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1
00:00:12,972 --> 00:00:14,963
Oh, my God.
2
00:00:15,430 --> 00:00:16,758
- Hey, Car.
- Hey, Kelly.
3
00:00:16,972 --> 00:00:18,513
Is my husband floating around
somewhere?
4
00:00:18,722 --> 00:00:20,512
Yeah, he's in the garage with Doug.
Come here.
5
00:00:20,722 --> 00:00:22,049
Look at this.
6
00:00:22,306 --> 00:00:24,047
Can you believe this?
7
00:00:24,306 --> 00:00:27,387
Okay, it's an application
for a Greenbaum Smart Shopper card.
8
00:00:27,639 --> 00:00:30,128
No, not that. Look, you have
to check a box for your age.
9
00:00:30,348 --> 00:00:33,014
The first group, right,
17 to 29, okay.
10
00:00:33,181 --> 00:00:37,175
Next group, 30 to 54.
11
00:00:39,098 --> 00:00:44,218
Do you know what that means?
In 2 days, I'm gonna be 54 years old.
12
00:00:44,473 --> 00:00:46,926
Shut up, you're not gonna be 54,
you're gonna be 30.
13
00:00:47,140 --> 00:00:48,301
Hello?
14
00:00:48,557 --> 00:00:51,306
As far as Greenbaum's is concerned,
there's no difference.
15
00:00:52,515 --> 00:00:54,138
Hi, darling,
I got a situation downstairs.
16
00:00:54,348 --> 00:00:59,682
I need some bleach, a Popsicle stick,
and several boxes of matches.
17
00:01:01,265 --> 00:01:04,180
Oh, Kelly.
What a delightful surprise.
18
00:01:05,515 --> 00:01:07,672
Hey, big daddy. How are you?
19
00:01:07,932 --> 00:01:10,088
Fine, now that I've seen you.
20
00:01:10,307 --> 00:01:13,222
Nothing like a cup of brown sugar
to sweeten my day.
21
00:01:15,016 --> 00:01:19,175
Okay, all this sexual tension's
making me a little uncomfortable.
22
00:01:19,724 --> 00:01:20,754
What's the matter with you?
23
00:01:20,974 --> 00:01:22,799
Oh, she's bummed out
because it's her birthday.
24
00:01:23,016 --> 00:01:24,639
- She thinks she's getting old.
- What?
25
00:01:24,849 --> 00:01:26,556
Oh, that's crazy.
26
00:01:27,224 --> 00:01:28,468
- Is it?
- Sure.
27
00:01:28,725 --> 00:01:32,765
- What are you turning, 24, 25?
- Thirty.
28
00:01:37,683 --> 00:01:39,721
I'm telling you, you're wrong.
29
00:01:39,975 --> 00:01:42,546
I'm not wrong. It's his real name.
30
00:01:42,808 --> 00:01:47,513
Have you ever in your life
met anyone named Boyardee?
31
00:01:53,017 --> 00:01:54,391
Hey, Doug,
did you remember to order
32
00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:56,638
the Ultimate Fighting Championship
for Friday night?
33
00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:59,517
My friend,
I am a platinum package subscriber.
34
00:01:59,684 --> 00:02:02,089
If it takes place
in a cage or a pit, I get it.
35
00:02:02,309 --> 00:02:04,099
That's my man.
You're taping it for me, right?
36
00:02:04,309 --> 00:02:06,347
- Yup.
- You're not gonna watch it with us?
37
00:02:06,559 --> 00:02:08,265
No, my mom's coming in
from St. Louis.
38
00:02:08,476 --> 00:02:10,383
I gotta pick her up
from the airport that night.
39
00:02:10,601 --> 00:02:13,682
So, she can watch
Ultimate Fighting with us.
40
00:02:13,893 --> 00:02:16,807
Hell, I met her. She could be in it.
41
00:02:17,851 --> 00:02:19,392
What?!
42
00:02:20,018 --> 00:02:23,351
- Hey, hey, that was not a mother joke.
- Yes, it was a mother joke.
43
00:02:23,388 --> 00:02:25,389
And I'd be careful,
because she could take you down.
44
00:02:28,352 --> 00:02:30,472
Man, this is gonna be sweet, huh?
45
00:02:30,727 --> 00:02:33,913
"Aaron 'The Python' Yuspavich
goes for revenge
46
00:02:33,950 --> 00:02:37,100
in his rematch
against Juan 'El Cobra' Lopez,
47
00:02:37,310 --> 00:02:41,767
this Friday, the 19th
on Pay-Per-View. "
48
00:02:43,227 --> 00:02:45,763
This Friday, the 19th?
49
00:02:45,977 --> 00:02:47,849
Oh, my God.
50
00:02:48,102 --> 00:02:50,389
- What's the matter?
- I can't see the fight.
51
00:02:50,602 --> 00:02:53,269
The 19th is Carrie's birthday.
52
00:02:53,519 --> 00:02:56,600
So, what, you already made plans
to take her out somewhere?
53
00:02:56,852 --> 00:03:00,348
No, no.
But I gotta do something with her.
54
00:03:01,186 --> 00:03:03,011
Can't you just explain
that we got the fight?
55
00:03:03,269 --> 00:03:05,426
That it's already paid for?
56
00:03:06,769 --> 00:03:26,145
And you wonder
why your marriage didn't work out.
57
00:03:26,182 --> 00:03:27,389
What are you doing?
58
00:03:27,645 --> 00:03:32,018
Checking out how slow my skin
bounces back when I pull it.
59
00:03:33,645 --> 00:03:34,724
Compared to what?
60
00:03:34,979 --> 00:03:37,302
Compared to how fast
it used to bounce back.
61
00:03:37,562 --> 00:03:39,185
- Did you ever do it before?
- No.
62
00:03:40,479 --> 00:03:42,600
Then how do you know
how fast it bounced back before?
63
00:03:43,146 --> 00:03:47,009
You know what? You're right,
I should keep a log or something.
64
00:03:47,271 --> 00:03:49,938
- What has gotten into you?
- My birthday.
65
00:03:50,146 --> 00:03:52,053
- What about it?
- What about it?
66
00:03:52,313 --> 00:03:55,927
I'm gonna be 30 years old. That's, like,
the girl-woman dividing line.
67
00:03:56,188 --> 00:04:00,395
Up till now it's been,
"Oh, yeah, Carrie, she's a pistol. "
68
00:04:00,605 --> 00:04:01,599
Now it's gonna be:
69
00:04:01,813 --> 00:04:06,020
"Oh, right, Mrs. Heffernan.
She's a handsome woman. "
70
00:04:06,521 --> 00:04:10,017
Who do you know
who uses the term "pistol"?
71
00:04:10,230 --> 00:04:13,643
- You know what I mean.
- Come on...
72
00:04:13,855 --> 00:04:14,850
Doug...
73
00:04:15,063 --> 00:04:19,140
Did you already make plans
for us to go out that night?
74
00:04:19,355 --> 00:04:23,301
Your birthday, what?
I'm not gonna make plans?
75
00:04:24,147 --> 00:04:25,640
Why do you ask?
76
00:04:25,855 --> 00:04:28,225
Well, I just don't know
how much I feel like celebrating.
77
00:04:28,439 --> 00:04:30,015
I mean, I'd almost rather,
78
00:04:30,231 --> 00:04:34,011
you know, just stay home,
read a book, take a bath.
79
00:04:37,523 --> 00:04:39,015
Really?
80
00:04:39,231 --> 00:04:40,226
Am I being stupid?
81
00:04:40,439 --> 00:04:43,639
Just tell me I'm being stupid about
this whole getting-older business,
82
00:04:43,856 --> 00:04:45,681
and we will go out Friday night.
83
00:04:51,273 --> 00:04:52,979
- Doug?
- Yeah, yeah, of course you are.
84
00:04:53,190 --> 00:04:55,643
I mean, this is crazy talk,
you know?
85
00:04:55,856 --> 00:04:57,812
Thirty is nothing.
86
00:04:59,273 --> 00:05:01,596
- Although it is halfway to 60.
- Oh, my God, it is.
87
00:05:01,815 --> 00:05:03,473
Look, I know exactly how you feel.
88
00:05:03,690 --> 00:05:05,728
I mean,
remember my 30th birthday?
89
00:05:05,940 --> 00:05:06,935
I was so depressed
90
00:05:07,149 --> 00:05:11,059
all I wanted to do was stay home
and be alone with my thoughts.
91
00:05:11,315 --> 00:05:14,397
Wait, didn't we go to that bar
where you got drunk
92
00:05:14,607 --> 00:05:17,641
and you jumped
against a Velcro wall?
93
00:05:18,316 --> 00:05:22,096
Outside was happy. Inside, sorrow.
94
00:05:24,066 --> 00:05:25,393
I think you should just stay home,
95
00:05:25,607 --> 00:05:31,308
you know, bathe, read,
listen to a little of that Lilith Fair stuff...
96
00:05:32,024 --> 00:05:34,560
- Thank you, honey. You're very sweet.
- Sure.
97
00:05:34,774 --> 00:05:36,895
It's no problem cancelling the plans
you already made?
98
00:05:37,108 --> 00:05:38,684
No problem.
99
00:05:38,900 --> 00:05:42,230
I mean, the dinner reservations,
they're easily cancellable.
100
00:05:42,483 --> 00:05:44,273
Same with the limo.
101
00:05:45,150 --> 00:05:46,975
The other couple,
I'm sure they'll understand.
102
00:05:47,233 --> 00:05:51,014
Oh, you already did all that?
That is so sweet.
103
00:05:51,233 --> 00:05:53,639
What restaurant?
104
00:05:55,192 --> 00:05:57,348
Very nice place. Very nice.
105
00:05:57,984 --> 00:06:00,733
That new place I told you about?
Marino's, right?
106
00:06:00,984 --> 00:06:02,476
Yeah.
107
00:06:04,650 --> 00:06:07,221
And who was the couple?
Deacon and Kelly?
108
00:06:07,484 --> 00:06:10,565
Yes, we were gonna
Deacon-and-Kelly it up.
109
00:06:10,776 --> 00:06:12,565
Yeah, but we can do that all
some other time,
110
00:06:12,776 --> 00:06:14,565
when you don't have
this 30th birthday cloud,
111
00:06:14,776 --> 00:06:16,518
you know, hanging over your head,
okay?
112
00:06:16,776 --> 00:06:19,181
Okay, I'll just stay home.
113
00:06:19,401 --> 00:06:21,806
Listen to some Jewel...
114
00:06:37,235 --> 00:06:39,025
You suck!
115
00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:42,858
Not me, you.
116
00:06:43,068 --> 00:06:45,474
I'm not the one who just screwed
with my wife's feelings.
117
00:06:45,693 --> 00:06:47,151
I know, I shouldn't have.
118
00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:50,699
It's that stupid
Ultimate Fighting Championship.
119
00:06:50,735 --> 00:06:54,315
That was a selfish thing to do.
You are a selfish bastard.
120
00:06:54,569 --> 00:06:56,358
Not me. You.
121
00:06:56,569 --> 00:06:58,441
- Would you stop that?
- Make me.
122
00:06:58,652 --> 00:06:59,814
- Shut up.
- You shut up.
123
00:07:00,027 --> 00:07:01,437
- You shut up.
- You shut up.
124
00:07:01,652 --> 00:07:03,939
You shut up, fatty.
125
00:07:04,152 --> 00:07:07,600
Okay, that's me.
Yeah, I'm the fat one. Okay.
126
00:07:07,861 --> 00:07:09,898
Hey, you are young and beautiful,
127
00:07:10,111 --> 00:07:11,734
and damn it,
we're going out Friday night
128
00:07:11,944 --> 00:07:13,982
and we're gonna do everything I said
we're gonna do,
129
00:07:14,194 --> 00:07:16,861
and you're gonna have
the best birthday of your life.
130
00:07:17,111 --> 00:07:19,778
And you have the springiest skin
I've ever seen.
131
00:07:23,070 --> 00:07:25,605
What did you do in there?
132
00:07:31,612 --> 00:07:33,686
Oh, come on,
you can't be totally booked up.
133
00:07:33,945 --> 00:07:36,777
Not one table anywhere?
You know what?
134
00:07:36,987 --> 00:07:39,654
Perhaps my friend, Mr. Jackson
135
00:07:39,820 --> 00:07:42,487
could convince you
to take another look.
136
00:07:42,945 --> 00:07:46,393
No, you can't speak to him,
he's the guy on the $20 bill.
137
00:07:46,612 --> 00:07:47,690
- Yeah-
- Honey?
138
00:07:47,904 --> 00:07:49,610
Yeah, yeah, can you hold on a second.
Yeah?
139
00:07:49,821 --> 00:07:51,313
For tomorrow night,
what do you think?
140
00:07:51,529 --> 00:07:53,152
- I like the slutty one.
- Yeah, me too.
141
00:07:53,404 --> 00:07:56,236
Okay. It's gonna be great.
142
00:07:56,446 --> 00:07:58,069
Come on, it's my wife's birthday.
143
00:07:58,279 --> 00:08:00,187
You gotta have a table.
144
00:08:00,404 --> 00:08:03,189
Please. Yes, that's fine.
145
00:08:03,404 --> 00:08:04,862
Okay, thank you.
The name's Heffernan.
146
00:08:05,071 --> 00:08:06,445
Yup, I'll see you tomorrow night.
147
00:08:06,655 --> 00:08:08,112
All right, this is good.
148
00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:11,070
Okay, table at Marino's, check.
149
00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:12,523
Limo, check.
150
00:08:12,738 --> 00:08:14,112
Gift, got it.
151
00:08:14,321 --> 00:08:17,154
Card, gotta get that today.
Okay...
152
00:08:17,405 --> 00:08:19,230
- Hey, man, ready to go?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
153
00:08:19,488 --> 00:08:21,360
Listen, I need you and Kelly
to come out with us
154
00:08:21,572 --> 00:08:22,769
for Carrie's birthday tomorrow.
155
00:08:22,988 --> 00:08:24,529
Can't do it.
I told you, my mom's flying in.
156
00:08:24,738 --> 00:08:26,813
I know, but I promised Carrie
a big birthday night
157
00:08:27,030 --> 00:08:28,689
when I thought
she wouldn't wanna do it,
158
00:08:28,947 --> 00:08:31,518
and then I felt so bad,
I shimmied her back into going,
159
00:08:31,739 --> 00:08:35,151
and now if I don't come through,
I'll never be able to live with myself.
160
00:08:36,572 --> 00:08:39,321
No idea what you're talking about,
but I got my mother.
161
00:08:39,531 --> 00:08:41,687
- Come on, we're late.
- Please, come on, hey, come on.
162
00:08:41,906 --> 00:08:43,067
It's three hours of your life.
163
00:08:44,572 --> 00:08:47,108
Still want me to tape that
Ultimate Fighting for you, don't you?
164
00:08:47,364 --> 00:08:49,355
Yeah. You said you would.
165
00:08:49,573 --> 00:08:51,729
Oh, I'll tape it, sure.
166
00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:54,152
Just be a shame
if that tape had a little...
167
00:08:54,364 --> 00:08:56,900
...accident
before I could get it to you.
168
00:09:16,074 --> 00:09:17,945
So this is great.
169
00:09:18,157 --> 00:09:20,859
We're all here for Carrie's birthday.
170
00:09:21,074 --> 00:09:23,148
It just feels right.
171
00:09:26,449 --> 00:09:29,364
We're really glad
you can join us tonight, Mrs. Palmer.
172
00:09:29,616 --> 00:09:31,025
It's not like I had a choice.
173
00:09:31,241 --> 00:09:32,698
You snatch me fresh off the plane,
174
00:09:32,907 --> 00:09:35,574
don't even give a woman a chance
to clean up. Why didn't you tell me
175
00:09:35,741 --> 00:09:38,027
- we were going out to a fancy dinner?
- I said I'm sorry.
176
00:09:38,241 --> 00:09:40,279
You should have told her, Deac.
177
00:09:40,533 --> 00:09:43,199
It's not like we haven't had
these plans for weeks.
178
00:09:43,449 --> 00:09:45,239
I guess I just forgot.
179
00:09:45,491 --> 00:09:48,276
Got one word for you, buddy:
Datebook.
180
00:09:54,408 --> 00:09:57,359
So, honey,
you wanna open my present now?
181
00:09:57,575 --> 00:10:00,146
No, no, I'm enjoying
the limo ride too much.
182
00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:03,281
Anyway, it's too dark in here
to read the card.
183
00:10:05,117 --> 00:10:06,942
The card, yeah.
184
00:10:16,659 --> 00:10:18,899
What do you got going there, hon?
185
00:10:19,451 --> 00:10:21,240
I got something caught in my teeth.
186
00:10:21,451 --> 00:10:24,319
I'll tell you, if I don't get some floss
it's gonna bother me all night.
187
00:10:24,534 --> 00:10:27,070
Do you guys mind
if we pull over at a drug store?
188
00:10:28,368 --> 00:10:29,742
Oh, man.
189
00:10:29,951 --> 00:10:32,155
This is the worst selection
of cards I've ever seen.
190
00:10:32,368 --> 00:10:35,319
While you're here,
why don't you buy me a datebook?
191
00:10:36,285 --> 00:10:38,608
Let it go.
192
00:10:39,368 --> 00:10:42,035
Come on, I'm dying here.
These cards, they're actually dusty.
193
00:10:42,243 --> 00:10:43,653
What about this one?
194
00:10:43,868 --> 00:10:46,273
- It's a chimp sitting on a toilet?
- It's funny.
195
00:10:46,785 --> 00:10:48,575
What message is that supposed
to communicate?
196
00:10:48,785 --> 00:10:50,112
I don't know.
197
00:10:52,535 --> 00:10:54,325
No, it's not right though.
Come on.
198
00:10:54,577 --> 00:10:55,607
Will you hurry up?
199
00:10:55,827 --> 00:10:57,864
My mom and Kelly
are in a confined space together.
200
00:10:58,077 --> 00:10:59,949
Somebody's going down.
201
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,783
Wait a second, what's this?
202
00:11:01,994 --> 00:11:03,321
Oh, this is very nice.
203
00:11:03,535 --> 00:11:05,609
- Very nice. Okay.
- Okay, let's go.
204
00:11:05,827 --> 00:11:07,901
Just this.
205
00:11:09,077 --> 00:11:12,028
- A dollar-eight.
- Okay, there you go.
206
00:11:14,286 --> 00:11:15,862
I can't change this.
207
00:11:16,078 --> 00:11:18,033
Haven't you got
something smaller than a 20?
208
00:11:18,661 --> 00:11:21,328
- Uh, no, sorry.
- A ten?
209
00:11:21,786 --> 00:11:23,444
Still no.
210
00:11:23,703 --> 00:11:24,816
Sorry.
211
00:11:25,078 --> 00:11:27,531
- Look, you got any smaller bills?
- Kelly holds my wallet.
212
00:11:27,786 --> 00:11:29,611
Oh, you got
some women issues, huh?
213
00:11:30,286 --> 00:11:32,609
Okay. All right, look,
I'll just buy something else.
214
00:11:32,870 --> 00:11:38,618
You know what, give me a comb,
the Oh Henry! bar there,
215
00:11:38,828 --> 00:11:42,111
throw in the nail clippers
and give me a water pistol.
216
00:11:42,703 --> 00:11:45,370
- What colour?
- You got blue?
217
00:11:45,579 --> 00:11:48,149
- No.
- Then I don't care then, whatever.
218
00:11:49,579 --> 00:11:52,493
- Okay, what does all that come to?
- Four twenty-six.
219
00:11:53,287 --> 00:11:55,029
That's all?
220
00:11:55,246 --> 00:11:56,324
Get some of these pretzels.
221
00:11:56,537 --> 00:11:58,362
Yeah, yeah.
Give me $16 worth of pretzels.
222
00:11:58,621 --> 00:11:59,615
Oh, those are free.
223
00:12:01,204 --> 00:12:02,910
You're killing me.
224
00:12:14,913 --> 00:12:17,318
So, Mrs. Palmer,
225
00:12:17,538 --> 00:12:21,697
you must be so excited to see
Deacon and Kelly and little baby Kirby.
226
00:12:21,913 --> 00:12:24,153
He is so cute.
227
00:12:24,413 --> 00:12:27,281
Who ever heard of naming a boy
after a vacuum cleaner?
228
00:12:28,788 --> 00:12:30,329
Some people have no sense,
am I right?
229
00:12:30,580 --> 00:12:33,116
Yeah, I know just what you mean.
230
00:12:33,705 --> 00:12:35,660
How many little ones
do you have, darling?
231
00:12:35,914 --> 00:12:37,193
Oh, me? None.
232
00:12:37,455 --> 00:12:41,035
- Barren?
- Oh, my God.
233
00:12:41,247 --> 00:12:45,703
No, no, no, not barren,
not that I know of.
234
00:12:47,622 --> 00:12:49,494
It's just that, for the time being,
I'm gonna...
235
00:12:49,706 --> 00:12:51,613
I wanna focus on my career.
236
00:12:52,997 --> 00:12:54,241
What do you do?
237
00:12:54,498 --> 00:12:56,951
I'm a secretary.
238
00:12:57,164 --> 00:12:59,451
Legal secretary.
239
00:12:59,706 --> 00:13:03,202
So you think it's more important
to type and answer phones
240
00:13:03,414 --> 00:13:07,788
than to share your love with a
sweet baby that's growing inside you?
241
00:13:08,331 --> 00:13:13,154
Well, I also arrange for the muffins
at the morning staff meetings.
242
00:13:24,499 --> 00:13:28,243
- Hurry up.
- Stop pressuring me.
243
00:13:30,415 --> 00:13:31,410
What?
244
00:13:31,624 --> 00:13:33,365
I just wrote myself
into a corner here.
245
00:13:33,624 --> 00:13:35,200
- Just read me what you have.
- Okay.
246
00:13:35,457 --> 00:13:39,403
"Dear Carrie, you are nothing less
to me than a big-"
247
00:13:43,166 --> 00:13:45,121
- Where were you going with that?
- I don't know.
248
00:13:45,333 --> 00:13:47,288
I'm getting wired
from chewing all this Nicorette.
249
00:13:47,499 --> 00:13:49,786
All right, just work
with what you got, come on.
250
00:13:49,999 --> 00:13:51,279
Okay.
251
00:13:51,499 --> 00:13:58,290
You are nothing less to me
than a big pile of love meat.
252
00:13:58,500 --> 00:14:01,166
- Oh, man, I am blanking.
- All right, look, don't panic.
253
00:14:01,416 --> 00:14:02,957
Maybe we can play
with the letters here.
254
00:14:03,166 --> 00:14:05,453
- Okay.
- All right, what if you turn the B...
255
00:14:05,667 --> 00:14:08,499
- Yeah...
- Into an eight?
256
00:14:11,583 --> 00:14:13,870
Where does that get me?
257
00:14:14,375 --> 00:14:19,328
Hey, wait a second,
what if I change the I into an L
258
00:14:19,542 --> 00:14:22,374
and then I squeeze the I
before the L?
259
00:14:22,584 --> 00:14:25,333
No, why don't you just keep the I
and draw in the L, man?
260
00:14:25,542 --> 00:14:28,209
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
261
00:14:28,417 --> 00:14:32,114
Oh, wait a second, that's "bilge. "
262
00:14:32,334 --> 00:14:35,083
Oh, my God! What have I done?!
263
00:14:43,668 --> 00:14:46,370
All right. This place is nice.
264
00:14:46,585 --> 00:14:49,334
What are we sitting outside for?
It's freezing.
265
00:14:49,585 --> 00:14:52,748
I just thought, for Carrie's birthday,
it would be nice to spread out a little.
266
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:57,285
Got the whole patio to ourselves,
so we can party.
267
00:15:03,377 --> 00:15:06,789
That's sweet, honey.
You're a sweetie pie.
268
00:15:07,002 --> 00:15:08,329
Are you okay? You're not too cold?
269
00:15:08,544 --> 00:15:10,830
- Nope.
- Well, I am.
270
00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:12,157
Just take my jacket, Mom.
271
00:15:12,377 --> 00:15:14,581
And be seen in that wrinkled thing?
I'd rather freeze.
272
00:15:14,794 --> 00:15:15,824
Mom, take it.
273
00:15:16,086 --> 00:15:18,123
If she wants to freeze,
let her freeze.
274
00:15:19,336 --> 00:15:21,208
All right, I'll take the jacket.
275
00:15:23,127 --> 00:15:25,248
This place looks great, you know?
276
00:15:25,461 --> 00:15:27,333
And certainly no shortage of forks.
277
00:15:27,544 --> 00:15:29,167
If I would have known
there were this many forks,
278
00:15:29,378 --> 00:15:31,084
I wouldn't have brought my own.
279
00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:36,455
That's a lot of forks, yeah...
280
00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:39,210
You all right, honey?
281
00:15:39,461 --> 00:15:40,658
Fine.
282
00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:44,083
- You're shivering.
- I'm fine.
283
00:15:45,337 --> 00:15:49,579
I want the Ultimate Fighting tape
tomorrow morning.
284
00:15:52,545 --> 00:15:55,212
I gotta floss again.
285
00:16:02,254 --> 00:16:03,498
- Hello?
- Arthur...
286
00:16:03,754 --> 00:16:05,875
Look, I need you to tape something
for me on the VCR.
287
00:16:06,087 --> 00:16:08,292
Okay, now it's starting in a minute
so we have to hurry.
288
00:16:08,504 --> 00:16:09,878
First, set the TV to channel three,
289
00:16:10,087 --> 00:16:14,033
then put a blank tape in the VCR
and set it to channel 82, you got that?
290
00:16:14,713 --> 00:16:16,620
Who is this?
291
00:16:24,921 --> 00:16:26,497
You know what
I'm in the mood for?
292
00:16:26,713 --> 00:16:28,336
A drink.
293
00:16:29,671 --> 00:16:33,203
Where's our waiter?
Why are they all inside?
294
00:16:33,463 --> 00:16:36,461
Because it's warm
and there are no pigeons.
295
00:16:38,380 --> 00:16:41,876
Oh, my goodness. It's snowing.
296
00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:45,333
Snow. Snow.
297
00:16:48,672 --> 00:16:50,793
Deacon, I am quite ready to leave.
298
00:16:51,005 --> 00:16:53,375
Well, we're not. We are celebrating
our friend's birthday.
299
00:16:53,589 --> 00:16:55,212
- Deacon.
- Honey.
300
00:16:56,881 --> 00:16:58,955
I hate Doug.
301
00:16:59,672 --> 00:17:00,703
Well, I am leaving.
302
00:17:00,922 --> 00:17:04,418
I'll just grab my luggage
out of the limo and take the bus.
303
00:17:04,673 --> 00:17:06,545
See you at home.
304
00:17:06,798 --> 00:17:08,539
Mom...
305
00:17:08,798 --> 00:17:10,623
Kelly, please?
306
00:17:10,881 --> 00:17:13,879
Carrie, you mind?
Deacon's head's about to explode.
307
00:17:15,215 --> 00:17:18,415
No, you go ahead.
I'm gonna make a nice snow angel.
308
00:17:20,465 --> 00:17:23,712
Now put the tape in
and press the red button.
309
00:17:24,965 --> 00:17:27,251
The one that says "record"?
310
00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:30,161
Yeah, sure, whatever.
311
00:17:30,382 --> 00:17:32,917
Now, double-check,
is the VCR on channel 82?
312
00:17:33,174 --> 00:17:34,501
I don't know, it's not plugged in.
313
00:17:36,049 --> 00:17:38,372
And why isn't it plugged in?
314
00:17:38,632 --> 00:17:39,662
Fire hazard.
315
00:17:39,882 --> 00:17:42,880
I unplug everything
when you're not home.
316
00:17:43,424 --> 00:17:46,836
- Well plug it in.
- All right, here goes...
317
00:17:50,632 --> 00:17:53,002
- Are you there?
- Yeah, did you plug it in?
318
00:17:53,258 --> 00:17:54,252
Yup.
319
00:17:54,466 --> 00:17:57,168
Didn't quite fit
but I jammed it in there pretty good.
320
00:18:09,550 --> 00:18:12,880
I am so sorry I took so long.
321
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:16,292
The food was really
wedged down in my gum, you know?
322
00:18:16,508 --> 00:18:20,205
I think I need to see a gum... dentist.
323
00:18:20,883 --> 00:18:22,460
Hey, where is everyone?
324
00:18:22,717 --> 00:18:25,122
They left because it was snowing.
325
00:18:25,884 --> 00:18:29,259
Oh, so it's just you and me, huh?
326
00:18:29,295 --> 00:18:31,214
Yes, indeedlydo.
327
00:18:31,425 --> 00:18:34,921
Now, give me my present.
Give me, give me, give me.
328
00:18:35,842 --> 00:18:38,047
Sure, here you go.
329
00:18:38,259 --> 00:18:41,755
Hey, happy birthday.
330
00:18:44,426 --> 00:18:48,206
- I think it's a card.
- Good guess.
331
00:18:49,718 --> 00:18:50,879
"Dear Carrie,
332
00:18:51,093 --> 00:18:58,749
you are nothing less to me
than a bilgistic pile of love meat. "
333
00:19:05,968 --> 00:19:09,962
Doug, that is so beautiful.
334
00:19:11,093 --> 00:19:12,421
It is?
335
00:19:12,635 --> 00:19:15,206
Okay, I think
you've had enough to drink.
336
00:19:16,469 --> 00:19:18,459
I love you.
337
00:19:18,677 --> 00:19:21,462
Come on, let's make a baby.
Right now.
338
00:19:21,719 --> 00:19:22,998
What?
339
00:19:23,219 --> 00:19:26,552
Don't worry, we won't name him
after a vacuum cleaner.
340
00:19:26,589 --> 00:19:29,799
Although, Hoover is kind of cute.
341
00:19:30,011 --> 00:19:32,167
Hoover Heffernan.
342
00:19:33,303 --> 00:19:34,795
All right, baby, take off your pants.
343
00:19:35,011 --> 00:19:38,293
Carrie, come on, come on.
There's people.
344
00:19:38,553 --> 00:19:41,504
You don't wanna have
a baby with me.
345
00:19:41,761 --> 00:19:44,961
I do, just not before my salad.
346
00:19:45,178 --> 00:19:46,836
What's wrong with you tonight?
347
00:19:47,095 --> 00:19:53,886
What's wrong with me is that
I'm a big, fat, selfish person.
348
00:19:54,095 --> 00:19:55,920
Deacon's mother was right.
349
00:19:56,178 --> 00:19:58,418
Oh, she got you going on this?
Oh, God...
350
00:19:58,637 --> 00:20:04,218
It's all been about me,
my life, my job, my mai tai.
351
00:20:04,429 --> 00:20:07,343
Carrie, would you stop?
Please, stop.
352
00:20:07,595 --> 00:20:10,463
Look, you're not a selfish person,
you're a wonderful person
353
00:20:10,679 --> 00:20:13,084
who's had 12 umbrella drinks.
354
00:20:13,346 --> 00:20:16,012
- So I'm being ridiculous?
- Yes.
355
00:20:16,721 --> 00:20:22,800
Oh, God, look at me,
drunk, pitying myself.
356
00:20:23,013 --> 00:20:26,260
I ruined this beautiful night
you worked so hard to plan.
357
00:20:26,471 --> 00:20:29,220
I'm not bilgistic at all, honey,
you are.
358
00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:31,171
No, trust me, I am not.
359
00:20:31,388 --> 00:20:32,466
No, you are.
360
00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:34,884
Carrie, would you stop
and listen to me?
361
00:20:35,138 --> 00:20:37,294
The other night, when you said
you didn't wanna go out,
362
00:20:37,513 --> 00:20:40,464
and I told you I made
all these great plans...
363
00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:44,176
I was lying. Okay, I didn't make any.
364
00:20:44,388 --> 00:20:48,797
I was so worried about seeing
my stupid Ultimate Fighting.
365
00:20:49,055 --> 00:20:52,089
I slapped this whole night
together last minute.
366
00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:54,256
Really?
367
00:20:54,514 --> 00:20:58,211
- That wasn't very bilgistic of you-
- That's not even a word!
368
00:20:58,430 --> 00:21:03,384
I made it up when I was writing
your card in the drugstore.
369
00:21:04,389 --> 00:21:06,960
Car, everything wrong
with this night is my fault.
370
00:21:07,181 --> 00:21:08,887
Me.
371
00:21:10,639 --> 00:21:16,008
Listen, Carrie,
I'm so sorry for tonight.
372
00:21:17,556 --> 00:21:19,879
I love you.
373
00:21:20,848 --> 00:21:22,590
I love you too.
374
00:21:22,806 --> 00:21:24,963
Happy birthday.
375
00:21:25,181 --> 00:21:29,839
Happy birthday to you too.
376
00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:37,919
Come on, let's go.
377
00:21:39,182 --> 00:21:40,758
Can we moon people
out of the limo?
378
00:21:41,599 --> 00:21:43,803
- Of course.
- Okay.
379
00:21:52,724 --> 00:21:56,220
Oh, bring on
the Ultimate Fighting.
380
00:22:06,141 --> 00:22:08,594
Arthur!
29066
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