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1
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:14,982
We're approaching
the insertion
target area,
2
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,717
about a mile
from your DZ.
3
00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:18,018
You ready, WD-40?
4
00:00:20,254 --> 00:00:23,757
I never felt more ready
in my life.
5
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:27,027
Oh, man!
6
00:00:27,061 --> 00:00:29,097
Watch out!
Steele, you crazy fool!
7
00:00:29,130 --> 00:00:31,165
What are you trying
to do, man?
8
00:00:31,199 --> 00:00:33,167
Alex Trebek on speaker:
Good afternoon, WD-40.
9
00:00:33,201 --> 00:00:35,103
We now begin
the Free Worlds
in Double Jeopardy
10
00:00:35,136 --> 00:00:36,404
round of your mission.
11
00:00:36,437 --> 00:00:39,107
He's a sadistic
criminal mastermind
12
00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:41,041
and international
arms dealer
13
00:00:41,075 --> 00:00:44,612
who has brokered a deal
to sell a stolen
Scorpion missile
14
00:00:44,645 --> 00:00:46,780
to a Middle Eastern
terrorist cell.
15
00:00:46,814 --> 00:00:49,183
The question is
who is Rancor?
16
00:00:49,217 --> 00:00:51,752
That's right,
General Durwood Rancor.
17
00:00:51,785 --> 00:00:52,920
So why don't you
begin your mission,
18
00:00:52,953 --> 00:00:55,656
and good luck to you,
WD-40.
19
00:00:57,791 --> 00:00:59,360
And don't forget,
WD-40,
20
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:03,030
as always, this tape
will self-destruct
in three seconds.
21
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:05,032
[beeping]
22
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:07,968
Steele!
23
00:01:47,841 --> 00:01:51,845
[alarm blaring]
24
00:01:55,516 --> 00:01:57,951
General Rancor,
your chopper
is waiting.
25
00:01:57,985 --> 00:02:00,087
Fine.
Be there in a minute.
26
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,856
I ain't done
with this one yet.
27
00:02:02,890 --> 00:02:04,692
- [blows landing]
- Talk to me, boy.
28
00:02:04,725 --> 00:02:07,428
He doesn't want to talk.
29
00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:09,797
Take him outside
and shoot him.
30
00:02:20,341 --> 00:02:25,379
And when you shoot him,
use the silencer.
31
00:02:40,361 --> 00:02:42,029
[muffled gunshot]
32
00:02:42,062 --> 00:02:44,232
Thank you.
Have a nice flight.
33
00:02:46,367 --> 00:02:48,336
Have a great flight.
34
00:02:48,369 --> 00:02:49,803
Enjoy destroying
the world, sir.
35
00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:51,239
Thank you, ma'am.
I will.
36
00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:56,344
I'm going in there.
37
00:02:56,377 --> 00:02:59,913
My God,
look at you.
38
00:02:59,947 --> 00:03:02,283
You are such
an incredible man.
39
00:03:04,918 --> 00:03:05,986
It's my job, darling.
40
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:08,188
I do it
for my country.
41
00:03:09,423 --> 00:03:10,391
Hmm?
42
00:03:10,424 --> 00:03:12,560
Oh! Good luck.
43
00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:14,161
[chuckles]
44
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:15,896
Luck's got nothing
to do with it.
45
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:18,198
[bones crunch]
46
00:03:20,301 --> 00:03:21,369
[fabric rips]
47
00:03:26,307 --> 00:03:27,941
[beeping]
48
00:03:36,317 --> 00:03:37,518
[Rancor laughs]
49
00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:39,219
Nothing can stop me now,
50
00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:41,422
not even
that sanctimonious
51
00:03:41,455 --> 00:03:44,191
secret agent
Boy Scout Dick...
52
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:46,260
WD-40:
Yoohoo!
53
00:03:46,294 --> 00:03:49,062
[laughs]
54
00:03:49,096 --> 00:03:51,164
...Steele?
55
00:03:52,500 --> 00:03:54,435
Aah!
56
00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:55,603
- Dick!
- Hold on!
57
00:03:55,636 --> 00:03:56,604
Don't drop me, Dick!
58
00:03:56,637 --> 00:03:59,473
Don't--
Grab my wrist!
59
00:04:03,143 --> 00:04:04,144
[groans]
60
00:04:05,313 --> 00:04:07,615
Whoa!
61
00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:11,319
Don't-- Don't drop me.
62
00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:19,960
Aah!
63
00:04:21,194 --> 00:04:22,496
[splash]
64
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:42,516
* A man of intrigue,
he lives for the thrill *
65
00:04:45,653 --> 00:04:50,524
* Always has places to go
and people to kill *
66
00:04:53,527 --> 00:04:57,097
* Danger is
the game he plays *
67
00:04:57,130 --> 00:05:00,133
* And he holds every card
68
00:05:01,369 --> 00:05:08,041
* 'Cause if you want to win,
you got to spy hard *
69
00:05:10,578 --> 00:05:16,049
* A man of the world,
so suave and discreet *
70
00:05:18,486 --> 00:05:24,057
* He trips over the women
piled up at his feet *
71
00:05:27,495 --> 00:05:35,035
* But evil's lurking,
so he's always on his guard *
72
00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:38,038
* 'Cause if
you're going to spy *
73
00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:43,477
* You better spy hard
74
00:05:43,511 --> 00:05:47,047
* He's always there
75
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:51,919
* When the chips
are beginning to fall *
76
00:05:51,952 --> 00:05:55,489
* He wouldn't care
77
00:05:55,523 --> 00:05:58,058
* If they kicked him
and grabbed him *
78
00:05:58,091 --> 00:06:00,060
* And shot him
and stabbed him *
79
00:06:00,093 --> 00:06:04,432
* And nailed both his ears
to the wall *
80
00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:06,066
[thud]
81
00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:13,073
* Facing death every day
is a tough job for any man *
82
00:06:13,106 --> 00:06:16,577
* But his hours
are flexible *
83
00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:20,247
* And he's got a great
dental plan *
84
00:06:21,482 --> 00:06:25,453
* By the way,
if you walked in late *
85
00:06:25,486 --> 00:06:29,590
* Allow me to reiterate
86
00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:36,764
* The name of this movie
is "Spy Hard" *
87
00:06:36,797 --> 00:06:41,234
* They call it "Spy Hard"
88
00:06:41,268 --> 00:06:44,772
* You're watching "Spy Hard"
89
00:06:44,805 --> 00:06:51,479
* It's the theme
from "Spy Hard"... *
90
00:06:51,512 --> 00:06:54,515
[continues
holding last note]
91
00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:26,680
[thunder]
92
00:07:50,137 --> 00:07:53,674
[bird calls]
93
00:07:54,675 --> 00:07:56,376
[birds squawking]
94
00:07:57,811 --> 00:07:59,813
[squawking continues]
95
00:08:01,081 --> 00:08:03,450
[imitates lion growling]
96
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:06,253
[imitates bird calls]
97
00:08:18,599 --> 00:08:20,333
Sir, I hate
to disturb you,
98
00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:21,869
but we're picking up
something very interesting
99
00:08:21,902 --> 00:08:24,337
on the compound infrared
detection system.
100
00:08:24,371 --> 00:08:25,573
Rancor:
Well, what is it?
101
00:08:25,606 --> 00:08:27,207
Oh, it's this really neat
security system, sir.
102
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:29,209
It picks up the body heat
on the intruders--
103
00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:31,879
Fine. What is it detecting?
104
00:08:31,912 --> 00:08:36,183
Oh, it looks like
Agent Barbara Dahl, sir.
105
00:08:42,623 --> 00:08:45,358
Barbara Dahl?
106
00:08:45,392 --> 00:08:47,895
Hot damn. At last.
107
00:08:47,928 --> 00:08:49,630
Arm me.
108
00:08:51,932 --> 00:08:54,902
Yeah. Now,
bring me the bait.
109
00:08:57,404 --> 00:08:58,706
[deep voice]
Welcome, Miss Dahl.
110
00:08:58,739 --> 00:09:00,608
General Rancor
would like to see you.
111
00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:02,576
Don't even think about it!
112
00:09:02,610 --> 00:09:04,912
Put the gun down!
113
00:09:10,784 --> 00:09:13,386
[deep voice]
Move! Don't try
anything funny.
114
00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:17,591
- Man: Watch it!
- Barbara: Ow, you morons!
115
00:09:17,625 --> 00:09:18,892
Let go!
116
00:09:18,926 --> 00:09:20,460
Ouch!
117
00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:24,231
Well, look at you.
118
00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:27,467
Barbara Dahl.
119
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:30,203
If you ain't
the spitting image
of your mama.
120
00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:33,907
Don't you talk
about my mother, you--
121
00:09:33,941 --> 00:09:35,442
you hybrid curiosity.
122
00:09:35,475 --> 00:09:37,645
My mother was twice
the man you are.
123
00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:41,615
Hey, lady,
I think you're carrying
this spitting image thing
124
00:09:41,649 --> 00:09:43,283
a little bit too far.
125
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:47,254
Now that I got Barbara Dahl,
126
00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:51,591
it's just a matter of time
before Dick Steele
comes to get her.
127
00:09:57,965 --> 00:10:01,534
[laughter continues]
128
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:09,810
Have you, uh,
confirmed this transmission?
129
00:10:09,843 --> 00:10:12,813
I have.
It's confirmed.
It's Barbara Dahl.
130
00:10:12,846 --> 00:10:15,649
Who authorized
Agent Barbara Dahl to go
on this operation anyway?
131
00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:17,951
No one.
She's working
on her own.
132
00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:18,952
Wha--
133
00:10:18,986 --> 00:10:20,487
This one is personal,
Coleman.
134
00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:22,522
Well, this personal mission
135
00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:24,958
may have cost
a good agent her life
136
00:10:24,992 --> 00:10:26,827
and put the entire
free world in jeopardy.
137
00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:28,662
We must inform
the director!
138
00:10:28,696 --> 00:10:29,830
[beep]
139
00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:31,298
Director on speaker:
This is the director.
140
00:10:31,331 --> 00:10:33,300
What is it,
Coleman and Bishop?
141
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:35,969
Sir, we've intercepted
a very disturbing
satellite transmission
142
00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:38,305
from our listening post
on the Rock of Gibraltar.
143
00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:39,439
Well, what is it?
144
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:40,841
It's this really big rock
145
00:10:40,874 --> 00:10:41,975
sticking out
of the water there
146
00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:43,410
on the south coast of Spain.
147
00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:49,382
[speaking through phone]
What is the transmission?
148
00:10:49,416 --> 00:10:52,352
You have to see it
to believe it, sir.
149
00:11:04,564 --> 00:11:05,999
You've got to put it
on channel three.
150
00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:08,802
No, four.
Switch it to VHS.
151
00:11:08,836 --> 00:11:11,238
And take it off
of cable.
152
00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:13,807
Put it on
the monitor.
153
00:11:13,841 --> 00:11:16,877
Announcer:
And now, this special message
from Rancor Industries.
154
00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:19,379
She makes a pretty
hood ornament,
don't you think?
155
00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:20,547
Rancor!
156
00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:24,918
Yes, it is I,
good old General Rancor.
157
00:11:24,952 --> 00:11:28,055
I'm back, big as life
and twice as ugly.
158
00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:29,556
But Steele blew him up.
159
00:11:29,589 --> 00:11:30,924
Apparently not.
160
00:11:30,958 --> 00:11:33,927
You did everything
except eat me
161
00:11:33,961 --> 00:11:35,695
and I'm still alive.
162
00:11:35,729 --> 00:11:38,698
All Steele did was blow off
a couple of arms.
163
00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:40,834
That's no biggie,
no big thing.
164
00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:42,702
Now I've got plenty of arms,
165
00:11:42,736 --> 00:11:47,540
big arms, pretty arms...
166
00:11:47,574 --> 00:11:50,077
I got arms up the wazoo.
167
00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:51,611
Now let me
show you something.
168
00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:55,849
Your pretty little agent
is now part of the nose cone
169
00:11:55,883 --> 00:11:57,550
on top of my missile.
170
00:11:57,584 --> 00:12:01,889
This missile will be
launched in 36 hours,
171
00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:03,791
and nothing will stop me.
172
00:12:03,824 --> 00:12:05,392
He's a madman.
173
00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:08,796
Only thing is,
I'm missing one little chip
174
00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:13,433
that controls my satellite,
and daggone, I want it back.
175
00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:14,935
Now you hand me my chip,
176
00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:16,703
I'll give you back
your agent.
177
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:19,807
Good God.
He must be stopped!
178
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:23,811
Dick Steele couldn't
stop me 15 years ago,
179
00:12:23,844 --> 00:12:28,048
and all the dicks you've got
won't stop me now.
180
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:32,419
Apparently he hasn't
seen the size of some
of our newer members.
181
00:12:32,452 --> 00:12:33,453
[tragic violin music playing]
182
00:12:33,486 --> 00:12:35,823
With the chip,
he rules the world.
183
00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:40,727
Without the chip,
he destroys the world, and--
184
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,996
Would you practice
someplace else?
I'm trying to think!
185
00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:44,965
[playing "Dixieland"]
186
00:12:44,998 --> 00:12:46,599
The world.
187
00:12:46,633 --> 00:12:50,403
Ha! We all know what
General Rancor really wants.
188
00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:51,738
Steele.
189
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:54,975
That's right,
and we're going to give
Steele to him.
190
00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:56,109
Steele?
191
00:12:56,143 --> 00:12:58,611
Have you forgotten
what happened the last time
192
00:12:58,645 --> 00:13:00,780
Steele was placed
in the line of fire?
193
00:13:16,997 --> 00:13:18,966
Coleman:
We are, uh, stopping here.
194
00:13:18,999 --> 00:13:21,134
Traveller wants to mingle
with the crowd.
195
00:13:32,079 --> 00:13:33,513
[cork pops]
196
00:13:33,546 --> 00:13:36,483
[packaging pops]
197
00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:37,684
[bubbles pop]
198
00:13:40,553 --> 00:13:44,892
[popping continues]
199
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,062
Coleman:
Steele, what the hell
are you doing?
200
00:13:49,096 --> 00:13:50,463
Traveller:
Get off me!
201
00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:51,698
Coleman:
Get him in there!
Get him in the limo!
202
00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:53,000
Cover him!
Get him in the limo!
203
00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:54,034
Get in the car!
204
00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:57,004
Go, go, go, go!
205
00:13:57,037 --> 00:13:58,171
Go, go!
206
00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:06,880
Man on PA:
The bridge is out.
207
00:14:06,914 --> 00:14:08,882
Do not enter.
208
00:14:08,916 --> 00:14:10,817
The bridge is out.
209
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:11,818
Coleman:
The bridge is out!
210
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:12,852
The bridge is out, damn it!
211
00:14:12,886 --> 00:14:14,721
Stop this car!
212
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:19,592
[shoes screeching]
213
00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:45,785
Stay away
from the window, sir.
214
00:14:46,987 --> 00:14:48,989
Steele, do something!
215
00:15:07,007 --> 00:15:09,576
Good job, Steele!
Thanks!
216
00:15:09,609 --> 00:15:11,778
Coleman:
It's about time that jerk
did something right.
217
00:15:11,811 --> 00:15:15,182
- Whoa!
- Coleman: Hang on,
Mr. President.
218
00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:26,859
The bridge is out.
Do not enter.
219
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:32,232
Thank God our president
was one hell
of a good swimmer.
220
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:37,737
Nonetheless,
there's only one man
for this operation.
221
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:43,143
Agent WD-40-- Steele,
Dick Steele.
222
00:15:43,176 --> 00:15:47,147
Woman:
Dick, Dick, Dick Steele.
223
00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:49,849
Oh, Dick.
224
00:15:49,882 --> 00:15:54,621
Oh, Dick,
that was incredible.
225
00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:56,856
Thank you.
226
00:15:56,889 --> 00:15:59,859
Don't thank me, darling.
227
00:15:59,892 --> 00:16:03,196
The art of lovemaking
takes two.
228
00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:04,831
Sometimes three or four,
229
00:16:04,864 --> 00:16:07,667
depending how well
you do at the crap tables.
230
00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:09,202
Fore!
231
00:16:09,236 --> 00:16:11,971
Well, my putter's up.
232
00:16:12,005 --> 00:16:14,841
Oh, Dick, I'm exhausted.
233
00:16:14,874 --> 00:16:16,843
You are insatiable.
234
00:16:16,876 --> 00:16:20,213
15 minutes to tee off time.
235
00:16:20,247 --> 00:16:21,681
Darling, I think
there's something
236
00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:23,850
you and I should talk about
openly and honestly
237
00:16:23,883 --> 00:16:26,986
before I head off
to my golf game.
238
00:16:27,020 --> 00:16:28,221
What is it, Dick?
239
00:16:28,255 --> 00:16:29,856
It's a game.
240
00:16:29,889 --> 00:16:31,558
People dress funny,
241
00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:33,226
hit a little ball
with clubs.
242
00:16:33,260 --> 00:16:35,128
Drinking is involved.
243
00:16:35,162 --> 00:16:37,864
Is something wrong, Dick?
244
00:16:37,897 --> 00:16:40,133
Well, whatever
we've had between us,
245
00:16:40,167 --> 00:16:41,701
I think it's only fair
that you know
246
00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:43,570
that my heart
still belongs to the girl
247
00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:46,806
I fell in love with
years ago-- Victoria.
248
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:48,241
She fell off a cliff.
249
00:16:48,275 --> 00:16:49,909
She died?
250
00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:53,580
Yes, I know.
I was just getting to that.
251
00:16:53,613 --> 00:16:55,248
But after Victoria Dahl,
252
00:16:55,282 --> 00:16:58,885
well, I don't think
I'll ever find room
for another woman
253
00:16:58,918 --> 00:17:01,654
in this ripped apart,
torn-up, scarred,
254
00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:08,228
burned-out lump in my chest
where a human heart once beat.
255
00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:11,998
I hope you understand
what I'm trying to say to you.
256
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:15,402
[bad Russian accent]
Oh, I live, Mr. Steele.
257
00:17:15,435 --> 00:17:19,739
It's your life
I'm worried about.
258
00:17:19,772 --> 00:17:22,109
I'm glad you understand.
259
00:17:22,142 --> 00:17:23,243
Aah!
260
00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:25,044
I know how much
these things can hurt.
261
00:17:26,446 --> 00:17:28,115
Man:
Steele.
262
00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:29,282
Woman:
Hi, Dick!
263
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,256
Hi, Mr. Steele.
264
00:17:36,289 --> 00:17:37,257
Good morning,
Mrs. Huggermugger.
265
00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:39,792
- Man: Fore!
- Watch out!
266
00:17:44,464 --> 00:17:45,765
You all right?
267
00:17:45,798 --> 00:17:47,033
Thank you.
268
00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:49,769
Man:
A little help, please?
Thank you!
269
00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:56,042
Man on PA:
Dinitaly foursome
to starter's window.
270
00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:57,910
Mr. Jack Dinitaly to...
271
00:17:57,944 --> 00:17:58,911
- Man: Duck!
- [glass breaks]
272
00:17:58,945 --> 00:18:00,480
[woman screams]
273
00:18:07,154 --> 00:18:08,155
Dick, wait.
274
00:18:10,857 --> 00:18:14,727
Steve! Steve Bishop.
You look great.
275
00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:16,763
Thank you.
We go back a long way, huh?
276
00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:18,298
Yeah.
277
00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:22,969
- Let's have a drink.
- Okay.
278
00:18:23,002 --> 00:18:24,271
Sit right there, Steve.
279
00:18:24,304 --> 00:18:25,738
The usual, Mr. Steele?
280
00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:29,276
You betcha.
Well, how's everything
at the agency?
281
00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:32,145
Eh, Dick,
is used to be such fun
282
00:18:32,179 --> 00:18:36,082
killing a few spies
with gas from
a banana grenade.
283
00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:39,452
But now it's all
bureaucratic politics.
284
00:18:39,486 --> 00:18:42,455
You got to fill out
20 forms in triplicate
285
00:18:42,489 --> 00:18:45,892
just to take a piss!
286
00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:59,339
- [grunting]
- [bones crack]
287
00:19:03,009 --> 00:19:04,844
- Boy, that was fun.
- Yeah.
288
00:19:04,877 --> 00:19:07,214
Thank you.
289
00:19:07,247 --> 00:19:09,982
They don't do stuff like
that at the agency anymore.
290
00:19:10,016 --> 00:19:12,219
Well, I'm sorry
to hear that, Steve.
291
00:19:12,252 --> 00:19:14,354
Dicky, there is something.
292
00:19:14,387 --> 00:19:17,123
Steve, I'm out of the service.
293
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:19,492
There's a plot
to launch a satellite.
294
00:19:19,526 --> 00:19:21,861
No, I'm out
of the service.
295
00:19:21,894 --> 00:19:22,995
Talk about something else.
296
00:19:23,029 --> 00:19:25,365
- [phone rings]
- Man: Bishop?
297
00:19:25,398 --> 00:19:26,533
- Bishop here.
- We got a new lead.
298
00:19:26,566 --> 00:19:28,134
- Ah.
- Gonna need you here.
299
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:29,236
- Yeah.
- And get a dozen eggs.
300
00:19:29,269 --> 00:19:30,370
- Okay.
- And a gallon of milk.
301
00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:33,139
- I'll leave right away.
- Thank you, sir.
302
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,875
Eh, no more headsets,
ear buttons.
303
00:19:35,908 --> 00:19:37,877
They put the receiver
right in your head now.
304
00:19:37,910 --> 00:19:38,878
Woman:
If you'd like
to make a call...
305
00:19:38,911 --> 00:19:40,012
I got to get back
to the hotel.
306
00:19:40,046 --> 00:19:42,014
The director wants
you to see this.
307
00:19:42,048 --> 00:19:43,250
Not interested, Steve.
308
00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:46,886
Please, Dicky,
take a look at the tape.
309
00:19:46,919 --> 00:19:48,187
It'll change your mind.
310
00:20:18,618 --> 00:20:22,589
She makes
a pretty hood ornament,
don't you think?
311
00:20:22,622 --> 00:20:26,293
Yes, it is I,
good old General Rancor.
312
00:20:26,326 --> 00:20:29,962
I'm back, big as life,
and twice as ugly.
313
00:20:34,467 --> 00:20:36,303
All Steele did was
blow off a couple arms...
314
00:20:36,336 --> 00:20:38,305
Rancor.
315
00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:41,274
He can't be alive.
316
00:20:41,308 --> 00:20:46,346
My God.
Barbara Dahl.
317
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:54,421
Victoria,
why would your daughter
join the agency
318
00:20:54,454 --> 00:20:57,324
knowing what
happened to you?
319
00:20:57,357 --> 00:21:00,226
Why?
320
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:01,961
Why?
321
00:21:01,994 --> 00:21:04,831
Why, why, why, why?
322
00:21:04,864 --> 00:21:07,066
Steele narrating:
Victoria Dahl,
323
00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:11,170
you were the only woman
I ever loved.
324
00:21:11,203 --> 00:21:15,608
* Raindrops keep
falling on my head *
325
00:21:15,642 --> 00:21:21,180
* And just like a guy
whose feet are too big
for his bed *
326
00:21:21,213 --> 00:21:22,949
* Nothing seems to fit...
327
00:21:22,982 --> 00:21:24,651
[honking and squeaking]
328
00:21:24,684 --> 00:21:28,988
* Those raindrops
are falling on my head,
they keep falling *
329
00:21:29,021 --> 00:21:35,328
* So I just did me
some talking to the sun *
330
00:21:35,362 --> 00:21:40,500
* And I said I didn't like
the way he got things done *
331
00:21:40,533 --> 00:21:43,336
* Sleeping on the job
332
00:21:43,370 --> 00:21:46,973
* Though raindrops
are falling on my head *
333
00:21:47,006 --> 00:21:49,208
* They keep falling
334
00:21:49,241 --> 00:21:54,981
* But there's one thing
I know *
335
00:21:55,014 --> 00:21:58,985
* The blues
they send to me *
336
00:21:59,018 --> 00:22:01,888
* Won't defeat me
337
00:22:01,921 --> 00:22:05,525
* It won't be long
till happiness *
338
00:22:05,558 --> 00:22:09,061
* Steps up to greet me...
339
00:22:12,932 --> 00:22:17,203
- Steele: Whee!
- Barbara: Aah!
340
00:22:17,236 --> 00:22:22,208
* But that doesn't mean
my eyes will soon
be turning red *
341
00:22:22,241 --> 00:22:25,044
TV announcer:
We now join Kelly Lang
live downtown.
342
00:22:25,077 --> 00:22:27,580
Kelly Lang here for
Channel 3 island news.
343
00:22:27,614 --> 00:22:30,349
A tragic
accident
has claimed the life
of a businessman
344
00:22:30,383 --> 00:22:32,218
identified as
Steven Bishop
345
00:22:32,251 --> 00:22:34,487
when a huge grand piano fell
346
00:22:34,521 --> 00:22:38,491
from the 17th floor
of the Mayan Hotel
directly behind me
347
00:22:38,525 --> 00:22:39,492
and landed on his car.
348
00:22:39,526 --> 00:22:41,227
An accident?
349
00:22:41,260 --> 00:22:44,497
Having a kid at 60,
that's an accident.
350
00:22:44,531 --> 00:22:48,401
Having a piano fall on you,
that's bad luck.
351
00:22:53,540 --> 00:22:54,507
Woman:
Operator.
352
00:22:54,541 --> 00:22:56,943
Operator, get me Washington.
353
00:22:56,976 --> 00:22:57,944
George?
354
00:22:57,977 --> 00:22:58,978
D.C.
355
00:23:04,383 --> 00:23:05,752
I'll take care of
the luggage.
356
00:23:05,785 --> 00:23:07,386
Just some overnight things.
357
00:23:18,498 --> 00:23:20,767
[tires screech,
car crashes]
358
00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:22,569
Woman:
Bonjour, monsieur.
359
00:23:28,641 --> 00:23:31,511
It looks like you
could use a hand.
360
00:23:34,146 --> 00:23:37,416
I'm afraid
I'm pretty clumsy.
361
00:23:37,450 --> 00:23:40,086
You must headed
to Los Angeles.
362
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:41,488
How'd you know that?
363
00:23:41,521 --> 00:23:44,256
It's written
on your ticket.
364
00:23:44,290 --> 00:23:46,793
Oh, thank you.
365
00:23:46,826 --> 00:23:48,394
You're welcome.
366
00:23:48,427 --> 00:23:51,163
Have a nice flight
and I wish you adieu.
367
00:23:51,197 --> 00:23:54,834
Oh, thank you,
but I'm quite satisfied
with the dew I have.
368
00:24:02,542 --> 00:24:05,712
If you want to see me again,
turn around now.
369
00:24:16,122 --> 00:24:18,190
Ah-ha.
370
00:24:30,537 --> 00:24:34,507
No, no, no.
I asked for a window seat.
371
00:24:34,541 --> 00:24:35,775
I can't be
getting up and down
372
00:24:35,808 --> 00:24:38,210
just because somebody
wants to be getting in and out.
373
00:24:38,244 --> 00:24:39,512
I have too much to do.
374
00:24:39,546 --> 00:24:41,514
I always have
a window seat.
375
00:24:41,548 --> 00:24:43,349
Excuse me, sir.
I was wondering--
Do you mind?
376
00:24:43,382 --> 00:24:46,118
No problem.
Please, be my guest.
377
00:24:46,152 --> 00:24:48,354
Actually,
I prefer and aisle seat.
378
00:24:48,387 --> 00:24:51,223
Excuse me.
By my guest.
379
00:24:51,257 --> 00:24:53,793
Sure, let me
help you with these.
380
00:24:53,826 --> 00:24:55,795
I hope that this
will be the last
381
00:24:55,828 --> 00:24:58,130
of the conversations
on this trip.
382
00:24:58,164 --> 00:24:59,498
Your ticket.
383
00:25:05,504 --> 00:25:06,706
[cat yowls]
384
00:25:06,739 --> 00:25:07,707
[cat yowls,
glass breaks]
385
00:25:07,740 --> 00:25:10,342
Take it easy
with that luggage.
386
00:25:10,376 --> 00:25:11,711
[glass breaks,
cat yowls]
387
00:25:11,744 --> 00:25:13,713
Excuse me, sir,
could you put
your tray table
388
00:25:13,746 --> 00:25:15,748
up for take-off please?
389
00:25:15,782 --> 00:25:19,351
No, the tray table stays down,
please. Thank you very much.
390
00:25:19,385 --> 00:25:22,555
You've made things
inconvenient enough as it is.
391
00:25:22,589 --> 00:25:25,157
What-- What is this?
392
00:25:25,191 --> 00:25:26,225
- [baby crying]
- Is this yours?
393
00:25:26,258 --> 00:25:27,594
Do you mind?
394
00:25:27,627 --> 00:25:31,564
It's my briefcase.
Let me make
more room for you.
395
00:25:31,598 --> 00:25:34,533
Ooh! Aah!
396
00:25:37,637 --> 00:25:41,741
Steele: Excuse me,
is this seat taken?
397
00:25:41,774 --> 00:25:43,943
- Please.
- Thank you.
398
00:25:48,781 --> 00:25:53,620
Do you always take matters
into your own hands?
399
00:25:53,653 --> 00:25:56,756
Things often end up
in my hands.
400
00:25:56,789 --> 00:25:59,458
And I bet your hands end up
in a lot of things.
401
00:25:59,491 --> 00:26:01,460
Let's just say
my hands and things
402
00:26:01,493 --> 00:26:05,431
are often in the same place
at the same time.
403
00:26:05,464 --> 00:26:07,466
Could I get you
something to drink?
404
00:26:07,499 --> 00:26:12,371
We'll have dry
Minolli and Russos
on the rocks,
405
00:26:12,404 --> 00:26:14,774
stirred, not beaten,
twist of lemon,
406
00:26:14,807 --> 00:26:16,909
in chilled glasses,
not frozen,
407
00:26:16,943 --> 00:26:19,511
and two of those
curly little straws.
408
00:26:44,671 --> 00:26:46,272
[growls]
409
00:26:55,314 --> 00:26:57,817
Countdown voice:
30 hours, 11 minutes,
and 10 seconds.
410
00:26:57,850 --> 00:27:00,519
30 hours, 11 minutes,
and eight seconds.
411
00:27:00,552 --> 00:27:03,189
30 hours, 11 minutes,
and five seconds.
412
00:27:03,222 --> 00:27:05,357
[dogs barking]
413
00:27:07,026 --> 00:27:11,197
Director: Miss Cheevus,
when Agent Steele arrives,
send him right in.
414
00:27:11,230 --> 00:27:12,665
Mm-hmm?
415
00:27:19,839 --> 00:27:22,875
Miss Cheevus,
is the director available?
416
00:27:22,909 --> 00:27:24,510
No, he's married.
417
00:27:24,543 --> 00:27:25,845
Oh, you kidder.
418
00:27:28,681 --> 00:27:31,650
Miss Cheevus,
you wouldn't be trying
419
00:27:31,684 --> 00:27:33,652
to make things hard for me?
420
00:27:33,686 --> 00:27:36,789
Oh, Dick,
if only I could.
421
00:27:36,823 --> 00:27:41,527
But you know, you and I
would work so well together
deep undercover.
422
00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:44,230
You know the agency's
rules about secrecy.
423
00:27:44,263 --> 00:27:46,699
They're very rigid.
424
00:27:46,733 --> 00:27:49,802
Yes, and we wouldn't
want to blow it, would we?
425
00:27:49,836 --> 00:27:50,970
[buzzer]
426
00:27:51,003 --> 00:27:53,339
Why don't you two
just get a motel room?
427
00:27:53,372 --> 00:27:55,274
I need you
in here now, Steele.
428
00:28:26,939 --> 00:28:31,410
Uh, Miss Cheevus,
wasn't the director
in the office here?
429
00:28:31,443 --> 00:28:35,547
He just buzzed me
from in there,
my little pumpy-wumpy.
430
00:28:35,581 --> 00:28:37,116
We'll, I'll just sit down
and wait for him.
431
00:28:47,459 --> 00:28:49,962
[farting]
432
00:28:52,464 --> 00:28:54,733
[stomach grumbles]
433
00:28:54,767 --> 00:28:56,102
[continues farting]
434
00:28:56,135 --> 00:29:00,572
Great Scott!
Steele, see a doctor!
435
00:29:02,341 --> 00:29:03,943
Good show, Steele.
436
00:29:06,078 --> 00:29:08,714
I hid for two week's
from my ex-wife's attorney
in this outfit.
437
00:29:08,747 --> 00:29:11,483
Good to see you,
WD-40.
438
00:29:11,517 --> 00:29:13,319
You were always
my most noble warrior.
439
00:29:13,352 --> 00:29:14,486
Glad to find you, sir.
440
00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:16,488
Yes, yes,
well, we have to find
441
00:29:16,522 --> 00:29:18,757
someone else far more
important right now.
442
00:29:18,791 --> 00:29:20,492
You saw the tape
with Rancor?
443
00:29:20,526 --> 00:29:22,561
I can't believe he's alive.
444
00:29:22,594 --> 00:29:25,397
He's a madman.
He wants the world.
445
00:29:25,431 --> 00:29:27,499
But I'll be perfectly
frank, Dick,
446
00:29:27,533 --> 00:29:28,634
he wants you first.
447
00:29:29,668 --> 00:29:30,903
He knew I'd
send you the tape,
448
00:29:30,937 --> 00:29:32,538
especially with
Barbara Dahl on it.
449
00:29:34,673 --> 00:29:36,642
Steele narrating:
Barbara Dahl...
450
00:29:36,675 --> 00:29:39,812
looks just like Victoria
when she was alive.
451
00:29:39,846 --> 00:29:41,613
We don't have time
for flashbacks.
452
00:29:41,647 --> 00:29:42,982
Rancor wants the world.
453
00:29:43,015 --> 00:29:45,084
Fortunately,
he wants to kill you first.
454
00:29:45,117 --> 00:29:46,953
That may give us
needed time.
455
00:29:46,986 --> 00:29:49,455
Barbara Dahl's
last transmission
was from Los Angeles.
456
00:29:49,488 --> 00:29:51,824
We couldn't hold a trace
long enough to pinpoint her.
457
00:29:51,858 --> 00:29:56,863
Find her, you find him,
you find the rocket.
458
00:29:56,896 --> 00:30:00,099
For the rest of it,
your guess is as good as mine.
459
00:30:00,132 --> 00:30:03,669
Miss Cheevus,
tell Noggin we're coming.
460
00:30:03,702 --> 00:30:05,671
- Hello, Noggin.
- Steele.
461
00:30:05,704 --> 00:30:06,973
It's good
to see you again.
462
00:30:07,006 --> 00:30:09,508
Oh, do you have a refill
of that death ray laser watch?
463
00:30:09,541 --> 00:30:11,844
Ah, new air freshener?
464
00:30:11,878 --> 00:30:12,879
Careful!
465
00:30:12,912 --> 00:30:15,114
Woo-hoo! Hey!
466
00:30:15,147 --> 00:30:17,449
Not again!
467
00:30:17,483 --> 00:30:19,751
Aah!
468
00:30:20,920 --> 00:30:22,855
Well, this looks like
a clever contraption.
469
00:30:22,889 --> 00:30:26,058
A mini, uh--
a mini-mobile crime lab?
470
00:30:26,092 --> 00:30:27,059
It's a briefcase.
471
00:30:27,093 --> 00:30:28,727
I know.
What does it do?
472
00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:32,498
It holds important papers,
files, pens, and a calculator.
473
00:30:32,531 --> 00:30:34,566
I understand,
but these numbers here,
474
00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:37,636
in a certain sequence,
the briefcase is timed
to explode?
475
00:30:37,669 --> 00:30:41,040
No, it's a lock
so people other than myself
can't open my briefcase.
476
00:30:41,073 --> 00:30:44,543
Very complex.
A contemporary technology.
477
00:30:44,576 --> 00:30:46,012
All right, Steele,
this is your standard
478
00:30:46,045 --> 00:30:47,713
state-of-the-art
G-7 field kit
479
00:30:47,746 --> 00:30:49,148
with three additions.
480
00:30:49,181 --> 00:30:50,816
This is our latest
development--
481
00:30:50,849 --> 00:30:53,219
microchip z-ray lenses
482
00:30:53,252 --> 00:30:55,654
capable of penetrating
a layer of clothing.
483
00:30:55,687 --> 00:30:58,057
You'll be able to see
if an enemy is carrying
a weapon.
484
00:30:58,090 --> 00:30:59,825
Uh, director?
485
00:30:59,858 --> 00:31:04,696
Oh, now, Steele,
should you find
your hands bound,
486
00:31:04,730 --> 00:31:06,899
what you can do
is just reach down
487
00:31:06,933 --> 00:31:09,601
and pull this pin
with your teeth...
488
00:31:13,105 --> 00:31:15,241
Put the tube in your mouth
and you squeeze
489
00:31:15,274 --> 00:31:20,246
and it will emit
a laser beam powerful
enough to cut steel.
490
00:31:20,279 --> 00:31:23,682
Noggin:
Fire in the hole,
director.
491
00:31:23,715 --> 00:31:24,716
Thank you.
492
00:31:29,288 --> 00:31:30,957
Oh, and one more thing,
493
00:31:30,990 --> 00:31:33,259
this micro-detonator
has a built in timer
494
00:31:33,292 --> 00:31:35,727
set to explode
30 seconds after
you plant it.
495
00:31:35,761 --> 00:31:38,464
It has enough power to blow up
a two-story building,
496
00:31:38,497 --> 00:31:39,465
so be careful.
497
00:31:39,498 --> 00:31:40,732
Fantastic.
498
00:31:40,766 --> 00:31:42,734
All right, well,
here we go, and uh...
499
00:31:42,768 --> 00:31:44,870
Oh, yes.
500
00:31:44,903 --> 00:31:46,738
Thank you.
501
00:31:46,772 --> 00:31:48,007
Good to see you
again, Noggin.
502
00:32:00,152 --> 00:32:01,954
Woman on PA:
Bienvenidos a Los Angeles.
503
00:32:01,988 --> 00:32:04,590
Man on PA:
Welcome to Los Angeles.
504
00:32:04,623 --> 00:32:06,258
Woman:
Ciudad de Los Angeles.
505
00:32:06,292 --> 00:32:08,827
Man:
City of the angels.
506
00:32:08,860 --> 00:32:11,130
Woman:
¿Donde está Maria?
507
00:32:11,163 --> 00:32:12,831
Man:
Where is Maria?
508
00:32:12,864 --> 00:32:15,634
Woman: Maria está
en la biblioteca.
509
00:32:15,667 --> 00:32:17,136
Man:
Maria is in the library.
510
00:32:17,169 --> 00:32:19,071
Do you have a lighter?
511
00:32:19,105 --> 00:32:20,906
I use matches.
512
00:32:20,939 --> 00:32:23,742
Does your mother
know you smoke?
513
00:32:23,775 --> 00:32:26,745
Yes, but I don't inhale.
514
00:32:26,778 --> 00:32:28,180
Kabul.
515
00:32:28,214 --> 00:32:30,249
Uh...
516
00:32:30,282 --> 00:32:31,517
I'm Kabul.
517
00:32:31,550 --> 00:32:33,185
Agent WD-40?
518
00:32:33,219 --> 00:32:37,789
Phew! Get in!
In the car!
519
00:32:41,793 --> 00:32:44,296
Kabul:
Hello! Excuse me!
520
00:32:44,330 --> 00:32:47,533
Our operatives believe
you may already be
in grave danger.
521
00:32:47,566 --> 00:32:50,636
Please take a look
at this Mr. Steele.
522
00:32:50,669 --> 00:32:53,305
In that file is Desiree More.
523
00:32:53,339 --> 00:32:55,874
She's expert trained
in karate, kung-fu,
524
00:32:55,907 --> 00:32:57,309
and is a crack shot.
525
00:32:57,343 --> 00:32:58,777
Be on your guard.
526
00:32:58,810 --> 00:33:01,013
Rancor may have sent her
to take you out.
527
00:33:01,047 --> 00:33:04,050
She likes easy listening
and guys who share
their feelings.
528
00:33:04,083 --> 00:33:09,088
Her measurements--
36, 24, 36, 22.
529
00:33:10,689 --> 00:33:14,560
Ay, for God's sakes,
be careful, WD-40.
530
00:33:14,593 --> 00:33:15,694
One time I had two cousins
531
00:33:15,727 --> 00:33:17,696
that got salmonella
poisoning at this hotel.
532
00:33:32,611 --> 00:33:34,913
Oh, dear!
Sassafras!
533
00:33:39,251 --> 00:33:41,820
Steele narrating:
Sure looked like her.
534
00:33:41,853 --> 00:33:44,990
But you can't be
too sure.
535
00:33:45,023 --> 00:33:47,926
Yeah, almost positive.
536
00:33:47,959 --> 00:33:51,897
Mm-hmm.
537
00:33:51,930 --> 00:33:52,898
Drink?
538
00:33:52,931 --> 00:33:54,600
Only when I'm thirsty.
539
00:33:54,633 --> 00:33:56,168
Tap water okay?
540
00:33:56,202 --> 00:33:59,037
Poured, not decantered.
541
00:33:59,071 --> 00:34:02,908
Sometimes you see a woman
you'd just love
to have kill you.
542
00:34:02,941 --> 00:34:04,410
But timing is everything
543
00:34:04,443 --> 00:34:06,412
so that was not
going to be today.
544
00:34:06,445 --> 00:34:08,880
Says who?
545
00:34:08,914 --> 00:34:11,883
She's pretty smart.
I decided to play it casual.
546
00:34:11,917 --> 00:34:13,319
Casual's overrated.
547
00:34:18,457 --> 00:34:20,792
Oops.
548
00:34:28,234 --> 00:34:30,436
I think the game
is over, Mr. Steele.
549
00:34:30,469 --> 00:34:33,272
You're going to look
like Swiss cheese
when they find you.
550
00:34:33,305 --> 00:34:36,175
Oh, that's no Gouda.
551
00:34:37,443 --> 00:34:38,777
Wai-ooo!
552
00:34:38,810 --> 00:34:40,078
Hoo!
553
00:34:40,112 --> 00:34:43,815
Waiii-ya!
554
00:34:47,819 --> 00:34:49,155
[thud]
555
00:34:49,188 --> 00:34:52,291
- [shouting continues]
- [knock on door]
556
00:34:52,324 --> 00:34:54,960
Oww!
557
00:35:12,778 --> 00:35:14,446
"Coca Cabana".
558
00:35:20,452 --> 00:35:21,987
I'll be back for you.
559
00:35:22,020 --> 00:35:23,088
Where are you going?
560
00:35:23,121 --> 00:35:25,857
In my country,
we have a saying.
561
00:35:25,891 --> 00:35:27,993
A man who rides
a camel is rich,
562
00:35:28,026 --> 00:35:31,129
but a man who drives
a Ferrari can get lucky!
563
00:35:33,031 --> 00:35:35,767
- [honking horn]
- Aah!
564
00:35:35,801 --> 00:35:38,170
Oh, gee,
I am so sorry.
565
00:35:38,204 --> 00:35:39,305
What's your phone number?
566
00:35:39,338 --> 00:35:42,308
- Loser.
- Oh, thank you.
567
00:35:42,341 --> 00:35:44,843
Like, look at
what you've done.
568
00:35:46,044 --> 00:35:47,446
End of the line, pal.
569
00:35:47,479 --> 00:35:49,915
Uh...
570
00:36:03,895 --> 00:36:04,863
[bullet ricochets]
571
00:36:04,896 --> 00:36:08,166
Hey, goomba. Huh?
572
00:36:15,040 --> 00:36:18,176
Well, well,
if it isn't Agent Steele.
573
00:36:20,412 --> 00:36:23,382
Excuse me,
do you have a light?
574
00:36:26,418 --> 00:36:28,920
Yeah, sure.
I got a light.
575
00:36:45,937 --> 00:36:47,239
Very good.
576
00:36:47,273 --> 00:36:50,041
Well, remind me never
to light your cigarette.
577
00:36:50,075 --> 00:36:52,578
You don't lose guys
like that for long.
578
00:36:52,611 --> 00:36:54,546
Let's get the bus.
We'll be safe there.
579
00:36:57,115 --> 00:36:58,417
Transfer?
580
00:36:58,450 --> 00:37:00,085
Uh, no thank you.
581
00:37:04,055 --> 00:37:06,292
Nice dress.
582
00:37:11,597 --> 00:37:15,267
Next stop, Sunset Boulevard!
583
00:37:15,301 --> 00:37:17,603
I guess it's Sunset Boulevard.
584
00:37:27,479 --> 00:37:29,114
Pop quiz, hotshot.
585
00:37:29,147 --> 00:37:31,283
Someone on the bus
is out of transfers,
586
00:37:31,317 --> 00:37:33,285
he won't the fare!
587
00:37:33,319 --> 00:37:35,621
What do you do?
What do you do?
588
00:37:35,654 --> 00:37:37,623
Stop the bus
and let him off?
589
00:37:37,656 --> 00:37:39,458
Negatory, honcho,
590
00:37:39,491 --> 00:37:42,328
because he cut
the brake line!
591
00:37:57,509 --> 00:37:59,511
Excuse-moi, monsieur.
592
00:38:05,651 --> 00:38:09,087
Whoa!
593
00:38:09,120 --> 00:38:11,957
Aah!
594
00:38:38,016 --> 00:38:40,519
Oh!
595
00:39:10,348 --> 00:39:12,183
Thank you, thank you.
596
00:39:12,217 --> 00:39:15,421
Next stop, Melrose...
I think.
597
00:39:15,454 --> 00:39:17,556
Well, you must be
"fam-eeshed".
598
00:39:17,589 --> 00:39:19,190
Let's "munch-ay".
599
00:39:19,224 --> 00:39:21,427
That sounds good,
but I'm hungry.
600
00:39:21,460 --> 00:39:22,761
Let's eat first.
601
00:39:26,598 --> 00:39:29,568
Here you go.
Enjoy yourselves.
602
00:39:29,601 --> 00:39:33,038
Brian will be right here
to take your drink order.
603
00:39:33,071 --> 00:39:36,341
We've shared an airplane,
a drink,
604
00:39:36,374 --> 00:39:39,578
we have been chased,
bussed through city,
605
00:39:39,611 --> 00:39:43,014
but I still don't
really know you.
606
00:39:43,048 --> 00:39:45,216
I'm Bud Fuddlacker.
607
00:39:45,250 --> 00:39:47,453
I have a small
mail-order business.
608
00:39:47,486 --> 00:39:49,354
I travel with
the American Gladiators.
609
00:39:49,387 --> 00:39:52,023
I'm 55,
I like small appliances,
610
00:39:52,057 --> 00:39:54,025
and I do tax accounting
on the side.
611
00:39:54,059 --> 00:39:55,594
Let me guess.
612
00:39:55,627 --> 00:39:59,364
You are Dick Steele,
Agent WD-40
613
00:39:59,397 --> 00:40:00,966
with the Secret Service.
614
00:40:00,999 --> 00:40:05,236
You're 52,
you like big screen TVs,
615
00:40:05,270 --> 00:40:07,439
and you want to stop
General Rancor.
616
00:40:07,473 --> 00:40:11,109
That could describe
a thousand guys.
617
00:40:11,142 --> 00:40:12,377
Tell me about you.
618
00:40:12,410 --> 00:40:14,613
Well, I like
loose-fitting clothes
619
00:40:14,646 --> 00:40:17,483
and I drive a '69 Pinto.
620
00:40:17,516 --> 00:40:20,786
Hi, I'm Brian.
May I take your
drink orders please?
621
00:40:20,819 --> 00:40:22,120
I'll have--
622
00:40:22,153 --> 00:40:24,490
A dry Minolli and Russo
on the rocks,
623
00:40:24,523 --> 00:40:27,493
stirred, not beaten,
with a twist,
624
00:40:27,526 --> 00:40:30,428
in a chilled glass,
not frozen
625
00:40:30,462 --> 00:40:34,633
with two of those
girly little straws.
626
00:40:34,666 --> 00:40:37,636
Be right back.
627
00:40:37,669 --> 00:40:41,406
Tell me, who are you?
628
00:40:41,439 --> 00:40:47,513
Why don't you use
your legendary skills
and guess?
629
00:40:47,546 --> 00:40:52,017
You carry a UB-21 Schnauzer
with a knob silencer--
that's KGB.
630
00:40:52,050 --> 00:40:53,652
You prefer
an H&K over the AK,
631
00:40:53,685 --> 00:40:56,655
your surveillance
technique is NSA, ID is CIA.
632
00:40:56,688 --> 00:40:58,657
You received
your Ph.D. at NYU,
633
00:40:58,690 --> 00:41:00,826
traded in your GTO
for a BMW.
634
00:41:00,859 --> 00:41:03,328
You listen to CDs
by REM and STP.
635
00:41:03,361 --> 00:41:07,599
And you'd like to see
JFK in his BVDs
getting down with OPP.
636
00:41:07,633 --> 00:41:09,334
And you probably
put the toilet paper
637
00:41:09,367 --> 00:41:11,670
back on the roll
with the paper on the inside.
638
00:41:14,673 --> 00:41:16,508
Here's to your
remarkable powers
639
00:41:16,542 --> 00:41:19,645
of observation,
Mr. Steele.
640
00:41:19,678 --> 00:41:23,281
I am Agent 3.14--
Veronique Ukrinsky.
641
00:41:23,314 --> 00:41:25,216
My father
is a professor.
642
00:41:25,250 --> 00:41:29,487
Ah, yes. I know.
The megachip.
643
00:41:29,521 --> 00:41:31,657
When he found out
he was making
the chip for Rancor
644
00:41:31,690 --> 00:41:33,124
and not for the US,
645
00:41:33,158 --> 00:41:35,527
he escaped with it
and he is in hiding.
646
00:41:35,561 --> 00:41:37,663
In hiding. Where?
647
00:41:37,696 --> 00:41:40,231
He would not
take the chance to tell me
where he was headed,
648
00:41:40,265 --> 00:41:44,536
but he said the pendant...
649
00:41:44,570 --> 00:41:48,506
"Follow the path
of your pendant to find me."
650
00:41:50,275 --> 00:41:54,212
Hmm. Haven't seen
too many like these.
651
00:41:54,245 --> 00:41:55,346
"Pendant."
652
00:41:55,380 --> 00:41:56,347
Pendant.
653
00:41:56,381 --> 00:41:57,849
- Pendant.
- Pendant.
654
00:41:57,883 --> 00:41:58,850
Pendant.
655
00:41:58,884 --> 00:42:01,720
We don't have much time,
WD-40.
656
00:42:01,753 --> 00:42:04,255
Sooner or later,
Rancor will find him.
657
00:42:04,289 --> 00:42:06,224
I'll order our food to go.
658
00:42:06,257 --> 00:42:09,227
Oh, Dick, I am so worried
about my father.
659
00:42:09,260 --> 00:42:11,930
What shall we do, eh?
What shall we do?
660
00:42:14,532 --> 00:42:16,234
* It was a teenaged wedding
661
00:42:16,267 --> 00:42:20,505
* And the old folks
wished them well *
662
00:42:20,538 --> 00:42:26,511
* You could see
that the air did truly love
the mademoiselle *
663
00:42:26,544 --> 00:42:32,283
* And now the young monsieur
and madame have rung
the chapel bell *
664
00:42:32,317 --> 00:42:34,519
* "C'est la vie"
say the old folks *
665
00:42:34,552 --> 00:42:37,288
* It goes to show
you never can tell... *
666
00:42:40,959 --> 00:42:44,262
* ...with a two room
Roebuck sale *
667
00:42:44,295 --> 00:42:45,631
[bones cracking]
668
00:42:45,664 --> 00:42:47,265
* The coolerator was crammed
with TV dinners... *
669
00:42:47,298 --> 00:42:48,634
Excuse me,
do you have reser-- Oh!
670
00:42:48,667 --> 00:42:50,535
[bones cracking]
671
00:42:50,568 --> 00:42:54,906
Steele's here somewhere.
Rancor wants him dead.
672
00:42:54,940 --> 00:42:55,907
Find him.
673
00:42:55,941 --> 00:42:57,542
[bones cracking]
674
00:42:57,575 --> 00:42:58,877
[song continues]
675
00:42:58,910 --> 00:43:00,411
Dance time is over.
676
00:43:00,445 --> 00:43:01,412
Woman:
Cigarettes, cigars,
throwing knives...
677
00:43:01,446 --> 00:43:03,248
There he goes.
Kill him!
678
00:43:03,281 --> 00:43:06,451
Woman:
Cigarettes, cigars,
throwing knives.
679
00:43:06,484 --> 00:43:08,286
Thanks.
680
00:43:11,256 --> 00:43:12,423
[groans]
681
00:43:14,292 --> 00:43:16,962
- Whoops.
- Why?
682
00:43:23,434 --> 00:43:25,671
Quick, get this
up against the door.
683
00:43:33,679 --> 00:43:35,747
I got an idea.
684
00:43:35,781 --> 00:43:38,416
This is a picture
of my father.
685
00:43:38,449 --> 00:43:41,953
If we get separated,
find him. Save him.
686
00:43:41,987 --> 00:43:43,521
[thudding]
687
00:43:43,554 --> 00:43:46,191
Why?
688
00:43:46,224 --> 00:43:50,461
Go. Go, go! Go!
689
00:43:50,495 --> 00:43:54,265
- Shut up.
- I came here to dance!
690
00:43:54,299 --> 00:43:57,368
Veronique:
Dick, help me! Help!
691
00:43:57,402 --> 00:44:00,538
- I'll kill you.
- Get in!
692
00:44:00,571 --> 00:44:02,307
No, let me go!
693
00:44:15,921 --> 00:44:22,027
- Man: Okay, let's go!
- Veronique: Dick! Help me!
694
00:44:27,565 --> 00:44:30,936
Veronique:
Follow the path of your
pendant to find me.
695
00:44:31,937 --> 00:44:33,538
Kabul:
What is that?
696
00:44:33,571 --> 00:44:36,241
It's a pendant.
"Follow the path of
the pendant to find me."
697
00:44:36,274 --> 00:44:39,811
Have you ever seen
anything like that?
698
00:44:39,845 --> 00:44:42,748
- Ahh.
- What? What?
699
00:44:42,781 --> 00:44:44,415
No.
700
00:44:45,717 --> 00:44:48,887
Any idea where it came from?
701
00:44:48,920 --> 00:44:50,822
Museum of Natural History.
702
00:44:50,856 --> 00:44:52,257
How do you know that?
703
00:44:52,290 --> 00:44:55,393
It says it really small
right there at the bottom.
704
00:44:55,426 --> 00:44:58,396
All right,
take me to the Museum
of Natural History.
705
00:44:58,429 --> 00:45:01,266
You know, in my country,
we do have a saying--
706
00:45:01,299 --> 00:45:02,901
I'm sure you do.
707
00:45:02,934 --> 00:45:05,070
The saying goes,
"The museum
is closed at 5:00.
708
00:45:05,103 --> 00:45:06,805
You got the next morning
at 9:00."
709
00:45:10,575 --> 00:45:13,078
Excuse me, Mr. Pushy.
710
00:45:13,111 --> 00:45:14,913
Son of a bitch.
711
00:45:14,946 --> 00:45:16,915
[mumbling]
712
00:45:16,948 --> 00:45:19,785
I'm getting sick
and tired of your--
713
00:45:37,468 --> 00:45:38,970
No, he'd never fit in there.
714
00:45:40,972 --> 00:45:42,974
Yep! God!
715
00:45:45,844 --> 00:45:47,745
I'm sick and tired
of these games.
716
00:45:53,151 --> 00:45:54,585
Coleman:
This is stupid.
717
00:45:54,619 --> 00:45:56,988
We're a government
agency for God's sakes.
718
00:46:00,758 --> 00:46:01,759
Huh?
719
00:46:05,096 --> 00:46:06,932
Ha!
720
00:46:06,965 --> 00:46:08,967
Eh, what--
721
00:46:11,536 --> 00:46:14,372
Good God!
You're sicker
than I thought.
722
00:46:15,974 --> 00:46:18,076
What is it, Coleman?
I'm busy.
723
00:46:18,109 --> 00:46:20,411
I can see that.
724
00:46:20,445 --> 00:46:22,413
You wouldn't understand.
725
00:46:22,447 --> 00:46:24,082
It's the ancient art
of ornagatzi.
726
00:46:24,115 --> 00:46:26,417
What I don't understand
is your insistence
727
00:46:26,451 --> 00:46:28,419
in keeping Steele
on this assignment!
728
00:46:28,453 --> 00:46:30,822
He still is no closer
to Rancor
729
00:46:30,856 --> 00:46:32,423
and we have who knows
how little time left
730
00:46:32,457 --> 00:46:33,959
before Rancor
launches this satellite.
731
00:46:33,992 --> 00:46:38,529
You'd better let me
take over this search
before I--
732
00:46:38,563 --> 00:46:40,098
Director:
Before you what, Coleman?
733
00:46:40,131 --> 00:46:42,834
I don't know who's monkey
you spanked to get this job,
734
00:46:42,868 --> 00:46:43,835
but as far as I'm concerned,
735
00:46:43,869 --> 00:46:45,670
you're a disgrace
to the service.
736
00:46:45,703 --> 00:46:47,538
How dare you?
737
00:46:47,572 --> 00:46:50,108
You and your
one for all and all for one
bleeding heart nonsense,
738
00:46:50,141 --> 00:46:53,444
you're too old
to run this agency!
739
00:46:53,478 --> 00:46:57,883
And since you won't step down,
you'll be stepped on.
740
00:47:01,552 --> 00:47:04,022
Ha! Loser!
741
00:47:04,055 --> 00:47:06,824
What you got?
742
00:47:06,858 --> 00:47:08,960
Is there a jewelry district
in Los Angeles?
743
00:47:08,994 --> 00:47:10,061
Oh, come on,
this is Hollywood.
744
00:47:10,095 --> 00:47:11,496
We have jewelry,
745
00:47:11,529 --> 00:47:12,830
we have women who are
willing to sleep for--
746
00:47:12,864 --> 00:47:15,967
More importantly,
is their a Russian
jewelry section?
747
00:47:16,001 --> 00:47:16,968
Da.
748
00:47:17,002 --> 00:47:19,504
- Where?
- I don't know.
749
00:47:19,537 --> 00:47:21,406
But there used to be
a bunch of Russian jewelers
750
00:47:21,439 --> 00:47:24,675
who hung out
at the warehouse at, uh,
751
00:47:24,709 --> 00:47:26,177
at 31st and Phlegm.
752
00:47:29,580 --> 00:47:30,548
Ah, damn it.
753
00:47:30,581 --> 00:47:31,849
Meet me back
at the hotel.
754
00:47:31,883 --> 00:47:33,418
We'll split up.
755
00:47:33,451 --> 00:47:34,719
- Accident.
- Thank you.
756
00:47:34,752 --> 00:47:36,754
Oh, excuse me!
757
00:47:38,589 --> 00:47:40,058
Get off!
758
00:47:40,091 --> 00:47:42,627
[man yells in Spanish]
759
00:47:44,762 --> 00:47:46,932
Hi-yah!
760
00:47:46,965 --> 00:47:48,967
[crunch]
761
00:47:54,906 --> 00:47:58,109
[grunting]
762
00:48:02,113 --> 00:48:03,714
Aah!
763
00:48:11,722 --> 00:48:13,124
Watch it!
Watch it!
764
00:48:23,101 --> 00:48:25,903
Hi-ho! Aah!
765
00:48:33,278 --> 00:48:34,612
Cheerio.
766
00:48:43,621 --> 00:48:44,622
[horse neighs]
767
00:48:44,655 --> 00:48:48,726
[horse urinating]
768
00:48:48,759 --> 00:48:49,794
[urination continues]
769
00:48:49,827 --> 00:48:52,130
Both: Hmm.
770
00:48:52,163 --> 00:48:54,532
[urination stops]
771
00:49:02,107 --> 00:49:04,675
You're mine, Steele!
772
00:49:12,850 --> 00:49:15,620
Whoa!
773
00:49:15,653 --> 00:49:17,955
Wh-wh-whoa!
774
00:49:17,989 --> 00:49:19,057
Horse: Whoa!
775
00:49:40,578 --> 00:49:42,880
Aah!
776
00:49:50,155 --> 00:49:51,989
Man:
Okay, bring it up!
777
00:49:52,023 --> 00:49:54,559
Bring it up!
Up, up, up!
778
00:49:54,592 --> 00:49:57,262
Okay, that's where
the sign goes!
779
00:49:59,897 --> 00:50:01,232
Kabul:
Ah, 31st and Phlegm.
780
00:50:01,266 --> 00:50:02,900
I'm on the waiting list
for a co-op.
781
00:50:10,275 --> 00:50:11,576
You better get out of here.
782
00:50:11,609 --> 00:50:13,010
I'll see you back
in a half an hour.
783
00:50:13,044 --> 00:50:14,912
Oh, a half hour?
I can drop off my dog
at the groomer.
784
00:50:19,617 --> 00:50:22,120
- [horn honks]
- [car crashes]
785
00:50:44,642 --> 00:50:46,611
What?
786
00:50:46,644 --> 00:50:49,280
Mr. Steele, I presume?
787
00:50:49,314 --> 00:50:51,048
Professor...
788
00:50:51,082 --> 00:50:53,084
Ukrinsky, with a "Y".
789
00:51:04,295 --> 00:51:07,265
Ah. Right.
790
00:51:09,467 --> 00:51:12,137
The pendant.
791
00:51:12,170 --> 00:51:15,940
And I suppose
this is what you need.
792
00:51:17,074 --> 00:51:18,443
And this is?
793
00:51:18,476 --> 00:51:22,046
This is the controller chip
for Rancor's satellite.
794
00:51:22,079 --> 00:51:24,782
Ah, Rancor finally
made his megachip.
795
00:51:24,815 --> 00:51:26,451
Who would have thought
the fate of so many human lives
796
00:51:26,484 --> 00:51:29,154
would lie
in something so small?
797
00:51:29,187 --> 00:51:32,089
Well, there's only
one thing to do with this.
798
00:51:35,826 --> 00:51:37,061
Oh, no!
799
00:51:37,094 --> 00:51:38,663
[thud]
800
00:51:38,696 --> 00:51:40,931
What are you doing?
801
00:51:40,965 --> 00:51:42,433
Trying to make the world
safe from tyranny.
802
00:51:42,467 --> 00:51:44,068
You mustn't do that!
803
00:51:44,101 --> 00:51:46,237
This can also be used
for world peace!
804
00:51:46,271 --> 00:51:48,473
Oh, I'm sorry.
805
00:51:48,506 --> 00:51:50,808
You'd better
let me get that into
the proper hands
806
00:51:50,841 --> 00:51:53,511
and get you to safety.
807
00:51:55,012 --> 00:51:56,947
You found me
through my daughter,
the pendant.
808
00:51:56,981 --> 00:51:57,948
Right.
809
00:51:57,982 --> 00:51:59,317
And Veronique
is safe?
810
00:51:59,350 --> 00:52:00,318
Yeah, the van
they took her in
811
00:52:00,351 --> 00:52:01,886
has dual airbags
and seatbelts.
812
00:52:04,889 --> 00:52:06,157
Kabul.
813
00:52:06,191 --> 00:52:07,425
Nice new wheels, huh?
814
00:52:07,458 --> 00:52:09,794
Yeah, quite an improvement.
In the back, professor.
815
00:52:11,028 --> 00:52:14,165
We have to find
a safe place
for the professor.
816
00:52:14,199 --> 00:52:16,000
In my country,
we have a saying,
817
00:52:16,033 --> 00:52:18,303
"The rabbit hops,
the spider crawls,
818
00:52:18,336 --> 00:52:19,437
but the camel spits."
819
00:52:19,470 --> 00:52:21,339
Let's see if this
Charger can run.
820
00:52:26,911 --> 00:52:30,315
Now, I don't want you
to be surprised.
821
00:52:30,348 --> 00:52:32,317
This guy is one
of our top agents.
822
00:52:32,350 --> 00:52:33,351
He's most capable.
823
00:52:35,220 --> 00:52:38,389
Aah!
824
00:52:38,423 --> 00:52:39,724
McCluckey!
825
00:52:39,757 --> 00:52:41,025
Kabul!
826
00:52:41,058 --> 00:52:42,360
Hey, hey!
827
00:52:45,363 --> 00:52:48,233
- Come on in.
- All right. Come on.
828
00:52:49,500 --> 00:52:51,902
McCluckey,
we need to hide
the professor.
829
00:52:51,936 --> 00:52:54,038
Professor Ukrinsky,
it's an honor.
830
00:52:54,071 --> 00:52:55,039
How do you do?
831
00:52:55,072 --> 00:52:56,341
I've read all your work,
832
00:52:56,374 --> 00:52:58,008
and your last paper
on laboratory loneliness?
833
00:52:58,042 --> 00:52:59,810
Superb!
834
00:52:59,844 --> 00:53:01,312
Well, thank you.
835
00:53:01,346 --> 00:53:02,880
McCluckey,
I'd like you
to meet Agent--
836
00:53:02,913 --> 00:53:06,050
Dick Steele,
Agent WD-40.
837
00:53:06,083 --> 00:53:07,385
Good to see you
back in action.
838
00:53:07,418 --> 00:53:10,054
Your video on deception--
839
00:53:10,087 --> 00:53:13,057
"Is It A Woman?
Is The Mustache Real?"
840
00:53:13,090 --> 00:53:14,225
Beautiful work.
841
00:53:14,259 --> 00:53:16,427
Thank you.
842
00:53:16,461 --> 00:53:18,429
McCluckey,
we need to hide this guy.
843
00:53:18,463 --> 00:53:20,331
Sure, sure.
Come this way.
844
00:53:20,365 --> 00:53:21,366
He'll be safe here.
845
00:53:23,368 --> 00:53:25,436
You have a telephone?
846
00:53:25,470 --> 00:53:26,537
Right over there.
847
00:53:26,571 --> 00:53:28,005
Is it clean?
848
00:53:28,038 --> 00:53:30,040
I have a woman
that comes in once a week.
849
00:53:34,144 --> 00:53:36,213
- [buzzer]
- Miss Cheevus: Sir?
850
00:53:36,247 --> 00:53:37,448
What?
851
00:53:37,482 --> 00:53:39,917
I have Dick "Luscious Lips"
Steele on the line.
852
00:53:39,950 --> 00:53:41,252
Put him through.
853
00:53:43,220 --> 00:53:45,122
Steele:
Director, is it safe?
854
00:53:45,155 --> 00:53:46,524
Director:
Safe? Just a minute.
855
00:53:46,557 --> 00:53:48,959
I'll use the cloaking device.
856
00:54:00,271 --> 00:54:02,440
Go ahead, Dick.
It's safe.
857
00:54:02,473 --> 00:54:06,277
I have the chip Rancor needs
to launch his satellite.
858
00:54:06,311 --> 00:54:08,946
Director:
Good, Dick. Good.
859
00:54:08,979 --> 00:54:10,448
Are you coming in?
860
00:54:10,481 --> 00:54:13,451
No, Rancor kidnapped
the professor's daughter.
861
00:54:13,484 --> 00:54:14,585
I've got to find her.
862
00:54:14,619 --> 00:54:18,122
Director:
Yes, well, good, Dick.
863
00:54:18,155 --> 00:54:19,490
Good luck.
864
00:54:19,524 --> 00:54:21,959
Call me if I can help.
865
00:54:31,101 --> 00:54:32,937
Countdown voice:
19 hours and 35 minutes...
866
00:54:32,970 --> 00:54:37,608
That Steele's going to be sorry
his mama ever met his papa.
867
00:54:37,642 --> 00:54:41,479
We going to heat up
the fire! Boys!
868
00:54:41,512 --> 00:54:43,180
They always seem to know
every move we make.
869
00:54:43,213 --> 00:54:44,982
It's inside.
It's got to be somebody
inside leaking.
870
00:54:45,015 --> 00:54:48,185
Well, I'm not leaking.
I can prove it.
871
00:54:48,218 --> 00:54:49,320
You go ahead.
Ask me something.
872
00:54:49,354 --> 00:54:51,088
What?
873
00:54:51,121 --> 00:54:53,190
Ask me something.
Ask me who's the director
of our agency?
874
00:54:53,223 --> 00:54:55,092
Who's the director
of our agency?
875
00:54:55,125 --> 00:54:56,327
I don't know.
876
00:54:56,361 --> 00:54:58,195
You see, I know
who it is, you see,
877
00:54:58,228 --> 00:54:59,630
but I'm not going to
tell you, you see?
878
00:54:59,664 --> 00:55:01,131
Because I am no leak!
879
00:55:03,033 --> 00:55:05,936
This place has got to be
a front for Rancor and his men.
880
00:55:05,970 --> 00:55:06,937
There's one of them now.
881
00:55:06,971 --> 00:55:08,205
Follow him.
882
00:55:09,907 --> 00:55:11,542
[engine revs]
883
00:55:11,576 --> 00:55:13,444
Do you have to keep
revving the engine?
884
00:55:13,478 --> 00:55:18,015
But it's an American V-8.
Such a beautiful sound!
885
00:55:18,048 --> 00:55:19,450
[engine revs]
886
00:55:19,484 --> 00:55:21,318
Steele, listen to this.
My cousin's a recording star.
887
00:55:21,352 --> 00:55:23,187
[Middle-Eastern music
plays on stereo]
888
00:55:23,220 --> 00:55:25,189
- Duck
- Ow!
889
00:55:25,222 --> 00:55:26,557
- Ooh!
- Oh.
890
00:55:26,591 --> 00:55:28,593
[music continues]
891
00:55:32,497 --> 00:55:35,400
Mm-hmm. Hmm.
892
00:55:37,602 --> 00:55:40,204
Kabul:
Did he see us?
893
00:55:40,237 --> 00:55:41,205
Okay.
894
00:55:41,238 --> 00:55:42,373
[music shuts off]
895
00:55:48,379 --> 00:55:50,581
- I'm going in there.
- Okay.
896
00:55:50,615 --> 00:55:52,517
- Give me cover.
- Got to buy
my lottery ticket.
897
00:55:59,390 --> 00:56:01,559
- Rancor's guy is here.
- Right.
898
00:56:01,592 --> 00:56:08,733
* ...a wretch like me
899
00:56:08,766 --> 00:56:18,443
* I once was lost,
but now am found *
900
00:56:18,476 --> 00:56:20,377
* Was blind--
901
00:56:24,415 --> 00:56:25,750
What are you doing here?
902
00:56:25,783 --> 00:56:28,252
I am the new choir master.
903
00:56:28,285 --> 00:56:29,386
Where did you come from?
904
00:56:29,420 --> 00:56:32,557
The humble room.
I was doing refrectories.
905
00:56:32,590 --> 00:56:34,091
Refrectories?
906
00:56:34,124 --> 00:56:38,429
New "pope-al" relevant,
John chapter 7, verse 2.
907
00:56:38,463 --> 00:56:40,097
Pope-al?
908
00:56:40,130 --> 00:56:44,234
Sisters, Michael
chapter 7, verse 2:
909
00:56:44,268 --> 00:56:46,471
"Sing as ye play,
910
00:56:46,504 --> 00:56:50,074
"yay, unto thee a voice
like a blimp.
911
00:56:50,107 --> 00:56:52,477
"And as you approach
the ala tropo,
912
00:56:52,510 --> 00:56:56,647
"please très mucho
picante abierto."
913
00:56:56,681 --> 00:56:59,116
[humming]
914
00:56:59,149 --> 00:57:00,384
* You know
you make me want to *
915
00:57:00,417 --> 00:57:01,719
- * Shout
- * Take my heels up and
916
00:57:01,752 --> 00:57:03,454
- * Shout
- * Throw my hands up and
917
00:57:03,488 --> 00:57:05,089
- * Shout
- * Throw my head back
918
00:57:05,122 --> 00:57:06,724
- * Shout
- * Come on now
919
00:57:06,757 --> 00:57:08,726
* Don't forget
to say you will *
920
00:57:08,759 --> 00:57:11,061
* Don't forget to say...
921
00:57:11,095 --> 00:57:12,296
Are you gentlemen
with Rancor?
922
00:57:12,329 --> 00:57:13,598
[thud]
923
00:57:13,631 --> 00:57:16,734
Steele's here somewhere.
924
00:57:16,767 --> 00:57:18,102
Well, find him!
925
00:57:18,135 --> 00:57:20,304
* Come on, come on
926
00:57:20,337 --> 00:57:22,172
* Say you will
927
00:57:22,206 --> 00:57:26,611
* Say that you will
928
00:57:26,644 --> 00:57:28,178
* Say that you love me
929
00:57:28,212 --> 00:57:29,747
- * Say
- * Say that you need me
930
00:57:29,780 --> 00:57:31,616
* Say that you want me
931
00:57:31,649 --> 00:57:32,783
* You want to please me
932
00:57:32,817 --> 00:57:34,451
- * Say
- * Come on now
933
00:57:34,485 --> 00:57:36,320
- * Say
- * Come on now
934
00:57:36,353 --> 00:57:38,088
- * Say
- * Come on now
935
00:57:38,122 --> 00:57:41,091
* I still remember
936
00:57:41,125 --> 00:57:44,094
* When I used to be
nine years old *
937
00:57:44,128 --> 00:57:45,596
* Hey, yeah
938
00:57:45,630 --> 00:57:47,031
* And I was
a fool for you... *
939
00:57:47,064 --> 00:57:50,635
All right, random inspection,
directive 21, Psalm 2.
940
00:57:52,670 --> 00:57:54,338
* I want you to know
941
00:57:54,371 --> 00:57:56,106
* I want to know
942
00:57:56,140 --> 00:57:58,108
* I said I want you
to know right now *
943
00:57:58,142 --> 00:57:59,610
Steele:
Eew.
944
00:57:59,644 --> 00:58:02,613
* You've been good
to me sisters *
945
00:58:02,647 --> 00:58:05,349
* Much better than
I have been to myself *
946
00:58:05,382 --> 00:58:07,051
* So good, so good
947
00:58:07,084 --> 00:58:09,720
* And if you ever leave me
948
00:58:09,754 --> 00:58:12,723
* I don't want nobody else
949
00:58:12,757 --> 00:58:17,061
* Hey, hey, I said
I want you to know *
950
00:58:17,094 --> 00:58:18,362
* I want to know
951
00:58:18,395 --> 00:58:20,731
* I said I want you
to know right now... *
952
00:58:20,765 --> 00:58:22,733
Veronique?
953
00:58:22,767 --> 00:58:23,734
Dick.
954
00:58:23,768 --> 00:58:25,202
Are you all right?
955
00:58:25,235 --> 00:58:28,205
Get out of here.
This is front for Rancor.
956
00:58:28,238 --> 00:58:30,741
Yes, I know.
957
00:58:30,775 --> 00:58:33,077
I'll get out of here
all right.
958
00:58:33,110 --> 00:58:35,512
But you're coming with me.
959
00:58:35,546 --> 00:58:37,414
Steele:
Stat! Code yellow!
Code yellow!
960
00:58:37,447 --> 00:58:40,651
- Get me 3 CCs of ephenepinex.
- Right away.
961
00:58:40,685 --> 00:58:42,753
Get me 2 liters of gasahol
mixed with einephercine.
962
00:58:42,787 --> 00:58:43,754
On my way.
963
00:58:43,788 --> 00:58:45,389
Get me an
electro-statisfier now!
964
00:58:45,422 --> 00:58:46,657
I'll warm up the generator.
965
00:58:46,691 --> 00:58:47,725
She's about to go into
fibral-candidation.
966
00:58:47,758 --> 00:58:48,759
Prepare the operating room.
967
00:58:48,793 --> 00:58:50,160
Woman: Yes, sister,
I'll get right on it.
968
00:58:50,194 --> 00:58:53,097
* Come on, come on
969
00:58:53,130 --> 00:58:57,101
For God's sake, can anyone
in this hospital help me?
970
00:58:57,134 --> 00:59:01,405
* Say it right now, baby
971
00:59:01,438 --> 00:59:03,107
* Come on, come on
972
00:59:03,140 --> 00:59:04,374
Bah!
973
00:59:04,408 --> 00:59:08,579
* Say that you will
974
00:59:08,613 --> 00:59:11,882
* Now wait a minute
975
00:59:11,916 --> 00:59:14,685
[nun groans]
Nuh-unh. No!
976
00:59:14,719 --> 00:59:18,488
* You know you make me
want to shout *
977
00:59:26,931 --> 00:59:28,833
High blood pressure.
978
00:59:33,503 --> 00:59:36,373
Here, you'll be safe here.
979
00:59:36,406 --> 00:59:37,775
I'll be right back.
980
00:59:39,744 --> 00:59:42,913
Oh, Dick! Oh, no!
981
00:59:42,947 --> 00:59:44,815
[coughs]
982
00:59:51,956 --> 00:59:55,726
Oh, Dick, so cold.
983
00:59:55,760 --> 00:59:57,928
What have they done to you?
984
00:59:57,962 --> 01:00:00,397
They'll pay for this.
985
01:00:00,430 --> 01:00:03,267
Oh, Dick it was very...
986
01:00:03,300 --> 01:00:05,836
[Veronica stutters]
987
01:00:10,440 --> 01:00:12,476
Move 'em, fathead!
988
01:00:12,509 --> 01:00:15,312
Sisters, make 'em holy!
989
01:00:17,648 --> 01:00:20,651
Oh, Dick,
you came for me.
990
01:00:20,685 --> 01:00:23,821
Tell me,
what's been happening?
991
01:00:23,854 --> 01:00:25,956
Well, I've been doing
a lot of soul searching,
992
01:00:25,990 --> 01:00:28,425
getting in touch
with my inner child.
993
01:00:28,458 --> 01:00:29,760
I have decided I love you.
994
01:00:29,794 --> 01:00:31,962
But what about my father?
995
01:00:31,996 --> 01:00:35,499
Well, I like him,
I just have to get
to know him better.
996
01:00:35,532 --> 01:00:38,302
No, is he okay?
Have you got his chip?
997
01:00:38,335 --> 01:00:40,370
Oh, no, he's fine,
and I got the chip.
998
01:00:40,404 --> 01:00:45,810
- Oh, I love you, too.
- [car horns honk]
999
01:00:46,977 --> 01:00:48,879
Look out, you crazy nun!
1000
01:00:56,887 --> 01:00:59,389
Thanks Gods I stopped you.
You could have been killed.
1001
01:01:00,390 --> 01:01:01,692
Quick, let me help.
1002
01:01:03,928 --> 01:01:05,562
You smell nice.
1003
01:01:08,398 --> 01:01:09,800
Veronique:
Where is my father?
1004
01:01:09,834 --> 01:01:11,902
Is he safe?
1005
01:01:11,936 --> 01:01:15,539
He's safe, Veronique.
Safe as you and me.
1006
01:01:17,007 --> 01:01:18,743
Kabul:
So cute. Oh!
1007
01:01:20,444 --> 01:01:21,445
Safer.
1008
01:01:22,947 --> 01:01:24,548
Kabul:
You know, in my country,
1009
01:01:24,581 --> 01:01:27,417
when an irate, armless,
psychotic weirdo
chase your woman,
1010
01:01:27,451 --> 01:01:28,452
you must hide her.
1011
01:01:29,519 --> 01:01:31,555
Upstairs, apartment 5B.
1012
01:01:31,588 --> 01:01:34,725
I'll wait downstairs.
I'll keep my eyes open.
1013
01:01:37,627 --> 01:01:40,865
I just put in new carpet.
Take your shoes off.
1014
01:01:48,973 --> 01:01:53,710
Oh, Dick,
it's so nice to know
1015
01:01:53,744 --> 01:01:58,282
that everything
is going to be all right.
1016
01:01:58,315 --> 01:02:04,588
You have the chip,
my father's safe.
1017
01:02:04,621 --> 01:02:08,425
You love me, Dick.
1018
01:02:08,458 --> 01:02:14,932
Love? Let me
tell you about love,
Veronique.
1019
01:02:14,965 --> 01:02:19,804
Love is a dewdrop
on a rose petal.
1020
01:02:19,837 --> 01:02:24,942
Love is drop of rain,
pure and shimmering
and trembling,
1021
01:02:24,975 --> 01:02:29,579
so moist, so wet.
1022
01:02:29,613 --> 01:02:35,119
And those tiny little
drops of love
come together,
1023
01:02:35,152 --> 01:02:39,756
gathering up
broken buds
and fallen flowers
1024
01:02:39,790 --> 01:02:46,130
and dirt and dung
and deer droppings,
1025
01:02:46,163 --> 01:02:51,601
flowing faster and faster
outward to the sea,
1026
01:02:51,635 --> 01:02:53,170
onward and onward--
1027
01:03:17,694 --> 01:03:20,831
Good night.
1028
01:03:20,865 --> 01:03:23,467
We'll talk more
in the morning.
1029
01:03:43,053 --> 01:03:44,054
[chuckles]
1030
01:03:52,062 --> 01:03:54,631
Hey, hotshots,
come and get me!
1031
01:03:54,664 --> 01:03:57,034
Why you little, no good
juvenile delinquent!
1032
01:03:57,067 --> 01:03:58,903
- Go on.
- Come on!
1033
01:04:01,571 --> 01:04:03,407
Cool.
1034
01:04:03,440 --> 01:04:05,042
Man:
Heads up!
1035
01:04:05,075 --> 01:04:06,410
- Oh, nice shot!
- Come on!
1036
01:04:06,443 --> 01:04:07,711
I'm going. I'm going.
1037
01:04:07,744 --> 01:04:09,880
We got you now.
1038
01:04:12,116 --> 01:04:13,850
Where's the professor?
1039
01:04:13,884 --> 01:04:16,020
With Gilligan, dickweed!
1040
01:04:16,053 --> 01:04:19,156
Aah!
1041
01:04:19,189 --> 01:04:20,157
[groans]
1042
01:04:20,190 --> 01:04:21,158
No!
1043
01:04:21,191 --> 01:04:22,993
This is for
"Getting Even With Dad".
1044
01:04:23,027 --> 01:04:24,561
And this is for "My Girl".
1045
01:04:24,594 --> 01:04:25,862
And this is for
"My Girl 2".
1046
01:04:25,896 --> 01:04:28,999
I wasn't even in
"My Girl 2"!
1047
01:04:29,033 --> 01:04:31,568
Both:
We don't care!
1048
01:04:34,604 --> 01:04:37,007
Last time we're going to
ask you, smart boy,
1049
01:04:37,041 --> 01:04:38,075
where's the professor?
1050
01:04:38,108 --> 01:04:40,044
Okay, okay,
down the hall to the right.
1051
01:04:42,612 --> 01:04:44,148
Okay, the left!
1052
01:04:49,153 --> 01:04:51,121
Professor:
Help! Somebody help me!
1053
01:04:51,155 --> 01:04:53,958
They're taking us
to Kikiree Island!
1054
01:04:53,991 --> 01:04:57,194
[engines rev
and tires squeal]
1055
01:04:57,227 --> 01:04:59,129
They've taken him
to Rancor.
1056
01:04:59,163 --> 01:05:00,597
They won't kill him.
1057
01:05:00,630 --> 01:05:02,599
Not until
he's installed the chip.
1058
01:05:02,632 --> 01:05:04,134
Probably not even then--
1059
01:05:04,168 --> 01:05:06,103
maybe just torture him
a little.
1060
01:05:06,136 --> 01:05:08,105
We'll talk about this
on the way.
1061
01:05:08,138 --> 01:05:09,739
Let's get to Kikiree.
1062
01:05:21,751 --> 01:05:24,121
You like this disguise?
1063
01:05:24,154 --> 01:05:25,722
It's very good.
1064
01:05:25,755 --> 01:05:27,591
I'm proud of this one.
1065
01:05:27,624 --> 01:05:30,961
Like this,
I can look like anybody.
1066
01:05:33,297 --> 01:05:35,832
Rancor Industries
owns this little island.
1067
01:05:35,865 --> 01:05:37,968
The natives say there are
stranger goings-on here
1068
01:05:38,002 --> 01:05:40,837
than at
Neverland Valley Ranch.
1069
01:05:40,870 --> 01:05:42,872
- Look.
- Uh-huh. It's nice.
1070
01:05:44,874 --> 01:05:47,744
Kabul, stay in the boat.
1071
01:05:47,777 --> 01:05:48,845
Why?
1072
01:05:48,878 --> 01:05:50,147
There's a saying
in my country.
1073
01:05:50,180 --> 01:05:51,748
When you hear the words
"Stay in the boat",
1074
01:05:51,781 --> 01:05:53,017
you stay in the boat.
1075
01:05:54,651 --> 01:05:55,885
Bye-bye.
1076
01:06:00,324 --> 01:06:03,827
[loud roar]
1077
01:06:03,860 --> 01:06:06,530
Dick, this is crazy!
1078
01:06:06,563 --> 01:06:08,198
Crazy?
1079
01:06:08,232 --> 01:06:10,534
Some people think
walking down the street
1080
01:06:10,567 --> 01:06:11,835
muttering to
yourself is crazy.
1081
01:06:11,868 --> 01:06:13,837
I'll tell you what crazy is.
1082
01:06:13,870 --> 01:06:15,205
Crazy is
walking down the street
1083
01:06:15,239 --> 01:06:16,540
with half a cantaloupe
on your head
1084
01:06:16,573 --> 01:06:19,676
saying "I'm a hamster."
1085
01:06:19,709 --> 01:06:21,245
"I'm a hamster."
That's crazy.
1086
01:06:28,885 --> 01:06:30,554
Ooh!
1087
01:06:30,587 --> 01:06:33,857
My life's work
is now complete.
1088
01:06:33,890 --> 01:06:36,226
Your cooperation
is commendable, professor.
1089
01:06:36,260 --> 01:06:37,261
Thank you.
1090
01:06:41,098 --> 01:06:43,567
Throw him in the cell.
1091
01:06:43,600 --> 01:06:45,869
But you said
it was for the world peace!
1092
01:06:45,902 --> 01:06:47,171
Rancor:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1093
01:06:55,045 --> 01:06:58,248
Hello, General?
It's Skippy.
1094
01:06:58,282 --> 01:06:59,249
They're on the island.
1095
01:06:59,283 --> 01:07:01,985
Ha ha, yeah.
1096
01:07:02,018 --> 01:07:05,322
Well, well, well,
what perfect timing.
1097
01:07:05,355 --> 01:07:07,324
It seems we're going to
have more guests.
1098
01:07:07,357 --> 01:07:10,727
Steele's not dead.
He's on his way here.
1099
01:07:10,760 --> 01:07:12,729
Throw her in
with the others!
1100
01:07:12,762 --> 01:07:15,399
No, please!
1101
01:07:15,432 --> 01:07:17,234
I thought you loved me!
1102
01:07:17,267 --> 01:07:19,703
Nah, I was just using you.
1103
01:07:19,736 --> 01:07:22,872
Countdown Voice:
7 hours, 59 minutes,
and 41 seconds.
1104
01:07:22,906 --> 01:07:26,110
7 hours, 59 minutes,
and 38 seconds.
1105
01:07:26,143 --> 01:07:28,778
7 hours, 59 minutes,
and thirty...
1106
01:07:33,750 --> 01:07:35,685
Whoa!
1107
01:07:35,719 --> 01:07:38,088
Dick, look out!
1108
01:07:38,122 --> 01:07:39,456
Got you now, Steele.
1109
01:07:42,058 --> 01:07:43,059
Hey, where are you going?
1110
01:07:43,093 --> 01:07:44,428
[both grunting]
1111
01:07:44,461 --> 01:07:45,929
Man:
Take that.
1112
01:07:47,931 --> 01:07:49,166
Hey, come back here!
1113
01:07:53,069 --> 01:07:54,271
Nowhere to go, Steele.
1114
01:08:00,977 --> 01:08:04,047
How fast can you run,
my friend?
1115
01:08:04,080 --> 01:08:06,816
[roars]
1116
01:08:08,752 --> 01:08:10,454
All right, men,
tie him up.
1117
01:08:10,487 --> 01:08:13,823
Okay, go ahead,
kill me.
1118
01:08:13,857 --> 01:08:15,259
I got a bomb.
1119
01:08:15,292 --> 01:08:17,661
You touch me and you'll
blow up yourself.
1120
01:08:17,694 --> 01:08:18,962
You don't really think
I'm going to fall
1121
01:08:18,995 --> 01:08:21,865
for that old tied
to the bomb trick, do you?
1122
01:08:24,334 --> 01:08:28,405
Well, how about the old
snake trick?
1123
01:08:28,438 --> 01:08:30,174
Aah!
1124
01:08:34,278 --> 01:08:35,945
[roars]
1125
01:08:35,979 --> 01:08:37,381
[man screams]
1126
01:08:39,015 --> 01:08:44,454
[loud growling]
1127
01:08:52,329 --> 01:08:53,297
What is it?
1128
01:08:53,330 --> 01:08:56,800
[swallowing,
loud burp]
1129
01:09:02,872 --> 01:09:05,175
Ehh!
Let's go!
1130
01:09:05,209 --> 01:09:09,713
Countdown Voice:
2 hours, 59 minutes,
and 26 seconds to launch.
1131
01:09:09,746 --> 01:09:13,850
2 hours, 59 minutes,
and 21 seconds to launch.
1132
01:09:13,883 --> 01:09:17,053
2 hours, 59 minutes,
and 19 seconds to launch.
1133
01:09:17,086 --> 01:09:20,156
Steele:
We've got to find a way
into Rancor's complex.
1134
01:09:20,190 --> 01:09:21,291
Are you ready?
1135
01:09:21,325 --> 01:09:23,059
Ready.
1136
01:10:02,799 --> 01:10:04,368
Here, help me with this.
1137
01:10:04,401 --> 01:10:06,903
How patriotic, Dick.
1138
01:10:06,936 --> 01:10:10,274
- And deadly.
- Oh, Dick.
1139
01:10:14,043 --> 01:10:15,479
[grunting]
1140
01:10:18,382 --> 01:10:22,352
Man: Bearing 177.5.
On my Mark.
1141
01:10:22,386 --> 01:10:24,421
Hi, Mark! Get set.
1142
01:10:26,956 --> 01:10:29,025
- Father!
- My child!
1143
01:10:29,058 --> 01:10:34,030
Well, well,
Dick Steele.
1144
01:10:34,063 --> 01:10:36,966
I'd shake your hand,
but I don't remember
where it landed.
1145
01:10:37,000 --> 01:10:40,804
Clever. Clever? Clever!
1146
01:10:40,837 --> 01:10:42,272
Take their weapons.
1147
01:10:47,511 --> 01:10:50,580
Mm-hmm.
1148
01:10:50,614 --> 01:10:54,217
Throw her in with the others.
Bind him.
1149
01:10:54,250 --> 01:11:00,023
[mumbled conversations]
1150
01:11:01,491 --> 01:11:05,194
- Dick Steele?
- Oh, Miss Dahl.
1151
01:11:06,496 --> 01:11:07,931
Barbara Dahl!
1152
01:11:07,964 --> 01:11:09,599
Get your paws off me,
you damn dirty ape!
1153
01:11:09,633 --> 01:11:11,267
[beeps twice]
1154
01:11:12,336 --> 01:11:14,938
No! No!
1155
01:11:14,971 --> 01:11:18,608
You remember Barbara Dahl--
Victoria's daughter?
1156
01:11:18,642 --> 01:11:21,478
I'd like to see you
watch her go up
1157
01:11:21,511 --> 01:11:24,113
like you watched
her mother go down.
1158
01:11:24,147 --> 01:11:28,918
But I'd rather
let you just be a dessert
for my little pet.
1159
01:11:28,952 --> 01:11:30,487
[roars]
1160
01:11:30,520 --> 01:11:33,957
What's left of you
will have to watch helplessly
1161
01:11:33,990 --> 01:11:38,328
while I play Mortal Kombat
with the entire world.
1162
01:11:38,362 --> 01:11:40,196
Ha ha ha!
1163
01:11:40,229 --> 01:11:42,532
[men laugh]
1164
01:11:46,670 --> 01:11:50,340
[Rancor continues laughing]
1165
01:12:10,159 --> 01:12:11,160
Oh!
1166
01:12:20,236 --> 01:12:24,374
[men shouting]
1167
01:12:30,614 --> 01:12:33,049
It's going to blow!
Hurry up!
1168
01:12:33,082 --> 01:12:34,350
[beeps twice]
1169
01:12:42,526 --> 01:12:43,960
[beeps twice]
1170
01:12:44,961 --> 01:12:46,262
Barbara Dahl:
Come on.
1171
01:12:51,535 --> 01:12:54,137
Veronique:
Come on, let's go.
1172
01:13:30,239 --> 01:13:32,375
Dr. Joyce Brothers:
You are very immature.
1173
01:13:32,408 --> 01:13:34,978
Bullies tend to have
very bad self-esteem.
1174
01:13:35,011 --> 01:13:36,079
- Hi-yah!
- Aah!
1175
01:13:38,414 --> 01:13:42,786
- [gears clicking]
- Ah-ha!
1176
01:13:42,819 --> 01:13:45,288
Oh, ho!
1177
01:13:47,657 --> 01:13:50,126
Leave me alone!
I'm an unarmed man!
1178
01:13:52,496 --> 01:13:54,698
- Aah!
- [squeaking]
1179
01:13:57,133 --> 01:13:58,301
[squeaks]
1180
01:14:21,224 --> 01:14:22,626
Oh, Miss Cheevus.
1181
01:14:22,659 --> 01:14:25,762
Dick, I'm sorry.
1182
01:14:25,795 --> 01:14:27,096
[countdown continues
over PA]
1183
01:14:27,130 --> 01:14:28,698
Huh?
1184
01:14:28,732 --> 01:14:32,101
You were under the influence
of an evil man.
1185
01:14:32,135 --> 01:14:33,803
It was still
a lousy thing to do.
1186
01:14:38,374 --> 01:14:40,777
Uh-oh.
1187
01:14:40,810 --> 01:14:42,045
General, it's broken.
1188
01:14:42,078 --> 01:14:43,346
Well, you'll like space.
1189
01:14:43,379 --> 01:14:47,116
Lots of elbow room
and, uh... Oh, whoops.
1190
01:14:47,150 --> 01:14:49,118
Sorry.
1191
01:14:49,152 --> 01:14:50,520
Countdown voice:
1 minute and 11 seconds.
1 minute and 10 seconds...
1192
01:14:50,554 --> 01:14:52,055
[alarm blares]
1193
01:14:52,088 --> 01:14:54,791
Yeah? You lose, Steele.
1194
01:14:54,824 --> 01:14:56,726
That countdown
is irreversible.
1195
01:14:56,760 --> 01:15:00,163
Really?
1196
01:15:00,196 --> 01:15:01,565
Steele:
Well...
1197
01:15:01,598 --> 01:15:03,366
We need to go.
1198
01:15:03,399 --> 01:15:06,703
...let's just see
how irreversible
that really is.
1199
01:15:06,736 --> 01:15:08,738
It's irreversible,
1200
01:15:08,772 --> 01:15:12,208
and there's nothing
you patriotic pansies
can do about it.
1201
01:15:12,241 --> 01:15:15,511
Let me tell you
what being patriotic
really is,
1202
01:15:15,545 --> 01:15:17,513
you scumbag poop.
1203
01:15:17,547 --> 01:15:19,649
This a great country
where a man can sue
1204
01:15:19,683 --> 01:15:21,350
anyone he wants
anytime he wants.
1205
01:15:21,384 --> 01:15:24,087
It's a great country
because thousands of people
1206
01:15:24,120 --> 01:15:27,724
die every year from handguns,
and yet at this very moment...
1207
01:15:27,757 --> 01:15:31,227
Steele over PA:
...you can still walk into
a convenience store anywhere
1208
01:15:31,260 --> 01:15:33,229
and buy one of those guns.
1209
01:15:33,262 --> 01:15:34,397
That's democracy
in action...
1210
01:15:34,430 --> 01:15:35,531
It's finally time
somebody does
1211
01:15:35,565 --> 01:15:38,401
what that fool Steele
should have done,
1212
01:15:38,434 --> 01:15:40,670
and it's going to be me.
1213
01:15:40,704 --> 01:15:42,105
Let's go!
1214
01:15:42,138 --> 01:15:43,539
...anyone who's male,
white, and filthy rich
1215
01:15:43,573 --> 01:15:46,676
has the right to run for
the office of the President.
1216
01:15:46,710 --> 01:15:50,680
This is a great country
because any moron--
1217
01:15:50,714 --> 01:15:53,349
All right, everyone,
drop your guns!
1218
01:15:53,382 --> 01:15:55,619
I'm, uh, taking over.
1219
01:15:58,221 --> 01:16:00,590
Steele, get down from there.
1220
01:16:00,624 --> 01:16:02,358
Countdown voice:
28, 27, 26...
1221
01:16:02,391 --> 01:16:04,560
Dick, come on.
We have to go!
1222
01:16:04,594 --> 01:16:05,428
Now!
1223
01:16:05,461 --> 01:16:06,896
Oh!
1224
01:16:06,930 --> 01:16:08,464
Come on, come on!
1225
01:16:08,497 --> 01:16:09,866
I wasn't finished.
1226
01:16:09,899 --> 01:16:11,500
- Well, quick.
- Hurry up. Just move it.
1227
01:16:13,402 --> 01:16:16,606
- Come on, get out.
- I'm coming.
1228
01:16:16,640 --> 01:16:20,910
Coleman: Steele, always
doing this to me!
1229
01:16:20,944 --> 01:16:22,278
Countdown voice:
12...
1230
01:16:22,311 --> 01:16:24,648
Rancor on PA:
You'll see!
1231
01:16:24,681 --> 01:16:26,783
I'm not through.
I'll be back.
1232
01:16:26,816 --> 01:16:29,485
Maybe just tissue
or a brain.
1233
01:16:29,518 --> 01:16:32,488
Open the doors!
I'm stuck in here!
1234
01:16:32,521 --> 01:16:38,327
I'm going up,
but you and your whole world
are going down!
1235
01:16:38,361 --> 01:16:39,629
I'll be back.
1236
01:16:39,663 --> 01:16:42,398
Maybe without legs
or some other minor organ.
1237
01:16:42,431 --> 01:16:44,901
Kabul:
Wait, I don't want to
miss the fireworks!
1238
01:16:44,934 --> 01:16:47,270
Aah!
1239
01:16:47,303 --> 01:16:48,805
Coleman:
It's getting hotter.
1240
01:16:48,838 --> 01:16:51,340
I'm telling you,
it is getting
very hot in here!
1241
01:16:56,680 --> 01:16:59,215
How about a hand
for General Rancor?
1242
01:17:00,984 --> 01:17:04,854
You're not through
with me!
1243
01:17:04,888 --> 01:17:07,824
Aww. Well...
1244
01:17:07,857 --> 01:17:11,327
Man: Uh, Houston,
we have a problem.
1245
01:17:11,360 --> 01:17:12,896
[laughing]
1246
01:17:28,678 --> 01:17:33,817
* A man of intrigue,
he lives for the thrill *
1247
01:17:37,386 --> 01:17:42,258
* Always has places to go
and people to kill *
1248
01:17:45,261 --> 01:17:48,664
* Danger is
the game he plays *
1249
01:17:48,698 --> 01:17:52,902
* And he holds every card
1250
01:17:52,936 --> 01:17:59,675
* 'Cause if you want to win,
you got to spy hard *
1251
01:18:02,411 --> 01:18:07,683
* A man of the world,
so suave and discreet *
1252
01:18:10,086 --> 01:18:15,691
* He trips over the women
piled up at his feet *
1253
01:18:19,095 --> 01:18:26,669
* But evil's lurking,
so he's always on his guard *
1254
01:18:26,702 --> 01:18:29,672
* 'Cause if
you're going to spy *
1255
01:18:29,705 --> 01:18:35,078
* You better spy hard
1256
01:18:35,111 --> 01:18:38,681
* He's always there
1257
01:18:38,714 --> 01:18:43,552
* When the chips
are beginning to fall *
1258
01:18:43,586 --> 01:18:47,090
* He wouldn't care
1259
01:18:47,123 --> 01:18:49,692
* If they kicked him
and grabbed him *
1260
01:18:49,725 --> 01:18:51,694
* And shot him
and stabbed him *
1261
01:18:51,727 --> 01:18:57,100
* And nailed both his ears
to the wall *
1262
01:18:57,133 --> 01:19:04,473
* Facing death every day
is a tough job for any man *
1263
01:19:04,507 --> 01:19:08,044
* But his hours
and flexible *
1264
01:19:08,077 --> 01:19:11,647
* And he's got a great
dental plan *
1265
01:19:13,082 --> 01:19:17,053
* By the way,
if you walked in late *
1266
01:19:17,086 --> 01:19:21,390
* Allow me to reiterate
1267
01:19:21,424 --> 01:19:28,497
* The name of this movie
was "Spy Hard" *
1268
01:19:28,531 --> 01:19:32,802
* They called it "Spy Hard"
1269
01:19:32,836 --> 01:19:36,505
* You just saw "Spy Hard"
1270
01:19:36,539 --> 01:19:42,645
* It's the end
of "Spy Hard" *
1271
01:19:42,678 --> 01:19:47,683
[singer continues
holding last note]
1272
01:19:57,994 --> 01:20:00,997
[song ends]
83307
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