All language subtitles for Bored.to.Death.S03E02.Gumball.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP.5.1.H.264.-EDGE2020_track3_[eng]

[bright tone]

[theme music playing]

♪ ♪

- ♪ All the shadows
in the city ♪

♪ Used to love you,
what a pity ♪

♪ I miss the questions
you used to ask me ♪

♪ Bored to death,
cut, mad and lonely ♪

♪ Bored to death, cut,
mad and lonely... ♪

- [coughs]
- ♪ Bored to death ♪

♪ Cut, mad and lonely ♪

♪ ♪

[whistle blows]

♪ ♪

[energetic music]

- [whimpering]

Come on, Ray.
Where are you?

♪ ♪

- I'm coming, Jonathan!

♪ ♪

Hold the door.
Hold the door.

- Hey, hey, hey!

- Oh, hi.

I've always had this thing
where I kind of want to just

grab a policeman's gun.

Kind of like
a mental Tourette's

that I don't act on.

I think it's the way

it kind of just protrudes.

It's like, "Touch me.
Touch me."

And you can't, you know?

- Have you been drinking?

- No sir.
No.

[ding]

This is my floor.
Thank you.

[suspenseful jazz music]

♪ ♪

Building inspector.

♪ ♪

- Yes?

- It's been reported that
you have a safety violation

by your window.

The co-op board
is going to fine you.

- Wait, what?
Reported?

- I have to violate
your inspection.

It's a matter of codes, so...

- Wait.
- Yeah.

- Todd, what's going on?

- There's some kind
of window problem.

He's from the co-op board.

- But it's after midnight.

- That's the most dangerous
time of night for windows.

I'll only be a second, okay?

♪ ♪

Jonathan!

- Ray! Thank God.

- Okay, just drop down
to the ledge.

I'll catch you.
- No, I'll die.

- Yeah, maybe.

- Maybe?
- But I won't let you.

I've been carrying Spencer
all day.

I'll catch you.
I am a father now.

- Okay.

Whoa!
Oh, Ray!

- I got you! I got you!
I got you! I got you!

- Oh, God, thank you.

Thank you, Ray.

Ray, thank you.
Thank you so much, Ray.

- What the hell is going on?
I'm calling the cops.

- No, no, no, no,
that's not necessary.

That's not necessary.
Thank you.

- Your window's fine!

I'll tell the co-op board,
okay?

[energetic music]

Here's $11 for your trouble.
Sorry.

♪ ♪

[tires squeal]

♪ ♪

- Ray, I'm not complaining,
but what took so long?

I almost died up there.

- Sorry, I was getting

some action from Leah.

You know what I'm up against.

She has the sex drive
of a cicada.

I couldn't turn it down.

- I was hanging on that clock

for an hour,
and you just had sex?

- Yeah, it was great.
I got her to soak her nipples

in whiskey and nurse me.

Combined two of my most
favorite things in the world.

Hope I don't get a DUI.

- Well, drunk driving
is the least of our problems

right now.
- Okay, you're right.

Start from the beginning.

How did you get framed
for murder?

- And then when I came to,

my pants were at my ankles

and the gun was in my hand.
Next thing I know,

the cops are banging
on the door, but I got away.

- Lord.
Are you making this up?

- No.

I don't know why my pants
were at my ankles.

- Have you tried
to go to the bathroom?

Are you sore?

- Ray, don't be mean.

This is the worst night
of my life.

- Mean?
It's a legitimate question.

If you were sexually assaulted
while unconscious,

I would like to know.

- Sorry.

- Listen, I just think
you should go to the police

and tell them
everything you know.

- I can't do that.
I could be in Rikers for months

before my name is cleared,

and I've got a lot
of blog interviews

to do for my book.

- Yeah, but if you were
at Rikers,

it could help sales.

- That's true.

But I'm supposed to be
on the new "Dick Cavett Show"

next week.
I don't want to miss that.

- No no, forget Cavett.

Turn yourself in.

It's the most sane course
of action.

- I can't.
I have a natural tendency

towards guilt.

I might freak out and make
a false confession.

- Also, you fled
the scene of a crime.

Innocent men do not run.

- My god, you're right.
I might go to prison.

Oh, God.

- All right, all right,
listen, you two.

Look, let's just
go to bed.

I read
in a spy novel once

the fugitive's
most effective weapon is sleep.

We'll figure this all out
in the morning.

- Sleep?
I'm too upset to sleep.

I've just shattered my life.

- All right, Jonathan.
I'll put on the vaporizer.

I also have some Valium.

It's a mixture that I've been
playing around with lately.

- Could be comforting.
- Also, it's not too bad

if you top it off
with just a sip of prosecco.

- Sounds like
a pot-head's BLT.

I like it.

- Come here.
Let me take care of you.

Come on.

- My thoughts feel buttery.

Hey, can we do high-lows?

Leah and I do that
when we tuck her girls in.

- Sure, Ray.
You go first.

- Well, my high was
breastfeeding spencer

and being nursed by Leah.

And I didn't have a low.
Your turn, George.

- My high was seeing Emily.

My low was her boyfriend,

who was wearing
a bicycle leotard

and asking permission
to marry her.

- But that's wonderful news,
George.

- It isn't.

He's nearly 60.

He's way too old for her.

I might sleep
with a woman half my age,

but I'd never marry her.

- Well, from one father
to another,

I think that's
a reasonable position to take.

- Mmm.

- Your turn, Jonathan.

- Well, in the last 24 hours,

I found out that I came
from a sperm bank

in Fair Lawn, New Jersey,

and I've been framed
for murder.

- You're supposed
to say, "my high was."

- I don't feel like playing
a game right now, Ray.

I'm in real trouble.

The universe is punishing me
for having my book out.

- No, you shouldn't
think like that.

The universe
doesn't care about books.

Okay, let's go to sleep.

Everything will be all right
in the morning.

- No spooning, Ray.

- No spooning, Ray.

- I can't fall asleep
unless I hold someone.

- All right, Ray.

[upbeat ukulele music]

Good night, boys.

both: good night, George.

♪ ♪

[phone rings]

- Oh, thank you.
Good morning.

- Mr. Christopher,
there are police here.

They want to come up
and see you.

- What?
Well, stall them.

Offer them scones.

The police are downstairs
at the restaurant.

They're coming up
to talk to me.

- These guys are
really good detectives.

They must have Googled me.

- I had a beautiful dream
about a gumball machine.

Can I tell you about it?
- Not now, Ray.

- Oh, jeez.

[energetic swing music]

♪ ♪

- Ray, get out of bed!
We've got to hide!

- Where are you going?
Where are you going?

Here! What are you doing?
- Ha!

- No no.
They'll see you there.

Here, here.
Get in the dumbwaiter.

It goes down

to the restaurant's kitchen.
Go on, get in.

[doorbell buzzes]
- The scones didn't work.

- Okay, okay, it's best
to act totally innocently.

I got that
from the same spy novel.

Hey, fellas.

Come on up.
Fifth floor.

I'll leave the door open.

- Why am I fleeing?

- 'Cause you're a good friend.

- It's too early
to be a good friend.

- All right, I'll try
to keep the police busy,

and then I'll catch up
with you two later.

- George, George.

We need shoes for running
and phones for communicating.

- Why didn't you...

- Hurry.

- All right.

Here's some
spending money too.

- We'll meet up later.
Make sure you're not followed.

They might tail you
to get to me.

- Really?
- Come on.

♪ ♪

- Oh hey, fellas.
[laughs] Sorry.

I hope I wasn't
hanging out there.

Come on in.
Come on in.

- George's shoes
are really hard

to make a getaway in.

I think they're
the Italian ones

O.J. Simpson wore.

- Did you notice last night
how hairless George's legs are?

- I did notice.

- Do you think it's because
his pants

have rubbed
everything off

over the last 60 years,

or did his legs go bald
because he's so old?

- I don't know.
It is mystifying.

I think--
oh, my God, Ray, look.

♪ ♪

- That Arab terrorist
has your mole.

- That's me, Ray.
Here, buy a copy.

We've got to get off
the streets.

I'm a wanted man.

- I would have never
drawn you like that.

What is our city coming to?

- Thank you, sir.
- There's killers everywhere.

[jazz music]

♪ ♪

- They made my nose
way too big.

This thing is
a real Shylockian fish hook.

Do you think
it's anti-Semitic on purpose?

- I don't think so.
I think the cops

will probably spin it

as a Jew-on-Jew murder
to avoid a race riot.

Remember Crown Heights?
- Yeah, you're right.

- I wonder what Spencer's nose
will look like.

Right now
it's just a little nub

with these two
little breathing holes.

Little guy.

- Yeah, my nose
was nice and small.

Then it exploded.

Puberty hit me there
at least two years

before it hit my penis.
I was all out of proportion.

- Can we have one conversation

that doesn't
involve your peen?

- It won't be easy,
but I can try.

I've got to get
the bastards who did this.

It has to be my client.

Never should have taken
a case

over the phone.

- Do you know where he lives?

- No, but I do have
his cell phone number.

We need someone who can get us
an address off of that.

Now I thi--
shit, we've been made.

- How's staring camp going?

What's the matter,
you don't like my pajamas?

I don't like
your corporate slave outfit.

- It's so good
to see you, Howard.

- Yeah, I've been
expecting you.

Get away from the window.

I've been reading the papers.
[beeps]

Got everything prepared.
- What?

- I only had two hours,

but I think
I've got you covered.

All right, stolen Amex.
This is good for 48 hours.

Passport.
And pilot's disguise.

Oh, and I'm throwing in
a free lock pick.

- I've always wanted
to wear one of these.

I like the shiny brim.
I think my eyes

are drawn to it.

- That's for Jonathan.
Where's George?

He never fools around
on an operation.

- He's diverting the police
at the moment.

Jaime Montero?
Why am I Mexican?

- You have
Mexican pigmentation.

- You made him Mexican?
In this country?

They'll be all over him.

- I made him
a Mexican airline pilot.

The two things
cancel each other out.

You know, I don't think
I like your attitude.

- [mocking] I don't think
I like your attitude.

- Oh well, tell it
to your beard.

- Whoa, guys.
Howard, I appreciate all this,

but I'm not leaving the U.S.

I want to find the murderer
and prove my innocence.

All I have
is his cell phone number.

I need a name
and an address.

- I'm gonna have to hack
into the telecom.

It's not gonna be easy.

"Not easy" means not cheap.

I assume George is paying
for all of this?

- Yeah.
- All right,

I'll run the number.

- Throw in another one
of these pilot outfits.

- I could have a
fat pilot outfit in 20 minutes.

- No, I need one.
This isn't for you.

- I'm glad you're not running,
Jonathan.

I was convicted of...

exposing myself
on the D train.

I've never been able
to clear my name.

These people
with cell phone cameras.

You have the chance
I never got.

[jazz music]

♪ ♪

[horn honks]
- [gasps]

- George, perfect timing.
I was just coming to see you.

- All right, just try
to keep a low profile.

- What?
Why?

- Well, there might be
people following me.

No, no, don't be
so obvious.

- You know, I'm not one
to judge, George,

but you reek of cannabis.

- I just had
one medicinal hit.

My nerves are shot.

- Well, try to be a little
judicious

about this kind of thing
with Emily.

She's still new to sobriety.
She's not entirely stable.

- I know, I know.
I--trust me,

I have every intention
of hiding my smoking from her,

and I don't usually indulge
in the morning.

It's just that I've been
dealing with the police.

- Why?
What's happening?

Are you selling marijuana?

- No, no.

A friend of mine
is in trouble.

He--it's a bit complicated.

It's best you stay out of it.

- Okay.
But listen,

I came to see
if you had an answer.

Do I have your permission
to marry Emily?

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

- Bernard.

I'm gonna borrow
your bicycle.

- Wait.
George.

Yes or no?
- Can I get an extension?

- [sighs]
Not even wearing a helmet.

- The house
over there.

Was the bag
really necessary?

- What?
It makes my outfit

more authentic.

Plus I need
a good overnight bag.

[phone rings]

- Shit, it's my parents.
- Jonathan?

- Mom, now is not a good time.
I got a--

- Two homicide detectives
are here.

They said you're wanted
for murder of a nice jockey.

- A Jewish jockey.
What were you thinking?

Did you murder him
because I'm sterile?

- Tell your parents I said hi.
- Listen, I'm innocent.

I swear.
Tell the detectives

I'm gonna clear my name.

- He says he's innocent.

He went to Princeton.
He wouldn't lie.

- Yeah, the tuition there
was very expensive.

- I can't believe my parents
got dragged into this.

They're hysterical.
I'm gonna make this guy pay.

[suspenseful jazz music]

♪ ♪

Shh, shh, shh.

[dog barking]

♪ ♪

- Check out that babe.

Would you look at
the stems on her?

- That's the woman
I was hired to tail.

She must be involved.

We're going in.
- Good.

[mysterious music]

♪ ♪

- Who are you?
Why did you frame me?

- What?
Who are you?

What are you pilots
doing in my house?

- You know damn well
who I am.

Don't play me for a fool
or an idiot.

- Yeah, that's my job.

- Get out.

I've never seen you
before in my life.

- Then call the cops.
They're looking for me.

Might even get you a reward.

[snaps fingers]
Phone.

You don't want the cops
anywhere near this place,

do you?

So quit the charade
and tell me,

why did you do it?
[clattering]

- I didn't do it.
I swear.

It--it was
my boyfriend Sid.

He found out Schwartz and I
were having an affair.

- That's why you were meeting
Schwartz at the hotel?

- Yes.
Sid shot him in cold blood.

Told me he'd do the same to me
if I didn't keep my mouth shut.

I'm a prisoner
in my own home.

Well, Sid's mother's house.

- Where is Sid now?
Tell me,

and you won't be
a prisoner anymore.

- He's at
the Prospect Park carousel.

He works there.

It's where all
the ex-jockeys end up.

- An ex-jockey-
on-jockey murder.

You won't regret this.

I'm gonna clear my name
and set you free.

- You're a little tall
for my taste,

but when this is all over,

you can leave your slippers
under my bed anytime.

- How about two pairs
of slippers?

[jazz music]

[phone rings]

♪ ♪

- Hola.
- George, it's Jonathan.

- Oh, Jonathan--
wait a second.

How do I know
it's really you?

- Can't you tell from my voice?

- Maybe.
I mean, you do sound

kind of nasal.

I know, I know.

Tell me something
that only you and I know.

- Last night,
you and Ray snuggled

and didn't include me.

- What does that have
to do with anything?

- I believe it's you.
So what's your 10-20?

- Our location?

We're heading
to the Prospect Park carousel.

- All right, I will tango
and foxtrot with you there,

but you should
probably know,

I think I'm being followed.

- Really?
-Mm-hmm.

By several agents.

Possibly from...

multiple branches
of the government.

- George, are you stoned?

- Uh, no,
not so much anymore.

It's kind of wearing off.

Wait a second.
We shouldn't be--

we should stay off the phone.
Hang up, hang up.

Uh, bye-bye, mamacita.

Talk to you mañana.

What am I--

[jazz music]

♪ ♪

- Man down.
George is stoned.

- It's always the weak
who fall first in battle.

[children shouting]

[mysterious music]

- Last ride of the day.
Last ride.

- That guy came to my reading.

Signed his book and everything.

- Did you personalize it?
A lot of times,

that's what the fans want.

If you don't do that,
they get upset.

- I don't think that's why
he framed me for murder.

- Hey, Ray, Jonathan.

Hey.
Hi, guys.

- Shh.
- No, it's okay.

I think I lost them.

- Where'd you get
that great bike?

- From Bernard.

Why are you guys
in the navy?

- We're pilots
for Aero Mexico.

We picked up disguises
from Howard.

- You went there without me?
Oh, come on.

You know how much
I love going to Howard's.

- I'm sorry, George.
You can come with us

next time.

- You want me to fill you in?

- No no, I'll catch on.

I'm very intuitive.

God, it's
a beautiful Ferris wheel.

- It's a carousel, George.

- Well, it's...

Oh yeah.

[mysterious music]

♪ ♪

- [exhales]

[grunts]

- That was for Schwartz.
- Who's Schwartz?

- Hey, come on.
- I'll pick it up as we go.

- You're coming downtown
with us.

Well, uptown actually,
and to the west--to the cops!

- You can take me in, dick,
but you got nothing on me.

- Oh, I got plenty.
The blonde gave us the goods.

- What blonde?
- George, please.

- Okay.
- God.

- Kitty ratted me out?

- Yeah, she told us everything.
I only have one question:

why me?

- It was that article
about you and your book

in "The Post."

It was clear you were somebody
who could be duped.

- Why were his pants
around his ankles

in the hotel room, hmm?

- Yeah, Ray's very curious
about that.

- We were painting the picture

that you and Schwartz
were lovers,

had a quarrel.
Figured that would stick.

You got $3 bill
written all over you.

- Hey.
- Wait a second.

- What do you mean, "we"?
- It was Kitty's idea--

the pants
at the ankles, everything.

She wanted Schwartz dead.

- But I thought that you
killed Schwartz

out of green-eyed jealousy.

- What are you talking about?

Schwartz made her
the beneficiary

of his will
and his life insurance.

She played him.
That's why we knocked him off.

- And she was gonna
split the money with you?

- Yeah.

We were gonna leave
town together,

start a new life
away from the ponies.

- Oh, this is
a terrible story.

[power clicks on]

- Gumball,
you came for me.

- I had a dream

about a gumball machine
last night.

- Hello, Sid.
[gunshot]

- Oh, my God!
Gumball shot him!

- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What are you doing?

You shouldn't throw a gun.
They're like scissors.

- Why not?
I'm getting your prints

on the gun
you just killed Sid with.

Sorry, no bullets left.

- But this one is loaded...
[Ray whimpers]

And this is the gun
Sid used to kill you

and your friends
during your little shootout.

- Please don't.
Look, I just became a new dad

to a beautiful boy
named Spencer.

His mothers
are divorced lesbians

and I love him very much.
Please don't do this.

- Stop crying.
This isn't a book club.

- You plugged me.

- Go!

[ragtime music playing
on speakers]

♪ ♪

- I loved you.

[gunshots]
- Go!

[Ray shrieking]

- Down!
Get down!

- I'm too young to be shot.
[gunshots]

- Other way! Other way!
Other way! No, no, no!

- I'm never going on
a Ferris wheel again.

- Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!

- Drop your weapon!

♪ ♪

[handcuffs click]
- Ow.

- Look, look, look.
See, I knew

I was being followed.

Hi, remember me?

I'm not paranoid.

♪ ♪

- You did a great job,
Jonathan.

Excellent detective work.
- Thank you, Officer Drake.

Coming from you,
that means a lot.

- That's why the boys and I
got you these

as a token of our appreciation.
Look.

- Is this like making us
honorary deputies?

- No, they're just
baseball caps.

- I see.

- Yeah, so...
- Well, thank you.

And how are you doing,
Officer Drake?

You know, with your issues?
- Yeah.

Well, I did start to...

take my wife's
birth control pills,

but then, you know,
I stopped

and I got some therapy
and now I'm doing much better,

so thank you for asking.

- Anytime.

- Okay.

- [exhales]

- All cleared up?
- Guys,

I'm really sorry
I put your lives in danger.

- You know, I like
these little brushes

with death.
Makes everything new again.

- I don't.
I can't afford to die,

Jonathan.
I don't have health insurance.

- I'm so sorry, Ray.

- Look, I don't like to be
the voice of reason,

but now that I'm a dad,
I guess it suits me.

You've got to stop
being a detective.

It's too dangerous.
I keep getting hurt.

- I don't know.

The police gave us
these hats.

Must be doing
something right.

- Oh, Jonathan.

I like this hat.

Yeah, now I don't feel
so left out.

- Besides, Ray,
can't retire just yet.

Still have to find out
who my real dad is.

- And you will, Jonathan.
You will.

Shall we?

You know, I really do
like that bag.

Howard sells them, right?
Does it have a false bottom?

I have a false bottom.

Well, you know, sometimes.
I'm not wearing one now, but--

- George, what are you
talking about?

- Well, have you ever seen
these little undies

that have pads
on each cheek?

- Yeah.
Do they make those for men?

- Yeah.
Oh yeah.

["Sometimes"
by The Bandana Splits playing]

- ♪ Sometimes when you
walk away ♪

♪ And you hold your head
and don't complain ♪

♪ And then hide your hands
inside your sleeves ♪

♪ Sometimes
when you leave ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Don't go ♪

♪ Baby, baby,
put your hand in mine ♪

♪ Don't go ♪

♪ Baby, baby,
stars are in your eyes ♪

♪ Don't go ♪

♪ Baby, baby,
true love doesn't lie ♪

♪ But when I see you
walk away ♪

♪ It makes me want to cry ♪

♪ Sometimes... ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Sometimes... ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Sometimes ♪

♪ ♪

[bright tone]