All language subtitles for The Lake s02e07 Tour De Force.eng

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[Billie] Okay,
let's go over it one more time.

Your parents
arrive stage left

and are instantly charmed
by my sparkling small talk

and unpasteurized
cheese plate.

We then whisk them away
on your 'tour'

where I serve
amazed wonderment

as your forestry know-how
puts Daisy Crockett to shame.

Forrest plays the role

of your adorable
Park Ranger Supervisor,

your mom and dad
believe the lie,

and your rep
as golden child is safe.

Or... [sighs]

We could just
tell them the truth.

Nuh-uh.
If my parents find out

I've been lying all summer,

it's enforced tutoring gigs
'til I graduate.

I'm not ready
to be a disappointment.

On the upside, nobody cares

if you waste
your best skin years

banging baristas
and bartenders.

- Hmm.
- [door clicks open]

[gasps] Game time.
Grab the cheese!

- Oh, my God.
- Welcome!

Can I tempt you
with a smoky camembert...

[New Order: "Blue Monday"]

[Billie] Riley, you're back.

- From 1982.
- Hi.

[gasps] You have to go.
My parents are coming.

And she told them that
we made up so she could stay.

- [honking]
- [gasps]

Okay, SparkNotes are:
Justin re-proposed,

and you had an intimate ceremony
on the rocks.

I sang "Say You'll Be There,"
very cheeky, we laughed,

Justin cried,
you made a chocolate tart,

and Justin's vows
took, like, 20 minutes.

But Riley, please,
just do this for me.

- I need cheese.
- No, not the soft one.

- Gives you the toots.
- Yeah.

[Mimsy]
Oh, but that final dress?

- [Opal] Yes.
- [Mimsy] Spectacular.

- [Opal] Amazing.
- [Mimsy] Ah.

We're so in agreement.

[Opal] Well,
the Balenciaga Crocs

were both ironic,
yet unapologetically sincere.

- I was gutted.
- Mmm.

If I want to be ironic,

I only need to see
your mother's hairdresser.

[both laugh]

Nice that a part of Mimsy
will live on when she's gone.

[soft inhale and exhale]

- You okay, babe?
- [sharp inhale]

You haven't said zip
about your mom's test results.

Yeah, I'm fine.

I'm just gonna
go get a jump on lunch.

Hey, can we do breakfast
for lunch again?

- [Maisy] You're a grown man.
- I love you.

[door clicks closed]

[birds squawking]

[sighs]

[Ramones:
"I Wanna Be Sedated"]

? Ba, ba, ba, ba,
ba, ba, ba, ba ?

? I wanna be sedated ??

[Naomi] Hmm.

Now, Daddy wanted to come,

but a patient of his
got caught trying on

a new fursona at work.

Animal fixation
is a lonely road,

isn't it, Riley?

Uh, I don't work
with animals anymore.

I just showcased a series
- called Hit and Runaways.

To Paris.
Uh, he... he was...

He was in... He was in Paris.
He just got back from Paris.

- Riley was in Paris?
- [Riley] Uh-huh, yeah.

- [Justin] Mmm-hmm.
Mmm-hmm, yeah, mm-hmm.

Uh, uh, for... for the wedding,
uh, honeymoon.

Yeah, because the art world's
having a honeymoon

with its newest star over here.

[heavy chuckle]

[Justin] Hmm, yeah.

It's not far.
It's just half day's drive.

- You drove to Paris?
- Ontario.

It's, uh, the cobblestone
capital of Canada.

- It's... gorgeous.
- [Naomi] Hmm.

We're saving Paris, Paris,
the... the Europe Paris,

for our honeymoon,
right, honey?

Right?

Yeah.

- [chuckling]
- Mmm!

Sounds like you two have got
a lot of catching up to do.

Why don't Billie and I
give you some space?

Oh, but I booked Justin
on the tour with us.

It is important
for couples to take time

for each other
after they've been apart.

And it is also important
for mothers and daughters

to take time for each other
after they've been apart

all summer,
and miss each other terribly.

- Yeah. Yeah. You go.
- Mmm.

- Oh, the fun you'll have.
- Well, okay then.

Now...

I wanna hear all about
the vows at dinner.

[scoffs] Hear about 'em?

- Oh, God.
- Well, you're gonna.

[upbeat pop music playing]

[sighs and inhales]

Okay, one foot
at a time, yeah?

- [Naomi exhales]
- Okay, all right.

Not bad, Mom.

So, how you doing?

The nausea will pass

now that we are out
of that hell taco.

Yeah, that's why
I wanted Justin to come.

He has a steady paddle.

You can stop
pretending, Billie.

I know you're
covering for Justin.

He and Riley didn't
work things out, did they?

How'd you know?

That earring was
a classic coping mechanism.

The angle of the dangle
was a dead giveaway.

Look, I know you love Justin,
but giving up a dream job

to help him
is not the way to show it.

I'm really sorry, Mom.

Okay, we need to be honest
with each other.

You know you can tell me
anything, right?

Ladies!

Hope you're
not looking for the woods,

because all you're getting
is a Forrest.

Hey, uh, Mom,
this is my supervisor,

Forrest Buisson.

Park ranger,
kombucha microbrewer,

and Billie's number one fan.

It is so lovely
to meet you, Mrs. Barnes.

Uh... Mrs. Jackson.

Thanks for rolling
with Billie's one act.

That was really cool.

Listen, Riley, I...
[sighs]

I realized something
while you were away,

and I was kind of hoping
we could talk about it,

'cause I've been
rolling around and...

That's all you're taking?

I got clothes
at the Gas & Go.

Oh, like, regular ones,

or more from the Backstreet Boys
home collection?

[sighs]
I'm a different person now,

and if you can't accept that...

Billie? Anyone home?

- [Riley] Hey.
- [gasps] Love le look, Riley.

Very Paris, Ontario.

- [Jayne] Justin.
- Jayne.

I need, like,
a teeny little favour from you,

and my favourite
teen girl boss.

Ooh, she's on a tour
with Naomi.

[sighs] Then it's over.

I found the perfect spot
for a new boathouse,

but the owners
will only sell to legacy lakers.

Maisy's MIA,
Whoreen and Saggy said no,

Billie and you posing
as a couple was my Hail Mary.

First: gross.
Second: thank you.

The seller's specified
no greedy real estate agents,

no soulless
house flippers,

no influencer-fashionista-Paris
types like Riley.

The lake trusted me

to find a new home
for the boathouse.

What am I gonna do?

[Justin] Come on, Jayne.

You're gonna...
you're gonna think of something,

you got that...
that presidential...

...sparkle.

- I do?
- Yeah.

Yeah. Twinkle, twinkle,
who's a star?

[sighs] Maybe
I could manifest something.

- I did read The Secret.
- Shh, shh, shh.

[sighs] I knew I could
count on my sassy gay besties.

Okay, back on the pony.
[grunts]

Thanks, girlfriends.

- Work, queen.
- Work, diva!

- [door clicks closed]
- I feel dirty.

It just flew
out of my mouth.

You know,
I'm a legacy laker.

It would be great
to have a new boathouse.

- Maybe we could...
- Set aside our shit?

- For the boathouse.
- Just for the boathouse.

Yes.

[whispering]
For the boathouse.

Yeah, just like that, Mom.

Hey, Forrest,
hey, Forrest, hi, Forrest.

Can I talk to you
for a second?

- Yeah.
- Okay, Mom,

I'm gonna be right back.
I gotta chat itinerary.

Do not put my purse
on the ground.

Right. [laughs]

Where's the gear
I asked you to bring?

It shipped out already.

Our contract's
done this week,

and head office wants
base camp packed up ASAP.

Company lease is almost up.

Um...

okay, okay,
just fix your collar,

and follow my lead, okay?

- Okay, boss.
- No, no, you're my boss.

All right.

Okay,
and button those up, yeah?

[sighs] Here we go.

Okay, the lake has
an amazing system of wetlands

with swamps,
marshes, bogs, and fens.

Now, you might think that...

So... sorry, baby.
Did you say bog?

Bog, like, quicksand bog?
Sinkhole bog?

No, not in the marsh.
Not where we're going.

But there's
a cool beaver habitat.

Sorry, baby,
you're doing great,

but I am gonna need waders,
a wetsuit, and a rabies shot

if I am plunging
into a bucktooth rat's nest.

Oh, um, all the boots
were signed out.

You know, big,
big duck migration.

It draws a crowd.

We could duct tape
plastic bags over our boots.

That's how
we stop trench foot

when we're planting
in serious shnarb.

- Shnarb?
- How about we, uh...

we, uh, ditch the marsh
for today, boss?

Uh, let's do something
more beginner-friendly.

- Yes, for sure.
- Like, um...

We could forage.

For what?

Roots, nuts, mushrooms.

Can't mushrooms be poisonous?

For six hours,
if we're lucky.

?

[Justin] God, it's a beautiful,
beautiful spot, Phoebe.

Oh, actually
it's pronounced Fo-ee-bee.

Oh, I'm so sorry.
That must happen a lot.

You're the first.

Yeah, I wish I could keep
Gam-Gam's cottage,

but we live out west now.

So, how long
have you two been together?

Oh, it feels like forever.

It's just 'cause his hair
is frozen in time.

Well, have a walk
of the property,

and I'll be inside
when you're ready.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Hey, if we're gonna pull this
off, lose the hair jokes.

I know, I'm sorry.
It's just that I have this thing

that I really want to tell you
and every time I go to do it,

all that comes out is,
"Why the mustache?"

Hey! What are you guys
doing here?

- Hey, um... uh...
- Hi.

We're trying
to save the boathouse.

What the hell
are you guys doing here?

- Manifesting my sparkle.
- Yeah.

Wait, are you trying
to steal my thunder?

[sniffing] Smells
like thunder theft to me.

No, that's just Riley.

I told him
to lay off the brie.

We thought your sparkle
could use some backup.

And decided to fake being
a happy couple to get the place?

You stole my manifestation.

Jayne, Jayne, Jayne.

- We can all manifest together.
- Yeah.

We each pretend
to be a happy couple...

- Who's pretending?
- And then we double our chances

of getting the place.

I'm supposed to trust
the Homo Torch

and George Michael
to seal the deal?

Wow, sounds like Ruffles is
a little afraid of competition.

Please, we are a way better
fake couple than you.

I've been faking it
for years.

Care to put
some money on that?

- Faking what, babe?
- Even better.

Whoever gets the owner
to sell,

gets naming rights
to the new boathouse.

Brace yourself, Blondie.

It's on, Donkey Dongs.
Ha-ha!

It's a compliment, Wayne.
It's a compliment.

Are you kidding?

- Of course.
- Kombuch, we're in luck.

Okay, so you can boil these,
make tea with these,

and they go great
with steak.

Oh, we're foraging
for steak, too, now?

Okay, um, yeah, plan B.

I can eat the chocolate
to make it look more real.

Hmm.

[Forrest] Here.

[Billie] Brazil nuts
and goji berries?

We look like liars, Forrest.

Aren't we kinda?

Well...

Just go, I'll...

I'll tell her
you got called away

on a poison oak emergency
or something.

- Okay, sweet.
- Yeah.

We're still pre-gaming
for Bush Prom?

- Sure.
- Yeah, okay.

- No!
- Shit, I'm sorry.

Forgot I was your boss.

[Naomi clears throat]

Oh, uh,
look what we foraged.

Hmm... I see Craisins
are still in season.

[eerie instrumental playing]

[Phoebe] Ugh, I am just so glad
you're all legacy cottagers.

- Yeah.
- And Gammy would be, too.

When she died
in this very room,

she made me promise
we'd only sell to people

as in love with the lake
as each other.

So, before we get to money,

and we will,
Gam-Gam wants a Tesla...

we'd love
to hear your story.

Who you are, how you met.

I'm sorry,
you keep saying "we."

Me and Gam-Gam.

- She's always listening.
- [Wayne gulps]

Oh.

O-M-Jeepers creepers.

Um, but Wayne and I
were just saying

- how much we love ghosts.
- Yeah.

Aw.

Not in a sexy way though.
Don't worry.

- No.
- No, no.

Well, 'cause, you know,
some people

are probably into that, so...

[Jayne] Mmm-hmm.

Oh, well,
Gam-Gam was an old perv,

so how about
the ghost fucker goes first?

Yeah, I...

uh... [sighs] su... sure.

Um...

Hi, Gam-Gam, I'm Justin,
and this is my...

this is Riley.

Uh, but that mustache
is all for you.

I'm sorry.
I know, I can't help it. Um...

So, we met last summer,
which I know doesn't seem

like a very long time,
but, you know,

in gay years,
that's like a straight five.

Maybe even like a seven.

Um, and Riley is...

...pretty great.

Which totally
freaked me out.

'Cause the men in my life,
you know,

they haven't
always been there for me.

And whenever
I would get close to a guy,

I just developed
this really obnoxious habit

of running the other way...

which meant that I was the only
one that could let me down.

And I don't know.

You know, I don't know

if we're gonna
be together forever.

And Riley is about to take
the art world by storm.

His work's been described
as if Cindy Sherman

and Amy Sedaris
had an Etsy page,

which is actually
very correct.

[soft laugh]

You read my reviews?

I read every single one.

- There was only one.
- Yeah.

I remember meeting Jayne
like it was yesterday, Gam-Gam.

- Wayne.
- Er, sh, I got it.

CSIS had just promoted me
to head assassin, right?

[Phoebe] Oh!

Back then,
I had ice in my veins,

and, uh...
and early onset diabeetus,

which they overlooked,
because my kill shot

made Liam Neeson
look like a pussycat.

Oh...

But my... my job took me to
some dark and dangerous places.

So, for the safety of my family
and friends, I had to...

I had to disappear forever.

[sighs]

So, at a roadside bar
on this very lake...

[sighs] that's where I had
my "Going Underground" party.

[guitar instrumental playing]

That's where I saw
this majestic goddess

for the first time.

She was riding the crap
out of a mechanical bull.

[purring]

The ice in my veins melted.
[snaps] Instantly.

I couldn't be
an assassin again.

I mean,
I was blinded by love, or...

maybe, it was the diabeetus.

[sighs]

One thing's for sure,
I knew my calling in life.

My job was
to make Jaynie happy.

[sighs]

- [phone ringing loudly]
- [all gasp]

Well! That will be Gam-Gam
with her decision.

We keep a rotary dial
just for her.

Excuse me.

[imitates gunshots blasting]

Right between the eyes.

Diabetes.

It's diabetes.

Seemed like you
and that supervisor

had a close
working relationship.

Yeah, it was actually,
two rangers

I could have gone with.

Think I chose
the wrong one.

- Mmm, what makes you say that?
- Oh, it's...

Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, you're mirroring.

You promised
you'd stop therapizing me.

What... what
am I supposed to do?

How else will you see
that it's a bad idea

- to date your supervisor?
- You were Dad's thesis advisor.

- For one year!
- Is that... is that Naomi?

Oh, Maisy.
What brings you here?

Oh, I was just
going for a little dip.

Oh, do you always
go swimming fully dressed?

I needed a break
from my mother.

Oh, Billie told me
about her diagnosis.

- I was sorry to hear it.
- Oh, don't be.

I've been praying for it
for many, many years.

Why are you dressed
like a zookeeper?

Oh, I'm doing tours
for Parks Canada,

and we are actually,
in the middle of one now,

so we should
pick this up later.

And you're buying this?

I'm sure my daughter,

whose mother
worked very hard with her

to get
an important internship,

wouldn't keep
anything from me.

Yeah, no. Great.
We're on the same page.

So, let's go.

Oh, so you don't know

that Billie
ditched her internship

for baby's first Burning Man,
and then she got fired.

Billie,
what is she talking about?

Tree planting.
She lasted two days.

A week and two days.

I thought we were past
keeping secrets, Billie.

You would have never
let me tree plant, Mom.

Because it
would have been a mistake.

Yeah, but my mistake.

"Oh, wah, wah, wah,

my parents
are invested in my future."

Don't you come for me, Nell.

If you want
to make your own mistakes,

start by owning them.

Oh, like you do.

Going for a dip fully clothed
like a crazy person?

Enough!

- Sit.
- What... me?

Yeah, you, her,
sit in the ship.

- It's a canoe.
- I don't care what it is.

- Get in the boat.
- Okay.

Wayne did it!

He saved the boathouse.

We'll call it Wayne Manor.

Uh, I saved the boathouse.
We're calling it The Lovehouse.

- That sounds like a brothel.
- The Joyhouse?

So much worse.

Um, I just got
an anonymous call

saying that you all
know each other,

and you wanna
tear down Gam-Gam's cottage

to build
some kind of group home?

- What?
- [Wayne] No.

- That's crazy.
- No!

[talking over each other]

Gam-Gam hates liars.

- [all gasp]
- [eerie instrumental playing]

- [Phoebe] You'd better go.
- Go.

[Phoebe] Get out. Get out!

- I can't get my jacket on!
- Leave!

[Justin] I can't get
my jacket on!

- [screaming] Leave!
- [indistinct screaming]

Let's start
with why we're here.

Please remember
to use "I" statements.

Maisy,
won't you go first?

I am here because my mom
told the truth

for the third time in her life,
and I'm supposed to feel bad,

because she's actually,
really dying?

When has anyone ever
been able to make you feel bad?

- About anything?
- "I" statements, please.

Fine. [sighs]

I think that Maisy
is a textbook narcissist

who is using her issues
with her mom

to justify doing
whatever the eff she wants.

Okay, well, I think that Billie
is a sucky little baby

who blames her mom
for smothering her,

instead of admitting she stayed
for tree planter tail.

Maybe we put a pin
in the "I" statements.

I'm sorry,
I'm a sucky baby?

Your mom is dying, and she just
wants to make it right with you.

By stealing my children
like a witch.

Maybe, they just like being
with someone

who isn't worried
about who they should be,

but is cool with who they are.

From the girl
whose mom is so cool

she trusts her with Justin,

a man with the self-awareness
of a Polly Pocket.

Maisy, you can't get past
the stuff with your mom,

because if you did,
you'd lose your trauma card,

and your free pass to be the
biggest bitch on the lake, okay?

Sorry, Mom.

Maybe not the words
I would have chosen.

We'll talk about properly
framing a diagnosis at home...

But my baby's not wrong.

[sighs] My insurance
only covers an hour,

so I better be getting home.

My mother's blood sugar
isn't gonna spike itself.

I can show myself out.

That's what
we call a breakthrough.

[light pop music plays]

Who would want
to blow a shot

at finding a new home
for the boathouse?

Probably, the same person
who stole Jaynie's spare,

nailed her tires, because they
hate Tegan and Sara?

Or because they hate
the boathouse,

but who could hate
the boathouse?

You know,
ruining the talent show,

and tipping "Fo-ee-bee" off,
that could be a pattern.

If someone
is trying to stop us

from bringing
the boathouse back,

then maybe they could've
burnt it down, too.

Holy balls.

Justin said someone used
his fireworks to start the fire.

Which means they were a guest
at our wedding.

Which also means?

There's an arsonator
among us.

- And?
- And Justin was right.

Oh, God, there it is!

- Yeah.
- I think we parked up here.

- Okay.
- God!

It's just been,
like, a really...

really long summer.

[whispering]
This feels so good.

And where have we been today?

Oh, were you worried
I was missing?

Hardly, I'd be worried
for the sad miscreant

- who tried to grab you.
- [sighs]

Oh, Opal, I'm sorry.

I just get jealous
of you and Nana.

You'll understand someday
when you have kids.

Or corgis.

They're gonna love me
so much more than you.

[calm instrumental playing]

So, did I fool you
even a little bit?

Until you tried
to make me believe

that unqualified hunk
was your boss.

Yeah, he did not read
the handout.

Gotta get better at lying.

That is not the takeaway
I was hoping for.

What you need
to get better at

is giving me
the benefit of the doubt.

You know, it is healthy
to want different things

from your parents,
but it is not okay

to assume that we won't
respect your choices.

[sighs] That said...

I think
you made the right one.

Okay, now you're lying
because my tour was trash.

Okay, your tour
may have been fake,

but making me feel safe
was real.

I even peed in the woods.

Making people like me
feel at home in nature

is a real gift.

[Billie] Thanks, Mom.

Come here, baby.

We'll figure out the rest
when you get home.

You have the rest of your life
to pad your CV.

Goodbye, Justin.

And next time, my daughter
asks you to lie for her...

I seek approval
within myself,

and I draw
clear boundaries.

- Mmm-hmm, excellent mirroring.
- Thank you.

- Bye, baby.
- Bye, Mom.

- Bye, Naomi.
- [Naomi] Mrs. Jackson.

- Mrs. Jackson.
- Every time.

[Justin grunts]

Does she hate me?

No, she likes
that she's the parenting-do,

and you're
the parenting-don't.

That's great.

Oh, Mom must have
forgotten something.

Oh, hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Well, I've got a thing
in my room, so...

- Yeah.
- ...I'm just gonna...

- and you two can, uh...
- Mm-hmm.

- Yeah.
- [Justin] Okay.

I just came to grab...

Oh, yeah, the...

from earlier.

So...

there was this thing
in my review about...

[sighs] the artist seeming
uninterested in the victim.

"Choosing instead to draw the
eye to the escaping vehicle."

Yeah, I read it.

I think I did that
when I proposed.

You know,
I threw myself in front of you,

stopped you speeding away.

I was scared
I couldn't keep up.

Riley...

it really was your fault.

And the only accident
that I would speed away from...

is that haircut
and that mustache.

- [Riley] Wow.
- And that earring.

I love the earring.

You look
like budget Harry Styles.

If Gwyneth Paltrow's
vagina candle was an earring,

that...
would be the earring.

[Billie] Are we shit talking
Riley's earring?

- Yes.
- No.

I kinda like it. You look like
Fonzie from "Happy Gays."

- [laughs] Burn.
- Okay.

- I'm leaving now.
- Okay.

You look like
a grandfather clock

from a gay antique store.

Antique stores are gay.

- Can't help myself.
- [Billie chuckles]

Well, that was some
flirty bullying.

Yeah, we learn it
in grade school.

The gays need
a new love language, though.

Hey, quick Q for you,
Missy Lou.

How would you feel about
playing the Mulder to my Scully?

If you just want to wear
shoulder pads again, Justin,

- then wear them.
- No. Well, yeah, but no.

I know
who the boathouse arsonist is,

but I need your help
to get the truth out there.

I can't believe
Lovejoy called it

with the boathouse arsoner.

I know.

Oh, Clementine Farnsworth
is gonna be so pissed.

I wrecked her on LinkedIn

'cause I thought
she nailed my tires.

[giggling]

Maybe, Special Agent Wayne

could come out of retirement
for one last hit?

I'm not gonna kill
Clementine, Jayne.

Oh, you mean sex?

All right.

Good.
Mama needs to nut.

Actually...

I'm gonna pass, Jayne.

[chuckling] Yeah, okay.

I'm not a special agent.

I'm still the same guy you met

puking behind the boathouse
after a bunch of J�gerbombs.

And I am...

I'm really sorry
that I clipped your wings

by just hanging around
all summer.

I didn't mean
to keep you grounded.

I know
you need to fly free.

If you are
playing hard-to-get

it is working.

[Judy Collins:
"Both Sides Now"]

Good night, Jaynie.

You're cleared for takeoff.

? Bows and flows of angel hair ?

? And ice cream castles
in the air ?

? And feather canyons
everywhere ?

? I've looked at clouds
that way ?

? But now
they only block the sun ?

What the fuck?

? They rain
and they snow on everyone ?

? So many things
I would have done ?

? But clouds got in my way ?

? I've looked at clouds
from both sides now ?

? From up and down
and still somehow ?

? It's cloud's illusions
I recall ?

? I really don't know ?

? Clouds at all ?

[held note]

? Moons and Junes
and Ferris wheels ?

? The dizzy dancing way
you feel ?

? When every fairy tale
comes real ?

? I've looked
at love that way ?

? But now
it's just another show... ??

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