> 00:01:47,368
Devious plans.
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[horn blares]
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♪♪
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00:01:58,857 --> 00:02:01,251
[typewriter keys typing]
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00:02:01,295 --> 00:02:02,861
[man] Hector!
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00:02:14,395 --> 00:02:16,484
God damn it, Hector!
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00:02:16,527 --> 00:02:19,922
[Hector] Hey, taketh not
the Lord's name in vain.
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00:02:22,751 --> 00:02:24,927
[over loudspeaker]
What happened, Harry?
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00:02:24,970 --> 00:02:29,323
I rolled over on him
when you guys woke me up.
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00:02:29,366 --> 00:02:32,021
I didn't know he was
in the bed and he bit me!
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00:02:33,065 --> 00:02:35,024
You bite him back?
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00:02:35,067 --> 00:02:38,158
Look, I'm sorry about
all the banging this early,
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00:02:38,201 --> 00:02:39,942
all right,
he's pushing us.
33
00:02:39,985 --> 00:02:42,988
And what does
Mr. Lapham require today?
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00:02:43,032 --> 00:02:45,077
The usual Harry,
everything.
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00:02:45,121 --> 00:02:47,732
You know, ten months
is no time for a job this big
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00:02:47,776 --> 00:02:49,995
and to top it all off,
he's having a party now.
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00:02:50,039 --> 00:02:51,345
[Harry] Ten months?
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00:02:51,388 --> 00:02:54,217
Has it only
been ten months?
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00:02:57,220 --> 00:03:00,832
Morning, Hector.
Your master's in
a pissy mood this morning.
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00:03:00,876 --> 00:03:03,270
[Hector] The Lord God
is my master.
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00:03:05,141 --> 00:03:06,490
[grunts]
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00:03:09,101 --> 00:03:11,234
How goes the erection?
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00:03:11,278 --> 00:03:15,107
He wants another floor.
Four floors.
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00:03:15,151 --> 00:03:20,156
Yeah, well that's because
no one else has more than three.
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00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:24,073
So what do
we have so far?
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00:03:24,116 --> 00:03:26,684
A state
of the art kitchen,
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00:03:26,728 --> 00:03:29,426
a state
of the art movie theater,
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00:03:29,470 --> 00:03:30,949
a state
of the art toilet?
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00:03:30,993 --> 00:03:33,169
Twenty-six toilets, Harry.
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00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:35,824
- [Harry] Are they all
in bathrooms?
- [chuckles]
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00:03:35,867 --> 00:03:38,261
A sun deck, a moon deck,
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00:03:38,305 --> 00:03:42,309
a hot tub, a cold tub,
a pool to die for.
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00:03:43,701 --> 00:03:46,313
You'll write a novel
about it one day, Harry.
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00:03:46,356 --> 00:03:49,707
[Hector] There's an idea.
Do some writing for a change.
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00:03:49,751 --> 00:03:51,318
Be quiet.
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00:03:51,361 --> 00:03:53,145
[Hector] I am quiet.
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00:03:53,189 --> 00:03:55,235
[radio scratching]
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00:03:57,324 --> 00:04:01,197
[singing in foreign language]
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00:04:03,068 --> 00:04:06,985
Hombres, good news.
I just called ICE.
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00:04:07,029 --> 00:04:10,511
- Har--
- Soon, you're gonna be able
to ditch your girlfriends
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00:04:10,554 --> 00:04:14,123
and go home to your wives
and their mothers.
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00:04:14,166 --> 00:04:16,125
[chuckles]
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00:04:16,168 --> 00:04:18,432
Señor, señor,
moment, moment.
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00:04:18,475 --> 00:04:20,695
The men, we're betting on,
how old you are.
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00:04:20,738 --> 00:04:22,697
How old are you?
Come on.
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00:04:22,740 --> 00:04:25,395
One hundred and twelve.
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00:04:25,439 --> 00:04:27,397
One hundred and twelve?
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00:04:27,441 --> 00:04:30,226
Miguel, Miguel,
you win, 112.
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00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:33,795
Hey, just get back
to work, break's over.
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00:04:33,838 --> 00:04:36,406
Listen, Harry, I'm glad
to have the work, okay,
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00:04:36,450 --> 00:04:40,062
but what the guy wants
with 180,000 square feet,
I don't know.
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00:04:41,933 --> 00:04:44,893
I didn't make the world,
I barely live in it.
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00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:49,985
Oscar Levant, Humoresque?
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00:04:52,901 --> 00:04:55,904
Your son, Kevin,
is the only person around here
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00:04:55,947 --> 00:04:58,123
who knows anything
about the past.
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00:04:58,167 --> 00:05:00,300
[Hector] Except for you,
Mr. Dead.
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00:05:00,343 --> 00:05:03,390
So when's he cutting down
the trees and ruining my view?
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00:05:04,347 --> 00:05:06,001
Well, that's next week.
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00:05:07,524 --> 00:05:10,745
Mr. March, how did Mr. Lapham
make his money anyways?
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00:05:10,788 --> 00:05:12,529
Jack.
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00:05:12,573 --> 00:05:15,097
Asparagus tongs.
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00:05:17,273 --> 00:05:21,059
His great grandfather
invented the asparagus tongs.
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00:05:21,103 --> 00:05:23,584
Then, he branched out.
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00:05:23,627 --> 00:05:27,239
He made nutcrackers,
he made lobster crackers,
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00:05:27,283 --> 00:05:31,069
grape scissors,
little spoons for escargot.
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00:05:31,113 --> 00:05:34,203
His family makes
a fortune from grasping.
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00:05:36,118 --> 00:05:37,424
Does he work?
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00:05:37,467 --> 00:05:40,296
He blogs.
He writes aphorism.
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00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:45,214
Lapham's aphoms, drops one
off every day for my crew.
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00:05:45,257 --> 00:05:47,477
Listen to this one.
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00:05:47,521 --> 00:05:51,829
"He does not promote himself
will not be promoted."
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00:05:51,873 --> 00:05:53,091
No shit.
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00:05:53,135 --> 00:05:55,442
I like yesterday's better.
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00:05:55,485 --> 00:05:57,139
"More is more."
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00:05:57,182 --> 00:05:59,533
I memorized
that one, Harry.
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00:05:59,576 --> 00:06:03,145
[Hector]
Ooh, that's a good one.
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00:06:03,188 --> 00:06:04,494
[Kevin]
Hang in there, Harry.
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00:06:04,538 --> 00:06:07,062
The end is near.
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00:06:07,105 --> 00:06:09,978
[Harry]
As if I needed reminding.
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00:06:10,021 --> 00:06:11,719
♪♪
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00:06:11,762 --> 00:06:14,286
[narrator] Harry March,
the last and the least
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00:06:14,330 --> 00:06:16,724
of three generations
of Marches
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00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:20,292
who have lived year round
on the once tranquil island
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00:06:20,336 --> 00:06:23,557
in a once tranquil quogue.
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00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:26,037
Marches of the past
reared strong
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00:06:26,081 --> 00:06:28,431
and handsome
families in this house,
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00:06:28,475 --> 00:06:30,912
which was strong
and handsome once
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00:06:30,955 --> 00:06:33,131
as was
its current resident.
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00:07:02,334 --> 00:07:04,815
[Hector] Why are you going
to Chautauqua again?
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00:07:04,859 --> 00:07:06,600
I'm giving a lecture.
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00:07:06,643 --> 00:07:09,777
I don't want to,
but I already took their money.
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00:07:09,820 --> 00:07:12,649
[Hector] Yippy,
upstate New York.
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00:07:12,693 --> 00:07:14,999
Why do people
give lectures anyway?
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00:07:15,043 --> 00:07:17,349
To hear themselves talk.
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00:07:17,393 --> 00:07:19,613
[Hector] I forgot, what
is this lecture about?
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00:07:19,656 --> 00:07:22,267
It's on the meaning
of the 20th century.
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00:07:22,311 --> 00:07:24,618
I'm glad I didn't wait
till the last minute.
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00:07:24,661 --> 00:07:27,447
- [Hector] Can I hear it?
- Sure.
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00:07:27,490 --> 00:07:31,581
The 20th century,
100 years of progress.
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00:07:31,625 --> 00:07:33,278
In early America,
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00:07:33,322 --> 00:07:35,498
money alone couldn't
buy a social position.
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00:07:35,542 --> 00:07:38,066
Today, nobody cares.
That's my lecture.
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00:07:38,109 --> 00:07:41,373
You've been a wonderful
audience. I'm here till
doomsday.
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00:07:41,417 --> 00:07:44,594
Hey, isn't it about time
for one of your daily naps?
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00:07:44,638 --> 00:07:46,378
[Hector]
Ah, you're such a cliché.
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00:07:46,422 --> 00:07:49,469
I'm a cliché?
What do you call a talking dog?
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00:07:49,512 --> 00:07:51,122
[Hector, sighing]
Bite me.
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00:07:51,166 --> 00:07:53,647
[Harry]
Don't tempt me.
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00:07:53,690 --> 00:07:55,692
[typewriter keys typing]
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00:07:59,566 --> 00:08:02,046
[narrator] Harry had
just one more item
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00:08:02,090 --> 00:08:06,181
and his furtive masterpiece
was all but complete.
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00:08:08,357 --> 00:08:10,751
Harry loathed
the mainland,
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00:08:10,794 --> 00:08:14,711
the people, the exercise,
the whole experience.
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00:08:14,755 --> 00:08:16,887
He did all
he could to avoid it.
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00:08:16,931 --> 00:08:20,151
But today,
Harry had a reason.
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00:08:20,195 --> 00:08:22,240
It was
a necessary disruption
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00:08:22,284 --> 00:08:26,506
to the usual isolation
and quiet that he cherished.
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00:08:26,549 --> 00:08:30,640
Harry March
was a man on a mission.
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00:08:30,684 --> 00:08:33,382
[Hector] So tell me
about Southampton.
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00:08:33,425 --> 00:08:36,037
[Harry] Noise and gossip.
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00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:38,561
[Hector] And West Hampton?
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00:08:38,605 --> 00:08:41,172
[Harry] Noise and gossip
and dentists.
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00:08:41,216 --> 00:08:42,783
[Hector] So what
about East Hampton?
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00:08:42,826 --> 00:08:44,480
- Noise and gossip.
- [Hector] That's it?
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00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:47,570
Mr. March! Mr. March!
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00:08:47,614 --> 00:08:50,007
Skippy Brewster
from the club.
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00:08:50,051 --> 00:08:52,053
Ah, yes, the club.
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00:08:52,096 --> 00:08:53,794
We'd love for you
to join, Mr. March.
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00:08:53,837 --> 00:08:55,622
You know the door's
always open for you.
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00:08:55,665 --> 00:08:57,711
My gerulaitis,
it's a killer.
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00:08:57,754 --> 00:09:00,104
Oh, well, uh,
we're forming a committee
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00:09:00,148 --> 00:09:04,195
to stop the Shinnecocks
from opening a casino
down there in Southampton.
153
00:09:04,239 --> 00:09:08,286
We're calling it the citizens
opposing the casino or COC.
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00:09:09,853 --> 00:09:11,028
COC?
155
00:09:12,769 --> 00:09:15,598
We'd like to have you sign
a petition, Mr. March.
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00:09:15,642 --> 00:09:16,860
You can count on me.
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00:09:16,904 --> 00:09:18,688
Great, you know
they're really awful.
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00:09:18,732 --> 00:09:22,039
They claim they own the land
around here, they always do.
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00:09:23,475 --> 00:09:25,390
Quite frankly,
Mr. March,
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00:09:25,434 --> 00:09:26,957
I don't think
they're real Indians.
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00:09:27,001 --> 00:09:29,264
I think they're
something worse.
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00:09:29,307 --> 00:09:33,660
Worse than Indians?
You mean Mexicans
and Muslims?
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00:09:33,703 --> 00:09:36,227
Nice to know
you're with us, Mr. March.
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00:09:36,271 --> 00:09:38,055
Ahoy.
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00:09:38,099 --> 00:09:40,623
Asshole.
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00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:42,712
[Hector] What do Hamptonites
do in the daytime?
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00:09:42,756 --> 00:09:45,106
They speak
of their careers.
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00:09:45,149 --> 00:09:46,324
[Hector]
Why do they do that?
169
00:09:46,368 --> 00:09:48,022
Makes them happy.
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00:09:48,065 --> 00:09:50,502
Sometimes they even
advance their careers
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00:09:50,546 --> 00:09:52,592
by speaking
to other Hamptonites.
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00:09:52,635 --> 00:09:53,767
That's why they live here.
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00:09:53,810 --> 00:09:55,464
[Hector] Oh, that's nice.
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00:09:55,507 --> 00:09:57,205
It's not nice.
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00:09:57,248 --> 00:10:00,295
None of this is nice.
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00:10:00,338 --> 00:10:02,340
[Hector] But isn't
a career important?
177
00:10:02,384 --> 00:10:05,692
Not when it interferes
with a life.
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00:10:05,735 --> 00:10:08,303
[Hector] What else do
Hamptonites do in the daytime?
179
00:10:08,346 --> 00:10:11,306
- They make
themselves beautiful.
- [Hector] And what else?
180
00:10:11,349 --> 00:10:14,918
They prepare to attend
parties or throw parties.
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00:10:14,962 --> 00:10:16,224
[Hector] And what else?
182
00:10:16,267 --> 00:10:18,487
They dream up great works.
183
00:10:18,530 --> 00:10:19,967
[Hector]
What becomes of them?
184
00:10:20,010 --> 00:10:21,446
Nothing.
185
00:10:21,490 --> 00:10:23,100
[Hector] And what else?
186
00:10:23,144 --> 00:10:25,929
They hope other Hamptonites
are thinking of them.
187
00:10:25,973 --> 00:10:27,844
They hope everyone
is thinking well of them.
188
00:10:27,888 --> 00:10:29,672
[Hector] And are they?
189
00:10:29,716 --> 00:10:31,326
No and no.
190
00:10:31,369 --> 00:10:33,807
[Hector] Are there any poor
people in the Hamptons?
191
00:10:33,850 --> 00:10:36,331
Yes, but they're
not allowed out.
192
00:10:36,374 --> 00:10:38,899
[Hector] What about Kevin?
Is he rich, too?
193
00:10:38,942 --> 00:10:41,728
Kevin? No Kevin works
for a living.
194
00:10:41,771 --> 00:10:44,034
[Hector] Like you?
[chuckles] Tell me.
195
00:10:45,949 --> 00:10:47,647
[sighs]
196
00:10:51,563 --> 00:10:53,478
So?
197
00:10:53,522 --> 00:10:56,046
Don't worry
about the Hamptons.
198
00:10:56,090 --> 00:10:58,222
They're all the same.
199
00:10:58,266 --> 00:11:01,661
The same shops,
the same roads,
200
00:11:01,704 --> 00:11:04,838
the same geraniums
in the same pots,
201
00:11:04,881 --> 00:11:09,799
- same sub-zero refrigerators
and wolf stoves...
- [Hector] Uh-huh.
202
00:11:09,843 --> 00:11:12,149
...same shellacked faces...
203
00:11:12,193 --> 00:11:13,368
[Hector] Yeah.
204
00:11:13,411 --> 00:11:16,197
...same opinions
on the same issues,
205
00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:18,025
same hummus
on the same chips.
206
00:11:18,068 --> 00:11:20,418
[Hector] Oh no, no,
not another lecture.
207
00:11:20,462 --> 00:11:23,334
Can't you just save it
for the Chappaquiddicks?
208
00:11:23,378 --> 00:11:26,424
You brought up the subject
so you get the subject.
209
00:11:26,468 --> 00:11:29,036
[Hector] I was only trying
to pass the time pleasantly
210
00:11:29,079 --> 00:11:30,602
on a summer's day.
211
00:11:33,301 --> 00:11:35,085
The Hamptons
are all the same
212
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:39,960
and all the world wants
what the Hamptons have
213
00:11:40,003 --> 00:11:44,355
so that it too can have
everything and be empty
at the core.
214
00:11:44,399 --> 00:11:47,532
And you know
who embodies and symbolizes,
215
00:11:47,576 --> 00:11:52,189
generates and perpetuates
this universal vacuity?
216
00:11:52,233 --> 00:11:55,018
[Hector] I do, but you're going
to tell me anyway, aren't you?
217
00:11:55,062 --> 00:11:57,891
Correct, Lapham.
218
00:12:00,154 --> 00:12:02,896
[Hector]
No, you're kidding.
219
00:12:02,939 --> 00:12:05,028
You're very annoying,
you know?
220
00:12:05,072 --> 00:12:08,379
[Hector] We're both
very annoying.
That's why we're friends.
221
00:12:08,423 --> 00:12:10,077
[Harry] Are we friends?
222
00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:11,905
[Hector] Of course,
we're friends.
223
00:12:16,518 --> 00:12:19,564
You have a package
for Harry March?
224
00:12:19,608 --> 00:12:20,914
You order the horse hair?
225
00:12:20,957 --> 00:12:22,045
Yes, do you have it?
226
00:12:22,089 --> 00:12:24,091
I've got it, all right.
227
00:12:30,619 --> 00:12:33,578
Mind if I ask what you're
going to do with horse hair?
228
00:12:33,622 --> 00:12:35,145
I'm building a horse.
229
00:12:39,062 --> 00:12:41,586
[typewriter keys typing]
230
00:12:41,630 --> 00:12:45,112
♪♪
231
00:12:51,858 --> 00:12:55,122
[Hector] Hey Harry,
it's Kathy time.
232
00:12:55,165 --> 00:12:56,688
Kathy time.
233
00:13:01,432 --> 00:13:02,782
Kathy time.
234
00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:06,176
It's Kathy time!
235
00:13:06,220 --> 00:13:08,091
[speaking in foreign language]
236
00:13:08,135 --> 00:13:10,006
[narrator] At this moment
in the Hamptons,
237
00:13:10,050 --> 00:13:12,182
not a single nail
is nailed.
238
00:13:12,226 --> 00:13:15,185
No one gives kudos
or draws raves.
239
00:13:15,229 --> 00:13:17,405
No one plans
a benefit dinner.
240
00:13:17,448 --> 00:13:20,234
Nothing makes a sound.
241
00:13:20,277 --> 00:13:23,367
The universe lies
in respectful silence
242
00:13:23,411 --> 00:13:27,545
as sex and commerce
find their apogee
243
00:13:27,589 --> 00:13:30,940
in Kathy Polite's
morning swim.
244
00:13:32,072 --> 00:13:34,161
Morning, Miss Polite.
245
00:13:34,204 --> 00:13:39,383
That's Polite, as you perfectly
well know, Wrinkles.
246
00:13:39,427 --> 00:13:40,950
I apologize.
247
00:13:40,994 --> 00:13:42,778
I was just trying
to be polite.
248
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:45,955
Huh, you're terrible,
Harry.
249
00:13:45,999 --> 00:13:49,176
I don't know why I bother
to pedal over to you.
250
00:13:49,219 --> 00:13:53,876
I'll never sell you anything,
you old skin flint.
251
00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:57,445
[Hector] Why do all the men
around here stop whatever
they're doing every morning
252
00:13:57,488 --> 00:13:59,055
to watch Miss Polite?
253
00:13:59,099 --> 00:14:00,578
What's it called?
254
00:14:00,622 --> 00:14:04,060
- [jazzy music playing]
- Skinny dipping.
255
00:14:04,104 --> 00:14:07,455
[Hector] That's how
she advertises
her real estate business?
256
00:14:07,498 --> 00:14:10,284
It's more cost effective
than sending out brochures.
257
00:14:10,327 --> 00:14:12,852
[Hector] Is this what
they call an open house?
258
00:14:12,895 --> 00:14:14,679
In a way.
259
00:14:17,378 --> 00:14:22,339
[Hector] It draws a lot of
attention, this skinny dipping.
Why don't I get it?
260
00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:26,474
We took care
of that a long time ago.
261
00:14:27,431 --> 00:14:28,824
[Kathy] Hi boys.
262
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:31,305
[Boys] Hi.
263
00:14:32,959 --> 00:14:35,831
Harry, you need
some new clothes.
264
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:39,139
And... you do not.
265
00:14:41,968 --> 00:14:44,187
Why don't you
join me today, Wrinkles?
266
00:14:44,231 --> 00:14:47,669
Well, I haven't got the time.
I gotta go wash my duck.
267
00:14:47,712 --> 00:14:50,890
You're what?
[mock gasp] Oh, I'm shocked.
268
00:14:52,239 --> 00:14:53,980
What's wrong
with your ear, Harry?
269
00:14:54,023 --> 00:14:56,417
Did you pull a Van Gogh?
270
00:14:56,460 --> 00:15:01,074
Yeah, buttercup,
I cut it off as a passionate
gesture of love for you.
271
00:15:01,117 --> 00:15:03,380
Actually, I was trying
to cut my throat.
272
00:15:03,424 --> 00:15:06,166
Not if I get there first.
273
00:15:06,209 --> 00:15:07,515
Mmmm.
274
00:15:13,042 --> 00:15:14,957
You ought to unload
this place, Harry.
275
00:15:15,001 --> 00:15:16,959
Why don't you
get back to work?
276
00:15:17,003 --> 00:15:19,570
You really oughta sell,
you know?
277
00:15:19,614 --> 00:15:24,488
You may be worthless but this
island, what do you call it?
278
00:15:24,532 --> 00:15:26,403
- Noman.
- That's right.
279
00:15:26,447 --> 00:15:30,407
So if anyone ever asks,
has anyone ever asked yet?
280
00:15:31,887 --> 00:15:34,455
Don't forget
the bottoms, honey.
281
00:15:34,498 --> 00:15:39,199
Oh really, Harry,
your family's been here, what,
282
00:15:39,242 --> 00:15:41,636
since the Puritans?
283
00:15:41,679 --> 00:15:44,595
Don't you think it's time
for a change?
284
00:15:44,639 --> 00:15:46,902
Spread your wings, Wrinkles.
285
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:49,731
You should be more ambitious
like Mr. Lapham.
286
00:15:49,774 --> 00:15:51,211
Have you met him?
287
00:15:52,734 --> 00:15:55,998
As yet, I've not had
the honor of his acquaintance,
288
00:15:56,042 --> 00:15:58,783
but I'm very pleased to say
that that situation
289
00:15:58,827 --> 00:16:02,222
will be remedied
this evening at his party.
290
00:16:02,265 --> 00:16:03,614
Are you invited?
291
00:16:03,658 --> 00:16:05,747
No.
292
00:16:05,790 --> 00:16:08,228
Well I shall shake
his hand warmly and say,
293
00:16:08,271 --> 00:16:10,447
"It is people like you, sir,
294
00:16:10,491 --> 00:16:13,407
who make the Hamptons
the Hamptons."
295
00:16:13,450 --> 00:16:16,279
You said it.
296
00:16:16,323 --> 00:16:18,064
[Hector]
I love the Hamptons.
297
00:16:18,107 --> 00:16:21,806
Me too, sometimes,
298
00:16:21,850 --> 00:16:24,940
and this is about
to be one of those times
299
00:16:26,898 --> 00:16:29,727
Mmm mmm,
there you go, honey.
300
00:16:41,087 --> 00:16:43,263
[water splashing]
301
00:16:46,918 --> 00:16:48,703
9.9!
302
00:16:52,228 --> 00:16:54,056
All right, fellas,
go back to work, come on.
303
00:16:54,100 --> 00:16:56,015
♪♪
304
00:16:56,058 --> 00:16:58,452
[typewriter keys typing]
305
00:17:00,062 --> 00:17:03,761
[distant machine noises]
306
00:17:15,904 --> 00:17:18,515
[panting]
307
00:17:31,876 --> 00:17:33,400
Let's give it a go.
308
00:17:34,749 --> 00:17:36,403
Okay, let's try.
309
00:17:40,407 --> 00:17:42,757
[machine humming]
310
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:44,150
Ready?
311
00:17:44,846 --> 00:17:46,935
Uno,
312
00:17:46,978 --> 00:17:48,328
dos,
313
00:17:48,371 --> 00:17:50,156
tres!
314
00:17:50,199 --> 00:17:53,681
[machine whirring]
315
00:18:03,038 --> 00:18:05,258
[machine clatters]
316
00:18:09,697 --> 00:18:10,698
Jose!
317
00:18:14,876 --> 00:18:16,791
[machine clatters]
318
00:18:16,834 --> 00:18:18,314
[barking]
319
00:18:18,358 --> 00:18:20,751
Stop! Stop!
320
00:18:22,318 --> 00:18:25,626
[Hector] Praise the Lord,
it's the rapture!
321
00:18:27,410 --> 00:18:29,456
- [machine shuts off]
- Stop!
322
00:18:31,066 --> 00:18:33,242
Harry, sorry,
I meant to warn ya.
323
00:18:33,286 --> 00:18:35,592
Sorry Harry,
but we have
to give it a test.
324
00:18:35,636 --> 00:18:36,898
What is that thing?
325
00:18:36,941 --> 00:18:38,682
[Jack]
It's a Tillis Blowhard.
326
00:18:38,726 --> 00:18:41,250
It's the most powerful
air conditioner ever built.
327
00:18:41,294 --> 00:18:43,165
A Telis what?
328
00:18:43,209 --> 00:18:46,821
Tillis, Harry, Tillis,
rhymes with Phyllis.
329
00:18:46,864 --> 00:18:52,000
[shouting] Well, why the fuck
does it have to be so loud?
330
00:18:52,043 --> 00:18:54,829
The power,
it not only cools
the house,
331
00:18:54,872 --> 00:18:56,570
it cools
the whole property too.
332
00:18:56,613 --> 00:19:00,791
It's brand new, Mr. Lapham has
the first one in the whole
world.
333
00:19:00,835 --> 00:19:03,054
What do you mean
it cools the whole property?
334
00:19:03,098 --> 00:19:05,753
You mean it cools
the air outside the house?
335
00:19:05,796 --> 00:19:08,059
[Kevin] Exactly,
the thermostat is so sensitive
336
00:19:08,103 --> 00:19:10,888
that whenever the temperature
around Lapham's house
337
00:19:10,932 --> 00:19:13,326
rises by even
a degree over 65,
338
00:19:13,369 --> 00:19:16,111
it pumps cold air
through the blower
339
00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:17,895
with the force
of a hurricane.
340
00:19:17,939 --> 00:19:19,897
I've never seen anything
like it, Harry.
341
00:19:19,941 --> 00:19:21,943
The whole enchilada.
[chuckles]
342
00:19:21,986 --> 00:19:25,512
Did you really
just say that?
343
00:19:25,555 --> 00:19:28,776
He's amazing.
You know, the more he has,
the more he wants,
344
00:19:28,819 --> 00:19:32,823
a bowling alley,
a chapel, a bomb shelter,
345
00:19:32,867 --> 00:19:34,608
more is more, Harry.
346
00:19:34,651 --> 00:19:38,264
♪♪
347
00:19:45,662 --> 00:19:48,274
[sighs]
348
00:19:48,317 --> 00:19:51,277
The biggest house
with the biggest everything
349
00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:53,104
now also has a contraption
350
00:19:53,148 --> 00:19:55,846
that alters
the very air we breathe,
351
00:19:55,890 --> 00:19:57,631
or Lapham breathes.
352
00:19:57,674 --> 00:19:59,807
Now do you get it?
353
00:19:59,850 --> 00:20:03,724
[Hector] An outdoor
air conditioner,
hm, sounds cool to me.
354
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:08,381
What I am telling you,
my holy rolling friend,
355
00:20:08,424 --> 00:20:10,818
is the force
that nearly deafened you
356
00:20:10,861 --> 00:20:14,256
is the force that's destroying
the 21st century.
357
00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:16,215
[Hector] You're just
anti-conservative.
358
00:20:16,258 --> 00:20:18,521
People in the Hamptons
hate conservatives,
359
00:20:18,565 --> 00:20:21,045
but everybody will be
conservative eventually.
360
00:20:21,089 --> 00:20:22,960
That's what I think.
361
00:20:23,004 --> 00:20:24,832
Well, don't waste
that wisdom on me.
362
00:20:24,875 --> 00:20:28,357
Be a true evangelical,
go door to door.
363
00:20:28,401 --> 00:20:31,012
[Hector]
In the same house?
364
00:20:31,055 --> 00:20:34,276
- But why can't we have both?
- Both what?
365
00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:37,497
[Hector] Why can't we have
riches on Earth and riches
in paradise?
366
00:20:37,540 --> 00:20:40,021
I say aim for the skies.
367
00:20:42,458 --> 00:20:46,810
- That's the plan, my friend.
- [phone ringing]
368
00:20:46,854 --> 00:20:49,770
[Hector]
And that is my cue.
369
00:20:50,466 --> 00:20:53,295
[phone ringing]
370
00:20:53,339 --> 00:20:56,820
♪♪
371
00:21:00,128 --> 00:21:02,086
[groans]
372
00:21:13,794 --> 00:21:18,929
Oh, Chautauquans, if only
I could preach to you now,
373
00:21:18,973 --> 00:21:21,541
I would tell you to repent.
374
00:21:21,584 --> 00:21:23,804
I would urge you
to acknowledge
375
00:21:23,847 --> 00:21:28,939
that your most valuable
property is not real estate,
376
00:21:28,983 --> 00:21:31,246
it is imagined estate,
377
00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:35,294
which is not now
and never was for sale.
378
00:21:42,605 --> 00:21:45,304
[typewriter keys typing]
379
00:21:46,609 --> 00:21:49,743
[tapping in keys]
380
00:21:54,008 --> 00:21:58,447
Dear progeny,
thank you for your messages.
381
00:21:58,491 --> 00:22:01,755
I can assure you
there is no cause for alarm.
382
00:22:01,798 --> 00:22:05,411
Please calm your mother
as well if that is possible.
383
00:22:05,454 --> 00:22:07,369
It will please
your all to learn
384
00:22:07,413 --> 00:22:10,241
that I'm coming to the end
of a new undertaking
385
00:22:10,285 --> 00:22:13,288
that will not only
gratify me personally,
386
00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:15,551
but when viewed
in the proper light
387
00:22:15,595 --> 00:22:19,033
will also save
much of civilization
388
00:22:19,076 --> 00:22:21,775
now and for years to come.
389
00:22:21,818 --> 00:22:24,081
Love, Dad.
390
00:22:24,125 --> 00:22:26,301
That should delay
everyone's fears.
391
00:22:29,609 --> 00:22:31,393
[Hector] I miss Chloe.
392
00:22:31,437 --> 00:22:33,090
You hated her
and she hated you.
393
00:22:33,134 --> 00:22:34,570
[Hector] She adored me.
394
00:22:34,614 --> 00:22:36,964
With Chloe, we had
a little life around here.
395
00:22:37,007 --> 00:22:39,096
A little too much
from my tastes.
396
00:22:39,140 --> 00:22:41,011
[Hector] So why did
you marry her?
397
00:22:41,055 --> 00:22:45,059
Because she had
a lovely soul, still does.
398
00:22:45,102 --> 00:22:47,496
[Hector] Then why
did she marry you?
399
00:22:53,807 --> 00:22:56,026
- [Harry] I don't feel so good.
- [Chloe] You're fine,
you're fine.
400
00:22:56,070 --> 00:22:58,028
You've just got the vapors
'cause you don't want to go.
401
00:22:58,072 --> 00:23:00,074
- I don't want to go.
- That's right.
Well, guess what?
402
00:23:00,117 --> 00:23:01,684
Get over it 'cause
you're going and that's that.
403
00:23:01,728 --> 00:23:03,338
Oh.
404
00:23:03,382 --> 00:23:06,036
Once we get there, please,
don't just act like a zombie.
405
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:08,212
I mean most of these people
are perfectly nice.
406
00:23:08,256 --> 00:23:10,867
If you spent more time
with real human beings
407
00:23:10,911 --> 00:23:13,435
than with that dog, this stuff
wouldn't get under your skin.
408
00:23:13,479 --> 00:23:16,482
- I hate the Bitterman's,
I hate the club.
- You hate everybody.
409
00:23:16,525 --> 00:23:19,528
Every year, it's the same
party, the same people,
410
00:23:19,572 --> 00:23:23,967
the same food,
paella and beef tornadoes.
411
00:23:24,011 --> 00:23:26,492
- Tournedos.
- Well, they taste
like tornadoes.
412
00:23:26,535 --> 00:23:30,496
Hey, surf and turf,
everybody, surf and turf.
413
00:23:30,539 --> 00:23:31,497
Just mingle.
414
00:23:31,540 --> 00:23:33,020
Just mingle?
415
00:23:50,211 --> 00:23:52,256
[indistinct chatter]
416
00:23:52,300 --> 00:23:53,910
I told you
I can't afford it.
417
00:23:53,954 --> 00:23:56,217
Okay, you've got ten SUNY
schools and you got LIU.
418
00:23:56,260 --> 00:23:58,698
Yeah, but they're not
NYU though.
419
00:23:58,741 --> 00:24:01,614
Jack, I can't
afford it. I...
420
00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:09,143
♪♪
421
00:24:53,709 --> 00:24:57,104
Good morning, Dr. J,
wish me luck.
422
00:24:57,147 --> 00:24:58,801
[Hector]
How can you live this way?
423
00:24:58,845 --> 00:25:01,369
A library consisting
of just one book?
424
00:25:01,412 --> 00:25:03,676
If I had one book
in my library,
425
00:25:03,719 --> 00:25:05,982
it wouldn't be Samuel Johnson,
I'll tell you that.
426
00:25:06,026 --> 00:25:09,203
It would be
the Good Book.
427
00:25:09,246 --> 00:25:11,597
The Vanity of Human Wishes
is all I need.
428
00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:13,555
[Hector] Dr. Johnson
was always right.
429
00:25:13,599 --> 00:25:16,471
Yes, yes, I wouldn't know
about that, I've never
read him.
430
00:25:16,515 --> 00:25:18,778
You've never
read anything.
431
00:25:18,821 --> 00:25:20,910
[Hector] What kind
of doctor was he anyways?
432
00:25:20,954 --> 00:25:23,870
He was a veterinarian
and he gave dogs shots,
433
00:25:23,913 --> 00:25:25,524
very painful shots.
434
00:25:25,567 --> 00:25:27,482
[Hector]
Ay, and tell me again,
435
00:25:27,526 --> 00:25:29,745
what exactly
is so great about him?
436
00:25:31,442 --> 00:25:32,618
Reason.
437
00:25:34,010 --> 00:25:37,144
Not romanticism, reason.
438
00:25:37,187 --> 00:25:39,929
Romantics ruin the world.
439
00:25:39,973 --> 00:25:42,976
Reason, honor, principle.
440
00:25:43,019 --> 00:25:45,239
[Hector] And where
do honor and principle
441
00:25:45,282 --> 00:25:47,154
and reason get you?
442
00:25:47,197 --> 00:25:50,287
Look at this place. You're rich
enough to live like a king.
443
00:25:50,331 --> 00:25:54,291
That novel about the college,
a huge bestseller.
444
00:25:54,335 --> 00:25:56,598
- I'm not rich.
- [Hector] Sure you are.
445
00:25:56,642 --> 00:25:58,687
There's tons of cash
laying around the house.
446
00:25:58,731 --> 00:26:00,167
You should
put it in a bank.
447
00:26:00,210 --> 00:26:03,300
You're gonna lose it all,
mark my words.
448
00:26:03,344 --> 00:26:06,260
a fire, a flood,
one day, poof.
449
00:26:06,303 --> 00:26:08,523
You should spend
some of that money.
450
00:26:08,567 --> 00:26:10,917
And on whom
would I spend it?
451
00:26:12,614 --> 00:26:14,268
I'm not gonna
spend it on you.
452
00:26:14,311 --> 00:26:16,183
[Hector]
Ay, what's the big deal?
453
00:26:16,226 --> 00:26:19,447
Isn't Mr. Lapham doing what
everyone is supposed to do,
454
00:26:19,490 --> 00:26:21,318
making something
of himself?
455
00:26:22,668 --> 00:26:24,887
You can make
too much of yourself.
456
00:26:25,801 --> 00:26:27,368
[man] Mr. March!
457
00:26:27,411 --> 00:26:29,762
♪♪
458
00:26:32,112 --> 00:26:33,635
Oh, it's Mr. Krento.
459
00:26:36,507 --> 00:26:38,205
Mr. March!
460
00:26:38,248 --> 00:26:40,555
[narrator] Though Harry has
never had direct communication
461
00:26:40,599 --> 00:26:43,079
with Mr. Lapham,
462
00:26:43,123 --> 00:26:47,606
Harry exchanges daily notes
to Mr. Lapham's executive
secretary,
463
00:26:47,649 --> 00:26:49,259
Damienal Krento.
464
00:26:54,264 --> 00:26:57,224
Hello, Mr. March,
I have a letter for you, sir.
465
00:26:57,267 --> 00:27:00,183
[narrator] They trade notes
ferried back and forth
466
00:27:00,227 --> 00:27:03,491
on Harry's toy motorboat
named Sharon,
467
00:27:03,534 --> 00:27:05,754
a female version of Charon
468
00:27:05,798 --> 00:27:09,236
named after the grizzly
old sailor in Greek mythology
469
00:27:09,279 --> 00:27:12,892
who ferried the dead
across the River Styx
in the underworld.
470
00:27:18,767 --> 00:27:20,900
[Damienal] "Mr. Lapham
has instructed me to inquire
471
00:27:20,943 --> 00:27:22,684
if you'll be joining us
this evening for dinner
472
00:27:22,728 --> 00:27:24,773
at his new residence
across the creek from your own.
473
00:27:24,817 --> 00:27:27,341
With highest regards,
yours sincerely,
474
00:27:27,384 --> 00:27:30,866
Damienal Krento, personal
assistant to Mr. Lapham."
475
00:27:33,129 --> 00:27:36,132
I'd be delighted
to come to dinner
476
00:27:36,176 --> 00:27:38,004
at Mr. Lapham's,
Mr. Krento.
477
00:27:38,047 --> 00:27:39,701
Should I bring
my own wine?
478
00:27:39,745 --> 00:27:41,529
Oh, uh, no.
479
00:27:41,572 --> 00:27:45,489
Mr. Lapham has the largest wine
cellar in all of the Hamptons.
480
00:27:45,533 --> 00:27:51,582
Mr. Krento, is there a dress
code at Mr. Lapham's dinner?
481
00:27:51,626 --> 00:27:52,801
I don't have
a thing to wear.
482
00:27:52,845 --> 00:27:56,109
Oh, I have
a nice fuchsia sweater.
483
00:27:56,152 --> 00:27:57,980
Should I wear it
tied around my shoulders?
484
00:27:58,024 --> 00:28:00,287
I've seen men
in the Hamptons do that.
485
00:28:00,330 --> 00:28:02,289
Afraid I'm not sure.
486
00:28:02,332 --> 00:28:04,987
How 'bout my loafers,
with or without socks?
487
00:28:05,031 --> 00:28:09,035
- Really, it doesn't matter.
- Now, what about
dinner table conversation?
488
00:28:09,078 --> 00:28:10,863
- What should
we talk about?
- Excuse me, sorry.
489
00:28:10,906 --> 00:28:14,301
That absolutely
riveting piece in Harper's
490
00:28:14,344 --> 00:28:17,086
about soccer moms
in Mozambique
491
00:28:17,130 --> 00:28:19,959
or that hilarious piece
in the Times
492
00:28:20,002 --> 00:28:22,918
about people
who look like their pets?
493
00:28:24,354 --> 00:28:27,444
I'm sure you can talk
about anything you like.
494
00:28:27,488 --> 00:28:30,665
I like New York in June,
Mr. Krento, how about you?
495
00:28:32,798 --> 00:28:36,062
And then another thing,
how to greet the other guests?
496
00:28:36,105 --> 00:28:38,325
Should I say,
"There he is!"?
497
00:28:38,368 --> 00:28:40,196
Um, well--
498
00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:42,416
Or maybe I should say,
"There she is."
499
00:28:42,459 --> 00:28:45,767
Mr. March, sir,
I shall tell Mr. and Mrs. Lapham
500
00:28:45,811 --> 00:28:46,768
that you'll be there.
501
00:28:46,812 --> 00:28:48,422
They'll be so pleased.
502
00:28:48,465 --> 00:28:51,425
Oh, I'll be
so pleased too, Mr. Krento.
503
00:28:51,468 --> 00:28:53,035
[Damienal]
Yes, goodbye, sir.
504
00:28:54,384 --> 00:28:55,516
Bye.
505
00:28:57,953 --> 00:29:01,522
[Hector] You're not really
going to Mr. Lapham's dinner
party, are you?
506
00:29:01,565 --> 00:29:05,874
Remember what happened
the last time you went
to a dinner party?
507
00:29:07,615 --> 00:29:09,269
There isn't gonna
be a dinner party.
508
00:29:09,312 --> 00:29:11,053
♪♪
509
00:29:11,097 --> 00:29:14,143
[typewriter keys typing]
510
00:29:14,187 --> 00:29:18,147
P... please for my sake,
just behave yourself tonight,
would you?
511
00:29:18,191 --> 00:29:20,584
The sacrifices
I make for love.
512
00:29:20,628 --> 00:29:22,195
Exactly.
513
00:29:23,370 --> 00:29:24,937
- Hey Jack.
- Hey.
514
00:29:29,115 --> 00:29:31,247
[women chuckle]
515
00:29:31,291 --> 00:29:32,771
The Rocky Horror Show?
516
00:29:32,814 --> 00:29:34,685
Eh, Night
of the Living Dead.
517
00:29:34,729 --> 00:29:36,035
You want
to switch places?
518
00:29:36,078 --> 00:29:37,776
I would
but I'm working.
519
00:29:39,255 --> 00:29:41,170
Is there anything
I can do for you, Mr. March?
520
00:29:41,214 --> 00:29:43,346
You can tell me
how you're doing
at school.
521
00:29:43,390 --> 00:29:44,826
I'm okay.
522
00:29:44,870 --> 00:29:47,481
I don't really know
where it's getting me though.
523
00:29:47,524 --> 00:29:49,483
Nowhere, of course.
524
00:29:49,526 --> 00:29:51,528
Your father's very
proud of you, Jack.
525
00:29:51,572 --> 00:29:53,617
Surf and turf, everybody!
526
00:29:53,661 --> 00:29:55,794
[people clapping]
527
00:30:00,886 --> 00:30:03,540
[Jack] Who are all
these people, Mr. March?
528
00:30:03,584 --> 00:30:06,500
You mean to tell me
you've never been
to a Hamptons dinner party?
529
00:30:06,543 --> 00:30:10,243
This is your first
Hamptons dinner party?
530
00:30:10,286 --> 00:30:16,292
Well, catch,
let me be your host.
531
00:30:16,336 --> 00:30:17,772
Go ahead.
532
00:30:17,816 --> 00:30:20,340
[classical music playing]
533
00:30:20,383 --> 00:30:22,124
Mr. March, Jeff Jefferson,
534
00:30:22,168 --> 00:30:24,823
- I provided the Margaux
for the party.
- Congratulations.
535
00:30:24,866 --> 00:30:28,870
If it's not a big imposition,
my wife has started writing.
536
00:30:28,914 --> 00:30:30,872
We were hoping
you could read her novel.
537
00:30:30,916 --> 00:30:34,006
I could, but I wouldn't,
bad case of parsimony,
538
00:30:34,049 --> 00:30:35,094
just tell her
to keep at it.
539
00:30:35,137 --> 00:30:37,748
Mm-hm.
540
00:30:37,792 --> 00:30:40,142
Well, well,
what have we here?
541
00:30:40,186 --> 00:30:43,276
Harry Marsh,
the man who wasn't there.
542
00:30:43,319 --> 00:30:46,540
And Mr. Vandersnook,
the man who's always here.
543
00:30:46,583 --> 00:30:49,891
Don't drink the Margaux,
it's shit.
544
00:30:55,288 --> 00:30:56,942
Oh, God.
545
00:30:57,943 --> 00:31:01,468
[indistinct chatter]
546
00:31:06,168 --> 00:31:08,910
[Harry] As it's your first
Hamptons dinner party,
547
00:31:08,954 --> 00:31:12,000
I should show you
how things are arranged.
548
00:31:12,044 --> 00:31:13,610
There's
the politicians table.
549
00:31:15,786 --> 00:31:19,660
Senator Gargen over there,
just been indicted for fraud.
550
00:31:21,183 --> 00:31:22,924
There's the
journalists table.
551
00:31:22,968 --> 00:31:26,841
Chip McDonald writes about
something, I don't know what.
552
00:31:28,277 --> 00:31:31,628
The dandy is Arthur Arthur,
the gossip publisher.
553
00:31:32,978 --> 00:31:34,240
Isn't that...?
554
00:31:34,283 --> 00:31:37,069
Yes, that's
Bobo de Pleasure,
555
00:31:37,112 --> 00:31:41,595
the conservative columnist
with the liberal flare.
556
00:31:41,638 --> 00:31:45,338
Oh. That table
over there?
557
00:31:46,643 --> 00:31:48,602
[Harry] That's the table
for people
558
00:31:48,645 --> 00:31:51,518
who have the look of someone
sitting in a whistle
559
00:31:51,561 --> 00:31:53,912
of a steamship
when it went off.
560
00:31:53,955 --> 00:31:56,349
I better
go take my seat.
561
00:31:57,741 --> 00:32:00,092
Do you remember
the movie I told you to see
562
00:32:00,135 --> 00:32:02,007
about the sideshow
in the circus?
563
00:32:02,050 --> 00:32:03,443
[chuckles] Freaks?
564
00:32:03,486 --> 00:32:06,359
Yeah, think about it.
565
00:32:07,229 --> 00:32:09,188
[chuckles]
566
00:32:09,231 --> 00:32:12,495
[narrator] So Harry
took his favorite seat
567
00:32:12,539 --> 00:32:14,584
in his least favorite venue.
568
00:32:14,628 --> 00:32:17,848
He motioned for the barkeep
to keep the Margaux coming.
569
00:32:17,892 --> 00:32:19,415
Though it was shit,
570
00:32:19,459 --> 00:32:21,765
it would suffice
to help Harry drown out
571
00:32:21,809 --> 00:32:23,898
the rampant self-promotion
572
00:32:23,942 --> 00:32:27,946
and egomaniacal conversation
going on around him.
573
00:32:27,989 --> 00:32:30,774
I do hope you're doing something
for the wheels, Mr. March.
574
00:32:30,818 --> 00:32:34,430
[narrator] "What trouble
are the wheels in?,"
Harry would ask.
575
00:32:34,474 --> 00:32:36,389
[woman] They are
in very bad shape,
576
00:32:36,432 --> 00:32:38,391
and in 50 years,
perhaps less,
577
00:32:38,434 --> 00:32:40,871
there will be
no wheels left.
578
00:32:40,915 --> 00:32:42,612
What do you think
of that?
579
00:32:44,658 --> 00:32:47,791
Well, what do
you have to say?
580
00:32:49,358 --> 00:32:52,405
We must take care
of the problem or not at all.
581
00:32:57,062 --> 00:33:01,109
It's so nice to have all our
crowd together under one roof.
582
00:33:01,153 --> 00:33:04,634
As Yeats,
the well known poet wrote,
583
00:33:04,678 --> 00:33:07,507
that "I had such friends."
584
00:33:07,550 --> 00:33:09,726
And now, I should like
to raise a toast
585
00:33:09,770 --> 00:33:12,816
to my fabulously
talented husband, Grady,
586
00:33:12,860 --> 00:33:15,080
who has just finished
his book
587
00:33:15,123 --> 00:33:17,473
on the life
of Luella Parsons.
588
00:33:18,474 --> 00:33:20,520
Oh, it's called Poop.
589
00:33:22,435 --> 00:33:26,004
And I will tell you
it is absolutely fabulous.
590
00:33:26,047 --> 00:33:30,269
- [woman chuckles]
- Labor of love.
It's a labor of love.
591
00:33:30,312 --> 00:33:35,013
Oh, I...
I have a great idea.
592
00:33:35,056 --> 00:33:38,799
Why doesn't everyone stand
and tell us what new great thing
593
00:33:38,842 --> 00:33:41,193
he or she is doing?
594
00:33:41,236 --> 00:33:42,933
[applause]
595
00:33:42,977 --> 00:33:45,893
Who's first?
Who wants to go first?
596
00:33:48,896 --> 00:33:51,029
I'm a bit embarrassed
to report
597
00:33:51,072 --> 00:33:52,856
that the Barbadian government
598
00:33:52,900 --> 00:33:56,251
has decided to offer a two cent
stamp with my picture on it.
599
00:33:58,036 --> 00:34:00,734
In the beginning, they wanted
to put me on the one cent stamp,
600
00:34:00,777 --> 00:34:02,910
but I held out
for the two.
601
00:34:02,953 --> 00:34:05,739
[group clapping]
602
00:34:08,524 --> 00:34:11,962
This hardly matters,
603
00:34:12,006 --> 00:34:15,140
but I'm probably
within a year
604
00:34:15,183 --> 00:34:18,360
of completing
my three volume study
605
00:34:18,404 --> 00:34:20,275
of the life
of William McKinley.
606
00:34:20,319 --> 00:34:23,496
[people cheering
and clapping]
607
00:34:23,539 --> 00:34:25,498
Isn't it splendid
we live in a place
608
00:34:25,541 --> 00:34:27,674
where everyone
writes a book?
609
00:34:27,717 --> 00:34:29,371
[laughter and applause]
610
00:34:29,415 --> 00:34:31,156
And you're next.
611
00:34:32,287 --> 00:34:34,028
I've written
a book as well.
612
00:34:34,072 --> 00:34:37,336
It's called, Will I Ever
Get a Seat at the Table?:
613
00:34:37,379 --> 00:34:39,816
A Gossip Publisher's Lament.
614
00:34:39,860 --> 00:34:41,731
[laughter and applause]
615
00:34:41,775 --> 00:34:44,299
You'll always have a seat
at our table, Arthur.
616
00:34:46,519 --> 00:34:50,610
Well, everyone, according
to a recent public opinion poll,
617
00:34:50,653 --> 00:34:55,136
I was voted as the friendliest
senator in the Northeast.
618
00:34:55,180 --> 00:34:58,357
[people clapping]
619
00:35:03,927 --> 00:35:08,106
I would just like to say,
I agree with all sides.
620
00:35:08,149 --> 00:35:10,108
[laughter]
621
00:35:11,674 --> 00:35:13,285
[tapping wine glass]
622
00:35:13,328 --> 00:35:17,027
In this austere company,
my project may seem small,
623
00:35:17,071 --> 00:35:20,205
I know, but I should
tell you to date,
624
00:35:20,248 --> 00:35:23,817
we have raised
four million dollars for the
wheels.
625
00:35:23,860 --> 00:35:26,907
- [gulping]
- [applause]
626
00:35:28,909 --> 00:35:32,347
And what important projects
have you done, Mr. March?
627
00:35:34,349 --> 00:35:37,961
[narrator] With the last drop
of his shit Margaux consumed,
628
00:35:38,005 --> 00:35:41,008
Harry had long since
lost any ability
629
00:35:41,051 --> 00:35:43,576
to moderate
his docile instruction
630
00:35:43,619 --> 00:35:46,753
given to him
by his beloved Chloe,
631
00:35:46,796 --> 00:35:50,539
and with a last sip,
an idea popped in his head.
632
00:35:50,583 --> 00:35:53,281
♪♪
633
00:36:08,035 --> 00:36:11,212
[people mutter]
634
00:36:15,129 --> 00:36:16,609
[person sighs]
635
00:36:24,530 --> 00:36:25,835
That's it.
636
00:36:26,967 --> 00:36:28,403
We're going home.
637
00:36:34,409 --> 00:36:39,501
The wheels, she wanted
to save the wheels.
638
00:36:43,157 --> 00:36:44,680
[car engine revving]
639
00:36:44,724 --> 00:36:47,074
♪♪
640
00:36:51,861 --> 00:36:53,994
[typewriter keys typing]
641
00:37:00,305 --> 00:37:01,871
[man] Mr. March!
642
00:37:01,915 --> 00:37:05,745
Hey, Larry,
how are you guys doing?
643
00:37:05,788 --> 00:37:08,791
Pardon the intrusion,
Harry, but we need your support.
644
00:37:08,835 --> 00:37:11,359
Oh, is this
about the casino?
645
00:37:11,403 --> 00:37:13,666
Yes, are you with us?
646
00:37:13,709 --> 00:37:17,017
Yeah, sure,
you can count on me.
647
00:37:17,060 --> 00:37:20,107
That COC committee
says we'll ruin the area.
648
00:37:20,150 --> 00:37:24,329
Well, how can you?
Don't you guys own most
of the land around here?
649
00:37:24,372 --> 00:37:26,940
[Larry] Look, deer!
650
00:37:28,594 --> 00:37:30,770
It's a good sign,
Harry, good sign.
651
00:37:31,988 --> 00:37:35,035
Yeah,
that's a real good sign.
652
00:37:35,078 --> 00:37:37,820
Well, I guess
the gods have spoken.
653
00:37:40,083 --> 00:37:41,955
Thanks for paddling by.
654
00:37:47,613 --> 00:37:49,919
- Hector!
- [Hector] Uh... Huh?
655
00:37:51,269 --> 00:37:52,879
All right,
what did you-- get down.
656
00:37:52,922 --> 00:37:54,663
- [Hector] What?
- Get down.
657
00:37:54,707 --> 00:37:56,056
[Hector] Huh?
658
00:37:56,099 --> 00:37:58,014
What did you do with it?
659
00:37:59,146 --> 00:38:00,190
[Hector] With what?
660
00:38:00,234 --> 00:38:02,323
The horse hair.
661
00:38:04,369 --> 00:38:05,326
[Hector] Oh.
662
00:38:10,418 --> 00:38:12,594
- [Harry] Cough it up.
- [Hector] I'm not a cat.
663
00:38:12,638 --> 00:38:14,683
You ate it, why?
664
00:38:14,727 --> 00:38:17,904
[Hector] Well, for one thing,
I'll eat anything.
665
00:38:17,947 --> 00:38:21,124
But if you must know,
I'm trying to save you
from yourself.
666
00:38:21,168 --> 00:38:25,825
This crazy scheme of yours
will mess up everything
for both of us.
667
00:38:25,868 --> 00:38:27,957
I happen to like
the way my life is.
668
00:38:28,697 --> 00:38:30,917
[phone ringing]
669
00:38:30,960 --> 00:38:32,266
Answer it for once.
670
00:38:35,704 --> 00:38:37,924
[phone continues ringing]
671
00:38:39,404 --> 00:38:41,580
I'm not finished with you.
672
00:38:41,623 --> 00:38:44,322
[phone continues ringing]
673
00:38:54,375 --> 00:38:56,682
- Hello?
- [Chloe] Hey, it's me.
674
00:38:56,725 --> 00:38:59,554
The children called
about your emails.
675
00:38:59,598 --> 00:39:01,295
They're really worried
and so am I.
676
00:39:01,339 --> 00:39:05,952
Oh, uh, no, no, no, Chlo,
everything's great.
677
00:39:05,995 --> 00:39:07,780
- [Chloe]
Joel's worried, too.
- Why is that?
678
00:39:07,823 --> 00:39:10,086
He's worried
because I'm worried.
679
00:39:10,130 --> 00:39:14,569
Look, Harry, I don't know
what crazy scheme is rattling
around in that brain of yours
680
00:39:14,613 --> 00:39:18,530
and I know you're not gonna
tell me, but just promise me
you won't do anything stupid
681
00:39:19,487 --> 00:39:20,749
or dangerous.
682
00:39:25,972 --> 00:39:30,498
- Harry?
- Thanks so much
for calling, Chlo,
683
00:39:30,542 --> 00:39:33,022
but I'm just about
to go off island.
684
00:39:33,066 --> 00:39:35,285
Why don't I give you a call
tomorrow and we could have
a nice long chat?
685
00:39:35,329 --> 00:39:37,723
Now, say a hello
to Joel for me, okay?
686
00:39:37,766 --> 00:39:41,770
Wow, Harry, that was both
gracious and coherent.
687
00:39:41,814 --> 00:39:43,903
Now I'm really worried.
688
00:39:43,946 --> 00:39:47,602
Look, I love you,
the children love you.
689
00:39:47,646 --> 00:39:51,519
I just want you to know
there are people out there
who want you to stay alive.
690
00:39:54,304 --> 00:39:56,698
And I love you all.
Gotta go, Chlo.
691
00:40:05,925 --> 00:40:08,928
Mr. Marsh,
I'm a junior at Columbia.
692
00:40:08,971 --> 00:40:12,235
- I'm writing my honor's
thesis on your work.
- Great.
693
00:40:12,279 --> 00:40:14,542
- A few questions?
- No.
694
00:40:14,586 --> 00:40:17,240
I'm interested in the use
of hats in your work.
695
00:40:17,284 --> 00:40:19,634
- Do they symbolize death?
- Yes.
696
00:40:19,678 --> 00:40:22,855
- What about the color
yellow, also death?
- Yes.
697
00:40:22,898 --> 00:40:25,945
- And flowers?
- Death.
698
00:40:25,988 --> 00:40:28,687
[student] You seem to
deliberately avoid the gerund.
699
00:40:28,730 --> 00:40:30,384
What does the gerund
mean to you?
700
00:40:30,428 --> 00:40:32,560
Death.
701
00:40:32,604 --> 00:40:35,345
Do you think you're more
influenced by Washington
Irving or John Irving?
702
00:40:35,389 --> 00:40:36,434
Clifford.
703
00:40:37,783 --> 00:40:39,480
May I send you
my thesis when it's done?
704
00:40:39,524 --> 00:40:41,439
[Harry] By all means.
705
00:40:46,748 --> 00:40:49,447
- [Hector] Tell me
about the Hamptons again.
- Not now.
706
00:40:49,490 --> 00:40:51,840
[Hector] Oh, that's right,
we're on a mission.
707
00:40:51,884 --> 00:40:54,669
Horse hair, the search
for the holy horse hair.
708
00:40:54,713 --> 00:40:56,584
You oughta be locked up.
709
00:40:56,628 --> 00:41:00,545
The plan calls for horse hair
or a suitable equivalent,
710
00:41:00,588 --> 00:41:02,329
you're lucky
your hair's too short.
711
00:41:02,372 --> 00:41:05,114
[Hector] I hate
to be seen with you in public.
712
00:41:05,158 --> 00:41:07,508
People stare at you.
713
00:41:07,552 --> 00:41:10,511
- Are you famous?
- I'm known.
714
00:41:10,555 --> 00:41:13,645
- [Hector] I believe
in the humble life.
- I had one.
715
00:41:24,046 --> 00:41:25,961
[doorbell jingles]
716
00:41:26,005 --> 00:41:27,833
Move.
717
00:41:36,755 --> 00:41:38,408
Hello.
718
00:41:38,452 --> 00:41:41,803
Um, I'd like
to ask you something.
719
00:41:41,847 --> 00:41:43,718
Do you have
any horse hair?
720
00:41:43,762 --> 00:41:45,720
No, no horse hair.
721
00:41:45,764 --> 00:41:48,462
We do have a very handsome
hobby horse, but it's hairless.
722
00:41:51,378 --> 00:41:52,379
Sit down.
723
00:41:54,773 --> 00:41:57,123
What a charming dog.
What's her name?
724
00:41:57,166 --> 00:41:59,212
Hermione.
725
00:41:59,255 --> 00:42:02,432
[Hector]
Hermione, really?
726
00:42:03,477 --> 00:42:04,609
What's this?
727
00:42:04,652 --> 00:42:07,220
[woman]
She comes with a wand.
728
00:42:07,263 --> 00:42:09,527
Go ahead,
touch the wand to the ruby.
729
00:42:16,055 --> 00:42:19,188
- [jingling sound]
- [electric whirring]
730
00:42:22,191 --> 00:42:25,673
Isn't she adorable?
She speaks English and Spanish.
731
00:42:25,717 --> 00:42:27,719
Does she do
construction work?
732
00:42:30,809 --> 00:42:35,030
Oh, you beautiful doll,
733
00:42:35,074 --> 00:42:39,948
you great big,
beautiful doll.
734
00:42:39,992 --> 00:42:41,994
♪♪
735
00:42:45,693 --> 00:42:47,042
Mmm. Mm.
736
00:42:49,131 --> 00:42:50,698
[Hector]
Tastes good, right?
737
00:42:50,742 --> 00:42:53,571
You seem
to like the doll?
738
00:42:53,614 --> 00:42:55,616
Mm-hm.
739
00:42:55,660 --> 00:42:57,879
This would be something
for your granddaughter?
740
00:42:59,228 --> 00:43:01,230
- No.
- A niece?
741
00:43:01,274 --> 00:43:02,841
The child of a friend?
742
00:43:02,884 --> 00:43:06,845
No, I'd like it for myself.
I'll take four.
743
00:43:06,888 --> 00:43:08,281
How much?
744
00:43:09,717 --> 00:43:12,111
You know, I just remembered,
we're out of stock
745
00:43:12,154 --> 00:43:14,026
and we're forbidden
to sell the floor sample.
746
00:43:14,069 --> 00:43:17,159
I, uh, could order
four dolls for you.
747
00:43:17,203 --> 00:43:18,639
But I need it today.
748
00:43:18,683 --> 00:43:20,989
[Hector] Ah, let's get
out of here.
749
00:43:21,033 --> 00:43:24,384
Well, I could check
the inventory downstairs.
750
00:43:27,256 --> 00:43:28,344
Never mind.
751
00:43:29,911 --> 00:43:32,174
Come on, Hermione,
we're leaving.
752
00:43:38,616 --> 00:43:40,792
- [Hector] Ooh, can I?
- No.
753
00:43:42,707 --> 00:43:46,188
[chuckles] You are not
gonna believe this.
754
00:43:46,232 --> 00:43:50,671
We received a hat box full of
horse hair just this very week.
755
00:43:50,715 --> 00:43:52,586
A hat box full
of horse hair?
756
00:43:52,630 --> 00:43:56,285
A hat box full
of horse hair.
757
00:43:57,939 --> 00:43:59,941
[Hector]
Please don't say it again.
758
00:43:59,985 --> 00:44:02,509
A hat box full
of horse hair.
759
00:44:04,511 --> 00:44:07,819
Well, my dear,
you have a sale.
760
00:44:07,862 --> 00:44:10,560
But this is the part
you're not gonna believe,
761
00:44:10,604 --> 00:44:13,085
I sold the hat box
this very morning.
762
00:44:14,564 --> 00:44:15,827
- No.
- Yes.
763
00:44:15,870 --> 00:44:17,524
Do you know the Laphams?
764
00:44:17,567 --> 00:44:21,441
Well, it seems Mrs. Lapham
makes her own throw pillows, ah,
765
00:44:21,484 --> 00:44:24,357
and when I told her
about the horse hair,
she just grabbed it up.
766
00:44:24,400 --> 00:44:27,882
- It makes an ideal stuffing.
- Does it now?
767
00:44:27,926 --> 00:44:30,711
Well, yes,
it's very sweet, really?
768
00:44:30,755 --> 00:44:32,713
See she's making
the pillow
769
00:44:32,757 --> 00:44:34,628
as a surprise
for Mr. Lapham
770
00:44:34,672 --> 00:44:36,325
to present him with a gift
771
00:44:36,369 --> 00:44:39,677
upon the occasion of the
completion of their new house.
772
00:44:39,720 --> 00:44:42,767
I understand
it's magnificent.
773
00:44:42,810 --> 00:44:44,682
You know, it's not too far
from your own island.
774
00:44:44,725 --> 00:44:48,076
What do you call
your place, Noman?
775
00:44:48,120 --> 00:44:50,470
Well, anyway, the whole thing
was just dumb luck.
776
00:44:50,513 --> 00:44:53,691
She came in looking for some
Victorian asparagus tongs,
777
00:44:53,734 --> 00:44:56,084
but then when I told her
about the horse hair,
778
00:44:56,128 --> 00:44:58,696
well, it was just ideal.
[chuckles]
779
00:45:00,872 --> 00:45:03,396
It's kind of
a nice story really.
780
00:45:03,439 --> 00:45:05,572
See, the Laphams
had a little dog
781
00:45:05,615 --> 00:45:08,444
who passed away last year.
782
00:45:08,488 --> 00:45:12,753
Why, he was just like
your little Hector there,
a little Westie.
783
00:45:12,797 --> 00:45:14,799
Goo goo baby.
784
00:45:14,842 --> 00:45:17,279
You know Harry, if it's horse
hair you're looking for,
785
00:45:17,323 --> 00:45:19,412
it's probably
in the walls of your house?
786
00:45:19,455 --> 00:45:21,806
[Hector] Hey,
don't give him any ideas.
787
00:45:21,849 --> 00:45:24,199
You see the old houses
used horse hair
788
00:45:24,243 --> 00:45:26,375
to keep the plaster intact.
789
00:45:26,419 --> 00:45:29,030
You knock down a wall,
you'll probably have
all the horse hair you need.
790
00:45:29,074 --> 00:45:32,425
Oh, I'll keep that in mind,
thanks for the tip.
791
00:45:32,468 --> 00:45:36,168
[Hector] Terrific. By all means,
let's knock down our walls
792
00:45:36,211 --> 00:45:38,997
so you'll have everything
you need to commit a crime.
793
00:45:40,172 --> 00:45:42,478
♪♪
794
00:45:42,522 --> 00:45:46,482
[narrator] Harry was not keen
on the idea of destroying
his house,
795
00:45:46,526 --> 00:45:49,355
but was left
with no choice.
796
00:45:50,922 --> 00:45:53,576
But then,
a vision came to him,
797
00:45:53,620 --> 00:45:55,970
a vision in the form
798
00:45:56,014 --> 00:46:01,019
of a long, thick
tail-like braid of hair.
799
00:46:01,062 --> 00:46:06,328
Well, wrinkles, I do believe
this is the very first time
800
00:46:06,372 --> 00:46:09,854
I have received a visit
from your distinguished self.
801
00:46:09,897 --> 00:46:12,944
It's your lucky day,
chitlins.
802
00:46:12,987 --> 00:46:14,859
You have something
I want.
803
00:46:14,902 --> 00:46:17,470
Oh, don't you think
it's a bit late for that?
804
00:46:17,513 --> 00:46:19,472
Late for you, I mean.
805
00:46:22,867 --> 00:46:24,129
I want your hair.
806
00:46:27,610 --> 00:46:29,961
I want you to cut off
your braid and give it to me.
807
00:46:34,879 --> 00:46:39,013
And why on Earth
should I do that?
808
00:46:39,057 --> 00:46:42,277
I cannot think for what's
sick and perverse purpose
809
00:46:42,321 --> 00:46:46,151
you desire my extra long,
extra thick world class hair.
810
00:46:46,194 --> 00:46:48,588
I need it,
just leave it at that.
811
00:46:48,631 --> 00:46:51,286
Are you gonna
hang yourself?
812
00:46:51,330 --> 00:46:52,766
Give me an incentive.
813
00:46:52,810 --> 00:46:54,463
Never mind why I want it.
814
00:46:54,507 --> 00:46:59,164
I'll pay you for it,
plenty and it'll grow back soon.
815
00:46:59,207 --> 00:47:02,384
You stand to only profit
from this transaction, Kathy.
816
00:47:02,428 --> 00:47:05,300
Oh, I worry when you address me
by my Christian name
817
00:47:05,344 --> 00:47:09,609
instead of the usual insult,
Harry, I worry.
818
00:47:09,652 --> 00:47:12,003
And yet,
my interest is peaked.
819
00:47:12,046 --> 00:47:14,832
What do you call plenty?
820
00:47:15,833 --> 00:47:17,182
One thousand dollars.
821
00:47:17,225 --> 00:47:20,576
Oh honey, I don't clear
my throat for $1,000.
822
00:47:20,620 --> 00:47:24,842
All right then, I'll agree to
read your manuscript of poems.
823
00:47:24,885 --> 00:47:27,714
Well, Harry,
how'd you know I write poetry?
824
00:47:27,757 --> 00:47:30,238
Just a wild guess.
825
00:47:33,415 --> 00:47:36,070
- Five thousand dollars then.
- Mmm.
826
00:47:36,114 --> 00:47:39,900
Let me bring you
into the modern world,
my hermit crab.
827
00:47:39,944 --> 00:47:42,555
For your edification,
Harry March,
828
00:47:42,598 --> 00:47:46,602
these days, $5,000
does not suffice as a deposit
829
00:47:46,646 --> 00:47:49,301
to take a house off
the market for half an hour.
830
00:47:50,476 --> 00:47:51,912
On an average sale,
831
00:47:51,956 --> 00:47:54,262
an average sale, mind you,
one that takes as long
832
00:47:54,306 --> 00:47:56,743
as ten minutes
for me to consummate,
833
00:47:56,786 --> 00:47:59,920
my commission
comes to $400,000.
834
00:47:59,964 --> 00:48:02,227
All right,
how much do you want?
835
00:48:03,576 --> 00:48:06,057
Oh, I want you, honey.
836
00:48:06,100 --> 00:48:09,756
I want your house,
your island,
837
00:48:09,799 --> 00:48:11,976
the works,
838
00:48:12,019 --> 00:48:13,803
and I'll pay top dollar.
839
00:48:13,847 --> 00:48:15,501
Because you
can turn it around
840
00:48:15,544 --> 00:48:17,677
and get twice
what you gave me for it?
841
00:48:17,720 --> 00:48:20,898
Three times, maybe four.
842
00:48:20,941 --> 00:48:23,509
You sell me your little
Island of Dr. Moreau
843
00:48:23,552 --> 00:48:28,296
and I'll pay you enough
to enable you to live out your
shriveled mean spirited days
844
00:48:28,340 --> 00:48:31,082
in the comfort of the finest
assisted living facility
845
00:48:31,125 --> 00:48:33,432
on the East End, hmm?
846
00:48:33,475 --> 00:48:37,044
With plenty of dollars to spare
in case you want to take a day
trip to the Bronx Zoo
847
00:48:37,088 --> 00:48:40,221
or catch a bus
to see a revival of Cats.
848
00:48:40,265 --> 00:48:42,093
[Kathy mimicking cat growling]
849
00:48:42,136 --> 00:48:43,746
[chuckles]
850
00:48:43,790 --> 00:48:45,313
And for all that,
851
00:48:45,357 --> 00:48:48,316
I shall gladly cut off
my luxurious braid of hair
852
00:48:48,360 --> 00:48:50,971
and I'll hand it over
to you myself.
853
00:48:51,015 --> 00:48:53,365
- Never.
- Harry March.
854
00:48:53,408 --> 00:48:56,977
[mock gasp]
You're hurting me.
855
00:48:57,021 --> 00:48:58,936
Never say never.
856
00:49:00,372 --> 00:49:02,461
I must say, Harry,
857
00:49:02,504 --> 00:49:04,767
I get
all hot just thinking
858
00:49:04,811 --> 00:49:07,379
what you're gonna
be doing with my hair.
859
00:49:08,771 --> 00:49:10,034
What about $50,000?
860
00:49:10,077 --> 00:49:13,341
Uh, this conversation
is concluded.
861
00:49:13,385 --> 00:49:16,736
You sell me your island
and my hair is yours.
862
00:49:16,779 --> 00:49:18,999
Your island, your house.
863
00:49:20,609 --> 00:49:22,307
My life then.
864
00:49:22,350 --> 00:49:27,007
That's my price, sweet pea,
take it or leave it.
865
00:49:27,051 --> 00:49:30,141
Learn to live
in the real world, Harry.
866
00:49:33,971 --> 00:49:36,495
As Mr. Lapham says,
867
00:49:36,538 --> 00:49:37,844
"The sun also rises,
868
00:49:38,932 --> 00:49:40,586
but it also sets."
869
00:49:40,629 --> 00:49:42,849
♪♪
870
00:49:46,287 --> 00:49:47,854
I like that one.
871
00:49:50,552 --> 00:49:52,728
[narrator]
Unwilling to sell his soul,
872
00:49:52,772 --> 00:49:55,514
Harry went
on his cantankerous way.
873
00:49:57,559 --> 00:50:01,085
[Hector barking]
874
00:50:01,128 --> 00:50:03,652
- Why do you do that?
- [Hector] Do what?
875
00:50:03,696 --> 00:50:06,394
Bark at the sight
of another dog.
876
00:50:06,438 --> 00:50:08,918
- [Hector] Because
other dogs bark at me.
- [Harry] Yes, but why?
877
00:50:08,962 --> 00:50:11,356
[Hector] You know, I'm not
really sure.[barking]
878
00:50:11,399 --> 00:50:14,968
You don't see me flying off
the handle when I spot
a another human being.
879
00:50:15,012 --> 00:50:16,752
[Hector] Actually, I do.
880
00:50:22,193 --> 00:50:24,195
[Hector barking]
881
00:50:32,203 --> 00:50:33,378
Hector!
882
00:50:33,421 --> 00:50:34,901
Hector!
883
00:50:47,435 --> 00:50:48,915
[groans]
884
00:50:53,093 --> 00:50:54,747
Get in the car.
885
00:50:54,790 --> 00:50:57,489
Don't worry, officer,
I'm fine.
886
00:50:57,532 --> 00:51:00,144
You're lucky I'm taking you
to the hospital and not
the station house
887
00:51:00,187 --> 00:51:01,797
for being a creep
at a toy store.
888
00:51:01,841 --> 00:51:05,192
That's me,
all right, lucky.
889
00:51:05,236 --> 00:51:06,454
[mysterious music]
890
00:51:06,498 --> 00:51:08,587
[typewriter keys typing]
891
00:51:17,552 --> 00:51:20,642
[breathing heavy]
892
00:51:28,737 --> 00:51:31,349
[distant thunderclap]
893
00:51:31,392 --> 00:51:34,526
[Hector] Oh, it must be
wonderful, the literary life,
894
00:51:34,569 --> 00:51:37,833
to be a literary lion
as you are.
895
00:51:37,877 --> 00:51:39,574
I'm a literary dog,
you know?
896
00:51:39,618 --> 00:51:41,315
I'm sure you are.
897
00:51:41,359 --> 00:51:43,187
[Hector] Is Mr. Lapham
a literary lion?
898
00:51:43,230 --> 00:51:45,145
He has
an awfully nice car.
899
00:51:45,189 --> 00:51:48,366
Hey, do you suppose he might
give me a ride someday?
900
00:51:48,409 --> 00:51:50,542
He must miss
his dear departed Westie?
901
00:51:52,892 --> 00:51:54,589
Will you ever shut up?
902
00:51:56,461 --> 00:51:58,419
[Hector]
When the time comes.
903
00:51:58,463 --> 00:52:02,075
[thunderclap]
904
00:52:08,473 --> 00:52:10,431
[Harry]
Hey, come here, come here.
905
00:52:10,475 --> 00:52:13,347
I don't think
you should see this.
906
00:52:13,391 --> 00:52:15,828
Go in there.
907
00:52:27,144 --> 00:52:29,929
♪♪
908
00:53:00,089 --> 00:53:02,614
Do you even think about how
you appear to other people?
909
00:53:02,657 --> 00:53:06,922
- The death of the party?
- It's all a big joke
to you, right?
910
00:53:06,966 --> 00:53:10,970
People expect civility from
other people and that's the
foundation of civilization.
911
00:53:11,013 --> 00:53:14,887
- You call the Bittermans
civilization?
- Yes, I do.
912
00:53:14,930 --> 00:53:16,889
They're just
regular human beings
913
00:53:16,932 --> 00:53:19,587
trying to live
in this world the way it is.
914
00:53:19,631 --> 00:53:21,633
I don't like the world
the way it is,
915
00:53:23,069 --> 00:53:24,723
but I love you, Chlo.
916
00:53:30,685 --> 00:53:32,426
I love you too, Harry.
917
00:53:39,781 --> 00:53:43,350
But I can't be a part of this
life that you insist I live.
918
00:53:43,394 --> 00:53:47,093
It's too much,
you ask too much.
919
00:53:47,136 --> 00:53:50,096
You've made me a prisoner
of your principles.
920
00:53:53,621 --> 00:53:54,840
Principle is everything.
921
00:53:54,883 --> 00:53:56,145
No, it's not.
922
00:53:57,973 --> 00:54:00,280
The world moves forward because
people have mutual respect.
923
00:54:00,324 --> 00:54:04,893
They talk to each other,
they negotiate, they compromise.
924
00:54:04,937 --> 00:54:07,896
You just can't stop yourself,
can you? You just had
to spout off?
925
00:54:10,203 --> 00:54:11,770
Spout off?
926
00:54:13,075 --> 00:54:14,555
Well, you know, that's it,
927
00:54:14,599 --> 00:54:17,297
that's it, that's what lady
was talking about.
928
00:54:17,341 --> 00:54:19,691
She wasn't talking
about saving the wheels,
929
00:54:19,734 --> 00:54:21,954
she was talking
about saving the whales.
930
00:54:24,435 --> 00:54:26,306
[sighs]
931
00:54:26,350 --> 00:54:29,266
[chuckles faintly]
932
00:54:41,408 --> 00:54:42,975
[woman] Mr. March!
933
00:54:43,018 --> 00:54:45,064
[knocking on door]
934
00:54:45,107 --> 00:54:46,761
Mr. March!
935
00:54:48,197 --> 00:54:50,374
- [sighs]
- [knocking on door]
936
00:54:51,549 --> 00:54:53,290
Mr. March!
937
00:54:54,465 --> 00:54:57,511
♪♪
938
00:54:57,555 --> 00:55:01,341
Harry March, I need
to sell you a swimming pool.
939
00:55:01,385 --> 00:55:04,039
What are you talking about?
Who are you?
940
00:55:04,083 --> 00:55:05,737
A swimming pool.
941
00:55:07,347 --> 00:55:11,395
Well, I'll give you
two minutes.
942
00:55:11,438 --> 00:55:13,310
Cosiapara.
943
00:55:15,050 --> 00:55:16,748
- [Hector] Hey.
- [woman] Come on.
944
00:55:16,791 --> 00:55:19,228
[Hector] Who's this?
945
00:55:19,272 --> 00:55:21,187
[woman] He loves me.
946
00:55:21,230 --> 00:55:24,103
He loves everybody but me.
947
00:55:24,146 --> 00:55:25,452
[Hector] Ah, it's true.
948
00:55:25,496 --> 00:55:27,280
He's precious.
949
00:55:40,598 --> 00:55:43,775
[groans]
950
00:55:46,081 --> 00:55:48,257
Mr. March,
951
00:55:48,301 --> 00:55:52,827
everyone around here says
I could never sell you one
of my dad's pools.
952
00:55:52,871 --> 00:55:54,176
My dad says so too.
953
00:55:55,395 --> 00:55:57,615
Everyone says
you're mean and crazy.
954
00:55:57,658 --> 00:55:59,704
- They're right.
- But I said, "No."
955
00:55:59,747 --> 00:56:03,447
"That old man is just waiting
for a little brightness
in his life."
956
00:56:03,490 --> 00:56:06,319
Oh, in the form
of a swimming pool?
957
00:56:06,363 --> 00:56:07,886
You said it.
958
00:56:07,929 --> 00:56:10,845
What you need to cheer up
your cranky and miserable self
959
00:56:10,889 --> 00:56:15,415
is a new gunite pool installed
with expert craftsmanship
960
00:56:15,459 --> 00:56:18,636
and tender loving care
by the Leonardo Da Vinci
961
00:56:18,679 --> 00:56:22,422
of Hamptons pool makers
and servicers, Tony Amberson.
962
00:56:22,466 --> 00:56:24,642
- Is that your father?
- My father.
963
00:56:24,685 --> 00:56:26,470
[Hector]
Ah, A pool would be nice.
964
00:56:26,513 --> 00:56:28,863
Miss, I'm very busy,
965
00:56:28,907 --> 00:56:31,257
I have a lot
of important things to do.
966
00:56:31,300 --> 00:56:34,434
I don't really have any desire
for a swimming pool.
967
00:56:34,478 --> 00:56:36,001
I have
nobody to impress.
968
00:56:36,044 --> 00:56:40,048
If I want to take a swim,
I do it right off my dock
969
00:56:40,092 --> 00:56:42,181
and if I want warm water,
I take a bath.
970
00:56:42,224 --> 00:56:46,490
Good for you,
but I must tell you,
971
00:56:46,533 --> 00:56:48,753
I don't think you're
seeing this issue clearly.
972
00:56:50,145 --> 00:56:52,974
You are thinking
of a swimming pool narrowly
973
00:56:53,018 --> 00:56:56,021
as a place
to exercise or lull about.
974
00:56:56,064 --> 00:56:58,806
And speaking of exercise,
975
00:56:58,850 --> 00:57:02,549
if you don't mind my saying
so, you could use some.
976
00:57:02,593 --> 00:57:04,464
[Hector]
I like this girl.
977
00:57:04,508 --> 00:57:06,814
I do mind,
your two minutes are almost up.
978
00:57:06,858 --> 00:57:09,295
Think of
a swimming pool instead
979
00:57:09,338 --> 00:57:12,429
as a notable room
of your house.
980
00:57:12,472 --> 00:57:16,171
Think of it
as your indoor body of water,
981
00:57:16,215 --> 00:57:20,872
your pond,
your lake, your estuary.
982
00:57:20,915 --> 00:57:25,877
What, may I ask, is more
beautiful than a body of water?
983
00:57:25,920 --> 00:57:29,837
The light dance of the ripples,
the shadows on the waves,
984
00:57:29,881 --> 00:57:33,232
the brooding darkness
underneath.
985
00:57:33,275 --> 00:57:36,235
You know, you have a mind
far more estimable
986
00:57:36,278 --> 00:57:37,715
than I thought.
987
00:57:39,151 --> 00:57:42,850
Why are you wasting it
selling swimming pools?
988
00:57:44,243 --> 00:57:47,115
I mean a daughter's duty
to her father aside.
989
00:57:47,159 --> 00:57:49,509
It never is aside.
990
00:57:49,553 --> 00:57:53,470
My dad's having a hard time
of it, I mean moneywise.
991
00:57:53,513 --> 00:57:57,386
Moneywise, is this
your full-time occupation?
992
00:57:57,430 --> 00:57:59,606
This semester.
993
00:57:59,650 --> 00:58:01,913
Then, it's back
to St. John's in Annapolis.
994
00:58:01,956 --> 00:58:05,612
Oh, the great books
curriculum, I thought so.
995
00:58:05,656 --> 00:58:09,050
You, my dear girl,
are an anachronism.
996
00:58:09,094 --> 00:58:11,966
[chuckles]
Just like you.
997
00:58:12,010 --> 00:58:14,534
Yes but I think
I've earned that status.
998
00:58:14,578 --> 00:58:16,754
- You're much too young.
- Maybe.
999
00:58:16,797 --> 00:58:19,147
But it looks
better on me.
1000
00:58:19,191 --> 00:58:20,627
- [Harry chuckles]
- [Hector] Can't argue
with that.
1001
00:58:20,671 --> 00:58:24,326
You know, Harry,
when I was in high school,
1002
00:58:24,370 --> 00:58:27,895
I had a clear choice
of extracurricular activities,
1003
00:58:27,939 --> 00:58:31,029
be an anachronism,
spend time in old movies,
1004
00:58:31,072 --> 00:58:33,945
listen to jazz,
live at the library
1005
00:58:33,988 --> 00:58:39,037
or give blow jobs to the doped
up future actuaries of America.
1006
00:58:39,080 --> 00:58:40,865
Oh. [chuckles]
1007
00:58:40,908 --> 00:58:42,823
[Hector]
What's an actuary?
1008
00:58:42,867 --> 00:58:44,738
So I went to classes
most of the day
1009
00:58:44,782 --> 00:58:47,480
and lived at the town
library most of the night.
1010
00:58:48,960 --> 00:58:51,005
Are you sure you don't want
to buy a swimming pool?
1011
00:58:51,049 --> 00:58:52,833
It's a great investment.
1012
00:58:55,053 --> 00:58:58,012
Well, I got fixated
on Samuel Johnson.
1013
00:58:59,013 --> 00:59:00,493
First, I read Boswell.
1014
00:59:00,537 --> 00:59:02,843
Then, I read Johnson.
1015
00:59:02,887 --> 00:59:04,715
The lives of the poets,
1016
00:59:04,758 --> 00:59:07,631
the prose, the poems,
the best of which is
1017
00:59:07,674 --> 00:59:10,155
- The Vanity of Human Wishes.
- The Vanity of Human Wishes.
1018
00:59:10,198 --> 00:59:11,548
"When a man
is tired of London--"
1019
00:59:11,591 --> 00:59:14,246
"He is tired of life."
1020
00:59:14,289 --> 00:59:17,858
"He's not a patron,
my Lord,
1021
00:59:17,902 --> 00:59:21,035
one who looks
with unconcern
1022
00:59:21,079 --> 00:59:25,126
on a man struggling
for life in the water."
1023
00:59:25,170 --> 00:59:29,000
"And when he's reached the
ground encumbers him with hope."
1024
00:59:30,305 --> 00:59:31,829
[Hector] Brilliant.
1025
00:59:34,266 --> 00:59:36,442
What brought you
to Dr. Johnson?
1026
00:59:36,485 --> 00:59:39,663
His devotion
to the power of reason.
1027
00:59:39,706 --> 00:59:41,403
He wasn't a romantic.
1028
00:59:41,447 --> 00:59:43,797
Romantics ruin the world.
1029
00:59:43,841 --> 00:59:46,321
And of course,
he was always right.
1030
00:59:46,365 --> 00:59:49,498
You're more
than an anachronism.
1031
00:59:50,587 --> 00:59:52,414
You show real value.
1032
00:59:52,458 --> 00:59:53,590
[chuckles]
1033
00:59:54,939 --> 00:59:57,942
Not like that monster
over there.
1034
00:59:57,985 --> 00:59:59,857
- Lapham?
- You know him?
1035
00:59:59,900 --> 01:00:04,905
No, I don't know anyone
who's even seen him.
1036
01:00:04,949 --> 01:00:08,387
He's a ghost like you.
1037
01:00:13,087 --> 01:00:14,828
What do you
know about me?
1038
01:00:16,264 --> 01:00:18,832
What I see,
what others say,
1039
01:00:18,876 --> 01:00:22,096
but mainly what I see,
1040
01:00:22,140 --> 01:00:25,317
a man who has whittled
his life to too fine a point,
1041
01:00:25,360 --> 01:00:26,971
too brittle.
1042
01:00:28,494 --> 01:00:31,279
He doesn't write anymore.
1043
01:00:31,323 --> 01:00:34,892
Now he's reduced
to the stupidity of a sage.
1044
01:00:44,075 --> 01:00:46,730
Towering in
the confidence of 21.
1045
01:00:46,773 --> 01:00:49,863
[chuckles] Do you have
an answer for everything?
1046
01:00:50,864 --> 01:00:51,865
Yes.
1047
01:00:57,566 --> 01:00:59,220
Look, I don't want
to fight with you.
1048
01:01:00,526 --> 01:01:03,094
There's something wrong
with quarreling
1049
01:01:03,137 --> 01:01:05,139
when we're speaking
of the person we both admire.
1050
01:01:08,665 --> 01:01:11,580
- Well, how about it?
- Nope.
1051
01:01:11,624 --> 01:01:13,321
- Three easy installments.
- Nope.
1052
01:01:13,365 --> 01:01:15,628
- Come on, be a sport.
- Nope.
1053
01:01:15,672 --> 01:01:17,761
- Miss Polite said
that you would--
- What did you say?
1054
01:01:19,458 --> 01:01:20,459
Miss Polite said?
1055
01:01:22,330 --> 01:01:24,332
Miss Polite said?
1056
01:01:29,642 --> 01:01:31,949
Well, young Dr. Johnson,
1057
01:01:33,820 --> 01:01:36,518
what did Ms. Polite say?
1058
01:01:36,562 --> 01:01:39,565
When you sell your papa's
swimming pools, darling,
1059
01:01:39,608 --> 01:01:41,219
do you know
what you're selling?
1060
01:01:41,262 --> 01:01:43,134
You're selling real estate.
1061
01:01:43,177 --> 01:01:46,224
Now I already have a pool
so you'll make no sale with me,
1062
01:01:46,267 --> 01:01:49,793
but tell you what,
you sell a pool to Harry March,
1063
01:01:49,836 --> 01:01:52,752
that nutcase writer
on that island over there,
1064
01:01:52,796 --> 01:01:56,974
you sell Mr. March a pool and
I'll pay you for an extra one,
1065
01:01:57,017 --> 01:01:59,846
one for the price of two.
1066
01:01:59,890 --> 01:02:04,372
And just why did Miss Polite
say she wanted me to buy
a swimming pool?
1067
01:02:04,416 --> 01:02:06,984
Because a swimming pool
will do two things
1068
01:02:07,027 --> 01:02:08,855
for the estimable
Mr. March.
1069
01:02:08,899 --> 01:02:12,859
It'll make his property more
valuable, thus more sellable.
1070
01:02:12,903 --> 01:02:15,819
And as soon as he buys it
from you, he'll hate it,
1071
01:02:15,862 --> 01:02:19,344
which is when he'll sell
his island to me.
1072
01:02:19,387 --> 01:02:23,217
Just when I thought
I'd met one incorruptible soul.
1073
01:02:23,261 --> 01:02:26,612
- Dr. Johnson--
- Would've done
the same thing.
1074
01:02:26,655 --> 01:02:28,962
He was poor like me.
1075
01:02:31,660 --> 01:02:35,099
He wouldn't have sold his
principles for a swimming pool.
1076
01:02:40,452 --> 01:02:43,194
You never know
what poor people will do.
1077
01:02:43,237 --> 01:02:46,066
♪♪
1078
01:03:04,128 --> 01:03:05,869
Are you coming back?
1079
01:03:07,566 --> 01:03:09,176
Are you buying a pool?
1080
01:03:10,743 --> 01:03:13,964
By the way, you're not
an 18th century man.
1081
01:03:15,400 --> 01:03:17,837
I thought
you'd like to know.
1082
01:03:18,882 --> 01:03:20,622
What do you mean?
1083
01:03:23,538 --> 01:03:24,975
You're a romantic.
1084
01:03:26,411 --> 01:03:28,500
You live on an island.
1085
01:03:28,543 --> 01:03:31,329
You create
your own ideal world.
1086
01:03:31,372 --> 01:03:33,287
You despise
or ignore the real world.
1087
01:03:33,331 --> 01:03:37,335
You belittle life as it is
1088
01:03:37,378 --> 01:03:39,076
and you feel
superior to others.
1089
01:03:40,773 --> 01:03:42,557
What do you suppose
that makes you?
1090
01:03:53,742 --> 01:03:55,005
Lonely.
1091
01:04:20,987 --> 01:04:22,467
[Hector] Harry!
1092
01:04:32,738 --> 01:04:34,479
[sighs]
1093
01:04:34,522 --> 01:04:37,308
- I don't see any horse hair.
- No horse hair.
1094
01:04:39,527 --> 01:04:42,095
[Hector] Well, at least you
knocked down half the house.
1095
01:04:42,139 --> 01:04:44,315
I mean it wasn't
a total loss.
1096
01:04:47,187 --> 01:04:48,493
I'm outta here.
1097
01:04:49,537 --> 01:04:50,930
[Kevin] Harry!
1098
01:04:55,195 --> 01:04:56,414
[hammer thuds on floor]
1099
01:05:05,989 --> 01:05:08,295
[distant thunderclap]
1100
01:05:08,339 --> 01:05:10,950
- Harry!
- [Harry groans]
1101
01:05:20,525 --> 01:05:22,701
Lot of banging going on
in there. You all right?
1102
01:05:24,050 --> 01:05:25,660
You okay?
1103
01:05:25,704 --> 01:05:28,446
How's Jack doing?
1104
01:05:28,489 --> 01:05:31,492
[sighs] You know Jack's 17,
he's sensitive.
1105
01:05:31,536 --> 01:05:33,233
Don't change
the subject, Harry.
1106
01:05:33,277 --> 01:05:35,061
What's going on?
You look like shit.
1107
01:05:36,497 --> 01:05:38,456
You're acting crazy.
You're talking to Hector.
1108
01:05:40,110 --> 01:05:42,025
You're lucky
he's not talking back to you.
1109
01:05:42,068 --> 01:05:43,635
[Hector] If he only knew.
1110
01:05:43,678 --> 01:05:44,810
[thunderclap]
1111
01:05:44,853 --> 01:05:46,246
You need to get
some help, Harry.
1112
01:05:46,290 --> 01:05:48,292
Like what?
1113
01:05:48,335 --> 01:05:50,685
Like therapy,
talk to someone,
1114
01:05:50,729 --> 01:05:53,253
you don't know
how to deal with people.
1115
01:05:53,297 --> 01:05:56,517
I would, I'd see a shrink
but I don't know how
to deal with people.
1116
01:05:56,561 --> 01:05:58,780
Hold on,
I'll be right back.
1117
01:06:02,306 --> 01:06:03,960
[Harry groans]
1118
01:06:08,747 --> 01:06:11,663
[Harry coughing]
1119
01:06:13,752 --> 01:06:15,145
Hey!
1120
01:06:19,584 --> 01:06:21,847
- What is this?
- It's a bribe.
1121
01:06:21,890 --> 01:06:25,329
I want you to stop working
on Lapham's house.
1122
01:06:25,372 --> 01:06:28,680
- [chuckles] That's good.
- I don't take bribes.
1123
01:06:28,723 --> 01:06:31,857
Well, it's for Jack,
it's for film school.
1124
01:06:31,900 --> 01:06:35,339
You think I don't hear the both
of you arguing every day?
1125
01:06:37,210 --> 01:06:39,299
Well, we'll figure it out,
I can't accept this.
1126
01:06:39,343 --> 01:06:42,433
I told you, it's not for you.
Tell Jack it's a loan.
1127
01:06:42,476 --> 01:06:45,610
He can pay me back with the
profits from his first movie,
1128
01:06:45,653 --> 01:06:48,917
which should be no higher
than the value of the loan,
1129
01:06:48,961 --> 01:06:52,269
that way we'll guarantee
it'll be an art house film.
1130
01:06:56,142 --> 01:07:00,146
- Harry--
- I gotta go, I'm busy,
very, very busy.
1131
01:07:04,368 --> 01:07:06,326
[typewriter keys typing]
1132
01:07:06,370 --> 01:07:08,285
♪♪
1133
01:07:11,331 --> 01:07:14,769
[narrator] With his plan
thwarted and all hope lost,
1134
01:07:14,813 --> 01:07:19,078
Harry March sat down
to finally write his speech.
1135
01:08:40,159 --> 01:08:41,813
Chloe?
1136
01:08:43,684 --> 01:08:46,470
Joel's doing the planning
for Lapham's party.
1137
01:08:46,513 --> 01:08:48,602
Of course he did.
1138
01:08:53,520 --> 01:08:54,913
We're not staying.
1139
01:08:59,831 --> 01:09:01,572
Nice to see you.
1140
01:09:01,615 --> 01:09:03,182
[Chloe] Nice to see you.
1141
01:09:12,060 --> 01:09:14,672
♪♪
1142
01:09:26,249 --> 01:09:29,208
[Damienal] What are you
standing here waiting for?
It's Charlie, is it?
1143
01:09:29,252 --> 01:09:31,732
John?
Are you a mute?
1144
01:09:31,776 --> 01:09:34,866
Who the hell did your tie?
It's just not acceptable.
1145
01:09:36,607 --> 01:09:39,175
[narrator]
But then he saw her.
1146
01:09:39,218 --> 01:09:43,004
"What would Dr. Johnson do,"
he thought to himself?
1147
01:09:43,048 --> 01:09:46,182
Would he sell out
his principles
for the greater good?
1148
01:09:49,054 --> 01:09:50,969
Hi, Wrinkles.
1149
01:09:51,012 --> 01:09:54,277
The Amberson girl
seemed to think so.
1150
01:09:55,452 --> 01:09:56,844
[whistles]
1151
01:10:19,693 --> 01:10:23,871
Uh, good evening,
sir. Uh... Here just...
1152
01:10:53,901 --> 01:10:56,513
Last chance, Wrinkles.
1153
01:10:58,036 --> 01:10:59,472
Going once,
1154
01:11:00,430 --> 01:11:02,258
going twice,
1155
01:11:03,607 --> 01:11:05,173
- Going--
- All right.
1156
01:11:06,740 --> 01:11:08,699
You can have the house.
1157
01:11:10,309 --> 01:11:11,963
And the island?
1158
01:11:12,006 --> 01:11:13,573
And the island.
1159
01:11:25,150 --> 01:11:28,066
♪♪
1160
01:11:39,773 --> 01:11:41,949
You won't sell it
to Lapham, will you?
1161
01:11:43,473 --> 01:11:44,778
I might.
1162
01:11:46,040 --> 01:11:47,955
He'll probably flatten it,
1163
01:11:47,999 --> 01:11:50,306
give himself
a lovely view.
1164
01:11:51,698 --> 01:11:54,484
He's quite
the conservationist, you know?
1165
01:11:57,095 --> 01:11:59,271
What if I deny
we made a deal?
1166
01:12:05,408 --> 01:12:08,411
State of the art, high tech.
1167
01:12:09,455 --> 01:12:10,761
[Harry] Bitch!
1168
01:12:13,154 --> 01:12:16,984
[narrator] Harry pulled out
the only tuxedo he owned.
1169
01:12:17,028 --> 01:12:19,465
On the night
when he lived the words
1170
01:12:19,509 --> 01:12:22,033
he so desperately
wanted to write,
1171
01:12:22,076 --> 01:12:25,993
he felt as he should
look his very best.
1172
01:12:26,037 --> 01:12:30,998
Also, just in case Chloe
was still mingling
at the Lapham's party
1173
01:12:31,042 --> 01:12:33,000
or if he should make
the front page
1174
01:12:33,044 --> 01:12:35,394
of the local
Southampton press
1175
01:12:35,438 --> 01:12:38,832
his old blue shirt
wouldn't suffice.
1176
01:12:44,316 --> 01:12:45,752
[Hector]
Ladies and gentlemen,
1177
01:12:47,232 --> 01:12:49,321
Mr. Fred Astaire.
1178
01:12:54,674 --> 01:12:57,155
[typewriter keys typing]
1179
01:12:59,723 --> 01:13:03,161
[thunder clapping]
1180
01:13:26,489 --> 01:13:28,534
[groans]
1181
01:13:28,578 --> 01:13:30,971
Much obliged, Miss Polite.
1182
01:13:35,454 --> 01:13:38,805
[wood creaking]
1183
01:13:43,114 --> 01:13:44,811
Here we go.
1184
01:14:55,142 --> 01:14:58,189
[Hector] How do you know
you won't hit the party tent?
1185
01:14:59,625 --> 01:15:02,672
'Cause... I know.
1186
01:15:02,715 --> 01:15:05,239
[Hector]
Oh, that's a relief.
1187
01:15:11,768 --> 01:15:14,118
[machine whirring]
1188
01:15:17,034 --> 01:15:19,384
[machine beeping]
1189
01:15:32,789 --> 01:15:34,530
Uh oh.
1190
01:15:36,706 --> 01:15:39,709
[narrator]
Harry looked on in disbelief.
1191
01:15:39,752 --> 01:15:41,493
His plan was perfect.
1192
01:15:41,537 --> 01:15:44,104
How could
this have happened?
1193
01:15:44,148 --> 01:15:46,106
What could
have gone wrong?
1194
01:15:48,979 --> 01:15:52,025
"Horse hair,"
he muttered to himself.
1195
01:16:03,080 --> 01:16:05,082
[Hector] Put me down!
Put me down!
1196
01:16:05,125 --> 01:16:07,214
I'm trying
to save your life.
1197
01:16:07,258 --> 01:16:08,999
[Hector] The Lord
will look after me.
1198
01:16:09,042 --> 01:16:10,566
He's busy.
1199
01:16:12,742 --> 01:16:14,918
[Hector] Well,
I hope you're satisfied.
1200
01:16:19,662 --> 01:16:21,620
Harry,
aren't you coming with?
1201
01:16:23,927 --> 01:16:26,582
[thunderclap]
1202
01:16:28,975 --> 01:16:33,458
[Harry] I take this post mortem
opportunity nevertheless
1203
01:16:33,501 --> 01:16:36,679
to tell you about the lecture
I could not deliver in person.
1204
01:16:39,159 --> 01:16:42,162
My lecture was
to be about Lapham,
1205
01:16:42,206 --> 01:16:47,037
my sordidly ambitious,
absurdly self-important,
1206
01:16:47,080 --> 01:16:51,824
ears splittingly, noise making,
unwanted neighbor, Lapham.
1207
01:16:52,912 --> 01:16:54,435
For anything
you want to know
1208
01:16:54,479 --> 01:16:57,961
about the destructive
witless 20th century,
1209
01:16:58,004 --> 01:16:59,789
you may look to Lapham.
1210
01:17:01,312 --> 01:17:03,314
But here comes
the sad part of my lecture,
1211
01:17:03,357 --> 01:17:05,229
dear Chautauquins,
1212
01:17:05,272 --> 01:17:08,493
for I hoped to inform you
that against all odds,
1213
01:17:08,536 --> 01:17:10,321
I had defeated Lapham,
1214
01:17:10,364 --> 01:17:13,237
reversed his upward progress
1215
01:17:13,280 --> 01:17:16,675
or at the very least
slowed him down,
1216
01:17:16,719 --> 01:17:18,938
yet to my sorrow
and embarrassment
1217
01:17:18,982 --> 01:17:21,724
I must report
not my victory,
1218
01:17:21,767 --> 01:17:24,335
but rather his.
1219
01:17:24,378 --> 01:17:27,164
Mine was the vanity
of human wishes.
1220
01:17:34,737 --> 01:17:38,349
What lesson may I bring you,
my worthy Chautauquins?
1221
01:17:40,307 --> 01:17:42,701
The lesson is this,
1222
01:17:42,745 --> 01:17:45,312
the reason that Lapham
has won this time
1223
01:17:45,356 --> 01:17:48,664
and will win again
and will always win
1224
01:17:48,707 --> 01:17:50,622
is that you allow it.
1225
01:17:52,537 --> 01:17:57,237
You sit together,
but you do not stand together.
1226
01:17:57,281 --> 01:18:00,501
Rise up, Chautauquins.
1227
01:18:00,545 --> 01:18:05,724
Rise as Lapham
is rising and smite him.
1228
01:18:05,768 --> 01:18:08,988
Not with weapons,
they will fail, take it from me,
1229
01:18:09,032 --> 01:18:12,252
but rather with your books
1230
01:18:12,296 --> 01:18:14,864
and your songs
and your laughter.
1231
01:18:14,907 --> 01:18:18,258
Beat him back
with your modesty,
1232
01:18:18,302 --> 01:18:20,260
the knowledge of frailty,
1233
01:18:20,304 --> 01:18:23,394
that is to say
with your humanity,
1234
01:18:24,525 --> 01:18:27,180
or if you prefer
1235
01:18:27,224 --> 01:18:31,445
you all can go out and live
on your separate islands
1236
01:18:31,489 --> 01:18:35,711
and seethe
and fume and rant
1237
01:18:35,754 --> 01:18:38,235
and go nuts
in the company
1238
01:18:38,278 --> 01:18:41,978
of your sarcastic,
Bible-thumping dog.
1239
01:18:45,808 --> 01:18:47,287
It worked for me.
1240
01:18:49,725 --> 01:18:53,119
[thunderclap]
1241
01:19:10,615 --> 01:19:13,183
[people shouting]
1242
01:19:13,226 --> 01:19:17,100
Harry, Harry,
what are you doing?
1243
01:19:17,143 --> 01:19:19,537
What are you
doing, Harry?
1244
01:19:19,580 --> 01:19:21,974
Señor March, por favor.
1245
01:19:22,018 --> 01:19:23,759
For Christ's sake, Harry!
1246
01:19:28,241 --> 01:19:31,505
My...! My house!
1247
01:19:33,681 --> 01:19:35,727
My house!
1248
01:19:35,771 --> 01:19:38,817
Harry! Harry March!
1249
01:19:38,861 --> 01:19:41,211
You crook!
1250
01:19:41,254 --> 01:19:42,821
We had a deal!
1251
01:19:42,865 --> 01:19:44,431
♪♪
1252
01:19:44,475 --> 01:19:45,519
Harry!
1253
01:19:47,957 --> 01:19:51,482
Oh my! Oh my, my, my!
1254
01:19:51,525 --> 01:19:53,832
What have I done?
1255
01:19:53,876 --> 01:19:55,268
I've lowered the value
1256
01:19:55,312 --> 01:19:57,836
of Hamptons real estate.
1257
01:19:57,880 --> 01:20:00,012
If only I had
a swimming pool,
1258
01:20:00,056 --> 01:20:03,320
I could use the water
to put out the fire.
1259
01:20:11,328 --> 01:20:12,982
[Kathy] Oh, oh. [giggling]
1260
01:20:13,025 --> 01:20:15,898
Harry,
Mr. Lapham's here.
1261
01:20:15,941 --> 01:20:18,378
He's coming for you.
1262
01:20:18,422 --> 01:20:23,383
Oh, he's so excited his Tillis
Blowhard finally worked. Ha!
1263
01:20:23,427 --> 01:20:25,385
Isn't that wonderful?
1264
01:20:25,429 --> 01:20:28,388
[Damienal]
Mr. March, fear not.
1265
01:20:28,432 --> 01:20:32,784
Mr. Lapham is coming
to save you in his boat.
1266
01:20:33,785 --> 01:20:35,047
No!
1267
01:20:35,091 --> 01:20:36,701
[Damienal]
No, what do you mean no?
1268
01:20:36,744 --> 01:20:38,790
There's no need
to worry, sir.
1269
01:20:38,834 --> 01:20:42,185
Mr. Lapham has the best
powerboat in the world.
1270
01:20:42,228 --> 01:20:44,752
It has both gas
and jet engines and draws
only six inches of water
1271
01:20:44,796 --> 01:20:47,190
so don't
bloody tell me no.
1272
01:20:47,233 --> 01:20:49,409
and it costs $650,000.
1273
01:20:49,453 --> 01:20:53,065
You tell Mr. Lapham
to stay put!
1274
01:20:53,109 --> 01:20:56,590
I will not be rescued
by my destroyer!
1275
01:20:56,634 --> 01:21:00,290
Oh, come on Mr. March,
damn it, Harry.
You're being very provincial.
1276
01:21:00,333 --> 01:21:02,945
Get your head out of your--
Please get in the boat!
1277
01:21:03,859 --> 01:21:05,121
Mr. March.
1278
01:21:13,564 --> 01:21:15,609
[Hector barking]
1279
01:21:23,487 --> 01:21:26,229
[Hector]
Hey, Harry, I got help.
1280
01:21:26,272 --> 01:21:27,578
Isn't that great?
1281
01:21:28,448 --> 01:21:29,623
Hector,
1282
01:21:32,713 --> 01:21:34,541
you traitor.
1283
01:22:01,917 --> 01:22:04,223
[thunderclap]
1284
01:22:06,399 --> 01:22:10,490
[Lapham]
Wow, look at this place.
1285
01:22:12,492 --> 01:22:14,364
What a venue.
1286
01:22:14,407 --> 01:22:17,367
Name your price, sir.
1287
01:22:17,410 --> 01:22:21,719
[thunderclap]
1288
01:22:21,762 --> 01:22:24,504
What do you
call this place?
1289
01:22:28,682 --> 01:22:30,423
Noman.
1290
01:22:30,467 --> 01:22:31,772
[Lapham] Noman?
1291
01:22:33,209 --> 01:22:35,124
What's that?
1292
01:22:35,167 --> 01:22:37,778
♪♪
89580
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