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1
00:00:06,238 --> 00:00:08,439
Whoa, wait a minute.
Leave that.
2
00:00:08,507 --> 00:00:09,574
What is it?
3
00:00:09,642 --> 00:00:11,442
I don't know,
but Jimmy smits is in it.
4
00:00:11,510 --> 00:00:13,678
That's all I need to know.
5
00:00:13,746 --> 00:00:15,914
Ah, so you like
your Jimmy, do you?
6
00:00:15,982 --> 00:00:18,116
Honey, I love you more
than anyone in the world,
7
00:00:18,183 --> 00:00:19,684
but if I actually
had a shot at him,
8
00:00:19,752 --> 00:00:22,654
I'd have to shove you
in front of a bus.
9
00:00:22,722 --> 00:00:24,889
Ok, fair enough.
So, uh, do I get one?
10
00:00:24,957 --> 00:00:26,057
One what?
11
00:00:26,125 --> 00:00:27,525
A fantasy person.
12
00:00:27,593 --> 00:00:29,393
You know, it's like,
we each get to pick
13
00:00:29,461 --> 00:00:30,762
that one person on the planet
14
00:00:30,830 --> 00:00:33,064
that if by some crazy fluke
15
00:00:33,132 --> 00:00:35,033
we actually got a chance
to be with them,
16
00:00:35,101 --> 00:00:37,936
the other just has to grin
and let it happen.
17
00:00:38,904 --> 00:00:40,939
All right. I like it.
18
00:00:41,007 --> 00:00:42,040
So you're going with Jimmy?
19
00:00:42,108 --> 00:00:43,942
Gimme a second, will you?
20
00:00:45,477 --> 00:00:48,546
It's a big planet.
I don't wanna blow it.
21
00:00:48,614 --> 00:00:50,782
Ok, do the Baldwin brothers
count as one?
22
00:00:50,850 --> 00:00:52,017
No.
23
00:00:52,084 --> 00:00:53,018
Ok.
24
00:00:53,853 --> 00:00:56,154
Uh, Mel Gibson.
25
00:00:56,221 --> 00:00:57,588
You're sure?
26
00:00:57,657 --> 00:01:00,091
Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure. You
can't go wrong with Mel.
27
00:01:00,159 --> 00:01:01,459
Ok.
28
00:01:01,527 --> 00:01:03,261
All right, who's yours?
29
00:01:03,328 --> 00:01:06,330
Um, Julia Roberts...
30
00:01:06,398 --> 00:01:08,332
Nah.
31
00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:10,935
I think I'm just gonna go with that
girl that does your nails. Goodnight.
32
00:01:28,387 --> 00:01:30,321
All right, are you comfortable?
Ready to go?
33
00:01:30,389 --> 00:01:31,656
I'm ready.
34
00:01:31,724 --> 00:01:35,026
Ok. Got the movie,
got a box of dots,
35
00:01:35,094 --> 00:01:38,596
a box of milk duds,
and a backup box of dots.
36
00:01:40,132 --> 00:01:43,201
Doug, when you plan a
Saturday night, look out!
37
00:01:44,003 --> 00:01:45,003
Dot me, baby.
38
00:01:45,071 --> 00:01:46,137
Ok, there you are.
39
00:01:47,973 --> 00:01:51,209
Oh, I didn't know we were
gonna watch a motion picture.
40
00:01:51,276 --> 00:01:52,643
Hi, dad.
41
00:01:52,712 --> 00:01:55,847
You should warn a fella
when it's movie night.
42
00:01:55,915 --> 00:01:58,850
Actually, we, uh, we assumed
that you had other plans.
43
00:01:58,918 --> 00:01:59,918
Well, you're in luck.
44
00:01:59,985 --> 00:02:02,687
Tonight, my dance card
is wide open.
45
00:02:04,456 --> 00:02:05,724
All right.
46
00:02:05,791 --> 00:02:08,259
So what have we here:
Shoot-'em-up, Sci-Fi,
47
00:02:09,128 --> 00:02:10,895
erotic thriller?
48
00:02:15,367 --> 00:02:16,701
It's a mystery, I think.
49
00:02:16,769 --> 00:02:18,803
Oh, nothing like
a good whodunit.
50
00:02:18,871 --> 00:02:21,305
Shh. Ok, here we go.
Come on.
51
00:02:21,373 --> 00:02:23,007
"F.B.I. Warning,
52
00:02:23,075 --> 00:02:27,212
federal law provides
severe civil and criminal..."
53
00:02:27,279 --> 00:02:28,847
Fast forwarding.
54
00:02:28,914 --> 00:02:32,250
Here we go.
All right, here we go.
55
00:02:32,317 --> 00:02:36,187
[T "Pentagon, October 1962.
56
00:02:36,255 --> 00:02:39,057
On the Eve of the Cuban
missile crisis--"
57
00:02:39,125 --> 00:02:40,291
Arthur,
58
00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:42,293
we can read.
59
00:02:43,062 --> 00:02:44,729
A thousand pardons.
60
00:02:49,434 --> 00:02:52,270
Why is that guy
shaving his beard?
61
00:02:52,337 --> 00:02:54,405
Did I get here before you?
62
00:02:54,473 --> 00:02:57,208
I'm just trying to follow
the story, Douglas.
63
00:02:57,276 --> 00:02:59,510
That's fine. Follow it without talking.
Could you do that.
64
00:02:59,578 --> 00:03:01,479
Shh.
Not me, him. Shh!
65
00:03:03,182 --> 00:03:04,315
Hey!
66
00:03:13,893 --> 00:03:16,627
What did he put into that bag?
67
00:03:18,397 --> 00:03:20,265
Arthur, every time
you ask me a question,
68
00:03:20,332 --> 00:03:21,365
I can't watch the movie.
69
00:03:21,433 --> 00:03:22,834
Then I don't know
what's going on!
70
00:03:22,902 --> 00:03:25,270
Then you should get
a simpler movie!
71
00:03:25,337 --> 00:03:27,172
Oh, I'm gettin' a beer.
72
00:03:27,239 --> 00:03:28,273
Crack one for me, will you?
73
00:03:28,340 --> 00:03:29,174
Yeah.
74
00:03:34,046 --> 00:03:35,513
Aw, look at you.
75
00:03:35,580 --> 00:03:37,849
Babe, you're missing the movie.
76
00:03:37,917 --> 00:03:40,885
God, the universe is so big.
77
00:03:40,953 --> 00:03:43,321
Why did he have to end up here?
78
00:03:43,388 --> 00:03:45,123
Why couldn't he be...
79
00:03:46,125 --> 00:03:47,892
Like, there?
80
00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:49,560
Ok, you know what?
81
00:03:49,628 --> 00:03:50,962
Tonight, when he's sleeping,
82
00:03:51,030 --> 00:03:54,065
I'm gonna hold
a pillow over his face.
83
00:03:54,133 --> 00:03:56,301
What, nothing for that?
84
00:03:56,368 --> 00:03:58,703
I just wish we had the house
to ourselves, one time.
85
00:03:58,770 --> 00:04:00,604
Believe me,
I would love that, too.
86
00:04:00,672 --> 00:04:01,672
Yeah.
87
00:04:01,740 --> 00:04:03,908
Know when we first
bought the place?
88
00:04:03,976 --> 00:04:08,012
Every weekend we'd just bunker in,
get take-out, and walk around naked.
89
00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:09,214
Yeah.
90
00:04:09,281 --> 00:04:11,850
And you'd tell me
to put some clothes on.
91
00:04:12,551 --> 00:04:13,651
Yeah.
92
00:04:13,719 --> 00:04:15,019
Well, that party's over.
93
00:04:15,087 --> 00:04:17,121
Honey, I'm sorry
he's gotta be here.
94
00:04:17,189 --> 00:04:19,090
He's not a bad guy.
It's just...
95
00:04:19,158 --> 00:04:21,226
I wish we could,
you know, get rid of him.
96
00:04:22,294 --> 00:04:24,062
For a weekend.
97
00:04:24,129 --> 00:04:25,763
Well, you know what?
Maybe we can.
98
00:04:25,831 --> 00:04:27,431
What do you mean?
99
00:04:27,499 --> 00:04:29,467
Well, maybe we can ask somebody
to take him for a couple of days,
100
00:04:29,534 --> 00:04:31,102
you know, as a favor.
101
00:04:31,170 --> 00:04:32,871
You ever save anybody's life?
102
00:04:32,938 --> 00:04:35,573
No. Damn it, I had
so many chances, too.
103
00:04:36,575 --> 00:04:37,641
Ok, you know what?
104
00:04:37,709 --> 00:04:39,443
Tomorrow we'll just
start asking people.
105
00:04:39,511 --> 00:04:40,912
I mean, there's
gotta be somebody.
106
00:04:40,980 --> 00:04:42,513
Absolutely.
You know what we'll do?
107
00:04:42,581 --> 00:04:45,083
We'll get everyone we know drunk
and just see where he sticks.
108
00:04:45,150 --> 00:04:46,217
It's a plan.
109
00:04:46,285 --> 00:04:49,053
Next weekend,
it's just you and me, bub.
110
00:04:49,121 --> 00:04:51,455
Why did he put
the bag in the locker?
111
00:04:51,523 --> 00:04:53,324
I'm not even in there!
112
00:04:58,097 --> 00:04:59,163
Hey, man, so, you ok?
113
00:04:59,231 --> 00:05:00,564
You, uh, need another beer?
114
00:05:00,632 --> 00:05:02,533
Moose, it's 4:00
in the afternoon.
115
00:05:02,601 --> 00:05:05,270
What are you trying to do,
get me drunk?
116
00:05:05,337 --> 00:05:07,505
Whoa, look at this. We caught
a break, Arthur's here.
117
00:05:07,572 --> 00:05:09,507
Capt. Artie, is it ok
if we hang with you?
118
00:05:09,574 --> 00:05:11,276
I don't give a crap.
119
00:05:12,912 --> 00:05:14,578
So, you wanna hang?
120
00:05:15,214 --> 00:05:17,515
Whatever.
121
00:05:17,582 --> 00:05:20,251
I don't know why this guy
insists on buying a "u."
122
00:05:20,319 --> 00:05:23,254
Some people have their
brains in their asses.
123
00:05:24,489 --> 00:05:25,790
Brains in the ass.
124
00:05:25,857 --> 00:05:27,858
That's not even possible.
125
00:05:27,927 --> 00:05:30,628
Where does he come up
with this stuff?
126
00:05:30,695 --> 00:05:33,264
Cup holder!
It's cup holder.
127
00:05:33,332 --> 00:05:35,466
Oh, this guy ought to be shot.
128
00:05:37,369 --> 00:05:39,703
Shot. Oh, man,
once he gets going,
129
00:05:39,771 --> 00:05:42,941
you just, you know what you do? You
pull up a chair and enjoy the show.
130
00:05:43,008 --> 00:05:45,209
I thought you said
he always drives you nuts.
131
00:05:45,277 --> 00:05:48,579
Well, sure, I did, but that was
until I spent the weekend with him.
132
00:05:48,647 --> 00:05:51,015
Then, you know,
I got it. You know.
133
00:05:52,384 --> 00:05:54,885
Oh, I just--I just
got a crazy idea.
134
00:05:54,954 --> 00:05:56,520
What?
135
00:05:56,588 --> 00:05:58,689
You should--you should take him
for, like, a weekend, you know.
136
00:05:58,757 --> 00:06:01,592
Keep him at your place. I'm cool with it.
Hey, you need another beer?
137
00:06:01,660 --> 00:06:02,760
Sorry, moose.
138
00:06:02,828 --> 00:06:04,462
I ain't taking the old man
off your hands.
139
00:06:04,529 --> 00:06:06,630
Oh, come on, rich.
Just for one weekend.
140
00:06:06,698 --> 00:06:08,766
Forget it! I'm gonna head
down to the firehouse.
141
00:06:08,834 --> 00:06:10,668
Hopefully, there's
a fire somewhere.
142
00:06:10,735 --> 00:06:12,270
Hey, he likes fires, huh?
143
00:06:12,338 --> 00:06:15,106
He starts 'em, you put 'em out.
There's a weekend right there.
144
00:06:19,278 --> 00:06:20,578
Dad, you want any dessert?
145
00:06:20,645 --> 00:06:21,946
No, thanks.
146
00:06:22,014 --> 00:06:23,914
I'm stuffed to the gills
with lasagna.
147
00:06:23,983 --> 00:06:26,917
Now it's time to go
upstairs and pay the band.
148
00:06:33,225 --> 00:06:34,625
So, did you find anybody yet?
149
00:06:34,693 --> 00:06:36,060
No. How about you?
150
00:06:36,128 --> 00:06:37,661
No.
151
00:06:37,729 --> 00:06:39,763
I made the mistake of
asking my aunt Patti first,
152
00:06:39,831 --> 00:06:41,332
and she must have
tipped people off
153
00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:44,335
because I can't get
a phone call returned.
154
00:06:44,403 --> 00:06:46,104
Can't we just drive him
out to the country
155
00:06:46,171 --> 00:06:47,805
and let him go?
156
00:06:51,877 --> 00:06:53,944
Nah, he'll find his way back.
157
00:06:54,846 --> 00:06:56,014
I guess.
158
00:06:56,081 --> 00:06:58,182
Well, everybody said no, huh?
159
00:06:58,250 --> 00:06:59,517
Even your cousin Danny?
160
00:06:59,584 --> 00:07:00,818
Oh, I didn't ask him.
161
00:07:00,886 --> 00:07:03,254
What? Why not?
He idolizes you.
162
00:07:03,322 --> 00:07:04,455
He'd do anything for you.
163
00:07:04,523 --> 00:07:05,923
I know.
That's the exact problem.
164
00:07:05,991 --> 00:07:07,992
My whole life he's been
trying to be my best friend.
165
00:07:08,060 --> 00:07:10,561
He's like those little fish
that glom onto the bigger fish.
166
00:07:10,629 --> 00:07:11,762
What do you call those?
167
00:07:11,830 --> 00:07:12,997
Uh, plankton?
No.
168
00:07:13,065 --> 00:07:14,432
Barnacles?
169
00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:15,566
No. What else you got?
170
00:07:15,634 --> 00:07:16,934
Just call him!
171
00:07:17,002 --> 00:07:18,736
No, I don't wanna
call him. All right!
172
00:07:18,803 --> 00:07:21,705
I've worked very hard at keeping my distance.
I wanna keep it that way.
173
00:07:21,773 --> 00:07:23,941
All right, don't get
your panties in a bunch.
174
00:07:25,144 --> 00:07:26,577
Douglas, I forget.
175
00:07:26,645 --> 00:07:29,447
Is your toothbrush the
green one or the blue one?
176
00:07:30,849 --> 00:07:31,849
Blue.
177
00:07:31,917 --> 00:07:33,217
Oh, my God.
178
00:07:38,057 --> 00:07:40,091
All right.
All right. All right.
179
00:07:43,962 --> 00:07:45,296
Dad.
180
00:07:45,364 --> 00:07:46,997
Dad. Dad.
181
00:07:47,066 --> 00:07:47,998
Huh!
182
00:07:48,067 --> 00:07:49,434
Sorry. Didn't mean
to scare you.
183
00:07:49,501 --> 00:07:52,170
Oh, you're lucky
I didn't throw a kick.
184
00:07:52,237 --> 00:07:53,637
What are you listening to?
185
00:07:53,705 --> 00:07:55,506
Oh, it's my
self-help tape.
186
00:07:55,574 --> 00:07:57,841
Do you realize I'm the one
who gets in my own way?
187
00:07:57,909 --> 00:07:59,643
Yes, I do.
188
00:07:59,711 --> 00:08:03,614
Uh, dad, Doug and I are having,
uh, sort of a problem.
189
00:08:03,682 --> 00:08:05,183
Um, yeah, uh...
190
00:08:05,250 --> 00:08:06,684
You know my cousin Danny
191
00:08:06,751 --> 00:08:08,086
w-who owns
the pizza place?
192
00:08:08,153 --> 00:08:10,421
No, but press on.
193
00:08:10,489 --> 00:08:13,857
Well, anyway, he's--he's got
a guy out sick this weekend.
194
00:08:13,925 --> 00:08:17,161
Do you happen to know anyone
who could possibly fill in?
195
00:08:17,229 --> 00:08:19,097
Hmm, let me see.
196
00:08:19,164 --> 00:08:22,266
Oh, I knew a fellow in the army
who would be perfect for this.
197
00:08:22,334 --> 00:08:25,803
The only thing is his legs were
blown off by a Nazi mortar.
198
00:08:26,538 --> 00:08:27,972
And he's dead.
199
00:08:29,674 --> 00:08:30,774
Sorry.
200
00:08:33,078 --> 00:08:34,278
Nice going.
201
00:08:34,346 --> 00:08:35,580
I was trying to be subtle.
202
00:08:35,647 --> 00:08:37,648
Doug, he didn't even know
what you were talking about.
203
00:08:37,716 --> 00:08:39,550
Oh, he knew. He knew.
You knew. You knew.
204
00:08:39,618 --> 00:08:42,553
All right. Stop it. All right.
Stop it. Let me handle this.
205
00:08:44,590 --> 00:08:46,524
Still us, dad.
206
00:08:46,592 --> 00:08:48,526
So, you find anyone yet?
207
00:08:49,794 --> 00:08:51,962
Uh, no.
208
00:08:52,030 --> 00:08:55,266
But, you know, actually, Doug
and I had this crazy idea.
209
00:08:55,334 --> 00:08:58,102
Uh, why don't you, uh, help
Danny at the pizza place?
210
00:08:58,170 --> 00:09:00,871
Me? I'm flattered.
211
00:09:00,939 --> 00:09:04,041
So, I guess I gotta wear
some sort of leotard?
212
00:09:06,945 --> 00:09:08,912
Did you hear "pizza place"?
213
00:09:12,751 --> 00:09:15,186
Listen, Danny, thanks again for,
uh, helping out with Arthur.
214
00:09:15,254 --> 00:09:17,821
Oh, come on. This is great. I
mean, just to see you again.
215
00:09:17,889 --> 00:09:21,225
You know, gotta tell this guy to
call me back once in a while.
216
00:09:21,293 --> 00:09:24,328
I know, I'm bad. I don't call back.
I'm not a phone guy.
217
00:09:24,396 --> 00:09:26,930
Aw, I'm just kidding around with you.
Giving you a hard time.
218
00:09:26,998 --> 00:09:29,500
Listen, listen, we're--we're
throwing together a dart league,
219
00:09:29,568 --> 00:09:32,770
and, uh, we got some room.
Can I sign you up?
220
00:09:33,972 --> 00:09:35,973
You know, I think
I'm already in one.
221
00:09:37,176 --> 00:09:38,909
Oh, uh, just--
just a second.
222
00:09:38,977 --> 00:09:41,345
Yello, angelo's.
How ya do, huh?
223
00:09:41,413 --> 00:09:43,514
Ok, a large pie,
224
00:09:43,582 --> 00:09:47,185
right half pepperoni. Ok.
225
00:09:47,252 --> 00:09:49,987
Hey, giuseppe! Hey, when
you gonna bocce ball?
226
00:09:51,856 --> 00:09:53,324
Ok, 15 minutes.
227
00:09:55,494 --> 00:09:58,663
Listen, you can never be
in too many dart leagues.
228
00:09:58,730 --> 00:09:59,997
Right.
229
00:10:00,065 --> 00:10:01,465
We should get going,
what do you say?
230
00:10:01,533 --> 00:10:02,900
Wait, wait.
Before you do, here,
231
00:10:02,967 --> 00:10:06,671
why don't you, uh, take
home a couple of pies, huh?
232
00:10:06,738 --> 00:10:07,771
Uh, you don't have to.
233
00:10:07,839 --> 00:10:10,408
I know, I don't have to.
I want to.
234
00:10:10,475 --> 00:10:12,643
Let me give you some money.
235
00:10:12,711 --> 00:10:14,412
He wants to give me money.
236
00:10:14,479 --> 00:10:16,180
Would you get outta here
with the money!
237
00:10:16,248 --> 00:10:19,483
Just take me to a mets game like
you promised me 6 years ago, huh?
238
00:10:21,052 --> 00:10:22,687
Right. Ok.
239
00:10:22,754 --> 00:10:24,822
So, what are those, toppings?
240
00:10:25,790 --> 00:10:27,625
Uh, dad, we're leaving now.
241
00:10:27,693 --> 00:10:30,528
Now, I want you to listen to
Danny and do what he says, ok?
242
00:10:30,596 --> 00:10:31,829
Gimme a kiss goodbye.
243
00:10:31,896 --> 00:10:33,231
Not at work.
244
00:10:34,566 --> 00:10:36,100
Ok, bye-bye.
245
00:10:38,803 --> 00:10:40,204
I wanna watch movies.
246
00:10:40,272 --> 00:10:42,707
I wanna-- I wanna take a bath.
I wanna-- I wanna...
247
00:10:42,774 --> 00:10:43,941
Write it down.
Write it down.
248
00:10:44,008 --> 00:10:45,409
Make a list.
Make a list.
249
00:10:45,477 --> 00:10:48,212
Ok, I wanna, um...
I wanna blast the stereo.
250
00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:50,514
I wanna have sex
in the kitchen.
251
00:10:50,582 --> 00:10:52,717
Oh, yeah, put me
down for that, too.
252
00:10:54,052 --> 00:10:55,686
Oh, man, I--I--I
wanna eat pizza.
253
00:10:55,754 --> 00:10:57,755
I wanna run around naked.
I wanna, I wanna...
254
00:11:28,553 --> 00:11:29,754
Dougie.
255
00:11:30,955 --> 00:11:33,857
Well, I guess we're
in the living room,
256
00:11:33,925 --> 00:11:37,528
so we can't fool around.
257
00:11:37,596 --> 00:11:40,063
Oh, wait a minute.
Yes, we can.
258
00:11:42,033 --> 00:11:44,669
For the sweet love of God,
you gotta get off me.
259
00:11:48,206 --> 00:11:50,240
Ok, now I feel sexy.
260
00:11:51,810 --> 00:11:53,611
I ate too much.
261
00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:57,315
Oh, my God, Doug, how
many slices did you have?
262
00:11:57,382 --> 00:11:59,983
Put it this way,
I shattered my old record.
263
00:12:01,553 --> 00:12:03,521
Your father wasn't here.
I got excited.
264
00:12:03,588 --> 00:12:06,123
Doug, you can eat
pizza when he's here.
265
00:12:06,191 --> 00:12:10,561
I know, it just tastes better when he's gone.
I was in a zone.
266
00:12:10,629 --> 00:12:12,496
So what about us?
I mean, the whole reason
267
00:12:12,564 --> 00:12:13,831
for getting rid of my father
268
00:12:13,898 --> 00:12:15,599
was so we could
do stuff together.
269
00:12:15,667 --> 00:12:17,935
It's ok. It's ok. It's
only Friday, you know?
270
00:12:18,002 --> 00:12:19,069
Just let me sleep this off,
271
00:12:19,137 --> 00:12:20,404
and tomorrow, I promise,
272
00:12:20,472 --> 00:12:22,873
we'll--we'll go crazy,
all right. I swear.
273
00:12:36,988 --> 00:12:38,389
Oh, hey, baby, you're up.
274
00:12:38,457 --> 00:12:40,758
I was just gonna go out for a few hours.
Do you mind?
275
00:12:40,826 --> 00:12:41,925
What? Where
are you going?
276
00:12:41,993 --> 00:12:43,427
I wanna get my hair done.
277
00:12:43,495 --> 00:12:44,528
But this is a big day.
278
00:12:44,596 --> 00:12:46,330
Come on, I made us
a great breakfast.
279
00:12:46,398 --> 00:12:48,031
Huh? There's
food to be had,
280
00:12:48,099 --> 00:12:49,800
orgasms to be faked.
281
00:12:52,804 --> 00:12:55,038
Oh, honey, that is so sweet.
282
00:12:55,106 --> 00:12:58,242
And look, you made
the whole pound of bacon.
283
00:12:58,309 --> 00:13:00,544
I had to.
It expires in 3 weeks.
284
00:13:01,580 --> 00:13:03,146
Come on, stay.
285
00:13:03,214 --> 00:13:04,915
Honey, I already
made the appointment.
286
00:13:04,983 --> 00:13:07,785
Come on, you know I always feel
sexier after I get my hair done.
287
00:13:07,853 --> 00:13:09,152
Yeah, same here.
288
00:13:09,220 --> 00:13:11,255
All right. I'll grab a
shower while you're gone.
289
00:13:11,322 --> 00:13:12,556
You know, clean myself up,
290
00:13:12,624 --> 00:13:13,891
bang out a couple of pushups.
291
00:13:13,958 --> 00:13:15,693
Hey, why don't you
start with the shower
292
00:13:15,761 --> 00:13:17,395
and see how you feel, ok?
293
00:13:20,031 --> 00:13:22,600
Who's next?
Who's next? Yes, sir.
294
00:13:22,667 --> 00:13:24,702
Give me a slice
with, uh, mushrooms.
295
00:13:24,770 --> 00:13:28,005
All right. Oh,
got you a beauty here.
296
00:13:28,072 --> 00:13:29,607
Throw a little
red pepper on that,
297
00:13:29,674 --> 00:13:31,041
and it's gonna sing.
298
00:13:31,109 --> 00:13:32,543
That'll be $2.
299
00:13:37,916 --> 00:13:39,049
Ok, they're legit.
300
00:13:39,117 --> 00:13:41,051
Thank you for coming
to angelo's.
301
00:13:43,722 --> 00:13:47,357
Uh, Arthur, you probably don't
have to check the ones.
302
00:13:48,192 --> 00:13:49,760
I see I've upset you.
303
00:13:49,828 --> 00:13:53,196
Shall I consider this
a formal reprimand?
304
00:13:53,264 --> 00:13:54,799
Oh, no.
No, no. No, no.
305
00:13:54,866 --> 00:13:56,133
You're doing a great job, here.
306
00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:58,602
Thank you. I must say
your cousin was right.
307
00:13:58,670 --> 00:14:00,838
You are a terrific guy.
308
00:14:00,906 --> 00:14:02,172
He said that?
309
00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:03,841
Oh, yeah, in the car ride
over here.
310
00:14:03,909 --> 00:14:05,776
He was going on and on.
311
00:14:05,844 --> 00:14:09,079
I started getting a little nauseous.
I had to tune him out.
312
00:14:09,147 --> 00:14:11,482
Really? I--I--
I can't believe it.
313
00:14:11,550 --> 00:14:13,751
All my life, I--I thought
he just didn't like me.
314
00:14:13,819 --> 00:14:16,019
Well, that's the way
it is with Doug.
315
00:14:16,087 --> 00:14:18,489
He has a hard time
showin' his love.
316
00:14:18,557 --> 00:14:20,691
I mean, sometimes
he acts like...
317
00:14:20,759 --> 00:14:22,827
He doesn't want me around.
318
00:15:18,950 --> 00:15:19,950
Hey.
319
00:15:22,253 --> 00:15:23,854
Ok, it's showtime.
320
00:15:38,336 --> 00:15:40,070
I can't believe these people.
321
00:15:40,138 --> 00:15:41,338
They totally ruined my hair.
322
00:15:41,406 --> 00:15:43,273
I am so pissed!
323
00:15:44,142 --> 00:15:45,275
Hey.
324
00:15:46,811 --> 00:15:48,311
It's horrible, right?
325
00:15:48,379 --> 00:15:49,880
What's wrong with it?
326
00:15:49,948 --> 00:15:51,481
Ok, how about
it's totally uneven,
327
00:15:51,550 --> 00:15:53,483
and he made this part
way too light.
328
00:15:54,653 --> 00:15:56,186
Well, if it bothers
you that much,
329
00:15:56,254 --> 00:15:57,655
put on a wig.
330
00:15:58,523 --> 00:15:59,857
A blond one.
331
00:16:01,526 --> 00:16:03,126
Would you stop it?
332
00:16:03,194 --> 00:16:04,394
I look horrible.
333
00:16:04,462 --> 00:16:06,129
No, you don't.
Yes, I do.
334
00:16:06,197 --> 00:16:07,932
Look, I know what you need.
335
00:16:07,999 --> 00:16:11,301
You just need yourself a nice
climb up mount dougmore.
336
00:16:13,071 --> 00:16:15,439
Doug, I am not even close
to being in the mood.
337
00:16:15,506 --> 00:16:16,807
You can't see this?
338
00:16:16,875 --> 00:16:18,508
Carrie, I'm all
set to go, here.
339
00:16:18,577 --> 00:16:20,143
Well, I'm sorry. What
do you want me to do,
340
00:16:20,211 --> 00:16:23,213
just lie down and go
through the motions?
341
00:16:23,281 --> 00:16:24,514
If you want to.
342
00:16:26,417 --> 00:16:27,618
All right, here's the deal.
343
00:16:27,686 --> 00:16:29,887
Why don't you take
yourself a nice hot shower,
344
00:16:29,955 --> 00:16:32,522
and then after, you can redo
your hair the way you like it,
345
00:16:32,591 --> 00:16:34,925
like, all sexy. Ok?
346
00:16:34,993 --> 00:16:36,026
Yeah, let me do that.
347
00:16:36,094 --> 00:16:37,127
All right, that's a girl.
348
00:16:38,229 --> 00:16:39,496
Oh! All right,
you go suds up.
349
00:16:39,564 --> 00:16:41,465
I'll get rid
of whoever this is.
350
00:16:45,737 --> 00:16:46,737
You!
351
00:16:47,706 --> 00:16:48,739
Me?
352
00:16:48,807 --> 00:16:49,773
You!
353
00:16:51,710 --> 00:16:52,610
What?
354
00:16:52,677 --> 00:16:54,712
Arthur told me what you said.
355
00:16:54,779 --> 00:16:55,846
A-a-about?
356
00:16:55,914 --> 00:16:57,948
That I'm a terrific guy.
357
00:16:58,016 --> 00:16:59,984
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mentioned that, yeah.
358
00:17:00,051 --> 00:17:02,285
Come on, let me buy you a beer
in your kitchen. Let's go.
359
00:17:02,353 --> 00:17:04,154
Uh, actually,
c-Carrie's upstairs.
360
00:17:04,222 --> 00:17:05,990
Oh, don't worry. I gotta get
back to the shop, anyway.
361
00:17:06,057 --> 00:17:07,257
Come on, quick beer.
362
00:17:07,325 --> 00:17:08,959
Ok.
363
00:17:09,027 --> 00:17:10,427
Remember when we were kids,
364
00:17:10,495 --> 00:17:12,930
we would, uh, pin those
towels around our necks?
365
00:17:12,998 --> 00:17:14,765
Yeah, I think I remember that.
366
00:17:14,833 --> 00:17:16,166
Oh, sure you do.
Sure you do.
367
00:17:16,234 --> 00:17:17,868
You'd pretend
to be, uh, superman,
368
00:17:17,936 --> 00:17:19,603
and I was your sidekick...
369
00:17:20,271 --> 00:17:21,171
Towel boy.
370
00:17:21,239 --> 00:17:23,173
Towel boy,
that's right! Yeah!
371
00:17:23,241 --> 00:17:25,275
Ah, those were fun times.
372
00:17:25,343 --> 00:17:26,677
Hmm.
373
00:17:26,745 --> 00:17:28,378
So, Doug, what-- you know,
what--what went wrong?
374
00:17:28,446 --> 00:17:30,047
How did we drift apart?
375
00:17:30,115 --> 00:17:33,083
Was it me, because I--I know I can
come on like a ton of bricks.
376
00:17:33,151 --> 00:17:34,952
No, no, you're fine.
I mean,
377
00:17:35,020 --> 00:17:36,854
you were a bit of a pain in
the ass when we were kids,
378
00:17:36,921 --> 00:17:38,822
but I guess, you know,
I never let it go.
379
00:17:38,890 --> 00:17:40,190
You know what?
I'm--I'm sorry.
380
00:17:40,258 --> 00:17:41,759
Well, whatever happened,
381
00:17:41,826 --> 00:17:44,361
I'm just glad we were able to
hang out a little, you know?
382
00:17:44,428 --> 00:17:46,063
Well, listen,
I--I'm gonna get going.
383
00:17:46,131 --> 00:17:47,898
And you know what?
Maybe, sometime,
384
00:17:47,966 --> 00:17:49,700
w-we'll do that mets
game together, huh?
385
00:17:49,768 --> 00:17:51,769
Yeah, whenever.
I'm not pushin'.
386
00:17:51,836 --> 00:17:54,038
Hey, remember the last one
we went to back in '86?
387
00:17:54,105 --> 00:17:56,640
Oh, yeah, right. When you
threw my keys in the urinal.
388
00:17:56,708 --> 00:17:58,742
Right, right. But I made
it up to you, though.
389
00:17:58,810 --> 00:18:01,244
Remember I took you to Tracy
matello's birthday party, huh?
390
00:18:01,312 --> 00:18:02,279
You remember that?
391
00:18:02,346 --> 00:18:04,114
Yeah, I remember.
392
00:18:04,182 --> 00:18:05,949
That's the night everyone
started calling me stumpy.
393
00:18:06,017 --> 00:18:08,185
Yeah, that was because of me.
I--I started that.
394
00:18:08,252 --> 00:18:10,387
Remember, you were wearing
that stupid turtleneck,
395
00:18:10,454 --> 00:18:11,922
dancing on the floor out there,
396
00:18:11,990 --> 00:18:15,292
and I was like, "hey,
nice move there, stumpy!"
397
00:18:16,027 --> 00:18:17,627
That was all me.
398
00:18:17,696 --> 00:18:19,629
Do you know that people
still call me that?
399
00:18:19,698 --> 00:18:21,932
Oh, really? That's funny.
400
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,734
It is. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
401
00:18:23,802 --> 00:18:25,435
Did you ever try to get a
girl to go out with you
402
00:18:25,503 --> 00:18:26,870
when your nickname is stumpy?
403
00:18:26,938 --> 00:18:29,506
God! I--I can't
believe that was you!
404
00:18:29,574 --> 00:18:31,241
You did that to me!
405
00:18:32,711 --> 00:18:34,078
No, actually,
it was Rick Usher.
406
00:18:34,145 --> 00:18:36,080
That's who it was,
Rick Usher, I remember.
407
00:18:36,147 --> 00:18:38,182
Yeah, yeah, sure. Blame the dead kid.
You know?
408
00:18:38,249 --> 00:18:39,649
It was you!
409
00:18:39,718 --> 00:18:41,018
Now, wait till my therapist
410
00:18:41,086 --> 00:18:42,886
gets this piece of the puzzle!
411
00:18:50,729 --> 00:18:52,062
It was just a nickname.
412
00:18:52,130 --> 00:18:54,732
Oy! Can I get
a little focus here?
413
00:18:54,799 --> 00:18:57,968
How can I focus?
I ruined the guy's life.
414
00:18:58,036 --> 00:19:00,370
Stumpy's funny though, right?
415
00:19:00,438 --> 00:19:02,072
Doug, if you're
trying to get me hot,
416
00:19:02,140 --> 00:19:05,275
repeating the word "stumpy"
is not gonna help.
417
00:19:05,343 --> 00:19:07,745
I just feel so guilty.
418
00:19:07,812 --> 00:19:09,679
Ok, well, look at it this way.
419
00:19:09,748 --> 00:19:11,849
Now he hates you. Now he
won't call you as much.
420
00:19:11,916 --> 00:19:13,083
I don't want him to hate me.
421
00:19:13,151 --> 00:19:15,485
I want him to love me
and not call me.
422
00:19:15,553 --> 00:19:16,720
Ok, so what are you saying?
423
00:19:16,788 --> 00:19:18,155
Are we gonna
fool around or not?
424
00:19:18,223 --> 00:19:19,623
Look, I'll do
whatever you want.
425
00:19:19,690 --> 00:19:20,991
I'm just telling you right now,
426
00:19:21,059 --> 00:19:22,993
I can't give you
all the engines.
427
00:19:25,897 --> 00:19:28,732
Doug, it's Saturday, ok?
428
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:31,902
Our weekend without my
father is over tomorrow.
429
00:19:31,970 --> 00:19:34,404
Fine. We'll fool around
in the morning, ok?
430
00:19:35,974 --> 00:19:37,507
Just go to sleep now.
431
00:19:39,144 --> 00:19:40,410
It's 7:30.
432
00:19:42,013 --> 00:19:43,713
Shut up, weird hair.
433
00:19:53,557 --> 00:19:55,659
Hey, it's Sunday morning.
434
00:19:55,726 --> 00:19:57,394
You wanna have sex?
435
00:19:58,629 --> 00:20:00,363
Do ya? Do ya?
436
00:20:00,431 --> 00:20:02,866
Do ya? Do ya?
437
00:20:02,934 --> 00:20:04,168
Stop.
438
00:20:04,235 --> 00:20:05,568
Hey, come on.
Wake up, I want sex.
439
00:20:05,636 --> 00:20:07,537
Your hair looks good now.
440
00:20:10,175 --> 00:20:11,842
Doug, I'm sleeping.
441
00:20:14,245 --> 00:20:15,846
Did you feel that?
442
00:20:16,380 --> 00:20:17,514
Oh, no.
443
00:20:18,950 --> 00:20:20,217
Oh, honey!
444
00:20:20,885 --> 00:20:22,920
It's a dougquake!
445
00:20:22,987 --> 00:20:25,755
Oh, God! Oh, boy!
446
00:20:25,824 --> 00:20:27,557
Quick, under a doorjamb!
447
00:20:27,625 --> 00:20:28,758
Under a doorjamb!
448
00:20:28,827 --> 00:20:30,060
Find one!
449
00:20:30,128 --> 00:20:31,295
Stop it.
450
00:20:36,567 --> 00:20:38,068
Aftershocks!
451
00:20:41,172 --> 00:20:43,406
You are so dead.
452
00:20:43,474 --> 00:20:45,008
You are so dead!
453
00:20:47,411 --> 00:20:48,879
You want a piece of me?
454
00:20:48,947 --> 00:20:50,580
Come on, sex in the kitchen.
455
00:20:56,721 --> 00:20:58,055
Dad, what are you doing?
456
00:20:58,122 --> 00:21:00,057
I thought you weren't
coming home until tonight.
457
00:21:00,124 --> 00:21:01,591
Danny gave me the boot.
458
00:21:01,659 --> 00:21:03,426
What? Why?
459
00:21:03,494 --> 00:21:05,929
I don't know. Something
about Doug being an idiot.
460
00:21:05,997 --> 00:21:08,165
So, what are you kids up to?
461
00:21:11,435 --> 00:21:13,503
We wanna have sex
in the kitchen...
462
00:21:20,311 --> 00:21:22,645
I see. So, tell me,
463
00:21:22,713 --> 00:21:25,949
what, exactly, do you
remember about that day?
464
00:21:26,017 --> 00:21:28,518
Well, Danny and I were
at this birthday party,
465
00:21:28,586 --> 00:21:29,753
and I, uh...
466
00:21:30,721 --> 00:21:32,689
I just called him stumpy.
467
00:21:42,767 --> 00:21:44,067
You think that's funny?
468
00:21:44,135 --> 00:21:46,303
I told you. Right?
It's funny, right?
33280
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