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00:00:03,040 --> 00:00:04,800
FOLK MUSIC ECHOES
2
00:00:10,640 --> 00:00:12,560
GUITAR PLAYS SOFTLY
3
00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:14,800
SIGHS GENTLY
4
00:00:19,840 --> 00:00:22,120
SHE GASPS
Oh!
5
00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:23,720
Agh!
6
00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:28,240
PHONE PINGS
7
00:00:30,760 --> 00:00:32,440
Oh, wow!
8
00:00:32,440 --> 00:00:33,880
FOLK MUSIC PLAYS QUIETLY
9
00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:37,640
Last night on that shitty mattress.
10
00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:51,080
Oh...
11
00:00:57,720 --> 00:00:58,840
Oh...
12
00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:02,200
WHISPERS: Why is everything orange?
13
00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:04,920
Oh, shit, it's a fire.
14
00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:08,720
It's a fire!
15
00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:10,120
FIRE!
16
00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:12,400
This Saharan dust's a pain, innit?
17
00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:14,080
Wh-where did you...?
18
00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:15,880
S-Saharan dust?
19
00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:17,720
What's that?
20
00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:19,720
Dust - from the Sahara.
21
00:01:20,920 --> 00:01:23,040
Gets blown over. Be gone soon.
22
00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:24,920
Oh, right.
23
00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:27,320
Oh, I'm glad you're here, actually.
24
00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:29,000
Um...
25
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:32,080
Things haven't really worked out
as I'd planned,
26
00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:34,680
and so I'm thinking of moving on today.
27
00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:38,240
I was wondering if I could maybe
get my rent back.
28
00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:40,840
No, you fucking can't! Oh, Jesus!
29
00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:42,480
It's only been a couple of days.
30
00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:45,120
It's £400!
And it's already been allocated.
31
00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:47,160
Ags is saving up for a drone camera.
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00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:49,000
Help her find her, ley lines.
33
00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:50,720
Moving on to where, any road?
34
00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:52,120
Oh, I-I don't know...
35
00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:54,000
The Sargasso Sea?
36
00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:55,920
To meet your destiny?
37
00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:58,920
Not all eels go the fastest way,
you know.
38
00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:01,520
Some take a more circuitous route.
39
00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:04,400
But they all end up back
where they began.
40
00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:05,960
Just like us.
41
00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:10,960
Mm! Let's get them tables wiped.
42
00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:14,960
Oh, by the way,
third cousin Bernadette called.
43
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:18,000
She's on her way down to the
town hall meeting, and she says
44
00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:19,600
if she's not on the front row,
45
00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:21,480
someone's going to lose their dick.
46
00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:32,720
Oh, come on.
47
00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:34,560
Kids!
48
00:02:34,560 --> 00:02:36,160
KIDS!
49
00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:42,840
HE SIGHS
50
00:02:48,760 --> 00:02:50,800
WHISPERS: Fuck's sake.
51
00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:05,800
Bit tight, but might just be
52
00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:08,040
my best town hall meeting outfit ever.
53
00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:13,920
Morning. Morning.
54
00:03:13,920 --> 00:03:15,800
SHE CLEARS THROAT
55
00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:26,680
{\an8}"Singing with nightingales."
What a load of bloody rubbish.
56
00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:29,480
Argh! Ugh!
57
00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:31,120
HE EXCLAIMS
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00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:33,480
Dirty, lazy bastards!
59
00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:37,720
Ugh!
HE RETCHES
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00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:39,760
OTHERS RETCH
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00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:43,520
Ugh!
62
00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:44,920
Where is he?
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00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:47,000
Now my shoe stinks!
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00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:48,720
Dirty bloody...
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00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:54,320
You touch it, you buy it,
young lady.
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00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:23,680
Oh!
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00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:25,320
Oh, hello again! I'm sorry,
68
00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:27,360
I didn't know there was anyone
in here.
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00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:28,680
HE CHUCKLES
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00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:31,440
Now, we both know that's not true,
don't we? Eh?
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00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:33,680
Oh, I don't blame you, Linda.
72
00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:35,920
If I couldn't see this every day...
73
00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:38,680
...I'd want a sneaky peek, too.
74
00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:42,440
Honestly, I really wasn't trying
to see... without... Well?
75
00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:45,000
It might be a bit snug round...
Snug round the ass? Yeah, yeah.
76
00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:46,840
What's all this, then?
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00:04:46,840 --> 00:04:48,600
Date? Interview?
78
00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:49,800
Court case?
79
00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:51,320
Less of the cheek, young lady!
80
00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:53,480
These are for the town meeting. Mm!
81
00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:57,360
I gets new trousers every year
for the town meeting.
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00:04:57,360 --> 00:04:59,200
It's a tradition.
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00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:02,400
HE SHOUTS: Started years ago
when they split during a meeting.
84
00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:04,440
Now they have a sweepstake.
85
00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:08,600
Forget that old Eel Festival,
Linda, Tony's town hall trousers
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00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:10,600
are the highlight
of the calendar year.
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00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:13,040
They even got their own
Twitter account.
88
00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:15,720
"Tony's trousers"
will be trending tonight.
89
00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:18,120
It's only a curtain, Tony -
there's no need to shout.
90
00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:21,120
HE SHOUTS: So don't you tell no-one
what you've seen here.
91
00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:24,120
OK, I won't tell anyone
about your trousers.
92
00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:27,600
And I won't be going to the meeting
anyway - it's nothing to do with me.
93
00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:29,360
Well, it's your loss.
94
00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:32,080
Well, I'm seeing your trousers now
anyway, so...
95
00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:38,000
"Few tasks are more similar
to the torment of Sisyphus,
96
00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:39,880
"than those of a housewife."
97
00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:43,960
HER VOICE FADES
"Day after day, I must wash dishes,
dust furniture
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00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:46,720
"and mend clothes that were dirty,
dusty..."
99
00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:48,120
Linda-r!
100
00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:50,400
Pick them up for us, will you, love?
Me back's gone.
101
00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:54,000
That dress - far too young for YOU.
102
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:55,240
Bonne chance!
103
00:05:57,280 --> 00:05:59,320
BELL JANGLES
Bloody joke.
104
00:06:02,280 --> 00:06:04,320
HE'S annoying, isn't he?
105
00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:06,280
I wouldn't kick him out of bed.
106
00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:15,600
You men... Ugh!
107
00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:19,000
You menopausal women
and your bloody fans!
108
00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:22,600
Joy, how do you turn this bloody fan
off?
109
00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:24,120
Joy?
110
00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:26,120
Joy, can you help me turn this fan
off, please?
111
00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:28,080
Oh, Joy, can you turn it off?
112
00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:29,960
Wait, it's just... Yeah.
113
00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:31,800
This way, is it? Yeah, just...
114
00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:33,280
I just...
115
00:06:33,280 --> 00:06:35,240
I think I can do it now, Joy,
thank you.
116
00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:42,000
Thank you, Joy.
117
00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:43,520
You're welcome.
118
00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:49,680
Whew!
CLEARS THROAT
119
00:06:58,520 --> 00:06:59,680
Morning, Joy.
120
00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:02,360
Morning! Sh! Sh! Sh-zzh!
121
00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:04,760
Going live in three, two...
122
00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:08,040
Coming to you raw, unfiltered
123
00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:11,080
and white, like milk, it's the Verderer.
124
00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:13,240
Good morning. Good morning.
Good morning!
125
00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:17,000
Forget International Women's Day,
Pride Day
126
00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,720
and Martin Luther King Day
127
00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:21,240
because today is the day
to beat all other days!
128
00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:23,200
It's town hall meeting day!
129
00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:26,800
I hope you've placed your bets
on Tony's trousers.
130
00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:28,960
MY money is on a pair of jeggings!
131
00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:31,440
And I'll tell you why. Thanks.
132
00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:33,000
So I've been betting 20 years...
133
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:34,680
I found my tree yesterday.
134
00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:36,000
That was quick. I know!
135
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:38,080
I thought I'd take a few weeks
at least. Yeah.
136
00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:40,720
...began to emerge
after his third pair.
137
00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:43,960
So, anyway, what I was looking for
wasn't there.
138
00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:46,080
Oh, no. So I guess it's time
to move on.
139
00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:48,240
Oh... Nothing keeping me here.
140
00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:49,800
Nothing here?
141
00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:51,560
Everything is here.
142
00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:53,040
Tony's trouser sweepstake...
143
00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:56,080
...the Eel Festival,
144
00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:57,560
cat speed dating.
145
00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:00,240
...Bavarian lederhosen... Tempting.
146
00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:02,160
But, nah,
147
00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:03,800
I like to keep myself busy.
148
00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:06,600
So I'm expecting a good turnout
this year, fellers.
149
00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:10,000
We need to nip this eel queen
nonsense in the bud.
150
00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:12,560
I mean, if they can pick a woman
for this year's Eel Festival,
151
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:14,800
God knows what they'll pick
for next.
152
00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:17,160
It'll be a vegan leprechaun
153
00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:19,360
or a pansexual ostrich
154
00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:22,040
or a dyslexic dragon, won't it?
155
00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:25,600
Peter Watkins will be turning
in his grave if he could see
156
00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:28,880
his daughters disrespecting
centuries-old tradition
157
00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:31,800
and our men in such a vulgar manner.
158
00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:33,760
I've never heard of the like!
159
00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:35,680
How can it be that...?
160
00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:43,400
It CAN'T be.
161
00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:45,960
HE GASPS
162
00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:48,640
It's a nightingale.
163
00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:51,400
A nightingale.
164
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:52,880
Well, I never!
165
00:08:57,200 --> 00:08:59,600
Are you here to give me a message,
166
00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:01,040
little bird?
167
00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:05,720
OVER LOUDSPEAKER
I can see you, little bird.
168
00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:07,960
HE WHISTLES
169
00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:10,760
HE SNIFFLES
Thank you.
170
00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:12,520
DOG BARKS
171
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:15,680
Dirty, lazy bastard.
172
00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:21,960
Oh, sorry about that. A nightingale!
173
00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:24,840
Um, anyway, now, I want to talk
about something
174
00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:26,880
that's causing a lot of division
in the town.
175
00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:29,640
And, no, I'm not talking about
who gets
176
00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:31,920
to keep Keith's cat cappuccino.
177
00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:33,720
God rest Keith's soul.
178
00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:35,440
What a terrible tragedy.
179
00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:37,200
But let that be a lesson to us all.
180
00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:40,080
Autoerotic asphyxiation is never
a good idea,
181
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,400
especially if you live alone.
182
00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:43,320
No cat should have to witness that.
183
00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:47,400
Or have to eat the orange
to stay alive.
184
00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:53,720
No, today, I want to talk about
the new redevelopment of the town.
185
00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:58,000
The investment and prosperity
it'll bring the area is undeniable,
186
00:09:58,000 --> 00:09:59,920
but I will not sit by and watch
187
00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:02,720
our wildlife and forest
be destroyed.
188
00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:04,320
Back after this.
189
00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:07,520
So, are they building a road
THROUGH the forest? Uh-huh.
190
00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:09,520
I assume they'd been going
around it.
191
00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:11,480
No, right through the middle.
192
00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:16,360
PHONE PINGS
193
00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:22,000
Dick pic?
194
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:24,160
Could say that, yeah.
195
00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:26,680
Pig Man!
196
00:10:26,680 --> 00:10:28,120
Hello?
197
00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:30,440
I've brought you a goodbye present.
198
00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:32,160
Oh...
199
00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:11,600
GENERAL CHATTER
200
00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:22,080
VELCRO RIPS
201
00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:32,880
TONY CHUCKLES
You washed your hair, have you, Jan?
202
00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:35,560
That looks clean enough for me to
eat my dinner off of.
203
00:11:35,560 --> 00:11:38,200
Well, I try not to wash it
too often, Tony,
204
00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:40,280
to let the natural oils come out.
205
00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:43,480
You need all the lubrication
you can get at your age.
206
00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:46,040
RIPPLES OF LAUGHTER
207
00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:48,080
Quiet, please.
208
00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:51,920
Item one - The Eel Festival.
209
00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:54,240
Eh?!
EXCLAIMING AND MURMURING
210
00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:57,240
Tony's trousers is ALWAYS item one
on the agenda.
211
00:11:57,240 --> 00:11:58,800
No, he's right. It's not just
212
00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:01,160
the Eel sisters mixing things up
this year,
213
00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:05,200
Tony. And I won't be intimidated
by third cousin Bernadette, neither.
214
00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:07,800
It's my meeting, my rules.
215
00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:09,400
ALL: Ooooh!
216
00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:12,040
Tony's trousers reveal
will be at the end.
217
00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:14,200
Shame.
GRUMBLING
218
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:17,000
Now, as you all know, the Eel
sisters are planning some
219
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:19,520
controversial changes this year.
220
00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:22,000
Since the passing of their faither.
221
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:23,480
Faither Watkins.
222
00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:25,960
No-one gives a shit
about the men in this town.
223
00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:27,920
First they close the mines,
224
00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:29,400
then Digger Land.
225
00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:31,960
And now they're taking our Eel king.
226
00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:38,080
Faither were a stickler
for tradition.
227
00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:40,520
He'd never allow a woman
to take over the role.
228
00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:43,600
SHOUTS OF AGREEMENT
And I'm sure once the paperwork is
229
00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:45,280
through on his succession plan,
230
00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:47,440
we will see that I was his intended.
231
00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:49,200
Yeah!
232
00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:53,320
Well, we all know how long
probate can take.
233
00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:55,280
Until then, WE decide who it is.
234
00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:58,720
Whether they be bore within the
said 100 of Eel Lake,
235
00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:01,880
or whether they have done deeds
worthy to this community.
236
00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:04,600
It's about finding the right person.
237
00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:06,120
SHOUTS OF AGREEMENT
238
00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:08,800
Eels don't have a gender
239
00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:11,920
until they go back to the Sargasso
Sea and reproduce.
240
00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:15,200
Exactly. So there were no need
for it to always be a man.
241
00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:18,040
Yeah, it could be a woman.
Or a man. Or neither.
242
00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:20,120
Yeah. Or both.
243
00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:22,280
Yeah! Should be me!
244
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:39,760
Next item - the coalface,
Morris Men controversy.
245
00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:42,520
Tony, you want to kick us off here?
246
00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:45,280
Yeah, well, me and the boys
blacking up -
247
00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:47,120
it's not about black PEOPLE, is it?
248
00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:49,120
It's about mining for coal.
249
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:51,000
Oh, it's not actually about coal,
250
00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:54,080
Tony, the blacking up is a disguise.
251
00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:55,480
Eh?
252
00:13:55,480 --> 00:13:58,200
You know, used to black up
as a disguise.
253
00:13:58,200 --> 00:13:59,640
Eh?!
254
00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:01,680
Well, isn't it? Well, either or,
255
00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:03,040
it's about colour.
256
00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:05,120
You know? I mean,
these bloody snowflakes -
257
00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:07,880
they'll be banning bloody
night-time next. Yeah. Yeah!
258
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:09,480
And liquorice.
259
00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:11,360
Yeah! Then, uh...
260
00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:14,880
...tyres.
261
00:14:14,880 --> 00:14:16,240
Tyres.
262
00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:18,000
They MIGHT ban tyres.
263
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:21,520
We mined for an iron ore here
before coal anyway, Tony.
264
00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:23,760
Yeah, so you could paint
your faces red.
265
00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:25,440
Or orange.
266
00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:27,480
But why do things have to change?
267
00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:28,720
Yes! Yeah!
268
00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:31,320
We must hold on to our British traditions.
269
00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:32,800
Yeah. Yeah! Yeah!
270
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:36,480
We HAVE kept hold of
our traditions - the good ones.
271
00:14:36,480 --> 00:14:39,600
But the festival HAS to change and
evolve to survive.
272
00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:40,880
MURMURS OF AGREEMENT
273
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,600
The man with the longest willy used
to put it through people's
274
00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:46,240
letterboxes so children could feed
the eel.
275
00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:48,440
Better now we don't do THAT, innit?
276
00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:51,000
It's a reflection of modern-day
Britain.
277
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:54,040
It is about holding on to the core values
278
00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:57,880
of being British. Yeah!
Being proud to be British. Yeah!
279
00:14:57,880 --> 00:14:59,320
I AM proud to be British,
280
00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:01,400
just like I'm sure Cheddar Man was.
281
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:04,160
Oh, leave the Cheddar Man
out of this, will you, Joy?
282
00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:05,680
We don't mean YOU.
283
00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:07,560
You're integrated, you know?
284
00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:09,920
It's all the others.
Who's the Cheddar Man?
285
00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:11,640
Isn't he in Wallace And Gromit?
286
00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:14,680
There wasn't a man made of cheddar
in Wallace and Gromit.
287
00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:16,040
It was a sheep.
288
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:18,360
I don't remember a cheese sheep.
289
00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:20,400
No, it was the moon, Judith.
290
00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:22,800
The moon was made of Wensleydale.
291
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:24,560
How dare you?!
292
00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:27,400
Honestly, can't you women get
some HRT or something?
293
00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:29,080
No, we can't!
294
00:15:29,080 --> 00:15:30,560
It's all run out!
295
00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:35,160
There, there, third cousin Bernadette.
296
00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:37,120
The Cheddar Man was a fossilised man
297
00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:39,080
that they found in a cave
in Cheddar.
298
00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:40,760
Reckon he was the first Briton.
299
00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:42,720
Used DNA to reconstruct his face,
300
00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:44,760
and he had black skin and blue eyes.
301
00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:46,600
SHOCKED MURMURING
What?!
302
00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:48,680
Our festivals are for everyone.
303
00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:52,880
They're a celebration
of what it means to be alive,
304
00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:55,000
to be human. And that's ALL of us.
305
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:59,760
So if we start excluding people
and making them feel bad,
306
00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:02,000
then they're for none of us.
307
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:04,080
CAMERA CLICKS
308
00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:19,000
ANGRY SHOUTING Please...
309
00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:20,920
Please! Please!
310
00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:24,920
Look, no-one, no-one will be heard
if we're all shouting!
311
00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:30,320
You've all got the printouts
of the Phase One plans
312
00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:31,800
of the development.
313
00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:33,480
Yes, Verderer?
314
00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:36,760
What I'm saying is it won't just be
the beavers, habitats
315
00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:39,920
destroyed if these proposed
redevelopments go ahead.
316
00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:41,680
Feck the beavers!
317
00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:44,600
I want Starbucks! Yes! Or a
Costa's.
318
00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:46,520
Or Nero's.
319
00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:48,320
You women and your bloody coffee!
320
00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:50,120
How dare you?!
321
00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:52,040
We understand your concerns, Verderer.
322
00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:54,760
No, you don't. It's all about
the money with you people.
323
00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:57,800
You think you can plant a few new
trees and that'll be it.
324
00:16:57,800 --> 00:16:59,240
Well...
325
00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:00,960
Well, we...
326
00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:02,560
Ugh, we did.
327
00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:06,320
We did make
328
00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:08,800
best endeavours to find alternative routeing.
329
00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:11,280
And to minimise the...
No, you didn't!
330
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:12,640
It's a lie!
331
00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:14,760
PROTESTING
332
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:21,280
Destroy ancient woodland...
333
00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:25,200
...and thou will be cursed.
334
00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:32,080
You finished those floors yet, Alan?
335
00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:35,240
I'm just going to finish up here,
Jan, and I'll pop off home.
336
00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:38,680
The Eel cafe's
been in the same spot since 1850.
337
00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:41,000
It survived wars and plagues
338
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:42,280
and Veganuary.
339
00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:46,280
Its foundations are rooted
in the trees which surround it.
340
00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:48,840
It CAN'T just be picked up
and moved.
341
00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:50,240
It won't survive.
342
00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:51,640
SHOUTS OF AGREEMENT
343
00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:54,880
Yeah, it's not just things above
ground that need to be preserved.
344
00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:56,560
It's what's underneath, too.
345
00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:59,000
The mines have their own story
to tell.
346
00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:02,480
Yes, yes. Look, I've made a note
of everyone's concerns,
347
00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:04,360
and I will be feeding those back.
348
00:18:04,360 --> 00:18:07,760
But we need to move on
to the next item on the, um...
349
00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:11,600
Oh, you know, the... the...
350
00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:14,040
List? No, not list.
There's a better word than list.
351
00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:15,280
Running order?
352
00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:17,320
No. Itinerary?
353
00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:18,880
Definitely not.
354
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:19,840
Ugh...
355
00:18:21,360 --> 00:18:23,800
Oh, you know, the... the...
356
00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:25,720
Well, you know what I meant. The...
357
00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:27,000
Agenda.
358
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:28,680
Agenda! Thank you, Joy!
359
00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:31,400
Agenda. Next item.
360
00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:34,600
Tony's trousers sweepstake.
361
00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:36,440
CHEERING
362
00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:38,720
Go on, Tony!
363
00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:50,960
ALL: Ooh-ooh-oooooh!
364
00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:55,240
WHOOPING
365
00:18:58,120 --> 00:18:59,840
CHEERING, GROANING
366
00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:01,800
YELLS: It's jeggings! It's jeggings!
367
00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:03,360
Jeggings!
368
00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:06,040
It's jeggings!
I knew it would be jeggings!
369
00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:14,760
DRUMBEATS
370
00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:25,080
SHE SQUEALS
371
00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:30,120
And that concludes
this year's business.
372
00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:33,840
Well, we haven't finished
about the redevelopments yet.
373
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:36,960
They can't proceed without tree
felling orders or eviction notices, so...
374
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:39,320
Is this an eviction notice?
Who's that? Where'd SHE come from?
375
00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:41,200
I found it on Pig Man's door.
376
00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:43,360
What?
MURMURING
377
00:19:43,360 --> 00:19:46,960
Pig Man says the forest paths are
being closed off at Mallards Pike.
378
00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:49,560
Mallards Pike?
What's going on, Janet?
379
00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:51,800
I'm not aware of any of this.
Mallards Pike wasn't
380
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:53,120
part of the proposed route.
381
00:19:53,120 --> 00:19:56,920
Let me just, um... Have a look!
Check this.
382
00:19:56,920 --> 00:19:59,840
I told you, I don't know anything
about this.
383
00:19:59,840 --> 00:20:01,400
The plans must have changed.
384
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:02,600
What?
385
00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:04,800
Why are they closing off
Mallards Pike?
386
00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:07,720
And what's the point of this meeting
if you're ploughing ahead anyway?
387
00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:09,960
Well, to get you all in one place,
I think,
388
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:11,600
so that they can get on with it.
389
00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:13,520
MURMURING
390
00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:20,280
Seems to me
like this meeting has been called
391
00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:22,600
under false pretences. Yeah! Yeah!
392
00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:25,000
Keep us all away. Yeah! Yeah!
393
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:26,880
Including you, Janet.
394
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:30,840
I think I just said that.
395
00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:33,040
Yes, she just said that.
She just said that.
396
00:20:34,360 --> 00:20:36,800
No, I...I'm sorry.
397
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:38,080
I didn't know.
398
00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:40,880
There are ancient oaks in the path
of that planned route, Janet.
399
00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:43,840
Starlings - it's their home!
I didn't know.
400
00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:48,200
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
401
00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:50,800
That's enough!
402
00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:57,360
Sorry, Janet, it's not your fault.
403
00:20:57,360 --> 00:20:58,880
I'm so sorry.
404
00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:01,600
Nice one, Linda.
405
00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:18,760
♪ Oh, Sally, my dearest
You, I'd be kissing
406
00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:24,480
♪ Oh, Sally, my dear
It's you I'd be kissing
407
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:30,120
♪ She smiled and replied
"You don't know what you're missing"
408
00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:42,080
♪ Oh, Sally, my dear
I wish I could wed you
409
00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:47,520
♪ Oh, Sally, my dear
I wish I could bed you
410
00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:54,040
♪ She smiled and replied
"Then you'd say I misled you"
411
00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:10,960
♪ If all you young men were hares
on the mountain
412
00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:16,920
♪ How many young girls
would take guns and go hunting?
413
00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:28,840
♪ If the young man could sing
like blackbirds and thrushes
414
00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:34,800
♪ If the young men could sing
like blackbirds and thrushes
415
00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:39,120
How many young girls would go
beating the bushes? ♪
29614
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