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1
00:00:05,571 --> 00:00:07,171
Douglas, if you have a moment,
2
00:00:07,239 --> 00:00:10,008
I've written a letter,
and I'd like your thoughts.
3
00:00:10,076 --> 00:00:11,576
I almost went to white castle.
4
00:00:11,644 --> 00:00:13,411
Yeah.
5
00:00:13,479 --> 00:00:15,279
"Dear Sir or Madam,
6
00:00:15,347 --> 00:00:18,282
"recently I purchased a tube of
your so-called soothing ointment
7
00:00:18,350 --> 00:00:20,251
"to combat a particularly
stubborn rash
8
00:00:20,319 --> 00:00:22,954
"that I contracted
through no fault of my own.
9
00:00:23,022 --> 00:00:26,324
"Upon using said product, not
only did I fail to find relief
10
00:00:26,391 --> 00:00:28,927
"but the area
is now completely inflamed
11
00:00:28,995 --> 00:00:30,561
"and periodically erupting:
12
00:00:30,630 --> 00:00:32,230
"See photo A.
13
00:00:33,565 --> 00:00:36,001
"To remove all uncertainty
from the matter,
14
00:00:36,068 --> 00:00:38,369
"I conducted
a controlled experiment
15
00:00:38,437 --> 00:00:42,273
"using an acquaintance of mine
named Bernard: See photo B.
16
00:00:42,341 --> 00:00:44,308
"Bernard is the scrawny
fellow on the left.
17
00:00:46,112 --> 00:00:50,081
"Please review this material
and advise me posthaste.
18
00:00:50,149 --> 00:00:51,783
Sincerely, A. Spooner."
19
00:00:53,185 --> 00:00:54,653
What do you think?
20
00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:56,320
It's delightful.
21
00:00:56,388 --> 00:00:57,656
Thank you.
22
00:00:57,723 --> 00:00:59,323
You can keep those photos.
23
00:00:59,391 --> 00:01:00,725
I have better angles.
24
00:01:08,134 --> 00:01:09,901
Ah, what the hell.
25
00:01:30,823 --> 00:01:33,825
Ah, nothing quite like changing
out of your work clothes
26
00:01:33,893 --> 00:01:36,828
and throwing on a comfy
old pair of sweats.
27
00:01:36,896 --> 00:01:38,863
Doug, you wear shorts to work,
28
00:01:38,931 --> 00:01:41,599
and you unbutton them
in the truck.
29
00:01:41,667 --> 00:01:43,601
Actually, I've been
asked not to do that.
30
00:01:45,370 --> 00:01:47,305
So, uh, how was your day?
31
00:01:47,372 --> 00:01:48,606
It was ok.
32
00:01:48,674 --> 00:01:50,842
Oh, they have me wearing
one of those headsets now
33
00:01:50,910 --> 00:01:52,110
to talk on the phone.
34
00:01:52,178 --> 00:01:53,578
Ooh, I like those.
35
00:01:53,645 --> 00:01:55,046
Think they'll
let you take it home
36
00:01:55,114 --> 00:01:57,082
so we could, uh, you know?
37
00:01:58,550 --> 00:02:01,319
What? Talk on the phone
without using our hands?
38
00:02:02,822 --> 00:02:03,922
No, fool around.
39
00:02:03,989 --> 00:02:06,290
I could pretend you're
Janet Jackson, or...
40
00:02:08,027 --> 00:02:09,527
A time-life operator.
41
00:02:10,662 --> 00:02:12,230
And would you still be you?
42
00:02:12,297 --> 00:02:13,564
Hey, that hurts.
43
00:02:23,709 --> 00:02:24,876
Hello.
44
00:02:24,944 --> 00:02:26,978
Oh, hey, there.
45
00:02:27,046 --> 00:02:29,347
Uh, ok. Sure. Fine.
46
00:02:29,414 --> 00:02:30,749
Yeah, we'll be here.
47
00:02:30,816 --> 00:02:32,217
Ok, bye.
48
00:02:32,284 --> 00:02:33,218
Who was that?
49
00:02:33,285 --> 00:02:35,153
The sackskys from next door.
50
00:02:35,221 --> 00:02:37,388
They have something important to tell us.
They're on their way over.
51
00:02:37,456 --> 00:02:38,356
What?
52
00:02:38,423 --> 00:02:41,126
No! They're
so annoying!
53
00:02:41,193 --> 00:02:42,927
Why did you say
they could come over?
54
00:02:42,995 --> 00:02:44,262
What am I gonna say?
55
00:02:44,329 --> 00:02:45,730
You make something up.
56
00:02:45,798 --> 00:02:47,598
We're sleeping, we're eating,
57
00:02:47,666 --> 00:02:49,033
we're dead.
58
00:02:49,101 --> 00:02:50,235
I don't know,
59
00:02:50,302 --> 00:02:52,103
you think on your feet,
for God's sake.
60
00:02:52,171 --> 00:02:53,537
I'm sorry.
61
00:02:53,605 --> 00:02:55,706
He said, "how you doin',
champ?" And I got thrown.
62
00:02:57,143 --> 00:02:58,509
What do they want?
63
00:02:58,577 --> 00:03:00,645
You--you didn't run over
anything they own, did you?
64
00:03:00,712 --> 00:03:01,846
No.
65
00:03:01,914 --> 00:03:04,215
Oh, wait a second,
do they have a cat?
66
00:03:04,283 --> 00:03:05,817
No.
67
00:03:05,885 --> 00:03:08,219
Did you run over a cat?
68
00:03:08,287 --> 00:03:10,588
I don't think it was, no.
69
00:03:10,656 --> 00:03:11,990
All right, look, Doug,
70
00:03:12,057 --> 00:03:14,325
I do not want to get
involved with these people.
71
00:03:14,393 --> 00:03:16,360
So no matter what they suggest,
72
00:03:16,428 --> 00:03:18,196
we say no. Got it?
73
00:03:18,264 --> 00:03:19,864
Fine. So,
what's our excuse?
74
00:03:19,932 --> 00:03:21,866
Um, I have a cold.
75
00:03:21,934 --> 00:03:24,402
You? What if they want
to do something with me?
76
00:03:24,469 --> 00:03:26,838
Excuse me, I thought of it, ok?
77
00:03:26,906 --> 00:03:29,407
I get the cold.
I'm nasal anyway.
78
00:03:30,943 --> 00:03:32,076
Go, go.
79
00:03:33,112 --> 00:03:34,179
Hi.
80
00:03:34,246 --> 00:03:35,280
Hi.
81
00:03:35,347 --> 00:03:36,580
Hey, there.
How you doing?
82
00:03:37,850 --> 00:03:38,850
Oh, I'm sorry.
I got a cold.
83
00:03:40,786 --> 00:03:42,420
Come on in.
Come on in.
84
00:03:42,487 --> 00:03:44,222
Thank you.
Have a seat.
85
00:03:45,825 --> 00:03:48,193
So, what's up?
86
00:03:49,795 --> 00:03:50,929
Well,
87
00:03:50,996 --> 00:03:52,363
we have some news.
88
00:03:52,431 --> 00:03:54,365
This is kind of hard to say,
89
00:03:54,433 --> 00:03:56,567
and it'll probably be
hard to hear.
90
00:03:59,205 --> 00:04:00,538
Tim and I are separating.
91
00:04:00,605 --> 00:04:02,040
Now, it's no one's fault.
92
00:04:02,107 --> 00:04:04,142
We just have some issues
that can't be resolved.
93
00:04:04,210 --> 00:04:07,411
And we just wanted to tell
the people closest to us.
94
00:04:10,716 --> 00:04:11,916
Oh, us. Right.
95
00:04:11,984 --> 00:04:14,819
Oh, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, no, yeah.
96
00:04:14,887 --> 00:04:16,354
Sorry.
97
00:04:16,421 --> 00:04:18,489
We'll both be staying in the
house until we can sell it,
98
00:04:18,557 --> 00:04:19,991
which could be a while.
99
00:04:20,059 --> 00:04:22,861
Tim seems to have bought on
the high end of the market.
100
00:04:23,795 --> 00:04:25,196
Yes, I did.
101
00:04:25,264 --> 00:04:26,564
I did that.
102
00:04:29,034 --> 00:04:30,601
Well...
103
00:04:30,669 --> 00:04:33,604
This is a lot to
take in all at once.
104
00:04:33,672 --> 00:04:35,573
Uh, if it's ok,
105
00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:37,942
I think Doug and I need to be
alone with this right now.
106
00:04:38,010 --> 00:04:39,344
A-a-absolutely.
107
00:04:39,411 --> 00:04:40,745
Let's go.
Let's go.
108
00:04:40,812 --> 00:04:42,180
Oh, there is one more thing.
109
00:04:42,248 --> 00:04:44,482
You see, we actually have a
time-share out in the Hamptons
110
00:04:44,549 --> 00:04:45,649
for the 3rd week in June.
111
00:04:45,717 --> 00:04:46,885
Oh, here's a brochure.
112
00:04:46,952 --> 00:04:48,086
Yeah, it's all paid for,
113
00:04:48,153 --> 00:04:49,653
but obviously
we won't be using it,
114
00:04:49,721 --> 00:04:51,389
so we'd love to give it
away to friends.
115
00:04:51,456 --> 00:04:53,291
Well, you know,
that all sounds very nice,
116
00:04:53,359 --> 00:04:55,159
but unfortunately, we
gotta throw you a no.
117
00:04:55,227 --> 00:04:56,394
You know, I'm--
118
00:04:56,461 --> 00:04:59,797
I'm actually having exploratory
surgery that week.
119
00:04:59,865 --> 00:05:02,367
We really would have loved for
you to stay in the cottage.
120
00:05:02,434 --> 00:05:03,467
Yeah.
121
00:05:03,535 --> 00:05:05,970
Well, can't do it.
Cannot do it.
122
00:05:06,038 --> 00:05:07,505
Right, hon'?
123
00:05:07,572 --> 00:05:10,008
Hmm? Oh, right.
Right, right, right.
124
00:05:29,694 --> 00:05:31,095
Hey.
125
00:05:31,163 --> 00:05:32,596
Hey, it's 8:30,
where you been?
126
00:05:32,664 --> 00:05:34,198
I stopped at the drugstore
127
00:05:34,266 --> 00:05:35,766
and then swung by the, uh,
128
00:05:35,834 --> 00:05:37,035
Hamptons.
129
00:05:37,102 --> 00:05:38,303
The Hamptons?
130
00:05:38,370 --> 00:05:40,638
Yeah, where the sackskys
have their time-share.
131
00:05:40,705 --> 00:05:42,974
Doug, it is a nice house,
132
00:05:43,042 --> 00:05:44,375
it's blue, with a deck,
133
00:05:44,443 --> 00:05:46,277
and those cape-coddy shutters.
134
00:05:46,345 --> 00:05:48,212
So, what are you saying, you
actually wanna do this now?
135
00:05:48,280 --> 00:05:50,581
It's in this cute
little town called quogue.
136
00:05:51,216 --> 00:05:53,451
Quo-gue.
137
00:05:53,518 --> 00:05:54,885
Come on, honey, let's do this.
138
00:05:54,954 --> 00:05:56,354
You went on and on
the other night
139
00:05:56,422 --> 00:05:58,589
about how we shouldn't get
involved with these people.
140
00:05:58,657 --> 00:06:01,326
Doug, we are not getting
involved with these people.
141
00:06:01,393 --> 00:06:04,062
We'll be at their house,
70 Miles away,
142
00:06:04,129 --> 00:06:06,397
and they'll still be here.
143
00:06:06,465 --> 00:06:08,833
Did you work that out
on the car ride home?
144
00:06:08,900 --> 00:06:11,369
Come on, let's spend
a week at the beach.
145
00:06:11,437 --> 00:06:12,536
I don't want to.
146
00:06:12,604 --> 00:06:14,205
Why not?
147
00:06:14,273 --> 00:06:15,773
Carrie, I'm gigantic and I'm
fair-skinned, all right?
148
00:06:15,841 --> 00:06:17,541
The beach is not
the best spot for me.
149
00:06:20,112 --> 00:06:21,545
Doug, I want a vacation.
150
00:06:21,613 --> 00:06:24,248
We never have any money
to go anywhere nice.
151
00:06:24,316 --> 00:06:27,852
Oh, ok. I guess hershey,
Pennsylvania, is not nice.
152
00:06:27,919 --> 00:06:30,088
A whole town that smells like chocolate.
Whatever.
153
00:06:31,991 --> 00:06:34,625
But, Doug, they're offering
this to us for free.
154
00:06:34,693 --> 00:06:36,294
It's like we won this.
155
00:06:36,362 --> 00:06:37,862
Come on, come on,
come on, come on--
156
00:06:37,929 --> 00:06:38,997
aah, all right.
157
00:06:39,064 --> 00:06:41,599
Yes! Thank you, honey.
All right, call.
158
00:06:41,666 --> 00:06:43,167
Why do I have to call 'em?
159
00:06:43,235 --> 00:06:45,136
Because they like you.
You're the nice one.
160
00:06:45,204 --> 00:06:47,505
Here, I will dial it for you.
161
00:06:47,572 --> 00:06:49,240
Oh, great! Thanks.
162
00:06:49,308 --> 00:06:51,942
'Cause when you make a phone call,
the dialing, that's the hard part.
163
00:06:59,651 --> 00:07:00,684
Hello?
164
00:07:00,752 --> 00:07:02,686
Uh, hi, Tim,
it's Doug heffernan.
165
00:07:02,754 --> 00:07:05,789
Hey, Doug, hey. How's
the weather over there?
166
00:07:05,857 --> 00:07:07,625
What did he say?
What did he say?
167
00:07:07,692 --> 00:07:09,960
C-c-could you
hang on a second?
168
00:07:10,029 --> 00:07:11,862
He said, "how's
the weather over there?"
169
00:07:12,931 --> 00:07:13,998
What does that mean?
170
00:07:14,066 --> 00:07:15,799
Do you want to do this?
Ok, go.
171
00:07:15,867 --> 00:07:16,901
What's up, Doug?
172
00:07:16,968 --> 00:07:18,969
Uh, it's just that Carrie and I
173
00:07:19,038 --> 00:07:21,605
would, uh, love to take
that time-share
174
00:07:21,673 --> 00:07:23,341
if she's still floating around.
175
00:07:23,409 --> 00:07:24,875
What happened to your surgery?
176
00:07:24,943 --> 00:07:28,046
Huh? Oh, I--I--I
don't need it.
177
00:07:28,113 --> 00:07:29,914
Uh, the coin worked
its way out.
178
00:07:34,686 --> 00:07:38,489
Well--well, great,
then the place is yours.
179
00:07:38,557 --> 00:07:40,324
Just happy we cankeep it in the family.
180
00:07:40,392 --> 00:07:42,193
Well, great.
Thanks a lot, Tim.
181
00:07:42,261 --> 00:07:45,163
Hey, you know what? I'll bring the key
and the parking permit over right now,
182
00:07:45,230 --> 00:07:47,532
then maybe we can, you know,
hang out and watch a game.
183
00:07:47,599 --> 00:07:49,767
You wanna watch a game?
184
00:07:49,834 --> 00:07:52,103
Uh, just hang on a second, ok?
185
00:07:52,904 --> 00:07:54,505
Huh? Hmm-mm-mm-mm?
186
00:07:55,707 --> 00:07:57,075
He wants to drop the key off,
187
00:07:57,142 --> 00:07:58,976
and then he wants
to watch a game with me.
188
00:07:59,044 --> 00:08:00,344
So, watch!
189
00:08:00,412 --> 00:08:02,746
They're offering us their
time-share, for God's sake.
190
00:08:02,814 --> 00:08:04,315
Don't be rude.
191
00:08:06,017 --> 00:08:07,185
Uh, sure, Tim.
192
00:08:07,252 --> 00:08:09,087
On my way., great.
193
00:08:10,789 --> 00:08:13,257
Thank you.
I love you.
194
00:08:13,325 --> 00:08:14,492
Yeah, get off.
195
00:08:18,130 --> 00:08:19,597
Look at this.
196
00:08:19,664 --> 00:08:21,532
Will you look at this?
197
00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:23,867
Hot damn, this is livin'!
198
00:08:23,935 --> 00:08:25,035
Whoo!
199
00:08:25,104 --> 00:08:26,704
Ok, let's get
the whole game thing going.
200
00:08:26,771 --> 00:08:27,938
What do you say, huh?
201
00:08:28,006 --> 00:08:29,740
Huh, yeah.
202
00:08:29,808 --> 00:08:31,075
Oh, by the way, here's
your, uh, parking permit.
203
00:08:31,143 --> 00:08:32,643
Oh.
204
00:08:32,711 --> 00:08:33,944
Ok.
205
00:08:34,012 --> 00:08:35,846
You know, I couldn't
find the key,
206
00:08:35,914 --> 00:08:37,815
but Dorothy will bring
it by tomorrow,
207
00:08:37,882 --> 00:08:41,452
and I brought us
some Dutch beers.
208
00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:43,154
You like a dark lager, do you?
209
00:08:43,222 --> 00:08:46,290
Oh, anything with alcohol
would be perfect.
210
00:08:46,358 --> 00:08:47,525
I hear you.
211
00:08:48,893 --> 00:08:50,861
Oh, boy. Ah...
212
00:08:50,929 --> 00:08:52,230
Click.
Yeah.
213
00:08:54,799 --> 00:08:56,834
Ah!
214
00:08:56,901 --> 00:08:58,536
You like racquetball, Doug?
215
00:08:58,604 --> 00:08:59,870
Um, maybe.
216
00:09:00,705 --> 00:09:01,905
Do you?
217
00:09:02,841 --> 00:09:04,008
What do you like?
218
00:09:04,075 --> 00:09:07,578
You like, uh, a nice jog,
a hike, skeet shooting?
219
00:09:07,646 --> 00:09:09,079
What's your thing?
220
00:09:09,148 --> 00:09:11,549
Actually, I'm--I'm between
things right now.
221
00:09:11,617 --> 00:09:12,550
Ah.
222
00:09:12,618 --> 00:09:13,584
Yeah.
223
00:09:13,652 --> 00:09:15,419
Hey, mind if I flip around?
224
00:09:17,022 --> 00:09:18,422
Oh, yeah.
225
00:09:18,490 --> 00:09:20,791
Single life is gonna be good.
226
00:09:22,461 --> 00:09:24,195
I can come over here
anytime I want
227
00:09:24,263 --> 00:09:26,130
without the wifey
breathing down my neck.
228
00:09:26,198 --> 00:09:28,098
Whoa...
229
00:09:28,167 --> 00:09:30,768
Boy, those Olsen twins are
growing up fast, aren't they?
230
00:09:43,649 --> 00:09:45,283
Hey, hi!
231
00:09:48,620 --> 00:09:50,221
You owe me big.
232
00:09:50,289 --> 00:09:52,122
Tim is very unpleasant.
233
00:09:53,124 --> 00:09:54,792
You did good, babe.
234
00:09:57,929 --> 00:09:59,664
I said you owe me big.
235
00:10:04,670 --> 00:10:06,103
There you go.
236
00:10:16,948 --> 00:10:18,416
Oy!
237
00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:23,354
Hi, Carrie.
Dorothy, hi.
238
00:10:23,422 --> 00:10:24,788
I didn't mean
to bother you, hon',
239
00:10:24,856 --> 00:10:26,924
I just wanted to drop by
some time-share stuff.
240
00:10:26,991 --> 00:10:28,526
Oh, that is so sweet, thanks.
241
00:10:28,594 --> 00:10:30,294
Oh, there are some local menus.
242
00:10:30,362 --> 00:10:32,129
Ooh, crab shack, yummy.
243
00:10:32,197 --> 00:10:34,298
Emergency numbers, oh, and
directions to the house.
244
00:10:34,366 --> 00:10:36,200
The place can be
impossible to find.
245
00:10:36,268 --> 00:10:37,702
Tell me about it.
246
00:10:37,769 --> 00:10:39,503
What?
Huh?
247
00:10:39,571 --> 00:10:42,906
Oh, anyway, um,
I guess you're all set.
248
00:10:42,974 --> 00:10:44,141
Yes, we are.
249
00:10:44,209 --> 00:10:45,576
So, is there
a key or--
250
00:10:45,644 --> 00:10:47,845
oh, it's in our safe-deposit
box at the bank.
251
00:10:47,912 --> 00:10:49,547
I'll swing by tomorrow.
252
00:10:49,615 --> 00:10:51,649
There's some stuff I have to
sneak out of there anyway.
253
00:10:54,519 --> 00:10:56,254
So... Yeah.
254
00:10:56,321 --> 00:10:58,222
Once again, uh,
thank you so much
255
00:10:58,290 --> 00:10:59,857
for letting us use your house.
256
00:10:59,924 --> 00:11:01,492
Oh, don't be silly.
257
00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:02,826
I'm just glad
258
00:11:02,894 --> 00:11:05,996
the place won't be
sitting there empty.
259
00:11:06,064 --> 00:11:08,332
Well, I'm just heading
out to the gym, so...
260
00:11:13,838 --> 00:11:15,072
Is everything all right?
261
00:11:18,009 --> 00:11:20,811
Tim is out on a date.
262
00:11:20,879 --> 00:11:22,980
What?
Oh, I'm so sorry.
263
00:11:23,047 --> 00:11:24,315
I-- I'm sorry, Carrie.
264
00:11:24,383 --> 00:11:26,384
I'm sorry for dropping
all this on you.
265
00:11:26,451 --> 00:11:28,218
It's just that, I don't know,
266
00:11:28,287 --> 00:11:30,821
I just feel such
a connection with you.
267
00:11:31,990 --> 00:11:33,291
D-ditto.
268
00:11:35,327 --> 00:11:36,994
A-ah.
269
00:11:37,061 --> 00:11:38,329
You're not even trying.
270
00:11:38,397 --> 00:11:40,298
I told you I didn't
even want to do this.
271
00:11:40,365 --> 00:11:42,633
Come on. Open your mouth
wider. Let's go.
272
00:11:42,701 --> 00:11:44,502
The problem is
your teeth are too big.
273
00:11:44,569 --> 00:11:47,605
W-w-what if
I swallow one?
274
00:11:47,673 --> 00:11:49,139
That's a classy problem.
275
00:11:49,207 --> 00:11:50,541
Oh.
276
00:11:50,609 --> 00:11:52,142
Hey. Hey, honey, come on.
277
00:11:52,210 --> 00:11:54,512
Try it. Open your mouth.
Try to catch one.
278
00:11:54,579 --> 00:11:56,380
Ok. That's mine now.
279
00:11:56,448 --> 00:11:58,282
What's the matter?
280
00:11:58,350 --> 00:12:00,217
My new best friend Dorothy
is in there
281
00:12:00,285 --> 00:12:01,719
driving me crazy.
282
00:12:01,787 --> 00:12:04,221
Oh, too bad. I guess
that's the price you pay
283
00:12:04,289 --> 00:12:06,890
for falling in love
with the word, "quogue."
284
00:12:09,027 --> 00:12:10,294
Shut up.
285
00:12:11,162 --> 00:12:12,896
Hey, Richie,
286
00:12:12,964 --> 00:12:14,898
would you do me a huge favor?
287
00:12:14,966 --> 00:12:17,000
I told Dorothy that
I would bring her a beer.
288
00:12:17,068 --> 00:12:19,837
Would you bring this in to her and
be a little nice to her, huh?
289
00:12:19,904 --> 00:12:21,138
I'm busy.
290
00:12:22,073 --> 00:12:23,541
Richie, come on.
291
00:12:23,608 --> 00:12:25,676
She-- she's depressed
and very needy right now,
292
00:12:25,744 --> 00:12:26,944
and I'm late for the gym.
293
00:12:27,011 --> 00:12:28,579
Just--just bring
this in to her,
294
00:12:28,647 --> 00:12:31,248
flatter her,
boost her ego, please.
295
00:12:31,316 --> 00:12:33,050
I don't wanna.
296
00:12:33,117 --> 00:12:34,985
You want me to take this one?
297
00:12:35,053 --> 00:12:36,754
Um...
298
00:12:36,822 --> 00:12:39,056
Would a simple "no, thank
you" have killed you?
299
00:12:46,231 --> 00:12:47,398
Hi.
Hi.
300
00:12:47,466 --> 00:12:48,632
Here you go.
301
00:12:48,700 --> 00:12:49,967
Oh, thanks.
302
00:12:52,838 --> 00:12:54,638
I'm Dorothy sacksky.
303
00:12:54,706 --> 00:12:56,374
Richie iannucci.
304
00:12:58,610 --> 00:13:00,478
So, um,
305
00:13:00,545 --> 00:13:02,312
you have very nice...
306
00:13:04,416 --> 00:13:05,349
Hair.
307
00:13:07,486 --> 00:13:08,753
Thank you.
308
00:13:15,193 --> 00:13:16,494
Carrie!
309
00:13:17,362 --> 00:13:18,328
Carrie!
310
00:13:20,331 --> 00:13:22,900
Hey, um, what are you,
throwing curlers?
311
00:13:22,967 --> 00:13:24,602
Is Doug in there?
312
00:13:24,669 --> 00:13:27,772
Ah, no, he's still out
skeet shooting with Tim.
313
00:13:27,839 --> 00:13:29,507
You gotta talk
to your friend Richie.
314
00:13:29,574 --> 00:13:30,741
About?
315
00:13:30,809 --> 00:13:32,376
Well, I invited
him over last night
316
00:13:32,444 --> 00:13:33,977
to check my smoke alarms,
317
00:13:34,045 --> 00:13:36,146
and let's just say
a lot more happened.
318
00:13:37,916 --> 00:13:39,517
We made love.
319
00:13:39,584 --> 00:13:41,552
Eeh.
320
00:13:41,620 --> 00:13:44,187
Anyway, he gave me
his phone number
321
00:13:44,255 --> 00:13:46,189
and I just tried calling him.
322
00:13:46,257 --> 00:13:47,758
Does he live in a bakery?
323
00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:50,795
You know what?
324
00:13:50,862 --> 00:13:52,696
I think he might.
325
00:13:52,764 --> 00:13:54,465
Oh, my God,
326
00:13:54,533 --> 00:13:59,069
you don't think he was just
using me as a one-night stand?
327
00:13:59,137 --> 00:14:00,871
No, no, that doesn't
sound like Richie.
328
00:14:00,939 --> 00:14:03,006
Oh, you gotta talk to him.
You gotta talk to him.
329
00:14:03,074 --> 00:14:05,709
Tell him I'm sorry. I shouldn't
have said I love you so soon.
330
00:14:05,777 --> 00:14:07,511
Oh, please tell him, Carrie.
331
00:14:07,579 --> 00:14:09,847
Dorothy, just calm down.
I will go talk to him.
332
00:14:09,915 --> 00:14:11,281
Tell him--
tell him I can change.
333
00:14:11,349 --> 00:14:13,751
Tell him I can be whatever
he wants me to be.
334
00:14:13,819 --> 00:14:15,419
Whatever he wants you to be.
335
00:14:15,487 --> 00:14:16,754
Yeah.
Got it.
336
00:14:16,822 --> 00:14:18,288
Thank you.
337
00:14:18,356 --> 00:14:21,725
Oh, Dorothy, any luck
with that key yet?
338
00:14:21,793 --> 00:14:23,928
I can't think
about that right now.
339
00:14:27,231 --> 00:14:29,767
All I said was flatter her.
340
00:14:29,835 --> 00:14:31,034
I did.
341
00:14:31,102 --> 00:14:33,203
I was very complimentary
throughout.
342
00:14:35,941 --> 00:14:37,775
I'm glad you think
this is funny.
343
00:14:37,843 --> 00:14:39,610
What were you thinking?
344
00:14:39,678 --> 00:14:41,078
I didn't mean to do it.
345
00:14:41,145 --> 00:14:42,546
I was just up on a ladder
346
00:14:42,614 --> 00:14:45,015
checking her smoke alarms,
and bam, it happened.
347
00:14:46,117 --> 00:14:47,184
What?
348
00:14:47,251 --> 00:14:48,986
Carrie, what are you
yelling at him for?
349
00:14:49,053 --> 00:14:51,722
It's your fault. You're the one
that sent him in there with beer.
350
00:14:51,790 --> 00:14:55,459
I did not tell him
to have sex with her.
351
00:14:55,527 --> 00:14:57,094
What do you expect?
352
00:14:57,161 --> 00:15:00,865
You put a snake in a cage
with a mouse and beer,
353
00:15:03,869 --> 00:15:06,537
you have to expect
that they'll have sex.
354
00:15:08,406 --> 00:15:10,073
Look, you don't
have to worry about it
355
00:15:10,141 --> 00:15:11,876
'cause I'm not
gonna see her again.
356
00:15:11,943 --> 00:15:15,145
Oh, but that's where
you're wrong, my friend.
357
00:15:15,213 --> 00:15:16,881
You're gonna keep
seeing her for,
358
00:15:16,948 --> 00:15:18,549
I don't know, at least a month.
359
00:15:18,617 --> 00:15:19,817
A month?
360
00:15:19,885 --> 00:15:21,218
A month's a long time, honey.
361
00:15:21,285 --> 00:15:23,554
Doug, he had sex with her.
362
00:15:23,622 --> 00:15:26,857
The only decent thing to do after
you've had sex with somebody
363
00:15:26,925 --> 00:15:28,592
is to keep seeing them.
364
00:15:28,660 --> 00:15:30,227
But not a month.
365
00:15:33,064 --> 00:15:34,598
All right, 3 weeks.
366
00:15:34,666 --> 00:15:37,134
That way, Dorothy won't feel
like she was a one-night stand.
367
00:15:37,201 --> 00:15:40,237
In fact, she'll probably
be sick of him by then.
368
00:15:40,304 --> 00:15:42,840
I don't see why you
even care so much.
369
00:15:43,975 --> 00:15:45,743
I care.
370
00:15:45,810 --> 00:15:47,778
She's my neighbor,
371
00:15:47,846 --> 00:15:50,848
my friend, she's a human being,
372
00:15:50,916 --> 00:15:52,249
and she hasn't given me the key
373
00:15:52,316 --> 00:15:54,618
to her beach house yet.
374
00:15:54,686 --> 00:15:57,555
Ah, so that's what
this is all about.
375
00:15:57,622 --> 00:16:00,323
You just want to get
to use their beach house.
376
00:16:00,391 --> 00:16:01,959
What, you just
figured that out now?
377
00:16:02,027 --> 00:16:05,195
You haven't noticed that I--I've been
skeet shooting a lot more than usual?
378
00:16:06,297 --> 00:16:07,932
Oh, come on, you guys.
379
00:16:07,999 --> 00:16:10,133
Help me out. I've been
working very hard this year.
380
00:16:10,201 --> 00:16:11,268
I want a tan.
381
00:16:11,335 --> 00:16:13,571
Doug, tell him to do this.
382
00:16:13,638 --> 00:16:15,338
What's in it for me?
383
00:16:16,174 --> 00:16:17,474
Richie, go do it.
384
00:16:18,309 --> 00:16:19,376
But, moose--
385
00:16:19,444 --> 00:16:21,144
do it!
386
00:16:26,618 --> 00:16:28,886
Man, this Dorothy
is wearing me out.
387
00:16:28,954 --> 00:16:31,689
At least she finally got the top
step of her ladder carpeted.
388
00:16:31,756 --> 00:16:34,558
Hmm, fate is a funny
animal, isn't it?
389
00:16:34,626 --> 00:16:36,961
If it had been me who brought
her the beer that night,
390
00:16:37,028 --> 00:16:40,230
I'd be the exhausted
lover right now,
391
00:16:40,298 --> 00:16:43,567
instead of the lonely,
bitter man-child.
392
00:16:45,303 --> 00:16:46,971
Hey, hey, hey, Doug!
393
00:16:47,038 --> 00:16:48,438
Uh, yeah.
394
00:16:48,506 --> 00:16:49,707
Yeah, Tim.
395
00:16:49,774 --> 00:16:51,208
Hey, hey, uh,
396
00:16:51,275 --> 00:16:53,911
so--so what are you doing,
you watching a game?
397
00:16:55,146 --> 00:16:56,947
Yeah, sure.
Come on over.
398
00:16:57,015 --> 00:16:58,916
Moose, what the hell
are you doing?
399
00:16:58,984 --> 00:17:00,618
Relax. He doesn't
know you're the guy.
400
00:17:00,685 --> 00:17:02,019
I'm wearing his shirt.
401
00:17:04,322 --> 00:17:07,124
Oh, the plot thickens.
402
00:17:07,191 --> 00:17:08,859
Why are you wearing his shirt?
403
00:17:08,927 --> 00:17:12,029
'Cause Dorothy chewed the
buttons off of mine last night.
404
00:17:12,097 --> 00:17:13,998
See, those could
have been my but--
405
00:17:14,065 --> 00:17:16,133
oh, forget it.
406
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:18,168
Try--try not to let him
see it, that's all.
407
00:17:18,236 --> 00:17:19,870
All right, all right.
If he notices,
408
00:17:19,938 --> 00:17:22,372
just tell him I went
to swatchmore, too.
409
00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:23,406
Hey.
410
00:17:23,474 --> 00:17:24,642
Hey, Tim.
411
00:17:24,709 --> 00:17:26,644
Oh, so, uh, is this your posse?
412
00:17:28,947 --> 00:17:31,682
I actually like to refer to
them as my peeps, but yes.
413
00:17:33,184 --> 00:17:34,484
Hiya, Tim sacksky.
414
00:17:34,552 --> 00:17:35,953
Hi, Spence olchin.
415
00:17:36,021 --> 00:17:37,721
Ooh, strong handshake there.
416
00:17:37,789 --> 00:17:38,756
You in sales?
417
00:17:38,823 --> 00:17:40,124
Yep, subway tokens.
418
00:17:41,860 --> 00:17:43,593
Uh, Tim sacksky, how are you?
419
00:17:43,662 --> 00:17:44,862
Fine.
420
00:17:44,929 --> 00:17:47,297
He's gotta get
to know you first.
421
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:50,734
So, what have we got here,
422
00:17:50,802 --> 00:17:52,069
a, uh, sports game?
423
00:17:52,137 --> 00:17:53,937
Uh, basketball playoffs, yeah.
424
00:17:54,005 --> 00:17:56,573
Oh, hey, all right!
425
00:17:56,641 --> 00:17:58,142
Oh, this is great.
426
00:17:58,209 --> 00:18:00,443
Oh, it feels so good just
to hang with the boys,
427
00:18:00,511 --> 00:18:02,345
you know, have a brewsky,
428
00:18:02,413 --> 00:18:04,148
take my mind off
the fact that my wife
429
00:18:04,215 --> 00:18:05,816
is screwing someone else!
430
00:18:09,054 --> 00:18:12,422
Uh, haven't you been
seeing someone, Tim?
431
00:18:12,490 --> 00:18:17,695
No. No, I--I only made that
up to get her jealous.
432
00:18:17,762 --> 00:18:19,596
No, I just go to the multiplex
433
00:18:19,664 --> 00:18:21,999
and watch all those movies
with the teenagers in them.
434
00:18:23,201 --> 00:18:24,735
You should see she's all that.
435
00:18:24,803 --> 00:18:27,805
It's kind of a modern-day
pygmalion story.
436
00:18:27,872 --> 00:18:32,309
She is obviously only doing
this to get back at me.
437
00:18:32,376 --> 00:18:35,112
You know what? She
doesn't even like sex.
438
00:18:36,380 --> 00:18:37,480
The fact is,
439
00:18:37,548 --> 00:18:40,517
the woman is incapable
of having an orgasm.
440
00:18:45,423 --> 00:18:47,958
I mean, she has
so many hang-ups.
441
00:18:48,026 --> 00:18:50,493
I mean, there are certain
things that a man needs
442
00:18:50,561 --> 00:18:52,596
which she
flat-out won't do.
443
00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:58,736
Oh, God, I want her back.
444
00:18:58,803 --> 00:19:01,872
I just-- I just want to
hold her in my arms again
445
00:19:01,940 --> 00:19:04,808
and make love to her
in the sand.
446
00:19:04,876 --> 00:19:07,377
But now there's this other guy,
447
00:19:07,445 --> 00:19:09,713
and he probably
loves her, and...
448
00:19:11,216 --> 00:19:13,350
Oh, I'm sure that he doesn't.
449
00:19:14,619 --> 00:19:17,454
Well, d-- hey, did you
go to swarthmore?
450
00:19:18,256 --> 00:19:19,556
Uh, yeah.
451
00:19:19,624 --> 00:19:21,291
What class?
452
00:19:21,359 --> 00:19:22,726
Thank you.
453
00:19:29,100 --> 00:19:32,736
Hey, look. Just finished
shopping for the Hamptons.
454
00:19:32,804 --> 00:19:33,837
Huh?
455
00:19:33,905 --> 00:19:36,640
And look!
456
00:19:37,642 --> 00:19:39,276
You!
457
00:19:46,350 --> 00:19:49,853
You are gonna look so
hot with tan lines.
458
00:19:51,622 --> 00:19:54,191
Yeah, well, before you
get too excited, quoggie,
459
00:19:54,259 --> 00:19:56,860
I, uh, I got some news for you.
460
00:19:56,928 --> 00:19:59,263
Tim wants to get back
together with Dorothy.
461
00:19:59,330 --> 00:20:01,064
What? How do
you know that?
462
00:20:01,132 --> 00:20:02,232
'Cause he just told me.
463
00:20:02,300 --> 00:20:03,733
He w-wants
to get back with her.
464
00:20:03,802 --> 00:20:06,770
He wants to make love
to her in the sand.
465
00:20:06,838 --> 00:20:08,738
What? What sand?
Not our sand?
466
00:20:08,807 --> 00:20:10,573
Honey, just prepare yourself.
467
00:20:10,641 --> 00:20:13,643
They're gonna get back together, and
they're gonna want their beach house.
468
00:20:13,711 --> 00:20:15,078
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
469
00:20:15,146 --> 00:20:17,447
I am not so sure they are
getting back together.
470
00:20:17,515 --> 00:20:19,049
I mean, Dorothy's
with Richie now.
471
00:20:19,117 --> 00:20:20,217
They're very happy.
472
00:20:20,285 --> 00:20:21,584
I saw them biking.
473
00:20:21,652 --> 00:20:23,253
Let it go.
474
00:20:23,321 --> 00:20:25,655
Ok, she's only with him
in the sick little world
475
00:20:25,723 --> 00:20:27,124
where you're the God.
476
00:20:27,192 --> 00:20:29,193
Ok, how about this?
477
00:20:29,260 --> 00:20:31,028
How about this?
478
00:20:31,095 --> 00:20:34,798
I tell Dorothy that Richie is
considering proposing marriage--
479
00:20:34,866 --> 00:20:36,700
Carrie.
480
00:20:36,767 --> 00:20:38,235
Meanwhile, the next time you
go skeet shooting with Tim,
481
00:20:38,303 --> 00:20:40,537
you accidentally shoot him in the foot.
That way--
482
00:20:40,604 --> 00:20:41,872
honey, honey, look at me.
483
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:43,573
It's over.
484
00:20:52,516 --> 00:20:53,683
Here you go, hon'.
485
00:20:54,385 --> 00:20:55,719
Thank you.
486
00:20:55,786 --> 00:20:56,820
Careful up here.
487
00:20:56,888 --> 00:20:58,956
This, uh, might be asbestos.
488
00:21:10,201 --> 00:21:11,801
Hey, Arthur, you got a letter.
489
00:21:12,937 --> 00:21:16,206
Oh, it's from those
ointment people.
490
00:21:16,274 --> 00:21:19,877
Let's see what those
charlatans have to say.
491
00:21:19,944 --> 00:21:22,612
"Dear Mr. spooner, after
examining the unused portion
492
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:24,214
"of the ointment you returned,
493
00:21:24,282 --> 00:21:26,716
"we determined that what you
were actually using on your rash
494
00:21:26,784 --> 00:21:31,188
"was our all-weather, high-grade,
silicon window caulking.
495
00:21:32,623 --> 00:21:35,625
Please discontinue
use immediately."
496
00:21:35,693 --> 00:21:38,495
Well, that explains
the big metal applicator.
34328
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