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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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[♪]
2
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Thank you. All right,
when I count three,
3
00:00:06,054 --> 00:00:07,054
you let it down...
4
00:00:07,055 --> 00:00:08,356
Uh, take it out.
Yes, master.
5
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One, two...
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Three.
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[DOORBELL RINGS]
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Oh. I will get it.
9
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No, no, no.
I'll get it, I'll get it.
10
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Talk about air mail.
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I think it's for you.
12
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Oh!
It is from my mother.
13
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I think I know what it is.
14
00:00:35,017 --> 00:00:37,485
Uh, Jeannie.
15
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Uh, Jeannie, do me a favor.
Would you ask your mother
16
00:00:39,722 --> 00:00:42,190
to go through the normal
channels when she mails things?
17
00:00:42,191 --> 00:00:44,392
I really don't think
my neighbors could understand
18
00:00:44,393 --> 00:00:46,260
us getting parcels on...
19
00:00:46,261 --> 00:00:48,797
On magic carpets.
Yes, master.
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00:00:48,798 --> 00:00:52,350
Ooh! I was right. Pipchicks.
21
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Yeah?
Pipchicks.
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My favorite candy.
23
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[MOANS]
24
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And no one can make them
like my mother does.
25
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Mmm.
Try one, master.
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00:01:02,895 --> 00:01:05,496
No, thanks. If your mother made
them, I'd really rather not...
27
00:01:05,497 --> 00:01:07,232
Oh, please, master.
Here, try one.
28
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You'll adore them.
Mmph...
29
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Well?
30
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Well, good.
31
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It's great.
What'd she put in 'em?
32
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I do not know.
It is my mother's secret recipe.
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She will not tell anyone.
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You thank her
the next time you see her.
35
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They're really sensational.
36
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I will, master.
I am delighted you like them.
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Well, there we are.
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[♪]
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[♪]
40
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[♪]
41
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[♪]
42
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Is that all you're having
for lunch?
43
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Yeah, I'm not terribly hungry.
44
00:02:42,077 --> 00:02:44,178
Oh, what's the matter,
aren't you feeling well?
45
00:02:44,179 --> 00:02:46,080
Ha, I never felt better
in my life.
46
00:02:46,081 --> 00:02:48,082
I'm just making a note to send
Jeannie's mother
47
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a little something.
48
00:02:49,117 --> 00:02:51,419
I thought you two
hated each other.
49
00:02:51,420 --> 00:02:53,454
How could you hate anybody
that makes these?
50
00:02:53,455 --> 00:02:54,722
Look.
51
00:02:55,524 --> 00:02:57,158
What are those?
52
00:02:57,159 --> 00:02:58,927
Pipchicks.
Oh.
53
00:02:58,928 --> 00:03:01,096
Uh, Roge, I'd rather
you didn't eat any.
54
00:03:01,097 --> 00:03:03,565
They have kind of a strange
temporary side effect.
55
00:03:05,067 --> 00:03:06,947
[CUTLERY SCRAPES
THEN CLATTERS]
56
00:03:08,170 --> 00:03:11,739
[CUTLERY SCRAPES
THEN CLATTERS]
57
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Then why are you eating it?
58
00:03:13,275 --> 00:03:16,878
It's got a fantastic taste.
They're really sensational.
59
00:03:16,879 --> 00:03:18,947
Hello, ah, Major Nelson,
Major Healey.
60
00:03:18,948 --> 00:03:21,516
Mind if I join you?
Of course not, sir.
61
00:03:21,517 --> 00:03:23,384
You know, uh,
about that inside report
62
00:03:23,385 --> 00:03:24,752
that we had the other day.
63
00:03:24,753 --> 00:03:27,289
I think we'll have to do
some more research. You see,
64
00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:29,740
four pages would do it, if...
65
00:03:29,741 --> 00:03:31,176
Mmmmm.
66
00:03:31,177 --> 00:03:32,477
Delicious.
67
00:03:32,478 --> 00:03:33,878
Simply delicious.
68
00:03:33,879 --> 00:03:36,013
I've never tasted anything
quite like it.
69
00:03:37,282 --> 00:03:39,584
Did you eat one of those, sir?
Yes.
70
00:03:39,585 --> 00:03:40,952
Well, where can you buy them?
71
00:03:40,953 --> 00:03:42,987
Uh, well, you... You can't, sir.
72
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They're...
They're homemade.
73
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Who made them?
Jeannie's mother.
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[THUD, CLATTERING]
75
00:03:47,192 --> 00:03:48,859
Oh. Sorry, Roge.
76
00:03:50,362 --> 00:03:52,163
Um, I did, sir. I just kind
of whipped 'em up
77
00:03:52,164 --> 00:03:53,231
in the kitchen.
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00:03:54,516 --> 00:03:56,084
Remarkable.
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00:03:56,085 --> 00:03:58,687
Well, then, uh, you won't mind
if I take this other piece.
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00:03:58,688 --> 00:04:00,055
That one's my last one, sir. I...
81
00:04:00,056 --> 00:04:01,690
Oh, come, come, come, major.
82
00:04:01,691 --> 00:04:04,125
You can always whip up
another batch.
83
00:04:04,126 --> 00:04:07,062
Oh, uh, have some more coffee...
84
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Extraordinary.
85
00:04:09,582 --> 00:04:12,901
Absolutely extraordinary.
86
00:04:14,302 --> 00:04:16,538
Extraordinary.
87
00:04:16,539 --> 00:04:18,859
You know, this has
got to weigh 300 pounds.
88
00:04:20,559 --> 00:04:21,826
Oh.
89
00:04:21,827 --> 00:04:24,512
I feel absolutely marvelous.
90
00:04:24,513 --> 00:04:26,347
Major, I don't know
what's in this,
91
00:04:26,348 --> 00:04:27,548
but whatever it is,
92
00:04:27,549 --> 00:04:28,816
I'm going to take it to the lab
93
00:04:28,817 --> 00:04:30,752
to have it analyzed.
94
00:04:30,753 --> 00:04:33,254
300 pounds. Extraordinary.
95
00:04:35,957 --> 00:04:39,727
They're not making cafeterias
like they used to.
96
00:04:39,728 --> 00:04:42,397
You're right, Roge. There's
nothing wrong with making candy.
97
00:04:42,398 --> 00:04:44,465
I don't have anything
to worry about. Nothing...
98
00:04:44,466 --> 00:04:47,034
Major Nelson,
do you know what you've done?
99
00:04:47,035 --> 00:04:48,770
If it's what you found
in the pipchicks,
100
00:04:48,771 --> 00:04:50,505
sir, I can explain about it.
I don't...
101
00:04:50,506 --> 00:04:52,072
The Dietician Section
has finished
102
00:04:52,073 --> 00:04:53,608
the analysis of your candy.
103
00:04:53,609 --> 00:04:55,877
Colonel Finch is on the way
over now with the results.
104
00:04:55,878 --> 00:04:57,378
Well, I'd better
be running along.
105
00:04:57,379 --> 00:04:58,946
I can explain that. I know
exactly...
106
00:04:58,947 --> 00:05:00,515
Don't any of you come
to attention
107
00:05:00,516 --> 00:05:02,717
when a superior officer
enters the room?
108
00:05:02,718 --> 00:05:06,921
I'm sorry, colonel.
I didn't, uh, see you.
109
00:05:06,922 --> 00:05:10,024
And are you nearsighted too,
Dr. Bellows?
110
00:05:10,025 --> 00:05:12,026
I beg your pardon?
Dr. Bellows.
111
00:05:12,027 --> 00:05:13,428
I believe I became
a full colonel
112
00:05:13,429 --> 00:05:16,096
four days before you,
so I outrank you.
113
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Attention.
114
00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:20,234
That's the trouble with you men.
115
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You can't get used to women
in positions of authority.
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All right, at ease.
117
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Nelson.
Ma'am.
118
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Come here.
119
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Pick me up.
120
00:05:32,447 --> 00:05:33,948
I didn't catch that, ma'am.
121
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I said, pick me up.
122
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Pick you up?
123
00:05:43,675 --> 00:05:45,242
[WHEEZING]
124
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Sorry, ma'am.
Mm.
125
00:05:50,049 --> 00:05:52,550
When was the last time
you had a piece of your candy?
126
00:05:52,551 --> 00:05:54,452
This morning, colonel.
That explains it.
127
00:05:54,453 --> 00:05:56,487
The initial effects
wear off immediately.
128
00:05:56,488 --> 00:05:57,922
It certainly does.
Ha-ha-ha!
129
00:05:57,923 --> 00:05:59,974
Healey.
Yes, sir.
130
00:05:59,975 --> 00:06:01,743
Come here.
Yes, sir.
131
00:06:02,945 --> 00:06:04,578
Yes, colonel.
132
00:06:04,579 --> 00:06:06,180
What...?
What is here, Colonel?
133
00:06:06,181 --> 00:06:08,582
Put your hands over your head.
Yes, sir.
134
00:06:08,583 --> 00:06:10,184
Now watch this.
135
00:06:11,020 --> 00:06:12,954
Whoa.
136
00:06:12,955 --> 00:06:14,305
BELLOWS:
Extraordinary.
137
00:06:14,306 --> 00:06:16,241
[♪]
138
00:06:18,210 --> 00:06:21,629
See, very simple.
There's nothing to it.
139
00:06:23,598 --> 00:06:27,301
Well, I... I better be getting
back to my office. Excuse me.
140
00:06:27,302 --> 00:06:29,370
Absolutely extraordinary.
141
00:06:29,371 --> 00:06:32,273
I took a bite of the candy
just before I came in here.
142
00:06:32,274 --> 00:06:34,475
Nelson, do you realize
what you've done?
143
00:06:34,476 --> 00:06:36,144
I've created a monster.
144
00:06:36,145 --> 00:06:41,966
You have single-handedly solved
the space capsule food problem.
145
00:06:41,967 --> 00:06:43,968
You mean that
Major Nelson's homemade candy
146
00:06:43,969 --> 00:06:46,370
could be used in space flights?
147
00:06:46,371 --> 00:06:48,038
Oh, well, I don't think
it'd work, sir.
148
00:06:48,039 --> 00:06:50,141
What I mean is,
it was an accident.
149
00:06:50,142 --> 00:06:51,375
What is the recipe?
150
00:06:51,376 --> 00:06:52,977
Oh, well, there's no recipe.
151
00:06:52,978 --> 00:06:55,313
No, well, you know how
us old-fashioned cooks work.
152
00:06:55,314 --> 00:06:57,047
A pinch of this,
a handful of that.
153
00:06:57,048 --> 00:06:59,049
Do you mean
it's not written down?
154
00:06:59,050 --> 00:07:01,219
No, sir. Well, that's what
I'm trying to tell you.
155
00:07:01,220 --> 00:07:03,037
I... I'd never be able
to do it again.
156
00:07:03,038 --> 00:07:05,557
That's where you're wrong,
Nelson.
157
00:07:05,558 --> 00:07:06,958
You're going to do it again,
158
00:07:06,959 --> 00:07:08,560
and you're going
to write it down.
159
00:07:08,561 --> 00:07:11,346
Do you read me?
Yes, ma'am.
160
00:07:11,347 --> 00:07:12,814
Doctor, I want this man
transferred
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00:07:12,815 --> 00:07:14,716
to the Dietician Section
immediately.
162
00:07:14,717 --> 00:07:17,885
And he'll remain there
until these... These, um...
163
00:07:17,886 --> 00:07:19,554
Eh, what do you call them,
major?
164
00:07:19,555 --> 00:07:20,755
Pipchicks.
165
00:07:20,756 --> 00:07:24,809
Until these pipchicks
have been duplicated exactly.
166
00:07:24,810 --> 00:07:26,360
Well, ma'am, I can't do that.
167
00:07:26,361 --> 00:07:27,595
I'm preparing for a mission.
168
00:07:27,596 --> 00:07:29,263
Nelson.
169
00:07:29,264 --> 00:07:31,733
This is much more important.
170
00:07:31,734 --> 00:07:34,769
Why, this has worldwide
implications.
171
00:07:34,770 --> 00:07:38,106
You don't seem to realize
what a breakthrough this is.
172
00:07:38,107 --> 00:07:40,942
The Army may march
on its stomach, major,
173
00:07:40,943 --> 00:07:42,409
but from now on,
174
00:07:42,410 --> 00:07:46,164
the Air Force
will fly with pipchicks.
175
00:07:46,165 --> 00:07:48,348
[♪]
176
00:07:56,542 --> 00:07:59,109
But, Mama,
I must have the recipe.
177
00:07:59,110 --> 00:08:01,011
It's for him, isn't it?
178
00:08:02,097 --> 00:08:04,065
My poor baby.
179
00:08:04,066 --> 00:08:07,602
My poor darling Jeannie,
always in trouble.
180
00:08:07,603 --> 00:08:09,871
Always in trouble.
181
00:08:09,872 --> 00:08:13,908
That bum.
Spending his time up in space.
182
00:08:13,909 --> 00:08:16,811
What kind of a living is that
for a grown man?
183
00:08:16,812 --> 00:08:18,079
Mama.
184
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,331
Aha-ha!
I knew it. I knew it.
185
00:08:20,332 --> 00:08:21,315
Oh, my poor darling.
186
00:08:21,316 --> 00:08:22,416
[SIGHS]
187
00:08:22,417 --> 00:08:24,752
If you could just give me
the recipe?
188
00:08:24,753 --> 00:08:27,254
Eh. Who uses a recipe?
189
00:08:27,255 --> 00:08:30,424
A pinch of this,
a handful of that. I...
190
00:08:32,828 --> 00:08:35,195
All right.
191
00:08:35,196 --> 00:08:37,331
All right.
192
00:08:37,332 --> 00:08:39,517
It is for him, isn't it?
193
00:08:39,518 --> 00:08:42,754
Yes, Mama,
and he needs it desperately.
194
00:08:42,755 --> 00:08:44,789
Hmmm.
195
00:08:44,790 --> 00:08:48,158
And I'm going to give it to him.
196
00:08:49,144 --> 00:08:50,978
[♪]
197
00:08:50,979 --> 00:08:53,047
That's the recipe?
198
00:08:53,048 --> 00:08:56,183
Yes, sir. Yeah. I...
It's very complicated, sir.
199
00:08:56,184 --> 00:08:57,351
And there's no guarantee
200
00:08:57,352 --> 00:08:59,419
that the pipchicks will come out
the same way.
201
00:08:59,420 --> 00:09:00,788
It doesn't matter, major.
202
00:09:00,789 --> 00:09:03,658
NASA has given this project
the highest priority.
203
00:09:03,659 --> 00:09:07,261
The resources of the entire base
are at your disposal.
204
00:09:07,262 --> 00:09:11,498
"Three heskils of dates"?
So, what's a heskil, major?
205
00:09:11,499 --> 00:09:14,068
Four truckloads.
Four truckloads?
206
00:09:14,069 --> 00:09:16,737
Why, major, are you planning
to make enough pipchicks
207
00:09:16,738 --> 00:09:18,673
to feed the entire population
of India?
208
00:09:18,674 --> 00:09:20,107
Oh, no, sir.
209
00:09:20,108 --> 00:09:22,548
You see, this recipe
only makes about two dozen.
210
00:09:23,429 --> 00:09:24,962
Sir, I...
I'd appreciate it
211
00:09:24,963 --> 00:09:26,664
if you had a little talk
to Colonel Finch
212
00:09:26,665 --> 00:09:28,733
about having me relieved
from this assignment.
213
00:09:28,734 --> 00:09:30,735
I'm sorry, major.
You know how important
214
00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:32,904
the space capsule
food program is.
215
00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:37,825
Yeah.
"Three hipsibahs of oranges"?
216
00:09:37,826 --> 00:09:38,860
Half an acre.
217
00:09:38,861 --> 00:09:41,062
Half an acre?
218
00:09:41,063 --> 00:09:43,781
Why, that's impossible, major.
Well, I know that, sir.
219
00:09:43,782 --> 00:09:46,117
That's why I'd like you
to talk with Colonel Finch.
220
00:09:46,118 --> 00:09:47,351
Well, I certainly will.
221
00:09:47,352 --> 00:09:49,520
I never heard of anything so
ridiculous in my life.
222
00:09:49,521 --> 00:09:50,955
A half an acre.
223
00:09:50,956 --> 00:09:52,390
I'll have you relieved
immediately.
224
00:09:52,391 --> 00:09:54,024
Were you looking for me, doctor?
Yes.
225
00:09:54,025 --> 00:09:55,559
As a matter of fact,
I was, colonel.
226
00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:57,428
Major Nelson was just showing me
the recipe
227
00:09:57,429 --> 00:09:58,496
for the pipchicks.
228
00:09:58,497 --> 00:10:01,732
A half an acre of oranges,
and I...
229
00:10:01,733 --> 00:10:02,900
And?
230
00:10:02,901 --> 00:10:04,735
And he'll report
231
00:10:04,736 --> 00:10:06,570
to the kitchen immediately.
232
00:10:06,571 --> 00:10:07,705
Good.
233
00:10:07,706 --> 00:10:09,640
[♪]
234
00:10:15,847 --> 00:10:18,248
Thanks for getting me assigned
as your assistant.
235
00:10:18,249 --> 00:10:21,319
There's nothing I'd rather
do more than pit dates.
236
00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:23,086
Well, men?
Roger...
237
00:10:23,087 --> 00:10:24,488
How are we doing?
238
00:10:24,489 --> 00:10:26,990
Well, I've never had so many
dates in my life. Ha-ha-ha!
239
00:10:29,945 --> 00:10:32,846
Well, ahem,
that's the last one we needed.
240
00:10:32,847 --> 00:10:34,382
What do we do with these now?
241
00:10:34,383 --> 00:10:36,117
Throw 'em away.
242
00:10:36,118 --> 00:10:37,451
We use the pits.
243
00:10:40,672 --> 00:10:42,172
We can use the pits?
244
00:10:45,143 --> 00:10:46,644
[GRUNTS]
245
00:10:46,645 --> 00:10:49,113
[PANTING] I can't keep
this up much longer.
246
00:10:49,114 --> 00:10:51,215
My back is breaking.
247
00:10:51,216 --> 00:10:54,284
Oh, don't worry. I'll relieve
you in another five minutes.
248
00:10:55,186 --> 00:10:57,054
[LAUGHING] Oh.
249
00:10:57,055 --> 00:10:58,288
Good evening, master.
250
00:10:58,289 --> 00:11:00,424
How is the...?
The little old candy maker?
251
00:11:00,425 --> 00:11:01,792
Oh, just great.
252
00:11:01,793 --> 00:11:03,394
Your mother can certainly
figure out
253
00:11:03,395 --> 00:11:04,395
some wild recipes.
254
00:11:04,396 --> 00:11:05,496
[LAUGHING] I tell you...
255
00:11:05,497 --> 00:11:07,197
Oh, boy, I...
W-what's the matter?
256
00:11:07,198 --> 00:11:08,966
Oh, it's my back.
It's breaking.
257
00:11:08,967 --> 00:11:11,602
Oh, let me help you, master.
Oh.
258
00:11:14,940 --> 00:11:16,206
What is that?
I don't know,
259
00:11:16,207 --> 00:11:18,676
it's not in the recipe.
BELLOWS: Thank you.
260
00:11:18,677 --> 00:11:21,879
Jeannie, get out.
Oh, yes, master, I am going.
261
00:11:24,082 --> 00:11:26,183
You forgot the burro.
262
00:11:26,184 --> 00:11:28,051
Jeannie?
263
00:11:28,052 --> 00:11:31,121
A burro. What's that burro
doing in here?
264
00:11:31,122 --> 00:11:34,425
Well, sir, the recipe called for
a burro to, uh, stir this mess,
265
00:11:34,426 --> 00:11:35,993
so naturally, I got a burro.
266
00:11:35,994 --> 00:11:37,928
This laboratory
is supposed to be
267
00:11:37,929 --> 00:11:39,697
completely sterile
and antiseptic.
268
00:11:39,698 --> 00:11:41,198
Now you get this beast
outta here.
269
00:11:41,199 --> 00:11:42,700
I can't get him outta here, sir.
270
00:11:42,701 --> 00:11:44,502
What seems to be
the problem, major?
271
00:11:44,503 --> 00:11:46,504
Oh, a donkey.
272
00:11:46,505 --> 00:11:48,939
Oh, I... I-I'm sorry
about this, colonel,
273
00:11:48,940 --> 00:11:50,741
but, um, uh,
Major Nelson insists
274
00:11:50,742 --> 00:11:53,477
that the pipchick mixture
be stirred by this burro.
275
00:11:53,478 --> 00:11:55,212
I just insisted
that they get rid of it.
276
00:11:55,213 --> 00:11:56,514
Negative.
277
00:11:56,515 --> 00:11:58,849
If Nelson says it's to be
stirred by a burro,
278
00:11:58,850 --> 00:12:00,518
it's to be stirred by a burro.
279
00:12:00,519 --> 00:12:03,353
Look, I, uh, oh, uh, eh, yes.
280
00:12:03,354 --> 00:12:04,354
Uh...
281
00:12:04,823 --> 00:12:05,823
Ooh.
282
00:12:07,392 --> 00:12:09,393
I'd prefer we test it
on something else. May...
283
00:12:09,394 --> 00:12:11,562
[PHONE RINGS] Oh, excuse me.
284
00:12:13,432 --> 00:12:16,000
Yes?
Oh, hello, Amanda.
285
00:12:16,001 --> 00:12:17,334
What?
286
00:12:17,335 --> 00:12:19,503
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
287
00:12:19,504 --> 00:12:20,504
Uh...
288
00:12:20,505 --> 00:12:21,939
The cat fell in the what?
289
00:12:21,940 --> 00:12:24,107
Please, eh, sir, I'd rather
we test it on a dog, or...
290
00:12:24,108 --> 00:12:27,144
Well, I don't care what kind
of detergent you're using.
291
00:12:27,145 --> 00:12:30,213
No, no, no.
Cats don't shrink.
292
00:12:30,214 --> 00:12:32,416
They only look shrunk
when they're wet.
293
00:12:32,417 --> 00:12:34,184
Sir, couldn't we test it
on something...?
294
00:12:34,185 --> 00:12:35,486
Major, will you stop this?
295
00:12:35,487 --> 00:12:37,922
This is embarrassing and personal.
I know, but I...
296
00:12:37,923 --> 00:12:40,190
I'll eat the pipchicks
when I'm ready,
297
00:12:40,191 --> 00:12:41,358
in my own good time.
298
00:12:41,359 --> 00:12:42,927
Now would you mind leaving,
please?
299
00:12:42,928 --> 00:12:44,929
Yes, of course.
What?
300
00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:46,096
No.
301
00:12:47,165 --> 00:12:49,299
[CHUCKLING] No, no, no.
302
00:12:51,770 --> 00:12:53,921
Colonel Finch?
303
00:12:53,922 --> 00:12:57,157
Ah, colonel, I've just delivered
the pipchicks to Dr. Bellows.
304
00:12:57,158 --> 00:12:58,626
Colonel?
305
00:12:58,627 --> 00:13:00,561
FINCH:
Tony.
306
00:13:04,399 --> 00:13:08,135
You can call me Abigail.
307
00:13:08,136 --> 00:13:10,070
[♪]
308
00:13:12,858 --> 00:13:15,159
Are...? A-are you...?
Are you feeling all right?
309
00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:17,378
Never felt better.
310
00:13:17,379 --> 00:13:19,380
♪ Boo-boo-pee-doo ♪
311
00:13:19,381 --> 00:13:20,581
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
312
00:13:20,582 --> 00:13:22,649
You... You... You ate one
of the pipchicks, right?
313
00:13:22,650 --> 00:13:25,119
Nectar and ambrosia.
Oh.
314
00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:28,489
Let's you and I
tango the night away, baby.
315
00:13:28,490 --> 00:13:30,357
Oh, I think maybe
you ought to lie down.
316
00:13:30,358 --> 00:13:32,059
Don't wanna lie down.
317
00:13:32,060 --> 00:13:34,828
Wanna dance,
wanna sing, wanna live.
318
00:13:34,829 --> 00:13:37,098
Colonel, remember,
you're a colonel.
319
00:13:37,099 --> 00:13:39,100
Look, why don't you lie down,
and I'll go get.
320
00:13:39,101 --> 00:13:40,234
Dr. Bellows, huh?
321
00:13:41,169 --> 00:13:42,736
Can't catch me.
322
00:13:42,737 --> 00:13:44,205
I'm a butterfly.
323
00:13:45,340 --> 00:13:46,873
Now...
Now wait a minute, please.
324
00:13:46,874 --> 00:13:48,976
Would you just
control yourself, please?
325
00:13:48,977 --> 00:13:50,528
Kiss me, major.
326
00:13:50,529 --> 00:13:52,913
That's a butterfly
giving you an order.
327
00:13:52,914 --> 00:13:54,081
[STAMMERING]
328
00:13:54,082 --> 00:13:55,515
Kiss me.
Tony.
329
00:13:55,516 --> 00:13:57,484
Look, about this candy report
I did...
330
00:13:57,485 --> 00:14:00,170
Oh, excuse me.
I didn't mean to butt in.
331
00:14:00,171 --> 00:14:02,406
Roger, will you come back here?
It's Colonel Finch.
332
00:14:02,407 --> 00:14:05,209
Col... Tony, you shouldn't be
doing that.
333
00:14:05,210 --> 00:14:06,243
She outranks you.
334
00:14:06,244 --> 00:14:07,879
Oh, so nice.
I'm sorry. Please.
335
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:09,763
Give me those lips.
Please, take it easy.
336
00:14:09,764 --> 00:14:11,933
My back.
Give me those lips. Kiss me.
337
00:14:11,934 --> 00:14:13,617
Yeah.
Tony.
338
00:14:13,618 --> 00:14:16,254
She also outweighs me.
Would you give me a hand?
339
00:14:16,255 --> 00:14:18,622
Miss...?
Thank you, ma'am.
340
00:14:18,623 --> 00:14:19,757
That's right.
341
00:14:19,758 --> 00:14:22,026
That's right, men.
Dominate me!
342
00:14:22,027 --> 00:14:24,495
I've always wanted
to be dominated!
343
00:14:24,496 --> 00:14:25,696
Oh, what happened to her?
344
00:14:25,697 --> 00:14:27,098
She... What happened to her?
345
00:14:27,099 --> 00:14:29,400
She ate one of pipchicks, that's
what happened to her.
346
00:14:29,401 --> 00:14:31,168
She had some kind
of a wild reaction.
347
00:14:31,169 --> 00:14:32,370
Now you hang onto her.
348
00:14:32,371 --> 00:14:34,605
I'll get Dr. Bellows.
Excuse me, ma...
349
00:14:34,606 --> 00:14:35,873
Dr. Bellows.
350
00:14:35,874 --> 00:14:37,308
I gave Dr. Bellows
a pipchick.
351
00:14:37,309 --> 00:14:39,377
I gave Dr. Bellows
a pipchick!
352
00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:40,611
No!
353
00:14:50,455 --> 00:14:52,689
Major.
Oh.
354
00:14:52,690 --> 00:14:55,225
Major, I never realized
355
00:14:55,226 --> 00:14:59,513
what beautiful blue
butterfly eyes you have.
356
00:14:59,514 --> 00:15:03,767
Major. Major. Major.
Please. We're both officers.
357
00:15:04,636 --> 00:15:05,636
Oh. Hi.
358
00:15:07,139 --> 00:15:09,440
BELLOWS:
♪ Way, hey ♪
359
00:15:09,441 --> 00:15:11,608
♪ Blow the man down ♪
360
00:15:11,609 --> 00:15:13,277
Ahoy, there.
361
00:15:13,278 --> 00:15:15,346
Come aboard, major.
Ha-ha-ha.
362
00:15:15,347 --> 00:15:17,281
Come outta the water.
I beg your pardon?
363
00:15:17,282 --> 00:15:18,782
The water.
Oh!
364
00:15:20,752 --> 00:15:22,586
Did you eat the pipchicks, sir?
365
00:15:22,587 --> 00:15:23,971
I certainly did.
366
00:15:23,972 --> 00:15:27,124
Salt air
gives you a marvelous appetite.
367
00:15:27,926 --> 00:15:30,127
Ready to come about.
368
00:15:31,396 --> 00:15:33,030
Come aboard.
369
00:15:33,031 --> 00:15:34,999
Look out for the boom, major.
370
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:36,199
The what, sir?
371
00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:37,802
The boom!
Oh.
372
00:15:37,803 --> 00:15:40,437
Oh, right, right.
373
00:15:40,438 --> 00:15:43,274
Ah, sir, I... I really think
you ought to come with me.
374
00:15:43,275 --> 00:15:45,359
Come with you? What for?
375
00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:49,963
I'm finally doing something
I've always wanted to do.
376
00:15:49,964 --> 00:15:52,600
Sailing a whaler to Alaska.
377
00:15:56,070 --> 00:15:57,170
Mmm.
378
00:15:57,171 --> 00:15:59,640
Looks like a sou'easter's
379
00:15:59,641 --> 00:16:02,376
blowing up outta the nor'west.
380
00:16:02,377 --> 00:16:05,045
Ah, you gotta watch out
for them sou'easters.
381
00:16:05,046 --> 00:16:06,246
Perhaps we ought to go below
382
00:16:06,247 --> 00:16:07,948
and put on
our foul-weather gear, sir.
383
00:16:07,949 --> 00:16:09,383
Too late for that.
384
00:16:09,384 --> 00:16:11,252
Lower the lifeboat.
385
00:16:11,253 --> 00:16:13,087
[LAUGHING] The what?
386
00:16:13,088 --> 00:16:15,656
The lifeboats, the lifeboats.
Oh.
387
00:16:17,926 --> 00:16:19,860
[SINGING INDISTINCTLY]
388
00:16:32,774 --> 00:16:34,007
♪ A-roving, a-roving ♪
389
00:16:34,008 --> 00:16:36,610
♪ Since roving's been My ruin ♪
390
00:16:36,611 --> 00:16:42,033
♪ I'll never go a-roving
With you, fair maid ♪
391
00:16:42,034 --> 00:16:43,951
♪ A-roving, a-roving ♪
392
00:16:43,952 --> 00:16:46,386
♪ Since roving's been My ruin ♪
393
00:16:46,387 --> 00:16:52,059
♪ I'll never go a-roving
With you, fair maid ♪
394
00:16:52,060 --> 00:16:53,727
Welcome aboard, commodore.
395
00:16:53,728 --> 00:16:56,430
[WHISTLES]
396
00:16:56,431 --> 00:16:58,632
Ahoy, there!
397
00:16:58,633 --> 00:17:00,233
♪ When I was... ♪
398
00:17:00,234 --> 00:17:04,605
[SINGING CONTINUES
INDISTINCTLY]
399
00:17:04,606 --> 00:17:06,740
Listen, I found out
what these pipchicks do to you.
400
00:17:06,741 --> 00:17:08,408
They release your inhibitions.
401
00:17:08,409 --> 00:17:10,210
They... They turn you on
to whatever you are
402
00:17:10,211 --> 00:17:12,212
really deep down inside.
403
00:17:12,213 --> 00:17:14,782
Look at... Look at Colonel Finch,
she wants to be a butterfly.
404
00:17:14,783 --> 00:17:16,784
That's what she is.
She's a butterfly.
405
00:17:16,785 --> 00:17:18,586
A-and Dr. Bellows.
406
00:17:18,587 --> 00:17:20,253
He wants to be a sailor
hunting whales.
407
00:17:20,254 --> 00:17:23,557
You understand?
You're sloppy, soldier.
408
00:17:23,558 --> 00:17:26,793
The one thing I can't stand
409
00:17:26,794 --> 00:17:28,379
is a sloppy soldier.
410
00:17:28,380 --> 00:17:30,898
You should read
the Air Force manual more often.
411
00:17:30,899 --> 00:17:33,868
35-M.
412
00:17:33,869 --> 00:17:35,936
Roger, did you eat
one of those pipchicks?
413
00:17:35,937 --> 00:17:37,805
Positive.
414
00:17:37,806 --> 00:17:39,790
Proper diet is crucial
to an officer's efficiency.
415
00:17:39,791 --> 00:17:41,959
Regulation 94R21.
416
00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:43,760
Are there any more
of those things left?
417
00:17:43,761 --> 00:17:45,329
You didn't eat all
of them, did you?
418
00:17:45,330 --> 00:17:46,897
You didn't eat all
of these, did you?
419
00:17:46,898 --> 00:17:49,500
Negative. Sent to General
Peterson's office for dispersal.
420
00:17:49,501 --> 00:17:51,368
All superior officers
should be informed
421
00:17:51,369 --> 00:17:52,769
on completions of new projects.
422
00:17:52,770 --> 00:17:55,706
Regulation 94-21.
[METALLIC CLATTERING]
423
00:17:55,707 --> 00:17:58,142
You sent 'em
to General Peterson?
424
00:17:58,143 --> 00:18:00,063
You sent 'em
to General Peterson?!
425
00:18:01,195 --> 00:18:03,864
Jeannie. Jeannie.
No, that's too slow.
426
00:18:03,865 --> 00:18:05,633
Jeannie. Jeannie.
427
00:18:05,634 --> 00:18:07,701
Jeannie. Argh!
428
00:18:07,702 --> 00:18:10,004
I am here, master.
Are your pipchicks finished?
429
00:18:10,005 --> 00:18:11,972
Are they finished?
I'm finished.
430
00:18:11,973 --> 00:18:13,240
Look.
431
00:18:13,241 --> 00:18:14,674
No dancing.
[BELLOWS SINGING]
432
00:18:14,675 --> 00:18:16,777
The regulations book
says no dancing.
433
00:18:17,878 --> 00:18:19,213
Oh, dear.
Yeah.
434
00:18:19,214 --> 00:18:21,515
What went wrong?
I'll tell you what went wrong.
435
00:18:21,516 --> 00:18:24,084
Your mother, that's what...
She did this deliberately.
436
00:18:24,085 --> 00:18:26,320
W-would you please
blink them outta that?
437
00:18:26,321 --> 00:18:28,855
Oh, of course,
master. Heh-heh.
438
00:18:28,856 --> 00:18:29,856
[MAGIC BOINGS]
439
00:18:29,857 --> 00:18:31,425
Well, go ahead.
440
00:18:31,426 --> 00:18:34,394
[BELLOWS SINGING INDISTINCTLY]
441
00:18:34,395 --> 00:18:36,147
Salute.
Always salute when rowing.
442
00:18:36,148 --> 00:18:38,032
ROGER: Sir, you're out of uniform.
I said...
443
00:18:38,033 --> 00:18:39,033
Oh, dear.
444
00:18:39,734 --> 00:18:41,068
"Oh, dear"?
445
00:18:41,069 --> 00:18:43,203
Listen. You go back
to your mother
446
00:18:43,204 --> 00:18:44,872
and you ask her
what this is all about.
447
00:18:44,873 --> 00:18:47,274
You find out what this is,
and you get an antidote.
448
00:18:47,275 --> 00:18:48,742
I've gotta go
to General Peterson
449
00:18:48,743 --> 00:18:50,477
before this whole base
goes berserk.
450
00:18:50,478 --> 00:18:52,198
Yes, master.
Yeah.
451
00:18:53,147 --> 00:18:57,051
And furthermore,
you tell your mother... Oh.
452
00:18:57,052 --> 00:18:58,619
You mean, you ate
one of those things
453
00:18:58,620 --> 00:19:00,087
and nothing happened?
454
00:19:00,088 --> 00:19:02,723
Why, of course not, except I
never felt better in my life.
455
00:19:02,724 --> 00:19:05,192
Why, you've done
a marvelous job, major.
456
00:19:05,193 --> 00:19:07,394
Oh. Thank you, sir.
Thank you.
457
00:19:07,395 --> 00:19:09,096
Uh, what'd you do
with the rest of them?
458
00:19:09,097 --> 00:19:10,363
I sent a dozen to Washington,
459
00:19:10,364 --> 00:19:11,932
the president,
the vice president.
460
00:19:11,933 --> 00:19:14,668
The joint chiefs of staff
would be most interested.
461
00:19:16,605 --> 00:19:18,171
How did you send them, sir?
462
00:19:18,172 --> 00:19:19,940
By the regular NASA mailbox.
463
00:19:19,941 --> 00:19:21,208
What's the matter with you?
464
00:19:21,209 --> 00:19:23,310
You look as if
you're about to collapse.
465
00:19:23,311 --> 00:19:25,946
Sir, those pipchicks
have a very strange side effect.
466
00:19:25,947 --> 00:19:28,281
People's inner personality
come to the surface.
467
00:19:28,282 --> 00:19:31,018
Well, that ridiculous. They
haven't done anything to me.
468
00:19:31,019 --> 00:19:34,054
I have Colonel Bellows,
Colonel Finch and Roger Healey
469
00:19:34,055 --> 00:19:35,723
locked up
in the laboratory right now.
470
00:19:35,724 --> 00:19:38,092
If the inner personalities of
the people in Washington
471
00:19:38,093 --> 00:19:40,094
come to the surface...
472
00:19:40,095 --> 00:19:41,528
Good heavens.
473
00:19:41,529 --> 00:19:44,098
Get to the NASA mailbox, major.
I'll try to stop it from here.
474
00:19:44,099 --> 00:19:46,133
Right, sir. I-I'm glad to see
they didn't have
475
00:19:46,134 --> 00:19:47,134
any effect on you.
476
00:19:47,135 --> 00:19:49,369
I'm all right.
Good, good.
477
00:19:52,641 --> 00:19:54,808
Oh, hi.
Tony.
478
00:19:54,809 --> 00:19:56,010
PETERSON:
Charge!
479
00:19:56,011 --> 00:19:57,778
Indians.
Indians all over the place.
480
00:19:57,779 --> 00:19:59,379
We gotta protect the fort.
481
00:19:59,380 --> 00:20:01,314
That way, paleface.
Oh.
482
00:20:02,651 --> 00:20:05,385
Charge! Get those Indians.
483
00:20:05,386 --> 00:20:08,455
General, general.
Here, this way, sir.
484
00:20:08,456 --> 00:20:11,158
Sitting Bull, I'm gonna get you
for what you did to Custer.
485
00:20:12,260 --> 00:20:14,061
♪ A-roving, a-roving ♪
486
00:20:14,062 --> 00:20:15,729
General, this way, sir.
487
00:20:15,730 --> 00:20:17,631
Sitting Bull's
right in there, sir.
488
00:20:17,632 --> 00:20:19,733
[SCREAMS]
489
00:20:19,734 --> 00:20:22,969
[BUGLE CALL PLAYS]
490
00:20:22,970 --> 00:20:25,272
Mailbox. Mailbox.
491
00:20:27,158 --> 00:20:28,442
[WHIMPERING]
492
00:20:30,110 --> 00:20:32,646
Oh!
Hello, master.
493
00:20:32,647 --> 00:20:35,782
What has happened?
Oh, nothing much, Jeannie.
494
00:20:35,783 --> 00:20:38,017
Let's see: Uh, Colonel Finch
is a butterfly,
495
00:20:38,018 --> 00:20:39,953
Colonel Bellows
is out hunting Moby Dick,
496
00:20:39,954 --> 00:20:41,988
General Peterson is trying
to revenge Custer,
497
00:20:41,989 --> 00:20:44,458
and our swinger friend Roger
is Captain Bligh.
498
00:20:44,459 --> 00:20:46,460
How's your mother?
Oh, she's just fine.
499
00:20:46,461 --> 00:20:48,328
Thank you, master. Heh, heh.
Right, yeah.
500
00:20:48,329 --> 00:20:51,097
But I am afraid
she gave you the wrong recipe.
501
00:20:51,098 --> 00:20:53,567
No kidding, yeah. Listen,
there's a parcel of pipchicks
502
00:20:53,568 --> 00:20:55,635
on its way to the Pentagon.
Pick it out of there.
503
00:20:55,636 --> 00:20:58,872
Oh, that is easy, master.
No, not here, not here.
504
00:20:59,574 --> 00:21:02,275
Well. Hi.
505
00:21:04,746 --> 00:21:07,213
Jeannie? Jeannie.
506
00:21:07,214 --> 00:21:09,883
Look, there's no time to play
games. Where are you, anyhow?
507
00:21:09,884 --> 00:21:12,118
I am here, master.
In the mailbox.
508
00:21:12,503 --> 00:21:13,587
[GROANS]
509
00:21:13,588 --> 00:21:14,621
Look, find the package.
510
00:21:14,622 --> 00:21:15,902
Get the package. The parcel.
511
00:21:17,091 --> 00:21:18,725
Yes, master.
512
00:21:22,447 --> 00:21:23,847
Oh!
513
00:21:25,417 --> 00:21:27,818
No, no. Not... Not letters.
Not letters.
514
00:21:27,819 --> 00:21:29,320
The package.
The parcel.
515
00:21:29,321 --> 00:21:32,255
Yes, master.
I am looking. I am looking.
516
00:21:34,693 --> 00:21:36,827
You will have to take
some of these, master.
517
00:21:36,828 --> 00:21:39,162
I cannot see what I am doing.
518
00:21:39,697 --> 00:21:40,714
[GRUNTS]
519
00:21:42,450 --> 00:21:43,751
Oh.
520
00:21:43,752 --> 00:21:45,619
Here it is, master.
521
00:21:45,620 --> 00:21:48,555
Oh, it is all smashed.
522
00:21:48,556 --> 00:21:50,307
Well, blink it out.
523
00:21:50,308 --> 00:21:52,258
Oh, I could not do that, master.
524
00:21:52,259 --> 00:21:54,540
After all, it is Mama's magic.
525
00:21:56,297 --> 00:21:58,298
All right, well, then
hand 'em up one at a time.
526
00:21:58,299 --> 00:22:00,968
Oh, master.
I told Mama you were
527
00:22:00,969 --> 00:22:03,236
the most intelligent astronaut
of the whole group.
528
00:22:03,237 --> 00:22:05,839
She did not believe me, but
I will convince her some day.
529
00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:07,408
Jeannie, will you?
530
00:22:07,409 --> 00:22:09,493
Oh, yes, master.
Right away, right away.
531
00:22:09,494 --> 00:22:12,112
Look, uh, I haven't got all day.
Will you hurry it up, please?
532
00:22:12,113 --> 00:22:14,081
Hi. How are you?
533
00:22:14,082 --> 00:22:15,582
No... Yes,
as a matter of fact.
534
00:22:15,583 --> 00:22:17,951
You know,
I've always admired you mailmen.
535
00:22:17,952 --> 00:22:19,987
Through sleet and snow,
hail and rain,
536
00:22:19,988 --> 00:22:21,889
the mail must meet
its appointed rounds.
537
00:22:21,890 --> 00:22:24,191
And there...
Excuse me, I'm a little late.
538
00:22:24,192 --> 00:22:25,558
Relax, take it easy.
539
00:22:25,559 --> 00:22:27,360
You're in the service,
I'm in the service.
540
00:22:27,361 --> 00:22:29,696
Maybe we chew the fat,
learn how each other operates.
541
00:22:29,697 --> 00:22:31,999
Major, you're interfering
with U.S. mails.
542
00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:33,400
[LAUGHS] Of course not.
543
00:22:33,401 --> 00:22:35,169
I use the U.S. mails
all the time, watch.
544
00:22:35,170 --> 00:22:37,171
I'll show you how easy it is.
545
00:22:37,172 --> 00:22:38,972
JEANNIE:
Master.
546
00:22:38,973 --> 00:22:40,507
There someone in there?
547
00:22:40,508 --> 00:22:41,809
[LAUGHING] No, of course not.
548
00:22:41,810 --> 00:22:44,644
You can't go around
mailing people.
549
00:22:44,645 --> 00:22:46,680
Oh, sorry.
550
00:22:46,681 --> 00:22:48,916
Jeannie, will you hurry it up?
Will...? Oh.
551
00:22:48,917 --> 00:22:50,350
[♪]
552
00:22:50,351 --> 00:22:51,919
[COUGHING] Major.
553
00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:54,087
Are you all right,
major? Major?
554
00:22:54,088 --> 00:22:57,408
[HOARSELY] I'm all right.
Thanks. Thanks.
555
00:23:03,597 --> 00:23:05,465
What's going on here?
556
00:23:05,466 --> 00:23:06,766
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
557
00:23:06,767 --> 00:23:09,569
Let us out. Let us out.
Somebody unlock the door.
558
00:23:09,570 --> 00:23:11,538
I still don't know
what I'm doing in here.
559
00:23:11,539 --> 00:23:13,707
I don't even know how
we got here in the first place.
560
00:23:13,708 --> 00:23:15,309
We... We must have been
attacked.
561
00:23:15,310 --> 00:23:17,744
I can't think of any other
reason I'd be out of uniform.
562
00:23:17,745 --> 00:23:20,647
Last thing I remember, Major
Nelson came into my office.
563
00:23:20,648 --> 00:23:23,650
Of course.
Major Nelson.
564
00:23:23,651 --> 00:23:25,736
He'd have an explanation, sir.
He always does.
565
00:23:25,737 --> 00:23:27,453
[ALL SCREAMING]
566
00:23:31,526 --> 00:23:33,994
Don't anybody panic.
Major Nelson.
567
00:23:33,995 --> 00:23:35,261
Don't anybody panic.
568
00:23:35,262 --> 00:23:38,031
Ladder Company Number 69
to the rescue.
569
00:23:38,032 --> 00:23:41,034
[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
570
00:23:41,035 --> 00:23:42,969
[♪]
571
00:23:50,261 --> 00:23:52,195
[♪]
40421
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