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1
00:00:02,128 --> 00:00:06,090
And then, I think I'm going
to go to the garlic festival.
2
00:00:06,215 --> 00:00:08,259
Wow. Sounds like fun.
You guys would love it.
3
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:10,094
No, we wouldn't.
They have a tcby booth.
4
00:00:10,219 --> 00:00:12,013
Cool. Same stuff
you get downtown.
5
00:00:12,096 --> 00:00:13,681
Do you like tcby? Who doesn't?
6
00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:18,978
"I can't believe it's
yogurt." It'll be fun.
7
00:00:19,061 --> 00:00:22,356
I confirmed with raskin design and they're
expecting the both of you in an hour.
8
00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:24,108
Oh, actually, it's
just going to be me.
9
00:00:24,192 --> 00:00:25,818
They said the both of you.
10
00:00:25,902 --> 00:00:27,028
That's a mistake.
11
00:00:27,111 --> 00:00:29,238
You should give them
a call, check that out.
12
00:00:29,322 --> 00:00:31,699
All right, just clear this up.
13
00:00:31,782 --> 00:00:34,035
Well, there's actually been
a few changes in the company,
14
00:00:34,118 --> 00:00:36,537
and Michael and I are
actually at the same level.
15
00:00:36,621 --> 00:00:38,915
So, I can... no.
16
00:00:39,916 --> 00:00:41,709
No, why would that be a problem?
17
00:00:41,792 --> 00:00:43,544
Jim's a good kid,
he can handle a lot,
18
00:00:43,628 --> 00:00:47,506
but sometimes you
have to call in a master.
19
00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:52,637
Why would you date an amateur
when you could date a professional?
20
00:00:53,137 --> 00:00:55,223
Great. See you then.
21
00:00:55,306 --> 00:00:56,682
What?
22
00:00:56,766 --> 00:00:59,769
They said that they would feel
more comfortable if you came along.
23
00:00:59,852 --> 00:01:01,771
Why don't they just want
you to go by yourself?
24
00:01:01,854 --> 00:01:04,273
Why do they want me to
come, too? I don't understand.
25
00:01:04,357 --> 00:01:06,317
I absolutely don't
understand, either.
26
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:10,321
I don't want you to feel like
I'm babysitting you or something.
27
00:01:10,738 --> 00:01:12,698
All right. All right.
28
00:01:12,782 --> 00:01:15,368
Let me go get your stroller.
29
00:01:16,202 --> 00:01:18,537
Jim: Sure.
Michael's a good teacher.
30
00:01:18,621 --> 00:01:20,456
A teacher is someone who stands
31
00:01:20,539 --> 00:01:21,958
right next to you
your whole life
32
00:01:22,041 --> 00:01:23,918
and never lets you do anything.
33
00:01:24,001 --> 00:01:25,878
That's what a teacher is, right?
34
00:01:47,191 --> 00:01:48,335
What are you going
to call him? Dave.
35
00:01:48,359 --> 00:01:50,236
No.vvhats his name? Dave.
36
00:01:50,319 --> 00:01:52,363
Mr. Borchard.
They're very formal.
37
00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:53,882
Yeah. I've spoken
to them on the phone.
38
00:01:53,906 --> 00:01:56,367
Yeah, well,
this is not the phone.
39
00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:59,829
This is real life, baby,
and you got to own it.
40
00:01:59,912 --> 00:02:01,289
Is that what you are wearing?
41
00:02:01,372 --> 00:02:02,373
Yes, it is.
42
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:05,459
And that is the watch
that you are going to wear?
43
00:02:05,543 --> 00:02:08,629
No, it is not. You
should wear this watch.
44
00:02:08,713 --> 00:02:09,922
I will loan it to you.
45
00:02:10,006 --> 00:02:12,508
It is a tankard. I highly
recommend you wear that.
46
00:02:12,591 --> 00:02:14,510
No, thanks. They are into style.
47
00:02:14,593 --> 00:02:15,594
Mmm-hmm.
48
00:02:15,678 --> 00:02:17,638
They are into appearance.
We are selling success.
49
00:02:17,722 --> 00:02:20,308
And paper.
That's sort of secondary.
50
00:02:20,891 --> 00:02:22,518
Nope.no.
51
00:02:22,852 --> 00:02:25,688
He's trying to
micro co-manage me.
52
00:02:25,771 --> 00:02:29,984
Or co-micromanage me.
53
00:02:31,193 --> 00:02:33,154
Here we are outside
of the wilkes-barre...
54
00:02:33,237 --> 00:02:35,656
Industrial park. Industrial p.
55
00:02:36,324 --> 00:02:37,742
Making cold calls.
56
00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:39,577
The two people
with the lowest sales
57
00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:40,900
in the quarter have to do them.
58
00:02:42,163 --> 00:02:45,708
Palpabon drilling, where are you
59
00:02:45,791 --> 00:02:49,754
Dean trophies, suite 100
60
00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:53,049
sherman blinds & rugs, suite 202
61
00:02:53,132 --> 00:02:54,175
here it is.
62
00:02:54,258 --> 00:02:55,384
Palpabon drilling
63
00:02:55,468 --> 00:02:57,011
suite 401.
64
00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:58,554
Yeah, I was going
to sing that part.
65
00:02:58,637 --> 00:02:59,823
I know. Now you don't have to.
66
00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:02,016
Well, except it was going
to resolve the melody,
67
00:03:02,099 --> 00:03:03,768
so now my head hurts.
68
00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:05,770
It feels like
I held in a sneeze.
69
00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:08,814
I hate this feeling.
70
00:03:10,441 --> 00:03:13,611
Suite 401
71
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,282
All right.
72
00:03:19,367 --> 00:03:20,451
Hi. Any messages?
73
00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:21,535
You're soaking wet.
74
00:03:21,619 --> 00:03:23,621
Oh, well, Jim and I
got caught in a little
75
00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:26,874
flash rain, flash winds,
flash lightning.
76
00:03:26,957 --> 00:03:28,584
Wow. Sounds scary.
77
00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:32,171
It was. It was. And then
in an instant, it wasn't.
78
00:03:32,630 --> 00:03:33,714
Why isn't Jim wet?
79
00:03:33,798 --> 00:03:34,882
I outran it.
80
00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:37,802
I don't think it rained.
My hip would be throbbing.
81
00:03:37,927 --> 00:03:39,845
It rained. Michael, can
I get you something?
82
00:03:39,929 --> 00:03:41,055
A towel, some cocoa?
83
00:03:41,138 --> 00:03:42,890
Nothing. Cocoa.
84
00:03:43,599 --> 00:03:45,077
I'll just leave that suit
in your office, then?
85
00:03:45,101 --> 00:03:47,061
Good, yeah.
86
00:03:47,228 --> 00:03:49,355
Must be nice to have
company on these cold calls.
87
00:03:49,438 --> 00:03:51,941
We're kind of a dynamic duo.
88
00:03:52,024 --> 00:03:53,275
Or trio.
89
00:03:53,526 --> 00:03:56,487
How exciting! Do you
guys know the sex yet?
90
00:03:57,113 --> 00:03:58,489
Oh, no, no.
91
00:04:00,116 --> 00:04:03,035
We're not together.
No, no, no. Definitely not.
92
00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:07,081
Definitely not. No,
we just work together.
93
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:11,043
Looks like somebody's got
a case of the definitelys.
94
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:17,925
Michael, the custodian from
raskin design is on the line.
95
00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:19,768
He said they found
your keys in the koi pond.
96
00:04:19,844 --> 00:04:21,429
Okay, thank you.
97
00:04:22,430 --> 00:04:24,098
Did you say koipond?
98
00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:28,727
Yeah? Michael, people
are asking questions.
99
00:04:28,811 --> 00:04:31,147
Okay. Put them on speaker.
100
00:04:31,230 --> 00:04:32,440
Hey, guys, what's going on?
101
00:04:32,523 --> 00:04:35,109
Hey, Michael, did you
fall into a koi pond?
102
00:04:35,192 --> 00:04:38,529
I can't really hear you. I think
we have sort of a bad connection.
103
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:41,240
Jim, did Michael
fall into a koi pond?
104
00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:46,036
It's like Michael said.
It was something else.
105
00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:49,248
Okay, this is what it was.
It was these bunch of idiots
106
00:04:49,331 --> 00:04:53,752
that had put a fish tank in the
ground with no cover and no railing.
107
00:04:53,836 --> 00:04:54,962
So you fell in? No.
108
00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:57,465
Maybe I was trying to save
a child that had fallen in.
109
00:04:57,548 --> 00:04:58,799
So a child had fallen in?
110
00:04:58,883 --> 00:05:00,050
Not yet.
111
00:05:00,134 --> 00:05:01,469
That is hilarious.
112
00:05:01,552 --> 00:05:04,013
No.don't I'm not going to
bump. I'm not going to bump.
113
00:05:04,096 --> 00:05:07,766
And it was not hilarious.
It was very, very terrifying.
114
00:05:09,894 --> 00:05:11,937
Truthfully, it wasn't
the way he fell in.
115
00:05:12,021 --> 00:05:15,524
It was how long it
took him to get out.
116
00:05:15,608 --> 00:05:18,486
And we'd like to offer you
15% off your first purchase
117
00:05:18,569 --> 00:05:20,905
as our way of welcoming
you to the area.
118
00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:22,740
Well, that sounds
like a really nice deal.
119
00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:23,824
Sha-bow!
120
00:05:23,908 --> 00:05:26,660
And I must say that since
we are a family business,
121
00:05:26,744 --> 00:05:28,329
it's nice to see
that you are, too.
122
00:05:28,412 --> 00:05:29,830
Oh!
123
00:05:29,914 --> 00:05:33,000
Wow. You thought that...
124
00:05:33,083 --> 00:05:35,669
Oh, my gosh. Definitely not.
125
00:05:35,753 --> 00:05:37,338
My mistake. I'm sorry.
126
00:05:37,421 --> 00:05:38,464
It's okay.
127
00:05:38,547 --> 00:05:41,550
Nah, actually,
it's kind of not okay.
128
00:05:42,176 --> 00:05:44,637
I date models. Face models.
129
00:05:45,137 --> 00:05:49,391
My girlfriend, on a
scale of one-to-Gisele,
130
00:05:51,101 --> 00:05:52,228
a nine.
131
00:05:52,311 --> 00:05:53,354
That's good for you.
132
00:05:53,437 --> 00:05:55,856
Anyway, we also have
a special on envelopes...
133
00:05:55,940 --> 00:05:58,150
Pam's carrying our surrogate
134
00:05:58,234 --> 00:06:02,988
because my girlfriend needed to
keep her figure for fashion week.
135
00:06:03,489 --> 00:06:05,699
So, we put our baby in Pam.
136
00:06:05,783 --> 00:06:07,576
It doesn't matter
what Pam looks like.
137
00:06:08,619 --> 00:06:09,662
Yeah.
138
00:06:09,745 --> 00:06:11,956
You were way meaner
to me than I was to you.
139
00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:13,874
No, I wasn't, okay?
140
00:06:13,958 --> 00:06:16,669
The very idea of us together
made you burst out laughing
141
00:06:16,752 --> 00:06:19,713
like you just bit into an Adam
sandler and jelly sandwich.
142
00:06:19,797 --> 00:06:22,550
You blew the sale, you idiot!
143
00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:24,093
Let me tell you something.
144
00:06:24,176 --> 00:06:26,720
I was never going
to make that sale.
145
00:06:27,513 --> 00:06:30,224
Erin, do we have any of those
clips that hold paper together?
146
00:06:30,307 --> 00:06:31,517
Staples?
147
00:06:33,644 --> 00:06:35,062
David Wallace called.
148
00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:36,522
Oh, he did? What did he say?
149
00:06:36,605 --> 00:06:38,691
He heard you made a
big splash at the meeting.
150
00:06:38,774 --> 00:06:41,002
Oh, my god, that was so mean
what I just said, and I didn't mean it.
151
00:06:41,026 --> 00:06:42,826
It was Kevin and Meredith
who put me up to it.
152
00:06:43,571 --> 00:06:44,613
Okay.
153
00:06:44,697 --> 00:06:46,323
I'm going to kill you.
154
00:06:46,407 --> 00:06:48,242
Michael, don't listen to them.
155
00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:49,325
Thank you, Stanley.
156
00:06:49,368 --> 00:06:51,412
You just ignore their carping.
157
00:06:51,495 --> 00:06:52,538
Okay.
158
00:06:52,621 --> 00:06:53,661
Michael? Yes.
159
00:06:53,706 --> 00:06:56,375
A carp is both a fish
and a term for complaining.
160
00:06:56,458 --> 00:06:57,835
They're mocking you
with word play.
161
00:06:57,918 --> 00:07:00,129
Hey, boss, did you find Nemo?
162
00:07:00,212 --> 00:07:02,339
I can name pixar movies, too.
163
00:07:02,423 --> 00:07:04,842
Toy story.
Don't you mean koi story?
164
00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:08,804
And when you fell in,
did you flounder?
165
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:12,182
Michael, flounder is
both a kind of a fish...
166
00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:13,642
I know what a flounder is.
167
00:07:14,143 --> 00:07:15,686
Hey, Michael. No! No!
168
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:17,396
No more! That is it!
169
00:07:17,479 --> 00:07:19,231
Everybody in the
conference room, right now!
170
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:22,234
I'm not usually
the butt of the joke.
171
00:07:22,318 --> 00:07:24,111
I'm usually
the face of the joke.
172
00:07:26,530 --> 00:07:28,741
I wish Jim had fallen
into that pond.
173
00:07:28,824 --> 00:07:30,451
Then he'd have
to put on my suit,
174
00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:33,412
and it would be too
short, and he'd look...
175
00:07:34,538 --> 00:07:36,498
Damn it, he'd still look good.
176
00:07:37,583 --> 00:07:40,210
The most fundamental thing
about sensitivity training
177
00:07:40,294 --> 00:07:44,882
is that you cannot make fun of a
person for something or some action
178
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:47,384
that they have done
that they regret.
179
00:07:47,468 --> 00:07:50,554
You can only make fun of
things that they have control over.
180
00:07:51,096 --> 00:07:54,850
Like, Oscar is gay.
That is his choice.
181
00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:59,355
We can make fun of that. I did
not choose to fall into a koi pond.
182
00:07:59,438 --> 00:08:01,523
Michael, you still
can't make fun of people
183
00:08:01,607 --> 00:08:04,318
for race or gender or
sexual orientation or religion...
184
00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:06,695
Who let the lemonhead
into the room?
185
00:08:06,779 --> 00:08:08,619
You are a waste of life
and you should give up.
186
00:08:11,075 --> 00:08:13,827
Is what I want to say
but I won't,
187
00:08:13,911 --> 00:08:16,872
because that is why we
are doing this right now.
188
00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:20,584
So, Toby, welcome to sensitivity
training for real. Show of hands.
189
00:08:20,918 --> 00:08:23,921
Who here has been koi-ponded?
190
00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:28,133
Who here has been the butt
of a joke that has gone too far?
191
00:08:28,258 --> 00:08:31,387
Phyllis. Michael, you
make fun of us every day.
192
00:08:31,470 --> 00:08:33,263
Yeah. Every single day.
193
00:08:33,347 --> 00:08:34,682
You never said anything.
194
00:08:34,765 --> 00:08:36,225
We have. Countless times.
195
00:08:36,308 --> 00:08:40,354
Well, it is hard to tell the
difference between you guys saying,
196
00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:42,022
"stop, because
I want you to stop,"
197
00:08:42,106 --> 00:08:46,026
or stop as in, "stop, you're
making me laugh so hard.
198
00:08:46,110 --> 00:08:48,862
"What you're doing is
so funny. You're on a roll.
199
00:08:48,946 --> 00:08:50,739
"I am busting a gut. Stop!"
200
00:08:51,699 --> 00:08:53,200
That's never been the case.
201
00:08:53,283 --> 00:08:55,577
We are going to make
202
00:08:55,661 --> 00:09:01,625
a do not mock list.
203
00:09:01,709 --> 00:09:06,880
Okay? Anything that we think might
be out of bounds, we put on this list.
204
00:09:07,297 --> 00:09:10,634
Anything you put on this list,
you cannot be teased about.
205
00:09:10,718 --> 00:09:11,760
Got it?
206
00:09:11,844 --> 00:09:13,387
I'm going to kick it off.
207
00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:19,226
Let's see what I have
to put on the list, right?
208
00:09:19,309 --> 00:09:20,644
Okay.
209
00:09:20,728 --> 00:09:24,690
I also have fallen into the
fountain at the steamtown mall.
210
00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:26,942
You fell into a second fountain?
211
00:09:28,819 --> 00:09:30,487
Can you kick me
out of the meeting now?
212
00:09:30,571 --> 00:09:31,989
Go. Go.
213
00:09:34,992 --> 00:09:38,370
Starting today, teasing
will no longer be tolerated.
214
00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:41,165
You mean there's
no teasing of any kind?
215
00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:44,668
No, no, no, just things that are
on the list. That is the beauty of it.
216
00:09:44,752 --> 00:09:47,129
Okay, who else? Who
else? Dwight, come on.
217
00:09:47,212 --> 00:09:49,089
I don't want people
making fun of my nose.
218
00:09:49,173 --> 00:09:50,674
Your nose?
219
00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:52,593
It's too small.
220
00:09:52,676 --> 00:09:56,638
The geometric proportions of my
face are perfect in every way but one.
221
00:09:57,514 --> 00:09:59,433
My nose is too small.
222
00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:01,518
I mean, it still works.
I can smell things.
223
00:10:01,602 --> 00:10:04,813
I just have to be a lot
closer than most people.
224
00:10:05,522 --> 00:10:06,648
Oh, my. That is small.
225
00:10:06,732 --> 00:10:08,358
Just write it down, please.
226
00:10:08,442 --> 00:10:09,610
Oscar: Can you breathe okay?
227
00:10:09,693 --> 00:10:11,278
What keeps your glasses on?
228
00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:12,780
Hey, it's on the list,
everybody.
229
00:10:12,863 --> 00:10:15,115
No, lhavent finished writing.
230
00:10:15,199 --> 00:10:19,495
Did you sneeze it off?
That's it. No more. Okay.
231
00:10:19,578 --> 00:10:21,681
Who else, who else? Everybody's
going to get their chance.
232
00:10:21,705 --> 00:10:24,500
I don't want people
making fun of my weight.
233
00:10:24,583 --> 00:10:26,794
Okay, that's too broad.
It's got to be something else.
234
00:10:26,877 --> 00:10:29,046
How about your stomach? Yeah?
235
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:34,384
Who else? I'm very sensitive
about my petite figure.
236
00:10:34,635 --> 00:10:35,636
Oh, god.
237
00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:39,431
I am. I'm afraid of being
thrown around like a football.
238
00:10:39,848 --> 00:10:42,226
Well, you know, Nicole Richie
might think that you are fat.
239
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:44,061
Does that make you feel better?
240
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,145
Meredith?
241
00:10:45,229 --> 00:10:46,456
I don't want to say it out loud.
242
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:49,107
Okay, fine. Come on
up here, write it yourself.
243
00:10:49,191 --> 00:10:52,236
And don't sign your name
to it, and nobody look.
244
00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:55,864
Everybody, look away, look away.
245
00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:58,450
Well, I really didn't want
to put it on the board,
246
00:10:58,534 --> 00:11:00,786
but I thought maybe it was
going to come out somehow.
247
00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:03,080
So, what are you going to do?
248
00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:09,710
Okay.
249
00:11:09,753 --> 00:11:11,463
Some of you may have noticed
250
00:11:11,547 --> 00:11:17,845
I'm in that kind of ill-defined
relationship type of thing.
251
00:11:17,928 --> 00:11:19,346
Okay, what do you
want me to write?
252
00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:21,098
Just put Kelly. Aw!
253
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:22,182
That still going on?
254
00:11:22,266 --> 00:11:23,767
I will claw your tiny nose off.
255
00:11:23,851 --> 00:11:25,269
It's on the list.
256
00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:26,687
Creed, your turn.
257
00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:29,147
If I write it down,
I can't be charged with it.
258
00:11:29,606 --> 00:11:30,774
No one said that.
259
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:34,403
That is our sales pitch,
and we are sticking to it.
260
00:11:35,696 --> 00:11:39,449
Well, you two are quite the
salesmen, and a very cute couple.
261
00:11:40,576 --> 00:11:42,244
Well, it's...
262
00:11:44,121 --> 00:11:45,539
Thank you. Thank you.
263
00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:49,543
Some couples don't seem like
a good match, but you two do.
264
00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:50,878
Well, you know.
265
00:11:50,961 --> 00:11:53,547
Yeah, you know,
two peas in a pod.
266
00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:55,257
We complete each other.
267
00:11:55,340 --> 00:11:57,050
What can I say?
She loves to cook...
268
00:11:57,134 --> 00:11:58,760
He loves to eat.
269
00:11:59,261 --> 00:12:00,470
I love to dance...
270
00:12:00,554 --> 00:12:01,722
I love to watch him dance.
271
00:12:01,805 --> 00:12:04,933
Yeah, right. Sometimes I'll just
dance for hours in the living room.
272
00:12:05,017 --> 00:12:06,226
And I'll watch him.
273
00:12:06,310 --> 00:12:09,104
And a baby on the way?
You must be so excited.
274
00:12:09,187 --> 00:12:10,689
Mmm. Yes.
275
00:12:10,772 --> 00:12:12,983
Yeah, we are thrilled. Mmm-hmm.
276
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,568
In fact, we spent
the whole weekend
277
00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:16,904
researching various
birthing coaches.
278
00:12:16,987 --> 00:12:17,987
Wasn't that fun, honey?
279
00:12:18,030 --> 00:12:19,156
It was, sweetie. Yeah.
280
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:22,117
Oh, I know the best teacher.
Her name is miss Janet.
281
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,410
Yeah, on clearview Avenue.
282
00:12:23,493 --> 00:12:24,536
Keena: Yeah!
283
00:12:24,620 --> 00:12:25,704
Yeah.
284
00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:31,168
This sounds ridiculous, I know, but
some people say that I eat like a squirrel.
285
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:34,796
So now you're comparing
yourself to a cute, tiny animal?
286
00:12:36,006 --> 00:12:37,007
Michael? Hmm?
287
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:40,677
The custodian called again.
Apparently a koi has died.
288
00:12:40,761 --> 00:12:41,845
Oh, man!
289
00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:42,971
It's a fish.
290
00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:44,932
They want you to pay for it.
291
00:12:45,015 --> 00:12:46,659
It could have died of
natural causes, though.
292
00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:50,354
Well, they said you stepped
on its head. He did not suffer.
293
00:12:51,855 --> 00:12:53,190
When is the funeral?
294
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:55,734
Do not mock, Oscar. Do not mock.
295
00:12:55,817 --> 00:12:57,611
How much do they want? $300.
296
00:12:57,694 --> 00:13:01,323
What? No. I could get a
fish for a five-cent worm.
297
00:13:01,406 --> 00:13:05,369
You're paying way too much for
worms, man. Who's your worm guy?
298
00:13:05,494 --> 00:13:08,664
Okay, great meeting,
everybody. That's it. No, no.
299
00:13:08,747 --> 00:13:12,084
Thank you. No, we are
not done here. This...
300
00:13:14,544 --> 00:13:15,688
One of the baby books suggests
301
00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:19,049
the best birthing posture is
on all fours, like an animal.
302
00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:20,759
I just wish I had
a special telephone
303
00:13:20,842 --> 00:13:23,971
so I could find out exactly
what the little soybean wants.
304
00:13:24,054 --> 00:13:27,224
Right? Hey, little soybean.
What do you want?
305
00:13:27,766 --> 00:13:29,393
Right? How do...
306
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:33,939
I felt it kick.
Oh, that's great!
307
00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:37,150
Oh, my gosh, like a little
magical footjust high-fived me.
308
00:13:37,234 --> 00:13:38,652
Yeah, well, that'll happen.
309
00:13:38,735 --> 00:13:40,070
Oh, my gosh.
310
00:13:40,570 --> 00:13:43,907
It's like he's trying to say,
"I love you, too, daddy.
311
00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:45,158
"I love you, too."
312
00:13:45,242 --> 00:13:47,327
Sometimes we're so excited,
we forget where we are.
313
00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:50,622
Like at a business meeting.
314
00:13:51,540 --> 00:13:53,583
Message received,
little soybean.
315
00:13:53,792 --> 00:13:55,269
I think you just got to
ride this one out, man.
316
00:13:55,293 --> 00:13:57,587
No, Jim, you don't understand.
317
00:13:57,671 --> 00:13:59,756
Things like this just don't die.
318
00:14:00,549 --> 00:14:03,468
Kids in high school still call
me "ponytail." No, they don't.
319
00:14:03,552 --> 00:14:06,096
Yes, they do, Jim.
Because of the time
320
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:08,682
I got my ponytail
stuck in the power drill.
321
00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:11,393
Maybe if you make fun
of yourself, it'll all go away.
322
00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:12,787
I want to make fun
of you right now.
323
00:14:12,811 --> 00:14:17,232
Really? Do it. I am
a big, stupid goofball.
324
00:14:17,315 --> 00:14:19,943
No, don't do that.
You're not stupid.
325
00:14:21,319 --> 00:14:22,404
See?
326
00:14:23,655 --> 00:14:24,781
Oh, my god.
327
00:14:25,115 --> 00:14:30,412
Hey, I just want to say
that I cannot believe
328
00:14:30,495 --> 00:14:32,330
that I walked into a koi pond.
329
00:14:32,414 --> 00:14:34,624
I mean, seriously, walk much?
330
00:14:35,584 --> 00:14:36,752
Oh!
331
00:14:36,835 --> 00:14:39,921
I should wear a snorkel to the
next business meeting that I go to.
332
00:14:40,005 --> 00:14:42,883
Michael, you know, when you
think about it, it's not all your fault.
333
00:14:42,966 --> 00:14:44,843
I mean, who puts
a koi pond in a lobby?
334
00:14:44,926 --> 00:14:46,636
Michael: Well, you know what?
335
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:49,681
You're right, Phyllis,
but I've been there before.
336
00:14:49,765 --> 00:14:52,017
I've seen that pond.
This is the thing,
337
00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:53,977
I am a world-class moron,
is the problem.
338
00:14:54,061 --> 00:14:56,605
Michael, please stop it now.
You're embarrassing yourself.
339
00:14:56,688 --> 00:14:58,023
It's okay. We're having fun.
340
00:14:58,106 --> 00:15:01,276
It's actually not the first time
I've been embarrassed by a pond.
341
00:15:02,486 --> 00:15:03,528
In high school,
342
00:15:03,612 --> 00:15:06,531
the girls volleyball team always
used to throw me into the frozen lake.
343
00:15:06,615 --> 00:15:08,366
Four years in a row.
344
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:14,998
It was freezing! No, no,
no. This is even worse.
345
00:15:15,373 --> 00:15:17,876
Couple of weeks ago, I
went to get a new cell phone
346
00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:19,503
and I wanted one
of those packages
347
00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:20,813
where you have
the five, you know,
348
00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:22,839
the friends and family thing?
349
00:15:22,923 --> 00:15:24,925
And the guy was like,
"who are your five friends?"
350
00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:27,761
And I'm like...
I didn't even know.
351
00:15:27,844 --> 00:15:31,973
I couldn't even think. Oh, my
god, it was so embarrassing.
352
00:15:32,474 --> 00:15:33,975
That was so...
353
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:38,021
I don't even have jan's cell
phone number, and I hate her.
354
00:15:38,688 --> 00:15:42,609
She won't give it to me. I
was like, "I guess I'm a loser."
355
00:15:43,026 --> 00:15:46,613
A loser!
356
00:15:47,072 --> 00:15:49,407
Too far! God!
357
00:15:50,867 --> 00:15:54,037
Thanks a lot, man.
Thanks for the advice.
358
00:16:04,047 --> 00:16:05,549
Enjoying your nut?
359
00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:06,633
Oscar: Kevin.
360
00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:07,716
I'm not mocking.
361
00:16:07,759 --> 00:16:11,346
I was just making an
observation about her nut.
362
00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:12,973
I was.
363
00:16:13,056 --> 00:16:15,851
Hey, who wants to watch
Michael's pond dive?
364
00:16:15,934 --> 00:16:19,479
My roommate's friend is
the night janitor over there.
365
00:16:19,563 --> 00:16:23,233
He swiped the security tape
for me, and he's bringing it over.
366
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:27,112
Mmm. You know what? Maybe
we should go easy on Michael, guys.
367
00:16:27,195 --> 00:16:28,256
You know, you watch that tape,
368
00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:31,867
and you're going to have to stay
late for more sensitivity training, so.
369
00:16:31,950 --> 00:16:33,869
Yeah. We'll stay late.
370
00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:37,539
You are not a joke.
371
00:16:37,622 --> 00:16:38,665
I am.
372
00:16:38,748 --> 00:16:39,791
You are smart.
373
00:16:39,875 --> 00:16:40,876
Jim is smarter than me.
374
00:16:40,959 --> 00:16:42,919
You are handsome.
Jim is more handsome.
375
00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:47,883
No, Jim is ugly. Please. I mean, I'd
give anything for his nose. It's true.
376
00:16:47,966 --> 00:16:50,552
The rest of him, god,
he looks like popeye's wife.
377
00:16:50,635 --> 00:16:52,596
Wow, Wilma.
378
00:16:52,929 --> 00:16:55,390
See, that is funny.
That is a joke.
379
00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:58,101
I knowjokes
and you are not a joke.
380
00:16:59,060 --> 00:17:00,520
Her name's not Wilma.
381
00:17:01,479 --> 00:17:03,356
Stop making me laugh.
382
00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:04,893
Well, that went pretty well.
383
00:17:04,941 --> 00:17:05,941
Yeah, I guess.
384
00:17:05,984 --> 00:17:08,028
We got a maybe.
It was our first maybe.
385
00:17:08,111 --> 00:17:11,031
Going by the nard-dog curve,
I'd say we nailed it.
386
00:17:11,114 --> 00:17:12,175
If I'm being completely honest,
387
00:17:12,199 --> 00:17:13,825
I could have done
without the belly kiss.
388
00:17:13,909 --> 00:17:15,452
You know what? I'm sorry,
389
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:18,788
'cause in that moment, I knew I
was kissing your belly too much.
390
00:17:18,872 --> 00:17:20,248
Yeah, way too much. Yeah.
391
00:17:20,332 --> 00:17:22,083
I mean, what the hell was that?
392
00:17:22,167 --> 00:17:23,543
What the heck was that?
393
00:17:23,627 --> 00:17:24,628
When you cried.
394
00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:27,214
Try "almost cried." Okay?
395
00:17:27,297 --> 00:17:29,216
I just got caught
up in the fantasy.
396
00:17:29,299 --> 00:17:32,552
Your fantasy involves comparison
shopping birthing classes?
397
00:17:32,636 --> 00:17:35,889
No. I know I'm going
to go with miss Janet.
398
00:17:35,972 --> 00:17:39,267
I just... I don't know, it
was fun to role-play, right?
399
00:17:39,351 --> 00:17:40,393
Hmm.
400
00:17:40,477 --> 00:17:43,897
It was fun for me, having
a wife and a little baby.
401
00:17:45,023 --> 00:17:47,359
I'm so sick of being single.
402
00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:49,736
Well, are you dating anyone?
403
00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:53,531
What do you think of Erin?
I mean, she's kind of cool.
404
00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:56,534
You think I can do better?
405
00:17:58,620 --> 00:18:00,705
Got to get my going out on.
406
00:18:01,998 --> 00:18:03,017
Hey, let's watch this thing.
407
00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:04,501
Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay, yeah.
408
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:05,669
We're not watching this.
409
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,087
How can we not watch this?
410
00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:08,672
What happened to "do not mock"?
411
00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:10,173
We're not mocking,
we're watching.
412
00:18:10,257 --> 00:18:12,217
That will inevitably
lead to mocking, so.
413
00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:13,611
Phyllis: Well, we'll
deal with it as it comes.
414
00:18:13,635 --> 00:18:14,820
Is this the tape of me falling?
415
00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:15,929
Yes, put the DVD in. Yep.
416
00:18:16,012 --> 00:18:17,490
Open up quicktime.
It starts on its own.
417
00:18:17,514 --> 00:18:19,349
No, use quicktime,
trust me, I've done this.
418
00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,476
Guys, Michael can't handle this.
419
00:18:21,559 --> 00:18:23,895
And as your boss, I'm
saying, we're not watching it.
420
00:18:23,979 --> 00:18:26,606
No, it's okay, watch it.
He can't fire all of you.
421
00:18:26,690 --> 00:18:27,732
Jim: What are you doing?
422
00:18:27,816 --> 00:18:29,234
It's all right. I can handle it.
423
00:18:29,317 --> 00:18:30,610
I am a grownup, Jim. No.
424
00:18:30,694 --> 00:18:31,695
Meredith: It's on.
425
00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:32,779
Kevin: There they come.
426
00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:36,199
Boom!
427
00:18:36,241 --> 00:18:37,951
Oscar: Oh! Did you
see that? See what?
428
00:18:38,034 --> 00:18:39,286
Wait, why did you stop it?
429
00:18:39,369 --> 00:18:41,079
Oscar, yes, you're
right to stop it.
430
00:18:41,162 --> 00:18:42,414
Thank you, eject it.
431
00:18:42,497 --> 00:18:44,291
Jim, you let Michael fall in.
432
00:18:44,374 --> 00:18:45,500
Dwight: Play it again.
433
00:18:48,712 --> 00:18:51,715
Dwight: He purposefully
leaned away and let you fall.
434
00:18:51,923 --> 00:18:54,009
Oh, man!
435
00:18:57,012 --> 00:19:00,307
I think when I started to see
you go in, I think I just froze.
436
00:19:00,390 --> 00:19:02,350
I don't think you froze.
437
00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:07,105
It's a killer new dance move.
438
00:19:08,898 --> 00:19:10,618
Do you want
to talk in your office?
439
00:19:12,402 --> 00:19:15,739
I didn't ask you.
Would you like to talk?
440
00:19:18,408 --> 00:19:19,701
Judas.
441
00:19:19,784 --> 00:19:21,494
Jim is my enemy,
but it turns out
442
00:19:21,578 --> 00:19:23,663
that Jim is also
his own worst enemy.
443
00:19:23,747 --> 00:19:28,418
And the enemy of my enemy is my
friend, so Jim is actually my friend.
444
00:19:30,378 --> 00:19:33,173
But, because he is
his own worst enemy,
445
00:19:33,256 --> 00:19:35,050
the enemy of my
friend is my enemy,
446
00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:37,260
so actually Jim is my enemy.
447
00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:39,095
But...
448
00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:42,265
I should have
grabbed you. I'm sorry.
449
00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:47,145
Look, I thought I could have
done today's sales call alone.
450
00:19:47,645 --> 00:19:49,731
I mean, I may never be as
good a salesman as you are,
451
00:19:49,814 --> 00:19:52,817
but I at least need
the chance to do the job.
452
00:19:54,402 --> 00:19:56,196
Jim is jealous of me?
453
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:01,326
Jim is jealous of me.
454
00:20:05,455 --> 00:20:07,040
Hey, what's up, lifeguard?
455
00:20:07,123 --> 00:20:09,084
Oscar: Jim, I think
I'm in your way.
456
00:20:16,007 --> 00:20:17,634
Oscar's a douche.
457
00:20:20,220 --> 00:20:21,596
He's all right.
458
00:20:21,679 --> 00:20:23,973
He's... yeah, he's all right.
459
00:20:26,684 --> 00:20:27,811
Okay.
460
00:20:32,482 --> 00:20:33,762
Thanks, Michael. You're welcome.
461
00:20:33,983 --> 00:20:36,236
Whoa! Almost fell.
462
00:20:42,659 --> 00:20:45,620
Hey, Erin, do you mind
faxing this for me? Oh, sure.
463
00:20:45,703 --> 00:20:47,414
Wait, hand them
to me upside down,
464
00:20:47,497 --> 00:20:49,958
so I don't accidentally
read them.
465
00:20:50,792 --> 00:20:51,793
Okay. Thanks.
466
00:20:51,876 --> 00:20:52,919
Mmm-hmm.
467
00:20:53,002 --> 00:20:55,630
How did today go, by the way?
Did you make any sales?
468
00:20:55,713 --> 00:20:58,133
No, it was a total
waste of time.
469
00:21:01,344 --> 00:21:02,387
It was fun, though,
470
00:21:02,470 --> 00:21:04,013
because I got to spend the day
471
00:21:04,097 --> 00:21:06,349
with Andy Bernard
and he's really cool.
472
00:21:06,433 --> 00:21:07,767
Yeah, he is.
473
00:21:07,851 --> 00:21:09,144
Yeah, he is.
474
00:21:09,227 --> 00:21:11,396
He's like the coolest
person I've ever met.
475
00:21:11,479 --> 00:21:13,356
That's right.
476
00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:16,401
He's like Marlon Brando.
477
00:21:19,154 --> 00:21:22,532
Oh, do you mean Marlon
wayans? 'Cause he is.
478
00:21:23,324 --> 00:21:25,785
I actually do mean
Marlon wayans. Yeah.
33840
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