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[ALEX] You know this is f'ed up right?
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[RANDALL] Okay look the hoa wants us to get
rid of squatty so that's what we got to do.
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00:00:06,793 --> 00:00:11,403
Squatty is a local homeless man who sometimes
spends his days in vacant houses in the community.
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All right one of the houses are for sale and
they just don't want anything to happen so
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we got to clear him out.
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[ALEX] So they're sending us in to clear out
some poor homeless guy so their precious property
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values don't drop a few thousand dollars oh
my god karen now we're gonna have to buy unorganic
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caviar it sounds stupid
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[RANDALL] It's unfortunate for squatting but
unfortunately squatty doesn't live there so
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we have to get him out.
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[ALEX] Well it's inhumane okay who is he even
hurting by being there?
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[RANDALL] Listen to me we've always been respectful
to squatting.
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[ALEX] Respectful?
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You don't even know his real name, you call
him squatty.
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Okay I thought it was a toilet.
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[RANDALL] There he is.
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[ALEX] That's him that's the big threat randall
what do you wanna call for backup randa what
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are you doing hey listen I'm telling you he's
homeless not the hulk
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[RANDALL] Hey hey now now.
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[ALEX] You're being ridiculous okay uh oh
i got it.
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[RANDALL] Alex hey alex
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[ALEX] Um squatty alex look i know this sucks
okay but the hoa sent us over here to kick
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you out look I'll be the first to say i think
it's some [__] okay look at you you're clearly
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not hurting anybody except for their precious
property values oh my god karen now we have
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to buy non-organic caviar see randall squatty
gets it this is my audience right here he
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can ride shotgun for all i care about okay
squatty um no man I'm not calling you that
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what's your real name
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[SQUATTY] Squatty
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[ALEX] No your real name not the name these
elitist [__] gave you
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[SQUATTY] Nut punch nut punch.
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Squatty nut punch.
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[ALEX] Your name is squatty nut punch?
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[SQUATTY] Squatty nut punch.
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[ALEX] What is the origin of that?
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[SQUATTY] Squatty!
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[ALEX] Oh
god
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[RANDALL] Squatty.
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[ALEX] Oh god randall he got the tip
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[RANDALL] Come with me if you want to live.
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[ALEX] He got the tip.
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[RANDALL] This isn't my first rodeo with
squatty damn squatty squatty no
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[SQUATTY] Squatting no water?
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[RANDALL] It's not about the water squatty.
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Come on look at you.
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[RANDALL] Squatty no.
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What are you doing?
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You're naked look at you.
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[RANDALL] You
want to try again.
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oh no no no no damn you squatty.
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[RANDALL] Squatty i told you put some clothes
on.
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It's over.
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Face it, its over now Squatty.
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The one day I didnt wear my glasses.
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My eyes.
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Squatty no.
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[ALEX] [__] man oh he got me right in lefty
he got me right in lefty Randall.
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[RANDALL] Oh that means he likes you.
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[ALEX] What?
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[RANDALL] Let me get the ice.
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[ALEX] [__] great he likes me.
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Oh my god what now?
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[RANDALL] Alright, I'm about to go in.
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We're gonna get him.
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[ALEX] What the [__] are you doing?
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[RANDALL] Hmm?
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[ALEX] What are you gonna kill him
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[RANDALL] No I'm not gonna kill him.
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I'm just gonna you know shoot him with the
tranquilizer and put him
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[ALEX] No no no no you're not gonna tranq
him okay.
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He's a human being not an animal
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[RANDALL] Listen we're gonna put him to sleep
and then we're gonna move in okay.
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Alex you don't want to do this you oh you
don't want to play this game.
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Alex.
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[ALEX] Squatty, listen to me.
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I know things are tough right now okay.
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This entire capitalistic system turns people
into second-class citizens for no reason other
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than they don't want to sell their soul for
cash.
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Now these people that own this house they
want you out of here bud and they don't care
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how it happens.
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Now my partner he'ss usually pretty cool
about stuff like this but today he's on some
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john wick [__] so why don't you come with
me and we'll get you set up somewhere safe
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and this doesn't have to get any worse than
it already is.
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Come on Squatty I need you to trust me.
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Squatty?
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00:06:01,233 --> 00:06:03,403
Squatty?
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[ALEX] Oh god.
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00:06:09,923 --> 00:06:18,603
[SQUATTY] Good you're awake.
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[ALEX] Oh god are you gonna eat me?
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00:06:25,843 --> 00:06:26,913
[SQUATTY] No I'm not.
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[ALEX] My partner Randall knows where I'm
at and you're not gonna get away with this.
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[RANDALL] Finally time to eat.
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[ALEX] What?
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[RANDALL] I'm just joking i heard you in the
back room.
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[ALEX] Great today you get a sense of humor.
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[SQUATTY] David Squattington but probably
know me as squatty.
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[ALEX] Yeah you punched me in the nut.
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[SQUATTY] Only once?
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I must have really lied to you.
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[ALEX] Twice
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[SQUATTY] Sorry about that um I've been living
with schizophrenia for about five years homeless
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for about three.
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00:07:03,193 --> 00:07:10,713
Things were going okay until i lost my job
couldn't afford the medicine lost my house
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i was bouncing from jail to street every couple
of months i'd have an episode get arrested
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end up in the psych ward where they give me
a bunch of pills and send me on my way that
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worked for a while until they run out.
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it's only a matter of time before squatty
comes out that was my life before i met randall.
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Saved my life.
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[RANDALL] I wouldn't say all of that buddy
um i met david about a year ago when he was
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uh squatting in one of the houses which actually
was quite helpful because he kept it pretty
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tidy and then he just moved to another house
when one got sold.
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00:08:00,253 --> 00:08:11,813
three months later, i met squatty.I tried
to do whatever i could to help the situation
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you know i gave him money just anything to
get david back to normal but lucky enough
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it was early on in the situation and the medication
kicked in fairly quickly so
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[ALEX] Wow that's actually really amazing
randall.
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[RANDALL] yeah i mean i would have told you
to plan but you just you know kept on ranting
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and you're brazen actions
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[ALEX] First of all what rants?
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okay what brazen actions right
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[RANDALL]yeah
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[ALEX]so what are we gonna do with squatty?
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[RANDALL] It's already handled.
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[ALEX] He can't stay here, this place is already
sold.
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[RANDALL] We got a new house that's sold i
always got my buddy covered
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[ALEX] And when were you gonna tell me this
plan right when i shut up
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00:09:07,903 --> 00:09:11,973
[SQUATTY] that's right
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00:09:11,973 --> 00:09:19,812
[ALEX] y'all [__] you know i really gotta
hand it to randall really stepped up his game
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00:09:19,812 --> 00:09:26,583
it's especially impressive knowing how much
we get paid and his actions may have inspired
128
00:09:26,583 --> 00:09:33,143
me to do a little good you know it's surprising
that with today's online threats some organizations
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don't use very secure passwords some hoas
even keep an admin password and with that
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information someone could theoretically divert
a few thousand dollars from the budget each
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00:09:46,313 --> 00:09:54,062
year into a fund set up to purchase medications
for david and people like david let's just
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say david's gonna be taken care of for quite
a long time theoretically
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00:09:58,262 --> 00:10:02,812
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