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1
00:00:04,379 --> 00:00:05,547
Hey, did you water
the living room plant
last night
2
00:00:05,589 --> 00:00:06,882
like I asked?
3
00:00:06,924 --> 00:00:08,509
I didn't water it,
but I did beer it.
4
00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:12,888
Stop pouring beer
in our plants.
5
00:00:12,930 --> 00:00:14,014
Stop buying light beer.
6
00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:17,977
I drink light beer.
7
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,520
That's nothing
to brag about, Sally.
8
00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:24,358
Look, you are not hanging
out with your old buddies
till tomorrow.
9
00:00:24,399 --> 00:00:26,276
You have old buddies?
Who ever liked you?
10
00:00:27,903 --> 00:00:29,738
It's Homecoming weekend
up at Syracuse.
11
00:00:29,780 --> 00:00:31,949
I'm gonna hook up
with the old gang.
12
00:00:31,991 --> 00:00:33,868
Ah. You need someone
to keep an eye on your lady
while you're gone?
13
00:00:33,909 --> 00:00:35,327
Maybe a pair of hands?
Ah!
14
00:00:37,329 --> 00:00:38,664
No. I'm gonna go too.
15
00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:40,958
I'm gonna go
hang out with a few of
my sorority sisters.
16
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:43,084
Oh, I recently
took in a film with
a very similar plot.
17
00:00:45,337 --> 00:00:46,714
According to this film,
these sorority girls
18
00:00:46,755 --> 00:00:49,299
had quite the adventure
as well.
19
00:00:49,341 --> 00:00:50,759
Well, you'd be
less intrigued
if you saw the size
20
00:00:50,801 --> 00:00:51,677
of Audrey's friends.
21
00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:52,720
Hey!
22
00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:57,057
That is not fair.
Well, except for Danielle.
23
00:00:57,098 --> 00:00:58,475
(LAUGHS)
24
00:00:58,517 --> 00:00:59,434
It's been kind of
rough sledding for her.
25
00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:01,020
No picnic
for the sled either.
26
00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:04,523
You know,
it's been five years
27
00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:05,858
since I've seen
these knuckleheads,
28
00:01:06,942 --> 00:01:08,318
so I'm pretty psyched
for a wild time.
29
00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:10,278
Yeah.
Look out, Syracuse.
30
00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:12,573
White guys in Dockers
with receding hairlines
31
00:01:12,614 --> 00:01:13,782
coming at you!
32
00:01:15,617 --> 00:01:16,911
Speaking
of receding hairlines...
33
00:01:16,952 --> 00:01:18,245
Leave Danielle alone.
34
00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:21,832
Okay, listen.
35
00:01:21,874 --> 00:01:24,083
Just prepare yourselves.
For what?
36
00:01:24,125 --> 00:01:25,627
Oh, I see. Mmm.
37
00:01:26,461 --> 00:01:28,171
(LAUGHS)
Whoa.
38
00:01:29,381 --> 00:01:31,008
Huh?
(GIGGLING)
39
00:01:31,926 --> 00:01:33,427
Guys?
RUSSELL: Yeah.
40
00:01:33,468 --> 00:01:34,887
This is Mambo.
RUSSELL: Cool.
41
00:01:34,929 --> 00:01:36,137
Mambo, these are my friends.
RUSSELL: Yeah.
42
00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:38,974
You look like
a gay pirate.
43
00:01:39,975 --> 00:01:41,518
Wrong.
44
00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:43,562
Pirates have parrots,
whereas I have a cockatoo.
45
00:01:44,688 --> 00:01:46,189
Yeah,
maybe on a slow night.
46
00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:50,945
Please, I beg you.
Just take him home.
47
00:01:50,986 --> 00:01:53,196
Honey, the bonding phase
is crucial in bird ownership.
48
00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:54,907
He's got to get to know me.
I can help him.
49
00:01:54,949 --> 00:01:56,825
Mambo, he's a tool.
Bird's up to speed.
50
00:02:01,830 --> 00:02:04,124
♪ How many ways
to say I love you?
51
00:02:07,086 --> 00:02:09,964
♪ How many ways
to say that I'm not scared
52
00:02:11,590 --> 00:02:16,678
♪ With you by my side
There is no denying
53
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,139
♪ I can't wait
for me and you ♪
54
00:02:28,899 --> 00:02:30,776
Hey, I just found out
55
00:02:30,818 --> 00:02:33,112
there's an anti-fur
PETA protest tonight,
56
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:34,529
and you and I
are both going.
57
00:02:34,571 --> 00:02:36,197
There's tons
of hot chicks there
with bleeding hearts
58
00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:38,408
under their tasty racks,
right?
59
00:02:38,450 --> 00:02:42,537
So I go find the hottest one,
and then you walk in
60
00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:44,623
right on cue,
wearing this.
61
00:02:50,378 --> 00:02:51,588
No.
62
00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:53,548
Now let me finish.
63
00:02:53,590 --> 00:02:56,510
Then I get all fake outraged,
and I punch you in the face,
64
00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:58,177
and then
the girl's like, "Oh!"
65
00:02:58,219 --> 00:02:59,554
And then I get the hottie.
66
00:03:02,016 --> 00:03:04,518
I think not, sir.
Oh, come on.
67
00:03:04,559 --> 00:03:06,520
I promise I won't hit you
in the glasses this time.
68
00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:07,479
That was a mistake.
69
00:03:08,814 --> 00:03:10,774
For God's sake,
when are you
going to learn
70
00:03:10,816 --> 00:03:12,026
that there's more to life
71
00:03:12,067 --> 00:03:13,944
than the singular pursuit
of tail, sir?
72
00:03:13,986 --> 00:03:15,529
Not anytime soon, I hope.
73
00:03:17,238 --> 00:03:20,117
You're right.
Your priorities
are unimpeachable.
74
00:03:20,159 --> 00:03:22,828
"Oh, I'm Timmy.
I know big words
about peaches."
75
00:03:24,830 --> 00:03:25,956
Sir...
76
00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:27,833
As it turns out,
77
00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:30,585
I'm already going
somewhere tonight
78
00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:32,796
where there are
lots of single ladies
eager for company.
79
00:03:32,838 --> 00:03:35,298
Oh! Share the wealth.
Hook a player up, brother.
80
00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:38,635
All right.
Won't you join me?
81
00:03:38,677 --> 00:03:40,137
I'm in.
82
00:03:40,179 --> 00:03:42,181
If it doesn't work out,
we always got plan "B."
83
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,058
"Hey, look at you."
Doosh-doosh-doosh.
84
00:03:44,099 --> 00:03:45,475
"Oh, my hero."
85
00:03:56,111 --> 00:03:58,113
Raiding the mini-bar?
That's not like you.
86
00:03:58,155 --> 00:03:59,614
I'm in 314.
87
00:03:59,656 --> 00:04:01,449
A bottle of vodka's
missing from the mini-bar.
88
00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:03,160
I didn't want you
to charge us for it.
89
00:04:03,202 --> 00:04:04,411
That's like you.
90
00:04:05,286 --> 00:04:06,788
Just wetting my whistle.
91
00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:08,665
Not like I see
these animals every day.
92
00:04:08,707 --> 00:04:10,751
When we get together,
it's crazy.
93
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:15,255
There's nobody in the world
I'd rather spend time with
than these guys.
94
00:04:15,296 --> 00:04:17,049
Huh. Always nice
for a wife to hear.
95
00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:19,509
Well, can't you have fun
with them sober?
96
00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:22,054
I guess
we'll never find out.
97
00:04:22,096 --> 00:04:23,597
(LAUGHS) Well,
you go have your fun.
98
00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:24,806
But when you get back,
99
00:04:24,848 --> 00:04:26,266
do not climb
on top of me naked.
100
00:04:26,307 --> 00:04:28,393
I didn't hear
any complaints last time.
101
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:29,728
Well, it's a little
hard to talk
102
00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:32,522
with a mouthful
of chest hair.
103
00:04:32,564 --> 00:04:35,400
So you're saying that
perhaps the obligatory
hotel sex
104
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:38,237
should happen now.
105
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:40,572
No. I'm on my way
to meet my...
106
00:04:42,407 --> 00:04:43,867
All right, fine.
107
00:04:43,909 --> 00:04:45,786
But let's make
this quick, okay?
108
00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:46,787
I've got my...
109
00:04:51,708 --> 00:04:52,751
Roger that.
110
00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:03,511
Uh, Tim,
some of these chicks
111
00:05:03,553 --> 00:05:05,222
are a little long
in the tooth.
112
00:05:05,264 --> 00:05:08,767
Um, what sort of
nightclub is this?
113
00:05:10,602 --> 00:05:13,521
It's a retirement home, sir.
I come here once a week.
114
00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:15,065
Wow,
you're into some stuff.
115
00:05:15,107 --> 00:05:16,191
Kinky.
116
00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:21,655
I don't attempt
to have sex with them.
117
00:05:21,696 --> 00:05:23,865
Oh, I get it.
You make them
come to you.
118
00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:25,826
Yeah.
119
00:05:25,867 --> 00:05:27,953
I wouldn't wait too long,
not a big shelf life here.
120
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:32,040
I volunteer
and spend time with them.
121
00:05:32,082 --> 00:05:33,333
Oh.
Well, why am I here?
122
00:05:34,293 --> 00:05:36,795
Because I'm issuing you
a challenge.
123
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:39,089
I want you to spend
one evening helping others,
124
00:05:39,131 --> 00:05:41,591
rather than tending
to your own carnal needs.
125
00:05:41,633 --> 00:05:44,511
Right. But then
what about my carnal needs?
126
00:05:46,345 --> 00:05:49,224
Sir, I'm just trying
to help make you
a better person.
127
00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:51,018
My intentions here
are pure.
128
00:05:51,059 --> 00:05:52,978
(SIGHS)
You know what isn't pure?
The air in here.
129
00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:54,229
It's like a giant diaper.
130
00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:02,904
You did it. You did it.
Good bird. Good bird. Here.
131
00:06:02,946 --> 00:06:04,489
Jen?
132
00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:05,991
Jen, get in here.
133
00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:07,534
Can it wait?
No!
134
00:06:08,118 --> 00:06:09,161
No, I need you.
135
00:06:10,453 --> 00:06:11,538
What is it?
136
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:14,666
Are you sitting down?
137
00:06:16,001 --> 00:06:17,961
You see I'm standing.
138
00:06:18,003 --> 00:06:19,378
What's going on?
139
00:06:19,420 --> 00:06:22,841
Okay. Mambo just ate
a peanut out of my mouth.
140
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:25,510
Huh?
That's what couldn't wait?
141
00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:27,595
No, honey, honey.
Check it out.
142
00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:28,722
Check it out,
check it out.
143
00:06:28,763 --> 00:06:30,431
All right, watch this.
144
00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:32,809
Good boy.
Let's do it again.
145
00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:33,601
Let's do it again.
(MIMICKING CHIRP)
146
00:06:33,643 --> 00:06:34,602
No? No?
147
00:06:36,855 --> 00:06:38,690
God, I knew
I should have
recorded it.
148
00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:40,234
Damn it,
trust your instincts, Adam!
149
00:06:41,318 --> 00:06:43,070
Why would you want
to record that?
150
00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:44,529
You know
those sweet YouTube vids
151
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:46,865
of animals
doing awesome stuff?
152
00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:47,908
Well, I could have made
one of those.
153
00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:49,910
I mean,
they get tons of hits.
154
00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:51,828
What does it matter
if some strangers
on the internet
155
00:06:51,870 --> 00:06:52,871
see your bird
do a trick?
156
00:06:54,039 --> 00:06:55,582
Boy, could you
not get it less?
157
00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:59,961
Honey, we're living
in a golden age
of unearned fame.
158
00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:02,672
People achieve celebrity
for the most
ridiculous reasons.
159
00:07:02,714 --> 00:07:04,549
Yes, and it's
desperate and pathetic.
160
00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:05,424
And I want in on it.
161
00:07:12,349 --> 00:07:13,975
May I help you?
Uh, yes.
162
00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:17,687
Just joining some of
my old dearest friends.
163
00:07:17,729 --> 00:07:20,399
Holy crap,
I hardly even recognized
you fat bastards.
164
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:22,734
I didn't think
it was possible,
165
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:24,194
but you guys got
even uglier.
166
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:27,197
Hey, Jeff!
We're over here!
167
00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:34,829
I'm sorry, fellas.
Enjoy your meal.
168
00:07:37,207 --> 00:07:39,000
(LAUGHTER)
How you doing?
169
00:07:39,042 --> 00:07:40,127
How are you?
170
00:07:40,168 --> 00:07:41,420
Jimmer!
Jeff!
171
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,297
All right, Rudy.
What's up, buddy?
172
00:07:43,338 --> 00:07:44,505
Listen, I'm sorry
I'm a little late.
173
00:07:44,547 --> 00:07:45,799
I was nailing
Jimmer's mom
174
00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:47,092
in the alley
behind the Quiznos.
175
00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:48,509
(LAUGHTER)
176
00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:50,304
You're too cheap,
you'd never pay for that.
177
00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:52,264
Mom is not
a prostitute.
178
00:07:52,306 --> 00:07:53,473
Oh, she just gives it away
for free, huh?
179
00:07:53,514 --> 00:07:55,892
(LAUGHTER)
180
00:07:55,934 --> 00:07:57,394
It's great
to see you guys.
Yeah.
181
00:07:57,436 --> 00:07:59,938
Here's to this being
the last thing
we remember tonight.
182
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,148
(CHUCKLES)
183
00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:07,404
Aah!
184
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,284
You guys are
embarrassing yourselves.
185
00:08:13,368 --> 00:08:14,995
(LAUGHING)
186
00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:16,413
But it wasn't all bad.
187
00:08:16,455 --> 00:08:18,081
Jimmer still got
a Snickers bar
and a pat on the head.
188
00:08:18,123 --> 00:08:20,459
(LAUGHTER)
189
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,085
So are you gentlemen
ready to order?
190
00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:23,462
Well, let's just
make this easy.
191
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,880
Why don't you bring us
your finest cow
and four plates?
192
00:08:25,922 --> 00:08:28,467
Actually, I'll just have
the broiled salmon.
193
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:29,801
Salmon. Does that
come with a skirt?
194
00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:32,471
Bingo,
he had a heart attack.
195
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:33,972
That was, like,
six months ago.
196
00:08:35,474 --> 00:08:36,891
I'm gonna go
with the petite filet.
197
00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:38,435
Petite filet.
Boo.
198
00:08:40,061 --> 00:08:41,021
My cholesterol's
a little high.
199
00:08:41,062 --> 00:08:42,439
I'm watching what I eat.
200
00:08:42,481 --> 00:08:44,816
Oh, please, on a bet,
you once ate a pound
of drywall.
201
00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:48,362
Rudy, tell me
you're having a real steak.
202
00:08:48,403 --> 00:08:50,364
Actually, Barb and I
are vegetarians now.
203
00:08:50,405 --> 00:08:51,406
Is there anything
without meat in it?
204
00:08:51,448 --> 00:08:53,033
Yeah, your underwear.
205
00:09:03,335 --> 00:09:05,795
Lovely Ruth,
this is Mr. Dunbar.
206
00:09:05,837 --> 00:09:07,464
Mr. Dunbar,
my friend Ruth.
207
00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:10,050
Friend?
You mean sister.
208
00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:14,179
I can't believe
I'm wasting my rap
on oldie Hawn.
209
00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:17,307
We're going to play
some gin. Ruth...
210
00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:18,725
All right.
211
00:09:18,766 --> 00:09:21,102
Would you like to deal?
Oh, well, sure.
212
00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:25,357
(SIGHS)
213
00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:29,403
Yeesh.
214
00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:32,322
Later that same night...
215
00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:37,618
Can you please
just try to find
one positive thing
216
00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:38,703
about being here?
I doubt it.
217
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:40,872
Whoa.
Here we go.
218
00:09:43,208 --> 00:09:46,503
Hey, I'm Russell.
Hi. I'm Caroline.
219
00:09:46,545 --> 00:09:48,505
This is my friend Esther.
Oh, friend?
220
00:09:48,547 --> 00:09:49,839
You must mean sister.
221
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:54,135
I'm just throwing her a bone.
She's, like, a million.
222
00:09:56,179 --> 00:09:58,098
Are you
one of the volunteers?
223
00:09:58,139 --> 00:10:00,100
Sounds like you missed
the orientation.
224
00:10:00,141 --> 00:10:01,684
Ah, maybe
we should hit happy hour.
225
00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:03,562
You can catch me up
over a couple of cocktails.
226
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:08,525
I'm working.
Not as hard as I am.
227
00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:10,277
Come on.
Meet me halfway on this.
228
00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:13,071
Excuse me.
I'm helping someone.
229
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:15,490
Listen, just push her
in front of the fish tank
230
00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:16,824
and tell her
she's at SeaWorld.
231
00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:22,663
Really?
Yeah, so he woke up
just covered in puke.
232
00:10:22,705 --> 00:10:23,540
What are you
talking about, Jimmer?
233
00:10:23,582 --> 00:10:26,000
Tomorrow morning?
234
00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:28,336
No, my son Ryan,
he's got a bit of
a stomach virus.
235
00:10:28,378 --> 00:10:30,464
Now we all agree,
no talk about
work or family.
236
00:10:30,505 --> 00:10:32,048
We didn't agree.
You just said that.
237
00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:37,178
I stand by it.
Now I got us some shots
to tide us over
238
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:38,846
until the waitress brings
the shots that I ordered.
239
00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:43,351
Actually, I'm just gonna
get a cup of coffee.
Me too.
240
00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:45,979
I wonder
if they have herbal tea.
241
00:10:46,020 --> 00:10:48,856
Am I crazy,
or did you guys all
just come out?
242
00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:53,194
Good one, Bingo,
but I gotta get up
early and drive.
243
00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:55,071
It's Izzy's ballet recital.
Here, check it out.
244
00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:57,115
Here she is in her tutu.
Oh, she's adorable.
245
00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:58,658
That's so cute.
Let me see that.
246
00:10:58,699 --> 00:10:59,951
Power off.
247
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,953
Okay, we've got to focus.
248
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:03,413
We've gotta get over
to Thirsty Charlie's
249
00:11:03,455 --> 00:11:04,705
if we're gonna
get a table.
250
00:11:04,747 --> 00:11:07,000
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm gonna pass.
251
00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:08,251
Yeah, me too.
I'm exhausted.
252
00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:09,961
Unbelievable!
253
00:11:11,963 --> 00:11:13,632
All right, Dave,
all these gals are
gonna go home
254
00:11:13,672 --> 00:11:15,008
and braid
each other's hair,
255
00:11:15,049 --> 00:11:17,469
so I guess
it's just you and me.
256
00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:19,762
I don't know, Bingham.
257
00:11:19,804 --> 00:11:20,847
You know,
with the heart medicine,
258
00:11:20,888 --> 00:11:22,307
my doctor says
I should take it easy.
259
00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:23,558
I've known you
for 25 years.
260
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:24,643
Who are you
gonna listen to,
him or me?
261
00:11:26,978 --> 00:11:29,147
I guess I could
go for one.
That a boy!
262
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:30,649
All right, well,
me and the madman
263
00:11:30,689 --> 00:11:33,109
are gonna go add
another chapter
to the legend.
264
00:11:33,151 --> 00:11:35,612
(LAUGHS) All right, Bingo.
(CELL PHONE RINGS)
265
00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:38,823
Hey, honey.
266
00:11:40,283 --> 00:11:41,368
Will do.
Sorry, Jeff, gotta go.
267
00:11:41,409 --> 00:11:42,494
No!
268
00:11:47,499 --> 00:11:49,209
Oh, do you not
want these anymore?
269
00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:50,460
No, I do.
270
00:11:53,338 --> 00:11:55,340
Bird eats peanut
in coolest way ever.
271
00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:57,509
Okay, Mambo, ready?
No. Not yet.
272
00:11:57,551 --> 00:11:59,469
Let's get famous.
Ready? Come here.
273
00:12:00,303 --> 00:12:01,720
Come on.
274
00:12:01,762 --> 00:12:03,390
Come on, dude,
get your head in the game!
275
00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:05,517
(SIGHS)
276
00:12:06,351 --> 00:12:07,352
Oh.
277
00:12:08,144 --> 00:12:10,689
Oh. Oh, great.
278
00:12:10,771 --> 00:12:12,524
Yeah, great.
Bird eats peanut in...
279
00:12:12,566 --> 00:12:14,025
(CRACKING)
280
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:15,652
Most stupid,
boring way ever.
281
00:12:17,487 --> 00:12:18,737
Zero hits.
282
00:12:28,582 --> 00:12:31,334
Sir, what on earth
are you doing?
283
00:12:31,376 --> 00:12:33,378
I'm throwing up bricks here
like Shaquille.
284
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:37,131
I'm gonna be
sore tomorrow,
I can feel it.
285
00:12:38,675 --> 00:12:42,262
I challenged you to help,
but clearly you're incapable.
286
00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:43,804
I don't get any credit
for feeding this one?
287
00:12:45,724 --> 00:12:47,100
Look, I could help
if I wanted to.
288
00:12:47,141 --> 00:12:48,142
Okay. Prove it.
289
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,937
That's Stella.
290
00:12:50,978 --> 00:12:53,022
She likes to go for a walk
around the building every day.
291
00:12:53,064 --> 00:12:53,898
You could join her.
292
00:12:54,899 --> 00:12:56,651
Piece of cake.
293
00:12:56,693 --> 00:12:58,194
Stella, come on,
let's do this.
294
00:13:07,495 --> 00:13:08,538
(SIGHS)
295
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:13,668
Whoa. Stella!
Come on, where's the fire?
296
00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:15,002
Can I get a hit of that?
297
00:13:15,044 --> 00:13:16,463
Aah! One more.
298
00:13:17,046 --> 00:13:17,964
Thanks.
299
00:13:24,638 --> 00:13:26,473
Hey.
Oh, hey.
300
00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:29,183
What are you doing here?
301
00:13:29,225 --> 00:13:30,477
Shouldn't you still be out
with your friends,
302
00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:31,311
throwing up
on each other?
303
00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:34,314
I wish.
304
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:36,857
Aw. What happened?
305
00:13:37,692 --> 00:13:39,360
The guys are all lame now.
306
00:13:39,402 --> 00:13:42,029
I mean, it's tragic.
307
00:13:42,071 --> 00:13:43,990
They used to be real pervs
and binge drinkers.
308
00:13:46,618 --> 00:13:49,746
Tonight all I did was
talk about their kids
and cholesterol.
309
00:13:51,748 --> 00:13:53,374
How was ladies' night?
310
00:13:53,416 --> 00:13:55,418
Well, pretty much the same.
311
00:13:55,460 --> 00:13:58,588
I was really looking
forward to it,
312
00:13:58,630 --> 00:14:02,300
but all they talked about
was strollers and preschools
and Rogaine.
313
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:03,635
Rogaine?
Which husband?
314
00:14:04,636 --> 00:14:05,804
No, it's Danielle.
315
00:14:10,057 --> 00:14:11,476
Things are not
getting better there.
316
00:14:12,935 --> 00:14:13,978
That's gonna be us,
isn't it?
317
00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:16,523
No.
318
00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:18,483
We're better than that.
319
00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:20,777
I thought my buddies were too,
but Rudy ordered a salad
320
00:14:20,819 --> 00:14:22,069
with dressing on the side,
so...
321
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:25,532
I punched him
in the balls.
322
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:28,660
And he actually got mad.
323
00:14:31,663 --> 00:14:33,164
Didn't he just have
hernia surgery?
324
00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:36,250
No, that's next week.
325
00:14:36,292 --> 00:14:37,377
Whatever.
326
00:14:39,170 --> 00:14:41,172
I guess
it's all over for us.
327
00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:43,007
No, it doesn't
have to be.
328
00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:45,051
Well, how do you figure?
We're gonna be parents soon.
329
00:14:45,092 --> 00:14:47,345
Yeah, but that doesn't mean
we have to be lame.
330
00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:49,723
We can have our own fun.
331
00:14:49,764 --> 00:14:50,931
Well, I appreciate that, Aud.
332
00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:53,810
But I'm kind of bloated,
maybe if you're on top.
333
00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:55,395
No...
334
00:14:57,814 --> 00:14:59,649
No! I mean, let's go out.
335
00:15:00,191 --> 00:15:01,568
Really?
336
00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:03,152
Yeah! You wanted
to hit Thirsty Charlie's.
337
00:15:03,194 --> 00:15:04,696
Let's do it. Come on.
All right, let's do it.
338
00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:08,115
Hey, I wonder
if my jock strap's
339
00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:10,201
still up there
on those moose antlers.
340
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:13,162
Mmm. If it's not,
I'm gonna buy a beer
341
00:15:13,204 --> 00:15:14,247
for whoever
had to take it down.
342
00:15:19,544 --> 00:15:21,921
Ah, Mr. Dunbar.
I just saw Stella.
343
00:15:23,130 --> 00:15:25,216
She said she had
a wonderful walk with you.
344
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:28,094
I hope
it finally felt good...
Yes, Timmy.
345
00:15:28,135 --> 00:15:30,054
Helping people
certainly does feel good.
346
00:15:31,681 --> 00:15:34,141
As I've often said,
my heart is my
second biggest organ.
347
00:15:36,519 --> 00:15:37,604
Reprehensible.
348
00:15:38,646 --> 00:15:39,564
Oh, hey, Caroline.
349
00:15:40,732 --> 00:15:42,066
You couldn't help
but overhear
350
00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:44,110
Timmy praising
my selflessness...
351
00:15:44,151 --> 00:15:45,695
(CHUCKLES)
352
00:15:45,737 --> 00:15:47,822
Which incidentally
spills over
into the bedroom.
353
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:50,825
Yeah.
354
00:15:50,867 --> 00:15:52,034
Some of the residents
have complained about
355
00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:53,327
the smell of your cologne.
356
00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:55,914
What?
The smell of my cologne?
357
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,582
Are you kidding me?
358
00:15:57,624 --> 00:15:59,626
Stella's breath is like
a punch in the face!
359
00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:08,593
You're in a place
where you could
actually do some good.
360
00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:10,762
But you can't...
Right, right, right.
361
00:16:10,804 --> 00:16:14,181
Because you're incapable
of thinking beyond your
perverse sexual appetite.
362
00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:15,558
Up high.
Not up high.
363
00:16:17,393 --> 00:16:18,269
Sir, there's someone
you need to meet.
364
00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:21,439
That's Herman.
365
00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:24,525
Never married.
366
00:16:24,567 --> 00:16:26,277
Never bothered with
meaningful connections
with others.
367
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:27,612
Yeah.
368
00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:28,655
Now he spends
all his days alone,
369
00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:29,447
just sitting
in that corner.
370
00:16:31,282 --> 00:16:32,784
Yuck.
371
00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:33,868
Yuck indeed, sir.
372
00:16:34,911 --> 00:16:36,329
And that is your future
373
00:16:36,370 --> 00:16:38,539
unless you make
some serious changes
in your life.
374
00:16:39,916 --> 00:16:40,959
Okay.
375
00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:47,423
Hey, Herm,
I'm Russell.
376
00:16:48,883 --> 00:16:50,760
Timmy says
you're pretty much
alone, huh?
377
00:16:50,802 --> 00:16:52,595
Yeah, pretty much.
Pretty much.
378
00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:54,388
Pretty much.
379
00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:56,975
In fact, I happen
to be the only man
living in this place...
380
00:16:58,309 --> 00:16:59,644
That he is.
381
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:01,855
Which gives me the pick
of all the ladies.
382
00:17:01,896 --> 00:17:02,814
(CHUCKLES)
383
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,066
Exactly... What now?
384
00:17:08,402 --> 00:17:12,323
Well, I had her,
and last week,
I nailed her.
385
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:13,324
(CHUCKLES)
386
00:17:14,826 --> 00:17:16,619
Seriously?
Sweet Ruth?
387
00:17:16,661 --> 00:17:20,164
Oh, she may be sweet,
but she's filthy. Whoa!
388
00:17:23,292 --> 00:17:26,004
As a matter of fact,
I don't even need
this wheelchair.
389
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:28,589
Only reason I'm here
is because I'm exhausted.
390
00:17:30,967 --> 00:17:32,301
Herminator!
391
00:17:32,343 --> 00:17:34,220
You're crushing it,
dude, I love it.
392
00:17:34,261 --> 00:17:36,347
Herman,
it's sponge bath time.
393
00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:38,182
Sponge bath?
Oh, good.
394
00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:40,309
Why don't we
give me one first?
(LAUGHS)
395
00:17:42,436 --> 00:17:43,521
Oh!
396
00:17:45,899 --> 00:17:47,025
(WHISTLES)
397
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:50,486
That guy's
the coolest guy
I ever met.
398
00:17:50,528 --> 00:17:53,031
Thanks for the lesson,
Timmy.
399
00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:55,324
Hey, Ruth, didn't know
you were such an animal.
400
00:17:55,366 --> 00:17:56,242
Deal me in.
401
00:18:08,629 --> 00:18:09,797
This is it.
He's gonna do it.
402
00:18:09,839 --> 00:18:11,049
(BIRD CHIRPS)
(SCREAMS)
403
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:15,261
Ow! Aah!
Get it off me!
404
00:18:15,302 --> 00:18:16,345
Oh, my God,
are you okay?
405
00:18:16,387 --> 00:18:18,681
Yeah! Yeah! Help me!
Okay.
406
00:18:18,723 --> 00:18:20,975
Oh, God. Oh! Oh!
407
00:18:21,017 --> 00:18:22,309
(GRUNTING)
408
00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:28,566
It's okay.
409
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:30,985
ALL: (CHANTING)
Audrey! Audrey! Audrey!
410
00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:32,987
Audrey! Audrey! Audrey!
411
00:18:33,029 --> 00:18:34,154
Whoo!
412
00:18:35,949 --> 00:18:37,241
(CHEERING)
413
00:18:39,326 --> 00:18:43,414
Well, that was impressive.
(LAUGHS)
414
00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:45,332
How do you know
all those Jay-Z songs?
415
00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:48,377
Huh? Am I more fun than
your boring friends or what?
416
00:18:48,419 --> 00:18:51,380
You are.
And you made
tonight great,
417
00:18:51,422 --> 00:18:52,715
and I believe you.
418
00:18:52,757 --> 00:18:53,967
Having a kid is not
gonna make us boring.
419
00:18:54,008 --> 00:18:55,134
Aw!
420
00:18:57,804 --> 00:18:58,930
(BURPS)
421
00:19:01,599 --> 00:19:03,309
Fair enough.
Mmm.
422
00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:04,727
Never been
on this end of it before.
423
00:19:06,104 --> 00:19:07,354
Uh, what do you say
we head back to our room?
424
00:19:08,272 --> 00:19:10,108
What, back to the hotel?
425
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:11,275
What, do you need
to change your panties?
426
00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:13,569
What?
Come on.
427
00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:15,529
Sack up, bingo!
428
00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:16,948
Ow!
Oh!
429
00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:18,240
(LAUGHS)
430
00:19:19,742 --> 00:19:21,911
We are not done here,
mmm-mmm.
431
00:19:21,953 --> 00:19:23,913
Audrey,
this is good, but...
432
00:19:23,955 --> 00:19:25,289
Come on now,
what would you be
doing right now
433
00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:26,582
if you were
with your guys, huh?
434
00:19:26,624 --> 00:19:28,042
Probably talking about
my wife's drinking problem.
435
00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:30,086
(LAUGHS) This guy.
436
00:19:30,128 --> 00:19:32,922
Come on, Bingham!
What's next?
437
00:19:32,964 --> 00:19:34,966
Well, we sort of had
this tradition of taking
our shirts off
438
00:19:35,008 --> 00:19:36,509
and jumping
in the fountain,
439
00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:37,301
but we really
don't have to...
440
00:19:39,137 --> 00:19:41,180
Last one in the fountain
is a loser!
441
00:19:41,221 --> 00:19:42,431
(CHEERING)
442
00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:45,184
She's gonna make
a terrific mom.
443
00:19:50,023 --> 00:19:51,065
(SCREAMING)
(BIRD CHIRPING)
444
00:19:54,735 --> 00:19:57,155
No! Stop it!
Don't film it!
445
00:19:59,573 --> 00:20:02,618
Hey! Stop it!
446
00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:05,412
Well, congrats,
you're the star of
"Bird Moron."
447
00:20:05,454 --> 00:20:07,832
60,000 hits.
So worth the pain.
448
00:20:11,335 --> 00:20:14,296
Speaking of pain,
how's the hangover?
449
00:20:14,338 --> 00:20:16,215
(GROANS)
450
00:20:16,256 --> 00:20:17,925
I gotta go home
and take a nap.
451
00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:19,886
Aw.
452
00:20:19,927 --> 00:20:21,220
Those other two naps
must have made her tired.
453
00:20:21,261 --> 00:20:22,847
(LAUGHS)
454
00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:25,975
So what did
you guys do exactly?
455
00:20:26,017 --> 00:20:28,686
Oh, Aud wanted to
prove that we weren't
going to be boring
456
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:30,270
just because
we're having a kid,
457
00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:31,689
which she did
by getting wasted
458
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,482
and dancing topless
in a fountain.
459
00:20:33,524 --> 00:20:35,526
Oh, topless, huh?
Jen, may I?
460
00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:41,365
(TYPING ON KEYBOARD)
Topless. Syracuse. Fountain.
461
00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:42,282
Good luck,
but you're never gonna...
462
00:20:42,324 --> 00:20:43,367
Got it.
463
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:45,203
(AUDREY LAUGHS)
Whoa!
464
00:20:46,829 --> 00:20:48,581
AUDREY:
What are you waiting for?
100,000 hits?
465
00:20:48,622 --> 00:20:49,874
No thanks, I'm good.
This is a joke.
466
00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:51,834
This isn't half as good
as "The Bird Moron."
467
00:20:51,876 --> 00:20:53,627
I think she looks
really great.
468
00:20:54,128 --> 00:20:55,629
Watch.
469
00:20:55,671 --> 00:20:56,589
MAN: Ma'am, get out
of the fountain.
470
00:20:56,630 --> 00:20:58,758
And here come
the campus police.
471
00:20:58,799 --> 00:21:00,051
(LAUGHTER)
33581
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