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1
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Honestly, I'm a
little bit worried about Nan.
2
00:00:16,491 --> 00:00:17,897
I'm just catching some red flags.
3
00:00:17,932 --> 00:00:19,198
She's not sleeping.
4
00:00:19,226 --> 00:00:21,692
She's been talking to
herself, like, all the time.
5
00:00:21,736 --> 00:00:23,835
So it's the day of the launch.
6
00:00:23,870 --> 00:00:25,237
You're probably tired.
7
00:00:25,272 --> 00:00:27,472
You're probably drinking too much.
8
00:00:27,508 --> 00:00:29,975
It might seem like your
vision has been compromised
9
00:00:30,014 --> 00:00:32,844
by a million factors, mostly Kevin.
10
00:00:32,879 --> 00:00:35,275
But today, your campaign
is going to launch
11
00:00:35,345 --> 00:00:36,853
in hundreds of stores.
12
00:00:37,002 --> 00:00:38,768
And I know you may not feel like it,
13
00:00:38,804 --> 00:00:42,104
but I promise you, this is worth it.
14
00:00:42,139 --> 00:00:44,406
Just get through this day.
15
00:00:44,441 --> 00:00:46,341
And, like, I want to
say this sensitively,
16
00:00:46,376 --> 00:00:47,810
but, like, I've kind of noticed
17
00:00:47,845 --> 00:00:49,912
that she's letting her legs get furry.
18
00:00:49,947 --> 00:00:52,047
Yeah. Definitely a long-pants day, bud.
19
00:00:52,083 --> 00:00:54,883
18-hour day, buddy.
You're coming with me.
20
00:00:56,410 --> 00:00:57,375
And usually, like,
21
00:00:57,411 --> 00:00:59,343
when Nan's self-care starts slipping,
22
00:00:59,378 --> 00:01:01,712
it's, like, a sure sign
that we'll be spending
23
00:01:01,747 --> 00:01:05,583
lots of time together in
bed, like, snuggle-crying.
24
00:01:05,618 --> 00:01:09,053
But this past month, she's
barely even been home.
25
00:01:09,202 --> 00:01:12,336
And even when she is home,
she's kind of like frantically
26
00:01:12,371 --> 00:01:14,805
moving her attention
from screen to screen.
27
00:01:14,840 --> 00:01:16,339
Okay. What's your plan here, bud?
28
00:01:16,374 --> 00:01:18,041
And, I mean, when I was younger,
29
00:01:18,076 --> 00:01:20,677
I would have taken it
really, really personally.
30
00:01:20,712 --> 00:01:22,946
Back, back, back,
back, back, back, back.
31
00:01:22,981 --> 00:01:24,281
Now I'm more mature.
32
00:01:24,316 --> 00:01:25,615
That's very helpful.
33
00:01:25,650 --> 00:01:27,150
I just want to help.
34
00:01:27,186 --> 00:01:28,618
I feel like telling her, like,
35
00:01:28,653 --> 00:01:32,721
"I can tell something's wrong,
so, like, help me help you.
36
00:01:32,756 --> 00:01:35,257
Let me know what's going on."
37
00:01:35,293 --> 00:01:38,560
♪ But you can be wild horses on that hill ♪
38
00:01:38,595 --> 00:01:42,097
♪ You can be wild horses ♪
39
00:01:43,801 --> 00:01:45,242
♪ You can stop at will ♪
40
00:01:45,257 --> 00:01:46,476
Oh, hi.
41
00:01:46,518 --> 00:01:47,817
How long have you been here?
42
00:01:47,867 --> 00:01:49,398
Uh, since like 6:00.
43
00:01:49,433 --> 00:01:51,501
I mean, you know. I wasn't
gonna be able to sleep
44
00:01:51,536 --> 00:01:53,002
the night before a launch, so...
45
00:01:53,037 --> 00:01:54,937
Oh, wait, are you doing
the Metro displays?
46
00:01:54,973 --> 00:01:57,072
You know I was gonna come
in to finish those off.
47
00:01:57,108 --> 00:01:57,738
Yeah, I know.
48
00:01:57,762 --> 00:01:59,709
I just figured, um, I
was here, so, why not?
49
00:01:59,744 --> 00:02:01,343
Also, I had some specific thoughts.
50
00:02:01,379 --> 00:02:03,579
Uh, but I did... I-I
made you some coffee
51
00:02:03,615 --> 00:02:06,147
so you wouldn't be irritated
by my micromanaging.
52
00:02:06,182 --> 00:02:07,582
Ah, my favorite mug!
53
00:02:07,618 --> 00:02:09,117
Yay, hooray.
54
00:02:11,221 --> 00:02:13,187
Why is there a Jason here?
55
00:02:14,858 --> 00:02:16,357
Hi.
56
00:02:16,393 --> 00:02:17,759
- 'Sup, Jenn?
- 'Sup.
57
00:02:17,794 --> 00:02:20,194
The display's looking good.
Should be ready in like an hour.
58
00:02:20,230 --> 00:02:22,330
Thank you very much,
my temporary colleague.
59
00:02:22,365 --> 00:02:24,197
Anything for our corporate overlords.
60
00:02:24,233 --> 00:02:25,198
Hi, Jason.
61
00:02:25,234 --> 00:02:26,667
Hey, buddy, buddy, buddy.
62
00:02:26,702 --> 00:02:29,003
Who's my bestest friend? Huh?
63
00:02:29,038 --> 00:02:30,571
Bye, Nan.
64
00:02:35,745 --> 00:02:37,077
What?
65
00:02:37,112 --> 00:02:38,045
He's my friend.
66
00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:39,812
Look, I'm sorry you guys are fighting,
67
00:02:39,848 --> 00:02:41,380
but he's good at video stuff.
68
00:02:41,416 --> 00:02:42,982
And he really needs the money.
69
00:02:43,018 --> 00:02:44,517
It's fine. I mean, I get it.
70
00:02:44,553 --> 00:02:46,853
And, on the plus side, he
did say two words to me,
71
00:02:46,888 --> 00:02:48,120
which is an improvement.
72
00:02:48,156 --> 00:02:50,085
I've been texting him, like,
all week and... and nothing.
73
00:02:50,132 --> 00:02:51,958
I even... I sent him
a picture of an apple
74
00:02:51,993 --> 00:02:53,392
that looks like a butt.
75
00:02:53,428 --> 00:02:56,128
I mean, look at that.
He didn't say anything.
76
00:02:56,164 --> 00:02:57,596
He loves fruit that looks like butts.
77
00:02:57,631 --> 00:02:59,031
That's like... That's like our thing.
78
00:02:59,066 --> 00:03:01,266
Sometimes I think it's a miracle
79
00:03:01,301 --> 00:03:04,002
either of you ever
found someone to love.
80
00:03:04,972 --> 00:03:06,071
It's a butt.
81
00:03:06,106 --> 00:03:08,574
This morning,
as we were leaving,
82
00:03:08,609 --> 00:03:10,175
like, something happened.
83
00:03:10,210 --> 00:03:13,644
All right, bud. Come on, let's go.
84
00:03:14,881 --> 00:03:17,281
I saw that Pepper had
left one more of her, like,
85
00:03:17,316 --> 00:03:18,616
psychotic death threats on the porch.
86
00:03:18,651 --> 00:03:19,850
All right, that's gross.
87
00:03:19,886 --> 00:03:22,086
Which, like...
like, she does so much,
88
00:03:22,121 --> 00:03:23,688
I've kind of, like, gotten used to.
89
00:03:23,723 --> 00:03:26,063
But now I realize, that's the thing...
90
00:03:27,633 --> 00:03:29,266
that's actually insane,
91
00:03:29,336 --> 00:03:30,894
getting accustomed to a serial killer
92
00:03:30,929 --> 00:03:33,029
leaving bodies on the doorstep.
93
00:03:35,366 --> 00:03:38,735
And now I'm like, "Oh, my God.
That's why Nan's so stressed."
94
00:03:38,770 --> 00:03:40,837
Like, that's why she's never home.
95
00:03:40,872 --> 00:03:43,506
I mean, that's probably,
like, why Jason left.
96
00:03:43,541 --> 00:03:45,575
Like, everyone's, like, terrified
97
00:03:45,611 --> 00:03:47,776
"that Pepper's gonna kill them next."
98
00:03:51,215 --> 00:03:52,014
Okay.
99
00:03:52,049 --> 00:03:54,449
Ugh. Poor little guy.
100
00:03:54,485 --> 00:03:56,652
Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck.
101
00:03:56,687 --> 00:03:58,988
I can feel its ribs.
102
00:03:59,023 --> 00:04:02,357
It's, like, finally I understand.
103
00:04:02,392 --> 00:04:05,126
I understand everything.
104
00:04:05,161 --> 00:04:07,962
Hey, Sam, we should test the app, yeah?
105
00:04:07,998 --> 00:04:10,264
Uh, yeah. Display's back here.
106
00:04:10,299 --> 00:04:11,565
Okay.
107
00:04:11,601 --> 00:04:12,967
Oh, hey, Keira, listen.
108
00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:15,436
Um, we got someone on those
bus wraps in San Fran, right?
109
00:04:15,471 --> 00:04:17,505
And what about those
weird windows in Columbus?
110
00:04:17,540 --> 00:04:20,008
I e-mailed them last night,
but they're on the West Coast,
111
00:04:20,043 --> 00:04:21,995
so they're not gonna be
awake for like three hours.
112
00:04:22,003 --> 00:04:22,605
Right.
113
00:04:22,651 --> 00:04:24,745
And the windows. Were
laid out kind of strangely,
114
00:04:24,780 --> 00:04:26,546
so they pitched me a compromise, but...
115
00:04:26,581 --> 00:04:27,781
No, listen. Believe it or not,
116
00:04:27,816 --> 00:04:29,315
telling people that they're beautiful
117
00:04:29,351 --> 00:04:31,184
is going to be, like,
deeply, personally offensive
118
00:04:31,219 --> 00:04:32,653
to hordes of Internet trolls. Okay?
119
00:04:32,688 --> 00:04:33,954
So everything has to be perfect.
120
00:04:33,989 --> 00:04:35,789
We're gonna have a massive
target on our backs.
121
00:04:35,824 --> 00:04:36,957
No compromises.
122
00:04:36,992 --> 00:04:37,924
You got it.
123
00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:38,924
Okay.
124
00:04:42,730 --> 00:04:44,329
Sorry.
125
00:04:44,365 --> 00:04:45,898
Sorry.
126
00:04:45,933 --> 00:04:48,400
Oh, wow! This... This looks great!
127
00:04:48,435 --> 00:04:51,837
Jason, really, really
cool! I-I'm super impressed!
128
00:04:51,873 --> 00:04:52,938
Thank you!
129
00:04:52,974 --> 00:04:56,240
- Careful with the...
- It's all real...
130
00:04:56,276 --> 00:04:57,676
- glass.
- Careful.
131
00:04:57,711 --> 00:05:00,812
I'll be outside at the visual display
132
00:05:00,847 --> 00:05:02,513
if anybody needs me.
133
00:05:02,549 --> 00:05:04,883
Three whole words.
134
00:05:04,918 --> 00:05:08,019
Okay, Sam, can you just
walk me through this then?
135
00:05:08,055 --> 00:05:10,555
Okay. So, you open the Clark & Bow app.
136
00:05:10,590 --> 00:05:11,723
And that's where people
137
00:05:11,758 --> 00:05:13,857
are hashtagging their
photos #BeautifulMe.
138
00:05:13,893 --> 00:05:17,260
And then you choose a
picture and hashtag it.
139
00:05:17,296 --> 00:05:21,264
All right, so, weird picture
of me and my dog, #Look...
140
00:05:21,300 --> 00:05:22,866
And then all the hashtagged photos
141
00:05:22,902 --> 00:05:24,868
show up in the displays
around the country.
142
00:05:24,904 --> 00:05:26,469
Sending.
143
00:05:26,505 --> 00:05:28,072
Oh! Wow!
144
00:05:28,107 --> 00:05:29,372
Ah, that's amazing.
145
00:05:29,408 --> 00:05:32,408
This is how it's gonna
look in Times Square, too,
146
00:05:32,443 --> 00:05:35,111
but just, like, you
know, 40 times bigger.
147
00:05:35,146 --> 00:05:37,980
Well, why are these showing up?
148
00:05:38,016 --> 00:05:39,982
These are so horrible.
149
00:05:40,018 --> 00:05:41,951
- Oh, God.
- Oh...
150
00:05:41,986 --> 00:05:43,452
No, these are private.
That's a private...
151
00:05:43,487 --> 00:05:45,722
Very, very, very, very,
very private folder.
152
00:05:45,757 --> 00:05:47,823
How is it accessing all of these photos?
153
00:05:47,858 --> 00:05:49,424
Oh, you know when you download an app
154
00:05:49,459 --> 00:05:52,174
and you just accept all the
terms without reading them?
155
00:05:52,229 --> 00:05:53,166
Yeah.
156
00:05:53,205 --> 00:05:54,196
Well, you should read them.
157
00:05:54,231 --> 00:05:57,498
You guys need to get woke.
158
00:05:57,534 --> 00:05:59,768
If these can go through,
what's to stop people
159
00:05:59,803 --> 00:06:01,770
from posting penis pics to Times Square?
160
00:06:01,805 --> 00:06:03,304
Okay, well, it's just a bug.
161
00:06:03,340 --> 00:06:04,571
That's why we test it out.
162
00:06:04,607 --> 00:06:06,006
Don't worry. Just give me an hour.
163
00:06:06,042 --> 00:06:07,341
Yep.
164
00:06:08,864 --> 00:06:12,479
I guess I just feel
bad because, like, now I get
165
00:06:12,514 --> 00:06:15,182
why Nan's, like, been
bringing me to work.
166
00:06:15,218 --> 00:06:18,052
It's like her cute,
but, like, feeble attempt
167
00:06:18,087 --> 00:06:20,687
to protect me from that... that monster.
168
00:06:23,959 --> 00:06:26,559
And the thing is, that's
supposed to be my job.
169
00:06:26,594 --> 00:06:28,795
Like, dogs are here to protect humans
170
00:06:28,830 --> 00:06:31,330
and, like, of course
I've done that for Nan.
171
00:06:31,366 --> 00:06:34,200
Like, you would not believe
the people I've stopped
172
00:06:34,236 --> 00:06:35,769
from tearing down the door.
173
00:06:42,409 --> 00:06:46,645
But the thing is, I'm the
only one who can save us now.
174
00:06:46,680 --> 00:06:48,080
Like, I see that.
175
00:06:48,115 --> 00:06:52,450
They're just waiting for me
to prove that I can save them.
176
00:06:52,486 --> 00:06:55,653
Like, I need to show her that I'm ready.
177
00:06:55,688 --> 00:06:58,022
That I realize the time is now.
178
00:06:58,057 --> 00:07:00,258
It's time to kill that cat.
179
00:07:05,662 --> 00:07:07,129
Full-frontal nudity
wasn't supposed to be
180
00:07:07,231 --> 00:07:08,230
part of this campaign, Jenn.
181
00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:09,050
I know. Just calm down.
182
00:07:09,152 --> 00:07:10,074
It'll be fine, okay?
183
00:07:10,090 --> 00:07:11,121
We'll just figure...
We'll sort it all out.
184
00:07:11,154 --> 00:07:12,287
Hey, guys.
185
00:07:12,514 --> 00:07:13,546
Hey, Kev.
186
00:07:13,571 --> 00:07:14,737
Hey, guys.
187
00:07:15,721 --> 00:07:16,720
Yeah, you okay, Kevin?
188
00:07:16,784 --> 00:07:18,550
Oh, yeah. Big-time okay.
189
00:07:19,291 --> 00:07:20,923
Gwen really helped me out.
190
00:07:20,992 --> 00:07:22,559
Yeah, Kevin's very relaxed
191
00:07:22,627 --> 00:07:24,479
because he made a big,
grown-up decision today
192
00:07:24,489 --> 00:07:27,667
to go see the doctor about
his emotional breakdowns
193
00:07:27,691 --> 00:07:29,390
on fall campaign launch days.
194
00:07:29,867 --> 00:07:31,334
- Wow.
- I'm so proud of him.
195
00:07:31,403 --> 00:07:33,303
Big pharma's really
been upping their game.
196
00:07:33,405 --> 00:07:35,737
My wife left me.
197
00:07:35,806 --> 00:07:38,073
I am really sorry to hear that.
198
00:07:38,175 --> 00:07:38,907
Kevin.
199
00:07:38,976 --> 00:07:39,947
It's great. It's fine.
200
00:07:40,009 --> 00:07:40,728
He's fine.
201
00:07:40,741 --> 00:07:42,240
It's really better off, actually.
202
00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:45,249
And don't worry, Nan.
I totally trust you...
203
00:07:45,475 --> 00:07:46,441
penis-wise.
204
00:07:47,375 --> 00:07:48,774
P... Oh!
205
00:07:48,885 --> 00:07:49,718
Right.
206
00:07:49,749 --> 00:07:51,366
The display, that... Thank you.
207
00:07:51,413 --> 00:07:52,446
I appreciate that.
208
00:07:52,468 --> 00:07:53,801
Um, actually, I-I think
we're getting close
209
00:07:53,817 --> 00:07:55,717
to a solution, though,
'cause Sam's writing a, um,
210
00:07:56,064 --> 00:07:59,465
like, a genitalia-sensing
algorithm right now.
211
00:07:59,567 --> 00:08:01,300
Which will... It'll just
filter all those right out.
212
00:08:01,402 --> 00:08:03,035
Nan!
213
00:08:03,137 --> 00:08:05,270
What?
214
00:08:05,372 --> 00:08:06,772
Oh, my God.
215
00:08:06,874 --> 00:08:08,239
No. No, no.
216
00:08:08,341 --> 00:08:12,276
Those are the original Kuddle Kats.
217
00:08:12,378 --> 00:08:13,311
I'm so sorry, Sam.
218
00:08:13,379 --> 00:08:14,946
And I-I-I will replace them, I promise.
219
00:08:15,048 --> 00:08:16,247
And I... Come on, Martin.
220
00:08:16,316 --> 00:08:18,349
I know this sounds really
callous, but... Martin!
221
00:08:18,451 --> 00:08:20,551
Let's just, you know,
let's just get back to work.
222
00:08:20,654 --> 00:08:21,586
I'll send Martin home.
223
00:08:21,688 --> 00:08:23,187
Gwen, can you take him?
224
00:08:23,289 --> 00:08:25,322
Take your dog to your house?
225
00:08:25,390 --> 00:08:26,924
Yeah, you're the only
one I can spare, okay?
226
00:08:26,993 --> 00:08:28,558
So just take my car.
227
00:08:28,628 --> 00:08:30,094
You're killing me
here. Let go of the cat.
228
00:08:30,162 --> 00:08:32,963
I feel like you're
judging me for wearing fur,
229
00:08:33,065 --> 00:08:34,965
but I didn't buy this jacket.
230
00:08:35,067 --> 00:08:37,701
Like, it feels
good to be inspiring
231
00:08:37,803 --> 00:08:41,038
because I was planning on
training for, like, a month,
232
00:08:41,140 --> 00:08:43,840
but clearly Nan saw what
I did to those test cats
233
00:08:43,908 --> 00:08:46,442
and said, "You know
what? I think he's ready."
234
00:08:46,544 --> 00:08:47,710
Bye, Martin.
235
00:08:47,812 --> 00:08:49,712
Like, I'm not stupid.
236
00:08:49,781 --> 00:08:52,782
Like, I-I realize I might
die, but the thing is,
237
00:08:52,851 --> 00:08:55,284
I'm doing this for the right reason...
238
00:08:55,386 --> 00:08:59,087
to protect Nan and Jason
and, like, the whole world.
239
00:08:59,156 --> 00:09:00,789
And, yeah, like... like,
if I kill her, sure,
240
00:09:00,858 --> 00:09:02,357
there will be, like, parades in my honor
241
00:09:02,425 --> 00:09:04,292
and, you know, like, statues.
242
00:09:04,361 --> 00:09:06,261
And maybe I'll finally
get one of those trophies.
243
00:09:06,363 --> 00:09:07,996
Nan keeps on her shelf,
244
00:09:08,065 --> 00:09:10,732
but all of that has no appeal to me.
245
00:09:10,834 --> 00:09:13,802
Everything I do, I do for love.
246
00:09:17,373 --> 00:09:18,873
Jenn, hey. Have you seen Sam?
247
00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:20,741
Is she still crying or is she, like,
248
00:09:20,843 --> 00:09:22,509
back on target with her deadline?
249
00:09:22,578 --> 00:09:24,879
I realize how that sounds, and I only
hate myself a little bit right now.
250
00:09:24,938 --> 00:09:26,672
I would stay she's
glassy-eyed but still coding.
251
00:09:26,749 --> 00:09:27,916
Okay. I think I'm gonna
go check on her, yeah?
252
00:09:27,954 --> 00:09:28,901
Yeah, you should.
253
00:09:28,926 --> 00:09:29,991
Okay, yep, yeah.
254
00:09:30,953 --> 00:09:31,752
Hey.
255
00:09:31,854 --> 00:09:32,586
Hey, Jan.
256
00:09:32,688 --> 00:09:34,353
Hey... Kev.
257
00:09:34,422 --> 00:09:36,389
How ya... How ya doing there, bud?
258
00:09:36,457 --> 00:09:37,824
I'm good.
259
00:09:37,926 --> 00:09:39,125
Good. How are you?
260
00:09:39,227 --> 00:09:41,061
You look flustered.
261
00:09:41,163 --> 00:09:42,896
- Uh, no, I'm okay. I'm actually...
- Yeah?
262
00:09:42,964 --> 00:09:45,498
I'm gonna go, um, check
on Sam just real fast.
263
00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:46,900
It's just so strange.
264
00:09:47,002 --> 00:09:48,935
I just... I was always afraid
265
00:09:49,004 --> 00:09:51,570
that when my wife
left, I'd be broken up,
266
00:09:51,672 --> 00:09:52,705
but I feel fine.
267
00:09:52,773 --> 00:09:53,772
I'm floating.
268
00:09:53,874 --> 00:09:55,273
It's strange, right?
269
00:09:55,375 --> 00:09:56,842
Yeah, I... You know what?
270
00:09:56,911 --> 00:09:58,626
I cannot wait to talk to you about this
271
00:09:58,641 --> 00:10:00,579
in like three hours. Okay?
272
00:10:00,681 --> 00:10:01,580
Oh. Yeah.
273
00:10:01,682 --> 00:10:02,480
Okay.
274
00:10:02,549 --> 00:10:04,116
Hey, Nan, Uh, I'm okay, right?
275
00:10:04,218 --> 00:10:05,184
Yep.
276
00:10:05,285 --> 00:10:06,551
Like, I'm not gonna get fired, am I?
277
00:10:06,620 --> 00:10:07,985
Probably not.
278
00:10:08,088 --> 00:10:09,854
Okay, good. You got this.
279
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:16,227
The thing is,
I have an advantage.
280
00:10:16,295 --> 00:10:19,030
Like, I know Pepper the way
you can only know someone
281
00:10:19,132 --> 00:10:21,899
after you've eaten their,
like, sweet little droppings
282
00:10:22,001 --> 00:10:23,834
for the better part of four years,
283
00:10:23,936 --> 00:10:25,202
which I've done.
284
00:10:25,303 --> 00:10:27,637
Like, I've done that. Like,
they're actually amazing.
285
00:10:27,740 --> 00:10:30,006
I know when she's sick.
I know when she's well.
286
00:10:30,075 --> 00:10:31,942
Like, I know when she's been feeling,
287
00:10:32,044 --> 00:10:33,343
like, a little bit depressed.
288
00:10:33,445 --> 00:10:35,645
Like, I can taste everything.
289
00:10:35,748 --> 00:10:38,215
But most importantly,
I know that every day,
290
00:10:38,316 --> 00:10:40,516
she comes to this little patch of sand.
291
00:10:40,619 --> 00:10:43,052
It's where she's most vulnerable.
292
00:10:43,121 --> 00:10:47,623
And all I have to do is wait.
293
00:10:49,227 --> 00:10:50,059
Hey, Sam.
294
00:10:50,128 --> 00:10:52,661
I am so, so sorry about Martin.
295
00:10:52,764 --> 00:10:54,130
Uh, I don't want to sound insensitive,
296
00:10:54,232 --> 00:10:55,965
it's just that, um... it's
just a couple hours away
297
00:10:56,067 --> 00:10:57,566
from the launch, and
I just thought maybe...
298
00:10:57,668 --> 00:10:59,067
Yeah. I already, um...
299
00:10:59,136 --> 00:11:01,402
I, uh, created a penis-sensing algorithm
300
00:11:01,504 --> 00:11:03,805
so that it would
delete all those photos.
301
00:11:03,907 --> 00:11:05,006
Great! Wonderful!
302
00:11:05,108 --> 00:11:06,340
Tiny problem, though...
303
00:11:06,442 --> 00:11:09,210
I was really flustered
after everything and I, uh...
304
00:11:09,312 --> 00:11:12,580
I-I inverted the if-then function.
305
00:11:12,649 --> 00:11:15,783
What does that mean?
306
00:11:15,885 --> 00:11:18,018
Well, instead of deleting
the penis pictures,
307
00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:19,519
it deleted everything else.
308
00:11:19,621 --> 00:11:22,455
Like, all the photos
that people hashtagged
309
00:11:22,557 --> 00:11:25,325
to go up in New York, they're all gone.
310
00:11:29,731 --> 00:11:32,364
So, we don't have anything left, right?
311
00:11:32,466 --> 00:11:36,135
We have a billboard going up
in Times Square in two hours
312
00:11:36,237 --> 00:11:38,637
and nothing but penises to fill it.
313
00:11:38,739 --> 00:11:39,571
Is that it?
314
00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:40,539
Yeah.
315
00:11:40,641 --> 00:11:42,175
Mm-hmm.
316
00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:43,976
I think I'm getting a
stress headache, actually.
317
00:11:44,078 --> 00:11:45,978
Whew.
318
00:11:56,156 --> 00:11:59,557
I know I have the
tendency to exaggerate.
319
00:11:59,659 --> 00:12:00,892
Like, once I told Jeff
320
00:12:00,994 --> 00:12:03,128
I buried 4,000 bones in the backyard
321
00:12:03,197 --> 00:12:06,163
when, in reality, it was
probably like... like eight.
322
00:12:06,265 --> 00:12:10,301
Or like five. Like, I buried five bones.
323
00:12:15,708 --> 00:12:19,743
Like, often I stretch
the truth. I-I admit that.
324
00:12:19,846 --> 00:12:21,946
But not today.
325
00:12:24,682 --> 00:12:28,318
Because my whole life, I've
lived in fear of this cat.
326
00:12:30,521 --> 00:12:33,556
All of a sudden, that
fear just, like, fell away
327
00:12:33,658 --> 00:12:38,061
and, for a moment,
everything made sense.
328
00:12:38,163 --> 00:12:42,264
I wasn't worried about
what would happen next.
329
00:12:42,366 --> 00:12:44,867
I was brave.
330
00:12:44,969 --> 00:12:46,801
I was free.
331
00:12:50,568 --> 00:12:52,629
Jenn, we are so screwed.
332
00:12:52,685 --> 00:12:53,951
Sam erased all of the photos,
333
00:12:54,053 --> 00:12:55,353
and now everything we've
worked for is gonna be ruined.
334
00:12:55,454 --> 00:12:56,286
Wait, all of them?
335
00:12:56,355 --> 00:12:57,453
Yep, all of them.
336
00:12:57,522 --> 00:12:58,788
Maybe we can use stock photos.
337
00:12:58,857 --> 00:13:00,556
We can't use stock photos
'cause it has to be real people.
338
00:13:00,625 --> 00:13:02,625
- That's the whole point of the campaign.
- Yeah, I know that.
339
00:13:02,727 --> 00:13:03,960
I'm just trying to find a solution.
340
00:13:04,029 --> 00:13:05,896
Yeah, I know, I know.
I just... I swear to God,
341
00:13:05,998 --> 00:13:08,064
if I don't do it myself,
it doesn't get done right.
342
00:13:08,133 --> 00:13:09,465
Oh, okay.
343
00:13:09,534 --> 00:13:11,167
I didn't... I didn't mean you.
344
00:13:11,236 --> 00:13:12,802
You know I didn't mean you.
That's not what I meant.
345
00:13:12,871 --> 00:13:14,403
You know I'm just, like,
trying to help you on this.
346
00:13:14,505 --> 00:13:15,871
Hello?
347
00:13:15,973 --> 00:13:17,539
Oh, my God.
348
00:13:17,608 --> 00:13:19,508
Are you sure it's Martin?
349
00:13:19,610 --> 00:13:20,609
Oh, my God.
350
00:13:20,711 --> 00:13:23,312
Yeah. Someone'll be right there.
351
00:13:23,414 --> 00:13:25,614
Jason, Martin's hurt.
352
00:13:25,716 --> 00:13:27,116
What's that?
353
00:13:27,184 --> 00:13:29,751
The neighbor called and
the cat, Pepper, next door
354
00:13:29,853 --> 00:13:31,619
scratched his... scratched his face up.
355
00:13:31,687 --> 00:13:32,620
Is he okay?
356
00:13:32,722 --> 00:13:33,955
I need you to go take him to the vet.
357
00:13:34,057 --> 00:13:35,589
- Whoa, hold on. What?
- I need you to go get him. I can't.
358
00:13:35,658 --> 00:13:37,658
- I'm in the middle of a crisis right now.
- You got to be kidding me.
359
00:13:37,727 --> 00:13:39,193
Please. I can't leave
right now, all right?
360
00:13:39,296 --> 00:13:40,461
I have to find a solution to this
361
00:13:40,530 --> 00:13:42,030
or the whole thing's
gonna just fall apart.
362
00:13:42,098 --> 00:13:43,064
It's an ad campaign, Nan.
363
00:13:43,133 --> 00:13:44,698
It's gonna be forgotten in four days.
364
00:13:44,767 --> 00:13:45,934
Martin is your dog.
365
00:13:46,002 --> 00:13:47,534
What about all these other
people in the building
366
00:13:47,602 --> 00:13:48,768
that don't have hurt dogs?
367
00:13:48,837 --> 00:13:50,304
They're not gonna do it right, okay?
368
00:13:50,372 --> 00:13:51,638
They're just gonna mess it up.
369
00:13:51,740 --> 00:13:53,949
It's got to be perfect or I'm
not gonna get this chance again.
370
00:13:54,011 --> 00:13:56,376
Oh, that's right. It has to be perfect.
371
00:13:56,445 --> 00:13:58,745
- Everything has to be perfect for Nan.
- Jason...
372
00:13:58,814 --> 00:14:00,814
- Seriously. This is not the time for this.
- Just like I wasn't perfect,
373
00:14:00,849 --> 00:14:03,317
- just like our relationship wasn't perfect...
- I really need you to help me out, okay?
374
00:14:03,385 --> 00:14:04,750
- ...just like Pittsburgh isn't perfect.
- Jason.
375
00:14:04,852 --> 00:14:06,652
Jason, are you gonna help me or not?
376
00:14:08,289 --> 00:14:10,256
Okay.
377
00:14:10,358 --> 00:14:12,447
I will go get Martin.
378
00:14:12,509 --> 00:14:14,220
I will just do everything myself.
379
00:14:14,252 --> 00:14:16,695
I'm actually... I'm getting
pretty used to it at this point.
380
00:14:16,764 --> 00:14:19,329
You're putting mirrors up
all over the country, Nan,
381
00:14:19,424 --> 00:14:22,324
but maybe it's you who
ought to look in the mirror.
382
00:14:22,619 --> 00:14:24,735
Good one, Jason. Really clever.
383
00:14:24,838 --> 00:14:27,738
Hey, Gwen, can you put me
through on speakerphone?
384
00:14:27,807 --> 00:14:28,906
Put Kevin in his office
385
00:14:29,009 --> 00:14:31,042
and, like, give him a
Rubik's Cube or something,
386
00:14:31,144 --> 00:14:33,211
just to... just to,
like, keep him distracted,
387
00:14:33,313 --> 00:14:35,080
'cause he's just gonna get in your way.
388
00:14:37,317 --> 00:14:39,950
I mean, the crazy
thing is that I had her.
389
00:14:40,052 --> 00:14:42,052
I had her in my grasp.
390
00:14:42,121 --> 00:14:44,921
No one was more shocked than me.
391
00:14:44,991 --> 00:14:46,190
Like, I think, deep down,
392
00:14:46,292 --> 00:14:48,192
I always thought Pepper would kill me.
393
00:14:48,260 --> 00:14:50,827
I mean, she has retractable
blades, like, in her hand.
394
00:14:50,929 --> 00:14:52,696
Which is, like, pretty over the top
395
00:14:52,798 --> 00:14:54,898
even for, like... even
for, like, a villain.
396
00:14:54,967 --> 00:14:58,468
But I don't know. Like,
I had her cornered.
397
00:14:58,569 --> 00:15:02,771
And she just looked so
small and scared and...
398
00:15:02,874 --> 00:15:03,939
I don't know what happened,
399
00:15:04,009 --> 00:15:05,541
but I just couldn't do it, you know?
400
00:15:05,610 --> 00:15:07,810
Like... Like, I couldn't kill her.
401
00:15:07,912 --> 00:15:09,078
So I let her go.
402
00:15:09,147 --> 00:15:12,247
And then she, like,
basically destroyed my face.
403
00:15:13,984 --> 00:15:15,583
Because I'm weak.
404
00:15:15,685 --> 00:15:17,419
I'm not a defender.
405
00:15:17,521 --> 00:15:20,022
I couldn't defend anyone, like...
406
00:15:20,090 --> 00:15:22,224
I'm not even, like, a real dog.
407
00:15:22,292 --> 00:15:25,994
I'm just, like, an emotional,
whiny little pussy cat.
408
00:15:26,096 --> 00:15:28,430
Yeah, I understand that,
Sam, but you have to try.
409
00:15:28,532 --> 00:15:29,363
Okay?
410
00:15:29,465 --> 00:15:31,298
Nan, that pictures are gone.
411
00:15:31,401 --> 00:15:33,034
What about, like,
recovery mode or, like,
412
00:15:33,136 --> 00:15:34,735
digital ghosts or... or... or something?
413
00:15:34,837 --> 00:15:36,437
I mean, I thought
nothing on the Internet
414
00:15:36,506 --> 00:15:37,405
was ever actually gone.
415
00:15:37,507 --> 00:15:38,772
They were never on the Internet.
416
00:15:38,841 --> 00:15:39,973
They were just on our server.
417
00:15:40,043 --> 00:15:40,841
What about control-Z?
418
00:15:40,943 --> 00:15:41,975
Did you try control-Z yet?
419
00:15:42,078 --> 00:15:43,644
I'm gonna lose everything, aren't I?
420
00:15:43,746 --> 00:15:45,779
Oh, my God.
421
00:15:45,881 --> 00:15:47,514
Oh, God.
422
00:15:50,218 --> 00:15:52,718
Nan? Hello?
423
00:15:52,820 --> 00:15:54,987
Nan!
424
00:15:55,057 --> 00:15:56,722
Hello?
425
00:16:08,569 --> 00:16:10,402
Hey, there.
426
00:16:13,307 --> 00:16:15,941
It doesn't have to be perfect, does it?
427
00:16:21,847 --> 00:16:23,281
I mean, look at us.
428
00:16:23,383 --> 00:16:26,184
We're a mess, and we're great, right?
429
00:16:26,286 --> 00:16:29,253
Nan, are you there?
430
00:16:33,359 --> 00:16:35,393
Guys, I know what to do.
431
00:16:35,462 --> 00:16:37,694
Sam, you know those horrible
pictures from my phone?
432
00:16:37,762 --> 00:16:39,496
Are they still in the system?
433
00:16:39,598 --> 00:16:41,369
Yep. Even the penis one.
434
00:16:41,486 --> 00:16:43,244
Okay, well, yeah.
435
00:16:43,345 --> 00:16:46,549
Uh, delete those with that
unrecoverable delete thing
436
00:16:46,629 --> 00:16:48,096
you managed to find earlier.
437
00:16:48,276 --> 00:16:50,107
And the rest of them...
438
00:16:50,175 --> 00:16:53,110
put them up on the
display in Times Square.
439
00:16:53,212 --> 00:16:54,210
Are you sure?
440
00:16:54,312 --> 00:16:55,411
Yeah.
441
00:16:55,513 --> 00:16:58,514
I mean, it's not gonna be
enough, but it's a start.
442
00:16:58,583 --> 00:17:00,149
I mean, I guess the whole world's
443
00:17:00,218 --> 00:17:01,450
gonna get to see the real me, but...
444
00:17:01,552 --> 00:17:07,256
I guess that's kind
of the point, isn't it?
445
00:17:07,358 --> 00:17:09,958
I think I got so caught up
446
00:17:10,060 --> 00:17:12,295
in this whole destroying-Pepper thing
447
00:17:12,350 --> 00:17:17,265
that I kind of lost track of
all the ways I do protect Nan.
448
00:17:24,241 --> 00:17:25,006
- Hi.
- Hey.
449
00:17:26,209 --> 00:17:28,942
I just wanted to tell
you Martin was okay.
450
00:17:29,011 --> 00:17:31,678
Oh, who's the roughest,
toughest little cowboy
451
00:17:31,780 --> 00:17:32,946
there ever was, huh?
452
00:17:33,048 --> 00:17:33,653
Huh?
453
00:17:34,916 --> 00:17:35,782
Good boy.
454
00:17:37,886 --> 00:17:41,788
Also, I just wanted to
say that you're right...
455
00:17:41,890 --> 00:17:43,823
about me.
456
00:17:43,892 --> 00:17:46,526
I know I have some things to figure out,
457
00:17:46,628 --> 00:17:48,294
and I'm working on it, so.
458
00:17:48,396 --> 00:17:51,764
That was, like, super hard
for you to say, wasn't it?
459
00:17:53,801 --> 00:17:54,867
Yeah.
460
00:17:54,935 --> 00:18:01,106
Um, also, I'm sorry for
being so condescending
461
00:18:01,176 --> 00:18:04,976
and for trying to hold you
to this impossible standard
462
00:18:05,078 --> 00:18:08,146
that I have for
everyone, myself included.
463
00:18:08,248 --> 00:18:10,715
'Cause you don't deserve that.
464
00:18:10,817 --> 00:18:14,118
Nan. You need to get in here.
465
00:18:19,792 --> 00:18:21,124
Come on.
466
00:18:29,268 --> 00:18:31,001
♪ I ♪
467
00:18:31,103 --> 00:18:32,336
Look!
468
00:18:32,438 --> 00:18:33,637
♪ I would be king ♪
469
00:18:33,739 --> 00:18:34,638
I don't understand.
470
00:18:34,740 --> 00:18:36,006
I thought it was just gonna be, like,
471
00:18:36,108 --> 00:18:38,274
weird pictures of me and my dog.
472
00:18:38,376 --> 00:18:39,809
Oh, yeah, well, it was.
473
00:18:39,877 --> 00:18:41,711
But then you kind of inspired the staff,
474
00:18:41,813 --> 00:18:44,814
and so they all started
sharing their horrible photos.
475
00:18:44,882 --> 00:18:46,516
Even Kevin. Didn't you, Kev?
476
00:18:46,618 --> 00:18:49,118
Yeah, but then the
system filtered those out.
477
00:18:49,221 --> 00:18:51,588
Yeah, the whole thing just took off.
478
00:18:51,690 --> 00:18:53,822
That's actually kind of beautiful.
479
00:18:53,924 --> 00:18:54,590
Mm-hmm.
480
00:18:54,692 --> 00:18:56,858
♪ We can beat them ♪
481
00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:57,926
I did it.
482
00:18:57,994 --> 00:18:58,993
♪ Just for one day ♪
483
00:18:59,096 --> 00:19:02,163
I really did it. I'm so proud.
484
00:19:02,266 --> 00:19:04,132
♪ We can be heroes ♪
485
00:19:04,201 --> 00:19:07,102
Because in 100 years,
like, no one's gonna remember
486
00:19:07,170 --> 00:19:09,571
whether or not I killed
some stupid little cat.
487
00:19:09,673 --> 00:19:12,240
And so what if I'm not this,
like, clichéd, violent,
488
00:19:12,342 --> 00:19:15,976
borderline-offensive stereotype
of, like, the attack dog?
489
00:19:16,045 --> 00:19:19,247
That's not the kind of
protector Nan needs anyway.
490
00:19:19,349 --> 00:19:23,117
♪ And I ♪
491
00:19:23,219 --> 00:19:25,886
♪ I'll drink all the time ♪
492
00:19:27,822 --> 00:19:29,689
♪ 'Cause we're lovers ♪
493
00:19:29,791 --> 00:19:32,392
But in 100 years
494
00:19:32,494 --> 00:19:35,862
I'll tell you what they
actually will remember...
495
00:19:35,964 --> 00:19:38,064
the tenacity of my love.
496
00:19:38,133 --> 00:19:40,467
Because maybe I'm just
like a little mutt,
497
00:19:40,569 --> 00:19:42,101
and yeah, I'm afraid of cats.
498
00:19:42,203 --> 00:19:46,705
But I love this woman more
than anybody has ever loved
499
00:19:46,807 --> 00:19:49,408
anybody else, like... like, ever.
500
00:19:49,510 --> 00:19:51,042
♪ ...drive them away ♪
501
00:19:53,514 --> 00:19:55,381
♪ We can be heroes ♪
502
00:19:57,551 --> 00:20:00,252
♪ Just for one day ♪
503
00:20:02,822 --> 00:20:05,923
♪ We can be us ♪
504
00:20:06,025 --> 00:20:07,224
♪ Just for one day ♪
505
00:20:07,327 --> 00:20:11,629
And maybe love is the
greatest protection there is.
506
00:20:20,749 --> 00:20:22,415
I remember the first time
507
00:20:22,517 --> 00:20:23,920
I ate one of Pepper's
little, like, butt candies.
508
00:20:23,954 --> 00:20:26,818
It was just, like...
It was mind-blowing.
509
00:20:27,088 --> 00:20:29,888
It was, like, this
mixture of evil and beauty.
510
00:20:29,917 --> 00:20:32,050
It was like a forbidden fruit.
511
00:20:32,214 --> 00:20:34,047
And I thought, you know, like,
512
00:20:34,111 --> 00:20:37,812
I could eat these my entire
life and... and never get bored.
513
00:20:38,532 --> 00:20:41,099
But then, recently, like, I don't know.
514
00:20:41,202 --> 00:20:43,602
It's almost like I've
gotten used to them.
515
00:20:43,704 --> 00:20:45,904
Like, they're just the new normal now.
516
00:20:46,006 --> 00:20:49,274
And I guess my point is, like,
I think it's really important
517
00:20:49,376 --> 00:20:52,143
to enjoy the poop that's
in front of you right now
518
00:20:52,246 --> 00:20:54,546
before you, like,
acclimate to the wonder.
519
00:20:54,648 --> 00:20:57,181
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