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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:04:11,718 --> 00:04:13,015 Thank God. 2 00:04:23,296 --> 00:04:25,696 So, you know, there's all this... 3 00:04:25,798 --> 00:04:27,493 excitement, you know. 4 00:04:27,567 --> 00:04:29,501 It's a new beginning, you know. 5 00:04:29,569 --> 00:04:31,662 I mean, there's this place where the two of you... 6 00:04:31,738 --> 00:04:35,572 are blissfully going to spend the rest of your lives. 7 00:04:35,675 --> 00:04:40,510 And then you pay the movers way too much. 8 00:04:40,580 --> 00:04:42,639 You know, and you look around, suddenly you realize... 9 00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:44,910 that this place is not as big or as bright or as clean... 10 00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:46,645 as you thought. 11 00:04:46,753 --> 00:04:47,879 And it's not a new beginning. 12 00:04:47,987 --> 00:04:50,387 It's just the same shit in a different location. 13 00:04:50,490 --> 00:04:51,422 Actually it's worse... 14 00:04:51,524 --> 00:04:53,014 because now you got to clean it all up... 15 00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:55,955 and make this blank, cluttered place into a home. 16 00:04:56,062 --> 00:04:57,552 Do you know what I mean? 17 00:05:00,767 --> 00:05:01,665 I'm sorry. Did you say something? 18 00:05:01,768 --> 00:05:03,065 I was zoning out there a little bit. 19 00:05:04,937 --> 00:05:06,063 Fuck you. 20 00:05:08,675 --> 00:05:09,733 Expecting someone? 21 00:05:09,842 --> 00:05:11,707 Jake's coming by. 22 00:05:11,778 --> 00:05:12,904 Is he still pissed? 23 00:05:14,047 --> 00:05:15,708 About Andrea? 24 00:05:16,783 --> 00:05:18,444 I don't know. 25 00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:20,975 Hey. 26 00:05:21,087 --> 00:05:23,521 Hey. Jake, you remember Cal. 27 00:05:23,623 --> 00:05:24,715 Yeah. 28 00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:27,349 Last time I saw him, he fucked my date. 29 00:05:27,460 --> 00:05:28,893 He's still pissed. 30 00:05:28,961 --> 00:05:30,986 It was only three fucking weeks ago. 31 00:05:31,097 --> 00:05:32,587 And I was crazy about her. 32 00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:34,326 I thought she could have been the one. 33 00:05:34,434 --> 00:05:36,402 Oh, you poor dumb bastard. 34 00:05:36,469 --> 00:05:38,334 Excuse me? 35 00:05:38,438 --> 00:05:40,872 She fucked me on your date. 36 00:05:40,973 --> 00:05:43,874 She could have been the one? 37 00:05:43,976 --> 00:05:45,307 Hello. 38 00:05:45,411 --> 00:05:47,436 Plus she used too much teeth when she was giving head... 39 00:05:47,547 --> 00:05:50,015 wouldn't dream of letting me come on her face. 40 00:05:50,116 --> 00:05:52,016 So unless our standards are drastically different 41 00:05:52,118 --> 00:05:55,485 from one another, I'd say I did you a favor, pal. 42 00:06:00,426 --> 00:06:02,587 What? 43 00:06:02,662 --> 00:06:03,822 I'll buy you a drink. 44 00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:06,364 Yeah. That'll make us even. 45 00:06:06,466 --> 00:06:08,434 Barkeep. 46 00:06:08,501 --> 00:06:09,832 Grab me a whisky, will you, and... 47 00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:13,335 All right. 48 00:06:13,439 --> 00:06:14,770 I'm taking off. I'll call you. 49 00:06:14,841 --> 00:06:16,138 You got a hot date with Andrea? 50 00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:19,072 Be good, Jake. 51 00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:23,478 Seriously, he has a hot date with Andrea, doesn't he? 52 00:06:23,583 --> 00:06:25,073 No. 53 00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:29,112 Fucking funny. 54 00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:30,686 Fucking funny. 55 00:06:30,790 --> 00:06:32,553 Doesn't he have a girlfriend? 56 00:06:32,658 --> 00:06:35,559 For, like, five years now. 57 00:06:35,661 --> 00:06:37,822 And he gets more ass than a toilet seat. 58 00:06:39,766 --> 00:06:41,996 I got to take a piss. 59 00:07:00,553 --> 00:07:03,750 Oh, Jesus. 60 00:07:03,856 --> 00:07:06,689 -I got this. -Thanks. 61 00:07:06,759 --> 00:07:08,090 Jesus. 62 00:07:13,900 --> 00:07:16,425 You don't get a lot of pussy, do you? 63 00:07:17,503 --> 00:07:18,435 What? 64 00:07:20,006 --> 00:07:24,875 I mean...no. No. I'm married. 65 00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:26,809 What's one got to do with the other? 66 00:07:28,481 --> 00:07:30,881 I take it you're not. 67 00:07:30,983 --> 00:07:34,180 I don't feel the need to adhere to the conventions... 68 00:07:34,253 --> 00:07:36,585 of modern society. 69 00:07:38,925 --> 00:07:40,790 I don't know what that means. 70 00:07:42,795 --> 00:07:45,161 It means I like to keep my options open. 71 00:07:45,264 --> 00:07:47,528 Hey, who doesn't? 72 00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:49,568 Who's your friend? 73 00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:52,570 This is Jake. He's single. 74 00:07:52,638 --> 00:07:54,606 He says that like it's a condition. 75 00:07:56,676 --> 00:07:58,007 Oh, this is, uh... 76 00:07:58,110 --> 00:07:59,008 Lily. 77 00:07:59,111 --> 00:08:00,476 Hi. 78 00:08:00,580 --> 00:08:01,808 Dave. 79 00:08:01,914 --> 00:08:03,211 Dave. 80 00:08:03,282 --> 00:08:06,012 Lily, do you want to have dinner with me? 81 00:08:06,118 --> 00:08:07,642 I don't think so. 82 00:08:07,753 --> 00:08:09,186 Why not? 83 00:08:09,288 --> 00:08:11,051 I just met you. 84 00:08:11,123 --> 00:08:13,114 But I could be a chaperon. 85 00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:15,091 I guarantee a good time. 86 00:08:15,194 --> 00:08:17,822 What about your wife? 87 00:08:17,930 --> 00:08:21,058 I'll take her with us. 88 00:08:21,133 --> 00:08:23,192 We'll make a whole big night out of it. 89 00:08:34,814 --> 00:08:35,781 Call me. 90 00:08:38,050 --> 00:08:42,544 And it was very nice to meet you, Jake, Dave. 91 00:08:42,655 --> 00:08:44,680 Lily. 92 00:08:46,726 --> 00:08:47,988 Thank you. 93 00:08:48,094 --> 00:08:50,494 Oh, my God. That was the easiest date I ever got. 94 00:08:50,596 --> 00:08:51,221 This is going to be great. 95 00:08:57,670 --> 00:08:58,796 There we go. 96 00:09:00,172 --> 00:09:03,198 I don't get no pussy? What are you talking about? 97 00:09:03,309 --> 00:09:06,244 I get pussy. I get lots of pussy. 98 00:09:08,180 --> 00:09:10,671 How are you doing? 99 00:09:10,783 --> 00:09:13,809 You finished up in the bedroom? 100 00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:16,218 Not yet. 101 00:09:16,322 --> 00:09:18,153 You've been in there for, like, two hours. 102 00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:19,782 Well, there's just too much stuff. 103 00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:21,223 I can't handle it right now. 104 00:09:21,327 --> 00:09:23,659 You know, the dining room table is coming in on Tuesday. 105 00:09:23,763 --> 00:09:26,095 We decided we were going to be unpacked by then. 106 00:09:26,198 --> 00:09:27,995 No, you decided. 107 00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:33,604 Have you noticed that the molding is coming off here? 108 00:09:33,706 --> 00:09:35,674 Was it like that when we bought the place? 109 00:09:35,775 --> 00:09:37,675 Yes. 110 00:09:37,777 --> 00:09:39,540 Are you sure, or are you just saying that? 111 00:09:39,645 --> 00:09:42,011 I'm thinking of taking a class at The New School. 112 00:09:44,183 --> 00:09:46,242 I thought you signed up for that pottery class... 113 00:09:46,352 --> 00:09:49,150 and the salsa lessons. 114 00:09:49,221 --> 00:09:50,984 I don't know. I just... 115 00:09:51,057 --> 00:09:52,615 I just need to do something. 116 00:09:55,061 --> 00:09:57,256 Why don't you clear your deck for Thursday night? 117 00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:00,162 Why? What are we doing? 118 00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:03,359 Well, I promised Jake that we would, you know... 119 00:10:03,636 --> 00:10:05,126 go out with him and a date. 120 00:10:05,237 --> 00:10:07,171 Who is she? 121 00:10:09,241 --> 00:10:10,731 Just some girl. 122 00:10:18,117 --> 00:10:20,847 Here I am, in court as lead defense counsel... 123 00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:23,650 for the first time and I'm going down in flames... 124 00:10:23,756 --> 00:10:24,848 because I can't settle this stupid case... 125 00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:26,185 that shouldn't have even made it to court... 126 00:10:26,258 --> 00:10:28,123 but the judge at the preliminary hearing... 127 00:10:28,227 --> 00:10:29,353 was a jackass. 128 00:10:29,428 --> 00:10:31,623 Our legal system at work, right? 129 00:10:31,731 --> 00:10:34,666 This guy gets his bumper tapped by a garbage truck... 130 00:10:34,767 --> 00:10:38,066 and he's suing the company for 12 million dollars. 131 00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:39,866 I hate stuff like that. 132 00:10:39,972 --> 00:10:42,372 So, they get him up on the stand... 133 00:10:42,441 --> 00:10:44,136 and he's telling the jury up and down... 134 00:10:44,243 --> 00:10:46,143 all this pain and suffering he's had to endure... 135 00:10:46,245 --> 00:10:48,406 and I notice that despite this enormous... 136 00:10:48,681 --> 00:10:51,047 uncomfortable collar he's got on his neck... 137 00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:52,640 he's checking me out. 138 00:10:52,752 --> 00:10:54,117 He's checking you out? 139 00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:56,381 Can you blame him? She's a beautiful woman. 140 00:10:56,455 --> 00:11:00,221 You are a very beautiful woman. 141 00:11:00,292 --> 00:11:01,884 And you're sweet. 142 00:11:01,994 --> 00:11:07,057 Anyway, that's when I decided, I'm gonna get the fucker. 143 00:11:07,166 --> 00:11:08,895 So what did you do? 144 00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:10,662 So, I asked for recess... 145 00:11:10,770 --> 00:11:12,761 I made a couple of adjustments... 146 00:11:12,872 --> 00:11:15,340 we go back, the guy takes the stand... 147 00:11:15,441 --> 00:11:17,341 two seconds into his lawyer's redirect... 148 00:11:17,443 --> 00:11:19,911 damn if the guy didn't jerk his head my way... 149 00:11:19,979 --> 00:11:22,209 and that's when I stood up and I shouted... 150 00:11:22,314 --> 00:11:24,908 "Your Honor, this man's neck is fine!" 151 00:11:25,017 --> 00:11:27,713 How'd you make him look? 152 00:11:27,820 --> 00:11:30,220 Well, see, during the recess... 153 00:11:30,322 --> 00:11:33,689 I took the liberty of removing my panties... 154 00:11:33,793 --> 00:11:36,762 and when he got back up on the stand... 155 00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:39,956 it was just a matter of spreading my thighs just so. 156 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:44,096 So you pulled a Sharon Stone. 157 00:11:45,471 --> 00:11:48,668 From the movie, "Basic lnstinct," with the... 158 00:11:48,774 --> 00:11:50,241 I never saw that. 159 00:11:50,342 --> 00:11:52,367 Anyway, the case got thrown out of court... 160 00:11:52,478 --> 00:11:53,843 right then and there. 161 00:11:55,081 --> 00:11:56,173 You're a very good lawyer. 162 00:11:56,282 --> 00:11:58,944 Hey, I'm all about justice. 163 00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:05,982 So...how did the two of you meet? 164 00:12:06,092 --> 00:12:08,720 This is a funny story. 165 00:12:08,828 --> 00:12:10,489 What happened was that-- 166 00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,789 -Actually-- -Dave introduced us. 167 00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:15,792 Really? 168 00:12:15,901 --> 00:12:18,495 Yeah. Yeah. We were at Mod... 169 00:12:18,771 --> 00:12:20,966 and Jake went into the bathroom... 170 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:22,769 and then he came out of the bathroom... 171 00:12:22,875 --> 00:12:24,866 and I hooked them up. 172 00:12:31,383 --> 00:12:34,079 By the way, I love your blouse. 173 00:12:36,388 --> 00:12:37,320 Thank you. 174 00:12:37,389 --> 00:12:39,152 Barney's Warehouse. 175 00:12:39,225 --> 00:12:42,456 That color really brings out your eyes. 176 00:12:44,063 --> 00:12:46,156 Thank you very much. 177 00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:47,391 It's great. 178 00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:48,831 Thank you. 179 00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:50,526 So how long have you been married? 180 00:12:50,803 --> 00:12:51,827 Two years. 181 00:12:53,105 --> 00:12:55,073 Any kids? 182 00:12:55,174 --> 00:12:56,766 Not yet, but I'd like to. 183 00:12:56,876 --> 00:12:58,207 I want children. 184 00:12:58,310 --> 00:12:59,834 What about Dave? 185 00:13:02,014 --> 00:13:03,481 Well, he worries. 186 00:13:03,582 --> 00:13:05,209 About what? 187 00:13:05,317 --> 00:13:06,807 Everything. 188 00:13:06,919 --> 00:13:08,250 That's not true. 189 00:13:08,354 --> 00:13:11,983 He's afraid our child will have a fecal fetish. 190 00:13:13,592 --> 00:13:15,253 What? I didn't say that. 191 00:13:15,361 --> 00:13:17,158 -Yes, you did. -No, I didn't. 192 00:13:17,263 --> 00:13:19,424 I didn't say fecal fetish. 193 00:13:19,532 --> 00:13:22,831 I said weird, stupid, like... 194 00:13:24,537 --> 00:13:26,164 Well, having kids is a big step... 195 00:13:26,272 --> 00:13:28,900 and maybe Dave just wants to have his fun. 196 00:13:29,008 --> 00:13:30,373 I like having fun. 197 00:13:30,442 --> 00:13:31,534 I like having fun, too. 198 00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,176 Maybe we should go out together... 199 00:13:33,279 --> 00:13:35,372 you and l, sometime? Girls night out? 200 00:13:37,049 --> 00:13:37,981 You and me? 201 00:13:39,251 --> 00:13:42,948 Yeah. Sure. That would be terrific. 202 00:13:43,055 --> 00:13:44,920 That's a great idea. 203 00:13:46,892 --> 00:13:49,258 Yeah, great. 204 00:13:52,131 --> 00:13:54,463 I don't understand why you had to say that stuff. 205 00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:57,468 I don't know why you're making such a big deal about it. 206 00:13:57,570 --> 00:13:59,333 Because I don't know why everybody needs to know... 207 00:13:59,438 --> 00:14:00,962 our personal business, that's why. 208 00:14:01,073 --> 00:14:02,597 We were all sharing. 209 00:14:02,875 --> 00:14:05,343 All sharing? That's what you call that, sharing? 210 00:14:05,444 --> 00:14:08,345 The two of you seemed to hit it off just fine. 211 00:14:08,447 --> 00:14:11,473 You didn't tell me you introduced the two of them. 212 00:14:11,584 --> 00:14:13,848 It was just one of those things. 213 00:14:19,158 --> 00:14:21,023 She's very attractive. 214 00:14:21,126 --> 00:14:24,994 Yeah. I mean... I guess so. 215 00:14:26,498 --> 00:14:28,830 What, you don't think she's a beautiful woman? 216 00:14:31,337 --> 00:14:33,828 Yeah, of course. 217 00:14:33,939 --> 00:14:36,169 Not like you, if that's what you mean. 218 00:14:36,275 --> 00:14:38,243 I wasn't asking for validation, Dave. 219 00:14:38,344 --> 00:14:39,276 Why do guys always think... 220 00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:41,505 they have to protect a woman's ego? 221 00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:44,845 What do you want me to say, that I want to do her? 222 00:14:44,950 --> 00:14:45,974 Well, do you? 223 00:14:46,085 --> 00:14:50,886 No. No, of course not. How could you say that? 224 00:14:50,990 --> 00:14:53,288 I just want you to know that it's OK... 225 00:14:53,359 --> 00:14:55,418 if you think she's attractive. 226 00:14:57,096 --> 00:14:59,030 She's gorgeous. 227 00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:03,034 Then what's she doing with Jake? 228 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:18,277 Nice...couch. 229 00:15:18,384 --> 00:15:19,681 Thank you. 230 00:15:19,952 --> 00:15:21,544 Oh, I'm sorry. Please. 231 00:15:21,654 --> 00:15:23,053 Thanks. 232 00:15:29,962 --> 00:15:31,486 Well, that was fun tonight. 233 00:15:31,563 --> 00:15:33,087 Yeah, definitely. 234 00:15:33,198 --> 00:15:34,631 Good. 235 00:15:36,969 --> 00:15:38,596 Dave and Greta, they're great. 236 00:15:38,704 --> 00:15:40,399 Yeah. She's a doll. 237 00:15:40,506 --> 00:15:43,168 Oh, yeah. Yeah. Sure. 238 00:15:43,242 --> 00:15:45,176 Cheers. 239 00:15:49,648 --> 00:15:52,048 Jake, I think you're a terrific guy... 240 00:15:52,151 --> 00:15:54,244 and I like you. I really do. 241 00:15:54,353 --> 00:15:56,412 I like you, too. 242 00:15:56,522 --> 00:15:59,047 But not in a sexual way. 243 00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:05,422 Listen, I think you're smart and you're funny... 244 00:16:05,531 --> 00:16:07,260 and you're not a bad-looking guy... 245 00:16:07,366 --> 00:16:11,359 but you just don't have your fuck on. 246 00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:12,732 My what? 247 00:16:16,175 --> 00:16:17,699 Do you just want to fuck? 248 00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,945 Because we can, if you want. 249 00:16:20,045 --> 00:16:21,637 We can just go in a bedroom... 250 00:16:21,747 --> 00:16:24,944 and take our clothes off, and hell, you know what? 251 00:16:25,050 --> 00:16:26,347 We might not even make it that far. 252 00:16:26,452 --> 00:16:28,215 You can just bend me over the couch right here... 253 00:16:28,287 --> 00:16:31,688 and hike up my skirt and rip off my panties... 254 00:16:31,790 --> 00:16:35,954 grab me by the hair, and fuck me like an animal... 255 00:16:36,061 --> 00:16:38,655 and you will really enjoy yourself. 256 00:16:38,764 --> 00:16:41,130 But I won't. 257 00:16:42,634 --> 00:16:44,499 Is that what you want? 258 00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:49,466 No. 259 00:16:52,478 --> 00:16:55,276 Cool. Want to watch the game? 260 00:17:08,093 --> 00:17:10,584 Is that good? 261 00:17:12,231 --> 00:17:13,562 You'll smash my head. 262 00:17:13,665 --> 00:17:16,259 Could you move a little bit, a little bit to the right? 263 00:17:18,370 --> 00:17:19,803 -How's that? -Better. 264 00:17:27,246 --> 00:17:29,271 Slower. Slow. 265 00:17:34,787 --> 00:17:36,277 Is that good? 266 00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:40,588 Now a little to the left. 267 00:17:40,692 --> 00:17:42,592 Just... 268 00:17:42,694 --> 00:17:44,286 How's this? 269 00:17:44,363 --> 00:17:45,489 That's good. 270 00:17:47,266 --> 00:17:49,291 Hair. 271 00:17:49,401 --> 00:17:50,732 Move your arm. 272 00:17:50,836 --> 00:17:52,428 What? 273 00:17:52,538 --> 00:17:55,439 Here. Is this better? 274 00:17:55,541 --> 00:17:57,600 What's wrong with you? 275 00:17:57,709 --> 00:17:59,836 Well, you seem to just want to lie here... 276 00:18:00,112 --> 00:18:02,171 and orchestrate my entire performance. 277 00:18:02,281 --> 00:18:03,179 I mean, I'd like to have... 278 00:18:03,282 --> 00:18:06,308 a little creative freedom, you know? 279 00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:09,353 I'm sorry. I just... 280 00:18:09,421 --> 00:18:10,752 What? 281 00:18:10,856 --> 00:18:13,222 I guess I'm just tired. 282 00:18:15,294 --> 00:18:17,194 Do you want to stop? 283 00:18:17,296 --> 00:18:18,820 No, no. I want to. 284 00:18:20,566 --> 00:18:22,500 But here. 285 00:18:30,309 --> 00:18:32,072 Is that OK? 286 00:18:32,177 --> 00:18:33,667 It's good. 287 00:19:02,207 --> 00:19:06,109 When you do it with Emily, is it good? 288 00:19:06,211 --> 00:19:08,372 What? Yeah, it's great. Why? 289 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:12,109 Well, lately... when Greta and I do it... 290 00:19:12,217 --> 00:19:13,684 it's kind of dull. 291 00:19:13,785 --> 00:19:15,514 Well, how often are you doing it? 292 00:19:17,322 --> 00:19:18,380 I don't know. 293 00:19:18,457 --> 00:19:20,425 A little less than average, I guess. 294 00:19:20,492 --> 00:19:22,426 I think your idea of average is different than mine. 295 00:19:22,494 --> 00:19:23,756 Well, maybe once a month. 296 00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:27,663 Once a month? Are you fucking kidding me? 297 00:19:27,766 --> 00:19:30,667 It's a little slow right now. Big deal. 298 00:19:30,769 --> 00:19:34,261 This is a big deal. This is a huge fucking deal. 299 00:19:34,373 --> 00:19:36,671 It's a down cycle or something. 300 00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:40,437 Once a month is reserved for unpleasant things... 301 00:19:40,546 --> 00:19:42,275 Iike her period or rent. 302 00:19:42,381 --> 00:19:44,645 Banging your wife should not go into that category. 303 00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:46,411 We've been together a while, you know. 304 00:19:46,485 --> 00:19:48,544 It's hard to keep things fresh. 305 00:19:48,654 --> 00:19:51,282 Why do you think I fuck around so much? 306 00:19:51,390 --> 00:19:52,857 What are you talking about? 307 00:19:52,958 --> 00:19:56,155 Infidelity is the truth serum to any relationship. 308 00:19:56,261 --> 00:19:58,252 Whenever I fuck another girl, it's not as good as Emily. 309 00:19:58,363 --> 00:19:59,591 I can cross one name off the list... 310 00:19:59,665 --> 00:20:01,292 and know Emily really is the one. 311 00:20:02,534 --> 00:20:05,298 So what you're saying is that cheating on your girlfriend... 312 00:20:05,404 --> 00:20:07,167 makes your relationship stronger? 313 00:20:07,272 --> 00:20:09,297 Exactly. 314 00:20:09,408 --> 00:20:11,171 Plus, the best sex I ever have with Emily... 315 00:20:11,276 --> 00:20:13,176 is right after I fuck someone else. 316 00:20:13,278 --> 00:20:15,178 Unbelievable. Let me tell you about it. 317 00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:16,872 I can't do what you do. 318 00:20:16,982 --> 00:20:18,449 We're different. 319 00:20:18,517 --> 00:20:19,711 How? 320 00:20:19,818 --> 00:20:20,876 For starters, I'm human. 321 00:20:20,986 --> 00:20:22,544 That doesn't mean you have to be miserable. 322 00:20:22,654 --> 00:20:24,986 I'm not miserable, I'm married. There's a difference. 323 00:21:26,485 --> 00:21:29,818 Greta, I thought you were going to un-- 324 00:21:29,921 --> 00:21:32,890 Dave! I... 325 00:21:32,991 --> 00:21:34,356 I thought... 326 00:21:34,459 --> 00:21:37,394 I thought you were working late tonight. 327 00:21:37,496 --> 00:21:40,795 I got most of it done. 328 00:21:44,936 --> 00:21:46,631 Wait. 329 00:21:47,706 --> 00:21:48,764 Hey, Dave. 330 00:21:49,841 --> 00:21:50,865 What? 331 00:21:54,046 --> 00:21:54,944 Dave, I'm sorry. 332 00:21:55,047 --> 00:21:56,639 Well, I don't think that's really going to cover it. 333 00:21:56,748 --> 00:21:59,717 Look, I told you I didn't want to go on that double date. 334 00:21:59,818 --> 00:22:01,547 If I knew it was going to turn you into a lesbian... 335 00:22:01,620 --> 00:22:02,678 I wouldn't have made you go. 336 00:22:05,390 --> 00:22:06,618 We went for drinks, and... 337 00:22:06,725 --> 00:22:08,955 And what? You started having sex? 338 00:22:09,061 --> 00:22:11,859 I mean, where the fuck did you go, Plato's Retreat? 339 00:22:13,098 --> 00:22:15,396 -Dave... -What?! 340 00:22:17,502 --> 00:22:20,369 I'm having an identity crisis. 341 00:22:22,507 --> 00:22:26,068 Wait. What does that mean? 342 00:22:29,648 --> 00:22:31,639 What does that mean? 343 00:23:23,869 --> 00:23:25,666 Are you OK? 344 00:23:27,038 --> 00:23:28,801 I just threw up. 345 00:23:30,175 --> 00:23:31,608 You threw up? 346 00:23:33,478 --> 00:23:34,911 Cal, give the guy a break. 347 00:23:35,013 --> 00:23:37,447 He just found his wife in bed with another woman. 348 00:23:37,549 --> 00:23:38,573 What were they doing? 349 00:23:38,683 --> 00:23:41,880 Were they, you know, actually fucking? 350 00:23:44,055 --> 00:23:45,647 I don't know. 351 00:23:46,892 --> 00:23:50,157 They were in bed...naked. 352 00:23:51,997 --> 00:23:52,964 Jesus. 353 00:23:53,064 --> 00:23:54,622 Tell me about it. 354 00:23:54,733 --> 00:23:55,665 I don't believe it. 355 00:23:57,769 --> 00:23:58,793 It's not like it's the first time... 356 00:23:58,904 --> 00:24:00,166 someone fucked my date. 357 00:24:02,908 --> 00:24:04,500 Get over it. 358 00:24:04,576 --> 00:24:05,668 I'm just saying I don't like... 359 00:24:05,744 --> 00:24:07,541 the pattern that's developing here-- 360 00:24:07,646 --> 00:24:09,113 everyone fucking my dates but me. 361 00:24:09,214 --> 00:24:12,809 Also, I think I'm a little to blame for this. 362 00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:15,818 Why? 363 00:24:15,921 --> 00:24:18,651 Because if I'd had sex with Lily... 364 00:24:18,757 --> 00:24:19,815 maybe she wouldn't have been so eager... 365 00:24:19,925 --> 00:24:21,483 to have sex with Greta. 366 00:24:22,928 --> 00:24:24,691 I think that would make her more eager. 367 00:24:24,796 --> 00:24:27,094 What is it, do you just enjoy being an asshole? 368 00:24:27,199 --> 00:24:29,030 Do you just enjoy being a prick? 369 00:24:29,134 --> 00:24:30,101 I'm not a prick. And you know what? 370 00:24:30,202 --> 00:24:31,169 Did I tell you you could smoke in my house? 371 00:24:31,269 --> 00:24:32,497 What, I can't smoke in here now? 372 00:24:32,604 --> 00:24:33,536 No, you cannot smoke in my house-- 373 00:24:33,638 --> 00:24:35,970 All right, I'm putting it out. 374 00:24:38,677 --> 00:24:40,508 There is a situation here. 375 00:24:42,214 --> 00:24:43,875 I'm sorry. Sorry. 376 00:24:43,949 --> 00:24:46,509 So, what are you going to do? 377 00:24:48,553 --> 00:24:51,078 I don't know. 378 00:24:51,189 --> 00:24:55,023 Well, have you thought about... 379 00:24:55,126 --> 00:24:57,890 incorporating this into your love life? 380 00:24:57,996 --> 00:25:00,055 What? 381 00:25:00,131 --> 00:25:02,190 You know, talk about jazzing things up a little bit. 382 00:25:04,536 --> 00:25:05,560 Yes? 383 00:25:05,670 --> 00:25:07,604 This is not a porn movie. This is my life. 384 00:25:07,672 --> 00:25:09,469 Yeah, but at this moment, excuse me... 385 00:25:09,574 --> 00:25:11,474 your life sounds like a porn movie. 386 00:25:11,576 --> 00:25:13,669 Look at it as a bright side. 387 00:25:13,778 --> 00:25:15,678 A bright side? 388 00:25:15,780 --> 00:25:19,876 Yeah. You guys have to think outside the box... 389 00:25:19,985 --> 00:25:20,974 so to speak. 390 00:25:21,086 --> 00:25:22,781 Jesus. 391 00:25:22,888 --> 00:25:26,153 Look, it's just a phase. 392 00:25:26,258 --> 00:25:28,920 I mean, she's been acting a little weird lately... 393 00:25:28,994 --> 00:25:30,484 and this is just part of it. 394 00:25:30,595 --> 00:25:31,653 It's a phase. 395 00:25:31,763 --> 00:25:33,663 Absolutely. A phase. 396 00:25:33,765 --> 00:25:35,756 Yeah. I mean, come on. She's not a...come on. 397 00:25:35,867 --> 00:25:37,095 A lesbian? 398 00:25:41,306 --> 00:25:43,069 If you want, you can stay here. 399 00:25:43,174 --> 00:25:44,937 You can have my spare bedroom. 400 00:25:45,010 --> 00:25:46,671 Stay as long as you want. 401 00:25:46,778 --> 00:25:48,678 Yeah? 402 00:25:51,750 --> 00:25:53,980 That sounds great. 403 00:26:11,169 --> 00:26:12,329 So we smoke a J, right? 404 00:26:12,604 --> 00:26:13,798 Next thing I know... 405 00:26:13,872 --> 00:26:15,100 I'm doing these hot set of nudes with her... 406 00:26:15,206 --> 00:26:16,639 tasteful stuff, you know. 407 00:26:16,708 --> 00:26:17,970 Well, mostly tasteful stuff. 408 00:26:18,043 --> 00:26:19,237 Anyway, agent calls me... 409 00:26:19,344 --> 00:26:20,777 all pissed off, like, you know... 410 00:26:20,879 --> 00:26:24,007 "What are you doing, dude? She's only 18." 411 00:26:24,115 --> 00:26:27,278 I'm, like, "Guy, I'm an artist, you know. Back off." 412 00:26:28,653 --> 00:26:30,245 What are you doing? What's the matter with you? 413 00:26:30,355 --> 00:26:31,583 I'm not up for this. 414 00:26:33,191 --> 00:26:34,681 You know what you need to do? 415 00:26:34,759 --> 00:26:35,817 You need to go out... 416 00:26:35,927 --> 00:26:37,554 and you need to date a little bit. 417 00:26:37,662 --> 00:26:39,129 I don't want to date. 418 00:26:39,230 --> 00:26:41,323 That's why I got married in the first place. 419 00:26:41,399 --> 00:26:43,959 Listen to me. This is an unbelievable rap. 420 00:26:44,069 --> 00:26:45,696 What are you talking about? 421 00:26:45,804 --> 00:26:49,706 You're a dude who's been brokenhearted by his wife... 422 00:26:49,808 --> 00:26:52,174 who's become a lesbian. 423 00:26:52,243 --> 00:26:53,676 She's not a lesbian. 424 00:26:53,778 --> 00:26:55,109 I know she's not a lesbian... 425 00:26:55,213 --> 00:26:56,237 but they don't need to know that. 426 00:26:56,348 --> 00:26:58,282 Appeal to the Florence Henderson in them. 427 00:26:58,383 --> 00:26:59,907 Let them nurse you back to health. 428 00:27:00,018 --> 00:27:01,280 Florence Nightingale. 429 00:27:01,386 --> 00:27:03,320 What did I say? 430 00:27:03,421 --> 00:27:04,718 Forget it. 431 00:27:04,823 --> 00:27:06,586 Look, there are plenty of hot chicks... 432 00:27:06,691 --> 00:27:08,022 in this town, all right? 433 00:27:08,093 --> 00:27:09,390 Here. Perfect example. Look at that girl right there. 434 00:27:09,661 --> 00:27:13,927 Ask her out. Hello! This is my friend Dave. 435 00:27:14,032 --> 00:27:15,761 Asshole. 436 00:27:15,867 --> 00:27:18,131 Fuck her. I'm having a party tonight. 437 00:27:18,236 --> 00:27:19,294 There's going to be plenty of tail there. 438 00:27:19,404 --> 00:27:21,338 Just make sure you're there. 439 00:27:25,410 --> 00:27:26,775 Heads up. 440 00:27:27,879 --> 00:27:29,210 Sorry. 441 00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:30,747 Sorry. I'm sorry. 442 00:27:30,849 --> 00:27:32,248 Jesus Christ! I think you broke my nose! 443 00:27:32,350 --> 00:27:35,342 -I thought you were looking. -I was looking at the girl! 444 00:27:36,421 --> 00:27:37,718 You'll be all right. 445 00:27:37,822 --> 00:27:39,289 Just be at my house at 10..00 tonight. 446 00:27:39,391 --> 00:27:40,790 Whatever. 447 00:27:42,293 --> 00:27:44,318 Might want to get some ice on that. 448 00:27:44,429 --> 00:27:46,192 Yeah. Thanks. 449 00:27:46,297 --> 00:27:48,356 I thought you were looking. 450 00:27:49,934 --> 00:27:51,060 Fucking retard. 451 00:28:20,331 --> 00:28:22,231 Glad you could make it. 452 00:28:22,333 --> 00:28:23,800 Hi, Cal. 453 00:28:23,902 --> 00:28:25,369 Miss Samantha. Good. Good. 454 00:28:25,470 --> 00:28:27,062 Sorry about that. You all right? 455 00:28:27,172 --> 00:28:28,799 Yeah, I'm fine. 456 00:28:28,907 --> 00:28:30,807 Whoa, man, whoa. That's my ass. That's my ass. 457 00:28:30,875 --> 00:28:32,467 Come on in. I got a surprise for you. 458 00:28:32,744 --> 00:28:33,676 Come on. 459 00:28:37,315 --> 00:28:39,215 Come here. 460 00:28:39,317 --> 00:28:41,251 Girls, I'd like you to meet my friend Dave. 461 00:28:41,352 --> 00:28:43,252 Dave, this is Molly and Annette. 462 00:28:43,354 --> 00:28:45,117 -Actually, I'm Annette. -I'm Molly. 463 00:28:45,223 --> 00:28:47,088 Nice to meet you both. 464 00:28:47,192 --> 00:28:48,955 Molly and Annette are flight attendants. 465 00:28:49,027 --> 00:28:50,824 Oh, so then if this was the seventies... 466 00:28:50,929 --> 00:28:52,829 we'd go off and have an orgy. 467 00:28:55,533 --> 00:28:57,023 You look like you could use a fresh one, Molly. 468 00:28:57,135 --> 00:28:58,397 Shall we? 469 00:28:58,503 --> 00:28:59,401 Yes. Come with me. 470 00:28:59,504 --> 00:29:00,493 Go ahead and sit down over here. 471 00:29:00,772 --> 00:29:01,500 I could use a fresh drink. 472 00:29:01,773 --> 00:29:03,035 Go, sit down. You're all right. 473 00:29:03,141 --> 00:29:06,975 Sit down on the white couch. She won't bite. 474 00:29:19,524 --> 00:29:22,288 So you're just in for a few days, I guess. 475 00:29:22,393 --> 00:29:24,156 Yeah. Looking for a good time... 476 00:29:24,229 --> 00:29:26,754 in the city that never sleeps. 477 00:29:28,366 --> 00:29:31,130 Do flight attendants have a certain route... 478 00:29:31,236 --> 00:29:33,170 that they fly? 479 00:29:34,572 --> 00:29:35,937 It must be fantastic... 480 00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:38,167 to travel to such exotic places like you do. 481 00:29:38,276 --> 00:29:40,870 It can be hectic, but every now and then... 482 00:29:40,979 --> 00:29:43,447 I get to do a little adventuring. 483 00:29:45,216 --> 00:29:47,150 What's been your favorite so far? 484 00:29:47,252 --> 00:29:48,549 I was flying in and out of Rio... 485 00:29:48,820 --> 00:29:51,220 and I got to spend some time on the Amazon. 486 00:29:52,524 --> 00:29:54,321 That was incredible. 487 00:29:54,425 --> 00:29:55,756 See, that's my dream. 488 00:29:55,860 --> 00:29:58,226 I would love to just go down there and shoot full-time. 489 00:29:58,329 --> 00:29:59,887 You're a photographer? 490 00:29:59,998 --> 00:30:01,431 Yeah. I do mainly fashion photography... 491 00:30:01,533 --> 00:30:04,559 Iike this, but my heart... 492 00:30:04,836 --> 00:30:06,861 my heart is in nature photography, really. 493 00:30:06,971 --> 00:30:08,438 In fact, I'm talking to the people... 494 00:30:08,540 --> 00:30:10,098 at "National Geographic" as we speak. 495 00:30:10,208 --> 00:30:12,301 Really? 496 00:30:12,410 --> 00:30:14,241 I've been to the Amazon... 497 00:30:14,345 --> 00:30:16,813 Iike, I don't know, three or four times. 498 00:30:16,915 --> 00:30:19,042 You know, to be able to go down there... 499 00:30:19,117 --> 00:30:21,779 and capture flying fish just kind of... 500 00:30:21,886 --> 00:30:23,217 Ieaping out of the river... 501 00:30:23,288 --> 00:30:24,880 just to grab a little nibble of food... 502 00:30:24,989 --> 00:30:29,119 you know, it's... it's humbling. 503 00:30:31,229 --> 00:30:34,062 Do you like tequila? 504 00:30:34,132 --> 00:30:36,225 I think it's a great idea to have kids... 505 00:30:36,301 --> 00:30:39,065 but there's so many ways you could screw it up. 506 00:30:39,170 --> 00:30:41,604 I was having this conversation with my wife, and-- 507 00:30:41,873 --> 00:30:45,001 Wait. You're married? 508 00:30:45,109 --> 00:30:48,374 -Yes, I did. -No, you did not. 509 00:30:48,479 --> 00:30:51,937 Cal is a photographer, and he has been telling me... 510 00:30:52,050 --> 00:30:54,211 the most amazing stories about the Amazon. 511 00:30:54,319 --> 00:30:55,946 To be honest with you, swimming with piranha... 512 00:30:56,054 --> 00:30:57,817 is not as dangerous as it sounds. 513 00:30:57,922 --> 00:30:59,253 As long as you don't have an open wound... 514 00:30:59,324 --> 00:31:01,519 you can just jump right in, swim right up to them... 515 00:31:01,626 --> 00:31:02,957 pet them if you like. 516 00:31:03,061 --> 00:31:04,255 You can pet them? 517 00:31:04,329 --> 00:31:05,523 You heard me. 518 00:31:05,630 --> 00:31:07,120 That is so amazing. 519 00:31:07,198 --> 00:31:08,256 Totally. 520 00:31:08,333 --> 00:31:09,823 Yeah. Almost unbelievable. 521 00:31:09,934 --> 00:31:11,265 That's great. 522 00:31:11,336 --> 00:31:12,963 Dan was just telling me about his wife. 523 00:31:13,071 --> 00:31:14,129 Or Dave. 524 00:31:14,239 --> 00:31:15,263 Did he tell you what happened to her? 525 00:31:15,373 --> 00:31:17,534 -No. -What happened? 526 00:31:17,642 --> 00:31:18,609 She died. 527 00:31:18,877 --> 00:31:20,174 What? 528 00:31:20,278 --> 00:31:22,371 Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. 529 00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:25,381 I feel awful. How did she die? 530 00:31:25,483 --> 00:31:26,415 Mountain climbing. 531 00:31:26,517 --> 00:31:29,008 That is so tragic. 532 00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:31,088 Well, nature has its savage side. 533 00:31:31,189 --> 00:31:32,486 She's not dead. 534 00:31:32,590 --> 00:31:33,989 He keeps telling himself that. 535 00:31:34,092 --> 00:31:35,923 He's having a hard time coming to grips with this. 536 00:31:36,027 --> 00:31:37,426 It must be really difficult. 537 00:31:37,528 --> 00:31:40,258 Wow. You are so brave. 538 00:31:40,365 --> 00:31:41,423 Honestly, ladies, the strength... 539 00:31:41,532 --> 00:31:44,126 that this man has exhibited is... 540 00:31:44,235 --> 00:31:46,032 it's awe inspiring. 541 00:31:47,472 --> 00:31:49,940 -lt really is. -Totally. 542 00:31:50,041 --> 00:31:51,440 All right, I got an idea. 543 00:31:51,542 --> 00:31:53,442 I have this groovy little rooftop terrace... 544 00:31:53,544 --> 00:31:55,205 with a beautiful little Jacuzzi. 545 00:31:55,313 --> 00:31:56,280 I say the four of us, we go up there... 546 00:31:56,381 --> 00:31:57,439 we drink a little more tequila... 547 00:31:57,548 --> 00:31:59,106 we play some music. What do you say, girls? 548 00:31:59,217 --> 00:32:00,548 -Sounds great. -Great! 549 00:32:00,652 --> 00:32:02,381 Oh, we don't have our suits. 550 00:32:02,487 --> 00:32:03,681 It doesn't matter. 551 00:32:03,955 --> 00:32:05,923 I have a "no suit" rule in this place. 552 00:32:06,024 --> 00:32:07,889 We don't need them. Don't need them. 553 00:32:07,992 --> 00:32:09,323 I have some robes over there. 554 00:32:09,394 --> 00:32:10,554 You guys can throw those things on... 555 00:32:10,662 --> 00:32:11,560 and we'll head upstairs. 556 00:32:11,663 --> 00:32:12,994 OK. Sure. 557 00:32:13,097 --> 00:32:14,029 All right? Good. 558 00:32:14,098 --> 00:32:15,463 It's right there, that gray door. 559 00:32:17,068 --> 00:32:19,434 How can you make this stuff up about Greta? 560 00:32:19,537 --> 00:32:21,266 What is this shit about the Amazon? 561 00:32:21,372 --> 00:32:22,566 You tell them what they want to hear... 562 00:32:22,674 --> 00:32:23,698 and you speak with passion. 563 00:32:23,975 --> 00:32:24,964 Now, you're coming up, right? 564 00:32:25,076 --> 00:32:26,600 I don't want to do this. I really don't. 565 00:32:26,711 --> 00:32:28,201 I just want to go home. 566 00:32:29,647 --> 00:32:31,046 You hear that? 567 00:32:31,149 --> 00:32:32,480 That's opportunity knocking, OK? 568 00:32:32,583 --> 00:32:34,141 And unless you answer the fucking door... 569 00:32:34,252 --> 00:32:36,686 it's going to play ding-dong ditch. 570 00:32:36,955 --> 00:32:39,617 What the fuck is ding-dong ditch? 571 00:32:39,724 --> 00:32:40,713 It's when you ring the doorbell... 572 00:32:40,992 --> 00:32:42,186 and you run before they answer the door. 573 00:32:42,293 --> 00:32:43,351 Didn't you ever play that as a kid? 574 00:32:43,461 --> 00:32:44,985 Yeah. We called it ring and run. 575 00:32:45,096 --> 00:32:47,963 Well, we called it ding-dong ditch, OK? 576 00:32:48,066 --> 00:32:49,590 All set! 577 00:32:49,701 --> 00:32:51,191 Oh, those are cute. 578 00:32:51,269 --> 00:32:53,032 Thank you. 579 00:32:53,137 --> 00:32:54,695 Ready, Dave? 580 00:32:56,774 --> 00:32:58,241 Unfortunately, girls, 581 00:32:58,309 --> 00:33:01,472 Dave is not going to make it to Jacuzzi time. 582 00:33:01,579 --> 00:33:05,606 Oh, sure. We totally understand. 583 00:33:05,717 --> 00:33:08,948 She's in a better place now. 584 00:33:15,626 --> 00:33:18,117 Our condolences. 585 00:33:21,199 --> 00:33:24,657 Fucking meet somebody, OK? 586 00:33:24,769 --> 00:33:27,067 You take care of yourself, baby. 587 00:33:27,171 --> 00:33:28,103 Come on, girls. 588 00:33:28,206 --> 00:33:29,138 All right. 589 00:33:50,028 --> 00:33:51,393 You know, I've been thinking a lot about this... 590 00:33:51,496 --> 00:33:52,622 and I'm ready to have kids. 591 00:33:54,232 --> 00:33:55,164 What? 592 00:33:55,266 --> 00:33:56,631 Well, isn't that what you wanted? 593 00:33:56,701 --> 00:33:58,532 Yeah, but because I felt like there was something missing... 594 00:33:58,636 --> 00:33:59,534 in my life. 595 00:33:59,637 --> 00:34:02,128 You weren't happy? 596 00:34:02,206 --> 00:34:05,733 I haven't been happy for a long time. 597 00:34:05,843 --> 00:34:10,246 Why don't we just forget this ever happened? 598 00:34:10,348 --> 00:34:12,782 You think you can just forget this happened? 599 00:34:13,051 --> 00:34:14,109 Well, not on my own... 600 00:34:14,185 --> 00:34:15,345 but if you hit me in the head really hard... 601 00:34:15,453 --> 00:34:16,385 maybe we'll get lucky. 602 00:34:17,855 --> 00:34:19,117 Are you in love with her? 603 00:34:21,092 --> 00:34:22,457 I don't know. 604 00:34:22,527 --> 00:34:25,325 Oh, my God. 605 00:34:25,430 --> 00:34:26,795 I'm sorry, Dave, but unlike you... 606 00:34:26,864 --> 00:34:28,593 I don't carry around a manual... 607 00:34:28,699 --> 00:34:30,291 that explains what comes next. 608 00:34:30,401 --> 00:34:32,426 So now I'm just Mr. Boring Guy... 609 00:34:32,537 --> 00:34:33,595 who follows a script. 610 00:34:33,704 --> 00:34:35,171 I can be different. 611 00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:36,228 Is this something... 612 00:34:36,340 --> 00:34:38,365 we could incorporate into the marriage? 613 00:34:38,476 --> 00:34:40,376 What, like we all have sex together? 614 00:34:43,648 --> 00:34:45,172 Greta, you are too old to be doing this. 615 00:34:45,283 --> 00:34:48,184 I mean, if you really wanted to be...with women, I mean... 616 00:34:48,286 --> 00:34:50,754 shouldn't you have done it when you were in college... 617 00:34:50,855 --> 00:34:52,447 Iike everyone else? I mean, come on. 618 00:34:52,557 --> 00:34:54,047 You went to an all-girls school... 619 00:34:54,158 --> 00:34:55,216 for Christ's sakes! 620 00:34:57,161 --> 00:34:59,061 Greta. Greta, don't-- 621 00:34:59,163 --> 00:35:00,721 Greta, wait. 622 00:35:03,734 --> 00:35:06,225 Shit! Damn! 623 00:35:27,358 --> 00:35:28,825 Come in. 624 00:35:30,428 --> 00:35:31,656 David Siegel? 625 00:35:31,762 --> 00:35:33,093 Yeah. 626 00:35:33,197 --> 00:35:34,528 This is for you. 627 00:35:34,599 --> 00:35:35,691 Thanks. 628 00:35:42,740 --> 00:35:44,571 What the fuck? 629 00:35:44,675 --> 00:35:46,199 Hey, Dave, have you seen the numbers... 630 00:35:46,310 --> 00:35:47,334 on the Wilson account? 631 00:35:47,445 --> 00:35:48,673 This is nuts! 632 00:35:54,452 --> 00:35:55,680 Hey, hold the elevator! 633 00:35:55,786 --> 00:35:57,378 Mister...come on. 634 00:35:57,488 --> 00:36:00,252 I think this is a mistake. 635 00:36:00,358 --> 00:36:02,121 -Are you David Siegel? -Yeah. 636 00:36:02,226 --> 00:36:03,716 Then there's no mistake. 637 00:36:03,828 --> 00:36:05,386 Yeah, but these are divorce papers. 638 00:36:05,496 --> 00:36:06,929 I deliver them, pal, I don't write them. 639 00:36:07,198 --> 00:36:08,893 I mean, this can't be possible. 640 00:36:09,167 --> 00:36:11,829 I'm sure you two have a real fairy-tale romance, OK? 641 00:36:11,936 --> 00:36:13,267 No, you don't understand. 642 00:36:13,371 --> 00:36:16,704 See, this is just a phase that she's going through. 643 00:36:16,807 --> 00:36:20,834 Looks like a pretty permanent phase to me, buddy. 644 00:36:20,945 --> 00:36:23,345 Fuck you. You're taking these back. 645 00:36:23,447 --> 00:36:24,573 I'm not taking them back. 646 00:36:24,682 --> 00:36:25,842 Yeah, you are taking them back. 647 00:36:25,950 --> 00:36:28,441 Hey, back off, you fucking psycho! 648 00:36:31,522 --> 00:36:33,456 No wonder your wife's divorcing you. 649 00:36:35,493 --> 00:36:37,961 You son of a bitch! 650 00:36:38,229 --> 00:36:39,787 Oh, my God! 651 00:36:39,897 --> 00:36:40,829 Now you're messing with the bull. 652 00:36:40,932 --> 00:36:43,867 You're gonna get the horns. I'll kill you! 653 00:36:43,968 --> 00:36:46,232 -I'm gonna kick that guy's ass! -Do it! 654 00:36:46,337 --> 00:36:48,271 You want to dance? 655 00:36:48,339 --> 00:36:49,931 -You want to? -So let's do it. 656 00:36:50,007 --> 00:36:53,238 Come on. Relax. Relax. What's going on? 657 00:36:55,012 --> 00:36:56,479 Run away, Nancy boy. 658 00:36:56,581 --> 00:36:59,175 You're not a nice man. 659 00:36:59,283 --> 00:37:00,841 Yeah. Hey, say hi to your wife for me. 660 00:37:00,952 --> 00:37:02,613 Fuck you! 661 00:37:06,557 --> 00:37:07,888 Who are you? 662 00:37:07,992 --> 00:37:10,358 Just a guy doing his job. 663 00:37:21,639 --> 00:37:22,571 Taxi! 664 00:37:31,682 --> 00:37:34,242 This is it. Right here. 665 00:37:37,421 --> 00:37:39,412 You forgot to pay me! 666 00:37:46,564 --> 00:37:47,861 You can't go in there! 667 00:37:47,965 --> 00:37:49,660 You fucking bitch! 668 00:37:49,734 --> 00:37:51,224 I'm sorry. He just barged right in. 669 00:37:51,335 --> 00:37:53,462 It's OK, Sheila. 670 00:37:53,571 --> 00:37:57,302 Well, Dave, to what do I owe the pleasure? 671 00:37:57,408 --> 00:37:59,000 Don't play coy. 672 00:37:59,277 --> 00:38:00,801 OK, but I think we should try our best... 673 00:38:00,911 --> 00:38:01,900 to be civil about this. 674 00:38:02,013 --> 00:38:04,914 You know what? My wife is divorcing me! 675 00:38:05,016 --> 00:38:07,280 You can shove civil right up your ass, lady! 676 00:38:07,385 --> 00:38:10,047 All right, fair enough. Why don't you have a seat? 677 00:38:10,321 --> 00:38:13,256 I don't want to sit down! God damn it! 678 00:38:13,357 --> 00:38:14,517 OK, stand. 679 00:38:14,625 --> 00:38:16,559 What did you do? You cast some kind of spell on her? 680 00:38:16,627 --> 00:38:18,959 You some kind of voodoo queen, is that it? 681 00:38:19,063 --> 00:38:20,894 Actually, I was raised Catholic. 682 00:38:20,998 --> 00:38:24,399 Fuck you! I mean, look at this place! 683 00:38:24,502 --> 00:38:28,962 This office! I mean, it's fucking huge! 684 00:38:29,073 --> 00:38:31,701 You could have anyone, anyone you want, any man, woman! 685 00:38:31,809 --> 00:38:36,405 You have to pick my wife? I mean, that's just...Iazy! 686 00:38:36,514 --> 00:38:38,982 Why did it have to be my wife? 687 00:38:39,083 --> 00:38:41,017 Greta is a very attractive woman. 688 00:38:41,118 --> 00:38:44,451 She's not attractive. She's my wife. 689 00:38:44,555 --> 00:38:46,648 You seem to take a very possessive view of this. 690 00:38:46,757 --> 00:38:48,987 Hey, don't try any of your Jedi mind tricks... 691 00:38:49,093 --> 00:38:50,492 and make this all about me! 692 00:38:50,594 --> 00:38:52,858 All right, Dave, tell me something. 693 00:38:52,963 --> 00:38:56,091 How...how would you describe sex with Greta... 694 00:38:56,367 --> 00:38:58,096 prior to the moment... 695 00:38:58,369 --> 00:38:59,996 when you found her in post-coital bliss... 696 00:39:00,104 --> 00:39:01,036 with another woman? 697 00:39:01,138 --> 00:39:03,868 My wife is not a lesbian! 698 00:39:03,974 --> 00:39:05,566 It's not like I slipped her a Mickey... 699 00:39:05,676 --> 00:39:06,836 and had my way with her. 700 00:39:06,944 --> 00:39:08,775 I mean, she would have slept with a woman eventually. 701 00:39:08,879 --> 00:39:10,437 If not me, then someone else. 702 00:39:10,548 --> 00:39:12,311 You're full of shit! 703 00:39:12,416 --> 00:39:14,008 I think that you should accept... 704 00:39:14,118 --> 00:39:16,882 that Greta has figured out what she wants... 705 00:39:16,987 --> 00:39:19,888 and maybe it's time for you to do the same. 706 00:39:19,990 --> 00:39:21,855 I want my wife back! 707 00:39:21,959 --> 00:39:23,324 I don't see that happening. 708 00:39:23,427 --> 00:39:26,328 You are a fucking predator. That's what you are! 709 00:39:26,430 --> 00:39:27,761 Like a lioness? 710 00:39:27,832 --> 00:39:29,322 Or a cheetah? 711 00:39:29,433 --> 00:39:30,593 Yeah. That's right. 712 00:39:30,701 --> 00:39:31,998 You know, you just slink into our lives... 713 00:39:32,103 --> 00:39:33,593 with your hot talk and... 714 00:39:33,671 --> 00:39:37,334 oh, your incredible body... 715 00:39:37,441 --> 00:39:38,601 and you slip your panties off... 716 00:39:38,709 --> 00:39:41,075 and you expect everybody to drop everything and look! 717 00:39:41,178 --> 00:39:42,736 I'm not wearing any. 718 00:39:42,847 --> 00:39:44,405 -What? -Panties. 719 00:39:44,515 --> 00:39:45,482 What? 720 00:39:45,583 --> 00:39:48,916 Dave, do you know what you need? 721 00:39:49,019 --> 00:39:51,783 You need to fuck someone. 722 00:39:53,023 --> 00:39:54,650 You're evil. 723 00:39:54,759 --> 00:39:56,750 Is that what you want me to be? 724 00:39:56,861 --> 00:39:59,159 You are the coldest, most manipulative woman... 725 00:39:59,430 --> 00:40:00,761 I've ever met in my life! 726 00:40:00,865 --> 00:40:03,959 Talk, talk, talk. 727 00:40:04,034 --> 00:40:05,661 Fuck you! 728 00:40:13,544 --> 00:40:15,637 The woman who seduced your wife? 729 00:40:15,746 --> 00:40:17,771 Shit, dude, you got to write a porn movie. 730 00:40:17,882 --> 00:40:19,816 I'm telling you, man. 731 00:40:19,884 --> 00:40:21,511 You told me to be out there. 732 00:40:21,619 --> 00:40:23,519 I got out there. She was amazing. 733 00:40:23,621 --> 00:40:25,088 For the first time in my life... 734 00:40:25,189 --> 00:40:26,679 I know what it's like to be you. 735 00:40:26,757 --> 00:40:28,486 Hot blood is pumping through my veins. 736 00:40:28,559 --> 00:40:29,526 It's liberating! 737 00:40:29,593 --> 00:40:30,787 Quit it. Now you're starting to creep me out. 738 00:40:30,895 --> 00:40:33,125 I'm sorry, but it just feels fucking great. 739 00:40:35,599 --> 00:40:37,590 It's a fucking shoe commercial. 740 00:40:39,904 --> 00:40:40,836 Oh, hey, listen, I need a favor. 741 00:40:40,905 --> 00:40:41,997 What's up? 742 00:40:42,106 --> 00:40:43,733 Emily's coming to town tomorrow... 743 00:40:43,841 --> 00:40:45,536 and I need, like, an hour. 744 00:40:45,643 --> 00:40:47,110 What's so important? 745 00:40:47,211 --> 00:40:48,838 Her name is Uta. 746 00:40:48,946 --> 00:40:50,777 What are you going to tell Emily? 747 00:40:50,881 --> 00:40:52,940 I'll tell Emily that we're doing a photo shoot... 748 00:40:53,050 --> 00:40:54,517 at the apartment and she can't be there. 749 00:40:55,753 --> 00:40:56,981 What? 750 00:40:57,087 --> 00:40:58,679 Look, I don't have... 751 00:40:58,789 --> 00:41:00,222 the slightest trace of a conscience, OK? 752 00:41:00,491 --> 00:41:01,583 Is that what you want to hear? 753 00:41:01,692 --> 00:41:04,820 Are you going to help me out or not? 754 00:41:04,929 --> 00:41:05,861 I don't know. 755 00:41:05,930 --> 00:41:07,898 What's with the moral stance here? 756 00:41:07,998 --> 00:41:10,091 Does Greta know about Lily? 757 00:41:10,201 --> 00:41:11,532 I sure as shit hope not. 758 00:41:11,635 --> 00:41:12,829 All right. So here's what we do. 759 00:41:12,937 --> 00:41:13,995 We're going to tell Emily that we'll meet... 760 00:41:14,104 --> 00:41:15,571 at the Mod at, like, 8..00 for drinks, OK? 761 00:41:15,673 --> 00:41:17,834 You get there first. I'll show up a little late... 762 00:41:17,942 --> 00:41:19,705 and just say the shoot went over. 763 00:41:19,810 --> 00:41:20,834 Sorry. 764 00:41:38,128 --> 00:41:39,459 Andrea. 765 00:41:39,563 --> 00:41:44,626 Jake. Oh, my God. Hey. 766 00:41:46,003 --> 00:41:48,028 What a nice surprise. 767 00:41:48,138 --> 00:41:49,867 Thank you. 768 00:41:49,974 --> 00:41:52,636 Gosh, I haven't seen you since... 769 00:41:52,743 --> 00:41:54,142 Cal's party. 770 00:41:54,245 --> 00:41:55,769 Right. 771 00:41:55,846 --> 00:41:58,542 I've been meaning to call you about that. 772 00:41:58,649 --> 00:42:00,617 Oh. Oh, really? 773 00:42:00,718 --> 00:42:02,049 Yeah. 774 00:42:02,152 --> 00:42:04,780 Do you have his phone number? 775 00:42:05,890 --> 00:42:06,982 What? 776 00:42:07,091 --> 00:42:10,618 The poop never called me. 777 00:42:10,728 --> 00:42:13,663 I want to see if he wants to hook up again. 778 00:42:15,833 --> 00:42:17,596 You're kidding, right? 779 00:42:17,668 --> 00:42:19,761 No. 780 00:42:21,572 --> 00:42:24,097 Andrea, we went to that party together. 781 00:42:24,208 --> 00:42:26,870 Yeah. 782 00:42:28,279 --> 00:42:30,975 You know, I deserve an explanation. 783 00:42:31,081 --> 00:42:33,242 Come on. Please, tell me. 784 00:42:33,350 --> 00:42:37,116 Please, please, please, please, tell me! 785 00:42:39,757 --> 00:42:42,885 I just liked him better than you. 786 00:42:51,035 --> 00:42:54,698 I couldn't get this stain out. 787 00:43:19,964 --> 00:43:22,330 Hey, Jake, you know who wrote "Vanity Fair"? 788 00:43:22,399 --> 00:43:24,128 -Thackeray. -Thackeray. 789 00:43:24,234 --> 00:43:25,963 Thackeray... in stereo. 790 00:43:28,072 --> 00:43:29,266 You a fan? 791 00:43:29,373 --> 00:43:32,365 Actually, I prefer Henry James. 792 00:43:32,643 --> 00:43:35,043 I find James to be boring and pedantic. 793 00:43:35,145 --> 00:43:37,045 Really? 794 00:43:37,147 --> 00:43:39,138 No. I just always wanted to say that. 795 00:43:43,921 --> 00:43:47,618 So, can l buy you a drink? 796 00:43:48,792 --> 00:43:49,850 Sure. 797 00:43:49,960 --> 00:43:51,723 Great. Hey, Mike. Can I get another round... 798 00:43:51,829 --> 00:43:53,592 and a little something for the lady? 799 00:43:53,697 --> 00:43:54,857 Grey Goose martini, please. 800 00:43:54,965 --> 00:43:56,262 Thanks. 801 00:43:56,367 --> 00:43:59,029 It's nice to see someone else drinking alone. 802 00:43:59,136 --> 00:44:01,263 Oh, come on. 803 00:44:01,372 --> 00:44:04,000 You're charming. You're well read. 804 00:44:04,108 --> 00:44:05,871 I mean, how bad can it be? 805 00:44:05,943 --> 00:44:06,875 You don't want to know. 806 00:44:06,944 --> 00:44:09,344 All right, try me. Give me an example. 807 00:44:10,848 --> 00:44:12,816 OK. Here's the latest. 808 00:44:12,916 --> 00:44:15,316 I'm dating this girl, and we're dating for a while... 809 00:44:15,419 --> 00:44:18,183 and I think that, you know, she might be the one. 810 00:44:18,288 --> 00:44:20,882 And about 3 weeks ago, I take her to this party... 811 00:44:20,991 --> 00:44:24,017 and she ends up going to bed, while I'm still there... 812 00:44:24,128 --> 00:44:25,857 with the guy who threw the party. 813 00:44:28,465 --> 00:44:30,626 And he's got a girlfriend, to boot. 814 00:44:30,734 --> 00:44:32,964 Oh, what an asshole. 815 00:44:33,070 --> 00:44:35,800 You have no idea. 816 00:44:35,906 --> 00:44:37,635 How did his girlfriend not know? 817 00:44:37,741 --> 00:44:40,801 Evidently she travels a lot. 818 00:44:40,911 --> 00:44:42,276 Really? 819 00:44:42,346 --> 00:44:44,746 But still... what kind of idiot... 820 00:44:44,848 --> 00:44:47,817 would she have to be not to have caught on by now? 821 00:44:47,918 --> 00:44:50,216 Yeah. Well, what does the boyfriend do? 822 00:44:50,320 --> 00:44:52,083 Fashion photographer. Can you believe that? 823 00:44:52,156 --> 00:44:53,350 What a cliche. 824 00:44:53,457 --> 00:44:55,652 He's been living with this girl for, like, 5 years... 825 00:44:55,759 --> 00:44:58,421 and he sleeps with a new model every night of the week. 826 00:45:02,332 --> 00:45:03,856 What's his name? 827 00:45:03,967 --> 00:45:05,764 Why? 828 00:45:07,371 --> 00:45:08,929 Why? Wait. What's yours? 829 00:45:09,039 --> 00:45:10,404 Emily! 830 00:45:10,507 --> 00:45:11,940 Hey, sorry I'm late. 831 00:45:12,042 --> 00:45:14,340 I got caught up at work. Is Cal here yet? 832 00:45:14,445 --> 00:45:15,343 Jake, what are you doing here? 833 00:45:15,446 --> 00:45:16,708 No, listen, l-- 834 00:45:16,814 --> 00:45:19,806 I think your pal here was just telling me... 835 00:45:19,917 --> 00:45:23,250 how Cal fucked his girlfriend at a party at my place. 836 00:45:23,353 --> 00:45:25,947 I'm sorry. What? What?! 837 00:45:26,056 --> 00:45:27,182 I--l-- 838 00:45:27,291 --> 00:45:30,089 Dave, has Cal been cheating on me... 839 00:45:30,194 --> 00:45:32,458 for the last 5 years? 840 00:45:32,529 --> 00:45:34,224 I beg your pardon? 841 00:45:36,900 --> 00:45:38,197 You knew. 842 00:45:41,038 --> 00:45:41,970 What the fuck just happened here? 843 00:45:42,072 --> 00:45:44,097 Hey, hey, hey! I--l--l-- 844 00:45:44,208 --> 00:45:46,972 Did you tell Emily that Cal's been cheating on her? 845 00:45:47,077 --> 00:45:49,102 How was I supposed to know who she was? 846 00:45:49,213 --> 00:45:50,840 What are you doing here, anyway? 847 00:45:50,948 --> 00:45:52,848 What are you, high? I'm always here. 848 00:45:52,950 --> 00:45:55,441 This is not good. 849 00:45:58,255 --> 00:46:00,723 Hey. Leave it at the beep. 850 00:46:00,824 --> 00:46:03,156 Cal. Cal, it's Dave. Pick up. 851 00:46:03,227 --> 00:46:05,855 Emily knows. She's on her way over. 852 00:46:05,963 --> 00:46:08,955 Just call me back. 853 00:46:09,066 --> 00:46:11,296 I don't know what the fuck you're saying... 854 00:46:11,401 --> 00:46:11,924 but keep going. 855 00:46:18,075 --> 00:46:19,007 Right here. 856 00:46:27,551 --> 00:46:29,018 Hey. 857 00:46:29,119 --> 00:46:30,484 How you doing? 858 00:46:30,587 --> 00:46:33,385 You fucking asshole! 859 00:46:35,125 --> 00:46:36,353 What was that for? 860 00:46:36,460 --> 00:46:37,757 You're an asshole. 861 00:46:37,861 --> 00:46:38,759 What? 862 00:46:38,862 --> 00:46:39,794 Cheating on me. 863 00:46:39,897 --> 00:46:41,330 No, I haven't. 864 00:46:46,103 --> 00:46:47,161 You have somebody here right now. 865 00:46:47,271 --> 00:46:48,761 No, I don't. 866 00:46:59,016 --> 00:47:00,381 Asshole! 867 00:47:16,033 --> 00:47:17,830 Did she do that to you? 868 00:47:19,036 --> 00:47:20,333 Yeah. She has a hell of a right. 869 00:47:23,574 --> 00:47:25,371 Dude, what the fuck happened, man? 870 00:47:25,475 --> 00:47:27,204 You were supposed to keep her at the bar. 871 00:47:27,311 --> 00:47:29,939 Well, l...I was a little late... 872 00:47:30,047 --> 00:47:32,242 and she was talking to Jake. 873 00:47:36,486 --> 00:47:38,351 She was talking to Jake? 874 00:47:38,455 --> 00:47:41,515 He...accidentally... 875 00:47:41,625 --> 00:47:44,219 Told her? That fucker told her? 876 00:47:44,328 --> 00:47:45,386 Oh, fuck! 877 00:47:45,495 --> 00:47:47,258 I'm going to kill that whiny little prick! 878 00:47:47,364 --> 00:47:49,161 He didn't know who she was. 879 00:47:49,266 --> 00:47:50,961 I'm going to kill him. 880 00:47:51,068 --> 00:47:54,003 Cal, where are my boots? 881 00:48:02,512 --> 00:48:05,276 Ah, here they are. 882 00:48:11,088 --> 00:48:13,113 Who the fuck was that? 883 00:48:16,526 --> 00:48:18,289 Uta. 884 00:48:22,532 --> 00:48:24,466 What is she still doing here? 885 00:48:24,534 --> 00:48:27,503 I guess the fireworks kind of turned her on. 886 00:48:27,571 --> 00:48:30,870 So you slept with her again? 887 00:48:30,974 --> 00:48:33,875 Yeah. What was I going to do, blow my brains out? 888 00:48:44,988 --> 00:48:50,016 You know, you have this thing with someone... 889 00:48:50,127 --> 00:48:53,255 and you think it's special. 890 00:48:55,999 --> 00:48:59,560 He's the only guy I've ever slept with. 891 00:48:59,670 --> 00:49:01,934 You've never been with anybody else? 892 00:49:03,707 --> 00:49:05,038 No. 893 00:49:05,142 --> 00:49:07,633 And you never had any idea? 894 00:49:07,744 --> 00:49:09,302 I mean...yeah... 895 00:49:09,413 --> 00:49:11,176 there was always models around... 896 00:49:11,281 --> 00:49:14,512 but Cal's a fashion photographer. 897 00:49:14,618 --> 00:49:16,085 Photographer. 898 00:49:20,190 --> 00:49:22,124 He's still a total shit. 899 00:49:22,225 --> 00:49:24,625 I can't believe Dave fucking knew. 900 00:49:24,728 --> 00:49:27,219 They're all assholes. 901 00:49:27,331 --> 00:49:29,128 True, true. 902 00:49:30,600 --> 00:49:32,363 Well, don't worry about a thing, Em. 903 00:49:32,436 --> 00:49:34,199 You can stay here as long as you need. 904 00:49:58,195 --> 00:49:59,560 Sorry, dude. Emergency. 905 00:50:07,204 --> 00:50:08,671 What's going on, man? 906 00:50:08,772 --> 00:50:10,239 Hey, Jake. Love your shampoo. 907 00:50:10,340 --> 00:50:12,365 Where did you get it? 908 00:50:16,179 --> 00:50:17,373 Lily's in my shower. 909 00:50:17,481 --> 00:50:19,073 Yeah. 910 00:50:19,182 --> 00:50:22,208 The woman who humiliated me and destroyed your marriage... 911 00:50:22,319 --> 00:50:24,253 is in my bathroom taking a shower. 912 00:50:24,354 --> 00:50:26,254 You wouldn't know anything about that, would you? 913 00:50:26,356 --> 00:50:28,688 Well, you know, a couple of weeks ago... 914 00:50:28,792 --> 00:50:30,521 when Greta gave me the divorce papers? 915 00:50:30,627 --> 00:50:32,527 I went to Lily's office to confront her. 916 00:50:32,629 --> 00:50:33,561 Well, the next thing I know... 917 00:50:33,663 --> 00:50:35,790 we're having sex on her desk. 918 00:50:36,066 --> 00:50:37,260 This is insane! 919 00:50:37,334 --> 00:50:39,302 After everything that bisexual freak did... 920 00:50:39,369 --> 00:50:40,700 you're diddling her? 921 00:50:40,804 --> 00:50:43,272 She prefers the term omnisexual. 922 00:50:43,373 --> 00:50:45,807 Who gives a shit? 923 00:50:46,076 --> 00:50:47,805 You know she's in there using my shampoo? 924 00:50:48,078 --> 00:50:50,273 I don't want to share my shampoo with that woman! 925 00:50:50,380 --> 00:50:51,711 Wait. What are you doing? 926 00:50:53,250 --> 00:50:56,515 That's my shampoo. Give me my shampoo! 927 00:50:56,620 --> 00:50:57,814 This! These are mine! 928 00:50:58,088 --> 00:50:59,112 What the hell are you doing? 929 00:50:59,222 --> 00:51:00,553 She can fucking drip-dry. 930 00:51:00,657 --> 00:51:01,817 I gave you a place to stay... 931 00:51:02,092 --> 00:51:03,286 when you had nowhere else to go. 932 00:51:03,393 --> 00:51:06,453 Is this how you repay me, by going behind my back? 933 00:51:06,563 --> 00:51:08,656 Jake, you don't understand. 934 00:51:08,765 --> 00:51:12,531 I mean, this woman, this woman is so porn. 935 00:51:12,636 --> 00:51:13,830 Hey, I've watched porn. 936 00:51:14,104 --> 00:51:15,435 I've seen John Holmes in action. 937 00:51:15,539 --> 00:51:17,166 Believe me, you're no John Holmes. 938 00:51:17,274 --> 00:51:18,639 I'm not saying I'm John Holmes! 939 00:51:18,708 --> 00:51:20,505 You're Cal. 940 00:51:20,610 --> 00:51:22,134 Wait a minute. What are you talking about? 941 00:51:22,212 --> 00:51:23,179 You want to be him so badly... 942 00:51:23,280 --> 00:51:24,304 you even fucked my date! 943 00:51:24,414 --> 00:51:25,574 Wake up, Dave, and while you're at it... 944 00:51:25,682 --> 00:51:26,740 get the fuck out of my apartment. 945 00:51:26,850 --> 00:51:28,283 -Come on, Jake. -You heard me. 946 00:51:28,385 --> 00:51:30,512 When I get back, I want you and that velociraptor gone. 947 00:51:30,620 --> 00:51:32,144 Jake, come on. Jake. 948 00:51:51,875 --> 00:51:53,467 Hello. 949 00:51:53,577 --> 00:51:56,205 Hello. Is this Emily? 950 00:51:56,313 --> 00:51:57,507 Yeah. 951 00:51:57,581 --> 00:51:59,208 Hi. It's Jake. 952 00:51:59,316 --> 00:52:01,477 From the bar. 953 00:52:01,585 --> 00:52:04,884 I spilled the beans about Cal. 954 00:52:05,155 --> 00:52:06,213 What do you want? 955 00:52:06,323 --> 00:52:08,655 I was wondering if we could talk. 956 00:52:08,758 --> 00:52:10,783 Can I come up? 957 00:52:10,894 --> 00:52:13,362 No. I'll come down. 958 00:52:13,463 --> 00:52:16,364 I'll be the guy on the stoop. 959 00:52:16,466 --> 00:52:17,831 Hello? 960 00:52:27,611 --> 00:52:28,908 What? 961 00:52:30,547 --> 00:52:31,514 Look, I know we didn't meet... 962 00:52:31,615 --> 00:52:32,775 under the best of circumstances... 963 00:52:32,883 --> 00:52:34,783 but I just wanted to let you know... 964 00:52:34,885 --> 00:52:37,445 that I feel like a total jerk for what happened. 965 00:52:37,554 --> 00:52:39,613 That makes two of us. 966 00:52:39,723 --> 00:52:42,385 Wait. We both think I'm a jerk... 967 00:52:42,492 --> 00:52:44,187 or we both feel like jerks? 968 00:52:44,294 --> 00:52:47,263 Draw your own conclusion. 969 00:52:47,364 --> 00:52:48,797 Look, it was easy for me... 970 00:52:48,899 --> 00:52:51,595 to think of you in the abstract as some idiot. 971 00:52:51,701 --> 00:52:55,159 In fact, the only idiot here is me. 972 00:52:57,774 --> 00:53:01,232 No, you were right. I was an idiot. 973 00:53:06,383 --> 00:53:08,283 If I could take it back, I would. 974 00:53:08,385 --> 00:53:10,148 So you're saying you'd be like Dave... 975 00:53:10,253 --> 00:53:12,847 and just let Cal keep doing what he was doing? 976 00:53:12,956 --> 00:53:14,423 I'm just saying I don't know... 977 00:53:14,524 --> 00:53:15,855 if I could say something like that... 978 00:53:15,959 --> 00:53:18,189 to someone if I knew it would hurt them. 979 00:53:18,295 --> 00:53:20,957 What are you, one of these nice guys? 980 00:53:21,231 --> 00:53:23,199 Is that your thing? 981 00:53:24,668 --> 00:53:26,295 Does that work on anyone? 982 00:53:26,403 --> 00:53:29,668 Because it's been monumentally unsuccessful so far. 983 00:53:31,408 --> 00:53:35,469 Yeah. Well, I guess I wouldn't know. 984 00:53:36,546 --> 00:53:37,843 I have a theory. 985 00:53:37,948 --> 00:53:39,882 You can be either one of two things... 986 00:53:39,983 --> 00:53:42,918 in a relationship-- a pig or a chicken. 987 00:53:45,689 --> 00:53:48,283 In a ham and egg breakfast... 988 00:53:48,391 --> 00:53:51,554 the chicken is involved, but the pig is committed. 989 00:53:51,661 --> 00:53:53,561 So, you didn't do anything wrong. 990 00:53:53,663 --> 00:53:54,891 It's just that... 991 00:53:54,998 --> 00:53:58,934 you're a pig who got into a relationship with a chicken. 992 00:54:00,570 --> 00:54:03,403 All right. I get that whole little story there. 993 00:54:05,308 --> 00:54:08,709 Except for the part about me being a pig. 994 00:54:10,547 --> 00:54:12,606 OK, yeah, that was a bad analogy... 995 00:54:12,716 --> 00:54:13,740 and it needs work, but... 996 00:54:15,619 --> 00:54:20,454 But...see, you're a good person who deserves the best. 997 00:54:22,492 --> 00:54:24,687 In fact...in fact, say that with me. 998 00:54:26,596 --> 00:54:28,359 I can't hear you. I want to-- 999 00:54:28,465 --> 00:54:30,296 I am a great person... 1000 00:54:30,367 --> 00:54:32,028 I'm a great person. 1001 00:54:32,302 --> 00:54:33,360 Who deserves the best. 1002 00:54:33,470 --> 00:54:34,960 Who deserves the best. 1003 00:54:35,038 --> 00:54:36,232 And I will buy you a fudgsicle. 1004 00:54:36,339 --> 00:54:39,001 OK. And I will accept. Thank you. 1005 00:54:39,276 --> 00:54:41,506 No. You are going to buy me a fudgsicle. 1006 00:54:41,611 --> 00:54:42,839 You're supposed to repeat me. 1007 00:54:42,912 --> 00:54:44,379 Oh, you're really funny. 1008 00:54:44,481 --> 00:54:46,244 Thank you very much. Did you bring any change? 1009 00:54:46,349 --> 00:54:47,509 No. You're going to buy me one. 1010 00:54:47,617 --> 00:54:48,276 -I'm Not buying you anything. -Yes, you are. 1011 00:54:55,392 --> 00:54:58,520 My client only has one simple stipulation. 1012 00:54:58,628 --> 00:55:01,961 Greta Siegel was caught in flagrante delicto... 1013 00:55:02,065 --> 00:55:03,293 with a woman. 1014 00:55:03,400 --> 00:55:05,698 So this entitles him to everything? 1015 00:55:05,802 --> 00:55:07,269 So they bought the apartment together. 1016 00:55:07,370 --> 00:55:08,530 He's supposed to walk away from the equity? 1017 00:55:08,638 --> 00:55:10,401 Well, if she keeps up the mortgage payments... 1018 00:55:10,507 --> 00:55:11,701 how will that affect-- 1019 00:55:11,808 --> 00:55:13,571 You're dancing around the issue, counselor. 1020 00:55:13,677 --> 00:55:15,406 Do we really have to go through all this? 1021 00:55:15,512 --> 00:55:16,843 You tell me. I'm not the one... 1022 00:55:16,913 --> 00:55:18,278 who walked away from this marriage. 1023 00:55:18,381 --> 00:55:19,507 Take it easy, Dave. 1024 00:55:19,616 --> 00:55:21,550 Mr. Siegel, have you had sexual intercourse at all... 1025 00:55:21,618 --> 00:55:23,643 since you moved out of your apartment? 1026 00:55:23,753 --> 00:55:24,845 What's that got to do with anything? 1027 00:55:24,954 --> 00:55:25,943 Will you let me handle this? 1028 00:55:26,056 --> 00:55:27,455 What has that got to do with anything? 1029 00:55:27,557 --> 00:55:28,546 Just trying to establish... 1030 00:55:28,658 --> 00:55:30,683 if your client is moving on with his life, and if so... 1031 00:55:30,760 --> 00:55:32,591 I think that does have a bearing on the situation. 1032 00:55:32,696 --> 00:55:33,993 You do not have to answer that. 1033 00:55:34,097 --> 00:55:36,429 Actually, I would like to answer that. 1034 00:55:36,533 --> 00:55:37,727 Yes. 1035 00:55:37,834 --> 00:55:40,997 I have slept with someone since. 1036 00:55:42,672 --> 00:55:43,866 Who? 1037 00:55:43,973 --> 00:55:46,100 Please. Who? 1038 00:55:48,545 --> 00:55:52,413 One Lily Kildear. 1039 00:55:54,751 --> 00:55:55,945 What? 1040 00:55:56,052 --> 00:55:57,314 That's right. 1041 00:55:57,420 --> 00:55:59,718 Wait a minute. Dave, you slept with Lily Kildear? 1042 00:55:59,789 --> 00:56:02,451 That being the woman with whom I caught my wife... 1043 00:56:02,559 --> 00:56:04,754 in flagrante de... whatever. 1044 00:56:04,861 --> 00:56:05,793 Really? 1045 00:56:05,895 --> 00:56:07,385 Dave, why didn't you tell me this? 1046 00:56:07,464 --> 00:56:08,556 -How long? -Why? 1047 00:56:08,665 --> 00:56:09,597 What difference does it make? 1048 00:56:09,666 --> 00:56:10,724 She's a lawyer in this firm. 1049 00:56:10,834 --> 00:56:12,028 She's about to be made a partner. 1050 00:56:12,135 --> 00:56:13,659 How do you think I found you guys--subway ads? 1051 00:56:13,770 --> 00:56:14,737 How long? 1052 00:56:14,838 --> 00:56:16,135 Holy shit. 1053 00:56:16,406 --> 00:56:18,533 Please strike my last remark. 1054 00:56:18,641 --> 00:56:19,665 I think you should leave that in the record. 1055 00:56:19,776 --> 00:56:20,674 What do you mean? You can't represent me anymore? 1056 00:56:20,777 --> 00:56:22,108 Hey! How long have you been sleeping... 1057 00:56:22,178 --> 00:56:23,736 with my girlfriend? 1058 00:56:23,847 --> 00:56:25,940 Oh, so now she's your girlfriend. 1059 00:56:26,049 --> 00:56:27,482 Did you get that? 1060 00:56:27,584 --> 00:56:29,074 I'm going to ask you to stop talking. 1061 00:56:29,185 --> 00:56:30,618 Not until after you did it, if that's what you're asking... 1062 00:56:30,687 --> 00:56:32,917 but with great frequency since then. 1063 00:56:32,989 --> 00:56:34,354 Dave, you don't want to say things like that. 1064 00:56:34,457 --> 00:56:35,788 I've heard of some pretty shitty things, Dave... 1065 00:56:35,859 --> 00:56:37,121 but this is a new low. 1066 00:56:37,193 --> 00:56:38,922 Why don't we just settle this right now? 1067 00:56:38,995 --> 00:56:40,485 What are you talking about? 1068 00:56:40,597 --> 00:56:42,827 This is her firm, right? 1069 00:56:44,734 --> 00:56:47,601 You fucking prick! 1070 00:56:48,772 --> 00:56:50,637 I've been banging her brains out, Greta. 1071 00:56:50,740 --> 00:56:52,970 She said so herself. How's your sex been? 1072 00:56:53,042 --> 00:56:54,168 Go fuck yourself. 1073 00:56:54,444 --> 00:56:56,412 Don't need to. Getting all I can handle from her. 1074 00:56:57,580 --> 00:56:58,512 Did you see that? 1075 00:56:58,615 --> 00:57:00,810 Spousal abuse. Add that to the list. 1076 00:57:00,917 --> 00:57:02,384 Where's Lily Kildear? 1077 00:57:02,485 --> 00:57:04,077 She's...back there. 1078 00:57:04,187 --> 00:57:05,882 But you can't go back there! 1079 00:57:05,989 --> 00:57:07,889 You can't go in there, sir! 1080 00:57:07,991 --> 00:57:09,390 -Hey, Sheila. -Hey. 1081 00:57:09,492 --> 00:57:11,392 You can't go back there, folks. 1082 00:57:11,494 --> 00:57:12,552 Thanks. 1083 00:57:12,662 --> 00:57:13,959 Well, absolutely not. 1084 00:57:14,030 --> 00:57:15,691 If he doesn't sign on the dotted line at 3 p.m.-- 1085 00:57:15,799 --> 00:57:16,788 How could you? 1086 00:57:16,900 --> 00:57:18,959 I will call you right back. 1087 00:57:21,504 --> 00:57:23,028 How could I what, Greta? 1088 00:57:23,139 --> 00:57:24,663 How could you sleep with Dave? 1089 00:57:24,774 --> 00:57:25,934 I thought that we had something special. 1090 00:57:26,042 --> 00:57:27,839 You thought you had something special? 1091 00:57:27,911 --> 00:57:29,572 Oh, this is great. 1092 00:57:30,647 --> 00:57:31,545 Hi, Hal. 1093 00:57:31,648 --> 00:57:33,980 Lily. 1094 00:57:34,050 --> 00:57:35,074 What's going on here? 1095 00:57:35,185 --> 00:57:36,675 I'll tell you what's going on! 1096 00:57:36,786 --> 00:57:38,981 You cheated on me with him. 1097 00:57:39,055 --> 00:57:41,080 Like you did on him with me? 1098 00:57:41,191 --> 00:57:42,215 Exactly. 1099 00:57:43,927 --> 00:57:45,417 I won't stand for this. 1100 00:57:45,528 --> 00:57:47,553 Why don't you just make a choice right now? 1101 00:57:47,664 --> 00:57:49,791 Her or...me. 1102 00:57:57,941 --> 00:57:59,431 Neither one of you. 1103 00:58:00,677 --> 00:58:01,735 What? 1104 00:58:01,845 --> 00:58:03,039 I beg your pardon? 1105 00:58:03,146 --> 00:58:04,579 Ever seen one like this before? 1106 00:58:04,681 --> 00:58:05,841 Prayed for it. 1107 00:58:05,949 --> 00:58:08,213 Wait, wait. Are you... are you serious? 1108 00:58:08,284 --> 00:58:11,048 I don't understand. 1109 00:58:12,822 --> 00:58:15,848 Listen, Greta, sweetie, what we had was wonderful... 1110 00:58:15,925 --> 00:58:20,259 but that happily-ever-after thing really isn't my style. 1111 00:58:21,698 --> 00:58:23,996 I think I'm gonna be sick. 1112 00:58:24,100 --> 00:58:27,035 Look, you both got something you badly needed... 1113 00:58:27,136 --> 00:58:28,967 and we've had a good time. 1114 00:58:44,287 --> 00:58:46,050 You still find this a... 1115 00:58:46,122 --> 00:58:47,919 conflict of interest? 1116 00:58:47,991 --> 00:58:49,618 Well, it's tricky. 1117 00:58:49,726 --> 00:58:50,920 Good. You're fired. 1118 00:58:55,732 --> 00:58:57,757 You're a piece of work. 1119 00:58:57,867 --> 00:59:00,597 You're not getting in my pants, Hal. 1120 00:59:01,971 --> 00:59:04,667 Worth a shot, eh? 1121 00:59:14,250 --> 00:59:16,115 All right. 1122 00:59:18,888 --> 00:59:22,119 I'll just... get the door. 1123 00:59:25,895 --> 00:59:27,055 Good. 1124 00:59:27,163 --> 00:59:28,790 Try your hand up. 1125 00:59:28,898 --> 00:59:30,889 That's it. Good. 1126 00:59:33,903 --> 00:59:35,302 Turn around. 1127 00:59:43,046 --> 00:59:45,640 We'll take a break for a second. 1128 01:01:26,015 --> 01:01:27,778 Thank you for meeting me. 1129 01:01:27,884 --> 01:01:29,249 What do you want, Cal? 1130 01:01:30,720 --> 01:01:32,347 I just want to talk to you. 1131 01:01:32,455 --> 01:01:33,786 Then talk. 1132 01:01:33,890 --> 01:01:35,221 Can't we walk? 1133 01:01:35,291 --> 01:01:39,227 You want to walk and talk? Fine. 1134 01:01:41,898 --> 01:01:43,798 I'm really sorry, Emily. 1135 01:01:43,900 --> 01:01:45,663 Great. Is that it? 1136 01:01:45,768 --> 01:01:48,100 No, that's not it. 1137 01:01:48,171 --> 01:01:50,799 You really look great. 1138 01:01:50,907 --> 01:01:53,205 What do you want, Cal? 1139 01:01:53,309 --> 01:01:55,243 You've been hanging out with Jake a lot, huh? 1140 01:01:55,311 --> 01:01:57,404 Yeah. He's been really supportive. 1141 01:01:57,513 --> 01:01:59,447 Emily, marry me. 1142 01:01:59,716 --> 01:02:01,081 What? 1143 01:02:01,150 --> 01:02:02,378 Are you crazy? 1144 01:02:02,485 --> 01:02:04,316 I'm ready to make a commitment. 1145 01:02:04,420 --> 01:02:05,944 Well, I was committed, but you were too busy... 1146 01:02:06,022 --> 01:02:08,081 screwing your way through a Victoria's Secret catalog. 1147 01:02:08,157 --> 01:02:09,818 You are the best thing that ever happened to me... 1148 01:02:09,926 --> 01:02:11,791 and I refuse to let you go without a fight. 1149 01:02:14,363 --> 01:02:16,831 I just...I need to think for a second. 1150 01:02:16,933 --> 01:02:21,097 While you're thinking, take a look at this. 1151 01:02:21,170 --> 01:02:23,070 Oh, my God. 1152 01:02:25,007 --> 01:02:27,100 I swear to you, I am through with other women. 1153 01:02:27,210 --> 01:02:29,144 I've sown my wild oats, and statistically speaking... 1154 01:02:29,212 --> 01:02:30,839 I'm less likely to cheat on you... 1155 01:02:30,947 --> 01:02:32,847 or have a mid-life crisis at this point. 1156 01:02:32,949 --> 01:02:34,280 Wait a second. 1157 01:02:34,350 --> 01:02:36,750 How do I know that you're being honest? 1158 01:02:36,853 --> 01:02:40,118 Just because you're giving me some ring? 1159 01:02:40,189 --> 01:02:44,285 An incredibly gorgeous ring? 1160 01:02:46,095 --> 01:02:47,426 How do I know... 1161 01:02:47,530 --> 01:02:49,088 that you're not going to betray me again? 1162 01:02:57,240 --> 01:02:59,401 A prenuptial agreement? 1163 01:02:59,509 --> 01:03:01,306 It says here that if I cheat on you... 1164 01:03:01,377 --> 01:03:03,436 you're entitled to 70% of everything that I have. 1165 01:03:05,815 --> 01:03:08,978 Well, I thought 70% was fair. 1166 01:03:09,051 --> 01:03:12,145 It is, but it's not about that. 1167 01:03:12,221 --> 01:03:14,155 It's the fact that you're giving yourself... 1168 01:03:14,223 --> 01:03:16,851 an economic incentive not to cheat on me. 1169 01:03:16,959 --> 01:03:18,893 I don't think you're seeing the big picture here. 1170 01:03:18,995 --> 01:03:21,987 I wouldn't do this if I didn't think that... 1171 01:03:22,098 --> 01:03:23,929 I could do this. 1172 01:03:25,568 --> 01:03:28,162 Emily, I love you so much. 1173 01:03:29,238 --> 01:03:31,206 Emily, please marry me. 1174 01:03:37,914 --> 01:03:39,381 She said yes. 1175 01:03:39,482 --> 01:03:40,414 Who? 1176 01:03:40,516 --> 01:03:42,347 Emily. We're getting married. 1177 01:03:42,418 --> 01:03:43,908 What? 1178 01:03:44,020 --> 01:03:45,885 That's right. I saw her today and she agreed to marry me. 1179 01:03:45,988 --> 01:03:49,048 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That seems awfully drastic, Cal. 1180 01:03:49,158 --> 01:03:50,489 I needed to do something drastic, David. 1181 01:03:50,593 --> 01:03:51,924 I needed to turn my life around. 1182 01:03:52,028 --> 01:03:53,359 Yeah, but are you sure you're ready for this... 1183 01:03:53,429 --> 01:03:54,487 I mean, to be faithful? 1184 01:03:54,597 --> 01:03:56,792 You do know you're going to have to be faithful, right? 1185 01:03:56,899 --> 01:03:57,888 Yes, yes, I know. 1186 01:03:58,000 --> 01:03:59,934 I'm giving you the best news of my life here. 1187 01:04:00,036 --> 01:04:01,435 You're supposed to be happy for me. 1188 01:04:01,537 --> 01:04:03,061 I come into the apartment, it's like something... 1189 01:04:03,172 --> 01:04:04,503 out of "lnvasion of the Body Snatchers." 1190 01:04:04,607 --> 01:04:06,575 Where are you hiding the pods? Where's my friend Cal? 1191 01:04:06,843 --> 01:04:08,606 What are you talking about? 1192 01:04:08,878 --> 01:04:10,072 You can't just change overnight. 1193 01:04:10,179 --> 01:04:11,407 You are who you are. 1194 01:04:11,514 --> 01:04:13,209 You know what? Fuck you. 1195 01:04:13,316 --> 01:04:15,307 Fuck you, and fuck your pods. 1196 01:04:15,418 --> 01:04:17,010 Just because your life is in the toilet... 1197 01:04:17,119 --> 01:04:19,917 doesn't mean everyone else has to live there, too. 1198 01:04:20,022 --> 01:04:21,819 I don't want everyone to live in the toilet! 1199 01:04:21,924 --> 01:04:23,255 It's just that-- 1200 01:04:23,326 --> 01:04:25,055 Christ, Dave, you know what? 1201 01:04:25,127 --> 01:04:27,391 I ask you over here to see if you want to be my best man... 1202 01:04:27,463 --> 01:04:29,260 and you're acting like I just took a dump on your forehead. 1203 01:04:32,068 --> 01:04:33,968 Your best man? 1204 01:04:34,070 --> 01:04:35,970 Yes. 1205 01:04:36,072 --> 01:04:37,437 God. 1206 01:04:39,141 --> 01:04:40,870 Well? 1207 01:04:42,478 --> 01:04:45,038 OK, sure. I'll be your best man. 1208 01:04:45,147 --> 01:04:47,638 Ah, yes. Thank you. 1209 01:04:47,917 --> 01:04:49,407 I got to tell you, I've never been more sure... 1210 01:04:49,485 --> 01:04:51,476 of anything in my whole entire life. 1211 01:04:52,989 --> 01:04:54,183 I could kiss you. 1212 01:04:54,290 --> 01:04:56,019 There. I just did. 1213 01:05:04,100 --> 01:05:05,533 Yep. Come in. 1214 01:05:08,170 --> 01:05:10,434 Hey! What a nice surprise. 1215 01:05:10,506 --> 01:05:12,098 Can I come in? 1216 01:05:31,527 --> 01:05:33,461 Sorry. I thought you'd be out. 1217 01:05:33,529 --> 01:05:36,020 I just wanted to get some of my stuff. 1218 01:05:36,132 --> 01:05:37,622 Don't worry about it. 1219 01:05:41,137 --> 01:05:43,401 So, I see you've painted... 1220 01:05:44,507 --> 01:05:47,032 and unpacked. 1221 01:05:47,143 --> 01:05:49,577 Seems like you're really settling in here. 1222 01:05:49,679 --> 01:05:52,648 Dave, don't make this more difficult than it is. 1223 01:05:52,748 --> 01:05:54,477 Oh, I'm sorry. I'm being difficult? 1224 01:05:54,550 --> 01:05:56,142 I'm not the one who decided to embark... 1225 01:05:56,252 --> 01:05:59,016 on some kind of lesbian sex odyssey. 1226 01:05:59,121 --> 01:06:00,349 I mean, how the fuck... 1227 01:06:00,423 --> 01:06:02,050 could you do this all of a sudden? 1228 01:06:02,158 --> 01:06:05,025 It's like the way you drive. You don't use your signals. 1229 01:06:05,127 --> 01:06:07,152 You've got to give a person some kind of a warning. 1230 01:06:07,263 --> 01:06:08,992 What are you talking about? 1231 01:06:09,098 --> 01:06:11,157 I'm talking about giving a person a warning... 1232 01:06:11,267 --> 01:06:13,064 some signals, not blind-siding somebody. 1233 01:06:13,169 --> 01:06:15,069 You remember that time we drove out to the beach... 1234 01:06:15,171 --> 01:06:17,071 and you side-swiped that old guy in the Lincoln? 1235 01:06:17,173 --> 01:06:19,505 I mean, that was because you weren't using your signals. 1236 01:06:19,575 --> 01:06:21,202 You tried to merge without-- 1237 01:06:21,310 --> 01:06:24,006 Shut up! 1238 01:06:31,587 --> 01:06:34,647 I don't think you have any idea... 1239 01:06:34,757 --> 01:06:37,191 how hard this is on me, too. 1240 01:06:44,333 --> 01:06:48,702 Yeah. Yeah. I mean, l... 1241 01:06:50,339 --> 01:06:53,069 I know this is hard for you... 1242 01:06:53,175 --> 01:06:55,075 and I know... 1243 01:06:55,177 --> 01:06:58,510 we've had our problems, but... 1244 01:06:58,614 --> 01:07:01,242 there was good stuff, too. 1245 01:07:01,350 --> 01:07:05,081 There was. There was. There is. 1246 01:07:05,187 --> 01:07:07,314 I don't know. 1247 01:07:20,236 --> 01:07:25,173 I'm sorry about the other day at the lawyer's office. 1248 01:07:25,274 --> 01:07:27,606 I feel horrible about that. 1249 01:07:29,378 --> 01:07:31,539 Me, too. 1250 01:07:34,517 --> 01:07:36,747 I miss you, Greta. 1251 01:07:38,354 --> 01:07:41,187 I miss you, Dave. 1252 01:07:42,658 --> 01:07:46,685 You are the most important thing in my life... 1253 01:07:46,796 --> 01:07:49,162 and I love you. 1254 01:07:50,833 --> 01:07:52,630 I'm sorry. 1255 01:07:55,137 --> 01:07:58,436 Oh, no, shh. It's OK. 1256 01:07:58,507 --> 01:07:59,565 I'm sorry, Dave. 1257 01:07:59,675 --> 01:08:01,336 It's OK. 1258 01:08:48,591 --> 01:08:50,115 Wow. 1259 01:08:54,463 --> 01:08:56,090 Holy shit. 1260 01:09:00,202 --> 01:09:02,170 I mean, Jesus, Greta. 1261 01:09:03,906 --> 01:09:05,498 Where the hell did you... 1262 01:09:07,476 --> 01:09:08,875 I mean, Jesus. 1263 01:09:10,946 --> 01:09:13,506 I can't remember the last time it was this great. 1264 01:09:15,317 --> 01:09:16,409 Can you? 1265 01:09:17,319 --> 01:09:19,685 Oh, my God. 1266 01:09:19,755 --> 01:09:22,690 And it wasn't just me, right? 1267 01:09:22,758 --> 01:09:23,850 This was great. 1268 01:09:27,930 --> 01:09:30,865 Oh, wow. Unreal. 1269 01:09:38,774 --> 01:09:40,366 Yeah, sweetie? 1270 01:09:44,613 --> 01:09:45,602 I'm a lesbian. 1271 01:09:46,649 --> 01:09:48,276 What? 1272 01:09:48,384 --> 01:09:51,410 I'm a lesbian. 1273 01:09:51,520 --> 01:09:53,420 I'm a lesbian! 1274 01:09:53,522 --> 01:09:54,819 Stop saying that. 1275 01:09:54,924 --> 01:09:56,755 I finally figured out that this is who I am... 1276 01:09:56,825 --> 01:09:58,690 and, Dave, I can't change that. 1277 01:09:58,794 --> 01:09:59,852 Oh, my God! 1278 01:10:01,530 --> 01:10:02,929 I never meant to hurt you. 1279 01:10:03,199 --> 01:10:05,258 You know, what do you think you're going to do, Greta... 1280 01:10:05,367 --> 01:10:06,391 go back to Lily? 1281 01:10:06,502 --> 01:10:07,434 Because she doesn't want you. 1282 01:10:07,536 --> 01:10:08,867 This has nothing to do with Lily, Dave. 1283 01:10:08,971 --> 01:10:11,405 This has to do with me. I'm a lesbian! 1284 01:10:11,473 --> 01:10:12,633 I heard you! 1285 01:10:12,741 --> 01:10:14,675 And stop saying that! You're a lesbian! 1286 01:10:14,777 --> 01:10:15,835 Can't you be happy for me? 1287 01:10:15,945 --> 01:10:18,311 No, I can't be happy for you. 1288 01:10:18,414 --> 01:10:22,248 I mean, you get to have this life-affirming revelation... 1289 01:10:22,318 --> 01:10:24,616 after taking me on this fucking roller coaster! 1290 01:10:24,720 --> 01:10:26,745 And just when I think it's over, the bottom drops out! 1291 01:10:26,822 --> 01:10:29,188 No, I can't be happy for you! 1292 01:10:29,992 --> 01:10:31,516 My life's a fucking mess! 1293 01:10:31,627 --> 01:10:32,559 Dave, I'm sorry. 1294 01:10:32,661 --> 01:10:34,458 You know what? Sorry's not good enough. 1295 01:10:34,563 --> 01:10:36,758 You thought the other day was bad? 1296 01:10:36,832 --> 01:10:38,424 Yeah. Well, this... 1297 01:10:38,534 --> 01:10:39,626 this is going to get ugly. 1298 01:10:40,536 --> 01:10:41,901 Are you all right? 1299 01:10:42,871 --> 01:10:43,895 No, I'm not all right. 1300 01:10:44,006 --> 01:10:46,338 I give my love and devotion to a woman... 1301 01:10:46,442 --> 01:10:49,434 who turns out to be an emotional "La Femme Nikita." 1302 01:10:51,447 --> 01:10:53,711 And I think I just tore my A.C.L.! 1303 01:11:02,458 --> 01:11:03,891 Oh, my God. 1304 01:11:30,352 --> 01:11:31,876 Fuck you! 1305 01:11:38,894 --> 01:11:41,829 People talk about a relationship enduring the test of time. 1306 01:11:42,898 --> 01:11:44,991 I'm sure everyone wants it... 1307 01:11:45,100 --> 01:11:47,796 but the key is, how do you get it? 1308 01:11:49,638 --> 01:11:51,503 The Egyptians. 1309 01:11:52,908 --> 01:11:54,375 The Egyptians knew. 1310 01:11:55,411 --> 01:11:56,537 They started the pyramids. 1311 01:11:56,645 --> 01:11:57,873 See, they knew they were building... 1312 01:11:57,980 --> 01:12:00,881 something that had to last and last and last. 1313 01:12:02,518 --> 01:12:04,509 Sure, they started with a strong foundation... 1314 01:12:06,922 --> 01:12:09,288 but the secret is... 1315 01:12:09,391 --> 01:12:13,350 the placement of that very first stone. 1316 01:12:19,068 --> 01:12:20,433 The pyramids? 1317 01:12:21,770 --> 01:12:24,898 Now, I know we just met, but this feels like... 1318 01:12:26,542 --> 01:12:29,306 that was what we have working here, you know? 1319 01:12:31,814 --> 01:12:33,543 First stone... 1320 01:12:37,953 --> 01:12:39,011 I'm Cal Scoppa. 1321 01:12:41,090 --> 01:12:44,719 Cal Scoppa...photographer? 1322 01:12:46,895 --> 01:12:49,022 You're familiar with my work? 1323 01:12:52,968 --> 01:12:57,371 I've heard your name in certain circles. 1324 01:13:00,576 --> 01:13:01,634 And your name is? 1325 01:13:08,917 --> 01:13:10,817 Wouldn't it make where we're headed... 1326 01:13:10,919 --> 01:13:12,910 a lot more fun if we just kept it anonymous? 1327 01:13:15,090 --> 01:13:16,523 No offense... 1328 01:13:16,625 --> 01:13:19,492 but I'm not really into building anything long-term. 1329 01:13:19,595 --> 01:13:22,428 I would be up for a good time, though... 1330 01:13:22,498 --> 01:13:25,126 if that was OK with you. 1331 01:13:28,704 --> 01:13:30,035 Fuck the Egyptians. 1332 01:13:33,008 --> 01:13:34,066 Great. 1333 01:13:34,176 --> 01:13:38,010 So, what other kind of photography do you do? 1334 01:13:43,752 --> 01:13:45,515 Oh, don't stop! Don't stop! 1335 01:13:45,621 --> 01:13:46,645 OK, stop. 1336 01:14:23,525 --> 01:14:25,015 What the hell do you want? 1337 01:14:25,127 --> 01:14:27,118 Can I come in? 1338 01:14:30,232 --> 01:14:31,699 Please. 1339 01:14:40,042 --> 01:14:42,135 Quit smoking, what, two years ago? 1340 01:14:42,244 --> 01:14:44,838 Yeah. I quit with you. 1341 01:14:44,913 --> 01:14:47,074 Quite a buzz the first one gives you, I gotta say. 1342 01:14:48,851 --> 01:14:51,115 What brought this on? 1343 01:14:52,688 --> 01:14:54,087 She doesn't love me. 1344 01:14:55,724 --> 01:14:57,089 Emily? 1345 01:14:57,192 --> 01:14:59,217 No, my mom. 1346 01:14:59,495 --> 01:15:00,723 She called to say she never has. 1347 01:15:00,829 --> 01:15:02,854 Seemed real apologetic, though. 1348 01:15:02,965 --> 01:15:04,262 Yeah, Emily. 1349 01:15:04,533 --> 01:15:05,966 Jake, listen-- 1350 01:15:06,068 --> 01:15:08,593 I know what you're going to say, Dave... 1351 01:15:08,704 --> 01:15:10,638 that I'm the boy who always cried wolf... 1352 01:15:10,739 --> 01:15:12,604 but this time, it's the real thing... 1353 01:15:12,708 --> 01:15:15,268 and this real thing is going to marry someone else, so... 1354 01:15:15,544 --> 01:15:17,034 I thought it was worth... 1355 01:15:17,112 --> 01:15:19,046 throwing two years of clean lungs out the window. 1356 01:15:19,114 --> 01:15:20,775 You OK with that? 1357 01:15:24,186 --> 01:15:25,915 As long as I can get one. 1358 01:15:28,690 --> 01:15:29,714 Do you mind? 1359 01:15:29,825 --> 01:15:30,883 Not at all. 1360 01:16:29,785 --> 01:16:31,184 You OK? 1361 01:16:31,286 --> 01:16:32,583 It's good. It's time to grow up. 1362 01:16:32,688 --> 01:16:33,882 I'm doing the right thing here. 1363 01:16:37,359 --> 01:16:38,348 The thought of her and Jake together... 1364 01:16:38,627 --> 01:16:40,117 just makes my stomach... 1365 01:16:42,197 --> 01:16:44,097 What is that, that noise you make? 1366 01:16:44,199 --> 01:16:45,257 What? 1367 01:16:45,367 --> 01:16:46,834 "Mmm." You always go "mmm." 1368 01:16:46,935 --> 01:16:48,562 If you don't agree with someone, you go "mmm." 1369 01:16:48,670 --> 01:16:50,160 It's very passive-aggressive. 1370 01:16:52,107 --> 01:16:53,267 That. 1371 01:16:55,944 --> 01:16:57,138 Dave, right? 1372 01:16:57,212 --> 01:16:59,840 There's someone out front to see you. 1373 01:16:59,948 --> 01:17:01,074 Who? 1374 01:17:01,183 --> 01:17:02,707 She wouldn't say. 1375 01:17:02,818 --> 01:17:04,149 She? 1376 01:17:04,219 --> 01:17:06,278 Go get it, dog. 1377 01:17:10,692 --> 01:17:11,852 Where? 1378 01:17:11,960 --> 01:17:13,325 There. 1379 01:17:15,831 --> 01:17:17,321 Thank you. 1380 01:17:27,376 --> 01:17:28,741 What are you doing here? 1381 01:17:28,844 --> 01:17:30,004 Are you kidding? 1382 01:17:30,078 --> 01:17:31,272 I wouldn't miss this for the world. 1383 01:17:31,380 --> 01:17:32,608 Why? 1384 01:17:36,118 --> 01:17:38,052 What is this? 1385 01:17:38,120 --> 01:17:39,246 Have a look. 1386 01:17:46,461 --> 01:17:48,656 This is you and Cal? 1387 01:17:51,867 --> 01:17:53,664 Nice butt, huh? 1388 01:17:57,272 --> 01:17:58,330 Why are you giving this to me? 1389 01:17:58,440 --> 01:18:00,635 What am I supposed to do with this? 1390 01:18:00,742 --> 01:18:03,233 That, my dear, is entirely up to you. 1391 01:18:24,466 --> 01:18:25,728 We're ready. 1392 01:18:33,742 --> 01:18:36,108 Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today... 1393 01:18:36,178 --> 01:18:41,673 to celebrate the love of two people, Calvin and Emily. 1394 01:18:41,783 --> 01:18:45,378 Marriage is a sacred institution... 1395 01:18:45,487 --> 01:18:48,217 and one which should not be entered into lightly... 1396 01:18:48,323 --> 01:18:53,693 but rather consciously, thoughtfully, and soberly. 1397 01:18:55,330 --> 01:18:57,389 If anyone has reason why these two... 1398 01:18:57,499 --> 01:19:00,366 should not be joined together in Holy matrimony... 1399 01:19:00,469 --> 01:19:03,961 speak now or forever hold your peace. 1400 01:19:08,477 --> 01:19:11,275 Calvin Scoppa, do you take Emily Davis... 1401 01:19:11,346 --> 01:19:14,247 to be your lawfully wedded wife... 1402 01:19:14,349 --> 01:19:16,715 to have and to hold... 1403 01:19:16,818 --> 01:19:19,878 for richer, for poorer... 1404 01:19:19,988 --> 01:19:22,513 so long as you both shall live? 1405 01:19:24,860 --> 01:19:26,259 Hold on. 1406 01:19:27,429 --> 01:19:28,953 Oh, thank God. 1407 01:19:29,064 --> 01:19:30,827 -I have to say this. -Say what? 1408 01:19:34,836 --> 01:19:37,737 You both are really, really great... 1409 01:19:37,839 --> 01:19:41,070 and I love you, but you can't do this. 1410 01:19:44,379 --> 01:19:45,471 You're getting married because you think... 1411 01:19:45,547 --> 01:19:47,139 you're supposed to, not because you want to. 1412 01:19:47,249 --> 01:19:49,444 And believe me, I know what I'm talking about... 1413 01:19:49,551 --> 01:19:51,018 because I've been playing fiddle... 1414 01:19:51,119 --> 01:19:52,086 while the "Titanic" is sinking... 1415 01:19:52,187 --> 01:19:54,212 and I've made a lot of mistakes. 1416 01:19:56,224 --> 01:19:57,452 I haven't been honest with myself... 1417 01:19:57,559 --> 01:20:01,461 or any of you for a long, long time. 1418 01:20:03,965 --> 01:20:07,560 I knew our marriage was a mess, but you admitted it first... 1419 01:20:07,836 --> 01:20:10,771 and made me so upset, I acted like a jerk... 1420 01:20:10,872 --> 01:20:12,339 and I'm sorry for that. 1421 01:20:15,243 --> 01:20:17,211 I can't stand here and let you two... 1422 01:20:17,312 --> 01:20:19,837 make the same kind of mistake we did. 1423 01:20:19,915 --> 01:20:24,375 Cal, this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do... 1424 01:20:24,486 --> 01:20:26,351 and I'm pretty sure--no. 1425 01:20:26,421 --> 01:20:27,888 What's he doing? 1426 01:20:27,989 --> 01:20:32,426 I'm positive...that it's the right thing to do. 1427 01:20:34,262 --> 01:20:35,593 Don't get married. 1428 01:20:39,000 --> 01:20:40,194 At least... 1429 01:20:40,302 --> 01:20:42,031 not to each other. 1430 01:20:46,041 --> 01:20:47,372 That's it. 1431 01:20:50,579 --> 01:20:52,479 You're completely out of your mind, man. 1432 01:20:53,315 --> 01:20:56,011 Because I've changed. I love this woman. 1433 01:20:57,986 --> 01:20:59,214 I love this woman! 1434 01:20:59,287 --> 01:21:00,447 And I'm going to marry her today. 1435 01:21:00,555 --> 01:21:01,522 Tell them, Emily. 1436 01:21:01,623 --> 01:21:02,590 Wait. 1437 01:21:04,259 --> 01:21:06,022 You're buying into this crap? 1438 01:21:06,127 --> 01:21:08,061 Cal, Dave's right. 1439 01:21:08,163 --> 01:21:10,324 You're going to take marital advice... 1440 01:21:10,432 --> 01:21:12,366 from a guy who married a lesbian? 1441 01:21:12,467 --> 01:21:15,436 That wasn't entirely his fault. It wasn't. 1442 01:21:16,905 --> 01:21:19,533 It wasn't his fault. 1443 01:21:24,145 --> 01:21:25,373 I'm sorry. 1444 01:21:31,019 --> 01:21:32,953 Honey. 1445 01:21:36,191 --> 01:21:38,887 I'm sorry, Cal. 1446 01:21:40,662 --> 01:21:43,324 You son of a bitch. 1447 01:21:48,336 --> 01:21:49,997 How could you do this to me? 1448 01:21:51,506 --> 01:21:55,067 You no-good piece of shit! 1449 01:21:56,311 --> 01:21:57,869 Let go of me! 1450 01:21:58,980 --> 01:21:59,969 I have to get married today! 1451 01:22:00,081 --> 01:22:01,981 I'm getting married today! 1452 01:22:02,050 --> 01:22:03,574 I have to get married today! 1453 01:22:08,356 --> 01:22:09,414 Are you OK? 1454 01:22:09,524 --> 01:22:10,548 I was hoping he'd take that... 1455 01:22:10,659 --> 01:22:11,956 a little bit better than he did. 1456 01:22:14,229 --> 01:22:16,925 Natives are getting restless, kids. 1457 01:22:25,607 --> 01:22:28,474 Ladies and gentlemen... 1458 01:22:28,543 --> 01:22:31,103 it seems as though there's been a slight change of plans. 1459 01:22:32,547 --> 01:22:36,415 On behalf of Cal and Emily, we'd like to thank you for coming... 1460 01:22:36,518 --> 01:22:39,453 and we'll keep you posted. 1461 01:22:40,588 --> 01:22:44,115 Feel free to sign the guest book on your way out. 1462 01:22:55,503 --> 01:22:58,028 So, this guy's name was Job? 1463 01:22:58,106 --> 01:23:01,166 Yes...my son. 1464 01:23:03,211 --> 01:23:04,644 Poor bastard. 1465 01:23:14,322 --> 01:23:15,653 Padre... 1466 01:23:15,757 --> 01:23:18,123 Ieave us a minute. 1467 01:23:46,221 --> 01:23:47,415 Why'd you do it? 1468 01:23:57,232 --> 01:23:59,393 Where'd you get these? 1469 01:23:59,501 --> 01:24:01,128 Lily. 1470 01:24:01,236 --> 01:24:03,170 Her name is Lil-- 1471 01:24:04,806 --> 01:24:06,740 This is your Lily? 1472 01:24:10,211 --> 01:24:11,735 You put her up to this? 1473 01:24:14,783 --> 01:24:17,183 She did it all on her own. 1474 01:24:18,820 --> 01:24:20,014 Why? 1475 01:24:20,121 --> 01:24:21,611 Because she's a sick, twisted woman. 1476 01:24:23,224 --> 01:24:25,055 You can say that again. 1477 01:24:31,266 --> 01:24:33,427 Cal, I'm sorry. 1478 01:24:33,535 --> 01:24:35,469 I couldn't let you... 1479 01:24:35,537 --> 01:24:37,596 make the biggest mistake of your life. 1480 01:24:40,508 --> 01:24:42,476 You were right, Dave. 1481 01:24:45,146 --> 01:24:46,738 I was? 1482 01:24:46,848 --> 01:24:48,611 I'm not ready for this. 1483 01:24:50,585 --> 01:24:52,712 I couldn't give Emily what she needs. 1484 01:24:54,322 --> 01:24:56,756 She deserves a good guy... 1485 01:24:56,858 --> 01:24:58,723 Iike that prick Jake. 1486 01:25:07,235 --> 01:25:09,396 What's going on? What happened? 1487 01:25:10,672 --> 01:25:12,333 I didn't get married. 1488 01:25:12,440 --> 01:25:14,738 Yeah, I can see that. 1489 01:25:14,843 --> 01:25:18,108 No...I'm not getting married. 1490 01:25:24,185 --> 01:25:26,745 Do you want to go grab a fudgsicle? 1491 01:25:26,855 --> 01:25:28,755 I do. 1492 01:25:36,865 --> 01:25:39,629 Emily, sweetheart, what the hell is going on? 1493 01:25:39,734 --> 01:25:41,361 It's OK. I'm fine. 1494 01:25:41,469 --> 01:25:43,630 This is my friend Jake Elowitch. 1495 01:25:43,738 --> 01:25:45,228 That's my mom and my dad. 1496 01:25:45,340 --> 01:25:47,331 Nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Davis. 1497 01:25:47,442 --> 01:25:48,636 You raised a lovely daughter. 1498 01:25:50,211 --> 01:25:51,235 Thank you. 1499 01:25:52,447 --> 01:25:53,505 Where are you going? 1500 01:25:54,749 --> 01:25:56,376 We're going to go get a fudgsicle. 1501 01:25:56,484 --> 01:25:58,418 A fudgsicle? 1502 01:26:08,763 --> 01:26:10,230 How did it go? 1503 01:26:11,766 --> 01:26:13,393 All right, I guess. 1504 01:26:13,501 --> 01:26:15,196 How's Emily? 1505 01:26:15,303 --> 01:26:17,430 She seemed fine when she walked out with Jake. 1506 01:26:20,909 --> 01:26:22,274 Where did he come from? 1507 01:26:22,377 --> 01:26:24,402 I called him. 1508 01:26:27,348 --> 01:26:30,545 You called him? 1509 01:26:30,652 --> 01:26:33,450 Emily and Jake are nice people... 1510 01:26:34,856 --> 01:26:37,916 and they deserve exactly what's coming to them. 1511 01:27:31,512 --> 01:27:32,479 Where's she going? 1512 01:27:33,681 --> 01:27:37,742 I think she's about to have sex with Cal in the rectory. 1513 01:27:37,852 --> 01:27:39,717 How did we not see that coming? 1514 01:27:41,556 --> 01:27:44,923 Thank you for what you said about us. 1515 01:27:45,026 --> 01:27:47,392 I could have picked a better forum. 1516 01:27:48,863 --> 01:27:50,626 What you did took a lot of courage. 1517 01:27:50,732 --> 01:27:52,666 I'm really proud of you. 1518 01:28:01,476 --> 01:28:03,376 I brought you something. 1519 01:28:06,481 --> 01:28:08,813 The divorce papers. 1520 01:28:08,883 --> 01:28:12,375 All signed and ready for your approval. 1521 01:28:12,487 --> 01:28:14,250 Thank you. 1522 01:28:14,355 --> 01:28:15,822 You're welcome. 1523 01:28:17,392 --> 01:28:20,452 How are you, Dave? 1524 01:28:22,063 --> 01:28:24,531 How am l? 1525 01:28:27,635 --> 01:28:31,833 Aside from my jaw... 1526 01:28:31,906 --> 01:28:34,397 I'm pretty good... 1527 01:28:34,509 --> 01:28:38,411 for the first time in a long time. 1528 01:28:38,513 --> 01:28:40,538 Pretty good. 1529 01:28:42,383 --> 01:28:44,044 I'm so glad. 1530 01:28:44,319 --> 01:28:45,809 Honestly, Dave, I'm glad. 1531 01:28:45,920 --> 01:28:47,581 Thanks. 1532 01:28:56,798 --> 01:28:57,856 Friends? 1533 01:28:58,933 --> 01:29:00,059 Friends. 1534 01:29:02,570 --> 01:29:04,697 I'm really glad to hear you say that. 1535 01:29:04,806 --> 01:29:06,467 Why? 1536 01:29:07,942 --> 01:29:10,433 Because it makes what I'm about to tell you... 1537 01:29:10,545 --> 01:29:12,445 a lot easier to say. 1538 01:29:12,547 --> 01:29:14,481 What's that? 1539 01:29:16,551 --> 01:29:18,678 I'm pregnant. 106269