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Hello, viewers. You join us
on a car ferry on the Baltic Sea,
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00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:27,920
just off the coast of Poland.
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00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:32,079
The reason we're here is because
we're about to embark on a road trip
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00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:34,479
that no one's ever
thought of doing.
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00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:39,240
The reason we're doing a road trip no
one has ever thought of doing before is...
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00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:43,159
in these times, it's very
difficult to do a road trip
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that someone has
thought of doing before.
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Yeah, if you think
about all the places
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we've been to in recent years,
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00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:51,479
places that were stable
when we were there,
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that aren't anymore.
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00:00:53,439 --> 00:00:54,560
Mozambique.
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00:00:55,679 --> 00:00:57,759
Syria. Iraq. Burma.
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00:00:58,240 --> 00:00:59,840
Ukraine. Russia.
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We couldn't go
back to any of them.
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Or, for different
reasons, Argentina.
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No. Or Turkey.
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- Why can't we go to Turkey?
- We're banned.
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00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:10,920
- Are we?
- Yes.
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But it's not just the places
where we've been before,
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that there is a problem.
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No, absolutely right.
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For this show, we thought
we'd drive across the Sahara.
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We can't - too much terrorism.
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Then we said: "Let's follow in the
footsteps of Lawrence of Arabia"
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and go across the
Sinai." We can't.
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Too much terrorism.
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We wanted to go from
Bangladesh to Mount Everest.
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Can't.
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Why couldn't we do that?
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- You have to go through India.
- Is that a problem?
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- I'm banned from India.
- Yes, he is. He is.
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00:01:39,960 --> 00:01:42,079
And anyway, it's
because of all of that,
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that we find ourselves here,
on a ferry, in the Baltic Sea.
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Yes, because we
are about to undertake
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a 1,400-mile drive
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from - I've got the map here
actually, I'll fish this one out -
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00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:59,400
from Gdańsk which is right
up here on the Baltic, there,
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00:01:59,599 --> 00:02:02,480
and then we go all
the way down here,
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00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:05,079
to Bled, in Slovenia.
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00:02:05,439 --> 00:02:08,319
Nobody's done that
ever, Gdańsk to Bled.
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00:02:08,478 --> 00:02:12,120
Having decided to do a road
trip nobody's ever done before,
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00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:13,400
Mr Wilman chimed in
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00:02:13,599 --> 00:02:18,039
and said: "OK, but you've
got to do it in cars that nobody
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00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:20,680
has ever used to
do a road trip before."
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And on that front,
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- I'm the winner.
- You're so not.
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I was first to disembark
from the ferry.
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00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:03,960
In this.
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A pickup truck.
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With a folding roof.
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Yeah, I know.
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A convertible pick-up truck
sounds like a bulletproof tea towel.
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00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:23,800
Why would you put
those two things together?
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00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:25,800
But that's what
this game is about.
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Unique! Nobody's ever done this.
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00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:33,159
At this point,
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00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:35,560
Cruella de Vil arrived.
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What...
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00:03:50,719 --> 00:03:56,039
This is the most inappropriate
road trip car ever made.
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I give you the
Mitsuoka Le-Seyde.
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It's the most
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00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:09,199
inappropriate thing ever made.
- No, you say that,
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00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:10,599
it's a work of genius.
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00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:12,800
Because what Mr Mitsuoka did
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00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,319
was he took the engine
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00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:19,120
from a 1990s Nissan Silvia, an
ordinary 2-Door Japanese saloon car
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00:04:19,319 --> 00:04:20,319
and the gearbox
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and the interior
and all the electrics,
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kept them as they were
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00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:27,639
and then fitted this
flamboyant body.
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00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:29,879
What Mr Mitsuoka
did, was he took
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acid and this resulted.
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00:04:32,639 --> 00:04:34,639
- Mate, for one thing...
- Yeah?
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00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:36,199
- Wheels.
- Ah, yes.
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00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:38,800
The ones at the back are hiding
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00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:42,079
and you're steering
the car in front of you.
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00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:43,240
- Yes.
- Look at it.
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00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:45,639
That is a mechanical
change, I admit.
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00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:50,199
These wheels are 3 feet in
front of where they should be.
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There are other things.
Look at the horns.
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Check them out.
Want to hear them?
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- Do they work?
- Oh, yes.
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- I don't think I do.
- Ready?
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00:04:57,800 --> 00:04:59,495
They look like something
on top of a train in America.
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00:04:59,519 --> 00:05:00,519
- Ready?
- Yes.
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00:05:03,879 --> 00:05:04,879
That's it?
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00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:08,480
How many of these has he made?
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00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:10,480
- Several hundred.
- Too many.
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00:05:10,639 --> 00:05:12,920
I think he made
about 500 of them.
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00:05:13,079 --> 00:05:15,800
This was supposed to
look like a Mercedes SSK.
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00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:22,040
And yet it really doesn't.
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00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:24,456
- This looks more like a Mercedes SSK.
- I disagree with you.
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00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:26,240
That ship looks more
like a Mercedes SSK.
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00:05:26,439 --> 00:05:29,279
- This, look... There was a tremendous...
- Wrong.
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00:05:29,439 --> 00:05:32,600
- Can we move on to your car.
- Utter brilliance, this.
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00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,879
- An SSR, I know what it is.
- Yes, it is.
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00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:38,040
I've never driven
one, to be honest.
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00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:40,360
- I don't think anybody has.
- No, nobody did.
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00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:44,800
It was a convertible 2-seater
pickup truck. Electric roof.
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00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,079
- The roof goes...
- In there.
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So it's not really a
very good pickup truck.
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00:05:49,439 --> 00:05:54,000
It's not very good as a pickup
truck, but it's very bad as a sportscar.
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00:05:54,519 --> 00:05:56,480
- Heavy?
- Yes, about 2 tons.
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00:05:56,680 --> 00:05:57,959
- It's...
- Yeah!
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00:05:58,360 --> 00:05:59,639
Absolutely hideous, isn't it?
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00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,000
No worries, I love it.
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00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:05,399
We then speculated
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00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:07,600
on what James might be using.
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00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:10,399
- He hates being called slow guy.
- I know.
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00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:13,040
I think he's going to be
in something a bit snappy.
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00:06:13,199 --> 00:06:15,399
Something like...
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00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:19,639
a Lamborghini LP550
Balboni special, 2-wheel drive,
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00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:20,879
but fully race prepped.
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00:06:21,079 --> 00:06:22,079
Exactly.
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00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,600
It then turned out
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that we were absolutely wrong.
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00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:36,800
I have no clue what that is.
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00:06:36,959 --> 00:06:39,759
- How far away is he?
- That's a good question.
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00:06:40,319 --> 00:06:41,639
What is it?
121
00:06:41,840 --> 00:06:43,480
Genuinely, I don't
know what that is.
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00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:44,879
I've no idea.
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00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:47,560
Have you just come
from the circus?
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00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:51,399
What is it, James?
It says Crosley on it.
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00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:54,199
Sorry, but it's a
very precious car
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00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:55,855
and it's raining. I've
got to put the roof up
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00:06:55,879 --> 00:06:58,560
but it goes up like an MX5,
it takes a couple of seconds.
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00:06:58,759 --> 00:06:59,800
You can do it on the move.
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00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:04,920
It's a 1947 Crosley
CC convertible.
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00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:07,975
Like me to tell you about the
history of the car? It's fascinating.
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00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:09,600
I've a feeling you're going to.
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00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:11,800
In the 1930s, there
was a man in America
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00:07:11,959 --> 00:07:13,560
- called Powel Crosley Junior.
- Mm-hmm.
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00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:17,240
He made his fortune out
of domestic appliances.
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00:07:17,399 --> 00:07:20,920
He was the first person to build
a fridge with shelves in the door.
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00:07:21,079 --> 00:07:23,199
Something we all
take for granted now.
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00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:26,839
He looked around and saw
that everyone was driving
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00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:28,839
massive cars and he thought
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00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:31,399
it was ridiculous, so he decided
to use some of his fortune
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00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:34,399
to make small cars.
He famously said:
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00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:36,880
"If you're crossing a river,
you don't need a battleship."
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00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:40,519
He decided he'd sell
his cars in his shops
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00:07:41,158 --> 00:07:44,000
alongside his domestic
appliances. That's why
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00:07:44,399 --> 00:07:45,480
this car
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00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:46,959
is only 4 feet wide.
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00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:50,519
It has to go through
the door of a shop.
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00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:54,120
Good thinking on
the part of Mr Crosley.
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00:07:54,319 --> 00:07:56,079
- He was a genius.
- However,
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00:07:56,279 --> 00:07:57,959
I have produced
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00:07:58,158 --> 00:08:01,000
larger and more
attractive bogeys than this.
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00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:03,639
What is the motor?
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00:08:03,839 --> 00:08:08,240
It's a 4-cylinder 724cc
engine, developing...
153
00:08:08,959 --> 00:08:11,600
twenty-six and a
half horsepower.
154
00:08:11,759 --> 00:08:15,800
- Hold on, how old's this?
- 1947.
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00:08:15,959 --> 00:08:17,439
It's 70-something years old,
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00:08:17,639 --> 00:08:21,199
- we've got to assume, 12...
- 14.
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00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:22,759
- 14.
- Max.
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00:08:22,959 --> 00:08:25,120
By now, a lot of those
horses will have died.
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00:08:25,279 --> 00:08:26,439
Did you hear the words
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00:08:26,639 --> 00:08:28,800
1,400-mile road trip?
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00:08:29,319 --> 00:08:30,120
Yeah.
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00:08:30,279 --> 00:08:33,759
If you're lucky,
you've got 14hp.
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What did you pay?
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00:08:35,279 --> 00:08:38,000
There's a bit of
a story about that.
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It was on a well-known
car auction website
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00:08:41,639 --> 00:08:43,840
and I looked at it. It
finished that evening
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00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:47,519
and bidding was at 400
pounds, so I bid 450 pounds,
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00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:49,360
then I went off
and got some wine,
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00:08:49,519 --> 00:08:53,000
and came back later
and it went up a bit
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00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,879
- and it was...
- What did you pay?
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00:08:55,080 --> 00:08:57,159
11,000 pounds.
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00:08:57,360 --> 00:08:59,639
11,000 pounds for that?
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00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:01,879
- I bought it when I was drunk.
- You...
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00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:03,519
I'll grant you that.
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00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:06,159
- Fair point.
- So, hold on,
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00:09:06,360 --> 00:09:08,960
I got my entire
Mitsuoka Le-Seyde
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00:09:09,159 --> 00:09:10,639
for only 11,500.
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00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:13,480
That is a proper car.
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00:09:13,639 --> 00:09:16,000
Who pays 11,500
grand for an old Nissan
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00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:17,576
- in a bad frock?
- How much was this?
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00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:20,080
Yes, absolutely.
Exactly my point.
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How much?
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00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:23,480
It was 18,500 pounds.
184
00:09:24,039 --> 00:09:24,840
What?
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00:09:25,039 --> 00:09:26,759
I've always wanted one.
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00:09:26,879 --> 00:09:29,080
- It's a convertible pickup truck.
- I know.
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00:09:29,279 --> 00:09:33,039
It's like a speed hump on a
runway. It's completely useless.
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00:09:33,519 --> 00:09:35,120
- That's...
- Come on, let's get going.
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00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:36,320
Ooh!
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00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:42,080
You don't suppose...
191
00:09:43,159 --> 00:09:45,159
- I do suppose, yes.
- Mr Wilman
192
00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:47,600
is being funny.
- I've got to be honest,
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00:09:47,759 --> 00:09:50,519
that's more inappropriate
than any of our cars.
194
00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:53,200
That's designed to
do a quarter of a mile.
195
00:09:53,399 --> 00:09:55,399
That's a designer
hot rod, isn't it?
196
00:09:56,639 --> 00:09:57,759
- Look what it says.
- Look.
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00:09:58,879 --> 00:10:00,159
That...
198
00:10:01,159 --> 00:10:03,519
That is doom, isn't
it? That is the end.
199
00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:06,440
Would you want to drive a
car that says "Titties 'n' beer"
200
00:10:06,639 --> 00:10:08,639
- on the side?
- I really wouldn't.
201
00:10:14,519 --> 00:10:15,759
Now praying to God
202
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:19,480
that our own cars wouldn't
let us down, we headed
203
00:10:19,639 --> 00:10:23,879
for the port exit and the
start of our mammoth journey.
204
00:10:24,759 --> 00:10:28,080
Right. A 1,400-mile
journey beginning now
205
00:10:28,279 --> 00:10:30,519
from Gdańsk to Bled.
206
00:10:35,159 --> 00:10:36,360
I've had a crash.
207
00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:40,039
We've only done 20 feet.
208
00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:43,600
When we were in Scandinavia,
209
00:10:43,759 --> 00:10:45,759
you did at least a
day before you had
210
00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:47,000
- an accident.
- Hang on.
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00:10:47,759 --> 00:10:49,440
Is this a bit of your car?
212
00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:50,720
No, that's not from the car.
213
00:10:55,559 --> 00:10:58,360
- What is this?
- You've broken his barrier.
214
00:10:58,519 --> 00:11:00,679
- You smashed his barrier.
- You've broken his barrier.
215
00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:04,840
- "Polizei"?
- Call the police?
216
00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:09,120
Naturally, we thought it best to
scarper before the 5-0 arrived.
217
00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:12,559
- It's hot.
- But before we could do that,
218
00:11:12,759 --> 00:11:15,720
James insisted on starting
his windscreen wipers.
219
00:11:15,919 --> 00:11:17,440
Are you ready?
220
00:11:19,759 --> 00:11:21,320
What about that one?
221
00:11:25,879 --> 00:11:28,639
It's like a face covered
with a snare drum.
222
00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:38,000
With James now able to
see where he was going,
223
00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:42,879
we left the second
biggest Baltic port
224
00:11:43,039 --> 00:11:45,320
and headed for Gdańsk itself,
225
00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:47,799
famous throughout the world
226
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:51,720
as the birthplace of Lech
Walesa's Solidarity movement,
227
00:11:52,799 --> 00:11:54,919
a movement that helped
bring down communism
228
00:11:55,879 --> 00:11:57,399
and end the Cold War.
229
00:11:58,039 --> 00:12:02,080
Here, events happened which
reverberated throughout the communist world
230
00:12:02,559 --> 00:12:03,559
and particularly
231
00:12:03,759 --> 00:12:04,879
in Eastern Europe.
232
00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:08,279
Having seen the news
footage from that period,
233
00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:12,720
we assumed the city centre
would be all in black and white.
234
00:12:12,879 --> 00:12:14,799
And a bit like Hull.
235
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:21,480
But by the time we got
there, the sun had come out
236
00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:24,320
and it wasn't like that at all.
237
00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:37,600
That is amazing.
238
00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:41,639
That is a very pretty town.
239
00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:48,159
Morning, everybody.
Look at this.
240
00:12:48,919 --> 00:12:52,639
If I'd done this in a Nissan Silvia,
nobody would be paying any attention.
241
00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:55,759
But because it's got bits
of Lliberace's bathroom
242
00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:58,600
stuck on it, everyone's
taking its picture
243
00:12:58,799 --> 00:13:00,279
and is very happy.
244
00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:03,000
People are smiling,
245
00:13:03,159 --> 00:13:04,919
they're looking.
246
00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:06,720
There is no doubt
we are bringing joy.
247
00:13:06,879 --> 00:13:09,799
You know when the
fairground comes to your town,
248
00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:12,240
you don't moan, do you?
All your bikes get stolen,
249
00:13:12,399 --> 00:13:15,399
but other than that it's
good news. It's bright, it's fun.
250
00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:17,440
Having helped
251
00:13:17,639 --> 00:13:20,679
our colleague through
an extremely narrow gap...
252
00:13:20,879 --> 00:13:23,000
I reckon you're OK.
You're alright. To me.
253
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:25,080
You're alright. Don't
get carried away.
254
00:13:25,279 --> 00:13:26,840
Very funny. Keep it up.
255
00:13:27,039 --> 00:13:29,600
Go on. You're going to do it.
256
00:13:29,759 --> 00:13:31,000
He did it! Well done!
257
00:13:31,879 --> 00:13:33,679
We headed out of town...
258
00:13:36,679 --> 00:13:38,240
and on to the motorway.
259
00:13:48,759 --> 00:13:52,080
That is the determined
sound of a Nissan 4 Pot.
260
00:13:54,759 --> 00:13:58,759
And this was the even
more determined sound
261
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:01,000
of the 75-year-old Crosley.
262
00:14:08,399 --> 00:14:10,480
Holy shit, that's terrible.
263
00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:14,480
James May, are you flat out?
264
00:14:14,639 --> 00:14:17,360
Yes. 38 mph.
265
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:21,440
Oh!
266
00:14:22,879 --> 00:14:24,120
Oh my God!
267
00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:26,799
Errrr...
268
00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:28,159
39...
269
00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:30,360
Errrr...
270
00:14:30,519 --> 00:14:31,519
39.
271
00:14:31,799 --> 00:14:34,600
Oh, God, massive
lorry up my chuff.
272
00:14:35,159 --> 00:14:36,159
No!
273
00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:40,639
Argh!
274
00:14:41,759 --> 00:14:43,360
Holy shit!
275
00:14:43,519 --> 00:14:44,799
God, strewth,
276
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:46,240
that nearly rolled over.
277
00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:49,600
Seeing that our colleague
was clearly in peril,
278
00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:52,159
we decided to leave him behind.
279
00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:55,200
Bye, James.
280
00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:09,759
Right, 1,400 miles to
go, across 4 countries.
281
00:15:15,559 --> 00:15:18,600
We're going to be
behind what used to be
282
00:15:18,799 --> 00:15:19,799
the Iron Curtain...
283
00:15:24,279 --> 00:15:28,159
and what might still be the
Iron Curtain by the time we finish.
284
00:15:34,399 --> 00:15:38,960
Our first stop-off was at a racetrack
a couple of hundred miles away
285
00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:41,399
near the city of Poznan,
286
00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:45,519
which meant we
had plenty of time
287
00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:47,120
to discuss our cars.
288
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:51,440
Jeremy, a question
whilst we cruise.
289
00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:52,399
Mm-hmm?
290
00:15:52,559 --> 00:15:55,759
That thing's supposed to
mimic the Mercedes SSK, yeah?
291
00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:57,399
Yeah.
292
00:15:57,559 --> 00:16:00,879
Wasn't a Mr A. Hitler a
fan of a Mercedes SSK?
293
00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:06,320
No, because the SSK was from the
early 30s when Hitler was a corporal
294
00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:08,960
and corporals couldn't
have afforded an SSK.
295
00:16:10,039 --> 00:16:12,200
It doesn't mean
he wasn't a fan of it.
296
00:16:12,399 --> 00:16:16,879
So you're driving a
plastic, unconvincing replica
297
00:16:17,039 --> 00:16:18,519
of a car Hitler loved.
298
00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:22,159
No.
299
00:16:22,320 --> 00:16:23,759
I'm just not.
300
00:16:25,039 --> 00:16:27,759
Can you imagine what
it's like in the Crosley?
301
00:16:28,159 --> 00:16:30,679
Do you know, I don't
think I actually can.
302
00:16:36,679 --> 00:16:38,399
Brace for slipstream.
303
00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:40,879
Arghh!
304
00:16:41,519 --> 00:16:43,360
This is madness.
305
00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:49,600
724cc. Where did he
come up with that idea?
306
00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:52,879
What was wrong with
- I don't know - 1 litre?
307
00:16:54,399 --> 00:16:55,960
Oh Jeez!
308
00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:05,078
Many miles ahead,
we'd left the motorway
309
00:17:06,519 --> 00:17:10,078
and were driving through
what the tour guides say
310
00:17:10,318 --> 00:17:12,440
is Poland's second biggest wood.
311
00:17:14,519 --> 00:17:16,279
Think about it,
Hammond, in one day,
312
00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:17,680
we've seen
313
00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:22,200
Gdańsk, the second busiest
port in the Baltic and now
314
00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:25,640
we're in Poland's
second biggest wood.
315
00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:29,079
I know. It's amazing. I
love second biggest or best.
316
00:17:29,319 --> 00:17:31,400
Because first is easy,
just make it bigger or better,
317
00:17:31,559 --> 00:17:32,920
but second,
318
00:17:33,079 --> 00:17:35,135
you can't be bigger than first,
you've got to be better than third.
319
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:35,960
It requires precision.
320
00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:37,279
It's best.
321
00:17:43,319 --> 00:17:45,960
Having eventually
emerged from the trees,
322
00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:48,920
we arrived at the
Poznan racetrack.
323
00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:55,799
Mr Wilman has booked us in to take
part in some local racing, which is great
324
00:17:56,039 --> 00:18:00,160
because we're like ambassadors.
This is a cultural exchange.
325
00:18:00,319 --> 00:18:03,480
Without the culture or
anything to exchange.
326
00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:09,079
It was an impressive circuit.
327
00:18:09,759 --> 00:18:10,960
With all mod cons.
328
00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:15,640
But the real treat
329
00:18:15,799 --> 00:18:18,279
was waiting for us in the pits.
330
00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:29,319
- I know what these are.
- Race cars?
331
00:18:29,519 --> 00:18:31,039
They're Formula Easter.
332
00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:34,440
- Just behind the Iron Curtain.
- Exactly.
333
00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:39,400
This is basically the Soviet
Union's answer to Formula 1.
334
00:18:43,079 --> 00:18:45,079
Running throughout
the 70s and 80s,
335
00:18:45,279 --> 00:18:48,279
when the Iron Curtain
was very firmly drawn,
336
00:18:49,279 --> 00:18:52,680
Formula Easter saw teams
from Soviet bloc countries
337
00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:54,440
race against each other.
338
00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:59,400
With a lot of
passion and bravery,
339
00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:02,559
but very few resources.
340
00:19:03,279 --> 00:19:07,200
Power came from tuned
up 1.3 litre Lada engines.
341
00:19:08,799 --> 00:19:11,880
The suspension from
East German minivans.
342
00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:15,400
The steering rack
started life in Trabants.
343
00:19:17,079 --> 00:19:19,960
The set of tyres had
to last a whole season.
344
00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:27,319
The Polish team was so hard up
345
00:19:27,519 --> 00:19:29,519
that motor sport
fan and fellow Pole
346
00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:34,039
Pope John Paul II had
to buy their helmets.
347
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:37,440
But despite this make-do
and mend handicap,
348
00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:43,319
Formula Easter provided an
exciting distraction for people
349
00:19:43,519 --> 00:19:47,240
who'd spent all week
queueing for a loaf of bread.
350
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:02,720
I've always wanted
to see these cars.
351
00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:04,880
I've heard about them,
you read about them.
352
00:20:05,279 --> 00:20:07,799
All they had was
a fuzzy photograph
353
00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:09,480
taken in 1968,
354
00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:10,920
at a European racetrack,
355
00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:13,920
of a European racing
car. A bit like that.
356
00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:16,215
- "I want one of those."
- Yeah, "I want one of those,
357
00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:17,920
but I've only got
a Lada engine."
358
00:20:18,079 --> 00:20:20,240
It's great what human
ingenuity can achieve, isn't it?
359
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:21,680
Determination.
360
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:24,799
I know what they did for shoes.
361
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:26,319
- You know boxing shoes?
- Yeah.
362
00:20:26,519 --> 00:20:27,519
They wore those.
363
00:20:27,559 --> 00:20:28,839
They're a bit like racing shoes.
364
00:20:29,799 --> 00:20:33,480
- They're really pretty cars.
- They are so pretty.
365
00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:35,799
That is fantastic.
366
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:37,920
And safe.
367
00:20:38,319 --> 00:20:41,519
Look how the windscreen's
held on this one.
368
00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:43,680
- That is authentic.
- Taped in place.
369
00:20:43,799 --> 00:20:47,240
That's not coming off, unless
it rains and then it's coming off.
370
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:51,000
Meanwhile...
371
00:20:53,319 --> 00:20:57,680
many miles back, I too was in
Poland's second biggest wood,
372
00:20:57,799 --> 00:20:59,240
having left behind
373
00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:01,960
the horror of the motorway.
374
00:21:03,319 --> 00:21:06,319
Oh... This is so much nicer.
375
00:21:06,519 --> 00:21:08,296
I've got to admit, there were
a few times on the motorway
376
00:21:08,319 --> 00:21:10,480
when I looked at "Titties
'n' Beer" in the mirror
377
00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:12,319
and I thought: "Mmm."
378
00:21:12,519 --> 00:21:15,680
Anyway, now we're on
this road, a pleasant road,
379
00:21:15,799 --> 00:21:18,559
I'm going to forget "Titties 'n'
Beer", concentrate on the Crosley.
380
00:21:18,799 --> 00:21:22,880
The ugly puppy, the runt of the litter
that you should take home, remember.
381
00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:26,519
However, just a mile later...
382
00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:30,240
There's a man in a
BMW trying to get past.
383
00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:33,240
I'll try and make him
some space. Jesus!
384
00:21:38,319 --> 00:21:39,640
Get off.
385
00:21:41,319 --> 00:21:42,319
Go on.
386
00:21:43,319 --> 00:21:44,680
Go past.
387
00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:49,880
Oh no, I'm going to
cut out. I have. It's died.
388
00:21:53,359 --> 00:21:54,519
Right.
389
00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:07,240
Ah.
390
00:22:09,039 --> 00:22:10,039
Back at the circuit,
391
00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:11,599
Hammond and I had now chosen
392
00:22:11,799 --> 00:22:15,119
which cars we'd be
driving in the race.
393
00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:16,720
Oh, yes.
394
00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:20,440
Ah!
395
00:22:23,559 --> 00:22:24,640
That is it.
396
00:22:24,839 --> 00:22:26,480
My arse is that
far out of the seat.
397
00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:28,079
Oh dear.
398
00:22:28,519 --> 00:22:30,319
- Is there a bigger one?
- No.
399
00:22:30,759 --> 00:22:33,680
This is the... So
this is the biggest?
400
00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:37,000
I won't be able to do it.
401
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:40,559
- You'll miss out on our day out.
- What do you want me to do?
402
00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:42,559
Be less fat.
403
00:22:42,759 --> 00:22:44,000
It's quite easy.
404
00:22:45,039 --> 00:22:48,680
- Obesity is an illness.
- It's a big fat illness.
405
00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:51,519
A big fat heavy illness.
406
00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:55,759
It's frustrating, you're ready
to do things. You're primed.
407
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:57,599
You can't do them
because you're so fat.
408
00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:03,039
I'm sorry. You're quite sad.
409
00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:04,720
- I am.
- You're going to miss out.
410
00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:06,839
You are being
quite funny, but...
411
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:09,000
Oh God!
412
00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:18,799
I can't get out.
413
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:20,119
Ah.
414
00:23:20,319 --> 00:23:21,680
Oh dear.
415
00:23:21,839 --> 00:23:25,000
The bodywork from you.
416
00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:26,680
Can you help me get out?
417
00:23:26,839 --> 00:23:30,240
They'll have to dismantle
the car around him!
418
00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:34,920
They're going to have to
dismantle the car around you
419
00:23:35,119 --> 00:23:37,079
to get you out.
420
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:40,599
They're peeling it off
him like a diving suit.
421
00:23:43,759 --> 00:23:46,799
It would have been easier
to paint a racecar on him
422
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:49,480
and then wipe it off.
423
00:23:52,039 --> 00:23:53,119
Thank you.
424
00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:58,240
They've popped your dignity in the
workshop, you can go and pick it up.
425
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,440
While Hammond
and his competitors
426
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:04,720
got ready for qualifying,
427
00:24:08,319 --> 00:24:11,640
I realised there was
something useful I could do.
428
00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:14,839
I've decided to appoint
myself as team manager.
429
00:24:15,599 --> 00:24:17,680
- Have you?
- Yeah, I'm Toto Wolff.
430
00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:18,880
The only thing
431
00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:20,799
- that is slightly worrying me...
- What?
432
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:23,799
James May. Qualifying is
in 2 minutes. Is it 2 minutes?
433
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:25,680
2 minutes.
434
00:24:25,839 --> 00:24:27,640
James May is still not here.
435
00:24:27,799 --> 00:24:30,519
He needs to get a wriggle on
or he won't be here for qualifying.
436
00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:32,519
That's the rules, mate.
437
00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:35,039
Be here on time
and don't be too fat.
438
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:40,839
As it happened,
the Crosley was now
439
00:24:41,039 --> 00:24:42,079
up and running.
440
00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:43,640
And I was not far
441
00:24:43,839 --> 00:24:45,559
from the circuit.
442
00:24:47,519 --> 00:24:49,519
Perfect gear change.
443
00:24:52,519 --> 00:24:54,440
Oh, no. No, no, don't do it.
444
00:25:07,759 --> 00:25:09,119
Back at the track,
445
00:25:09,319 --> 00:25:11,119
qualifying had now begun.
446
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:15,000
Hey, hey!
447
00:25:17,119 --> 00:25:18,599
He's on the outside.
448
00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:21,759
As team manager, it was my job
449
00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:24,519
to record my driver's lap times.
450
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:26,119
Here he comes.
451
00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:30,640
2.22. Oh, shit!
452
00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:33,440
Wait. How do I...
453
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:36,119
How do I make the stopwatch?
454
00:25:39,759 --> 00:25:42,079
How do... if you stop it,
455
00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:45,680
How do... I needed
another stopwatch.
456
00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:49,799
Before I got the
chance to tell Hammond
457
00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:51,519
that I had no
meaningful lap times,
458
00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:53,359
James arrived.
459
00:25:53,519 --> 00:25:58,359
Too late for qualifying, but still
keen to have some kind of role.
460
00:25:58,559 --> 00:26:01,400
So, as team boss,
I gave him one.
461
00:26:01,599 --> 00:26:02,839
They haven't got a medical car.
462
00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:06,559
So if you can turn your
car into an ambulance...
463
00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:10,480
Wouldn't it make more sense to
turn yours into the medical car?
464
00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:12,640
Thought about that.
Mine's only got 2 seats,
465
00:26:12,839 --> 00:26:15,319
couldn't get a stretcher
in it. Could get it in yours.
466
00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:17,960
- Alright.
- If you do that, it'd be brilliant.
467
00:26:18,119 --> 00:26:19,119
Alright.
468
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:26,519
Happily, someone
who wasn't an ape
469
00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:28,480
had been keeping lap times
470
00:26:29,079 --> 00:26:30,759
and it turned out
that I'd qualified
471
00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:32,720
in sixth place.
472
00:26:33,759 --> 00:26:38,279
This is an amazing treat on our road
trip that no one's ever thought of doing.
473
00:26:39,039 --> 00:26:41,160
- Look who's here.
- Hello, mate.
474
00:26:41,319 --> 00:26:42,799
Have you done the car?
475
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:44,440
- You missed qualifying.
- I know.
476
00:26:45,039 --> 00:26:46,480
It's a shame,
it's brilliant fun.
477
00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:47,920
I was looking forward to a race.
478
00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:49,240
Have fun.
479
00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:50,920
- I will.
- Could have been me.
480
00:26:51,079 --> 00:26:52,519
Yeah, I know. You're missing it.
481
00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:54,279
Because you're too fat.
482
00:26:56,079 --> 00:26:58,119
He said he was too tall.
483
00:27:02,519 --> 00:27:04,119
As the drivers
prepared for the off,
484
00:27:04,319 --> 00:27:08,000
I gave Hammond some
final advice on strategy.
485
00:27:09,519 --> 00:27:11,079
Thank you so much.
486
00:27:21,519 --> 00:27:23,160
There he is!
487
00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:30,039
He overtook someone.
488
00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:45,240
Concentrate,
Hammond. Don't crash.
489
00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:48,279
Just have your own race.
490
00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:00,160
I'll see if I can keep
hold of fourth place.
491
00:28:11,279 --> 00:28:12,279
Oh!
492
00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:14,279
Oh no. Oh no.
493
00:28:17,319 --> 00:28:20,000
What if he's in third or fifth
next time he comes round?
494
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:23,559
- That's a good point.
- Do I put a question mark then?
495
00:28:28,160 --> 00:28:29,480
Come on. Keep going.
496
00:28:36,279 --> 00:28:39,400
I'm a proper racing driver.
497
00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:55,759
This is a fast one.
498
00:28:56,279 --> 00:28:58,079
- Here he comes.
- Is that him?
499
00:28:58,839 --> 00:28:59,839
Oh shit!
500
00:29:04,640 --> 00:29:07,799
I reckon I could
do that one in 4.
501
00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:16,519
Hammond continued
on his merry way,
502
00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:21,720
completely unaware
that his leaking car
503
00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:25,119
had turned the track
into a skating rink.
504
00:29:25,799 --> 00:29:27,279
Oh! Somebody's gone off.
505
00:29:32,119 --> 00:29:33,920
Somebody else has gone off.
506
00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:39,000
Sadly, his team boss was making
a bit of a meal of warning him.
507
00:29:39,559 --> 00:29:42,880
- Why "some kind of"?
- We don't know what it is.
508
00:29:43,039 --> 00:29:44,039
Just put "fluid".
509
00:29:48,799 --> 00:29:49,799
Oh, bollocks.
510
00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:53,279
- Is that him?
- No.
511
00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:55,720
Is that a red light?
512
00:29:59,279 --> 00:30:01,039
Hammond's off. Hammond's off.
513
00:30:01,759 --> 00:30:02,759
What?
514
00:30:02,839 --> 00:30:04,720
- Hammond's off.
- Shit.
515
00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:10,839
Oh God.
516
00:30:11,359 --> 00:30:12,519
Ahhh!
517
00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:17,599
I'm alright. I hurt my leg,
518
00:30:17,799 --> 00:30:20,519
I do need someone
to come and get me.
519
00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:22,480
James is on his way.
520
00:30:24,160 --> 00:30:25,240
Who?
521
00:30:25,720 --> 00:30:27,559
James. James is on his way.
522
00:30:53,799 --> 00:30:55,319
Oh, come on.
523
00:31:27,279 --> 00:31:28,319
Hang on.
524
00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:32,279
Doesn't like hot starting.
525
00:31:40,519 --> 00:31:41,559
There we go.
526
00:31:42,079 --> 00:31:45,000
- Hang in there, Hammond.
- Yes, I'm hanging in.
527
00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:48,039
You're not dead.
528
00:31:48,240 --> 00:31:51,519
No. In fact, I've got better.
529
00:31:52,599 --> 00:31:56,680
Sadly, Hammond's spillage
had caused so much carnage
530
00:31:56,880 --> 00:31:59,480
that the rest of the
racing was cancelled.
531
00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:01,480
So, for the second time
532
00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:03,839
since we arrived in
Poland, we scarpered.
533
00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:10,640
But not before I
modified my car slightly.
534
00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:13,920
I've painted my wheels green
535
00:32:14,119 --> 00:32:17,000
to make them more racy,
a bit more flamboyant.
536
00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:19,440
Did it need increased
flamboyance, your car?
537
00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:25,119
I'm just enjoying my reflection
in your chrome wheels.
538
00:32:25,839 --> 00:32:27,640
You're enjoying looking at that?
539
00:32:27,799 --> 00:32:30,160
It looks like a disaster
with a Lego set.
540
00:32:30,319 --> 00:32:33,039
Something I'd leave on the
sitting room carpet when I was 8.
541
00:32:39,039 --> 00:32:41,119
It was now late in the day.
542
00:32:41,319 --> 00:32:45,920
We wanted to stop off and see
Jesus before going to our hotel,
543
00:32:46,119 --> 00:32:47,240
90 miles away.
544
00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:49,559
That wasn't going to be
545
00:32:49,759 --> 00:32:51,160
much of a problem for Richard
546
00:32:51,359 --> 00:32:53,319
with his 6-litre V8,
547
00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:57,039
or me.
548
00:32:57,440 --> 00:32:58,920
James though...
549
00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:02,319
It's June 21, the longest day,
550
00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:04,519
and for James May, it's going
551
00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:06,759
to feel like it.
552
00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:11,119
Situation report.
553
00:33:11,319 --> 00:33:13,960
The engine cooling
temperature is rising.
554
00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:18,319
It's not in the danger zone
yet, but it's getting there.
555
00:33:18,799 --> 00:33:21,839
Oh God, it's truck time. No!
556
00:33:22,039 --> 00:33:23,799
Arghhh!
557
00:33:25,559 --> 00:33:27,359
Holy shit!
558
00:33:30,400 --> 00:33:32,880
Untroubled by any issues at all,
559
00:33:33,039 --> 00:33:36,519
we were now arriving
in Jesus' garden.
560
00:33:37,279 --> 00:33:38,839
God, it's enormous.
561
00:33:43,319 --> 00:33:44,759
Jesus!
562
00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:57,279
Does it do anything
if you put 50p in?
563
00:33:57,440 --> 00:33:58,519
I'll tell you what's funny.
564
00:33:58,599 --> 00:34:00,079
I was just googling him.
565
00:34:00,799 --> 00:34:03,759
He's the second tallest
Jesus in the world.
566
00:34:03,920 --> 00:34:06,319
- Brilliant.
- One in Indonesia is taller.
567
00:34:06,480 --> 00:34:08,960
That must be depressing.
Did this one go up first?
568
00:34:09,119 --> 00:34:11,255
It must have done. You wouldn't
build the second biggest one.
569
00:34:11,280 --> 00:34:14,199
You wouldn't say... I
don't know, we're in Poland.
570
00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:17,519
We've been in the second biggest
wood, the second busiest port.
571
00:34:17,679 --> 00:34:19,800
- Yep.
- I tell you what else I found.
572
00:34:19,960 --> 00:34:23,880
Until very recently, he had a
cell tower on top of his head.
573
00:34:24,960 --> 00:34:27,320
- And then there were some complaints.
- Why?
574
00:34:27,519 --> 00:34:31,960
Because people were watching strong
pornography beamed to their phones
575
00:34:32,320 --> 00:34:33,400
from Jesus' head.
576
00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:35,159
Yeah.
577
00:34:35,360 --> 00:34:38,760
That was a mistake, putting
the internet on Jesus' head.
578
00:34:38,960 --> 00:34:41,519
It's not dignified.
579
00:34:41,679 --> 00:34:44,119
Also, there's a door in
Jesus. Who knew that?
580
00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:47,000
- Look.
- Is that Jesus' back door?
581
00:34:48,519 --> 00:34:50,280
The next time
somebody surprises me
582
00:34:50,480 --> 00:34:52,960
and I say: "Christ back door!"
583
00:34:55,320 --> 00:34:57,655
- That's what you're talking...
- That's what I'm talking about.
584
00:34:57,679 --> 00:35:00,599
This is proper road trip stuff.
This is what you do on a road trip.
585
00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:03,079
It's exactly what
you do on a road trip.
586
00:35:04,559 --> 00:35:08,159
Unless, that is, you're
in a 75-year-old Crosley.
587
00:35:08,400 --> 00:35:10,960
With an overheating engine.
588
00:35:11,159 --> 00:35:14,280
This is Richard Hammond's
territory. He likes all this old stuff
589
00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:16,039
from before the
war and just after
590
00:35:16,159 --> 00:35:20,480
and says: "It's one of only
three." I'm not surprised!
591
00:35:21,119 --> 00:35:23,519
I suspect the
radiator's blocked.
592
00:35:25,920 --> 00:35:26,920
Wow!
593
00:35:27,039 --> 00:35:30,360
There's quite a lot of brownness
coming out if you look underneath.
594
00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:35,119
I was looking forward
to seeing that big Jesus.
595
00:35:37,079 --> 00:35:39,400
But all I could do
now was concentrate
596
00:35:39,599 --> 00:35:45,360
on getting to the hotel before I
needed to use my antique headlamps.
597
00:35:46,119 --> 00:35:48,519
Another 62 miles to go.
598
00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:53,280
I'm getting appalling cramp
in this leg, all the way up here.
599
00:35:53,440 --> 00:35:55,960
My arse is completely numb.
600
00:35:57,800 --> 00:35:59,639
God, let it end!
601
00:36:03,639 --> 00:36:06,519
When I finally reached
the overnight halt,
602
00:36:06,639 --> 00:36:10,639
I was so shattered, I
went straight to bed.
603
00:36:20,960 --> 00:36:22,800
- He's gone to bed.
- Yes.
604
00:36:22,960 --> 00:36:25,599
Us two, however, having enjoyed
605
00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:27,480
a much less stressful afternoon,
606
00:36:27,639 --> 00:36:30,159
still had the energy
to borrow some locals
607
00:36:30,400 --> 00:36:34,039
and engage in a bit
of booze-fueled japery.
608
00:36:34,199 --> 00:36:35,840
Everybody get what
you can get to lift.
609
00:36:36,039 --> 00:36:38,559
- Grab and lift it.
- Anything you can.
610
00:36:38,679 --> 00:36:40,639
Three, two... Bloody
hell, that wasn't difficult.
611
00:36:40,840 --> 00:36:42,440
- That way.
- Other way.
612
00:36:42,639 --> 00:36:44,000
Back to there.
613
00:36:44,159 --> 00:36:45,599
My back! Jesus!
614
00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:49,559
- Ow, my back. And my fingers.
- We should...
615
00:36:50,559 --> 00:36:54,440
This could sound like a
porn film if we weren't careful.
616
00:37:00,159 --> 00:37:02,840
The next morning,
James was displeased
617
00:37:03,039 --> 00:37:08,079
to find his car was tucked hard
against the wall in the hotel's restaurant.
618
00:37:12,639 --> 00:37:14,840
Very funny, bell ends.
619
00:37:15,760 --> 00:37:16,760
OK.
620
00:37:18,920 --> 00:37:19,920
Ow!
621
00:37:20,039 --> 00:37:21,199
Jesus.
622
00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:28,440
This delay meant he was
miles behind Richard and me.
623
00:37:29,559 --> 00:37:31,480
Here's the plan for today.
624
00:37:31,639 --> 00:37:35,440
Stop off at Stalag Luft III, where
The Great Escape happened.
625
00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:40,800
A spot of lunch and then
a long drive to Krakow.
626
00:37:42,639 --> 00:37:44,400
Ever since we
decided to do this trip,
627
00:37:44,599 --> 00:37:48,159
months ago, James May
has been beside himself
628
00:37:48,360 --> 00:37:51,440
with excitement about
visiting Stalag Luft III.
629
00:37:51,599 --> 00:37:54,400
He's even wearing a
Great Escape T-shirt.
630
00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:02,079
But now, at least
he was on his way.
631
00:38:02,199 --> 00:38:03,199
Sorry.
632
00:38:05,760 --> 00:38:06,760
Bollocks.
633
00:38:12,519 --> 00:38:15,519
And feeling very miserable.
634
00:38:16,599 --> 00:38:20,639
It wasn't a terrible
dream, I really am driving
635
00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:23,039
a Crosley across Eastern Europe.
636
00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:29,440
I'm already in top gear,
this is it for an hour.
637
00:38:34,199 --> 00:38:37,920
On the plus side, I wasn't
on the terrifying motorway.
638
00:38:39,039 --> 00:38:40,320
On the minus side,
639
00:38:40,519 --> 00:38:42,639
everyone else wished I was.
640
00:38:44,440 --> 00:38:46,559
I'm doing my best.
641
00:38:47,559 --> 00:38:51,360
He's going for it.
You must be mad.
642
00:38:51,559 --> 00:38:54,199
No! Ah!
643
00:38:58,480 --> 00:38:59,679
He's going.
644
00:39:00,559 --> 00:39:02,960
There he goes.
645
00:39:03,119 --> 00:39:05,159
There's another one.
646
00:39:05,679 --> 00:39:08,840
They're both going. Oh, my God!
647
00:39:10,199 --> 00:39:11,039
Jeez!
648
00:39:11,199 --> 00:39:13,599
I'm now responsible.
649
00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:18,400
Far ahead, I too was
having a bit of a drama.
650
00:39:20,159 --> 00:39:23,960
- Oh, Christ, that's not a wasp.
- What the hell is that?
651
00:39:24,159 --> 00:39:27,440
It's absolutely gigantic.
652
00:39:27,599 --> 00:39:30,079
Get out! Get out!
653
00:39:30,280 --> 00:39:32,840
I can see it from
here. It's enormous!
654
00:39:33,039 --> 00:39:35,079
It's incredibly big.
655
00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:36,800
Get out.
656
00:39:39,679 --> 00:39:42,639
After ejecting the
poisonous hand glider,
657
00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:45,679
I noticed that my car
had a comfort feature
658
00:39:45,920 --> 00:39:48,000
I somehow missed.
659
00:39:48,159 --> 00:39:49,880
I've got an overdrive button!
660
00:39:50,559 --> 00:39:54,079
Amazing news from
the Le-Seyde, Hammond.
661
00:39:54,199 --> 00:39:56,159
I've got overdrive.
662
00:39:57,119 --> 00:39:58,159
Oh yeah!
663
00:39:58,760 --> 00:40:01,360
Welcome to overdrive.
664
00:40:02,159 --> 00:40:03,199
Overdrive!
665
00:40:03,440 --> 00:40:05,920
In case you're
wondering, overdrive
666
00:40:06,119 --> 00:40:09,000
reduces the noise effectively
when you're on a motorway.
667
00:40:09,159 --> 00:40:10,760
It's kind of like another gear.
668
00:40:11,480 --> 00:40:13,599
So I'm driving along now
669
00:40:13,800 --> 00:40:15,079
at 60 mph
670
00:40:15,639 --> 00:40:17,480
3 and a bit thousand rpm.
671
00:40:17,639 --> 00:40:22,079
I engage overdrive and
we drop to 2,400 rpm.
672
00:40:22,679 --> 00:40:25,119
It just makes it more
economical and quieter.
673
00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:30,960
That's Stalag Luft III.
674
00:40:31,360 --> 00:40:32,360
One kilometre.
675
00:40:33,599 --> 00:40:39,000
James is going to be genuinely
heartbroken if he misses this.
676
00:40:44,079 --> 00:40:46,519
Oh, God, you...
677
00:40:51,840 --> 00:40:53,760
It's completely died.
678
00:40:54,679 --> 00:40:57,079
What a piece of old crap.
679
00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:03,599
To get out of everyone's
way, I had to push
680
00:41:03,800 --> 00:41:06,199
the Crosley into the
roadworks up ahead.
681
00:41:07,920 --> 00:41:11,679
Even though I was speaking to
them in Italian for some reason...
682
00:41:12,519 --> 00:41:14,039
- Kaput?
- Si.
683
00:41:14,480 --> 00:41:16,400
They lent me a multi-metre
684
00:41:16,599 --> 00:41:19,079
so that I could take
a battery reading.
685
00:41:20,039 --> 00:41:21,039
Right.
686
00:41:21,159 --> 00:41:23,679
Battery's obviously
completely dead.
687
00:41:24,119 --> 00:41:26,360
I don't know about
the alternator output.
688
00:41:26,519 --> 00:41:27,920
What a pile of shit.
689
00:41:35,599 --> 00:41:36,760
As James struggled
690
00:41:36,960 --> 00:41:39,400
with his drunken
late-night purchase,
691
00:41:43,119 --> 00:41:45,400
we were wandering
around the actual site
692
00:41:45,599 --> 00:41:49,159
where, in World
War II, 80 prisoners
693
00:41:49,360 --> 00:41:52,880
dug a 110-metre escape tunnel
694
00:41:54,880 --> 00:41:56,159
from under the stove
695
00:41:56,400 --> 00:41:57,800
in one of the huts.
696
00:41:59,599 --> 00:42:01,480
It's a story that
was immortalised
697
00:42:01,639 --> 00:42:04,760
in one of the greatest
films ever made.
698
00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:06,840
The Great Escape.
699
00:42:13,639 --> 00:42:15,400
- See you in Piccadilly.
- Scott's bar.
700
00:42:15,960 --> 00:42:17,079
Right.
701
00:42:25,519 --> 00:42:26,519
Oh!
702
00:42:26,639 --> 00:42:28,280
That's not the one is it?
703
00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:30,760
- That stove there?
- It probably is.
704
00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:33,280
Yes, look, look, look.
705
00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:35,440
That's where the
tunnel went down
706
00:42:35,599 --> 00:42:36,920
and then over to the trees.
707
00:42:37,440 --> 00:42:41,639
And actual people actually
dug a tunnel out of here.
708
00:42:41,880 --> 00:42:43,920
- Charles Bronson.
- No, I mean...
709
00:42:44,119 --> 00:42:47,599
- Gordon Jackson.
- No, real... they're actors, Jeremy.
710
00:42:48,480 --> 00:42:49,800
Oh! Look at this.
711
00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:52,360
These are the trollies
for moving stuff along.
712
00:42:52,679 --> 00:42:55,639
Look, that's the actual thing
that Charles Bronson got stuck on.
713
00:42:55,840 --> 00:42:58,400
That wasn't... That was... OK.
714
00:42:58,559 --> 00:43:00,119
Here we go, look.
715
00:43:00,639 --> 00:43:03,079
There's some pictures
of the actual people.
716
00:43:03,480 --> 00:43:06,199
James Garner, Steve McQueen,
717
00:43:07,320 --> 00:43:10,400
- Donald Pleasance.
- No, again, this is from...
718
00:43:10,599 --> 00:43:15,039
Look, that's a real photograph
taken with Dickie Attenborough.
719
00:43:15,199 --> 00:43:19,480
We're going to have to sort out
the blurring of fact and fiction there.
720
00:43:19,639 --> 00:43:22,639
A lot of what was told
in the movie happened
721
00:43:23,159 --> 00:43:24,880
- but that wasn't it happening.
- Look!
722
00:43:25,039 --> 00:43:28,559
- Gordon Jackson and Dickie Attenborough.
- They didn't film it on the day.
723
00:43:29,760 --> 00:43:33,320
I thought it best to
take Jeremy outside,
724
00:43:33,480 --> 00:43:36,920
where we found the monument
that marked the route of Harry,
725
00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:39,159
the codename given
to the escape tunnel.
726
00:43:41,719 --> 00:43:43,880
- Bloody hell, it's miles!
- Yeah.
727
00:43:44,360 --> 00:43:47,679
Imagine crawling under here in a
homemade tunnel. And this is sand.
728
00:43:47,840 --> 00:43:48,840
Mmh.
729
00:43:49,000 --> 00:43:49,760
At any moment...
730
00:43:49,920 --> 00:43:51,840
Death. In one form or another.
731
00:43:52,000 --> 00:43:53,639
Incredible.
732
00:43:53,840 --> 00:43:56,199
We were then joined by a guide.
733
00:43:56,400 --> 00:43:58,480
How deep was Harry?
734
00:43:58,840 --> 00:44:01,760
It was actually
between 8 and 9 metres,
735
00:44:01,920 --> 00:44:03,880
- which is 30 feet.
- Metres?
736
00:44:04,039 --> 00:44:07,119
9 metres, which is actually
roughly the size of the tree.
737
00:44:07,280 --> 00:44:08,280
Yeah!
738
00:44:08,320 --> 00:44:10,719
- That's 30 feet.
- Why that deep?
739
00:44:10,880 --> 00:44:12,400
There was a reason.
740
00:44:12,559 --> 00:44:14,840
The camp was called
an escape-proof camp,
741
00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:19,159
which means the Germans put
underground microphones around the camp
742
00:44:19,320 --> 00:44:20,599
to detect any kind of tunnel.
743
00:44:20,760 --> 00:44:23,480
- So they had to go deeper than those.
- Deeper than the microphones.
744
00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:25,559
I'm staggered. I cannot believe
745
00:44:25,760 --> 00:44:29,079
how long it is and I can't
believe how deep it was.
746
00:44:30,079 --> 00:44:32,079
We then started wondering
747
00:44:32,280 --> 00:44:35,239
why they dug it
because the prison camp
748
00:44:35,440 --> 00:44:38,119
was actually more
like a holiday camp.
749
00:44:38,920 --> 00:44:41,719
- A swimming pool?
- Yep. That's the one.
750
00:44:41,920 --> 00:44:45,079
- No way I'd escape!
- No, me neither.
751
00:44:45,480 --> 00:44:47,719
- There was a proper hockey ring here.
- What?
752
00:44:47,880 --> 00:44:48,679
What?
753
00:44:48,840 --> 00:44:51,400
There was a huge sports
field right behind those trees.
754
00:44:52,280 --> 00:44:56,000
And during the winter,
they built a huge hockey ring.
755
00:44:56,199 --> 00:44:57,880
They had a sports
pitch, a swimming pool...
756
00:44:58,039 --> 00:44:59,639
- A library.
- A library.
757
00:44:59,800 --> 00:45:00,960
- A theatre.
- What?
758
00:45:01,119 --> 00:45:02,119
A theatre.
759
00:45:03,400 --> 00:45:06,119
Are you sure it wasn't
people trying to tunnel in?
760
00:45:06,280 --> 00:45:07,760
Yeah.
761
00:45:08,320 --> 00:45:11,920
The guide showed us
what he meant by a theatre.
762
00:45:12,079 --> 00:45:13,559
- Oh my God!
- No!
763
00:45:13,760 --> 00:45:17,559
350 seats, orchestra,
pits, stage, backstage...
764
00:45:17,760 --> 00:45:20,480
- Was it built as a theatre?
- Built as a theatre.
765
00:45:21,440 --> 00:45:24,159
I thought you meant it would be a
shed that they used as a theatre.
766
00:45:24,320 --> 00:45:27,679
Like It Ain't Half Hot,
Mum. God all bloody mighty!
767
00:45:28,360 --> 00:45:30,880
If I'd been made
to fight in the war,
768
00:45:31,079 --> 00:45:32,960
I'd have got myself captured.
769
00:45:33,119 --> 00:45:36,000
You know what they say,
"We don't care how comfortable
770
00:45:36,199 --> 00:45:38,159
camp will be,
we'll still escape."
771
00:45:38,320 --> 00:45:41,039
- It was their duty, they had to escape.
- They did.
772
00:45:41,519 --> 00:45:43,000
Having said our goodbyes...
773
00:45:43,199 --> 00:45:45,719
Absolutely fascinating.
Thank you for filling in the gaps.
774
00:45:45,880 --> 00:45:47,599
- My pleasure.
- It was really good.
775
00:45:47,800 --> 00:45:49,480
We got back on the move.
776
00:45:50,000 --> 00:45:50,800
That was incredible.
777
00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:55,199
That was genuinely top 10 most
interesting things I've ever seen,
778
00:45:55,360 --> 00:45:57,119
places I've ever been.
779
00:45:57,320 --> 00:45:59,576
It turns out road trips no one
has ever thought of doing before
780
00:45:59,599 --> 00:46:02,360
are worth having a go at,
once you've thought of them.
781
00:46:02,519 --> 00:46:04,239
And chosen the right
car - which I have.
782
00:46:07,159 --> 00:46:08,239
Ahhh!
783
00:46:09,519 --> 00:46:11,280
Having missed the
prisoner of war camp,
784
00:46:11,480 --> 00:46:14,400
I had at least got the
Crosley going again.
785
00:46:15,119 --> 00:46:18,039
I was beginning to
wonder why I bothered.
786
00:46:18,679 --> 00:46:22,079
I did 300 miles yesterday.
787
00:46:22,280 --> 00:46:25,760
The schedule for today
calls for another 300 miles.
788
00:46:25,920 --> 00:46:28,519
There's 1,100 miles still to go.
789
00:46:28,679 --> 00:46:32,519
4 times as far nearly
as I've gone already,
790
00:46:32,679 --> 00:46:36,480
with this noise. I
don't think I can do it.
791
00:46:37,760 --> 00:46:39,800
Oh, God!
792
00:46:44,639 --> 00:46:45,760
Up ahead,
793
00:46:45,960 --> 00:46:48,119
over a simple Polish lunch,
794
00:46:49,239 --> 00:46:50,400
Jeremy and I discussed
795
00:46:50,599 --> 00:46:54,000
just how much James
was messing up the trip.
796
00:46:55,559 --> 00:46:58,320
You missed the Jesus,
you missed the prison camp,
797
00:46:59,199 --> 00:47:01,400
you missed breakfast.
He's missed lunch.
798
00:47:01,599 --> 00:47:03,679
He's going to miss
all the good bits.
799
00:47:03,880 --> 00:47:06,615
We haven't got somebody to talk
to about because he wasn't part of it.
800
00:47:06,639 --> 00:47:10,320
He can't join in with our
conversation. That's no fun.
801
00:47:19,440 --> 00:47:22,079
With Krakow more
than 200 miles away,
802
00:47:22,239 --> 00:47:23,800
we couldn't wait for James.
803
00:47:23,960 --> 00:47:25,480
So we pressed on.
804
00:47:30,000 --> 00:47:34,519
Resuming once more our new
favorite topic of conversation.
805
00:47:35,480 --> 00:47:37,239
Which Jag had an overdrive?
806
00:47:37,440 --> 00:47:40,760
You could probably
get one in a MK2 I think.
807
00:47:40,960 --> 00:47:43,960
I know Triumph did because
the Dolly Sprint had an overdrive.
808
00:47:44,119 --> 00:47:45,360
Good afternoon.
809
00:47:46,360 --> 00:47:47,159
What?
810
00:47:47,360 --> 00:47:48,360
What?
811
00:48:00,519 --> 00:48:02,159
James May, that's just cheating.
812
00:48:02,360 --> 00:48:06,400
You can't just get in the backup
car and tow your own car on a trailer.
813
00:48:06,599 --> 00:48:09,000
Well, if you have
a racehorse, say,
814
00:48:09,159 --> 00:48:12,280
you don't ride it to Aintree,
you put it in a horsebox.
815
00:48:12,440 --> 00:48:15,000
If you have a valuable
classic racing car, you take it
816
00:48:15,199 --> 00:48:16,719
to the racetrack on a trailer.
817
00:48:17,119 --> 00:48:20,320
That's what I'm doing. I'm taking
my valuable car to the next event.
818
00:48:21,079 --> 00:48:22,719
I don't want to
be rude, old chap,
819
00:48:22,880 --> 00:48:25,519
but you're making a
complete hash of this.
820
00:48:27,800 --> 00:48:30,239
The thing I'm
most interested in is
821
00:48:30,440 --> 00:48:33,760
how bad must the Crosley
have been for you to get into a car
822
00:48:33,920 --> 00:48:36,800
with "Titties 'n' Beer"
written on the side of it?
823
00:48:37,599 --> 00:48:41,400
Well, it's a very good point and I
did give it a great deal of thought.
824
00:48:41,599 --> 00:48:45,679
I've decided I can deal with it.
825
00:48:49,239 --> 00:48:53,599
After a long drive, we
eventually arrived in Krakow.
826
00:48:54,239 --> 00:48:59,480
Which it turns out is one
of Europe's absolute gems.
827
00:49:14,920 --> 00:49:18,199
One of the most cultured
places probably in the world.
828
00:49:18,360 --> 00:49:19,360
Yeah.
829
00:49:19,440 --> 00:49:23,000
I wouldn't want to arrive here in
a car that says "Titties 'n' Beer".
830
00:49:23,199 --> 00:49:24,039
That's for sure.
831
00:49:24,199 --> 00:49:27,480
Art, music, architecture,
titties and beer.
832
00:49:27,639 --> 00:49:29,440
I'm aware of all
this, thank you.
833
00:49:33,719 --> 00:49:36,039
Please don't let that
woman look round.
834
00:49:44,000 --> 00:49:47,920
I'll pretend I'm scratching my
face because I'm in deep thought.
835
00:49:49,480 --> 00:49:52,000
We've always had
quite a few fans
836
00:49:52,199 --> 00:49:53,480
in Poland.
837
00:49:53,639 --> 00:49:56,679
I was hoping that our
popularity had faded.
838
00:49:57,159 --> 00:49:58,960
Sadly however...
839
00:50:00,440 --> 00:50:01,440
Hello.
840
00:50:07,360 --> 00:50:09,599
Mercifully, we were soon able
841
00:50:09,800 --> 00:50:11,840
to leave the cars
because Jeremy was keen
842
00:50:12,039 --> 00:50:15,079
to visit what he said
was the best thing
843
00:50:15,280 --> 00:50:17,119
in the world.
844
00:50:18,559 --> 00:50:20,880
- Hello. Can we have 3 tickets?
- Yes.
845
00:50:21,039 --> 00:50:22,559
There we are. Lovely.
846
00:50:23,400 --> 00:50:26,880
I've never been to a
waxworks museum.
847
00:50:27,800 --> 00:50:32,559
And what a way it was for
Hammond to pop his waxwork cherry.
848
00:50:32,719 --> 00:50:34,000
Oh, there's a...
849
00:50:49,800 --> 00:50:52,039
James, that's
really cruel. Stop it.
850
00:50:52,199 --> 00:50:55,599
The people who run the
place will be bloody hurt.
851
00:50:58,400 --> 00:51:00,880
- OK, it's not funny.
- No, it's not.
852
00:51:07,920 --> 00:51:09,599
He is pushing out a whopper.
853
00:51:11,239 --> 00:51:13,039
He is definitely shifting
854
00:51:13,239 --> 00:51:15,840
a big sturdy breakfast.
855
00:51:16,800 --> 00:51:17,800
Good lord!
856
00:51:20,559 --> 00:51:21,840
I didn't know you could stand...
857
00:51:22,880 --> 00:51:25,920
"I'd like ein Volk... Oh, I'm
sorry, I've fallen over backwards."
858
00:51:26,079 --> 00:51:27,719
Why is he leaning...
859
00:51:27,920 --> 00:51:29,679
I've never seen him
with his tie like that.
860
00:51:30,079 --> 00:51:33,639
He was very smartly
dressed as a general rule.
861
00:51:33,840 --> 00:51:37,360
I think this has been
willfully treated poorly.
862
00:51:38,119 --> 00:51:40,480
I'm seeing brilliant
things in Poland.
863
00:51:42,920 --> 00:51:46,079
- What the bloody hell is that?
- Good Lord!
864
00:51:46,280 --> 00:51:50,159
We know what it is because we've
got the helpful symbol on the wall.
865
00:51:52,639 --> 00:51:55,599
Having seen all the pop icons,
866
00:51:57,719 --> 00:52:01,559
we moved into what we
assumed was a motoring area.
867
00:52:01,760 --> 00:52:02,760
Is it you?
868
00:52:03,760 --> 00:52:04,559
No, it's not.
869
00:52:04,760 --> 00:52:05,760
It is, it's you.
870
00:52:05,800 --> 00:52:08,960
- It's Sylvester Stallone.
- I thought it was you.
871
00:52:10,800 --> 00:52:11,800
Guess who it is.
872
00:52:12,199 --> 00:52:13,440
Erm...
873
00:52:14,320 --> 00:52:15,480
George Lazen... I don't know.
874
00:52:17,519 --> 00:52:19,800
Is it, bollocks!
875
00:52:21,920 --> 00:52:23,519
Who the hell's that?
876
00:52:24,599 --> 00:52:26,255
- Is that Keira Knightley?
- I think it is.
877
00:52:26,280 --> 00:52:28,400
That's not even an
approximation of Keira.
878
00:52:29,079 --> 00:52:32,639
I would love to see Keira
Knightley standing next to that.
879
00:52:32,840 --> 00:52:34,896
I'd like to see the real Keira
Knightley walking around Krakow.
880
00:52:34,920 --> 00:52:38,480
Nobody would ask for her autograph.
They'd say: "That's not Keira Knightley.
881
00:52:38,679 --> 00:52:40,000
It looks nothing like her."
882
00:52:40,920 --> 00:52:46,760
After what may or not may
have been the Doctor Who zone,
883
00:52:49,039 --> 00:52:51,880
we entered an area
of great mystery.
884
00:52:52,039 --> 00:52:53,039
Spooky woods.
885
00:52:53,239 --> 00:52:55,079
Some of the decoration
is tremendous.
886
00:52:55,239 --> 00:52:58,639
Everything is good,
apart from the waxworks.
887
00:52:58,800 --> 00:52:59,920
James May!
888
00:53:01,159 --> 00:53:03,079
Ryan Reynolds?
889
00:53:03,280 --> 00:53:05,199
- That's Paul Walker.
- Oh.
890
00:53:05,360 --> 00:53:06,159
In a room
891
00:53:06,360 --> 00:53:09,280
containing what was
probably Elvis Presley...
892
00:53:10,639 --> 00:53:13,519
Oh, for heaven's sake!
893
00:53:13,719 --> 00:53:16,400
Nigel Mansell. It
isn't though, is it?
894
00:53:16,559 --> 00:53:19,400
His mustache matches
his eyebrows. It is.
895
00:53:20,719 --> 00:53:23,440
Why have Nigel Mansell?
896
00:53:23,639 --> 00:53:24,440
Why not Lewis Hamilton?
897
00:53:24,599 --> 00:53:26,920
The reference is
a bit out of date.
898
00:53:27,119 --> 00:53:29,639
- Bless him, but...
- Lando Norris.
899
00:53:29,800 --> 00:53:31,760
George Russell.
900
00:53:31,960 --> 00:53:34,199
I'm really annoyed about this.
901
00:53:34,400 --> 00:53:37,760
It isn't that it's not very
good, it's the wrong subject.
902
00:53:39,079 --> 00:53:41,119
I then had a brainwave.
903
00:53:41,960 --> 00:53:43,639
I'm going to steal it.
904
00:53:45,960 --> 00:53:49,039
If we take him away,
they'll be forced to replace it.
905
00:53:49,239 --> 00:53:50,840
With Lewis Hamilton.
906
00:53:52,079 --> 00:53:53,480
Let me put it this way.
907
00:53:53,679 --> 00:53:57,440
We've got many miles to get to
Slovenia and you're driving a terrible car.
908
00:53:58,239 --> 00:54:00,880
- If we had this with us...
- Yeah?
909
00:54:01,039 --> 00:54:02,039
It'd cheer us up.
910
00:54:02,119 --> 00:54:04,599
- It would cheer us up.
- Every time you're feeling low,
911
00:54:04,760 --> 00:54:08,239
sometimes Titties 'n' Beer
was being a bit badly behaved,
912
00:54:08,400 --> 00:54:10,880
you'd just have to look
in your rear wing mirror
913
00:54:11,039 --> 00:54:12,679
and there in my
passenger seat...
914
00:54:12,880 --> 00:54:15,199
Is someone who looks
a bit like Nigel Mansell.
915
00:54:19,480 --> 00:54:20,880
Right.
916
00:54:21,280 --> 00:54:22,400
- We're off to...
- No, wait.
917
00:54:22,440 --> 00:54:25,440
- If we all...
- He's doing the talk.
918
00:54:25,599 --> 00:54:27,840
Do the Birmingham accent.
You're from Birmingham.
919
00:54:28,000 --> 00:54:30,840
"I've had enough of this.
Let's have a drive outside."
920
00:54:31,000 --> 00:54:32,760
Alright, Nigel,
we'll take you out.
921
00:54:32,920 --> 00:54:34,215
"Thanks for bringing
me with you, lads."
922
00:54:34,239 --> 00:54:36,400
I really enjoyed the
look around the museum.
923
00:54:36,559 --> 00:54:38,519
Just what I wanted to see.
924
00:54:38,679 --> 00:54:41,159
That one in London, it's
not as good as this, is it?
925
00:54:41,320 --> 00:54:44,800
I'm doing some racing this
afternoon. I'm dressed and ready.
926
00:54:44,960 --> 00:54:48,000
Mind my 'ead on this beam.
Oh, bugger, I knocked it.
927
00:54:48,360 --> 00:54:50,639
"I'll see you later,
Paul Walker, mate."
928
00:54:51,239 --> 00:54:53,280
Keep going!
929
00:54:53,880 --> 00:54:55,440
"Oh, I hate Harry Potter."
930
00:54:55,960 --> 00:54:57,599
Absolute bollocks.
931
00:54:58,159 --> 00:55:00,519
"Oh, look, lads, wait
for us, I'm coming."
932
00:55:02,880 --> 00:55:05,599
- Guys.
- We can get out this way.
933
00:55:06,280 --> 00:55:07,480
Come, come.
934
00:55:07,679 --> 00:55:12,119
"That, lads, was an amazing visit.
Thanks for bringing us with yer."
935
00:55:13,719 --> 00:55:15,039
- Oh.
- Oh.
936
00:55:15,960 --> 00:55:17,280
This is probably
somebody's house.
937
00:55:17,320 --> 00:55:19,039
It's possible. They
may be a bit surprised
938
00:55:19,199 --> 00:55:21,880
to find us three and
Nigel Mansell in it.
939
00:55:24,920 --> 00:55:27,480
That night, we stayed in Krakow,
940
00:55:27,960 --> 00:55:30,199
which meant I had time
to exact some revenge
941
00:55:30,400 --> 00:55:32,119
on my colleagues
942
00:55:32,280 --> 00:55:35,039
for putting my
car in a restaurant.
943
00:55:45,280 --> 00:55:47,880
Ready? OK.
944
00:55:48,039 --> 00:55:49,239
- Lovely.
- Where are we going?
945
00:55:49,400 --> 00:55:52,239
Across the road.
Across the road.
946
00:55:52,400 --> 00:55:53,760
Lovely. Well done. Thank you.
947
00:55:54,239 --> 00:55:55,320
Perfect.
948
00:55:55,480 --> 00:55:57,280
Through the garden.
949
00:56:01,920 --> 00:56:04,000
The next morning, I
retrieved the Crosley
950
00:56:04,159 --> 00:56:07,280
from where Hammond and
Clarkson had left it this time...
951
00:56:17,559 --> 00:56:21,239
and then waited for their
reaction to what I'd done.
952
00:56:30,400 --> 00:56:32,719
How am I going
to drive like this?
953
00:56:55,159 --> 00:56:57,719
What's? Oh!
954
00:57:00,679 --> 00:57:02,880
You think you've got problems?
955
00:57:05,280 --> 00:57:06,079
Morning.
956
00:57:06,280 --> 00:57:08,960
I know, yes. Morning. Morning.
957
00:57:12,800 --> 00:57:14,400
Is that coming from your car?
958
00:57:15,719 --> 00:57:16,840
I think it's when I brake.
959
00:57:17,440 --> 00:57:19,239
Yes, it's the brake bell.
960
00:57:19,639 --> 00:57:21,280
A good safety feature.
961
00:57:21,480 --> 00:57:22,880
James May!
962
00:57:24,960 --> 00:57:28,119
You wired my horn
into my indicator,
963
00:57:28,280 --> 00:57:29,280
you bastard!
964
00:57:34,280 --> 00:57:35,920
Oh, brilliant!
965
00:57:40,199 --> 00:57:43,719
When I put my foot
down, I hear bagpipes.
966
00:57:49,239 --> 00:57:50,559
Like my candelabras, Nigel?
967
00:57:50,760 --> 00:57:55,119
"I like them, I've a
couple in me bathroom."
968
00:58:01,679 --> 00:58:03,159
Soon, we were on the motorway,
969
00:58:03,360 --> 00:58:05,119
heading for our next country,
970
00:58:05,519 --> 00:58:07,119
Slovakia.
971
00:58:10,599 --> 00:58:13,119
Straight away, I
noticed two things.
972
00:58:14,199 --> 00:58:17,800
One: Nigel Mansell's
face was starting to melt.
973
00:58:18,000 --> 00:58:19,119
Oh, dear.
974
00:58:20,000 --> 00:58:21,000
And two...
975
00:58:22,920 --> 00:58:25,079
James, you've
forgotten your Crosley.
976
00:58:27,960 --> 00:58:29,920
It's not on the back of
your Titties 'n' Beer car.
977
00:58:30,599 --> 00:58:31,960
Exactly.
978
00:58:32,159 --> 00:58:34,840
I've attached the
trailer to the crew van.
979
00:58:35,519 --> 00:58:36,519
What?
980
00:58:36,920 --> 00:58:40,440
The combination of the
hot rod and that long trailer
981
00:58:40,599 --> 00:58:44,079
with the bouncy little
car on is absolutely lethal.
982
00:58:44,679 --> 00:58:45,840
I'm driving the back-up car.
983
00:58:46,039 --> 00:58:49,239
The back-up car is
here for this eventuality.
984
00:58:49,440 --> 00:58:52,440
The back-up car
is if your original car
985
00:58:52,639 --> 00:58:55,320
explodes. It's not
because you don't like it.
986
00:58:55,519 --> 00:58:59,000
You can't rewrite the rules
as you go along, to suit you.
987
00:59:00,079 --> 00:59:02,039
Well, I have, as it happens.
988
00:59:04,960 --> 00:59:08,440
To be honest, even
without a trailer attached,
989
00:59:09,039 --> 00:59:11,519
my hot rod experience
was not improving.
990
00:59:14,079 --> 00:59:15,440
Where shall I start?
991
00:59:15,639 --> 00:59:18,920
The throttle pedal is
actually buried in the door,
992
00:59:19,079 --> 00:59:21,559
so I have to drive it
without my right shoe on.
993
00:59:22,159 --> 00:59:25,880
But the pedal is razor sharp
and it's digging into my foot.
994
00:59:26,039 --> 00:59:27,119
It's now going numb.
995
00:59:27,320 --> 00:59:30,039
It's got a shirt button
for its steering wheel.
996
00:59:30,239 --> 00:59:32,639
It pulls violently to
the right under braking.
997
00:59:32,840 --> 00:59:35,719
It's baking hot, it's noisy
998
00:59:35,920 --> 00:59:37,255
and it's not even
a proper hot rod.
999
00:59:37,280 --> 00:59:40,599
It's got a crappy, old
straight 6 Jag engine.
1000
00:59:40,760 --> 00:59:42,920
It's supposed to
have a big V8 motor.
1001
00:59:43,800 --> 00:59:45,800
Still, unlike the Crosley,
1002
00:59:45,960 --> 00:59:48,679
at least it wasn't
breaking down all the time.
1003
00:59:50,800 --> 00:59:52,119
Oh, bollocks.
1004
00:59:54,119 --> 00:59:55,519
We need to stop.
1005
00:59:56,360 --> 00:59:57,360
What?
1006
00:59:59,880 --> 01:00:02,800
It's steam. It's hot, hot, hot.
1007
01:00:02,960 --> 01:00:04,280
It smells hot.
1008
01:00:06,000 --> 01:00:07,000
There you go.
1009
01:00:07,440 --> 01:00:09,760
- You know this engine.
- I know this engine very well.
1010
01:00:09,960 --> 01:00:11,800
They cook the head.
1011
01:00:12,000 --> 01:00:13,039
- James?
- Yes?
1012
01:00:13,199 --> 01:00:14,960
You've bollocked the job.
1013
01:00:15,159 --> 01:00:18,639
It's not over. Let's just
have a bit of a think about it.
1014
01:00:18,840 --> 01:00:19,639
I've had a bit of a think.
1015
01:00:19,800 --> 01:00:23,679
What I'm thinking is that we've got
a good restaurant booked for lunch.
1016
01:00:23,840 --> 01:00:24,639
Yeah.
1017
01:00:24,800 --> 01:00:28,480
We're not going to get there if we stand
here looking at this while it cools down.
1018
01:00:29,079 --> 01:00:30,199
With that decided...
1019
01:00:30,360 --> 01:00:32,000
- Good luck and everything.
- Good luck.
1020
01:00:32,159 --> 01:00:34,880
Hammond and I
got back on the road.
1021
01:00:37,000 --> 01:00:38,760
I honestly don't know
what happens now.
1022
01:00:38,960 --> 01:00:41,360
Nobody's ever broken
the back-up car before.
1023
01:00:42,360 --> 01:00:45,239
I think we should get
Nigel Mansell to drive it.
1024
01:00:47,920 --> 01:00:49,320
What do you think, Nigel?
1025
01:00:49,480 --> 01:00:50,480
"I like it actually.
1026
01:00:50,599 --> 01:00:52,480
I think it's quite funny
having Titties 'n' Beer
1027
01:00:52,639 --> 01:00:56,480
written on the side of a
Ford with a Jag engine in it.
1028
01:00:56,639 --> 01:00:57,639
Oh!"
1029
01:01:01,880 --> 01:01:04,920
Disengaging overdrive.
1030
01:01:12,880 --> 01:01:14,320
Oh God!
1031
01:01:14,920 --> 01:01:19,000
Richard, Nigel and I waved
a fond farewell to Poland
1032
01:01:19,159 --> 01:01:22,039
and crossed over the
border into Slovakia.
1033
01:01:24,119 --> 01:01:25,119
Oh!
1034
01:01:32,119 --> 01:01:34,559
A break for a wee. There it is.
1035
01:01:34,719 --> 01:01:38,079
Jesus! This is a piece of junk.
1036
01:01:48,559 --> 01:01:49,559
Hello.
1037
01:01:49,679 --> 01:01:51,400
God, it's a woman.
1038
01:01:53,039 --> 01:01:55,880
Thank you so much.
I'm sorry about the car.
1039
01:01:56,320 --> 01:02:00,440
I'm either in an offensive hot rod
with Titties 'n' Beer written on the side
1040
01:02:00,639 --> 01:02:02,800
or I'm holding everybody
up in the Crosley.
1041
01:02:03,000 --> 01:02:07,840
I've never screwed up a
film shoot like I have this one.
1042
01:02:17,480 --> 01:02:18,519
Half a country away,
1043
01:02:18,719 --> 01:02:22,360
Richard and I were starting
to feel sorry for James.
1044
01:02:22,519 --> 01:02:24,440
So, like the good
friends we are,
1045
01:02:24,800 --> 01:02:27,760
we hatched a plan
to cheer him up.
1046
01:02:47,400 --> 01:02:49,159
Here he comes.
1047
01:02:50,280 --> 01:02:53,519
He's got no bonnet.
That's his cooling solution.
1048
01:02:54,800 --> 01:02:56,199
- He's suffered.
- I think he has.
1049
01:03:00,199 --> 01:03:01,360
- May.
- Hello.
1050
01:03:01,519 --> 01:03:04,719
Listen, we can
see that you're hot
1051
01:03:04,920 --> 01:03:07,320
and bothered and you've
missed another lunch...
1052
01:03:07,480 --> 01:03:09,559
- Yeah.
- But don't worry, because...
1053
01:03:09,719 --> 01:03:12,719
we've organised a treat for you.
1054
01:03:13,320 --> 01:03:16,159
- Some old aeroplanes to look at.
- Yes.
1055
01:03:16,360 --> 01:03:17,880
Look at that. A MIG.
1056
01:03:18,039 --> 01:03:19,800
Sus, Hind helicopters.
1057
01:03:20,599 --> 01:03:23,159
- That's not the treat though.
- No, it's better.
1058
01:03:23,320 --> 01:03:25,320
- Much better.
- Better than any of these.
1059
01:03:25,800 --> 01:03:29,119
We've arranged a drag
race for your Crosley.
1060
01:03:29,559 --> 01:03:31,039
- Sorry, is it a joke?
- No.
1061
01:03:31,199 --> 01:03:33,480
It will become clear when
you meet the competitors.
1062
01:03:33,639 --> 01:03:35,960
- Follow us.
- See who you're up against.
1063
01:03:41,280 --> 01:03:43,159
James, drag race rival number 1.
1064
01:03:43,679 --> 01:03:44,920
A Tatra tipper truck.
1065
01:03:46,079 --> 01:03:50,159
Good lorry this. But
heavy. 18 and a half tons.
1066
01:03:50,360 --> 01:03:52,280
Rival number 2: a JCB tractor.
1067
01:03:54,480 --> 01:03:57,639
- This is 12 and a half tons.
- Power?
1068
01:03:57,800 --> 01:03:59,039
Pfff...
1069
01:03:59,199 --> 01:04:02,559
It's irrelevant, it's the weight and
it's not geared for acceleration.
1070
01:04:02,719 --> 01:04:06,280
It's a tractor. Then we have
this, a Velorex 3-wheeler.
1071
01:04:06,480 --> 01:04:11,639
Built in the early 60s in what was then
the Soviet Union, for disabled people.
1072
01:04:12,119 --> 01:04:14,280
- 400hp.
- No, 12.
1073
01:04:14,480 --> 01:04:15,519
And then,
1074
01:04:15,719 --> 01:04:17,056
your final rival
in this drag race.
1075
01:04:17,079 --> 01:04:19,119
You're racing a man.
1076
01:04:20,039 --> 01:04:21,960
He's called Martin.
1077
01:04:24,199 --> 01:04:26,159
Could you look cheerful
about what we've done?
1078
01:04:26,360 --> 01:04:27,960
This'll put a spring
back in your step.
1079
01:04:28,159 --> 01:04:32,000
This is a drag race that
you can win in your Crosley.
1080
01:04:47,679 --> 01:04:48,679
I'm excited.
1081
01:04:49,000 --> 01:04:50,800
He's lucky to have
friends like us.
1082
01:04:51,199 --> 01:04:53,559
Trzy, dwa, jeden!
1083
01:04:58,519 --> 01:04:59,639
- They're off.
- They're off.
1084
01:05:03,519 --> 01:05:05,599
Why am I doing this?
1085
01:05:07,360 --> 01:05:09,760
The vehicle for disabled
people made in the Soviet Union
1086
01:05:09,960 --> 01:05:12,199
in the early 60s
is taking the lead.
1087
01:05:15,559 --> 01:05:16,559
Come on.
1088
01:05:16,960 --> 01:05:19,280
The JCB is getting well away.
1089
01:05:20,119 --> 01:05:21,280
Look at the man!
1090
01:05:21,480 --> 01:05:23,760
Jesus, come on
car, you can do it.
1091
01:05:24,599 --> 01:05:26,039
Here comes the 3-wheeler.
1092
01:05:31,800 --> 01:05:33,360
Can James beat the man?
1093
01:05:34,159 --> 01:05:35,159
Come on.
1094
01:05:40,639 --> 01:05:41,679
You bastard!
1095
01:05:42,119 --> 01:05:43,719
- No, he cannot.
- No, he hasn't.
1096
01:05:44,880 --> 01:05:47,760
That's not the confidence
boost we wanted it to be.
1097
01:05:48,440 --> 01:05:49,960
Get your face right.
1098
01:05:51,119 --> 01:05:52,280
Mate.
1099
01:05:53,519 --> 01:05:55,000
That's a bit rude.
1100
01:05:55,840 --> 01:05:58,880
He didn't look as happy
as we were hoping.
1101
01:05:59,039 --> 01:06:02,320
- It didn't put a spring in his step.
- No.
1102
01:06:08,000 --> 01:06:10,119
That night, to thank them
1103
01:06:10,320 --> 01:06:13,199
for the drag race,
I did more things
1104
01:06:13,400 --> 01:06:14,760
to their cars,
1105
01:06:16,920 --> 01:06:20,360
which became apparent
first thing the next morning.
1106
01:06:21,960 --> 01:06:24,320
Som impotentný.
1107
01:06:24,519 --> 01:06:26,360
Som impotentný.
1108
01:06:27,239 --> 01:06:28,880
- What?
- Som impotentný.
1109
01:06:29,599 --> 01:06:31,199
- Som impotentný.
- Is it coming from me?
1110
01:06:32,320 --> 01:06:34,280
Look at his face.
1111
01:06:34,440 --> 01:06:37,119
- James?
- What's that saying?
1112
01:06:37,280 --> 01:06:39,000
That's for you to find out.
1113
01:06:40,400 --> 01:06:43,519
Hang on, Hammond.
Is anyone Slovakian?
1114
01:06:43,719 --> 01:06:44,800
- Yeah.
- Can we borrow you?
1115
01:06:44,920 --> 01:06:45,719
Sure.
1116
01:06:45,920 --> 01:06:48,239
- This chap's Slovakian.
- Hello? What is this saying?
1117
01:06:48,880 --> 01:06:50,519
Som impotentný.
1118
01:06:51,320 --> 01:06:52,800
Som impotentný.
1119
01:06:52,960 --> 01:06:54,960
Oh. I'm impotent.
1120
01:06:55,480 --> 01:06:57,480
- Important?
- "Impotent." Let me...
1121
01:06:57,679 --> 01:06:59,000
Let me translate it.
1122
01:06:59,159 --> 01:07:00,159
- Impotent!
- Yes.
1123
01:07:00,880 --> 01:07:02,400
- What?
- "I'm impotent."
1124
01:07:05,000 --> 01:07:08,079
James May, you are sick!
1125
01:07:10,840 --> 01:07:12,840
Still, it could be worse.
1126
01:07:22,000 --> 01:07:23,000
Got to be honest,
1127
01:07:23,039 --> 01:07:26,119
I'm not going to tell James
May, but I quite like his work.
1128
01:07:26,320 --> 01:07:29,000
It gives a good Cruella vibe.
1129
01:07:30,440 --> 01:07:32,920
We could have pressed
on south at this point,
1130
01:07:33,079 --> 01:07:34,159
but we decided
1131
01:07:34,360 --> 01:07:36,960
to hang around in Slovakia
for a little while longer,
1132
01:07:37,119 --> 01:07:39,199
for a very good reason.
1133
01:07:39,360 --> 01:07:43,000
Today, the Audi Q7
is made in Slovakia.
1134
01:07:43,559 --> 01:07:44,840
So is the Q8.
1135
01:07:45,000 --> 01:07:48,000
So is the VW Touareg,
the Porsche Cayenne,
1136
01:07:48,159 --> 01:07:49,960
the Porsche Cayenne coupé,
1137
01:07:50,159 --> 01:07:53,159
the Land Rover Defender,
the Land Rover Discovery,
1138
01:07:53,320 --> 01:07:56,559
the Peugeot 208 and the VW Up.
1139
01:07:56,760 --> 01:08:00,239
They make more cars per
head of population in Slovakia
1140
01:08:00,800 --> 01:08:04,239
than any other
country in the world.
1141
01:08:10,719 --> 01:08:14,760
Car-making has always been in
the blood in this part of Europe.
1142
01:08:15,239 --> 01:08:16,760
In pre-Soviet times,
1143
01:08:16,920 --> 01:08:20,159
Tatra were engineering demi-gods
1144
01:08:20,840 --> 01:08:24,159
and they were even
better at aerodynamics.
1145
01:08:25,319 --> 01:08:27,920
Even under the
stranglehold of communism,
1146
01:08:28,079 --> 01:08:31,079
Skoda turned out
handsome sportscars
1147
01:08:32,000 --> 01:08:34,880
and rally weapons that
could meet and beat
1148
01:08:35,039 --> 01:08:37,720
their well-funded
rivals from the west.
1149
01:08:39,439 --> 01:08:42,000
And that was just the
stuff we knew about.
1150
01:08:44,560 --> 01:08:47,880
In 1957, when communism
in Czechoslovakia
1151
01:08:48,039 --> 01:08:52,159
was at its sootiest and
most monochromatic,
1152
01:08:52,640 --> 01:08:55,199
a small band of
engineers at Skoda,
1153
01:08:55,319 --> 01:08:56,920
only about half a dozen of them,
1154
01:08:57,079 --> 01:09:00,359
decided to build a car
that could race at Le Mans.
1155
01:09:01,560 --> 01:09:02,800
And this is it.
1156
01:09:05,760 --> 01:09:08,800
Although it was designed
as a racing machine,
1157
01:09:08,960 --> 01:09:12,840
it was so tightly packaged that
the bonnet had a little dimple
1158
01:09:13,000 --> 01:09:15,640
to accommodate the
offset cylinder head.
1159
01:09:16,760 --> 01:09:20,960
It is, nevertheless, a
thing of exquisite beauty.
1160
01:09:33,199 --> 01:09:34,800
It may only have
1161
01:09:35,000 --> 01:09:39,760
1100cc, and it may
only produce 91hp,
1162
01:09:40,159 --> 01:09:45,399
but the whole car
only weighs 580 kilos.
1163
01:09:46,880 --> 01:09:51,319
And at a top speed of 124 mph,
1164
01:09:51,920 --> 01:09:54,399
in a car that's no
bigger than my bath.
1165
01:09:58,159 --> 01:10:02,279
It revs to 8,500 rpm.
1166
01:10:15,159 --> 01:10:17,560
It even handles properly.
1167
01:10:17,720 --> 01:10:19,520
The engine is at the front,
1168
01:10:19,920 --> 01:10:23,319
but the gearbox is at the back.
1169
01:10:26,079 --> 01:10:28,399
Perfect weight distribution.
1170
01:10:29,199 --> 01:10:32,439
Well, it did before I got in.
That's changed everything a bit.
1171
01:10:37,319 --> 01:10:40,600
I keep thinking the steering
wheel is going to snap.
1172
01:10:41,600 --> 01:10:42,840
Look.
1173
01:10:44,800 --> 01:10:48,800
That doesn't fill me with
confidence, but we'll gloss over it.
1174
01:10:51,000 --> 01:10:55,520
This is the very
definition of a sports car.
1175
01:10:56,880 --> 01:10:59,560
This is what Ferrari
should be making today
1176
01:10:59,720 --> 01:11:02,880
and Maserati and Alfa
Romeo. Very small,
1177
01:11:03,880 --> 01:11:08,600
very light, very fast.
An agile, frantic little car.
1178
01:11:10,079 --> 01:11:13,119
I love it. I absolutely love it.
1179
01:11:18,279 --> 01:11:20,840
Sadly, by the time
the car was finished,
1180
01:11:21,000 --> 01:11:23,680
the Cold War had
become so frigid
1181
01:11:24,159 --> 01:11:26,399
that it never went to Le Mans.
1182
01:11:27,520 --> 01:11:30,039
Only 2 were ever built.
1183
01:11:33,000 --> 01:11:36,760
At this point, I was going to let
Captain Miserable have a go in it.
1184
01:11:36,920 --> 01:11:38,960
But then I realised
that actually
1185
01:11:40,560 --> 01:11:43,239
he was better suited to this.
1186
01:11:49,640 --> 01:11:53,039
Built by another
Czech carmaker, Praga,
1187
01:11:53,239 --> 01:11:55,960
it's called the Bohema.
1188
01:11:57,279 --> 01:12:00,680
It weighs less than a
ton, so it's race-car light
1189
01:12:01,159 --> 01:12:03,399
and it's propelled by
a Nissan GT-R engine
1190
01:12:04,119 --> 01:12:07,920
uprated to produce 720hp.
1191
01:12:10,000 --> 01:12:12,880
That means it will reach 190 mph
1192
01:12:13,039 --> 01:12:14,600
and go from 0 to 60
1193
01:12:15,279 --> 01:12:17,640
in less than 3 seconds.
1194
01:12:19,920 --> 01:12:24,319
This thing has got James
May written all over it.
1195
01:12:27,319 --> 01:12:28,720
Holy crap!
1196
01:12:32,199 --> 01:12:33,319
Ah!
1197
01:12:36,600 --> 01:12:37,600
Oh my God!
1198
01:12:46,000 --> 01:12:48,760
It has incredible steering. It
doesn't have a wheel, it has a yoke.
1199
01:12:49,560 --> 01:12:50,800
Even on a fairly tight circuit,
1200
01:12:50,840 --> 01:12:52,600
I never need to move my hand
1201
01:12:52,800 --> 01:12:54,680
to that quarter to 3 position.
1202
01:13:01,039 --> 01:13:04,039
It obviously has
enormous acceleration.
1203
01:13:04,199 --> 01:13:06,680
They haven't gone for top speed,
1204
01:13:06,880 --> 01:13:09,279
but low weight and agility.
1205
01:13:13,640 --> 01:13:15,680
It definitely has that.
1206
01:13:19,159 --> 01:13:21,279
It's wonderful. Just wonderful.
1207
01:13:24,199 --> 01:13:28,000
A million quid. A
million of your pounds.
1208
01:13:30,159 --> 01:13:31,840
It does look good though.
1209
01:13:32,760 --> 01:13:35,800
It's a difficult path to tread.
It's gotta look childish and silly...
1210
01:13:36,000 --> 01:13:37,079
- Yes.
- It is.
1211
01:13:38,079 --> 01:13:40,840
But it looks
accomplished and finished.
1212
01:13:41,640 --> 01:13:44,359
The Czechs were always
good at this sort of thing.
1213
01:13:44,560 --> 01:13:46,800
They just had to put up
with a slight interruption:
1214
01:13:46,960 --> 01:13:51,279
WW2, getting bombed and then
having to live under the Soviets.
1215
01:14:02,000 --> 01:14:04,520
- What's that?
- Is that the door?
1216
01:14:04,720 --> 01:14:06,159
- That is the door.
- It's a hatch.
1217
01:14:06,319 --> 01:14:07,159
You're right.
1218
01:14:07,319 --> 01:14:11,119
I must say this is an impressive
piece of engineering from the Czechs,
1219
01:14:11,279 --> 01:14:15,520
but the Slovakians have
now gone one better.
1220
01:15:09,439 --> 01:15:11,319
- It's flying.
- It is.
1221
01:15:13,960 --> 01:15:17,199
I've never actually seen that.
1222
01:15:23,239 --> 01:15:27,319
This is the AirCar.
The first flying car ever
1223
01:15:27,520 --> 01:15:30,760
to fly between 2 airports
rather than just landing
1224
01:15:30,960 --> 01:15:34,119
immediately back
where it started.
1225
01:15:35,680 --> 01:15:41,000
It can whizz through the
air 8,000 feet up at 120 mph
1226
01:15:42,119 --> 01:15:44,239
and its maker, Stefan Klein,
1227
01:15:44,399 --> 01:15:48,039
reckons he will be able
to put it on sale in a year.
1228
01:16:02,239 --> 01:16:03,600
Yes!
1229
01:16:03,760 --> 01:16:05,079
Voice of experienced cameraman.
1230
01:16:05,680 --> 01:16:06,680
Wow!
1231
01:16:06,840 --> 01:16:08,880
That car has landed.
1232
01:16:09,039 --> 01:16:13,159
Very rarely am I lost for
words, but I'm lost for words.
1233
01:16:14,319 --> 01:16:18,119
Honestly, they've always
said ever since we were kids:
1234
01:16:18,319 --> 01:16:20,319
"There'll be flying cars
one day." No, there won't!
1235
01:16:20,640 --> 01:16:24,159
The important thing to point
out is that's not just a flying car,
1236
01:16:24,319 --> 01:16:25,840
it did drive here.
1237
01:16:26,000 --> 01:16:27,159
- It arrived by road.
- Yes!
1238
01:16:27,319 --> 01:16:31,840
- It drove down the motorway.
- And then became an aeroplane.
1239
01:16:32,039 --> 01:16:35,119
- "I wasn't impressed."
- "I don't agree with a flying car."
1240
01:16:35,279 --> 01:16:38,079
- "I don't like it all."
- "We don't need both."
1241
01:16:38,239 --> 01:16:39,239
Look at his face.
1242
01:16:39,720 --> 01:16:41,319
Oh dear, don't tell him.
1243
01:16:46,880 --> 01:16:49,600
We then continued
with our road trip
1244
01:16:49,800 --> 01:16:51,439
that no one had
thought of doing before...
1245
01:16:56,399 --> 01:16:59,119
Heading south towards Hungary...
1246
01:17:05,520 --> 01:17:07,439
with James moaning away
1247
01:17:07,640 --> 01:17:10,159
like Nigel Mansell
in the good old days.
1248
01:17:11,199 --> 01:17:12,840
The steering
wheel's still too small.
1249
01:17:13,239 --> 01:17:16,319
The throttle pedal is still in the
floor and too high off the ground,
1250
01:17:16,439 --> 01:17:18,600
the brake's still
pulling to the right.
1251
01:17:21,880 --> 01:17:24,000
Hammond is: "I've got sunburn."
1252
01:17:24,159 --> 01:17:28,079
And Jeremy's saying: "I'm not
sure my A/C is working properly."
1253
01:17:31,159 --> 01:17:32,279
They've no idea.
1254
01:17:34,760 --> 01:17:38,439
Once inside Hungary, we
received word from Mr Wilman
1255
01:17:38,840 --> 01:17:41,239
that we should report here.
1256
01:17:46,079 --> 01:17:49,199
This looks grass-track
racing to me.
1257
01:17:49,880 --> 01:17:51,319
God, it's sticky.
1258
01:17:51,760 --> 01:17:54,800
It's a country fair. We'll be
made to do Morris dancing.
1259
01:17:55,720 --> 01:17:58,239
I got a text from Mr Wilman.
1260
01:17:59,319 --> 01:18:00,680
What does he say?
1261
01:18:01,039 --> 01:18:03,159
I need my glasses, hang on.
1262
01:18:03,319 --> 01:18:04,960
We're judging
the terrier racing.
1263
01:18:05,159 --> 01:18:10,199
"You are going to race in turn
around the track I've set up."
1264
01:18:10,600 --> 01:18:11,920
- That's it.
- Yeah.
1265
01:18:15,600 --> 01:18:19,720
"The winner is the one who is
shot the least amount of times."
1266
01:18:20,319 --> 01:18:21,600
- What?
- "Shot."
1267
01:18:22,840 --> 01:18:24,560
Shot with what?
1268
01:18:29,000 --> 01:18:32,399
Hungary is famous
for the Rubik's Cube
1269
01:18:32,640 --> 01:18:33,800
and goulash.
1270
01:18:33,960 --> 01:18:35,880
Everyone knows that.
1271
01:18:36,399 --> 01:18:38,359
What everyone doesn't know,
1272
01:18:38,600 --> 01:18:43,840
is that this country also
produces the world's best archers.
1273
01:18:44,199 --> 01:18:47,520
And we'd arrived at
an archery academy,
1274
01:18:47,720 --> 01:18:49,319
run by this chap.
1275
01:19:14,239 --> 01:19:15,640
It doesn't feel that sharp.
1276
01:19:16,520 --> 01:19:18,199
Would this go in to the car?
1277
01:19:19,239 --> 01:19:20,840
It might do.
1278
01:19:21,640 --> 01:19:24,239
There was only
one way to find out.
1279
01:19:25,840 --> 01:19:27,079
Find a volunteer
1280
01:19:27,279 --> 01:19:29,239
and do our own test.
1281
01:19:29,359 --> 01:19:31,319
"I gather you've
got a job for us.
1282
01:19:31,520 --> 01:19:33,359
Here I am. Ready for duty."
1283
01:19:36,399 --> 01:19:38,399
- Right.
- Move your arm, Nigel.
1284
01:19:38,600 --> 01:19:41,279
"I'll stick it in me lap.
No funny business."
1285
01:19:42,399 --> 01:19:44,000
Right, here we go.
1286
01:19:44,159 --> 01:19:45,159
You're going to fire...
1287
01:19:45,239 --> 01:19:48,960
I'm just saying I don't think
an arrow will go through that.
1288
01:19:49,119 --> 01:19:52,760
- But if they miss this...
- Exactly.
1289
01:19:52,920 --> 01:19:54,680
- We'll be there.
- I know.
1290
01:19:55,000 --> 01:19:55,800
OK.
1291
01:19:55,960 --> 01:19:58,520
What if it bounces back
and gets me in the eye?
1292
01:20:02,359 --> 01:20:04,520
- Oh!
- Oh my Lord!
1293
01:20:05,640 --> 01:20:08,600
- And that was you doing it.
- That was a bit worrying.
1294
01:20:09,439 --> 01:20:10,560
Oh shit!
1295
01:20:11,319 --> 01:20:14,399
"Oh, lads, I've got
an arrow in me 'ead."
1296
01:20:16,159 --> 01:20:17,159
They're pretty good.
1297
01:20:17,880 --> 01:20:19,520
The point I'm trying to make
1298
01:20:19,720 --> 01:20:24,319
is that James May, at a range of
20 feet, missed the target. Right?
1299
01:20:25,319 --> 01:20:27,920
- And that was a stationary target.
- Yes, but...
1300
01:20:28,079 --> 01:20:30,640
We're going to be driving along.
1301
01:20:32,840 --> 01:20:34,319
To make things worse,
1302
01:20:34,560 --> 01:20:37,359
another text then
arrived from Mr Wilman.
1303
01:20:38,079 --> 01:20:41,159
"The archers will
be shooting at you
1304
01:20:41,800 --> 01:20:44,840
whilst riding horses."
1305
01:20:45,399 --> 01:20:48,840
We'll be moving as the
target, but they'll be moving
1306
01:20:49,039 --> 01:20:50,439
- themselves on horses.
- Yes.
1307
01:20:50,640 --> 01:20:56,640
On an animal which is scared by
paper bags, wind, rain, sunshine,
1308
01:20:56,800 --> 01:20:58,279
gravel, door knobs,
1309
01:20:58,960 --> 01:21:00,560
- crisp packets...
- Dogs.
1310
01:21:00,760 --> 01:21:03,199
You're riding along, "I'm
just lined up on the target",
1311
01:21:03,319 --> 01:21:05,800
and the horse sneezes or
bucks or does something.
1312
01:21:06,239 --> 01:21:07,840
- Arrow in your face.
- Well, look.
1313
01:21:08,000 --> 01:21:09,039
I know.
1314
01:21:09,239 --> 01:21:11,039
I'm well aware of it.
1315
01:21:12,760 --> 01:21:14,880
Up at Mr Wilman's track,
1316
01:21:15,039 --> 01:21:18,399
things had gone a bit
Game of Thrones-ish.
1317
01:21:30,920 --> 01:21:34,359
After a long discussion
between Hammond and I,
1318
01:21:34,600 --> 01:21:37,760
it was decided that
James should go first.
1319
01:21:45,920 --> 01:21:49,000
In 3, 2, 1, begin!
1320
01:21:50,159 --> 01:21:53,319
James' tactic was to go slowly.
1321
01:21:53,760 --> 01:21:55,920
Because he had no choice.
1322
01:21:56,079 --> 01:21:57,359
Here comes a horseman.
1323
01:22:00,960 --> 01:22:02,039
Ah!
1324
01:22:02,239 --> 01:22:03,239
I heard that.
1325
01:22:03,279 --> 01:22:04,279
Argh!
1326
01:22:04,439 --> 01:22:05,880
And that.
1327
01:22:07,399 --> 01:22:09,119
God, that is proper sca...
1328
01:22:09,319 --> 01:22:11,039
Argh! Argh!
1329
01:22:11,239 --> 01:22:12,279
Argh! Argh!
1330
01:22:14,159 --> 01:22:15,239
Argh!
1331
01:22:21,199 --> 01:22:22,199
Stop!
1332
01:22:26,560 --> 01:22:29,199
James May has
become a porcupine.
1333
01:22:29,319 --> 01:22:32,199
Argh!
1334
01:22:32,359 --> 01:22:34,439
Oh, God, let me
go across the line.
1335
01:22:37,720 --> 01:22:38,319
Oh!
1336
01:22:38,560 --> 01:22:39,720
Oh dear!
1337
01:22:41,039 --> 01:22:42,840
1, 2, 3, 4, 5.
1338
01:22:43,319 --> 01:22:44,399
- 6.
- 6.
1339
01:22:44,640 --> 01:22:50,359
7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14.
1340
01:22:51,159 --> 01:22:54,239
Your score, James May,
is 14 and you are alive.
1341
01:22:56,760 --> 01:22:58,840
Hammond was up next.
1342
01:22:59,319 --> 01:23:01,600
3, 2, 1, goodbye.
1343
01:23:02,560 --> 01:23:06,039
Unlike James, he had
a choice of speeds.
1344
01:23:08,399 --> 01:23:09,399
Ow!
1345
01:23:10,920 --> 01:23:14,159
He's making dust. He's
hoping he'll be invisible
1346
01:23:14,319 --> 01:23:15,319
in his dust cloud.
1347
01:23:17,039 --> 01:23:19,239
Oh my God! That's
firing straight at...
1348
01:23:20,359 --> 01:23:22,600
God above!
1349
01:23:22,920 --> 01:23:23,720
Didn't like that.
1350
01:23:23,880 --> 01:23:26,439
Although some arrows
found their mark...
1351
01:23:29,399 --> 01:23:32,920
Hammond's speed and
power did seem to work.
1352
01:23:34,680 --> 01:23:36,800
Only 1 on this side.
Bit disappointing.
1353
01:23:36,960 --> 01:23:38,319
- It broke though.
- It broke.
1354
01:23:39,439 --> 01:23:41,000
He's only got 7.
1355
01:23:41,199 --> 01:23:43,279
4, 5, 6, 7.
1356
01:23:43,720 --> 01:23:44,720
But then...
1357
01:23:45,960 --> 01:23:47,560
Ah! Wait a minute.
1358
01:23:47,760 --> 01:23:50,800
Wait a minute. One
of your targets fell off.
1359
01:23:51,600 --> 01:23:54,199
- What was it? 7?
- Plus those 3.10.
1360
01:23:54,359 --> 01:23:57,079
You dropped a target before
the end so he gets a penalty of 4,
1361
01:23:57,239 --> 01:23:58,920
which means 14,
so its neck and neck.
1362
01:23:59,399 --> 01:24:02,079
Are these the international
regulations for this?
1363
01:24:02,279 --> 01:24:04,439
You can't just
randomly give me...
1364
01:24:04,640 --> 01:24:07,319
- "I agree as well."
- There you go. 3 to 1.
1365
01:24:07,520 --> 01:24:08,840
You can't bring
Nigel in to this.
1366
01:24:08,880 --> 01:24:10,880
He just has.
1367
01:24:11,079 --> 01:24:13,239
So that's 14, 14.14 to beat.
1368
01:24:15,560 --> 01:24:19,840
- J. Clarkson, are you ready?
- Not happy, but ready.
1369
01:24:20,039 --> 01:24:22,039
3, 2, 1, go!
1370
01:24:23,960 --> 01:24:27,640
Perhaps because they were
distracted by the sheer beauty of my car,
1371
01:24:27,840 --> 01:24:29,000
Ouch! Christ!
1372
01:24:30,880 --> 01:24:33,680
The archers fired more
arrows at the bodywork
1373
01:24:33,880 --> 01:24:35,239
than the targets.
1374
01:24:38,399 --> 01:24:39,399
In the windscreen.
1375
01:24:41,239 --> 01:24:42,239
Make it end!
1376
01:24:43,319 --> 01:24:44,600
Although this would guarantee
1377
01:24:44,800 --> 01:24:46,079
a winning score,
1378
01:24:46,279 --> 01:24:47,279
team Le-Seyde
1379
01:24:47,399 --> 01:24:49,279
paid a heavy price.
1380
01:24:50,239 --> 01:24:52,960
Nigel Mansell's
head has come off.
1381
01:24:58,359 --> 01:25:00,079
"Now look what you've done."
1382
01:25:01,039 --> 01:25:03,199
"I've been shot in the
cheek with an arrow.
1383
01:25:03,640 --> 01:25:04,760
And now me 'ead's come off."
1384
01:25:04,840 --> 01:25:07,600
- Can we add up your hits?
- 1, 2,
1385
01:25:07,800 --> 01:25:08,800
3,
1386
01:25:08,880 --> 01:25:09,880
6.
1387
01:25:09,920 --> 01:25:10,920
You've won.
1388
01:25:11,119 --> 01:25:13,279
I've lived. Nigel has
been decapitated.
1389
01:25:13,439 --> 01:25:16,600
And my candelabra is in tatters.
1390
01:25:16,760 --> 01:25:19,640
And that is a sentence
nobody's ever said before.
1391
01:25:29,239 --> 01:25:32,079
The next morning, we
all turned off our phones
1392
01:25:32,239 --> 01:25:34,319
so Mr Wilman couldn't
text us anymore
1393
01:25:34,920 --> 01:25:37,039
and headed for
our final country.
1394
01:25:38,359 --> 01:25:40,000
Slovenia.
1395
01:25:41,000 --> 01:25:44,319
OK, I've repaired
my chandeliers,
1396
01:25:45,600 --> 01:25:46,920
but most importantly,
1397
01:25:47,119 --> 01:25:50,600
I've surgically
reattached Nigel's head.
1398
01:25:51,640 --> 01:25:55,079
"You lads have a life, you
do. I'll tell you that for nothing."
1399
01:25:56,319 --> 01:25:58,880
Meanwhile, James
in the hot rod again,
1400
01:25:59,079 --> 01:26:01,199
was back in moan mode.
1401
01:26:01,359 --> 01:26:02,960
God, I hate it!
1402
01:26:03,159 --> 01:26:05,399
It's noisy, it's ugly,
1403
01:26:05,640 --> 01:26:06,760
it smells,
1404
01:26:06,960 --> 01:26:09,640
I've offended women everywhere.
1405
01:26:10,600 --> 01:26:11,800
I'm going to say
1406
01:26:12,000 --> 01:26:13,840
and it's a big field
of competitors,
1407
01:26:14,000 --> 01:26:17,960
this is the worst car
I've ever driven on TV.
1408
01:26:18,119 --> 01:26:19,199
Actually in my life.
1409
01:26:20,359 --> 01:26:22,239
It's not even fast.
1410
01:26:22,800 --> 01:26:25,159
The biggest number
I've seen on that speedo
1411
01:26:25,319 --> 01:26:28,640
is 70 and I know
that's only about 64.
1412
01:26:29,079 --> 01:26:30,079
That's it.
1413
01:26:31,399 --> 01:26:36,640
Soon, we entered Slovenia, where
we were immediately distracted
1414
01:26:36,840 --> 01:26:38,399
by the scenery.
1415
01:26:47,560 --> 01:26:49,520
Jesus! That is spectacular.
1416
01:26:51,039 --> 01:26:52,279
Holy cow!
1417
01:26:54,319 --> 01:26:59,279
Soon we realised that these
mountains weren't just beautiful.
1418
01:27:00,760 --> 01:27:02,960
They could be useful too.
1419
01:27:03,159 --> 01:27:06,359
Useful in helping us
find out if James' hot rod
1420
01:27:07,159 --> 01:27:10,319
was as slow as he claimed.
1421
01:27:14,800 --> 01:27:20,000
How fast have you managed to make
the hot rod go while you were driving it?
1422
01:27:20,199 --> 01:27:24,000
Maybe 65 miles an hour.
1423
01:27:24,159 --> 01:27:28,960
Let's see now what it can
achieve in the hands of a master.
1424
01:27:29,760 --> 01:27:31,119
Here he comes now.
1425
01:27:31,319 --> 01:27:34,199
"Let's see the dog getting the
rabbit. What's going on here?
1426
01:27:34,880 --> 01:27:38,439
"There's only one fellow for this
job, me, with an arrow in me face.
1427
01:27:38,600 --> 01:27:39,600
Ready to go.
1428
01:27:39,920 --> 01:27:43,439
Now you've got a world
champion in what you've got here."
1429
01:27:44,800 --> 01:27:49,039
Nigel, you've got your straight six.
But to give you a bit more oomph,
1430
01:27:49,239 --> 01:27:51,399
we've added some extra gravity.
1431
01:28:00,479 --> 01:28:06,600
65 mph to beat on one run.
There's a speed readout over there,
1432
01:28:06,800 --> 01:28:08,199
which is connected
to a speed trap.
1433
01:28:08,319 --> 01:28:11,079
"I'll blow the doors
off the speed reader.
1434
01:28:11,239 --> 01:28:13,199
Watch this car control."
1435
01:28:13,399 --> 01:28:15,840
- You ready, Nige?
- "Ready."
1436
01:28:16,439 --> 01:28:19,359
3, 2, 1, go!
1437
01:28:20,640 --> 01:28:22,960
- He's under way.
- So long, lads!
1438
01:28:30,800 --> 01:28:32,439
- Nigel!
- Keep right!
1439
01:28:41,039 --> 01:28:42,159
Even though the impact
1440
01:28:42,359 --> 01:28:44,720
had knocked all
of Nigel's hair out,
1441
01:28:45,520 --> 01:28:47,720
he managed to regain control.
1442
01:28:49,920 --> 01:28:54,199
And he smashed
James' speed record.
1443
01:28:56,119 --> 01:28:59,760
But sadly, the hot
rod was a write-off.
1444
01:29:03,319 --> 01:29:07,279
I haven't seen a car this damaged
since James drove in to a tunnel.
1445
01:29:07,479 --> 01:29:11,199
- Well, that is...
- It's pretty bent.
1446
01:29:11,399 --> 01:29:18,039
Nigel, you did 89.14 mph. 25
mph faster than I've ever been.
1447
01:29:18,239 --> 01:29:20,359
"I don't care. I am resigning.
1448
01:29:20,560 --> 01:29:24,000
I hate this gig, it's uncomfy.
There's no dignity in this."
1449
01:29:24,199 --> 01:29:27,520
He's only been working
with us for about 3 days.
1450
01:29:27,720 --> 01:29:32,199
People will say: "Remember when
Mansell was with... He didn't last long."
1451
01:29:32,399 --> 01:29:35,199
We'd better apologise to
the owners of the ski resort.
1452
01:29:35,359 --> 01:29:36,840
- Sorry about that.
- Sorry.
1453
01:29:37,000 --> 01:29:38,720
- Sorry.
- Sorry.
1454
01:29:46,680 --> 01:29:51,119
We got back on the road, a
little sad that Nigel had quit.
1455
01:29:55,239 --> 01:29:56,239
On the plus side,
1456
01:29:56,439 --> 01:30:01,079
we were now just 60 miles
from the finish line at Lake Bled.
1457
01:30:04,199 --> 01:30:05,439
And our colleague
1458
01:30:05,640 --> 01:30:07,399
was smiling again.
1459
01:30:08,199 --> 01:30:10,159
Hello again, old chum.
1460
01:30:10,960 --> 01:30:12,399
Very, very nice to
be back with you.
1461
01:30:12,520 --> 01:30:15,920
I hope I didn't say anything bad
about you. If I did, I didn't mean it.
1462
01:30:16,119 --> 01:30:18,319
Oh!
1463
01:30:18,800 --> 01:30:20,239
Hang on.
1464
01:30:22,039 --> 01:30:23,359
Don't stop.
1465
01:30:23,920 --> 01:30:27,239
Sensing the little scamp
was up to its old tricks,
1466
01:30:27,439 --> 01:30:30,000
Jeremy and I took our leave.
1467
01:30:34,319 --> 01:30:36,680
Crosley's
splashing. There it is.
1468
01:30:37,800 --> 01:30:38,800
Bye.
1469
01:30:45,000 --> 01:30:49,279
I'm very, very keen to get to
Lake Bled before it gets dark,
1470
01:30:49,479 --> 01:30:52,159
because I've heard it's
unbelievably beautiful
1471
01:30:52,319 --> 01:30:54,479
and given what we've seen today,
1472
01:30:54,640 --> 01:30:56,680
standards are
high to start with.
1473
01:31:02,479 --> 01:31:06,039
We ate up the miles
on silk smooth roads,
1474
01:31:06,640 --> 01:31:09,840
drinking in the "Sound
of Music" backdrop.
1475
01:31:11,119 --> 01:31:13,319
As the sun was setting,
1476
01:31:13,720 --> 01:31:16,680
we finally reached
our destination.
1477
01:31:17,279 --> 01:31:19,039
Oh my Lord!
1478
01:31:41,439 --> 01:31:44,239
- That delivers.
- Does it ever.
1479
01:31:45,399 --> 01:31:49,239
If you painted that as a scene,
and presented it to someone,
1480
01:31:49,399 --> 01:31:51,279
they'd say: "You've
overdone it."
1481
01:31:51,680 --> 01:31:55,119
"You can't have 2 churches,
one on an island and one there
1482
01:31:55,279 --> 01:31:59,199
and a castle on a rock. Nowhere
in the world looks like that."
1483
01:32:00,479 --> 01:32:02,319
It's fabulous.
1484
01:32:03,319 --> 01:32:06,520
I love the colour of
melted glacier water.
1485
01:32:06,720 --> 01:32:09,720
That is beautiful,
beautiful scenery.
1486
01:32:10,439 --> 01:32:12,479
We could wait here for James
1487
01:32:13,479 --> 01:32:17,399
or we could go and
find a bar or a restaurant.
1488
01:32:17,560 --> 01:32:18,600
With a view...
1489
01:32:18,800 --> 01:32:21,560
That looks at that and
have a cheeky beer.
1490
01:32:22,359 --> 01:32:25,680
I favour that option,
because as a team,
1491
01:32:25,840 --> 01:32:31,159
66.6% of us will have enjoyed
a beer while looking at that.
1492
01:32:38,399 --> 01:32:40,960
Sadly, Captain Slowly
1493
01:32:41,159 --> 01:32:43,960
didn't arrive until
after it had gone dark.
1494
01:32:47,680 --> 01:32:53,159
So it ate half a pig,
but it only had 3 legs.
1495
01:32:53,560 --> 01:32:54,680
- So it...
- Mate!
1496
01:32:55,159 --> 01:32:56,920
- Evening.
- We all made it!
1497
01:32:57,439 --> 01:32:59,239
Welcome. Nice to see you.
1498
01:32:59,399 --> 01:33:00,760
- You're here.
- I am.
1499
01:33:00,960 --> 01:33:02,800
You've done a job.
We've done a thing.
1500
01:33:02,960 --> 01:33:05,199
We've done well. Conquered it.
1501
01:33:05,359 --> 01:33:07,520
The only drawback is,
sorry to have to tell you,
1502
01:33:07,720 --> 01:33:13,680
that view, Lake Bled - isn't it, Hammond?
- is unbelievable.
1503
01:33:13,840 --> 01:33:16,039
"View" doesn't cover
it. It's like a feast...
1504
01:33:16,199 --> 01:33:19,359
He said his eyes
have indigestion.
1505
01:33:19,560 --> 01:33:21,039
They couldn't
consume any more of it.
1506
01:33:21,239 --> 01:33:26,199
I love a lake, but nothing rivals
this. It's a shame you missed it.
1507
01:33:26,359 --> 01:33:28,399
- I'll see it in the morning.
- Ah!
1508
01:33:28,920 --> 01:33:31,319
Mmh. A bit of a
problem with that.
1509
01:33:31,520 --> 01:33:33,159
- We've had a text.
- Mr Wilman?
1510
01:33:33,319 --> 01:33:34,119
Yes.
1511
01:33:34,319 --> 01:33:38,000
The plane leaves tomorrow
morning at 8 o'clock.
1512
01:33:38,439 --> 01:33:42,560
But it's about, in your car,
two and a half hours away.
1513
01:33:42,760 --> 01:33:46,039
You need to leave a good
hour when you check-in.
1514
01:33:46,199 --> 01:33:47,439
- So...
- We've worked this out.
1515
01:33:47,600 --> 01:33:48,600
Have you?
1516
01:33:48,640 --> 01:33:51,920
- There's no more view to look at.
- You have to leave at half past four.
1517
01:33:52,119 --> 01:33:55,319
- Really?
- This is where it gets unfortunate.
1518
01:33:55,880 --> 01:33:58,239
- You've missed it this evening.
- Yes.
1519
01:33:58,399 --> 01:33:59,720
- Because it's dark.
- Yes.
1520
01:33:59,920 --> 01:34:02,720
But you'll miss it in the
morning, it's even more dark.
1521
01:34:02,880 --> 01:34:05,479
So I'm going to go to bed.
1522
01:34:05,640 --> 01:34:08,640
That's a shame again
because we had a delicious
1523
01:34:08,840 --> 01:34:11,239
- spaghetti bolognese.
- That's fine. See you in the morning.
1524
01:34:11,359 --> 01:34:12,359
See you...
1525
01:34:12,520 --> 01:34:15,399
- See you at the airport.
- It'll be dark.
1526
01:34:15,600 --> 01:34:18,840
I want to remind myself
of this before we go.
1527
01:34:24,199 --> 01:34:27,880
The next morning, I was on
my way before the sun came up.
1528
01:34:29,960 --> 01:34:34,439
Come on, metal bastard. I've
even got my Crosley T-shirt on.
1529
01:34:34,600 --> 01:34:35,680
Let's go.
1530
01:34:36,680 --> 01:34:39,880
I'd actually got up
earlier than I needed to.
1531
01:34:40,279 --> 01:34:42,000
Because I wanted to leave
1532
01:34:42,359 --> 01:34:45,960
a present for the Smug Brothers
who'd seen everything on this trip
1533
01:34:46,119 --> 01:34:48,279
while I'd seen nothing.
1534
01:34:55,159 --> 01:34:57,039
That has got to be May.
1535
01:34:57,239 --> 01:34:58,960
That is next level!
1536
01:35:00,520 --> 01:35:01,920
That is really...
1537
01:35:02,880 --> 01:35:04,159
Oh!
1538
01:35:04,319 --> 01:35:05,359
Oh, he's done me.
1539
01:35:05,800 --> 01:35:07,880
- What?
- He's done me as well.
1540
01:35:08,359 --> 01:35:10,800
Oh... he is evil.
1541
01:35:11,000 --> 01:35:15,039
He's also an idiot. I've got
2 spares on my front wings.
1542
01:35:16,039 --> 01:35:18,720
I'll have a wheel. It's a pickup.
There's bound to be one.
1543
01:35:19,319 --> 01:35:20,359
Dammit!
1544
01:35:20,520 --> 01:35:23,600
These are fake. There
are no wheels in them.
1545
01:35:25,119 --> 01:35:27,119
What, your wheel things?
1546
01:35:28,960 --> 01:35:30,800
Like your manifolds,
there's no wheels in it.
1547
01:35:31,000 --> 01:35:32,800
Where's your spare?
1548
01:35:33,920 --> 01:35:35,079
I haven't got one.
1549
01:35:36,039 --> 01:35:38,199
Where's he bloody put them?
1550
01:35:38,880 --> 01:35:40,479
We haven't got time for this.
1551
01:35:41,439 --> 01:35:43,439
Then, we found them.
1552
01:35:44,039 --> 01:35:45,600
Oh!
1553
01:35:45,800 --> 01:35:46,880
Oh, my God!
1554
01:35:48,720 --> 01:35:52,279
Worst still, powered craft
are banned on Lake Bled,
1555
01:35:53,600 --> 01:35:59,079
so to get our wheels back we'd
have to commandeer a rowing boat.
1556
01:36:02,640 --> 01:36:03,640
Oh hell!
1557
01:36:07,119 --> 01:36:09,039
This is like Swallows
and Amazons, only crap.
1558
01:36:09,199 --> 01:36:10,199
Right.
1559
01:36:12,119 --> 01:36:13,880
I'm facing the wrong way.
1560
01:36:14,319 --> 01:36:17,079
- I need directions, Hammond.
- Er, yes.
1561
01:36:17,239 --> 01:36:20,039
Right hand down. I don't
know, I'm facing the other way.
1562
01:36:20,199 --> 01:36:22,119
- Left hand down a bit.
- What?
1563
01:36:25,680 --> 01:36:27,359
Welcome back.
1564
01:36:28,000 --> 01:36:30,720
I think I'm going to make
it, if nothing goes wrong
1565
01:36:30,920 --> 01:36:32,800
with the fine car.
1566
01:36:33,279 --> 01:36:36,800
I am, I wish to remind
you, in the lead.
1567
01:36:36,960 --> 01:36:42,159
724cc, 75 years old
1568
01:36:42,680 --> 01:36:46,039
and here I am... winning.
1569
01:36:48,279 --> 01:36:52,199
Bullshit! I've gone
in the swimming area.
1570
01:36:53,159 --> 01:36:55,800
Having offloaded
Hammond into the other boat,
1571
01:36:55,960 --> 01:36:59,720
we eventually reached
the dock with our wheels.
1572
01:37:00,359 --> 01:37:03,560
- We've wasted 45 minutes.
- I'm aware of that.
1573
01:37:06,199 --> 01:37:08,760
No, don't... I can't
hold it at an angle.
1574
01:37:17,000 --> 01:37:19,359
Breaking, buffeting, weaving...
1575
01:37:19,520 --> 01:37:20,680
Thank you.
1576
01:37:21,560 --> 01:37:24,479
What a fine car
this is, this fine car.
1577
01:37:25,680 --> 01:37:27,560
Luckily for us, wheels float,
1578
01:37:27,760 --> 01:37:30,399
so, after a bit more faff...
1579
01:37:30,560 --> 01:37:31,560
Go!
1580
01:37:32,159 --> 01:37:33,880
We were finally on the road.
1581
01:37:38,800 --> 01:37:39,800
Bagpipes,
1582
01:37:39,920 --> 01:37:43,680
serious speed is
called for. 6 litres of V8,
1583
01:37:43,880 --> 01:37:44,880
that'll get me there.
1584
01:37:45,880 --> 01:37:47,800
Job 1: catch James May
1585
01:37:48,000 --> 01:37:51,439
and run him off the road.
Job 2: catch the plane.
1586
01:37:56,279 --> 01:37:59,159
Temperature is constant,
all pressure is good.
1587
01:37:59,359 --> 01:38:02,439
This car has only
one remaining job.
1588
01:38:02,600 --> 01:38:06,840
With as many years on it, it just
has to get me to the airport. That is all.
1589
01:38:10,960 --> 01:38:11,960
Listen to that.
1590
01:38:12,000 --> 01:38:13,319
Crisp power.
1591
01:38:14,000 --> 01:38:15,319
Yes!
1592
01:38:16,239 --> 01:38:17,920
Right. I'm on the hunt.
1593
01:38:21,279 --> 01:38:22,319
Up ahead,
1594
01:38:22,520 --> 01:38:25,600
I was now facing the
Crosely's number 1 enemy:
1595
01:38:29,840 --> 01:38:31,239
a hill.
1596
01:38:32,399 --> 01:38:34,199
Oh, God!
1597
01:38:34,800 --> 01:38:36,920
I'm down to 15 mph.
1598
01:38:39,159 --> 01:38:40,439
Come on!
1599
01:38:43,039 --> 01:38:44,439
Roll it in.
1600
01:38:50,800 --> 01:38:53,239
Hauling him in
through the corners.
1601
01:39:00,279 --> 01:39:01,560
Ha! Look what I've found.
1602
01:39:03,720 --> 01:39:04,720
Come on!
1603
01:39:07,960 --> 01:39:09,319
Sorry, mate. Gotta be done.
1604
01:39:12,079 --> 01:39:14,199
There we are. James
May missed Jesus,
1605
01:39:14,359 --> 01:39:16,359
he missed the POW camp,
1606
01:39:16,520 --> 01:39:20,319
every single lunch and
dinner on the entire road trip
1607
01:39:20,520 --> 01:39:22,119
and now he's going
to miss the plane.
1608
01:39:24,399 --> 01:39:26,920
And a mile or so later...
1609
01:39:28,239 --> 01:39:29,960
Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
1610
01:39:30,680 --> 01:39:33,840
I've got the oil light
on, temperature light on,
1611
01:39:34,479 --> 01:39:35,640
every light is on.
1612
01:39:38,279 --> 01:39:40,960
I'm overheating.
1613
01:39:42,000 --> 01:39:42,680
I'm sorry?
1614
01:39:42,880 --> 01:39:46,279
I've got all sorts of lights
coming on. I'll have to stop.
1615
01:39:47,560 --> 01:39:48,840
Oh, dear.
1616
01:39:54,159 --> 01:39:56,000
And then there was one.
1617
01:40:02,479 --> 01:40:03,840
Oh!
1618
01:40:04,479 --> 01:40:06,560
Having a spot of bother?
1619
01:40:08,600 --> 01:40:09,640
Oh!
1620
01:40:09,840 --> 01:40:12,399
Shouldn't rejoice, but hahaha!
1621
01:40:18,119 --> 01:40:19,159
Oh, God!
1622
01:40:21,000 --> 01:40:25,199
I think the problem is... I don't
think, I know what the problem is.
1623
01:40:25,359 --> 01:40:27,039
The electric fan
hasn't been running.
1624
01:40:30,479 --> 01:40:33,520
As it turned out, the airport
was just a couple of miles
1625
01:40:33,680 --> 01:40:36,359
from where Hammond
had broken down.
1626
01:40:36,880 --> 01:40:38,239
Here it is. Aerodrome.
1627
01:40:42,239 --> 01:40:47,279
I'll have their lunch, their drinks and
then stretch out across their seats.
1628
01:40:48,960 --> 01:40:53,279
However, Mr Wilman's plane
was not what I was expecting.
1629
01:41:00,720 --> 01:41:02,319
That is... Jesus!
1630
01:41:03,039 --> 01:41:06,279
And clearly, it
was already taxiing.
1631
01:41:06,479 --> 01:41:07,640
Shit!
1632
01:41:08,399 --> 01:41:09,800
Look, the ramp's down.
1633
01:41:12,520 --> 01:41:14,319
The ramp is down.
The ramp is down!
1634
01:41:28,880 --> 01:41:30,039
A lot of jet wash.
1635
01:41:30,239 --> 01:41:31,479
Lots of jet wash.
1636
01:41:36,520 --> 01:41:38,199
I'm on!
1637
01:41:38,680 --> 01:41:40,000
I'm off again.
1638
01:41:41,279 --> 01:41:42,319
Go for second.
1639
01:41:46,439 --> 01:41:47,439
Come on!
1640
01:41:47,840 --> 01:41:49,479
Back wheels.
1641
01:41:49,680 --> 01:41:50,880
Jesus!
1642
01:41:57,479 --> 01:41:58,479
Jeez!
1643
01:42:01,600 --> 01:42:03,800
Holy shit! Are you kidding?
1644
01:42:13,000 --> 01:42:15,760
Come on, car. Yes,
yes, yes, yes, yes.
1645
01:42:20,960 --> 01:42:21,960
Go on!
1646
01:42:23,439 --> 01:42:24,439
Argh!
1647
01:42:25,600 --> 01:42:27,119
It's getting away.
1648
01:42:30,000 --> 01:42:31,000
Coming through!
1649
01:42:33,079 --> 01:42:34,239
Aha!
1650
01:42:34,439 --> 01:42:35,600
You bastard!
1651
01:42:40,159 --> 01:42:42,479
That was a bit late.
1652
01:42:45,920 --> 01:42:47,239
I've got to do it this time.
1653
01:42:49,279 --> 01:42:51,520
No, windscreen
wipers. For God's sake!
1654
01:42:52,319 --> 01:42:53,119
Here he comes.
1655
01:42:53,319 --> 01:42:54,479
Here he comes.
1656
01:42:59,800 --> 01:43:01,079
I can't do it.
1657
01:43:01,279 --> 01:43:03,600
Shoot me! Shoot me, Hammond!
1658
01:43:03,800 --> 01:43:04,960
Come on!
1659
01:43:06,720 --> 01:43:08,000
Here I come.
1660
01:43:12,399 --> 01:43:13,399
Yeah!
1661
01:43:15,960 --> 01:43:16,960
Dead?
1662
01:43:19,439 --> 01:43:21,479
It won't start.
1663
01:43:22,800 --> 01:43:23,800
Come on in, James.
1664
01:43:24,680 --> 01:43:28,479
- It won't go.
- We can't take off like that.
1665
01:43:31,279 --> 01:43:32,279
Argh!
1666
01:43:32,960 --> 01:43:33,960
Ooh!
1667
01:43:34,119 --> 01:43:36,399
Oh, Jesus. Come
on, car, you can do it.
1668
01:43:45,560 --> 01:43:47,520
Come on, James!
1669
01:43:47,720 --> 01:43:49,840
It's a good job the
runway is 26 miles long.
1670
01:43:50,000 --> 01:43:51,079
I'm pleased about that.
1671
01:43:51,239 --> 01:43:53,239
It's longer than that
one in Fast and Furious.
1672
01:43:53,399 --> 01:43:54,399
Much longer!
1673
01:43:59,000 --> 01:44:01,279
Buffeting. Buffeting.
1674
01:44:03,039 --> 01:44:04,319
Argh!
1675
01:44:05,199 --> 01:44:06,199
Yes!
1676
01:44:06,479 --> 01:44:08,319
Oh, my Lord!
1677
01:44:08,520 --> 01:44:09,520
Wow.
1678
01:44:09,840 --> 01:44:12,640
- James May caught the plane!
- Welcome aboard!
1679
01:44:13,640 --> 01:44:14,640
Thank you.
1680
01:44:14,680 --> 01:44:16,239
- We did it!
- We all did it!
1681
01:44:16,399 --> 01:44:18,720
- We did a thing.
- That was extraordinary.
1682
01:44:24,000 --> 01:44:25,159
Err...
1683
01:44:31,479 --> 01:44:33,199
Oh, God, I know what...
1684
01:44:33,960 --> 01:44:36,800
We've just driven on to
an airplane that just landed.
1685
01:44:42,880 --> 01:44:44,479
- I've got a text.
- What?
1686
01:44:44,640 --> 01:44:46,399
- It's from Mr Wilman.
- Mmh-mmh.
1687
01:44:46,560 --> 01:44:49,840
It says: "Do you want
coffees? I'm at the BA check-in."
1688
01:44:52,560 --> 01:44:54,399
- It's in there, isn't it?
- There.
1689
01:44:57,039 --> 01:45:00,119
So everything we just did
was nothing to do with this trip?
1690
01:45:00,279 --> 01:45:01,079
No, it wasn't.
1691
01:45:01,279 --> 01:45:03,439
And on that terrible
disappointment,
1692
01:45:03,600 --> 01:45:05,960
it's time to end. Thank
you so much for watching.
1693
01:45:06,119 --> 01:45:07,199
See you next time.
1694
01:45:08,720 --> 01:45:11,039
- Somebody's going to be cross.
- Yeah.
124702
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