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1
00:00:05,672 --> 00:00:08,307
Dick: WHAT A BEAUTIFUL
DAY FOR A WALK IN THE PARK.
2
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:09,274
HEY, ALBRIGHT.
3
00:00:09,310 --> 00:00:11,154
WOULD YOU LIKE SOME ICE CREAM?
4
00:00:11,178 --> 00:00:13,089
WELL, YES, HARRY,
I SUPPOSE I WOULD.
5
00:00:13,113 --> 00:00:14,424
WELL, YOU'LL HAVE
TO BUY IT, THEN,
6
00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:16,214
'CAUSE MY MONEY'S NO GOOD HERE.
7
00:00:16,250 --> 00:00:17,427
YOUR MONEY'S NOT GOOD ANYWHERE.
8
00:00:17,451 --> 00:00:21,286
IT'S NOTHING BUT
PHOTOCOPIES OF MY MONEY.
9
00:00:21,322 --> 00:00:23,054
COME ON, HARRY.
10
00:00:23,090 --> 00:00:24,423
HEY, DICK.
11
00:00:24,458 --> 00:00:26,892
LOOK, A PARTY!
LET'S CHECK IT OUT.
12
00:00:26,927 --> 00:00:27,893
SALLY, WHY WOULD A GROWN MAN
13
00:00:27,928 --> 00:00:30,796
TAKE THE SLIGHTEST
INTEREST IN A CHILD'S B...
14
00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:34,032
THEY HAVE BALLOONS!
15
00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:36,501
SO, HARRY, WHAT DO YOU WANT?
16
00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:38,971
WELL, IT'S QUITE A
DAZZLING SELECTION,
17
00:00:39,006 --> 00:00:43,342
BUT I THINK I'VE GOT A
HANKERING FOR A BOMB POP.
18
00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:46,478
BUT I'VE GOT A
RECEDING GUM LINE,
19
00:00:46,513 --> 00:00:50,382
AND THE BLUE PART
TENDS TO STING.
20
00:00:50,417 --> 00:00:51,350
COOKIEWICHES ARE GOOD.
21
00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:53,963
YOU SEE, WITH THEM, YOU
GET THE DOUBLE WHAMMY.
22
00:00:53,987 --> 00:00:57,656
YOU GET ICE CREAM AND A COOKIE.
23
00:00:57,691 --> 00:01:00,058
BUT IT'S TOO MUCH OF BOTH
24
00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:01,960
AND NOT ENOUGH OF EITHER.
25
00:01:01,996 --> 00:01:03,095
JUST GET THE PUSH-UP.
26
00:01:03,130 --> 00:01:06,498
OOH, THAT'S... THAT'S
A LOT OF WORK.
27
00:01:07,301 --> 00:01:09,034
OOH, I WANT THE ROSE!
28
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:11,303
TOO LATE. I CALLED
IT IN MY HEAD.
29
00:01:11,338 --> 00:01:12,771
NO!
30
00:01:16,042 --> 00:01:19,977
FOR MY NEXT TRICK, I
WILL NEED A HELPER.
31
00:01:20,013 --> 00:01:22,347
HOW ABOUT ONE OF THE DADDIES?
32
00:01:22,382 --> 00:01:23,915
YOU, SIR.
33
00:01:24,484 --> 00:01:25,717
ME?
34
00:01:25,752 --> 00:01:27,130
WILL YOU HELP ME OUT ONSTAGE?
35
00:01:27,154 --> 00:01:30,589
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WE'RE NOT HERE TO MINGLE!
36
00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:32,224
I'M THE HELPER DADDY.
37
00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:34,459
STEP RIGHT UP, SIR.
38
00:01:36,396 --> 00:01:40,465
NOW, WHICH ONE
SHOULD I EAT FIRST?
39
00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:42,734
YEAH, HOLD THIS. I HAVE TO PAY.
40
00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:44,969
OH. THAT LOOKS GOOD.
41
00:01:45,004 --> 00:01:47,940
HEY, HEY! HELP, HELP!
42
00:01:47,975 --> 00:01:50,475
OHHHHH!
43
00:01:51,144 --> 00:01:53,323
AND WHAT IS YOUR NAME, SIR?
44
00:01:53,347 --> 00:01:54,078
DICK SOLOMON.
45
00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:55,925
AND DO YOU WASH
BEHIND YOUR EARS?
46
00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:56,815
YEAH.
47
00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:58,961
WELL, THEN, HOW
WOULD YOU EXPLAIN THIS?
48
00:02:02,155 --> 00:02:04,167
CAN YOU READ THAT NOTE?
49
00:02:04,191 --> 00:02:06,158
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, EMMA."
50
00:02:06,193 --> 00:02:08,026
A BIG HAND FOR DICK.
51
00:02:08,061 --> 00:02:09,594
OH, WOW.
52
00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:10,595
HA HA HA HA!
53
00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:12,864
OH, MAN, YOU WERE AWESOME!
54
00:02:12,899 --> 00:02:13,976
OH, THANK YOU!
55
00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:16,668
Albright: DICK! SOMEBODY
STOLE MY PURSE!
56
00:02:16,703 --> 00:02:17,469
JUST NOW? YEAH!
57
00:02:17,504 --> 00:02:19,349
YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T
SEE ME UP THERE?
58
00:02:19,373 --> 00:02:21,373
THANKS A LOT!
59
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:03,749
MARY - THIS IS A COMPOSITE
SKETCH OF YOUR ASSAILANT
60
00:03:03,784 --> 00:03:06,118
BASED ON ALL THE
EYEWITNESS ACCOUNTS.
61
00:03:06,153 --> 00:03:08,019
WHY IS HIS HEAD SO BIG?
62
00:03:08,055 --> 00:03:10,355
WHY IS HE HOLDING
A TENNIS RACKET?
63
00:03:10,390 --> 00:03:13,458
WELL, THE DEPARTMENT CAN'T
AFFORD A FULL-TIME SKETCH ARTIST,
64
00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:17,629
SO WE HAD THE CARICATURE GUY
FROM THE BIRTHDAY PARTY DO IT.
65
00:03:17,665 --> 00:03:21,800
HE ALSO DID A GREAT
ONE OF DON AS A COWBOY.
66
00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:23,435
HA HA HA.
67
00:03:23,470 --> 00:03:24,436
OH, I FEEL SO VULNERABLE
68
00:03:24,471 --> 00:03:26,616
KNOWING THAT HOODLUM
IS OUT THERE SOMEWHERE.
69
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:28,484
MY POOR, TRAUMATIZED MARY.
70
00:03:28,508 --> 00:03:31,175
WELL, WHAT ABOUT ME?!
71
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:34,079
I MEAN, YOU ONLY
HAD IT HAPPEN TO YOU.
72
00:03:34,114 --> 00:03:35,580
I HAD TO STAND THERE
73
00:03:35,616 --> 00:03:37,649
AND WATCH IT HAPPEN TO YOU.
74
00:03:37,684 --> 00:03:41,319
I GOTTA LIVE WITH THAT
FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
75
00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:49,361
WAY TO GO, ALBRIGHT.
76
00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:50,706
MARY, IF YOU'RE INTERESTED,
77
00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:53,865
I TEACH A SELF-DEFENSE
COURSE DOWN AT THE Y.
78
00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:54,932
THANKS, DON.
79
00:03:54,968 --> 00:03:57,702
I JUST MIGHT TAKE
YOU UP ON THAT.
80
00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:59,382
SHOULD I FILL OUT A REPORT?
81
00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:00,672
AH, WHAT'S THE POINT?
82
00:04:00,707 --> 00:04:03,608
I MEAN, OH, SURE, YEAH.
83
00:04:06,846 --> 00:04:08,079
THANK YOU, DON.
84
00:04:08,115 --> 00:04:11,416
TAKE GOOD CARE OF HER, WILL YOU?
85
00:04:12,585 --> 00:04:15,120
SALLY, TODAY WAS JUST AMAZING!
86
00:04:15,155 --> 00:04:15,820
I KNOW!
87
00:04:15,855 --> 00:04:17,200
WHEN I WENT UP ONTO THAT STAGE
88
00:04:17,224 --> 00:04:18,567
IN FRONT OF THAT SEA OF FACES,
89
00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:20,336
IT WAS JUST EXHILARATING.
90
00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:21,371
THEY WERE ALL STRANGERS,
91
00:04:21,395 --> 00:04:24,641
AND YET I FELT THIS WAVE
OF LOVE WASHING OVER ME.
92
00:04:24,665 --> 00:04:27,732
YEAH, YOU KINDA LOOKED
LIKE YOU WERE SWEATING.
93
00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:30,635
I WANT TO FEEL
THAT FEELING AGAIN.
94
00:04:30,670 --> 00:04:31,836
AND I WILL.
95
00:04:31,871 --> 00:04:32,804
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
96
00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:35,273
GO AROUND TOWN
VOLUNTEERING TO HELP MAGICIANS?
97
00:04:35,308 --> 00:04:38,042
NO. I WILL MAKE MY OWN MAGIC.
98
00:04:38,078 --> 00:04:39,078
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW.
99
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:42,213
SALLY, EVERY ILLUSION HAS
A RATIONAL EXPLANATION.
100
00:04:42,249 --> 00:04:44,949
WHEN A MAGICIAN PULLS
A DOVE OUT OF A HAT,
101
00:04:44,985 --> 00:04:46,852
THE HAT HAS A SECRET POCKET.
102
00:04:46,887 --> 00:04:47,686
THE FLOATING BALL?
103
00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:50,122
ATTACHED TO 2 INVISIBLE STRINGS.
104
00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:52,124
THE CHINESE MYSTERY BOX?
105
00:04:52,159 --> 00:04:53,859
MYSTERY BOX.
106
00:04:55,729 --> 00:04:57,695
MADE IN CHINA.
107
00:04:57,965 --> 00:05:01,066
MY GOD, HOW DO
YOU KNOW ALL THIS?
108
00:05:01,101 --> 00:05:02,333
I'M A PHYSICIST.
109
00:05:02,369 --> 00:05:04,335
I OBSERVE THE
MYSTERIOUS PHENOMENA
110
00:05:04,371 --> 00:05:05,848
OF THE UNIVERSE,
AND I EXPLAIN THEM.
111
00:05:05,872 --> 00:05:08,017
PLUS, WHEN WE WERE
WAITING FOR THE COPS TO COME,
112
00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:11,376
I WENT THROUGH THE BACK
OF THAT GUY'S STATION WAGON.
113
00:05:11,911 --> 00:05:13,078
GOOD ONE.
114
00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:14,379
BUT YOU KNOW, DICK...
115
00:05:14,414 --> 00:05:19,251
EVERY GREAT MAGICIAN
NEEDS A GLAMOROUS ASSISTANT.
116
00:05:19,286 --> 00:05:21,030
WELL, YOU KNOW,
I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT
117
00:05:21,054 --> 00:05:22,432
YOU HAD A NATURAL PRESENCE.
118
00:05:22,456 --> 00:05:24,489
REALLY? OH, MY GOD.
119
00:05:24,524 --> 00:05:26,358
IT'S SO FUNNY YOU SAY
THAT, 'CAUSE IF I HADN'T
120
00:05:26,393 --> 00:05:28,360
GOTTEN MY DEGREE IN
INTERSTELLAR EXPLORATION,
121
00:05:28,395 --> 00:05:30,795
I DEFINITELY WOULD HAVE
DONE SOMETHING IN THE ARTS.
122
00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:35,400
WELL, WOULD YOU LIKE TO
JOIN ME IN THE MYSTICAL ARTS?
123
00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:38,136
MR. SIEGFRIED.
124
00:05:39,038 --> 00:05:40,472
ROY.
125
00:05:44,244 --> 00:05:46,578
Albright: I'M REALLY
EXCITED ABOUT THIS CLASS.
126
00:05:46,613 --> 00:05:49,481
I THINK LEARNING SELF-DEFENSE
WILL COME IN HANDY.
127
00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:50,415
INDEED, MARY.
128
00:05:50,451 --> 00:05:52,183
I AM SO TIRED OF
GOING TO THE BARS
129
00:05:52,218 --> 00:05:56,521
AND BEING GROPED BY EVERY
STRAIGHT MAN IN RUTHERFORD.
130
00:05:57,824 --> 00:06:01,159
ALL RIGHT. FOR ALL
THE NEW PEOPLE...
131
00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:03,428
THANK YOU...
132
00:06:03,463 --> 00:06:06,131
I'M OFFICER DON ORVILLE.
133
00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:07,510
OVER THE PAST 20 YEARS,
134
00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:08,611
I'VE STUDIED SELF-DEFENSE
135
00:06:08,635 --> 00:06:10,746
AT SOME OF THE TOP
GOVERNMENT AGENCIES,
136
00:06:10,770 --> 00:06:15,140
DEVELOPING SIMPLE YET
EFFECTIVE COMBAT TECHNIQUES.
137
00:06:15,175 --> 00:06:16,107
EXCUSE ME.
138
00:06:16,143 --> 00:06:19,144
DOES THE SMALL PRINT
ON YOUR SHIRT SAY
139
00:06:19,179 --> 00:06:21,813
"FEDERAL BIKINI INSPECTOR"?
140
00:06:24,350 --> 00:06:25,083
YES.
141
00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:26,162
BUT FOR THE RECORD,
142
00:06:26,186 --> 00:06:27,826
THIS SHIRT WAS GIVEN TO ME
143
00:06:27,854 --> 00:06:29,954
AFTER SPRING BREAK '81,
144
00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:31,990
AND I DID EARN IT.
145
00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:33,992
Don: HARRY.
146
00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:35,693
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
147
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:36,628
OH, NOTHING. YOU KNOW,
148
00:06:36,663 --> 00:06:38,307
JUST THINKING ABOUT
MAYBE TAKING THIS CLASS.
149
00:06:38,331 --> 00:06:41,399
OH, UH, UH, THIS CLASS
IS FOR WOMEN ONLY.
150
00:06:41,434 --> 00:06:42,267
COME ON, DON.
151
00:06:42,302 --> 00:06:43,446
I JUST DON'T WANT TO
BE AFRAID ANYMORE.
152
00:06:43,470 --> 00:06:46,738
I WANT THE
NIGHTMARES TO GO AWAY.
153
00:06:46,773 --> 00:06:48,773
WELL, I... I SUPPOSE
YOU COULD OBSERVE.
154
00:06:48,808 --> 00:06:51,843
I NEED SOMEBODY TO
WEAR THE PADDED SUIT.
155
00:06:51,878 --> 00:06:53,845
WHAT? I CAN'T WEAR THAT!
156
00:06:53,881 --> 00:06:55,212
YOU'LL BE PERFECTLY SAFE.
157
00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:56,258
OH, NO, NO. IT'S NOT THAT.
158
00:06:56,282 --> 00:06:59,717
IT'S JUST IT'LL MAKE
ME LOOK REALLY HEAVY.
159
00:07:03,389 --> 00:07:06,290
NEXT UP, A COUPLE
OF FIRST-TIMERS
160
00:07:06,326 --> 00:07:08,026
AT OPEN MIKE NIGHT.
161
00:07:08,061 --> 00:07:09,627
DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?
162
00:07:09,662 --> 00:07:13,431
LET'S ASK "THE AMAZING
SOLOMONELLAS."
163
00:07:16,402 --> 00:07:18,970
I AM DICK, AND THIS IS
MY LOVELY ASSISTANT...
164
00:07:19,005 --> 00:07:21,406
SALLY. I'M SALLY.
HEY, HOW YOU DOING?
165
00:07:21,442 --> 00:07:22,106
SALLY.
166
00:07:22,142 --> 00:07:23,675
EVEN THOUGH MY TUX IS RENTED,
167
00:07:23,710 --> 00:07:27,111
WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT
TO WITNESS IS VERY REAL.
168
00:07:27,147 --> 00:07:28,613
SALLY!
169
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,917
I WILL... I WILL NOW CUT SALLY
170
00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:35,287
INTO 2 SEPARATE
BUT EQUAL SLICES.
171
00:07:35,322 --> 00:07:38,055
UH, CAN WE GET SOMEBODY
FROM THE AUDIENCE
172
00:07:38,091 --> 00:07:41,359
TO COME UP AND INSPECT THIS BOX?
173
00:07:41,395 --> 00:07:42,360
UH, YEAH, YOU.
174
00:07:42,396 --> 00:07:46,297
NO, STAY. HOW'S IT LOOK
FROM THERE? GOOD? GOOD.
175
00:07:46,332 --> 00:07:47,732
UH, NOW...
176
00:07:47,768 --> 00:07:50,268
NOW THAT THE BOX HAS UNDERGONE
177
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:51,269
THE STRICTEST SCRUTINY,
178
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:55,740
SALLY WILL RECLINE
DANGEROUSLY IN THE BOX.
179
00:07:55,776 --> 00:07:57,441
SALLY?
180
00:08:05,519 --> 00:08:06,917
Dick: THIS TRICK...
181
00:08:06,953 --> 00:08:10,655
IS SURE TO AMAZE AND APPALL YOU.
182
00:08:10,690 --> 00:08:12,290
UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES
183
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:15,226
SHOULD YOU TRY THIS AT HOME.
184
00:08:16,596 --> 00:08:20,164
SALLY IS NOW
SECURELY IN THE BOX.
185
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,934
CAN YOU HEAR ME, SALLY?!
186
00:08:22,969 --> 00:08:25,103
YES.
187
00:08:25,405 --> 00:08:28,406
THEN WE ARE READY...
188
00:08:28,442 --> 00:08:29,507
TO PROCEED.
189
00:08:29,542 --> 00:08:33,278
THESE... ARE 2 RAZOR-SHARP,
190
00:08:33,313 --> 00:08:35,213
TEMPERED-STEEL BLADES.
191
00:08:35,249 --> 00:08:37,015
OHH!
192
00:08:39,018 --> 00:08:41,152
ARE YOU READY, SALLY?
193
00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:42,019
UH-HUH.
194
00:08:42,055 --> 00:08:44,122
DO YOU HAVE ANY LAST WORDS?
195
00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:44,956
UH-UH.
196
00:08:44,991 --> 00:08:47,558
THEN HERE WE GO.
197
00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:50,561
TA-DA.
198
00:08:59,106 --> 00:09:00,505
TA-DA!
199
00:09:10,584 --> 00:09:11,549
YEAH!
200
00:09:11,585 --> 00:09:14,719
TA-DA!
201
00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:19,924
OK. WE MISDIRECT AND KNEE.
202
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:21,259
MISDIRECT AND KNEE.
203
00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:23,962
MISDIRECT AND KNEE.
204
00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:28,500
OH, GOOD, GOOD,
GOOD, HARRY. HARRY.
205
00:09:28,535 --> 00:09:32,771
WHY DON'T YOU START
BY APPROACHING JUDITH?
206
00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:35,807
OK.
207
00:09:36,677 --> 00:09:39,021
HEY, JUDITH, IT'S GOOD
TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
208
00:09:39,045 --> 00:09:40,412
NO!
209
00:09:40,447 --> 00:09:41,491
HEY, CALM DOWN!
210
00:09:41,515 --> 00:09:42,314
NO, NO, NO!
211
00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:45,428
DON! JUDITH IS
TOTALLY FREAKIN' OUT.
212
00:09:45,452 --> 00:09:46,384
OH, NO, NO, NO.
213
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,286
IT'S OK, HARRY.
YOU'VE GOT THE SUIT.
214
00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:49,120
YOU CAN'T BE HURT.
215
00:09:49,156 --> 00:09:50,789
NOW JUST TRY AND
HELP THESE WOMEN
216
00:09:50,824 --> 00:09:52,356
BRING OUT THEIR AGGRESSIVE SIDE.
217
00:09:52,392 --> 00:09:54,270
OH, YOU MEAN PISS 'EM OFF?
218
00:09:54,294 --> 00:09:57,328
OH, I CAN DO THAT.
219
00:09:57,964 --> 00:09:59,898
HIYA!
220
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:01,666
HIT ME!
221
00:10:01,702 --> 00:10:04,002
WITH PLEASURE. UNH!
222
00:10:04,037 --> 00:10:06,004
OOH, IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?
223
00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:07,906
UNH! UNH! UNH! UNH! UNH!
224
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:11,676
OH, BABY. SO NICE.
225
00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:17,315
HOW ABOUT YOU, SWEET MAMA?
226
00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:18,149
NO, I CAN'T. I...
227
00:10:18,184 --> 00:10:20,719
COME ON, STUMPY.
SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT.
228
00:10:20,754 --> 00:10:22,620
I... I... I...
229
00:10:22,656 --> 00:10:23,355
COME ON!
230
00:10:23,390 --> 00:10:25,301
ALL RIGHT, HARRY, HARRY, HARRY.
231
00:10:25,325 --> 00:10:26,257
THAT'S ENOUGH FOR TODAY.
232
00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:28,293
YEAH? WELL, I DON'T THINK IT IS.
233
00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:30,361
HEY, WATCH IT!
234
00:10:30,963 --> 00:10:31,796
NOW WATCH IT.
235
00:10:31,831 --> 00:10:33,242
THE LAST PERSON YOU
WANT TO TANGLE WITH
236
00:10:33,266 --> 00:10:34,409
IS A SELF-DEFENSE INSTRUCTOR.
237
00:10:34,433 --> 00:10:35,933
YEAH? WELL, COME
ON, SWEET CAKES.
238
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,402
WHY DON'T YOU INSPECT MY BIKINI?
239
00:10:37,437 --> 00:10:40,104
THAT'S IT! THAT'S IT!
240
00:10:45,878 --> 00:10:49,080
HELP ME!
241
00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:53,918
OH, MY GOD, SALLY.
242
00:10:53,954 --> 00:10:56,153
THAT WAS A LOVE-FEST OUT THERE.
243
00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:58,356
THEY WORSHIPPED US.
244
00:10:58,391 --> 00:10:59,290
OH, HO HO.
245
00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:01,325
HI. I'M CY SPURNDLE,
THE OWNER OF THIS CLUB.
246
00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:04,228
THAT MAGIC YOU DID? MAGIC.
247
00:11:04,263 --> 00:11:05,608
OH. THANKS.
248
00:11:05,632 --> 00:11:06,809
I'M GONNA CALL YOU LATER.
249
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:08,444
I DON'T WANT TO
MAKE ANY PROMISES,
250
00:11:08,468 --> 00:11:09,978
BUT THE WAY YOU
SCORED IN THE CABARET,
251
00:11:10,002 --> 00:11:12,003
YOU MAY BE READY
FOR THE BIG ROOM.
252
00:11:12,038 --> 00:11:12,703
WOW.
253
00:11:12,738 --> 00:11:15,118
AMAZING. WHERE'S THE BIG ROOM?
254
00:11:15,142 --> 00:11:16,207
IT'S THE CABARET.
255
00:11:16,243 --> 00:11:18,776
WE JUST ADD 2 MORE TABLES.
256
00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:19,510
SEE, WELL...
257
00:11:19,545 --> 00:11:20,589
THANK YOU, MR. SPURNDLE.
258
00:11:20,613 --> 00:11:22,592
THANK YOU, MR. SPURNDLE. BYE.
259
00:11:22,616 --> 00:11:25,316
SALLY?
260
00:11:25,819 --> 00:11:29,487
OH, DICK. OH, HO HO!
261
00:12:21,207 --> 00:12:22,073
APPLAUSE, APPLAUSE,
APPLAUSE, APPLAUSE.
262
00:12:22,108 --> 00:12:25,076
APPLAUSE, APPLAUSE, APPLAUSE.
263
00:12:25,111 --> 00:12:25,843
THANK YOU,
264
00:12:25,879 --> 00:12:28,012
BUT THE BEST MAGIC IN THE WORLD
265
00:12:28,047 --> 00:12:31,582
IS THE MAGIC SHARED BY TWO.
266
00:12:31,617 --> 00:12:34,618
AND I COULDN'T DO THE MAGIC I DO
267
00:12:34,653 --> 00:12:37,255
WITHOUT YOU AND YOU.
268
00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:39,056
Both: AND NOW, ADIEU.
269
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:40,903
APPLAUSE, APPLAUSE,
APPLAUSE, APPLAUSE.
270
00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:42,271
ALL RIGHT. WAS IT
BETTER THAT TIME?
271
00:12:42,295 --> 00:12:44,996
DID IT EQUAL THE
STAGECRAFT OF HOUDINI?
272
00:12:45,031 --> 00:12:46,742
IT'S AS CLOSE AS
WE'LL GET TODAY.
273
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:49,968
OH. YOU WANT TO
DO IT AGAIN, OR WHAT?
274
00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:51,970
NO, NO.
275
00:12:52,005 --> 00:12:55,373
FINE. I'M GONNA
GO FEED THE DOVE.
276
00:12:57,444 --> 00:12:59,144
CY, A MOMENT.
277
00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:00,523
Sally: HEY, I THINK WE SHOULD
278
00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:03,481
PUT A FROG IN THE ACT!
279
00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:06,718
WE ALREADY HAVE
A FROG IN THE ACT.
280
00:13:06,753 --> 00:13:09,954
SHE'S 6 FOOT TALL.
281
00:13:10,990 --> 00:13:13,024
CY, WE HAVE TO TALK.
282
00:13:13,059 --> 00:13:14,892
LOOK, THIS HAS BEEN WONDERFUL.
283
00:13:14,928 --> 00:13:17,328
I MUST TELL YOU,
I LOVE WHAT I DO.
284
00:13:17,363 --> 00:13:18,574
SO DOES RUTHERFORD.
285
00:13:18,598 --> 00:13:19,397
IF THIS KEEPS UP,
286
00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:21,872
I'LL BE ABLE TO BUY
REAL SMOKE ALARMS.
287
00:13:22,034 --> 00:13:24,202
BUT, CY, LET ME
ASK YOU SOMETHING.
288
00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:28,473
DOES A REAL MAGICIAN
NEED AN ASSISTANT?
289
00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:29,807
HONESTLY, NO,
290
00:13:29,842 --> 00:13:32,054
ESPECIALLY A MAGICIAN
AS GOOD AS YOU,
291
00:13:32,078 --> 00:13:35,146
BUT EVERYBODY LIKES
A LITTLE EYE CANDY.
292
00:13:35,182 --> 00:13:36,714
I SUPPOSE YOU'RE RIGHT.
293
00:13:36,749 --> 00:13:38,615
IT'S JUST SO HARD.
294
00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:40,595
I KNOW, I KNOW. SHE'S
A PIECE OF WORK.
295
00:13:40,619 --> 00:13:44,088
JUST REMEMBER EVERYONE
WANTS TO SEE YOU. YOU'RE THE STAR.
296
00:13:44,123 --> 00:13:46,324
OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH, CY.
297
00:13:46,359 --> 00:13:49,993
I KNEW YOU'D UNDERSTAND.
298
00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:52,408
I'LL GO GET THE CAR, DARLING.
299
00:13:52,432 --> 00:13:55,299
TERRIFIC, SWEETIE.
300
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:56,867
HEY, CY, YOU GOT A SECOND?
301
00:13:56,902 --> 00:13:58,269
FOR YOU? ANYTIME.
302
00:13:58,304 --> 00:14:01,405
UH, WAS DICK JUST
TALKIN' ABOUT ME?
303
00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:02,340
NO.
304
00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:05,810
WELL, I DON'T KNOW IF
YOU NOTICE, BUT, UH...
305
00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:07,312
HE EXHAUSTS ME,
306
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:10,948
AND I REALLY FEEL LIKE
IT'S HURTING THE ACT.
307
00:14:10,983 --> 00:14:13,518
THE ACT IS FINE. YOU KNOW WHY?
308
00:14:13,553 --> 00:14:15,553
BECAUSE OF YOU.
309
00:14:15,588 --> 00:14:18,623
SO, SO YOU AGREE
HE'S DEADWOOD, RIGHT?
310
00:14:18,658 --> 00:14:19,835
OH, TOTALLY. YEAH.
311
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:22,326
THIS SHOW ONLY HAS
ONE STAR AND THAT'S YOU.
312
00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:24,929
OH, THANK YOU,
SWEETIE. THANK YOU.
313
00:14:24,965 --> 00:14:26,030
Dick: SALLY!
314
00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:27,799
WHAT?!
315
00:14:30,403 --> 00:14:34,271
I'M GONNA SQUASH YOU
LIKE A BUG, HARRY SOLOMON.
316
00:14:34,307 --> 00:14:39,009
DIE, DIE, DIE! AAH! AAH! AAH!
317
00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:40,144
IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN,
318
00:14:40,179 --> 00:14:43,714
I THINK I JUST RELEASED
MY INNER ANIMAL.
319
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:45,282
THANK YOU, HARRY.
320
00:14:45,318 --> 00:14:47,151
OH, WELL, IT'S MY PLEASURE.
321
00:14:47,186 --> 00:14:49,220
OH! OH!
322
00:14:49,255 --> 00:14:51,422
Don: MARY, WHERE YOU GOIN'?
323
00:14:51,457 --> 00:14:52,222
I'M SORRY, DON.
324
00:14:52,258 --> 00:14:54,625
I'M JUST NOT CUT
OUT FOR THIS CLASS.
325
00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:56,672
MY MOTHER TOLD ME
THAT GIRLS DON'T HIT,
326
00:14:56,696 --> 00:14:59,263
AND I GUESS I NEVER
GOT BEYOND THAT.
327
00:14:59,299 --> 00:15:01,565
ALL RIGHT, BUT NO REFUNDS.
328
00:15:02,268 --> 00:15:03,400
HEY, ALBRIGHT.
329
00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:07,938
ISN'T THAT THE SAME MOTHER
THAT SAID YOU'D ALWAYS BE FAT?
330
00:15:08,541 --> 00:15:09,207
YES.
331
00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:10,974
YEAH, AND DIDN'T SHE ALSO SAY
332
00:15:11,010 --> 00:15:13,311
THAT YOU'D ALWAYS BE A FAILURE?
333
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:14,679
YES.
334
00:15:14,714 --> 00:15:17,482
UH-HUH, AND DIDN'T
SHE ALSO TELL YOU
335
00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:18,483
THAT YOU'D NEVER GET MARRIED
336
00:15:18,518 --> 00:15:23,354
UNLESS IT WAS TO A BIG
FAT FAILURE LIKE YOURSELF?
337
00:15:24,624 --> 00:15:26,991
YOU OLD BAG!
338
00:15:35,334 --> 00:15:36,801
HOW'S THE HOUSE TONIGHT?
339
00:15:36,836 --> 00:15:40,070
MAYBE YOU SHOULD LOOK
THROUGH THE CURTAIN.
340
00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:43,674
GARLIC FOR LUNCH?
HOW CONSIDERATE.
341
00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:45,888
WELL, I SUPPOSE
YOU SKIPPED LUNCH
342
00:15:45,912 --> 00:15:49,046
SO YOU COULD CHEW THE SCENERY.
343
00:15:49,081 --> 00:15:50,214
OH, SHOW BIZ LINGO.
344
00:15:50,249 --> 00:15:52,094
DID YOU FIND THAT IN YOUR
HOW-TO-PERFORM-ON-STAGE BOOK?
345
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:54,852
BECAUSE MAYBE YOU SHOULD
START WITH THE CHAPTER ENTITLED,
346
00:15:54,888 --> 00:15:57,855
"HOW TO PERFORM ON STAGE."
347
00:15:58,324 --> 00:15:59,356
THAT'S SWEET.
348
00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:01,837
MAYBE YOU SHOULD START
WITH THE CHAPTER ENTITLED,
349
00:16:01,861 --> 00:16:03,005
"DON'T DO CARD TRICKS
350
00:16:03,029 --> 00:16:07,164
IF THEY'RE GONNA REFLECT OFF
YOUR BIG, SWEATY FOREHEAD."
351
00:16:08,034 --> 00:16:09,177
Cy: AND NOW, LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN,
352
00:16:09,201 --> 00:16:14,271
GIVE IT UP FOR DICK AND
SALLY, THE SOLOMONELLAS.
353
00:17:17,303 --> 00:17:18,702
WHAT THE HELL
WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?
354
00:17:18,738 --> 00:17:20,237
YOU ALMOST KILLED ME.
355
00:17:20,273 --> 00:17:23,107
WELL, YOU CUT OFF MY BEST LINE.
356
00:17:23,142 --> 00:17:24,842
I WAS COMPLETELY UPSTAGED.
357
00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:26,322
OH, YOU JUMPED EVERY CUE.
358
00:17:26,346 --> 00:17:28,912
AND YOU'RE HOGGING
THE SPOTLIGHT AGAIN.
359
00:17:28,948 --> 00:17:30,348
OH, DEAL WITH IT.
360
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:31,749
IT'S SABOTAGE!
361
00:17:31,785 --> 00:17:33,484
YOU'RE RUINING THE ACT.
362
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:35,987
I NEED ARTISTIC FREEDOM.
363
00:17:36,022 --> 00:17:37,888
I AM SUFFOCATING.
364
00:17:37,924 --> 00:17:41,492
YOU'RE NOTHING MORE
THAN DECORATIVE TINSEL.
365
00:17:41,961 --> 00:17:43,193
OH, REALLY?
366
00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:45,329
YOU KNOW, I GET MORE APPLAUSE
367
00:17:45,365 --> 00:17:47,898
SHAKING RABBIT
PELLETS OUT OF THAT HAT
368
00:17:47,933 --> 00:17:50,200
THAN YOU GET FOR YOUR WHOLE ACT.
369
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:51,469
I AM THE SHOW!
370
00:17:51,504 --> 00:17:53,638
OH, WAKE UP. I AM THE SHOW!
371
00:17:53,673 --> 00:17:54,916
NO. YOU'RE JUST AN AMATEUR.
372
00:17:54,940 --> 00:17:55,773
HAM! DIVA!
373
00:17:55,808 --> 00:17:57,052
HACK! I HATE YOU!
374
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:59,443
I HATE YOU MORE!
375
00:18:03,316 --> 00:18:04,749
OH, MY GOD.
376
00:18:04,784 --> 00:18:05,784
WHAT'S HAPPENING TO US?
377
00:18:05,818 --> 00:18:09,987
I DON'T KNOW, BUT I DON'T
WANT TO FEEL THIS WAY.
378
00:18:10,022 --> 00:18:12,856
NEITHER DO I.
379
00:18:12,892 --> 00:18:15,125
SALLY.
380
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:17,962
DICK. OH!
381
00:18:17,997 --> 00:18:20,965
GUYS, YOU READY
FOR THE NEXT SHOW?
382
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,567
NO. WE'RE NOT GOING ON.
383
00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:25,503
BUT I GOT A CROWD OUT THERE.
384
00:18:25,538 --> 00:18:28,606
FORGET IT. WE QUIT.
385
00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:30,274
YOU'RE EVIL.
386
00:18:30,309 --> 00:18:31,342
WHAT ABOUT THE SHOW?
387
00:18:31,377 --> 00:18:32,387
DO IT YOURSELF.
388
00:18:32,411 --> 00:18:33,877
KEEP THE PROPS.
389
00:18:33,912 --> 00:18:34,923
WE'RE OUT OF HERE.
390
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:35,646
COME ON, SALLY.
391
00:18:35,681 --> 00:18:37,314
WE'RE WALKING OUT THIS DOOR,
392
00:18:37,350 --> 00:18:38,815
EATING OUR FREE MEAL AT THE BAR,
393
00:18:38,851 --> 00:18:44,588
AND TURNING OUR BACKS ON
THIS HELL HOLE OF YOURS FOREVER!
394
00:18:53,399 --> 00:18:55,800
HARRY, WE'VE BEEN
OUT HERE FOR 2 HOURS.
395
00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:56,875
WHAT ARE WE DOING?
396
00:18:56,903 --> 00:18:58,069
I TOLD YOU, ALBRIGHT.
397
00:18:58,104 --> 00:18:59,837
WE'RE TAKING BACK THE PARK.
398
00:18:59,872 --> 00:19:01,405
FROM WHOM?
399
00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:02,406
FROM HIM.
400
00:19:02,441 --> 00:19:05,242
THAT'S THE GUY WHO
STOLE ALBRIGHT'S PURSE.
401
00:19:05,277 --> 00:19:06,177
REALLY?
402
00:19:06,212 --> 00:19:07,010
I DON'T KNOW, MARY.
403
00:19:07,045 --> 00:19:08,957
HE'S NOT CARRYING
A TENNIS RACKET,
404
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:11,548
AND HIS HEAD'S A NORMAL SIZE.
405
00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:13,283
OH, THAT'S HIM ALL RIGHT.
406
00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:14,563
MAYBE YOU SHOULD ARREST HIM.
407
00:19:14,587 --> 00:19:16,854
BUT WHO'S THE PADDED MAN HERE?
408
00:19:16,890 --> 00:19:19,523
YOU ARE. ALL RIGHT.
409
00:19:23,128 --> 00:19:24,328
WELL, HELLO.
410
00:19:24,363 --> 00:19:29,567
ENJOYING YOUR LATTE
BOUGHT WITH ILL-GOTTEN GAINS?
411
00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:30,801
HUH?
412
00:19:30,836 --> 00:19:32,669
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHIN'.
413
00:19:32,704 --> 00:19:36,006
THIS PARK IS FOR NICE,
LAW-ABIDING CITIZENS,
414
00:19:36,042 --> 00:19:38,208
NOT LOW-LIFE SCUM LIKE YOURSELF.
415
00:19:38,244 --> 00:19:39,577
YOU'RE GOIN' DOWN.
416
00:19:39,612 --> 00:19:40,778
WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?
417
00:19:40,813 --> 00:19:44,381
MY NAME IS HARRY, AND
THESE ARE MY ANGELS.
418
00:19:44,417 --> 00:19:48,218
NOW GET HIM! GO GET HIM!
419
00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:54,124
UM, I'M PRETTY
SURE THAT WAS HIM.
420
00:19:58,130 --> 00:20:00,831
I JUST DON'T GET IT, SALLY.
421
00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:01,832
HOW COULD PERFORMING
422
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:05,036
FOR A ROOMFUL OF TOTAL
STRANGERS DO THAT TO US?
423
00:20:05,071 --> 00:20:10,374
THE LIGHTS, THE APPLAUSE,
THE ROAR OF THE CROWD.
424
00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:11,141
IT'S LIKE A DRUG.
425
00:20:11,176 --> 00:20:12,810
YEAH. A DRUG THAT
WE COULDN'T KICK.
426
00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:16,914
IT TURNED US INTO SELF-ABSORBED,
EGO-DRIVEN MONSTERS.
427
00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:18,093
YOU KNOW, I ACTUALLY THINK
428
00:20:18,117 --> 00:20:21,385
WE SHOULD JUST LEAVE THE
PERFORMING TO THE PROFESSIONALS.
429
00:20:21,420 --> 00:20:26,089
YEAH. IT NEVER
HAPPENS TO THEM. NOPE.
430
00:20:26,125 --> 00:20:28,237
WOULD YOU GUYS
SHOW ME A MAGIC TRICK?
431
00:20:28,261 --> 00:20:29,461
WHY, SURE, HARRY, BUT FIRST...
432
00:20:29,495 --> 00:20:32,763
I THINK YOU'VE GOT A LITTLE
SOMETHING IN YOUR EYE.
433
00:20:32,798 --> 00:20:35,800
WHOA. THAT'S WEIRD.
434
00:20:35,835 --> 00:20:38,869
NOW LET'S SEE SOME MAGIC.
435
00:20:40,272 --> 00:20:43,441
HEY, WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE?
436
00:20:43,876 --> 00:20:45,743
OH. EWW.
437
00:20:45,778 --> 00:20:49,246
I WONDER HOW LONG
THAT'S BEEN THERE.
438
00:20:49,281 --> 00:20:50,826
NOW LET'S SEE SOME MAGIC.
439
00:20:50,850 --> 00:20:53,517
OH, BY THE WAY, HARRY.
WHAT TIME HAVE YOU GOT?
440
00:20:53,553 --> 00:20:55,385
WELL, IT'S...
441
00:20:55,788 --> 00:20:59,089
OK, I'M GONNA GET
A VASE FOR THESE,
442
00:20:59,124 --> 00:21:01,164
AND THEN I'D LIKE
TO SEE SOME MAGIC.
29597
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