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1
00:00:15,476 --> 00:00:19,608
Oh, that is beautiful
in so many ways.
2
00:00:19,943 --> 00:00:20,940
Shut up.
3
00:00:21,195 --> 00:00:23,106
Hey, happy anniversary.
4
00:00:23,366 --> 00:00:24,530
Happy anniversary, baby.
5
00:00:24,744 --> 00:00:28,827
Oh, man, I wanna take you right here
with Betty Crocker watching.
6
00:00:30,045 --> 00:00:31,541
Come on, honey,
I gotta get this ready.
7
00:00:31,757 --> 00:00:35,211
People are gonna be here at 2,
and it's already like 20 of.
8
00:00:35,431 --> 00:00:37,092
"Like 20 of"?
9
00:00:37,309 --> 00:00:42,059
I think a certain person's anniversary
gift can tell us the exact time.
10
00:00:43,404 --> 00:00:44,686
One thirty-seven.
11
00:00:45,450 --> 00:00:46,565
Isn't it great? Look at that.
12
00:00:46,786 --> 00:00:49,742
It's a ring, it's a watch.
It's a ring, it's a watch.
13
00:00:50,209 --> 00:00:51,372
Are you done now?
14
00:00:51,837 --> 00:00:53,463
- Ring, watch.
- Honey, stop.
15
00:00:53,674 --> 00:00:55,003
Now, come on,
make yourself useful.
16
00:00:55,218 --> 00:00:57,712
Go get me the champagne flutes
from the armoire.
17
00:00:58,516 --> 00:01:00,345
Okay, skinny glasses, big cabinet.
18
00:01:00,604 --> 00:01:02,563
Oh, all right. I got that.
19
00:01:04,236 --> 00:01:06,645
So? What do you think?
20
00:01:07,158 --> 00:01:08,321
Okay.
21
00:01:08,577 --> 00:01:10,406
I wanted to do something special
for the party,
22
00:01:10,623 --> 00:01:13,116
so I thought I'd go nautical.
23
00:01:13,378 --> 00:01:14,921
Well, you nailed it, Dad.
24
00:01:15,757 --> 00:01:18,429
- This the guest list?
- Yes, Dad.
25
00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:20,306
Joe Garver?
26
00:01:20,517 --> 00:01:22,891
- You invited Joe Garver?
- Yes, Dad.
27
00:01:23,147 --> 00:01:25,437
After what that son of a bitch did to me
at your wedding?
28
00:01:25,651 --> 00:01:28,571
Three devilled eggs left on the tray.
How many does he take? How many?
29
00:01:28,949 --> 00:01:31,489
Three, that selfish bastard.
30
00:01:31,746 --> 00:01:33,158
That's right.
31
00:01:33,374 --> 00:01:36,046
Well, the day of reckoning
has come.
32
00:01:36,672 --> 00:01:39,842
Payback time is here!
33
00:01:41,014 --> 00:01:42,925
Okay, Dad, listen to me.
34
00:01:43,143 --> 00:01:44,971
This is our anniversary, okay?
35
00:01:45,188 --> 00:01:47,183
We want it to be a very special day.
36
00:01:47,401 --> 00:01:49,276
So do you think
you could find it in your heart
37
00:01:49,488 --> 00:01:51,649
not to punch or strangle
any of our guests?
38
00:01:51,910 --> 00:01:54,664
- Of course. Anything for my baby.
- Thank you.
39
00:01:54,874 --> 00:01:57,201
Unless that Garver pulls
more of that devilled-egg crap,
40
00:01:57,462 --> 00:01:59,373
and then all bets are off!
41
00:02:12,616 --> 00:02:14,943
Look at that. It's a ring, it's a watch.
42
00:02:15,204 --> 00:02:16,368
Ring, watch.
43
00:02:16,582 --> 00:02:19,751
Wow, that's so neat.
44
00:02:21,508 --> 00:02:22,920
Spence, get a picture of this.
45
00:02:23,136 --> 00:02:24,335
- Coming up.
- Doug, Doug, Doug.
46
00:02:24,555 --> 00:02:28,556
It's a ring and a watch. No picture
can capture both at the same time.
47
00:02:30,483 --> 00:02:33,653
You thought she wanted
that strand-of-pearls thing.
48
00:02:33,906 --> 00:02:36,150
Well, joke's on me, huh?
49
00:02:39,542 --> 00:02:42,332
She smells pretty.
50
00:02:42,548 --> 00:02:45,421
Spence?
You know, instead of inhaling Sara,
51
00:02:45,637 --> 00:02:48,724
you might wanna try,
I don't know, talking to her.
52
00:02:48,977 --> 00:02:51,351
No. No, that's not necessary.
53
00:02:51,565 --> 00:02:54,604
I mean, the relationship is fine
the way it is.
54
00:02:54,863 --> 00:02:56,904
- She thinks your name is Stan.
- Look, it's fine.
55
00:02:58,161 --> 00:03:00,998
I'm perfectly content
just to be in the same room with her
56
00:03:01,208 --> 00:03:07,133
to gather various mental images of her
for when I'm home.
57
00:03:09,307 --> 00:03:11,634
All right. Well, you enjoy that.
58
00:03:12,939 --> 00:03:15,812
- Aunt Sheila!
- Oh, Dougie.
59
00:03:16,070 --> 00:03:17,731
- How was your flight?
- I don't know.
60
00:03:17,990 --> 00:03:19,534
Between the Valium
and the bloody marys,
61
00:03:19,744 --> 00:03:22,581
I basically woke up
in the baggage claim.
62
00:03:22,833 --> 00:03:25,373
Such a mouth on you.
Give me your coat, come here.
63
00:03:25,588 --> 00:03:27,796
- Uncle Hank parking the car?
- Nope.
64
00:03:28,051 --> 00:03:30,342
- Where is he?
- He's still in Florida.
65
00:03:30,556 --> 00:03:34,062
Hopefully underneath
a big, falling anvil.
66
00:03:34,099 --> 00:03:36,271
- What?
- I left him, Dougie.
67
00:03:36,484 --> 00:03:39,903
A month ago.
It's the best thing I ever did.
68
00:03:40,324 --> 00:03:42,900
What? You guys have been married
for so long. What happened?
69
00:03:43,163 --> 00:03:47,211
Yeah, I just got tired of living my life
to save a nickel on a can of tuna fish,
70
00:03:47,421 --> 00:03:48,751
that's what happened.
71
00:03:48,966 --> 00:03:51,922
Anyway, I'm back up here now
for good.
72
00:03:52,139 --> 00:03:54,846
And finally I'm gonna live a little.
73
00:03:56,188 --> 00:03:58,432
This is a joke, right?
That's what this is.
74
00:03:59,027 --> 00:04:00,023
Uncle Hank?
75
00:04:00,237 --> 00:04:02,446
Oh, come on, Dougie.
76
00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:05,330
Honey, it's gonna be okay.
Listen to me.
77
00:04:05,539 --> 00:04:07,284
If it's gonna make you
feel any better now,
78
00:04:07,501 --> 00:04:09,745
I want you to go
pour a nice glass of Scotch,
79
00:04:09,964 --> 00:04:13,336
take a little sip,
and bring the rest to me.
80
00:04:15,475 --> 00:04:17,350
Okay, looking good.
81
00:04:17,562 --> 00:04:18,974
Yes. Big smiles.
82
00:04:19,232 --> 00:04:22,271
Okay, if you could just lick your lips,
83
00:04:22,488 --> 00:04:24,067
arch your backs a little.
84
00:04:24,283 --> 00:04:25,695
There you go, come on. A little.
85
00:04:25,911 --> 00:04:27,787
All right, yeah.
86
00:04:28,708 --> 00:04:31,712
Okay, Garver, it's showtime.
87
00:04:31,964 --> 00:04:35,716
He's taking one, two,
88
00:04:35,930 --> 00:04:38,803
three, four...
89
00:04:39,061 --> 00:04:40,806
Four?
90
00:04:41,315 --> 00:04:44,688
What kind of an animal
eats four devilled eggs?
91
00:04:46,325 --> 00:04:48,652
Oh, excuse me. Excuse me.
92
00:04:48,872 --> 00:04:51,329
- You're welcome to one of mine.
- What?
93
00:04:51,543 --> 00:04:53,585
Well, please.
I couldn't possibly eat both of these.
94
00:04:53,798 --> 00:04:55,079
Come on, take them.
95
00:04:55,342 --> 00:04:56,624
- Oh, thank you.
- Yes.
96
00:04:56,845 --> 00:04:58,044
Please excuse my outburst.
97
00:04:58,264 --> 00:05:01,434
When it comes to buffet items,
I can be a bit of a brute.
98
00:05:03,650 --> 00:05:05,478
Arthur Eugene Spooner.
99
00:05:05,737 --> 00:05:07,897
Oh, you're Carrie's father.
100
00:05:08,158 --> 00:05:09,274
How do you do?
101
00:05:09,494 --> 00:05:11,904
I'm Doug's aunt, Sheila Ratnaster.
102
00:05:12,166 --> 00:05:15,752
- What a beautiful name!
- Why, thank you.
103
00:05:19,096 --> 00:05:21,221
Uncle Hank, I don't understand
how you can walk away
104
00:05:21,434 --> 00:05:22,846
from a wonderful marriage.
105
00:05:23,062 --> 00:05:26,600
Okay, yeah, she overpays for tuna,
that must be very painful.
106
00:05:26,819 --> 00:05:28,860
Now, look,
I want you to work this out.
107
00:05:29,073 --> 00:05:32,077
Hey, there's more to life
than happiness, all right? Get over it.
108
00:05:33,874 --> 00:05:35,952
Why won't he listen to me?
109
00:05:36,170 --> 00:05:37,963
I don't know, honey,
but I think you lost him
110
00:05:38,174 --> 00:05:40,465
when you started quoting Scripture.
111
00:05:41,263 --> 00:05:43,304
Yeah. I know, I know. I just-
112
00:05:43,517 --> 00:05:45,559
They're like second parents to me.
113
00:05:45,772 --> 00:05:47,433
I was always over their house
after school,
114
00:05:47,650 --> 00:05:49,276
playing Nok Hockey with Uncle Hank.
115
00:05:49,863 --> 00:05:52,272
And then Aunt Sheila would
make me a big dinner.
116
00:05:52,493 --> 00:05:53,573
Then I'd go home.
117
00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:54,902
For dinner.
118
00:05:56,584 --> 00:05:58,163
Oh, man.
119
00:05:58,421 --> 00:06:02,173
Look! Look, honey. Ring, watch.
120
00:06:02,387 --> 00:06:05,593
Ring, watch. Ring, watch.
121
00:06:05,810 --> 00:06:08,564
- You're so lucky. You're lucky.
- Yeah.
122
00:06:08,815 --> 00:06:11,225
Honey, it still is our anniversary.
123
00:06:11,445 --> 00:06:15,529
And I still have a little frosting left.
124
00:06:16,580 --> 00:06:17,612
I like frosting.
125
00:06:21,590 --> 00:06:22,753
Am I interrupting?
126
00:06:23,009 --> 00:06:25,300
No, Dad. No.
127
00:06:26,015 --> 00:06:27,510
Douglas?
128
00:06:28,019 --> 00:06:30,144
I'd like to talk to you
about your Aunt Sheila.
129
00:06:30,356 --> 00:06:31,638
Look, Arthur, she's a nice lady.
130
00:06:31,859 --> 00:06:35,231
If she ate the last chicken wing
or potato puff, I'm sorry.
131
00:06:35,950 --> 00:06:38,075
No, no.
I found her quite enchanting.
132
00:06:38,288 --> 00:06:41,208
In fact, with your permission,
133
00:06:41,419 --> 00:06:43,414
I'd like to woo her.
134
00:06:46,596 --> 00:06:48,341
"Woo her"?
135
00:06:48,850 --> 00:06:52,190
I come to you since you are
her closest living relative,
136
00:06:52,226 --> 00:06:54,765
other than her husband, that is.
137
00:06:56,197 --> 00:07:00,863
Well, Arthur, thanks for coming to me,
but I gotta give you a no on this one.
138
00:07:01,082 --> 00:07:02,875
But, you know,
if you're looking to be set up,
139
00:07:03,085 --> 00:07:05,793
I'll certainly keep my eyes
open for you.
140
00:07:10,141 --> 00:07:12,135
Dad, just give me a second
with him, okay?
141
00:07:16,736 --> 00:07:20,572
Cold pigs in blankets.
Life is good again.
142
00:07:20,786 --> 00:07:21,782
- Doug?
- Yeah?
143
00:07:21,996 --> 00:07:24,324
I know you're upset
about your aunt and uncle,
144
00:07:24,585 --> 00:07:27,791
but would it be so terrible
if my father went out with her?
145
00:07:28,050 --> 00:07:30,009
No, no, no.
Not gonna date Aunt Sheila. Sorry, no.
146
00:07:30,262 --> 00:07:31,259
Well, why not, honey?
147
00:07:31,473 --> 00:07:34,013
The man spends every night
in our basement alone,
148
00:07:34,228 --> 00:07:36,602
yelling at TV commercials.
149
00:07:36,816 --> 00:07:39,107
He just wants a little company,
that's all.
150
00:07:39,363 --> 00:07:40,942
I don't want that company
to be my aunt.
151
00:07:41,158 --> 00:07:42,653
Let him go out with your aunt.
152
00:07:42,911 --> 00:07:44,704
Okay, that would be his sister.
153
00:07:45,583 --> 00:07:47,244
There's a great icebreaker.
154
00:07:48,213 --> 00:07:50,207
Carrie, I'm not trying
to be a jerk about this.
155
00:07:50,467 --> 00:07:52,842
It's just that Hank and Sheila,
they're still married.
156
00:07:53,097 --> 00:07:56,101
- They're probably gonna get divorced.
- They are not getting a divorce.
157
00:07:56,312 --> 00:08:00,360
They're separated temporarily
because they hate each other.
158
00:08:00,612 --> 00:08:01,893
Well, look at it this way:
159
00:08:02,114 --> 00:08:05,202
What better way to force a woman
back to her husband
160
00:08:05,412 --> 00:08:07,906
than an evening out with my father?
161
00:08:08,502 --> 00:08:10,045
I don't know.
162
00:08:10,297 --> 00:08:13,585
Honey, come on,
just let him go out with her.
163
00:08:13,803 --> 00:08:16,344
Look. Ring, watch.
164
00:08:16,559 --> 00:08:20,061
All right, you know what?
That well has run real dry, all right?
165
00:08:20,733 --> 00:08:22,478
He can go out with her, okay?
166
00:08:22,695 --> 00:08:24,904
- Thank you, honey.
- All right.
167
00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:26,660
Daddy?
168
00:08:26,995 --> 00:08:28,539
Yes?
169
00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:36,220
Come in.
170
00:08:36,430 --> 00:08:39,219
Oh, hi, you're very busy. I'm just
gonna give you these and vamoose.
171
00:08:39,477 --> 00:08:41,638
- Are these the anniversary pictures?
- Yeah, goodbye.
172
00:08:41,857 --> 00:08:44,231
Wait, hang on, honey.
Let me take a look at them.
173
00:08:44,445 --> 00:08:46,736
I might want some copies
or something.
174
00:08:46,950 --> 00:08:50,037
They're all framed really weird.
I think the lab screwed up.
175
00:08:50,248 --> 00:08:53,869
It serves me right for using Kodak.
176
00:08:54,381 --> 00:08:56,838
Sara by the door.
177
00:08:57,303 --> 00:08:59,677
Sara by the couch.
178
00:09:00,100 --> 00:09:02,260
Sara on the couch.
179
00:09:02,479 --> 00:09:04,723
Sara bending over the couch.
180
00:09:05,736 --> 00:09:07,647
How did you get this one
of her sleeping?
181
00:09:07,906 --> 00:09:09,236
Look, I'm really, really sorry.
182
00:09:09,451 --> 00:09:11,492
And I promise
I'll make it up to you guys, I swear.
183
00:09:11,705 --> 00:09:13,249
All right.
Don't worry about it, Spence.
184
00:09:13,459 --> 00:09:15,999
Just get some help, okay?
185
00:09:16,924 --> 00:09:18,834
Hey. Where you going?
186
00:09:19,053 --> 00:09:20,928
I'm so very ashamed.
187
00:09:21,140 --> 00:09:23,348
All right, call you later.
188
00:09:23,812 --> 00:09:24,808
What you got there?
189
00:09:25,064 --> 00:09:27,272
The pictures
from our anniversary party.
190
00:09:27,527 --> 00:09:30,103
All right. Hey, hon, you look good here,
bending over the couch.
191
00:09:30,324 --> 00:09:32,283
You look like you lost some weight.
192
00:09:32,495 --> 00:09:34,323
That's Sara.
193
00:09:36,628 --> 00:09:38,788
I love you.
194
00:09:40,844 --> 00:09:43,551
Well, I'm off to my date with Sheila.
195
00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:47,639
Daddy, you look so handsome.
Doesn't he, Doug?
196
00:09:47,899 --> 00:09:50,772
Yeah, he's a sweet piece
of man candy.
197
00:09:51,990 --> 00:09:53,367
So where you gonna take her?
198
00:09:53,618 --> 00:09:56,290
I guess that diner
over on Continental Avenue.
199
00:09:56,499 --> 00:09:58,244
I'm a little short on the moola
this month.
200
00:10:03,095 --> 00:10:05,553
All right, Arthur.
Here you go, all right?
201
00:10:06,017 --> 00:10:08,142
- No, no. I'll be fine.
- No, no, come on, here.
202
00:10:08,397 --> 00:10:13,229
Take her someplace nice, all right?
You have lobster, it's very nautical.
203
00:10:13,448 --> 00:10:14,943
Thanks, Douglas.
204
00:10:15,159 --> 00:10:16,703
Wish me luck.
205
00:10:16,913 --> 00:10:19,489
I'm a little nervous. I haven't had
a date in quite a few years.
206
00:10:19,752 --> 00:10:22,292
Oh, Dad, just be yourself,
it'll be fine.
207
00:10:22,507 --> 00:10:25,879
Just don't do that thing with your toes,
and don't show her your hernia scar.
208
00:10:26,556 --> 00:10:30,225
Well, you're tying my hands here,
but okay.
209
00:10:34,530 --> 00:10:37,023
Dad, I'm making pancakes,
you want any?
210
00:10:39,247 --> 00:10:40,992
Dad?
211
00:10:43,923 --> 00:10:45,668
Dad?
212
00:10:52,814 --> 00:10:55,390
- There you are.
- Yes, there I am.
213
00:10:56,613 --> 00:10:58,691
So how'd your Dad's date go, huh?
214
00:10:58,909 --> 00:11:00,702
Very well.
215
00:11:00,955 --> 00:11:04,742
Or not so well, depending
on whether you're him or you.
216
00:11:07,008 --> 00:11:08,718
You know what, honey?
You're late for work.
217
00:11:08,928 --> 00:11:11,766
The watch ring doesn't lie. Let's go.
218
00:11:11,976 --> 00:11:13,935
You know my shift
doesn't start till 9.
219
00:11:14,189 --> 00:11:15,388
Not till 9? Is that right?
220
00:11:15,608 --> 00:11:18,398
Maybe you wanna go a little early
and, you know, kiss up?
221
00:11:18,822 --> 00:11:19,854
What's going on?
222
00:11:20,075 --> 00:11:21,404
Hi, Doug.
223
00:11:22,246 --> 00:11:23,658
Hello, sweetheart.
224
00:11:24,625 --> 00:11:26,703
Yes, this is a little awkward, isn't it?
225
00:11:26,921 --> 00:11:29,925
But what the hell, I need my coffee.
226
00:11:30,595 --> 00:11:33,598
Aunt Sheila? It's Aunt Sheila.
227
00:11:33,809 --> 00:11:36,599
Well, it looks like her, hon.
228
00:11:36,857 --> 00:11:39,231
- Morning, kids. Morning, my sweet.
- Hello, my dear.
229
00:11:39,445 --> 00:11:40,905
Look, you gotta get going.
230
00:11:41,115 --> 00:11:43,988
I got another one of Doug's aunts
coming in right behind you.
231
00:11:44,747 --> 00:11:46,540
Oh, stop it. You're so terrible.
232
00:11:46,751 --> 00:11:49,422
But so, so cute.
233
00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:55,657
Well, thanks again
for giving me that extra money.
234
00:11:55,694 --> 00:11:58,595
I think the lobster put me
right over the top.
235
00:12:04,701 --> 00:12:06,779
Are you happy?
Are you happy now?
236
00:12:06,997 --> 00:12:09,705
Yes, Doug,
I have finally achieved my dream
237
00:12:09,961 --> 00:12:12,371
of coupling my father with your aunt.
I'm ecstatic.
238
00:12:12,633 --> 00:12:15,387
"Doug, may I have your permission
to woo her?"
239
00:12:15,597 --> 00:12:17,888
"Woo her. "
Well, it rhymes with "woo"!
240
00:12:19,479 --> 00:12:21,973
- All right, Doug, just calm down now.
- Look, I can't, okay?
241
00:12:22,193 --> 00:12:23,190
That's my Aunt Sheila.
242
00:12:23,404 --> 00:12:25,731
She used to bathe me
and tuck me in and tell me stories.
243
00:12:25,950 --> 00:12:28,907
It's not someone I want to picture
straddling Papa.
244
00:12:29,165 --> 00:12:30,874
All right, she wasn't straddling him.
245
00:12:31,085 --> 00:12:32,415
They were just kind of spooning.
246
00:12:33,172 --> 00:12:34,965
Oh, God.
247
00:12:35,343 --> 00:12:36,507
Stop.
248
00:12:36,762 --> 00:12:38,923
I hope they remembered
to use birth control.
249
00:12:39,810 --> 00:12:41,603
- What?
- I was just thinking.
250
00:12:41,814 --> 00:12:43,143
Your aunt's not that old.
251
00:12:43,358 --> 00:12:45,269
Has she gone through menopause,
do you know?
252
00:12:45,529 --> 00:12:47,524
I don't know!
253
00:12:47,867 --> 00:12:49,660
Oh, my God,
I didn't even think of that.
254
00:12:49,871 --> 00:12:51,912
They could have a child.
255
00:12:52,626 --> 00:12:56,330
He would be my cousin
and my brother-in-law.
256
00:12:57,510 --> 00:13:00,716
Oh, God, I hear banjo music.
Oh, God.
257
00:13:01,852 --> 00:13:08,821
Doug, I agree that this thing has
a variety of nauseating aspects to it.
258
00:13:09,032 --> 00:13:11,193
But they're two grown adults,
259
00:13:11,412 --> 00:13:14,249
with obviously
still very strong sexual urges-
260
00:13:16,672 --> 00:13:19,675
And there's nothing
we can do about it!
261
00:13:32,702 --> 00:13:35,659
All right, this isn't so bad, as long
as he keeps his hands where they-
262
00:13:35,875 --> 00:13:38,629
Oh, God. Oh, God.
263
00:13:51,905 --> 00:13:55,989
- Doug, what is the matter?
- Nothing.
264
00:13:56,247 --> 00:13:59,869
Then why do you keep muttering
my father's name and cursing?
265
00:14:00,463 --> 00:14:02,541
You know what? It's that music.
266
00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:04,588
I just know they're doing something
down there.
267
00:14:04,805 --> 00:14:06,467
And I can't do something with you
268
00:14:06,725 --> 00:14:09,397
when he's in the same house
doing something with her.
269
00:14:09,773 --> 00:14:12,017
Come on. Yes, you can.
270
00:14:12,278 --> 00:14:15,115
No, I can't. Trust me.
271
00:14:16,243 --> 00:14:18,951
Honey,
they are probably just dancing.
272
00:14:19,166 --> 00:14:21,706
You know my father,
he loves to dance.
273
00:14:21,963 --> 00:14:25,417
Now, come on, do that thing you do.
274
00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:39,786
Why isn't he fixing the record?
275
00:14:39,997 --> 00:14:45,341
Honey, they will. It just takes time
to walk over and do it.
276
00:14:51,477 --> 00:14:53,935
- Nighty-night.
- Night.
277
00:15:01,329 --> 00:15:02,955
Hello.
278
00:15:03,208 --> 00:15:04,240
Hey, Spence.
279
00:15:04,502 --> 00:15:05,748
Why are you so tired?
280
00:15:06,005 --> 00:15:08,165
My father-in-law and my aunt
were having sex all night.
281
00:15:08,426 --> 00:15:11,133
Gotcha. Look, I went through
the anniversary photos,
282
00:15:11,348 --> 00:15:13,010
and I managed to cut and paste
some of them
283
00:15:13,227 --> 00:15:15,186
and get you and Carrie together
in a few shots.
284
00:15:15,398 --> 00:15:18,105
Trouble is,
you're slightly different sizes.
285
00:15:18,988 --> 00:15:21,660
This is nice, it looks like
I'm standing in the palm of her hand.
286
00:15:21,868 --> 00:15:22,865
Isn't it?
287
00:15:23,079 --> 00:15:25,751
I'll make you 8-by-1 Os. My treat.
288
00:15:29,383 --> 00:15:32,422
- Oh, hi!
- Hello.
289
00:15:32,806 --> 00:15:33,922
What was your name again?
290
00:15:34,184 --> 00:15:35,845
- Stan.
- Stan, right, Stan.
291
00:15:36,062 --> 00:15:38,472
Listen, I'm so glad I ran into you.
292
00:15:38,692 --> 00:15:41,364
See, I was looking through the pictures
from the anniversary party,
293
00:15:41,573 --> 00:15:44,113
and, you know,
something about them was so great.
294
00:15:45,413 --> 00:15:46,577
Thank you.
295
00:15:46,833 --> 00:15:49,504
The thing is, my agent says I need
some new shots for my portfolio.
296
00:15:49,713 --> 00:15:52,420
And I was thinking,
could you maybe take them?
297
00:15:52,635 --> 00:15:55,129
I mean, I can't pay you a lot,
but, you know, just as a favour?
298
00:15:55,391 --> 00:15:57,052
Well, I can only do it evenings.
299
00:15:58,229 --> 00:16:01,601
- If daytime's better, I can quit my job.
- Yeah. Yeah, okay.
300
00:16:04,491 --> 00:16:06,402
Morning, Doug.
301
00:16:06,746 --> 00:16:08,491
Yeah, morning.
302
00:16:08,833 --> 00:16:09,948
You look tired.
303
00:16:10,544 --> 00:16:11,874
I didn't get much sleep.
304
00:16:12,131 --> 00:16:13,710
I didn't either, if you get my drift.
305
00:16:13,926 --> 00:16:15,552
Do you? Do you? Do you?
306
00:16:15,763 --> 00:16:17,722
I get it, all right? Leave me alone.
307
00:16:17,975 --> 00:16:21,062
Actually, Doug, I didn't just
come up here for playful banter.
308
00:16:21,315 --> 00:16:22,645
Then go back.
309
00:16:24,112 --> 00:16:27,575
Well, before I do, I want to talk
to you about Aunt Sheila.
310
00:16:27,611 --> 00:16:31,038
Once again, I stand before you,
seeking your permission.
311
00:16:31,292 --> 00:16:32,574
For what?
What do you wanna do now?
312
00:16:32,795 --> 00:16:35,467
Do you wanna stick her in go-go boots
and make her dance in a cage?
313
00:16:35,717 --> 00:16:40,300
No. I plan to ask her to become
the fourth, and hopefully final,
314
00:16:40,518 --> 00:16:42,062
Mrs. Arthur Spooner.
315
00:16:42,313 --> 00:16:45,103
You wanna marry her?
What are you, insane?
316
00:16:45,361 --> 00:16:46,476
I know what you're thinking.
317
00:16:46,697 --> 00:16:49,486
Why buy the cow
when you're getting the milk free?
318
00:16:49,702 --> 00:16:52,659
Well, the fact is, I love that cow.
319
00:16:53,084 --> 00:16:55,375
Yeah, well, you know what?
You can't have that cow, okay?
320
00:16:55,589 --> 00:16:58,970
Tell you what, no more milk, either.
That's it, all right? Permission denied.
321
00:16:59,006 --> 00:17:01,546
Well, I don't need
your permission, Douglas!
322
00:17:01,767 --> 00:17:04,605
Asking for it was just my charming way
of breaking the news to you.
323
00:17:07,444 --> 00:17:09,154
Carrie!
324
00:17:09,365 --> 00:17:11,692
- What?
- Could you come down here, please?
325
00:17:11,953 --> 00:17:13,199
I'm in the shower.
326
00:17:13,414 --> 00:17:15,492
Yeah, well, your father
wants to marry my aunt!
327
00:17:15,752 --> 00:17:17,960
- Tell him no.
- I did!
328
00:17:18,173 --> 00:17:21,177
- What'd he say?
- He said he's doing it anyway!
329
00:17:21,388 --> 00:17:22,967
I'll be right down.
330
00:17:23,183 --> 00:17:24,559
Oh, now you're screwed.
331
00:17:26,272 --> 00:17:27,388
Oh, yeah?
332
00:17:27,608 --> 00:17:29,649
Well, you can forget
about being my best man.
333
00:17:29,904 --> 00:17:34,071
Listen closely to me, Arthur,
you may not ask my aunt to marry you.
334
00:17:34,329 --> 00:17:36,038
So I'm good enough
to be your father-in-law,
335
00:17:36,249 --> 00:17:38,244
but not your uncle, is that it?
Well, too bad.
336
00:17:38,462 --> 00:17:42,760
I'm gonna marry her
and you can't stop me, nephew!
337
00:17:58,917 --> 00:18:01,458
Oh, hi, Dougie,
I was expecting someone else.
338
00:18:01,673 --> 00:18:02,836
- Do you want to come in?
- No.
339
00:18:03,092 --> 00:18:04,754
I can't. I'm running late for work.
340
00:18:04,971 --> 00:18:06,965
But I really need to talk
to you about Arthur.
341
00:18:07,225 --> 00:18:10,763
Arthur, yes.
He's such a free spirit, isn't he?
342
00:18:10,982 --> 00:18:14,152
Yeah, he's a barrel of monkeys. Look,
I know this is none of my business,
343
00:18:14,364 --> 00:18:17,320
but I really think you need to put
the brakes on this relationship thing
344
00:18:17,536 --> 00:18:19,080
before things go too far.
345
00:18:19,331 --> 00:18:22,501
How much farther can they go? We've
pleasured each other in every way-
346
00:18:22,713 --> 00:18:23,959
Okay! Okay! Okay! Thank you.
347
00:18:24,216 --> 00:18:25,877
Thank you.
348
00:18:26,219 --> 00:18:30,351
Look, you don't understand. Arthur,
he's gonna ask you to marry him.
349
00:18:31,688 --> 00:18:33,813
Now, I know you may be tempted
to do this,
350
00:18:34,026 --> 00:18:35,985
but I'm telling you,
if you rush into this,
351
00:18:36,197 --> 00:18:40,068
you, Arthur and I are gonna regret it
for the rest of our lives.
352
00:18:41,206 --> 00:18:42,750
I don't want to marry Arthur.
353
00:18:43,962 --> 00:18:45,505
- You don't?
- No.
354
00:18:48,971 --> 00:18:50,087
Hi, Joe.
355
00:18:50,307 --> 00:18:52,218
I'll be right in.
356
00:18:54,148 --> 00:18:56,142
You're dating Garver?
357
00:18:56,402 --> 00:18:58,776
I met him at your party.
I had a very good night.
358
00:18:58,990 --> 00:19:01,662
Let's face it, I looked hot.
359
00:19:01,871 --> 00:19:04,411
I can't believe this! This whole time
I'm worried about my poor,
360
00:19:04,626 --> 00:19:06,169
vulnerable Aunt Sheila getting hurt.
361
00:19:06,630 --> 00:19:08,291
Meanwhile,
you're having a great time
362
00:19:08,508 --> 00:19:11,678
working your way
through the old men of Queens.
363
00:19:11,931 --> 00:19:15,469
Doug, I have been married to one man
for over 30 years.
364
00:19:15,689 --> 00:19:18,229
I'm entitled to sow a few oats,
for God's sake.
365
00:19:18,486 --> 00:19:19,862
Hey, Arthur is not oats, okay?
366
00:19:20,072 --> 00:19:22,530
He's a guy who loves you,
and he thinks you love him.
367
00:19:22,744 --> 00:19:24,405
I mean, you're treating him like crap!
368
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:26,908
- Douglas!
- Sorry.
369
00:19:29,674 --> 00:19:32,594
Now, look, tomorrow
I'm gonna talk to Arthur, okay?
370
00:19:32,805 --> 00:19:35,974
But right now, I have company.
371
00:19:36,395 --> 00:19:38,104
Excuse me.
372
00:19:40,110 --> 00:19:41,736
And tuck in that shirt.
373
00:19:51,006 --> 00:19:52,632
What are you doing here,
Heffernan?
374
00:19:52,843 --> 00:19:54,422
You came here to poison her
against me?
375
00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:56,259
No, no, no. I mean, well, yes, but-
376
00:19:56,475 --> 00:19:58,220
Look, you can't go in there.
377
00:19:58,478 --> 00:20:01,818
Step aside.
I don't want to have to remove you.
378
00:20:01,855 --> 00:20:03,978
Nor do I think I could.
379
00:20:04,657 --> 00:20:06,485
Look, Arthur, I really think
we need to talk.
380
00:20:06,744 --> 00:20:09,534
Hey, what your aunt and I have
is something beautiful,
381
00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:11,910
something you'll never understand.
382
00:20:12,129 --> 00:20:13,958
Now, good day, sir.
383
00:20:14,217 --> 00:20:16,888
- Arthur-
- Good day, sir!
384
00:20:43,648 --> 00:20:45,559
What are you looking at?
385
00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:14,071
- Your Dad asleep?
- Yeah.
386
00:21:14,289 --> 00:21:16,082
I read to him
from one of his Time-Life books
387
00:21:16,293 --> 00:21:18,371
on how to build a deck.
Put him right out.
388
00:21:21,094 --> 00:21:23,254
He's a tough guy.
He'll bounce back from this.
389
00:21:27,857 --> 00:21:31,609
Hey. Where's Spence?
What happened to the photo shoot?
390
00:21:31,823 --> 00:21:32,903
We're done.
391
00:21:33,117 --> 00:21:35,907
What do you mean, you're done?
You just started five minutes ago.
392
00:21:36,164 --> 00:21:37,161
It was so weird.
393
00:21:37,375 --> 00:21:39,833
He put the film in the camera,
and as soon as I started posing,
394
00:21:40,047 --> 00:21:43,335
he shot his entire roll
in like ten seconds.
395
00:21:46,643 --> 00:21:50,810
And then he runs off, saying, "Nothing
like this has ever happened before. "
396
00:21:53,990 --> 00:21:55,984
They always say that.
30417
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