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Finding Balance: How To Say No
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Hi I'm Hailey with Caravan Wellness and you are watching
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how to say no so I'm gonna let you in on a little secret
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here's the thing I really like to be liked
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I'm not sure if you're anything like me
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but if you are you can't stand the thought of people
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being mad at you
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or you shrivel up at the idea that you've let someone
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down and this happens to a lot of us and this often leads
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us to saying yes to everything I am a constant over
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booker
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if you look at my calendar
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you would find things over laughing
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and when I do this and when we do this we
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end up burning the candle at both ends
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we end up finding ourselves at events that we don't
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want to be at doing things we don't want to do with people
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that we don't even like so why the heck do we do this
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why do we say yes
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when we actually mean no the reality is that we want
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to impress people as a society we want to get ahead
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we always want to be doing the thing that's going to
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put us one step further
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so whether that's saying yes to a project that we realistically
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don't have the time for so that we can get that promotion
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or get that raise that we've been looking for
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or we go on a date because we feel like well I really
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should do that because I want to be in a relationship
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so if I don't go to this happy hour I don't go to the bar
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Then I'm never gonna get what I want
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but the reality is we don't have to say yes to everything
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we often say yes because of societal expectations
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of us
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we think that we have to say yes to everything in order
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to get that promotion
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we have to say yes to that project that we don't realistically
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have the time to do because we think we're going to
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get a raise or we say yes to the date that we don't want
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to go on because we want to be in a relationship
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so we feel like we have to go out every night of the week
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or we end up at cocktail hours or a baby shower for someone
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whose baby we don't even we don't even know the person
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and yet we show up so we do this constantly but then
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we end up wearing ourselves out completely so that
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we're actually not even able to
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Show up to the things we say yes for so when we say yes
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to things that we actually mean no we're actually
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doing a disservice to ourselves and to the people
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around us because we're not showing up like our authentic
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selves and able to give our most when we say yes to everything
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when we don't actually have time for it we're not able
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to give our all so when you're saying yes to that project
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that you don't have time to complete your probably
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not going to put your best foot forward and here's
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the thing when we give ourselves a little bit of space
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this is actually where the magic truly happens
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this is where the creative power comes into play
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so here's a little bit of an example for you I was in
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a job that wasn't
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It wasn't really serving me that well but I would say
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yes to everything I would constantly say yes to that
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job
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and constantly find myself in situations that weren't
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really serving me where I wasn't really serving the
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job that I was meant to do so instead of saying yes all
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the time to this job I started saying no and what I found
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when I started saying no was that my creative energy
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started to come back to me I started to find myself
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able to create more powerful conversations with
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people have better relationships and really show
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up as myself in my life
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so we can also change the way that we think of saying
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no saying no isn't necessarily a bad thing but we've
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been trained to think of saying no as being very negative
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with this awful connotation
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Saying no is actually just a form of setting boundaries
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and setting expectations for the people around you
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so when we feel so much pressure to say no
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how do we transform ourselves to be able to say yes
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well I have five quick tips for you that you can incorporate
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into your life to help you set boundaries set expectations
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and say no so that you can show up as your most authentic
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true self and really serve yourself and others in
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a more powerful way
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so the first is really taking a look and clearing up
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that calendar and there are a couple of different
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ways that you can do this
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the first is to block out time for you and I know that
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can seem really challenging
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but you time is
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One of the most important things that you can do for
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yourself what I like to do is I like to block out chunks
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of time in my calendar
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so whether this is on my iPhone calendar on my desktop
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calendar or back to the old school pen and paper
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which is what I actually prefer I like to take out just
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an hour or two every single day of time
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that's just for me and even if you don't have an hour
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or two every single day
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that's no problem finding those chunks of time during
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your week that are just for you are so incredibly important
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for creating that space in your life so you can spend
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this time doing whatever feels best for you
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it could be taking a nice hot bath could be getting
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a massage going for a run spending time with the people
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that you love or simply just allowing yourself
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A little bit of space to create when you do open up that
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space you're going to find that you have more opportunity
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to be creative and have really powerful thoughts
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that come to you that you wouldn't be able to have if
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your calendar was so packed the second way to create
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more space in your calendar is allowing yourself
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just time to be bored I know that can seem pretty counterintuitive
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to being productive and this idea of being super successful
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all the time
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but enabling yourself space to be bored is actually
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again when that magic opportunity will come to you
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so I want to give you a little example of when I experienced
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this just for some context so you know how powerful
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these moments can be so like I said I am not one to create
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a lot of spontaneity in my life I pack that calendar
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full
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I do not like saying no to things and I'm typically
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a very busy person who has a hard time sitting still
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I'm guessing a lot of you can sort of relate to that
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so I went on a trip by myself to Bali last year and when
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I went out there I packed my schedule so full
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there were so many things that I wanted to do so many
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things that I wanted to see that I forgot why I went
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on this trip I got reminded by a friend that I was on
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this trip for me I was on this trip to create space for
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myself
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so I took a step back and I said OK Hailey you are allowed
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to plan one thing every day that you want to do and other
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than that you're creating room for spontaneity
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so I did I planned one thing per day that I really wanted
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to do that I felt like I had
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To do in order to maximize my time there and the rest
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of my time I left open for spontaneity
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what I found in that time was spontaneity were so many
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incredibly creative ideas I came up with ideas for
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new blog posts I met new people and I had opportunities
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present themselves to me that would have never happened
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otherwise next is to take your time when someone asks
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you to do something you do not have to respond immediately
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and say yes I know it can feel exciting when someone's
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like hey want to go to happy hour tomorrow and you're
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like yeah I definitely want to go to happy hour and
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then you realize that you actually had a meeting scheduled
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during that happy hour so you have to go back and tell
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that person no and you just kind of feel like a
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so take your time
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you reserve the right to take ten minutes
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Twenty minutes or even 24 hours before replying yes
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this will allow you to make sure that you truly want
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to be doing that when you say yes to the things that
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you truly want to be doing you'll be able to show up
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in a more authentic way next remove the word should
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from your vocabulary
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how often do you do something because you should I
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should do that with coworkers after work I should
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go see that friend I should do XYZ remove that word
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I actually hate that word
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yes there are things that you need to be committed
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to there's always things that we have to do in life
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and there are things that we should do that just make
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us a good human and I'm guessing that we all want to
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be good humans in this life
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You do not have to do things just because you feel like
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you should
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if I'm starting to frame things like in a should weigh
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I start to think of it more as being is this important
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to me so I am going to do this because it is important
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I'm not going to do this because I should there's a
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big differentiation there that's very important
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in clarifying whether you should say yes or not next
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set boundaries and expectations for the people around
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you
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you can't be everything to everyone
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and that is OK
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you reserve the right to not respond to emails at ten
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p.m I know that it can very often feel like there's
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so much pressure to be on all the time
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but when you set boundaries and expectations people
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actually respect you more for doing the things
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Feel authentic to you and for not working yourself
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too hard so you can do this very simply at work by addressing
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the situation directly with the manager I actually
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did this very recently myself and I felt like I was
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getting up in the morning and responding to emails
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and responding to emails until I was going to bed I
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wasn't allowing for other creative space in my life
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and for enjoying the things that I truly love to do
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so I sat down with the person who helps me manage my
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day and I said to them I want to make sure that we're
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on the same page with my work schedule I love working
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here and I am so committed to all of the projects that
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I do
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but I have to set boundaries and I have to set the expectations
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properly
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so that I'm not burning myself out I really
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Want to be able to show up and be present
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so I cannot respond to emails after seven p.m or before
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eight thirty am I was so nervous to have this conversation
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but I was actually really surprised by their reaction
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they were totally receptive to this and really respected
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the fact that I had things outside of work that I needed
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to pursue finally give yourself a little bit of a break
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you can't do everything
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have everything and be everything all at the same
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time
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nobody can but we're so hard on ourselves and we put
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so much pressure on ourselves that it completely
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stresses us out
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so the next time you feel like you're saying yes to
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too many things ask yourself is this really what I
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want to be doing is this really going to serve me
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and if the answer is no
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Be totally confident with that answer
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be confident that you've made the best choice for
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yourself
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so just to recap
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here are the ways that you can start saying no so that
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you can show up more authentically in every situation
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the first is to take control of your calendar
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take control of it set that time aside for you and take
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care of yourself
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next is to take your time
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you reserve the right to take the time to respond before
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saying yes next remove the word should from your vocabulary
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Set those expectations and boundaries with the people
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around you
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and finally give yourself a break because you are
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really awesome
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you are doing so much already don't put the pressure
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on yourself to do everything all the time do the things
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that feel right to you that make you feel like you're
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being a good person in this world as a little bonus
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tip I want to provide you with an exercise that can
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help you take control and start saying no when you're
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thinking about your day
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think about all of the things that you really love
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to do
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go ahead and write those things down now think about
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how often you're incorporating those things into
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your daily life
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and then take a step back and think about the places
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where you're saying yes
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Don't serve those things that you love to do from their
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work backwards and figure out the places that you
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can create space and time for yourself that will serve
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you in a truly authentic and more powerful way
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thank you so much for watching today
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you can check out more tips by following us at Caravan
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