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1
00:00:00,951 --> 00:00:02,885
Tomorrow's Big Trash Day,
2
00:00:02,887 --> 00:00:05,020
the garbage men's
favorite day of the year.
3
00:00:05,022 --> 00:00:08,490
But this is Big Trash Eve... my time,
4
00:00:08,492 --> 00:00:10,425
when the streets are lined with gold!
5
00:00:10,427 --> 00:00:12,160
Isn't all this stuff broken?
6
00:00:12,162 --> 00:00:15,164
What's broken about a mirrored
headboard with a crack in it?
7
00:00:15,166 --> 00:00:16,565
A toilet with no seat?
8
00:00:16,567 --> 00:00:18,033
Most of a hose?
9
00:00:18,035 --> 00:00:20,569
Ooh! What's that?
10
00:00:20,571 --> 00:00:23,172
This might be the last big TV.
11
00:00:23,174 --> 00:00:24,439
It's so deep.
12
00:00:24,441 --> 00:00:27,176
I have to get this home it's so deep.
13
00:00:27,178 --> 00:00:29,177
[GRUNTING]
14
00:00:29,179 --> 00:00:30,645
So heavy.
15
00:00:30,647 --> 00:00:32,781
So splintery.
16
00:00:32,783 --> 00:00:35,518
All the weight is distributed so oddly.
17
00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:36,919
This, I like.
18
00:00:36,921 --> 00:00:39,454
This speaks to me.
19
00:00:39,456 --> 00:00:41,524
Mm. Nice, loud springs.
20
00:00:41,526 --> 00:00:44,059
Baby lambs on a soiled comforter.
21
00:00:44,061 --> 00:00:45,895
And hello!
22
00:00:47,998 --> 00:00:49,464
Dare I?
23
00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:51,133
- [SQUISH]
- Perfect fit!
24
00:00:51,135 --> 00:00:52,801
Stan, you can finally take me back
25
00:00:52,803 --> 00:00:55,270
to The Green Burrito
without having to worry.
26
00:00:55,272 --> 00:00:57,005
Ugh. Green Burrito.
27
00:00:57,007 --> 00:00:58,007
No, thank you.
28
00:00:58,409 --> 00:01:00,876
♪♪
29
00:01:01,197 --> 00:01:03,966
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
30
00:01:04,001 --> 00:01:07,216
♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
31
00:01:07,218 --> 00:01:10,419
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
32
00:01:10,421 --> 00:01:14,957
♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
33
00:01:16,761 --> 00:01:20,028
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
34
00:01:20,030 --> 00:01:22,897
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
35
00:01:22,899 --> 00:01:23,966
Aah!
36
00:01:25,169 --> 00:01:27,736
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
37
00:01:29,506 --> 00:01:31,506
Daddy's home with street treasures.
38
00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:33,442
No. No more trash.
39
00:01:33,444 --> 00:01:35,644
This stuff isn't trash...
unless you think
40
00:01:35,646 --> 00:01:39,181
a brand-new-to-us dehumidifier is trash.
41
00:01:39,183 --> 00:01:40,783
It is trash.
42
00:01:40,785 --> 00:01:42,651
That's outrageous.
43
00:01:42,653 --> 00:01:44,920
Well, what about an electric fondue pot?
44
00:01:44,922 --> 00:01:48,323
Splice a few wires,
bingo-bango, hot cheese on tap.
45
00:01:48,325 --> 00:01:49,658
I don't like fondue.
46
00:01:49,660 --> 00:01:52,194
That's outrageous.
47
00:01:52,196 --> 00:01:53,996
But what about this stunner?
48
00:01:53,998 --> 00:01:55,864
Some dirty-ass mattress?
49
00:01:55,866 --> 00:01:57,399
Stop being outrageous. Look.
50
00:01:57,401 --> 00:02:00,535
There's a beautiful
Spanish word painted on it.
51
00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:02,671
- _
- It's like a Diego Rivera painting.
52
00:02:02,673 --> 00:02:04,940
We don't want any of this stuff.
53
00:02:04,942 --> 00:02:08,277
Seems like you're all
missing the big picture.
54
00:02:08,279 --> 00:02:12,014
A beautiful 34-inch picture.
55
00:02:12,016 --> 00:02:14,082
They don't make 'em like this
anymore, gang.
56
00:02:14,084 --> 00:02:16,885
It's the new biggest piece
of furniture in the house.
57
00:02:16,887 --> 00:02:19,087
The couch has been put on notice.
58
00:02:19,089 --> 00:02:20,555
- Ohh.
- Aww.
59
00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:23,091
He's so cute.
60
00:02:23,093 --> 00:02:25,360
[SIGHS] He's a baby now?
61
00:02:25,362 --> 00:02:27,229
[COOING]
62
00:02:27,231 --> 00:02:29,999
Son of a bitch! He is cute!
63
00:02:31,902 --> 00:02:33,101
[ALL GASP]
64
00:02:33,103 --> 00:02:35,971
I will never let anything
bad happen to you.
65
00:02:35,973 --> 00:02:37,840
Okay, fun is fun, but I must insist
66
00:02:37,842 --> 00:02:39,908
that we now focus on the TV.
67
00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:42,777
That thing can't stay in here.
It could fall on the baby.
68
00:02:42,779 --> 00:02:45,614
Maybe it should fall on the baby.
69
00:02:50,254 --> 00:02:54,123
I'll never understand
the weight distribution.
70
00:02:58,295 --> 00:03:00,695
[SCOFFS] Fake baby.
71
00:03:00,697 --> 00:03:03,298
This TV is what's real... real fun.
72
00:03:03,300 --> 00:03:05,634
What's this smushed
into the cable input?
73
00:03:05,636 --> 00:03:07,436
Hmm. Dog shit.
74
00:03:07,438 --> 00:03:08,671
I'll use the antenna.
75
00:03:10,507 --> 00:03:11,840
What a blast.
76
00:03:11,842 --> 00:03:13,476
It's a party down here.
77
00:03:15,646 --> 00:03:17,446
Hmm. No signal.
78
00:03:17,448 --> 00:03:19,715
Let's try the old splits.
79
00:03:19,745 --> 00:03:21,250
Nothing.
80
00:03:21,252 --> 00:03:22,918
Do a little scissor kick.
81
00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:24,052
Side saddle?
82
00:03:24,054 --> 00:03:26,521
Nope. Now the one
people don't like to see,
83
00:03:26,523 --> 00:03:27,990
but sometimes it works.
84
00:03:27,992 --> 00:03:31,260
Both of them together straight up!
85
00:03:31,262 --> 00:03:32,327
Hmm.
86
00:03:32,329 --> 00:03:34,497
[YAWNS]
87
00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:38,333
Shh. Don't wake up the ba...
88
00:03:38,335 --> 00:03:40,869
[DOOR SLAMS, ROGER CRYING]
89
00:03:40,871 --> 00:03:43,606
Everyone's doing stupid stuff except me.
90
00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:52,214
[JAZZY PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
91
00:03:52,216 --> 00:03:57,486
♪♪
92
00:03:57,488 --> 00:04:01,211
♪♪
93
00:04:01,226 --> 00:04:02,826
_
94
00:04:02,827 --> 00:04:06,428
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGING]
95
00:04:06,430 --> 00:04:09,498
- _
- [ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
96
00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:10,833
Welcome, nighthawks.
97
00:04:10,835 --> 00:04:14,236
We've been expecting you.
98
00:04:14,238 --> 00:04:17,439
The hour's late,
but the party is just getting started.
99
00:04:17,441 --> 00:04:18,841
I'm Alistair Covax,
100
00:04:18,843 --> 00:04:23,178
your host for a sophisticated
little soiree with jazz,
101
00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:26,581
stimulating conversation,
beautiful ladies,
102
00:04:26,583 --> 00:04:29,051
and more jazz.
103
00:04:29,053 --> 00:04:30,385
Hmm.
104
00:04:30,387 --> 00:04:31,720
Look. It's Charlie,
105
00:04:31,722 --> 00:04:34,657
sincerely one of the best white,
non-union jazz pianists
106
00:04:34,659 --> 00:04:36,859
in the entire city... top five.
107
00:04:36,861 --> 00:04:40,195
Charlie, play some
of those notes you know I like.
108
00:04:40,197 --> 00:04:42,197
[JAZZY PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
109
00:04:42,199 --> 00:04:44,199
What is this show?
110
00:04:44,201 --> 00:04:45,334
[KEYPAD CLICKING]
111
00:04:45,336 --> 00:04:47,602
No results for Alistair Covax.
112
00:04:47,604 --> 00:04:49,472
"Nighthawks' Hideaway."
113
00:04:49,474 --> 00:04:52,607
Nothing. Why is there
no record of this show?
114
00:04:52,609 --> 00:04:54,076
I need answers.
115
00:04:54,078 --> 00:04:55,578
TV answers.
116
00:04:55,579 --> 00:04:56,679
_
117
00:04:56,947 --> 00:04:59,348
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS, TELEPHONE RINGING]
118
00:04:59,350 --> 00:05:02,617
The star's of "Hawaii Five-O"
are in a prank war!
119
00:05:02,619 --> 00:05:05,488
You think "Wheel of Fortune"
is on at 8:00?
120
00:05:05,490 --> 00:05:07,089
You're fired!
121
00:05:07,091 --> 00:05:09,492
- What, what, what?!
- I recently came into possession
122
00:05:09,494 --> 00:05:12,160
of a deep TV...
no need to congratulate me...
123
00:05:12,162 --> 00:05:16,031
and I saw a 1960s show called
"Nighthawks' Hideaway."
124
00:05:16,033 --> 00:05:17,632
There's no such show.
125
00:05:17,634 --> 00:05:19,568
There's never been such a show.
126
00:05:19,570 --> 00:05:22,304
But every few months, some lonely nutjob
127
00:05:22,306 --> 00:05:24,239
comes in asking about it.
128
00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:26,909
Oh, trust me. I am not a nutjob.
129
00:05:26,911 --> 00:05:28,577
Good. Good.
130
00:05:28,579 --> 00:05:31,046
Word is these nutjobs get together
131
00:05:31,048 --> 00:05:33,648
at the Ukrainian Cultural Center
132
00:05:33,650 --> 00:05:36,585
to talk about this show
that doesn't exist.
133
00:05:36,587 --> 00:05:38,053
Cultural Center, huh?
134
00:05:38,055 --> 00:05:39,855
I mean, I saw the show with my own eyes,
135
00:05:39,857 --> 00:05:42,324
but nutjobs like that make me sick.
136
00:05:42,326 --> 00:05:44,727
Me too, pal. You get it.
137
00:05:44,729 --> 00:05:46,729
Someone should round these nutjobs up,
138
00:05:46,731 --> 00:05:49,598
put them in a locked cage,
and just drop it in the sea.
139
00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:52,334
Well, I don't know about that.
140
00:05:52,336 --> 00:05:55,137
- ♪♪
- _
141
00:05:55,139 --> 00:05:57,573
Hopefully these people
can give me some answers.
142
00:05:59,410 --> 00:06:01,009
Hi, Stan!
143
00:06:01,011 --> 00:06:02,945
Sit. Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit.
144
00:06:02,947 --> 00:06:05,814
Uh...
145
00:06:05,816 --> 00:06:08,551
So, you've seen the show.
146
00:06:08,553 --> 00:06:10,685
Yeah. Strange there's no record of it.
147
00:06:10,687 --> 00:06:12,487
It gets stranger than that.
148
00:06:12,489 --> 00:06:13,956
There's only one episode,
149
00:06:13,958 --> 00:06:16,892
and it reruns over and over
and over on Channel 36.
150
00:06:16,894 --> 00:06:19,294
And get this. Come closer. Come closer.
151
00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:21,496
No, thank you.
152
00:06:21,498 --> 00:06:24,899
There's only one episode,
but it changes...
153
00:06:24,901 --> 00:06:28,170
Little things,
little differences in the show.
154
00:06:28,172 --> 00:06:29,572
I keep track of them.
155
00:06:29,574 --> 00:06:30,905
Where's everybody else?
156
00:06:30,907 --> 00:06:32,507
There used to be more people,
157
00:06:32,509 --> 00:06:34,843
but one by one, they stopped coming.
158
00:06:34,845 --> 00:06:37,112
It's so good to have you here, Stan.
159
00:06:37,114 --> 00:06:38,914
It's not just me anymore.
160
00:06:38,916 --> 00:06:41,183
It's you and me cracking the case
161
00:06:41,185 --> 00:06:42,918
of the "Nighthawks' Hideaway."
162
00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:45,921
We're the same now... two men obsessed.
163
00:06:45,923 --> 00:06:49,124
Ooh! It's like I'm looking in a mirror!
164
00:06:49,126 --> 00:06:50,493
No, thank you.
165
00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:55,798
Sometimes when the jazz is playing,
I like to do this.
166
00:06:57,001 --> 00:06:59,602
I move my chin just a little.
167
00:06:59,604 --> 00:07:01,870
[JAZZY PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
168
00:07:01,872 --> 00:07:04,206
This strange show.
169
00:07:04,208 --> 00:07:06,742
You stop bothering Stan!
170
00:07:06,786 --> 00:07:09,278
Is... Is that...
171
00:07:09,280 --> 00:07:11,546
It couldn't be.
172
00:07:11,548 --> 00:07:12,615
Tuttle?
173
00:07:12,617 --> 00:07:14,749
No. That's impossible.
174
00:07:14,751 --> 00:07:16,418
Wow! Great jazz!
175
00:07:16,420 --> 00:07:18,887
Shh. We're appreciating the jazz.
176
00:07:18,889 --> 00:07:21,657
Oh, this jazz is so good!
177
00:07:25,729 --> 00:07:28,196
COVAX: Let me ask you something, Stu.
178
00:07:28,198 --> 00:07:32,734
Two years in, are we any
better off with Hawaii a state?
179
00:07:32,736 --> 00:07:36,404
If the Ruskies got
control of that lava...
180
00:07:36,406 --> 00:07:37,873
game over.
181
00:07:37,875 --> 00:07:40,676
How can Tuttle be on this old show?
182
00:07:40,678 --> 00:07:42,278
[DOORBELL RINGS]
183
00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:44,813
Huh. No sign of Tuttle.
184
00:07:44,887 --> 00:07:47,483
But maybe...
185
00:07:47,485 --> 00:07:49,585
Every time.
186
00:07:55,559 --> 00:07:57,960
Ugh. What is that smell?
187
00:07:59,964 --> 00:08:02,764
[SNIFFS]
188
00:08:02,766 --> 00:08:05,567
They're both contributing.
189
00:08:05,569 --> 00:08:07,503
There's a beauty.
190
00:08:09,907 --> 00:08:12,308
"I must go in!"
191
00:08:15,913 --> 00:08:18,380
A shadow puppet theater of sorts.
192
00:08:18,382 --> 00:08:20,916
I wish I had time for
such childish games.
193
00:08:20,918 --> 00:08:22,685
Duck! Duck, duck!
194
00:08:25,323 --> 00:08:27,589
May I hold baby Roger?
195
00:08:27,591 --> 00:08:29,191
Make sure to support his head.
196
00:08:29,193 --> 00:08:31,059
Yeah, no shit.
197
00:08:31,061 --> 00:08:33,129
[COOING]
198
00:08:33,131 --> 00:08:35,597
You guys are not gonna
believe where Tuttle is.
199
00:08:35,599 --> 00:08:38,133
Come downstairs.
200
00:08:38,135 --> 00:08:39,868
I don't know why it's not coming in now.
201
00:08:39,870 --> 00:08:42,538
I saw him. Tuttle was inside the TV!
202
00:08:42,540 --> 00:08:46,742
Stan, you're down here by
yourself watching static.
203
00:08:46,744 --> 00:08:49,411
I can watch static upstairs.
204
00:08:49,413 --> 00:08:50,946
Why don't you come upstairs, Dad?
205
00:08:50,948 --> 00:08:53,149
Yeah, aren't you lonely down here?
206
00:08:53,151 --> 00:08:55,584
Lonely?! I have a TV!
207
00:08:57,821 --> 00:08:58,954
So itchy.
208
00:08:58,956 --> 00:09:01,757
Probably those fleece
pajamas I've been wearing.
209
00:09:01,759 --> 00:09:04,827
Tonight, I sleep on this mattress naked.
210
00:09:04,829 --> 00:09:06,562
Let me put it to you straight.
211
00:09:06,564 --> 00:09:11,233
Do you think the country
is becoming... feminized?
212
00:09:11,235 --> 00:09:13,902
I think that is you, Tuttle.
213
00:09:13,904 --> 00:09:16,304
But how? What did you figure out?
214
00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:19,241
Undoubtedly. The TV dial is overrun
215
00:09:19,243 --> 00:09:20,842
with the female agenda.
216
00:09:20,844 --> 00:09:23,379
And my new book, "I Loathe Lucy,"
217
00:09:23,381 --> 00:09:25,914
is about putting these
hysterical sapphos
218
00:09:25,916 --> 00:09:27,315
back in their box.
219
00:09:27,317 --> 00:09:29,117
A tremendous read.
220
00:09:29,119 --> 00:09:30,652
Shall we jazz?
221
00:09:30,654 --> 00:09:32,788
I thought you'd never ask.
222
00:09:32,790 --> 00:09:35,991
♪♪
223
00:09:35,993 --> 00:09:37,325
Welcome, nighthawks.
224
00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:39,728
We've been expecting you.
225
00:09:39,730 --> 00:09:42,731
The hour's late,
but the party is just getting started.
226
00:09:42,733 --> 00:09:45,734
Do you think the country
is becoming... feminized?
227
00:09:45,736 --> 00:09:47,335
Let me put it to you straight.
228
00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:49,237
Do you think the country is becoming...
229
00:09:49,339 --> 00:09:50,672
Do you think the country is becoming...
230
00:09:50,674 --> 00:09:54,009
Do you think the country
is becoming... feminized?
231
00:09:54,011 --> 00:09:55,511
Do you think the country is becoming...
232
00:09:55,613 --> 00:09:57,546
Do you think the country is becoming...
233
00:09:57,548 --> 00:09:59,815
Do you think the country
is becoming... feminized?
234
00:09:59,817 --> 00:10:02,818
- Undoubtedly. The TV dial is overrun...
- Look. It's Charlie.
235
00:10:02,820 --> 00:10:04,820
- ...with the female agenda.
- Welcome, nighthawks.
236
00:10:04,822 --> 00:10:07,089
And my new book, "I Loathe Lucy,"
237
00:10:07,091 --> 00:10:08,757
is about putting these
hysterical sapphos...
238
00:10:08,759 --> 00:10:10,492
- A tremendous read.
- ...back in their box.
239
00:10:10,494 --> 00:10:12,494
Shall we jazz?
240
00:10:12,496 --> 00:10:17,165
♪♪
241
00:10:17,167 --> 00:10:19,034
[ROGER CRYING, DOOR OPENS]
242
00:10:19,036 --> 00:10:20,236
[DOOR OPENS]
243
00:10:20,238 --> 00:10:21,703
STEVE: What are you doing, Mom?!
244
00:10:21,705 --> 00:10:23,505
We said we'd check on
him every 10 minutes!
245
00:10:23,507 --> 00:10:24,706
It's only been 3!
246
00:10:24,708 --> 00:10:26,242
FRANCINE: Sleep training is cruel.
247
00:10:26,244 --> 00:10:27,643
- I want to pick him up!
- [DOOR OPENS]
248
00:10:27,645 --> 00:10:29,511
HAYLEY: You're both wrong.
We need to give...
249
00:10:29,513 --> 00:10:32,248
- We're not giving him weed!
- It's a micro-dose
250
00:10:32,250 --> 00:10:33,982
- to help him sleep.
- [DOOR OPENS]
251
00:10:33,984 --> 00:10:36,852
KLAUS: We need to get in there!
He's afraid of the dark!
252
00:10:36,854 --> 00:10:39,255
COVAX: Oh. Leaving so soon?
253
00:10:39,257 --> 00:10:40,989
Well, our party keeps going.
254
00:10:40,991 --> 00:10:44,526
So, if it gets lonely out
there in the wee, small hours,
255
00:10:44,528 --> 00:10:46,528
remember, nighthawks,
256
00:10:46,530 --> 00:10:49,265
you always have a friend
here at the Hideaway.
257
00:10:49,267 --> 00:10:50,866
♪♪
258
00:10:50,868 --> 00:10:52,067
[STATIC]
259
00:10:52,069 --> 00:10:53,736
There must be something I missed.
260
00:10:55,139 --> 00:11:02,544
♪♪
261
00:11:02,546 --> 00:11:04,146
[GRUNTS]
262
00:11:04,148 --> 00:11:06,949
♪♪
263
00:11:06,951 --> 00:11:08,750
[GASPS]
264
00:11:08,752 --> 00:11:10,085
Hmm.
265
00:11:10,087 --> 00:11:11,620
Cannonball!
266
00:11:11,622 --> 00:11:13,221
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
267
00:11:13,223 --> 00:11:15,491
[JAZZY PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
268
00:11:15,493 --> 00:11:18,026
Welcome, nighthawk.
269
00:11:18,028 --> 00:11:20,096
We've been expecting you.
270
00:11:20,098 --> 00:11:21,897
I'm in the TV!
271
00:11:21,899 --> 00:11:24,032
I'm so relieved I'm not crazy!
272
00:11:24,034 --> 00:11:26,702
It was just a magic TV, that's all.
273
00:11:26,704 --> 00:11:29,771
Yes, please.
274
00:11:29,773 --> 00:11:32,508
Charlie, play some
of those notes you know I like.
275
00:11:32,510 --> 00:11:35,243
What the hell is that floating light?
276
00:11:35,245 --> 00:11:37,245
Tuttle!
277
00:11:37,247 --> 00:11:39,114
Stan?
278
00:11:39,116 --> 00:11:40,649
I remember you.
279
00:11:40,651 --> 00:11:42,250
Of course. You remember me.
I'm... I'm like
280
00:11:42,252 --> 00:11:46,054
- your all-time favorite person.
- Oh, it's the rerunning.
281
00:11:46,056 --> 00:11:47,389
We just keep rerunning.
282
00:11:47,391 --> 00:11:48,790
I remember less each time.
283
00:11:48,792 --> 00:11:50,859
I'm forgetting my life, Sam!
284
00:11:50,861 --> 00:11:52,728
Tuttle, relax. You don't like it here,
285
00:11:52,730 --> 00:11:54,596
- let's just go.
- We can't.
286
00:11:54,598 --> 00:11:56,598
We're trapped here forever.
287
00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:59,335
Ooh. Does forever include this weekend?
288
00:11:59,337 --> 00:12:01,403
'Cause the BET Awards are on.
289
00:12:01,405 --> 00:12:03,138
YOUNG MAN: BET Awards?
290
00:12:03,140 --> 00:12:04,673
I remember those.
291
00:12:04,675 --> 00:12:06,475
Those are from the future.
292
00:12:06,477 --> 00:12:07,876
I need to get back to the future.
293
00:12:07,878 --> 00:12:10,278
[GASPS] "Back to the Future"!
294
00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:12,080
I love that movie!
295
00:12:12,082 --> 00:12:13,415
And Michael J. Fox!
296
00:12:13,417 --> 00:12:14,750
He was so great!
297
00:12:14,752 --> 00:12:18,220
Then [GASPS] that thing happened to him.
298
00:12:18,222 --> 00:12:20,022
Oh, then the Towers.
299
00:12:20,024 --> 00:12:22,758
Then that pretty good
Denis Leary firemen show.
300
00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:25,627
I need to get back to my time!
301
00:12:25,629 --> 00:12:28,163
It's not lighting up.
It's not lighting up!
302
00:12:28,165 --> 00:12:30,098
Oh, boy.
303
00:12:30,100 --> 00:12:32,234
He'll pay for that at commercial time.
304
00:12:32,236 --> 00:12:33,769
What happens at commercial?
305
00:12:33,771 --> 00:12:37,172
TECHNICAL DIRECTOR:
And we're clear to commercial.
306
00:12:37,174 --> 00:12:40,376
- [COVAX SNARLING, ROARING]
- YOUNG MAN: No! Please don't! Don't eat me!
307
00:12:40,378 --> 00:12:41,710
- STAN: Yuh-oh.
- No!
308
00:12:41,712 --> 00:12:44,513
- No-o-o-o!!
- Oh, boy.
309
00:12:44,515 --> 00:12:46,048
- Sounds bad.
- [PEOPLE WHIMPERING, MURMURING]
310
00:12:46,050 --> 00:12:48,784
TECHNICAL DIRECTOR: We're on in 3, 2...
311
00:12:48,786 --> 00:12:51,319
[JAZZY PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
312
00:12:51,321 --> 00:12:53,389
Oh, God. He's gone.
313
00:12:53,391 --> 00:12:55,591
It's a good thing I'm
clearly irreplaceable
314
00:12:55,593 --> 00:12:57,026
and integral to the show.
315
00:12:59,463 --> 00:13:02,964
[SLOW PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
316
00:13:02,966 --> 00:13:06,635
♪♪
317
00:13:06,637 --> 00:13:10,639
Charlie, now how about
something a little harder?
318
00:13:10,641 --> 00:13:14,710
Here's a rowdy little number called
"Volcano Blast Freakout."
319
00:13:14,712 --> 00:13:18,447
[SLOW PIANO MUSIC CONTINUES]
320
00:13:18,449 --> 00:13:20,449
Hot, hot, hot.
321
00:13:20,451 --> 00:13:22,918
Did you hear that guy say,
"Don't eat me"?
322
00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:24,986
That makes me think Alistair ate him.
323
00:13:24,988 --> 00:13:28,323
He doesn't like it when
people mess up his show.
324
00:13:28,325 --> 00:13:30,659
You having a nice time, Stan?
325
00:13:30,661 --> 00:13:33,128
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] You know my name.
That's cool!
326
00:13:33,130 --> 00:13:34,529
Hey, what is this place?
327
00:13:34,531 --> 00:13:37,933
This is a party, baby,
and parties are fun.
328
00:13:37,935 --> 00:13:41,937
So when the camera's on,
you will make nice conversation,
329
00:13:41,939 --> 00:13:43,939
you will keep a drink in hand,
330
00:13:43,941 --> 00:13:46,876
and you will listen to and love
331
00:13:46,878 --> 00:13:50,412
every bit of jazz you hear.
332
00:13:50,414 --> 00:13:52,347
But I like swamp rock.
333
00:13:52,349 --> 00:13:54,283
- No.
- What if we want to leave?
334
00:13:54,285 --> 00:13:55,885
Leave? Why?
335
00:13:55,887 --> 00:13:57,486
You're with other nighthawks,
336
00:13:57,488 --> 00:14:00,722
solo creatures who
enjoy mature pleasures.
337
00:14:00,749 --> 00:14:02,224
Face it, Stan.
338
00:14:02,272 --> 00:14:04,560
- You're a sensualist.
- I know.
339
00:14:04,562 --> 00:14:06,095
But I have a family.
340
00:14:06,097 --> 00:14:07,897
Do you, now?
341
00:14:07,899 --> 00:14:09,030
Yeah, I do.
342
00:14:09,032 --> 00:14:11,767
It's just hard to remember their names.
343
00:14:11,769 --> 00:14:14,836
I told you. I told you.
344
00:14:14,838 --> 00:14:16,838
Francine, Hayley, Steve, Klaus,
345
00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:18,440
Roger. Good, good.
346
00:14:18,442 --> 00:14:20,175
Come on, Tuttle. We can't forget.
347
00:14:20,177 --> 00:14:22,644
I can't remember my family.
348
00:14:22,646 --> 00:14:24,513
- You don't have one.
- Oh.
349
00:14:24,515 --> 00:14:27,449
Don't worry. I still have my family.
350
00:14:27,451 --> 00:14:29,318
- _
- We got to get out of here.
351
00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:31,520
But how? You saw that guy.
352
00:14:31,522 --> 00:14:34,590
We can't call the elevator.
353
00:14:34,592 --> 00:14:36,992
Maybe we don't have to.
354
00:14:36,994 --> 00:14:38,727
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGING]
355
00:14:38,729 --> 00:14:40,996
[JAZZY PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
356
00:14:40,998 --> 00:14:44,065
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
357
00:14:44,067 --> 00:14:45,400
- Welcome...
- Pardon. Pardon. Excuse me.
358
00:14:45,402 --> 00:14:47,669
- Excuse me. Excuse me.
- I'm with him.
359
00:14:47,671 --> 00:14:55,477
♪♪
360
00:14:55,479 --> 00:15:03,285
♪♪
361
00:15:03,287 --> 00:15:05,454
I think we got away!
362
00:15:08,425 --> 00:15:11,160
- It's all fake!
- Let's try the soup.
363
00:15:11,162 --> 00:15:13,895
That's how you can tell
if it's a real diner.
364
00:15:13,897 --> 00:15:15,497
We're still on the show.
365
00:15:15,499 --> 00:15:18,634
Stan, look! The tree!
366
00:15:18,636 --> 00:15:21,436
Follow the color!
367
00:15:21,438 --> 00:15:22,638
This is the way home!
368
00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:26,375
Langley Falls, here we come!
369
00:15:26,377 --> 00:15:28,177
And maybe there was something appealing
370
00:15:28,179 --> 00:15:29,645
about that bachelor vibe.
371
00:15:29,647 --> 00:15:32,581
Because, boy,
the family was driving me nuts.
372
00:15:32,583 --> 00:15:34,583
You wouldn't know what that's like,
but trust me.
373
00:15:34,585 --> 00:15:37,252
I pretend my fingers are my family...
374
00:15:37,254 --> 00:15:39,254
Mama Thumb always nagging,
375
00:15:39,256 --> 00:15:41,857
Uncle Index with the corny jokes.
376
00:15:41,859 --> 00:15:43,325
What can I say?
377
00:15:43,327 --> 00:15:44,794
They're a handful!
378
00:15:44,796 --> 00:15:47,262
- [SWAMP ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
- STAN: ♪ I got Francine ♪
379
00:15:47,264 --> 00:15:48,730
♪ I got Steve ♪
380
00:15:48,732 --> 00:15:50,599
♪ Uh, I got Harley ♪
381
00:15:50,601 --> 00:15:52,934
♪ I got Clark, I want to say Bruce ♪
382
00:15:52,936 --> 00:15:55,937
- Take it, Tuttle!
- TUTTLE: ♪ I got no one ♪
383
00:15:55,939 --> 00:15:57,339
Take it, Stan!
384
00:15:57,341 --> 00:16:00,009
♪♪
385
00:16:00,011 --> 00:16:02,277
Welp, see you around the neighborhood,
Tuttle, old boy.
386
00:16:02,279 --> 00:16:05,481
Yeah. I should get going, too.
387
00:16:05,483 --> 00:16:07,416
Oh, yeah. You have nobody.
388
00:16:07,418 --> 00:16:08,950
Turn off the car, you idiot.
389
00:16:08,952 --> 00:16:11,286
You're coming inside,
you big, fat idiot.
390
00:16:11,288 --> 00:16:12,621
[GASPS] You mean it?
391
00:16:12,623 --> 00:16:14,690
Yeah. You live with me now.
392
00:16:14,692 --> 00:16:16,625
I'll convert the shed
into a room for you.
393
00:16:16,627 --> 00:16:19,761
- I won't insulate it.
- Stan, I have a house.
394
00:16:19,763 --> 00:16:22,097
It's nothing. You'll sleep
on some old car batteries.
395
00:16:22,099 --> 00:16:23,565
I won't hear another word.
396
00:16:23,567 --> 00:16:25,634
Now come watch me hug my family.
397
00:16:25,636 --> 00:16:27,969
Beloved ones, I'm home!
398
00:16:28,171 --> 00:16:30,305
[JAZZY PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
399
00:16:30,307 --> 00:16:32,041
Welcome back, nighthawks.
400
00:16:32,043 --> 00:16:33,909
We've been expecting you.
401
00:16:33,911 --> 00:16:38,780
♪♪
402
00:16:38,782 --> 00:16:42,251
Oh, no. I'm gonna forget them forever.
403
00:16:42,253 --> 00:16:50,125
♪♪
404
00:16:50,127 --> 00:16:57,999
♪♪
405
00:16:58,001 --> 00:17:05,741
♪♪
406
00:17:05,743 --> 00:17:08,477
Have you heard the new hi-fi's
with the quadraphonic sound?
407
00:17:08,479 --> 00:17:11,413
They're really the best
for listening to jazz.
408
00:17:11,415 --> 00:17:14,616
It sounds like,
"Skeedle-dee-deep-do-bop-do-bop,
409
00:17:14,618 --> 00:17:18,954
scoop-doop, sly-gar,
flarga-marga, smee-boo."
410
00:17:18,956 --> 00:17:21,090
A man can't be himself in the kitchen.
411
00:17:21,092 --> 00:17:23,158
It's not his domain.
412
00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:27,429
But what about when he gets hungry,
and she’s not there?
413
00:17:27,431 --> 00:17:30,699
Well, the space-age wet bar of tomorrow
414
00:17:30,701 --> 00:17:32,902
can satisfy his hunger.
415
00:17:32,904 --> 00:17:35,771
A Rumaki-Maker-Matic, folks.
416
00:17:35,773 --> 00:17:38,974
Just plug it in,
load the hopper with chicken liver,
417
00:17:38,976 --> 00:17:42,043
and within minutes,
nuclear-hot hors d'oeuvres
418
00:17:42,045 --> 00:17:43,378
plop out all over
419
00:17:43,380 --> 00:17:46,782
this green tray that
looks like a cabbage.
420
00:17:46,784 --> 00:17:49,318
- Ah!
- Ooh!
421
00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:51,320
Now, picture it. It's 11:15.
422
00:17:51,322 --> 00:17:52,988
You're at the Sands.
423
00:17:52,990 --> 00:17:56,725
Frank Sinatra's overflow girls
are starting to get hungry.
424
00:17:56,727 --> 00:17:59,328
They say they want melted
cheese and lots of it.
425
00:17:59,330 --> 00:18:02,063
Time for fondue.
426
00:18:02,065 --> 00:18:03,198
Fondue.
427
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:04,866
With an electric fondue set,
428
00:18:04,868 --> 00:18:06,868
it's fast, it's easy and clean,
429
00:18:06,870 --> 00:18:09,004
and lets you eat more cheese
430
00:18:09,006 --> 00:18:11,473
more quickly than ever before.
431
00:18:11,475 --> 00:18:13,408
Fondue! Fondue.
432
00:18:13,410 --> 00:18:14,876
Electric fondue!
433
00:18:14,878 --> 00:18:17,012
Bingo-bango, hot cheese on tap!
434
00:18:17,014 --> 00:18:18,880
My wife! My wife, Fondue!
435
00:18:18,882 --> 00:18:20,682
No, Fondine. Francine!
436
00:18:20,684 --> 00:18:24,720
I remember Francine, and, oh,
how she loved her fondue!
437
00:18:24,722 --> 00:18:25,821
Tuttle! Wake up!
438
00:18:25,823 --> 00:18:27,756
- [SCREAMING]
- Francine!
439
00:18:27,758 --> 00:18:29,090
Hayley! Steve!
440
00:18:29,092 --> 00:18:31,226
Klaus! Roger!
441
00:18:31,228 --> 00:18:32,894
I'm not a nighthawk!
442
00:18:32,896 --> 00:18:34,830
I want my family!
443
00:18:36,900 --> 00:18:39,034
We're going to take a commercial break,
444
00:18:39,036 --> 00:18:42,371
and when we return,
I promise the party will be...
445
00:18:42,373 --> 00:18:44,439
back on track.
446
00:18:44,441 --> 00:18:45,574
Stan, are you okay?
447
00:18:45,576 --> 00:18:48,177
You're wearing the wall like a hat.
448
00:18:48,179 --> 00:18:49,645
Whoa.
449
00:18:49,647 --> 00:18:52,648
♪♪
450
00:18:52,650 --> 00:18:54,916
I came in through the static.
451
00:18:54,947 --> 00:18:56,918
This is the way out!
452
00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:59,455
♪♪
453
00:18:59,457 --> 00:19:01,923
TECHNICAL DIRECTOR:
And we're clear to commercial.
454
00:19:01,925 --> 00:19:05,126
♪♪
455
00:19:05,128 --> 00:19:06,795
[SNARLING]
456
00:19:06,797 --> 00:19:08,597
♪♪
457
00:19:08,599 --> 00:19:10,265
[CONTINUES SNARLING]
458
00:19:10,267 --> 00:19:19,875
♪♪
459
00:19:19,877 --> 00:19:23,078
[TAPPING]
460
00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:25,347
[GASPS]
461
00:19:25,349 --> 00:19:26,682
Let go of me, you monster!
462
00:19:26,684 --> 00:19:29,751
TUTTLE: Ow! Stan,
you're kicking my face!
463
00:19:29,753 --> 00:19:33,589
♪♪
464
00:19:33,643 --> 00:19:35,224
Oh! We're safe.
465
00:19:35,226 --> 00:19:36,291
He can't get past the...
466
00:19:36,293 --> 00:19:37,759
[COVAX ROARS]
467
00:19:37,761 --> 00:19:39,160
[BOTH SCREAM]
468
00:19:39,162 --> 00:19:41,163
[SCREAMING]
469
00:19:41,165 --> 00:19:44,166
♪♪
470
00:19:46,770 --> 00:19:49,472
[SINGSONG VOICE] Look what I did!
471
00:19:50,908 --> 00:19:52,174
Where the hell have you been?
472
00:19:52,176 --> 00:19:53,575
I almost went down there.
473
00:19:53,577 --> 00:19:56,045
Family! Oh, sweet family!
474
00:19:56,047 --> 00:19:58,447
I want you to know that
I haven't forgotten you,
475
00:19:58,449 --> 00:19:59,915
even if I came close.
476
00:19:59,917 --> 00:20:03,919
I'm here now, and I want to do
what you want to do.
477
00:20:03,921 --> 00:20:06,655
I want to raise this child.
478
00:20:06,657 --> 00:20:08,990
- Daddy's here.
- I'm not doing that anymore.
479
00:20:08,992 --> 00:20:10,059
- Thank God.
- [THUD]
480
00:20:10,061 --> 00:20:11,927
[BOTH GRUNTING]
481
00:20:11,929 --> 00:20:17,066
♪♪
482
00:20:17,068 --> 00:20:22,337
♪♪
483
00:20:22,339 --> 00:20:23,672
Poor bastard.
484
00:20:23,674 --> 00:20:25,941
Feels good to have
things back to normal.
485
00:20:25,943 --> 00:20:27,542
- Stan?
- Whaddup?
486
00:20:27,544 --> 00:20:32,281
Have you heard the new hi-fi's
with quadraphonic sound?
487
00:20:32,283 --> 00:20:34,083
They're the best hi-fi's for...
488
00:20:34,085 --> 00:20:36,351
- Ja-a-a-zz.
- Ja-a-a-zz.
489
00:20:36,353 --> 00:20:39,020
No. No! No!
490
00:20:39,022 --> 00:20:40,890
No-o-o-o!
491
00:20:40,892 --> 00:20:43,759
ANNOUNCER: That's right! "American Dad!"
is now a show that exists
492
00:20:43,761 --> 00:20:49,164
on TV in the basement of the family of
"American Dad!"
493
00:20:49,166 --> 00:20:50,900
Another great episode.
494
00:20:50,902 --> 00:20:53,702
So long, nighthawks.
495
00:20:53,704 --> 00:20:56,238
♪♪
496
00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:58,374
Bye! Have a beautiful time!
497
00:21:00,787 --> 00:21:02,801
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
34097
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